Certified Happiness Coach Manual

The Kolachi Method : Level 2
www.kamyaby.com
Certified Happiness Coach with Syed rfan
! Copyri"ht
This man#al is the part of Kamyaby $i"est%s comprehensive and
systematic pro"ram entitled The KOLACHI Method: A Happy
Life Process.
&ll ri"hts reserved of this man#al. 'o part of this man#al may be
reprod#ced by any means incl#din" photocopyin"( electronic(
mechanical( recordin"( or otherwise witho#t the written
permission is "ranted on written re)#est to p#blish or translate
this work. *#t #se of this man#al is enco#ra"ed for the h#manity
p#rpose to make people happier and prosper. The creator of the
Kolachi Method wo#ld be "lad to "ive that kind of permission(
and be enco#ra"ed.
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To create a high-performance team, e m!st rep"ace
typica" management acti#ities "i$e s!per#ising, chec$ing,
monitoring, and contro""ing ith ne %eha#iors "i$e
coaching and comm!nicating&'
RAY SMITH
C+,( *ell-&tlantic
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Certified Happiness Coach - CONTENTS
.irst thin" first
The /nhappiness +pidemic
0art 1 : ntrod#ction and nvitation to Coachin"
2hat is coachin"3
0art 2 : /nderstandin" /nhappiness 4and happiness5
2hat is happiness
+motions and body response 6 'L0 comm#nication model
'e#rolo"ical Levels
*eliefs 7 8al#es
The Learnin" Style
,#r 9 Selfs
0art : : Coachin" for Happiness
+motional ;eleasin"
Mindf#lness
Meditation
*reathin"
<ratit#de
12 Session
.orty-day-happiness-plan
0art 9 : $ifferent &pproaches #sed in Coachin"
Co"nitive *ehavior Therapy
0sychotherapy and 0sycho-analysis
'e#ro-Lin"#istic 0ro"ramin" = 'L0
Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy
Co"nitive *ehavior Hypnotherapy
Conversational Hypnosis
+motional .reedom Techni)#e = +.T
&c#press#re
;eiki
+motional ntelli"ence = +>
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.irst thin" first
Here is the Kolachi Method%s 2
nd
level( The Certified
Happiness Coach. $efinitely this co#ld be yo#r new
?o#rney towards yo#r self-discovery( self-awareness and a
happier( confident life. Moreover( yo# mi"ht be able to help
people to control their #nhappiness( and to live happier and
prosper.
,ver the last 2@ years or so( there has been an eAplosion of
literat#re and accompanyin" research on the science of
#nhappiness and happiness. Most of this research has
devoted to #nderstandin" what makes people happy or
#nhappy. n "eneral( the research on happiness #p to this
point has been sin"#larly foc#sed on maAimiBin" positive
emotions and minimiBin" ne"ative emotions.
Clearly( there are benefits to eAperiencin" positive
emotions( and costs to eAperiencin" ne"ative emotions( and
research bears this o#t. .or one( eAperiences of chronic
ne"ative emotion are bad for yo#r health. ,ther work
s#""ests that increased positive emotion enhances yo#r
motivation to affiliate with and help others.
&nyway( the K,L&CH Method makes yo# learn the happy
life process easily that co#ld be applied in daily life
activities effectively. The K,L&CH Method brin"s a lot
more information and eAercises for the participants to brin"
the happiness in their life( and then res#ltin" prosperity.
The K,L&CH Method "#arantees happiness in
participants( with some conditions: take initiative to practice
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daily. $o all eAercises accordin" to instr#ctionsC follow
passionately forty-day-happiness-plan.
&llah may bless yo# and make yo#r happier and prosper for
lon" life. &nd( this eAperience of learnin" the K,L&CH
Method may also make yo# skillf#l to make other people
happier.
Syed Irfan Ahmed
C+,( .o#nder( Chief +ditor Kamyaby $i"est(
0sycholo"ist(
Certified Hypnotherapist(
Certified Life Coach
.o#nder of the K,L&CH Method
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Consider a typical day in yo#r life. Do#r alarm "oes off( b#t
yo# p#shes the snooBe b#tton( and has to h#rry to "et ready
for work. Do# race to the b#s and see that yo# have ?#st
missed it. Do# are late for work. Thin"s at the office have
become problematic. *eca#se of layoffs( workload is far
heavier than it #sed to be. Do#r boss( who has never been a
prince( is now even less #nderstandin" and s#pportive. The
tr#th is( yo# hate yo#r ?ob b#t has no idea what yo# wo#ld
do if yo# )#it. &nd yo# canEt )#it( beca#se yo# need to pay
the rent for yo#r apartment. *#t thatEs not all. Do#r
relationship with yo#r family is rocky. TheyEre fi"htin"
more often. Do# worry abo#t yo#r mother( who fell last
month( is still in pain( and needs more attention and time.
&nd time is what yo# have too little of.
Do# feel overwhelmed.
Do# probably canEt make it thro#"h a sin"le day witho#t
seein" or hearin" the words stress( depression( tension(
anAiety etc. someplace. F#st "lance at any ma"aBine stand
and yo#Ell find n#mero#s cover stories all abo#t stress. n
lar"er bookstores( an entire section is devoted to books on
stress. T8 and radio talk shows re"#larly feat#re stories
doc#mentin" the ne"ative effects of stress in o#r lives. 2hy
all the f#ss3 HasnEt stress been aro#nd forever3 s all of this
?#st media hype( or are people really eAperiencin" more
stress today3
,ne "ood way of findin" o#t how m#ch #nhappiness people
are eAperiencin" is to ask them abo#t the #nhappiness in
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their lives. Here are some findin"s from recent polls and
s#rveys that did ?#st that:
&merican 0sycholo"ical &ssociation fo#nd that 99G of
&mericans said that their #nhappiness levels had
increased over the past five years.
That same st#dy reported that one in five &merican
ad#lts 422 percent5 believe themselves to be in fair or
poor health( and this "ro#p reports hi"her levels of
stress than those in better health.
& Harris nteractive s#rvey of more than 1(@@H
&mericans fo#nd that 9I percent reported that their
stress level is hi"her than it was five years a"o. +i"hty
percent said they eAperienced medi#m or hi"h stress
levels at work. SiAty percent said they eAperienced these
same levels at home.
The 2orld Health ,r"anisation estimates there are only
:2H psychiatrists in 0akistan to deal with 1JI million
patients.
The Crescent 0ost says( Most people in 0akistan are
livin" with a contin#ed sense of helplessness( and rather
than dealin" with it they are acceptin" it. There is no
concept of psychiatric social work in 0akistan. 2hen
yo#r physical well-bein" is not "#aranteed and yo#
donEt have eno#"h to feed yo#r children yo#r mental
health is not a priority.
HAPPINESS & UNHAPPINESS:
conscio#sly #sed the word KhappinessL or K#nhappinessL
in my lect#re and literat#re. 2hen #se the word
KhappinessL( it means all positive or constr#ctive feelin"s a
man can eAperience or want to eAperience. &nd( when #se
the word K#nhappinessL( it means all ne"ative or destr#ctive
feelin"s a man can eAperience or want to escape from it.
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Tho#"h( "enerally we #se some selected words for
happiness or #nhappiness( there are deep meanin"s in all
these words. .or instance( the word passion is a positive
feelin" that describes the b#rnin" desire to do somethin".
&nd( the word depression describes some #neApectedness
or sorrow towards somethin". 2hile the word anAiety
relates to the worry of f#t#re.
Here is a short introd#ction to some of positive and ne"ative
feelin"s( we feel in o#r daily life. &s a happiness coach( yo#
sho#ld be aware of these terms( and what they mean
technically and scientifically.
STRESS is the bodyMs reaction to a chan"e that re)#ires a
physical( mental or emotional ad?#stment or response.
Stress can come from any sit#ation or tho#"ht that makes
yo# feel fr#strated( an"ry( nervo#s( or anAio#s. Stress is
ca#sed by an eAistin" stress-ca#sin" factor or Nstressor.N
$ealin" with a serio#s illness or carin" for someone can
ca#se a "reat deal of stress.
TENSION or tension headache 4renamed a tension-type
headache by the nternational Headache Society in 1OPP5 is
the most common type of primary headache. The pain can
radiate from the lower back of the head( the neck( eyes( or
other m#scle "ro#ps in the body. Tension-type headaches
acco#nt for nearly OHG of all headaches. &pproAimately :G
of the pop#lation has chronic tension-type headaches.
DEPRESSION is a mood disorder that ca#ses a persistent
feelin" of sadness and loss of interest. &lso called ma?or
depression( ma?or depressive disorder or clinical depression(
it affects how yo# feel( think and behave and can lead to a
variety of emotional and physical problems. Do# may have
tro#ble doin" normal day-to-day activities( and depression
may make yo# feel as if life isnMt worth livin". f not c#re( it
increases slowly day by day.
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More than ?#st a bo#t of the bl#es( depression isnMt a
weakness( nor is it somethin" that yo# can simply Nsnap
o#tN of. $epression may re)#ire lon"-term treatment. *#t
donMt "et disco#ra"ed. Most people with depression feel
better with medication( psycholo"ical co#nselin" or both.
,ther treatments also may help.
ANXIETY is a "eneral term for several disorders that ca#se
nervo#sness( fear( apprehension( and worryin". These
disorders affect how we feel and behave( and they can
manifest real physical symptoms. Mild anAiety is va"#e and
#nsettlin"( while severe anAiety can be eAtremely
debilitatin"( havin" a serio#s impact on daily life.
0eople often eAperience a "eneral state of worry or fear
before confrontin" somethin" challen"in" s#ch as a test(
eAamination( recital( or interview. These feelin"s are easily
?#stified and considered normal. &nAiety is considered a
problem when symptoms interfere with a personMs ability to
sleep or otherwise f#nction. <enerally speakin"( anAiety
occ#rs when a reaction is o#t of proportion with what mi"ht
be normally eApected in a sit#ation.
+Aamples of anAiety disorders incl#de social anAiety
disorder 4social phobia5( obsessive-comp#lsive disorder
4,C$5( panic disorder( post-tra#matic stress disorder
40TS$5( specific phobias and separation anAiety disorder.
SADNESS is emotional pain associated with( or
characteriBed by feelin"s of disadvanta"e( loss( despair(
helplessness and sorrow. &n individ#al eAperiencin"
sadness may become )#iet or lethar"ic( and withdraw
themselves from others. Cryin" is often an indication of
sadness. Sadness is one of the NsiA basic emotionsN
described by 0a#l +kman( alon" with happiness( an"er(
s#rprise( fear and dis"#st. Sadness can be viewed as a
temporary lowerin" of mood( whereas depression is more
chronic.
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MSDs or M#sc#loskeletal disorders 4MS$s5 can affect the
bodyEs m#scles( bones( ?oints( tendons( li"aments and
nerves. Most work - related MS$s develop over time and
are ca#sed either by the work itself or by the employeesE
workin" environment. They can also res#lt from accidents(
e.". fract#res and dislocations. Typically( MS$s affect the
back( neck( sho#lders and #pper limbsC less often they affect
the lower limbs. Health problems ran"e from discomfort(
minor aches and pains( to more serio#s medical conditions
re)#irin" time off work and even medical treatment. n
more chronic cases( treatment and recovery are often
#nsatisfactory Q the res#lt co#ld be permanent disability
and loss of employment. MS$s are "iven many names(
incl#din": repetitive strain in?#ries( c#m#lative tra#ma
disorders and soft tiss#e disorders.
The R.o#rth +#ropean 2orkin" Conditions S#rveyE 49 th
+2CS( 2HH@5 revealed that workers complain of:
S back pain 42@G5
S overall fati"#e 42:G5
S m#sc#lar pains 42:G5
ANGER is an emotion characteriBed by anta"onism toward
someone or somethin" yo# feel has deliberately done yo#
wron". &n"er can be a "ood thin". t can "ive yo# a way to
eApress ne"ative feelin"s( for eAample( or motivate yo# to
find sol#tions to problems.
*#t eAcessive an"er can ca#se problems. ncreased blood
press#re and other physical chan"es associated with an"er
make it diffic#lt to think strai"ht and harm yo#r physical
and mental health.
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Mi( ith positi#e-minded peop"e as a means to tap into
yo!r !ne(p"oited potentia"&'
STEVE BACKEY!
The Champion in a"" of )s: *+ ,!"es for -!ccess
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.irst of all( in this section( we present a brief introd#ction of
some well known models( practiced in todayEs world.
COGNITIVE EHAVIORA! THERAPY 4C*T5 eApanded
the theory of behaviorism by lookin" at tho#"hts as well as
actions. Co"nitive-behavioral therapy stresses that specific
thinkin" patterns ca#se depression. $oes sadness leave yo#
thinkin" that thereEs no way o#t3 &re yo#r tho#"hts an
endless stream of self-critical statements3 $o yo# think in
all-or-nothin" terms3 n this therapy( yo# meet once a week
with a therapist to be"in identifyin" the belief systems yo#
#se on a daily basis. The "oal in C*T is to correct
#nrealistic beliefs and distorted tho#"hts by replacin" them
with more realistic attit#des. +ssentially( chan"in" how yo#
think will chan"e the way yo# feel.
CON"RONTING is how we deal with ne"ative or
disr#ptive behavior or less-than-acceptable ?ob
performance.
COUNSE!ING is a short-interval( problem-solvin" process
that tar"ets a specific sit#ation. The co#nselor offers advice
and s#""estions.
MENTORING is a str#ct#red process for providin"
personal "#idance and s#pport to someone who is less
eAperienced or new to the "ame- whatever the conteAt may
be( b#t most commonly in ed#cation( trainin" and
employment conteAts. Mentors act as critical b#t non-
?#d"mental friends( provide a role model and a so#rce of
#sef#l information and advice( and can take on a coachin"
task 4helpin" to improve performance5.
Mentorin" is the process of dealin" with Rindivid#alsE in
terms of their total personality in order to advise( co#nsel
and 6or "#ide them thro#"h partic#lar life challen"es
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PSYCHOTHERAPY is the treatment of emotional conflicts
thro#"h the #se of talkin" and comm#nicatin" with a
trained professional. &lso known as Ktalk therapy(L
psychotherapy is practiced by psycholo"ists( psychiatrists(
social workers( and psychiatric n#rse practitioners. There
are many different schools of psychotherapy( each one
workin" from a #ni)#e model of mind and behavior.
Tho#"h the schools differ in approach and techni)#e( they
all share the same "oal: to red#ce #nhappiness symptoms.
&s far as evidence-based research "oes( all traditional talk
therapies can be effective in red#cin" mild-to-moderate
depressive symptoms.
TEACHING is the word traditionally #sed to refer to those
who shape( "#ide and accompany learnin" processes in
schools( colle"es and - to some eAtent = hi"her ed#cation.
Teachin" relates to helpin" a person develop co"nitive skills
and capabilities. The "oal of teachin" is "enerally to assist
people to increase competencies and Rthinkin" skillsE
relevant to an area of learnin". Teachin" foc#ses on the
ac)#isition of "eneral co"nitive abilities( rather than on
partic#lar performances in specific sit#ations. & teacher
helps a person to develop new strate"ies for thinkin" and
actin". The emphasis of teachin" is more on new learnin"
than on refinin" oneEs pervio#s performance 4as it is the
case in coachin"5.
TRAINING is the word traditionally #sed to refer to those
who shape( "#ide and accompany learnin" processes in the
initial and contin#in" vocational ed#cation and trainin"
sectors.
Trainer is #s#ally seen as an instr#ctor of techni)#es or
skills on a specific s#b?ect.
COACHING is relatively a new form of profession that is
profo#ndly different from cons#ltin"( mentorin"( advice(
therapy( or co#nselin".
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The coachin" process addresses specific personal pro?ects(
b#siness s#ccesses( "eneral conditions and transitions in the
clientMs personal life( relationships or profession by
eAaminin" what is "oin" on ri"ht now( discoverin" what
yo#r obstacles or challen"es mi"ht be( and choosin" a
co#rse of action to make yo#r life be what yo# want it to be.
*+'+.TS ,. C,&CH'<: '#mero#s clients report that
coachin" positively impacted their careers as well as their
lives by helpin" them to:
+stablish and take action towards achievin" "oals
*ecome more self-reliant
<ain more ?ob and life satisfaction
Contrib#te more effectively to the team and the
or"aniBation
Take "reater responsibility and acco#ntability for
actions and commitments
2ork more easily and prod#ctively with others
4boss( direct reports( peers5
Comm#nicate more effectively
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The a""s that e %!i"d aro!nd !s, to $eep o!t of sadness,
a"so $eep o!t the .oy&'
"IM ROHN
Kickoff yo#r worry habit
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<enerally sayin"( the #nhappiness is a state when a person
feels himself or herself( lonely( depressed( miserable or
tro#bled. Technically speakin"( this state directly belon"s to
h#man bein"%s emotion or feelin". Tho#"h( it co#ld be said
that when a person feels or eAperiences ne"atively( he or
she is #nhappy. &nd( when a person feels or eAperiences
positively( he or she is happy. $aniel <oleman( the a#thor
of bestsellin" book +motional ntelli"ence( refers emotion
to a feelin" and its distinctive tho#"hts( psycholo"ical and
biolo"ical states and ran"e of propensities to act. There are
h#ndreds of emotions alon" with their blends variations
m#tation( and n#ances. ndeed( there are many more
s#btleties of emotion than we have words for. &ccordin" to
famo#s 'L0er and life coach Tony ;obbins( there are more
than :HHHHH emotions that h#man bein"s eAperience.
Moreover( happiness or #nhappiness is not a destinationC itEs
a process( accordin" to emotions% eAperts. Therefore( to
#nderstand the process of #nhappiness and happiness( we
have to #nderstand the mechanism of o#r emotions.
2H&T S +M,T,'3
n psycholo"y( emotion is often defined as a compleA state
of feelin" that res#lts in physical and psycholo"ical chan"es
that infl#ence tho#"ht and behavior. +motionality is
associated with a ran"e of psycholo"ical phenomena
incl#din" temperament( personality( mood and motivation.
&ccordin" to a#thor $avid <. Meyers( h#man emotion
involves N...physiolo"ical aro#sal( eApressive behaviors( and
conscio#s eAperience.N
+motions are o#r most reliable indicators of how thin"s are
"oin" on in o#r lives. +motions help keep #s on the ri"ht
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track by makin" s#re that we are led by more than the
mental6 intellect#al fac#lties of tho#"ht( perception( reason(
memory. $ifferent people define emotions in different
ways. Fohn $. 4Fack5 Mayer says( T+motions operate on
many levels. They have a physical aspect as well as a
psycholo"ical aspect. +motions brid"e tho#"ht( feelin"( and
action = they operate in every part of a person( they affect
many aspects of a person( and the person affects many
aspects of the emotions.
The latest research on emotions( the importance of emotions
in h#man life has increased a lot. $#e to this importance( it
is said( we are not h#man bein"( we are emotional bein".
H,2 2+ ;+0;+SS +M,T,'S
2hen we have an eAperience that we find painf#l or
diffic#lt( and are either #nable to cope with the pain( or ?#st
afraid of it( we often dismiss this emotion and either "et
b#sy( eAercise more( drink or eat a bit more( or ?#st pretend
it has not happened. 2hen we do this we do not feel the
emotion and this res#lts in what is called repressed(
s#ppressed or b#ried emotions. These feelin"s stay in o#r
m#scles( li"aments( stomach( midriff( a#ras. These emotions
remain b#ried within #s #ntil we brin" that emotion #p and
feel the emotion( th#s releasin" it. +motions that are b#ried
on the lon"-term are the emotions that normally ca#se
physical illness. The followin" are a few eAamples of the
methods people #se to avoid feelin" their emotions:
"norin" yo#r feelin"s
0retendin" somethin" hasnRt happened
,vereatin" +atin" foods loaded with s#"ar and fat
+Acessive drinkin" of alcohol
+Acessive #se of recreational dr#"s
/sin" prescription dr#"s s#ch as tran)#iliBers or
0roBac
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+Aercisin" comp#lsively
&ny type of comp#lsive behavior
+Acessive seA with or witho#t a partner
&lways keepin" b#sy so yo# canRt feel
Constant intellect#aliBin" and analyBin"
+Acessive readin" or T8
2orkin" +Acessively
Keepin" conversations s#perficial
*#ryin" an"ry emotions #nder the mask of peace
and love
SDM0T,MS ,. /'H&00'+SS
2henever a person eAperiences #nhappiness( yo# mi"ht
find some of these these symptoms in him or her:
He6she is obsessed with life bein" #nfair.
They have a ne"ative o#tlook on life and towards
others. Their first reaction is to do#bt the intentions of
others and to ass#me the worst of them.
/nhappy people are insec#re( have low self-esteem
or overly sensitive e"os.
They have #nrealistically hi"h standards that no one
can meas#re #p to. This incl#des themselvesC whether
itMs looks( morals( or achievements.
They are easily offended and are too critical of
themselves 4secretly5 and others 4openly5.
They have a stron" need to be ri"ht all the time(
which makes her6him hi"hly ar"#mentative.
They are self-ri"hteo#s and blame others all the
time.
Their happiness is attached to events( thin"s or
others. They view everythin" in terms of stat#s or
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competition incl#din" their homes( cars( partners( ?ob
titles and bank acco#nts.
2hile their cheeks may smile( their eyes donMt. Their
la#"hs mi"ht be lo#d( b#t they donMt so#nd heartfelt.
They tend to eAa""erate ne"ative events. They "et
depressed more often and for lon"er periods of time.
Their lan"#a"e is mostly critical and ne"ative.
*eca#se of their ne"ative disposition( these
individ#als canMt easily relate to other people 4at a
deeper level5( and they feel lonely.
They are Ncontrol freaksL and eAhibit hi"her de"rees
of fear( worry( anAiety( stress or an"er.
*eca#se they foc#s on their ne"ative eAperiences(
they become emotionally eAha#sted and can easily
b#rno#t when faced with a crisis.
*eca#se we are all creat#res of habit( #nhappy
people are more attracted to ne"ative sit#ations
4watchin" tra"edies( war( co#rt and crime shows5
/nhappy people "o thro#"h life missin" its simple
pleas#res of life.
They have less seA and when they do its #s#ally less
sens#al( more of a conditioned ro#tine or a performance
act.
Since they are not happy with themselves or their
lives( they resort to escapism thro#"h workaholism(
alcoholism( dr#" ab#se( food addiction or the adoption a
s#perstitio#s belief system.
'o one eAhibits all the above symptoms at the same time or
all the time. f one were to do so( s6he wo#ld
become dysf#nctional.
H,2 2+ ;+S0,'$ T, ,/; +U0+;+'C+3
This is an important )#estion in perspective of #nhappiness.
'L0 comm#nication model provides a detailed answer of it.
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Have yo# ever had the eAperience of bein" on a roll( the
feelin" that yo# co#ld do no wron"3 & time when
everythin" seemed to "o ri"ht3 May be it was a cricket
match when every shot hit the bo#ndary or a b#siness
meetin" where yo# had all the answers. May be it was time
when yo# amaBed yo#rself by doin" somethin" heroic or
dramatic yo# never tho#"ht yo# co#ld do. Do# have
probably had the opposite eAperience( too = a day when
nothin" went ri"ht. Do# can probably remember times yo#
messed #p thin"s yo# #s#ally do easily( when every step
was wron"( every door was locked( everythin" yo# tried
t#rned o#t wron".
2hat is the difference3 Do# are the same person. Do#
sho#ld have the same reso#rces at yo#r disposal. So( why
do yo prod#ce dismal res#lts one time and fab#lo#s res#lts
the neAt3 2hy do even the best athletes have days when
they do everythin" ri"ht and follow them with days when
they can%t b#y basket or a base hit3
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The difference is ne!rophysio"ogic state( yo# are in. there
are enablin" states = confidence( love( inner stren"th( ?oy(
ecstasy( belief that tap "reat wellsprin"s of personal power.
There are paralyBin" states = conf#sion( depression( fear(
anAiety( sadness( fr#stration = that leave #s powerless. 2e
all "o in and o#t of "ood and bad states. Have yo# ever
"one into a resta#rant and had a waitress snarl( Kwhadday
want3L do yo# think she always comm#nicates like that3 t
is possible that she had s#ch a diffic#lt life that. *#t its
more likely that she%s had a bad day handlin" too many
tables( may by stiffed by a few c#stomers. She is not a bad
personC she%s ?#st in a terribly #nreso#rcef#l state. f yo#
can chan"e her state yo# can chan"e her behavior. This is
the key point of The Kolachi Method co#rse: if we may be
able to chan"e o#r ne#rophysiolo"ical state( we wo#ld
easily handle o#r behavior and attit#de.
/nderstandin" state is the key to #nderstandin" behavior
chan"e and achievin" happiness. ,#r behavior is the res#lt
of the state we are in.
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NE#ROO$ICA EVES
The 'L0 Lo"ical Levels is a val#able tool for or"anisin"
o#r thinkin"( information "atherin"( and comm#nication.
$eveloped ori"inally by ;obert $ilts and Todd +pstein( the
Logica" Le#e"s is one of the most #sef#l of all 'L0 models.
/sin" the model enables #s to #nderstand in a clear and
str#ct#red manner what makes a person MtickM.
The Lo"ical Levels or 0ersonality Map is a model which we
can r#n in the back"ro#nd as we are chattin" with or
interviewin" someone.
n a coachin" session( for eAample( we can #se it to identify
whether a personMs diffic#lty is the res#lt of ......
/n#ironment: negati#e responses to their
s!rro!ndings 0e&g& or$p"ace1
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2eha#io!rs: adopting inappropriate physio"ogy or
actions 4incl#din" breathin"( tension( etc5
-$i""s: not havin" appropriate skills to do somethin"
Moti#ation: not bein" able to motivate themselves to
deal with it - beca#se it does not fit their val#es
2e"iefs: havin" certain ne"ative beliefs abo#t the
iss#e which is "ettin" in their way
Identity: considerin" that it is somethin" that doesnMt
fit with their self-ima"e
3ision: they cannot reco"nise how it contrib#tes to
their vision for their life.
+Aercise: Say yo#r partner to share a problem as coachee(
while yo# analyBe it as happiness coach at ne#rolo"ical
levels.
BEIE%S
*eliefs are what make the difference between a lifetime of
?oyo#s contrib#tion and one of misery and devastation.
*eliefs are what separate a MoBart from a Manson. *eliefs
are what ca#se some individ#als to become heroes( while
others Nlead lives of )#iet desperation.N
2hat are o#r beliefs desi"ned for3 TheyMre the "#idin" force
to tell #s what will lead to pain and what will lead to
pleas#re. 2henever somethin" happens in yo#r life( yo#r
brain asks two )#estions:
15 2ill this mean pain or pleas#re3
25 2hat m#st do now to avoid pain and6or "ain pleas#re3
The answers to these two )#estions are based on o#r beliefs.
,#r beliefs are driven by o#r "eneraliBations abo#t what
weMve learned co#ld lead to pain and pleas#re. These
"eneraliBations "#ide all of o#r actions and th#s the
direction and )#ality of o#r lives. <eneraliBations can be
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very #sef#lC they are simply the identification of similar
patterns. .or eAample( what allows yo# to open a door3 Do#
look down at handle. &ltho#"h yo#Mve never seen this
specific one before( yo# can "enerally feel certain that this
door will open if yo# t#rn the handle ri"ht or left( if yo#
p#sh or p#ll it. 2hy do yo# believe this3 Simply( yo#r
eAperience of doors has provided eno#"h references to
create a sense of certainty that allows yo# to follow
thro#"h.
2itho#t this sense of certainty( we wo#ld virt#ally be
#nable to leave the ho#se( drive o#r cars( #se a telephone( or
do any one of the doBens of thin"s we do in a day.
<eneraliBations simplify o#r lives and allow #s to f#nction.
/nfort#nately( "eneraliBations in more compleA areas of o#r
lives can oversimplify and sometimes create limitin"
beliefs. Maybe yo#Mve failed to follow thro#"h on vario#s
endeavors a few times in yo#r life( and based on that( yo#
developed a belief that yo# are incompetent. ,nce yo#
believe this is tr#e( it can become a self-f#lfillin" prophecy.
Do# may say( N2hy even try if Mm not "oin" to follow
thro#"h anyway3N ,r perhaps yo#Mve made a few poor
decisions in b#siness or in relationships( and have
interpreted that to mean yo# will always Nsabota"eN
yo#rself. ,r maybe in school yo# didnMt learn as )#ickly as
yo# tho#"ht other kids did( and rather than considerin" the
idea that yo# had a different learnin" strate"y( yo# may
have decided that yo# were Nlearnin"-disabled.N ,n another
level( isnMt racial pre?#dice f#eled by a wholesale
"eneraliBation abo#t an entire "ro#p of people3 The
challen"e with all these beliefs is that they become
limitations for f#t#re decisions abo#t who yo# are and what
yo#Mre capable of. 2e need to remember that most of o#r
beliefs are "eneraliBations abo#t o#r past( based on o#r
interpretations of painf#l and pleas#rable eAperiences.
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The challen"e is threefold: 15 most of #s do not conscio#sly
decide what weMre "oin" to believeC 25 often o#r beliefs are
based on misinterpretation of past eAperiencesC :5 once we
adopt a belief( we for"et itMs merely an interpretation.
2e be"in to treat o#r beliefs as if theyMre realities( as if they
are "ospel. n fact( we rarely( if ever( )#estion o#r lon"-held
beliefs. f yo# ever wonder why people do what they do(
a"ain( yo# need to remember that h#man bein"s are not
random creat#res: all of o#r actions are the res#lt of o#r
beliefs. 2hatever we do( it is o#t of o#r conscio#s or
#nconscio#s beliefs abo#t what will lead to pleas#re or
away from pain. f yo# want to create lon"-term and
consistent chan"es in yo#r behaviors( yo# m#st chan"e the
beliefs that are holdin" yo# back.
*eliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
H#man bein"s have the awesome ability to take any
eAperience of their lives and create a meanin" that
disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.
*elief( in its core( is a type of tho#"ht that freeBes in a
person%s mind abo#t anythin". & person doesnEt need any
lo"ical fo#ndation to adopt a belief. *#t( as time passes life
eAperiences stren"then o#r beliefs.
*eliefs have concrete system( Kbelief systemL. Therefore( it
has a deep impact on person%s behavior6action. ts also very
diffic#lt to break a belief.
*eliefs represent one of the lar"er frameworks for behavior.
2hen yo# really believe somethin"( yo# will behave
con"r#ently with that belief. There are several types of
beliefs that need to be in place in order to achieve yo#r
desired "oal.
,ne kind of belief is called o#tcome eApectancy. This
means that yo# believe that yo#r "oal is achievable. n
relatin" this to health( it means that yo# believe it is
possible for people to "et over somethin" like cancer. 2hen
people donMt believe a "oal is possible 4like "ettin" over an
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illness( for eAample5( they feel hopeless. &nd when people
feel hopeless( they donMt take the appropriate action to "et
well a"ain.
'o ,#tcome +Apectancy V Hopelessness
There was an interestin" st#dy read in R/nlimited 0owerE.
& woman had interviewed 1HH Ncancer s#rvivorsN in hopes
of findin" o#t what these s#rvivors had in common. She
described a cancer s#rvivor as someone who had been "iven
a terminal dia"nosis of cancer with a poor pro"nosis for
recovery( b#t who was still alive and healthy( en?oyin" life
ten or twelve years later. nterestin"ly eno#"h( she co#ld
find no common patterns in the treatment received by these
people.
$ifferent people received different treatments( incl#din"
chemotherapy( radiation therapy( n#trition pro"rams(
s#r"ery( spirit#al healin"( etc. However( there was one thin"
that these s#rvivors all shared: they all believed that the
method of treatment they were "ettin" was "oin" to work
for them. The belief( not the treatment( made the difference.
THE EARNIN$ STYE
,ne of the principles of 'L0 states that all of #s h#mans =
re"ardless of a"e( "ender( ethnicity( c#lt#re( "eo"raphy( or
lan"#a"e = receive( store( and retrieve information thro#"h
o#r five senses: si"ht( hearin"( to#ch6feelin"( smell( and
taste. 4'L0 #ses the physiolo"ical terms 8is#al( &#ditory(
Kinesthetic( ,lfactory( and <#statory to describe these five
senses.5
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2H&T S 8&K3
VAK stands for 8is#al( &#ditory( and Kinesthetic. t is
based on the findin"s of 'e#ro-Lin"#istic 0ro"rammin".
Most peopleMs senses of smell and taste are not as stron" as
the other three. So practically speakin" we have the bi"
three: 8is#al( &#ditory( and Kinesthetic 4or 8&K5.
This tool of 'L0 has become very #sef#l in #nderstandin"
how people represent and comm#nicate with the world
aro#nd them.
Since all learnin" and teachin" are basically types of
comm#nication( the 8&K approach to learnin" styles flows
very nat#rally from what weMre already eAperiencin".
2HD 8&K L+&;''< STDL+S3
Even though most of us have full use of all five senses, it's pretty
obvious that we don't all learn alike.
One of the ways we differ is in the way one sense very often
predominates to different degrees in various individuals.
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Once we identify our primary learning style, we can determine how
the other two support and reinforce it: this becomes our unique
learning style.
,/; 9 S+L.S
There is a set of se"fs in every h#man bein". The concept of
self is not new. ts roots meet to the ancient history( and
mind sciences specially cover the s#b?ect of self. &ccordin"
to mind science eAperts( there are 9 self in every h#man
bein":
1. The emotional self that refers to emotional health.
2. The physical self that refers to physical health.
:. The mental self that refers to mental health.
9. The spirit#al self that refers to spirit#al health.
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These fo#r aspects of a person%s self( are like fo#r wheels of
a car. The ali"nment in fo#r wheels is m#st. These fo#r self
aspects have their own needs. ,ften( people foc#s on one or
two aspects( and ne"lect others. Th#s( the destr#ction
be"ins. Talkin" abo#t the happiness = #nhappiness s#b?ect(
it is said that the imbalance in these fo#r basic self aspects(
brin"s #s to #nhappiness.
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Emotiona" Re"easing Techni4!e "ives people relief from
#nhappiness ca#sed by a!tomatic emotiona" reactions =
reactions that we are not even aware we are doin"W These
a#tomatic reactions are "earned %eha#iors( or conditioned
responses( which were somehow ac)#ired earlier in life.
*eca#se they are Ka#tomaticL they can and do occ#r o#tside
of yo#r awareness = yo# know yo# feel bad( yo# ?#st donEt
know eAactly why. &nd if yo# donEt know why( yo# cannot
chan"e it. This can be eAtremely fr#stratin" = almost as if
yo# have no controlW
*#t( yo# C&' re"ain controlW Do# C&' #n-learn these
#nhealthy behaviors.
There are many different +;Ts( called by many different
names. The one thin" they all have in common is that they
help yo# become free of #nhealthy behaviors.
fo#nd +motional ;eleasin" hi"hly effective to mana"e any
ne"ative feelin". Therefore( teach almost all of my clients
how to release their ne"ative even positive emotions.
2HD ;+L+&S'< +M,T,'S3
The ma?ority of o#r emotional problems are d#e to ne"ative
tho#"hts and feelin"s we have ac)#ired over the years
which affect #s in o#r daily lives. These b#ried emotions
also act as a block to o#r prod#ctivity( happiness and move
forward. n order to lead s#ccessf#l and happier lives( we
m#st release these ne"ative emotions.
There are many ways to release or eAit b#ried ne"ative
emotions thro#"ho#t world. .or The Kolachi Method(
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have selected some of them accordin" to the mood( skills
and need of the 0akistanis.
2hich one is best3 ,ften participants ask this )#estion( and
the answer is there is no answer for this. &ny +.;. techni)#e
is the best which is most s#itable for yo# and yo# "et more
benefits from it. hi"hly recommend that do not decide the
effectiveness of any techni)#e before practicin" yo#rself all
+. ;. techni)#es physically. n the last( there is fo#r-step +.
;. eAercise that have created especially for the participants
of The K,L&CH Method.
%O#R-STE& EMOTIONA REEASIN$
TECHNI'#E
earn ho( to )eta*o+i,e -nhappiness (ith this e.ercise
1. &ware and &ccept
2. 8is#aliBe
:. 2elcome and &nalyBe
9. ;elease 6 Let"o
&lmost all toAic( t#rb#lent emotions have one ca#se Q not
knowin" how to deal with them. 'e"ative feelin" or
emotion is normal in life( b#t s#fferin" isnRt. 2hen we do
not know how to deal with ne"ative feelin"( we s#ffer( and
become #nhappy. These are fo#r-steps to make yo#rself free
from toAic and ne"ative emotions effectively.
/0 A(are and Accept1
Set aside a few min#tes when yo# wonRt be dist#rbed 4an
empty room is recommended5. Sit comfortably and close
yo#r eyes. .or a few min#tes( ?#st meditate in silence.
.oc#s on yo#r normal breathin" normally 4witho#t any
force5. 'ow with eyes closed( recall an event in the recent
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past that is #psettin" to yo#. 'ow identify eAactly what yo#
are feelin".
2hile foc#sin" this emotional state( accept these ne"ative
emotions. &ccept that yo# are eAperience this ne"ative
emotion4s5 #nconscio#sly( and this is the first moment when
yo# have reco"niBed and accepted it conscio#sly.
Vis-a+i,e1
.or the neAt one to five min#tes( think in detail abo#t that
incident. Try to pict#re what act#ally happened as vividly as
yo# can( as if yo# were reportin" it for a newspaper. 0#t
some word on the incident that describes what yo# are
eAperiencin". *e as precise as yo# can. $o yo# feel
#nappreciated3 ns#lted3 Treated #nfairly3 $#rin"
vis#aliBin" the event( also foc#s on the emotion( and
vis#aliBe that the toAic emotion that associated to that event
4or the mental pict#re abo#t the event5 is comin" towards
yo#X. into yo#r body.
20 3e+co)e and Ana+y,e
The neAt( vis#aliBe that this emotion is comin" toward yo#(
enterin" yo#Rre yo#r body. Let this emotion6feelin" come
into yo#r body. $o not resist( #ntil yo# have been doin".
2elcome that ne"ative feelin". This co#ld be a hard not to
resist( and to welcome. To make this step easier( yo# can
also say yo#rself alo#d: welcome this feelin". &nd(
ima"ine that yo#r body is bein" filled with toAic emotion4s5.
Then( p#t yo#r one hand on yo#r emotion Bone. &nalyBe
where the sensation of yo#r emotion is located in yo#r
emotion Bone. <rad#ally allow yo#r attention towards that
spot and p#t yo#r ri"ht hand on the spot 4location5 where
yo# eAactly are feelin" that feelin". Let yo#r attention drift
into yo#r body. .ind where it is in yo#r body that yo#Rre
feelin" and holdin" the emotional eAperience. *ecome
aware of the physical sensations that arise in yo#r body as a
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res#lt of the emotion yo#Rve welcomed and analyBed
4identified5.
&s $eepak Chopra writes( these two elements Q a tho#"ht
abo#t the feelin" and a physical sensation in the body Q are
what an emotion tr#ly is( and they canRt really be separated.
This is why we call it a feelin" Q beca#se we feel emotions
in o#r bodies.
40 Re+ease and +et5o the e)otion
0lace yo#r attention on the part of yo#r body where yo#Rre
holdin" the emotion. 2ith every eAhalation of yo#r breath(
have an intention of releasin" that tension. .or the neAt
thirty to fifty seconds( ?#st feel the ne"ative sensation
leavin" yo#r body with every breath. Some people find that
makin" an a#dible tone that resonates in that part of yo#r
body where the toAic emotion is localiBed helps to loosen
and lift the contraction away.
Do# can also eAperiment to discover what works best for
yo#. Do# may try /??ayi breathin"( or takin" a lon" warm
bath. n my classes( many people find to do it easier
handlin" any ob?ect in their left hand.
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Mindf#lness is a state when a person becomes very foc#sed
on the present moment. t is moment to moment awareness.
t is bein" f#lly awake. t involves bein" here for the
moments of o#r lives( witho#t strivin" or ?#d"in".
Do# have felt it. LetEs eAplore one of those times now.
;emember doin" somethin" yo# really( really en?oyed. . . . .
. . . ;eally. Stop readin" this and close yo#r eyes and take a
few moments to remember that time ri"ht
now. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How did yo# feel as yo# recalled it3
$id yo# notice there was little room left for distractin"
tho#"hts or feelin"s3 *rin"in" o#r f#llness of attention into
anythin" is mindf#lness. Do# step f#lly into the moment.
There is a sense of completeness( of eno#"h-ness. These are
the moments of o#r lives when we feel most at home.
Mindf#lness involves a formal practice and an informal
practice. n formal practice we take time for sittin"
meditation or mindf#l movement practices like walkin"
meditation or yo"a or chi "on". nformal practice is a way
of life in which we meditate as we do what we do. t
involves bein" present ' the moments of o#r lives.
Mindf#lness involves bein" in each moment as it is witho#t
?#d"ment or strivin" and havin" a kind of releasement
towards thin"s. tMs a relaAed state of awareness that
observes both yo#r inner world of tho#"hts( feelin"s and
sensations( and the o#ter world of constantly chan"in"
phenomena witho#t tryin" to control anythin".
M'$./L'+SS ,*S+;8&T,'
0ick a nat#ral or"anism within yo#r immediate environment
and foc#s on watchin" it for a min#te or two. This co#ld be
a flower or an insect( the clo#ds or the moon. $onEt do
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anythin" eAcept notice the thin" yo# are lookin" at. *#t
really notice it. Look at it as if yo# are seein" it for the first
time. 8is#ally eAplore very aspect of this "lorio#s or"anism
of the nat#ral world. &llow yo#rself to be cons#med by its
presence and possibilities. &llow yo#r spirit to connect with
its role and p#rpose in the world. &llow yo#rself ?#st to
notice and RbeE.
T,/CH 0,'TS
Think of somethin" that happens every day more than once(
somethin" yo# take for "ranted( like openin" a door for
eAample. &t the very moment yo# to#ch the door knob to
open the door( allow yo#rself to be completely mindf#l of
where yo# are( how yo# feel and what yo# are doin".
Similarly( the moment yo# open yo#r comp#ter to start
work( take a moment to appreciate the hands that let yo# do
this( and the brain that will help yo# #se the comp#ter.
The c#es donEt have to be physical ones. t co#ld be that
every time yo# think somethin" ne"ative yo# take a mindf#l
moment to release the ne"ative tho#"ht( or it co#ld be that
every time yo# smell food yo# take a mindf#l moment to
rest in the appreciation of havin" food to eat. Choose a
to#ch point that resonates with yo# today. nstead of "oin"
thro#"h the motions on a#to-pilot( stop and stay in the
moment for a while and rest in the awareness of this blessed
daily activity.
Meditation is the best way to #nclo" and )#iet yo#r mind.
By spendin5 ti)e a+one (ith yo-r tho-5hts! yo- +earn
that yo- are in contro+ of the) and yo-r reactions to
the)0 &s yo# pro"ress( foc#sin" yo#r attention on positive
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tho#"hts and feelin"s becomes easier. n t#rn( ne"ative
tho#"hts and feelin"s drop away.
f yo#Rre s#fferin" from severe #n-happiness( however(
meditation can be terrifyin" as yo# are likely very afraid of
the scary tho#"hts that pla"#e yo#r mind. This is eAactly
why meditation will help yo#( beca#se it "ives yo# a chance
to cleanse yo#r mind and find peace.
f yo#Rre like many people in o#r fast-paced society( yo#
donRt know how to slow down. &ll day lon"( co#ntless
tho#"hts fly in and o#t of yo#r mind. f yo# stop and
monitor these tho#"hts( yo#Rll find that some of them are
pretty #seless( or at least not beneficial to yo#.
&s we "o thro#"h o#r daily ro#tines( more and more of
these tho#"hts arise and b#ild #p in o#r minds. 2hatRs the
res#lt3 More stress( more an"er( more fr#stration( and( of
co#rse( more #nhappiness.
So how do yo# meditate3 $o yo# need to b#y an
a#diotape that will "#ide yo# thro#"h it3 f yo# want to do
that( "o ahead( b#t Rve fo#nd the best res#lts come with
complete silence.
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Health has many aspects b#t there simply is no alternative
to optimal breathin". .or some( breathin" development is of
the #tmost importance( ri"ht now. .or others better
breathin" is an indispensable aid to s#perior health( peak
performance( and life eAtension. Consider this:
Science has proven that caner is anaerobic = it does not
s#rvive in hi"h levels of oAy"en.
Shortness of breath and heart disease are directly linked
- the heart "oes into spasm when it is deprived of
oAy"en.
St#dies have shown that there is a hi"h correlation
between hi"h blood press#re and poor breathin".
Most emotional iss#es( incl#din" breathin" related
anAiety and depression( are res#lt of the nervo#s system
bein" o#t of balance. *reathin" drives the nervo#s
system.
,ptimal *reathin" helps to promote wei"ht loss.
,Ay"en b#rns fat and calories.
*reathin" well is the key to sleepin" well and wakin"
#p feelin" rested.
*reathin" provides OOG of yo#r ener"y. 2itho#t ener"y(
nothin" works.
*reathin" is life. 8irt#ally every health condition and
h#man activity is improved with ,ptimal *reathin".
Clinical st#dies prove that oAy"en( wellness and life-
span are totally dependent on proper breathin".
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So! +earn to *reath correct+y0 .or this p#rpose( here yo#
will find three breathin" eAercises.
Breathin5 e.ercise6/0 S+o( yo-r *reathin5 do(n
Tip for instant calm. *rilliant anywhere and #sef#l in a
stressf#l sit#ation... 2atch a clock or wrist watch with a
second hand and see if yo# can breath slowly and deeply
eno#"h to red#ce yo#r breathin" ri"ht down by co#ntin" the
seconds as yo# breath in and o#t....
$onMt overdo it - start with a hi"her fi"#re
say 1I breaths( then P then 9 - breath as
slowly and f#lly as yo# can 4only do what
feels comfortable( as everyone is different5.
Sense the relaAation that occ#rs in yo#r
body and mind as yo# slow yo#r breathin"
down.
2hen yo# can breath twice in one min#te
yo# will be really relaAedW
This means breathin" in for 1@ seconds(
breathin" o#t for 1@ seconds( breathin" in
a"ain for 1@ seconds( and breathin" o#t for
another 1@ seconds. ,nly do this if it feels
comfortable - no force( no effort and no strainin".
Breathin5 e.ercise670 Centre Yo-rse+f
& s#rprisin"ly simple eAercise that also works well is to
breathe in( in one lon" slow breath and concentrate on the
area a co#ple of inches below yo#r navel 4or belly b#tton5.
This )#ickly centers yo#r whole body and relaAes yo#
immediately. Do# can do this anytime for an instant calmin"
effect.
Breathin5 e.ercise620 #88ayi Breathin5
This /??ayi breathin" is most often #sed in association with
the practice of yo"a poses. Learn this breath while seated in
a comfortable cross-le""ed position. Do# can also do it
sittin" on the chair.
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1. nhale and eAhale deeply thro#"h the mo#th.
2. ,n the eAhales( be"in to tone the back of the throat(
sli"htly constrictin" the passa"e of air. ma"ine that yo# are
fo""in" #p a pair of "lasses.
:. ,nce yo# are comfortable with the eAhale( be"in to apply
the same tonin" of the throat to the inhales. This is where
the name of the breath comes from: it so#nds like the ocean.
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The "ratit#de is a hi"hly effective way to cope with
#nhappiness( specially with depression and sadness. &bi"
reason of #nhappiness is that the person foc#ses what s6he
lacksC doesnRt foc#s what s6he has. This approach increases
disappointment. <ratit#de is the #ltimate sol#tion to this.
M&K+ & <;&TT/$+ LST
.irst of all( make a list of thin"s &llah has "iven yo#. Do#
can cate"oriBe them in different areas like( personal(
professional( family( social( etc.
K++0 & <;&TT/$+ F,/;'&L
2e often feel "ratit#de in the moment that kindness or
"enerosity is bestowed #pon #s. The problem is that we
soon for"et abo#t these moments and( especially d#rin"
dark times( we be"in to feel they never come. & "ratit#de
?o#rnal is where yo# can write down the thin"s yo# are
"ratef#l for each day. &nd when the "oin" "ets to#"h( yo#
have somethin" to remind yo# there is hope.
2;T+ & <;&TT/$+ L+TT+;
Sometimes we need to take time to think abo#t the people
in o#r lives and how they contrib#te to o#r happiness and
well-bein". nstead of ?#st tossin" the idea aro#nd in o#r
brain( write a friend a note tellin" what yo# appreciate
abo#t her presence in yo#r life. tRs not even important that
yo# "ive her or him this letterC ?#st the act of writin" it o#t
will solidify yo#r feelin"s of "ratit#de for.
M&K+ & <;&TT/$+ C;+&T,'
+Aercise yo#r artistic side by creatin" somethin" that
represents what yo# are thankf#l for. & colla"eC a sketchC or(
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if yo#Mre a more advent#ro#s artist( try a sc#lpt#re. *y
incorporatin" elements that represent thin"s yo# are
thankf#l for( yo# will have a vis#al reminder that life isnRt
all that bad.
M&K+ & <;&TT/$+ &00,'TM+'T
Set a specific time to be "ratef#l each day: when yo# wake
#p( when yo# "o to sleep or before a meal. *y settin" this
specific time( yo# will find yo#rself thinkin" all day of what
yo# are "ratef#l for( so at yo#r T "ratit#de appointment(
yo# wonRt be ca#"ht empty handed.
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Here( we are "ivin" twelve sample C*T sessions( and
"#ideline. Do# can process them in CHC trainin" and often
in real life coachin".
INTRO9#CTORY SESSION - MEETIN$
Introd!ce yo!rse"f to c"ient&
'ame( position( brief orientation on todayEs session
2. &sk the coachee or client:
2hat worries yo# most abo#t yo#rself3
:. +Aplain the p#rpose of C*T treatment.
To provide skills to mana"e depression.
9. +Aplain iss#es s#rro#ndin" confidentiality and the nat#re
of comm#nication with coachee.
+Aplain how yo# will be maintainin" confidential
the information disc#ssed d#rin" sessions. f there is
information that yo# #nderstand the coachee%s need to
know 4whether beca#se it represents a dan"er for the
coachee( or beca#se it is necessary for the coacheeEs
treatment5
+Aplain that therapy sessions are for the client( and
that at the end of treatment( there will be a meetin" the
feedback.
f d#rin" the co#rse of treatment( the client feels that
there is information that yo# sho#ld know 4i.e. if
symptoms are worsenin"( if the client has eApressed
s#icidal ideation( or if he6she has eAperienced a
si"nificant ne"ative life event5( then they sho#ld contact
yo# by phone and6or arrive @-1H min#tes earlier that the
pro"rammed therapy session to disc#ss the sit#ation.
@. +stablish the day and time of therapy sessions.
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/nderline the importance of p#nct#ality and
consistent attendance.
Tell client or his or her collea"#e that it is important
that they be at the clinic when the coacheeEs session or
appointment has been set.
nform yo#r coachee that sessions sho#ld only be
cancelled in case of emer"encies and if possible with 29
ho#rs notice.
+Aplain how this treatment has different ed#cational
and skill b#ildin" components that follow a lo"ical
se)#ence based on weekly sessions and can be affected
by fre)#ent absences or lateness.
I. 0rovide the family with telephone n#mbers were they can
reach yo#.
Clinic phone n#mbers
+mer"encies 4therapist cell phone n#mber5
J. &nswer any )#estions the coachee or client mi"ht have.
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- / -
HO3 YO#R THO#$HTS
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
ntrod#ce yo#rself sharin" relevant personal information. f
the coachee doesnEt respond( yo# can share information
similar to information yo# want yo#r coachee to share by
modelin".
2. +nco#ra"e the coachee to share personal information
s#ch as:
2here he6she was born( information abo#t his6her
history or development
Thin"s abo#t his6her family
The school he6she attends
2hat his6her principal interests are 4"oals( likes and
dislikes( hobbies5
Thin"s abo#t him6herself that they consider
important
:. &sk abo#t their main problems 4for eAample( yo# can ask
abo#t worries or diffic#lties5. Do# can also ask: K2hat
wo#ld yo# like to chan"e or improve abo#t yo#r life3L
9. 0resent the p#rpose of todayEs session.
TodayEs session has several "oals:
<et to know each other better
$isc#ss the r#les for the sessions 4see below5
Learn what #nhappiness is
Learn how yo#r tho#"hts affect the way yo# feel
The p#rpose of this session is to introd#ce yo# to the
therapy in which yo# are "oin" to participate.
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This kind of skills we provide are called NC,<'T8+-
*+H&8,;&L TH+;&0DN
o NCo"nitiveN refers to o#r tho#"hts.
o N*ehavioralN refers to o#r actions.
o /nhappiness has most to do with o#r feelin"s.
*y identifyin" tho#"hts and actions that affect o#r feelin"s(
we can learn to "ain more control over them and improve
o#r mood 4feel better5.
/se this dia"ram how we #nderstand #nhappiness to
eAplain Co"nitive *ehavioral Therapy.
.i". How we #nderstand #nhappiness
This treatment for #nhappiness consists of three therapy
levels. 2e foc#s on what is "oin" on in yo#r life ri"ht now(
in the present.
- How yo#r tho#"hts affect yo#r mood.
- How yo#r actions affect yo#r mood.
- How yo#r relationships affect yo#r mood.
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n this type of treatment we try to teach people practical
thin"s they can #se in their daily lives.
2e eApect that the most important effect of this treatment
will be to learn to #nderstand and mana"e the thin"s that
affect yo#r mood 4how yo# feel5.
5hat is #nhappiness6 5hat does it mean to %e !nhappy6
&sk this )#estion in a way that will enco#ra"e the client to
share information abo#t his6her personal eAperience.
The word #nhappiness 4or s6he may #se the words
depression( stress( anAiety5 is #sed in many ways.
/nhappiness can mean:
- a ne"ative feelin" that lasts a few min#tes
- a mood that lasts a few ho#rs or a few days
- a clinical condition that lasts for at least two weeks
- ca#ses stron" emotional s#fferin"
- makes it diffic#lt to carry o#t o#r daily activities
This treatment foc#ses on treatin" clinical #nhappiness.
J. /sin" the clients answers to the previo#s section( present
the symptoms of clinical depression inte"ratin" symptoms
that the client has said he6she eAperiences. &sk if he6she
has eAperiences any of the followin" symptoms.
0eople with clinical depression "enerally have five or more
of the followin" symptoms:
feelin" depressed or down nearly every day
not bein" interested in thin"s or #nable to en?oy thin"s
yo# #sed to en?oy
appetite and6or wei"ht chan"e 4eatin" more or less than
yo# are #sed to5
sleepin" problems 4diffic#lties fallin" asleep( wakin" #p
often( wakin" #p too early or bein" #nable to fall back
asleep( sleepin" too m#ch5
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chan"es in how fast yo# move 4either bein" too restless
or movin" very slow5
feelin" tired all the time
feelin" worthless or "#ilty
problems thinkin"( concentratin"( or makin" decisions
thinkin" abo#t death or h#rtin" yo#rself 4s#icide5
P. .ollowin" )#estions can be #sed as a "#ide for a
disc#ssion on how co"nitive-behavioral therapy can be
applied to the coacheeEs partic#lar eAperience or sit#ation:
2hat kinds of tho#"hts pass thro#"h yo#r mind when
yo# feel depressed( sad or stressed3
2hat do yo# do when yo# feel depressed or stressed3
How do yo# "et alon" with others when yo# are
depressed or stressed3
O. Close this disc#ssion on depression by reviewin" how we
#nderstand depression. Do# sho#ld #se the dia"ram = How
we #nderstand depression = #sin" information the client has
shared d#rin" the session.
1H. 'T;,$/C+ TH+ C,'C+0T ,. H,2 ,/;
TH,/<HTS &..+CT ,/; M,,$ 4H,2 2+ .++L5:
Y Havin" certain types of tho#"hts can make yo# feel more
or less depressed. *y Ktho#"htsL we mean Kthin"s that we
tell o#rselves.L
Tho#"hts can have an effect on yo#r body
Tho#"hts can have an effect on yo#r actions 4what do5
Tho#"hts can have an effect on yo#r mood 4how feel5
Y 0rovide a "ood eAample of how a tho#"ht can have an
effect on yo#r body( yo#r actions and yo#r mood. .or
eAample: Do#Ere walkin" down a deserted street and yo#
see a person walkin" )#ickly behind yo#. He looks serio#s(
he is lookin" at yo# and yo# think that he is "oin" to m#"
or rob yo#. mmediately( yo#r body( yo#r actions and yo#r
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mood react to this tho#"ht. Do# start sweatin"( yo#r heart
races( and yo# feel a knot in yo#r stomach. Do# start
lookin" over yo#r sho#lder and walkin" faster. Do# feel
nervo#s or afraid. The person reaches yo#( and )#ickly
walks past yo#( "ettin" farther and farther away. Do# think
he was ?#st in a h#rry.
11. & "ood way to think abo#t this type of therapy is that
yo# will learn specific ways to chan"e yo#r tho#"hts and
yo#r actions so that yo# feel better.
12. +Aplain the p#rpose of therapy:
The p#rpose of this therapy is to treat depression by
teachin" yo#r different ways to better control how yo# feel.
There are fo#r "oals we want to work towards:
1. To lessen or eliminate feelin"s of depression or stress
2. To shorten the time yo# feel depressed or stressed
:. To learn ways to prevent or avoid "ettin" depressed or
stressed a"ain
9. To feel more in control of yo#r life
M,$+ M+T+;
This eAercise sho#ld be "iven to yo#r client or coachee as
homework. Tell him or her that yo# will fill this lo" weekly
to know and analyBe yo#r mood day by day.
To complete it( at the end of each day( mark how yo# felt or
how yo#r mood was in "eneral for that day. .or eAample( if
it was Kthe worstL then yo# sho#ld circle n#mber 1H or OC if
is was Kre"#larL then yo# wo#ld circle n#mber @C and if is
was Kthe bestL then yo# wo#ld circle n#mber O. LetEs do
one to practice #sin" yo#r mood yesterday. /se the Mood
mometer in yo#r man#al.
*rin" it completed to neAt weekEs session. So we can
disc#ss it.
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- 7 -
HO3 YO#R THO#$HTS
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
;eview or s#mmariBe briefly the followin" concepts
disc#ssed in last se"ment 4promote client participation in
this review5:
/nhappiness 4depression( stress( anAiety( tension etc5
Co"nitive *ehavioral therapy for #nhappiness
Mood meter: How did yo# feel completin" it each day3
&ny s#rprises3
;einforce the important of completin" the mood meter
as a way to see how mood fl#ct#ates.
1. 2H&T &;+ TH,/<HTS3
&sk this open )#estion to facilitate a disc#ssion abo#t
tho#"hts. ncl#de the definition presented below:
Z Tho#"hts are ideas 4phrases or sentences5 that we tell
o#rselves. 2e are constantly talkin" to o#rselves internally(
b#t often weEre not always aware of it. t is helpf#l to think
abo#t tho#"hts as Nob?ectsN 4ideas5 that have a real effect on
o#r bodies and minds.
2. D,/; TH,/<HTS &..+CT D,/; M,,$ 4H,2
D,/ .++L5:
$ifferent types of tho#"hts prod#ce different effects on
yo#r mood. Some tho#"hts increase symptoms of
#nhappiness( while others help yo# feel better.
:. H,2 $, 0+,0L+ 2TH $+0;+SS,' TH'K3
As$ this open 4!estion promoting a %rainstorm on the
typica" tho!ghts peop"e ith !nhappiness might ha#e& -ome
of the tho!ghts generated d!ring this %rainstorm can %e
!sed "ater on and c"assified according to the fo""oing
materia"&
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,f these tho#"hts yo# mentioned( which ones have yo#
had3
0eople with depression tend to have different types of
ne"ative tho#"hts 4infleAible( ?#d"mental( destr#ctive and
#nnecessary5. Do# can #se the contrast between the different
types of tho#"hts.
'+<&T8+ Tho#"hts are all tho#"hts that make yo# feel
bad( for eAample: K am always "oin" to feel depressedL or
K am #seless.L
0,ST8+ Tho#"hts make yo# feel better( for eAample: K
can do thin"s to feel better.L K am "ettin" better each day.L
'.L+U*L+ Tho#"hts are tho#"hts that are ri"id(
tho#"hts that donEt chan"e. .or eAample( a depressed
person mi"ht think: KEm the only one they ask to do thin"s
at o#r ho#se.L K canEt do anythin" ri"ht.L
.L+U*L+ tho#"ht that co#ld help avoid depressed
feelin"s co#ld be: KMy parents almost always ask me to do
thin"s( b#t sometimes they ask my sister.L KThere are lots of
times when do thin"s ri"ht.L
F/$<M+'T&L Tho#"hts are ne"ative tho#"hts abo#t
o#rselves. .or eAample( a depressed person mi"ht think:
KEm #"lyL or KEm a loserL.
& non ?#d"mental fleAible tho#"ht co#ld be: K mi"ht not be
the most attractive person in the 2orld( b#t Em not the
#"liest.L K have )#alities that make me a nice personN or K
canMt please everybody.N
$+ST;/CT8+ Tho#"hts harm #s. .or eAample( K am
worthless.L( K'othin" do comes o#t ri"ht.L( KEve made so
many mistakes thereEs no way to solve my problems.L
Constr#ctive tho#"hts help yo# feel better. .or eAample( K
can learn to control my life so can do what really want.L
/''+C+SS&;D Tho#"hts donEt chan"e anythin" and they
make #s feel bad. .or eAample( K& h#rricane is "oin" to hit
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#sL or Ksomethin" bad is "oin" to happen to my parentsL or
KtheyEre not "oin" to "ive me permission to "oL.
'+C+SS&;D Tho#"hts remind yo# of the thin"s yo# have
to do( s#ch as: K have to do my homework to improve my
"radesL or KMom asked me to do the dishes before "oin" to
the party.L
9. H,2 $, 0+,0L+ 2H, &;+'ET $+0;+SS+$
TH'K3
ll#strate the differences between tho#"hts that depressed
people have vers#s tho#"hts that people who arenEt
depressed have.
TH+D C&' S++ TH+ 0,ST8+ S$+ ,. TH'<S
o $epressed: KMy family is a disaster.L KEm st#pid.N
o .leAible: KMy family has their problems( b#t they also
have "ood thin"s.L Kf can create "ood st#dy habits can
improve my "rades.L
$,'ET $+.'+ TH+MS+L8+S *D TH+; MST&K+S(
TH+D L+&;' .;,M TH+M
o $epressed: KThe coach p#lled me o#t of the "ame( Em
#seless.L( K "ot an .( am a loser.L
o .leAible: KToday had a bad day( didnEt play too well.
Ell have to practice a bit more.L KMath isnEt my
stron"est s#b?ect( b#t can work hard on eAtra credit
assi"nments to improve my "rade.L
TH+D H&8+ H,0+ .,; CH&'<+
o $epressed: K'othin" has ever helped.L( K'othin" will
ever chan"e.L
o .leAible: K'one of the thin"s have tried #p to now
have helped( b#t this is new and it co#ld be a "ood time
to start to feel better.L K co#ld start chan"in" some
thin"s that are #nder my control.L KEm "oin" to keep
tryin" #ntil find a sol#tion.L
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@. L+&;''< T, $+'T.D $..+;+'T TD0+S ,.
H&;M./L ,; C,/'T+;0;,$/CT8+ TH,/<HTS:
$isc#ss the List of Thinkin" +rrors:
2e are "oin" to disc#ss different types of ne"ative
tho#"hts( or ways of lookin" at thin"s that happen to #s(
that are harmf#l beca#se they make #s feel bad beca#se
they are not based on facts or they distort reality.
,ead and disc!ss each type of tho!ght& Ma$e s!re the
ado"escent !nderstands each tho!ght category& One ay to
ma$e s!re is as$ing him7her to pro#ide an e(amp"e of each
tho!ght after disc!ssing each thin$ing sty"e&
&LL ,; ',TH'< TH'K'<: This is when yo# look at
thin"s as if they were completely "ood or completely bad.
.or eAample( if yo# make a mistake doin" somethin"( yo#
think all yo#r work was #seless. Do# mi"ht think( NEm not
even "oin" to try o#t for the team beca#se Ell never "et
picked.L ,r K canEt do anythin" ri"ht.L
M+'T&L .LT+;: This is when yo# take a sin"le ne"ative
event and yo# foc#s on it in s#ch a way that yo# see
everythin" as ne"ative and think everythin" is "oin" wron".
t also refers to makin" or seein" thin"s as bi""er than they
really are. .or eAample( Na patient came into treatment one
day and told #s that he had seen a dead bird on the sidewalk
and it made him feel really bad. He had walked thro#"h a
bea#tif#l "arden( f#ll of trees and flowers and all he saw
was the dead bird.L
&nother eAample( K&n art st#dent received a constr#ctive
criticism on her artwork from her teacher. He only
s#""ested that she chan"e the color on one of the ed"es of
the canvas. *eca#se of this comment( the st#dent tho#"ht
she wasnEt a "ood artist.
$SC,/'T'< TH+ 0,ST8+: This is when yo# donEt
notice positive thin"s that happen. Do# only see the
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ne"ative thin"s. ,r yo# when positive thin"s happen they
seem less important to yo# than they really are. .or
eAample( yo# mi"ht believe that nobody likes yo# to the
eAtent that if someone is nice to yo#( yo# think that
somethin" m#st be wron" with that person. ,r if someone
tells yo# how "ood yo# look( yo# think he or she says it ?#st
so yo# wonMt feel bad.
F/M0'< T, TH+ 2;,'< C,'CL/S,'S: This is
when yo# come to concl#sions too )#ickly and yo# see the
ne"ative side of thin"s. There are two types: mind readin"
and fort#ne tellin".
M'$ ;+&$'<: This is when yo# ass#me what someone
is thinkin" witho#t really knowin". .or eAample( yo# see
that someone is an"ry and yo# think the person doesnMt like
yo# or that the person is an"ry with yo#. t mi"ht well be
that the person is havin" his6her own diffic#lties.
,ther eAamples: N$ad thinks Mm st#pidN or Kthe coach
wonEt let me play anymore beca#se didnEt score in the
"ame( he thinks am a bad player.L
.,;T/'+-T+LL'<: This is when yo# feel and predict
that only disasters and tra"edies will happen to yo# in the
f#t#re. .or eAample( NMm "oin" to fl#nk o#t of schoolN or N
wonMt have any friends at my new schoolN or N'o oneEs
"oin" to want to talk with me at the partyN or NMm not "oin"
to the interview beca#se Mll never be picked.N
T&K'< D,/; .++L'<S T,, S+;,/SLD: This is
when yo# think that yo#r feelin"s are the only version of
reality. .or eAample( yo# think( N feel so sad that it proves
what a disaster amN or NEm so lonely that my life has no
meanin".N K am always bored so other people probably
seem me as a borin" person.L
SH,/L$S60+;.+CCT,'SM: This is when yo# try to
motivate yo#rself with sho#ldsC that is( with what yo#
believe people sho#ld or have to do or say. +ven if there are
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thin"s yo# need to do( itEs important to be caref#l not to
have #nrealistic( eAcessive or infleAible eApectations for
yo#rself. .or eAample( yo# mi"ht think( N sho#ld "et all &s
in schoolN or NMy Mom sho#ld pay attention to me all the
timeN or Kmy friend sho#ld always "o o#t with me
whenever want.L 2hen yo# tell yo#rself yo# sho#ld( yo#
feel "#ilty. tEs better to do thin"s the best yo# can and
beca#se yo# want to( not beca#se yo# feel "#ilty.
2hen yo# think Rsho#ldsE abo#t other people( yo# "et an"ry
and fr#strated if they donEt do thin"s the way yo# eApect
them to.
L&*+L'< D,/;S+L. ,; ,TH+;S: ,nly beca#se yo#
make one mistake( yo# start to think yo#Mre a loser. .or
eAample( yo# mi"ht say( N yelled at Mom( Em a bad
da#"hterN or NEm st#pid beca#se have bad "radesN or NMm
#"ly.N Do# mi"ht also label others: NThe teacher is st#pid
beca#se she scolded me.N KSheEs a traitor beca#se now she
han"s o#t with other friends besides me.L
*L&M'< D,/;S+L.: This is when yo# blame yo#rself
for the ne"ative thin"s that happen aro#nd yo# and over
which yo# have no control. .or eAample( if somethin" bad
happens to one of yo#r family members or friends( yo# feel
as if it was yo#r fa#lt beca#se yo# co#ldnEt prevent it. ,r if
yo#r parents "et divorced( yo# feel it was yo#r fa#lt beca#se
they were always ar"#in" in front of yo#.
LST ,. '+<&T8+ TH,/<HTS 4#se separate
worksheet5
LST ,. 0,ST8+ TH,/<HTS 4#se separate worksheet5
- 2 -
#SIN$ YO#R THO#$HTS
www.kamyaby.or"
TO CHAN$E YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Se"ment 2 4promote client participation in this
review5:
Mood-meter
Types of tho#"hts people who are depressed have.
List of 0ositive and 'e"ative Tho#"hts 2hat are some
of the tho#"hts yo# had this past week3
1. 'C;+&S'< TH,/<HTS TH&T M0;,8+ D,/;
M,,$
ST,0 +8+;DTH'< D,/; &;+ $,'<
2hen we feel nervo#s we can take a break and mentally
"ive o#rselves a time o#t. Let yo#r mind relaA and take a
deep breath. 0ay attention to yo#r bodyEs nat#ral ability to
relaA and feel at peace. .eelin" at peace can "ive yo#
ener"y.
Do# lead the coachee in a relaAation eAercise after
disc#ssin" this point
. 0ick the eAercise yo# feel most comfortable leadin". Do#
can #se so#nds or m#sic to help relaAation.
'C;+&S+ TH+ '/M*+; ,. 0,ST8+ TH,/<HTS
' D,/; M'$
Make a list of "ood tho#"hts yo# have abo#t yo#rself and
abo#t life in "eneral.
0rovide yo#r coachee with a blank sheet of paper to do this
eAercise( and disc#ss it afterwards.
C,'<;&T/L&T+ D,/;S+L. M+'T&LLD
,ther people do not notice most of the thin"s we do.
Therefore( it is important for #s to acknowled"e them and
"ive o#rselves credit for doin" them.
Do# can ask the client to identify a reason to con"rat#late
him6herself mentally.
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0;,F+CT,' 'T, TH+ ./T/;+
ma"ine yo#rself in the f#t#re( at a time when thin"s will be
better.
&sk the coachee to ima"ine his6her f#t#re in 1( @ and 1H
years. +nco#ra"e him6her to ima"ine it as detailed as
possible [i.e.( places( people( activities( etc.\.
The eAercise can be oral or written.
$+C;+&S'< TH,/<HTS TH&T M&K+ /S .++L
*&$
'T+;;/0T D,/; TH,/<HTS
2hen a tho#"ht is r#inin" yo#r mood( we can identify it
and try to interr#pt it.
.irst( identify the tho#"ht. 'eAt( tell yo#rself: KThis tho#"ht
is r#inin" my mood( so am "oin" to chan"e it or s#bstit#te
it for a positive one.L
TM+ T, 2,;;D
Set aside Ntime to worryN each day so that yo# can
concentrate completely on necessary tho#"hts and leave the
rest of the day free of worries. The Ntime to worryN can be
1H to :H min#tes each day.
L&/<H &T D,/; 0;,*L+MS *D +U&<<+;&T'<
TH+M
f yo# have a "ood sense of h#mor( try to la#"h at yo#r
worries. f yo# feel yo# donEt have a "ood sense of h#mor(
try to do it any way yo# can. Sometimes this can take away
the pain of certain hardships.
.or eAample( yo# can ask the adolescent whatEs the most
embarrassin" that has ever happened to him6her.
C,'S$+; TH+ 2,;ST TH&T C,/L$ H&00+'
,ften some of the fears we have abo#t what co#ld
happen make #s feel depressed and they paralyBe #s.
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To help yo# stop makin" ne"ative predictions and
prepare yo#rself for what co#ld happen( itEs #sef#l to
ask yo#rself = 2hat co#ld happen if ]]]]3 ,r what
wo#ld really be the worst thin" that co#ld happen if]]3
;emember that the worst thin" that co#ld happen is
only one of many possibilities and ?#st beca#se itEs the
worst doesnEt mean that is the most probable.
tEs "ood to ask yo#rself whether yo#Ere eAa""eratin"
what co#ld happen. Maybe none of the thin"s yo# fear
will happen( b#t if yo# consider the different
possibilities yo#Ell be better prepared.
o &n eAample( yo# have failin" "rades in several classes.
Do#r parents are press#rin" yo# and yo#Ere afraid of
fl#nkin" yo#r "rade. Do# co#ld think = what is the worst
that co#ld happen if fail3 ,ne possibility is that yo#Ell
have to take t#torin" or repeat a class d#rin" the
s#mmer and yo#r parents will be #pset. Do# wo#ld feel
bad and possibly yo#r parents wo#ld be #pset for some
time( b#t yo# co#ld handle it( and resides( yo# co#ld
review the material yo# didnEt learn so well in order to
"et better "rades neAt year.
*+'< D,/; ,2' T;&'+;: F#st as we can help
someone to do somethin" diffic#lt by coachin" them or
"ivin" them instr#ctions( we can help o#rselves by coachin"
o#rselves. This is what we mean by learnin" to feel better.
0;&CTC+ TM+: 'ow let #s think of some eAamples of
how to #se these ideas. Think abo#t how to #se the
eAamples with the tho#"hts yo# have had this week.
- 4 -
HO3 YO#R THO#$HTS
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
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disc#ssed in Session : 4promote coachee%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
List of 0ositive and 'e"ative Tho#"hts - 2hat are some
of the tho#"hts yo# had last week3
2hat strate"ies did yo# #se to increase positive
tho#"hts and decrease ne"ative ones3
1. $+*&T'<6$S0/T'< D,/; '+<&T8+
TH,/<HTS = TH+ &-*-C-$ M+TH,$.
2hen yo# feel depressed( ask yo#rself what yo# are
thinkin". Then try to talk back to the tho#"ht that is
botherin" or h#rtin" yo#.
& is the &ctivatin" eventC what happened
* is the *elief or the tho#"ht that yo# are havin"C that is(
what yo# tell yo#rself abo#t what is happenin"
C is the Conse)#ence of yo#r tho#"htC that is( the feelin"
yo# have as a res#lt of yo#r tho#"ht
$ is the way in which yo# $isp#te or talk back to yo#r
tho#"ht 4this means that yo# challen"e ne"ative tho#"hts
and "enerate alternate positive tho#"hts5
n these eAamples( yo# can #se the &*C$ method in the
followin" way 4itEs better to #se eAamples from the clientEs
eAperiences5:
& My $ad didnEt come for me this weekend 4this is a fact5.
* Some of the tho#"hts yo# mi"ht have abo#t this fact are:
KMy dad doesnEt care abo#t meL( KMy $ad doesnEt want to
spend time with meL
C The conse)#ence of thinkin" these tho#"hts is feelin"
mad( sad and disappointed.
$ can talk to these tho#"hts in the followin" way: NMy
$ad cancelled beca#se of problems he has with my MomL(
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KMy $ad has always shown me in other ways that even
loves me even if he canEt spend a lot of time with me.L
+Aample:
& My best friend doesnEt ret#rn my call.
* Some tho#"hts yo# mi"ht have abo#t this fact are: KShe
doesnEt want to talk to meL( or Khe doesnEt want to be my
friend anymoreL( Kyo# canEt tr#st anyone.L
C The conse)#ence of these tho#"hts is feelin" mad( sad
and hopeless. &nother conse)#ence mi"ht be that when yo#
do mana"e to talk to her( yo# treat her badly 4yo#Ere
sarcastic or yo# "ive her the silent treatment5.
can talk to these tho#"hts in the followin" manner:L She
mi"ht be b#syL( KMaybe she didnEt "et the messa"e.L KEll
wait to talk to her to find o#t what happened.L
+Aample:
& have an . in two classes and itEs already mid-semester.
* Em st#pid( canEt do anythin" ri"ht. Em "oin" to have
to repeat the 1H th "rade. Em never "oin" to be able to
st#dy or work at what want.
C felt sad( fr#strated and mad.
$ still have the chance to find opport#nities to p#ll #p my
"rades( s#ch as doin" eAtra credit work or findin" a t#tor.
mi"ht have to repeat the class d#rin" the s#mmer( b#t it
doesnEt mean wonEt "rad#ate( or be able to do what want.
Em smart and there are some classes that are harder for me
than others.
+Aample: & My friend d#mped me.
* Em #"ly( did somethin" wron"( sho#ld have done
everythin" he wanted me to. 'o other "#y will ever like me.
C felt awf#l and cried a lot. locked myself in my room.
$ tEs better that be with someone who loves and
appreciates me. The relationship with him didnEt work( b#t
itEs not necessarily somethin" did or didnEt do.
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2. +UC+;CS+S 2TH TH+ &*C$ M+TH,$
2hen yo# feel depressed ask yo#rself what yo#Ere
thinkin". Then try to talk back to the tho#"ht thatEs
botherin" yo#.
/sin" the worksheet titled 2orkin" with the &*C$ Method
in the participantEs man#al( #se a sit#ation that the coachee
has bro#"ht #p in therapy to practice the
&*C$ method.
:. S,M+ TH,/<HTS TH&T C&' C,'T;*/T+ T,
.++L'< $+0;+SS+$
The followin" tho#"hts are tho#"hts that people with
depression commonly have and can make them feel worse.
<enerate a disc#ssion in which yo# and the coachee chan"e
or modify the followin" tho#"hts to more positive and
fleAible ones. .ollowin" each ne"ative tho#"ht are
eAamples of alternate tho#"hts. ,ne way of doin" this
eAercise is readin" each one o#t lo#d and modelin" for the
coachee how to chan"e it to a more positive( fleAible one.
&fterwards yo# can ask the coachee to do the same with the
neAt tho#"ht on the list.
K+veryone sho#ld love6like me.L( K'ot everyone has to
like me.L( K have people who love me very m#ch.L
K sho#ld do everythin" ri"ht all of the timeL( K want to
do thin"s the best way possible.L( KEm "oin" to do the
best can.L K do lots of thin"s ri"ht.L
K am a bad person.L
K make mistakes ?#st like everybody else( and that doesnEt
mean Em bad.L( K can learn from my mistakesL
K+verybody makes mistakes.L
K will feel awf#l if thin"s donEt happen the way want
them to.L( KThin"s arenEt always "oin" to t#rn o#t the
way Ed like.L
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K sho#ld worry abo#t the bad thin"s that can happen.L(
KThereEs no point in worryin" abo#t thin"s have no
control overL K donEt know what mi"ht happen in the
f#t#re.L
K'obody loves me.L( K mi"ht feel re?ected ri"ht now
b#t it doesnEt mean donEt have people who love me.L
KEll never be able to be happy.L( K feel #nhappy ri"ht
now( b#t thin"s can "et better.L
K sho#ld feel bad when people care abo#t are havin" a
hard time.L( KtEs important to s#pport the people love
when theyEre havin" a hard time( b#t feelin" bad wonEt
help solve their problems.L
K need everyoneMs approval to feel "ood abo#t
myself.L( K can feel "ood even tho#"h other people
donEt a"ree with the thin"s do.L
K have to be pop#lar and accepted by my friends to feel
like am worth somethin".L( K canEt eApect everyone to
like me the important thin" is to have "ood friends.L
KMy family s#ffers beca#se of me.L( KThere are
problems in my family that canEt control.L K*lamin"
myself isnEt "oin" to solve o#r problems.L
KtEs my responsibility to solve the people loveEs
problems.L( KtEs not my responsibility to solve other
peopleEs problems( b#t can s#pport them.L K help with
what can.L
;+8+2 ,. TH+ TH,/<HTS M,$/L+
2hat did yo# learn3
2,;K'< 2TH TH+ &-*-C-$ M+TH,$
www.kamyaby.com
&. &ctivatin" event 42hat
happened35
C. Conse)#ence 4How did yo#
react35
*. *elief 4Do#r tho#"hts and
beliefs abo#t what happened( what
yo# told yo#rself abo#t what
happened and had an effect on
yo#r reaction5
$. $ebate or disp#te the *elief
4&lternate tho#"hts that co#ld help
yo# react in a healthier way5
- : -
HO3 YO#R ACTIVITIES
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session 9 4promote coachee%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
List of 0ositive and 'e"ative Tho#"hts
The &-*-C-$ Method
n this treatment we work with tho#"hts( activities and
relationships to improve o#r mood or how we feel. n
the mod#le weEll be startin" today we will be workin"
with activities and how they affect how we feel.
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1. TH+ &CT8T+S TH&T 2+ $, &..+CT ,/;
M,,$: TH;,/<H ,/; &CT8+S 2+ C&' T+LL
H,2 2+ .++L.
The fewer pleasant activities people do( the more depressed
they feel.
$o yo# stop doin" thin"s beca#se yo# feel depressed3 or
$o yo# feel depressed beca#se yo# stop doin" thin"s3
The most probable answer is *,TH:
The fewer thin"s yo# do( the more depressed yo# feel. The
more depressed yo# feel( the fewer thin"s yo# do. This is
called a N8icio#s Cycle.N
To break the vicio#s cycle yo# can increase those activities
that make yo# feel better.
These activities can be called NpleasantN( Nenco#ra"in"N(
Ninspirin"N( etc. 2e call them Npleasant.N
2. 0L+&S&'T &CT8T+S $, ',T H&8+ T, *+
S0+C&L &CT8T+S 4&LTH,/<H TH+D C&' *+5.
*y pleasant activities we are referrin" mostly to
everyday activities 4i.e. listen to relaAin" m#sic( watch
nat#re( read a book( talk on the phone( etc.5.
:. Sometimes it is hard to think abo#t what we consider
pleasant( especially if we havenMt done it in a lon" time.
2hen we are depressed( it is even harder to remember
pleasant thin"s. To help yo# we #se a List of 0leasant
&ctivities. 2hat activities do yo# en?oy3 2hen yo# feel
depressed( are there thin"s yo# stop doin"3
9. .or the neAt week( yo# will keep a daily record of the
n#mber of pleasant activities yo# do. /se the List of
0leasant &ctivities by p#ttin" a mark neAt to each pleasant
activity yo# do every day.
0ersonaliBe yo#r list. f any of the activities do not apply to
yo#( leave it blank or p#t a line thro#"h it. Do# probably
have never done this before in yo#r life. Lots of people find
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this eAercise interestin" and #sef#l. This week yo# donEt
have to do anythin" other than what yo# #s#ally do.
F#st identify the pleasant activities that yo# do each day of
this week. *y doin" this( yo#Ell learn somethin" abo#t how
yo#r daily activities affect how yo# feel.
@. S,M+TM+S ,*ST&CL+S <+T ' TH+ 2&D ,.
,/; $,'< C+;T&' 0L+&S&'T &CT8T+S.
2hat obstacles or thin"s prevent yo# from doin" pleasant
activities3 &sk for specific eAamples of obstacles to doin"
pleasant activities. Some obstacles to workin" with pleasant
activities are:
D,/; TH,/<HTS:
o 2hat kind of tho#"hts help yo# en?oy an
activity3
o 2hat tho#"hts make it hard for yo# to en?oy
an activity3
o Have yo# ever en?oyed an activity that yo#
tho#"ht yo# wo#ldnEt3
0+,0L+:
o How have other people made it hard for yo#
to en?oy a pleasant activity3
I. &t the end of each day( mark each of the activities on the
List of 0leasant &ctivities that yo# did that day. Co#nt the
total n#mber of marks yo# have at the end of each day.
*rin" the list to o#r neAt session.
LST ,. 0L+&S&'T &CT8T+S 4#se separate
worksheet5
- ; -
HO3 YO#R ACTIVITIES
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
www.kamyaby.or"
disc#ssed in Session @ 4promote client participation in this
review5:
Mood-meter
List of 0leasant &ctivities. How did yo# feel keepin"
track of yo#r activities3 How many did yo# do each
day3
More information on pleasant activities:
1. How can pleasant activities help yo# feel better3
Do# can make reference to the dia"ram that represents the
interaction between o#r tho#"hts( actions and feelin"s.
t is not eno#"h to say to yo#rself( N.eel betterWN t is often
easier to chan"e the thin"s yo# do. f yo# chan"e the thin"s
yo# do( yo# can also chan"e the way yo# feel.
2. ;emember that:
0leasant activities do not necessarily have to be special
activities( altho#"h they can be special. 0leasant
activities are often ordinary activities that we en?oy.
Some eAamples are watchin" the s#n set( readin" a
book( talkin" to a friend( play sports( "oin" to a park(
smellin" a flower( drawin" or paintin"( listenin" to
m#sic.
0leasant activities can be different for different people.
.or eAample( some people find readin" a book while
alone is a very pleasant activity. ,ther people can find
bein" in a noisy and crowded shoppin" center f#n.
:. t is important to have an ade)#ate n#mber of pleasant
activities in order to feel "ood.
2e feel o#r best when o#r activities are well-balanced
between thin"s we Khave to doL and thin"s we Kwant to
doL. Since we have more control over the thin"s we
want to do( it is important to keep these activities in
mind and do them.
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2hat are some of the thin"s yo# have to do3 2hat
thin"s do yo# do beca#se yo# en?oy them3 $o yo# have
a "ood balance3
9. The problem with thin"s that p#t demands on yo#r time
and the need for doin" pleasant activities.
,ften it is hard to create a balance between thin"s we
have to do and thin"s we want to do. ,ne sol#tion to
deal with this problem is plannin" o#r time.
+Aplore whether the coachee keeps an a"enda or date book
of this weekly activities. &fterwards present and disc#ss the
advanta"es of #sin" a 2eekly &ctivities Sched#le. 0ractice
#sin" the worksheet titled 2eekly &ctivities Sched#le by
askin" him6her to write down the activities he6she does on a
daily basis and the time he6she does them. +nco#ra"e
him6her to #se it d#rin" the week.
0lannin" and pro"rammin" yo#r activities is a way to
"ain more control over yo#r life.
@. $oin" pleasant activities witho#t spendin" a lot of
money.
+Aercise: Make a list of pleasant activities that the coachee
can do that donEt cost a lot.
I. &nticipatin" problems.
+Aercise: .rom the List of 0leasant &ctivities choose one
that yo# wo#ld like to do.
LetEs think of thin"s that mi"ht prevent yo# from doin" that
activity so that yo# can prepare for possible problems and
plan for sol#tions so that they donEt interfere with yo#r
activity.
$o this eAercise yo# sho#ld consider the followin"
)#estions:
How can yo# or"aniBe and plan yo#r time3
How can yo# #se yo#r tho#"hts to help yo# plan and
en?oy this activity3
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2hat co#ld be a potential obstacle to doin" this
activity3
How can we mana"e this6these obstacle4s53
J. Do# are "oin" to make a &ersona+ Contract. 0ick a
pleasant activity that yo# can do this week and establish a
reward for yo#rself if yo# do it.
- < -
HO3 YO#R ACTIVITIES
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session I 4promote coachee%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
List of 0leasant &ctivities
2eekly &ctivities Sched#le
0ersonal contract and 0rediction of 0leasant &ctivities
2hat we hope yo# will learn from this eAperiment is:
Do# donMt need to wait #ntil yo# Nfeel like doin"
somethin"N to do it.
Do# can choose to do somethin" and really do it.
Do# can en?oy certain activities even if yo# tho#"ht they
wo#ldnMt be f#n.
Do# can infl#ence yo#r mood with yo#r activities. The
more yo# practice doin" this( the more control yo# will
have over yo#r mood.
Creatin" yo#r own plan for overcomin" depression - ,ne
way is by establishin" "oals.
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1. 2H&T &;+ <,&LS3 How can reachin" "oals help yo#
feel better3 &sk these )#estions to promote a disc#ssion.
2. TH+;+ &;+ S+8+;&L TD0+S ,. <,&LS:
SH,;T T+;M <,&LS: Thin"s yo#Ed like to do soon. 4say
in the neAt I months5
L,'< T+;M <,&LS: Thin"s yo#Ed like to do at some
point in yo#r life.
L.+TM+ <,&LS: Do#r life philosophy. 2hat do yo#
care most abo#t in life3
:. $+'T.D'< <,&LS = 2H&T &;+ D,/; <,&LS3
&sk the coachee to write down his short term( lon" term and
lifetime "oals on the worksheet 0ersonal <oals. /se one of
the "oals he6she wrote to disc#ss how to establish "oals
#sin" the followin" "#ides.
9. S+TT'< CL+&;( C,'C;+T+ <,&LS:
Set clear( concrete "oals so that yo# can be s#re of
when yo#Eve reached them.
*;+&K $,2' D,/; *< <,&LS 'T, SM&LL+;
0&;TS:
Make s#re that each part can be achieved witho#t
too m#ch effort. f yo#r "oal is to be a "ood baseball
player( then yo# co#ld start by findin" o#t were the
nearest baseball park is and what times yo# can practice.
2hich one of yo#r "oals co#ld yo# divide into
smaller parts3
I. S+TT'< ;+&LSTC <,&LS:
t is often diffic#lt to determine beforehand whatEs
realistic and whatEs not.
2hatEs not realistic today can be realistic in the f#t#re.
However( if yo# find yo# canMt meet most of yo#r "oals
now( then they are probably not realistic for yo# at this
time.
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$o yo# think yo#r "oals are realistic3
+val#ate with the adolescent whether he6she can reach
his6her "oal takin" into consideration his6her: abilities(
reso#rces( motivation( etc.
J. 2H&T &;+ S,M+ ,. TH+ ,*ST&CL+S TH&T
0;+8+'T D,/ .;,M &CH+8'< D,/; <,&LS3
&fter disc#ssin" the eAercise( ask the coachee to identify
possible obstacles to achievin" his6her "oals.
P. T, M&K+ CH&'<+S ' ,/; L8+S( S,M+TM+S
2+ '++$ T, M&K+ CH&'<+S ' ,/; <,&LS:
Thin"s that are realistic mi"ht become #nrealistic.
.or eAample: & client plays volleyball and heEd like to play
in a ma?or lea"#e. He h#rts her knee badly d#rin" a "ame(
and he canEt keep playin" that sport. However( maybe he
can become a volleyball coach or assistant coach.
Thin"s that were #nrealistic mi"ht become realistic.
.or eAample: &n coachee wanted to be able to drive his
motherEs car. His mother told him that he still wasnEt old
eno#"h to do so. He felt like he wo#ld never "et to drive( he
saw it as so far away.
.inally he t#rned 1I and his mom let him drive #nder her
s#pervision.
&sk the client if he6she can come #p with another eAample.
f a chan"e occ#rs in yo#r life that re)#ires a chan"e in
"oals( then maybe yo#Ell have to:
o +n?oy activities in new ways
o $evelop new interests( abilities and activities.
O. T, H+L0 ,8+;C,M+ /'H&00'+SS:
+stablish realistic "oals.
;eco"niBe the positive thin"s yo# do to reach them.
Con"rat#late and reward yo#rself mentally and in real
life.
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- = -
HO3 YO#R ACTIVITIES
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session J 4promote coachee%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
2eekly &ctivities Sched#le
List of personal "oals
$+0;+SS,' &'$ TH+ H+&LTHD M&'&<+M+'T
,. ;+&LTD
0resent the coachee with several pict#res and ask what
he6she sees3 These pict#res can be interpreted in different
ways = all of them correct. 0romote a disc#ssion abo#t the
pict#res and how different perceptions can be had of each
one. The p#rpose is to ill#strate the difference between the
ob?ective and the s#b?ective world( and how o#r perceptions
abo#t the same thin" or event can be different from that of
other people.
1. 2+ L8+ ' T2, 2,;L$S:
15 The ob?ective world 4the world o#tside( everythin"
o#tside of #s5
.or eAample( the places( people and events aro#nd #s that
we canEt chan"e 4where we live( the workplace we "o to(
who are parents are5.
25 The s#b?ective 4internal5 world 4o#r internal world(
whatEs inside o#r minds5 for eAample( o#r tho#"hts( beliefs(
wishes( feelin"s and dreams 4how we perceive what we do
and what happens to #s5.
2. TH+S+ T2, 2,;L$S &;+ ,/; ;+&LTD. The key
to feelin" emotionally healthy is:
www.kamyaby.or"
To learn how to mana"e these two parts of o#r reality.
The ob?ective world( "enerally speakin"( we canEt
chan"e( b#t we can learn ways to mana"e it in a way
that it doesnEtE affect how we feel so m#ch.
.or eAample( yo# canEt chan"e the fact that yo#r parents are
"oin" clash( b#t yo# can chan"e the way yo# react to it. Do#
can isolate yo#rself( be mad at them( or think itEs yo#r fa#lt.
Do# can also find a friend to talk to( think that yo#r parents
are ad#lts and they m#st know why they made that decision(
and try to do pleasant activities that can help make yo# feel
better. Do# can see the possible positive side to this( which
co#ld be that they are happier and there is more peace at
home.
,n the other hand( we can have more control over o#r
s#b?ective world. 2hen people are depressed( the often
perceive their s#b?ective world as the only reality.
.or eAample( remember when we talked abo#t thinkin"
errors. f yo# donEt chan"e yo#r ne"ative tho#"hts( yo#
mi"ht think they are the only reality and that will contin#e
to make yo# feel depressed.
:. ', ,'+ C,M0L+T+LD C,'T;,LS TH+S+ T2,
2,;L$S. H,2+8+;( D,/ C&' L+&;' T, H&8+
M,;+ C,'T;,L ,8+; D,/; S/*F+CT8+ 2,;L$
&'$ $+'T.D 2&DS T, M&'&<+ TH+ ,*F+CT8+
2,;L$.
2hen people are #nhappy( they feel that have no
control( that thereEs nothin" they can do to feel better.
However( thin"s can always chan"e and improve.
9. TH+;+ &;+ 2&DS T, .++L D,/ H&8+ M,;+
C,'T;,L &'$ .++L L+SS $+0;+SS+$.
&LT+;'&T8+S
Sometimes we find o#rselves in sit#ations in which itEs
hard to make decisions beca#se we donEt see
alternatives or we only see one. t can also happen that
www.kamyaby.com
we feel we donEt have any alternatives when thin"s
donEt happen the way we want them to. ,n these
occasions it helps to consider all the alternatives and not
to foc#s on that fact that yo# donEt have what yo# really
wanted.
The more alternatives yo# have( the more freedom
yo#Ell have.
Have yo# ever fo#nd yo#rself in sit#ations s#ch as
these3
f the client doesnEt provide an eAample( yo# can present
him6her with one of the followin" sit#ations( askin" them to
provide alternatives to them:
o- & "#y yo# donEt have romantic feelin"s for invites yo# to
a party( b#t yo# en?oy his company as a friend. Do# want to
ask a "#y yo# really like or hope that he asks yo#.
o- Do#r friends invite yo# to "o o#t( b#t yo#r mom asked
yo# to help yo#r "randfather c#t the "rass beca#se he hasnEt
felt well lately and canEt do it alone.
TH'K'< TH&T TH+ 2,;L$ S M&$+ /0 ,.
CH/'KS ,. TM+
tEs common when people feel depressed for them to
think theyEre always "oin" to feel that way. They can
also think that their depression wonEt "o away #nless
somethin" in the ob?ective world chan"es. f yo# see the
world as little ch#nks of time that yo# decide what to do
with( yo# can feel more in control and take action to
overcome yo#r depression.
*e caref#l of tellin" yo#rself:
o- K canEt en?oy life #ntil ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]L.
.or eAample( if yo# tell yo#rself:
o- K canEt en?oy life #ntil my depression "oes awayL(
consider thinkin" = K can feel better every day if do the
thin"s have been learnin".L
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o- N wonEt be happy #ntil have many friends.L = consider
thinkin" = K can en?oy spendin" time with my friends and
meetin" new people.L
Have yo# ever had these kinds of tho#"hts3
K canEt en?oy life #ntil ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]].L
2hat can yo# do to chan"e that type of tho#"ht to one s#ch
as:
KTo en?oy my life am "oin" to ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]].L
@. M&K'< D,/; T2, 2,;L$S H+&LTH+; .,;
D,/.
Makin" yo#r o#tside world healthier.
2hat thin"s in yo#r o#tside world are contrib#tin" to
yo#r depression3
2hat can yo# do abo#t them now3
o- LetEs talk abo#t yo#r alternatives. Mention two
alternatives 4concrete actions5 that yo# have to mana"e the
o#tside world.
o- LetEs talk abo#t yo#r time. How do yo# #se yo#r time to
reach those alternatives3
Makin" yo#r inside or internal world healthier.
2hat thin"s in yo#r internal world are contrib#tin" to
yo#r depression3 Do# can ask the client whether there
are still ne"ative tho#"hts that he6she has often( and
work with these tho#"ht in alternatives and time
4below5.
2hat can yo# do abo#t them now3
o- LetEs talk abo#t yo#r alternatives. Mention two
alternatives 4concrete
actions5 that yo# have to mana"e yo#r internal world.
o- LetEs talk abo#t yo#r time. $o yo# spend a lot of time
thinkin" yo# want to chan"e the past or anticipatin" the
f#t#re3
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I. ;+8+2 ,. TH+ &CT8T+S M,$/L+: 2hat did
yo# learn3
0leasant activities and the way yo# mana"e yo#r
internal and o#tside worlds make help make yo#r time
more satisfactory. 2hen yo#r time becomes more
satisfactory( yo#r life will also and yo# will feel better.
nte"rate pleasant activities into yo#r life plan. f pleasant
activities help yo# overcome yo#r depression( they can also
help yo# feel healthier emotionally.
The better yo# feel( the more yo# can help yo#rself and
others.
- > -
HO3 YO#R REATIONSHI&S
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session P 4promote coachee%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
2eekly &ctivities Sched#le.
;eview how we #nderstand depression accordin" to
C*T.
n this treatment we work with tho#"hts( activities and
relationships 4family( friends( others5 to improve yo#r
mood. n this mod#le 4the last 9 sessions5 we will be
workin" with yo#r relationships and how they affect
how yo# feel.
1. L+TES 2,;K 2TH H,2 D,/; C,'T&CT 2TH
,TH+; 0+,0L+ &..+CTS D,/; M,,$.
Severe depression is associated with:
Havin" less contact with others
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.eelin" #ncomfortable( shy or mad at others
*ein" less assertive 4not sayin" what yo# like6dislike or
not knowin" how to eApress yo#r feelin"s and
preferences5
*ein" more prone to feelin" re?ected( i"nored( or
criticiBed
2. $,+S $+0;+SS,' C&/S+ 0+,0L+ T, *+ L+SS
S,C&*L+3 ,; $,+S *+'< L+SS S,C&*L+ M&K+
0+,0L+ T, <+T $+0;+SS+$3
The answer is probably that depression and lack of contact
with other people infl#ence one another.
o- .or eAample( a chan"e of school can mean leavin" a lot
of friends behind. This can make yo# feel sad. f when yo#
feel sad yo# donEt make an effort at makin" new friends(
yo#r sadness can become depression. .eelin" depressed
may make yo# feel less sociable( which will make yo# even
more depressed beca#se yo#Ere spendin" a lot of time sad
and lonely.
:. TH+ M0,;T&'C+ ,. S,C&L S/00,;T
The s#pport we receive from bein" in contact with other
people is important for o#r health. The contacts we have
with o#r family and friends create a kind of protective
social network or Nsocial s#pport networkN.
The system or Nsocial s#pport networkN refers to people
who are close to #s and with whom yo# share important
information or important moments of yo#r life. These
people can be family( friends( nei"hbors( classmates and
ac)#aintances. n "eneral( the stron"er the social
s#pport we receive( the more we are able to confront
diffic#lt sit#ations.
9. 2H&T S D,/; S,C&L S/00,;T '+T2,;K
LK+3 2ho are yo#r friends3
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How often do yo# see them3 2hat do yo# do3 2ho do yo#
tr#st3
+Aercise: ;ecreate yo#r social s#pport network #sin" the
dia"ram on the My Social S#pport 'etwork worksheet.
The adolescent sho#ld his6her name in the center circle and
in each shape write the name of someone in their network.
n disc#ssin" this eAercise( eval#ate the )#ality and )#antity
of his6her network and whether it sho#ld be eApanded or
stren"thened.
@. T2, M0,;T&'T 0;'C0L+S T, K++0 ' M'$
' TH+ ./T/;+.
f yo#r social s#pport network is too small( make it
lar"er. Do#r network is too small if there is no one yo#
tr#st to talk abo#t yo#r personal matters( if yo# have no
one to "o to if yo# need help( or if yo# have no friends
or ac)#aintances to do thin"s with.
f yo#r network is ade)#ate and of a "ood siBe(
appreciate it and try to keep it stron". n other words(
donMt let disa"reements ca#se separations between yo#
and the people in yo#r network. .re)#ent
comm#nication helps maintain friendships.
The fo#r sessions this month will foc#s on how to
enlar"e and maintain yo#r social s#pport network.
I. K++0'< D,/; S,C&L S/00,;T '+T2,;K
H+&LTHD
How can we maintain a healthy social s#pport network3
&sk this open )#estion to promote a disc#ssion. Some
eAamples can be:
Spendin" time with people( showin" people how yo#
feel abo#t them( bein" assertive( helpin" yo#r friends
and family( workin" with ne"ative tho#"hts that can be
harmf#l to relationships
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Contact with others is very important( be it by phone or
in person 4talk( listen( "o o#t( do activities to"ether5.
Some tho#"hts that can block this. .or eAample:
o- KThey havenEt called meC it looks like they donEt care
abo#t me.L
o- K am not "oin" to be the one to make the first move.L
o- KThey donEt like me.L
o- K'o one in my family #nderstands me.L
o- KMy mom never listens.L
o- K can never for"ive him6her.L
J. M++T'< 0+,0L+
&sk the followin" open )#estions( promotin" a
disc#ssion. How do yo# make friends3 2hat have yo#r
friends done to "et closer to yo#3 2hat does a friendly
or sociable person do3
o- The easiest way to meet other people is by doin" an
activity yo# like in the company of others.
2hen yo# en?oy somethin"( itEs more likely that yo#Ell
be in a "ood mood and that way itEll be easier to be
sociable and friendly.
+ven if yo# donEt find anyone in partic#lar that yo#
want to "et to know better( yo#Ell be doin" somethin"
yo# en?oy and yo# wonEt feel it was a waste of yo#r
time.
Since the main foc#s will be on the activity and not on
meetin" other people( itEs more likely that yo#Ell feel
less press#re than yo#Ed feel if the only p#rpose was
meetin" new people. f there were people yo# want to
"et to know better( itEs more probable that theyEll have
thin"s in common with yo#.
+Aercise: How and where can yo# meet people3
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0romote a disc#ssion or list places and ways yo# can meet
new people and make friends.
P. H,2 T, +ST&*LSH &'$ M&'T&' H+&LTHD
;+L&T,'SH0S: *+'< &SS+;T8+.
2hatEs the difference between bein" passive( assertive
and a""ressive3
There are three ways we can act and comm#nicate with
others:
o- *ein" passive means not eApressin" yo#r feelin"s to
others beca#se yo# think theyEll be annoyed( feel bad or
beca#se they are s#perior to yo#. Do# mi"ht feel yo# have
to KswallowL yo#r feelin"s or yo#Ell be re?ected.
o- *ein" a""ressive means treatin" others with hostility(
an"er and bein" insensitive to other peopleEs needs and
feelin"s beca#se yo# feel yo#rs are more important.
o- *ein" assertive means bein" able to say positive and
ne"ative thin"s witho#t feelin" bad. Do# donEt always have
to say what yo# think( b#t itEs important to feel that yo#
have that option. Do# can say thin"s in a nice way that can
help resolve sit#ations and maintain the relationship
healthy.
- /? -
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session O 4with coachee%s participation5:
Mood-meter
2eekly &ctivities Sched#le = Contacts with others
Social s#pport network and how to maintain and
stren"then it
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1. 2H+' T;D'< T, L+&;' H,2 T, .++L *+TT+;(
TH+;+ &;+ TH;++ &;+&S D,/ SH,/L$ .,C/S
,': 0resent the dia"ram abo#t #nderstandin" #nhappiness.
n this session we are "oin" to eAplore how yo#r
tho#"hts( actions and feelin"s infl#ence yo#r
relationships and how yo#r relationships affect these
three areas.
*efore talkin" abo#t how these three areas are affected by
yo#r relationships( itEs important to eval#ate first how they
are when yo# are alone.
2. *+'< &L,'+. 2hen yo#Ere alone( what are yo#r
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]like3
tho#"hts
actions or behavior
feelin"s
:. *+'< 2TH ,TH+;S D,/; TH,/<HTS
2hat tho#"hts do yo# have when yo# are with other
people3
o- Tho#"hts that prevent yo# from makin" friends.
&sk for eAamples.
Some eAamples: K2ill they like me3 donEt like
him6her( 2hat if they re?ect or i"nore me3 donEt know
what to say.L
o- Tho#"hts that help yo# feel comfortable with other
people.
&sk for eAamples.
o- ,ne way to feel better is to shift the foc#s of attention
from yo# to the other person and think abo#t how he6she
feels. Think abo#t how yo# feel when yo#Ere "oin" to meet
new people. ,ther people probably feel the same way.
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Some eAamples: KEve never talked to him6her so donEt
know what he6she is like. Eve "ot nothin" to lose by tryin".
Maybe he6she will en?oy talkin" to me.L
D,/; +U0+CT&T,'S
o- 2hat can yo# eApect from other people3
o- 2hat can others eApect from yo#3
Do# can eAplain this concept #sin" parent-child
relationships and6or friendships. Do# can ask the coachee to
share eAperiences that will help in the disc#ssion.
o- f yo#r eApectations are too hi"h( yo#Ell be disappointed
and maybe yo#Ell become fr#strated.
o- f yo#r eApectations are too low( yo# wonEt eApect
anythin" from the relationship and yo# mi"ht lose the
chance to develop "ood relationships.
&lso( if yo# eApect little from people( yo#Ere not "ivin"
them the chance to show yo# what they can really offer.
D,/; &CT,'S6*+H&8,;
How do yo# approach others3
2hat impression do yo# think yo# "ive off to others3
0resent the followin" information and disc#ss by relatin" to
the clientEs eAperience.
o- Do#r face: $o yo# smile often3 $o yo# make eye
contact3
o- Do#r body: $o yo# look tired or worn o#t3
o- Do#r appearance: s it appropriate for the time and place3
o- Do#r speech: s it too slow or too soft to hear yo#3 $o
yo# speak with an"er or irritation3 $o yo# raise yo#r voice3
o- Do#r conversation: $o yo# show interest in what other
people say( or do yo# i"nore or criticiBe them3
o- Do#r attit#de: $o yo# complain a lot3 &re yo# in a bad
mood3 $o yo# offend others with yo#r attit#de3
D,/; .++L'<S
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How do yo#r feelin"s affect yo#r relationships3
$ifferent emotions can infl#ence the way yo# relate to
others. There are times when we eAperience ne"ative
emotions 4i.e. an"er( sadness5 that have nothin" to do
with the person weEre relatin" to. However( we let these
feelin"s affect the relationship. This is way itEs
important to be able to identify and mana"e o#r feelin"s
in a healthy way.
2hat feelin"s do yo# have when yo#Ere with others3
dentifyin" o#r feelin"s when weEre with other people
can help #s eval#ate the )#ality of o#r relationship.
.or this( itEs important to:
o- ;eco"niBe how yo# feel and why yo#Ere feelin" that
way.
o- Comm#nicate in an assertive or appropriate way what
yo# feel.
o- The difference between bein" passive( assertive or
a""ressive:
&ssertiveness V is bein" able to share positive and ne"ative
feelin"s clearly and comfortably 4even if yo# think the other
person wonEt like what yo#Ere sayin"5. Chan"in" yo#r point
of view can help yo# to be more assertive instead of bein"
passive. .or eAample( if yo# fre)#ently think( N donMt want
to make anyone feel bad(N try to think( NSayin" what think
can help #s comm#nicate better and resolve the sit#ation.
K&t least can let people know what think.N
9. ;+8+2
The p!rpose of e(amining yo!r tho!ghts, actions and
fee"ings is that yo! can identify ho these three areas
are inf"!encing yo!r re"ationship ith others, and
consider hat yo! need to impro#e to ha#e hea"thier
re"ationships&
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8o! can change yo!r mood if yo! or$ on impro#ing
yo!r re"ationships& 5hat areas do yo! thin$ yo! can
impro#e6
-!mmari9e for the coachee hat yo! disc!ssed in these
sessions in re"ation to these three areas, his7her
e(perience and re"ationships&
- // -
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
;+8+2 = ;eview or s#mmariBe briefly the followin"
concepts disc#ssed in Session 1H 4promote coachee%s
participation in this review5:
Mood-meter
mprovin" yo#r relationships can help make yo# feel
better.
1. +Aamine the clientEs tho#"hts( feelin"s and actions in
relation to a person with whom he6she has identified
interpersonal diffic#lties. +Aplore a problematic sit#ation
that happened recently with that person. /se this
relationship as material to work with this sessionEs material.
2. 2hen yo#Ere with ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
2hat do yo# think3
How do yo# act3
How do yo# feel3
:. &SS+;T8+'+SS
+Aercise: &sk the client to think abo#t a sit#ation with a
person with whom he6she has diffic#lty in bein" assertive.
0rovide the followin" instr#ctions:
o- ma"e the sit#ation as if it were a photo"raph.
o- ma"ine the action be"innin" as if it were a movie.
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o- ma"ine tellin" that person somethin" in an assertive
way.
o- ma"ine the response yo# "et from that person.
This eAercise is a #sef#l way to rehearse bein" assertive
before act#ally p#ttin" it into practice.
9. C,MM/'C&T,' SKLLS.
&pply the followin" comm#nication skills the sit#ation
disc#ssed in the previo#s eAercise.
&CT8+ LST+''<:
2hen yo# are talkin" to someone( listen to what they
are sayin" instead of thinkin" abo#t yo# are "oin" to say
back or respond. f yo#Ere thinkin" abo#t what yo#Ere
"oin" to answer( yo# mi"ht miss part of what the person
is tellin" yo#. 0eople often ar"#e abo#t what somebody
said witho#t knowin" if that was what the person really
wanted to say or eApress.
To improve yo#r active listenin" and comm#nication skills:
o- ;epeat what the other person said in yo#r own words so
yo# can be s#re yo# #nderstood him6her correctly. .or
eAample( K #nderstand that yo#Ere sayin"]]]]]]]]]].L
o- &sk the person directly what he6she meant to say. .or
eAample( 2hat did yo# mean by ]]]]]]]]]]3L
o- 2hen we become mad with someone( instead of
attackin" them( itEs more effective to say what yo# think
and6or feel in relation to what they are doin"( or their
actions.
nstead of sayin" = KDo# 4are6always6never5XL
tEs better to say = K feel ]]]]]]]]6 think]]]]]]]].L
2hen we attack people they "enerally become defensive
and arenEt "oin" to listen to what we really want to tell
them.
o +Aamples of verbaliBations where yo# attack the other
person: KDo#Ere #nfair.L KDo# never do what want.L
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o &lternatives: K2hen yo# scold me before listenin" to
what have to say( feel fr#strated.L K2hen yo# say no(
feel like yo# donEt care abo#t me and donEt want me to have
any f#n.L K feel that yo#Ere not listenin".L
+Aercise:
Step 1: State the fact or event and what bothered yo# abo#t
it.
Step 2: State how yo# feel.
Step :: Say what yo# think.
K2hen yo# ]]]]]]]]]] feel ]]]]]]] beca#se it makes
me 4yell at me5 4anAio#s5 think]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]].L
4yo# donEt want to see me5
.ind the ri"ht moment to talk. The best times arenEt
when the person is doin" somethin"( or there isnEt
eno#"h time to talk or if yo#Ere in the middle of an
ar"#ment.
Consider yo#r non-verbal lan"#a"e 4"est#res( facial
eApressions( post#re( etc.5
'on-verbal lan"#a"e is O:G of comm#nication.
Consider the tone of yo#r voice.
.ollow the eAample of assertive people yo# know and ask
them for s#""estions 4i.e.( family( friends( teachers5.
@. Do# can decide to chan"e
*efore bein" with other people
Thinkin" differently: To chan"e yo#r feelin"s towards
others( yo# can decide beforehand the kind of tho#"hts
yo# want to have when yo#Ere with them.
&ctin" differently: f yo# want to chan"e yo#r behavior
when yo#Ere with others( decide beforehand how yo#
wo#ld like to act when yo# are aro#nd them.
&fter bein" with other people
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Learn from yo#r eAperiences: think abo#t the feelin"s
yo# had while yo# were with them. How did yo# feel
when yo# left3 Can yo# define what made yo# feel "ood
or bad3
- /7 -
A%%ECT YO#R MOO9
disc#ssed in Session 11 4promote client%s participation in
this review5:
Mood-meter
&ssertiveness eAercise
/p #ntil now( yo# have learned to think act and feel
healthier. Sometimes in o#r lives thin"s can happen that
overwhelm #s. Sometimes depression starts at these
times. f yo# #se the strate"ies yo#Eve learned here( itEs
less likely that yo# become depressed a"ain or that yo#
remain depressed for a lon" time.
1. Contact with others is important for yo# mood beca#se
they can]]]]]]]]]]]:
Share pleasant eAperiences with yo#
Help yo# reach yo#r "oals
0rovide yo# with company and a sense of sec#rity
0rovide yo# with val#able information abo#t yo#rself(
yo#r stren"ths and areas to improve
2. tEs healthy to maintain relationships with others.
However( relationships need constant attention. 'othin"
that is alive is static( itEs always chan"in". 2hen
relationships donEt work o#t( it doesnEt necessarily mean
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that somethin" is wron" with yo# or with the other person.
tEs helpf#l to consider the followin" )#estions:
$o yo# both want the same thin" from the relationship3
$o yo# have similar interests3
&re yo# capable of tellin" each other what yo# think
and feel freely3
$o yo# have to make bi" chan"es or can yo# be
yo#rself in the relationship3
s this relationship "ood for yo#3 &nd for the other
person3
s this relationship ab#sive3
;emember yo# always have the option to end a
relationship that is not "ood for yo#.
:. ;elationships can help improve yo#r life.
2hat kind of friends can help yo# feel "ood3 mprove yo#r
life3
Do#r social environment can help yo# be a better person.
Do# are a val#able person. Do# have "ood )#alities and
stren"ths. 0eople can help yo# feel like a "ood person( as
val#able and with "ood self-esteem. 0ick environments
where yo# can meet people that can help( not harm yo#.
Do# can also be a "ood infl#ence on other people.
J. Clos#re
2hen yo# finish the material for Session 12( disc#ss with
the coachee the followin" points:
15 Tell him6her that yo#Ere finished with the material in the
man#al.
25 Do# can "enerate a brief disc#ssion abo#t how he6she felt
with the man#al and d#rin" the sessions.
:5 Do# can also eval#ate how the coachee feels in terms of
his6her depression.
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95 +Aplain that d#rin" the last session yo# will be talkin"
abo#t how yo#Eve observed him6her in therapy and how
he6she felt d#rin" the process.
@5 &lso eAplain that d#rin" the final session yo# will be
offerin" recommendations abo#t strate"ies to prevent
relapses and to contin#e improvin" his6her mood.
I5 +Aplain that after meetin" with him6her yo# will meet
with his6her parents to talk to them "enerally abo#t his6her
pro"ress in therapy. Tell the coachee that he6she can be
present d#rin" the meetin" if he6she chooses to do so.

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.i". Mood
Meter
www.kamyaby.or"
have desi"ned a forty-day-happiness-plan for yo#. Do# can
replan and resched#le it accordin" to yo#r ease. The key to
its effectiveness is commitment and persistence.
$a
y
0lan
1
Make a Happiness :o!rna"&
Start deep breathin"( as yo# learnt in the K,L&CH
Method.
List : thin"s yo# have been "ratef#l for in the past seven
days.
2rite yo#r happiness "oal specifically for the neAt forty
days.
2
0ractice deep breathin" three times today.
Share with yo#r loved one that yo# have started a Happy
Life 0rocess for happier life. &sk her6her what s6he can do for
it.
Make yo#r forty-day-happiness-plan( han" it in the
front.
:
0ractice deep breathin" three times.
List : thin"s yo# have been "ratef#l for in the past J
days.
&nalyBe and write how many pleasant activities have
yo# done in the past three days3
9
*#y a fr#it and eAercise mindf#l eatin".
dentify a happy 6 impressive person. ;eco"niBe( what
attit#de( val#es( skills and knowled"e s6he has. 2rite down on
happiness ?o#rnal.
@
Live in the s#nli"ht at least 2H to :H min#tes.
Share the feelin" with yo#r partner abo#t the eAperience
yo# had eAercisin" mindf#l eatin".
I
*rainstorm for a new activity that yo# never did before.
Think( how yo# can improve yo#r skills by makin"
people happier. &sk yo#rself( wo#ld it be beneficial for me to
?oin the Kolachi Method Happiness Coach 0ro"ram3
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J
days.
&t the end of seven days( list all activities that yo# did
with mindf#lness.
P
0ractice deep breathin" fo#r to five times.
2ake #p early and to eAercise for twenty to thirty
min#tes.
;eco"niBe yo#r emotional state. &sk and answer
yo#rself( how was feelin" all the week. 2rite it down.
.ind some task6s( that yo# desire to do b#t have a
ne"ative tho#"ht abo#t it. 2rite down that ne"ative tho#"ht6s.
O
Last day( yo# fo#nd ne"ative tho#"ht6s. Today(
reco"niBe attached ne"ative emotional state. &nd( analyBe it in
conteAt of fo#r-step-cycle.
<o to yo#r close friend6relative( and disc#ss abo#t yo#r
ne"ative tho#"ht( and related emotional state. f yo# find no
one so close( write it down.
1H
<o to eAercise for twenty to thirty days. 0ractice deep
breathin".
Consider that why yo# donEt have s#ch a close
friend6relative that yo# may Share yo#r tho#"hts and feelin"s.
Make a "oal to make a friend6relative so closer that yo#
become able to share yo#r tho#"ht or feelin" with her6him.
11
.ind a depressed person. &sk for a happiness advice.
&nalyBe( how many times yo# are happy in last ten
days. List down events( and write the emotional state6s in these
sit#ations.
12
0ractice deep breathin". 'ow( from today( also ima"ine
when yo# breath in( the vital ener"y from the s#rro#ndin"s( is
enterin" into yo#r body with oAy"en( and while breathin" o#t(
toAic emotions are eApellin" o#t of yo#r body with toAic "ases.
This is called Renergy %reathingE.
Share yo#r tho#"hts abo#t mindf#l eatin" eAperience
with yo#r family or( friends. &sk them to eAercise mindf#lness
in their daily life.
0lan for a picnic or lon" ?o#rney( for neAt week. ma"ine
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how yo# feel.
1:
<o to eAercise for twenty-thirty min#tes. 0ractice deep
ener"y breathin".
&nalyBe the new ener"etic feelin". 2rite it on KM
?o#rnal.
:. Tell yo#r friend of partner abo#t yo#r picnic plan.
Make it more clear.
19
0ractice deep breathin" with someone who has not done
it before.
*#y a pet. ,r "o to petshop( if yo# donEt like pets. Talk
to pets. +Aamine yo#r emotional state while talkin" to pets.
.ind a happy person aro#nd yo#( and analyBe what the
attit#de and behavior s6he has. 2rite attrib#tes.
1@
ener"y breathin".
days.
Start a new activity for the neAt three days.
1I
0ractice deep ener"y breathin".
Start ener"y boostin" breakfast for the neAt 2@ days.
2ork on the new activity( yo# started yesterday.
1J
ener"y breathin".
2atch T8 only for :H min#tes 4if necessary5. $onEt
watch before three ho#rs of sleepin".
+Aercise yo#r mind m#scles with an activity. 4chess(
p#BBle( new lan"#a"e( new skill5
1P
Start the day with mindf#l breakfast. &nd then yo#r
l#nch and dinner.
&sk yo#rself( what yo# can do '+2 to be happy. 2rite
it down. 0ractice it.
1O
ener"y breathin".
2atch T8 only for 1H min#tes 4if necessary5. $onEt
watch before three ho#rs of sleepin".
&ccept responsibility for yo#r health. 2rite down at
least three steps yo# may take in neAt three months to improve
yo#r health.
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2H
Consider yo#r money problems. ;eco"niBe( how yo#
feel while foc#sin" yo#r economical iss#es. 2rite that
emotional state.
Listen s#bliminal a#dio ten to twenty min#tes( twice.
21
ener"y breathin".
&re yo# s#ccessf#l to make a closer relation with any of
yo#r friend or relative that yo# made a "oal on tenth day.
T#rn off T8 of yo#r ho#se( for neAt forty days. ,r( at
least( donEt watch it yo#rself.
22
0ractice deep breathin".
List : thin"s yo# have been "ratef#l in the past 21 days.
nform Kamyaby Center abo#t yo#r activities for last 21
days.
2:
ener"y breathin".
;ecall any of yo#r money problems. .oc#s yo#r
emotional state. /se fo#r step emotional releasin" eAercise.
Then scale chan"e in the feelin".
.ind a #nhappy person. &sk to "ive happiness advice.
29
0ractice deep breathin" three to five times.
<o in front of mirror( and make yo#r face eApressions(
smilin"6la#"hin".
Listen s#bliminal a#dio for ten to twenty min#tes( and
then try yo#rself to revise the script for five to seven min#tes.
2@
ener"y breathin".
Foin a comm#nity "ro#p that may brin" yo# happiness
or opport#nity to share yo#r tho#"hts.
Make a "oal to lose yo#r wei"ht 4if yo# are overwei"ht5.
&nd( become a defensive eater.
2I
.ind an #nhappy person in yo#r comm#nity and offer
her6him yo#r skills as happiness coach. Make sched#le for the
neAt three days with her6him.
Take a new challen"e at work. 0lan to complete it.
2J
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ener"y breathin".
T#rn of yo#r T8 and cell phone for the neAt 29 ho#rs.
Li"hten #p yo#r life today with s#nli"ht as m#ch as yo#
can. Try to make it m#st whenever yo# are sad or an"ry.
2P
Han" a )#ote on the wall( K2hen yo# really want to live
happy( yo# will be"in to make happy others.L
Start simplifyin" yo#r life. <et rid of thin"s that yo#
havenEt #sed for more than fo#r years.
2O
ener"y breathin".
List : thin"s yo# have been "ratef#l for in the past ten
days.
$o at least one ro#tine task with a new style. 2rite yo#r new
eAperience that how yo# feel doin" somethin" new.
:H
Make a list of yo#r priorities. $o only tasks( which are
important to yo#. +very day( revise and analyBe that yo# are
workin" to yo#r priorities.
.ind a happy person aro#nd yo#( and analyBe what
attit#de( beliefs and val#es s6he has. Fot them down.
:1
ener"y breathin".
Make a list of yo#r past mistakes. Take every mistake
one by one and then foc#s how yo# feel. &pply fo#r-step
releasin"-eAercise on every mistake.
0lan a happiness-meal on fortieth day. List at least ten
"#ests 4friends( relatives etc.5 yo# like to invite. nvite them on
the fortieth day. Do# can also contact Syed rfan &hmed at
Kamyaby Center for f#rther "#idance.
:2
.ind a happy person aro#nd yo#( and re)#est her6him an
advice for happier life.
T#rn off T8 for at least neAt ten days.
::
ener"y breathin".
Make a list of yo#r accomplishment in the last thirty
days.
Today( take mindf#l tea( coffee and water. .eel the
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"ratit#de.
:9
List all yo#r friends. Check that some of them have
depressive attit#de and some have happy attit#de. S#rro#nd
yo#rself with happy people.
,bserve yo#r vocab#lary in daily life. /se only positive
words for the neAt seven days.
:@
ener"y breathin".
0ractice sayin"( Thank yo# 6 Sh#kria 6 FaBak&llah with
every person.
0lan yo#r body lan"#a"e and conversation for
happiness-meal. Contin#e yo#r preparation for happiness.
:I
days.
.ind a poor person 4not professional5. <ive a "ift 4not
cash5.
0lay with kids twenty to fifty min#tes.
:J
ener"y breathin".
.ind a task that yo# afraid of. /se yo#r will power( and
?#st do it today.
<o to bookshop and find an inspirational book. ;ead it
alo#d every day.
:P
.ind a bi" iss#e6problem. *rainstorm( how many ways
yo# have to solve.
$id yo# ever promised with someone and not
accomplished3 Des. List down all promises and plan to
accomplish. Complete at least one promise today.
:O
ener"y breathin".
;evise and or"aniBe the happiness-meal that yo# have
planned for tomorrow.
ma"ine to "et on yo#r death bed. 8is#aliBe( what eAtra
ordinary yo# wo#ld like to become and "ive the world. How it
co#ld be #sef#l to participate in KM Certified Happiness Coach
trainin" for my s#rro#ndin"s3
9H
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ener"y breathin".
List J thin"s yo# have been "ratef#l for in the past forty
days.
2rite a "oal for yo#r remainin" life that yo# will live a
happier( prosper life. How3 Make a clear vision. 2rite yo#r life
mission statement.
Share yo#r forty day Kolachi-Method-Happiness-
0ro?ect with yo#r respected "#ests that yo# have invited on
l#nch6dinner. Tell them abo#t yo#r new life vision and mission
statement. Motivate them to learn the Kolachi Method( and
havin" a happier( prosper life.
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CO$NITIVE BEHAVIOR THERA&Y or C*T can be an
effective way to def#se ne"ative 4destr#ctive5 tho#"hts.
St#dies have shown that co"nitive therapy works at least as
well as antidepressants in helpin" people with mild to
moderate depression. 2hen #sed for #nhappiness( C*T
provides a mental toolkit that can be #sed to challen"e
ne"ative tho#"hts. ,ver the lon" term( co"nitive therapy for
#nhappiness can chan"e the way an #nhappy person sees
the world.
Co"nitive therapy was developed in the 1OIHs as an
alternative way to treat depression. The principle #nderlyin"
co"nitive therapy is Ntho#"hts infl#ence moods6behaviors.N
&ccordin" to co"nitive therapists( #nhappiness is
maintained by constant ne"ative tho#"hts. These tho#"hts
are known as a#tomatic tho#"hts. That means they occ#r
witho#t a conscio#s effort.
Co"nitive Therapy for $epression1 Co"nitive therapy posits
that most problems have several parts. Those parts incl#de:
the problem as the person sees it
the personMs tho#"hts abo#t the problem
the personMs emotions s#rro#ndin" the problem
the personMs physical feelin"s at the time
the personMs actions before( d#rin"( and after the
problem occ#rs
The way co"nitive therapy works is a patient learns to
NdisassembleN problems into these vario#s parts. ,nce a
person does that( problems that seemed overwhelmin"
become mana"eable.
$#rin" re"#lar co"nitive therapy sessions( a trained
therapist or happiness coach teaches the tools of co"nitive
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therapy. Then between sessions( the patient often does
homework. That homework helps the person learn how to
apply the tools to solve specific life problems.
Treatment with this therapy can shorten the intensity of
#nhappiness( and can help red#ce symptoms s#ch as fati"#e
and poor self-esteem that accompany depression. ;ead on
to see how cbt or talk therapy mi"ht help yo# start thinkin"
and feelin" better if yo# are depressed( stressed or anAio#s.
C*T has "lobally been reco"niBed the most effective way
of treatin" #nhappiness.
&SYCHOTHERA&Y @ &SYCHOANAYSIS or
0sychoanalytic therapy is one of the most well-known
treatment modalities( b#t it is also one of the most
mis#nderstood by mental health cons#mers. This type of
therapy is based #pon the theories and work of Si"m#nd
.re#d( who fo#nded the school of tho#"ht known as
psychoanalysis.
0sychoanalytic therapy looks at how the #nconscio#s mind
infl#ences tho#"hts and behaviors. 0sychoanalysis
fre)#ently involves lookin" at early childhood eAperiences
in order to discover how these events mi"ht have shaped the
individ#al and how they contrib#te to c#rrent actions.
0eople #nder"oin" psychoanalytic therapy often meet with
their therapist at least once a week and may remain in
therapy for a n#mber of weeks( months( or years.
NE#RO-IN$#ISTIC &RO$RAMIN$ or 'L0 is an
approach to comm#nication( personal development( and
psychotherapy created by ;ichard *andler and Fohn
<rinder in California( /nited States in the 1OJHs. ts
creators claim a connection between the ne#rolo"ical
processes 4Nne#roN5( lan"#a"e 4Nlin"#isticN5 and behavioral
patterns learned thro#"h eAperience 4Npro"rammin"N5 and
that these can be chan"ed to achieve specific "oals in life.
*andler and <rinder claim that the skills of eAceptional
people can be NmodeledN #sin" 'L0 methodolo"y( then
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those skills can be ac)#ired by anyone. *andler and <rinder
also claim that 'L0 can treat problems s#ch as phobias(
depression( habit disorder( psychosomatic illnesses( myopia(
aller"y( common cold and learnin" disorders( often in a
sin"le session. 'L0 has been adopted by some
hypnotherapists and in seminars marketed to b#siness and
"overnment.
&ccordin" to *andler and <rinder( 'L0 comprises a
methodolo"y termed modelin" and a set of techni)#es that
were derived from its initial applications by *andler and
<rinder. Many of those methods that have come to be
considered f#ndamental were derived from the initial
modelin" by *andler and <rinder of the work of 8ir"inia
Satir( Milton +rickson and .ritB 0erls. *andler and <rinder
also drew #pon theories of <re"ory *ateson( &lfred
KorBybski and 'oam Chomsky( partic#larly
transformational "rammar( as well as ideas and techni)#es
from Carlos Castaneda. *andler and <rinder claim that the
therape#tic Nma"icN as performed in therapy by 0erls( Satir
and +rikson( and by performers in any compleA h#man
activity( had a str#ct#re that co#ld be codified #sin" their
methodolo"y and thereby learned by others. Their 1OJ@
book The Str#ct#re of Ma"ic : & *ook abo#t Lan"#a"e and
Therapy is intended to be a codification of the therape#tic
techni)#es of 0erls and Satir.
*andler and <rinder say that they modeled 8ir"inia Satir( to
prod#ce what they termed the Meta-Model 4via their
process of modelin"5( a model for "atherin" information
and challen"in" a clientMs lan"#a"e and #nderlyin" thinkin".
*y challen"in" lin"#istic distortions( specifyin"
"eneraliBations( and recoverin" deleted information in the
clientMs statements( the transformational "rammar concepts
of s#rface str#ct#re were said to yield a more complete
representation of the #nderlyin" deep str#ct#re and to have
therape#tic benefit. &lso derived from Satir were anchorin"(
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f#t#re pacin" and representational systems. n contrast( the
Milton-ModelQa model of the p#rportedly hypnotic
lan"#a"e of Milton +ricksonQwas described by *andler
and <rinder as Nartf#lly va"#eN and metaphoric. The
Milton-Model is #sed in combination with the Meta-Model
as a softener( to ind#ce NtranceN and to deliver indirect
therape#tic s#""estion. However( ad?#nct lect#rer in
lin"#istics StollBnow( describes *ander and <rinderMs
reference to s#ch eAperts as namedroppin". ,ther than
Satir( the people they cite as infl#ences did not collaborate
with *andler or <rinder. Chomsky himself has no
association with 'L0 whatsoeverC his ori"inal work was
intended as theory not therapy. StollBnow writes( N[o\ther
than borrowin" terminolo"y( 'L0 does not bear a#thentic
resemblance to any of ChomskyMs theories or philosophies -
lin"#istic( co"nitive or political.N
HY&NOSIS and HY&NOTHERA&Y is a form of
psychotherapy #sed to create #nconscio#s chan"e in the
patient in the form of new responses( tho#"hts( attit#des(
behaviors or feelin"s. t is #ndertaken with a s#b?ect in
hypnosis.
& person who is hypnotiBed displays certain #n#s#al
characteristics and propensities( compared with a non-
hypnotiBed s#b?ect( most notably hei"htened s#""estibility
and responsiveness.
Traditional hypnotherapy: The form of hypnotherapy
practiced by most 8ictorian hypnotists( incl#din" Fames
*raid and Hippolyte *ernheim( mainly employed direct
s#""estion of symptom removal( with some #se of
therape#tic relaAation and occasionally aversion to alcohol(
dr#"s( etc.
+ricksonian hypnotherapy: n the 1O@Hs( Milton H.
+rickson developed a radically different approach to
hypnotism( which has s#bse)#ently become known as
N+ricksonian hypnotherapyN or N'eo-+ricksonian
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hypnotherapy.N +rickson made #se of an informal
conversational approach with many clients and compleA
lan"#a"e patterns( and therape#tic strate"ies. This
diver"ence from tradition led some of his collea"#es(
incl#din" &ndre 2eitBenhoffer( to disp#te whether +rickson
was ri"ht to label his approach NhypnosisN at all.
The fo#nders of 'e#rolin"#istic 0ro"rammin" 4'L05( a
methodolo"y similar in some re"ards to hypnotism( claimed
that they had modelled the work of +rickson eAtensively
and assimilated it into their approach. 2eitBenhoffer
disp#ted whether 'L0 bears any "en#ine resemblance to
+ricksonMs work.
CO$NITIVE BEHAVIO#RA HY&NOTHERA&Y
4C*H5 is an inte"rated psycholo"ical therapy employin"
clinical hypnosis and co"nitive behavio#ral therapy 4C*T5.
The #se of C*T in con?#nction with hypnotherapy may
res#lt in "reater treatment effectiveness. & meta-analysis of
ei"ht different researches revealed Na JHG "reater
improvementN for patients #nder"oin" an inte"rated
treatment to those #sin" C*T only.
n 1OJ9( Theodore *arber and his collea"#es p#blished an
infl#ential review of the research which ar"#ed( followin"
the earlier social psycholo"y of Theodore ;. Sarbin( that
hypnotism was better #nderstood not as a Nspecial stateN b#t
as the res#lt of normal psycholo"ical variables( s#ch as
active ima"ination( eApectation( appropriate attit#des( and
motivation. *arber introd#ced the term Nco"nitive-
behavioralN to describe the nonstate theory of hypnotism(
and disc#ssed its application to behavior therapy.
The "rowin" application of co"nitive and behavioral
psycholo"ical theories and concepts to the eAplanation of
hypnosis paved the way for a closer inte"ration of
hypnotherapy with vario#s co"nitive and behavioral
therapies. However( many co"nitive and behavioral
therapies were themselves ori"inally infl#enced by older
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hypnotherapy techni)#es( e.".( the systematic
desensitisation of Foseph 2olpe( the cardinal techni)#e of
early behavior therapy( was ori"inally called Nhypnotic
desensitisationN and derived from the Medical Hypnotism
41O9P5 of Lewis 2olber".
CONVERSATIONA HY&NOSIS or Covert Hypnosis
Conversational hypnotism is a set of techni)#es for
ind#cin" a person into a hypnotic trance and implantin"
s#""estions in them d#rin" normal everyday conversation
witho#t them even raisin" an eyebrow. This is an attempt to
comm#nicate with another personMs #nconscio#s mind
witho#t that person noticin". &s it often takes place in the
co#rse of a seemin"ly re"#lar conversation( it is also known
as conversational hypnosis or slei"ht of mo#th. The
ob?ective is to chan"e the personEs behavior s#bconscio#sly
so that the tar"et believes that they chan"ed their mind of
their own volition. 2hen performed s#ccessf#lly( the tar"et
is #naware that they have been hypnotiBed or that anythin"
#n#s#al has occ#rred.
EMOTIONA %REE9OM TECHNI'#E or +.T is an
emotional version of ac#p#nct#re( eAcept we donMt #se
needles. nstead( we #se a simple two pron"ed process
wherein we mentally Nt#ne inN to specific iss#es while
stim#latin" certain meridian points on the body by tappin"
on them with o#r fin"ertips. 0roperly done( +.T appears to
balance dist#rbances in the meridian system and th#s often
red#ces the conventional therapy proced#res from months
or years down to min#tes or ho#rs. .#rther( the basic
method is very portable and learnable by almost everyone.
'o special ed#cation is re)#ired. +ven children have
prod#ced be"innerMs benefits with it.
,ften referred to as N0sycholo"ical ac#press#reN( the
techni)#e works by releasin" blocka"es within the ener"y
system which are the so#rce of emotional intensity and
discomfort.
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AC#&RESS#RE is an alternative medicine techni)#e
similar in principle to &c#p#nct#re. t is based on the
concept of life ener"y which flows thro#"h NmeridiansN in
the body. n treatment( physical press#re is applied to
tri""er points with the aim of clearin" blocka"es in these
meridians. 0ress#re may be applied by hand( by elbow( or
with vario#s devices.
Some medical st#dies have s#""ested that ac#press#re may
be effective at helpin" mana"e na#sea and vomitin"( or for
helpin" lower back pain. &ccordin" to >#ackwatch
ac#press#re is a d#bio#s practice( and its practitioners #se
irrational methods.
REIKI is a Fapanese techni)#e for stress red#ction and
relaAation that also promotes healin". t is administered by
Nlayin" on handsN and is based on the idea that an #nseen
Nlife force ener"yN flows thro#"h #s and is what ca#ses #s
to be alive. f oneMs Nlife force ener"yN is low( then we are
more likely to "et sick or feel stress( and if it is hi"h( we are
more capable of bein" happy and healthy.
EMOTIONA INTEI$ENCE 4+5 is the ability to
identify( assess( and control the emotions of oneself( of
others( and of "ro#ps. t can be divided into a%i"ity /I and
trait /I.
Criticisms have centered on whether + is a real intelli"ence
and whether it has incremental validity over > and the *i"
.ive personality traits. 4openness( conscientio#sness(
eAtraversion( a"reeableness( and ne#roticism5
.or most people( emotional intelli"ence 4+>5 is more
important than oneEs intelli"ence 4>5 in attainin" s#ccess in
life and career. &s individ#als o#r personal and professional
s#ccess today depends on o#r ability to read other peopleEs
emotional si"nals and react appropriately.
Therefore( each one of #s m#st develop the mat#re
emotional intelli"ence skills re)#ired to better #nderstand(
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empathiBe and ne"otiate with other people Q partic#larly as
the economy has become more "lobal. ,therwise( s#ccess
will el#de #s in o#r lives and careers.
Howard <ardner( the infl#ential Harvard theorist says(
KDo#r +> is the level of yo#r ability to #nderstand other
people( what motivates them and how to work
cooperatively with them(L says. .ive ma?or cate"ories of
emotional intelli"ence skills are reco"niBed by researchers
in this area.
/0 Se+f-a(areness0 The ability to reco"niBe an emotion as it
KhappensL is the key to yo#r +>. $evelopin" self-
awareness re)#ires t#nin" in to yo#r tr#e feelin"s. f yo#
eval#ate yo#r emotions( yo# can mana"e them. The ma?or
elements of self-awareness are:
+motional awareness. Do#r ability to reco"niBe yo#r
own emotions and their effects.
Self-confidence. S#reness abo#t yo#r self-worth and
capabilities.
70 Se+f-re5-+ation0 Do# often have little control over when
yo# eAperience emotions. Do# can( however( have some say
in how lon" an emotion will last by #sin" a n#mber of
techni)#es to alleviate ne"ative emotions s#ch as an"er(
anAiety or depression. & few of these techni)#es incl#de
recastin" a sit#ation in a more positive li"ht( takin" a lon"
walk and meditation or prayer. Self-re"#lation involves
Self-control. Mana"in" disr#ptive imp#lses.
Tr#stworthiness. Maintainin" standards of honesty
and inte"rity.
Conscientio#sness. Takin" responsibility for yo#r
own performance.
&daptability. Handlin" chan"e with fleAibility.
nnovation. *ein" open to new ideas.
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20 MotiAation0 To motivate yo#rself for any achievement
re)#ires clear "oals and a positive attit#de. &ltho#"h yo#
may have a predisposition to either a positive or a ne"ative
attit#de( yo# can with effort and practice learn to think more
positively. f yo# catch ne"ative tho#"hts as they occ#r( yo#
can reframe them in more positive terms Q which will help
yo# achieve yo#r "oals. Motivation is made #p of:
&chievement drive. Do#r constant strivin" to
improve or to meet a standard of eAcellence.
Commitment. &li"nin" with the "oals of the "ro#p
or or"aniBation.
nitiative. ;eadyin" yo#rself to act on opport#nities.
,ptimism. 0#rs#in" "oals persistently despite
obstacles and setbacks.
40 E)pathy0 The ability to reco"niBe how people feel is
important to s#ccess in yo#r life and career. The more
skillf#l yo# are at discernin" the feelin"s behind othersE
si"nals the better yo# can control the si"nals yo# send them.
&n empathetic person eAcels at:
Service orientation. &nticipatin"( reco"niBin" and
meetin" clientsE needs.
$evelopin" others. Sensin" what others need to
pro"ress and bolsterin" their abilities.
Levera"in" diversity. C#ltivatin" opport#nities
thro#"h diverse people.
0olitical awareness. ;eadin" a "ro#pEs emotional
c#rrents and power relationships.
/nderstandin" others. $iscernin" the feelin"s
behind the needs and wants of others.
:0 Socia+ sBi++s0 The development of "ood interpersonal
skills is tantamo#nt to s#ccess in yo#r life and career. n
todayEs always-connected world( everyone has immediate
access to technical knowled"e. Th#s( Kpeople skillsL are
www.kamyaby.or"
even more important now beca#se yo# m#st possess a hi"h
+> to better #nderstand( empathiBe and ne"otiate with
others in a "lobal economy. &mon" the most #sef#l skills
are:
nfl#ence. 2ieldin" effective pers#asion tactics.
Comm#nication. Sendin" clear messa"es.
Leadership. nspirin" and "#idin" "ro#ps and
people.
Chan"e catalyst. nitiatin" or mana"in" chan"e.
Conflict mana"ement. /nderstandin"( ne"otiatin"
and resolvin" disa"reements.
*#ildin" bonds. '#rt#rin" instr#mental
relationships.
Collaboration and cooperation. 2orkin" with others
toward shared "oals.
Team capabilities. Creatin" "ro#p syner"y in
p#rs#in" collective "oals.
2hat factors are at play when people of hi"h > fail and
those of modest > s#cceed3
How well yo# do in yo#r life and career is determined by
both. > alone is not eno#"hC +> also matters. n fact(
psycholo"ists "enerally a"ree that amon" the in"redients for
s#ccess( > co#nts for ro#"hly 1HG 4at best 2@G5C the rest
depends on everythin" else Q incl#din" +>.
& st#dy of Harvard "rad#ates in b#siness( law( medicine
and teachin" showed a ne"ative or Bero correlation between
an > indicator 4entrance eAam scores5 and s#bse)#ent
career s#ccess. Three eAamples ill#strate the importance of
emotional competencies.
www.kamyaby.com
&bo#t
Syed rfan &hmed
Syed rfan &hmed is the fo#nder and chief editor of Monthly
Kamyaby $i"est( which the first and only self "rowth6s#ccess
ma"aBine in the history of /rd# since 2HH@.
He is distin"#ished to his work on emotiona" inte""igence 4+>5(
cond#ctin" vario#s workshops in different cities( instit#tes and
#niversities of 0akistan( and a#thorin" practical books on +6+>.
2ith the latest approach of +>( people learn how to control their
daily life #nhappiness easily and effectively. Then( they have a
happier and prosper life.
Syed rfan is an eAperienced psycholo"ist( licensed 'L0er(
certified hypnotherapist and life coach. f yo# want any
professional "#idance for any emotional( psycholo"ical(
ed#cational or professional problem in yo#r life( contact him
freely.
*ooks by Syed rfan &hmed
1. +ncyclopedia Seerah
2. Tohfa-e-ffat-o-smat
:. nsan 0edaish ta Mo#t
9. ;ishtey 'aatey
@. 'o?awanon key ?insi masail
I. Kam wa)t mein Biyada kaam
J. M#hammad = &Beem life coach
P. 'L0 = b#niyadi ta%arr#f
O. Mein 4a self discovery workbook5
1H. May#s a#r nakaam no?awanon k liey Kamyaby ka Safar
11. mtihan mein Biyada n#mber kese lein
12. Kamyaby ka ;aaB 4/rd# translation of RThe SecretE
movie5
1:. Soch a#r Da)een
www.kamyaby.or"
19. 'o?awano mein sehat k masail
1@. FaBbati ^ahanat = b#niyadi ta%arr#f
1I. &ap bhi Kh#sh reh saktey hain
1J. Life coachin" = Ta%arr#f a#r .awaid
.or more information and #pdate( please link with #s:
Dahoo $: kamyabydi"est_yahoo.com
<mail $: kamyaby.or"_"mail.com
Kamyaby%s blo": www.kamyaby.or"
Kamyaby%s Tv: www.kamyaby.com
Cell: 4HHO25 :11-292-JJ-II
4HHO25 ::@-292-JJ-II
.acebook.com6kamyaby "` :
kamyaby.or"_"mail.com
0interest.com6kamyaby .lickr.com6kamyaby
www.kamyaby.com

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