DATE:

Dear Dr Lucas and Professor Lim,

I have completed the changes you required to my dissertation: Secondary Students Incidental
English Language Learning Through A Computer Game. In this cover note I have listed each
correction you required folloed !y the pages containing ne te"t I have ritten. I hope this is useful
to you. In the dissertation all the ne te"t is highlighted in yello. I have also made many spelling and
grammar corrections. These are not highlighted.
Than# you very much,
$%E&' $%I LAP
() *ome #ey literature on multi+literacies and multi+modalities should !e included in the literature
revie in order to sho the relevance of this or# to the study. ,or# !y the &e London 'roup,
-ress, Lu#e, .ree!ody, 'ee and Lem#e should form part of this literature.
CHAPTER TW! RE"IEW # THE LITERAT$RE
P./(+01 1.(2 $omputer 3video) games, learning and literacy
P.04+5( 1.(1./ Learning principles of video games
1) Any incorporation of ne literature in the literature revie should also !e utilised in the findings
and discussion chapters of the thesis 6 here appropriate.
CHAPTER #I"E! #I%&I%GS '() * +SER"ATI%S A%& TESTS
P.(77+(70 0.7 Interaction ith the game orld
CHAPTER SE"E%! &ISC$SSI%S
P. (42 8.1.( Interactivity ith the game orld
P. 1((+1(1 8.1./ 9ultimodality
P. 1(1+1(7 8.1./ 9ultiliteracies
7) A num!er of #ey methodological aspects of the study require further discussion and ela!oration
in the methodology chapter as follos:
a) .urther discussion and ela!oration to !e given on the process of the generation of items for the
questionnaire.
CHAPTER #$R! ,ETH&LG-
P. 48+44 /.0.7.7 $onstruction of the questionnaire items
!) 9ore discussion should !e given on ensuring the validity of the questionnaire and any challenges
in relation to this.
CHAPTER #$R! ,ETH&LG-
P. 44+(2( /.0.7./ The validity of the questionnaire
P. (2(+(21 /.0.7./ $hallenges to the validity of the questionnaire
c) 9ore discussion is needed on the pre and post+test. E"plain and ;ustify the design of the tests,
especially the fact that the test items have !een !ased on the game play. If the test items are !ased on
the game play, it ill !e most li#ely that the test scores for the post+test ill !e higher than the pre+
test.
CHAPTER #$R! ,ETH&LG-
P. 41+40 /.0.1./ $onstruction of the tests items
d) *ome more reflections on and discussion of the process of conducting the focus groups is needed.
<ou should also ma#e use of the ide range of literature availa!le that discusses focus groups in order
to inform your discussion.
CHAPTER #$R! ,ETH&LG-
P. ((/+((4 /.=./.1 >eflections on and discussion of the focus group intervie
e) It is suggested that you use ?thematic analysis@ as an approach for analysing all of the qualitative
data. The analysis of the focus group data and the presentation of this should !e changed to reflect this.
CHAPTER #$R! ,ETH&LG-
P. ((4+(1/ /.4.( Analysis of o!servation data and intervie data
CHAPTER #I"E! #I%&I%GS '() * +SER"ATI%S A%& TESTS
P. (7(+(71 0.7 Data collected from the field o!servation during the gaming sessions in the
computer centre
CHAPTER SI.! #I%&I%GS '/) * 0$ESTI%%AIRES A%& I%TER"IEW
P. (8/+(=5 5.7 Data collected from the focus group intervie
/) $hapter 7 and chapter / should !e reversed in order in the thesis.
0) All typos and grammar errors should !e corrected 6 many of hich are highlighted in the
annotated te"t given !y the internal e"aminer, hoever, the full thesis should !e chec#ed !efore
su!mission.