Tasha Layton Elang 410R Suzy Bills 5 April 2014 A Website UnDonne: An Editors Revision I chose a part of a website,

specifically a group of pages about John Donne, from Indiana State University. The websites purpose is an analysis ofto analyze Donnes Meditation XVII, known by many for its symbolism with the bell (Ask not for whom the bell tolls) and the island (No man is an island); the website also has some interesting additional pages with pictures of John Donne and some other bonuses. My boss sent it to me and my co-workers and me because the design component was pretty hideous, and we like sharing that sort of thing with each other because were editors who like to mock poor design. It The website needs to improve not only its aesthetic appeal, but also the has many components that need improvement for more than just aesthetic appeal: there are issues in the designs appearance, the designs function, and some basic editing matters. Design Appearance There are several things that I would change several parts offor the design. To begin with, the website has no real color scheme. The inundation of color is overwhelming and distracting from the actual text. Instead of using all the colors of the rainbow and their respective shades and hues, chooseIts probably a good idea to choose a handful of appropriate colors and use them, instead of just using all the colors of the rainbow (plus different shades and hues) (ssee Appendix 2, number 6 in Appendix 2).
Comment [JL3]: I like the use of headings! Comment [JL1]: I recommend starting with an opening statement that catches your readers attention. Comment [JL2]: You may want to consider eliminating the hyperlink and just including the web address.

The sans-serif font used on the website is rather blocky and boring and indicates little thought or effort on the part of the author. The lack of effort makes readers less likely to put thought or effort into comprehending the text. . I would recommend aA nice, elegant sans-serif font like Kalinga would be (which is more readable on the screen than a serif) like Kalinga;. the current sans-serif indicates little thought or effort on the authors work in that area, and makes readers less likely to put thought or effort into interacting with the text. I would also recommend having the headers contrast with the text for the body, by maybe having a different and thicker font that is (but still more appealing than the present) font such as a bigger, bolder, maybe even having a serif font for the headers, instead of just the same font but bigger and bolder. Ive used Book Antiqua as an example in the Appendix 1. This contrast is inviting to the reader by adding subtle variety to the layout of the page. After thataltering the fonts, I would change the way quotes are formattedthe format of quotes; : in some cases, theyre centered, and in others they arent.some of the quotes are centered while other quotes are left-aligned. I would keep them consistently have them leftaligned in order to avoid, because changing window sizes createsing strange gaps with the centered text. Next, I would address the issue of clipart. Its a little bit on the Using clipart is unprofessional and tacky side, and when clipart is used as bullet points, the alignment of the list is thrown off in some window sizes (see Appendix 2, number 5 in Appendix 2). I think tThe best thing to do would be to remove the clipart images altogether and replace the images with bullets. In the case of them being used as bullets, I would just replace them with bullets (see revision in Appendix 1). I understand what the website author was going forreinforcing the themes of the bell and the islandbut I think the reinforcement is unnecessary. We could also include the
Comment [JL6]: Is this referring to the clipart? You could mention that some of the clipart was of a bell and an island to make the connection between the removal of clipart and the point the author was trying to make. Comment [JL4]: I left this word in, but you might explain what about clipart is tacky. I added in unprofessional to be more descriptive. Comment [JL5]: Is this referring to the browser window screen? You may want to elaborate on the window sizes you mean.

words The Bell and The Island, if the author felt they should be there, but the terms are addressed and connected later, so I dont think its entirely necessary. On a final note, I would change the first link on the homepage from bold to regular font instead of bolded (see Appendix 2, number 9). While I know tthe creators are trying to draw attention to it the link as the main source, audiences might mistake the link but I think that it might be mistaken for an unintentional error, or that audiences will assume that the link isits a header for the links below it. Design Function The designs appearance is important; however, the design needs to function and beOn a more functional matter, I would change the design to be more user-friendly. The color choice is also a problem in this area, too. The website hasWe have links that are a shade of brown that, when placed against certain other colors such as red, (red, especially: see Appendix 2, number 7) they are nearly illegible to someone with perfect eyesightmuch more so for the visually impaired (see Appendix 2, number 7). After clicking the links are clicked, the texty turns a hue of yellow that doesnt contrast very muchwell with the main background (see Appendix 2, numbers 2 and 10 in Appendix 2). This hue of yellow is problematic for people who are visually impaired or have difficulty seeing contrast. This is also problematic for the visually impaired, especially those who have difficulty seeing contrast (Amare et al., 323). Being accessible to all audiences should be a high priority for this website. On another note of accessibility to all audiences, tOn the tableswhich are used to organize the images and the textdont use scope (see the code in Appendix 2, number 11). This Using scope could be a pretty major problem, since the entire website appears to be made in a table; since the website it seems to only have one column, however, it currently isnt causing problems with scope. I would
Comment [JL9]: it seems ambiguous. You may want to reword this sentence a little. Comment [JL8]: Define scope? Comment [JL7]: Can you recommend another color to use instead?

look at takingtake the text out of tables so that web readers will be able to register it better. While attending to thate text, I would change the borders on the table with the island and the bell so the separate quotes dont run into each other (see Appendix 2, number 8). In addition, some of the clipart on the page also function as hyperlinks, but this function was not apparent at first and I only stumbled upon the discovery by accident. Appendix 2, number 4, shows an example of one of these hyperlinked images that is actually a hyperlink that is not very well indicated. , but does not indicate it very well. The images supposedly have alt text, according to the code, but the alt textit didnt show up when I turned off the images. The use of clipart as links becomes even more confusing when other clipart squares that look similar are very similar-looking do not function as links. I would recommend simply not linking the clipart, and instead linking words. This Linking words shouldnt be difficult since, at least on the homepage, the index already leads to all the pages linked in the clipart rendering the clipart links redundant. The indexes throughout the website are also somewhat deficient. The indexone on the homepage should be probably be somewhere more immediately visible, like nearer tonear the top of the page or, maybe in a sidebar, where visitors can immediately see it and follow pertinent links (if the homepage isnt what theyre looking for). Putting it the index in a sidebar would also be more consistent with the pages in the rest of the course. In subsequent pages, the menus are placed bettermore visibly and accessibly, but the content is more confusing. There are linked words and phrases, but when they run onto a second line, they look confusingly like other items (see Appendix 3, number 2 in Appendix2 3):. I recommend adjusting the leading between items to be greater than the leading within items. Another problem with the menus on some pages is that they are split into two indexes: one that uses text (see Appendix 3 number 2,

Comment [JL10]: Im not sure about this word choice. Is this supposed to mean that readers will understand the tables better?

Comment [JL11]: You may want to describe what alt text means.

Comment [JL12]: You havent mentioned courses before so you may want to eliminate here or just say website.

Appendix 3) and one that uses only clipart (see number Appendix 3, Appendixnumber 3). The clipart and text do not correspond, and the clipart is mostly guesswork and trial-and-error to find things. This inconsistency is can be confusing and frustrating to the audience and should be either replaced by, or at the very least accompanied by descriptive text. Other itemsAnother thing to be addressed with the menus clipart portion of the menu isare the fact that the images are arranged in a table without scope, and that the images are also lacking alt text. These issues is could make things difficult or impossible for disabled audiences, such as the visually impaired, and should be revised with their needs in mind. Another issue to consider is that On another note, the links that are in the pages themselves could probably use a brief description or summary underneath them so audiences dont waste their time checking things that have little pertinence to what they are seeking (see Appendix 2, number 9, and my possible revisions in Appendix 1). On other pages, there are in-text hyperlinks that have descriptions, but could probably also use some reconfiguring in terms of format. The links are attached to headers of paragraphs, and are therefore less noticeable to audiences. Like the clipart, these headers are not obviously hyperlinks, and I only stumbled upon the fact that they werethem by chance (see number 4, Appendix 3). To avoid this confusion, we could maybe link a pertinent phrase within the paragraph and format it differently than the surrounding text to draw attention to it, instead of linking the headers. I like the idea of linking to an out-loud reading of the meditation (found at the bottom of the page the first link on the homepage leads to), but I would look at simply embedding the audio (with proper accreditation, of course) into the page itself. Basic Editing

Comment [JL13]: Your references to the Appendices have not been consistent so I have changed them throughout. Its up to you how you like them; I preferred having the Appendix listed first, then the number because its easier to find that way.

Aside from the design problems, I noticed several recurring problems with basic editing. There are several issues with consistency (which I already noted plagued the design aspects as well). For example, When dealing with quotations, the format of quotations switches between using italics by themselves and using italics and quotation marks. I would change it to being just the italics for block quotes, because block quotes dont usually use quotation marks, and having both is redundant (see my revision in Appendix 1). On a similar note, I would make sure that all instances of quote marks, double or single, are not straight quotes but curved. Other sections must also be formatted consistently; the index on the homepage, for instance, has four of the seven links in headline-style capitalization, and three links in sentence-style. Since they are all essentially titles, I would make them all headline-style capitalization (see Appendix 2, number 9). Items in run-in vertical lists should not be capitalized, and The Chicago Manual of Style recommends avoiding run-in vertical lists altogether (6.124). I recommend re-wording them (specifically the one on the home page) to be non-run-in, with items being preceded by an independent clause and a colon, and the items being dependent clauses that are not punctuated as parts of the sentence (see my revision of Appendix 2 in Appendix 1). The list on the homepage is somewhere between a run-in list and a non-runin list. I reworded it so its a regular vertical list. Especially in the page with the full meditation, I would change the footnote hyperlinks so the references (the superscript numbers) are placed outside of punctuation marks like periods and commas and then the marks wont look, so we dont have the marks looking stranded. The websites organization could also be improved: the invitation to the audience doesnt occur until the end of the home page passage This passage; it could be much more engaging if the page included the reader earlier on. That way, readers dont have to get all the way through a snippet of Donnes meditation and the pages basic thesis before they know what it is they will
Comment [JL15]: You have homepage both as one word and as two. I think there is some debate in usage, so just keep your choice consistent. Comment [JL14]: It might just be me, but I find the wording of this sentence a little confusing. Im not sure of your meaning and you may want to revise for clarity.

be exploring. The invitation to explore the themes comes after theyve already been forced to explore them a bit. In Appendix 1, Ive made the title more explicit toward the major topics, so readers know are prepared. mostly what they are getting into. One final problem with the home page is that it doesnt completely introduce the rest of the site. Instead, the homepage just covers It only covers part of it, that being the analysis of two major elements of the piece; while this analysis is a major importance of the site, it isnt the whole thing, and the introduction can cover or at least introduce other elements. In later pages of, both The Island and The Bell, the Literary Influence snippet is exactly the same, while other parallel sections (Renaissance Context, for instance) vary. If this variation was intentional (and not just a mistake of copying and pasting,) it might be advisable to vary the two so that they present original information. Conclusion This website had a great deal of issues to go through. Some of them were more trivial and could be overlooked, but most of them had concrete problems that would instigate difficulty for or disrespect in for the audience. Ive provided several solutions that would go a long way in improving the website in appearance, functionality, and readability.
Formatted: Left Comment [JL16]: One suggestion is to use a different word from snippet. It isnt very descriptive is it a paragraph? An introduction? What is the literary influence since it is capitalized?

Works Cited Amare, Nicole, Barry Nowlin, and Jean Hollis Weber.Technical Editing in the 21st Century. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson, 2011. The Chicago Manual of Style. 16th ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2010.

Appendix 1

A Look at John Donnes Meditation XVII:

Exploring the Bell and the Island
All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

This famous meditation of Donnes puts forth two essential ideas that are representative of the Renaissance era in which it was written: The idea that people are not isolated from one another, but that mankind is interconnected The vivid awareness of mortality that seems a natural outgrowth of a time when death was the constant companion of life Donne brings these two themes together to affirm that any one man's death diminishes all of mankind, since all mankind is connected; yet that death itself is not so much to be feared as it at first seems. Join us in exploring these two main themes, which we have associated with the two controlling images of the meditation...the island and the bell.

Isolation: The Island

Mortality: The Bell

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind...

Perchance he for whom this bell tolls, may be so ill, as that he knows not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about me...may have caused it to toll for me...and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Along with exploring the themes of the island and the bell, you can find other items of interest by following these links:

Read the Meditation with annotations

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The full text of John Donnes Meditation XVII, our comments and annotations, and a link to hear it read aloud

The Island: Isolation vs. Interconnectedness of Mankind

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An explication of the island as imagery and metaphor, the Renaissance context thereof, Donnes literary influence, and modern conceptions of isolation and interconnectedness

The Bell: Awareness of Human Mortality

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An explication of the bell as imagery and metaphor, the Renaissance context thereof, Donnes literary influence, and modern conceptions of death and mortality

Biography of John Donne

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Donnes upbringing, education, religious life, career, works, family life, and death.

Pictures of John Donne

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Portraits of Donne as a young lover, an established poet, and a dying man posing in a shroud; photographs of his effigy; John Donnes signature

Links to other Donne sites

References for Donne, the bell as awareness of mortality, and the island as isolation and interconnectedness,

Questions? Ask us!