Catch 22

CATCH-22 by JOSEPH HELLER

Copyright (c) Joseph Heller, 1!!, 1"1
The isl#$% o& Pi#$os# lies i$ the 'e%iterr#$e#$ Se# eight (iles so)th o& Elb#* +t is ,ery s(#ll #$% ob,io)sly co)l% $ot
#cco((o%#te #ll o& the #ctio$s %escribe%* Li-e the setti$g o& this $o,el, the ch#r#cters, too, #re &ictitio)s*
TO '. 'OTHER
A/0 TO SH+RLE.,
A/0 '. CH+L0RE/,
ER+CA A/0 TE0
1 THE TE1A/
+t 2#s lo,e #t &irst sight*
The &irst ti(e .oss#ri#$ s#2 the ch#pl#i$ he &ell (#%ly i$ lo,e 2ith hi(*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s i$ the hospit#l 2ith # p#i$ i$ his li,er th#t &ell 3)st short o& bei$g 3#)$%ice* The %octors 2ere p)44le% by
the &#ct th#t it 2#s$5t 6)ite 3#)$%ice* +& it bec#(e 3#)$%ice they co)l% tre#t it* +& it %i%$5t beco(e 3#)$%ice #$% 2e$t #2#y
they co)l% %isch#rge hi(* 7)t this 3)st bei$g short o& 3#)$%ice #ll the ti(e co$&)se% the(*
E#ch (or$i$g they c#(e #ro)$%, three bris- #$% serio)s (e$ 2ith e&&icie$t (o)ths #$% i$e&&icie$t eyes, #cco(p#$ie%
by bris- #$% serio)s /)rse 0)c-ett, o$e o& the 2#r% $)rses 2ho %i%$5t li-e .oss#ri#$* They re#% the ch#rt #t the &oot o&
the be% #$% #s-e% i(p#tie$tly #bo)t the p#i$* They see(e% irrit#te% 2he$ he tol% the( it 2#s e8#ctly the s#(e*
5Still $o (o,e(e$t95 the &)ll colo$el %e(#$%e%*
The %octors e8ch#$ge% # loo- 2he$ he shoo- his he#%*
5:i,e hi( #$other pill*5
/)rse 0)c-ett (#%e # $ote to gi,e .oss#ri#$ #$other pill, #$% the &o)r o& the( (o,e% #lo$g to the $e8t be%* /o$e o&
the $)rses li-e% .oss#ri#$* Act)#lly, the p#i$ i$ his li,er h#% go$e #2#y, b)t .oss#ri#$ %i%$5t s#y #$ythi$g #$% the
%octors $e,er s)specte%* They 3)st s)specte% th#t he h#% bee$ (o,i$g his bo2els #$% $ot telli$g #$yo$e*
.oss#ri#$ h#% e,erythi$g he 2#$te% i$ the hospit#l* The &oo% 2#s$5t too b#%, #$% his (e#ls 2ere bro)ght to hi( i$ be%*
There 2ere e8tr# r#tio$s o& &resh (e#t, #$% %)ri$g the hot p#rt o& the #&ter$oo$ he #$% the others 2ere ser,e% chille%
&r)it 3)ice or chille% chocol#te (il-* Ap#rt &ro( the %octors #$% the $)rses, $o o$e e,er %ist)rbe% hi(* ;or # little 2hile i$
the (or$i$g he h#% to ce$sor letters, b)t he 2#s &ree #&ter th#t to spe$% the rest o& e#ch %#y lyi$g #ro)$% i%ly 2ith #
cle#r co$scie$ce* He 2#s co(&ort#ble i$ the hospit#l, #$% it 2#s e#sy to st#y o$ bec#)se he #l2#ys r#$ # te(per#t)re
o& 1<1* He 2#s e,e$ (ore co(&ort#ble th#$ 0)$b#r, 2ho h#% to -eep &#lli$g %o2$ o$ his &#ce i$ or%er to get his (e#ls
bro)ght to hi( i$ be%*
A&ter he h#% (#%e )p his (i$% to spe$% the rest o& the 2#r i$ the hospit#l, .oss#ri#$ 2rote letters to e,eryo$e he -$e2
s#yi$g th#t he 2#s i$ the hospit#l b)t $e,er (e$tio$i$g 2hy* O$e %#y he h#% # better i%e#* To e,eryo$e he -$e2 he
2rote th#t he 2#s goi$g o$ # ,ery %#$gero)s (issio$* 5They #s-e% &or ,ol)$teers* +t5s ,ery %#$gero)s, b)t so(eo$e h#s
to %o it* +5ll 2rite yo) the i$st#$t + get b#c-*5 A$% he h#% $ot 2ritte$ #$yo$e si$ce*
All the o&&icer p#tie$ts i$ the 2#r% 2ere &orce% to ce$sor letters 2ritte$ by #ll the e$liste%-(e$ p#tie$ts, 2ho 2ere -ept i$
resi%e$ce i$ 2#r%s o& their o2$* +t 2#s # (o$oto$o)s 3ob, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s %is#ppoi$te% to le#r$ th#t the li,es o&
e$liste% (e$ 2ere o$ly slightly (ore i$teresti$g th#$ the li,es o& o&&icers* A&ter the &irst %#y he h#% $o c)riosity #t #ll* To
bre#- the (o$oto$y he i$,e$te% g#(es* 0e#th to #ll (o%i&iers, he %ecl#re% o$e %#y, #$% o)t o& e,ery letter th#t p#sse%
thro)gh his h#$%s 2e$t e,ery #%,erb #$% e,ery #%3ecti,e* The $e8t %#y he (#%e 2#r o$ #rticles* He re#che% # ()ch
higher pl#$e o& cre#ti,ity the &ollo2i$g %#y 2he$ he bl#c-e% o)t e,erythi$g i$ the letters b)t #, #$ #$% the* Th#t erecte%
(ore %y$#(ic i$tr#li$e#r te$sio$s, he &elt, #$% i$ 3)st #bo)t e,ery c#se le&t # (ess#ge &#r (ore )$i,ers#l* Soo$ he 2#s
proscribi$g p#rts o& s#l)t#tio$s #$% sig$#t)res #$% le#,i$g the te8t )$to)che%* O$e ti(e he bl#c-e% o)t #ll b)t the
s#l)t#tio$ 50e#r '#ry5 &ro( # letter, #$% #t the botto( he 2rote, 5+ ye#r$ &or yo) tr#gic#lly* R* O* Ship(#$, Ch#pl#i$, =*S*
Ar(y*5 R*O* Ship(#$ 2#s the gro)p ch#pl#i$5s $#(e*
>he$ he h#% e8h#)ste% #ll possibilities i$ the letters, he beg#$ #tt#c-i$g the $#(es #$% #%%resses o$ the e$,elopes,
obliter#ti$g 2hole ho(es #$% streets, #$$ihil#ti$g e$tire (etropolises 2ith c#reless &lic-s o& his 2rist #s tho)gh he 2ere
:o%* C#tch-22 re6)ire% th#t e#ch ce$sore% letter be#r the ce$sori$g o&&icer5s $#(e* 'ost letters he %i%$5t re#% #t #ll* O$
those he %i%$5t re#% #t #ll he 2rote his o2$ $#(e* O$ those he %i% re#% he 2rote, 5>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g*5 >he$ th#t gre2
1 | P a g e
(o$oto$o)s he 2rote, 5+r,i$g >#shi$gto$*5 Ce$sori$g the e$,elopes h#% serio)s reperc)ssio$s, pro%)ce% # ripple o&
#$8iety o$ so(e ethere#l (ilit#ry echelo$ th#t &lo#te% # C*+*0* (#$ b#c- i$to the 2#r% posi$g #s # p#tie$t* They #ll
-$e2 he 2#s # C*+*0* (#$ bec#)se he -ept i$6)iri$g #bo)t #$ o&&icer $#(e% +r,i$g or >#shi$gto$ #$% bec#)se #&ter his
&irst %#y there he 2o)l%$5t ce$sor letters* He &o)$% the( too (o$oto$o)s*
+t 2#s # goo% 2#r% this ti(e, o$e o& the best he #$% 0)$b#r h#% e,er e$3oye%* >ith the( this ti(e 2#s the t2e$ty-&o)r-
ye#r-ol% &ighter-pilot c#pt#i$ 2ith the sp#rse gol%e$ ()st#che 2ho h#% bee$ shot i$to the A%ri#tic Se# i$ (i%2i$ter #$%
$ot e,e$ c#)ght col%* /o2 the s)((er 2#s )po$ the(, the c#pt#i$ h#% $ot bee$ shot %o2$, #$% he s#i% he h#% the
grippe* +$ the be% o$ .oss#ri#$5s right, still lyi$g #(oro)sly o$ his belly, 2#s the st#rtle% c#pt#i$ 2ith (#l#ri# i$ his
bloo% #$% # (os6)ito bite o$ his #ss* Across the #isle &ro( .oss#ri#$ 2#s 0)$b#r, #$% $e8t to 0)$b#r 2#s the #rtillery
c#pt#i$ 2ith 2ho( .oss#ri#$ h#% stoppe% pl#yi$g chess* The c#pt#i$ 2#s # goo% chess pl#yer, #$% the g#(es 2ere
#l2#ys i$teresti$g* .oss#ri#$ h#% stoppe% pl#yi$g chess 2ith hi( bec#)se the g#(es 2ere so i$teresti$g they 2ere
&oolish* The$ there 2#s the e%)c#te% Te8#$ &ro( Te8#s 2ho loo-e% li-e so(eo$e i$ Tech$icolor #$% &elt, p#triotic#lly,
th#t people o& (e#$s - %ece$t &ol- - sho)l% be gi,e$ (ore ,otes th#$ %ri&ters, 2hores, cri(i$#ls, %ege$er#tes, #theists
#$% i$%ece$t &ol- - people 2itho)t (e#$s*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s )$spri$gi$g rhyth(s i$ the letters the %#y they bro)ght the Te8#$ i$* +t 2#s #$other 6)iet, hot, )$tro)ble%
%#y* The he#t presse% he#,ily o$ the roo&, sti&li$g so)$%* 0)$b#r 2#s lyi$g (otio$less o$ his b#c- #g#i$ 2ith his eyes
st#ri$g )p #t the ceili$g li-e # %oll5s* He 2#s 2or-i$g h#r% #t i$cre#si$g his li&e sp#$* He %i% it by c)lti,#ti$g bore%o(*
0)$b#r 2#s 2or-i$g so h#r% #t i$cre#si$g his li&e sp#$ th#t .oss#ri#$ tho)ght he 2#s %e#%* They p)t the Te8#$ i$ #
be% i$ the (i%%le o& the 2#r%, #$% it 2#s$5t lo$g be&ore he %o$#te% his ,ie2s*
0)$b#r s#t )p li-e # shot* 5Th#t5s it,5 he crie% e8cite%ly* 5There 2#s so(ethi$g (issi$g - #ll the ti(e + -$e2 there 2#s
so(ethi$g (issi$g - #$% $o2 + -$o2 2h#t it is*5 He b#$ge% his &ist %o2$ i$to his p#l(* 5/o p#triotis(,5 he %ecl#re%*
5.o)5re right,5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% b#c-* 5.o)5re right, yo)5re right, yo)5re right* The hot %og, the 7roo-ly$ 0o%gers* 'o(5s
#pple pie* Th#t5s 2h#t e,eryo$e5s &ighti$g &or* 7)t 2ho5s &ighti$g &or the %ece$t &ol-9 >ho5s &ighti$g &or (ore ,otes &or the
%ece$t &ol-9 There5s $o p#triotis(, th#t5s 2h#t it is* A$% $o (#triotis(, either*5
The 2#rr#$t o&&icer o$ .oss#ri#$5s le&t 2#s )$i(presse%* 5>ho gi,es # shit95 he #s-e% tire%ly, #$% t)r$e% o,er o$ his
si%e to go to sleep*
The Te8#$ t)r$e% o)t to be goo%-$#t)re%, ge$ero)s #$% li-#ble* +$ three %#ys $o o$e co)l% st#$% hi(*
He se$t sh)%%ers o& #$$oy#$ce sc#(peri$g )p tic-lish spi$es, #$% e,erybo%y &le% &ro( hi( - e,erybo%y b)t the sol%ier
i$ 2hite, 2ho h#% $o choice* The sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s e$c#se% &ro( he#% to toe i$ pl#ster #$% g#)4e* He h#% t2o
)seless legs #$% t2o )seless #r(s* He h#% bee$ s()ggle% i$to the 2#r% %)ri$g the $ight, #$% the (e$ h#% $o i%e# he
2#s #(o$g the( )$til they #2o-e i$ the (or$i$g #$% s#2 the t2o str#$ge legs hoiste% &ro( the hips, the t2o str#$ge
#r(s #$chore% )p perpe$%ic)l#rly, #ll &o)r li(bs pi$io$e% str#$gely i$ #ir by le#% 2eights s)spe$%e% %#r-ly #bo,e hi(
th#t $e,er (o,e%* Se2$ i$to the b#$%#ges o,er the i$si%es o& both elbo2s 2ere 4ippere% lips thro)gh 2hich he 2#s &e%
cle#r &l)i% &ro( # cle#r 3#r* A sile$t 4i$c pipe rose &ro( the ce(e$t o$ his groi$ #$% 2#s co)ple% to # sli( r)bber hose
th#t c#rrie% 2#ste &ro( his -i%$eys #$% %rippe% it e&&icie$tly i$to # cle#r, stoppere% 3#r o$ the &loor* >he$ the 3#r o$ the
&loor 2#s &)ll, the 3#r &ee%i$g his elbo2 2#s e(pty, #$% the t2o 2ere si(ply s2itche% 6)ic-ly so th#t the st)&& co)l% %rip
b#c- i$to hi(* All they e,er re#lly s#2 o& the sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s # &r#ye% bl#c- hole o,er his (o)th*
The sol%ier i$ 2hite h#% bee$ &ile% $e8t to the Te8#$, #$% the Te8#$ s#t si%e2#ys o$ his o2$ be% #$% t#l-e% to hi(
thro)gho)t the (or$i$g, #&ter$oo$ #$% e,e$i$g i$ # ple#s#$t, sy(p#thetic %r#2l* The Te8#$ $e,er (i$%e% th#t he got
$o reply*
Te(per#t)res 2ere t#-e$ t2ice # %#y i$ the 2#r%* E#rly e#ch (or$i$g #$% l#te e#ch #&ter$oo$ /)rse Cr#(er e$tere%
2ith # 3#r &)ll o& ther(o(eters #$% 2or-e% her 2#y )p o$e si%e o& the 2#r% #$% %o2$ the other, %istrib)ti$g #
ther(o(eter to e#ch p#tie$t* She (#$#ge% the sol%ier i$ 2hite by i$serti$g # ther(o(eter i$to the hole o,er his (o)th
#$% le#,i$g it b#l#$ce% there o$ the lo2er ri(* >he$ she ret)r$e% to the (#$ i$ the &irst be%, she too- his ther(o(eter
#$% recor%e% his te(per#t)re, #$% the$ (o,e% o$ to the $e8t be% #$% co$ti$)e% #ro)$% the 2#r% #g#i$* O$e #&ter$oo$
2he$ she h#% co(plete% her &irst circ)it o& the 2#r% #$% c#(e # seco$% ti(e to the sol%ier i$ 2hite, she re#% his
ther(o(eter #$% %isco,ere% th#t he 2#s %e#%*
5')r%erer,5 0)$b#r s#i% 6)ietly*
The Te8#$ loo-e% )p #t hi( 2ith #$ )$cert#i$ gri$*
5?iller,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
>h#t #re yo) &ell#s t#l-i$5 #bo)t95 the Te8#$ #s-e% $er,o)sly*
5.o) ()r%ere% hi(,5 s#i% 0)$b#r*
5.o) -ille% hi(,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
The Te8#$ shr#$- b#c-* 5.o) &ell#s #re cr#4y* + %i%$5t e,e$ to)ch hi(*5
5.o) ()r%ere% hi(,5 s#i% 0)$b#r*
5+ he#r% yo) -ill hi(,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5.o) -ille% hi( bec#)se he 2#s # $igger,5 0)$b#r s#i%*
5.o) &ell#s #re cr#4y,5 the Te8#$ crie%* 5They %o$5t #llo2 $iggers i$ here* They got # speci#l pl#ce &or $iggers*5
5The serge#$t s()ggle% hi( i$,5 0)$b#r s#i%*
5The Co(()$ist serge#$t,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5A$% yo) -$e2 it*5
The 2#rr#$t o&&icer o$ .oss#ri#$5s le&t 2#s )$i(presse% by the e$tire i$ci%e$t o& the sol%ier i$ 2hite* The 2#rr#$t o&&icer
2#s )$i(presse% by e,erythi$g #$% $e,er spo-e #t #ll )$less it 2#s to sho2 irrit#tio$*
The %#y be&ore .oss#ri#$ (et the ch#pl#i$, # sto,e e8plo%e% i$ the (ess h#ll #$% set &ire to o$e si%e o& the -itche$* A$
i$te$se he#t &l#she% thro)gh the #re#* E,e$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s 2#r%, #l(ost three h)$%re% &eet #2#y, they co)l% he#r the
ro#r o& the bl#4e #$% the sh#rp cr#c-s o& &l#(i$g ti(ber* S(o-e spe% p#st the or#$ge-ti$te% 2i$%o2s* +$ #bo)t &i&tee$
(i$)tes the cr#sh tr)c-s &ro( the #ir&iel% #rri,e% to &ight the &ire* ;or # &r#$tic h#l& ho)r it 2#s to)ch #$% go* The$ the
&ire(e$ beg#$ to get the )pper h#$%* S)%%e$ly there 2#s the (o$oto$o)s ol% %ro$e o& bo(bers ret)r$i$g &ro( #
(issio$, #$% the &ire(e$ h#% to roll )p their hoses #$% spee% b#c- to the &iel% i$ c#se o$e o& the pl#$es cr#she% #$%
c#)ght &ire* The pl#$es l#$%e% s#&ely* As soo$ #s the l#st o$e 2#s %o2$, the &ire(e$ 2heele% their tr)c-s #ro)$% #$%
r#ce% b#c- )p the hill to res)(e their &ight 2ith the &ire #t the hospit#l* >he$ they got there, the bl#4e 2#s o)t* +t h#%
Catch 22
%ie% o& its o2$ #ccor%, e8pire% co(pletely 2itho)t e,e$ #$ e(ber to be 2#tere% %o2$, #$% there 2#s $othi$g &or the
%is#ppoi$te% &ire(e$ to %o b)t %ri$- tepi% co&&ee #$% h#$g #ro)$% tryi$g to scre2 the $)rses*
The ch#pl#i$ #rri,e% the %#y #&ter the &ire* .oss#ri#$ 2#s b)sy e8p)rg#ti$g #ll b)t ro(#$ce 2or%s &ro( the letters 2he$
the ch#pl#i$ s#t %o2$ i$ # ch#ir bet2ee$ the be%s #$% #s-e% hi( ho2 he 2#s &eeli$g* He h#% pl#ce% hi(sel& # bit to
o$e si%e, #$% the c#pt#i$5s b#rs o$ the t#b o& his shirt coll#r 2ere #ll the i$sig$i# .oss#ri#$ co)l% see* .oss#ri#$ h#% $o
i%e# 2ho he 2#s #$% 3)st too- it &or gr#$te% th#t he 2#s either #$other %octor or #$other (#%(#$*
5Oh, pretty goo%,5 he #$s2ere%* 5+5,e got # slight p#i$ i$ (y li,er #$% + h#,e$5t bee$ the (ost reg)l#r o& &ello2s, + g)ess,
b)t #ll i$ #ll + ()st #%(it th#t + &eel pretty goo%*5
5Th#t5s goo%,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$*
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is goo%*5
5+ (e#$t to co(e #ro)$% soo$er,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i%, 5b)t + re#lly h#,e$5t bee$ 2ell*5
5Th#t5s too b#%,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
5J)st # he#% col%,5 the ch#pl#i$ #%%e% 6)ic-ly*
5+5,e got # &e,er o& # h)$%re% #$% o$e,5 .oss#ri#$ #%%e% 3)st #s 6)ic-ly*
5Th#t5s too b#%,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$*
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree%* 5.es, th#t is too b#%*5
The ch#pl#i$ &i%gete%* 5+s there #$ythi$g + c#$ %o &or yo)95 he #s-e% #&ter # 2hile*
5/o, $o*5 .oss#ri#$ sighe%* 5The %octors #re %oi$g #ll th#t5s h)(#$ly possible, + s)ppose*5
5/o, $o*5 The ch#pl#i$ colore% &#i$tly* 5+ %i%$5t (e#$ #$ythi$g li-e th#t* + (e#$t cig#rettes*** or boo-s*** or*** toys*5
5/o, $o,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5Th#$- yo)* + h#,e e,erythi$g + $ee%, + s)ppose - e,erythi$g b)t goo% he#lth*5
5Th#t5s too b#%*5
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is too b#%*5
The ch#pl#i$ stirre% #g#i$* He loo-e% &ro( si%e to si%e # &e2 ti(es, the$ g#4e% )p #t the ceili$g, the$ %o2$ #t the &loor*
He %re2 # %eep bre#th*
5Lie)te$#$t /#tely se$%s his reg#r%s,5 he s#i%*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s sorry to he#r they h#% # ()t)#l &rie$%* +t see(e% there 2#s # b#sis to their co$,ers#tio$ #&ter #ll* 5.o)
-$o2 Lie)te$#$t /#tely95 he #s-e% regret&)lly*
5.es, + -$o2 Lie)te$#$t /#tely 6)ite 2ell*5
5He5s # bit loo$y, is$5t he95
The ch#pl#i$5s s(ile 2#s e(b#rr#sse%* 5+5( #&r#i% + co)l%$5t s#y* + %o$5t thi$- + -$o2 hi( th#t 2ell*5
5.o) c#$ t#-e (y 2or% &or it,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5He5s #s goo&y #s they co(e*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2eighe% the $e8t sile$ce he#,ily #$% the$ sh#ttere% it 2ith #$ #br)pt 6)estio$* 5.o) #re C#pt#i$
.oss#ri#$, #re$5t yo)95
5/#tely h#% # b#% st#rt* He c#(e &ro( # goo% &#(ily*5
5Ple#se e8c)se (e,5 the ch#pl#i$ persiste% ti(oro)sly* 5+ (#y be co((itti$g # ,ery gr#,e error* Are yo) C#pt#i$
.oss#ri#$95
5.es,5 C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ co$&esse%* 5+ #( C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$*5
5O& the 2!"th S6)#%ro$95
5O& the &ighti$g 2!"th S6)#%ro$,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%* 5+ %i%$5t -$o2 there 2ere #$y other C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$s* As &#r #s +
-$o2, +5( the o$ly C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ + -$o2, b)t th#t5s o$ly #s &#r #s + -$o2*5
5+ see,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i% )$h#ppily*
5Th#t5s t2o to the &ighti$g eighth po2er,5 .oss#ri#$ poi$te% o)t, 5i& yo)5re thi$-i$g o& 2riti$g # sy(bolic poe( #bo)t o)r
s6)#%ro$*5
5/o,5 ()(ble% the ch#pl#i$* 5+5( $ot thi$-i$g o& 2riti$g # sy(bolic poe( #bo)t yo)r s6)#%ro$*5
.oss#ri#$ str#ighte$e% sh#rply 2he$ he spie% the ti$y sil,er cross o$ the other si%e o& the ch#pl#i$5s coll#r* He 2#s
thoro)ghly #sto$ishe%, &or he h#% $e,er re#lly t#l-e% 2ith # ch#pl#i$ be&ore*
5.o)5re # ch#pl#i$,5 he e8cl#i(e% ecst#tic#lly* 5+ %i%$5t -$o2 yo) 2ere # ch#pl#i$*5
5>hy, yes,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere%* 50i%$5t yo) -$o2 + 2#s # ch#pl#i$95
5>hy, $o* + %i%$5t -$o2 yo) 2ere # ch#pl#i$*5 .oss#ri#$ st#re% #t hi( 2ith # big, &#sci$#te% gri$* 5+5,e $e,er re#lly see$ #
ch#pl#i$ be&ore*5
The ch#pl#i$ &l)she% #g#i$ #$% g#4e% %o2$ #t his h#$%s* He 2#s # slight (#$ o& #bo)t thirty-t2o 2ith t#$ h#ir #$%
bro2$ %i&&i%e$t eyes* His &#ce 2#s $#rro2 #$% r#ther p#le* A$ i$$oce$t $est o& #$cie$t pi(ple pric-s l#y i$ the b#si$ o&
e#ch chee-* .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to help hi(*
5C#$ + %o #$ythi$g #t #ll to help yo)95 the ch#pl#i$ #s-e%*
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#%, still gri$$i$g* 5/o, +5( sorry* + h#,e e,erythi$g + $ee% #$% +5( 6)ite co(&ort#ble* +$ &#ct, +5( $ot
e,e$ sic-*5
5Th#t5s goo%*5 As soo$ #s the ch#pl#i$ s#i% the 2or%s, he 2#s sorry #$% sho,e% his -$)c-les i$to his (o)th 2ith #
giggle o& #l#r(, b)t .oss#ri#$ re(#i$e% sile$t #$% %is#ppoi$te% hi(* 5There #re other (e$ i$ the gro)p + ()st ,isit,5 he
#pologi4e% &i$#lly* 5+5ll co(e to see yo) #g#i$, prob#bly to(orro2*5
5Ple#se %o th#t,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
5+5ll co(e o$ly i& yo) 2#$t (e to,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i%, lo2eri$g his he#% shyly* 5+5,e $otice% th#t + (#-e (#$y o& the (e$
)$co(&ort#ble*5
.oss#ri#$ glo2e% 2ith #&&ectio$* 5+ 2#$t yo) to,5 he s#i%* 5.o) 2o$5t (#-e (e )$co(&ort#ble*5
The ch#pl#i$ be#(e% gr#te&)lly #$% the$ peere% %o2$ #t # slip o& p#per he h#% bee$ co$ce#li$g i$ his h#$% #ll the
2hile* He co)$te% #lo$g the be%s i$ the 2#r%, (o,i$g his lips, #$% the$ ce$tere% his #tte$tio$ %)bio)sly o$ 0)$b#r*
5'#y + i$6)ire,5 he 2hispere% so&tly, 5i& th#t is Lie)te$#$t 0)$b#r95
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% lo)%ly, 5th#t is Lie)te$#$t 0)$b#r*5
5Th#$- yo),5 the ch#pl#i$ 2hispere%* 5Th#$- yo) ,ery ()ch* + ()st ,isit 2ith hi(* + ()st ,isit 2ith e,ery (e(ber o& the
gro)p 2ho is i$ the hospit#l*5
5E,e$ those i$ other 2#r%s95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
5E,e$ those i$ other 2#r%s*5
3 | P a g e
57e c#re&)l i$ those other 2#r%s, ;#ther,5 .oss#ri#$ 2#r$e%* 5Th#t5s 2here they -eep the (e$t#l c#ses* They5re &ille%
2ith l)$#tics*5
5+t is$5t $ecess#ry to c#ll (e ;#ther,5 the ch#pl#i$ e8pl#i$e%* 5+5( #$ A$#b#ptist*5
5+5( %e#% serio)s #bo)t those other 2#r%s,5 .oss#ri#$ co$ti$)e% gri(ly* 5'*P*s 2o$5t protect yo), bec#)se they5re
cr#4iest o& #ll* +5% go 2ith yo) (ysel&, b)t +5( sc#re% sti&&@ +$s#$ity is co$t#gio)s* This is the o$ly s#$e 2#r% i$ the 2hole
hospit#l* E,erybo%y is cr#4y b)t )s* This is prob#bly the o$ly s#$e 2#r% i$ the 2hole 2orl%, &or th#t (#tter*5
The ch#pl#i$ rose 6)ic-ly #$% e%ge% #2#y &ro( .oss#ri#$5s be%, #$% the$ $o%%e% 2ith # co$cili#ti$g s(ile #$%
pro(ise% to co$%)ct hi(sel& 2ith #ppropri#te c#)tio$* 5A$% $o2 + ()st ,isit 2ith Lie)te$#$t 0)$b#r,5 he s#i%* Still he
li$gere%, re(orse&)lly* 5Ho2 is Lie)te$#$t 0)$b#r95 he #s-e% #t l#st*
5As goo% #s they go,5 .oss#ri#$ #ss)re% hi(* 5A tr)e pri$ce* O$e o& the &i$est, le#st %e%ic#te% (e$ i$ the 2hole 2orl%*5
5+ %i%$5t (e#$ th#t,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere%, 2hisperi$g #g#i$* 5+s he ,ery sic-95
5/o, he is$5t ,ery sic-* +$ &#ct, he is$5t sic- #t #ll*5
5Th#t5s goo%*5 The ch#pl#i$ sighe% 2ith relie&*
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.es, th#t is goo%*5
5A ch#pl#i$,5 0)$b#r s#i% 2he$ the ch#pl#i$ h#% ,isite% hi( #$% go$e* 50i% yo) see th#t9 A ch#pl#i$*5
5>#s$5t he s2eet95 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5'#ybe they sho)l% gi,e hi( three ,otes*5
5>ho5s they95 0)$b#r %e(#$%e% s)spicio)sly*
+$ # be% i$ the s(#ll pri,#te sectio$ #t the e$% o& the 2#r%, #l2#ys 2or-i$g ce#selessly behi$% the gree$ plybo#r%
p#rtitio$, 2#s the sole($ (i%%le-#ge% colo$el 2ho 2#s ,isite% e,ery %#y by # ge$tle, s2eet-&#ce% 2o(#$ 2ith c)rly
#sh-blo$% h#ir 2ho 2#s $ot # $)rse #$% $ot # >#c #$% $ot # Re% Cross girl b)t 2ho $e,ertheless #ppe#re% &#ith&)lly #t
the hospit#l i$ Pi#$os# e#ch #&ter$oo$ 2e#ri$g pretty p#stel s)((er %resses th#t 2ere ,ery s(#rt #$% 2hite le#ther
p)(ps 2ith heels h#l& high #t the b#se o& $ylo$ se#(s th#t 2ere i$e,it#bly str#ight* The colo$el 2#s i$
Co(()$ic#tio$s, #$% he 2#s -ept b)sy %#y #$% $ight tr#$s(itti$g gl)ti$o)s (ess#ges &ro( the i$terior i$to s6)#re
p#%s o& g#)4e 2hich he se#le% (etic)lo)sly #$% %eli,ere% to # co,ere% 2hite p#il th#t stoo% o$ the $ight t#ble besi%e
his be%* The colo$el 2#s gorgeo)s* He h#% # c#,er$o)s (o)th, c#,er$o)s chee-s, c#,er$o)s, s#%, (il%e2e% eyes*
His &#ce 2#s the color o& clo)%e% sil,er* He co)ghe% 6)ietly, gi$gerly, #$% %#bbe% the p#%s slo2ly #t his lips 2ith #
%ist#ste th#t h#% beco(e #)to(#tic*
The colo$el %2elt i$ # ,orte8 o& speci#lists 2ho 2ere still speci#li4i$g i$ tryi$g to %eter(i$e 2h#t 2#s tro)bli$g hi(*
They h)rle% lights i$ his eyes to see i& he co)l% see, r#((e% $ee%les i$to $er,es to he#r i& he co)l% &eel* There 2#s #
)rologist &or his )ri$e, # ly(phologist &or his ly(ph, #$ e$%ocri$ologist &or his e$%ocri$es, # psychologist &or his psyche,
# %er(#tologist &or his %er(#A there 2#s # p#thologist &or his p#thos, # cystologist &or his cysts, #$% # b#l% #$% pe%#$tic
cetologist &ro( the 4oology %ep#rt(e$t #t H#r,#r% 2ho h#% bee$ sh#$gh#ie% r)thlessly i$to the 'e%ic#l Corps by #
&#)lty #$o%e i$ #$ +*7*'* (#chi$e #$% spe$t his sessio$s 2ith the %yi$g colo$el tryi$g to %isc)ss 'oby 0ic- 2ith hi(*
The colo$el h#% re#lly bee$ i$,estig#te%* There 2#s $ot #$ org#$ o& his bo%y th#t h#% $ot bee$ %r)gge% #$%
%erog#te%, %)ste% #$% %re%ge%, &i$gere% #$% photogr#phe%, re(o,e%, pl)$%ere% #$% repl#ce%* /e#t, sle$%er #$%
erect, the 2o(#$ to)che% hi( o&te$ #s she s#t by his be%si%e #$% 2#s the epito(e o& st#tely sorro2 e#ch ti(e she
s(ile%* The colo$el 2#s t#ll, thi$ #$% stoope%* >he$ he rose to 2#l-, he be$t &or2#r% e,e$ (ore, (#-i$g # %eep c#,ity
o& his bo%y, #$% pl#ce% his &eet %o2$ ,ery c#re&)lly, (o,i$g #he#% by i$ches &ro( the -$ees %o2$* There 2ere ,iolet
pools )$%er his eyes* The 2o(#$ spo-e so&tly, so&ter th#$ the colo$el co)ghe%, #$% $o$e o& the (e$ i$ the 2#r% e,er
he#r% her ,oice*
+$ less th#$ te$ %#ys the Te8#$ cle#re% the 2#r%* The #rtillery c#pt#i$ bro-e &irst, #$% #&ter th#t the e8o%)s st#rte%*
0)$b#r, .oss#ri#$ #$% the &ighter c#pt#i$ #ll bolte% the s#(e (or$i$g* 0)$b#r stoppe% h#,i$g %i44y spells, #$% the
&ighter c#pt#i$ ble2 his $ose* .oss#ri#$ tol% the %octors th#t the p#i$ i$ his li,er h#% go$e #2#y* +t 2#s #s e#sy #s th#t*
E,e$ the 2#rr#$t o&&icer &le%* +$ less th#$ te$ %#ys, the Te8#$ %ro,e e,erybo%y i$ the 2#r% b#c- to %)ty - e,erybo%y b)t
the C*+*0* (#$, 2ho h#% c#)ght col% &ro( the &ighter c#pt#i$ #$% co(e %o2$ 2ith p$e)(o$i#*
2 CLEB+/:ER
+$ # 2#y the C*+*0* (#$ 2#s pretty l)c-y, bec#)se o)tsi%e the hospit#l the 2#r 2#s still goi$g o$* 'e$ 2e$t (#% #$%
2ere re2#r%e% 2ith (e%#ls* All o,er the 2orl%, boys o$ e,ery si%e o& the bo(b li$e 2ere l#yi$g %o2$ their li,es &or 2h#t
they h#% bee$ tol% 2#s their co)$try, #$% $o o$e see(e% to (i$%, le#st o& #ll the boys 2ho 2ere l#yi$g %o2$ their
yo)$g li,es* There 2#s $o e$% i$ sight* The o$ly e$% i$ sight 2#s .oss#ri#$5s o2$, #$% he (ight h#,e re(#i$e% i$ the
hospit#l )$til %oo(s%#y h#% it $ot bee$ &or th#t p#triotic Te8#$ 2ith his i$&)$%ib)li&or( 3o2ls #$% his l)(py,
r)(plehe#%e%, i$%estr)ctible s(ile cr#c-e% &ore,er #cross the &ro$t o& his &#ce li-e the bri( o& # bl#c- te$-g#llo$ h#t*
The Te8#$ 2#$te% e,erybo%y i$ the 2#r% to be h#ppy b)t .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r* He 2#s re#lly ,ery sic-*
7)t .oss#ri#$ co)l%$5t be h#ppy, e,e$ tho)gh the Te8#$ %i%$5t 2#$t hi( to be, bec#)se o)tsi%e the hospit#l there 2#s
still $othi$g &)$$y goi$g o$* The o$ly thi$g goi$g o$ 2#s # 2#r, #$% $o o$e see(e% to $otice b)t .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r*
A$% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ trie% to re(i$% people, they %re2 #2#y &ro( hi( #$% tho)ght he 2#s cr#4y* E,e$ Cle,i$ger, 2ho
sho)l% h#,e -$o2$ better b)t %i%$5t, h#% tol% hi( he 2#s cr#4y the l#st ti(e they h#% see$ e#ch other, 2hich 2#s 3)st
be&ore .oss#ri#$ h#% &le% i$to the hospit#l*
Cle,i$ger h#% st#re% #t hi( 2ith #poplectic r#ge #$% i$%ig$#tio$ #$%, cl#2i$g the t#ble 2ith both h#$%s, h#% sho)te%,
5.o)5re cr#4yC5
5Cle,i$ger, 2h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( people95 0)$b#r h#% replie% 2e#rily #bo,e the $oises o& the o&&icers5 cl)b*
5+5( $ot 3o-i$g,5 Cle,i$ger persiste%*
5They5re tryi$g to -ill (e,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi( c#l(ly*
5/o o$e5s tryi$g to -ill yo),5 Cle,i$ger crie%*
5The$ 2hy #re they shooti$g #t (e95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
5They5re shooti$g #t e,eryo$e,5 Cle,i$ger #$s2ere%* 5They5re tryi$g to -ill e,eryo$e*5
5A$% 2h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e95
Cle,i$ger 2#s #lre#%y o$ the 2#y, h#l& o)t o& his ch#ir 2ith e(otio$, his eyes (oist #$% his lips 6)i,eri$g #$% p#le* As
#l2#ys occ)rre% 2he$ he 6)#rrele% o,er pri$ciples i$ 2hich he belie,e% p#ssio$#tely, he 2o)l% e$% )p g#spi$g
&)rio)sly &or #ir #$% bli$-i$g b#c- bitter te#rs o& co$,ictio$* There 2ere (#$y pri$ciples i$ 2hich Cle,i$ger belie,e%
p#ssio$#tely* He 2#s cr#4y*
Catch 22
5>ho5s they95 he 2#$te% to -$o2* 5>ho, speci&ic#lly, %o yo) thi$- is tryi$g to ()r%er yo)95
5E,ery o$e o& the(,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(*
5E,ery o$e o& 2ho(95
5E,ery o$e o& 2ho( %o yo) thi$-95
5+ h#,e$5t #$y i%e#*5
5The$ ho2 %o yo) -$o2 they #re$5t95
57ec#)se***5 Cle,i$ger sp)ttere%, #$% t)r$e% speechless 2ith &r)str#tio$*
Cle,i$ger re#lly tho)ght he 2#s right, b)t .oss#ri#$ h#% proo&, bec#)se str#$gers he %i%$5t -$o2 shot #t hi( 2ith
c#$$o$s e,ery ti(e he &le2 )p i$to the #ir to %rop bo(bs o$ the(, #$% it 2#s$5t &)$$y #t #ll* A$% i& th#t 2#s$5t &)$$y,
there 2ere lots o& thi$gs th#t 2ere$5t e,e$ &)$$ier* There 2#s $othi$g &)$$y #bo)t li,i$g li-e # b)( i$ # te$t i$ Pi#$os#
bet2ee$ &#t (o)$t#i$s behi$% hi( #$% # pl#ci% bl)e se# i$ &ro$t th#t co)l% g)lp %o2$ # perso$ 2ith # cr#(p i$ the
t2i$-li$g o& #$ eye #$% ship hi( b#c- to shore three %#ys l#ter, #ll ch#rges p#i%, blo#te%, bl)e #$% p)tresce$t, 2#ter
%r#i$i$g o)t thro)gh both col% $ostrils*
The te$t he li,e% i$ stoo% right s(#c- )p #g#i$st the 2#ll o& the sh#llo2, %)ll-colore% &orest sep#r#ti$g his o2$ s6)#%ro$
&ro( 0)$b#r5s* +((e%i#tely #lo$gsi%e 2#s the #b#$%o$e% r#ilro#% %itch th#t c#rrie% the pipe th#t c#rrie% the #,i#tio$
g#soli$e %o2$ to the &)el tr)c-s #t the #ir&iel%* Th#$-s to Orr, his roo((#te, it 2#s the (ost l)8)rio)s te$t i$ the
s6)#%ro$* E#ch ti(e .oss#ri#$ ret)r$e% &ro( o$e o& his holi%#ys i$ the hospit#l or rest le#,es i$ Ro(e, he 2#s
s)rprise% by so(e $e2 co(&ort Orr h#% i$st#lle% i$ his #bse$ce - r)$$i$g 2#ter, 2oo%-b)r$i$g &irepl#ce, ce(e$t &loor*
.oss#ri#$ h#% chose$ the site, #$% he #$% Orr h#% r#ise% the te$t together* Orr, 2ho 2#s # gri$$i$g pyg(y 2ith pilot5s
2i$gs #$% thic-, 2#,y bro2$ h#ir p#rte% i$ the (i%%le, &)r$ishe% #ll the -$o2le%ge, 2hile .oss#ri#$, 2ho 2#s t#ller,
stro$ger, bro#%er #$% &#ster, %i% (ost o& the 2or-* J)st the t2o o& the( li,e% there, #ltho)gh the te$t 2#s big e$o)gh &or
si8* >he$ s)((er c#(e, Orr rolle% )p the si%e &l#ps to #llo2 # bree4e th#t $e,er ble2 to &l)sh #2#y the #ir b#-i$g
i$si%e*
+((e%i#tely $e8t %oor to .oss#ri#$ 2#s H#,er(eyer, 2ho li-e% pe#$)t brittle #$% li,e% #ll by hi(sel& i$ the t2o-(#$
te$t i$ 2hich he shot ti$y &iel% (ice e,ery $ight 2ith h)ge b)llets &ro( the *D! he h#% stole$ &ro( the %e#% (#$ i$
.oss#ri#$5s te$t* O$ the other si%e o& H#,er(eyer stoo% the te$t 'c>#tt $o lo$ger sh#re% 2ith Cle,i$ger, 2ho h#% still
$ot ret)r$e% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ c#(e o)t o& the hospit#l* 'c>#tt sh#re% his te$t $o2 2ith /#tely, 2ho 2#s #2#y i$ Ro(e
co)rti$g the sleepy 2hore he h#% &#lle$ so %eeply i$ lo,e 2ith there 2ho 2#s bore% 2ith her 2or- #$% bore% 2ith hi(
too* 'c>#tt 2#s cr#4y* He 2#s # pilot #$% &le2 his pl#$e #s lo2 #s he %#re% o,er .oss#ri#$5s te$t #s o&te$ #s he co)l%,
3)st to see ho2 ()ch he co)l% &righte$ hi(, #$% lo,e% to go b)44i$g 2ith # 2il%, close ro#r o,er the 2oo%e$ r#&t &lo#ti$g
o$ e(pty oil %r)(s o)t p#st the s#$% b#r #t the i((#c)l#te 2hite be#ch 2here the (e$ 2e$t s2i((i$g $#-e%* Sh#ri$g
# te$t 2ith # (#$ 2ho 2#s cr#4y 2#s$5t e#sy, b)t /#tely %i%$5t c#re* He 2#s cr#4y, too, #$% h#% go$e e,ery &ree %#y to
2or- o$ the o&&icers5 cl)b th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot helpe% b)il%*
Act)#lly, there 2ere (#$y o&&icers5 cl)bs th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot helpe% b)il%, b)t he 2#s pro)%est o& the o$e o$
Pi#$os#* +t 2#s # st)r%y #$% co(ple8 (o$)(e$t to his po2ers o& %eter(i$#tio$* .oss#ri#$ $e,er 2e$t there to help
)$til it 2#s &i$ishe%A the$ he 2e$t there o&te$, so ple#se% 2#s he 2ith the l#rge, &i$e, r#(bli$g, shi$gle% b)il%i$g* +t 2#s
tr)ly # sple$%i% str)ct)re, #$% .oss#ri#$ throbbe% 2ith # (ighty se$se o& #cco(plish(e$t e#ch ti(e he g#4e% #t it #$%
re&lecte% th#t $o$e o& the 2or- th#t h#% go$e i$to it 2#s his*
There 2ere &o)r o& the( se#te% together #t # t#ble i$ the o&&icers5 cl)b the l#st ti(e he #$% Cle,i$ger h#% c#lle% e#ch
other cr#4y* They 2ere se#te% i$ b#c- $e#r the cr#p t#ble o$ 2hich Appleby #l2#ys (#$#ge% to 2i$* Appleby 2#s #s
goo% #t shooti$g cr#p #s he 2#s #t pl#yi$g pi$g-po$g, #$% he 2#s #s goo% #t pl#yi$g pi$g-po$g #s he 2#s #t
e,erythi$g else* E,erythi$g Appleby %i%, he %i% 2ell* Appleby 2#s # &#ir-h#ire% boy &ro( +o2# 2ho belie,e% i$ :o%,
'otherhoo% #$% the A(eric#$ >#y o& Li&e, 2itho)t e,er thi$-i$g #bo)t #$y o& the(, #$% e,erybo%y 2ho -$e2 hi( li-e%
hi(*
5+ h#te th#t so$ o& # bitch,5 .oss#ri#$ gro2le%*
The #rg)(e$t 2ith Cle,i$ger h#% beg)$ # &e2 (i$)tes e#rlier 2he$ .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ )$#ble to &i$% # (#chi$e g)$*
+t 2#s # b)sy $ight* The b#r 2#s b)sy, the cr#p t#ble 2#s b)sy, the pi$g-go$g t#ble 2#s b)sy* The people .oss#ri#$
2#$te% to (#chi$e-g)$ 2ere b)sy #t the b#r si$gi$g se$ti(e$t#l ol% &#,orites th#t $obo%y else e,er tire% o&* +$ste#% o&
(#chi$e-g)$$i$g the(, he bro)ght his heel %o2$ h#r% o$ the pi$g-po$g b#ll th#t c#(e rolli$g to2#r% hi( o&& the p#%%le
o& o$e o& the t2o o&&icers pl#yi$g*
5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 the t2o o&&icers l#)ghe%, sh#-i$g their he#%s, #$% got #$other b#ll &ro( the bo8 o$ the shel&*
5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% the(*
5.oss#ri#$,5 /#tely 2hispere% c#)tio$i$gly*
5.o) see 2h#t + (e#$95 #s-e% Cle,i$ger*
The o&&icers l#)ghe% #g#i$ 2he$ they he#r% .oss#ri#$ (i(ic-i$g the(* 5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 they s#i% (ore lo)%ly*
5Th#t .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ echoe%*
5.oss#ri#$, ple#se,5 /#tely ple#%e%*
5.o) see 2h#t + (e#$95 #s-e% Cle,i$ger* 5He h#s #$tisoci#l #ggressio$s*5
5Oh, sh)t )p,5 0)$b#r tol% Cle,i$ger* 0)$b#r li-e% Cle,i$ger bec#)se Cle,i$ger #$$oye% hi( #$% (#%e the ti(e go
slo2*
5Appleby is$5t e,e$ here,5 Cle,i$ger poi$te% o)t tri)(ph#$tly to .oss#ri#$*
5>ho s#i% #$ythi$g #bo)t Appleby95 .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to -$o2*
5Colo$el C#thc#rt is$5t here, either*5
5>ho s#i% #$ythi$g #bo)t Colo$el C#thc#rt95
5>h#t so$ o& # bitch %o yo) h#te, the$95
5>h#t so$ o& # bitch is here95
5+5( $ot goi$g to #rg)e 2ith yo),5 Cle,i$ger %eci%e%* 5.o) %o$5t -$o2 2ho yo) h#te*5
5>hoe,er5s tryi$g to poiso$ (e,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(*
5/obo%y5s tryi$g to poiso$ yo)*5
5They poiso$e% (y &oo% t2ice, %i%$5t they9 0i%$5t they p)t poiso$ i$ (y &oo% %)ri$g ;err#r# #$% %)ri$g the :re#t 7ig
Siege o& 7olog$#95
5 | P a g e
5They p)t poiso$ i$ e,erybo%y5s &oo%,5 Cle,i$ger e8pl#i$e%*
5A$% 2h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e95
5A$% it 2#s$5t e,e$ poiso$C5 Cle,i$ger crie% he#te%ly, gro2i$g (ore e(ph#tic #s he gre2 (ore co$&)se%*
As &#r b#c- #s .oss#ri#$ co)l% rec#ll, he e8pl#i$e% to Cle,i$ger 2ith # p#tie$t s(ile, so(ebo%y 2#s #l2#ys h#tchi$g #
plot to -ill hi(* There 2ere people 2ho c#re% &or hi( #$% people 2ho %i%$5t, #$% those 2ho %i%$5t h#te% hi( #$% 2ere
o)t to get hi(* They h#te% hi( bec#)se he 2#s Assyri#$* 7)t they co)l%$5t to)ch hi(, he tol% Cle,i$ger, bec#)se he
h#% # so)$% (i$% i$ # p)re bo%y #$% 2#s #s stro$g #s #$ o8* They co)l%$5t to)ch hi( bec#)se he 2#s T#r4#$,
'#$%r#-e, ;l#sh :or%o$* He 2#s 7ill Sh#-espe#re* He 2#s C#i$, =lysses, the ;lyi$g 0)tch(#$A he 2#s Lot i$ So%o(,
0eir%re o& the Sorro2s, S2ee$ey i$ the $ighti$g#les #(o$g trees* He 2#s (ir#cle i$gre%ie$t E-2DF* He 2#s -
5Cr#4yC5 Cle,i$ger i$terr)pte%, shrie-i$g* 5Th#t5s 2h#t yo) #reC Cr#4yC
5- i((e$se* +5( # re#l, sl#(-b#$g, ho$est-to-goo%$ess, three-&iste% h)(%i$ger* +5( # bo$# &i%e s)pr#(#$*5
5S)per(#$95 Cle,i$ger crie%* 5S)per(#$95
5S)pr#(#$,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte%*
5Hey, &ell#s, c)t it o)t,5 /#tely begge% 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t* 5E,erybo%y5s loo-i$g #t )s*5
5.o)5re cr#4y,5 Cle,i$ger sho)te% ,ehe(e$tly, his eyes &illi$g 2ith te#rs* 5.o)5,e got # Jeho,#h co(ple8*5
5+ thi$- e,eryo$e is /#th#$iel*5
Cle,i$ger #rreste% hi(sel& i$ (i%-%ecl#(#tio$, s)spicio)sly* 5>ho5s /#th#$iel95
5/#th#$iel 2ho95 i$6)ire% .oss#ri#$ i$$oce$tly*
Cle,i$ger s-irte% the tr#p $e#tly* 5.o) thi$- e,erybo%y is Jeho,#h* .o)5re $o better th#$ R#s-ol$-o, -5
5>ho95
5- yes, R#s-ol$i-o,, 2ho -5
5R#s-ol$i-o,C5
5- 2ho - + (e#$ it - 2ho &elt he co)l% 3)sti&y -illi$g #$ ol% 2o(#$ -5
5/o better th#$95
5- yes, 3)sti&y, th#t5s right - 2ith #$ #8C A$% + c#$ pro,e it to yo)C5 :#spi$g &)rio)sly &or #ir, Cle,i$ger e$)(er#te%
.oss#ri#$5s sy(pto(s@ #$ )$re#so$#ble belie& th#t e,erybo%y #ro)$% hi( 2#s cr#4y, # ho(ici%#l i(p)lse to (#chi$e-
g)$ str#$gers, retrospecti,e &#lsi&ic#tio$, #$ )$&o)$%e% s)spicio$ th#t people h#te% hi( #$% 2ere co$spiri$g to -ill hi(*
7)t .oss#ri#$ -$e2 he 2#s right, bec#)se, #s he e8pl#i$e% to Cle,i$ger, to the best o& his -$o2le%ge he h#% $e,er
bee$ 2ro$g* E,ery2here he loo-e% 2#s # $)t, #$% it 2#s #ll # se$sible yo)$g ge$tle(#$ li-e hi(sel& co)l% %o to
(#i$t#i$ his perspecti,e #(i% so ()ch (#%$ess* A$% it 2#s )rge$t th#t he %i%, &or he -$e2 his li&e 2#s i$ peril*
.oss#ri#$ eye% e,eryo$e he s#2 2#rily 2he$ he ret)r$e% to the s6)#%ro$ &ro( the hospit#l* 'ilo 2#s #2#y, too, i$
S(yr$# &or the &ig h#r,est* The (ess h#ll r#$ s(oothly i$ 'ilo5s #bse$ce* .oss#ri#$ h#% respo$%e% r#,e$o)sly to the
p)$ge$t #ro(# o& spicy l#(b 2hile he 2#s still i$ the c#b o& the #(b)l#$ce bo)$ci$g %o2$ #lo$g the -$otte% ro#% th#t
l#y li-e # bro-e$ s)spe$%er bet2ee$ the hospit#l #$% the s6)#%ro$* There 2#s shish--#bob &or l)$ch, h)ge, s#,ory
h)$-s o& spitte% (e#t si44li$g li-e the %e,il o,er ch#rco#l #&ter (#ri$#ti$g se,e$ty-t2o ho)rs i$ # secret (i8t)re 'ilo
h#% stole$ &ro( # croo-e% tr#%er i$ the Le,#$t, ser,e% 2ith +r#$i#$ rice #$% #sp#r#g)s tips P#r(es#$, &ollo2e% by
cherries 3)bilee &or %essert #$% the$ ste#(i$g c)ps o& &resh co&&ee 2ith 7e$e%icti$e #$% br#$%y* The (e#l 2#s ser,e% i$
e$or(o)s helpi$gs o$ %#(#s- t#blecloths by the s-ille% +t#li#$ 2#iters '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% -i%$#pe% &ro( the
(#i$l#$% #$% gi,e$ to 'ilo*
.oss#ri#$ gorge% hi(sel& i$ the (ess h#ll )$til he tho)ght he 2o)l% e8plo%e #$% the$ s#gge% b#c- i$ # co$te$te%
st)por, his (o)th &il(y 2ith # s)cc)le$t resi%)e* /o$e o& the o&&icers i$ the s6)#%ro$ h#% e,er e#te$ so 2ell #s they #te
reg)l#rly i$ 'ilo5s (ess h#ll, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2o$%ere% #2hile i& it 2#s$5t perh#ps #ll 2orth it* 7)t the$ he b)rpe% #$%
re(e(bere% th#t they 2ere tryi$g to -ill hi(, #$% he spri$te% o)t o& the (ess h#ll 2il%ly #$% r#$ loo-i$g &or 0oc
0#$ee-# to h#,e hi(sel& t#-e$ o&& co(b#t %)ty #$% se$t ho(e* He &o)$% 0oc 0#$ee-# i$ s)$light, sitti$g o$ # high
stool o)tsi%e his te$t*
5;i&ty (issio$s,5 0oc 0#$ee-# tol% hi(, sh#-i$g his he#%* 5The colo$el 2#$ts &i&ty (issio$s*5
57)t +5,e o$ly got &orty-&o)rC5
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s )$(o,e%* He 2#s # s#%, bir%li-e (#$ 2ith the sp#t)l#te &#ce #$% scr)bbe%, t#peri$g &e#t)res o& #
2ell-groo(e% r#t*
5;i&ty (issio$s,5 he repe#te%, still sh#-i$g his he#%* 5The colo$el 2#$ts &i&ty (issio$s*5
G HABER'E.ER
Act)#lly, $o o$e 2#s #ro)$% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ ret)r$e% &ro( the hospit#l b)t Orr #$% the %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t*
The %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t 2#s # pest, #$% .oss#ri#$ %i%$5t li-e hi(, e,e$ tho)gh he h#% $e,er see$ hi(*
H#,i$g hi( lyi$g #ro)$% #ll %#y #$$oye% .oss#ri#$ so ()ch th#t he h#% go$e to the or%erly roo( se,er#l ti(es to
co(pl#i$ to Serge#$t To2ser, 2ho re&)se% to #%(it th#t the %e#% (#$ e,e$ e8iste%, 2hich, o& co)rse, he $o lo$ger %i%*
+t 2#s still (ore &r)str#ti$g to try to #ppe#l %irectly to '#3or '#3or, the lo$g #$% bo$y s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er, 2ho loo-e%
# little bit li-e He$ry ;o$%# i$ %istress #$% 2e$t 3)(pi$g o)t the 2i$%o2 o& his o&&ice e#ch ti(e .oss#ri#$ b)llie% his 2#y
p#st Serge#$t To2ser to spe#- to hi( #bo)t it* The %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t 2#s si(ply $ot e#sy to li,e 2ith* He
e,e$ %ist)rbe% Orr, 2ho 2#s $ot e#sy to li,e 2ith, either, #$% 2ho, o$ the %#y .oss#ri#$ c#(e b#c-, 2#s ti$-eri$g 2ith
the &#)cet th#t &e% g#soli$e i$to the sto,e he h#% st#rte% b)il%i$g 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s i$ the hospit#l*
5>h#t #re yo) %oi$g95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% g)#r%e%ly 2he$ he e$tere% the te$t, #ltho)gh he s#2 #t o$ce*
5There5s # le#- here,5 Orr s#i%* 5+5( tryi$g to &i8 it*5
5Ple#se stop it,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5.o)5re (#-i$g (e $er,o)s*5
5>he$ + 2#s # -i%,5 Orr replie%, 5+ )se% to 2#l- #ro)$% #ll %#y 2ith cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s* O$e i$ e#ch chee-*5
.oss#ri#$ p)t #si%e the ()sette b#g &ro( 2hich he h#% beg)$ re(o,i$g his toilet #rticles #$% br#ce% hi(sel&
s)spicio)sly* A (i$)te p#sse%* >hy95 he &o)$% hi(sel& &orce% to #s- &i$#lly*
Orr tittere% tri)(ph#$tly* 57ec#)se they5re better th#$ horse chest$)ts,5 he #$s2ere%*
Orr 2#s -$eeli$g o$ the &loor o& the te$t* He 2or-e% 2itho)t p#)se, t#-i$g the &#)cet #p#rt, spre#%i$g #ll the ti$y pieces
o)t c#re&)lly, co)$ti$g #$% the$ st)%yi$g e#ch o$e i$ter(i$#bly #s tho)gh he h#% $e,er see$ #$ythi$g re(otely si(il#r
be&ore, #$% the$ re#sse(bli$g the 2hole #pp#r#t)s, o,er #$% o,er #$% o,er #$% o,er #g#i$, 2ith $o loss o& p#tie$ce or
i$terest, $o sig$ o& &#tig)e, $o i$%ic#tio$ o& e,er co$cl)%i$g* .oss#ri#$ 2#tche% hi( ti$-eri$g #$% &elt cert#i$ he 2o)l%
Catch 22
be co(pelle% to ()r%er hi( i$ col% bloo% i& he %i% $ot stop* His eyes (o,e% to2#r% the h)$ti$g -$i&e th#t h#% bee$
sl)$g o,er the (os6)ito-$et b#r by the %e#% (#$ the %#y he #rri,e%* The -$i&e h)$g besi%e the %e#% (#$5s e(pty
le#ther g)$ holster, &ro( 2hich H#,er(eyer h#% stole$ the g)$*
5>he$ + co)l%$5t get cr#b #pples,5 Orr co$ti$)e%, 5+ )se% horse chest$)ts* Horse chest$)ts #re #bo)t the s#(e si4e #s
cr#b #pples #$% #ct)#lly h#,e # better sh#pe, #ltho)gh the sh#pe %oes$5t (#tter # bit*5
5>hy %i% yo) 2#l- #ro)$% 2ith cr#b #pples i$ yo)r chee-s95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% #g#i$* 5Th#t5s 2h#t + #s-e%*5
57ec#)se they5,e got # better sh#pe th#$ horse chest$)ts,5 Orr #$s2ere%* 5+ 3)st tol% yo) th#t*5
5>hy,5 s2ore .oss#ri#$ #t hi( #ppro,i$gly, 5yo) e,il-eye%, (ech#$ic#lly-#ptit)%e%, %is#&&ili#te% so$ o& # bitch, %i% yo)
2#l- #ro)$% 2ith #$ythi$g i$ yo)r chee-s95
5+ %i%$5t,5 Orr s#i%, 52#l- #ro)$% 2ith #$ythi$g i$ (y chee-s* + 2#l-e% #ro)$% 2ith cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s* >he$ +
co)l%$5t get cr#b #pples + 2#l-e% #ro)$% 2ith horse chest$)ts* +$ (y chee-s*5
Orr giggle%* .oss#ri#$ (#%e )p his (i$% to -eep his (o)th sh)t #$% %i%* Orr 2#ite%* .oss#ri#$ 2#ite% lo$ger*
5O$e i$ e#ch chee-,5 Orr s#i%*
5>hy95
Orr po)$ce%* 5>hy 2h#t95
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#%, s(ili$g, #$% re&)se% to s#y*
5+t5s # &)$$y thi$g #bo)t this ,#l,e,5 Orr ()se% #lo)%*
5>h#t is95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
57ec#)se + 2#$te% -5
.oss#ri#$ -$e2* 5Jes)s ChristC >hy %i% yo) 2#$t -5
5- #pple chee-s*5
5- #pple chee-s95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%*
5+ 2#$te% #pple chee-s,5 Orr repe#te%* 5E,e$ 2he$ + 2#s # -i% + 2#$te% #pple chee-s so(e%#y, #$% + %eci%e% to 2or- #t
it )$til + got the(, #$% by :o%, + %i% 2or- #t it )$til + got the(, #$% th#t5s ho2 + %i% it, 2ith cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s #ll
%#y lo$g*5 He giggle% #g#i$* 5O$e i$ e#ch chee-*5
5>hy %i% yo) 2#$t #pple chee-s95
5+ %i%$5t 2#$t #pple chee-s,5 Orr s#i%* 5+ 2#$te% big chee-s* + %i%$5t c#re #bo)t the color so ()ch, b)t + 2#$te% the( big*
+ 2or-e% #t it 3)st li-e o$e o& those cr#4y g)ys yo) re#% #bo)t 2ho go #ro)$% s6)ee4i$g r)bber b#lls #ll %#y lo$g 3)st to
stre$gthe$ their h#$%s* +$ &#ct, + 2#s o$e o& those cr#4y g)ys* + )se% to 2#l- #ro)$% #ll %#y 2ith r)bber b#lls i$ (y
h#$%s, too*5
5>hy95
5>hy 2h#t95
5>hy %i% yo) 2#l- #ro)$% #ll %#y 2ith r)bber b#lls i$ yo)r h#$%s95
57ec#)se r)bber b#lls -5 s#i% Orr*
5- #re better th#$ cr#b #pples95
Orr s$iggere% #s he shoo- his he#%* 5+ %i% it to protect (y goo% rep)t#tio$ i$ c#se #$yo$e e,er c#)ght (e 2#l-i$g
#ro)$% 2ith cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s* >ith r)bber b#lls i$ (y h#$%s + co)l% %e$y there 2ere cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s*
E,ery ti(e so(eo$e #s-e% (e 2hy + 2#s 2#l-i$g #ro)$% 2ith cr#b #pples i$ (y chee-s, +5% 3)st ope$ (y h#$%s #$%
sho2 the( it 2#s r)bber b#lls + 2#s 2#l-i$g #ro)$% 2ith, $ot cr#b #pples, #$% th#t they 2ere i$ (y h#$%s, $ot (y
chee-s* +t 2#s # goo% story* 7)t + $e,er -$e2 i& it got #cross or $ot, si$ce it5s pretty to)gh to (#-e people )$%erst#$%
yo) 2he$ yo)5re t#l-i$g to the( 2ith t2o cr#b #pples i$ yo)r chee-s*5
.oss#ri#$ &o)$% it pretty to)gh to )$%erst#$% hi( the$, #$% he 2o$%ere% o$ce #g#i$ i& Orr 2#s$5t t#l-i$g to hi( 2ith the
tip o& his to$g)e i$ o$e o& his #pple chee-s*
.oss#ri#$ %eci%e% $ot to )tter #$other 2or%* +t 2o)l% be &)tile* He -$e2 Orr, #$% he -$e2 there 2#s $ot # ch#$ce i$ hell
o& &i$%i$g o)t &ro( hi( the$ 2hy he h#% 2#$te% big chee-s* +t 2o)l% %o $o (ore goo% to #s- th#$ it h#% %o$e to #s-
hi( 2hy th#t 2hore h#% -ept be#ti$g hi( o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe th#t (or$i$g i$ Ro(e i$ the cr#(pe% ,estib)le
o)tsi%e the ope$ %oor o& /#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister5s roo(* She 2#s # t#ll, str#ppi$g girl 2ith lo$g h#ir #$% i$c#$%esce$t
bl)e ,ei$s co$,ergi$g pop)lo)sly be$e#th her coco#-colore% s-i$ 2here the &lesh 2#s (ost te$%er, #$% she -ept
c)rsi$g #$% shrie-i$g #$% 3)(pi$g high )p i$to the #ir o$ her b#re &eet to -eep right o$ hitti$g hi( o$ the top o& his he#%
2ith the spi-e% heel o& her shoe* They 2ere both $#-e%, #$% r#isi$g # r)(p)s th#t bro)ght e,eryo$e i$ the #p#rt(e$t
i$to the h#ll to 2#tch, e#ch co)ple i$ # be%roo( %oor2#y, #ll o& the( $#-e% e8cept the #pro$e% #$% s2e#tere% ol%
2o(#$, 2ho cl)c-e% repro,i$gly, #$% the lechero)s, %issip#te% ol% (#$, 2ho c#c-le% #lo)% hil#rio)sly thro)gh the
2hole episo%e 2ith # -i$% o& #,i% #$% s)perior glee* The girl shrie-e% #$% Orr giggle%* E#ch ti(e she l#$%e% 2ith the
heel o& her shoe, Orr giggle% lo)%er, i$&)ri#ti$g her still &)rther so th#t she &le2 )p still higher i$to the #ir &or #$other shot
#t his $oo%le, her 2o$%ro)sly &)ll bre#sts so#ri$g #ll o,er the pl#ce li-e billo2i$g pe$$#$ts i$ # stro$g 2i$% #$% her
b)ttoc-s #$% stro$g thighs shi(-sh#(-shi((yi$g this 2#y #$% th#t 2#y li-e so(e horri&yi$g bo$#$4#* She shrie-e%
#$% Orr giggle% right )p to the ti(e she shrie-e% #$% -$oc-e% hi( col% 2ith # goo% soli% cr#c- o$ the te(ple th#t (#%e
hi( stop giggli$g #$% se$t hi( o&& to the hospit#l i$ # stretcher 2ith # hole i$ his he#% th#t 2#s$5t ,ery %eep #$% # ,ery
(il% co$c)ssio$ th#t -ept hi( o)t o& co(b#t o$ly t2el,e %#ys*
/obo%y co)l% &i$% o)t 2h#t h#% h#ppe$e%, $ot e,e$ the c#c-li$g ol% (#$ #$% cl)c-i$g ol% 2o(#$, 2ho 2ere i$ #
positio$ to &i$% o)t e,erythi$g th#t h#ppe$e% i$ th#t ,#st #$% e$%less brothel 2ith its ()ltit)%i$o)s be%roo(s o$ &#ci$g
si%es o& the $#rro2 h#ll2#ys goi$g o&& i$ opposite %irectio$s &ro( the sp#cio)s sitti$g roo( 2ith its sh#%e% 2i$%o2s #$%
si$gle l#(p* E,ery ti(e she (et Orr #&ter th#t, she5% hoist her s-irts )p o,er her tight 2hite el#stic p#$ties #$%, 3eeri$g
co#rsely, b)lge her &ir(, ro)$% belly o)t #t hi(, c)rsi$g hi( co$te(pt)o)sly #$% the$ ro#ri$g 2ith h)s-y l#)ghter #s she
s#2 hi( giggle &e#r&)lly #$% t#-e re&)ge behi$% .oss#ri#$* >h#te,er he h#% %o$e or trie% to %o or &#ile% to %o behi$%
the close% %oor o& /#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister5s roo( 2#s still # secret* The girl 2o)l%$5t tell /#tely5s 2hore or #$y o& the
other 2hores or /#tely or .oss#ri#$* Orr (ight tell, b)t .oss#ri#$ h#% %eci%e% $ot to )tter #$other 2or%*
50o yo) 2#$t to -$o2 2hy + 2#$te% big chee-s95 Orr #s-e%*
.oss#ri#$ -ept his (o)th sh)t*
50o yo) re(e(ber,5 Orr s#i%, 5th#t ti(e i$ Ro(e 2he$ th#t girl 2ho c#$5t st#$% yo) -ept hitti$g (e o,er the he#% 2ith
the heel o& her shoe9 0o yo) 2#$t to -$o2 2hy she 2#s hitti$g (e95
7 | P a g e
+t 2#s still i(possible to i(#gi$e 2h#t he co)l% h#,e %o$e to (#-e her #$gry e$o)gh to h#((er hi( o,er the he#% &or
&i&tee$ or t2e$ty (i$)tes, yet $ot #$gry e$o)gh to pic- hi( )p by the #$-les #$% %#sh his br#i$s o)t* She 2#s cert#i$ly
t#ll e$o)gh, #$% Orr 2#s cert#i$ly short e$o)gh* Orr h#% b)c- teeth #$% b)lgi$g eyes to go 2ith his big chee-s #$% 2#s
e,e$ s(#ller th#$ yo)$g H)ple, 2ho li,e% o$ the 2ro$g si%e o& the r#ilro#% tr#c-s i$ the te$t i$ the #%(i$istr#tio$ #re#
i$ 2hich H)$gry Joe l#y scre#(i$g i$ his sleep e,ery $ight*
The #%(i$istr#tio$ #re# i$ 2hich H)$gry Joe h#% pitche% his te$t by (ist#-e l#y i$ the ce$ter o& the s6)#%ro$ bet2ee$
the %itch, 2ith its r)ste% r#ilro#% tr#c-s, #$% the tilte% bl#c- bit)(i$o)s ro#%* The (e$ co)l% pic- )p girls #lo$g th#t ro#%
i& they pro(ise% to t#-e the( 2here they 2#$te% to go, b)8o(, yo)$g, ho(ely, gri$$i$g girls 2ith (issi$g teeth 2ho(
they co)l% %ri,e o&& the ro#% #$% lie %o2$ i$ the 2il% gr#ss 2ith, #$% .oss#ri#$ %i% 2he$e,er he co)l%, 2hich 2#s $ot
$e#rly #s o&te$ #s H)$gry Joe, 2ho co)l% get # 3eep b)t co)l%$5t %ri,e, begge% hi( to try* The te$ts o& the e$liste% (e$
i$ the s6)#%ro$ stoo% o$ the other si%e o& the ro#% #lo$gsi%e the ope$-#ir (o,ie the#ter i$ 2hich, &or the %#ily
#()se(e$t o& the %yi$g, ig$or#$t #r(ies cl#she% by $ight o$ # coll#psible scree$, #$% to 2hich #$other =*S*O* tro)pe
c#(e th#t s#(e #&ter$oo$*
The =*S*O* tro)pes 2ere se$t by :e$er#l P* P* Pec-e(, 2ho h#% (o,e% his he#%6)#rters )p to Ro(e #$% h#% $othi$g
better to %o 2hile he sche(e% #g#i$st :e$er#l 0ree%le* :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s # ge$er#l 2ith 2ho( $e#t$ess %e&i$itely
co)$te%* He 2#s # spry, s)#,e #$% ,ery precise ge$er#l 2ho -$e2 the circ)(&ere$ce o& the e6)#tor #$% #l2#ys 2rote
5e$h#$ce%5 2he$ he (e#$t 5i$cre#se%5* He 2#s # pric-, #$% $o o$e -$e2 this better th#$ :e$er#l 0ree%le, 2ho 2#s
i$ce$se% by :e$er#l Pec-e(5s rece$t %irecti,e re6)iri$g #ll te$ts i$ the 'e%iterr#$e#$ the#ter o& oper#tio$s to be
pitche% #lo$g p#r#llel li$es 2ith e$tr#$ces &#ci$g b#c- pro)%ly to2#r% the >#shi$gto$ 'o$)(e$t* To :e$er#l 0ree%le,
2ho r#$ # &ighti$g o)t&it, it see(e% # lot o& cr#p* ;)rther(ore, it 2#s $o$e o& :e$er#l Pec-e(5s go%%#( b)si$ess ho2
the te$ts i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s 2i$g 2ere pitche%* There the$ &ollo2e% # hectic 3)ris%ictio$#l %isp)te bet2ee$ these
o,erlor%s th#t 2#s %eci%e% i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s &#,or by e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$, (#il cler- #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce
He#%6)#rters* >i$tergree$ %eter(i$e% the o)tco(e by thro2i$g #ll co(()$ic#tio$s &ro( :e$er#l Pec-e( i$to the
2#steb#s-et* He &o)$% the( too proli8* :e$er#l 0ree%le5s ,ie2s, e8presse% i$ less prete$tio)s liter#ry style, ple#se%
e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ #$% 2ere spe% #lo$g by hi( i$ 4e#lo)s obser,#$ce o& reg)l#tio$s* :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s
,ictorio)s by %e&#)lt*
To reg#i$ 2h#te,er st#t)s he h#% lost, :e$er#l Pec-e( beg#$ se$%i$g o)t (ore =*S*O* tro)pes th#$ he h#% e,er se$t
o)t be&ore #$% #ssig$e% to Colo$el C#rgill hi(sel& the respo$sibility o& ge$er#ti$g e$o)gh e$th)si#s( &or the(*
7)t there 2#s $o e$th)si#s( i$ .oss#ri#$5s gro)p* +$ .oss#ri#$5s gro)p there 2#s o$ly # (o)$ti$g $)(ber o& e$liste%
(e$ #$% o&&icers 2ho &o)$% their 2#y sole($ly to Serge#$t To2ser se,er#l ti(es # %#y to #s- i& the or%ers se$%i$g
the( ho(e h#% co(e i$* They 2ere (e$ 2ho h#% &i$ishe% their &i&ty (issio$s* There 2ere (ore o& the( $o2 th#$ 2he$
.oss#ri#$ h#% go$e i$to the hospit#l, #$% they 2ere still 2#iti$g* They 2orrie% #$% bit their $#ils* They 2ere grotes6)e,
li-e )seless yo)$g (e$ i$ # %epressio$* They (o,e% si%e2#ys, li-e cr#bs* They 2ere 2#iti$g &or the or%ers se$%i$g
the( ho(e to s#&ety to ret)r$ &ro( T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters i$ +t#ly, #$% 2hile they 2#ite% they h#%
$othi$g to %o b)t 2orry #$% bite their $#ils #$% &i$% their 2#y sole($ly to Serge#$t To2ser se,er#l ti(es # %#y to #s- i&
the or%er se$%i$g the( ho(e to s#&ety h#% co(e*
They 2ere i$ # r#ce #$% -$e2 it, bec#)se they -$e2 &ro( bitter e8perie$ce th#t Colo$el C#thc#rt (ight r#ise the
$)(ber o& (issio$s #g#i$ #t #$y ti(e* They h#% $othi$g better to %o th#$ 2#it* O$ly H)$gry Joe h#% so(ethi$g better
to %o e#ch ti(e he &i$ishe% his (issio$s* He h#% scre#(i$g $ight(#res #$% 2o$ &ist &ights 2ith H)ple5s c#t* He too- his
c#(er# to the &ro$t ro2 o& e,ery =*S*O* sho2 #$% trie% to shoot pict)res )p the s-irt o& the yello2-he#%e% si$ger 2ith
t2o big o$es i$ # se6)i$e% %ress th#t #l2#ys see(e% re#%y to b)rst* The pict)res $e,er c#(e o)t*
Colo$el C#rgill, :e$er#l Pec-e(5s tro)bleshooter, 2#s # &orce&)l, r)%%y (#$* 7e&ore the 2#r he h#% bee$ #$ #lert,
h#r%hitti$g, #ggressi,e (#r-eti$g e8ec)ti,e* He 2#s # ,ery b#% (#r-eti$g e8ec)ti,e* Colo$el C#rgill 2#s so #2&)l #
(#r-eti$g e8ec)ti,e th#t his ser,ices 2ere ()ch so)ght #&ter by &ir(s e#ger to est#blish losses &or t#8 p)rposes*
Thro)gho)t the ci,ili4e% 2orl%, &ro( 7#ttery P#r- to ;)lto$ Street, he 2#s -$o2$ #s # %epe$%#ble (#$ &or # &#st t#8
2rite-o&&* His prices 2ere high, &or &#il)re o&te$ %i% $ot co(e e#sily* He h#% to st#rt #t the top #$% 2or- his 2#y %o2$,
#$% 2ith sy(p#thetic &rie$%s i$ >#shi$gto$, losi$g (o$ey 2#s $o si(ple (#tter* +t too- (o$ths o& h#r% 2or- #$%
c#re&)l (ispl#$$i$g* A perso$ (ispl#ce%, %isorg#$i4e%, (isc#lc)l#te%, o,erloo-e% e,erythi$g #$% ope$e% e,ery
loophole, #$% 3)st 2he$ he tho)ght he h#% it (#%e, the go,er$(e$t g#,e hi( # l#-e or # &orest or #$ oil&iel% #$% spoile%
e,erythi$g* E,e$ 2ith s)ch h#$%ic#ps, Colo$el C#rgill co)l% be relie% o$ to r)$ the (ost prospero)s e$terprise i$to the
gro)$%* He 2#s # sel&-(#%e (#$ 2ho o2e% his l#c- o& s)ccess to $obo%y*
5'e$,5 Colo$el C#rgill beg#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s s6)#%ro$, (e#s)ri$g his p#)ses c#re&)lly* 5.o)5re A(eric#$ o&&icers* The
o&&icers o& $o other #r(y i$ the 2orl% c#$ (#-e th#t st#te(e$t* Thi$- #bo)t it*5
Serge#$t ?$ight tho)ght #bo)t it #$% the$ politely i$&or(e% Colo$el C#rgill th#t he 2#s #%%ressi$g the e$liste% (e$ #$%
th#t the o&&icers 2ere to be &o)$% 2#iti$g &or hi( o$ the other si%e o& the s6)#%ro$* Colo$el C#rgill th#$-e% hi( crisply
#$% glo2e% 2ith sel&-s#tis&#ctio$ #s he stro%e #cross the #re#* +t (#%e hi( pro)% to obser,e th#t t2e$ty-$i$e (o$ths i$
the ser,ice h#% $ot bl)$te% his ge$i)s &or i$eptit)%e*
5'e$,5 he beg#$ his #%%ress to the o&&icers, (e#s)ri$g his p#)ses c#re&)lly* 5.o)5re A(eric#$ o&&icers* The o&&icers o& $o
other #r(y i$ the 2orl% c#$ (#-e th#t st#te(e$t* Thi$- #bo)t it*5 He 2#ite% # (o(e$t to per(it the( to thi$- #bo)t it*
5These people #re yo)r g)estsC5 he sho)te% s)%%e$ly* 5They5,e tr#,ele% o,er three tho)s#$% (iles to e$tert#i$ yo)* Ho2
#re they goi$g to &eel i& $obo%y 2#$ts to go o)t #$% 2#tch the(9 >h#t5s goi$g to h#ppe$ to their (or#le9 /o2, (e$, it5s
$o s-i$ o&& (y behi$%* 7)t th#t girl th#t 2#$ts to pl#y the #ccor%io$ &or yo) to%#y is ol% e$o)gh to be # (other* Ho2
2o)l% yo) &eel i& yo)r o2$ (other tr#,ele% o,er three tho)s#$% (iles to pl#y the #ccor%io$ &or so(e troops th#t %i%$5t
2#$t to 2#tch her9 Ho2 is th#t -i% 2hose (other th#t #ccor%io$ pl#yer is ol% e$o)gh to be goi$g to &eel 2he$ he gro2s
)p #$% le#r$s #bo)t it9 >e #ll -$o2 the #$s2er to th#t o$e* /o2, (e$, %o$5t (is)$%erst#$% (e* This is #ll ,ol)$t#ry, o&
co)rse* +5% be the l#st colo$el i$ the 2orl% to or%er yo) to go to th#t =*S*O* sho2 #$% h#,e # goo% ti(e, b)t + 2#$t e,ery
o$e o& yo) 2ho is$5t sic- e$o)gh to be i$ # hospit#l to go to th#t =*S*O* sho2 right $o2 #$% h#,e # goo% ti(e, #$% th#t5s
#$ or%erC5
.oss#ri#$ %i% &eel #l(ost sic- e$o)gh to go b#c- i$to the hospit#l, #$% he &elt e,e$ sic-er three co(b#t (issio$s l#ter
2he$ 0oc 0#$ee-# still shoo- his (el#$choly he#% #$% re&)se% to gro)$% hi(*
5.o) thi$- yo)5,e got tro)bles95 0oc 0#$ee-# reb)-e% hi( grie,i$gly* 5>h#t #bo)t (e9 + li,e% o$ pe#$)ts &or eight ye#rs
Catch 22
2hile + le#r$e% ho2 to be # %octor* A&ter the pe#$)ts, + li,e% o$ chic-e$ &ee% i$ (y o2$ o&&ice )$til + co)l% b)il% )p #
pr#ctice %ece$t e$o)gh to e,e$ p#y e8pe$ses* The$, 3)st #s the shop 2#s &i$#lly st#rti$g to sho2 # pro&it, they %r#&te%
(e* + %o$5t -$o2 2h#t yo)5re co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t*5
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s .oss#ri#$5s &rie$% #$% 2o)l% %o 3)st #bo)t $othi$g i$ his po2er to help hi(* .oss#ri#$ liste$e% ,ery
c#re&)lly #s 0oc 0#$ee-# tol% hi( #bo)t Colo$el C#thc#rt #t :ro)p, 2ho 2#$te% to be # ge$er#l, #bo)t :e$er#l
0ree%le #t >i$g #$% :e$er#l 0ree%le5s $)rse, #$% #bo)t #ll the other ge$er#ls #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce
He#%6)#rters, 2ho i$siste% o$ o$ly &orty (issio$s #s # co(plete% to)r o& %)ty*
5>hy %o$5t yo) 3)st s(ile #$% (#-e the best o& it95 he #%,ise% .oss#ri#$ gl)(ly* 57e li-e H#,er(eyer*5
.oss#ri#$ sh)%%ere% #t the s)ggestio$* H#,er(eyer 2#s # le#% bo(b#r%ier 2ho $e,er too- e,#si,e #ctio$ goi$g i$ to
the t#rget #$% thereby i$cre#se% the %#$ger o& #ll the (e$ 2ho &le2 i$ the s#(e &or(#tio$ 2ith hi(*
5H#,er(eyer, 2hy the hell %o$5t yo) e,er t#-e e,#si,e #ctio$95 they 2o)l% %e(#$% i$ # r#ge #&ter the (issio$*
5Hey, yo) (e$ le#,e C#pt#i$ H#,er(eyer #lo$e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt 2o)l% or%er* 5He5s the best %#($e% bo(b#r%ier
2e5,e got*5
H#,er(eyer gri$$e% #$% $o%%e% #$% trie% to e8pl#i$ ho2 he %)(%)((e% the b)llets 2ith # h)$ti$g -$i&e be&ore he
&ire% the( #t the &iel% (ice i$ his te$t e,ery $ight* H#,er(eyer 2#s the best %#($e% bo(b#r%ier they h#%, b)t he &le2
str#ight #$% le,el #ll the 2#y &ro( the +*P* to the t#rget, #$% e,e$ &#r beyo$% the t#rget )$til he s#2 the &#lli$g bo(bs
stri-e gro)$% #$% e8plo%e i$ # %#rti$g sp)rt o& #br)pt or#$ge th#t &l#she% be$e#th the s2irli$g p#ll o& s(o-e #$%
p)l,eri4e% %ebris geyseri$g )p 2il%ly i$ h)ge, rolli$g 2#,es o& gr#y #$% bl#c-* H#,er(eyer hel% (ort#l (e$ rigi% i$ si8
pl#$es #s ste#%y #$% still #s sitti$g %)c-s 2hile he &ollo2e% the bo(bs #ll the 2#y %o2$ thro)gh the ple8igl#ss $ose
2ith %eep i$terest #$% g#,e the :er(#$ g)$$ers belo2 #ll the ti(e they $ee%e% to set their sights #$% t#-e their #i(
#$% p)ll their triggers or l#$y#r%s or s2itches or 2h#te,er the hell they %i% p)ll 2he$ they 2#$te% to -ill people they
%i%$5t -$o2*
H#,er(eyer 2#s # le#% bo(b#r%ier 2ho $e,er (isse%* .oss#ri#$ 2#s # le#% bo(b#r%ier 2ho h#% bee$ %e(ote%
bec#)se he $o lo$ger g#,e # %#($ 2hether he (isse% or $ot* He h#% %eci%e% to li,e &ore,er or %ie i$ the #tte(pt, #$%
his o$ly (issio$ e#ch ti(e he 2e$t )p 2#s to co(e %o2$ #li,e*
The (e$ h#% lo,e% &lyi$g behi$% .oss#ri#$, 2ho )se% to co(e b#rreli$g i$ o,er the t#rget &ro( #ll %irectio$s #$% e,ery
height, cli(bi$g #$% %i,i$g #$% t2isti$g #$% t)r$i$g so steeply #$% sh#rply th#t it 2#s #ll the pilots o& the other &i,e
pl#$es co)l% %o to st#y i$ &or(#tio$ 2ith hi(, le,eli$g o)t o$ly &or the t2o or three seco$%s it too- &or the bo(bs to %rop
#$% the$ 4oo(i$g o&& #g#i$ 2ith #$ #chi$g ho2l o& e$gi$es, #$% 2re$chi$g his &light thro)gh the #ir so ,iole$tly #s he
2o,e his 2#y thro)gh the &ilthy b#rr#ges o& &l#- th#t the si8 pl#$es 2ere soo$ &l)$g o)t #ll o,er the s-y li-e pr#yers,
e#ch o$e # p)sho,er &or the :er(#$ &ighters, 2hich 2#s 3)st &i$e 2ith .oss#ri#$, &or there 2ere $o :er(#$ &ighters #$y
(ore #$% he %i% $ot 2#$t #$y e8plo%i$g pl#$es $e#r his 2he$ they e8plo%e%* O$ly 2he$ #ll the St)r( )$% 0r#$g h#%
bee$ le&t &#r behi$% 2o)l% he tip his &l#- hel(et b#c- 2e#rily o$ his s2e#ti$g he#% #$% stop b#r-i$g %irectio$s to
'c>#tt #t the co$trols, 2ho h#% $othi$g better to 2o$%er #bo)t #t # ti(e li-e th#t th#$ 2here the bo(bs h#% &#lle$*
57o(b b#y cle#r,5 Serge#$t ?$ight i$ the b#c- 2o)l% #$$o)$ce*
50i% 2e hit the bri%ge95 'c>#tt 2o)l% #s-*
5+ co)l%$5t see, sir, + -ept getti$g bo)$ce% #ro)$% b#c- here pretty h#r% #$% + co)l%$5t see* E,erythi$g5s co,ere% 2ith
s(o-e $o2 #$% + c#$5t see*5
5Hey, A#r&y, %i% the bo(bs hit the t#rget95
5>h#t t#rget95 C#pt#i$ A#r%,##r-, .oss#ri#$5s pl)(p, pipe-s(o-i$g $#,ig#tor, 2o)l% s#y &ro( the co$&)sio$ o& (#ps he
h#% cre#te% #t .oss#ri#$5s si%e i$ the $ose o& the ship* 5+ %o$5t thi$- 2e5re #t the t#rget yet* Are 2e95
5.oss#ri#$, %i% the bo(bs hit the t#rget95
5>h#t bo(bs95 #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$, 2hose o$ly co$cer$ h#% bee$ the &l#-*
5Oh, 2ell,5 'c>#tt 2o)l% si$g, 52h#t the hell*5
.oss#ri#$ %i% $ot gi,e # %#($ 2hether he hit the t#rget or $ot, 3)st #s lo$g #s H#,er(eyer or o$e o& the other le#%
bo(b#r%iers %i% #$% they $e,er h#% to go b#c-* E,ery $o2 #$% the$ so(eo$e gre2 #$gry e$o)gh #t H#,er(eyer to
thro2 # p)$ch #t hi(*
5+ s#i% yo) (e$ le#,e C#pt#i$ H#,er(eyer #lo$e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#r$e% the( #ll #$grily* 5+ s#i% he5s the best
%#($e% bo(b#r%ier 2e5,e got, %i%$5t +95
H#,er(eyer gri$$e% #t the colo$el5s i$ter,e$tio$ #$% sho,e% #$other piece o& pe#$)t brittle i$si%e his &#ce*
H#,er(eyer h#% gro2$ ,ery pro&icie$t #t shooti$g &iel% (ice #t $ight 2ith the g)$ he h#% stole$ &ro( the %e#% (#$ i$
.oss#ri#$5s te$t* His b#it 2#s # b#r o& c#$%y #$% he 2o)l% presight i$ the %#r-$ess #s he s#t 2#iti$g &or the $ibble 2ith
# &i$ger o& his other h#$% i$si%e # loop o& the li$e he h#% r)$ &ro( the &r#(e o& his (os6)ito $et to the ch#i$ o& the
)$&roste% light b)lb o,erhe#%* The li$e 2#s t#)t #s # b#$3o stri$g, #$% the (erest t)g 2o)l% s$#p it o$ #$% bli$% the
shi,eri$g 6)#rry i$ # bl#4e o& light* H#,er(eyer 2o)l% chortle e8)lt#$tly #s he 2#tche% the ti$y (#((#l &ree4e #$% roll
its terri&ie% eyes #bo)t i$ &r#$tic se#rch o& the i$tr)%er* H#,er(eyer 2o)l% 2#it )$til the eyes &ell )po$ his o2$ #$% the$
he l#)ghe% #lo)% #$% p)lle% the trigger #t the s#(e ti(e, sho2eri$g the r#$-, &)rry bo%y #ll o,er the te$t 2ith #
re,erber#ti$g cr#sh #$% %isp#tchi$g its ti(i% so)l b#c- to his or her Cre#tor*
L#te o$e $ight, H#,er(eyer &ire% # shot #t # (o)se th#t bro)ght H)$gry Joe bolti$g o)t #t hi( b#re&oot, r#$ti$g #t the
top o& his screechy ,oice #$% e(ptyi$g his o2$ *D! i$to H#,er(eyer5s te$t #s he c#(e ch#rgi$g %o2$ o$e si%e o& the
%itch #$% )p the other #$% ,#$ishe% #ll #t o$ce i$si%e o$e o& the slit tre$ches th#t h#% #ppe#re% li-e (#gic besi%e e,ery
te$t the (or$i$g #&ter 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er h#% bo(be% the s6)#%ro$* +t 2#s 3)st be&ore %#2$ %)ri$g the :re#t 7ig Siege
o& 7olog$#, 2he$ to$g)eless %e#% (e$ people% the $ight ho)rs li-e li,i$g ghosts #$% H)$gry Joe 2#s h#l& o)t o& his
(i$% bec#)se he h#% &i$ishe% his (issio$s #g#i$ #$% 2#s $ot sche%)le% to &ly* H)$gry Joe 2#s b#bbli$g i$cohere$tly
2he$ they &ishe% hi( o)t &ro( the %#$- botto( o& the slit tre$ch, b#bbli$g o& s$#-es, r#ts #$% spi%ers* The others
&l#she% their se#rchlights %o2$ 3)st to (#-e s)re* There 2#s $othi$g i$si%e b)t # &e2 i$ches o& st#g$#$t r#i$ 2#ter*
5.o) see95 crie% H#,er(eyer* 5+ tol% yo)* + tol% yo) he 2#s cr#4y, %i%$5t +95
D 0OC 0A/EE?A
H)$gry Joe 2#s cr#4y, #$% $o o$e -$e2 it better th#$ .oss#ri#$, 2ho %i% e,erythi$g he co)l% to help hi(* H)$gry Joe
3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$ to .oss#ri#$* H)$gry Joe 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$ bec#)se he tho)ght .oss#ri#$ 2#s cr#4y*
5>hy sho)l% he liste$ to yo)95 0oc 0#$ee-# i$6)ire% o& .oss#ri#$ 2itho)t loo-i$g )p*
9 | P a g e
57ec#)se he5s got tro)bles*5
0oc 0#$ee-# s$orte% scor$&)lly* 5He thi$-s he5s got tro)bles9 >h#t #bo)t (e95 0oc 0#$ee-# co$ti$)e% slo2ly 2ith #
gloo(y s$eer* 5Oh, +5( $ot co(pl#i$i$g* + -$o2 there5s # 2#r o$* + -$o2 # lot o& people #re goi$g to h#,e to s)&&er &or )s
to 2i$ it* 7)t 2hy ()st + be o$e o& the(9 >hy %o$5t they %r#&t so(e o& these ol% %octors 2ho -eep shooti$g their -issers
o&& i$ p)blic #bo)t 2h#t big s#cri&ices the (e%ic#l g#(e st#$%s re#%y to (#-e9 + %o$5t 2#$t to (#-e s#cri&ices* + 2#$t to
(#-e %o)gh*5
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s # ,ery $e#t, cle#$ (#$ 2hose i%e# o& # goo% ti(e 2#s to s)l-* He h#% # %#r- co(ple8io$ #$% #
s(#ll, 2ise, s#t)r$i$e &#ce 2ith (o)r$&)l po)ches )$%er both eyes* He broo%e% o,er his he#lth co$ti$)#lly #$% 2e$t
#l(ost %#ily to the (e%ic#l te$t to h#,e his te(per#t)re t#-e$ by o$e o& the t2o e$liste% (e$ there 2ho r#$ thi$gs &or
hi( pr#ctic#lly o$ their o2$, #$% r#$ it so e&&icie$tly th#t he 2#s le&t 2ith little else to %o b)t sit i$ the s)$light 2ith his
st)&&e% $ose #$% 2o$%er 2h#t other people 2ere so 2orrie% #bo)t* Their $#(es 2ere :)s #$% >es #$% they h#%
s)ccee%e% i$ ele,#ti$g (e%ici$e to #$ e8#ct scie$ce* All (e$ reporti$g o$ sic- c#ll 2ith te(per#t)res #bo,e 1<2 2ere
r)she% to the hospit#l* All those e8cept .oss#ri#$ reporti$g o$ sic- c#ll 2ith te(per#t)res belo2 1<2 h#% their g)(s #$%
toes p#i$te% 2ith ge$ti#$ ,iolet sol)tio$ #$% 2ere gi,e$ # l#8#ti,e to thro2 #2#y i$to the b)shes* All those reporti$g o$
# sic- c#ll 2ith te(per#t)res o& e8#ctly 1<2 2ere #s-e% to ret)r$ i$ #$ ho)r to h#,e their te(per#t)res t#-e$ #g#i$*
.oss#ri#$, 2ith his te(per#t)re o& 1<1, co)l% go to the hospit#l 2he$e,er he 2#$te% to bec#)se he 2#s $ot #&r#i% o&
the(*
The syste( 2or-e% 3)st &i$e &or e,erybo%y, especi#lly &or 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2ho &o)$% hi(sel& 2ith #ll the ti(e he $ee%e%
to 2#tch ol% '#3or - %e Co,erley pitchi$g horseshoes i$ his pri,#te horseshoe-pitchi$g pit, still 2e#ri$g the tr#$sp#re$t
eye p#tch 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% &#shio$e% &or hi( &ro( the strip o& cell)loi% stole$ &ro( '#3or '#3or5s or%erly roo( 2i$%o2
(o$ths be&ore 2he$ '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% ret)r$e% &ro( Ro(e 2ith #$ i$3)re% cor$e# #&ter re$ti$g t2o #p#rt(e$ts
there &or the o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ to )se o$ their rest le#,es* The o$ly ti(e 0oc 0#$ee-# e,er 2e$t to the (e%ic#l
te$t 2#s the ti(e he beg#$ to &eel he 2#s # ,ery sic- (#$ e#ch %#y #$% stoppe% i$ 3)st to h#,e :)s #$% >es loo- hi(
o,er* They co)l% $e,er &i$% #$ythi$g 2ro$g 2ith hi(* His te(per#t)re 2#s #l2#ys "*H, 2hich 2#s per&ectly #ll right 2ith
the(, #s lo$g #s he %i%$5t (i$%* 0oc 0#$ee-# %i% (i$%* He 2#s begi$$i$g to lose co$&i%e$ce i$ :)s #$% >es #$% 2#s
thi$-i$g o& h#,i$g the( both tr#$s&erre% b#c- to the (otor pool #$% repl#ce% by so(eo$e 2ho co)l% &i$% so(ethi$g
2ro$g*
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s perso$#lly &#(ili#r 2ith # $)(ber o& thi$gs th#t 2ere %r#stic#lly 2ro$g* +$ #%%itio$ to his he#lth, he
2orrie% #bo)t the P#ci&ic Oce#$ #$% &light ti(e* He#lth 2#s so(ethi$g $o o$e e,er co)l% be s)re o& &or # lo$g e$o)gh
ti(e* The P#ci&ic Oce#$ 2#s # bo%y o& 2#ter s)rro)$%e% o$ #ll si%es by eleph#$ti#sis #$% other %re#% %ise#ses to
2hich, i& he e,er %isple#se% Colo$el C#thc#rt by gro)$%i$g .oss#ri#$, he (ight s)%%e$ly &i$% hi(sel& tr#$s&erre%* A$%
&light ti(e 2#s the ti(e he h#% to spe$% i$ #irpl#$e &light e#ch (o$th i$ or%er to get his &light p#y* 0oc 0#$ee-# h#te%
to &ly* He &elt i(priso$e% i$ #$ #irpl#$e* +$ #$ #irpl#$e there 2#s #bsol)tely $o pl#ce i$ the 2orl% to go e8cept to #$other
p#rt o& the #irpl#$e* 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% bee$ tol% th#t people 2ho e$3oye% cli(bi$g i$to #$ #irpl#$e 2ere re#lly gi,i$g
,e$t to # s)bco$scio)s %esire to cli(b b#c- i$to the 2o(b* He h#% bee$ tol% this by .oss#ri#$, 2ho (#%e it possible &or
0#$ 0#$ee-# to collect his &light p#y e#ch (o$th 2itho)t e,er cli(bi$g b#c- i$to the 2o(b* .oss#ri#$ 2o)l% pers)#%e
'c>#tt to e$ter 0oc 0#$ee-#5s $#(e o$ his &light log &or tr#i$i$g (issio$s or trips to Ro(e*
5.o) -$o2 ho2 it is,5 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% 2hee%le%, 2ith # sly, co$spir#tori#l 2i$-* 5>hy t#-e ch#$ces 2he$ + %o$5t h#,e
to95
5S)re,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree%*
5>h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes it (#-e to #$yo$e i& +5( i$ the pl#$e or $ot95
5/o %i&&ere$ce*5
5S)re, th#t5s 2h#t + (e#$,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s#i%* 5A little gre#se is 2h#t (#-es this 2orl% go ro)$%* O$e h#$% 2#shes the
other* ?$o2 2h#t + (e#$9 .o) scr#tch (y b#c-, +5ll scr#tch yo)rs*5
.oss#ri#$ -$e2 2h#t he (e#$t*
5Th#t5s $ot 2h#t + (e#$t,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s#i%, #s .oss#ri#$ beg#$ scr#tchi$g his b#c-* 5+5( t#l-i$g #bo)t co-oper#tio$*
;#,ors* .o) %o # &#,or &or (e, +5ll %o o$e &or yo)* :et it95
50o o$e &or (e,5 .oss#ri#$ re6)este%*
5/ot # ch#$ce,5 0oc 0#$ee-# #$s2ere%*
There 2#s so(ethi$g &e#r&)l #$% (i$)te #bo)t 0oc 0#$ee-# #s he s#t %espo$%e$tly o)tsi%e his te$t i$ the s)$light #s
o&te$ #s he co)l%, %resse% i$ -h#-i s)((er tro)sers #$% # short-slee,e% s)((er shirt th#t 2#s ble#che% #l(ost to #$
#$tiseptic gr#y by the %#ily l#)$%eri$g to 2hich he h#% it s)b3ecte%* He 2#s li-e # (#$ 2ho h#% gro2$ &ro4e$ 2ith
horror o$ce #$% h#% $e,er co(e co(pletely )$th#2e%* He s#t #ll t)c-e% )p i$to hi(sel&, his sle$%er sho)l%ers h)%%le%
h#l&2#y #ro)$% his he#%, his s)$t#$$e% h#$%s 2ith their l)(i$o)s sil,er &i$ger$#ils (#ss#gi$g the b#c-s o& his b#re,
&ol%e% #r(s ge$tly #s tho)gh he 2ere col%* Act)#lly, he 2#s # ,ery 2#r(, co(p#ssio$#te (#$ 2ho $e,er stoppe%
&eeli$g sorry &or hi(sel&*
5>hy (e95 2#s his co$st#$t l#(e$t, #$% the 6)estio$ 2#s # goo% o$e*
.oss#ri#$ -$e2 it 2#s # goo% o$e bec#)se .oss#ri#$ 2#s # collector o& goo% 6)estio$s #$% h#% )se% the( to %isr)pt
the e%)c#tio$#l sessio$s Cle,i$ger h#% o$ce co$%)cte% t2o $ights # 2ee- i$ C#pt#i$ 7l#c-5s i$tellige$ce te$t 2ith the
corpor#l i$ eyegl#sses 2ho e,erybo%y -$e2 2#s prob#bly # s)b,ersi,e* C#pt#i$ 7l#c- -$e2 he 2#s # s)b,ersi,e
bec#)se he 2ore eyegl#sses #$% )se% 2or%s li-e p#$#ce# #$% )topi#, #$% bec#)se he %is#ppro,e% o& A%ol& Hitler, 2ho
h#% %o$e s)ch # gre#t 3ob o& co(b#ti$g )$-A(eric#$ #cti,ities i$ :er(#$y* .oss#ri#$ #tte$%e% the e%)c#tio$#l
sessio$s bec#)se he 2#$te% to &i$% o)t 2hy so (#$y people 2ere 2or-i$g so h#r% to -ill hi(* A h#$%&)l o& other (e$
2ere #lso i$tereste%, #$% the 6)estio$s 2ere (#$y #$% goo% 2he$ Cle,(ger #$% the s)b,ersi,e corpor#l &i$ishe% #$%
(#%e the (ist#-e o& #s-i$g i& there 2ere #$y*
5>ho is Sp#i$95
5>hy is Hitler95
5>he$ is right95
5>here 2#s th#t stoope% #$% (e#ly-colore% ol% (#$ + )se% to c#ll Popp# 2he$ the (erry-go-ro)$% bro-e %o2$95
5Ho2 2#s tr)(p #t ')$ich95
5Ho-ho beriberi*5
Catch 22
#$%
57#llsC5
#ll r#$g o)t i$ r#pi% s)ccessio$, #$% the$ there 2#s .oss#ri#$ 2ith the 6)estio$ th#t h#% $o #$s2er@
5>here #re the S$o2%e$s o& yesterye#r95
The 6)estio$ )pset the(, bec#)se S$o2%e$ h#% bee$ -ille% o,er A,ig$o$ 2he$ 0obbs 2e$t cr#4y i$ (i%-#ir #$%
sei4e% the co$trols #2#y &ro( H)ple*
The corpor#l pl#ye% it %)(b* 5>h#t95 he #s-e%*
5>here #re the S$o2%e$s o& yesterye#r95
5+5( #&r#i% + %o$5t )$%erst#$%*5
5O- so$t les /eige%e$s %5#$t#$95 .oss#ri#$ s#i% to (#-e it e#sier &or hi(*
5P#rle4 e$ #$gl#is, &or Christ5s s#-e,5 s#i% the corpor#l* 5Je $e p#rle p#s &r#$I#is*5
5/either %o +,5 #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$, 2ho 2#s re#%y to p)rs)e hi( thro)gh #ll the 2or%s i$ the 2orl% to 2ri$g the
-$o2le%ge &ro( hi( i& he co)l%, b)t Cle,i$ger i$ter,e$e%, p#le, thi$, #$% l#bori$g &or bre#th, # h)(i% co#ti$g o& te#rs
#lre#%y gliste$i$g i$ his )$%er$o)rishe% eyes*
:ro)p He#%6)#rters 2#s #l#r(e%, &or there 2#s $o telli$g 2h#t people (ight &i$% o)t o$ce they &elt &ree to #s-
2h#te,er 6)estio$s they 2#$te% to* Colo$el C#thc#rt se$t Colo$el ?or$ to stop it, #$% Colo$el ?or$ s)ccee%e% 2ith #
r)le go,er$i$g the #s-i$g o& 6)estio$s* Colo$el ?or$5s r)le 2#s # stro-e o& ge$i)s, Colo$el ?or$ e8pl#i$e% i$ his report
to Colo$el C#thc#rt* =$%er Colo$el ?or$5s r)le, the o$ly people per(itte% to #s- 6)estio$s 2ere those 2ho $e,er %i%*
Soo$ the o$ly people #tte$%i$g 2ere those 2ho $e,er #s-e% 6)estio$s, #$% the sessio$s 2ere %isco$ti$)e% #ltogether,
si$ce Cle,i$ger, the corpor#l #$% Colo$el ?or$ #gree% th#t it 2#s $either possible $or $ecess#ry to e%)c#te people 2ho
$e,er 6)estio$e% #$ythi$g*
Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Lie)te$#$t Colo$el ?or$ li,e% #$% 2or-e% i$ the :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g, #s %i% #ll the
(e(bers o& the he#%6)#rters st#&&, 2ith the e8ceptio$ o& the ch#pl#i$* The :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g 2#s #$
e$or(o)s, 2i$%y, #$ti6)#te% str)ct)re b)ilt o& po2%ery re% sto$e #$% b#$gi$g pl)(bi$g* 7ehi$% the b)il%i$g 2#s the
(o%er$ s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge th#t h#% bee$ co$str)cte% by Colo$el C#thc#rt &or the e8cl)si,e recre#tio$ o& the o&&icers
#t :ro)p #$% #t 2hich e,ery o&&icer #$% e$liste% (#$ o$ co(b#t st#t)s $o2, th#$-s to :e$er#l 0ree%le, h#% to spe$% #
(i$i()( o& eight ho)rs # (o$th*
Yossarian shot skeet, but never hit any. Appleby shot skeet and never missed. Yossarian was
as bad at shooting skeet as he was at gambling. He could never win money gambling either.
Even when he cheated he could
't win, because the people he cheated against were always better at cheating too. These were
two disappoi$t(e$ts to 2hich he h#% resig$e% hi(sel&@ he 2o)l% $e,er be # s-eet shooter, #$% he 2o)l% $e,er (#-e
(o$ey*
5+t t#-es br#i$s $ot to (#-e (o$ey,5 Colo$el C#rgill 2rote i$ o$e o& the ho(iletic (e(or#$%# he reg)l#rly prep#re% &or
circ)l#tio$ o,er :e$er#l Pec-e(5s sig$#t)re* 5A$y &ool c#$ (#-e (o$ey these %#ys #$% (ost o& the( %o* 7)t 2h#t
#bo)t people 2ith t#le$t #$% br#i$s9 /#(e, &or e8#(ple, o$e poet 2ho (#-es (o$ey*5
5T* S* Eliot,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ s#i% i$ his (#il-sorti$g c)bicle #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters, #$%
sl#((e% %o2$ the telepho$e 2itho)t i%e$ti&yi$g hi(sel&*
Colo$el C#rgill, i$ Ro(e, 2#s perple8e%*
5>ho 2#s it95 #s-e% :e$er#l Pec-e(*
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 Colo$el C#rgill replie%*
5>h#t %i% he 2#$t95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5>ell, 2h#t %i% he s#y95
5 JT* S* Eliot,J 5 Colo$el C#rgill i$&or(e% hi(*
5>h#t5s th#t95
5 JT* S* Eliot,J 5 Colo$el C#rgill repe#te%*
5J)st JT* S* -J 5
5.es, sir* Th#t5s #ll he s#i%* J)st JT* S* Eliot*J 5
5+ 2o$%er 2h#t it (e#$s,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( re&lecte%* Colo$el C#rgill 2o$%ere%, too*
5T* S* Eliot,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( ()se%*
5T* S* Eliot,5 Colo$el C#rgill echoe% 2ith the s#(e &)$ere#l p)44le(e$t*
:e$er#l Pec-e( ro)se% hi(sel& #&ter # (o(e$t 2ith #$ )$ct)o)s #$% be$ig$#$t s(ile* His e8pressio$ 2#s shre2% #$%
sophistic#te%* His eyes gle#(e% (#licio)sly* 5H#,e so(eo$e get (e :e$er#l 0ree%le,5 he re6)este% Colo$el C#rgill*
50o$5t let hi( -$o2 2ho5s c#lli$g*5
Colo$el C#rgill h#$%e% hi( the pho$e*
5T* S* Eliot,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( s#i%, #$% h)$g )p*
5>ho 2#s it95 #s-e% Colo$el 'oo%)s*
:e$er#l 0ree%le, i$ Corsic#, %i% $ot reply* Colo$el 'oo%)s 2#s :e$er#l 0ree%le5s so$-i$-l#2, #$% :e$er#l 0ree%le, #t
the i$siste$ce o& his 2i&e #$% #g#i$st his o2$ better 3)%g(e$t, h#% t#-e$ hi( i$to the (ilit#ry b)si$ess* :e$er#l
0ree%le g#4e% #t Colo$el 'oo%)s 2ith le,el h#tre%* He %eteste% the ,ery sight o& his so$-i$-l#2, 2ho 2#s his #i%e #$%
there&ore i$ co$st#$t #tte$%#$ce )po$ hi(* He h#% oppose% his %#)ghter5s (#rri#ge to Colo$el 'oo%)s bec#)se he
%isli-e% #tte$%i$g 2e%%i$gs* >e#ri$g # (e$#ci$g #$% preocc)pie% sco2l, :e$er#l 0ree%le (o,e% to the &)ll-le$gth
(irror i$ his o&&ice #$% st#re% #t his stoc-y re&lectio$* He h#% # gri44le%, bro#%-bro2e% he#% 2ith iro$-gr#y t)&ts o,er his
eyes #$% # bl)$t #$% belligere$t 3#2* He broo%e% i$ po$%ero)s spec)l#tio$ o,er the cryptic (ess#ge he h#% 3)st
recei,e%* Slo2ly his &#ce so&te$e% 2ith #$ i%e#, #$% he c)rle% his lips 2ith 2ic-e% ple#s)re*
5:et Pec-e(,5 he tol% Colo$el 'oo%)s* 50o$5t let the b#st#r% -$o2 2ho5s c#lli$g*5
5>ho 2#s it95 #s-e% Colo$el C#rgill, b#c- i$ Ro(e*
5Th#t s#(e perso$,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( replie% 2ith # %e&i$ite tr#ce o& #l#r(* 5/o2 he5s #&ter (e*5
11 | P a g e
5>h#t %i% he 2#$t95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5>h#t %i% he s#y95
5The s#(e thi$g*5
5 JT* S* EliotJ95
5.es, JT* S* Eliot*J Th#t5s #ll he s#i%*5 :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% # hope&)l tho)ght* 5Perh#ps it5s # $e2 co%e or so(ethi$g, li-e
the colors o& the %#y* >hy %o$5t yo) h#,e so(eo$e chec- 2ith Co(()$ic#tio$s #$% see i& it5s # $e2 co%e or so(ethi$g
or the colors o& the %#y95
Co(()$ic#tio$s #$s2ere% th#t T* S* Eliot 2#s $ot # $e2 co%e or the colors o& the %#y*
Colo$el C#rgill h#% the $e8t i%e#* 5'#ybe + o)ght to pho$e T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters #$% see i& they -$o2
#$ythi$g #bo)t it* They h#,e # cler- )p there $#(e% >i$tergree$ +5( pretty close to* He5s the o$e 2ho tippe% (e o&& th#t
o)r prose 2#s too proli8*5
E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ tol% C#rgill th#t there 2#s $o recor% #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters o& # T* S* Eliot*
5Ho25s o)r prose these %#ys95 Colo$el C#rgill %eci%e% to i$6)ire 2hile he h#% e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ o$ the pho$e* 5+t5s
()ch better $o2, is$5t it95
5+t5s still too proli8,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ replie%*
5+t 2o)l%$5t s)rprise (e i& :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ere behi$% the 2hole thi$g,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( co$&esse% #t l#st* 5Re(e(ber
2h#t he %i% to th#t s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge95
:e$er#l 0ree%le h#% thro2$ ope$ Colo$el C#thc#rt5s pri,#te s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge to e,ery o&&icer #$% e$liste% (#$ i$
the gro)p o$ co(b#t %)ty* :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#$te% his (e$ to spe$% #s ()ch ti(e o)t o$ the s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge #s
the &#cilities #$% their &light sche%)le 2o)l% #llo2* Shooti$g s-eet eight ho)rs # (o$th 2#s e8celle$t tr#i$i$g &or the(* +t
tr#i$e% the( to shoot s-eet*
0)$b#r lo,e% shooti$g s-eet bec#)se he h#te% e,ery (i$)te o& it #$% the ti(e p#sse% so slo2ly* He h#% &ig)re% o)t th#t
# si$gle ho)r o$ the s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge 2ith people li-e H#,er(eyer #$% Appleby co)l% be 2orth #s ()ch #s ele,e$-
ti(es-se,e$tee$ ye#rs*
5+ thi$- yo)5re cr#4y,5 2#s the 2#y Cle,i$ger h#% respo$%e% to 0)$b#r5s %isco,ery*
5>ho 2#$ts to -$o295 0)$b#r #$s2ere%*
5+ (e#$ it,5 Cle,i$ger i$siste%*
5>ho c#res95 0)$b#r #$s2ere%*
5+ re#lly %o* +5ll e,e$ go so &#r #s to co$ce%e th#t li&e see(s lo$ger + -5
5- is lo$ger + -5
5- is lo$ger - +s lo$ger9 All right, is lo$ger i& it5s &ille% 2ith perio%s o& bore%o( #$% %isco(&ort, b -5
5:)ess ho2 &#st95 0)$b#r s#i% s)%%e$ly*
5H)h95
5They go,5 0)$b#r e8pl#i$e%*
5.e#rs*5
5.e#rs*5
5.e#rs,5 s#i% 0)$b#r* 5.e#rs, ye#rs, ye#rs*5
5Cle,i$ger, 2hy %o$5t yo) let 0)$b#r #lo$e95 .oss#ri#$ bro-e i$* 50o$5t yo) re#li4e the toll this is t#-i$g95
5+t5s #ll right,5 s#i% 0)$b#r (#g$#$i(o)sly* 5+ h#,e so(e %ec#%es to sp#re* 0o yo) -$o2 ho2 lo$g # ye#r t#-es 2he$ it5s
goi$g #2#y95
5A$% yo) sh)t )p #lso,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% Orr, 2ho h#% beg)$ to s$igger*
5+ 2#s 3)st thi$-i$g #bo)t th#t girl,5 Orr s#i%* 5Th#t girl i$ Sicily* Th#t girl i$ Sicily 2ith the b#l% he#%*5
5.o)5% better sh)t )p #lso,5 .oss#ri#$ 2#r$e% hi(*
5+t5s yo)r &#)lt,5 0)$b#r s#i% to .oss#ri#$* 5>hy %o$5t yo) let hi( s$igger i& he 2#$ts to9 +t5s better th#$ h#,i$g hi(
t#l-i$g*5
5All right* :o #he#% #$% s$igger i& yo) 2#$t to*5
50o yo) -$o2 ho2 lo$g # ye#r t#-es 2he$ it5s goi$g #2#y95 0)$b#r repe#te% to Cle,i$ger* 5This lo$g*5 He s$#ppe% his
&i$gers* 5A seco$% #go yo) 2ere steppi$g i$to college 2ith yo)r l)$gs &)ll o& &resh #ir* To%#y yo)5re #$ ol% (#$*5
5Ol%95 #s-e% Cle,i$ger 2ith s)rprise* 5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95
5Ol%*5
5+5( $ot ol%*5
5.o)5re i$ches #2#y &ro( %e#th e,ery ti(e yo) go o$ # (issio$* Ho2 ()ch ol%er c#$ yo) be #t yo)r #ge9 A h#l& (i$)te
be&ore th#t yo) 2ere steppi$g i$to high school, #$% #$ )$hoo-e% br#ssiere 2#s #s close #s yo) e,er hope% to get to
P#r#%ise* O$ly # &i&th o& # seco$% be&ore th#t yo) 2ere # s(#ll -i% 2ith # te$-2ee- s)((er ,#c#tio$ th#t l#ste% #
h)$%re% tho)s#$% ye#rs #$% still e$%e% too soo$* EipC They go roc-eti$g by so &#st* Ho2 the hell else #re yo) e,er
goi$g to slo2 ti(e %o2$95 0)$b#r 2#s #l(ost #$gry 2he$ he &i$ishe%*
5>ell, (#ybe it is tr)e,5 Cle,i$ger co$ce%e% )$2illi$gly i$ # s)b%)e% to$e* 5'#ybe # lo$g li&e %oes h#,e to be &ille% 2ith
(#$y )$ple#s#$t co$%itio$s i& it5s to see( lo$g* 7)t i$ th#t e,e$t, 2ho 2#$ts o$e95
5+ %o,5 0)$b#r tol% hi(*
5>hy95 Cle,i$ger #s-e%*
5>h#t else is there95
! CH+E; >H+TE HAL;OAT
0oc 0#$ee-# li,e% i$ # splotche% gr#y te$t 2ith Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, 2ho( he &e#re% #$% %espise%*
5+ c#$ 3)st pict)re his li,er,5 0oc 0#$ee-# gr)(ble%*
5Pict)re (y li,er,5 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise% hi(*
5There5s $othi$g 2ro$g 2ith yo)r li,er*5
5Th#t sho2s ho2 ()ch yo) %o$5t -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ bl)&&e%, #$% tol% 0oc 0#$ee-# #bo)t the tro)bleso(e p#i$ i$ his li,er
th#t h#% tro)ble% /)rse 0)c-ett #$% /)rse Cr#(er #$% #ll the %octors i$ the hospit#l bec#)se it 2o)l%$5t beco(e
3#)$%ice #$% 2o)l%$5t go #2#y*
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s$5t i$tereste%* 5.o) thi$- yo)5,e got tro)bles95 he 2#$te% to -$o2* 5>h#t #bo)t (e9 .o) sho)l%5,e
Catch 22
bee$ i$ (y o&&ice the %#y those $e2ly2e%s 2#l-e% i$*5
5>h#t $e2ly2e%s95
5Those $e2ly2e%s th#t 2#l-e% i$to (y o&&ice o$e %#y* 0i%$5t + e,er tell yo) #bo)t the(9 She 2#s lo,ely*5
So 2#s 0oc 0#$ee-#5s o&&ice* He h#% %ecor#te% his 2#iti$g roo( 2ith gol%&ish #$% o$e o& the &i$est s)ites o& che#p
&)r$it)re* >h#te,er he co)l% he bo)ght o$ cre%it, e,e$ the gol%&ish* ;or the rest, he obt#i$e% (o$ey &ro( gree%y
rel#ti,es i$ e8ch#$ge &or sh#res o& the pro&its* His o&&ice 2#s i$ St#te$ +sl#$% i$ # t2o-&#(ily &iretr#p 3)st &o)r bloc-s
#2#y &ro( the &erry stop #$% o$ly o$e bloc- so)th o& # s)per(#r-et, three be#)ty p#rlors, #$% t2o corr)pt %r)ggists* +t
2#s # cor$er loc#tio$, b)t $othi$g helpe%* Pop)l#tio$ t)r$o,er 2#s s(#ll, #$% people cl)$g thro)gh h#bit to the s#(e
physici#$s they h#% bee$ %oi$g b)si$ess 2ith &or ye#rs* 7ills pile% )p r#pi%ly, #$% he 2#s soo$ &#ce% 2ith the loss o& his
(ost precio)s (e%ic#l i$str)(e$ts@ his #%%i$g (#chi$e 2#s repossesse%, #$% the$ his type2riter* The gol%&ish %ie%*
;ort)$#tely, 3)st 2he$ thi$gs 2ere bl#c-est, the 2#r bro-e o)t*
5+t 2#s # go%se$%,5 0oc 0#$ee-# co$&esse% sole($ly* 5'ost o& the other %octors 2ere soo$ i$ the ser,ice, #$% thi$gs
pic-e% )p o,er$ight* The cor$er loc#tio$ re#lly st#rte% p#yi$g o&&, #$% + soo$ &o)$% (ysel& h#$%li$g (ore p#tie$ts th#$ +
co)l% h#$%le co(pete$tly* + )ppe% (y -ic-b#c- &ee 2ith those t2o %r)gstores* The be#)ty p#rlors 2ere goo% &or t2o,
three #bortio$s # 2ee-* Thi$gs co)l%$5t h#,e bee$ better, #$% the$ loo- 2h#t h#ppe$e%* They h#% to se$% # g)y &ro(
the %r#&t bo#r% #ro)$% to loo- (e o,er* + 2#s ;o)r-;* + h#% e8#(i$e% (ysel& pretty thoro)ghly #$% %isco,ere% th#t + 2#s
)$&it &or (ilit#ry ser,ice* .o)5% thi$- (y 2or% 2o)l% be e$o)gh, 2o)l%$5t yo), si$ce + 2#s # %octor i$ goo% st#$%i$g 2ith
(y co)$ty (e%ic#l society #$% 2ith (y loc#l 7etter 7)si$ess 7)re#)* 7)t $o, it 2#s$5t, #$% they se$t this g)y #ro)$%
3)st to (#-e s)re + re#lly %i% h#,e o$e leg #(p)t#te% #t the hip #$% 2#s helplessly be%ri%%e$ 2ith i$c)r#ble rhe)(#toi%
#rthritis* .oss#ri#$, 2e li,e i$ #$ #ge o& %istr)st #$% %eterior#ti$g spirit)#l ,#l)es* +t5s # terrible thi$g,5 0oc 0#$ee-#
proteste% i$ # ,oice 6)#,eri$g 2ith stro$g e(otio$* 5+t5s # terrible thi$g 2he$ e,e$ the 2or% o& # lice$se% physici#$ is
s)specte% by the co)$try he lo,es*5
0oc 0#$ee-# h#% bee$ %r#&te% #$% shippe% to Pi#$os# #s # &light s)rgeo$, e,e$ tho)gh he 2#s terri&ie% o& &lyi$g*
5+ %o$5t h#,e to go loo-i$g &or tro)ble i$ #$ #irpl#$e,5 he $ote%, bli$-i$g his be#%y, bro2$, o&&e$%e% eyes (yopic#lly* 5+t
co(es loo-i$g &or (e* Li-e th#t ,irgi$ +5( telli$g yo) #bo)t th#t co)l%$5t h#,e # b#by*5
5>h#t ,irgi$95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%* 5+ tho)ght yo) 2ere telli$g (e #bo)t so(e $e2ly2e%s*5
5Th#t5s the ,irgi$ +5( telli$g yo) #bo)t* They 2ere 3)st # co)ple o& yo)$g -i%s, #$% they5% bee$ (#rrie%, oh, # little o,er #
ye#r 2he$ they c#(e 2#l-i$g i$to (y o&&ice 2itho)t #$ #ppoi$t(e$t* .o) sho)l% h#,e see$ her* She 2#s so s2eet #$%
yo)$g #$% pretty* She e,e$ bl)she% 2he$ + #s-e% #bo)t her perio%s* + %o$5t thi$- +5ll e,er stop lo,i$g th#t girl* She 2#s
b)ilt li-e # %re#( #$% 2ore # ch#i$ #ro)$% her $ec- 2ith # (e%#l o& S#i$t A$tho$y h#$gi$g %o2$ i$si%e the (ost
be#)ti&)l boso( + $e,er s#2* J+t ()st be # terrible te(pt#tio$ &or S#i$t A$tho$y,J + 3o-e% - 3)st to p)t her #t e#se, yo)
-$o2* JS#i$t A$tho$y9J her h)sb#$% s#i%* J>ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y9J JAs- yo)r 2i&e,J + tol% hi(* JShe c#$ tell yo) 2ho
S#i$t A$tho$y is*J J>ho is S#i$t A$tho$y9J he #s-e% her* J>ho9J she 2#$te% to -$o2* JS#i$t A$tho$y,J he tol% her*
JS#i$t A$tho$y9J she s#i%* J>ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y9J >he$ + got # goo% loo- #t her i$si%e (y e8#(i$#tio$ roo( + &o)$%
she 2#s still # ,irgi$* + spo-e to her h)sb#$% #lo$e 2hile she 2#s p)lli$g her gir%le b#c- o$ #$% hoo-i$g it o$to her
stoc-i$gs* JE,ery $ight,J he bo#ste%* A re#l 2ise g)y, yo) -$o2* J+ $e,er (iss # $ight,J he bo#ste%* He (e#$t it, too* J+
e,e$ bee$ p)tti$5 it to her (or$i$gs be&ore the bre#-&#sts she (#-es (e be&ore 2e go to 2or-,J he bo#ste%* There 2#s
o$ly o$e e8pl#$#tio$* >he$ + h#% the( both together #g#i$ + g#,e the( # %e(o$str#tio$ o& i$terco)rse 2ith the r)bber
(o%els +5,e got i$ (y o&&ice* +5,e got these r)bber (o%els i$ (y o&&ice 2ith #ll the repro%)cti,e org#$s o& both se8es th#t
+ -eep loc-e% )p i$ sep#r#te c#bi$ets to #,oi% # sc#$%#l* + (e#$ + )se% to h#,e the(* + %o$5t h#,e #$ythi$g #$y (ore,
$ot e,e$ # pr#ctice* The o$ly thi$g + h#,e $o2 is this lo2 te(per#t)re th#t +5( re#lly st#rti$g to 2orry #bo)t* Those t2o
-i%s +5,e got 2or-i$g &or (e i$ the (e%ic#l te$t #re$5t 2orth # %#($ #s %i#g$ostici#$s* All they -$o2 ho2 to %o is
co(pl#i$* They thi$- they5,e got tro)bles9 >h#t #bo)t (e9 They sho)l% h#,e bee$ i$ (y o&&ice th#t %#y 2ith those t2o
$e2ly2e%s loo-i$g #t (e #s tho)gh + 2ere telli$g the( so(ethi$g $obo%y5% e,er he#r% o& be&ore* .o) $e,er s#2
#$ybo%y so i$tereste%* J.o) (e#$ li-e this9J he #s-e% (e, #$% 2or-e% the (o%els &or hi(sel& #2hile* .o) -$o2, + c#$
see 2here # cert#i$ type o& perso$ (ight get # big -ic- o)t o& %oi$g 3)st th#t* JTh#t5s it,J + tol% hi(* J/o2, yo) go ho(e
#$% try it (y 2#y &or # &e2 (o$ths #$% see 2h#t h#ppe$s* O-#y9J JO-#y,J they s#i%, #$% p#i% (e i$ c#sh 2itho)t #$y
#rg)(e$t* JH#,e # goo% ti(e,J + tol% the(, #$% they th#$-e% (e #$% 2#l-e% o)t together* He h#% his #r( #ro)$% her
2#ist #s tho)gh he co)l%$5t 2#it to get her ho(e #$% p)t it to her #g#i$* A &e2 %#ys l#ter he c#(e b#c- #ll by hi(sel&
#$% tol% (y $)rse he h#% to see (e right #2#y* As soo$ #s 2e 2ere #lo$e, he p)$che% (e i$ the $ose*5
5He %i% 2h#t95
5He c#lle% (e # 2ise g)y #$% p)$che% (e i$ the $ose* J>h#t #re yo), # 2ise g)y9J he s#i%, #$% -$oc-e% (e &l#t o$ (y
#ss* Po2C J)st li-e th#t* +5( $ot -i%%i$g*5
5+ -$o2 yo)5re $ot -i%%i$g,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 57)t 2hy %i% he %o it95
5Ho2 sho)l% + -$o2 2hy he %i% it95 0oc 0#$ee-# retorte% 2ith #$$oy#$ce*
5'#ybe it h#% so(ethi$g to %o 2ith S#i$t A$tho$y95
0oc 0#$ee-# loo-e% #t .oss#ri#$ bl#$-ly* 5S#i$t A$tho$y95 he #s-e% 2ith #sto$ish(e$t* 5>ho5s S#i$t A$tho$y95
5Ho2 sho)l% + -$o295 #$s2ere% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, st#ggeri$g i$si%e the te$t 3)st the$ 2ith # bottle o& 2his-ey cr#%le%
i$ his #r( #$% sitti$g hi(sel& %o2$ p)g$#cio)sly bet2ee$ the t2o o& the(*
0oc 0#$ee-# rose 2itho)t # 2or% #$% (o,e% his ch#ir o)tsi%e the te$t, his b#c- bo2e% by the co(p#ct -it o& i$3)stices
th#t 2#s his perpet)#l b)r%e$* He co)l% $ot be#r the co(p#$y o& his roo((#te*
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t tho)ght he 2#s cr#4y* 5+ %o$5t -$o2 2h#t5s the (#tter 2ith th#t g)y,5 he obser,e% repro#ch&)lly* 5He5s
got $o br#i$s, th#t5s 2h#t5s the (#tter 2ith hi(* +& he h#% #$y br#i$s he5% gr#b # sho,el #$% st#rt %iggi$g* Right here i$
the te$t, he5% st#rt %iggi$g, right )$%er (y cot* He5% stri-e oil i$ $o ti(e* 0o$5t he -$o2 ho2 th#t e$liste% (#$ str)c- oil
2ith # sho,el b#c- i$ the St#tes9 0i%$5t he e,er he#r 2h#t h#ppe$e% to th#t -i% - 2h#t 2#s the $#(e o& th#t rotte$ r#t
b#st#r% pi(p o& # s$ot$ose b#c- i$ Color#%o95
5>i$tergree$*5
5>i$tergree$*5
5He5s #&r#i%,5 .oss#ri#$ e8pl#i$e%*
5Oh, $o* /ot >i$tergree$*5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t shoo- his he#% 2ith )$%isg)ise% #%(ir#tio$* 5Th#t sti$-i$g little p)$-
2ise-g)y so$ o& # bitch #i$5t #&r#i% o& $obo%y*5
13 | P a g e
50oc 0#$ee-#5s #&r#i%* Th#t5s 2h#t5s the (#tter 2ith hi(*5
5>h#t5s he #&r#i% o&95
5He5s #&r#i% o& yo),5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5He5s #&r#i% yo)5re goi$g to %ie o& p$e)(o$i#*5
5He5% better be #&r#i%,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t s#i%* A %eep, lo2 l#)gh r)(ble% thro)gh his (#ssi,e chest* 5+ 2ill, too, the
&irst ch#$ce + get* .o) 3)st 2#it #$% see*5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2#s # h#$%so(e, s2#rthy +$%i#$ &ro( O-l#ho(# 2ith # he#,y, h#r%-bo$e% &#ce #$% to)sle% bl#c-
h#ir, # h#l&-bloo%e% Cree- &ro( E$i% 2ho, &or occ)lt re#so$s o& his o2$, h#% (#%e )p his (i$% to %ie o& p$e)(o$i#* He
2#s # glo2eri$g, ,e$ge&)l, %isill)sio$e% +$%i#$ 2ho h#te% &oreig$ers 2ith $#(es li-e C#thc#rt, ?or$, 7l#c- #$%
H#,er(eyer #$% 2ishe% they5% #ll go b#c- to 2here their lo)sy #$cestors h#% co(e &ro(*
5.o) 2o)l%$5t belie,e it, .oss#ri#$,5 he r)(i$#te%, r#isi$g his ,oice %eliber#tely to b#it 0oc 0#$ee-#, 5b)t this )se% to be
# pretty goo% co)$try to li,e i$ be&ore they lo)se% it )p 2ith their go%%#( piety*5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2#s o)t to re,e$ge hi(sel& )po$ the 2hite (#$* He co)l% b#rely re#% or 2rite #$% h#% bee$
#ssig$e% to C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #s #ssist#$t i$tellige$ce o&&icer*
5Ho2 co)l% + le#r$ to re#% or 2rite95 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %e(#$%e% 2ith si()l#te% belligere$ce, r#isi$g his ,oice #g#i$
so th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# 2o)l% he#r* 5E,ery pl#ce 2e pitche% o)r te$t, they s#$- #$ oil 2ell* E,ery ti(e they s#$- # 2ell,
they hit oil* A$% e,ery ti(e they hit oil, they (#%e )s p#c- )p o)r te$t #$% go so(epl#ce else* >e 2ere h)(#$ %i,i$i$g
ro%s* O)r 2hole &#(ily h#% # $#t)r#l #&&i$ity &or petrole)( %eposits, #$% soo$ e,ery oil co(p#$y i$ the 2orl% h#%
tech$ici#$s ch#si$g )s #ro)$%* >e 2ere #l2#ys o$ the (o,e* +t 2#s o$e hell o& # 2#y to bri$g # chil% )p, + c#$ tell yo)*
+ %o$5t thi$- + e,er spe$t (ore th#$ # 2ee- i$ o$e pl#ce*5
His e#rliest (e(ory 2#s o& # geologist*
5E,ery ti(e #$other >hite H#l&o#t 2#s bor$,5 he co$ti$)e%, 5the stoc- (#r-et t)r$e% b)llish* Soo$ 2hole %rilli$g cre2s
2ere &ollo2i$g )s #ro)$% 2ith #ll their e6)ip(e$t 3)st to get the 3)(p o$ e#ch other* Co(p#$ies beg#$ to (erge 3)st so
they co)l% c)t %o2$ o$ the $)(ber o& people they h#% to #ssig$ to )s* 7)t the cro2% i$ b#c- o& )s -ept gro2i$g* >e
$e,er got # goo% $ight5s sleep* >he$ 2e stoppe%, they stoppe%* >he$ 2e (o,e%, they (o,e%, ch)c-2#go$s,
b)ll%o4ers, %erric-s, ge$er#tors* >e 2ere # 2#l-i$g b)si$ess boo(, #$% 2e beg#$ to recei,e i$,it#tio$s &ro( so(e o&
the best hotels 3)st &or the #(o)$t o& b)si$ess 2e 2o)l% %r#g i$to to2$ 2ith )s* So(e o& those i$,it#tio$s 2ere (ighty
ge$ero)s, b)t 2e co)l%$5t #ccept #$y bec#)se 2e 2ere +$%i#$s #$% #ll the best hotels th#t 2ere i$,iti$g )s 2o)l%$5t
#ccept +$%i#$s #s g)ests* R#ci#l pre3)%ice is # terrible thi$g, .oss#ri#$* +t re#lly is* +t5s # terrible thi$g to tre#t # %ece$t,
loy#l +$%i#$ li-e # $igger, -i-e, 2op or spic*5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t $o%%e% slo2ly 2ith co$,ictio$*
5The$, .oss#ri#$, it &i$#lly h#ppe$e% - the begi$$i$g o& the e$%* They beg#$ to &ollo2 )s #ro)$% &ro( i$ &ro$t* They
2o)l% try to g)ess 2here 2e 2ere goi$g to stop $e8t #$% 2o)l% begi$ %rilli$g be&ore 2e e,e$ got there, so 2e co)l%$5t
stop* As soo$ #s 2e5% begi$ to )$roll o)r bl#$-ets, they 2o)l% -ic- )s o&&* They h#% co$&i%e$ce i$ )s* They 2o)l%$5t
e,e$ 2#it to stri-e oil be&ore they -ic-e% )s o&&* >e 2ere so tire% 2e #l(ost %i%$5t c#re the %#y o)r ti(e r#$ o)t* O$e
(or$i$g 2e &o)$% o)rsel,es co(pletely s)rro)$%e% by oil(e$ 2#iti$g &or )s to co(e their 2#y so they co)l% -ic- )s o&&*
E,ery2here yo) loo-e% there 2#s #$ oil(#$ o$ # ri%ge, 2#iti$g there li-e +$%i#$s getti$g re#%y to #tt#c-* +t 2#s the e$%*
>e co)l%$5t st#y 2here 2e 2ere bec#)se 2e h#% 3)st bee$ -ic-e% o&&* A$% there 2#s $o pl#ce le&t &or )s to go* O$ly the
Ar(y s#,e% (e* L)c-ily, the 2#r bro-e o)t 3)st i$ the $ic- o& ti(e, #$% # %r#&t bo#r% pic-e% (e right )p o)t o& the (i%%le
#$% p)t (e %o2$ s#&ely i$ Lo2ery ;iel%, Color#%o* + 2#s the o$ly s)r,i,or*5
.oss#ri#$ -$e2 he 2#s lyi$g, b)t %i% $ot i$terr)pt #s Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2e$t o$ to cl#i( th#t he h#% $e,er he#r% &ro(
his p#re$ts #g#i$* Th#t %i%$5t bother hi( too ()ch, tho)gh, &or he h#% o$ly their 2or% &or it th#t they 2ere his p#re$ts,
#$% si$ce they h#% lie% to hi( #bo)t so (#$y other thi$gs, they co)l% 3)st #s 2ell h#,e bee$ lyi$g to hi( #bo)t th#t too*
He 2#s ()ch better #c6)#i$te% 2ith the &#te o& # tribe o& &irst co)si$s 2ho h#% 2#$%ere% #2#y $orth i$ # %i,ersio$#ry
(o,e(e$t #$% p)she% i$#%,erte$tly i$to C#$#%#* >he$ they trie% to ret)r$, they 2ere stoppe% #t the bor%er by
A(eric#$ i((igr#tio$ #)thorities 2ho 2o)l% $ot let the( b#c- i$to the co)$try* They co)l% $ot co(e b#c- i$ bec#)se
they 2ere re%*
+t 2#s # horrible 3o-e, b)t 0oc 0#$ee-# %i%$5t l#)gh )$til .oss#ri#$ c#(e to hi( o$e (issio$ l#ter #$% ple#%e% #g#i$,
2itho)t #$y re#l e8pect#tio$ o& s)ccess, to be gro)$%e%* 0oc 0#$ee-# s$ic-ere% o$ce #$% 2#s soo$ i((erse% i$
proble(s o& his o2$, 2hich i$cl)%e% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, 2ho h#% bee$ ch#lle$gi$g hi( #ll th#t (or$i$g to +$%i#$
2restle, #$% .oss#ri#$, 2ho %eci%e% right the$ #$% there to go cr#4y*
5.o)5re 2#sti$g yo)r ti(e,5 0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s &orce% to tell hi(*
5C#$5t yo) gro)$% so(eo$e 2ho5s cr#4y95
5Oh, s)re* + h#,e to* There5s # r)le s#yi$g + h#,e to gro)$% #$yo$e 2ho5s cr#4y*5
5The$ 2hy %o$5t yo) gro)$% (e9 +5( cr#4y* As- Cle,i$ger*5
5Cle,i$ger9 >here is Cle,i$ger9 .o) &i$% Cle,i$ger #$% +5ll #s- hi(*5
5The$ #s- #$y o& the others* They5ll tell yo) ho2 cr#4y + #(*5
5They5re cr#4y*5
5The$ 2hy %o$5t yo) gro)$% the(95
5>hy %o$5t they #s- (e to gro)$% the(95
57ec#)se they5re cr#4y, th#t5s 2hy*5
5O& co)rse they5re cr#4y,5 0oc 0#$ee-# replie%* 5+ 3)st tol% yo) they5re cr#4y, %i%$5t +9 A$% yo) c#$5t let cr#4y people
%eci%e 2hether yo)5re cr#4y or $ot, c#$ yo)95
.oss#ri#$ loo-e% #t hi( soberly #$% trie% #$other #ppro#ch* 5+s Orr cr#4y95
5He s)re is,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s#i%*
5C#$ yo) gro)$% hi(95
5+ s)re c#$* 7)t &irst he h#s to #s- (e to* Th#t5s p#rt o& the r)le*5
5The$ 2hy %oes$5t he #s- yo) to95
57ec#)se he5s cr#4y,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s#i%* 5He h#s to be cr#4y to -eep &lyi$g co(b#t (issio$s #&ter #ll the close c#lls he5s
h#%* S)re, + c#$ gro)$% Orr* 7)t &irst he h#s to #s- (e to*5
5Th#t5s #ll he h#s to %o to be gro)$%e%95
5Th#t5s #ll* Let hi( #s- (e*5
5A$% the$ yo) c#$ gro)$% hi(95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
Catch 22
5/o* The$ + c#$5t gro)$% hi(*5
5.o) (e#$ there5s # c#tch95
5S)re there5s # c#tch,5 0oc 0#$ee-# replie%* 5C#tch-22* A$yo$e 2ho 2#$ts to get o)t o& co(b#t %)ty is$5t re#lly cr#4y*5
There 2#s o$ly o$e c#tch #$% th#t 2#s C#tch-22, 2hich speci&ie% th#t # co$cer$ &or o$e5s o2$ s#&ety i$ the &#ce o&
%#$gers th#t 2ere re#l #$% i((e%i#te 2#s the process o& # r#tio$#l (i$%* Orr 2#s cr#4y #$% co)l% be gro)$%e%* All he
h#% to %o 2#s #s-A #$% #s soo$ #s he %i%, he 2o)l% $o lo$ger be cr#4y #$% 2o)l% h#,e to &ly (ore (issio$s* Orr 2o)l%
be cr#4y to &ly (ore (issio$s #$% s#$e i& he %i%$5t, b)t i& he 2#s s#$e he h#% to &ly the(* +& he &le2 the( he 2#s cr#4y
#$% %i%$5t h#,e toA b)t i& he %i%$5t 2#$t to he 2#s s#$e #$% h#% to* .oss#ri#$ 2#s (o,e% ,ery %eeply by the #bsol)te
si(plicity o& this cl#)se o& C#tch-22 #$% let o)t # respect&)l 2histle*
5Th#t5s so(e c#tch, th#t C#tch-22,5 he obser,e%*
5+t5s the best there is,5 0oc 0#$ee-# #gree%*
.oss#ri#$ s#2 it cle#rly i$ #ll its spi$$i$g re#so$#ble$ess* There 2#s #$ elliptic#l precisio$ #bo)t its per&ect p#irs o&
p#rts th#t 2#s gr#ce&)l #$% shoc-i$g, li-e goo% (o%er$ #rt, #$% #t ti(es .oss#ri#$ 2#s$5t 6)ite s)re th#t he s#2 it #t #ll,
3)st the 2#y he 2#s $e,er 6)ite s)re #bo)t goo% (o%er$ #rt or #bo)t the &lies Orr s#2 i$ Appleby5s eyes* He h#% Orr5s
2or% to t#-e &or the &lies i$ Appleby5s eyes*
5Oh, they5re there, #ll right,5 Orr h#% #ss)re% hi( #bo)t the &lies i$ Appleby5s eyes #&ter .oss#ri#$5s &ist &ight 2ith Appleby
i$ the o&&icers5 cl)b, 5#ltho)gh he prob#bly %oes$5t e,e$ -$o2 it* Th#t5s 2hy he c#$5t see thi$gs #s they re#lly #re*5
5Ho2 co(e he %oes$5t -$o2 it95 i$6)ire% .oss#ri#$*
57ec#)se he5s got &lies i$ his eyes,5 Orr e8pl#i$e% 2ith e8#gger#te% p#tie$ce* 5Ho2 c#$ he see he5s got &lies i$ his eyes i&
he5s got &lies i$ his eyes95
+t (#%e #s ()ch se$se #s #$ythi$g else, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s 2illi$g to gi,e Orr the be$e&it o& the %o)bt bec#)se Orr 2#s
&ro( the 2il%er$ess o)tsi%e /e2 .or- City #$% -$e2 so ()ch (ore #bo)t 2il%li&e th#$ .oss#ri#$ %i%, #$% bec#)se Orr,
)$li-e .oss#ri#$5s (other, &#ther, sister, brother, #)$t, )$cle, i$-l#2, te#cher, spirit)#l le#%er, legisl#tor, $eighbor #$%
$e2sp#per, h#% $e,er lie% to hi( #bo)t #$ythi$g cr)ci#l be&ore* .oss#ri#$ h#% ()lle% his $e2&o)$% -$o2le%ge #bo)t
Appleby o,er i$ pri,#te &or # %#y or t2o #$% the$ %eci%e%, #s # goo% %ee%, to p#ss the 2or% #lo$g to Appleby hi(sel&*
5Appleby, yo)5,e got &lies i$ yo)r eyes,5 he 2hispere% help&)lly #s they p#sse% by e#ch other i$ the %oor2#y o& the
p#r#ch)te te$t o$ the %#y o& the 2ee-ly (il- r)$ to P#r(#*
5>h#t95 Appleby respo$%e% sh#rply, thro2$ i$to co$&)sio$ by the &#ct th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% spo-e$ to hi( #t #ll*
5.o)5,e got &lies i$ yo)r eyes,5 .oss#ri#$ repe#te%* 5Th#t5s prob#bly 2hy yo) c#$5t see the(*5
Appleby retre#te% &ro( .oss#ri#$ 2ith # loo- o& lo#thi$g be2il%er(e$t #$% s)l-e% i$ sile$ce )$til he 2#s i$ the 3eep 2ith
H#,er(eyer ri%i$g %o2$ the lo$g, str#ight ro#% to the brie&i$g roo(, 2here '#3or 0#$by, the &i%geti$g gro)p oper#tio$s
o&&icer, 2#s 2#iti$g to co$%)ct the preli(i$#ry brie&i$g 2ith #ll the le#% pilots, bo(b#r%iers #$% $#,ig#tors* Appleby
spo-e i$ # so&t ,oice so th#t he 2o)l% $ot be he#r% by the %ri,er or by C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho 2#s stretche% o)t 2ith his
eyes close% i$ the &ro$t se#t o& the 3eep*
5H#,er(eyer,5 he #s-e% hesit#$tly* 5H#,e + got &lies i$ (y eyes95
H#,er(eyer bli$-e% 6)i44ic#lly* 5Sties95 he #s-e%*
5/o, &lies,5 he 2#s tol%*
H#,er(eyer bli$-e% #g#i$* 5;lies95
5+$ (y eyes*5
5.o) ()st be cr#4y,5 H#,er(eyer s#i%*
5/o, +5( $ot cr#4y* .oss#ri#$5s cr#4y* J)st tell (e i& +5,e got &lies i$ (y eyes or $ot* :o #he#%* + c#$ t#-e it*5
H#,er(eyer poppe% #$other piece o& pe#$)t brittle i$to his (o)th #$% peere% ,ery closely i$to Appleby5s eyes*
5+ %o$5t see #$y,5 he #$$o)$ce%*
Appleby he#,e% #$ i((e$se sigh o& relie&* H#,er(eyer h#% ti$y bits o& pe#$)t brittle #%heri$g to his lips, chi$ #$%
chee-s*
5.o)5,e got pe#$)t brittle cr)(bs o$ yo)r &#ce,5 Appleby re(#r-e% to hi(*
5+5% r#ther h#,e pe#$)t brittle cr)(bs o$ (y &#ce th#$ &lies i$ (y eyes,5 H#,er(eyer retorte%*
The o&&icers o& the other &i,e pl#$es i$ e#ch &light #rri,e% i$ tr)c-s &or the ge$er#l brie&i$g th#t too- pl#ce thirty (i$)tes
l#ter* The three e$liste% (e$ i$ e#ch cre2 2ere $ot brie&e% #t #ll, b)t 2ere c#rrie% %irectly o)t o$ the #ir&iel% to the
sep#r#te pl#$es i$ 2hich they 2ere sche%)le% to &ly th#t %#y, 2here they 2#ite% #ro)$% 2ith the gro)$% cre2 )$til the
o&&icers 2ith 2ho( they h#% bee$ sche%)le% to &ly s2)$g o&& the r#ttli$g t#ilg#tes o& the tr)c-s %eli,eri$g the( #$% it 2#s
ti(e to cli(b #bo#r% #$% st#rt )p* E$gi$es rolle% o,er %isgr)$te%ly o$ lollipop-sh#pe% h#r%st#$%s, resisti$g &irst, the$
i%li$g s(oothly #2hile, #$% the$ the pl#$es l)(bere% #ro)$% #$% $ose% &or2#r% l#(ely o,er the pebble% gro)$% li-e
sightless, st)pi%, cripple% thi$gs )$til they t#8ie% i$to the li$e #t the &oot o& the l#$%i$g strip #$% too- o&& s2i&tly, o$e
behi$% the other, i$ # 4oo(i$g, risi$g ro#r, b#$-i$g slo2ly i$to &or(#tio$ o,er (ottle% treetops, #$% circli$g the &iel% #t
e,e$ spee% )$til #ll the &lights o& si8 h#% bee$ &or(e% #$% the$ setti$g co)rse o,er cer)le#$ 2#ter o$ the &irst leg o& the
3o)r$ey to the t#rget i$ $orther$ +t#ly or ;r#$ce* The pl#$es g#i$e% #ltit)%e ste#%ily #$% 2ere #bo,e $i$e tho)s#$% &eet
by the ti(e they crosse% i$to e$e(y territory* O$e o& the s)rprisi$g thi$gs #l2#ys 2#s the se$se o& c#l( #$% )tter
sile$ce, bro-e$ o$ly by the test ro)$%s &ire% &ro( the (#chi$e g)$s, by #$ occ#sio$#l to$eless, terse re(#r- o,er the
i$terco(, #$%, #t l#st, by the soberi$g pro$o)$ce(e$t o& the bo(b#r%ier i$ e#ch pl#$e th#t they 2ere #t the +*P* #$%
#bo)t to t)r$ to2#r% the t#rget* There 2#s #l2#ys s)$shi$e, #l2#ys # ti$y stic-i$g i$ the thro#t &ro( the r#re&ie% #ir*
The 7-2!s they &le2 i$ 2ere st#ble, %epe$%#ble, %)ll-gree$ ships 2ith t2i$ r)%%ers #$% e$gi$es #$% 2i%e 2i$gs* Their
si$gle &#)lt, &ro( 2here .oss#ri#$ s#t #s # bo(b#r%ier, 2#s the tight cr#2l2#y sep#r#ti$g the bo(b#r%ier5s
co(p#rt(e$t i$ the ple8igl#ss $ose &ro( the $e#rest esc#pe h#tch* The cr#2l2#y 2#s # $#rro2, s6)#re, col% t)$$el
hollo2e% o)t be$e#th the &light co$trols, #$% # l#rge (#$ li-e .oss#ri#$ co)l% s6)ee4e thro)gh o$ly 2ith %i&&ic)lty* A
ch)bby, (oo$-&#ce% $#,ig#tor 2ith little reptili#$ eyes #$% # pipe li-e A#r&y5s h#% tro)ble, too, #$% .oss#ri#$ )se% to
ch#se hi( b#c- &ro( the $ose #s they t)r$e% to2#r% the t#rget, $o2 (i$)tes #2#y* There 2#s # ti(e o& te$sio$ the$, #
ti(e o& 2#iti$g 2ith $othi$g to he#r #$% $othi$g to see #$% $othi$g to %o b)t 2#it #s the #$ti#ircr#&t g)$s belo2 too- #i(
#$% (#%e re#%y to -$oc- the( #ll spr#2li$g i$to i$&i$ite sleep i& they co)l%*
The cr#2l2#y 2#s .oss#ri#$5s li&eli$e to o)tsi%e &ro( # pl#$e #bo)t to &#ll, b)t .oss#ri#$ s2ore #t it 2ith seethi$g
#$t#go$is(, re,ile% it #s #$ obst#cle p)t there by pro,i%e$ce #s p#rt o& the plot th#t 2o)l% %estroy hi(* There 2#s roo(
15 | P a g e
&or #$ #%%itio$#l esc#pe h#tch right there i$ the $ose o& # 7-2!, b)t there 2#s $o esc#pe h#tch* +$ste#% there 2#s the
cr#2l2#y, #$% si$ce the (ess o$ the (issio$ o,er A,ig$o$ he h#% le#r$e% to %etest e,ery (#((oth i$ch o& it, &or it
sl)$g hi( seco$%s #$% seco$%s #2#y &ro( his p#r#ch)te, 2hich 2#s too b)l-y to be t#-e$ )p &ro$t 2ith hi(, #$%
seco$%s #$% seco$%s (ore #&ter th#t #2#y &ro( the esc#pe h#tch o$ the &loor bet2ee$ the re#r o& the ele,#te% &light
%ec- #$% the &eet o& the &#celess top t)rret g)$$er (o)$te% high #bo,e* .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% to be 2here A#r&y co)l% be
o$ce .oss#ri#$ h#% ch#se% hi( b#c- &ro( the $oseA .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% to sit o$ the &loor i$ # h)%%le% b#ll right o$ top o&
the esc#pe h#tch i$si%e # shelteri$g igloo o& e8tr# &l#- s)its th#t he 2o)l% h#,e bee$ h#ppy to c#rry #lo$g 2ith hi(, his
p#r#ch)te #lre#%y hoo-e% to his h#r$ess 2here it belo$ge%, o$e &ist cle$chi$g the re%-h#$%le% rip cor%, o$e &ist grippi$g
the e(erge$cy h#tch rele#se th#t 2o)l% spill hi( e#rth2#r% i$to the #ir #t the &irst %re#%&)l s6)e#l o& %estr)ctio$* Th#t
2#s 2here he 2#$te% to be i& he h#% to be there #t #ll, i$ste#% o& h)$g o)t there i$ &ro$t li-e so(e go%%#( c#$tile,ere%
gol%&ish i$ so(e go%%#( c#$tile,ere% gol%&ish bo2l 2hile the go%%#( &o)l bl#c- tiers o& &l#- 2ere b)rsti$g #$% boo(i$g
#$% billo2i$g #ll #ro)$% #$% #bo,e #$% belo2 hi( i$ # cli(bi$g, cr#c-i$g, st#ggere%, b#$gi$g, ph#$t#s(#goric#l,
cos(ologic#l 2ic-e%$ess th#t 3#rre% #$% tosse% #$% shi,ere%, cl#ttere% #$% pierce%, #$% thre#te$e% to #$$ihil#te the(
#ll i$ o$e spli$ter o& # seco$% i$ o$e ,#st &l#sh o& &ire*
A#r&y h#% bee$ $o )se to .oss#ri#$ #s # $#,ig#tor or #s #$ythi$g else, #$% .oss#ri#$ %ro,e hi( b#c- &ro( the $ose
,ehe(e$tly e#ch ti(e so th#t they 2o)l% $ot cl)tter )p e#ch other5s 2#y i& they h#% to scr#(ble s)%%e$ly &or s#&ety*
O$ce .oss#ri#$ h#% %ri,e$ hi( b#c- &ro( the $ose, A#r&y 2#s &ree to co2er o$ the &loor 2here .oss#ri#$ lo$ge% to
co2er, b)t he stoo% bolt )pright i$ste#% 2ith his st)(py #r(s resti$g co(&ort#bly o$ the b#c-s o& the pilot5s #$% co-
pilot5s se#ts, pipe i$ h#$%, (#-i$g #&&#ble s(#ll t#l- to 'c>#tt #$% 2hoe,er h#ppe$e% to be co-pilot #$% poi$ti$g o)t
#()si$g tri,i# i$ the s-y to the t2o (e$, 2ho 2ere too b)sy to be i$tereste%* 'c>#tt 2#s too b)sy respo$%i$g #t the
co$trols to .oss#ri#$5s stri%e$t i$str)ctio$s #s .oss#ri#$ slippe% the pl#$e i$ o$ the bo(b r)$ #$% the$ 2hippe% the(
#ll #2#y ,iole$tly #ro)$% the r#,e$o)s pill#rs o& e8plo%i$g shells 2ith c)rt, shrill, obsce$e co((#$%s to 'c>#tt th#t
2ere ()ch li-e the #$g)ishe%, e$tre#ti$g $ight(#re yelpi$gs o& H)$gry Joe i$ the %#r-* A#r&y 2o)l% p)&& re&lecti,ely o$
his pipe thro)gho)t the 2hole ch#otic cl#sh, g#4i$g 2ith )$r)&&le% c)riosity #t the 2#r thro)gh 'c>#tt5s 2i$%o2 #s
tho)gh it 2ere # re(ote %ist)rb#$ce th#t co)l% $ot #&&ect hi(* A#r&y 2#s # %e%ic#te% &r#ter$ity (#$ 2ho lo,e%
cheerle#%i$g #$% cl#ss re)$io$s #$% %i% $ot h#,e br#i$s e$o)gh to be #&r#i%* .oss#ri#$ %i% h#,e br#i$s e$o)gh #$%
2#s, #$% the o$ly thi$g th#t stoppe% hi( &ro( #b#$%o$i$g his post )$%er &ire #$% sc)rryi$g b#c- thro)gh the cr#2l2#y
li-e # yello2-bellie% r#t 2#s his )$2illi$g$ess to e$tr)st the e,#si,e #ctio$ o)t o& the t#rget #re# to #$ybo%y else* There
2#s $obo%y else i$ the 2orl% he 2o)l% ho$or 2ith so gre#t # respo$sibility* There 2#s $obo%y else he -$e2 2ho 2#s #s
big # co2#r%* .oss#ri#$ 2#s the best (#$ i$ the gro)p #t e,#si,e #ctio$, b)t h#% $o i%e# 2hy*
There 2#s $o est#blishe% proce%)re &or e,#si,e #ctio$* All yo) $ee%e% 2#s &e#r, #$% .oss#ri#$ h#% ple$ty o& th#t, (ore
&e#r th#$ Orr or H)$gry Joe, (ore &e#r th#$ 0)$b#r, 2ho h#% resig$e% hi(sel& s)b(issi,ely to the i%e# th#t he ()st %ie
so(e%#y* .oss#ri#$ h#% $ot resig$e% hi(sel& to th#t i%e#, #$% he bolte% &or his li&e 2il%ly o$ e#ch (issio$ the i$st#$t
his bo(bs 2ere #2#y, holleri$g, 5H#r%, h#r%, h#r%, h#r%, yo) b#st#r%, h#r%C5 #t 'c>#tt #$% h#ti$g 'c>#tt ,icio)sly #ll
the ti(e #s tho)gh 'c>#tt 2ere to bl#(e &or their bei$g )p there #t #ll to be r)bbe% o)t by str#$gers, #$% e,erybo%y
else i$ the pl#$e -ept o&& the i$terco(, e8cept &or the piti&)l ti(e o& the (ess o$ the (issio$ to A,ig$o$ 2he$ 0obbs
2e$t cr#4y i$ (i%-#ir #$% beg#$ 2eepi$g p#thetic#lly &or help*
5Help hi(, help hi(,5 0obbs sobbe%* 5Help hi(, help hi(*5
5Help 2ho9 Help 2ho95 c#lle% b#c- .oss#ri#$, o$ce he h#% pl)gge% his he#%set b#c- i$to the i$terco( syste(, #&ter it
h#% bee$ 3er-e% o)t 2he$ 0obbs 2reste% the co$trols #2#y &ro( H)ple #$% h)rle% the( #ll %o2$ s)%%e$ly i$to the
%e#&e$i$g, p#r#ly4i$g, horri&yi$g %i,e 2hich h#% pl#stere% .oss#ri#$ helplessly to the ceili$g o& the pl#$e by the top o&
his he#% #$% &ro( 2hich H)ple h#% resc)e% the( 3)st i$ ti(e by sei4i$g the co$trols b#c- &ro( 0obbs #$% le,eli$g the
ship o)t #l(ost #s s)%%e$ly right b#c- i$ the (i%%le o& the b)&&eti$g l#yer o& c#copho$o)s &l#- &ro( 2hich they h#%
esc#pe% s)ccess&)lly o$ly # (o(e$t be&ore* Oh, :o%C Oh, :o%, oh, :o%, .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ ple#%i$g 2or%lessly #s
he %#$gle% &ro( the ceili$g o& the $ose o& the ship by the top o& his he#%, )$#ble to (o,e*
5The bo(b#r%ier, the bo(b#r%ier,5 0obbs #$s2ere% i$ # cry 2he$ .oss#ri#$ spo-e* 5He %oes$5t #$s2er, he %oes$5t
#$s2er* Help the bo(b#r%ier, help the bo(b#r%ier*5
5+5( the bo(b#r%ier,5 .oss#ri#$ crie% b#c- #t hi(* 5+5( the bo(b#r%ier* +5( #ll right* +5( #ll right*5
5The$ help hi(, help hi(,5 0obbs begge%* 5Help hi(, help hi(*5
A$% S$o2%e$ l#y %yi$g i$ b#c-*
" H=/:R. JOE
H)$gry Joe %i% h#,e &i&ty (issio$s, b)t they 2ere $o help* He h#% his b#gs p#c-e% #$% 2#s 2#iti$g #g#i$ to go ho(e*
At $ight he h#% eerie, e#r-splitti$g $ight(#res th#t -ept e,eryo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ #2#-e b)t H)ple, the &i&tee$-ye#r-ol%
pilot 2ho h#% lie% #bo)t his #ge to get i$to the Ar(y #$% li,e% 2ith his pet c#t i$ the s#(e te$t 2ith H)$gry Joe* H)ple
2#s # light sleeper, b)t cl#i(e% he $e,er he#r% H)$gry Joe scre#(* H)$gry Joe 2#s sic-*
5So 2h#t95 0oc 0#$ee-# s$#rle% rese$t&)lly* 5+ h#% it (#%e, + tell yo)* ;i&ty gr#$% # ye#r + 2#s -$oc-i$g %o2$, #$%
#l(ost #ll o& it t#8-&ree, si$ce + (#%e (y c)sto(ers p#y (e i$ c#sh* + h#% the stro$gest tr#%e #ssoci#tio$ i$ the 2orl%
b#c-i$g (e )p* A$% loo- 2h#t h#ppe$e%* J)st 2he$ + 2#s #ll set to re#lly st#rt st#shi$g it #2#y, they h#% to
(#$)&#ct)re &#scis( #$% st#rt # 2#r horrible e$o)gh to #&&ect e,e$ (e* + gott# l#)gh 2he$ + he#r so(eo$e li-e H)$gry
Joe scre#(i$g his br#i$s o)t e,ery $ight* + re#lly gott# l#)gh* He5s sic-9 Ho2 %oes he thi$- + &eel95
H)$gry Joe 2#s too &ir(ly e(be%%e% i$ c#l#(ities o& his o2$ to c#re ho2 0oc 0#$ee-# &elt* There 2ere the $oises, &or
i$st#$ce* S(#ll o$es e$r#ge% hi( #$% he hollere% hi(sel& ho#rse #t A#r&y &or the 2et, s)c-i$g so)$%s he (#%e p)&&i$g
o$ his pipe, #t Orr &or ti$-eri$g, #t 'c>#tt &or the e8plosi,e s$#p he g#,e e#ch c#r% he t)r$e% o,er 2he$ he %e#lt #t
bl#c-3#c- or po-er, #t 0obbs &or letti$g his teeth ch#tter #s he 2e$t bl)$%eri$g cl)(sily #bo)t b)(pi$g i$to thi$gs*
H)$gry Joe 2#s # throbbi$g, r#gge% (#ss o& (otile irrit#bility* The ste#%y tic-i$g o& # 2#tch i$ # 6)iet roo( cr#she% li-e
tort)re #g#i$st his )$shiel%e% br#i$*
5Liste$, -i%,5 he e8pl#i$e% h#rshly to H)ple ,ery l#te o$e e,e$i$g, 5i& yo) 2#$t to li,e i$ this te$t, yo)5,e got to %o li-e +
%o* .o)5,e got to roll yo)r 2rist 2#tch )p i$ # p#ir o& 2ool soc-s e,ery $ight #$% -eep it o$ the botto( o& yo)r &oot loc-er
o$ the other si%e o& the roo(*5
H)ple thr)st his 3#2 o)t %e&i#$tly to let H)$gry Joe -$o2 he co)l%$5t be p)she% #ro)$% #$% the$ %i% e8#ctly #s he h#%
bee$ tol%*
Catch 22
H)$gry Joe 2#s # 3)(py, e(#ci#te% 2retch 2ith # &leshless &#ce o& %i$gy s-i$ #$% bo$e #$% t2itchi$g ,ei$s s6)ir(i$g
s)bc)t#$eo)sly i$ the bl#c-e$e% hollo2s behi$% his eyes li-e se,ere% sectio$s o& s$#-e* +t 2#s # %esol#te, cr#tere%
&#ce, sooty 2ith c#re li-e #$ #b#$%o$e% (i$i$g to2$* H)$gry Joe #te ,or#cio)sly, g$#2e% i$cess#$tly #t the tips o& his
&i$gers, st#((ere%, cho-e%, itche%, s2e#te%, s#li,#te%, #$% spr#$g &ro( spot to spot &#$#tic#lly 2ith #$ i$tric#te bl#c-
c#(er# 2ith 2hich he 2#s #l2#ys tryi$g to t#-e pict)res o& $#-e% girls* They $e,er c#(e o)t* He 2#s #l2#ys &orgetti$g
to p)t &il( i$ the c#(er# or t)r$ o$ lights or re(o,e the co,er &ro( the le$s ope$i$g* +t 2#s$5t e#sy pers)#%i$g $#-e%
girls to pose, b)t H)$gry Joe h#% the -$#c-*
5'e big (#$,5 he 2o)l% sho)t* 5'e big photogr#pher &ro( Li&e (#g#4i$e* 7ig pict)re o$ he#p big co,er* Si, si, siC
Holly2oo% st#r* ')lti %i$ero* ')lti %i,orces* ')lti &ic-y-&ic- #ll %#y lo$g*5
;e2 2o(e$ #$y2here co)l% resist s)ch 2ily c#3olery, #$% prostit)tes 2o)l% spri$g to their &eet e#gerly #$% h)rl
the(sel,es i$to 2h#te,er &#$t#stic poses he re6)este% &or the(* >o(e$ -ille% H)$gry Joe* His respo$se to the( #s
se8)#l bei$gs 2#s o$e o& &re$4ie% 2orship #$% i%ol#try* They 2ere lo,ely, s#tis&yi$g, (#%%e$i$g (#$i&est#tio$s o& the
(ir#c)lo)s, i$str)(e$ts o& ple#s)re too po2er&)l to be (e#s)re%, too -ee$ to be e$%)re%, #$% too e86)isite to be
i$te$%e% &or e(ploy(e$t by b#se, )$2orthy (#$* He co)l% i$terpret their $#-e% prese$ce i$ his h#$%s o$ly #s # cos(ic
o,ersight %esti$e% to be recti&ie% spee%ily, #$% he 2#s %ri,e$ #l2#ys to (#-e 2h#t c#r$#l )se o& the( he co)l% i$ the
&leeti$g (o(e$t or t2o he &elt he h#% be&ore So(eo$e c#)ght 2ise #$% 2his-e% the( #2#y* He co)l% $e,er %eci%e
2hether to &)rgle the( or photogr#ph the(, &or he h#% &o)$% it i(possible to %o both si()lt#$eo)sly* +$ &#ct, he 2#s
&i$%i$g it #l(ost i(possible to %o either, so scr#(ble% 2ere his po2ers o& per&or(#$ce by the co(p)lsi,e $ee% &or
h#ste th#t i$,#ri#bly possesse% hi(* The pict)res $e,er c#(e o)t, #$% H)$gry Joe $e,er got i$* The o%% thi$g 2#s th#t
i$ ci,ili#$ li&e H)$gry Joe re#lly h#% bee$ # photogr#pher &or Li&e (#g#4i$e*
He 2#s # hero $o2, the biggest hero the Air ;orce h#%, .oss#ri#$ &elt, &or he h#% &lo2$ (ore co(b#t to)rs o& %)ty th#$
#$y other hero the Air ;orce h#%* He h#% &lo2$ si8 co(b#t to)rs o& %)ty* H)$gry Joe h#% &i$ishe% &lyi$g his &irst co(b#t
to)r o& %)ty 2he$ t2e$ty-&i,e (issio$s 2ere #ll th#t 2ere $ecess#ry &or hi( to p#c- his b#gs, 2rite h#ppy letters ho(e
#$% begi$ ho)$%i$g Serge#$t To2ser h)(oro)sly &or the #rri,#l o& the or%ers rot#ti$g hi( b#c- to the St#tes* >hile he
2#ite%, he spe$t e#ch %#y sh)&&li$g rhyth(ic#lly #ro)$% the e$tr#$ce o& the oper#tio$s te$t, (#-i$g boistero)s
2isecr#c-s to e,erybo%y 2ho c#(e by #$% 3ocosely c#lli$g Serge#$t To2ser # lo)sy so$ o& # bitch e,ery ti(e Serge#$t
To2ser poppe% o)t o& the or%erly roo(*
H)$gry Joe h#% &i$ishe% &lyi$g his &irst t2e$ty-&i,e (issio$s %)ri$g the 2ee- o& the S#ler$o be#chhe#%, 2he$ .oss#ri#$
2#s l#i% )p i$ the hospit#l 2ith # b)rst o& cl#p he h#% c#)ght o$ # lo2-le,el (issio$ o,er # >#c i$ b)shes o$ # s)pply
&light to '#rr#-ech* .oss#ri#$ %i% his best to c#tch )p 2ith H)$gry Joe #$% #l(ost %i%, &lyi$g si8 (issio$s i$ si8 %#ys,
b)t his t2e$ty-thir% (issio$ 2#s to Are44o, 2here Colo$el /e,ers 2#s -ille%, #$% th#t 2#s #s close #s he h#% e,er
bee$ #ble to co(e to goi$g ho(e* The $e8t %#y Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s there, bri((i$g 2ith to)gh pri%e i$ his $e2 o)t&it
#$% celebr#ti$g his #ss)(ptio$ o& co((#$% by r#isi$g the $)(ber o& (issio$s re6)ire% &ro( t2e$ty-&i,e to thirty*
H)$gry Joe )$p#c-e% his b#gs #$% re2rote the h#ppy letters ho(e* He stoppe% ho)$%i$g Serge#$t To2ser
h)(oro)sly* He beg#$ h#ti$g Serge#$t To2ser, &oc)si$g #ll bl#(e )po$ hi( ,e$o(o)sly, e,e$ tho)gh he -$e2
Serge#$t To2ser h#% $othi$g to %o 2ith the #rri,#l o& Colo$el C#thc#rt or the %el#y i$ the processi$g o& shippi$g or%ers
th#t (ight h#,e resc)e% hi( se,e$ %#ys e#rlier #$% &i,e ti(es si$ce*
H)$gry Joe co)l% $o lo$ger st#$% the str#i$ o& 2#iti$g &or shippi$g or%ers #$% cr)(ble% pro(ptly i$to r)i$ e,ery ti(e he
&i$ishe% #$other to)r o& %)ty* E#ch ti(e he 2#s t#-e$ o&& co(b#t st#t)s, he g#,e # big p#rty &or the little circle o& &rie$%s
he h#%* He bro-e o)t the bottles o& bo)rbo$ he h#% (#$#ge% to b)y o$ his &o)r-%#y 2ee-ly circ)its 2ith the co)rier
pl#$e #$% l#)ghe%, s#$g, sh)&&le% #$% sho)te% i$ # &esti,#l o& i$ebri#te% ecst#sy )$til he co)l% $o lo$ger -eep #2#-e
#$% rece%e% pe#ce&)lly i$to sl)(ber* As soo$ #s .oss#ri#$, /#tely #$% 0)$b#r p)t hi( to be% he beg#$ scre#(i$g i$
his sleep* +$ the (or$i$g he steppe% &ro( his te$t loo-i$g h#gg#r%, &e#r&)l #$% g)ilt-ri%%e$, #$ e#te$ shell o& # h)(#$
b)il%i$g roc-i$g perilo)sly o$ the bri$- o& coll#pse*
The $ight(#res #ppe#re% to H)$gry Joe 2ith celesti#l p)$ct)#lity e,ery si$gle $ight he spe$t i$ the s6)#%ro$
thro)gho)t the 2hole h#rro2i$g or%e#l 2he$ he 2#s $ot &lyi$g co(b#t (issio$s #$% 2#s 2#iti$g o$ce #g#i$ &or the
or%ers se$%i$g hi( ho(e th#t $e,er c#(e* +(pressio$#ble (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ li-e 0obbs #$% C#pt#i$ ;l)(e 2ere so
%eeply %ist)rbe% by H)$gry Joe5s shrie-i$g $ight(#res th#t they 2o)l% begi$ to h#,e shrie-i$g $ight(#res o& their o2$,
#$% the pierci$g obsce$ities they &l)$g i$to the #ir e,ery $ight &ro( their sep#r#te pl#ces i$ the s6)#%ro$ r#$g #g#i$st
e#ch other i$ the %#r-$ess ro(#$tic#lly li-e the (#ti$g c#lls o& so$gbir%s 2ith &ilthy (i$%s* Colo$el ?or$ #cte%
%ecisi,ely to #rrest 2h#t see(e% to hi( to be the begi$$i$g o& #$ )$2holeso(e tre$% i$ '#3or '#3or5s s6)#%ro$* The
sol)tio$ he pro,i%e% 2#s to h#,e H)$gry Joe &ly the co)rier ship o$ce # 2ee-, re(o,i$g hi( &ro( the s6)#%ro$ &or &o)r
$ights, #$% the re(e%y, li-e #ll Colo$el ?or$5s re(e%ies, 2#s s)ccess&)l*
E,ery ti(e Colo$el C#thc#rt i$cre#se% the $)(ber o& (issio$s #$% ret)r$e% H)$gry Joe to co(b#t %)ty, the $ight(#res
stoppe% #$% H)$gry Joe settle% %o2$ i$to # $or(#l st#te o& terror 2ith # s(ile o& relie&* .oss#ri#$ re#% H)$gry Joe5s
shr)$-e$ &#ce li-e # he#%li$e* +t 2#s goo% 2he$ H)$gry Joe loo-e% b#% #$% terrible 2he$ H)$gry Joe loo-e% goo%*
H)$gry Joe5s i$,erte% set o& respo$ses 2#s # c)rio)s phe$o(e$o$ to e,eryo$e b)t H)$gry Joe, 2ho %e$ie% the 2hole
thi$g st)bbor$ly*
5>ho %re#(s95 he #$s2ere%, 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #s-e% hi( 2h#t he %re#(e% #bo)t*
5Joe, 2hy %o$5t yo) go see 0oc 0#$ee-#95 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise%*
5>hy sho)l% + go see 0oc 0#$ee-#9 +5( $ot sic-*5
5>h#t #bo)t yo)r $ight(#res95
5+ %o$5t h#,e $ight(#res,5 H)$gry Joe lie%*
5'#ybe he c#$ %o so(ethi$g #bo)t the(*5
5There5s $othi$g 2ro$g 2ith $ight(#res,5 H)$gry Joe #$s2ere%* 5E,erybo%y h#s $ight(#res*5
.oss#ri#$ tho)ght he h#% hi(* 5E,ery $ight95 he #s-e%*
5>hy $ot e,ery $ight95 H)$gry Joe %e(#$%e%*
A$% s)%%e$ly it #ll (#%e se$se* >hy $ot e,ery $ight, i$%ee%9 +t (#%e se$se to cry o)t i$ p#i$ e,ery $ight* +t (#%e
(ore se$se th#$ Appleby, 2ho 2#s # stic-ler &or reg)l#tio$s #$% h#% or%ere% ?r#&t to or%er .oss#ri#$ to t#-e his
At#bri$e t#blets o$ the &light o,erse#s #&ter .oss#ri#$ #$% Appleby h#% stoppe% t#l-i$g to e#ch other* H)$gry Joe (#%e
(ore se$se th#$ ?r#&t, too, 2ho 2#s %e#%, %)(pe% )$cere(o$io)sly i$to %oo( o,er ;err#r# by #$ e8plo%i$g e$gi$e
17 | P a g e
#&ter .oss#ri#$ too- his &light o& si8 pl#$es i$ o,er the t#rget # seco$% ti(e* The gro)p h#% (isse% the bri%ge #t ;err#r#
#g#i$ &or the se,e$th str#ight %#y 2ith the bo(bsight th#t co)l% p)t bo(bs i$to # pic-le b#rrel #t &orty tho)s#$% &eet,
#$% o$e 2hole 2ee- h#% #lre#%y p#sse% si$ce Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% ,ol)$teere% to h#,e his (e$ %estroy the bri%ge i$
t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs* ?r#&t 2#s # s-i$$y, h#r(less -i% &ro( Pe$$syl,#$i# 2ho 2#$te% o$ly to be li-e%, #$% 2#s %esti$e% to
be %is#ppoi$te% i$ e,e$ so h)(ble #$% %egr#%i$g #$ #(bitio$* +$ste#% o& bei$g li-e%, he 2#s %e#%, # blee%i$g ci$%er
o$ the b#rb#ro)s pile 2ho( $obo%y h#% he#r% i$ those l#st precio)s (o(e$ts 2hile the pl#$e 2ith o$e 2i$g
pl)((ete%* He h#% li,e% i$$oc)o)sly &or # little 2hile #$% the$ h#% go$e %o2$ i$ &l#(e o,er ;err#r# o$ the se,e$th
%#y, 2hile :o% 2#s resti$g, 2he$ 'c>#tt t)r$e% #$% .oss#ri#$ g)i%e% hi( i$ o,er the t#rget o$ # seco$% bo(b r)$
bec#)se A#r&y 2#s co$&)se% #$% .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ )$#ble to %rop his bo(bs the &irst ti(e*
5+ g)ess 2e %o h#,e to go b#c- #g#i$, %o$5t 2e95 'c>#tt h#% s#i% so(berly o,er the i$terco(*
5+ g)ess 2e %o,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
50o 2e95 s#i% 'c>#tt*
5.e#h*5
5Oh, 2ell,5 s#$g 'c>#tt, 52h#t the hell*5
A$% b#c- they h#% go$e 2hile the pl#$es i$ the other &lights circle% s#&ely o&& i$ the %ist#$ce #$% e,ery cr#shi$g c#$$o$
i$ the Her(#$$ :oeri$g 0i,isio$ belo2 2#s b)sy cr#shi$g shells this ti(e o$ly #t the(*
Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% co)r#ge #$% $e,er hesit#te% to ,ol)$teer his (e$ &or #$y t#rget #,#il#ble* /o t#rget 2#s too
%#$gero)s &or his gro)p to #tt#c-, 3)st #s $o shot 2#s too %i&&ic)lt &or Appleby to h#$%le o$ the pi$g-po$g t#ble* Appleby
2#s # goo% pilot #$% # s)perh)(#$ pi$g-po$g pl#yer 2ith &lies i$ his eyes 2ho $e,er lost # poi$t* T2e$ty-o$e ser,es
2ere #ll it e,er too- &or Appleby to %isgr#ce #$other oppo$e$t* His pro2ess o$ the pi$g-po$g t#ble 2#s lege$%#ry, #$%
Appleby 2o$ e,ery g#(e he st#rte% )$til the $ight Orr got tipsy o$ gi$ #$% 3)ice #$% s(#she% ope$ Appleby5s &orehe#%
2ith his p#%%le #&ter Appleby h#% s(#she% b#c- e#ch o& Orr5s &irst &i,e ser,es* Orr le#pe% o$ top o& the t#ble #&ter
h)rli$g his p#%%le #$% c#(e s#ili$g o&& the other e$% i$ # r)$$i$g bro#% 3)(p 2ith both &eet pl#$te% s6)#rely i$
Appleby5s &#ce* P#$%e(o$i)( bro-e loose* +t too- #l(ost # &)ll (i$)te &or Appleby to %ise$t#$gle hi(sel& &ro( Orr5s
&l#ili$g #r(s #$% legs #$% grope his 2#y to his &eet, 2ith Orr hel% o&& the gro)$% be&ore hi( by the shirt &ro$t i$ o$e h#$%
#$% his other #r( %r#2$ b#c- i$ # &ist to s(ite hi( %e#%, #$% #t th#t (o(e$t .oss#ri#$ steppe% &or2#r% #$% too- Orr
#2#y &ro( hi(* +t 2#s # $ight o& s)rprises &or Appleby, 2ho 2#s #s l#rge #s .oss#ri#$ #$% #s stro$g #$% 2ho s2)$g #t
.oss#ri#$ #s h#r% #s he co)l% 2ith # p)$ch th#t &loo%e% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2ith s)ch 3oyo)s e8cite(e$t th#t he t)r$e%
#$% b)ste% Colo$el 'oo%)s i$ the $ose 2ith # p)$ch th#t &ille% :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ith s)ch (ello2 gr#ti&ic#tio$ th#t he
h#% Colo$el C#thc#rt thro2 the ch#pl#i$ o)t o& the o&&icers5 cl)b #$% or%ere% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t (o,e% i$to 0oc
0#$ee-#5s te$t, 2here he co)l% be )$%er # %octor5s c#re t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y #$% be -ept i$ goo% e$o)gh physic#l
co$%itio$ to b)st Colo$el 'oo%)s i$ the $ose #g#i$ 2he$e,er :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#$te% hi( to* So(eti(es :e$er#l
0ree%le (#%e speci#l trips %o2$ &ro( >i$g He#%6)#rters 2ith Colo$el 'oo%)s #$% his $)rse 3)st to h#,e Chie& >hite
H#l&o#t b)st his so$-i$-l#2 i$ the $ose*
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2o)l% ()ch r#ther h#,e re(#i$e% i$ the tr#iler he sh#re% 2ith C#pt#i$ ;l)(e, the sile$t, h#)$te%
s6)#%ro$ p)blic-rel#tio$s o&&icer 2ho spe$t (ost o& e#ch e,e$i$g %e,elopi$g the pict)res he too- %)ri$g the %#y to be
se$t o)t 2ith his p)blicity rele#ses* C#pt#i$ ;l)(e spe$t #s ()ch o& e#ch e,e$i$g #s he co)l% 2or-i$g i$ his %#r-roo(
#$% the$ l#y %o2$ o$ his cot 2ith his &i$gers crosse% #$% # r#bbit5s &oot #ro)$% his $ec- #$% trie% 2ith #ll his (ight to
st#y #2#-e* He li,e% i$ (ort#l &e#r o& Chie& >hite H#l&o#t* C#pt#i$ ;l)(e 2#s obsesse% 2ith the i%e# th#t Chie& >hite
H#l&o#t 2o)l% tiptoe )p to his cot o$e $ight 2he$ he 2#s so)$% #sleep #$% slit his thro#t ope$ &or hi( &ro( e#r to e#r*
C#pt#i$ ;l)(e h#% obt#i$e% this i%e# &ro( Chie& >hite H#l&o#t hi(sel&, 2ho %i% tiptoe )p to his cot o$e $ight #s he 2#s
%o4i$g o&&, to hiss porte$to)sly th#t o$e $ight 2he$ he, C#pt#i$ ;l)(e, 2#s so)$% #sleep he, Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, 2#s
goi$g to slit his thro#t ope$ &or hi( &ro( e#r to e#r* C#pt#i$ ;l)(e t)r$e% to ice, his eyes, &l)$g ope$ 2i%e, st#ri$g
%irectly )p i$to Chie& >hite H#l&o#t5s, gli$ti$g %r)$-e$ly o$ly i$ches #2#y*
5>hy95 C#pt#i$ ;l)(e (#$#ge% to cro#- &i$#lly*
5>hy $ot95 2#s Chie& >hite H#l&o#t5s #$s2er*
E#ch $ight #&ter th#t, C#pt#i$ ;l)(e &orce% hi(sel& to -eep #2#-e #s lo$g #s possible* He 2#s #i%e% i((e#s)r#bly by
H)$gry Joe5s $ight(#res* Liste$i$g so i$te$tly to H)$gry Joe5s (#$i#c#l ho2li$g $ight #&ter $ight, C#pt#i$ ;l)(e gre2
to h#te hi( #$% beg#$ 2ishi$g th#t Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2o)l% tiptoe )p to his cot o$e $ight #$% slit his thro#t ope$ &or
hi( &ro( e#r to e#r* Act)#lly, C#pt#i$ ;l)(e slept li-e # log (ost $ights #$% (erely %re#(e% he 2#s #2#-e* So
co$,i$ci$g 2ere these %re#(s o& lyi$g #2#-e th#t he 2o-e &ro( the( e#ch (or$i$g i$ co(plete e8h#)stio$ #$% &ell
right b#c- to sleep*
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t h#% gro2$ #l(ost &o$% o& C#pt#i$ ;l)(e si$ce his #(#4i$g (et#(orphosis* C#pt#i$ ;l)(e h#%
e$tere% his be% th#t $ight # b)oy#$t e8tro,ert #$% le&t it the $e8t (or$i$g # broo%i$g i$tro,ert, #$% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t
pro)%ly reg#r%e% the $e2 C#pt#i$ ;l)(e #s his o2$ cre#tio$* He h#% $e,er i$te$%e% to slit C#pt#i$ ;l)(e5s thro#t ope$
&or hi( &ro( e#r to e#r* Thre#te$i$g to %o so 2#s (erely his i%e# o& # 3o-e, li-e %yi$g o& p$e)(o$i#, b)sti$g Colo$el
'oo%)s i$ the $ose or ch#lle$gi$g 0oc 0#$ee-# to +$%i#$ 2restle* All Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2#$te% to %o 2he$ he
st#ggere% i$ %r)$- e#ch $ight 2#s go right to sleep, #$% H)$gry Joe o&te$ (#%e th#t i(possible* H)$gry Joe5s
$ight(#res g#,e Chie& >hite H#l&o#t the heebie-3eebies, #$% he o&te$ 2ishe% th#t so(eo$e 2o)l% tiptoe i$to H)$gry
Joe5s te$t, li&t H)ple5s c#t o&& his &#ce #$% slit his thro#t ope$ &or hi( &ro( e#r to e#r, so th#t e,erybo%y i$ the s6)#%ro$
b)t C#pt#i$ ;l)(e co)l% get # goo% $ight5s sleep*
E,e$ tho)gh Chie& >hite H#l&o#t -ept b)sti$g Colo$el 'oo%)s i$ the $ose &or :e$er#l 0ree%le5s be$e&it, he 2#s still
o)tsi%e the p#le* Also o)tsi%e the p#le 2#s '#3or '#3or, the s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er, 2ho h#% &o)$% th#t o)t the s#(e
ti(e he &o)$% o)t th#t he 2#s s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt, 2ho c#(e bl#sti$g i$to the s6)#%ro$ i$ his
hoppe%-)p 3eep the %#y #&ter '#3or 0)l)th 2#s -ille% o,er Per)gi#* Colo$el C#thc#rt sl#((e% to # screechi$g stop
i$ches short o& the r#ilro#% %itch sep#r#ti$g the $ose o& his 3eep &ro( the lopsi%e% b#s-etb#ll co)rt o$ the other si%e,
&ro( 2hich '#3or '#3or 2#s e,e$t)#lly %ri,e$ by the -ic-s #$% sho,es #$% sto$es #$% p)$ches o& the (e$ 2ho h#%
#l(ost beco(e his &rie$%s*
5.o)5re the $e2 s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% bello2e% #cross the %itch #t hi(* 57)t %o$5t thi$- it (e#$s
#$ythi$g, bec#)se it %oes$5t* All it (e#$s is th#t yo)5re the $e2 s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er*5
A$% Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% ro#re% #2#y #s #br)ptly #s he5% co(e, 2hippi$g the 3eep #ro)$% 2ith # ,icio)s spi$$i$g o&
Catch 22
2heels th#t se$t # spr#y o& &i$e grit blo2i$g i$to '#3or '#3or5s &#ce* '#3or '#3or 2#s i((obili4e% by the $e2s* He stoo%
speechless, l#$-y #$% g#2-i$g, 2ith # sc)&&e% b#s-etb#ll i$ his lo$g h#$%s #s the see%s o& r#$cor so2$ so s2i&tly by
Colo$el C#thc#rt too- root i$ the sol%iers #ro)$% hi( 2ho h#% bee$ pl#yi$g b#s-etb#ll 2ith hi( #$% 2ho h#% let hi(
co(e #s close to (#-i$g &rie$%s 2ith the( #s #$yo$e h#% e,er let hi( co(e be&ore* The 2hites o& his (oo$y eyes
gre2 l#rge #$% (isty #s his (o)th str)ggle% ye#r$i$gly #$% lost #g#i$st the &#(ili#r, i(preg$#ble lo$eli$ess %ri&ti$g i$
#ro)$% hi( #g#i$ li-e s)&&oc#ti$g &og*
Li-e #ll the other o&&icers #t :ro)p He#%6)#rters e8cept '#3or 0#$by, Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s i$&)se% 2ith the %e(ocr#tic
spirit@ he belie,e% th#t #ll (e$ 2ere cre#te% e6)#l, #$% he there&ore sp)r$e% #ll (e$ o)tsi%e :ro)p He#%6)#rters 2ith
e6)#l &er,or* /e,ertheless, he belie,e% i$ his (e$* As he tol% the( &re6)e$tly i$ the brie&i$g roo(, he belie,e% they
2ere #t le#st te$ (issio$s better th#$ #$y other o)t&it #$% &elt th#t #$y 2ho %i% $ot sh#re this co$&i%e$ce he h#% pl#ce%
i$ the( co)l% get the hell o)t* The o$ly 2#y they co)l% get the hell o)t, tho)gh, #s .oss#ri#$ le#r$e% 2he$ he &le2 to
,isit e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$, 2#s by &lyi$g the e8tr# te$ (issio$s*
5+ still %o$5t get it,5 .oss#ri#$ proteste%* 5+s 0oc 0#$ee-# right or is$5t he95
5Ho2 (#$y %i% he s#y95
5;orty*5
50#$ee-# 2#s telli$g the tr)th,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ #%(itte%* 5;orty (issio$s is #ll yo) h#,e to &ly #s &#r #s T2e$ty-
se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters is co$cer$e%*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s 3)bil#$t* 5The$ + c#$ go ho(e, right9 +5,e got &orty-eight*5
5/o, yo) c#$5t go ho(e,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ correcte% hi(* 5Are yo) cr#4y or so(ethi$g95
5>hy $ot95
5C#tch-22*5
5C#tch-2295 .oss#ri#$ 2#s st)$$e%* 5>h#t the hell h#s C#tch-22 got to %o 2ith it95
5C#tch-22,5 0oc 0#$ee-# #$s2ere% p#tie$tly, 2he$ H)$gry Joe h#% &lo2$ .oss#ri#$ b#c- to Pi#$os#, 5s#ys yo)5,e
#l2#ys got to %o 2h#t yo)r co((#$%i$g o&&icer tells yo) to*5
57)t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce s#ys + c#$ go ho(e 2ith &orty (issio$s*5
57)t they %o$5t s#y yo) h#,e to go ho(e* A$% reg)l#tio$s %o s#y yo) h#,e to obey e,ery or%er* Th#t5s the c#tch* E,e$ i&
the colo$el 2ere %isobeyi$g # T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce or%er by (#-i$g yo) &ly (ore (issio$s, yo)5% still h#,e to &ly
the(, or yo)5% be g)ilty o& %isobeyi$g #$ or%er o& his* A$% the$ T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters 2o)l% re#lly
3)(p o$ yo)*5
.oss#ri#$ sl)(pe% 2ith %is#ppoi$t(e$t* 5The$ + re#lly h#,e to &ly the &i&ty (issio$s, %o$5t +95 he grie,e%*
5The &i&ty-&i,e,5 0oc 0#$ee-# correcte% hi(*
5>h#t &i&ty-&i,e95
5The &i&ty-&i,e (issio$s the colo$el $o2 2#$ts #ll o& yo) to &ly*5
H)$gry Joe he#,e% # h)ge sigh o& relie& 2he$ he he#r% 0oc 0#$ee-# #$% bro-e i$to # gri$* .oss#ri#$ gr#bbe% H)$gry
Joe by the $ec- #$% (#%e hi( &ly the( both right b#c- to e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$*
5>h#t 2o)l% they %o to (e,5 he #s-e% i$ co$&i%e$ti#l to$es, 5i& + re&)se% to &ly the(95
5>e5% prob#bly shoot yo),5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ replie%*
5>e95 .oss#ri#$ crie% i$ s)rprise* 5>h#t %o yo) (e#$, 2e9 Si$ce 2he$ #re yo) o$ their si%e95
5+& yo)5re goi$g to be shot, 2hose si%e %o yo) e8pect (e to be o$95 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ retorte%*
.oss#ri#$ 2i$ce%* Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% r#ise% hi( #g#i$*
F 'c>ATT
Or%i$#rily, .oss#ri#$5s pilot 2#s 'c>#tt, 2ho, sh#,i$g i$ lo)% re%, cle#$ p#3#(#s o)tsi%e his te$t e#ch (or$i$g, 2#s
o$e o& the o%%, iro$ic, i$co(prehe$sible thi$gs s)rro)$%i$g .oss#ri#$* 'c>#tt 2#s the cr#4iest co(b#t (#$ o& the( #ll
prob#bly, bec#)se he 2#s per&ectly s#$e #$% still %i% $ot (i$% the 2#r* He 2#s # short-legge%, 2i%e-sho)l%ere%, s(ili$g
yo)$g so)l 2ho 2histle% bo)$cy sho2 t)$es co$ti$)o)sly #$% t)r$e% o,er c#r%s 2ith sh#rp s$#ps 2he$ he %e#lt #t
bl#c-3#c- or po-er )$til H)$gry Joe %isi$tegr#te% i$to 6)#-i$g %esp#ir &i$#lly be$e#th their c)()l#ti,e i(p#ct #$% beg#$
r#$ti$g #t hi( to stop s$#ppi$g the c#r%s*
5.o) so$ o& # bitch, yo) o$ly %o it bec#)se it h)rts (e,5 H)$gry Joe 2o)l% yell &)rio)sly, #s .oss#ri#$ hel% hi( b#c-
soothi$gly 2ith o$e h#$%* 5Th#t5s the o$ly re#so$ he %oes it, bec#)se he li-es to he#r (e scre#( - yo) go%%#( so$ o& #
bitchC5
'c>#tt cri$-le% his &i$e, &rec-le% $ose #pologetic#lly #$% ,o2e% $ot to s$#p the c#r%s #$y (ore, b)t #l2#ys &orgot*
'c>#tt 2ore &leecy be%roo( slippers 2ith his re% p#3#(#s #$% slept bet2ee$ &reshly presse% colore% be%sheets li-e
the o$e 'ilo h#% retrie,e% h#l& o& &or hi( &ro( the gri$$i$g thie& 2ith the s2eet tooth i$ e8ch#$ge &or $o$e o& the pitte%
%#tes 'ilo h#% borro2e% &ro( .oss#ri#$* 'c>#tt 2#s %eeply i(presse% 2ith 'ilo, 2ho, to the #()se(e$t o& Corpor#l
S$#r-, his (ess serge#$t, 2#s #lre#%y b)yi$g eggs &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece #$% selli$g the( &or &i,e ce$ts* 7)t 'c>#tt
2#s $e,er #s i(presse% 2ith 'ilo #s 'ilo h#% bee$ 2ith the letter .oss#ri#$ h#% obt#i$e% &or his li,er &ro( 0oc
0#$ee-#*
5>h#t5s this95 'ilo h#% crie% o)t i$ #l#r(, 2he$ he c#(e )po$ the e$or(o)s corr)g#te% c#rto$ &ille% 2ith p#c-#ges o&
%rie% &r)it #$% c#$s o& &r)it 3)ices #$% %esserts th#t t2o o& the +t#li#$ l#borers '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% -i%$#pe% &or his
-itche$ 2ere #bo)t to c#rry o&& to .oss#ri#$5s te$t*
5This is C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$, sir,5 s#i% Corpor#l S$#r- 2ith # s)perior s(ir-* Corpor#l S$#r- 2#s #$ i$tellect)#l s$ob 2ho
&elt he 2#s t2e$ty ye#rs #he#% o& his ti(e #$% %i% $ot e$3oy coo-i$g %o2$ to the (#sses* 5He h#s # letter &ro( 0oc
0#$ee-# e$titli$g hi( to #ll the &r)it #$% &r)it 3)ices he 2#$ts*5
5>h#t5s this95 crie% o)t .oss#ri#$, #s 'ilo 2e$t 2hite #$% beg#$ to s2#y*
5This is Lie)te$#$t 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er, sir,5 s#i% Corpor#l S$#r- 2ith # %erisi,e 2i$-* 5O$e o& o)r $e2 pilots* He bec#(e
(ess o&&icer 2hile yo) 2ere i$ the hospit#l this l#st ti(e*5
5>h#t5s this95 crie% o)t 'c>#tt, l#te i$ the #&ter$oo$, #s 'ilo h#$%e% hi( h#l& his be%sheet*
5+t5s h#l& o& the be%sheet th#t 2#s stole$ &ro( yo)r te$t this (or$i$g,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e% 2ith $er,o)s sel&-s#tis&#ctio$, his
r)sty ()st#che t2itchi$g r#pi%ly* 5+5ll bet yo) %i%$5t e,e$ -$o2 it 2#s stole$*5
5>hy sho)l% #$yo$e 2#$t to ste#l h#l& # be%sheet95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
'ilo gre2 &l)stere%* 5.o) %o$5t )$%erst#$%,5 he proteste%*
19 | P a g e
A$% .oss#ri#$ #lso %i% $ot )$%erst#$% 2hy 'ilo $ee%e% so %esper#tely to i$,est i$ the letter &ro( 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2hich
c#(e right to the poi$t* 5:i,e .oss#ri#$ #ll the %rie% &r)it #$% &r)it 3)ices he 2#$ts,5 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% 2ritte$* 5He s#ys
he h#s # li,er co$%itio$*5
5A letter li-e this,5 'ilo ()(ble% %espo$%e$tly, 5co)l% r)i$ #$y (ess o&&icer i$ the 2orl%*5 'ilo h#% co(e to .oss#ri#$5s
te$t 3)st to re#% the letter #g#i$, &ollo2i$g his c#rto$ o& lost pro,isio$s #cross the s6)#%ro$ li-e # (o)r$er* 5+ h#,e to
gi,e yo) #s ()ch #s yo) #s- &or* >hy, the letter %oes$5t e,e$ s#y yo) h#,e to e#t #ll o& it yo)rsel&*5
5A$% it5s # goo% thi$g it %oes$5t,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(, 5bec#)se + $e,er e#t #$y o& it* + h#,e # li,er co$%itio$*5
5Oh, yes, + &orgot,5 s#i% 'ilo, i$ # ,oice lo2ere% %e&ere$ti#lly* 5+s it b#%95
5J)st b#% e$o)gh,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% cheer&)lly*
5+ see,5 s#i% 'ilo* 5>h#t %oes th#t (e#$95
5+t (e#$s th#t it co)l%$5t be better***5
5+ %o$5t thi$- + )$%erst#$%*5
5***2itho)t bei$g 2orse* /o2 %o yo) see95
5.es, $o2 + see* 7)t + still %o$5t thi$- + )$%erst#$%*5
5>ell, %o$5t let it tro)ble yo)* Let it tro)ble (e* .o) see, + %o$5t re#lly h#,e # li,er co$%itio$* +5,e 3)st got the sy(pto(s* +
h#,e # :#r$ett-;leisch#-er sy$%ro(e*5
5+ see,5 s#i% 'ilo* 5A$% 2h#t is # :#r$ett-;leisch#-er sy$%ro(e95
5A li,er co$%itio$*5
5+ see,5 s#i% 'ilo, #$% beg#$ (#ss#gi$g his bl#c- eyebro2s together 2e#rily 2ith #$ e8pressio$ o& i$terior p#i$, #s
tho)gh 2#iti$g &or so(e sti$gi$g %isco(&ort he 2#s e8perie$ci$g to go #2#y* 5+$ th#t c#se,5 he co$ti$)e% &i$#lly, 5+
s)ppose yo) %o h#,e to be ,ery c#re&)l #bo)t 2h#t yo) e#t, %o$5t yo)9*
5Bery c#re&)l i$%ee%,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(* 5A goo% :#r$ett-;leisch#-er sy$%ro(e is$5t e#sy to co(e by, #$% + %o$5t 2#$t
to r)i$ (i$e* Th#t5s 2hy + $e,er e#t #$y &r)it*5
5/o2 + %o see,5 s#i% 'ilo* 5;r)it is b#% &or yo)r li,er95
5/o, &r)it is goo% &or (y li,er* Th#t5s 2hy + $e,er e#t #$y*5
5The$ 2h#t %o yo) %o 2ith it95 %e(#$%e% 'ilo, plo%%i$g #lo$g %ogge%ly thro)gh his (o)$ti$g co$&)sio$ to &li$g o)t the
6)estio$ b)r$i$g o$ his lips* 50o yo) sell it95
5+ gi,e it #2#y*5
5To 2ho95 crie% 'ilo, i$ # ,oice cr#c-i$g 2ith %is(#y*
5To #$yo$e 2ho 2#$ts it,5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% b#c-*
'ilo let o)t # lo$g, (el#$choly 2#il #$% st#ggere% b#c-, be#%s o& perspir#tio$ poppi$g o)t s)%%e$ly #ll o,er his #she$
&#ce* He t)gge% o$ his )$&ort)$#te ()st#che #bse$tly, his 2hole bo%y tre(bli$g*
5+ gi,e # gre#t %e#l o& it to 0)$b#r,5 .oss#ri#$ 2e$t o$*
50)$b#r95 'ilo echoe% $)(bly*
5.es* 0)$b#r c#$ e#t #ll the &r)it he 2#$ts #$% it 2o$5t %o hi( # %#($e% bit o& goo%* + 3)st le#,e the c#rto$ right o)t
there i$ the ope$ &or #$yo$e 2ho 2#$ts #$y to co(e #$% help hi(sel&* A#r&y co(es here to get pr)$es bec#)se he s#ys
he $e,er gets e$o)gh pr)$es i$ the (ess h#ll* .o) (ight loo- i$to th#t 2he$ yo)5,e got so(e ti(e bec#)se it5s $o &)$
h#,i$g A#r&y h#$gi$g #ro)$% here* >he$e,er the s)pply r)$s lo2 + 3)st h#,e Corpor#l S$#r- &ill (e )p #g#i$* /#tely
#l2#ys t#-es # 2hole lo#% o& &r)it #lo$g 2ith hi( 2he$e,er he goes to Ro(e* He5s i$ lo,e 2ith # 2hore there 2ho h#tes
(e #$% is$5t #t #ll i$tereste% i$ hi(* She5s got # -i% sister 2ho $e,er le#,es the( #lo$e i$ be% together, #$% they li,e i$
#$ #p#rt(e$t 2ith #$ ol% (#$ #$% 2o(#$ #$% # b)$ch o& other girls 2ith $ice &#t thighs 2ho #re #l2#ys -i%%i$g #ro)$%
#lso* /#tely bri$gs the( # 2hole c#rto$&)l e,ery ti(e he goes*5
50oes he sell it to the(95
5/o, he gi,es it to the(*5
'ilo &ro2$e%* 5>ell, + s)ppose th#t5s ,ery ge$ero)s o& hi(,5 he re(#r-e% 2ith $o e$th)si#s(*
5.es, ,ery ge$ero)s,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree%*
5A$% +5( s)re it5s per&ectly leg#l,5 s#i% 'ilo, 5si$ce the &oo% is yo)rs o$ce yo) get it &ro( (e* + s)ppose th#t 2ith
co$%itio$s #s h#r% #s they #re, these people #re ,ery gl#% to get it*5
5.es, ,ery gl#%,5 .oss#ri#$ #ss)re% hi(* 5The t2o girls sell it #ll o$ the bl#c- (#r-et #$% )se the (o$ey to b)y &l#shy
cost)(e 3e2elry #$% che#p per&)(e*5
'ilo per-e% )p* 5Cost)(e 3e2elryC5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5+ %i%$5t -$o2 th#t* Ho2 ()ch #re they p#yi$g &or che#p per&)(e95
5The ol% (#$ )ses his sh#re to b)y r#2 2his-ey #$% %irty pict)res* He5s # lecher*5
5A lecher95
5.o)5% be s)rprise%*5
5+s there ()ch o& # (#r-et i$ Ro(e &or %irty pict)res95 'ilo #s-e%*
5.o)5% be s)rprise%* T#-e A#r&y, &or i$st#$ce* ?$o2i$g hi(, yo)5% $e,er s)spect, 2o)l% yo)95
5Th#t he5s # lecher95
5/o, th#t he5s # $#,ig#tor* .o) -$o2 C#pt#i$ A#r%,##r-, %o$5t yo)9 He5s th#t $ice g)y 2ho c#(e )p to yo) yo)r &irst %#y
i$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% s#i%, JA#r%,##r-5s (y $#(e, #$% $#,ig#tio$ is (y g#(e*J He 2ore # pipe i$ his &#ce #$% prob#bly
#s-e% yo) 2h#t college yo) 2e$t to* 0o yo) -$o2 hi(95
'ilo 2#s p#yi$g $o #tte$tio$* 5Let (e be yo)r p#rt$er,5 he bl)rte% o)t i(plori$gly*
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% hi( %o2$, e,e$ tho)gh he h#% $o %o)bt th#t the tr)c-lo#%s o& &r)it 2o)l% be theirs to %ispose o& #$y
2#y they s#2 &it o$ce .oss#ri#$ h#% re6)isitio$e% the( &ro( the (ess h#ll 2ith 0oc 0#$ee-#5s letter* 'ilo 2#s
crest&#lle$, b)t &ro( th#t (o(e$t o$ he tr)ste% .oss#ri#$ 2ith e,ery secret b)t o$e, re#so$i$g shre2%ly th#t #$yo$e
2ho 2o)l% $ot ste#l &ro( the co)$try he lo,e% 2o)l% $ot ste#l &ro( #$ybo%y* 'ilo tr)ste% .oss#ri#$ 2ith e,ery secret
b)t the loc#tio$ o& the holes i$ the hills i$ 2hich he beg#$ b)ryi$g his (o$ey o$ce he ret)r$e% &ro( S(yr$# 2ith his
pl#$elo#% o& &igs #$% le#r$e% &ro( .oss#ri#$ th#t # C*+*0* (#$ h#% co(e to the hospit#l* To 'ilo, 2ho h#% bee$ g)llible
e$o)gh to ,ol)$teer &or it, the positio$ o& (ess o&&icer 2#s # s#cre% tr)st*
5+ %i%$5t e,e$ re#li4e 2e 2ere$5t ser,i$g e$o)gh pr)$es,5 he h#% #%(itte% th#t &irst %#y* 5+ s)ppose it5s bec#)se +5( still so
$e2* +5ll r#ise the 6)estio$ 2ith (y &irst che&*5
.oss#ri#$ eye% hi( sh#rply* 5>h#t &irst che&95 he %e(#$%e%* 5.o) %o$5t h#,e # &irst che&*5
Catch 22
5Corpor#l S$#r-,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%, loo-i$g #2#y # little g)iltily* 5He5s the o$ly che& + h#,e, so he re#lly is (y &irst che&,
#ltho)gh + hope to (o,e hi( o,er to the #%(i$istr#ti,e si%e* Corpor#l S$#r- te$%s to be # little too cre#ti,e, + &eel* He
thi$-s bei$g # (ess serge#$t is so(e sort o& #rt &or( #$% is #l2#ys co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t h#,i$g to prostit)te his t#le$ts*
/obo%y is #s-i$g hi( to %o #$y s)ch thi$gC +$ci%e$t#lly, %o yo) h#ppe$ to -$o2 2hy he 2#s b)ste% to pri,#te #$% is
o$ly # corpor#l $o295
5.es,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5He poiso$e% the s6)#%ro$*5
'ilo 2e$t p#le #g#i$* 5He %i% 2h#t95
5He (#she% h)$%re%s o& c#-es o& :+ so#p i$to the s2eet pot#toes 3)st to sho2 th#t people h#,e the t#ste o& Philisti$es
#$% %o$5t -$o2 the %i&&ere$ce bet2ee$ goo% #$% b#%* E,ery (#$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2#s sic-* 'issio$s 2ere c#$cele%*5
5>ellC5 'ilo e8cl#i(e%, 2ith thi$-)ppe% %is#ppro,#l* 5He cert#i$ly &o)$% o)t ho2 2ro$g he 2#s, %i%$5t he95
5O$ the co$tr#ry,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte%* 5He &o)$% o)t ho2 right he 2#s* >e p#c-e% it #2#y by the pl#te&)l #$% cl#(ore%
&or (ore* >e #ll -$e2 2e 2ere sic-, b)t 2e h#% $o i%e# 2e5% bee$ poiso$e%*5
'ilo s$i&&e% i$ co$ster$#tio$ t2ice, li-e # sh#ggy bro2$ h#re* 5+$ th#t c#se, + cert#i$ly %o 2#$t to get hi( o,er to the
#%(i$istr#ti,e si%e* + %o$5t 2#$t #$ythi$g li-e th#t h#ppe$i$g 2hile +5( i$ ch#rge* .o) see,5 he co$&i%e% e#r$estly, 52h#t +
hope to %o is gi,e the (e$ i$ this s6)#%ro$ the best (e#ls i$ the 2hole 2orl%* Th#t5s re#lly so(ethi$g to shoot #t, is$5t
it9 +& # (ess o&&icer #i(s #t #$ythi$g less, it see(s to (e, he h#s $o right bei$g (ess o&&icer* 0o$5t yo) #gree95
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% slo2ly to g#4e #t 'ilo 2ith probi$g %istr)st* He s#2 # si(ple, si$cere &#ce th#t 2#s i$c#p#ble o&
s)btlety or g)ile, #$ ho$est, &r#$- &#ce 2ith %is)$ite% l#rge eyes, r)sty h#ir, bl#c- eyebro2s #$% #$ )$&ort)$#te re%%ish-
bro2$ ()st#che* 'ilo h#% # lo$g, thi$ $ose 2ith s$i&&i$g, %#(p $ostrils he#%i$g sh#rply o&& to the right, #l2#ys poi$ti$g
#2#y &ro( 2here the rest o& hi( 2#s loo-i$g* +t 2#s the &#ce o& # (#$ o& h#r%e$e% i$tegrity 2ho co)l% $o (ore
co$scio)sly ,iol#te the (or#l pri$ciples o$ 2hich his ,irt)e reste% th#$ he co)l% tr#$s&or( hi(sel& i$to # %espic#ble
to#%* O$e o& these (or#l pri$ciples 2#s th#t it 2#s $e,er # si$ to ch#rge #s ()ch #s the tr#&&ic 2o)l% be#r* He 2#s
c#p#ble o& (ighty p#ro8ys(s o& righteo)s i$%ig$#tio$, #$% he 2#s i$%ig$#$t #s co)l% be 2he$ he le#r$e% th#t # C*+*0*
(#$ 2#s i$ the #re# loo-i$g &or hi(*
5He5s $ot loo-i$g &or yo),5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, tryi$g to pl#c#te hi(* 5He5s loo-i$g &or so(eo$e )p i$ the hospit#l 2ho5s bee$
sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to the letters he5s bee$ ce$sori$g*5
5+ $e,er sig$e% >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to #$y letters,5 'ilo %ecl#re%*
5O& co)rse $ot*5
57)t th#t5s 3)st # tric- to get (e to co$&ess +5,e bee$ (#-i$g (o$ey i$ the bl#c- (#r-et*5 'ilo h#)le% ,iole$tly #t #
%ishe,ele% h)$- o& his o&&-colore% ()st#che* 5+ %o$5t li-e g)ys li-e th#t* Al2#ys s$oopi$g #ro)$% people li-e )s* >hy
%oes$5t the go,er$(e$t get #&ter e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$, i& it 2#$ts to %o so(e goo%9 He5s got $o respect &or r)les #$%
reg)l#tio$s #$% -eeps c)tti$g prices o$ (e*5
Milo's mustache was unortunate because the separated halves never matched. They were like
Milo's disunited eyes, which never looked at the same thing at the same time. Milo could see
more things than most people, but he could see none o them too distinctly. !n contrast to his
reaction to news o the ".!.#. man, he learned with calm courage rom Yossarian that "olonel
"athcart had raised the
umber o missions to ity$ive.
5>e5re #t 2#r,5 he s#i%* 5A$% there5s $o )se co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t the $)(ber o& (issio$s 2e h#,e to &ly* +& the colo$el s#ys
2e h#,e to &ly &i&ty-&i,e missions, we have to ly them.'
'%ell, ! don't have to ly them,' Yossarian vowed. '!'ll go see Ma&or Ma&or.'
'How can you' Ma&or Ma&or never sees anybody.'
'Then !'ll go back into the hospital.'
5.o) 3)st c#(e o)t o& the hospit#l te$ %#ys #go,5 'ilo re(i$%e% hi( repro,i$gly* 5.o) c#$5t -eep r)$$i$g i$to the hospit#l
e,ery ti(e so(ethi$g h#ppe$s yo) %o$5t li-e* /o, the best thi$g to %o is &ly the (issio$s* +t5s o)r %)ty*5
'ilo h#% rigi% scr)ples th#t 2o)l% $ot e,e$ #llo2 hi( to borro2 # p#c-#ge o& pitte% %#tes &ro( the (ess h#ll th#t %#y o&
'c>#tt5s stole$ be%sheet, &or the &oo% #t the (ess h#ll 2#s #ll still the property o& the go,er$(e$t*
57)t + c#$ borro2 it &ro( yo),5 he e8pl#i$e% to .oss#ri#$, 5si$ce #ll this &r)it is yo)rs o$ce yo) get it &ro( (e 2ith 0octor
0#$ee-#5s letter* .o) c#$ %o 2h#te,er yo) 2#$t to 2ith it, e,e$ sell it #t # high pro&it i$ste#% o& gi,i$g it #2#y &ree*
>o)l%$5t yo) 2#$t to %o th#t together95
5/o*5
'ilo g#,e )p* 5The$ le$% (e o$e p#c-#ge o& pitte% %#tes,5 he re6)este%* 5+5ll gi,e it b#c- to yo)* + s2e#r + 2ill, #$% there5ll
be # little so(ethi$g e8tr# &or yo)*5
'ilo pro,e% goo% #s his 2or% #$% h#$%e% .oss#ri#$ # 6)#rter o& 'c>#tt5s yello2 be%sheet 2he$ he ret)r$e% 2ith the
)$ope$e% p#c-#ge o& %#tes #$% 2ith the gri$$i$g thie& 2ith the s2eet tooth 2ho h#% stole$ the be%sheet &ro( 'c>#tt5s
te$t* The piece o& be%sheet $o2 belo$ge% to .oss#ri#$* He h#% e#r$e% it 2hile $#ppi$g, #ltho)gh he %i% $ot )$%erst#$%
ho2* /either %i% 'c>#tt*
5>h#t5s this95 crie% 'c>#tt, st#ri$g i$ (ysti&ic#tio$ #t the rippe% h#l& o& his be%sheet*
5+t5s h#l& o& the be%sheet th#t 2#s stole$ &ro( yo)r te$t this (or$i$g,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%* 5+5ll bet yo) %i%$5t e,e$ -$o2 it 2#s
stole$*5
5>hy sho)l% #$yo$e 2#$t to ste#l h#l& # be%sheet95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
'ilo gre2 &l)stere%* 5.o) %o$5t )$%erst#$%,5 he proteste%* 5He stole the 2hole be%sheet, #$% + got it b#c- 2ith the
p#c-#ge o& pitte% %#tes yo) i$,este%* Th#t5s 2hy the 6)#rter o& the be%sheet is yo)rs* .o) (#%e # ,ery h#$%so(e
ret)r$ o$ yo)r i$,est(e$t, p#rtic)l#rly si$ce yo)5,e gotte$ b#c- e,ery pitte% %#te yo) g#,e (e*5 'ilo $e8t #%%resse%
hi(sel& to 'c>#tt* 5H#l& the be%sheet is yo)rs bec#)se it 2#s #ll yo)rs to begi$ 2ith, #$% + re#lly %o$5t )$%erst#$% 2h#t
yo)5re co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t, si$ce yo) 2o)l%$5t h#,e #$y p#rt o& it i& C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ #$% + h#%$5t i$ter,e$e% i$ yo)r
beh#l&*5
21 | P a g e
5>ho5s co(pl#i$i$g95 'c>#tt e8cl#i(e%* 5+5( 3)st tryi$g to &ig)re o)t 2h#t + c#$ %o 2ith h#l& # be%sheet*5
5There #re lots o& thi$gs yo) c#$ %o 2ith h#l& # be%sheet,5 'ilo #ss)re% hi(* 5The re(#i$i$g 6)#rter o& the be%sheet +5,e
set #si%e &or (ysel& #s # re2#r% &or (y e$terprise, 2or- #$% i$iti#ti,e* +t5s $ot &or (ysel&, yo) )$%erst#$%, b)t &or the
sy$%ic#te* Th#t5s so(ethi$g yo) (ight %o 2ith h#l& the be%sheet* .o) c#$ le#,e it i$ the sy$%ic#te #$% 2#tch it gro2*5
5>h#t sy$%ic#te95
5The sy$%ic#te +5% li-e to &or( so(e%#y so th#t + c#$ gi,e yo) (e$ the goo% &oo% yo) %eser,e*5
5.o) 2#$t to &or( # sy$%ic#te95
5.es, + %o* /o, # (#rt* 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t # (#rt is95
5+t5s # pl#ce 2here yo) b)y thi$gs, is$5t it95
5A$% sell thi$gs,5 correcte% 'ilo*
5A$% sell thi$gs*5
5All (y li&e +5,e 2#$te% # (#rt* .o) c#$ %o lots o& thi$gs i& yo)5,e got # (#rt* 7)t yo)5,e got to h#,e # (#rt*5
5.o) 2#$t # (#rt95
5A$% e,ery (#$ 2ill h#,e # sh#re*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s still p)44le%, &or it 2#s # b)si$ess (#tter, #$% there 2#s ()ch #bo)t b)si$ess (#tters th#t #l2#ys
p)44le% hi(*
5Let (e try to e8pl#i$ it #g#i$,5 'ilo o&&ere% 2ith gro2i$g 2e#ri$ess #$% e8#sper#tio$, 3er-i$g his th)(b to2#r% the thie&
2ith the s2eet tooth, still gri$$i$g besi%e hi(* 5+ -$e2 he 2#$te% the %#tes (ore th#$ the be%sheet* Si$ce he %oes$5t
)$%erst#$% # 2or% o& E$glish, + (#%e it # poi$t to co$%)ct the 2hole tr#$s#ctio$ i$ E$glish*5
5>hy %i%$5t yo) 3)st hit hi( o,er the he#% #$% t#-e the be%sheet #2#y &ro( hi(95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%*
Pressi$g his lips together 2ith %ig$ity, 'ilo shoo- his he#%* 5Th#t 2o)l% h#,e bee$ (ost )$3)st,5 he scol%e% &ir(ly*
5;orce is 2ro$g, #$% t2o 2ro$gs $e,er (#-e # right* +t 2#s ()ch better (y 2#y* >he$ + hel% the %#tes o)t to hi( #$%
re#che% &or the be%sheet, he prob#bly tho)ght + 2#s o&&eri$g to tr#%e*5
5>h#t 2ere yo) %oi$g95
5Act)#lly, + 2#s o&&eri$g to tr#%e, b)t si$ce he %oes$5t )$%erst#$% E$glish, + c#$ #l2#ys %e$y it*5
5S)ppose he gets #$gry #$% 2#$ts the %#tes95
5>hy, 2e5ll 3)st hit hi( o,er the he#% #$% t#-e the( #2#y &ro( hi(,5 'ilo #$s2ere% 2itho)t hesit#tio$* He loo-e% &ro(
.oss#ri#$ to 'c>#tt #$% b#c- #g#i$* 5+ re#lly c#$5t see 2h#t e,eryo$e is co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t* >e5re #ll ()ch better o&&
th#$ be&ore* E,erybo%y is h#ppy b)t this thie&, #$% there5s $o se$se 2orryi$g #bo)t hi(, si$ce he %oes$5t e,e$ spe#-
o)r l#$g)#ge #$% %eser,es 2h#te,er he gets* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%95
7)t .oss#ri#$ still %i%$5t )$%erst#$% either ho2 'ilo co)l% b)y eggs i$ '#lt# &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece #$% sell the( #t #
pro&it i$ Pi#$os# &or &i,e ce$ts*
H L+E=TE/A/T SCHE+SS?OP;
/ot e,e$ Cle,i$ger )$%erstoo% ho2 'ilo co)l% %o th#t, #$% Cle,i$ger -$e2 e,erythi$g* Cle,i$ger -$e2 e,erythi$g
#bo)t the 2#r e8cept 2hy .oss#ri#$ h#% to %ie 2hile Corpor#l S$#r- 2#s #llo2e% to li,e, or 2hy Corpor#l S$#r- h#% to
%ie 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s #llo2e% to li,e* +t 2#s # ,ile #$% ()%%y 2#r, #$% .oss#ri#$ co)l% h#,e li,e% 2itho)t it - li,e%
&ore,er, perh#ps* O$ly # &r#ctio$ o& his co)$try(e$ 2o)l% gi,e )p their li,es to 2i$ it, #$% it 2#s $ot his #(bitio$ to be
#(o$g the(* To %ie or $ot to %ie, th#t 2#s the 6)estio$, #$% Cle,i$ger gre2 li(p tryi$g to #$s2er it* History %i% $ot
%e(#$% .oss#ri#$5s pre(#t)re %e(ise, 3)stice co)l% be s#tis&ie% 2itho)t it, progress %i% $ot hi$ge )po$ it, ,ictory %i%
$ot %epe$% o$ it* Th#t (e$ 2o)l% %ie 2#s # (#tter o& $ecessityA 2hich (e$ 2o)l% %ie, tho)gh, 2#s # (#tter o&
circ)(st#$ce, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s 2illi$g to be the ,icti( o& #$ythi$g b)t circ)(st#$ce* 7)t th#t 2#s 2#r* J)st #bo)t #ll
he co)l% &i$% i$ its &#,or 2#s th#t it p#i% 2ell #$% liber#te% chil%re$ &ro( the per$icio)s i$&l)e$ce o& their p#re$ts*
Cle,i$ger -$e2 so ()ch bec#)se Cle,i$ger 2#s # ge$i)s 2ith # po)$%i$g he#rt #$% bl#$chi$g &#ce* He 2#s #
g#$gli$g, g#2-y, &e,erish, &#(ish-eye% br#i$* As # H#r,#r% )$%ergr#%)#te he h#% 2o$ pri4es i$ schol#rship &or 3)st
#bo)t e,erythi$g, #$% the o$ly re#so$ he h#% $ot 2o$ pri4es i$ schol#rship &or e,erythi$g else 2#s th#t he 2#s too
b)sy sig$i$g petitio$s, circ)l#ti$g petitio$s #$% ch#lle$gi$g petitio$s, 3oi$i$g %isc)ssio$ gro)ps #$% resig$i$g &ro(
%isc)ssio$ gro)ps, #tte$%i$g yo)th co$gresses, pic-eti$g other yo)th co$gresses #$% org#$i4i$g st)%e$t co((ittees i$
%e&e$se o& %is(isse% &#c)lty (e(bers* E,eryo$e #gree% th#t Cle,i$ger 2#s cert#i$ to go &#r i$ the #c#%e(ic 2orl%* +$
short, Cle,i$ger 2#s o$e o& those people 2ith lots o& i$tellige$ce #$% $o br#i$s, #$% e,eryo$e -$e2 it e8cept those 2ho
soo$ &o)$% it o)t*
+$ short, he 2#s # %ope* He o&te$ loo-e% to .oss#ri#$ li-e o$e o& those people h#$gi$g #ro)$% (o%er$ ()se)(s 2ith
both eyes together o$ o$e si%e o& # &#ce* +t 2#s #$ ill)sio$, o& co)rse, ge$er#te% by Cle,i$ger5s pre%ilectio$ &or st#ri$g
&i8e%ly #t o$e si%e o& # 6)estio$ #$% $e,er seei$g the other si%e #t #ll* Politic#lly, he 2#s # h)(#$it#ri#$ 2ho %i% -$o2
right &ro( le&t #$% 2#s tr#ppe% )$co(&ort#bly bet2ee$ the t2o* He 2#s co$st#$tly %e&e$%i$g his Co(()$ist &rie$%s to
his right-2i$g e$e(ies #$% his right-2i$g &rie$%s to his Co(()$ist e$e(ies, #$% he 2#s thoro)ghly %eteste% by both
gro)ps, 2ho $e,er %e&e$%e% hi( to #$yo$e bec#)se they tho)ght he 2#s # %ope*
He 2#s # ,ery serio)s, ,ery e#r$est #$% ,ery co$scie$tio)s %ope* +t 2#s i(possible to go to # (o,ie 2ith hi( 2itho)t
getti$g i$,ol,e% #&ter2#r%s i$ # %isc)ssio$ o$ e(p#thy, Aristotle, )$i,ers#ls, (ess#ges #$% the oblig#tio$s o& the
ci$e(# #s #$ #rt &or( i$ # (#teri#listic society* :irls he too- to the the#ter h#% to 2#it )$til the &irst i$ter(issio$ to &i$%
o)t &ro( hi( 2hether or $ot they 2ere seei$g # goo% or # b#% pl#y, #$% the$ &o)$% o)t #t o$ce* He 2#s # (ilit#$t
i%e#list 2ho cr)s#%e% #g#i$st r#ci#l bigotry by gro2i$g &#i$t i$ its prese$ce* He -$e2 e,erythi$g #bo)t liter#t)re e8cept
ho2 to e$3oy it*
.oss#ri#$ trie% to help hi(* 50o$5t be # %ope,5 he h#% co)$sele% Cle,i$ger 2he$ they 2ere both #t c#%et school i$
S#$t# A$#, C#li&or$i#*
5+5( goi$g to tell hi(,5 Cle,i$ger i$siste%, #s the t2o o& the( s#t high i$ the re,ie2i$g st#$%s loo-i$g %o2$ o$ the
#)8ili#ry p#r#%egro)$% #t Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& r#gi$g b#c- #$% &orth li-e # be#r%less Le#r*
5>hy (e95 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#ile%*
5?eep still, i%iot,5 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise% Cle,i$ger #,)$c)l#rly*
5.o) %o$5t -$o2 2h#t yo)5re t#l-i$g #bo)t,5 Cle,i$ger ob3ecte%*
5+ -$o2 e$o)gh to -eep still, i%iot*5
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& tore his h#ir #$% g$#she% his teeth* His r)bbery chee-s shoo- 2ith g)sts o& #$g)ish* His
Catch 22
proble( 2#s # s6)#%ro$ o& #,i#tio$ c#%ets 2ith lo2 (or#le 2ho (#rche% #trocio)sly i$ the p#r#%e co(petitio$ th#t
too- pl#ce e,ery S)$%#y #&ter$oo$* Their (or#le 2#s lo2 bec#)se they %i% $ot 2#$t to (#rch i$ p#r#%es e,ery S)$%#y
#&ter$oo$ #$% bec#)se Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% #ppoi$te% c#%et o&&icers &ro( their r#$-s i$ste#% o& per(itti$g the(
to elect their o2$*
5+ 2#$t so(eo$e to tell (e,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& beseeche% the( #ll pr#yer&)lly* 5+& #$y o& it is (y &#)lt, + 2#$t to be
tol%*5
5He 2#$ts so(eo$e to tell hi(,5 Cle,i$ger s#i%*
5He 2#$ts e,eryo$e to -eep still, i%iot,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%*
50i%$5t yo) he#r hi(95 Cle,i$ger #rg)e%*
5+ he#r% hi(,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%* 5+ he#r% hi( s#y ,ery lo)%ly #$% ,ery %isti$ctly th#t he 2#$ts e,ery o$e o& )s to -eep o)r
(o)ths sh)t i& 2e -$o2 2h#t5s goo% &or )s*5
5+ 2o$5t p)$ish yo),5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& s2ore*
5He s#ys he 2o$5t p)$ish (e,5 s#i% Cle,i$ger*
5He5ll c#str#te yo),5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5+ s2e#r + 2o$5t p)$ish yo),5 s#i% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&* 5+5ll be gr#te&)l to the (#$ 2ho tells (e the tr)th*5
5He5ll h#te yo),5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5To his %yi$g %#y he5ll h#te yo)*5
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s #$ R*O*T*C* gr#%)#te 2ho 2#s r#ther gl#% th#t 2#r h#% bro-e$ o)t, si$ce it g#,e hi( #$
opport)$ity to 2e#r #$ o&&icer5s )$i&or( e,ery %#y #$% s#y 5'e$5 i$ # clippe%, (ilit#ry ,oice to the b)$ches o& -i%s 2ho
&ell i$to his cl)tches e,ery eight 2ee-s o$ their 2#y to the b)tcher5s bloc-* He 2#s #$ #(bitio)s #$% h)(orless
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&, 2ho co$&ro$te% his respo$sibilities soberly #$% s(ile% o$ly 2he$ so(e ri,#l o&&icer #t the S#$t#
A$# Ar(y Air ;orce 7#se c#(e %o2$ 2ith # li$geri$g %ise#se* He h#% poor eyesight #$% chro$ic si$)s tro)ble, 2hich
(#%e 2#r especi#lly e8citi$g &or hi(, si$ce he 2#s i$ $o %#$ger o& goi$g o,erse#s* The best thi$g #bo)t hi( 2#s his
2i&e #$% the best thi$g #bo)t his 2i&e 2#s # girl &rie$% $#(e% 0ori 0)4 2ho %i% 2he$e,er she co)l% #$% h#% # >#c
)$i&or( th#t Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e p)t o$ e,ery 2ee-e$% #$% too- o&& e,ery 2ee-e$% &or e,ery c#%et i$ her
h)sb#$%5s s6)#%ro$ 2ho 2#$te% to creep i$to her*
0ori 0)4 2#s # li,ely little t#rt o& copper-gree$ #$% gol% 2ho lo,e% %oi$g it best i$ toolshe%s, pho$e booths, &iel% ho)ses
#$% b)s -ios-s* There 2#s little she h#%$5t trie% #$% less she 2o)l%$5t* She 2#s sh#(eless, sli(, $i$etee$ #$%
#ggressi,e* She %estroye% egos by the score #$% (#%e (e$ h#te the(sel,es i$ the (or$i$g &or the 2#y she &o)$%
the(, )se% the( #$% tosse% the( #si%e* .oss#ri#$ lo,e% her* She 2#s # (#r,elo)s piece o& #ss 2ho &o)$% hi( o$ly
&#ir* He lo,e% the &eel o& spri$gy ()scle be$e#th her s-i$ e,ery2here he to)che% her the o$ly ti(e she5% let hi(*
.oss#ri#$ lo,e% 0ori 0)4 so ()ch th#t he co)l%$5t help &li$gi$g hi(sel& %o2$ p#ssio$#tely o$ top o& Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e e,ery 2ee- to re,e$ge hi(sel& )po$ Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& &or the 2#y Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s
re,e$gi$g hi(sel& )po$ Cle,i$ger*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e 2#s re,e$gi$g hersel& )po$ Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& &or so(e )$&orgett#ble cri(e o& his
she co)l%$5t rec#ll* She 2#s # pl)(p, pi$-, sl)ggish girl 2ho re#% goo% boo-s #$% -ept )rgi$g .oss#ri#$ $ot to be so
bo)rgeois 2itho)t the r* She 2#s $e,er 2itho)t # goo% boo- close by, $ot e,e$ 2he$ she 2#s lyi$g i$ be% 2ith $othi$g
o$ her b)t .oss#ri#$ #$% 0ori 0)45s %og t#gs* She bore% .oss#ri#$, b)t he 2#s i$ lo,e 2ith her, too* She 2#s # cr#4y
(#the(#tics (#3or &ro( the >h#rto$ School o& 7)si$ess 2ho co)l% $ot co)$t to t2e$ty-eight e#ch (o$th 2itho)t
getti$g i$to tro)ble*
50#rli$g, 2e5re goi$g to h#,e # b#by #g#i$,5 she 2o)l% s#y to .oss#ri#$ e,ery (o$th*
5.o)5re o)t o& yo)r go%%#( he#%,5 he 2o)l% reply*
5+ (e#$ it, b#by,5 she i$siste%*
5So %o +*5
50#rli$g, 2e5re goi$g to h#,e # b#by #g#i$,5 she 2o)l% s#y to her h)sb#$%*
5+ h#,e$5t the ti(e,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2o)l% gr)(ble pet)l#$tly* 50o$5t yo) -$o2 there5s # p#r#%e goi$g o$95
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& c#re% ,ery %eeply #bo)t 2i$$i$g p#r#%es #$% #bo)t bri$gi$g Cle,i$ger )p o$ ch#rges be&ore
the Actio$ 7o#r% &or co$spiri$g to #%,oc#te the o,erthro2 o& the c#%et o&&icers Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% #ppoi$te%*
Cle,i$ger 2#s # tro)ble(#-er #$% # 2ise g)y* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& -$e2 th#t Cle,i$ger (ight c#)se e,e$ (ore
tro)ble i& he 2#s$5t 2#tche%* .ester%#y it 2#s the c#%et o&&icersA to(orro2 it (ight be the 2orl%* Cle,i$ger h#% # (i$%,
#$% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% $otice% th#t people 2ith (i$%s te$%e% to get pretty s(#rt #t ti(es* S)ch (e$ 2ere
%#$gero)s, #$% e,e$ the $e2 c#%et o&&icers 2ho( Cle,i$ger h#% helpe% i$to o&&ice 2ere e#ger to gi,e %#($i$g
testi(o$y #g#i$st hi(* The c#se #g#i$st Cle,i$ger 2#s ope$ #$% sh)t* The o$ly thi$g (issi$g 2#s so(ethi$g to ch#rge
hi( 2ith*
+t co)l% $ot be #$ythi$g to %o 2ith p#r#%es, &or Cle,i$ger too- the p#r#%es #l(ost #s serio)sly #s Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op& hi(sel&* The (e$ &ell o)t &or the p#r#%es e#rly e#ch S)$%#y #&ter$oo$ #$% grope% their 2#y i$to r#$-s o&
t2el,e o)tsi%e the b#rr#c-s* :ro#$i$g 2ith h#$go,ers, they li(pe% i$ step to their st#tio$ o$ the (#i$ p#r#%egro)$%,
2here they stoo% (otio$less i$ the he#t &or #$ ho)r or t2o 2ith the (e$ &ro( the si8ty or se,e$ty other c#%et s6)#%ro$s
)$til e$o)gh o& the( h#% coll#pse% to c#ll it # %#y* O$ the e%ge o& the &iel% stoo% # ro2 o& #(b)l#$ces #$% te#(s o&
tr#i$e% stretcher be#rers 2ith 2#l-ie-t#l-ies* O$ the roo&s o& the #(b)l#$ces 2ere spotters 2ith bi$oc)l#rs* A t#lly cler-
-ept score* S)per,isi$g this e$tire ph#se o& the oper#tio$ 2#s # (e%ic#l o&&icer 2ith # &l#ir &or #cco)$ti$g 2ho o-#ye%
p)lses #$% chec-e% the &ig)res o& the t#lly cler-* As soo$ #s e$o)gh )$co$scio)s (e$ h#% bee$ collecte% i$ the
#(b)l#$ces, the (e%ic#l o&&icer sig$#le% the b#$%(#ster to stri-e )p the b#$% #$% e$% the p#r#%e* O$e behi$% the
other, the s6)#%ro$s (#rche% )p the &iel%, e8ec)te% # c)(berso(e t)r$ #ro)$% the re,ie2i$g st#$% #$% (#rche% %o2$
the &iel% #$% b#c- to their b#rr#c-s*
E#ch o& the p#r#%i$g s6)#%ro$s 2#s gr#%e% #s it (#rche% p#st the re,ie2i$g st#$%, 2here # blo#te% colo$el 2ith # big
&#t ()st#che s#t 2ith the other o&&icers* The best s6)#%ro$ i$ e#ch 2i$g 2o$ # yello2 pe$$#$t o$ # pole th#t 2#s )tterly
2orthless* The best s6)#%ro$ o$ the b#se 2o$ # re% pe$$#$t o$ # lo$ger pole th#t 2#s 2orth e,e$ less, si$ce the pole
2#s he#,ier #$% 2#s th#t ()ch (ore o& # $)is#$ce to l)g #ro)$% #ll 2ee- )$til so(e other s6)#%ro$ 2o$ it the
&ollo2i$g S)$%#y* To .oss#ri#$, the i%e# o& pe$$#$ts #s pri4es 2#s #bs)r%* /o (o$ey 2e$t 2ith the(, $o cl#ss
pri,ileges* Li-e Oly(pic (e%#ls #$% te$$is trophies, #ll they sig$i&ie% 2#s th#t the o2$er h#% %o$e so(ethi$g o& $o
be$e&it to #$yo$e (ore c#p#bly th#$ e,eryo$e else*
23 | P a g e
The p#r#%es the(sel,es see(e% e6)#lly #bs)r%* .oss#ri#$ h#te% # p#r#%e* P#r#%es 2ere so (#rti#l* He h#te% he#ri$g
the(, h#te% seei$g the(, h#te% bei$g tie% )p i$ tr#&&ic by the(* He h#te% bei$g (#%e to t#-e p#rt i$ the(* +t 2#s b#%
e$o)gh bei$g #$ #,i#tio$ c#%et 2itho)t h#,i$g to #ct li-e # sol%ier i$ the blisteri$g he#t e,ery S)$%#y #&ter$oo$* +t 2#s
b#% e$o)gh bei$g #$ #,i#tio$ c#%et bec#)se it 2#s ob,io)s $o2 th#t the 2#r 2o)l% $ot be o,er be&ore he h#% &i$ishe%
his tr#i$i$g* Th#t 2#s the o$ly re#so$ he h#% ,ol)$teere% &or c#%et tr#i$i$g i$ the &irst pl#ce* As # sol%ier 2ho h#%
6)#li&ie% &or #,i#tio$ c#%et tr#i$i$g, he h#% 2ee-s #$% 2ee-s o& 2#iti$g &or #ssig$(e$t to # cl#ss, 2ee-s #$% 2ee-s
(ore to beco(e # bo(b#r%ier-$#,ig#tor, 2ee-s #$% 2ee-s (ore o& oper#tio$#l tr#i$i$g #&ter th#t to prep#re hi( &or
o,erse#s %)ty* +t see(e% i$co$cei,#ble the$ th#t the 2#r co)l% l#st th#t lo$g, &or :o% 2#s o$ his si%e, he h#% bee$ tol%,
#$% :o%, he h#% #lso bee$ tol%, co)l% %o 2h#te,er He 2#$te% to* 7)t the 2#r 2#s $ot $e#rly o,er, #$% his tr#i$i$g 2#s
#l(ost co(plete*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& lo$ge% %esper#tely to 2i$ p#r#%es #$% s#t )p h#l& the $ight 2or-i$g o$ it 2hile his 2i&e 2#ite%
#(oro)sly &or hi( i$ be% th)(bi$g thro)gh ?r#&&t-Ebi$g to her &#,orite p#ss#ges* He re#% boo-s o$ (#rchi$g* He
(#$ip)l#te% bo8es o& chocol#te sol%iers )$til they (elte% i$ his h#$%s #$% the$ (#$e),ere% i$ r#$-s o& t2el,e # set o&
pl#stic co2boys he h#% bo)ght &ro( # (#il-or%er ho)se )$%er #$ #ss)(e% $#(e #$% -ept loc-e% #2#y &ro(
e,eryo$e5s eyes %)ri$g the %#y* Leo$#r%o5s e8ercises i$ #$#to(y pro,e% i$%ispe$s#ble* O$e e,e$i$g he &elt the $ee%
&or # li,e (o%el #$% %irecte% his 2i&e to (#rch #ro)$% the roo(*
5/#-e%95 she #s-e% hope&)lly*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& s(#c-e% his h#$%s o,er his eyes i$ e8#sper#tio$* +t 2#s the %esp#ir o& Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op&5s li&e to be ch#i$e% to # 2o(#$ 2ho 2#s i$c#p#ble o& loo-i$g beyo$% her o2$ %irty, se8)#l %esires to the
tit#$ic str)ggles &or the )$#tt#i$#ble i$ 2hich $oble (#$ co)l% beco(e heroic#lly e$g#ge%*
5>hy %o$5t yo) e,er 2hip (e95 she po)te% o$e $ight*
57ec#)se + h#,e$5t the ti(e,5 he s$#ppe% #t her i(p#tie$tly* 5+ h#,e$5t the ti(e* 0o$5t yo) -$o2 there5s # p#r#%e goi$g
o$95
A$% he re#lly %i% $ot h#,e the ti(e* There it 2#s S)$%#y #lre#%y, 2ith o$ly se,e$ %#ys le&t i$ the 2ee- to get re#%y &or
the $e8t p#r#%e* He h#% $o i%e# 2here the ho)rs 2e$t* ;i$ishi$g l#st i$ three s)ccessi,e p#r#%es h#% gi,e$ Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op& #$ )$s#,ory rep)t#tio$, #$% he co$si%ere% e,ery (e#$s o& i(pro,e(e$t, e,e$ $#ili$g the t2el,e (e$ i$
e#ch r#$- to # lo$g t2o-by-&o)r be#( o& se#so$e% o#- to -eep the( i$ li$e* The pl#$ 2#s $ot &e#sible, &or (#-i$g #
$i$ety-%egree t)r$ 2o)l% h#,e bee$ i(possible 2itho)t $ic-el-#lloy s2i,els i$serte% i$ the s(#ll o& e,ery (#$5s b#c-,
#$% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s $ot s#$g)i$e #t #ll #bo)t obt#i$i$g th#t (#$y $ic-el-#lloy s2i,els &ro( K)#rter(#ster
or e$listi$g the cooper#tio$ o& the s)rgeo$s #t the hospit#l*
The 2ee- #&ter Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& &ollo2e% Cle,i$ger5s reco((e$%#tio$ #$% let the (e$ elect their o2$ c#%et
o&&icers, the s6)#%ro$ 2o$ the yello2 pe$$#$t* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s so el#te% by his )$e8pecte% #chie,e(e$t
th#t he g#,e his 2i&e # sh#rp cr#c- o,er the he#% 2ith the pole 2he$ she trie% to %r#g hi( i$to be% to celebr#te by
sho2i$g their co$te(pt &or the se8)#l (ores o& the lo2er (i%%le cl#sses i$ >ester$ ci,ili4#tio$* The $e8t 2ee- the
s6)#%ro$ 2o$ the re% &l#g, #$% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s besi%e hi(sel& 2ith r#pt)re* A$% the 2ee- #&ter th#t his
s6)#%ro$ (#%e history by 2i$$i$g the re% pe$$#$t t2o 2ee-s i$ # ro2C /o2 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% co$&i%e$ce
e$o)gh i$ his po2ers to spri$g his big s)rprise* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% %isco,ere% i$ his e8te$si,e rese#rch th#t
the h#$%s o& (#rchers, i$ste#% o& s2i$gi$g &reely, #s 2#s the$ the pop)l#r &#shio$, o)ght $e,er to be (o,e% (ore th#$
three i$ches &ro( the ce$ter o& the thigh, 2hich (e#$t, i$ e&&ect, th#t they 2ere sc#rcely to be s2)$g #t #ll*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s prep#r#tio$s 2ere el#bor#te #$% cl#$%esti$e* All the c#%ets i$ his s6)#%ro$ 2ere s2or$ to
secrecy #$% rehe#rse% i$ the %e#% o& $ight o$ the #)8ili#ry p#r#%e-gro)$%* They (#rche% i$ %#r-$ess th#t 2#s pitch
#$% b)(pe% i$to e#ch other bli$%ly, b)t they %i% $ot p#$ic, #$% they 2ere le#r$i$g to (#rch 2itho)t s2i$gi$g their
h#$%s* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s &irst tho)ght h#% bee$ to h#,e # &rie$% o& his i$ the sheet (et#l shop si$- pegs o&
$ic-el #lloy i$to e#ch (#$5s thighbo$es #$% li$- the( to the 2rists by str#$%s o& copper 2ire 2ith e8#ctly three i$ches o&
pl#y, b)t there 2#s$5t ti(e - there 2#s $e,er e$o)gh ti(e - #$% goo% copper 2ire 2#s h#r% to co(e by i$ 2#rti(e* He
re(e(bere% #lso th#t the (e$, so h#(pere%, 2o)l% be )$#ble to &#ll properly %)ri$g the i(pressi,e &#i$ti$g cere(o$y
prece%i$g the (#rchi$g #$% th#t #$ i$#bility to &#i$t properly (ight #&&ect the )$it5s r#ti$g #s # 2hole*
A$% #ll 2ee- lo$g he chortle% 2ith represse% %elight #t the o&&icers5 cl)b* Spec)l#tio$ gre2 r#(p#$t #(o$g his closest
&rie$%s*
5+ 2o$%er 2h#t th#t Shithe#% is )p to,5 Lie)te$#$t E$gle s#i%*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& respo$%e% 2ith # -$o2i$g s(ile to the 6)eries o& his colle#g)es* 5.o)5ll &i$% o)t S)$%#y,5 he
pro(ise%* 5.o)5ll &i$% o)t*5
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& )$,eile% his epoch#l s)rprise th#t S)$%#y 2ith #ll the #plo(b o& #$ e8perie$ce% i(pres#rio* He
s#i% $othi$g 2hile the other s6)#%ro$s #(ble% p#st the re,ie2i$g st#$% croo-e%ly i$ their c)sto(#ry (#$$er* He g#,e
$o sig$ e,e$ 2he$ the &irst r#$-s o& his o2$ s6)#%ro$ ho,e i$to sight 2ith their s2i$gless (#rchi$g #$% the &irst stric-e$
g#sps o& #l#r( 2ere hissi$g &ro( his st#rtle% &ello2 o&&icers* He hel% b#c- e,e$ the$ )$til the blo#te% colo$el 2ith the
big &#t ()st#che 2hirle% )po$ hi( s#,#gely 2ith # p)rpli$g &#ce, #$% the$ he o&&ere% the e8pl#$#tio$ th#t (#%e hi(
i((ort#l*
5Loo-, Colo$el,5 he #$$o)$ce%* 5/o h#$%s*5
A$% to #$ #)%ie$ce stille% 2ith #2e, he %istrib)te% certi&ie% photost#tic copies o& the obsc)re reg)l#tio$ o$ 2hich he h#%
b)ilt his )$&orgett#ble tri)(ph* This 2#s Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s &i$est ho)r* He 2o$ the p#r#%e, o& co)rse, h#$%s
%o2$, obt#i$i$g per(#$e$t possessio$ o& the re% pe$$#$t #$% e$%i$g the S)$%#y p#r#%es #ltogether, si$ce goo% re%
pe$$#$ts 2ere #s h#r% to co(e by i$ 2#rti(e #s goo% copper 2ire* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s (#%e ;irst Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op& o$ the spot #$% beg#$ his r#pi% rise thro)gh the r#$-s* There 2ere &e2 2ho %i% $ot h#il hi( #s # tr)e
(ilit#ry ge$i)s &or his i(port#$t %isco,ery*
5Th#t Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&,5 Lie)te$#$t Tr#,els re(#r-e%* 5He5s # (ilit#ry ge$i)s*5
5.es, he re#lly is,5 Lie)te$#$t E$gle #gree%* 5+t5s # pity the sch()c- 2o$5t 2hip his 2i&e*5
5+ %o$5t see 2h#t th#t h#s to %o 2ith it,5 Lie)te$#$t Tr#,ers #$s2ere% coolly* 5Lie)te$#$t 7e(is 2hips 'rs* 7e(is
be#)ti&)lly e,ery ti(e they h#,e se8)#l i$terco)rse, #$% he is$5t 2orth # &#rthi$g #t p#r#%es*5
5+5( t#l-i$g #bo)t &l#gell#tio$,5 Lie)te$#$t E$gle retorte%* 5>ho gi,es # %#($ #bo)t p#r#%es95
Act)#lly, $o o$e b)t Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& re#lly g#,e # %#($ #bo)t the p#r#%es, le#st o& #ll the blo#te% colo$el 2ith
Catch 22
the big &#t ()st#che, 2ho 2#s ch#ir(#$ o& the Actio$ 7o#r% #$% beg#$ bello2i$g #t Cle,i$ger the (o(e$t Cle,i$ger
steppe% gi$gerly i$to the roo( to ple#% i$$oce$t to the ch#rges Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% lo%ge% #g#i$st hi(* The
colo$el be#t his &ist %o2$ )po$ the t#ble #$% h)rt his h#$% #$% bec#(e so &)rther e$r#ge% 2ith Cle,i$ger th#t he be#t
his &ist %o2$ )po$ the t#ble e,e$ h#r%er #$% h)rt his h#$% so(e (ore* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& gl#re% #t Cle,i$ger 2ith
tight lips, (orti&ie% by the poor i(pressio$ Cle,i$ger 2#s (#-i$g*
5+$ si8ty %#ys yo)5ll be &ighti$g 7illy Petrolle,5 the colo$el 2ith the big &#t ()st#che ro#re%* 5A$% yo) thi$- it5s # big &#t
3o-e*5
5+ %o$5t thi$- it5s # 3o-e, sir,5 Cle,i$ger replie%*
50o$5t i$terr)pt*5
5.es, sir*5
5A$% s#y JsirJ 2he$ yo) %o,5 or%ere% '#3or 'etc#l&*
5.es, sir*5
5>ere$5t yo) 3)st or%ere% $ot to i$terr)pt95 '#3or 'etc#l& i$6)ire% col%ly*
57)t + %i%$5t i$terr)pt, sir,5 Cle,i$ger proteste%*
5/o* A$% yo) %i%$5t s#y Jsir,J either* A%% th#t to the ch#rges #g#i$st hi(,5 '#3or 'etc#l& %irecte% the corpor#l 2ho co)l%
t#-e shorth#$%* 5;#il)re to s#y JsirJ to s)perior o&&icers 2he$ $ot i$terr)pti$g the(*5
5'etc#l&,5 s#i% the colo$el, 5yo)5re # go%%#( &ool* 0o yo) -$o2 th#t95
'#3or 'etc#l& s2#llo2e% 2ith %i&&ic)lty* 5.es, Sir*5
5The$ -eep yo)r go%%#( (o)th sh)t* .o) %o$5t (#-e se$se*5
There 2ere three (e(bers o& the Actio$ 7o#r%, the blo#te% colo$el 2ith the big &#t ()st#che, Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&
#$% '#3or 'etc#l&, 2ho 2#s tryi$g to %e,elop # steely g#4e* As # (e(ber o& the Actio$ 7o#r%, Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&
2#s o$e o& the 3)%ges 2ho 2o)l% 2eigh the (erits o& the c#se #g#i$st Cle,i$ger #s prese$te% by the prosec)tor*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2#s #lso the prosec)tor* Cle,i$ger h#% #$ o&&icer %e&e$%i$g hi(* The o&&icer %e&e$%i$g hi( 2#s
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&
+t 2#s #ll ,ery co$&)si$g to Cle,i$ger, 2ho beg#$ ,ibr#ti$g i$ terror #s the colo$el s)rge% to his &eet li-e # gig#$tic belch
#$% thre#te$e% to rip his sti$-i$g, co2#r%ly bo%y #p#rt li(b &ro( li(b* O$e %#y he h#% st)(ble% 2hile (#rchi$g to
cl#ssA the $e8t %#y he 2#s &or(#lly ch#rge% 2ith 5bre#-i$g r#$-s 2hile i$ &or(#tio$, &elo$io)s #ss#)lt, i$%iscri(i$#te
beh#,ior, (opery, high tre#so$, pro,o-i$g, bei$g # s(#rt g)y, liste$i$g to cl#ssic#l ()sic #$% so o$5* +$ short, they
thre2 the boo- #t hi(, #$% there he 2#s, st#$%i$g i$ %re#% be&ore the blo#te% colo$el, 2ho ro#re% o$ce (ore th#t i$
si8ty %#ys he 2o)l% be &ighti$g 7illy Petrolle #$% %e(#$%e% to -$o2 ho2 the hell he 2o)l% li-e bei$g 2#she% o)t #$%
shippe% to the Solo(o$ +sl#$%s to b)ry bo%ies* Cle,i$ger replie% 2ith co)rtesy th#t he 2o)l% $ot li-e itA he 2#s # %ope
2ho 2o)l% r#ther be # corpse th#$ b)ry o$e* The colo$el s#t %o2$ #$% settle% b#c-, c#l( #$% c#gey s)%%e$ly, #$%
i$gr#ti#ti$gly polite*
5>h#t %i% yo) (e#$,5 he i$6)ire% slo2ly, 52he$ yo) s#i% 2e co)l%$5t p)$ish yo)95
5>he$, sir95
5+5( #s-i$g the 6)estio$s* .o)5re #$s2eri$g the(*5
5.es, sir* + -5
50i% yo) thi$- 2e bro)ght yo) here to #s- 6)estio$s #$% &or (e to #$s2er the(95
5/o, sir* + -5
5>h#t %i% 2e bri$g yo) here &or95
5To #$s2er 6)estio$s*5
5.o)5re go%%#( right,5 ro#re% the colo$el* 5/o2 s)ppose yo) st#rt #$s2eri$g so(e be&ore + bre#- yo)r go%%#( he#%*
J)st 2h#t the hell %i% yo) (e#$, yo) b#st#r%, 2he$ yo) s#i% 2e co)l%$5t p)$ish yo)95
5+ %o$5t thi$- + e,er (#%e th#t st#te(e$t, sir*5
5>ill yo) spe#- )p, ple#se9 + co)l%$5t he#r yo)*5
5.es, sir* + -5
5>ill yo) spe#- )p, ple#se9 He co)l%$5t he#r yo)*5
5.es, sir* + -5
5'etc#l&*5
5Sir95
50i%$5t + tell yo) to -eep yo)r st)pi% (o)th sh)t95
5.es, sir*5
5The$ -eep yo)r st)pi% (o)th sh)t 2he$ + tell yo) to -eep yo)r st)pi% (o)th sh)t* 0o yo) )$%erst#$%9 >ill yo) spe#-
)p, ple#se9 + co)l%$5t he#r yo)*5
5.es, sir* + -5
5'etc#l&, is th#t yo)r &oot +5( steppi$g o$95
5/o, sir* +t ()st be Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s &oot*5
5+t is$5t (y &oot,5 s#i% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&*
5The$ (#ybe it is (y &oot #&ter #ll,5 s#i% '#3or 'etc#l&*
5'o,e it*5
5.es, sir* .o)5ll h#,e to (o,e yo)r &oot &irst, colo$el* +t5s o$ top o& (i$e*5
5Are yo) telli$g (e to (o,e (y &oot95
5/o, sir* Oh, $o, sir*5
5The$ (o,e yo)r &oot #$% -eep yo)r st)pi% (o)th sh)t* >ill yo) spe#- )p, ple#se9 + still co)l%$5t he#r yo)*5
5.es, sir* + s#i% th#t + %i%$5t s#y th#t yo) co)l%$5t p)$ish (e*5
5J)st 2h#t the hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95
5+5( #$s2eri$g yo)r 6)estio$, sir*5
5>h#t 6)estio$95
5 JJ)st 2h#t the hell %i% yo) (e#$, yo) b#st#r%, 2he$ yo) s#i% 2e co)l%$5t p)$ish yo)9J 5 s#i% the corpor#l 2ho co)l%
t#-e shorth#$%, re#%i$g &ro( his ste$o p#%*
5All right,5 s#i% the colo$el* 5J)st 2h#t the hell %i% yo) (e#$95
25 | P a g e
5+ %i%$5t s#y yo) co)l%$5t p)$ish (e, sir*5
5>he$95 #s-e% the colo$el*
5>he$ 2h#t, sir95
5/o2 yo)5re #s-i$g (e 6)estio$s #g#i$*5
5+5( sorry, sir* +5( #&r#i% + %o$5t )$%erst#$% yo)r 6)estio$*5
5>he$ %i%$5t yo) s#y 2e co)l%$5t p)$ish yo)9 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$% (y 6)estio$95
5/o, sir* + %o$5t )$%erst#$%*5
5.o)5,e 3)st tol% )s th#t* /o2 s)ppose yo) #$s2er (y 6)estio$*5
57)t ho2 c#$ + #$s2er it95
5Th#t5s #$other 6)estio$ yo)5re #s-i$g (e*5
5+5( sorry, sir* 7)t + %o$5t -$o2 ho2 to #$s2er it* + $e,er s#i% yo) co)l%$5t p)$ish (e*5
5/o2 yo)5re telli$g )s 2he$ yo) %i% s#y it* +5( #s-i$g yo) to tell )s 2he$ yo) %i%$5t s#y it*5
Cle,i$ger too- # %eep bre#th* 5+ #l2#ys %i%$5t s#y yo) co)l%$5t p)$ish (e, sir*5
5Th#t5s ()ch better, 'r* Cle,i$ger, e,e$ tho)gh it is # b#re&#ce% lie* L#st $ight i$ the l#tri$e* 0i%$5t yo) 2hisper th#t 2e
co)l%$5t p)$ish yo) to th#t other %irty so$ o& # bitch 2e %o$5t li-e9 >h#t5s his $#(e95
5.oss#ri#$, sir,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& s#i%*
5.es, .oss#ri#$* Th#t5s right* .oss#ri#$* .oss#ri#$9 +s th#t his $#(e9 .oss#ri#$9 >h#t the hell -i$% o& # $#(e is
.oss#ri#$95
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& h#% the &#cts #t his &i$gertips* 5+t5s .oss#ri#$5s $#(e, sir,5 he e8pl#i$e%*
5.es, + s)ppose it is* 0i%$5t yo) 2hisper to .oss#ri#$ th#t 2e co)l%$5t p)$ish yo)95
5Oh, $o, sir* + 2hispere% to hi( th#t yo) co)l%$5t &i$% (e g)ilty -5
5+ (#y be st)pi%,5 i$terr)pte% the colo$el, 5b)t the %isti$ctio$ esc#pes (e* + g)ess + #( pretty st)pi%, bec#)se the
%isti$ctio$ esc#pes (e*5
5>-5
5.o)5re # 2i$%y so$ o& # bitch, #re$5t yo)9 /obo%y #s-e% yo) &or cl#ri&ic#tio$ #$% yo)5re gi,i$g (e cl#ri&ic#tio$* + 2#s
(#-i$g # st#te(e$t, $ot #s-i$g &or cl#ri&ic#tio$* .o) #re # 2i$%y so$ o& # bitch, #re$5t yo)95
5/o, Sir*5
5/o, sir9 Are yo) c#lli$g (e # go%%#( li#r95
5Oh, $o, sir*5
5The$ yo)5re # 2i$%y so$ o& # bitch, #re$5t yo)95
5/o, sir*5
5Are yo) # 2i$%y so$ o& # bitch95
5/o, sir*5
5:o%%#((it, yo) #re tryi$g to pic- # &ight 2ith (e* ;or t2o sti$-i$g ce$ts +5% 3)(p o,er this big &#t t#ble #$% rip yo)r
sti$-i$g, co2#r%ly bo%y #p#rt li(b &ro( li(b*5
50o itC 0o itC5 crie% '#3or 'etc#l&
5'etc#l&, yo) sti$-i$g so$ o& # bitch* 0i%$5t + tell yo) to -eep yo)r sti$-i$g, co2#r%ly, st)pi% (o)th sh)t95
5.es, sir* +5( sorry, sir*5
5The$ s)ppose yo) %o it*5
5+ 2#s o$ly tryi$g to le#r$, sir* The o$ly 2#y # perso$ c#$ le#r$ is by tryi$g*5
5>ho s#ys so95
5E,erybo%y s#ys so, sir* E,e$ Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& s#ys so*5
50o yo) s#y so95
5.es, sir,5 s#i% Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&* 57)t e,erybo%y s#ys so*5
5>ell, 'etc#l&, s)ppose yo) try -eepi$g th#t st)pi% (o)th o& yo)rs sh)t, #$% (#ybe th#t5s the 2#y yo)5ll le#r$ ho2* /o2,
2here 2ere 2e9 Re#% (e b#c- the l#st li$e*5
5 JRe#% (e b#c- the l#st li$e,J 5 re#% b#c- the corpor#l 2ho co)l% t#-e shorth#$%*
5/ot (y l#st li$e, st)pi%C5 the colo$el sho)te%* 5So(ebo%y else5s*5
5 JRe#% (e b#c- the l#st li$e,J 5 re#% b#c- the corpor#l*
5Th#t5s (y l#st li$e #g#i$C5 shrie-e% the colo$el, t)r$i$g p)rple 2ith #$ger*
5Oh, $o, sir,5 correcte% the corpor#l* 5Th#t5s (y l#st li$e* + re#% it to yo) 3)st # (o(e$t #go* 0o$5t yo) re(e(ber, sir9 +t
2#s o$ly # (o(e$t #go*5
5Oh, (y :o%C Re#% (e b#c- his l#st li$e, st)pi%* S#y, 2h#t the hell5s yo)r $#(e, #$y2#y95
5Popi$3#y, sir*5
5>ell, yo)5re $e8t, Popi$3#y* As soo$ #s his tri#l e$%s, yo)r tri#l begi$s* :et it95
5.es, sir* >h#t 2ill + be ch#rge% 2ith95
5>h#t the hell %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e9 0i% yo) he#r 2h#t he #s-e% (e9 .o)5re goi$g to le#r$, Popi$3#y - the (i$)te
2e &i$ish 2ith Cle,i$ger yo)5re goi$g to le#r$* C#%et Cle,i$ger, 2h#t %i% - .o) #re C#%et Cle,i$ger, #re$5t yo), #$% $ot
Popi$3#y95
5.es, sir*5
5:oo%* >h#t %i% -5
5+5( Popi$3#y, sir*5
5Popi$3#y, is yo)r &#ther # (illio$#ire, or # (e(ber o& the Se$#te95
5/o, sir*5
5The$ yo)5re )p shit cree-, Popi$3#y, 2itho)t # p#%%le* He5s $ot # ge$er#l or # high-r#$-i$g (e(ber o& the
A%(i$istr#tio$, is he95
5/o, sir*5
5Th#t5s goo%* >h#t %oes yo)r &#ther %o95
5He5s %e#%, sir*5
5Th#t5s ,ery goo%* .o) re#lly #re )p the cree-, Popi$3#y* +s Popi$3#y re#lly yo)r $#(e9 J)st 2h#t the hell -i$% o& # $#(e
is Popi$3#y #$y2#y9 + %o$5t li-e it*5
Catch 22
5+t5s Popi$3#y5s $#(e, sir,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& e8pl#i$e%*
5>ell, + %o$5t li-e it, Popi$3#y, #$% + 3)st c#$5t 2#it to rip yo)r sti$-i$g, co2#r%ly bo%y #p#rt li(b &ro( li(b* C#%et
Cle,i$ger, 2ill yo) ple#se repe#t 2h#t the hell it 2#s yo) %i% or %i%$5t 2hisper to .oss#ri#$ l#te l#st $ight i$ the l#tri$e95
5.es, sir* + s#i% th#t yo) co)l%$5t &i$% (e g)ilty -5
5>e5ll t#-e it &ro( there* Precisely 2h#t %i% yo) (e#$, C#%et Cle,i$ger, 2he$ yo) s#i% 2e co)l%$5t &i$% yo) g)ilty95
5+ %i%$5t s#y yo) co)l%$5t &i$% (e g)ilty, sir*5
5>he$95
5>he$ 2h#t, sir95
5:o%%#((it, #re yo) goi$g to st#rt p)(pi$g (e #g#i$95
5/o, sir* +5( sorry, sir*5
5The$ #$s2er the 6)estio$* >he$ %i%$5t yo) s#y 2e co)l%$5t &i$% yo) g)ilty95
5L#te l#st $ight i$ the l#tri$e, sir*5
5+s th#t the o$ly ti(e yo) %i%$5t s#y it95
5/o, sir* + #l2#ys %i%$5t s#y yo) co)l%$5t &i$% (e g)ilty, sir* >h#t + %i% s#y to .oss#ri#$ 2#s -5
5/obo%y #s-e% yo) 2h#t yo) %i% s#y to .oss#ri#$* >e #s-e% yo) 2h#t yo) %i%$5t s#y to hi(* >e5re $ot #t #ll i$tereste%
i$ 2h#t yo) %i% s#y to .oss#ri#$* +s th#t cle#r95
5.es, sir*5
5The$ 2e5ll go o$* >h#t %i% yo) s#y to .oss#ri#$95
5+ s#i% to hi(, sir, th#t yo) co)l%$5t &i$% (e g)ilty o& the o&&e$se 2ith 2hich + #( ch#rge% #$% still be &#ith&)l to the c#)se
o&***5
5O& 2h#t9 .o)5re ()(bli$g*5
5Stop ()(bli$g*5
5.es, sir*5
5A$% ()(ble JsirJ 2he$ yo) %o*5
5'etc#l&, yo) b#st#r%C5
5.es, sir,5 ()(ble% Cle,i$ger* 5O& 3)stice, sir* Th#t yo) co)l%$5t &i$% -5
5J)stice95 The colo$el 2#s #sto)$%e%* 5>h#t is 3)stice95
5J)stice, sir -5
5Th#t5s $ot 2h#t 3)stice is,5 the colo$el 3eere%, #$% beg#$ po)$%i$g the t#ble #g#i$ 2ith his big &#t h#$%* 5Th#t5s 2h#t
?#rl '#r8 is* +5ll tell yo) 2h#t 3)stice is* J)stice is # -$ee i$ the g)t &ro( the &loor o$ the chi$ #t $ight s$e#-y 2ith # -$i&e
bro)ght )p %o2$ o$ the (#g#4i$e o& # b#ttleship s#$%b#gge% )$%erh#$%e% i$ the %#r- 2itho)t # 2or% o& 2#r$i$g*
:#rroti$g* Th#t5s 2h#t 3)stice is 2he$ 2e5,e #ll got to be to)gh e$o)gh #$% ro)gh e$o)gh to &ight 7illy Petrolle* ;ro(
the hip* :et it95
5/o, sir*5
50o$5t sir (eC5
5.es, sir*5
5A$% s#y JsirJ 2he$ yo) %o$5t,5 or%ere% '#3or 'etc#l&*
Cle,i$ger 2#s g)ilty, o& co)rse, or he 2o)l% $ot h#,e bee$ #cc)se%, #$% si$ce the o$ly 2#y to pro,e it 2#s to &i$% hi(
g)ilty, it 2#s their p#triotic %)ty to %o so* He 2#s se$te$ce% to 2#l- &i&ty-se,e$ p)$ish(e$t to)rs* Popi$3#y 2#s loc-e%
)p to be t#)ght # lesso$, #$% '#3or 'etc#l& 2#s shippe% to the Solo(o$ +sl#$%s to b)ry bo%ies* A p)$ish(e$t to)r &or
Cle,i$ger 2#s &i&ty (i$)tes o& # 2ee-e$% ho)r spe$t p#ci$g b#c- #$% &orth be&ore the pro,ost (#rsh#l5s b)il%i$g 2ith #
to$ o& #$ )$lo#%e% ri&le o$ his sho)l%er*
+t 2#s #ll ,ery co$&)si$g to Cle,i$ger* There 2ere (#$y str#$ge thi$gs t#-i$g pl#ce, b)t the str#$gest o& #ll, to
Cle,i$ger, 2#s the h#tre%, the br)t#l, )$clo#-e%, i$e8or#ble h#tre% o& the (e(bers o& the Actio$ 7o#r%, gl#4i$g their
)$&orgi,i$g e8pressio$s 2ith # h#r%, ,i$%icti,e s)r&#ce, glo2i$g i$ their $#rro2e% eyes (#lig$#$tly li-e i$e8ti$g)ish#ble
co#ls* Cle,i$ger 2#s st)$$e% to %isco,er it* They 2o)l% h#,e ly$che% hi( i& they co)l%* They 2ere three gro2$ (e$
#$% he 2#s # boy, #$% they h#te% hi( #$% 2ishe% hi( %e#%* They h#% h#te% hi( be&ore he c#(e, h#te% hi( 2hile he
2#s there, h#te% hi( #&ter he le&t, c#rrie% their h#tre% &or hi( #2#y (#lig$#$tly li-e so(e p#(pere% tre#s)re #&ter they
sep#r#te% &ro( e#ch other #$% 2e$t to their solit)%e*
.oss#ri#$ h#% %o$e his best to 2#r$ hi( the $ight be&ore* 5.o) h#,e$5t got # ch#$ce, -i%,5 he tol% hi( gl)(ly* 5They h#te
Je2s*5
57)t +5( $ot Je2ish,5 #$s2ere% Cle,i$ger*
5+t 2ill (#-e $o %i&&ere$ce,5 .oss#ri#$ pro(ise%, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s right* 5They5re #&ter e,erybo%y*5
Cle,i$ger recoile% &ro( their h#tre% #s tho)gh &ro( # bli$%i$g light* These three (e$ 2ho h#te% hi( spo-e his l#$g)#ge
#$% 2ore his )$i&or(, b)t he s#2 their lo,eless &#ces set i(()t#bly i$to cr#(pe%, (e#$ li$es o& hostility #$%
)$%erstoo% i$st#$tly th#t $o2here i$ the 2orl%, $ot i$ #ll the &#scist t#$-s or pl#$es or s)b(#ri$es, $ot i$ the b)$-ers
behi$% the (#chi$e g)$s or (ort#rs or behi$% the blo2i$g &l#(e thro2ers, $ot e,e$ #(o$g #ll the e8pert g)$$ers o& the
cr#c- Her(#$$ :oeri$g A$ti#ircr#&t 0i,isio$ or #(o$g the grisly co$$i,ers i$ #ll the beer h#lls i$ ')$ich #$%
e,ery2here else, 2ere there (e$ 2ho h#te% hi( (ore*
'AJOR 'AJOR 'AJOR 'AJOR
'#3or '#3or '#3or '#3or h#% h#% # %i&&ic)lt ti(e &ro( the st#rt*
Li-e 'i$$i,er Chee,y, he h#% bee$ bor$ too l#te - e8#ctly thirty-si8 ho)rs too l#te &or the physic#l 2ell-bei$g o& his
(other, # ge$tle, #ili$g 2o(#$ 2ho, #&ter # &)ll %#y #$% # h#l&5s #go$y i$ the rigors o& chil%birth, 2#s %eplete% o& #ll
resol,e to p)rs)e &)rther the #rg)(e$t o,er the $e2 chil%5s $#(e* +$ the hospit#l corri%or, her h)sb#$% (o,e% #he#%
2ith the )$s(ili$g %eter(i$#tio$ o& so(eo$e 2ho -$e2 2h#t he 2#s #bo)t* '#3or '#3or5s &#ther 2#s # to2eri$g, g#)$t
(#$ i$ he#,y shoes #$% # bl#c- 2oole$ s)it* He &ille% o)t the birth certi&ic#te 2itho)t &#lteri$g, betr#yi$g $o e(otio$ #t
#ll #s he h#$%e% the co(plete% &or( to the &loor $)rse* The $)rse too- it &ro( hi( 2itho)t co((e$t #$% p#%%e% o)t o&
sight* He 2#tche% her go, 2o$%eri$g 2h#t she h#% o$ )$%er$e#th*
7#c- i$ the 2#r%, he &o)$% his 2i&e lyi$g ,#$6)ishe% be$e#th the bl#$-ets li-e # %esicc#te% ol% ,eget#ble, 2ri$-le%, %ry
#$% 2hite, her e$&eeble% tiss)es #bsol)tely still* Her be% 2#s #t the ,ery e$% o& the 2#r%, $e#r # cr#c-e% 2i$%o2
thic-e$e% 2ith gri(e* R#i$ spl#she% &ro( # (oili$g s-y #$% the %#y 2#s %re#ry #$% col%* +$ other p#rts o& the hospit#l
27 | P a g e
ch#l-y people 2ith #ge%, bl)e lips 2ere %yi$g o$ ti(e* The (#$ stoo% erect besi%e the be% #$% g#4e% %o2$ #t the
2o(#$ # lo$g ti(e*
5+ h#,e $#(e% the boy C#leb,5 he #$$o)$ce% to her &i$#lly i$ # so&t ,oice* 5+$ #ccor%#$ce 2ith yo)r 2ishes*5 The 2o(#$
(#%e $o #$s2er, #$% slo2ly the (#$ s(ile%* He h#% pl#$$e% it #ll per&ectly, &or his 2i&e 2#s #sleep #$% 2o)l% $e,er
-$o2 th#t he h#% lie% to her #s she l#y o$ her sic-be% i$ the poor 2#r% o& the co)$ty hospit#l*
;ro( this (e#ger begi$$i$g h#% spr)$g the i$e&&ect)#l s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er 2ho 2#s $o2 spe$%i$g the better p#rt o&
e#ch 2or-i$g %#y i$ Pi#$os# &orgi$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts* '#3or '#3or &orge% %ilige$tly 2ith
his le&t h#$% to el)%e i%e$ti&ic#tio$, i$s)l#te% #g#i$st i$tr)sio$ by his o2$ )$%esire% #)thority #$% c#(o)&l#ge% i$ his
&#lse ()st#che #$% %#r- gl#sses #s #$ #%%itio$#l s#&eg)#r% #g#i$st %etectio$ by #$yo$e ch#$ci$g to peer i$ thro)gh
the %o2%y cell)loi% 2i$%o2 &ro( 2hich so(e thie& h#% c#r,e% o)t # slice* +$ bet2ee$ these t2o lo2 poi$ts o& his birth
#$% his s)ccess l#y thirty-o$e %is(#l ye#rs o& lo$eli$ess #$% &r)str#tio$*
'#3or '#3or h#% bee$ bor$ too l#te #$% too (e%iocre* So(e (e$ #re bor$ (e%iocre, so(e (e$ #chie,e (e%iocrity,
#$% so(e (e$ h#,e (e%iocrity thr)st )po$ the(* >ith '#3or '#3or it h#% bee$ #ll three* E,e$ #(o$g (e$ l#c-i$g #ll
%isti$ctio$ he i$e,it#bly stoo% o)t #s # (#$ l#c-i$g (ore %isti$ctio$ th#$ #ll the rest, #$% people 2ho (et hi( 2ere
#l2#ys i(presse% by ho2 )$i(pressi,e he 2#s*
'#3or '#3or h#% three stri-es o$ hi( &ro( the begi$$i$g - his (other, his &#ther #$% He$ry ;o$%#, to 2ho( he bore #
sic-ly rese(bl#$ce #l(ost &ro( the (o(e$t o& his birth* Lo$g be&ore he e,e$ s)specte% 2ho He$ry ;o$%# 2#s, he
&o)$% hi(sel& the s)b3ect o& )$&l#tteri$g co(p#riso$s e,ery2here he 2e$t* Tot#l str#$gers s#2 &it to %eprec#te hi(, 2ith
the res)lt th#t he 2#s stric-e$ e#rly 2ith # g)ilty &e#r o& people #$% #$ obse6)io)s i(p)lse to #pologi4e to society &or
the &#ct th#t he 2#s $ot He$ry ;o$%#* +t 2#s $ot #$ e#sy t#s- &or hi( to go thro)gh li&e loo-i$g so(ethi$g li-e He$ry
;o$%#, b)t he $e,er o$ce tho)ght o& 6)itti$g, h#,i$g i$herite% his perse,er#$ce &ro( his &#ther, # l#$-y (#$ 2ith # goo%
se$se o& h)(or*
'#3or '#3or5s &#ther 2#s # sober :o%-&e#ri$g (#$ 2hose i%e# o& # goo% 3o-e 2#s to lie #bo)t his #ge* He 2#s # lo$g-
li(be% &#r(er, # :o%-&e#ri$g, &ree%o(-lo,i$g, l#2-#bi%i$g r)gge% i$%i,i%)#list 2ho hel% th#t &e%er#l #i% to #$yo$e b)t
&#r(ers 2#s creepi$g soci#lis(* He #%,oc#te% thri&t #$% h#r% 2or- #$% %is#ppro,e% o& loose 2o(e$ 2ho t)r$e% hi(
%o2$* His speci#lty 2#s #l&#l&#, #$% he (#%e # goo% thi$g o)t o& $ot gro2i$g #$y* The go,er$(e$t p#i% hi( 2ell &or
e,ery b)shel o& #l&#l&# he %i% $ot gro2* The (ore #l&#l&# he %i% $ot gro2, the (ore (o$ey the go,er$(e$t g#,e hi(,
#$% he spe$t e,ery pe$$y he %i%$5t e#r$ o$ $e2 l#$% to i$cre#se the #(o)$t o& #l&#l&# he %i% $ot pro%)ce* '#3or '#3or5s
&#ther 2or-e% 2itho)t rest #t $ot gro2i$g #l&#l&#* O$ lo$g 2i$ter e,e$i$gs he re(#i$e% i$%oors #$% %i% $ot (e$%
h#r$ess, #$% he spr#$g o)t o& be% #t the cr#c- o& $oo$ e,ery %#y 3)st to (#-e cert#i$ th#t the chores 2o)l% $ot be
%o$e* He i$,este% i$ l#$% 2isely #$% soo$ 2#s $ot gro2i$g (ore #l&#l&# th#$ #$y other (#$ i$ the co)$ty* /eighbors
so)ght hi( o)t &or #%,ice o$ #ll s)b3ects, &or he h#% (#%e ()ch (o$ey #$% 2#s there&ore 2ise* 5As ye so2, so sh#ll ye
re#p,5 he co)$sele% o$e #$% #ll, #$% e,eryo$e s#i%, 5A(e$*5
'#3or '#3or5s &#ther 2#s #$ o)tspo-e$ ch#(pio$ o& eco$o(y i$ go,er$(e$t, pro,i%e% it %i% $ot i$ter&ere 2ith the
s#cre% %)ty o& go,er$(e$t to p#y &#r(ers #s ()ch #s they co)l% get &or #ll the #l&#l&# they pro%)ce% th#t $o o$e else
2#$te% or &or $ot pro%)ci$g #$y #l&#l&# #t #ll* He 2#s # pro)% #$% i$%epe$%e$t (#$ 2ho 2#s oppose% to
)$e(ploy(e$t i$s)r#$ce #$% $e,er hesit#te% to 2hi$e, 2hi(per, 2hee%le, #$% e8tort &or #s ()ch #s he co)l% get &ro(
2ho(e,er he co)l%* He 2#s # %e,o)t (#$ 2hose p)lpit 2#s e,ery2here*
5The Lor% g#,e )s goo% &#r(ers t2o stro$g h#$%s so th#t 2e co)l% t#-e #s ()ch #s 2e co)l% gr#b 2ith both o& the(,5
he pre#che% 2ith #r%or o$ the co)rtho)se steps or i$ &ro$t o& the ALP #s he 2#ite% &or the b#%-te(pere% g)(-che2i$g
yo)$g c#shier he 2#s #&ter to step o)tsi%e #$% gi,e hi( # $#sty loo-* 5+& the Lor% %i%$5t 2#$t )s to t#-e #s ()ch #s 2e
co)l% get,5 he pre#che%, 5He 2o)l%$5t h#,e gi,e$ )s t2o goo% h#$%s to t#-e it 2ith*5 A$% the others ()r()re%, 5A(e$*5
'#3or '#3or5s &#ther h#% # C#l,i$ist5s &#ith i$ pre%esti$#tio$ #$% co)l% percei,e %isti$ctly ho2 e,eryo$e5s (is&ort)$es
b)t his o2$ 2ere e8pressio$s o& :o%5s 2ill* He s(o-e% cig#rettes #$% %r#$- 2his-ey, #$% he thri,e% o$ goo% 2it #$%
sti()l#ti$g i$tellect)#l co$,ers#tio$, p#rtic)l#rly his o2$ 2he$ he 2#s lyi$g #bo)t his #ge or telli$g th#t goo% o$e #bo)t
:o% #$% his 2i&e5s %i&&ic)lties i$ %eli,eri$g '#3or '#3or* The goo% o$e #bo)t :o% #$% his 2i&e5s %i&&ic)lties h#% to %o 2ith
the &#ct th#t it h#% t#-e$ :o% o$ly si8 %#ys to pro%)ce the 2hole 2orl%, 2here#s his 2i&e h#% spe$t # &)ll %#y #$% # h#l&
i$ l#bor 3)st to pro%)ce '#3or '#3or* A lesser (#$ (ight h#,e 2#,ere% th#t %#y i$ the hospit#l corri%or, # 2e#-er (#$
(ight h#,e co(pro(ise% o$ s)ch e8celle$t s)bstit)tes #s 0r)( '#3or, 'i$or '#3or, Serge#$t '#3or, or C* Sh#rp '#3or,
b)t '#3or '#3or5s &#ther h#% 2#ite% &o)rtee$ ye#rs &or 3)st s)ch #$ opport)$ity, #$% he 2#s $ot # perso$ to 2#ste it*
'#3or '#3or5s &#ther h#% # goo% 3o-e #bo)t opport)$ity* 5Opport)$ity o$ly -$oc-s o$ce i$ this 2orl%,5 he 2o)l% s#y*
'#3or '#3or5s &#ther repe#te% this goo% 3o-e #t e,ery opport)$ity*
7ei$g bor$ 2ith # sic-ly rese(bl#$ce to He$ry ;o$%# 2#s the &irst o& #lo$g series o& pr#ctic#l 3o-es o& 2hich %esti$y
2#s to (#-e '#3or '#3or the )$h#ppy ,icti( thro)gho)t his 3oyless li&e* 7ei$g bor$ '#3or '#3or '#3or 2#s the seco$%*
The &#ct th#t he h#% bee$ bor$ '#3or '#3or '#3or 2#s # secret -$o2$ o$ly to his &#ther* /ot )$til '#3or '#3or 2#s
e$rolli$g i$ -i$%erg#rte$ 2#s the %isco,ery o& his re#l $#(e (#%e, #$% the$ the e&&ects 2ere %is#stro)s* The $e2s -ille%
his (other, 2ho 3)st lost her 2ill to li,e #$% 2#ste% #2#y #$% %ie%, 2hich 2#s 3)st &i$e 2ith his &#ther, 2ho h#% %eci%e%
to (#rry the b#%-te(pere% girl #t the ALP i& he h#% to #$% 2ho h#% $ot bee$ opti(istic #bo)t his ch#$ces o& getti$g his
2i&e o&& the l#$% 2itho)t p#yi$g her so(e (o$ey or &loggi$g her*
O$ '#3or '#3or hi(sel& the co$se6)e$ces 2ere o$ly slightly less se,ere* +t 2#s # h#rsh #$% st)$$i$g re#li4#tio$ th#t
2#s &orce% )po$ hi( #t so te$%er #$ #ge, the re#li4#tio$ th#t he 2#s $ot, #s he h#% #l2#ys bee$ le% to belie,e, C#leb
'#3or, b)t i$ste#% 2#s so(e tot#l str#$ger $#(e% '#3or '#3or '#3or #bo)t 2ho( he -$e2 #bsol)tely $othi$g #$%
#bo)t 2ho( $obo%y else h#% e,er he#r% be&ore* >h#t pl#y(#tes he h#% 2ith%re2 &ro( hi( #$% $e,er ret)r$e%,
%ispose%, #s they 2ere, to %istr)st #ll str#$gers, especi#lly o$e 2ho h#% #lre#%y %ecei,e% the( by prete$%i$g to be
so(eo$e they h#% -$o2$ &or ye#rs* /obo%y 2o)l% h#,e #$ythi$g to %o 2ith hi(* He beg#$ to %rop thi$gs #$% to trip*
He h#% # shy #$% hope&)l (#$$er i$ e#ch $e2 co$t#ct, #$% he 2#s #l2#ys %is#ppoi$te%* 7ec#)se he $ee%e% # &rie$%
so %esper#tely, he $e,er &o)$% o$e* He gre2 #2-2#r%ly i$to # t#ll, str#$ge, %re#(y boy 2ith &r#gile eyes #$% # ,ery
%elic#te (o)th 2hose te$t#ti,e, gropi$g s(ile coll#pse% i$st#$tly i$to h)rt %isor%er #t e,ery &resh reb)&&*
He 2#s polite to his el%ers, 2ho %isli-e% hi(* >h#te,er his el%ers tol% hi( to %o, he %i%* They tol% hi( to loo- be&ore he
le#pe%, #$% he #l2#ys loo-e% be&ore he le#pe%* They tol% hi( $e,er to p)t o&& )$til the $e8t %#y 2h#t he co)l% %o the
%#y be&ore, #$% he $e,er %i%* He 2#s tol% to ho$or his &#ther #$% his (other, #$% he ho$ore% his &#ther #$% his (other*
Catch 22
He 2#s tol% th#t he sho)l% $ot -ill, #$% he %i% $ot -ill, )$til he got i$to the Ar(y* The$ he 2#s tol% to -ill, #$% he -ille%*
He t)r$e% the other chee- o$ e,ery occ#sio$ #$% #l2#ys %i% )$to others e8#ctly #s he 2o)l% h#,e h#% others %o )$to
hi(* >he$ he g#,e to ch#rity, his le&t h#$% $e,er -$e2 2h#t his right h#$% 2#s %oi$g* He $e,er o$ce too- the $#(e o&
the Lor% his :o% i$ ,#i$, co((itte% #%)ltery or co,ete% his $eighbor5s #ss* +$ &#ct, he lo,e% his $eighbor #$% $e,er
e,e$ bore &#lse 2it$ess #g#i$st hi(* '#3or '#3or5s el%ers %isli-e% hi( bec#)se he 2#s s)ch # &l#gr#$t $o$co$&or(ist*
Si$ce he h#% $othi$g better to %o 2ell i$, he %i% 2ell i$ school* At the st#te )$i,ersity he too- his st)%ies so serio)sly
th#t he 2#s s)specte% by the ho(ose8)#ls o& bei$g # Co(()$ist #$% s)specte% by the Co(()$ists o& bei$g #
ho(ose8)#l* He (#3ore% i$ E$glish history, 2hich 2#s # (ist#-e*
5E$glish historyC5 ro#re% the sil,er-(#$e% se$ior Se$#tor &ro( his st#te i$%ig$#$tly* 5>h#t5s the (#tter 2ith A(eric#$
history9 A(eric#$ history is #s goo% #s #$y history i$ the 2orl%C5
'#3or '#3or s2itche% i((e%i#tely to A(eric#$ liter#t)re, b)t $ot be&ore the ;*7*+* h#% ope$e% # &ile o$ hi(* There 2ere
si8 people #$% # Scotch terrier i$h#biti$g the re(ote &#r(ho)se '#3or '#3or c#lle% ho(e, #$% &i,e o& the( #$% the
Scotch terrier t)r$e% o)t to be #ge$ts &or the ;*7*+* Soo$ they h#% e$o)gh %erog#tory i$&or(#tio$ o$ '#3or '#3or to %o
2h#te,er they 2#$te% to 2ith hi(* The o$ly thi$g they co)l% &i$% to %o 2ith hi(, ho2e,er, 2#s t#-e hi( i$to the Ar(y #s
# pri,#te #$% (#-e hi( # (#3or &o)r %#ys l#ter so th#t Co$gress(e$ 2ith $othi$g else o$ their (i$%s co)l% go trotti$g
b#c- #$% &orth thro)gh the streets o& >#shi$gto$, 0*C*, ch#$ti$g, 5>ho pro(ote% '#3or '#3or9 >ho pro(ote% '#3or
'#3or95
Act)#lly, '#3or '#3or h#% bee$ pro(ote% by #$ +*7*'* (#chi$e 2ith # se$se o& h)(or #l(ost #s -ee$ #s his &#ther5s*
>he$ 2#r bro-e o)t, he 2#s still %ocile #$% co(pli#$t* They tol% hi( to e$list, #$% he e$liste%* They tol% hi( to #pply
&or #,i#tio$ c#%et tr#i$i$g, #$% he #pplie% &or #,i#tio$ c#%et tr#i$i$g, #$% the ,ery $e8t $ight &o)$% hi(sel& st#$%i$g
b#re&oot i$ icy ()% #t three o5cloc- i$ the (or$i$g be&ore # to)gh #$% belligere$t serge#$t &ro( the So)th2est 2ho tol%
the( he co)l% be#t hell o)t o& #$y (#$ i$ his o)t&it #$% 2#s re#%y to pro,e it* The recr)its i$ his s6)#%ro$ h#% #ll bee$
sh#-e$ ro)ghly #2#-e o$ly (i$)tes be&ore by the serge#$t5s corpor#ls #$% tol% to #sse(ble i$ &ro$t o& the
#%(i$istr#tio$ te$t* +t 2#s still r#i$i$g o$ '#3or '#3or* They &ell i$to r#$-s i$ the ci,ili#$ clothes they h#% bro)ght i$to the
Ar(y 2ith the( three %#ys be&ore* Those 2ho h#% li$gere% to p)t shoes #$% soc-s o$ 2ere se$t b#c- to their col%, 2et,
%#r- te$ts to re(o,e the(, #$% they 2ere #ll b#re&oot i$ the ()% #s the serge#$t r#$ his sto$y eyes o,er their &#ces
#$% tol% the( he co)l% be#t hell o)t o& #$y (#$ i$ his o)t&it* /o o$e 2#s i$cli$e% to %isp)te hi(*
'#3or '#3or5s )$e8pecte% pro(otio$ to (#3or the $e8t %#y pl)$ge% the belligere$t serge#$t i$to # botto(less gloo(, &or
he 2#s $o lo$ger #ble to bo#st th#t he co)l% be#t hell o)t o& #$y (#$ i$ his o)t&it* He broo%e% &or ho)rs i$ his te$t li-e
S#)l, recei,i$g $o ,isitors, 2hile his elite g)#r% o& corpor#ls stoo% %isco)r#ge% 2#tch o)tsi%e* At three o5cloc- i$ the
(or$i$g he &o)$% his sol)tio$, #$% '#3or '#3or #$% the other recr)its 2ere #g#i$ sh#-e$ ro)ghly #2#-e #$% or%ere% to
#sse(ble b#re&oot i$ the %ri44ly gl#re #t the #%(i$istr#tio$ te$t, 2here the serge#$t 2#s #lre#%y 2#iti$g, his &ists
cle$che% o$ his hips coc-ily, so e#ger to spe#- th#t he co)l% h#r%ly 2#it &or the( to #rri,e*
5'e #$% '#3or '#3or,5 he bo#ste%, i$ the s#(e to)gh, clippe% to$es o& the $ight be&ore, 5c#$ be#t hell o)t o& #$y (#$ i$
(y o)t&it*5
The o&&icers o$ the b#se too- #ctio$ o$ the '#3or '#3or proble( l#ter th#t s#(e %#y* Ho2 co)l% they cope 2ith # (#3or
li-e '#3or '#3or9 To %e(e#$ hi( perso$#lly 2o)l% be to %e(e#$ #ll other o&&icers o& e6)#l or lesser r#$-* To tre#t hi(
2ith co)rtesy, o$ the other h#$%, 2#s )$thi$-#ble* ;ort)$#tely, '#3or '#3or h#% #pplie% &or #,i#tio$ c#%et tr#i$i$g*
Or%ers tr#$s&erri$g hi( #2#y 2ere se$t to the (i(eogr#ph roo( l#te i$ the #&ter$oo$, #$% #t three o5cloc- i$ the
(or$i$g '#3or '#3or 2#s #g#i$ sh#-e$ ro)ghly #2#-e, bi%%e$ :o%spee% by the serge#$t #$% pl#ce% #bo#r% # pl#$e
he#%i$g 2est*
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& t)r$e% 2hite #s # sheet 2he$ '#3or '#3or reporte% to hi( i$ C#li&or$i# 2ith b#re &eet #$%
()%c#-e% toes* '#3or '#3or h#% t#-e$ it &or gr#$te% th#t he 2#s bei$g sh#-e$ ro)ghly #2#-e #g#i$ to st#$% b#re&oot i$
the ()% #$% h#% le&t his shoes #$% soc-s i$ the te$t* The ci,ili#$ clothi$g i$ 2hich he reporte% &or %)ty to Lie)te$#$t
Scheiss-op& 2#s r)(ple% #$% %irty* Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&, 2ho h#% $ot yet (#%e his rep)t#tio$ #s # p#r#%er,
sh)%%ere% ,iole$tly #t the pict)re '#3or '#3or 2o)l% (#-e (#rchi$g b#re&oot i$ his s6)#%ro$ th#t co(i$g S)$%#y*
5:o to the hospit#l 6)ic-ly,5 he ()(ble%, 2he$ he h#% reco,ere% s)&&icie$tly to spe#-, 5#$% tell the( yo)5re sic-* St#y
there )$til yo)r #llo2#$ce &or )$i&or(s c#tches )p 2ith yo) #$% yo) h#,e so(e (o$ey to b)y so(e clothes* A$% so(e
shoes* 7)y so(e shoes*5
5.es, sir*5
5+ %o$5t thi$- yo) h#,e to c#ll (e Jsir,J sir,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& poi$te% o)t* 5.o) o)tr#$- (e*5
5.es, sir* + (#y o)tr#$- yo), sir, b)t yo)5re still (y co((#$%i$g o&&icer*5
5.es, sir, th#t5s right,5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& #gree%* 5.o) (#y o)tr#$- (e, sir, b)t +5( still yo)r co((#$%i$g o&&icer* So
yo) better %o 2h#t + tell yo), sir, or yo)5ll get i$to tro)ble* :o to the hospit#l #$% tell the( yo)5re sic-, sir* St#y there )$til
yo)r )$i&or( #llo2#$ce c#tches )p 2ith yo) #$% yo) h#,e so(e (o$ey to b)y so(e )$i&or(s*5
5.es, sir*5
5A$% so(e shoes, sir* 7)y so(e shoes the &irst ch#$ce yo) get, sir*5
5.es, sir* + 2ill, sir*5
5Th#$- yo), sir*5
Li&e i$ c#%et school &or '#3or '#3or 2#s $o %i&&ere$t th#$ li&e h#% bee$ &or hi( #ll #lo$g* >hoe,er he 2#s 2ith #l2#ys
2#$te% hi( to be 2ith so(eo$e else* His i$str)ctors g#,e hi( pre&erre% tre#t(e$t #t e,ery st#ge i$ or%er to p)sh hi(
#lo$g 6)ic-ly #$% be ri% o& hi(* +$ #l(ost $o ti(e he h#% his pilot5s 2i$gs #$% &o)$% hi(sel& o,erse#s, 2here thi$gs
beg#$ s)%%e$ly to i(pro,e* All his li&e, '#3or '#3or h#% lo$ge% &or b)t o$e thi$g, to be #bsorbe%, #$% i$ Pi#$os#, &or #
2hile, he &i$#lly 2#s* R#$- (e#$t little to the (e$ o$ co(b#t %)ty, #$% rel#tio$s bet2ee$ o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ 2ere
rel#8e% #$% i$&or(#l* 'e$ 2hose $#(es he %i%$5t e,e$ -$o2 s#i% 5Hi5 #$% i$,ite% hi( to go s2i((i$g or pl#y
b#s-etb#ll* His ripest ho)rs 2ere spe$t i$ the %#y-lo$g b#s-etb#ll g#(es $o o$e g#,e # %#($ #bo)t 2i$$i$g* Score
2#s $e,er -ept, #$% the $)(ber o& pl#yers (ight ,#ry &ro( o$e to thirty-&i,e* '#3or '#3or h#% $e,er pl#ye% b#s-etb#ll
or #$y other g#(e be&ore, b)t his gre#t, bobbi$g height #$% r#pt)ro)s e$th)si#s( helpe% (#-e )p &or his i$$#te
cl)(si$ess #$% l#c- o& e8perie$ce* '#3or '#3or &o)$% tr)e h#ppi$ess there o$ the lopsi%e% b#s-etb#ll co)rt 2ith the
o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ 2ho 2ere #l(ost his &rie$%s* +& there 2ere $o 2i$$ers, there 2ere $o losers, #$% '#3or '#3or
e$3oye% e,ery g#(boli$g (o(e$t right )p till the %#y Colo$el C#thc#rt ro#re% )p i$ his 3eep #&ter '#3or 0)l)th 2#s
29 | P a g e
-ille% #$% (#%e it i(possible &or hi( e,er to e$3oy pl#yi$g b#s-etb#ll there #g#i$*
5.o)5re the $e2 s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% sho)te% r)%ely #cross the r#ilro#% %itch to hi(* 57)t %o$5t
thi$- it (e#$s #$ythi$g, bec#)se it %oes$5t* All it (e#$s is th#t yo)5re the $e2 s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% $)rse% #$ i(pl#c#ble gr)%ge #g#i$st '#3or '#3or &or # lo$g ti(e* A s)per&l)o)s (#3or o$ his rolls
(e#$t #$ )$ti%y t#ble o& org#$i4#tio$ #$% g#,e #(()$itio$ to the (e$ #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters 2ho
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s positi,e 2ere his e$e(ies #$% ri,#ls* Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% bee$ pr#yi$g &or 3)st so(e stro-e o&
goo% l)c- li-e '#3or 0)l)th5s %e#th* He h#% bee$ pl#g)e% by o$e e8tr# (#3orA he $o2 h#% #$ ope$i$g &or o$e (#3or* He
#ppoi$te% '#3or '#3or s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er #$% ro#re% #2#y i$ his 3eep #s #br)ptly #s he h#% co(e*
;or '#3or '#3or, it (e#$t the e$% o& the g#(e* His &#ce &l)she% 2ith %isco(&ort, #$% he 2#s roote% to the spot i$
%isbelie& #s the r#i$ clo)%s g#there% #bo,e hi( #g#i$* >he$ he t)r$e% to his te#((#tes, he e$co)$tere% # ree& o&
c)rio)s, re&lecti,e &#ces #ll g#4i$g #t hi( 2oo%e$ly 2ith (orose #$% i$scr)t#ble #$i(osity* He shi,ere% 2ith sh#(e*
>he$ the g#(e res)(e%, it 2#s $ot goo% #$y lo$ger* >he$ he %ribble%, $o o$e trie% to stop hi(A 2he$ he c#lle% &or #
p#ss, 2hoe,er h#% the b#ll p#sse% itA #$% 2he$ he (isse% # b#s-et, $o o$e r#ce% hi( &or the rebo)$%* The o$ly ,oice
2#s his o2$* The $e8t %#y 2#s the s#(e, #$% the %#y #&ter th#t he %i% $ot co(e b#c-*
Al(ost o$ c)e, e,eryo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ stoppe% t#l-i$g to hi( #$% st#rte% st#ri$g #t hi(* He 2#l-e% thro)gh li&e
sel&co$scio)sly 2ith %o2$c#st eyes #$% b)r$i$g chee-s, the ob3ect o& co$te(pt, e$,y, s)spicio$, rese$t(e$t #$%
(#licio)s i$$)e$%o e,ery2here he 2e$t* People 2ho h#% h#r%ly $otice% his rese(bl#$ce to He$ry ;o$%# be&ore $o2
$e,er ce#se% %isc)ssi$g it, #$% there 2ere e,e$ those 2ho hi$te% si$isterly th#t '#3or '#3or h#% bee$ ele,#te% to
s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er bec#)se he rese(ble% He$ry ;o$%#* C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho h#% #spire% to the positio$ hi(sel&,
(#i$t#i$e% th#t '#3or '#3or re#lly 2#s He$ry ;o$%# b)t 2#s too chic-e$shit to #%(it it*
'#3or '#3or &lo)$%ere% be2il%ere%ly &ro( o$e e(b#rr#ssi$g c#t#strophe to #$other* >itho)t co$s)lti$g hi(, Serge#$t
To2ser h#% his belo$gi$gs (o,e% i$to the roo(y tr#iler '#3or 0)l)th h#% occ)pie% #lo$e, #$% 2he$ '#3or '#3or c#(e
r)shi$g bre#thlessly i$to the or%erly roo( to report the the&t o& his thi$gs, the yo)$g corpor#l there sc#re% hi( h#l& o)t o&
his 2its by le#pi$g to his &eet #$% sho)ti$g 5Atte$tio$C5 the (o(e$t he #ppe#re%* '#3or '#3or s$#ppe% to #tte$tio$ 2ith
#ll the rest i$ the or%erly roo(, 2o$%eri$g 2h#t i(port#$t perso$#ge h#% e$tere% behi$% hi(* 'i$)tes p#sse% i$ rigi%
sile$ce, #$% the 2hole lot o& the( (ight h#,e stoo% there #t #tte$tio$ till %oo(s%#y i& '#3or 0#$by h#% $ot %roppe% by
&ro( :ro)p to co$gr#t)l#te '#3or '#3or t2e$ty (i$)tes l#ter #$% p)t the( #ll #t e#se*
'#3or '#3or &#re% e,e$ (ore l#(e$t#bly #t the (ess h#ll, 2here 'ilo, his &#ce &l)ttery 2ith s(iles, 2#s 2#iti$g to )sher
hi( pro)%ly to # s(#ll t#ble he h#% set )p i$ &ro$t #$% %ecor#te% 2ith #$ e(broi%ere% t#blecloth #$% # $oseg#y o&
posies i$ # pi$- c)t-gl#ss ,#se* '#3or '#3or h)$g b#c- 2ith horror, b)t he 2#s $ot bol% e$o)gh to resist 2ith #ll the
others 2#tchi$g* E,e$ H#,er(eyer h#% li&te% his he#% &ro( his pl#te to g#pe #t hi( 2ith his he#,y, pe$%)lo)s 3#2*
'#3or '#3or s)b(itte% (ee-ly to 'ilo5s t)ggi$g #$% co2ere% i$ %isgr#ce #t his pri,#te t#ble thro)gho)t the 2hole (e#l*
The &oo% 2#s #shes i$ his (o)th, b)t he s2#llo2e% e,ery (o)th&)l r#ther th#$ ris- o&&e$%i$g #$y o& the (e$ co$$ecte%
2ith its prep#r#tio$* Alo$e 2ith 'ilo l#ter, '#3or '#3or &elt protest stir &or the &irst ti(e #$% s#i% he 2o)l% pre&er to
co$ti$)e e#ti$g 2ith the other o&&icers* 'ilo tol% hi( it 2o)l%$5t 2or-*
5+ %o$5t see 2h#t there is to 2or-,5 '#3or '#3or #rg)e%* 5/othi$g e,er h#ppe$e% be&ore*5
5.o) 2ere $e,er the s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er be&ore*5
5'#3or 0)l)th 2#s the s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er #$% he #l2#ys #te #t the s#(e t#ble 2ith the rest o& the (e$*5
5+t 2#s %i&&ere$t 2ith '#3or 0)l)th, Sir*5
5+$ 2h#t 2#y 2#s it %i&&ere$t 2ith '#3or 0)l)th95
5+ 2ish yo) 2o)l%$5t #s- (e th#t, sir,5 s#i% 'ilo*
5+s it bec#)se + loo- li-e He$ry ;o$%#95 '#3or '#3or ()stere% the co)r#ge to %e(#$%*
5So(e people s#y yo) #re He$ry ;o$%#,5 'ilo #$s2ere%*
5>ell, +5( $ot He$ry ;o$%#,5 '#3or '#3or e8cl#i(e%, i$ # ,oice 6)#,eri$g 2ith e8#sper#tio$* 5A$% + %o$5t loo- the le#st bit
li-e hi(* A$% e,e$ i& + %o loo- li-e He$ry ;o$%#, 2h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e95
5+t %oes$5t (#-e #$y %i&&ere$ce* Th#t5s 2h#t +5( tryi$g to tell yo), sir* +t5s 3)st $ot the s#(e 2ith yo) #s it 2#s 2ith '#3or
0)l)th*5
A$% it 3)st 2#s$5t the s#(e, &or 2he$ '#3or '#3or, #t the $e8t (e#l, steppe% &ro( the &oo% co)$ter to sit 2ith the others
#t the reg)l#r t#bles, he 2#s &ro4e$ i$ his tr#c-s by the i(pe$etr#ble 2#ll o& #$t#go$is( thro2$ )p by their &#ces #$%
stoo% petri&ie% 2ith his tr#y 6)i,eri$g i$ his h#$%s )$til 'ilo gli%e% &or2#r% 2or%lessly to resc)e hi(, by le#%i$g hi(
t#(ely to his pri,#te t#ble* '#3or '#3or g#,e )p #&ter th#t #$% #l2#ys #te #t his t#ble #lo$e 2ith his b#c- to the others*
He 2#s cert#i$ they rese$te% hi( bec#)se he see(e% too goo% to e#t 2ith the( $o2 th#t he 2#s s6)#%ro$
co((#$%er* There 2#s $e,er #$y co$,ers#tio$ i$ the (ess te$t 2he$ '#3or '#3or 2#s prese$t* He 2#s co$scio)s th#t
other o&&icers trie% to #,oi% e#ti$g #t the s#(e ti(e, #$% e,eryo$e 2#s gre#tly relie,e% 2he$ he stoppe% co(i$g there
#ltogether #$% beg#$ t#-i$g his (e#ls i$ his tr#iler*
'#3or '#3or beg#$ &orgi$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts the %#y #&ter the &irst C*+*0* (#$ sho2e% )p
to i$terrog#te hi( #bo)t so(ebo%y #t the hospit#l 2ho h#% bee$ %oi$g it #$% g#,e hi( the i%e#* He h#% bee$ bore%
#$% %iss#tis&ie% i$ his $e2 positio$* He h#% bee$ (#%e s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er b)t h#% $o i%e# 2h#t he 2#s s)ppose%
to %o #s s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er, )$less #ll he 2#s s)ppose% to %o 2#s &orge >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to o&&ici#l
%oc)(e$ts #$% liste$ to the isol#te% cli$-s #$% th)(ps o& '#3or - %e Co,erley5s horseshoes &#lli$g to the gro)$% o)tsi%e
the 2i$%o2 o& his s(#ll o&&ice i$ the re#r o& the or%erly-roo( te$t* He 2#s ho)$%e% i$cess#$tly by #$ i(pressio$ o& ,it#l
%)ties le&t )$&)l&ille% #$% 2#ite% i$ ,#i$ &or his respo$sibilities to o,ert#-e hi(* He sel%o( 2e$t o)t )$less it 2#s
#bsol)tely $ecess#ry, &or he co)l% $ot get )se% to bei$g st#re% #t* Occ#sio$#lly, the (o$oto$y 2#s bro-e$ by so(e
o&&icer or e$liste% (#$ Serge#$t To2ser re&erre% to hi( o$ so(e (#tter th#t '#3or '#3or 2#s )$#ble to cope 2ith #$%
re&erre% right b#c- to Serge#$t To2ser &or se$sible %ispositio$* >h#te,er he 2#s s)ppose% to get %o$e #s s6)#%ro$
co((#$%er #pp#re$tly 2#s getti$g %o$e 2itho)t #$y #ssist#$ce &ro( hi(* He gre2 (oo%y #$% %epresse%* At ti(es he
tho)ght serio)sly o& goi$g 2ith #ll his sorro2s to see the ch#pl#i$, b)t the ch#pl#i$ see(e% so o,erb)r%e$e% 2ith
(iseries o& his o2$ th#t '#3or '#3or shr#$- &ro( #%%i$g to his tro)bles* 7esi%es, he 2#s $ot 6)ite s)re i& ch#pl#i$s
2ere &or s6)#%ro$ co((#$%ers*
He h#% $e,er bee$ 6)ite s)re #bo)t '#3or - %e Co,erley, either, 2ho, 2he$ he 2#s $ot #2#y re$ti$g #p#rt(e$ts or
-i%$#pi$g &oreig$ l#borers, h#% $othi$g (ore pressi$g to %o th#$ pitch horseshoes* '#3or '#3or o&te$ p#i% strict
Catch 22
#tte$tio$ to the horseshoes &#lli$g so&tly #g#i$st the e#rth or ri%i$g %o2$ #ro)$% the s(#ll steel pegs i$ the gro)$%* He
pee-e% o)t #t '#3or - %e Co,erley &or ho)rs #$% (#r,ele% th#t so(eo$e so #)g)st h#% $othi$g (ore i(port#$t to %o*
He 2#s o&te$ te(pte% to 3oi$ '#3or - %e Co,erley, b)t pitchi$g horseshoes #ll %#y lo$g see(e% #l(ost #s %)ll #s sig$i$g
5'#3or '#3or '#3or5 to o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts, #$% '#3or - %e Co,erley5s co)$te$#$ce 2#s so &orbi%%i$g th#t '#3or '#3or
2#s i$ #2e o& #ppro#chi$g hi(*
'#3or '#3or 2o$%ere% #bo)t his rel#tio$ship to '#3or - %e Co,erley #$% #bo)t '#3or - %e Co,erley5s rel#tio$ship to hi(*
He -$e2 th#t '#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s his e8ec)ti,e o&&icer, b)t he %i% $ot -$o2 2h#t th#t (e#$t, #$% he co)l% $ot
%eci%e 2hether i$ '#3or - %e Co,erley he 2#s blesse% 2ith # le$ie$t s)perior or c)rse% 2ith # %eli$6)e$t s)bor%i$#te*
He %i% $ot 2#$t to #s- Serge#$t To2ser, o& 2ho( he 2#s secretly #&r#i%, #$% there 2#s $o o$e else he co)l% #s-, le#st
o& #ll '#3or - %e Co,erley* ;e2 people e,er %#re% #ppro#ch '#3or - %e Co,erley #bo)t #$ythi$g #$% the o$ly o&&icer
&oolish e$o)gh to pitch o$e o& his horseshoes 2#s stric-e$ the ,ery $e8t %#y 2ith the 2orst c#se o& Pi#$os#$ cr)% th#t
:)s or >es or e,e$ 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% e,er see$ or e,e$ he#r% #bo)t* E,eryo$e 2#s positi,e the %ise#se h#% bee$
i$&licte% )po$ the poor o&&icer i$ retrib)tio$ by '#3or - %e Co,erley, #ltho)gh $o o$e 2#s s)re ho2*
'ost o& the o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts th#t c#(e to '#3or '#3or5s %es- %i% $ot co$cer$ hi( #t #ll* The ,#st (#3ority co$siste% o&
#ll)sio$s to prior co(()$ic#tio$s 2hich '#3or '#3or h#% $e,er see$ or he#r% o&* There 2#s $e,er #$y $ee% to loo-
the( )p, &or the i$str)ctio$s 2ere i$,#ri#bly to %isreg#r%* +$ the sp#ce o& # si$gle pro%)cti,e (i$)te, there&ore, he (ight
e$%orse t2e$ty sep#r#te %oc)(e$ts e#ch #%,isi$g hi( to p#y #bsol)tely $o #tte$tio$ to #$y o& the others* ;ro(
:e$er#l Pec-e(5s o&&ice o$ the (#i$l#$% c#(e proli8 b)lleti$s e#ch %#y he#%e% by s)ch cheery ho(ilies #s
5Procr#sti$#tio$ is the Thie& o& Ti(e5 #$% 5Cle#$li$ess is /e8t to :o%li$ess*5
:e$er#l Pec-e(5s co(()$ic#tio$s #bo)t cle#$li$ess #$% procr#sti$#tio$ (#%e '#3or '#3or &eel li-e # &ilthy
procr#sti$#tor, #$% he #l2#ys got those o)t o& the 2#y #s 6)ic-ly #s he co)l%* The o$ly o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts th#t
i$tereste% hi( 2ere those occ#sio$#l o$es pert#i$i$g to the )$&ort)$#te seco$% lie)te$#$t 2ho h#% bee$ -ille% o$ the
(issio$ o,er Or,ieto less th#$ t2o ho)rs #&ter he #rri,e% o$ Pi#$os# #$% 2hose p#rtly )$p#c-e% belo$gi$gs 2ere still i$
.oss#ri#$5s te$t* Si$ce the )$&ort)$#te lie)te$#$t h#% reporte% to the oper#tio$s te$t i$ste#% o& to the or%erly roo(,
Serge#$t To2ser h#% %eci%e% th#t it 2o)l% be s#&est to report hi( #s $e,er h#,i$g reporte% to the s6)#%ro$ #t #ll, #$%
the occ#sio$#l %oc)(e$ts rel#ti$g to hi( %e#lt 2ith the &#ct th#t he see(e% to h#,e ,#$ishe% i$to thi$ #ir, 2hich, i$ o$e
2#y, 2#s e8#ctly 2h#t %i% h#ppe$ to hi(* +$ the lo$g r)$, '#3or '#3or 2#s gr#te&)l &or the o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts th#t c#(e
to his %es-, &or sitti$g i$ his o&&ice sig$i$g the( #ll %#y lo$g 2#s # lot better th#$ sitti$g i$ his o&&ice #ll %#y lo$g $ot
sig$i$g the(* They g#,e hi( so(ethi$g to %o*
+$e,it#bly, e,ery %oc)(e$t he sig$e% c#(e b#c- 2ith # &resh p#ge #%%e% &or # $e2 sig$#t)re by hi( #&ter i$ter,#ls o&
&ro( t2o to te$ %#ys* They 2ere #l2#ys ()ch thic-er th#$ &or(erly, &or i$ bet2ee$ the sheet be#ri$g his l#st
e$%orse(e$t #$% the sheet #%%e% &or his $e2 e$%orse(e$t 2ere the sheets be#ri$g the (ost rece$t e$%orse(e$ts o&
#ll the other o&&icers i$ sc#ttere% loc#tio$s 2ho 2ere #lso occ)pie% i$ sig$i$g their $#(es to th#t s#(e o&&ici#l
%oc)(e$t* '#3or '#3or gre2 %espo$%e$t #s he 2#tche% si(ple co(()$ic#tio$s s2ell pro%igio)sly i$to h)ge
(#$)scripts* /o (#tter ho2 (#$y ti(es he sig$e% o$e, it #l2#ys c#(e b#c- &or still #$other sig$#t)re, #$% he beg#$ to
%esp#ir o& e,er bei$g &ree o& #$y o& the(* O$e %#y - it 2#s the %#y #&ter the C*+*0* (#$5s &irst ,isit - '#3or '#3or sig$e%
>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to o$e o& the %oc)(e$ts i$ste#% o& his o2$, 3)st to see ho2 it 2o)l% &eel* He li-e% it* He li-e%
it so ()ch th#t &or the rest o& th#t #&ter$oo$ he %i% the s#(e 2ith #ll the o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts* +t 2#s #$ #ct o& i(p)lsi,e
&ri,olity #$% rebellio$ &or 2hich he -$e2 #&ter2#r% he 2o)l% be p)$ishe% se,erely* The $e8t (or$i$g he e$tere% his
o&&ice i$ trepi%#tio$ #$% 2#ite% to see 2h#t 2o)l% h#ppe$* /othi$g h#ppe$e%*
He h#% si$$e%, #$% it 2#s goo%, &or $o$e o& the %oc)(e$ts to 2hich he h#% sig$e% >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e e,er
c#(e b#c-C Here, #t l#st, 2#s progress, #$% '#3or '#3or thre2 hi(sel& i$to his $e2 c#reer 2ith )$i$hibite% g)sto*
Sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts 2#s $ot ()ch o& # c#reer, perh#ps, b)t it 2#s less (o$oto$o)s
th#$ sig$i$g 5'#3or '#3or '#3or*5 >he$ >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g %i% gro2 (o$oto$o)s, he co)l% re,erse the or%er #$% sig$
+r,i$g >#shi$gto$ )$til th#t gre2 (o$oto$o)s* A$% he 2#s getti$g so(ethi$g %o$e, &or $o$e o& the %oc)(e$ts sig$e%
2ith either o& these $#(es e,er c#(e b#c- to the s6)#%ro$*
>h#t %i% co(e b#c-, e,e$t)#lly, 2#s # seco$% C*+*0* (#$, (#s6)er#%i$g #s # pilot* The (e$ -$e2 he 2#s # C*+*0*
(#$ bec#)se he co$&i%e% to the( he 2#s #$% )rge% e#ch o& the( $ot to re,e#l his tr)e i%e$tity to #$y o& the other (e$
to 2ho( he h#% #lre#%y co$&i%e% th#t he 2#s # C*+*0* (#$*
5.o)5re the o$ly o$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2ho -$o2s +5( # C*+*0* (#$,5 he co$&i%e% to '#3or '#3or, 5#$% it5s #bsol)tely
esse$ti#l th#t it re(#i$ # secret so th#t (y e&&icie$cy 2o$5t be i(p#ire%* 0o yo) )$%erst#$%95
5Serge#$t To2ser -$o2s*5
5.es, + -$o2* + h#% to tell hi( i$ or%er to get i$ to see yo)* 7)t + -$o2 he 2o$5t tell # so)l )$%er #$y circ)(st#$ces*5
5He tol% (e,5 s#i% '#3or '#3or* 5He tol% (e there 2#s # C*+*0* (#$ o)tsi%e to see (e*5
5Th#t b#st#r%* +5ll h#,e to thro2 # sec)rity chec- o$ hi(* + 2o)l%$5t le#,e #$y top-secret %oc)(e$ts lyi$g #ro)$% here i& +
2ere yo)* At le#st $ot )$til + (#-e (y report*5
'! don't get any top$secret documents,'
said Ma&or Ma&or.
5Th#t5s the -i$% + (e#$* Loc- the( i$ yo)r c#bi$et 2here Serge#$t To2ser c#$5t get his h#$%s o$ the(*5
5Serge#$t To2ser h#s the o$ly -ey to the c#bi$et*5
5+5( #&r#i% 2e5re 2#sti$g ti(e,5 s#i% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$ r#ther sti&&ly* He 2#s # bris-, p)%gy, high-str)$g perso$
2hose (o,e(e$ts 2ere s2i&t #$% cert#i$* He too- # $)(ber o& photost#ts o)t o& # l#rge re% e8p#$sio$ e$,elope he
h#% bee$ hi%i$g co$spic)o)sly be$e#th # le#ther &light 3#c-et p#i$te% g#rishly 2ith pict)res o& #irpl#$es &lyi$g thro)gh
or#$ge b)rsts o& &l#- #$% 2ith or%erly ro2s o& little bo(bs sig$i&yi$g &i&ty-&i,e co(b#t (issio$s &lo2$* 5H#,e yo) e,er
see$ #$y o& these95
'#3or '#3or loo-e% 2ith # bl#$- e8pressio$ #t copies o& perso$#l correspo$%e$ce &ro( the hospit#l o$ 2hich the
ce$sori$g o&&icer h#% 2ritte$ 5>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5 or 5+r,i$g >#shi$gto$*5
/o*
5Ho2 #bo)t these95
'#3or '#3or g#4e% $e8t #t copies o& o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts #%%resse% to hi( to 2hich he h#% bee$ sig$i$g the s#(e
31 | P a g e
sig$#t)res*
5/o*5
5+s the (#$ 2ho sig$e% these $#(es i$ yo)r s6)#%ro$95
5>hich o$e9 There #re t2o $#(es here*5
5Either o$e* >e &ig)re th#t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g #$% +r,i$g >#shi$gto$ #re o$e (#$ #$% th#t he5s )si$g t2o $#(es 3)st to
thro2 )s o&& the tr#c-* Th#t5s %o$e ,ery o&te$ yo) -$o2*5
5+ %o$5t thi$- there5s # (#$ 2ith either o& those $#(es i$ (y s6)#%ro$*5
A loo- o& %is#ppoi$t(e$t crosse% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$5s &#ce* 5He5s # lot cle,erer th#$ 2e tho)ght,5 he obser,e%* 5He5s
)si$g # thir% $#(e #$% posi$g #s so(eo$e else* A$% + thi$-*** yes, + thi$- + -$o2 2h#t th#t thir% $#(e is*5 >ith
e8cite(e$t #$% i$spir#tio$, he hel% #$other photost#t o)t &or '#3or '#3or to st)%y* 5Ho2 #bo)t this95
'#3or '#3or be$t &or2#r% slightly #$% s#2 # copy o& the piece o& B (#il &ro( 2hich .oss#ri#$ h#% bl#c-e% o)t
e,erythi$g b)t the $#(e '#ry #$% o$ 2hich he h#% 2ritte$, 5+ ye#r$ &or yo) tr#gic#lly* R* O* Ship(#$, Ch#pl#i$, =*S*
Ar(y*5 '#3or '#3or shoo- his he#%*
5+5,e $e,er see$ it be&ore*5
50o yo) -$o2 2ho R* O* Ship(#$ is95
5He5s the gro)p ch#pl#i$*5
5Th#t loc-s it )p,5 s#i% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$* 5>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g is the gro)p ch#pl#i$*5
'#3or '#3or &elt # t2i$ge o& #l#r(* 5R* O* Ship(#$ is the gro)p ch#pl#i$,5 he correcte%*
5Are yo) s)re95
5.es*5
5>hy sho)l% the gro)p ch#pl#i$ 2rite this o$ # letter95
5Perh#ps so(ebo%y else 2rote it #$% &orge% his $#(e*5
5>hy sho)l% so(ebo%y 2#$t to &orge the gro)p ch#pl#i$5s $#(e95
5To esc#pe %etectio$*5
5.o) (#y be right,5 the seco$% C*+*0* (#$ %eci%e% #&ter #$ i$st#$t5s hesit#tio$, #$% s(#c-e% his lips crisply* 5'#ybe
2e5re co$&ro$te% 2ith # g#$g, 2ith t2o (e$ 2or-i$g together 2ho 3)st h#ppe$ to h#,e opposite $#(es* .es, +5( s)re
th#t5s it* O$e o& the( here i$ the s6)#%ro$, o$e o& the( )p #t the hospit#l #$% o$e o& the( 2ith the ch#pl#i$* Th#t
(#-es three (e$, %oes$5t it9 Are yo) #bsol)tely s)re yo) $e,er s#2 #$y o& these o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts be&ore95
5+ 2o)l% h#,e sig$e% the( i& + h#%*5
5>ith 2hose $#(e95 #s-e% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$ c)$$i$gly* 5.o)rs or >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s95
5>ith (y o2$ $#(e,5 '#3or '#3or tol% hi(* 5+ %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e*5
The seco$% C*+*0* (#$ bro-e i$to # s(ile*
5'#3or, +5( gl#% yo)5re i$ the cle#r* +t (e#$s 2e5ll be #ble to 2or- together, #$% +5( goi$g to $ee% e,ery (#$ + c#$ get*
So(e2here i$ the E)rope#$ the#ter o& oper#tio$s is # (#$ 2ho5s getti$g his h#$%s o$ co(()$ic#tio$s #%%resse% to
yo)* H#,e yo) #$y i%e# 2ho it c#$ be95
5/o*5
5>ell, + h#,e # pretty goo% i%e#,5 s#i% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$, #$% le#$e% &or2#r% to 2hisper co$&i%e$ti#lly* 5Th#t b#st#r%
To2ser* >hy else 2o)l% he go #ro)$% shooti$g his (o)th o&& #bo)t (e9 /o2, yo) -eep yo)r eyes ope$ #$% let (e
-$o2 the (i$)te yo) he#r #$yo$e e,e$ t#l-i$g #bo)t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g* +5ll thro2 # sec)rity chec- o$ the ch#pl#i$ #$%
e,eryo$e else #ro)$% here*5
The (o(e$t he 2#s go$e, the &irst C*+*0* (#$ 3)(pe% i$to '#3or '#3or5s o&&ice thro)gh the 2i$%o2 #$% 2#$te% to -$o2
2ho the seco$% C*+*0* (#$ 2#s* '#3or '#3or b#rely recog$i4e% hi(*
5He 2#s # C*+*0* (#$,5 '#3or '#3or tol% hi(*
5Li-e hell he 2#s,5 s#i% the &irst C*+*0* (#$* 5+5( the C*+*0* (#$ #ro)$% here*5
'#3or '#3or b#rely recog$i4e% hi( bec#)se he 2#s 2e#ri$g # &#%e% (#roo$ cor%)roy b#throbe 2ith ope$ se#(s )$%er
both #r(s, li$ty &l#$$el p#3#(#s, #$% 2or$ ho)se slippers 2ith o$e &l#ppi$g sole* This 2#s reg)l#tio$ hospit#l %ress,
'#3or '#3or rec#lle%* The (#$ h#% #%%e% #bo)t t2e$ty po)$%s #$% see(e% b)rsti$g 2ith goo% he#lth*
5+5( re#lly # ,ery sic- (#$,5 he 2hi$e%* 5+ c#)ght col% i$ the hospit#l &ro( # &ighter pilot #$% c#(e %o2$ 2ith # ,ery
serio)s c#se o& p$e)(o$i#*5
5+5( ,ery sorry,5 '#3or '#3or s#i%*
5A lot o& goo% th#t %oes (e,5 the C*+*0* (#$ s$i,ele%* 5+ %o$5t 2#$t yo)r sy(p#thy* + 3)st 2#$t yo) to -$o2 2h#t +5( goi$g
thro)gh* + c#(e %o2$ to 2#r$ yo) th#t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g see(s to h#,e shi&te% his b#se o& oper#tio$s &ro( the hospit#l
to yo)r s6)#%ro$* .o) h#,e$5t he#r% #$yo$e #ro)$% here t#l-i$g #bo)t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g, h#,e yo)95
5As # (#tter o& &#ct, + h#,e,5 '#3or '#3or #$s2ere%*
5Th#t (#$ 2ho 2#s 3)st i$ here* He 2#s t#l-i$g #bo)t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g*5
5>#s he re#lly95 the &irst C*+*0* (#$ crie% 2ith %elight* 5This (ight be 3)st 2h#t 2e $ee%e% to cr#c- the c#se 2i%e ope$C
.o) -eep hi( )$%er s)r,eill#$ce t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y 2hile + r)sh b#c- to the hospit#l #$% 2rite (y s)periors &or
&)rther i$str)ctio$s*5 The C*+*0* (#$ 3)(pe% o)t o& '#3or '#3or5s o&&ice thro)gh the 2i$%o2 #$% 2#s go$e*
A (i$)te l#ter, the &l#p sep#r#ti$g '#3or '#3or5s o&&ice &ro( the or%erly roo( &le2 ope$ #$% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$ 2#s
b#c-, p)&&i$g &r#$tic#lly i$ h#ste* :#spi$g &or bre#th, he sho)te%, 5+ 3)st s#2 # (#$ i$ re% p#3#(#s 3)(pi$g o)t o& yo)r
2i$%o2 #$% go r)$$i$g )p the ro#%C 0i%$5t yo) see hi(95
5He 2#s here t#l-i$g to (e,5 '#3or '#3or #$s2ere%*
5+ tho)ght th#t loo-e% (ighty s)spicio)s, # (#$ 3)(pi$g o)t the 2i$%o2 i$ re% p#3#(#s*5 The (#$ p#ce% #bo)t the s(#ll
o&&ice i$ ,igoro)s circles* 5At &irst + tho)ght it 2#s yo), hight#ili$g it &or 'e8ico* 7)t $o2 + see it 2#s$5t yo)* He %i%$5t s#y
#$ythi$g #bo)t >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g, %i% he95
5As # (#tter o& &#ct,5 s#i% '#3or '#3or, 5he %i%*5
5He %i%95 crie% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$* 5Th#t5s &i$eC This (ight be 3)st the bre#- 2e $ee%e% to cr#c- the c#se 2i%e ope$*
0o yo) -$o2 2here 2e c#$ &i$% hi(95
5At the hospit#l* He5s re#lly # ,ery sic- (#$*5
5Th#t5s gre#tC5 e8cl#i(e% the seco$% C*+*0* (#$* 5+5ll go right )p there #&ter hi(* +t 2o)l% be best i& + 2e$t i$cog$ito* +5ll go
e8pl#i$ the sit)#tio$ #t the (e%ic#l te$t #$% h#,e the( se$% (e there #s # p#tie$t*5
Catch 22
5They 2o$5t se$% (e to the hospit#l #s # p#tie$t )$less +5( sic-,5 he reporte% b#c- to '#3or '#3or* 5Act)#lly, + #( pretty
sic-* +5,e bee$ (e#$i$g to t)r$ (ysel& i$ &or # chec-)p, #$% this 2ill be # goo% opport)$ity* +5ll go b#c- to the (e%ic#l
te$t #$% tell the( +5( sic-, #$% +5ll get se$t to the hospit#l th#t 2#y*5
5Loo- 2h#t they %i% to (e,5 he reporte% b#c- to '#3or '#3or 2ith p)rple g)(s* His %istress 2#s i$co$sol#ble* He c#rrie%
his shoes #$% soc-s i$ his h#$%s, #$% his toes h#% bee$ p#i$te% 2ith ge$ti#$-,iolet sol)tio$, too* 5>ho e,er he#r% o& #
C*+*0* (#$ 2ith p)rple g)(s95 he (o#$e%*
He 2#l-e% #2#y &ro( the or%erly roo( 2ith his he#% %o2$ #$% t)(ble% i$to # slit tre$ch #$% bro-e his $ose* His
te(per#t)re 2#s still $or(#l, b)t :)s #$% >es (#%e #$ e8ceptio$ o& hi( #$% se$t hi( to the hospit#l i$ #$ #(b)l#$ce*
'#3or '#3or h#% lie%, #$% it 2#s goo%* He 2#s $ot re#lly s)rprise% th#t it 2#s goo%, &or he h#% obser,e% th#t people
2ho %i% lie 2ere, o$ the 2hole, (ore reso)rce&)l #$% #(bitio)s #$% s)ccess&)l th#$ people 2ho %i% $ot lie* H#% he tol%
the tr)th to the seco$% C*+*0* (#$, he 2o)l% h#,e &o)$% hi(sel& i$ tro)ble* +$ste#% he h#% lie% #$% he 2#s &ree to
co$ti$)e his 2or-*
He bec#(e (ore circ)(spect i$ his 2or- #s # res)lt o& the ,isit &ro( the seco$% C*+*0* (#$* He %i% #ll his sig$i$g 2ith
his le&t h#$% #$% o$ly 2hile 2e#ri$g the %#r- gl#sses #$% &#lse ()st#che he h#% )se% )$s)ccess&)lly to help hi( begi$
pl#yi$g b#s-etb#ll #g#i$* As #$ #%%itio$#l prec#)tio$, he (#%e # h#ppy s2itch &ro( >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g to Joh$ 'ilto$*
Joh$ 'ilto$ 2#s s)pple #$% co$cise* Li-e >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g, he co)l% be re,erse% 2ith goo% e&&ect 2he$e,er he gre2
(o$oto$o)s* ;)rther(ore, he e$#ble% '#3or '#3or to %o)ble his o)tp)t, &or Joh$ 'ilto$ 2#s so ()ch shorter th#$
either his o2$ $#(e or >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s #$% too- so ()ch less ti(e to 2rite* Joh$ 'ilto$ pro,e% &r)it&)l i$ still o$e
(ore respect* He 2#s ,ers#tile, #$% '#3or '#3or soo$ &o)$% hi(sel& i$corpor#ti$g the sig$#t)re i$ &r#g(e$ts o&
i(#gi$#ry %i#log)es* Th)s, typic#l e$%orse(e$ts o$ the o&&ici#l %oc)(e$ts (ight re#%, 5Joh$ 'ilto$ is # s#%ist5 or 5H#,e
yo) see$ 'ilto$, Joh$95 O$e sig$#t)re o& 2hich he 2#s especi#lly pro)% re#%, 5+s #$ybo%y i$ the Joh$, 'ilto$95 Joh$
'ilto$ thre2 ope$ 2hole $e2 ,ist#s &ille% 2ith ch#r(i$g, i$e8h#)stible possibilities th#t pro(ise% to 2#r% o&& (o$oto$y
&ore,er* '#3or '#3or 2e$t b#c- to >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g 2he$ Joh$ 'ilto$ gre2 (o$oto$o)s*
'#3or '#3or h#% bo)ght the %#r- gl#sses #$% &#lse ()st#che i$ Ro(e i$ # &i$#l, &)tile #tte(pt to s#,e hi(sel& &ro( the
s2#(py %egr#%#tio$ i$to 2hich he 2#s ste#%ily si$-i$g* ;irst there h#% bee$ the #2&)l h)(ili#tio$ o& the :re#t Loy#lty
O#th Cr)s#%e, 2he$ $ot o$e o& the thirty or &orty people circ)l#ti$g co(petiti,e loy#lty o#ths 2o)l% e,e$ #llo2 hi( to
sig$* The$, 3)st 2he$ th#t 2#s blo2i$g o,er, there 2#s the (#tter o& Cle,i$ger5s pl#$e %is#ppe#ri$g so (ysterio)sly i$
thi$ #ir 2ith e,ery (e(ber o& the cre2, #$% bl#(e &or the str#$ge (ish#p ce$teri$g b#le&)lly o$ hi( bec#)se he h#%
$e,er sig$e% #$y o& the loy#lty o#ths*
The %#r- gl#sses h#% l#rge (#ge$t# ri(s* The &#lse bl#c- ()st#che 2#s # &l#(boy#$t org#$-gri$%er5s, #$% he 2ore
the( both to the b#s-etb#ll g#(e o$e %#y 2he$ he &elt he co)l% e$%)re his lo$eli$ess $o lo$ger* He #&&ecte% #$ #ir o&
3#)$ty &#(ili#rity #s he s#)$tere% to the co)rt #$% pr#ye% sile$tly th#t he 2o)l% $ot be recog$i4e%* The others prete$%e%
$ot to recog$i4e hi(, #$% he beg#$ to h#,e &)$* J)st #s he &i$ishe% co$gr#t)l#ti$g hi(sel& o$ his i$$oce$t r)se he 2#s
b)(pe% h#r% by o$e o& his oppo$e$ts #$% -$oc-e% to his -$ees* Soo$ he 2#s b)(pe% h#r% #g#i$, #$% it %#2$e% o$
hi( th#t they %i% recog$i4e hi( #$% th#t they 2ere )si$g his %isg)ise #s # lice$se to elbo2, trip #$% (#)l hi(* They %i%
$ot 2#$t hi( #t #ll* A$% 3)st #s he %i% re#li4e this, the pl#yers o$ his te#( &)se% i$sti$cti,ely 2ith the pl#yers o$ the
other te#( i$to # si$gle, ho2li$g, bloo%thirsty (ob th#t %esce$%e% )po$ hi( &ro( #ll si%es 2ith &o)l c)rses #$%
s2i$gi$g &ists* They -$oc-e% hi( to the gro)$%, -ic-e% hi( 2hile he 2#s o$ the gro)$%, #tt#c-e% hi( #g#i$ #&ter he h#%
str)ggle% bli$%ly to his &eet* He co,ere% his &#ce 2ith his h#$%s #$% co)l% $ot see* They s2#r(e% #ll o,er e#ch other i$
their &re$4ie% co(p)lsio$ to bl)%geo$ hi(, -ic- hi(, go)ge hi(, tr#(ple hi(* He 2#s p)((ele% spi$$i$g to the e%ge o&
the %itch #$% se$t slitheri$g %o2$ o$ his he#% #$% sho)l%ers* At the botto( he &o)$% his &ooti$g, cl#(bere% )p the
other 2#ll #$% st#ggere% #2#y be$e#th the h#il o& hoots #$% sto$es 2ith 2hich they pelte% hi( )$til he l)rche% i$to
shelter #ro)$% # cor$er o& the or%erly roo( te$t* His p#r#(o)$t co$cer$ thro)gho)t the e$tire #ss#)lt 2#s to -eep his
%#r- gl#sses #$% &#lse ()st#che i$ pl#ce so th#t he (ight co$ti$)e prete$%i$g he 2#s so(ebo%y else #$% be sp#re%
the %re#%e% $ecessity o& h#,i$g to co$&ro$t the( 2ith his #)thority*
7#c- i$ his o&&ice, he 2eptA #$% 2he$ he &i$ishe% 2eepi$g he 2#she% the bloo% &ro( his (o)th #$% $ose, scr)bbe% the
%irt &ro( the #br#sio$s o$ his chee- #$% &orehe#%, #$% s)((o$e% Serge#$t To2ser*
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 he s#i%, 5+ %o$5t 2#$t #$yo$e to co(e i$ to see (e 2hile +5( here* +s th#t cle#r95
5.es, sir,5 s#i% Serge#$t To2ser* 50oes th#t i$cl)%e (e95
5.es*5
5+ see* >ill th#t be #ll95
5.es*5
5>h#t sh#ll + s#y to the people 2ho %o co(e to see yo) 2hile yo)5re here95
5Tell the( +5( i$ #$% #s- the( to 2#it*5
5.es, sir* ;or ho2 lo$g95
5=$til +5,e le&t*5
5A$% the$ 2h#t sh#ll + %o 2ith the(95
5+ %o$5t c#re*5
5'#y + se$% the( i$ to see yo) #&ter yo)5,e le&t95
5.es*5
57)t yo) 2o$5t be here the$, 2ill yo)95
5/o*5
5.es, sir* >ill th#t be #ll95
5.es*5
5.es, sir*5
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 '#3or '#3or s#i% to the (i%%le-#ge% e$liste% (#$ 2ho too- c#re o& his tr#iler, 5+ %o$5t 2#$t yo) to co(e
here 2hile +5( here to #s- (e i& there5s #$ythi$g yo) c#$ %o &or (e* +s th#t cle#r95
5.es, sir,5 s#i% the or%erly* 5>he$ sho)l% + co(e here to &i$% o)t i& there5s #$ythi$g yo) 2#$t (e to %o &or yo)95
5>he$ +5( $ot here*5
5.es, sir* A$% 2h#t sho)l% + %o95
33 | P a g e
5>h#te,er + tell yo) to*5
57)t yo) 2o$5t be here to tell (e* >ill yo)95
5/o*5
5The$ 2h#t sho)l% + %o95
5>h#te,er h#s to be %o$e*5
5.es, sir*5
5Th#t 2ill be #ll,5 s#i% '#3or '#3or*
5.es, sir,5 s#i% the or%erly* 5>ill th#t be #ll95
5/o,5 s#i% '#3or '#3or* 50o$5t co(e i$ to cle#$, either* 0o$5t co(e i$ &or #$ythi$g )$less yo)5re s)re +5( $ot here*5
5.es, sir* 7)t ho2 c#$ + #l2#ys be s)re95
5+& yo)5re $ot s)re, 3)st #ss)(e th#t + #( here #$% go #2#y )$til yo) #re s)re* +s th#t cle#r95
5.es, sir*5
5+5( sorry to h#,e to t#l- to yo) i$ this 2#y, b)t + h#,e to* :oo%bye*5
5:oo%bye, sir*5
5A$% th#$- yo)* ;or e,erythi$g*5
5.es, sir*5
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 '#3or '#3or s#i% to 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er, 5+5( $ot goi$g to co(e to the (ess h#ll #$y (ore* +5ll h#,e #ll (y
(e#ls bro)ght to (e i$ (y tr#iler*5
5+ thi$- th#t5s # goo% i%e#, sir,5 'ilo #$s2ere%* 5/o2 +5ll be #ble to ser,e yo) speci#l %ishes th#t the others 2ill $e,er
-$o2 #bo)t* +5( s)re yo)5ll e$3oy the(* Colo$el C#thc#rt #l2#ys %oes*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t #$y speci#l %ishes* + 2#$t e8#ctly 2h#t yo) ser,e #ll the other o&&icers* J)st h#,e 2hoe,er bri$gs it -$oc-
o$ce o$ (y %oor #$% le#,e the tr#y o$ the step* +s th#t cle#r95
5.es, sir,5 s#i% 'ilo* 5Th#t5s ,ery cle#r* +5,e got so(e li,e '#i$e lobsters hi%%e$ #2#y th#t + c#$ ser,e yo) to$ight 2ith #$
e8celle$t Ro6)e&ort s#l#% #$% t2o &ro4e$ Mcl#irs th#t 2ere s()ggle% o)t o& P#ris o$ly yester%#y together 2ith #$
i(port#$t (e(ber o& the ;re$ch )$%ergro)$%* >ill th#t %o &or # st#rt95
5/o*5
5.es, sir* + )$%erst#$%*5
;or %i$$er th#t $ight 'ilo ser,e% hi( broile% '#i$e lobster 2ith e8celle$t Ro6)e&ort s#l#% #$% t2o &ro4e$ Mcl#irs* '#3or
'#3or 2#s #$$oye%* +& he se$t it b#c-, tho)gh, it 2o)l% o$ly go to 2#ste or to so(ebo%y else, #$% '#3or '#3or h#% #
2e#-$ess &or broile% lobster* He #te 2ith # g)ilty co$scie$ce* The $e8t %#y &or l)$ch there 2#s terr#pi$ '#ryl#$% 2ith #
2hole 6)#rt o& 0o( PMrig$o$ 1GF, #$% '#3or '#3or g)lpe% it %o2$ 2itho)t # tho)ght*
A&ter 'ilo, there re(#i$e% o$ly the (e$ i$ the or%erly roo(, #$% '#3or '#3or #,oi%e% the( by e$teri$g #$% le#,i$g
e,ery ti(e thro)gh the %i$gy cell)loi% 2i$%o2 o& his o&&ice* The 2i$%o2 )$b)tto$e% #$% 2#s lo2 #$% l#rge #$% e#sy to
3)(p thro)gh &ro( either si%e* He (#$#ge% the %ist#$ce bet2ee$ the or%erly roo( #$% his tr#iler by %#rti$g #ro)$% the
cor$er o& the te$t 2he$ the co#st 2#s cle#r, le#pi$g %o2$ i$to the r#ilro#% %itch #$% %#shi$g #lo$g 2ith he#% bo2e%
)$til he #tt#i$e% the s#$ct)#ry o& the &orest* Abre#st o& his tr#iler, he le&t the %itch #$% 2o,e his 2#y spee%ily to2#r%
ho(e thro)gh the %e$se )$%erbr)sh, i$ 2hich the o$ly perso$ he e,er e$co)$tere% 2#s C#pt#i$ ;l)(e, 2ho, %r#2$
#$% ghostly, &righte$e% hi( h#l& to %e#th o$e t2ilight by (#teri#li4i$g 2itho)t 2#r$i$g o)t o& # p#tch o& %e2berry b)shes
to co(pl#i$ th#t Chie& >hite H#l&o#t h#% thre#te$e% to slit his thro#t ope$ &ro( e#r to e#r*
5+& yo) e,er &righte$ (e li-e th#t #g#i$,5 '#3or '#3or tol% hi(, 5+5ll slit yo)r thro#t ope$ &ro( e#r to e#r*5
C#pt#i$ ;l)(e g#spe% #$% %issol,e% right b#c- i$to the p#tch o& %e2berry b)shes, #$% '#3or '#3or $e,er set eyes o$
hi( #g#i$*
>he$ '#3or '#3or loo-e% b#c- o$ 2h#t he h#% #cco(plishe%, he 2#s ple#se%* +$ the (i%st o& # &e2 &oreig$ #cres
tee(i$g 2ith (ore th#$ t2o h)$%re% people, he h#% s)ccee%e% i$ beco(i$g # recl)se* >ith # little i$ge$)ity #$% ,isio$,
he h#% (#%e it #ll b)t i(possible &or #$yo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ to t#l- to hi(, 2hich 2#s 3)st &i$e 2ith e,eryo$e, he
$otice%, si$ce $o o$e 2#$te% to t#l- to hi( #$y2#y* /o o$e, it t)r$e% o)t, b)t th#t (#%(#$ .oss#ri#$, 2ho bro)ght hi(
%o2$ 2ith # &lyi$g t#c-le o$e %#y #s he 2#s scooti$g #lo$g the botto( o& the %itch to his tr#iler &or l)$ch*
The l#st perso$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ '#3or '#3or 2#$te% to be bro)ght %o2$ 2ith # &lyi$g t#c-le by 2#s .oss#ri#$* There
2#s so(ethi$g i$here$tly %isrep)t#ble #bo)t .oss#ri#$, #l2#ys c#rryi$g o$ so %isgr#ce&)lly #bo)t th#t %e#% (#$ i$ his
te$t 2ho 2#s$5t e,e$ there #$% the$ t#-i$g o&& #ll his clothes #&ter the A,ig$o$ (issio$ #$% goi$g #ro)$% 2itho)t the(
right )p to the %#y :e$er#l 0ree%le steppe% )p to pi$ # (e%#l o$ hi( &or his herois( o,er ;err#r# #$% &o)$% hi(
st#$%i$g i$ &or(#tio$ st#r- $#-e%* /o o$e i$ the 2orl% h#% the po2er to re(o,e the %e#% (#$5s %isorg#$i4e% e&&ects
&ro( .oss#ri#$5s te$t* '#3or '#3or h#% &or&eite% the #)thority 2he$ he per(itte% Serge#$t To2ser to report the
lie)te$#$t 2ho h#% bee$ -ille% o,er Or,ieto less th#$ t2o ho)rs #&ter he #rri,e% i$ the s6)#%ro$ #s $e,er h#,i$g #rri,e%
i$ the s6)#%ro$ #t #ll* The o$ly o$e 2ith #$y right to re(o,e his belo$gi$gs &ro( .oss#ri#$5s te$t, it see(e% to '#3or
'#3or, 2#s .oss#ri#$ hi(sel&, #$% .oss#ri#$, it see(e% to '#3or '#3or, h#% $o right*
'#3or '#3or gro#$e% #&ter .oss#ri#$ bro)ght hi( %o2$ 2ith # &lyi$g t#c-le, #$% trie% to 2iggle to his &eet* .oss#ri#$
2o)l%$5t let hi(*
5C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, 5re6)ests per(issio$ to spe#- to the (#3or #t o$ce #bo)t # (#tter o& li&e or %e#th*5
5Let (e )p, ple#se,5 '#3or '#3or bi% hi( i$ cr#$-y %isco(&ort* 5+ c#$5t ret)r$ yo)r s#l)te 2hile +5( lyi$g o$ (y #r(*5
.oss#ri#$ rele#se% hi(* They stoo% )p slo2ly* .oss#ri#$ s#l)te% #g#i$ #$% repe#te% his re6)est*
5Let5s go to (y o&&ice,5 '#3or '#3or s#i%* 5+ %o$5t thi$- this is the best pl#ce to t#l-*5
5.es, sir,5 #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$*
They s(#c-e% the gr#,el &ro( their clothi$g #$% 2#l-e% i$ co$str#i$e% sile$ce to the e$tr#$ce o& the or%erly roo(*
5:i,e (e # (i$)te or t2o to p)t so(e (erc)rochro(e o$ these c)ts* The$ h#,e Serge#$t To2ser se$% yo) i$*5
5.es, sir*5
'#3or '#3or stro%e 2ith %ig$ity to the re#r o& the or%erly roo( 2itho)t gl#$ci$g #t #$y o& the cler-s #$% typists 2or-i$g #t
the %es-s #$% &ili$g c#bi$ets* He let the &l#p le#%i$g to his o&&ice &#ll close% behi$% hi(* As soo$ #s he 2#s #lo$e i$ his
o&&ice, he r#ce% #cross the roo( to the 2i$%o2 #$% 3)(pe% o)tsi%e to %#sh #2#y* He &o)$% .oss#ri#$ bloc-i$g his p#th*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s 2#iti$g #t #tte$tio$ #$% s#l)te% #g#i$*
5C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ re6)ests per(issio$ to spe#- to the (#3or #t o$ce #bo)t # (#tter o& li&e or %e#th,5 he repe#te%
Catch 22
%eter(i$e%ly*
5Per(issio$ %e$ie%,5 '#3or '#3or s$#ppe%*
5Th#t 2o$5t %o it*5
'#3or '#3or g#,e i$* 5All right,5 he co$ce%e% 2e#rily* 5+5ll t#l- to yo)* Ple#se 3)(p i$si%e (y o&&ice*5
5A&ter yo)*5
They 3)(pe% i$si%e the o&&ice* '#3or '#3or s#t %o2$, #$% .oss#ri#$ (o,e% #ro)$% i$ &ro$t o& his %es- #$% tol% hi( th#t
he %i% $ot 2#$t to &ly #$y (ore co(b#t (issio$s* >h#t co)l% he %o9 '#3or '#3or #s-e% hi(sel&* All he co)l% %o 2#s
2h#t he h#% bee$ i$str)cte% to %o by Colo$el ?or$ #$% hope &or the best*
5>hy $ot95 he #s-e%*
5+5( #&r#i%*5
5Th#t5s $othi$g to be #sh#(e% o&,5 '#3or '#3or co)$sele% hi( -i$%ly* 5>e5re #ll #&r#i%*5
5+5( $ot #sh#(e%,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5+5( 3)st #&r#i%*5
5.o) 2o)l%$5t be $or(#l i& yo) 2ere $e,er #&r#i%* E,e$ the br#,est (e$ e8perie$ce &e#r* O$e o& the biggest 3obs 2e #ll
&#ce i$ co(b#t is to o,erco(e o)r &e#r*5
5Oh, co(e o$, '#3or* C#$5t 2e %o 2itho)t th#t horseshit95
'#3or '#3or lo2ere% his g#4e sheepishly #$% &i%%le% 2ith his &i$gers* 5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t (e to tell yo)95
5Th#t +5,e &lo2$ e$o)gh (issio$s #$% c#$ go ho(e*5
5Ho2 (#$y h#,e yo) &lo2$95
5;i&ty-o$e*5
5.o)5,e o$ly got &o)r (ore to &ly*5
5He5ll r#ise the(* E,ery ti(e + get close he r#ises the(*5
5Perh#ps he 2o$5t this ti(e*5
5He $e,er se$%s #$yo$e ho(e, #$y2#y* He 3)st -eeps the( #ro)$% 2#iti$g &or rot#tio$ or%ers )$til he %oes$5t h#,e
e$o)gh (e$ le&t &or the cre2s, #$% the$ r#ises the $)(ber o& (issio$s #$% thro2s the( #ll b#c- o$ co(b#t st#t)s* He5s
bee$ %oi$g th#t e,er si$ce he got here*5
5.o) ()st$5t bl#(e Colo$el C#thc#rt &or #$y %el#y 2ith the or%ers,5 '#3or '#3or #%,ise%* 5+t5s T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce5s
respo$sibility to process the or%ers pro(ptly o$ce they get the( &ro( )s*5
5He co)l% still #s- &or repl#ce(e$ts #$% se$% )s ho(e 2he$ the or%ers %i% co(e b#c-* A$y2#y, +5,e bee$ tol% th#t
T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce 2#$ts o$ly &orty (issio$s #$% th#t it5s o$ly his o2$ i%e# to get )s to &ly &i&ty-&i,e*5
5+ 2o)l%$5t -$o2 #$ythi$g #bo)t th#t,5 '#3or '#3or #$s2ere%* 5Colo$el C#thc#rt is o)r co((#$%i$g o&&icer #$% 2e ()st
obey hi(* >hy %o$5t yo) &ly the &o)r (ore (issio$s #$% see 2h#t h#ppe$s95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to*5
>h#t co)l% yo) %o9 '#3or '#3or #s-e% hi(sel& #g#i$* >h#t co)l% yo) %o 2ith # (#$ 2ho loo-e% yo) s6)#rely i$ the
eye #$% s#i% he 2o)l% r#ther %ie th#$ be -ille% i$ co(b#t, # (#$ 2ho 2#s #t le#st #s (#t)re #$% i$tellige$t #s yo) 2ere
#$% 2ho yo) h#% to prete$% 2#s $ot9 >h#t co)l% yo) s#y to hi(9
5S)ppose 2e let yo) pic- yo)r (issio$s #$% &ly (il- r)$s,5 '#3or '#3or s#i%* 5Th#t 2#y yo) c#$ &ly the &o)r (issio$s #$%
$ot r)$ #$y ris-s*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to &ly (il- r)$s* + %o$5t 2#$t to be i$ the 2#r #$y (ore*5
5>o)l% yo) li-e to see o)r co)$try lose95 '#3or '#3or #s-e%*
5>e 2o$5t lose* >e5,e got (ore (e$, (ore (o$ey #$% (ore (#teri#l* There #re te$ (illio$ (e$ i$ )$i&or( 2ho co)l%
repl#ce (e* So(e people #re getti$g -ille% #$% # lot (ore #re (#-i$g (o$ey #$% h#,i$g &)$* Let so(ebo%y else get
-ille%*5
57)t s)ppose e,erybo%y o$ o)r si%e &elt th#t 2#y*5
5The$ +5% cert#i$ly be # %#($e% &ool to &eel #$y other 2#y* >o)l%$5t +95
>h#t co)l% yo) possibly s#y to hi(9 '#3or '#3or 2o$%ere% &orlor$ly* O$e thi$g he co)l% $ot s#y 2#s th#t there 2#s
$othi$g he co)l% %o* To s#y there 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o 2o)l% s)ggest he 2o)l% %o so(ethi$g i& he co)l% #$% i(ply
the e8iste$ce o& #$ error o& i$3)stice i$ Colo$el ?or$5s policy* Colo$el ?or$ h#% bee$ (ost e8plicit #bo)t th#t* He ()st
$e,er s#y there 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o*
5+5( sorry,5 he s#i%* 57)t there5s $othi$g + c#$ %o*5
1< >+/TER:REE/
Cle,i$ger 2#s %e#%* Th#t 2#s the b#sic &l#2 i$ his philosophy* Eightee$ pl#$es h#% let %o2$ thro)gh # be#(i$g 2hite
clo)% o&& the co#st o& Elb# o$e #&ter$oo$ o$ the 2#y b#c- &ro( the 2ee-ly (il- r)$ to P#r(#A se,e$tee$ c#(e o)t* /o
tr#ce 2#s e,er &o)$% o& the other, $ot i$ the #ir or o$ the s(ooth s)r&#ce o& the 3#%e 2#ters belo2* There 2#s $o %ebris*
Helicopters circle% the 2hite clo)% till s)$set* 0)ri$g the $ight the clo)% ble2 #2#y, #$% i$ the (or$i$g there 2#s $o
(ore Cle,i$ger*
The %is#ppe#r#$ce 2#s #sto)$%i$g, #s #sto)$%i$g, cert#i$ly, #s the :r#$% Co$spir#cy o& Lo2ery ;iel%, 2he$ #ll si8ty-
&o)r (e$ i$ # si$gle b#rr#c- ,#$ishe% o$e p#y%#y #$% 2ere $e,er he#r% o& #g#i$* =$til Cle,i$ger 2#s s$#tche% &ro(
e8iste$ce so #%roitly, .oss#ri#$ h#% #ss)(e% th#t the (e$ h#% si(ply %eci%e% )$#$i(o)sly to go A>OL the s#(e %#y*
+$ &#ct, he h#% bee$ so e$co)r#ge% by 2h#t #ppe#re% to be # (#ss %esertio$ &ro( s#cre% respo$sibility th#t he h#%
go$e r)$$i$g o)tsi%e i$ el#tio$ to c#rry the e8citi$g $e2s to e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$*
5>h#t5s so e8citi$g #bo)t it95 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ s$eere% ob$o8io)sly, resti$g his &ilthy :+ shoe o$ his sp#%e #$%
lo)$gi$g b#c- i$ # s)rly slo)ch #g#i$st the 2#ll o& o$e o& the %eep, s6)#re holes it 2#s his (ilit#ry speci#lty to %ig*
E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ 2#s # s$i%e little p)$- 2ho e$3oye% 2or-i$g #t cross-p)rposes* E#ch ti(e he 2e$t A>OL, he
2#s c#)ght #$% se$te$ce% to %ig #$% &ill )p holes si8 &eet %eep, 2i%e #$% lo$g &or # speci&ie% le$gth o& ti(e* E#ch ti(e
he &i$ishe% his se$te$ce, he 2e$t A>OL #g#i$* E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ #ccepte% his role o& %iggi$g #$% &illi$g )p holes
2ith #ll the )$co(pl#i$i$g %e%ic#tio$ o& # tr)e p#triot*
5+t5s $ot # b#% li&e,5 he 2o)l% obser,e philosophic#lly* 5A$% + g)ess so(ebo%y h#s to %o it*5
He h#% 2is%o( e$o)gh to )$%erst#$% th#t %iggi$g holes i$ Color#%o 2#s $ot s)ch # b#% #ssig$(e$t i$ 2#rti(e* Si$ce
the holes 2ere i$ $o gre#t %e(#$%, he co)l% %ig the( #$% &ill the( )p #t # leis)rely p#ce, #$% he 2#s sel%o(
o,er2or-e%* O$ the other h#$%, he 2#s b)ste% %o2$ to b)c- pri,#te e#ch ti(e he 2#s co)rt-(#rti#le%* He regrette%
this loss o& r#$- -ee$ly*
35 | P a g e
5+t 2#s -i$% o& $ice bei$g # P*;*C*,5 he re(i$isce% ye#r$i$gly* 5+ h#% st#t)s - yo) -$o2 2h#t + (e#$9 - #$% + )se% to tr#,el
i$ the best circles*5 His &#ce %#r-e$e% 2ith resig$#tio$* 57)t th#t5s #ll behi$% (e $o2,5 he g)esse%* 5The $e8t ti(e + go
o,er the hill it 2ill be #s # b)c- pri,#te, #$% + 3)st -$o2 it 2o$5t be the s#(e*5 There 2#s $o &)t)re i$ %iggi$g holes* 5The
3ob is$5t e,e$ ste#%y* + lose it e#ch ti(e + &i$ish ser,i$g (y se$te$ce* The$ + h#,e to go o,er the hill #g#i$ i& + 2#$t it
b#c-* A$% + c#$5t e,e$ -eep %oi$g th#t* There5s # c#tch* C#tch-22* The $e8t ti(e + go o,er the hill, it 2ill (e#$ the
stoc-#%e* + %o$5t -$o2 2h#t5s goi$g to beco(e o& (e* + (ight e,e$ 2i$% )p o,erse#s i& +5( $ot c#re&)l*5 He %i% $ot 2#$t
to -eep %iggi$g holes &or the rest o& his li&e, #ltho)gh he h#% $o ob3ectio$ to %oi$g it #s lo$g #s there 2#s # 2#r goi$g o$
#$% it 2#s p#rt o& the 2#r e&&ort* 5+t5s # (#tter o& %)ty,5 he obser,e%, 5#$% 2e e#ch h#,e o)r o2$ to per&or(* 'y %)ty is to
-eep %iggi$g these holes, #$% +5,e bee$ %oi$g s)ch # goo% 3ob o& it th#t +5,e 3)st bee$ reco((e$%e% &or the :oo%
Co$%)ct 'e%#l* .o)r %)ty is to scre2 #ro)$% i$ c#%et school #$% hope the 2#r e$%s be&ore yo) get o)t* The %)ty o& the
(e$ i$ co(b#t is to 2i$ the 2#r, #$% + 3)st 2ish they 2ere %oi$g their %)ty #s 2ell #s +5,e bee$ %oi$g (i$e* +t 2o)l%$5t
be &#ir i& + h#% to go o,erse#s #$% %o their 3ob too, 2o)l% it95
O$e %#y e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ str)c- ope$ # 2#ter pipe 2hile %iggi$g i$ o$e o& his holes #$% #l(ost %ro2$e% to %e#th
be&ore he 2#s &ishe% o)t $e#rly )$co$scio)s* >or% spre#% th#t it 2#s oil, #$% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2#s -ic-e% o&& the
b#se* Soo$ e,ery (#$ 2ho co)l% &i$% # sho,el 2#s o)tsi%e %iggi$g &re$4ie%ly &or oil* 0irt &le2 e,ery2hereA the sce$e
2#s #l(ost li-e the (or$i$g i$ Pi#$os# se,e$ (o$ths l#ter #&ter the $ight 'ilo bo(be% the s6)#%ro$ 2ith e,ery pl#$e
he h#% #cc)()l#te% i$ his ' L ' sy$%ic#te, #$% the #ir&iel%, bo(b %)(p #$% rep#ir h#$g#rs #s 2ell, #$% #ll the
s)r,i,ors 2ere o)tsi%e h#c-i$g c#,er$o)s shelters i$to the soli% gro)$% #$% roo&i$g the( o,er 2ith sheets o& #r(or
pl#te stole$ &ro( the rep#ir she%s #t the &iel% #$% 2ith t#ttere% s6)#res o& 2#terproo& c#$,#s stole$ &ro( the si%e &l#ps
o& e#ch other5s te$ts* Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2#s tr#$s&erre% o)t o& Color#%o #t the &irst r)(or o& oil #$% c#(e to rest &i$#lly
i$ Pi#$os# #s # repl#ce(e$t &or Lie)te$#$t Coo(bs, 2ho h#% go$e o)t o$ # (issio$ #s # g)est o$e %#y 3)st to see
2h#t co(b#t 2#s li-e #$% h#% %ie% o,er ;err#r# i$ the pl#$e 2ith ?r#&t* .oss#ri#$ &elt g)ilty e#ch ti(e he re(e(bere%
?r#&t, g)ilty bec#)se ?r#&t h#% bee$ -ille% o$ .oss#ri#$5s seco$% bo(b r)$, #$% g)ilty bec#)se ?r#&t h#% got (i8e% )p
i$$oce$tly #lso i$ the Sple$%i% At#bri$e +$s)rrectio$ th#t h#% beg)$ i$ P)erto Rico o$ the &irst leg o& their &light o,erse#s
#$% e$%e% i$ Pi#$os# te$ %#ys l#ter 2ith Appleby stri%i$g %)ti&)lly i$to the or%erly roo( the (o(e$t he #rri,e% to report
.oss#ri#$ &or re&)si$g to t#-e his At#bri$e t#blets* The serge#$t there i$,ite% hi( to be se#te%*
5Th#$- yo), Serge#$t, + thi$- + 2ill,5 s#i% Appleby* 5Abo)t ho2 lo$g 2ill + h#,e to 2#it9 +5,e still got # lot to get %o$e to%#y
so th#t + c#$ be &)lly prep#re% bright #$% e#rly to(orro2 (or$i$g to go i$to co(b#t the (i$)te they 2#$t (e to*5
5Sir95
5>h#t5s th#t, Serge#$t95
5>h#t 2#s yo)r 6)estio$95
5Abo)t ho2 lo$g 2ill + h#,e to 2#it be&ore + c#$ go i$ to see the (#3or95
5J)st )$til he goes o)t to l)$ch,5 Serge#$t To2ser replie%* 5The$ yo) c#$ go right i$*5
57)t he 2o$5t be there the$* >ill he95
5/o, sir* '#3or '#3or 2o$5t be b#c- i$ his o&&ice )$til #&ter l)$ch*5
5+ see,5 Appleby %eci%e% )$cert#i$ly* 5+ thi$- +5% better co(e b#c- #&ter l)$ch, the$*5
Appleby t)r$e% &ro( the or%erly roo( i$ secret co$&)sio$* The (o(e$t he steppe% o)tsi%e, he tho)ght he s#2 # t#ll,
%#r- o&&icer 2ho loo-e% # little li-e He$ry ;o$%# co(e 3)(pi$g o)t o& the 2i$%o2 o& the or%erly-roo( te$t #$% go
scooti$g o)t o& sight #ro)$% the cor$er* Appleby h#lte% #$% s6)ee4e% his eyes close%* A$ #$8io)s %o)bt #ss#ile% hi(*
He 2o$%ere% i& he 2ere s)&&eri$g &ro( (#l#ri#, or, 2orse, &ro( #$ o,er%ose o& At#bri$e t#blets* Appleby h#% bee$
t#-i$g &o)r ti(es #s (#$y At#bri$e t#blets #s the #(o)$t prescribe% bec#)se he 2#$te% to be &o)r ti(es #s goo% # pilot
#s e,eryo$e else* His eyes 2ere still sh)t 2he$ Serge#$t To2ser t#ppe% hi( lightly o$ the sho)l%er #$% tol% hi( he
co)l% go i$ $o2 i& he 2#$te% to, si$ce '#3or '#3or h#% 3)st go$e o)t* Appleby5s co$&i%e$ce ret)r$e%*
5Th#$- yo), Serge#$t* >ill he be b#c- soo$95
5He5ll be b#c- right #&ter l)$ch* The$ yo)5ll h#,e to go right o)t #$% 2#it &or hi( i$ &ro$t till he le#,es &or %i$$er* '#3or
'#3or $e,er sees #$yo$e i$ his o&&ice 2hile he5s i$ his o&&ice*5
5Serge#$t, 2h#t %i% yo) 3)st s#y95
5+ s#i% th#t '#3or '#3or $e,er sees #$yo$e i$ his o&&ice 2hile he5s i$ his o&&ice*5
Appleby st#re% #t Serge#$t To2ser i$te$tly #$% #tte(pte% # &ir( to$e* 5Serge#$t, #re yo) tryi$g to (#-e # &ool o)t o& (e
3)st bec#)se +5( $e2 i$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% yo)5,e bee$ o,erse#s # lo$g ti(e95
5Oh, $o, sir,5 #$s2ere% the serge#$t %e&ere$ti#lly* 5Those #re (y or%ers* .o) c#$ #s- '#3or '#3or 2he$ yo) see hi(*5
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t + i$te$% to %o, Serge#$t* >he$ c#$ + see hi(95
5/e,er*5
Cri(so$ 2ith h)(ili#tio$, Appleby 2rote %o2$ his report #bo)t .oss#ri#$ #$% the At#bri$e t#blets o$ # p#% the serge#$t
o&&ere% hi( #$% le&t 6)ic-ly, 2o$%eri$g i& perh#ps .oss#ri#$ 2ere $ot the o$ly (#$ pri,ilege% to 2e#r #$ o&&icer5s
)$i&or( 2ho 2#s cr#4y*
7y the ti(e Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% r#ise% the $)(ber o& (issio$s to &i&ty-&i,e, Serge#$t To2ser h#% beg)$ to s)spect th#t
perh#ps e,ery (#$ 2ho 2ore # )$i&or( 2#s cr#4y* Serge#$t To2ser 2#s le#$ #$% #$g)l#r #$% h#% &i$e blo$% h#ir so
light it 2#s #l(ost 2itho)t color, s)$-e$ chee-s, #$% teeth li-e l#rge 2hite (#rsh(#llo2s* He r#$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% 2#s
$ot h#ppy %oi$g it* 'e$ li-e H)$gry Joe glo2ere% #t hi( 2ith bl#(e&)l h#tre%, #$% Appleby s)b3ecte% hi( to ,i$%icti,e
%isco)rtesy $o2 th#t he h#% est#blishe% hi(sel& #s # hot pilot #$% # pi$g-po$g pl#yer 2ho $e,er lost # poi$t* Serge#$t
To2ser r#$ the s6)#%ro$ bec#)se there 2#s $o o$e else i$ the s6)#%ro$ to r)$ it* He h#% $o i$terest i$ 2#r or
#%,#$ce(e$t* He 2#s i$tereste% i$ sh#r%s #$% Hepple2hite &)r$it)re*
Al(ost 2itho)t re#li4i$g it, Serge#$t To2ser h#% &#lle$ i$to the h#bit o& thi$-i$g o& the %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t i$
.oss#ri#$5s o2$ ter(s - #s # %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t* +$ re#lity, he 2#s $o s)ch thi$g* He 2#s si(ply #
repl#ce(e$t pilot 2ho h#% bee$ -ille% i$ co(b#t be&ore he h#% o&&ici#lly reporte% &or %)ty* He h#% stoppe% #t the
oper#tio$s te$t to i$6)ire the 2#y to the or%erly-roo( te$t #$% h#% bee$ se$t right i$to #ctio$ bec#)se so (#$y (e$
h#% co(plete% the thirty-&i,e (issio$s re6)ire% the$ th#t C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$ 2ere &i$%i$g it %i&&ic)lt to
#sse(ble the $)(ber o& cre2s speci&ie% by :ro)p* 7ec#)se he h#% $e,er o&&ici#lly gotte$ i$to the s6)#%ro$, he co)l%
$e,er o&&ici#lly be gotte$ o)t, #$% Serge#$t To2ser se$se% th#t the ()ltiplyi$g co(()$ic#tio$s rel#ti$g to the poor (#$
2o)l% co$ti$)e re,erber#ti$g &ore,er*
Catch 22
His $#(e 2#s ')%%* To Serge#$t To2ser, 2ho %eplore% ,iole$ce #$% 2#ste 2ith e6)#l #,ersio$, it see(e% li-e s)ch #$
#bhorre$t e8tr#,#g#$ce to &ly ')%% #ll the 2#y #cross the oce#$ 3)st to h#,e hi( blo2$ i$to bits o,er Or,ieto less th#$
t2o ho)rs #&ter he #rri,e%* /o o$e co)l% rec#ll 2ho he 2#s or 2h#t he h#% loo-e% li-e, le#st o& #ll C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$%
C#pt#i$ >re$, 2ho re(e(bere% o$ly th#t # $e2 o&&icer h#% sho2$ )p #t the oper#tio$s te$t 3)st i$ ti(e to be -ille% #$%
2ho colore% )$e#sily e,ery ti(e the (#tter o& the %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t 2#s (e$tio$e%* The o$ly o$e 2ho (ight
h#,e see$ ')%%, the (e$ i$ the s#(e pl#$e, h#% #ll bee$ blo2$ to bits 2ith hi(*
.oss#ri#$, o$ the other h#$%, -$e2 e8#ctly 2ho ')%% 2#s* ')%% 2#s the )$-$o2$ sol%ier 2ho h#% $e,er h#% #
ch#$ce, &or th#t 2#s the o$ly thi$g #$yo$e e,er %i% -$o2 #bo)t #ll the )$-$o2$ sol%iers - they $e,er h#% # ch#$ce*
They h#% to be %e#%* A$% this %e#% o$e 2#s re#lly )$-$o2$, e,e$ tho)gh his belo$gi$gs still l#y i$ # t)(ble o$ the cot
i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t #l(ost e8#ctly #s he h#% le&t the( three (o$ths e#rlier the %#y he $e,er #rri,e% - #ll co$t#(i$#te%
2ith %e#th less th#$ t2o ho)rs l#ter, i$ the s#(e 2#y th#t #ll 2#s co$t#(i$#te% 2ith %e#th i$ the ,ery $e8t 2ee- %)ri$g
the :re#t 7ig Siege o& 7olog$# 2he$ the (ol%y o%or o& (ort#lity h)$g 2et i$ the #ir 2ith the s)lph)ro)s &og #$% e,ery
(#$ sche%)le% to &ly 2#s #lre#%y t#i$te%*
There 2#s $o esc#pi$g the (issio$ to 7olog$# o$ce Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% ,ol)$teere% his gro)p &or the #(()$itio$
%)(ps there th#t the he#,y bo(bers o$ the +t#li#$ (#i$l#$% h#% bee$ )$#ble to %estroy &ro( their higher #ltit)%es*
E#ch %#y5s %el#y %eepe$e% the #2#re$ess #$% %eepe$e% the gloo(* The cli$gi$g, o,erpo2eri$g co$,ictio$ o& %e#th
spre#% ste#%ily 2ith the co$ti$)i$g r#i$&#ll, so#-i$g (or%#$tly i$to e#ch (#$5s #ili$g co)$te$#$ce li-e the corrosi,e blot
o& so(e cr#2li$g %ise#se* E,eryo$e s(elle% o& &or(#l%ehy%e* There 2#s $o2here to t)r$ &or help, $ot e,e$ to the
(e%ic#l te$t, 2hich h#% bee$ or%ere% close% by Colo$el ?or$ so th#t $o o$e co)l% report &or sic- c#ll, #s the (e$ h#%
%o$e o$ the o$e cle#r %#y 2ith # (ysterio)s epi%e(ic o& %i#rrhe# th#t h#% &orce% still #$other postpo$e(e$t* >ith sic-
c#ll s)spe$%e% #$% the %oor to the (e%ic#l te$t $#ile% sh)t, 0oc 0#$ee-# spe$t the i$ter,#ls bet2ee$ r#i$ perche% o$
# high stool, 2or%lessly #bsorbi$g the ble#- o)tbre#- o& &e#r 2ith # sorro2i$g $e)tr#lity, roosti$g li-e # (el#$choly
b)44#r% belo2 the o(i$o)s, h#$%-lettere% sig$ t#c-e% )p o$ the close% %oor o& the (e%ic#l te$t by C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #s #
3o-e #$% le&t h#$gi$g there by 0oc 0#$ee-# bec#)se it 2#s $o 3o-e* The sig$ 2#s bor%ere% i$ %#r- cr#yo$ #$% re#%@
5CLOSE0 =/T+L ;=RTHER /OT+CE* 0EATH +/ THE ;A'+L.*5
The &e#r &lo2e% e,ery2here, i$to 0)$b#r5s s6)#%ro$, 2here 0)$b#r po-e% his he#% i$6)iri$gly thro)gh the e$tr#$ce o&
the (e%ic#l te$t there o$e t2ilight #$% spo-e respect&)lly to the bl)rre% o)tli$e o& 0r* St)bbs, 2ho 2#s sitti$g i$ the
%e$se sh#%o2s i$si%e be&ore # bottle o& 2his-ey #$% # bell 3#r &ille% 2ith p)ri&ie% %ri$-i$g 2#ter*
5Are yo) #ll right95 he #s-e% solicito)sly*
5Terrible,5 0r* St)bbs #$s2ere%*
5>h#t #re yo) %oi$g here95
5Sitti$g*5
5+ tho)ght there 2#s $o (ore sic- c#ll*5
5There #i$5t*5
5The$ 2hy #re yo) sitti$g here95
5>here else sho)l% + sit9 At the go%%#( o&&icers5 cl)b 2ith Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% ?or$9 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t +5( %oi$g
here95
5Sitti$g*5
5+$ the s6)#%ro$, + (e#$* /ot i$ the te$t* 0o$5t be s)ch # go%%#( 2ise g)y* C#$ yo) &ig)re o)t 2h#t # %octor is %oi$g
here i$ the s6)#%ro$95
5They5,e got the %oors to the (e%ic#l te$ts $#ile% sh)t i$ the other s6)#%ro$s,5 0)$b#r re(#r-e%*
5+& #$yo$e sic- 2#l-s thro)gh (y %oor +5( goi$g to gro)$% hi(,5 0r* St)bbs ,o2e%* 5+ %o$5t gi,e # %#($ 2h#t they s#y*5
5.o) c#$5t gro)$% #$yo$e,5 0)$b#r re(i$%e%* 50o$5t yo) -$o2 the or%ers95
5+5ll -$oc- hi( &l#t o$ his #ss 2ith #$ i$3ectio$ #$% re#lly gro)$% hi(*5 0r* St)bbs l#)ghe% 2ith s#r%o$ic #()se(e$t #t
the prospect* 5They thi$- they c#$ or%er sic- c#ll o)t o& e8iste$ce* The b#st#r%s* Ooops, there it goes #g#i$*5 The r#i$
beg#$ &#lli$g #g#i$, &irst i$ the trees, the$ i$ the ()% p)%%les, the$, &#i$tly, li-e # soothi$g ()r()r, o$ the te$t top*
5E,erythi$g5s 2et,5 0r* St)bbs obser,e% 2ith re,)lsio$* 5E,e$ the l#tri$es #$% )ri$#ls #re b#c-i$g )p i$ protest* The
2hole go%%#( 2orl% s(ells li-e # ch#r$el ho)se*5
The sile$ce see(e% botto(less 2he$ he stoppe% t#l-i$g* /ight &ell* There 2#s # se$se o& ,#st isol#tio$*
5T)r$ o$ the light,5 0)$b#r s)ggeste%*
5There is $o light* + %o$5t &eel li-e st#rti$g (y ge$er#tor* + )se% to get # big -ic- o)t o& s#,i$g people5s li,es* /o2 +
2o$%er 2h#t the hell5s the poi$t, si$ce they #ll h#,e to %ie #$y2#y*
5Oh, there5s # poi$t, #ll right,5 0)$b#r #ss)re% hi(*
5+s there9 >h#t is the poi$t95
5The poi$t is to -eep the( &ro( %yi$g &or #s lo$g #s yo) c#$*5
5.e#h, b)t 2h#t5s the poi$t, si$ce they #ll h#,e to %ie #$y2#y95
5The tric- is $ot to thi$- #bo)t th#t*5
5/e,er (i$% the tric-* >h#t the hell5s the poi$t95
0)$b#r po$%ere% i$ sile$ce &or # &e2 (o(e$ts* 5>ho the hell -$o2s95
0)$b#r %i%$5t -$o2* 7olog$# sho)l% h#,e e8)lte% 0)$b#r, bec#)se the (i$)tes %#2%le% #$% the ho)rs %r#gge% li-e
ce$t)ries* +$ste#% it tort)re% hi(, bec#)se he -$e2 he 2#s goi$g to be -ille%*
50o yo) re#lly 2#$t so(e (ore co%ei$e95 0r* St)bbs #s-e%*
5+t5s &or (y &rie$% .oss#ri#$* He5s s)re he5s goi$g to be -ille%*5
5.oss#ri#$9 >ho the hell is .oss#ri#$9 >h#t the hell -i$% o& # $#(e is .oss#ri#$, #$y2#y9 +s$5t he the o$e 2ho got
%r)$- #$% st#rte% th#t &ight 2ith Colo$el ?or$ #t the o&&icers5 cl)b the other $ight95
5Th#t5s right* He5s Assyri#$*5
5Th#t cr#4y b#st#r%*5
5He5s $ot so cr#4y,5 0)$b#r s#i%* 5He s2e#rs he5s $ot goi$g to &ly to 7olog$#*5
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t + (e#$,5 0r* St)bbs #$s2ere%* 5Th#t cr#4y b#st#r% (#y be the o$ly s#$e o$e le&t*5
11 CAPTA+/ 7LAC?
Corpor#l ?olo%$y le#r$e% #bo)t it &irst i$ # pho$e c#ll &ro( :ro)p #$% 2#s so sh#-e$ by the $e2s th#t he crosse% the
37 | P a g e
i$tellige$ce te$t o$ tiptoe to C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho 2#s resti$g %ro2sily 2ith his bl#%e% shi$s )p o$ the %es-, #$% rel#ye%
the i$&or(#tio$ to hi( i$ # shoc-e% 2hisper*
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- brighte$e% i((e%i#tely* 57olog$#95 he e8cl#i(e% 2ith %elight* 5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%*5 He bro-e i$to lo)%
l#)ghter* 57olog$#, h)h95 He l#)ghe% #g#i$ #$% shoo- his he#% i$ ple#s#$t #(#4e(e$t* 5Oh, boyC + c#$5t 2#it to see
those b#st#r%s5 &#ces 2he$ they &i$% o)t they5re goi$g to 7olog$#* H#, h#, h#C5
+t 2#s the &irst re#lly goo% l#)gh C#pt#i$ 7l#c- h#% e$3oye% si$ce the %#y '#3or '#3or o)ts(#rte% hi( #$% 2#s
#ppoi$te% s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er, #$% he rose 2ith torpi% e$th)si#s( #$% st#tio$e% hi(sel& behi$% the &ro$t co)$ter i$
or%er to 2ri$g the (ost e$3oy(e$t &ro( the occ#sio$ 2he$ the bo(b#r%iers #rri,e% &or their (#p -its*
5Th#t5s right, yo) b#st#r%s, 7olog$#,5 he -ept repe#ti$g to #ll the bo(b#r%iers 2ho i$6)ire% i$cre%)lo)sly i& they 2ere
re#lly goi$g to 7olog$#* 5H#C H#C H#C E#t yo)r li,ers, yo) b#st#r%s* This ti(e yo)5re re#lly i$ &or it*5
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- &ollo2e% the l#st o& the( o)tsi%e to obser,e 2ith relish the e&&ect o& the -$o2le%ge )po$ #ll o& the other
o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ 2ho 2ere #sse(bli$g 2ith their hel(ets, p#r#ch)tes #$% &l#- s)its #ro)$% the &o)r tr)c-s
i%li$g i$ the ce$ter o& the s6)#%ro$ #re#* He 2#s # t#ll, $#rro2, %isco$sol#te (#$ 2ho (o,e% 2ith # cr#bby listless$ess*
He sh#,e% his pi$che%, p#le &#ce e,ery thir% or &o)rth %#y, #$% (ost o& the ti(e he #ppe#re% to be gro2i$g # re%%ish-
gol% ()st#che o,er his s-i$$y )pper lip* He 2#s $ot %is#ppoi$te% i$ the sce$e o)tsi%e* There 2#s co$ster$#tio$
%#r-e$i$g e,ery e8pressio$, #$% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- y#2$e% %elicio)sly, r)bbe% the l#st leth#rgy &ro( his eyes #$% l#)ghe%
glo#ti$gly e#ch ti(e he tol% so(eo$e else to e#t his li,er*
7olog$# t)r$e% o)t to be the (ost re2#r%i$g e,e$t i$ C#pt#i$ 7l#c-5s li&e si$ce the %#y '#3or 0)l)th 2#s -ille% o,er
Per)gi# #$% he 2#s #l(ost selecte% to repl#ce hi(* >he$ 2or% o& '#3or 0)l)th5s %e#th 2#s r#%ioe% b#c- to the &iel%,
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- respo$%e% 2ith # s)rge o& 3oy* Altho)gh he h#% $e,er re#lly co$te(pl#te% the possibility be&ore, C#pt#i$
7l#c- )$%erstoo% #t o$ce th#t he 2#s the logic#l (#$ to s)ccee% '#3or 0)l)th #s s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er* To begi$ 2ith,
he 2#s the s6)#%ro$ i$tellige$ce o&&icer, 2hich (e#$t he 2#s (ore i$tellige$t th#$ e,eryo$e else i$ the s6)#%ro$* Tr)e,
he 2#s $ot o$ co(b#t st#t)s, #s '#3or 0)l)th h#% bee$ #$% #s #ll s6)#%ro$ co((#$%ers c)sto(#rily 2ereA b)t this
2#s re#lly #$other po2er&)l #rg)(e$t i$ his &#,or, si$ce his li&e 2#s i$ $o %#$ger #$% he 2o)l% be #ble to &ill the post &or
#s lo$g #s his co)$try $ee%e% hi(* The (ore C#pt#i$ 7l#c- tho)ght #bo)t it, the (ore i$e,it#ble it see(e%* +t 2#s
(erely # (#tter o& %roppi$g the right 2or% i$ the right pl#ce 6)ic-ly* He h)rrie% b#c- to his o&&ice to %eter(i$e # co)rse
o& #ctio$* Settli$g b#c- i$ his s2i,el ch#ir, his &eet )p o$ the %es- #$% his eyes close%, he beg#$ i(#gi$i$g ho2
be#)ti&)l e,erythi$g 2o)l% be o$ce he 2#s s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er*
>hile C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2#s i(#gi$i$g, Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s #cti$g, #$% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2#s &l#bberg#ste% by the spee%
2ith 2hich, he co$cl)%e%, '#3or '#3or h#% o)ts(#rte% hi(* His gre#t %is(#y #t the #$$o)$ce(e$t o& '#3or '#3or5s
#ppoi$t(e$t #s s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er 2#s ti$ge% 2ith #$ e(bittere% rese$t(e$t he (#%e $o e&&ort to co$ce#l* >he$
&ello2 #%(i$istr#ti,e o&&icers e8presse% #sto$ish(e$t #t Colo$el C#thc#rt5s choice o& '#3or '#3or, C#pt#i$ 7l#c-
()ttere% th#t there 2#s so(ethi$g &)$$y goi$g o$A 2he$ they spec)l#te% o$ the politic#l ,#l)e o& '#3or '#3or5s
rese(bl#$ce to He$ry ;o$%#, C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #sserte% th#t '#3or '#3or re#lly 2#s He$ry ;o$%#A #$% 2he$ they
re(#r-e% th#t '#3or '#3or 2#s so(e2h#t o%%, C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #$$o)$ce% th#t he 2#s # Co(()$ist*
5They5re t#-i$g o,er e,erythi$g,5 he %ecl#re% rebellio)sly* 5>ell, yo) &ello2s c#$ st#$% #ro)$% #$% let the( i& yo) 2#$t
to, b)t +5( $ot goi$g to* +5( goi$g to %o so(ethi$g #bo)t it* ;ro( $o2 o$ +5( goi$g to (#-e e,ery so$ o& # bitch 2ho
co(es to (y i$tellige$ce te$t sig$ # loy#lty o#th* A$% +5( $ot goi$g to let th#t b#st#r% '#3or '#3or sig$ o$e e,e$ i& he
2#$ts to*5
Al(ost o,er$ight the :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th Cr)s#%e 2#s i$ &)ll &lo2er, #$% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2#s e$r#pt)re% to %isco,er
hi(sel& spe#rhe#%i$g it* He h#% re#lly hit o$ so(ethi$g* All the e$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers o$ co(b#t %)ty h#% to sig$ #
loy#lty o#th to get their (#p c#ses &ro( the i$tellige$ce te$t, # seco$% loy#lty o#th to recei,e their &l#- s)its #$%
p#r#ch)tes &ro( the p#r#ch)te te$t, # thir% loy#lty o#th &or Lie)te$#$t 7#l-i$gto$, the (otor ,ehicle o&&icer, to be
#llo2e% to ri%e &ro( the s6)#%ro$ to the #ir&iel% i$ o$e o& the tr)c-s* E,ery ti(e they t)r$e% #ro)$% there 2#s #$other
loy#lty o#th to be sig$e%* They sig$e% # loy#lty o#th to get their p#y &ro( the &i$#$ce o&&icer, to obt#i$ their P1 s)pplies,
to h#,e their h#ir c)t by the +t#li#$ b#rbers* To C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, e,ery o&&icer 2ho s)pporte% his :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th
Cr)s#%e 2#s # co(petitor, #$% he pl#$$e% #$% plotte% t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y to -eep o$e step #he#%* He 2o)l%
st#$% seco$% to $o$e i$ his %e,otio$ to co)$try* >he$ other o&&icers h#% &ollo2e% his )rgi$g #$% i$tro%)ce% loy#lty
o#ths o& their o2$, he 2e$t the( o$e better by (#-i$g e,ery so$ o& # bitch 2ho c#(e to his i$tellige$ce te$t sig$ t2o
loy#lty o#ths, the$ three, the$ &o)rA the$ he i$tro%)ce% the ple%ge o& #llegi#$ce, #$% #&ter th#t 5The St#r-Sp#$gle%
7#$$er,5 o$e chor)s, t2o chor)ses, three chor)ses, &o)r chor)ses* E#ch ti(e C#pt#i$ 7l#c- &orge% #he#% o& his
co(petitors, he s2)$g )po$ the( scor$&)lly &or their &#il)re to &ollo2 his e8#(ple* E#ch ti(e they &ollo2e% his e8#(ple,
he retre#te% 2ith co$cer$ #$% r#c-e% his br#i$ &or so(e $e2 str#t#ge( th#t 2o)l% e$#ble hi( to t)r$ )po$ the(
scor$&)lly #g#i$*
>itho)t re#li4i$g ho2 it h#% co(e #bo)t, the co(b#t (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ %isco,ere% the(sel,es %o(i$#te% by the
#%(i$istr#tors #ppoi$te% to ser,e the(* They 2ere b)llie%, i$s)lte%, h#r#sse% #$% sho,e% #bo)t #ll %#y lo$g by o$e
#&ter the other* >he$ they ,oice% ob3ectio$, C#pt#i$ 7l#c- replie% th#t people 2ho 2ere loy#l 2o)l% $ot (i$% sig$i$g #ll
the loy#lty o#ths they h#% to* To #$yo$e 2ho 6)estio$e% the e&&ecti,e$ess o& the loy#lty o#ths, he replie% th#t people
2ho re#lly %i% o2e #llegi#$ce to their co)$try 2o)l% be pro)% to ple%ge it #s o&te$ #s he &orce% the( to* A$% to #$yo$e
2ho 6)estio$e% the (or#lity, he replie% th#t 5The St#r-Sp#$gle% 7#$$er5 2#s the gre#test piece o& ()sic e,er
co(pose%* The (ore loy#lty o#ths # perso$ sig$e%, the (ore loy#l he 2#sA to C#pt#i$ 7l#c- it 2#s #s si(ple #s th#t,
#$% he h#% Corpor#l ?olo%$y sig$ h)$%re%s 2ith his $#(e e#ch %#y so th#t he co)l% #l2#ys pro,e he 2#s (ore loy#l
th#$ #$yo$e else*
5The i(port#$t thi$g is to -eep the( ple%gi$g,5 he e8pl#i$e% to his cohorts* 5+t %oes$5t (#tter 2hether they (e#$ it or
$ot* Th#t5s 2hy they (#-e little -i%s ple%ge #llegi#$ce e,e$ be&ore they -$o2 2h#t Jple%geJ #$% J#llegi#$ceJ (e#$*5
To C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$, the :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th Cr)s#%e 2#s # glorio)s p#i$ i$ the #ss, si$ce it
co(plic#te% their t#s- o& org#$i4i$g the cre2s &or e#ch co(b#t (issio$* 'e$ 2ere tie% )p #ll o,er the s6)#%ro$ sig$i$g,
ple%gi$g #$% si$gi$g, #$% the (issio$s too- ho)rs lo$ger to get )$%er 2#y* E&&ecti,e e(erge$cy #ctio$ bec#(e
i(possible, b)t C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$ 2ere both too ti(i% to r#ise #$y o)tcry #g#i$st C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho
scr)p)lo)sly e$&orce% e#ch %#y the %octri$e o& 5Co$ti$)#l Re#&&ir(#tio$5 th#t he h#% origi$#te%, # %octri$e %esig$e% to
tr#p #ll those (e$ 2ho h#% beco(e %isloy#l si$ce the l#st ti(e they h#% sig$e% # loy#lty o#th the %#y be&ore* +t 2#s
Catch 22
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2ho c#(e 2ith #%,ice to C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$ #s they pitche% #bo)t i$ their be2il%eri$g
pre%ic#(e$t* He c#(e 2ith # %eleg#tio$ #$% #%,ise% the( bl)$tly to (#-e e#ch (#$ sig$ # loy#lty o#th be&ore #llo2i$g
hi( to &ly o$ # co(b#t (issio$*
5O& co)rse, it5s )p to yo),5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- poi$te% o)t* 5/obo%y5s tryi$g to press)re yo)* 7)t e,eryo$e else is (#-i$g
the( sig$ loy#lty o#ths, #$% it5s goi$g to loo- (ighty &)$$y to the ;*7*+* i& yo) t2o #re the o$ly o$es 2ho %o$5t c#re
e$o)gh #bo)t yo)r co)$try to (#-e the( sig$ loy#lty o#ths, too* +& yo) 2#$t to get # b#% rep)t#tio$, th#t5s $obo%y5s
b)si$ess b)t yo)r o2$* All 2e5re tryi$g to %o is help*5
'ilo 2#s $ot co$,i$ce% #$% #bsol)tely re&)se% to %epri,e '#3or '#3or o& &oo%, e,e$ i& '#3or '#3or 2#s # Co(()$ist,
2hich 'ilo secretly %o)bte%* 'ilo 2#s by $#t)re oppose% to #$y i$$o,#tio$ th#t thre#te$e% to %isr)pt the $or(#l co)rse
o& #&&#irs* 'ilo too- # &ir( (or#l st#$% #$% #bsol)tely re&)se% to p#rticip#te i$ the :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th Cr)s#%e )$til
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- c#lle% )po$ hi( 2ith his %eleg#tio$ #$% re6)este% hi( to*
5/#tio$#l %e&e$se is e,erybo%y5s 3ob,5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- replie% to 'ilo5s ob3ectio$* 5A$% this 2hole progr#( is ,ol)$t#ry,
'ilo - %o$5t &orget th#t* The (e$ %o$5t h#,e to sig$ Piltch#r% #$% >re$5s loy#lty o#th i& they %o$5t 2#$t to* 7)t 2e $ee%
yo) to st#r,e the( to %e#th i& they %o$5t* +t5s 3)st li-e C#tch-22* 0o$5t yo) get it9 .o)5re $ot #g#i$st C#tch-22, #re yo)95
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s #%#(#$t*
5>h#t (#-es yo) so s)re '#3or '#3or is # Co(()$ist95
5.o) $e,er he#r% hi( %e$yi$g it )$til 2e beg#$ #cc)si$g hi(, %i% yo)9 A$% yo) %o$5t see hi( sig$i$g #$y o& o)r loy#lty
o#ths*5
5.o) #re$5t letti$g hi( sig$ #$y*5
5O& co)rse $ot,5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- e8pl#i$e%* 5Th#t 2o)l% %e&e#t the 2hole p)rpose o& o)r cr)s#%e* Loo-, yo) %o$5t h#,e to
pl#y b#ll 2ith )s i& yo) %o$5t 2#$t to* 7)t 2h#t5s the poi$t o& the rest o& )s 2or-i$g so h#r% i& yo)5re goi$g to gi,e '#3or
'#3or (e%ic#l #tte$tio$ the (i$)te 'ilo begi$s st#r,i$g hi( to %e#th9 + 3)st 2o$%er 2h#t they5re goi$g to thi$- )p #t
:ro)p #bo)t the (#$ 2ho5s )$%er(i$i$g o)r 2hole sec)rity progr#(* They5ll prob#bly tr#$s&er yo) to the P#ci&ic*5
0oc 0#$ee-# s)rre$%ere% s2i&tly* 5+5ll go tell :)s #$% >es to %o 2h#te,er yo) 2#$t the( to*5
=p #t :ro)p, Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% #lre#%y beg)$ 2o$%eri$g 2h#t 2#s goi$g o$*
5+t5s th#t i%iot 7l#c- o&& o$ # p#triotis( bi$ge,5 Colo$el ?or$ reporte% 2ith # s(ile* 5+ thi$- yo)5% better pl#y b#ll 2ith hi(
&or # 2hile, si$ce yo)5re the o$e 2ho pro(ote% '#3or '#3or to s6)#%ro$ co((#$%er*5
5Th#t 2#s yo)r i%e#,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt #cc)se% hi( Pet)l#$tly* 5+ $e,er sho)l% h#,e let yo) t#l- (e i$to it*5
5A$% # ,ery goo% i%e# it 2#s, too,5 retorte% Colo$el ?or$, 5si$ce it eli(i$#te% th#t s)per&l)o)s (#3or th#t5s bee$ gi,i$g
yo) s)ch #$ #2&)l bl#c- eye #s #$ #%(i$istr#tor* 0o$5t 2orry, this 2ill prob#bly r)$ its co)rse soo$* The best thi$g to %o
$o2 is se$% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- # letter o& tot#l s)pport #$% hope he %rops %e#% be&ore he %oes too ()ch %#(#ge*5 Colo$el
?or$ 2#s str)c- 2ith # 2hi(sic#l tho)ght* 5+ 2o$%erC .o) %o$5t s)ppose th#t i(becile 2ill try to t)r$ '#3or '#3or o)t o&
his tr#iler, %o yo)95
5The $e8t thi$g 2e5,e got to %o is t)r$ th#t b#st#r% '#3or '#3or o)t o& his tr#iler,5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- %eci%e%* 5+5% li-e to t)r$
his 2i&e #$% -i%s o)t i$to the 2oo%s, too* 7)t 2e c#$5t* He h#s $o 2i&e #$% -i%s* So 2e5ll 3)st h#,e to (#-e %o 2ith 2h#t
2e h#,e #$% t)r$ hi( o)t* >ho5s i$ ch#rge o& the te$ts95
5He is*5
5.o) see95 crie% C#pt#i$ 7l#c-* 5They5re t#-i$g o,er e,erythi$gC >ell, +5( $ot goi$g to st#$% &or it* +5ll t#-e this (#tter
right to '#3or - %e Co,erley hi(sel& i& + h#,e to* +5ll h#,e 'ilo spe#- to hi( #bo)t it the (i$)te he gets b#c- &ro( Ro(e*5
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- h#% bo)$%less &#ith i$ the 2is%o(, po2er #$% 3)stice o& '#3or- %e Co,erley, e,e$ tho)gh he h#% $e,er
spo-e$ to hi( be&ore #$% still &o)$% hi(sel& 2itho)t the co)r#ge to %o so* He %ep)ti4e% 'ilo to spe#- to '#3or - %e
Co,erley &or hi( #$% stor(e% #bo)t i(p#tie$tly #s he 2#ite% &or the t#ll e8ec)ti,e o&&icer to ret)r$* Alo$g 2ith e,eryo$e
else i$ the s6)#%ro$, he li,e% i$ pro&o)$% #2e #$% re,ere$ce o& the (#3estic, 2hite-h#ire% (#3or 2ith cr#ggy &#ce #$%
Jeho,e#$ be#ri$g, 2ho c#(e b#c- &ro( Ro(e &i$#lly 2ith #$ i$3)re% eye i$si%e # $e2 cell)loi% eye p#tch #$% s(#she%
his 2hole :lorio)s Cr)s#%e to bits 2ith # si$gle stro-e*
'ilo c#re&)lly s#i% $othi$g 2he$ '#3or - %e Co,erley steppe% i$to the (ess h#ll 2ith his &ierce #$% #)stere %ig$ity the
%#y he ret)r$e% #$% &o)$% his 2#y bloc-e% by # 2#ll o& o&&icers 2#iti$g i$ li$e to sig$ loy#lty o#ths* At the &#r e$% o& the
&oo% co)$ter, # gro)p o& (e$ 2ho h#% #rri,e% e#rlier 2ere ple%gi$g #llegi#$ce to the &l#g, 2ith tr#ys o& &oo% b#l#$ce% i$
o$e h#$%, i$ or%er to be #llo2e% to t#-e se#ts #t the t#ble* Alre#%y #t the t#bles, # gro)p th#t h#% #rri,e% still e#rlier 2#s
si$gi$g 5The St#r-Sp#$gle% 7#$$er5 i$ or%er th#t they (ight )se the s#lt #$% pepper #$% -etch)p there* The h)bb)b
beg#$ to s)bsi%e slo2ly #s '#3or - %e Co,erley p#)se% i$ the %oor2#y 2ith # &ro2$ o& p)44le% %is#ppro,#l, #s tho)gh
,ie2i$g so(ethi$g bi4#rre* He st#rte% &or2#r% i$ # str#ight li$e, #$% the 2#ll o& o&&icers be&ore hi( p#rte% li-e the Re%
Se#* :l#$ci$g $either le&t $or right, he stro%e i$%o(it#bly )p to the ste#( co)$ter #$%, i$ # cle#r, &)ll-bo%ie% ,oice th#t
2#s gr)&& 2ith #ge #$% reso$#$t 2ith #$cie$t e(i$e$ce #$% #)thority, s#i%@
5:i((e e#t*5
+$ste#% o& e#t, Corpor#l S$#r- g#,e '#3or - %e Co,erley # loy#lty o#th to sig$* '#3or - %e Co,erley s2ept it #2#y 2ith
(ighty %isple#s)re the (o(e$t he recog$i4e% 2h#t it 2#s, his goo% eye &l#ri$g )p bli$%i$gly 2ith &iery %is%#i$ #$% his
e$or(o)s ol% corr)g#te% &#ce %#r-e$i$g i$ (o)$t#i$o)s 2r#th*
5:i((e e#t, + s#i%,5 he or%ere% lo)%ly i$ h#rsh to$es th#t r)(ble% o(i$o)sly thro)gh the sile$t te$t li-e cl#ps o& %ist#$t
th)$%er*
Corpor#l S$#r- t)r$e% p#le #$% beg#$ to tre(ble* He gl#$ce% to2#r% 'ilo ple#%i$gly &or g)i%#$ce* ;or se,er#l terrible
seco$%s there 2#s $ot # so)$%* The$ 'ilo $o%%e%*
5:i,e hi( e#t,5 he s#i%*
Corpor#l S$#r- beg#$ gi,i$g '#3or - %e Co,erley e#t* '#3or - %e Co,erley t)r$e% &ro( the co)$ter 2ith his tr#y &)ll #$%
c#(e to # stop* His eyes &ell o$ the gro)ps o& other o&&icers g#4i$g #t hi( i$ ()te #ppe#l, #$%, 2ith righteo)s
belligere$ce, he ro#re%@
5:i,e e,erybo%y e#tC5
5:i,e e,erybo%y e#tC5 'ilo echoe% 2ith 3oy&)l relie&, #$% the :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th Cr)s#%e c#(e to #$ e$%*
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2#s %eeply %isill)sio$e% by this tre#chero)s st#b i$ the b#c- &ro( so(eo$e i$ high pl#ce )po$ 2ho( he
h#% relie% so co$&i%e$tly &or s)pport* '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% let hi( %o2$*
5Oh, it %oes$5t bother (e # bit,5 he respo$%e% cheer&)lly to e,eryo$e 2ho c#(e to hi( 2ith sy(p#thy* 5>e co(plete%
39 | P a g e
o)r t#s-* O)r p)rpose 2#s to (#-e e,eryo$e 2e %o$5t li-e #&r#i% #$% to #lert people to the %#$ger o& '#3or '#3or, #$%
2e cert#i$ly s)ccee%e% #t th#t* Si$ce 2e 2ere$5t goi$g to let hi( sig$ loy#lty o#ths #$y2#y, it %oes$5t re#lly (#tter
2hether 2e h#,e the( or $ot*5
Seei$g e,eryo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ he %i%$5t li-e #&r#i% o$ce #g#i$ thro)gho)t the #pp#lli$g, i$ter(i$#ble :re#t 7ig Siege
o& 7olog$# re(i$%e% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- $ost#lgic#lly o& the goo% ol% %#ys o& his :lorio)s Loy#lty O#th Cr)s#%e 2he$ he
h#% bee$ # (#$ o& re#l co$se6)e$ce, #$% 2he$ e,e$ big shots li-e 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er, 0oc 0#$ee-# #$% Piltch#r% #$%
>re$ h#% tre(ble% #t his #ppro#ch #$% gro,ele% #t his &eet* To pro,e to $e2co(ers th#t he re#lly h#% bee$ # (#$ o&
co$se6)e$ce o$ce, he still h#% the letter o& co((e$%#tio$ he h#% recei,e% &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt*
12 7OLO:/A
Act)#lly, it 2#s $ot C#pt#i$ 7l#c- b)t Serge#$t ?$ight 2ho triggere% the sole($ p#$ic o& 7olog$#, slippi$g sile$tly o&&
the tr)c- &or t2o e8tr# &l#- s)its #s soo$ #s he le#r$e% the t#rget #$% sig$#li$g the st#rt o& the gri( processio$ b#c- i$to
the p#r#ch)te te$t th#t %ege$er#te% i$to # &r#$tic st#(pe%e &i$#lly be&ore #ll the e8tr# &l#- s)its 2ere go$e*
5Hey, 2h#t5s goi$g o$95 ?i% S#(pso$ #s-e% $er,o)sly* 57olog$# c#$5t be th#t ro)gh, c#$ it95
/#tely, sitti$g tr#$celi-e o$ the &loor o& the tr)c-, hel% his gr#,e yo)$g &#ce i$ both h#$%s #$% %i% $ot #$s2er hi(*
+t 2#s Serge#$t ?$ight #$% the cr)el series o& postpo$e(e$ts, &or 3)st #s they 2ere cli(bi$g )p i$to their pl#$es th#t
&irst (or$i$g, #lo$g c#(e # 3eep 2ith the $e2s th#t it 2#s r#i$i$g i$ 7olog$# #$% th#t the (issio$ 2o)l% be %el#ye%* +t
2#s r#i$i$g i$ Pi#$os# too by the ti(e they ret)r$e% to the s6)#%ro$, #$% they h#% the rest o& th#t %#y to st#re
2oo%e$ly #t the bo(b li$e o$ the (#p )$%er the #2$i$g o& the i$tellige$ce te$t #$% r)(i$#te hyp$otic#lly o$ the &#ct
th#t there 2#s $o esc#pe* The e,i%e$ce 2#s there ,i,i%ly i$ the $#rro2 re% ribbo$ t#c-e% #cross the (#i$l#$%@ the
gro)$% &orces i$ +t#ly 2ere pi$$e% %o2$ &orty-t2o i$s)r(o)$t#ble (iles so)th o& the t#rget #$% co)l% $ot possibly
c#pt)re the city i$ ti(e* /othi$g co)l% s#,e the (e$ i$ Pi#$os# &ro( the (issio$ to 7olog$#* They 2ere tr#ppe%*
Their o$ly hope 2#s th#t it 2o)l% $e,er stop r#i$i$g, #$% they h#% $o hope bec#)se they #ll -$e2 it 2o)l%* >he$ it %i%
stop r#i$i$g i$ Pi#$os#, it r#i$e% i$ 7olog$#* >he$ it stoppe% r#i$i$g i$ 7olog$#, it beg#$ #g#i$ i$ Pi#$os#* +& there 2#s
$o r#i$ #t #ll, there 2ere &re#-ish, i$e8plic#ble phe$o(e$# li-e the epi%e(ic o& %i#rrhe# or the bo(b li$e th#t (o,e%*
;o)r ti(es %)ri$g the &irst si8 %#ys they 2ere #sse(ble% #$% brie&e% #$% the$ se$t b#c-* O$ce, they too- o&& #$% 2ere
&lyi$g i$ &or(#tio$ 2he$ the co$trol to2er s)((o$e% the( %o2$* The (ore it r#i$e%, the 2orse they s)&&ere%* The
2orse they s)&&ere%, the (ore they pr#ye% th#t it 2o)l% co$ti$)e r#i$i$g* All thro)gh the $ight, (e$ loo-e% #t the s-y
#$% 2ere s#%%e$e% by the st#rs* All thro)gh the %#y, they loo-e% #t the bo(b li$e o$ the big, 2obbli$g e#sel (#p o&
+t#ly th#t ble2 o,er i$ the 2i$% #$% 2#s %r#gge% i$ )$%er the #2$i$g o& the i$tellige$ce te$t e,ery ti(e the r#i$ beg#$*
The bo(b li$e 2#s # sc#rlet b#$% o& $#rro2 s#ti$ ribbo$ th#t %eli$e#te% the &or2#r%(ost positio$ o& the Allie% gro)$%
&orces i$ e,ery sector o& the +t#li#$ (#i$l#$%*
The (or$i$g #&ter H)$gry Joe5s &ist &ight 2ith H)ple5s c#t, the r#i$ stoppe% &#lli$g i$ both pl#ces* The l#$%i$g strip beg#$
to %ry* +t 2o)l% t#-e # &)ll t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs to h#r%e$A b)t the s-y re(#i$e% clo)%less* The rese$t(e$ts i$c)b#ti$g i$
e#ch (#$ h#tche% i$to h#tre%* ;irst they h#te% the i$&#$try(e$ o$ the (#i$l#$% bec#)se they h#% &#ile% to c#pt)re
7olog$#* The$ they beg#$ to h#te the bo(b li$e itsel&* ;or ho)rs they st#re% rele$tlessly #t the sc#rlet ribbo$ o$ the
(#p #$% h#te% it bec#)se it 2o)l% $ot (o,e )p high e$o)gh to e$co(p#ss the city* >he$ $ight &ell, they co$greg#te%
i$ the %#r-$ess 2ith &l#shlights, co$ti$)i$g their (#c#bre ,igil #t the bo(b li$e i$ broo%i$g e$tre#ty #s tho)gh hopi$g to
(o,e the ribbo$ )p by the collecti,e 2eight o& their s)lle$ pr#yers*
5+ re#lly c#$5t belie,e it,5 Cle,i$ger e8cl#i(e% to .oss#ri#$ i$ # ,oice risi$g #$% &#lli$g i$ protest #$% 2o$%er* 5+t5s #
co(plete re,ersio$ to pri(iti,e s)perstitio$* They5re co$&)si$g c#)se #$% e&&ect* +t (#-es #s ()ch se$se #s -$oc-i$g
o$ 2oo% or crossi$g yo)r &i$gers* They re#lly belie,e th#t 2e 2o)l%$5t h#,e to &ly th#t (issio$ to(orro2 i& so(eo$e
2o)l% o$ly tiptoe )p to the (#p i$ the (i%%le o& the $ight #$% (o,e the bo(b li$e o,er 7olog$#* C#$ yo) i(#gi$e9 .o)
#$% + ()st be the o$ly r#tio$#l o$es le&t*5
+$ the (i%%le o& the $ight .oss#ri#$ -$oc-e% o$ 2oo%, crosse% his &i$gers, #$% tiptoe% o)t o& his te$t to (o,e the bo(b
li$e )p o,er 7olog$#*
Corpor#l ?olo%$y tiptoe% ste#lthily i$to C#pt#i$ 7l#c-5s te$t e#rly the $e8t (or$i$g, re#che% i$si%e the (os6)ito $et #$%
ge$tly shoo- the (oist sho)l%er-bl#%e he &o)$% there )$til C#pt#i$ 7l#c- ope$e% his eyes*
5>h#t #re yo) 2#-i$g (e )p &or95 2hi(pere% C#pt#i$ 7l#c-*
5They c#pt)re% 7olog$#, sir,5 s#i% Corpor#l ?olo%$y* 5+ tho)ght yo)5% 2#$t to -$o2* +s the (issio$ c#$cele%95
C#pt#i$ 7l#c- t)gge% hi(sel& erect #$% beg#$ scr#tchi$g his scr#2$y lo$g thighs (etho%ic#lly* +$ # little 2hile he
%resse% #$% e(erge% &ro( his te$t, s6)i$ti$g, cross #$% )$sh#,e$* The s-y 2#s cle#r #$% 2#r(* He peere% 2itho)t
e(otio$ #t the (#p* S)re e$o)gh, they h#% c#pt)re% 7olog$#* +$si%e the i$tellige$ce te$t, Corpor#l ?olo%$y 2#s
#lre#%y re(o,i$g the (#ps o& 7olog$# &ro( the $#,ig#tio$ -its* C#pt#i$ 7l#c- se#te% hi(sel& 2ith # lo)% y#2$, li&te% his
&eet to the top o& his %es- #$% pho$e% Colo$el ?or$*
5>h#t #re yo) 2#-i$g (e )p &or95 2hi(pere% Colo$el ?or$*
5They c#pt)re% 7olog$# %)ri$g the $ight, sir* +s the (issio$ c#$cele%95
5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t, 7l#c-95 Colo$el ?or$ gro2le%* 5>hy sho)l% the (issio$ be c#$cele%95
57ec#)se they c#pt)re% 7olog$#, sir* +s$5t the (issio$ c#$cele%95
5O& co)rse the (issio$ is c#$cele%* 0o yo) thi$- 2e5re bo(bi$g o)r o2$ troops $o295
5>h#t #re yo) 2#-i$g (e )p &or95 Colo$el C#thc#rt 2hi(pere% to Colo$el ?or$*
5They c#pt)re% 7olog$#,5 Colo$el ?or$ tol% hi(* 5+ tho)ght yo)5% 2#$t to -$o2*5
5>ho c#pt)re% 7olog$#95
5>e %i%*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s o,er3oye%, &or he 2#s relie,e% o& the e(b#rr#ssi$g co((it(e$t to bo(b 7olog$# 2itho)t ble(ish
to the rep)t#tio$ &or ,#lor he h#% e#r$e% by ,ol)$teeri$g his (e$ to %o it* :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s ple#se% 2ith the c#pt)re
o& 7olog$#, too, #ltho)gh he 2#s #$gry 2ith Colo$el 'oo%)s &or 2#-i$g hi( )p to tell hi( #bo)t it* He#%6)#rters 2#s
#lso ple#se% #$% %eci%e% to #2#r% # (e%#l to the o&&icer 2ho c#pt)re% the city* There 2#s $o o&&icer 2ho h#% c#pt)re%
the city, so they g#,e the (e%#l to :e$er#l Pec-e( i$ste#%, bec#)se :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s the o$ly o&&icer 2ith
s)&&icie$t i$iti#ti,e to #s- &or it*
As soo$ #s :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% recei,e% his (e%#l, he beg#$ #s-i$g &or i$cre#se% respo$sibility* +t 2#s :e$er#l
Pec-e(5s opi$io$ th#t #ll co(b#t )$its i$ the the#ter sho)l% be pl#ce% )$%er the 3)ris%ictio$ o& the Speci#l Ser,ice
Catch 22
Corps, o& 2hich :e$er#l Pec-e( hi(sel& 2#s the co((#$%i$g o&&icer* +& %roppi$g bo(bs o$ the e$e(y 2#s $ot #
speci#l ser,ice, he re&lecte% #lo)% &re6)e$tly 2ith the (#rtyre% s(ile o& s2eet re#so$#ble$ess th#t 2#s his loy#l
co$&e%er#te i$ e,ery %isp)te, the$ he co)l% $ot help 2o$%eri$g 2h#t i$ the 2orl% 2#s* >ith #(i#ble regret, he %ecli$e%
the o&&er o& # co(b#t post )$%er :e$er#l 0ree%le*
5;lyi$g co(b#t (issio$s &or :e$er#l 0ree%le is $ot e8#ctly 2h#t + h#% i$ (i$%,5 he e8pl#i$e% i$%)lge$tly 2ith # s(ooth
l#)gh* 5+ 2#s thi$-i$g (ore i$ ter(s o& repl#ci$g :e$er#l 0ree%le, or perh#ps o& so(ethi$g #bo,e :e$er#l 0ree%le
2here + co)l% e8ercise s)per,isio$ o,er # gre#t (#$y other ge$er#ls too* .o) see, (y (ost precio)s #bilities #re (#i$ly
#%(i$istr#ti,e o$es* + h#,e # h#ppy &#cility &or getti$g %i&&ere$t people to #gree*5
5He h#s # h#ppy &#cility &or getti$g %i&&ere$t people to #gree 2h#t # pric- he is,5 Colo$el C#rgill co$&i%e% i$,i%io)sly to e8-
P*;*C* >i$tergree$ i$ the hope th#t e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ 2o)l% spre#% the )$&#,or#ble report #lo$g thro)gh T2e$ty-
se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters* 5+& #$yo$e %eser,es th#t co(b#t post, + %o* +t 2#s e,e$ (y i%e# th#t 2e #s- &or the
(e%#l*5
5.o) re#lly 2#$t to go i$to co(b#t95 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ i$6)ire%*
5Co(b#t95 Colo$el C#rgill 2#s #gh#st* 5Oh, $o - yo) (is)$%erst#$% (e* O& co)rse, + 2o)l%$5t #ct)#lly (i$% goi$g i$to
co(b#t, b)t (y best #bilities #re (#i$ly #%(i$istr#ti,e o$es* + too h#,e # h#ppy &#cility &or getti$g %i&&ere$t people to
#gree*5
5He too h#s # h#ppy &#cility &or getti$g %i&&ere$t people to #gree 2h#t # pric- he is,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ co$&i%e% 2ith
# l#)gh to .oss#ri#$, #&ter he h#% co(e to Pi#$os# to le#r$ i& it 2#s re#lly tr)e #bo)t 'ilo #$% the Egypti#$ cotto$* 5+&
#$yo$e %eser,es # pro(otio$, + %o*5 Act)#lly, he h#% rise$ #lre#%y to e8-corpor#l, h#,i$g shot thro)gh the r#$-s shortly
#&ter his tr#$s&er to T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters #s # (#il cler- #$% bee$ b)ste% right %o2$ to pri,#te &or
(#-i$g o%io)s #)%ible co(p#riso$s #bo)t the co((issio$e% o&&icers &or 2ho( he 2or-e%* The he#%y t#ste o& s)ccess
h#% i$&)se% hi( &)rther 2ith (or#lity #$% &ire% hi( 2ith #(bitio$ &or lo&tier #tt#i$(e$ts* 50o yo) 2#$t to b)y so(e Eippo
lighters95 he #s-e% .oss#ri#$* 5They 2ere stole$ right &ro( 6)#rter(#ster*5
50oes 'ilo -$o2 yo)5re selli$g cig#rette lighters95
5>h#t5s it his b)si$ess9 'ilo5s $ot c#rryi$g cig#rette lighters too $o2, is he95
5He s)re is,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(* 5A$% his #re$5t stole$*5
5Th#t5s 2h#t yo) thi$-,5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ #$s2ere% 2ith # l#co$ic s$ort* 5+5( selli$g (i$e &or # b)c- #piece* >h#t5s
he getti$g &or his95
5A %oll#r #$% # pe$$y*5
E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ s$ic-ere% tri)(ph#$tly* 5+ be#t hi( e,ery ti(e,5 he glo#te%* 5S#y, 2h#t #bo)t #ll th#t Egypti#$
cotto$ he5s st)c- 2ith9 Ho2 ()ch %i% he b)y95
5All*5
5+$ the 2hole 2orl%9 >ell, +5ll be %#$(e%C5 e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ cro2e% 2ith (#licio)s glee* 5>h#t # %opeC .o) 2ere i$
C#iro 2ith hi(* >hy5% yo) let hi( %o it95
5'e95 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% 2ith # shr)g* 5+ h#,e $o i$&l)e$ce o$ hi(* +t 2#s those teletype (#chi$es they h#,e i$ #ll the
goo% rest#)r#$ts there* 'ilo h#% $e,er see$ # stoc- tic-er be&ore, #$% the 6)ot#tio$ &or Egypti#$ cotto$ h#ppe$e% to be
co(i$g i$ 3)st #s he #s-e% the he#%2#iter to e8pl#i$ it to hi(* JEgypti#$ cotto$9J 'ilo s#i% 2ith th#t loo- o& his* JHo2
()ch is Egypti#$ cotto$ selli$g &or9J The $e8t thi$g + -$e2 he h#% bo)ght the 2hole go%%#( h#r,est* A$% $o2 he c#$5t
)$lo#% #$y o& it*5
5He h#s $o i(#gi$#tio$* + c#$ )$lo#% ple$ty o& it i$ the bl#c- (#r-et i& he5ll (#-e # %e#l*5
5'ilo -$o2s the bl#c- (#r-et* There5s $o %e(#$% &or cotto$*5
57)t there is # %e(#$% &or (e%ic#l s)pplies* + c#$ roll the cotto$ )p o$ 2oo%e$ toothpic-s #$% pe%%le the( #s sterile
s2#bs* >ill he sell to (e #t # goo% price95
5He 2o$5t sell to yo) #t #$y price,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%* 5He5s pretty sore #t yo) &or goi$g i$to co(petitio$ 2ith hi(* +$
&#ct, he5s pretty sore #t e,erybo%y &or getti$g %i#rrhe# l#st 2ee-e$% #$% gi,i$g his (ess h#ll # b#% $#(e* S#y, yo) c#$
help )s*5 .oss#ri#$ s)%%e$ly sei4e% his #r(* 5Co)l%$5t yo) &orge so(e o&&ici#l or%ers o$ th#t (i(eogr#ph (#chi$e o&
yo)rs #$% get )s o)t o& &lyi$g to 7olog$#95
E8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ p)lle% #2#y slo2ly 2ith # loo- o& scor$* 5S)re + co)l%,5 he e8pl#i$e% 2ith pri%e* 57)t + 2o)l% $e,er
%re#( o& %oi$g #$ythi$g li-e th#t*5
5>hy $ot95
57ec#)se it5s yo)r 3ob* >e #ll h#,e o)r 3obs to %o* 'y 3ob is to )$lo#% these Eippo lighters #t # pro&it i& + c#$ #$% pic- )p
so(e cotto$ &ro( 'ilo* .o)r 3ob is to bo(b the #(()$itio$ %)(ps #t 7olog$#*5
57)t +5( goi$g to be -ille% #t 7olog$#,5 .oss#ri#$ ple#%e%* 5>e5re #ll goi$g to be -ille%*5
5The$ yo)5ll 3)st h#,e to be -ille%,5 replie% e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$* 5>hy c#$5t yo) be # &#t#list #bo)t it the 2#y + #(9 +& +5(
%esti$e% to )$lo#% these lighters #t # pro&it #$% pic- )p so(e Egypti#$ cotto$ che#p &ro( 'ilo, the$ th#t5s 2h#t +5(
goi$g to %o* A$% i& yo)5re %esti$e% to be -ille% o,er 7olog$#, the$ yo)5re goi$g to be -ille%, so yo) (ight 3)st #s 2ell go
o)t #$% %ie li-e # (#$* + h#te to s#y this, .oss#ri#$, b)t yo)5re t)r$i$g i$to # chro$ic co(pl#i$er*5
Cle,i$ger #gree% 2ith e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ th#t it 2#s .oss#ri#$5s 3ob to get -ille% o,er 7olog$# #$% 2#s li,i% 2ith
co$%e($#tio$ 2he$ .oss#ri#$ co$&esse% th#t it 2#s he 2ho h#% (o,e% the bo(b li$e #$% c#)se% the (issio$ to be
c#$cele%*
5>hy the hell $ot95 .oss#ri#$ s$#rle%, #rg)i$g #ll the (ore ,ehe(e$tly bec#)se he s)specte% he 2#s 2ro$g* 5A( +
s)ppose% to get (y #ss shot o&& 3)st bec#)se the colo$el 2#$ts to be # ge$er#l95
5>h#t #bo)t the (e$ o$ the (#i$l#$%95 Cle,i$ger %e(#$%e% 2ith 3)st #s ()ch e(otio$* 5Are they s)ppose% to get their
#sses shot o&& 3)st bec#)se yo) %o$5t 2#$t to go9 Those (e$ #re e$title% to #ir s)pportC5
57)t $ot $ecess#rily by (e* Loo-, they %o$5t c#re 2ho -$oc-s o)t those #(()$itio$ %)(ps* The o$ly re#so$ 2e5re
goi$g is bec#)se th#t b#st#r% C#thc#rt ,ol)$teere% )s*5
'(h, ! know all that,' "levinger assured him, his gaunt ace pale and his agitated brown eyes
swimming in sincerity. ')ut the act remains that those ammunition dumps are still standing.
You know very well that ! don't approve o "olonel "athcart any more than you do.'
41 | P a g e
"levinger paused or emphasis, his mouth *uivering, and then beat his ist down sotly
against his sleeping$bag. ')ut i
's not or us to determine what targets must be destroyed or who5s to %estroy the( or -5
'(r who gets killed doing it' And why''
'Yes, even that. %e have no right to *uestion $'
'You're insane+'
'$ no right to *uestion $'
'#o you really mean that it's not my business how or why ! get killed and that it is "olonel
"athcart's' #o you really mean that''
5.es, + %o,5 Cle,i$ger i$siste%, see(i$g )$s)re* 5There #re (e$ e$tr)ste% 2ith 2i$$i$g the 2#r 2ho #re i$ # ()ch better
positio$ th#$ 2e #re to %eci%e 2h#t t#rgets h#,e to be bo(be%*5
5>e #re t#l-i$g #bo)t t2o %i&&ere$t thi$gs,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% 2ith e8#gger#te% 2e#ri$ess* 5.o) #re t#l-i$g #bo)t the
rel#tio$ship o& the Air Corps to the i$&#$try, #$% + #( t#l-i$g #bo)t the rel#tio$ship o& (e to Colo$el C#thc#rt* .o) #re
t#l-i$g #bo)t 2i$$i$g the 2#r, #$% + #( t#l-i$g #bo)t 2i$$i$g the 2#r #$% -eepi$g #li,e*5
5E8#ctly,5 Cle,i$ger s$#ppe% s()gly* 5A$% 2hich %o yo) thi$- is (ore i(port#$t95
5To 2ho(95 .oss#ri#$ shot b#c-* 5Ope$ yo)r eyes, Cle,i$ger* +t %oes$5t (#-e # %#($e% bit o& %i&&ere$ce 2ho 2i$s the
2#r to so(eo$e 2ho5s %e#%*5
Cle,i$ger s#t &or # (o(e$t #s tho)gh he5% bee$ sl#ppe%* 5Co$gr#t)l#tio$sC5 he e8cl#i(e% bitterly, the thi$$est (il--2hite
li$e e$closi$g his lips tightly i$ # bloo%less, s6)ee4i$g ri$g* 5+ c#$5t thi$- o& #$other #ttit)%e th#t co)l% be %epe$%e% )po$
to gi,e gre#ter co(&ort to the e$e(y*5
5The e$e(y,5 retorte% .oss#ri#$ 2ith 2eighte% precisio$, 5is #$ybo%y 2ho5s goi$g to get yo) -ille%, $o (#tter 2hich si%e
he5s o$, #$% th#t i$cl)%es Colo$el C#thc#rt* A$% %o$5t yo) &orget th#t, bec#)se the lo$ger yo) re(e(ber it, the lo$ger
yo) (ight li,e*5
7)t Cle,i$ger %i% &orget it, #$% $o2 he 2#s %e#%* At the ti(e, Cle,i$ger 2#s so )pset by the i$ci%e$t th#t .oss#ri#$ %i%
$ot %#re tell hi( he h#% #lso bee$ respo$sible &or the epi%e(ic o& %i#rrhe# th#t h#% c#)se% the other )$$ecess#ry
postpo$e(e$t* 'ilo 2#s e,e$ (ore )pset by the possibility th#t so(eo$e h#% poiso$e% his s6)#%ro$ #g#i$, #$% he
c#(e b)stli$g &ret&)lly to .oss#ri#$ &or #ssist#$ce*
5Ple#se &i$% o)t &ro( Corpor#l S$#r- i& he p)t l#)$%ry so#p i$ the s2eet pot#toes #g#i$,5 he re6)este% &)rti,ely*
5Corpor#l S$#r- tr)sts yo) #$% 2ill tell yo) the tr)th i& yo) gi,e hi( yo)r 2or% yo) 2o$5t tell #$yo$e else* As soo$ #s he
tells yo), co(e #$% tell (e*5
5O& co)rse + p)t l#)$%ry so#p i$ the s2eet pot#toes,5 Corpor#l S$#r- #%(itte% to .oss#ri#$* 5Th#t5s 2h#t yo) #s-e% (e
to %o, is$5t it9 L#)$%ry so#p is the best 2#y*5
5He s2e#rs to :o% he %i%$5t h#,e # thi$g to %o 2ith it,5 .oss#ri#$ reporte% b#c- to 'ilo*
'ilo po)te% %)bio)sly* 50)$b#r s#ys there is $o :o%*5
There 2#s $o hope le&t* 7y the (i%%le o& the seco$% 2ee-, e,eryo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ beg#$ to loo- li-e H)$gry Joe,
2ho 2#s $ot sche%)le% to &ly #$% scre#(e% horribly i$ his sleep* He 2#s the o$ly o$e 2ho co)l% sleep* All $ight lo$g,
(e$ (o,e% thro)gh the %#r-$ess o)tsi%e their te$ts li-e to$g)eless 2r#iths 2ith cig#rettes* +$ the %#yti(e they st#re%
#t the bo(b li$e i$ &)tile, %roopi$g cl)sters or #t the still &ig)re o& 0oc 0#$ee-# sitti$g i$ &ro$t o& the close% %oor o& the
(e%ic#l te$t be$e#th the (orbi% h#$%-lettere% sig$* They beg#$ to i$,e$t h)(orless, gl)( 3o-es o& their o2$ #$%
%is#stro)s r)(ors #bo)t the %estr)ctio$ #2#iti$g the( #t 7olog$#*
.oss#ri#$ si%le% )p %r)$-e$ly to Colo$el ?or$ #t the o&&icers5 cl)b o$e $ight to -i% 2ith hi( #bo)t the $e2 Lep#ge g)$
th#t the :er(#$s h#% (o,e% i$*
5>h#t Lep#ge g)$95 Colo$el ?or$ i$6)ire% 2ith c)riosity*
5The $e2 three-h)$%re%-#$%-&orty-&o)r-(illi(eter Lep#ge gl)e g)$,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%* 5+t gl)es # 2hole &or(#tio$ o&
pl#$es together i$ (i%-#ir*5
Colo$el ?or$ 3er-e% his elbo2 &ree &ro( .oss#ri#$5s cl)tchi$g &i$gers i$ st#rtle% #&&ro$t* 5Let go o& (e, yo) i%iotC5 he crie%
o)t &)rio)sly, gl#ri$g 2ith ,i$%icti,e #ppro,#l #s /#tely le#pe% )po$ .oss#ri#$5s b#c- #$% p)lle% hi( #2#y* 5>ho is th#t
l)$#tic, #$y2#y95
Colo$el C#thc#rt chortle% (errily* 5Th#t5s the (#$ yo) (#%e (e gi,e # (e%#l to #&ter ;err#r#* .o) h#% (e pro(ote hi(
to c#pt#i$, too, re(e(ber9 +t ser,es yo) right*5
/#tely 2#s lighter th#$ .oss#ri#$ #$% h#% gre#t %i&&ic)lty (#$e),eri$g .oss#ri#$5s l)rchi$g b)l- #cross the roo( to #$
)$occ)pie% t#ble* 5Are yo) cr#4y95 /#tely -ept hissi$g 2ith trepi%#tio$* 5Th#t 2#s Colo$el ?or$* Are yo) cr#4y95
.oss#ri#$ 2#$te% #$other %ri$- #$% pro(ise% to le#,e 6)ietly i& /#tely bro)ght hi( o$e* The$ he (#%e /#tely bri$g
hi( t2o (ore* >he$ /#tely &i$#lly co#8e% hi( to the %oor, C#pt#i$ 7l#c- c#(e sto(pi$g i$ &ro( o)tsi%e, b#$gi$g his
sloshi$g shoes %o2$ h#r% o$ the 2oo% &loor #$% spilli$g 2#ter &ro( his e#,es li-e # high roo&*
57oy, #re yo) b#st#r%s i$ &or itC5 he #$$o)$ce% e8)ber#$tly, spl#shi$g #2#y &ro( the p)%%le &or(i$g #t his &eet* 5+ 3)st got
# c#ll &ro( Colo$el ?or$* 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t they5,e got 2#iti$g &or yo) #t 7olog$#9 H#C H#C They5,e got the $e2
Lep#ge gl)e g)$* +t gl)es # 2hole &or(#tio$ o& pl#$es together i$ (i%-#ir*5
5'y :o%, it5s tr)eC5 .oss#ri#$ shrie-e%, #$% coll#pse% #g#i$st /#tely i$ terror*
5There is $o :o%,5 #$s2ere% 0)$b#r c#l(ly, co(i$g )p 2ith # slight st#gger*
5Hey, gi,e (e # h#$% 2ith hi(, 2ill yo)9 +5,e got to get hi( b#c- i$ his te$t*5
5S#ys 2ho95
5S#ys (e* :ee, loo- #t the r#i$*5
5>e5,e got to get # c#r*5
5Ste#l C#pt#i$ 7l#c-5s c#r,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5Th#t5s 2h#t + #l2#ys %o*5
5>e c#$5t ste#l #$ybo%y5s c#r* Si$ce yo) beg#$ ste#li$g the $e#rest c#r e,ery ti(e yo) 2#$te% o$e, $obo%y le#,es the
ig$itio$ o$*5
Catch 22
5Hop i$,5 s#i% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, %ri,i$g )p %r)$- i$ # co,ere% 3eep* He 2#ite% )$til they h#% cro2%e% i$si%e #$% the$
sp)rte% #he#% 2ith # s)%%e$$ess th#t rolle% the( #ll o,er b#c-2#r%* He ro#re% 2ith l#)ghter #t their c)rses* He %ro,e
str#ight #he#% 2he$ he le&t the p#r-i$g lot #$% r#((e% the c#r i$to the e(b#$-(e$t o$ the other si%e o& the ro#%* The
others pile% &or2#r% i$ # helpless he#p #$% beg#$ c)rsi$g hi( #g#i$* 5+ &orgot to t)r$,5 he e8pl#i$e%*
57e c#re&)l, 2ill yo)95 /#tely c#)tio$e%* 5.o)5% better p)t yo)r he#%lights o$*5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t p)lle% b#c- i$ re,erse, (#%e his t)r$ #$% shot #2#y )p the ro#% #t top spee%* The 2heels 2ere
sibil#$t o$ the 2hi44i$g bl#c-top s)r&#ce*
5/ot so &#st,5 )rge% /#tely*
5.o)5% better t#-e (e to yo)r s6)#%ro$ &irst so + c#$ help yo) p)t hi( to be%* The$ yo) c#$ %ri,e (e b#c- to (y
s6)#%ro$*5
5>ho the hell #re yo)95
50)$b#r*5
5Hey, p)t yo)r he#%lights o$,5 /#tely sho)te%* 5A$% 2#tch the ro#%C5
5They #re o$* +s$5t .oss#ri#$ i$ this c#r9 Th#t5s the o$ly re#so$ + let the rest o& yo) b#st#r%s i$*5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t
t)r$e% co(pletely #ro)$% to st#re i$to the b#c- se#t*
5>#tch the ro#%C5
5.oss#ri#$9 +s .oss#ri#$ i$ here95
5+5( here, Chie&* Let5s go ho(e* >h#t (#-es yo) so s)re9 .o) $e,er #$s2ere% (y 6)estio$*5
5.o) see9 + tol% yo) he 2#s here*5
5>h#t 6)estio$95
5>h#te,er it 2#s 2e 2ere t#l-i$g #bo)t*5
5>#s it i(port#$t95
5+ %o$5t re(e(ber i& it 2#s i(port#$t or $ot* + 2ish to :o% + -$e2 2h#t it 2#s*5
5There is $o :o%*5
5Th#t5s 2h#t 2e 2ere t#l-i$g #bo)t,5 .oss#ri#$ crie%* 5>h#t (#-es yo) so s)re95
5Hey, #re yo) s)re yo)r he#%lights #re o$95 /#tely c#lle% o)t*
5They5re o$, they5re o$* >h#t %oes he 2#$t &ro( (e9 +t5s #ll this r#i$ o$ the 2i$%shiel% th#t (#-es it loo- %#r- &ro( b#c-
there*5
57e#)ti&)l, be#)ti&)l r#i$*5
5+ hope it $e,er stops r#i$i$g* R#i$, r#i$, go # -5
5- 2#y* Co(e # -5
5- #g#i$ so(e oth -5
5- er %#y* Little .o-.o 2#$ts -5
5- to pl#y* +$ -5
5- the (e#%o2, i$ -5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t (isse% the $e8t t)r$ i$ the ro#% #$% r#$ the 3eep #ll the 2#y )p to the crest o& # steep e(b#$-(e$t*
Rolli$g b#c- %o2$, the 3eep t)r$e% o,er o$ its si%e #$% settle% so&tly i$ the ()%* There 2#s # &righte$e% sile$ce*
5+s e,eryo$e #ll right95 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t i$6)ire% i$ # h)she% ,oice* /o o$e 2#s i$3)re%, #$% he he#,e% # lo$g sigh o&
relie&* 5.o) -$o2, th#t5s (y tro)ble,5 he gro#$e%* 5+ $e,er liste$ to #$ybo%y* So(ebo%y -ept telli$g (e to p)t (y
he#%lights o$, b)t + 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$*5
5+ -ept telli$g yo) to p)t yo)r he#%lights o$*5
5+ -$o2, + -$o2* A$% + 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$, 2o)l% +9 + 2ish + h#% # %ri$-* + %o h#,e # %ri$-* Loo-* +t5s $ot bro-e$*5
5+t5s r#i$i$g i$,5 /#tely $otice%* 5+5( getti$g 2et*5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t got the bottle o& rye ope$, %r#$- #$% h#$%e% it o&&* Lyi$g t#$gle% )p o$ top o& e#ch other, they #ll
%r#$- b)t /#tely, 2ho -ept gropi$g i$e&&ect)#lly &or the %oor h#$%le* The bottle &ell #g#i$st his he#% 2ith # cl)$-, #$%
2his-ey po)re% %o2$ his $ec-* He beg#$ 2rithi$g co$,)lsi,ely*
5Hey, 2e5,e got to get o)t o& hereC5 he crie%* 5>e5ll #ll %ro2$*5
5+s #$ybo%y i$ there95 #s-e% Cle,i$ger 2ith co$cer$, shi$i$g # &l#shlight %o2$ &ro( the top*
5+t5s Cle,i$gerC5 they sho)te%, #$% trie% to p)ll hi( i$ thro)gh the 2i$%o2 #s he re#che% %o2$ to #i% the(*
5Loo- #t the(C5 Cle,i$ger e8cl#i(e% i$%ig$#$tly to 'c>#tt, 2ho s#t gri$$i$g #t the 2heel o& the st#&& c#r* 5Lyi$g there li-e
# b)$ch o& %r)$-e$ #$i(#ls* .o) too, /#tely9 .o) o)ght to be #sh#(e%C Co(e o$ - help (e get the( o)t o& here
be&ore they #ll %ie o& p$e)(o$i#*5
5.o) -$o2, th#t %o$5t so)$% li-e s)ch # b#% i%e#,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t re&lecte%* 5+ thi$- + 2ill %ie o& p$e)(o$i#*5
5>hy95
5>hy $ot95 #$s2ere% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t, #$% l#y b#c- i$ the ()% co$te$te%ly 2ith the bottle o& rye c)%%le% i$ his #r(s*
5Oh, $o2 loo- 2h#t he5s %oi$gC5 Cle,i$ger e8cl#i(e% 2ith irrit#tio$* 5>ill yo) get )p #$% get i$to the c#r so 2e c#$ #ll go
b#c- to the s6)#%ro$95
5>e c#$5t #ll go b#c-* So(eo$e h#s to st#y here to help the Chie& 2ith this c#r he sig$e% o)t o& the (otor pool*5
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t settle% b#c- i$ the st#&& c#r 2ith #$ eb)llie$t, pri%e&)l ch)c-le* 5Th#t5s C#pt#i$ 7l#c-5s c#r,5 he
i$&or(e% the( 3)bil#$tly* 5+ stole it &ro( hi( #t the o&&icers5 cl)b 3)st $o2 2ith #$ e8tr# set o& -eys he tho)ght he lost this
(or$i$g*5
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%C Th#t c#lls &or # %ri$-*5
5H#,e$5t yo) h#% e$o)gh to %ri$-95 Cle,i$ger beg#$ scol%i$g #s soo$ #s 'c>#tt st#rte% the c#r* 5Loo- #t yo)* .o) %o$5t
c#re i& yo) %ri$- yo)rsel,es to %e#th or %ro2$ yo)rsel,es to %e#th, %o yo)95
5J)st #s lo$g #s 2e %o$5t &ly o)rsel,es to %e#th*5
5Hey, ope$ it )p, ope$ it )p,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t )rge% 'c>#tt* 5A$% t)r$ o&& the he#%lights* Th#t5s the o$ly 2#y to %o it*5
50oc 0#$ee-# is right,5 Cle,i$ger 2e$t o$* 5People %o$5t -$o2 e$o)gh to t#-e c#re o& the(sel,es* + re#lly #( %isg)ste%
2ith #ll o& yo)*5
5O-#y, &#t(o)th, o)t o& the c#r,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t or%ere%* 5E,erybo%y get o)t o& the c#r b)t .oss#ri#$* >here5s
.oss#ri#$95
43 | P a g e
5:et the hell o&& (e*5 .oss#ri#$ l#)ghe%, p)shi$g hi( #2#y* 5.o)5re #ll co,ere% 2ith ()%*5
Cle,i$ger &oc)se% o$ /#tely* 5.o)5re the o$e 2ho re#lly s)rprises (e* 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t yo) s(ell li-e9 +$ste#% o&
tryi$g to -eep hi( o)t o& tro)ble, yo) get 3)st #s %r)$- #s he is* S)ppose he got i$ #$other &ight 2ith Appleby95
Cle,i$ger5s eyes ope$e% 2i%e 2ith #l#r( 2he$ he he#r% .oss#ri#$ ch)c-le* 5He %i%$5t get i$ #$other &ight 2ith Appleby,
%i% he95
5/ot this ti(e,5 s#i% 0)$b#r*
5/o, $ot this ti(e* This ti(e + %i% e,e$ better*5
5This ti(e he got i$ # &ight 2ith Colo$el ?or$*5
5He %i%$5tC5 g#spe% Cle,i$ger*
5He %i%95 e8cl#i(e% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2ith %elight* 5Th#t c#lls &or # %ri$-*5
57)t th#t5s terribleC5 Cle,i$ger %ecl#re% 2ith %eep #pprehe$sio$* 5>hy i$ the 2orl% %i% yo) h#,e to pic- o$ Colo$el ?or$9
S#y, 2h#t h#ppe$e% to the lights9 >hy is e,erythi$g so %#r-95
5+ t)r$e% the( o&&,5 #$s2ere% 'c>#tt* 5.o) -$o2, Chie& >hite H#l&o#t is right* +t5s ()ch better 2ith the he#%lights o&&*5
5Are yo) cr#4y95 Cle,i$ger scre#(e%, #$% l)$ge% &or2#r% to s$#p the he#%lights o$* He 2hirle% #ro)$% )po$ .oss#ri#$
i$ $e#r hysteri#* 5.o) see 2h#t yo)5re %oi$g9 .o)5,e got the( #ll #cti$g li-e yo)C S)ppose it stops r#i$i$g #$% 2e h#,e
to &ly to 7olog$# to(orro2* .o)5ll be i$ &i$e physic#l co$%itio$*5
5+t 2o$5t e,er go$$# stop r#i$i$g* /o, sir, # r#i$ li-e this re#lly (ight go o$ &ore,er*5
5+t h#s stoppe% r#i$i$gC5 so(eo$e s#i%, #$% the 2hole c#r &ell sile$t*
5.o) poor b#st#r%s,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t ()r()re% co(p#ssio$#tely #&ter # &e2 (o(e$ts h#% p#sse%*
50i% it re#lly stop r#i$i$g95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% (ee-ly*
'c>#tt s2itche% o&& the 2i$%shiel% 2ipers to (#-e cert#i$* The r#i$ h#% stoppe%* The s-y 2#s st#rti$g to cle#r* The
(oo$ 2#s sh#rp behi$% # g#)4y bro2$ (ist*
5Oh, 2ell,5 s#$g 'c>#tt soberly* 5>h#t the hell*5
50o$5t 2orry, &ell#s,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t s#i%* 5The l#$%i$g strip is too so&t to )se to(orro2* '#ybe it5ll st#rt r#i$i$g #g#i$
be&ore the &iel% %ries o)t*5
5.o) go%%#( sti$-i$g lo)sy so$ o& # bitch,5 H)$gry Joe scre#(e% &ro( his te$t #s they spe% i$to the s6)#%ro$*
5Jes)s, is he b#c- here to$ight9 + tho)ght he 2#s still i$ Ro(e 2ith the co)rier ship*5
5OhC OooohC OoooooohC5 H)$gry Joe scre#(e%*
Chie& >hite H#l&o#t sh)%%ere%* 5Th#t g)y gi,es (e the 2illies,5 he co$&esse% i$ # gro)chy 2hisper* 5Hey, 2h#te,er
h#ppe$e% to C#pt#i$ ;l)(e95
5There5s # g)y th#t gi,es (e the 2illies* + s#2 hi( i$ the 2oo%s l#st 2ee- e#ti$g 2il% berries* He $e,er sleeps i$ his
tr#iler #$y (ore* He loo-e% li-e hell*5
5H)$gry Joe5s #&r#i% he5ll h#,e to repl#ce so(ebo%y 2ho goes o$ sic- c#ll, e,e$ tho)gh there is $o sic- c#ll* 0i% yo)
see hi( the other $ight 2he$ he trie% to -ill H#,er(eyer #$% &ell i$to .oss#ri#$5s slit tre$ch95
5OooohC5 scre#(e% H)$gry Joe* 5OhC OooohC OooooohC5
5+t s)re is # ple#s)re $ot h#,i$g ;l)(e #ro)$% i$ the (ess h#ll #$y (ore* /o (ore o& th#t JP#ss the s#lt, >#lt*J 5
5Or JP#ss the bre#%, ;re%*J 5
5Or JShoot (e # beet, Pete*J 5
5?eep #2#y, -eep #2#y,5 H)$gry Joe scre#(e%* 5+ s#i% -eep #2#y, -eep #2#y, yo) go%%#( sti$-i$g lo)sy so$ o& #
bitch*5
5At le#st 2e &o)$% o)t 2h#t he %re#(s #bo)t,5 0)$b#r obser,e% 2ryly* 5He %re#(s #bo)t go%%#( sti$-i$g lo)sy so$s o&
bitches*5
L#te th#t $ight H)$gry Joe %re#(e% th#t H)ple5s c#t 2#s sleepi$g o$ his &#ce, s)&&oc#ti$g hi(, #$% 2he$ he 2o-e )p,
H)ple5s c#t 2#s sleepi$g o$ his &#ce* His #go$y 2#s terri&yi$g, the pierci$g, )$e#rthly ho2l 2ith 2hich he split the
(oo$lit %#r- ,ibr#ti$g i$ its o2$ i(p#ct &or seco$%s #&ter2#r% li-e # %e,#st#ti$g shoc-* A $)(bi$g sile$ce &ollo2e%, #$%
the$ # rioto)s %i$ rose &ro( i$si%e his te$t*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s #(o$g the &irst o$es there* >he$ he b)rst thro)gh the e$tr#$ce, H)$gry Joe h#% his g)$ o)t #$% 2#s
str)ggli$g to 2re$ch his #r( &ree &ro( H)ple to shoot the c#t, 2ho -ept spitti$g #$% &ei$ti$g #t hi( &erocio)sly to %istr#ct
hi( &ro( shooti$g H)ple* 7oth h)(#$s 2ere i$ their :+ )$%er2e#r* The )$&roste% light b)lb o,erhe#% 2#s s2i$gi$g
cr#4ily o$ its loose 2ire, #$% the 3)(ble% bl#c- sh#%o2s -ept s2irli$g #$% bobbi$g ch#otic#lly, so th#t the e$tire te$t
see(e% to be reeli$g* .oss#ri#$ re#che% o)t i$sti$cti,ely &or b#l#$ce #$% the$ l#)$che% hi(sel& &or2#r% i$ # pro%igio)s
%i,e th#t cr)she% the three co(b#t#$ts to the gro)$% be$e#th hi(* He e(erge% &ro( the (elee 2ith the scr)&& o& # $ec-
i$ e#ch h#$% - H)$gry Joe5s $ec- #$% the c#t5s* H)$gry Joe #$% the c#t gl#re% #t e#ch other s#,#gely* The c#t sp#t
,icio)sly #t H)$gry Joe, #$% H)$gry Joe trie% to hit it 2ith # h#y(#-er*
5A &#ir &ight,5 .oss#ri#$ %ecree%, #$% #ll the others 2ho h#% co(e r)$$i$g to the )pro#r i$ horror beg#$ cheeri$g
ecst#tic#lly i$ # tre(e$%o)s o,er&lo2 o& relie&* 5>e5ll h#,e # &#ir &ight,5 he e8pl#i$e% o&&ici#lly to H)$gry Joe #$% the c#t
#&ter he h#% c#rrie% the( both o)tsi%e, still hol%i$g the( #p#rt by the scr)&&s o& their $ec-s* 5;ists, &#$gs #$% cl#2s* 7)t
$o g)$s,5 he 2#r$e% H)$gry Joe* 5A$% $o spitti$g,5 he 2#r$e% the c#t ster$ly* 5>he$ + t)r$ yo) both loose, go* 7re#-
cle#$ i$ the cli$ches #$% co(e b#c- &ighti$g* :oC5
There 2#s # h)ge, gi%%y cro2% o& (e$ 2ho 2ere #,i% &or #$y %i,ersio$, b)t the c#t t)r$e% chic-e$ the (o(e$t
.oss#ri#$ rele#se% hi( #$% &le% &ro( H)$gry Joe ig$o(i$io)sly li-e # yello2 %og* H)$gry Joe 2#s %ecl#re% the 2i$$er*
He s2#ggere% #2#y h#ppily 2ith the pro)% s(ile o& # ch#(pio$, his shri,ele% he#% high #$% his e(#ci#te% chest o)t*
He 2e$t b#c- to be% ,ictorio)s #$% %re#(e% #g#i$ th#t H)ple5s c#t 2#s sleepi$g o$ his &#ce, s)&&oc#ti$g hi(*
1G 'AJOR - 0E COBERLE.
'o,i$g the bo(b li$e %i% $ot &ool the :er(#$s, b)t it %i% &ool '#3or - %e Co,erley, 2ho p#c-e% his ()sette b#g,
co((#$%eere% #$ #irpl#$e #$%, )$%er the i(pressio$ th#t ;lore$ce too h#% bee$ c#pt)re% by the Allies, h#% hi(sel&
&lo2$ to th#t city to re$t t2o #p#rt(e$ts &or the o&&icers #$% the e$liste% (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ to )se o$ rest le#,es* He
h#% still $ot ret)r$e% by the ti(e .oss#ri#$ 3)(pe% b#c- o)tsi%e '#3or '#3or5s o&&ice #$% 2o$%ere% 2ho( to #ppe#l to
$e8t &or help*
'#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s # sple$%i%, #2e-i$spiri$g, gr#,e ol% (#$ 2ith # (#ssi,e leo$i$e he#% #$% #$ #$gry shoc- o&
2il% 2hite h#ir th#t r#ge% li-e # bli44#r% #ro)$% his ster$, p#tri#rch#l &#ce* His %)ties #s s6)#%ro$ e8ec)ti,e o&&icer %i%
Catch 22
co$sist e$tirely, #s both 0oc 0#$ee-# #$% '#3or '#3or h#% co$3ect)re%, o& pitchi$g horseshoes, -i%$#pi$g +t#li#$
l#borers, #$% re$ti$g #p#rt(e$ts &or the e$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers to )se o$ rest le#,es, #$% he e8celle% #t #ll three*
E#ch ti(e the &#ll o& # city li-e /#ples, Ro(e or ;lore$ce see(e% i((i$e$t, '#3or - %e Co,erley 2o)l% p#c- his
()sette b#g, co((#$%eer #$ #irpl#$e #$% # pilot, #$% h#,e hi(sel& &lo2$ #2#y, #cco(plishi$g #ll this 2itho)t )tteri$g
# 2or%, by the sheer &orce o& his sole($, %o(i$eeri$g ,is#ge #$% the pere(ptory gest)res o& his 2ri$-le% &i$ger* A %#y
or t2o #&ter the city &ell, he 2o)l% be b#c- 2ith le#ses o$ t2o l#rge #$% l)8)rio)s #p#rt(e$ts there, o$e &or the o&&icers
#$% o$e &or the e$liste% (e$, both #lre#%y st#&&e% 2ith co(pete$t, 3olly coo-s #$% (#i%s* A &e2 %#ys #&ter th#t,
$e2sp#pers 2o)l% #ppe#r thro)gho)t the 2orl% 2ith photogr#phs o& the &irst A(eric#$ sol%iers bl)%geo$i$g their 2#y
i$to the sh#ttere% city thro)gh r)bble #$% s(o-e* +$e,it#bly, '#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s #(o$g the(, se#te% str#ight #s #
r#(ro% i$ # 3eep he h#% obt#i$e% &ro( so(e2here, gl#$ci$g $either right $or le&t #s the #rtillery &ire b)rst #bo)t his
i$,i$cible he#% #$% lithe yo)$g i$&#$try(e$ 2ith c#rbi$es 2e$t lopi$g )p #lo$g the si%e2#l-s i$ the shelter o& b)r$i$g
b)il%i$gs or &ell %e#% i$ %oor2#ys* He see(e% eter$#lly i$%estr)ctible #s he s#t there s)rro)$%e% by %#$ger, his
&e#t)res (ol%e% &ir(ly i$to th#t s#(e &ierce, reg#l, 3)st #$% &orbi%%i$g co)$te$#$ce 2hich 2#s recog$i4e% #$% re,ere%
by e,ery (#$ i$ the s6)#%ro$*
To :er(#$ i$tellige$ce, '#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s # ,e8#tio)s e$ig(#A $ot o$e o& the h)$%re%s o& A(eric#$ priso$ers
2o)l% e,er s)pply #$y co$crete i$&or(#tio$ #bo)t the el%erly 2hite-h#ire% o&&icer 2ith the g$#rle% #$% (e$#ci$g bro2
#$% bl#4i$g, po2er&)l eyes 2ho see(e% to spe#rhe#% e,ery i(port#$t #%,#$ce so &e#rlessly #$% s)ccess&)lly* To
A(eric#$ #)thorities his i%e$tity 2#s e6)#lly perple8i$gA # 2hole regi(e$t o& cr#c- C*+*0* (e$ h#% bee$ thro2$ i$to the
&ro$t li$es to &i$% o)t 2ho he 2#s, 2hile # b#tt#lio$ o& co(b#t-h#r%e$e% p)blic-rel#tio$s o&&icers stoo% o$ re% #lert
t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y 2ith or%ers to begi$ p)blici4i$g hi( the (o(e$t he 2#s loc#te%*
+$ Ro(e, '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% o)t%o$e hi(sel& 2ith the #p#rt(e$ts* ;or the o&&icers, 2ho #rri,e% i$ gro)ps o& &o)r or
&i,e, there 2#s #$ i((e$se %o)ble roo( &or e#ch i$ # $e2 2hite sto$e b)il%i$g, 2ith three sp#cio)s b#throo(s 2ith
2#lls o& shi((eri$g #6)#(#ri$e tile #$% o$e s-i$$y (#i% $#(e% 'ich#el# 2ho tittere% #t e,erythi$g #$% -ept the
#p#rt(e$t i$ spotless or%er* O$ the l#$%i$g belo2 li,e% the obse6)io)s o2$ers* O$ the l#$%i$g #bo,e li,e% the be#)ti&)l
rich bl#c--h#ire% Co)$tess #$% her be#)ti&)l, rich bl#c--h#ire% %#)ghter-i$-l#2, both o& 2ho( 2o)l% p)t o)t o$ly &or
/#tely, 2ho 2#s too shy to 2#$t the(, #$% &or A#r&y, 2ho 2#s too st)&&y to t#-e the( #$% trie% to %iss)#%e the( &ro(
e,er p)tti$g o)t &or #$yo$e b)t their h)sb#$%s, 2ho h#% chose$ to re(#i$ i$ the $orth 2ith the &#(ily5s b)si$ess
i$terests*
5They5re re#lly # co)ple o& goo% -i%s,5 A#r&y co$&i%e% e#r$estly to .oss#ri#$, 2hose rec)rri$g %re#( it 2#s to h#,e the
$)%e (il--2hite &e(#le bo%ies o& both these be#)ti&)l rich bl#c--h#ire% goo% -i%s lyi$g stretche% o)t i$ be% erotic#lly
2ith hi( #t the s#(e ti(e*
The e$liste% (e$ %esce$%e% )po$ Ro(e i$ g#$gs o& t2el,e or (ore 2ith :#rg#$t)#$ #ppetites #$% he#,y cr#tes &ille%
2ith c#$$e% &oo% &or the 2o(e$ to coo- #$% ser,e to the( i$ the %i$i$g roo( o& their o2$ #p#rt(e$t o$ the si8th &loor
o& # re% bric- b)il%i$g 2ith # cli$-i$g ele,#tor* There 2#s #l2#ys (ore #cti,ity #t the e$liste% (e$5s pl#ce* There 2ere
#l2#ys (ore e$liste% (e$, to begi$ 2ith, #$% (ore 2o(e$ to coo- #$% ser,e #$% s2eep #$% scr)b, #$% the$ there
2ere #l2#ys the g#y #$% silly se$s)#l yo)$g girls th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% &o)$% #$% bro)ght there #$% those th#t the sleepy
e$liste% (e$ ret)r$i$g to Pi#$os# #&ter their e8h#)sti$g se,e$-%#y %eb#)ch h#% bro)ght there o$ their o2$ #$% 2ere
le#,i$g behi$% &or 2hoe,er 2#$te% the( $e8t* The girls h#% shelter #$% &oo% &or #s lo$g #s they 2#$te% to st#y* All they
h#% to %o i$ ret)r$ 2#s h)(p #$y o& the (e$ 2ho #s-e% the( to, 2hich see(e% to (#-e e,erythi$g 3)st #bo)t per&ect
&or the(*
E,ery &o)rth %#y or so H)$gry Joe c#(e cr#shi$g i$ li-e # (#$ i$ tor(e$t, ho#rse, 2il%, #$% &re$etic, i& he h#% bee$
)$l)c-y e$o)gh to &i$ish his (issio$s #g#i$ #$% 2#s &lyi$g the co)rier ship* 'ost ti(es he slept #t the e$liste% (e$5s
#p#rt(e$t* /obo%y 2#s cert#i$ ho2 (#$y roo(s '#3or - %e Co,erley h#% re$te%, $ot e,e$ the sto)t bl#c--bo%ice%
2o(#$ i$ corsets o$ the &irst &loor &ro( 2ho( he h#% re$te% the(* They co,ere% the 2hole top &loor, #$% .oss#ri#$
-$e2 they e8te$%e% %o2$ to the &i&th &loor #s 2ell, &or it 2#s i$ S$o2%e$5s roo( o$ the &i&th &loor th#t he h#% &i$#lly
&o)$% the (#i% i$ the li(e-colore% p#$ties 2ith # %)st (op the %#y #&ter 7olog$#, #&ter H)$gry Joe h#% %isco,ere% hi(
i$ be% 2ith L)ci#$# #t the o&&icers5 #p#rt(e$t th#t s#(e (or$i$g #$% h#% go$e r)$$i$g li-e # &ie$% &or his c#(er#*
The (#i% i$ the li(e-colore% p#$ties 2#s # cheer&)l, &#t, obligi$g 2o(#$ i$ her (i%-thirties 2ith s6)#shy thighs #$%
s2#yi$g h#(s i$ li(e-colore% p#$ties th#t she 2#s #l2#ys rolli$g o&& &or #$y (#$ 2ho 2#$te% her* She h#% # pl#i$
bro#% &#ce #$% 2#s the (ost ,irt)o)s 2o(#$ #li,e@ she l#i% &or e,erybo%y, reg#r%less o& r#ce, cree%, color or pl#ce o&
$#tio$#l origi$, %o$#ti$g hersel& soci#bly #s #$ #ct o& hospit#lity, procr#sti$#ti$g $ot e,e$ &or the (o(e$t it (ight t#-e to
%isc#r% the cloth or broo( or %)st (op she 2#s cl)tchi$g #t the ti(e she 2#s gr#bbe%* Her #ll)re ste((e% &ro( her
#ccessibilityA li-e 't* E,erest, she 2#s there, #$% the (e$ cli(be% o$ top o& her e#ch ti(e they &elt the )rge* .oss#ri#$
2#s i$ lo,e 2ith the (#i% i$ the li(e-colore% p#$ties bec#)se she see(e% to be the o$ly 2o(#$ le&t he co)l% (#-e
lo,e to 2itho)t &#lli$g i$ lo,e 2ith* E,e$ the b#l%-he#%e% girl i$ Sicily still e,o-e% i$ hi( stro$g se$s#tio$s o& pity,
te$%er$ess #$% regret*
0espite the ()ltiple perils to 2hich '#3or - %e Co,erley e8pose% hi(sel& e#ch ti(e he re$te% #p#rt(e$ts, his o$ly i$3)ry
h#% occ)rre%, iro$ic#lly e$o)gh, 2hile he 2#s le#%i$g the tri)(ph#l processio$ i$to the ope$ city o& Ro(e, 2here he
2#s 2o)$%e% i$ the eye by # &lo2er &ire% #t hi( &ro( close r#$ge by # see%y, c#c-li$g, i$to8ic#te% ol% (#$, 2ho, li-e
S#t#$ hi(sel&, h#% the$ bo)$%e% )p o$ '#3or - %e Co,erley5s c#r 2ith (#licio)s glee, sei4e% hi( ro)ghly #$%
co$te(pt)o)sly by his ,e$er#ble 2hite he#% #$% -isse% hi( (oc-i$gly o$ e#ch chee- 2ith # (o)th ree-i$g 2ith so)r
&)(es o& 2i$e, cheese #$% g#rlic, be&ore %roppi$g b#c- i$to the 3oyo)s celebr#ti$g thro$gs 2ith # hollo2, %ry,
e8cori#ti$g l#)gh* '#3or - %e Co,erley, # Sp#rt#$ i$ #%,ersity, %i% $ot &li$ch o$ce thro)gho)t the 2hole hi%eo)s or%e#l*
A$% $ot )$til he h#% ret)r$e% to Pi#$os#, his b)si$ess i$ Ro(e co(plete%, %i% he see- (e%ic#l #tte$tio$ &or his 2o)$%*
He resol,e% to re(#i$ bi$oc)l#r #$% speci&ie% to 0oc 0#$ee-# th#t his eye p#tch be tr#$sp#re$t so th#t he co)l%
co$ti$)e pitchi$g horseshoes, -i%$#pi$g +t#li#$ l#borers #$% re$ti$g #p#rt(e$ts 2ith )$i(p#ire% ,isio$* To the (e$ i$
the s6)#%ro$, '#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s # coloss)s, #ltho)gh they $e,er %#re% tell hi( so* The o$ly o$e 2ho e,er %i%
%#re #%%ress hi( 2#s 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er, 2ho #ppro#che% the horseshoe-pitchi$g pit 2ith # h#r%-boile% egg his seco$%
2ee- i$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% hel% it #lo&t &or '#3or - %e Co,erley to see* '#3or - %e Co,erley str#ighte$e% 2ith
#sto$ish(e$t #t 'ilo5s e&&ro$tery #$% co$ce$tr#te% )po$ hi( the &)ll &)ry o& his stor(i$g co)$te$#$ce 2ith its r)gge%
45 | P a g e
o,erh#$g o& g)llie% &orehe#% #$% h)ge cr#g o& # h)(pb#c-e% $ose th#t c#(e ch#rgi$g o)t o& his &#ce 2r#th&)lly li-e #
7ig Te$ &)llb#c-* 'ilo stoo% his gro)$%, t#-i$g shelter behi$% the h#r%-boile% egg r#ise% protecti,ely be&ore his &#ce li-e
# (#gic ch#r(* +$ ti(e the g#le beg#$ to s)bsi%e, #$% the %#$ger p#sse%*
5>h#t is th#t95 '#3or - %e Co,erley %e(#$%e% #t l#st*
5A$ egg,5 'ilo #$s2ere%
5>h#t -i$% o& #$ egg95 '#3or - %e Co,erley %e(#$%e%*
5A h#r%-boile% egg,5 'ilo #$s2ere%*
5>h#t -i$% o& # h#r%-boile% egg95 '#3or - %e Co,erley %e(#$%e%*
5A &resh h#r%-boile% egg,5 'ilo #$s2ere%*
5>here %i% the &resh egg co(e &ro(95 '#3or- %e Co,erley %e(#$%e%*
5;ro( # chic-e$,5 'ilo #$s2ere%*
5>here is the chic-e$95 '#3or - %e Co,erley %e(#$%e%*
5The chic-e$ is i$ '#lt#,5 'ilo #$s2ere%*
5Ho2 (#$y chic-e$s #re there i$ '#lt#95
5E$o)gh chic-e$s to l#y &resh eggs &or e,ery o&&icer i$ the s6)#%ro$ #t &i,e ce$ts #piece &ro( the (ess &)$%,5 'ilo
#$s2ere%*
5+ h#,e # 2e#-$ess &or &resh eggs,5 '#3or - %e Co,erley co$&esse%*
5+& so(eo$e p)t # pl#$e #t (y %ispos#l, + co)l% &ly %o2$ there o$ce # 2ee- i$ # s6)#%ro$ pl#$e #$% bri$g b#c- #ll the
&resh eggs 2e $ee%,5 'ilo #$s2ere%* 5A&ter #ll, '#lt#5s $ot so &#r #2#y*5
5'#lt#5s $ot so &#r #2#y,5 '#3or - %e Co,erley obser,e%* 5.o) co)l% prob#bly &ly %o2$ there o$ce # 2ee- i$ # s6)#%ro$
pl#$e #$% bri$g b#c- #ll the &resh eggs 2e $ee%*5
5.es,5 'ilo #gree%* 5+ s)ppose + co)l% %o th#t, i& so(eo$e 2#$te% (e to #$% p)t # pl#$e #t (y %ispos#l*5
5+ li-e (y &resh eggs &rie%,5 '#3or - %e Co,erley re(e(bere%* 5+$ &resh b)tter*5
5+ c#$ &i$% #ll the &resh b)tter 2e $ee% i$ Sicily &or t2e$ty-&i,e ce$ts # po)$%,5 'ilo #$s2ere%* 5T2e$ty-&i,e ce$ts # po)$%
&or &resh b)tter is # goo% b)y* There5s e$o)gh (o$ey i$ the (ess &)$% &or b)tter too, #$% 2e co)l% prob#bly sell so(e
to the other s6)#%ro$s #t # pro&it #$% get b#c- (ost o& 2h#t 2e p#y &or o)r o2$*5
5>h#t5s yo)r $#(e, so$95 #s-e% '#3or - %e Co,erley*
5'y $#(e is 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er, sir* + #( t2e$ty-se,e$ ye#rs ol%*5
5.o)5re # goo% (ess o&&icer, 'ilo*5
5+5( $ot the (ess o&&icer, sir*5
5.o)5re # goo% (ess o&&icer, 'ilo*5
5Th#$- yo), sir* +5ll %o e,erythi$g i$ (y po2er to be # goo% (ess o&&icer*5
57less yo), (y boy* H#,e # horseshoe*5
5Th#$- yo), sir* >h#t sho)l% + %o 2ith it95
5Thro2 it*5
5A2#y95
5At the peg there* The$ pic- it )p #$% thro2 it #t this peg* +t5s # g#(e, see9 .o) get the horseshoe b#c-*5
5.es, sir* + see* Ho2 ()ch #re horseshoes selli$g &or95
The s(ell o& # &resh egg s$#ppi$g e8otic#lly i$ # pool o& &resh b)tter c#rrie% # lo$g 2#y o$ the 'e%iterr#$e#$ tr#%e
2i$%s #$% bro)ght :e$er#l 0ree%le r#ci$g b#c- 2ith # ,or#cio)s #ppetite, #cco(p#$ie% by his $)rse, 2ho
#cco(p#$ie% hi( e,ery2here, #$% his so$-i$-l#2, Colo$el 'oo%)s* +$ the begi$$i$g :e$er#l 0ree%le %e,o)re% #ll his
(e#ls i$ 'ilo5s (ess h#ll* The$ the other three s6)#%ro$s i$ Colo$el C#thc#rt5s gro)p t)r$e% their (ess h#lls o,er to
'ilo #$% g#,e hi( #$ #irpl#$e #$% # pilot e#ch so th#t he co)l% b)y &resh eggs #$% &resh b)tter &or the( too* 'ilo5s
pl#$es sh)ttle% b#c- #$% &orth se,e$ %#ys # 2ee- #s e,ery o&&icer i$ the &o)r s6)#%ro$s beg#$ %e,o)ri$g &resh eggs i$
#$ i$s#ti#ble orgy o& &resh-egg e#ti$g* :e$er#l 0ree%le %e,o)re% &resh eggs &or bre#-&#st, l)$ch #$% %i$$er - bet2ee$
(e#ls he %e,o)re% (ore &resh eggs - )$til 'ilo loc#te% #b)$%#$t so)rces o& &resh ,e#l, bee&, %)c-, b#by l#(b chops,
()shroo( c#ps, broccoli, So)th A&ric#$ roc- lobster t#ils, shri(p, h#(s, p)%%i$gs, gr#pes, ice cre#(, str#2berries #$%
#rticho-es* There 2ere three other bo(b gro)ps i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s co(b#t 2i$g, #$% they e#ch 3e#lo)sly %isp#tche%
their o2$ pl#$es to '#lt# &or &resh eggs, b)t %isco,ere% th#t &resh eggs 2ere selli$g there &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece* Si$ce
they co)l% b)y the( &ro( 'ilo &or &i,e ce$ts #piece, it (#%e (ore se$se to t)r$ o,er their (ess h#lls to his sy$%ic#te,
too, #$% gi,e hi( the pl#$es #$% pilots $ee%e% to &erry i$ #ll the other goo% &oo% he pro(ise% to s)pply #s 2ell*
E,eryo$e 2#s el#te% 2ith this t)r$ o& e,e$ts, (ost o& #ll Colo$el C#thc#rt, 2ho 2#s co$,i$ce% he h#% 2o$ # &e#ther i$
his c#p* He greete% 'ilo 3o,i#lly e#ch ti(e they (et #$%, i$ #$ e8cess o& co$trite ge$erosity, i(p)lsi,ely reco((e$%e%
'#3or '#3or &or pro(otio$* The reco((e$%#tio$ 2#s re3ecte% #t o$ce #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters by e8-
P*;*C* >i$tergree$, 2ho scribble% # br)s6)e, )$sig$e% re(i$%er th#t the Ar(y h#% o$ly o$e '#3or '#3or '#3or '#3or
#$% %i% $ot i$te$% to lose hi( by pro(otio$ 3)st to ple#se Colo$el C#thc#rt* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s st)$g by the bl)$t
reb)-e #$% s-)l-e% g)iltily #bo)t his roo( i$ s(#rti$g rep)%i#tio$* He bl#(e% '#3or '#3or &or this bl#c- eye #$%
%eci%e% to b)st hi( %o2$ to lie)te$#$t th#t ,ery s#(e %#y*
5They prob#bly 2o$5t let yo),5 Colo$el ?or$ re(#r-e% 2ith # co$%esce$%i$g s(ile, s#,ori$g the sit)#tio$* 5;or precisely
the s#(e re#so$s th#t they 2o)l%$5t let yo) pro(ote hi(* 7esi%es, yo)5% cert#i$ly loo- &oolish tryi$g to b)st hi( %o2$ to
lie)te$#$t right #&ter yo) trie% to pro(ote hi( to (y r#$-*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt &elt he((e% i$ o$ e,ery si%e* He h#% bee$ ()ch (ore s)ccess&)l i$ obt#i$i$g # (e%#l &or .oss#ri#$
#&ter the %eb#cle o& ;err#r#, 2he$ the bri%ge sp#$$i$g the Po 2#s still st#$%i$g )$%#(#ge% se,e$ %#ys #&ter Colo$el
C#thc#rt h#% ,ol)$teere% to %estroy it* /i$e (issio$s his (e$ h#% &lo2$ there i$ si8 %#ys, #$% the bri%ge 2#s $ot
%e(olishe% )$til the te$th (issio$ o$ the se,e$th %#y, 2he$ .oss#ri#$ -ille% ?r#&t #$% his cre2 by t#-i$g his &light o& si8
pl#$es i$ o,er the t#rget # seco$% ti(e* .oss#ri#$ c#(e i$ c#re&)lly o$ his seco$% bo(b r)$ bec#)se he 2#s br#,e
the$* He b)rie% his he#% i$ his bo(bsight )$til his bo(bs 2ere #2#yA 2he$ he loo-e% )p, e,erythi$g i$si%e the ship
2#s s)&&)se% i$ # 2eir% or#$ge glo2* At &irst he tho)ght th#t his o2$ pl#$e 2#s o$ &ire* The$ he spie% the pl#$e 2ith the
b)r$i$g e$gi$e %irectly #bo,e hi( #$% scre#(e% to 'c>#tt thro)gh the i$terco( to t)r$ le&t h#r%* A seco$% l#ter, the
2i$g o& ?r#&t5s pl#$e ble2 o&&* The &l#(i$g 2rec- %roppe%, &irst the &)sel#ge, the$ the spi$$i$g 2i$g, 2hile # sho2er o&
ti$y (et#l &r#g(e$ts beg#$ t#p %#$ci$g o$ the roo& o& .oss#ri#$5s o2$ pl#$e #$% the i$cess#$t c#ch)$gC c#ch)$gC
Catch 22
c#ch)$gC o& the &l#- 2#s still th)(pi$g #ll #ro)$% hi(*
7#c- o$ the gro)$%, e,ery eye 2#tche% gri(ly #s he 2#l-e% i$ %)ll %e3ectio$ )p to C#pt#i$ 7l#c- o)tsi%e the gree$
cl#pbo#r% brie&i$g roo( to (#-e his i$tellige$ce report #$% le#r$e% th#t Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ 2ere
2#iti$g to spe#- to hi( i$si%e* '#3or 0#$by stoo% b#rri$g the %oor, 2#,i$g e,eryo$e else #2#y i$ #she$ sile$ce*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s le#%e$ 2ith &#tig)e #$% lo$ge% to re(o,e his stic-y clothi$g* He steppe% i$to the brie&i$g roo( 2ith
(i8e% e(otio$s, )$cert#i$ ho2 he 2#s s)ppose% to &eel #bo)t ?r#&t #$% the others, &or they h#% #ll %ie% i$ the %ist#$ce
o& # ()te #$% secl)%e% #go$y #t # (o(e$t 2he$ he 2#s )p to his o2$ #ss i$ the s#(e ,ile, e8cr)ci#ti$g %ile((# o&
%)ty #$% %#($#tio$*
Colo$el C#thc#rt, o$ the other h#$%, 2#s #ll bro-e$ )p by the e,e$t* 5T2ice95 he #s-e%*
5+ 2o)l% h#,e (isse% it the &irst ti(e,5 .oss#ri#$ replie% so&tly, his &#ce lo2ere%*
Their ,oices echoe% slightly i$ the lo$g, $#rro2 b)$g#lo2*
57)t t2ice95 Colo$el C#thc#rt repe#te%, i$ ,i,i% %isbelie&*
5+ 2o)l% h#,e (isse% it the &irst ti(e,5 .oss#ri#$ repe#te%*
57)t ?r#&t 2o)l% be #li,e*5
5A$% the bri%ge 2o)l% still be )p*5
5A tr#i$e% bo(b#r%ier is s)ppose% to %rop his bo(bs the &irst ti(e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt re(i$%e% hi(* 5The other &i,e
bo(b#r%iers %roppe% their bo(bs the &irst ti(e*5
5A$% (isse% the t#rget,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5>e5% h#,e h#% to go b#c- there #g#i$*5
5A$% (#ybe yo) 2o)l% h#,e gotte$ it the &irst ti(e the$*5
5A$% (#ybe + 2o)l%$5t h#,e gotte$ it #t #ll*5
57)t (#ybe there 2o)l%$5t h#,e bee$ #$y losses*5
5A$% (#ybe there 2o)l% h#,e bee$ (ore losses, 2ith the bri%ge still le&t st#$%i$g* + tho)ght yo) 2#$te% the bri%ge
%estroye%*5
50o$5t co$tr#%ict (e,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i%* 5>e5re #ll i$ e$o)gh tro)ble*5
5+5( $ot co$tr#%icti$g yo), sir*5
5.es yo) #re* E,e$ th#t5s # co$tr#%ictio$*5
5.es, sir* +5( sorry*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt cr#c-e% his -$)c-les ,iole$tly* Colo$el ?or$, # stoc-y, %#r-, &l#cci% (#$ 2ith # sh#peless p#)$ch, s#t
co(pletely rel#8e% o$ o$e o& the be$ches i$ the &ro$t ro2, his h#$%s cl#spe% co(&ort#bly o,er the top o& his b#l% #$%
s2#rthy he#%* His eyes 2ere #()se% behi$% his gli$ti$g ri(less spect#cles*
5>e5re tryi$g to be per&ectly ob3ecti,e #bo)t this,5 he pro(pte% Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5>e5re tryi$g to be per&ectly ob3ecti,e #bo)t this,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i% to .oss#ri#$ 2ith the 4e#l o& s)%%e$ i$spir#tio$*
5+t5s $ot th#t +5( bei$g se$ti(e$t#l or #$ythi$g* + %o$5t gi,e # %#($ #bo)t the (e$ or the #irpl#$e* +t5s 3)st th#t it loo-s so
lo)sy o$ the report* Ho2 #( + goi$g to co,er )p so(ethi$g li-e this i$ the report95
5>hy %o$5t yo) gi,e (e # (e%#l95 .oss#ri#$ s)ggeste% ti(i%ly*
5;or goi$g #ro)$% t2ice95
5.o) g#,e o$e to H)$gry Joe 2he$ he cr#c-e% )p th#t #irpl#$e by (ist#-e*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt s$ic-ere% r)e&)lly* 5.o)5ll be l)c-y i& 2e %o$5t gi,e yo) # co)rt-(#rti#l*5
57)t + got the bri%ge the seco$% ti(e #ro)$%,5 .oss#ri#$ proteste%* 5+ tho)ght yo) 2#$te% the bri%ge %estroye%*5
5Oh, + %o$5t -$o2 2h#t + 2#$te%,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt crie% o)t i$ e8#sper#tio$* 5Loo-, o& co)rse + 2#$te% the bri%ge
%estroye%* Th#t bri%ge h#s bee$ # so)rce o& tro)ble to (e e,er si$ce + %eci%e% to se$% yo) (e$ o)t to get it* 7)t 2hy
co)l%$5t yo) %o it the &irst ti(e95
5+ %i%$5t h#,e e$o)gh ti(e* 'y $#,ig#tor 2#s$5t s)re 2e h#% the right city*5
5The right city95 Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s b#&&le%* 5Are yo) tryi$g to bl#(e it #ll o$ A#r&y $o295
5/o, sir* +t 2#s (y (ist#-e &or letti$g hi( %istr#ct (e* All +5( tryi$g to s#y is th#t +5( $ot i$&#llible*5
5/obo%y is i$&#llible,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i% sh#rply, #$% the$ co$ti$)e% ,#g)ely, 2ith #$ #&tertho)ght@ 5/obo%y is
i$%ispe$s#ble, either*5
There 2#s $o reb)tt#l* Colo$el ?or$ stretche% sl)ggishly* 5>e5,e got to re#ch # %ecisio$,5 he obser,e% c#s)#lly to
Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5>e5,e got to re#ch # %ecisio$,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i% to .oss#ri#$* 5A$% it5s #ll yo)r &#)lt* >hy %i% yo) h#,e to go
#ro)$% t2ice9 >hy co)l%$5t yo) %rop yo)r bo(bs the &irst ti(e li-e #ll the others95
5+ 2o)l% h#,e (isse% the &irst ti(e*5
5+t see(s to (e th#t 2e5re goi$g #ro)$% t2ice,5 Colo$el ?or$ i$terr)pte% 2ith # ch)c-le*
57)t 2h#t #re 2e goi$g to %o95 Colo$el C#thc#rt e8cl#i(e% 2ith %istress* 5The others #re #ll 2#iti$g o)tsi%e*5
5>hy %o$5t 2e gi,e hi( # (e%#l95 Colo$el ?or$ propose%*
5;or goi$g #ro)$% t2ice9 >h#t c#$ 2e gi,e hi( # (e%#l &or95
5;or goi$g #ro)$% t2ice,5 Colo$el ?or$ #$s2ere% 2ith # re&lecti,e, sel&-s#tis&ie% s(ile* 5A&ter #ll, + s)ppose it %i% t#-e #
lot o& co)r#ge to go o,er th#t t#rget # seco$% ti(e 2ith $o other pl#$es #ro)$% to %i,ert the #$ti#ircr#&t &ire* A$% he %i%
hit the bri%ge* .o) -$o2, th#t (ight be the #$s2er - to #ct bo#st&)lly #bo)t so(ethi$g 2e o)ght to be #sh#(e% o&*
Th#t5s # tric- th#t $e,er see(s to &#il*5
50o yo) thi$- it 2ill 2or-95
5+5( s)re it 2ill* A$% let5s pro(ote hi( to c#pt#i$, too, 3)st to (#-e cert#i$*5
50o$5t yo) thi$- th#t5s goi$g # bit &#rther th#$ 2e h#,e to95
5/o, + %o$5t thi$- so* +t5s best to pl#y s#&e* A$% # c#pt#i$5s $ot ()ch %i&&ere$ce*5
5All right,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt %eci%e%* 5>e5ll gi,e hi( # (e%#l &or bei$g br#,e e$o)gh to go #ro)$% o,er the t#rget t2ice*
A$% 2e5ll (#-e hi( # c#pt#i$, too*5
Colo$el ?or$ re#che% &or his h#t*
5E8it s(ili$g,5 he 3o-e%, #$% p)t his #r( #ro)$% .oss#ri#$5s sho)l%ers #s they steppe% o)tsi%e the %oor*
1D ?+0 SA'PSO/
7y the ti(e o& the (issio$ to 7olog$#, .oss#ri#$ 2#s br#,e e$o)gh $ot to go #ro)$% o,er the t#rget e,e$ o$ce, #$%
2he$ he &o)$% hi(sel& #lo&t &i$#lly i$ the $ose o& ?i% S#(pso$5s pl#$e, he presse% i$ the b)tto$ o& his thro#t (i-e #$%
47 | P a g e
#s-e%,
5>ell9 >h#t5s 2ro$g 2ith the pl#$e95
?i% S#(pso$ let o)t # shrie-* 5+s so(ethi$g 2ro$g 2ith the pl#$e9 >h#t5s the (#tter95
?i% S#(pso$5s cry t)r$e% .oss#ri#$ to ice* 5+s so(ethi$g the (#tter95 he yelle% i$ horror* 5Are 2e b#ili$g o)t95
5+ %o$5t -$o2C5 ?i% S#(pso$ shot b#c- i$ #$g)ish, 2#ili$g e8cite%ly* 5So(eo$e s#i% 2e5re b#ili$g o)tC >ho is this,
#$y2#y9 >ho is this95
5This is .oss#ri#$ i$ the $oseC .oss#ri#$ i$ the $ose* + he#r% yo) s#y there 2#s so(ethi$g the (#tter* 0i%$5t yo) s#y
there 2#s so(ethi$g the (#tter95
5+ tho)ght yo) s#i% there 2#s so(ethi$g 2ro$g* E,erythi$g see(s o-#y* E,erythi$g is #ll right*5
.oss#ri#$5s he#rt s#$-* So(ethi$g 2#s terribly 2ro$g i& e,erythi$g 2#s #ll right #$% they h#% $o e8c)se &or t)r$i$g
b#c-* He hesit#te% gr#,ely*
5+ c#$5t he#r yo),5 he s#i%*
5+ s#i% e,erythi$g is #ll right*5
The s)$ 2#s bli$%i$g 2hite o$ the porcel#i$-bl)e 2#ter belo2 #$% o$ the &l#shi$g e%ges o& the other #irpl#$es*
.oss#ri#$ too- hol% o& the colore% 2ires le#%i$g i$to the 3#c-bo8 o& the i$terco( syste( #$% tore the( loose*
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 he s#i%*
He he#r% $othi$g* Slo2ly he collecte% his (#p c#se #$% his three &l#- s)its #$% cr#2le% b#c- to the (#i$ co(p#rt(e$t*
/#tely, sitti$g sti&&ly i$ the co-pilot5s se#t, spie% hi( thro)gh the cor$er o& his eye #s he steppe% )p o$ the &light %ec-
behi$% ?i% S#(pso$* He s(ile% #t .oss#ri#$ 2#$ly, loo-i$g &r#il #$% e8ceptio$#lly yo)$g #$% b#sh&)l i$ the b)l-y
%)$geo$ o& his e#rpho$es, h#t, thro#t (i-e, &l#- s)it #$% p#r#ch)te* .oss#ri#$ be$t close to ?i% S#(pso$5s e#r*
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 he sho)te% #bo,e the e,e$ %ro$e o& the e$gi$es*
?i% S#(pso$ gl#$ce% b#c- #t hi( 2ith s)rprise* ?i% S#(pso$ h#% #$ #$g)l#r, co(ic#l &#ce 2ith #rche% eyebro2s #$%
# scr#2$y blo$% ()st#che*
5>h#t95 he c#lle% o)t o,er his sho)l%er*
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 .oss#ri#$ repe#te%*
5.o)5ll h#,e to t#l- lo)%er,5 ?i% S#(pso$ s#i%* 5+ still c#$5t he#r yo)*5
5+ s#i% + still c#$5t he#r yo)C5 .oss#ri#$ yelle%*
5+ c#$5t help it,5 ?i% S#(pso$ yelle% b#c- #t hi(* 5+5( sho)ti$g #s lo)% #s + c#$*5
5+ co)l%$5t he#r yo) o,er (y i$terco(,5 .oss#ri#$ bello2e% i$ (o)$ti$g helpless$ess* 5.o)5ll h#,e to t)r$ b#c-*5
5;or #$ i$terco(95 #s-e% ?i% S#(pso$ i$cre%)lo)sly*
5T)r$ b#c-,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$, 5be&ore + bre#- yo)r he#%*5
?i% S#(pso$ loo-e% &or (or#l s)pport to2#r% /#tely, 2ho st#re% #2#y &ro( hi( poi$te%ly* .oss#ri#$ o)tr#$-e% the(
both* ?i% S#(pso$ resiste% %o)bt&)lly &or #$other (o(e$t #$% the$ c#pit)l#te% e#gerly 2ith # tri)(ph#$t 2hoop*
5Th#t5s 3)st &i$e 2ith (e,5 he #$$o)$ce% gl#%ly, #$% ble2 o)t # shrill series o& 2histles )p i$to his ()st#che* 5.es sirree,
th#t5s 3)st &i$e 2ith ol% ?i% S#(pso$*5 He 2histle% #g#i$ #$% sho)te% o,er the i$terco(, 5/o2 he#r this, (y little
chic-#%ees* This is A%(ir#l ?i% S#(pso$ t#l-i$g* This is A%(ir#l ?i% S#(pso$ s6)#2-i$g, the pri%e o& the K)ee$5s
(#ri$es* .essiree* >e5re t)r$i$g b#c-, boys, by cr#c-ee, 2e5re t)r$i$g b#c-C5
/#tely rippe% o&& his h#t #$% e#rpho$es i$ o$e 3)bil#$t s2eep #$% beg#$ roc-i$g b#c- #$% &orth h#ppily li-e #
h#$%so(e chil% i$ # high ch#ir* Serge#$t ?$ight c#(e pl)((eti$g %o2$ &ro( the top g)$ t)rret #$% beg#$ po)$%i$g
the( #ll o$ the b#c- 2ith %elirio)s e$th)si#s(* ?i% S#(pso$ t)r$e% the pl#$e #2#y &ro( the &or(#tio$ i$ # 2i%e,
gr#ce&)l #rc #$% he#%e% to2#r% the #ir&iel%* >he$ .oss#ri#$ pl)gge% his he#%set i$to o$e o& the #)8ili#ry 3#c-bo8es,
the t2o g)$$ers i$ the re#r sectio$ o& the pl#$e 2ere both si$gi$g 5L# C)c#r#ch#*5
7#c- #t the &iel%, the p#rty &i44le% o)t #br)ptly* A$ )$e#sy sile$ce repl#ce% it, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s sober #$% sel&-
co$scio)s #s he cli(be% %o2$ &ro( the pl#$e #$% too- his pl#ce i$ the 3eep th#t 2#s #lre#%y 2#iti$g &or the(* /o$e o&
the (e$ spo-e #t #ll o$ the %ri,e b#c- thro)gh the he#,y, (es(eri4i$g 6)iet bl#$-eti$g (o)$t#i$s, se# #$% &orests* The
&eeli$g o& %esol#tio$ persiste% 2he$ they t)r$e% o&& the ro#% #t the s6)#%ro$* .oss#ri#$ got o)t o& the c#r l#st* A&ter #
(i$)te, .oss#ri#$ #$% # ge$tle 2#r( 2i$% 2ere the o$ly thi$gs stirri$g i$ the h#)$ti$g tr#$6)illity th#t h)$g li-e # %r)g
o,er the ,#c#te% te$ts* The s6)#%ro$ stoo% i$se$s#te, bere&t o& e,erythi$g h)(#$ b)t 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2ho rooste%
%oloro)sly li-e # shi,eri$g t)r-ey b)44#r% besi%e the close% %oor o& the (e%ic#l te$t, his st)&&e% $ose 3#bbi$g #2#y i$
thirsti$g &)tility #t the h#4y s)$light stre#(i$g %o2$ #ro)$% hi(* .oss#ri#$ -$e2 0oc 0#$ee-# 2o)l% $ot go s2i((i$g
2ith hi(* 0oc 0#$ee-# 2o)l% $e,er go s2i((i$g #g#i$A # perso$ co)l% s2oo$ or s)&&er # (il% coro$#ry occl)sio$ i$ #$
i$ch or t2o o& 2#ter #$% %ro2$ to %e#th, be c#rrie% o)t to se# by #$ )$%erto2, or (#%e ,)l$er#ble to polio(yelitis or
(e$i$gococc)s i$&ectio$ thro)gh chilli$g or o,er-e8ertio$* The thre#t o& 7olog$# to others h#% i$stille% i$ 0oc 0#$ee-#
#$ e,e$ (ore poig$#$t solicit)%e &or his o2$ s#&ety* At $ight $o2, he he#r% b)rgl#rs*
Thro)gh the l#,e$%er gloo( clo)%i$g the e$tr#$ce o& the oper#tio$s te$t, .oss#ri#$ gli(pse% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t,
%ilige$tly e(be44li$g 2his-ey r#tio$s, &orgi$g the sig$#t)res o& $o$%ri$-ers #$% po)ri$g o&& the #lcohol 2ith 2hich he
2#s poiso$i$g hi(sel& i$to sep#r#te bottles r#pi%ly i$ or%er to ste#l #s ()ch #s he co)l% be&ore C#pt#i$ 7l#c- ro)se%
hi(sel& 2ith recollectio$ #$% c#(e h)rryi$g o,er i$%ole$tly to ste#l the rest hi(sel&*
The 3eep st#rte% )p #g#i$ so&tly* ?i% S#(pso$, /#tely #$% the others 2#$%ere% #p#rt i$ # $oiseless e%%y o& (otio$ #$%
2ere s)c-e% #2#y i$to the cloyi$g yello2 still$ess* The 3eep ,#$ishe% 2ith # co)gh* .oss#ri#$ 2#s #lo$e i$ #
po$%ero)s, pri(e,#l l)ll i$ 2hich e,erythi$g gree$ loo-e% bl#c- #$% e,erythi$g else 2#s i(b)e% 2ith the color o& p)s*
The bree4e r)stle% le#,es i$ # %ry #$% %i#ph#$o)s %ist#$ce* He 2#s restless, sc#re% #$% sleepy* The soc-ets o& his
eyes &elt gri(y 2ith e8h#)stio$* >e#rily he (o,e% i$si%e the p#r#ch)te te$t 2ith its lo$g t#ble o& s(oothe% 2oo%, #
$#ggi$g bitch o& # %o)bt b)rro2i$g p#i$lessly i$si%e # co$scie$ce th#t &elt per&ectly cle#r* He le&t his &l#- s)it #$%
p#r#ch)te there #$% crosse% b#c- p#st the 2#ter 2#go$ to the i$tellige$ce te$t to ret)r$ his (#p c#se to C#pt#i$ 7l#c-,
2ho s#t %ro2si$g i$ his ch#ir 2ith his s-i$$y lo$g legs )p o$ his %es- #$% i$6)ire% 2ith i$%i&&ere$t c)riosity 2hy
.oss#ri#$5s pl#$e h#% t)r$e% b#c-* .oss#ri#$ ig$ore% hi(* He set the (#p %o2$ o$ the co)$ter #$% 2#l-e% o)t*
7#c- i$ his o2$ te$t, he s6)ir(e% o)t o& his p#r#ch)te h#r$ess #$% the$ o)t o& his clothes* Orr 2#s i$ Ro(e, %)e b#c-
th#t s#(e #&ter$oo$ &ro( the rest le#,e he h#% 2o$ by %itchi$g his pl#$e i$ the 2#ters o&& :e$o#*
/#tely 2o)l% #lre#%y be p#c-i$g to repl#ce hi(, e$tr#$ce% to &i$% hi(sel& still #li,e #$% )$%o)bte%ly i(p#tie$t to
res)(e his 2#ste% #$% he#rtbre#-i$g co)rtship o& his prostit)te i$ Ro(e* >he$ .oss#ri#$ 2#s )$%resse%, he s#t %o2$
Catch 22
o$ his cot to rest* He &elt ()ch better #s soo$ #s he 2#s $#-e%* He $e,er &elt co(&ort#ble i$ clothes* +$ # little 2hile he
p)t &resh )$%ershorts b#c- o$ #$% set o)t &or the be#ch i$ his (occ#si$s, # -h#-i-colore% b#th to2el %r#pe% o,er his
sho)l%ers*
The p#th &ro( the s6)#%ro$ le% hi( #ro)$% # (ysterio)s g)$ e(pl#ce(e$t i$ the 2oo%sA t2o o& the three e$liste% (e$
st#tio$e% there l#y sleepi$g o$ the circle o& s#$% b#gs #$% the thir% s#t e#ti$g # p)rple po(egr#$#te, biti$g o&& l#rge
(o)th&)ls bet2ee$ his ch)r$i$g 3#2s #$% spe2i$g the gro)$% ro)gh#ge o)t #2#y &ro( hi( i$to the b)shes* >he$ he
bit, re% 3)ice r#$ o)t o& his (o)th* .oss#ri#$ p#%%e% #he#% i$to the &orest #g#i$, c#ressi$g his b#re, ti$gli$g belly
#%ori$gly &ro( ti(e to ti(e #s tho)gh to re#ss)re hi(sel& it 2#s #ll still there* He rolle% # piece o& li$t o)t o& his $#,el*
Alo$g the gro)$% s)%%e$ly, o$ both si%es o& the p#th, he s#2 %o4e$s o& $e2 ()shroo(s the r#i$ h#% sp#2$e% po-i$g
their $o%)l#r &i$gers )p thro)gh the cl#((y e#rth li-e li&eless st#l-s o& &lesh, spro)ti$g i$ s)ch $ecrotic pro&)sio$
e,ery2here he loo-e% th#t they see(e% to be proli&er#ti$g right be&ore his eyes* There 2ere tho)s#$%s o& the(
s2#r(i$g #s &#r b#c- i$to the )$%erbr)sh #s he co)l% see, #$% they #ppe#re% to s2ell i$ si4e #$% ()ltiply i$ $)(ber #s
he spie% the(* He h)rrie% #2#y &ro( the( 2ith # shi,er o& eerie #l#r( #$% %i% $ot sl#c-e$ his p#ce )$til the soil
cr)(ble% to %ry s#$% be$e#th his &eet #$% they h#% bee$ le&t behi$%* He gl#$ce% b#c- #pprehe$si,ely, h#l& e8pecti$g to
&i$% the li(p 2hite thi$gs cr#2li$g #&ter hi( i$ sightless p)rs)it or s$#-i$g )p thro)gh the treetops i$ # 2rithi$g #$%
)$go,er$#ble ()t#ti,e (#ss*
The be#ch 2#s %eserte%* The o$ly so)$%s 2ere h)she% o$es, the blo#te% g)rgle o& the stre#(, the respir#ti$g h)( o&
the t#ll gr#ss #$% shr)bs behi$% hi(, the #p#thetic (o#$i$g o& the %)(b, tr#$sl)ce$t 2#,es* The s)r& 2#s #l2#ys s(#ll,
the 2#ter cle#r #$% cool* .oss#ri#$ le&t his thi$gs o$ the s#$% #$% (o,e% thro)gh the -$ee-high 2#,es )$til he 2#s
co(pletely i((erse%* O$ the other si%e o& the se#, # b)(py sli,er o& %#r- l#$% l#y 2r#ppe% i$ (ist, #l(ost i$,isible* He
s2#( l#$g)oro)sly o)t to the r#&t, hel% o$ # (o(e$t, #$% s2#( l#$g)oro)sly b#c- to 2here he co)l% st#$% o$ the
s#$% b#r* He s)b(erge% hi(sel& he#% &irst i$to the gree$ 2#ter se,er#l ti(es )$til he &elt cle#$ #$% 2i%e-#2#-e #$%
the$ stretche% hi(sel& o)t &#ce %o2$ i$ the s#$% #$% slept )$til the pl#$es ret)r$i$g &ro( 7olog$# 2ere #l(ost
o,erhe#% #$% the gre#t, c)()l#ti,e r)(ble o& their (#$y e$gi$es c#(e cr#shi$g i$ thro)gh his sl)(ber i$ #$ e#rth-
sh#tteri$g ro#r*
He 2o-e )p bli$-i$g 2ith # slight p#i$ i$ his he#% #$% ope$e% his eyes )po$ # 2orl% boili$g i$ ch#os i$ 2hich
e,erythi$g 2#s i$ proper or%er* He g#spe% i$ )tter #(#4e(e$t #t the &#$t#stic sight o& the t2el,e &lights o& pl#$es
org#$i4e% c#l(ly i$to e8#ct &or(#tio$* The sce$e 2#s too )$e8pecte% to be tr)e* There 2ere $o pl#$es sp)rti$g #he#%
2ith 2o)$%e%, $o$e l#ggi$g behi$% 2ith %#(#ge* /o %istress &l#res s(o-e% i$ the s-y* /o ship 2#s (issi$g b)t his
o2$* ;or #$ i$st#$t he 2#s p#r#ly4e% 2ith # se$s#tio$ o& (#%$ess* The$ he )$%erstoo%, #$% #l(ost 2ept #t the iro$y*
The e8pl#$#tio$ 2#s si(ple@ clo)%s h#% co,ere% the t#rget be&ore the pl#$es co)l% bo(b it, #$% the (issio$ to 7olog$#
2#s still to be &lo2$*
He 2#s 2ro$g* There h#% bee$ $o clo)%s* 7olog$# h#% bee$ bo(be%* 7olog$# 2#s # (il- r)$* There h#% bee$ $o &l#-
there #t #ll*
1! P+LTCHAR0 L >RE/
C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$, the i$o&&e$si,e 3oi$t s6)#%ro$ oper#tio$s o&&icers, 2ere both (il%, so&t-spo-e$ (e$
o& less th#$ (i%%le height 2ho e$3oye% &lyi$g co(b#t (issio$s #$% begge% $othi$g (ore o& li&e #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt
th#$ the opport)$ity to co$ti$)e &lyi$g the(* They h#% &lo2$ h)$%re%s o& co(b#t (issio$s #$% 2#$te% to &ly h)$%re%s
(ore* They #ssig$e% the(sel,es to e,ery o$e* /othi$g so 2o$%er&)l #s 2#r h#% e,er h#ppe$e% to the( be&oreA #$%
they 2ere #&r#i% it (ight $e,er h#ppe$ to the( #g#i$* They co$%)cte% their %)ties h)(bly #$% retice$tly, 2ith #
(i$i()( o& &)ss, #$% 2e$t to gre#t le$gths $ot to #$t#go$i4e #$yo$e* They s(ile% 6)ic-ly #t e,eryo$e they p#sse%*
>he$ they spo-e, they ()(ble%* They 2ere shi&ty, cheer&)l, s)bser,ie$t (e$ 2ho 2ere co(&ort#ble o$ly 2ith e#ch
other #$% $e,er (et #$yo$e else5s eye, $ot e,e$ .oss#ri#$5s eye #t the ope$-#ir (eeti$g they c#lle% to repri(#$% hi(
p)blicly &or (#-i$g ?i% S#(pso$ t)r$ b#c- &ro( the (issio$ to 7olog$#*
5;ell#s,5 s#i% C#pt#i$ Piltch#r%, 2ho h#% thi$$i$g %#r- h#ir #$% s(ile% #2-2#r%ly* 5>he$ yo) t)r$ b#c- &ro( # (issio$,
try to (#-e s)re it5s &or so(ethi$g i(port#$t, 2ill yo)9 /ot &or so(ethi$g )$i(port#$t*** li-e # %e&ecti,e i$terco(*** or
so(ethi$g li-e th#t* O-#y9 C#pt#i$ >re$ h#s (ore he 2#$ts to s#y to yo) o$ th#t s)b3ect*5
5C#pt#i$ Piltch#r%5s right, &ell#s,5 s#i% C#pt#i$ >re$* 5A$% th#t5s #ll +5( goi$g to s#y to yo) o$ th#t s)b3ect* >ell, 2e
&i$#lly got to 7olog$# to%#y, #$% 2e &o)$% o)t it5s # (il- r)$* >e 2ere #ll # little $er,o)s, + g)ess, #$% %i%$5t %o too
()ch %#(#ge* >ell, liste$ to this* Colo$el C#thc#rt got per(issio$ &or )s to go b#c-* A$% to(orro2 2e5re re#lly goi$g to
p#ste those #(()$itio$ %)(ps* /o2, 2h#t %o yo) thi$- #bo)t th#t95
A$% to pro,e to .oss#ri#$ th#t they bore hi( $o #$i(osity, they e,e$ #ssig$e% hi( to &ly le#% bo(b#r%ier 2ith 'c>#tt
i$ the &irst &or(#tio$ 2he$ they 2e$t b#c- to 7olog$# the $e8t %#y* He c#(e i$ o$ the t#rget li-e # H#,er(eyer,
co$&i%e$tly t#-i$g $o e,#si,e #ctio$ #t #ll, #$% s)%%e$ly they 2ere shooti$g the li,i$g shit o)t o& hi(C
He#,y &l#- 2#s e,ery2hereC He h#% bee$ l)lle%, l)re% #$% tr#ppe%, #$% there 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o b)t sit there li-e
#$ i%iot #$% 2#tch the )gly bl#c- p)&&s s(#shi$g )p to -ill hi(* There 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o )$til his bo(bs %roppe%
b)t loo- b#c- i$to the bo(bsight, 2here the &i$e cross-h#irs i$ the le$s 2ere gl)e% (#g$etic#lly o,er the t#rget e8#ctly
2here he h#% pl#ce% the(, i$tersecti$g per&ectly %eep i$si%e the y#r% o& his bloc- o& c#(o)&l#ge% 2#reho)ses be&ore
the b#se o& the &irst b)il%i$g* He 2#s tre(bli$g ste#%ily #s the pl#$e crept #he#%* He co)l% he#r the hollo2 boo(-boo(-
boo(-boo( o& the &l#- po)$%i$g #ll #ro)$% hi( i$ o,erl#ppi$g (e#s)res o& &o)r, the sh#rp, pierci$g cr#c-C o& # si$gle
shell e8plo%i$g s)%%e$ly ,ery close by* His he#% 2#s b)rsti$g 2ith # tho)s#$% %isso$#$t i(p)lses #s he pr#ye% &or the
bo(bs to %rop* He 2#$te% to sob* The e$gi$es %ro$e% o$ (o$oto$o)sly li-e # &#t, l#4y &ly* At l#st the i$%ices o$ the
bo(bsight crosse%, trippi$g #2#y the eight !<<-po)$%ers o$e #&ter the other* The pl#$e l)rche% )p2#r% b)oy#$tly 2ith
the lighte$e% lo#%* .oss#ri#$ be$t #2#y &ro( the bo(bsight croo-e%ly to 2#tch the i$%ic#tor o$ his le&t* >he$ the
poi$ter to)che% 4ero, he close% the bo(b b#y %oors #$%, o,er the i$terco(, #t the ,ery top o& his ,oice, shrie-e%@
5T)r$ right h#r%C5
'c>#tt respo$%e% i$st#$tly* >ith # gri$%i$g ho2l o& e$gi$es, he &lippe% the pl#$e o,er o$ o$e 2i$g #$% 2r)$g it #ro)$%
re(orselessly i$ # scre#(i$g t)r$ #2#y &ro( the t2i$ spires o& &l#- .oss#ri#$ h#% spie% st#bbi$g to2#r% the(* The$
.oss#ri#$ h#% 'c>#tt cli(b #$% -eep cli(bi$g higher #$% higher )$til they tore &ree &i$#lly i$to # c#l(, %i#(o$%-bl)e
s-y th#t 2#s s)$$y #$% p)re e,ery2here #$% l#ce% i$ the %ist#$ce 2ith lo$g 2hite ,eils o& te$)o)s &l)&&* The 2i$%
str)((e% soothi$gly #g#i$st the cyli$%ric#l p#$es o& his 2i$%o2s, #$% he rel#8e% e8)lt#$tly o$ly )$til they pic-e% )p
49 | P a g e
spee% #g#i$ #$% the$ t)r$e% 'c>#tt le&t #$% pl)$ge% hi( right b#c- %o2$, $otici$g 2ith # tr#$sitory sp#s( o& el#tio$
the ()shroo(i$g cl)sters o& &l#- le#pi$g ope$ high #bo,e hi( #$% b#c- o,er his sho)l%er to the right, e8#ctly 2here he
co)l% h#,e bee$ i& he h#% $ot t)r$e% le&t #$% %i,e%* He le,ele% 'c>#tt o)t 2ith #$other h#rsh cry #$% 2hippe% hi(
)p2#r% #$% #ro)$% #g#i$ i$to # r#gge% bl)e p#tch o& )$poll)te% #ir 3)st #s the bo(bs he h#% %roppe% beg#$ to stri-e*
The &irst o$e &ell i$ the y#r%, e8#ctly 2here he h#% #i(e%, #$% the$ the rest o& the bo(bs &ro( his o2$ pl#$e #$% &ro(
the other pl#$es i$ his &light b)rst ope$ o$ the gro)$% i$ # ch#rge o& r#pi% or#$ge &l#shes #cross the tops o& the
b)il%i$gs, 2hich coll#pse% i$st#$tly i$ # ,#st, ch)r$i$g 2#,e o& pi$- #$% gr#y #$% co#l-bl#c- s(o-e th#t 2e$t rolli$g o)t
t)rb)le$tly i$ #ll %irectio$s #$% 6)#-e% co$,)lsi,ely i$ its bo2els #s tho)gh &ro( gre#t bl#sts o& re% #$% 2hite #$%
gol%e$ sheet light$i$g*
5>ell, 2ill yo) loo- #t th#t,5 A#r&y (#r,ele% so$oro)sly right besi%e .oss#ri#$, his pl)(p, orbic)l#r &#ce sp#r-li$g 2ith #
loo- o& bright e$ch#$t(e$t* 5There ()st h#,e bee$ #$ #(()$itio$ %)(p %o2$ there*5
.oss#ri#$ h#% &orgotte$ #bo)t A#r&y* 5:et o)tC5 he sho)te% #t hi(* 5:et o)t o& the $oseC5
A#r&y s(ile% politely #$% poi$te% %o2$ to2#r% the t#rget i$ # ge$ero)s i$,it#tio$ &or .oss#ri#$ to loo-* .oss#ri#$ beg#$
sl#ppi$g #t hi( i$siste$tly #$% sig$#le% 2il%ly to2#r% the e$tr#$ce o& the cr#2l2#y*
5:et b#c- i$ the shipC5 he crie% &r#$tic#lly* 5:et b#c- i$ the shipC5
A#r&y shr)gge% #(i#bly* 5+ c#$5t he#r yo),5 he e8pl#i$e%*
.oss#ri#$ sei4e% hi( by the str#ps o& his p#r#ch)te h#r$ess #$% p)she% hi( b#c-2#r% to2#r% the cr#2l2#y 3)st #s the
pl#$e 2#s hit 2ith # 3#rri$g co$c)ssio$ th#t r#ttle% his bo$es #$% (#%e his he#rt stop* He -$e2 #t o$ce they 2ere #ll
%e#%*
5Cli(bC5 he scre#(e% i$to the i$terco( #t 'c>#tt 2he$ he s#2 he 2#s still #li,e* 5Cli(b, yo) b#st#r%C Cli(b, cli(b,
cli(b, cli(bC5
The pl#$e 4oo(e% )p2#r% #g#i$ i$ # cli(b th#t 2#s s2i&t #$% str#i$i$g, )$til he le,ele% it o)t 2ith #$other h#rsh sho)t
#t 'c>#tt #$% 2re$che% it #ro)$% o$ce (ore i$ # ro#ri$g, (erciless &orty-&i,e-%egree t)r$ th#t s)c-e% his i$si%es o)t i$
o$e e$er,#ti$g s$i&& #$% le&t hi( &lo#ti$g &leshless i$ (i%-#ir )$til he le,ele% 'c>#tt o)t #g#i$ 3)st lo$g e$o)gh to h)rl
hi( b#c- #ro)$% to2#r% the right #$% the$ %o2$ i$to # screechi$g %i,e* Thro)gh e$%less blobs o& ghostly bl#c- s(o-e
he spe%, the h#$gi$g s()t 2#&ti$g #g#i$st the s(ooth ple8igl#ss $ose o& the ship li-e #$ e,il, %#(p, sooty ,#por
#g#i$st his chee-s* His he#rt 2#s h#((eri$g #g#i$ i$ #chi$g terror #s he h)rtle% )p2#r% #$% %o2$2#r% thro)gh the
bli$% g#$gs o& &l#- ch#rgi$g ()r%ero)sly i$to the s-y #t hi(, the$ s#ggi$g i$ertly* S2e#t g)she% &ro( his $ec- i$
torre$ts #$% po)re% %o2$ o,er his chest #$% 2#ist 2ith the &eeli$g o& 2#r( sli(e* He 2#s ,#g)ely #2#re &or #$ i$st#$t
th#t the pl#$es i$ his &or(#tio$ 2ere $o lo$ger there, #$% the$ he 2#s #2#re o& o$ly hi(sel&* His thro#t h)rt li-e # r#2
sl#sh &ro( the str#$gli$g i$te$sity 2ith 2hich he shrie-e% e#ch co((#$% to 'c>#tt* The e$gi$es rose to # %e#&e$i$g,
#go$i4e%, )l)l#ti$g bello2 e#ch ti(e 'c>#tt ch#$ge% %irectio$* A$% &#r o)t i$ &ro$t the b)rsts o& &l#- 2ere still s2#r(i$g
i$to the s-y &ro( $e2 b#tteries o& g)$s po-i$g #ro)$% &or #cc)r#te #ltit)%e #s they 2#ite% s#%istic#lly &or hi( to &ly i$to
r#$ge*
The pl#$e 2#s sl#((e% #g#i$ s)%%e$ly 2ith #$other lo)%, 3#rri$g e8plosio$ th#t #l(ost roc-e% it o,er o$ its b#c-, #$%
the $ose &ille% i((e%i#tely 2ith s2eet clo)%s o& bl)e s(o-e* So(ethi$g 2#s o$ &ireC .oss#ri#$ 2hirle% to esc#pe #$%
s(#c-e% i$to A#r&y, 2ho h#% str)c- # (#tch #$% 2#s pl#ci%ly lighti$g his pipe* .oss#ri#$ g#pe% #t his gri$$i$g, (oo$-
&#ce% $#,ig#tor i$ )tter shoc- #$% co$&)sio$* +t occ)rre% to hi( th#t o$e o& the( 2#s (#%*
5Jes)s ChristC5 he scre#(e% #t A#r&y i$ tort)re% #(#4e(e$t* 5:et the hell o)t o& the $oseC Are yo) cr#4y9 :et o)tC5
5>h#t95 s#i% A#r&y*
5:et o)tC5 .oss#ri#$ yelle% hysteric#lly, #$% beg#$ cl)bbi$g A#r&y b#c-h#$%e% 2ith both &ists to %ri,e hi( #2#y* 5:et o)tC5
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 A#r&y c#lle% b#c- i$$oce$tly 2ith #$ e8pressio$ o& (il% #$% repro,i$g perple8ity* 5.o)5ll h#,e to t#l-
# little lo)%er*5
5:et o)t o& the $oseC5 .oss#ri#$ shrie-e% i$ &r)str#tio$* 5They5re tryi$g to -ill )sC 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 They5re tryi$g to
-ill )sC5
5>hich 2#y sho)l% + go, go%%#( it95 'c>#tt sho)te% &)rio)sly o,er the i$terco( i$ # s)&&eri$g, high-pitche% ,oice*
5>hich 2#y sho)l% + go95
5T)r$ le&tC Le&t, yo) go%%#( %irty so$ o& # bitchC T)r$ le&t h#r%C5
A#r&y crept )p close behi$% .oss#ri#$ #$% 3#bbe% hi( sh#rply i$ the ribs 2ith the ste( o& his pipe* .oss#ri#$ &le2 )p
to2#r% the ceili$g 2ith # 2hi$$yi$g cry, the$ 3)(pe% co(pletely #ro)$% o$ his -$ees, 2hite #s # sheet #$% 6)i,eri$g
2ith r#ge* A#r&y 2i$-e% e$co)r#gi$gly #$% 3er-e% his th)(b b#c- to2#r% 'c>#tt 2ith # h)(oro)s (o)e*
5>h#t5s e#ti$g hi(95 he #s-e% 2ith # l#)gh*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s str)c- 2ith # 2eir% se$se o& %istortio$* 5>ill yo) get o)t o& here95 he yelpe% beseechi$gly, #$% sho,e%
A#r&y o,er 2ith #ll his stre$gth* 5Are yo) %e#& or so(ethi$g9 :et b#c- i$ the pl#$eC5 A$% to 'c>#tt he scre#(e%, 50i,eC
0i,eC5
0o2$ they s#$- o$ce (ore i$to the cr)$chi$g, th)%%i$g, ,ol)(i$o)s b#rr#ge o& b)rsti$g #$ti#ircr#&t shells #s A#r&y
c#(e creepi$g b#c- behi$% .oss#ri#$ #$% 3#bbe% hi( sh#rply i$ the ribs #g#i$* .oss#ri#$ shie% )p2#r% 2ith #$other
2hi$$yi$g g#sp*
5+ still co)l%$5t he#r yo),5 A#r&y s#i%*
5+ s#i% get o)t o& hereC5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te%, #$% bro-e i$to te#rs* He beg#$ p)$chi$g A#r&y i$ the bo%y 2ith both h#$%s
#s h#r% #s he co)l%* 5:et #2#y &ro( (eC :et #2#yC5
P)$chi$g A#r&y 2#s li-e si$-i$g his &ists i$to # li(p s#c- o& i$&l#te% r)bber* There 2#s $o resist#$ce, $o respo$se #t #ll
&ro( the so&t, i$se$siti,e (#ss, #$% #&ter # 2hile .oss#ri#$5s spirit %ie% #$% his #r(s %roppe% helplessly 2ith
e8h#)stio$* He 2#s o,erco(e 2ith # h)(ili#ti$g &eeli$g o& i(pote$ce #$% 2#s re#%y to 2eep i$ sel&-pity*
5>h#t %i% yo) s#y95 A#r&y #s-e%*
5:et #2#y &ro( (e,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%, ple#%i$g 2ith hi( $o2* 5:o b#c- i$ the pl#$e*5
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo)*5
5/e,er (i$%,5 2#ile% .oss#ri#$, 5$e,er (i$%* J)st le#,e (e #lo$e*5
5/e,er (i$% 2h#t95
.oss#ri#$ beg#$ hitti$g hi(sel& i$ the &orehe#%* He sei4e% A#r&y by the shirt &ro$t #$%, str)ggli$g to his &eet &or tr#ctio$,
Catch 22
%r#gge% hi( to the re#r o& the $ose co(p#rt(e$t #$% &l)$g hi( %o2$ li-e # blo#te% #$% )$2iel%y b#g i$ the e$tr#$ce o&
the cr#2l2#y* A shell b#$ge% ope$ 2ith # st)pe$%o)s clo)t right besi%e his e#r #s he 2#s scr#(bli$g b#c- to2#r% the
&ro$t, #$% so(e )$%estroye% recess o& his i$tellige$ce 2o$%ere% th#t it %i% $ot -ill the( #ll* They 2ere cli(bi$g #g#i$*
The e$gi$es 2ere ho2li$g #g#i$ #s tho)gh i$ p#i$, #$% the #ir i$si%e the pl#$e 2#s #cri% 2ith the s(ell o& (#chi$ery
#$% &eti% 2ith the ste$ch o& g#soli$e* The $e8t thi$g he -$e2, it 2#s s$o2i$gC
Tho)s#$%s o& ti$y bits o& 2hite p#per 2ere &#lli$g li-e s$o2&l#-es i$si%e the pl#$e, (illi$g #ro)$% his he#% so thic-ly th#t
they cl)$g to his eyel#shes 2he$ he bli$-e% i$ #sto$ish(e$t #$% &l)ttere% #g#i$st his $ostrils #$% lips e#ch ti(e he
i$h#le%* >he$ he sp)$ #ro)$% i$ his be2il%er(e$t, A#r&y 2#s gri$$i$g pro)%ly &ro( e#r to e#r li-e so(ethi$g i$h)(#$
#s he hel% )p # sh#ttere% p#per (#p &or .oss#ri#$ to see* A l#rge ch)$- o& &l#- h#% rippe% )p &ro( the &loor thro)gh
A#r&y5s coloss#l 3)(ble o& (#ps #$% h#% rippe% o)t thro)gh the ceili$g i$ches #2#y &ro( their he#%s* A#r&y5s 3oy 2#s
s)bli(e*
5>ill yo) loo- #t this95 he ()r()re%, 2#ggli$g t2o o& his st)bby &i$gers pl#y&)lly i$to .oss#ri#$5s &#ce thro)gh the hole i$
o$e o& his (#ps* 5>ill yo) loo- #t this95
.oss#ri#$ 2#s %)(b&o)$%e% by his st#te o& r#pt)ro)s co$te$t(e$t* A#r&y 2#s li-e #$ eerie ogre i$ # %re#(, i$c#p#ble
o& bei$g br)ise% or e,#%e%, #$% .oss#ri#$ %re#%e% hi( &or # co(ple8 o& re#so$s he 2#s too petri&ie% to )$t#$gle* >i$%
2histli$g )p thro)gh the 3#gge% g#sh i$ the &loor -ept the (yri#% bits o& p#per circ)l#ti$g li-e #l#b#ster p#rticles i$ #
p#per2eight #$% co$trib)te% to # se$s#tio$ o& l#c6)ere%, 2#terlogge% )$re#lity* E,erythi$g see(e% str#$ge, so t#2%ry
#$% grotes6)e* His he#% 2#s throbbi$g &ro( # shrill cl#(or th#t %rille% rele$tlessly i$to both e#rs* +t 2#s 'c>#tt,
beggi$g &or %irectio$s i$ #$ i$cohere$t &re$4y* .oss#ri#$ co$ti$)e% st#ri$g i$ tor(e$te% &#sci$#tio$ #t A#r&y5s spheric#l
co)$te$#$ce be#(i$g #t hi( so sere$ely #$% ,#c#$tly thro)gh the %ri&ti$g 2horls o& 2hite p#per bits #$% co$cl)%e% th#t
he 2#s # r#,i$g l)$#tic 3)st #s eight b)rsts o& &l#- bro-e ope$ s)ccessi,ely #t eye le,el o&& to the right, the$ eight (ore,
#$% the$ eight (ore, the l#st gro)p p)lle% o,er to2#r% the le&t so th#t they 2ere #l(ost %irectly i$ &ro$t*
5T)r$ le&t h#r%C5 he hollere% to 'c>#tt, #s A#r&y -ept gri$$i$g, #$% 'c>#tt %i% t)r$ le&t h#r%, b)t the &l#- t)r$e% le&t h#r%
2ith the(, c#tchi$g )p &#st, #$% .oss#ri#$ hollere%, 5+ s#i% h#r%, h#r%, h#r%, h#r%, yo) b#st#r%, h#r%C5
A$% 'c>#tt be$t the pl#$e #ro)$% e,e$ h#r%er still, #$% s)%%e$ly, (ir#c)lo)sly, they 2ere o)t o& r#$ge* The &l#-
e$%e%* The g)$s stoppe% boo(i$g #t the(* A$% they 2ere #li,e*
7ehi$% hi(, (e$ 2ere %yi$g* Str)$g o)t &or (iles i$ # stric-e$, tort)o)s, s6)ir(i$g li$e, the other &lights o& pl#$es 2ere
(#-i$g the s#(e h#4#r%o)s 3o)r$ey o,er the t#rget, thre#%i$g their s2i&t 2#y thro)gh the s2olle$ (#sses o& $e2 #$%
ol% b)rsts o& &l#- li-e r#ts r#ci$g i$ # p#c- thro)gh their o2$ %roppi$gs* O$e 2#s o$ &ire, #$% &l#ppe% l#(ely o&& by itsel&,
billo2i$g gig#$tic#lly li-e # (o$stro)s bloo%-re% st#r* As .oss#ri#$ 2#tche%, the b)r$i$g pl#$e &lo#te% o,er o$ its si%e
#$% beg#$ spir#li$g %o2$ slo2ly i$ 2i%e, tre()lo)s, $#rro2i$g circles, its h)ge &l#(i$g b)r%e$ bl#4i$g or#$ge #$%
&l#ri$g o)t i$ b#c- li-e # lo$g, s2irli$g c#pe o& &ire #$% s(o-e* There 2ere p#r#ch)tes, o$e, t2o, three*** &o)r, #$% the$
the pl#$e gyr#te% i$to # spi$ #$% &ell the rest o& the 2#y to the gro)$%, &l)tteri$g i$se$sibly i$si%e its ,i,i% pyre li-e #
shre% o& colore% tiss)e p#per* O$e 2hole &light o& pl#$es &ro( #$other s6)#%ro$ h#% bee$ bl#ste% #p#rt*
.oss#ri#$ sighe% b#rre$ly, his %#y5s 2or- %o$e* He 2#s listless #$% stic-y* The e$gi$es croo$e% (elli&l)o)sly #s
'c>#tt throttle% b#c- to loiter #$% #llo2 the rest o& the pl#$es i$ his &light to c#tch )p* The #br)pt still$ess see(e% #lie$
#$% #rti&ici#l, # little i$si%io)s* .oss#ri#$ )$s$#ppe% his &l#- s)it #$% too- o&& his hel(et* He sighe% #g#i$, restlessly, #$%
close% his eyes #$% trie% to rel#8*
5>here5s Orr95 so(eo$e #s-e% s)%%e$ly o,er his i$terco(*
.oss#ri#$ bo)$%e% )p 2ith # o$e-syll#ble cry th#t cr#c-le% 2ith #$8iety #$% pro,i%e% the o$ly r#tio$#l e8pl#$#tio$ &or
the 2hole (ysterio)s phe$o(e$o$ o& the &l#- #t 7olog$#@ OrrC He l)$ge% &or2#r% o,er the bo(bsight to se#rch
%o2$2#r% thro)gh the ple8igl#ss &or so(e re#ss)ri$g sig$ o& Orr, 2ho %re2 &l#- li-e # (#g$et #$% 2ho h#%
)$%o)bte%ly #ttr#cte% the cr#c- b#tteries o& the 2hole Her(#$$ :oeri$g 0i,isio$ to 7olog$# o,er$ight &ro( 2here,er
the hell they h#% bee$ st#tio$e% the %#y be&ore 2he$ Orr 2#s still i$ Ro(e* A#r&y l#)$che% hi(sel& &or2#r% #$ i$st#$t
l#ter #$% cr#c-e% .oss#ri#$ o$ the bri%ge o& the $ose 2ith the sh#rp ri( o& his &l#- hel(et* .oss#ri#$ c)rse% hi( #s his
eyes &loo%e% 2ith te#rs*
5There he is,5 A#r&y or#te% &)$ere#lly, poi$ti$g %o2$ %r#(#tic#lly #t # h#y 2#go$ #$% t2o horses st#$%i$g be&ore the
b#r$ o& # gr#y sto$e &#r(ho)se* 5S(#she% to bits* + g)ess their $)(bers 2ere #ll )p*5
.oss#ri#$ s2ore #t A#r&y #g#i$ #$% co$ti$)e% se#rchi$g i$te$tly, col% 2ith # co(p#ssio$#te -i$% o& &e#r $o2 &or the little
bo)$cy #$% bi4#rre b)c--toothe% te$t(#te 2ho h#% s(#she% Appleby5s &orehe#% ope$ 2ith # pi$g-po$g r#c-et #$% 2ho
2#s sc#ri$g the %#ylights o)t o& .oss#ri#$ o$ce #g#i$* At l#st .oss#ri#$ spotte% the t2o-e$gi$e%, t2i$-r)%%ere% pl#$e
#s it &le2 o)t o& the gree$ b#c-gro)$% o& the &orests o,er # &iel% o& yello2 &#r(l#$%* O$e o& the propellers 2#s &e#there%
#$% per&ectly still, b)t the pl#$e 2#s (#i$t#i$i$g #ltit)%e #$% hol%i$g # proper co)rse* .oss#ri#$ ()ttere% #$
)$co$scio)s pr#yer o& th#$-&)l$ess #$% the$ &l#re% )p #t Orr s#,#gely i$ # r#$ti$g &)sio$ o& rese$t(e$t #$% relie&*
5Th#t b#st#r%C5 he beg#$* 5Th#t go%%#( st)$te%, re%-&#ce%, big-chee-e%, c)rly-he#%e%, b)c--toothe% r#t b#st#r% so$ o&
# bitchC5
5>h#t95 s#i% A#r&y*
5Th#t %irty go%%#( (i%get-#sse%, #pple-chee-e%, goggle-eye%, )$%ersi4e%, b)c--toothe%, gri$$i$g, cr#4y so$o&#bitchi$-
b#st#r%C5 .oss#ri#$ sp)ttere%*
5>h#t95
5/e,er (i$%C5
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 A#r&y #$s2ere%*
.oss#ri#$ s2)$g hi(sel& #ro)$% (etho%ic#lly to &#ce A#r&y* 5.o) pric-,5 he beg#$*
5'e95
5.o) po(po)s, rot)$%, $eighborly, ,#c)o)s, co(pl#ce$t***5
A#r&y 2#s )$pert)rbe%* C#lr$ly he str)c- # 2oo%e$ (#tch #$% s)c-e% $oisily #t his pipe 2ith #$ elo6)e$t #ir o& be$ig$
#$% (#g$#$i(o)s &orgi,e$ess* He s(ile% soci#bly #$% ope$e% his (o)th to spe#-* .oss#ri#$ p)t his h#$% o,er A#r&y5s
(o)th #$% p)she% hi( #2#y 2e#rily* He sh)t his eyes #$% prete$%e% to sleep #ll the 2#y b#c- to the &iel% so th#t he
2o)l% $ot h#,e to liste$ to A#r&y or see hi(*
At the brie&i$g roo( .oss#ri#$ (#%e his i$tellige$ce report to C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #$% the$ 2#ite% i$ ()tteri$g s)spe$se 2ith
#ll the others )$til Orr ch)gge% i$to sight o,erhe#% &i$#lly 2ith his o$e goo% e$gi$e still -eepi$g hi( #lo&t g#(ely*
51 | P a g e
/obo%y bre#the%* Orr5s l#$%i$g ge#r 2o)l% $ot co(e %o2$* .oss#ri#$ h)$g #ro)$% o$ly )$til Orr h#% cr#sh-l#$%e%
s#&ely, #$% the$ stole the &irst 3eep he co)l% &i$% 2ith # -ey i$ the ig$itio$ #$% r#ce% b#c- to his te$t to begi$ p#c-i$g
&e,erishly &or the e(erge$cy rest le#,e he h#% %eci%e% to t#-e i$ Ro(e, 2here he &o)$% L)ci#$# #$% her i$,isible sc#r
th#t s#(e $ight*
1" L=C+A/A
He &o)$% L)ci#$# sitti$g #lo$e #t # t#ble i$ the Allie% o&&icers5 $ight cl)b, 2here the %r)$-e$ A$4#c (#3or 2ho h#%
bro)ght her there h#% bee$ st)pi% e$o)gh to %esert her &or the rib#l% co(p#$y o& so(e si$gi$g co(r#%es #t the b#r*
5All right, +5ll %#$ce 2ith yo),5 she s#i%, be&ore .oss#ri#$ co)l% e,e$ spe#-* 57)t + 2o$5t let yo) sleep 2ith (e*5
5>ho #s-e% yo)95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% her*
5.o) %o$5t 2#$t to sleep 2ith (e95 she e8cl#i(e% 2ith s)rprise*
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to %#$ce 2ith yo)*5
She sei4e% .oss#ri#$5s h#$% #$% p)lle% hi( o)t o$ the %#$ce &loor* She 2#s # 2orse %#$cer th#$ e,e$ he 2#s, b)t she
thre2 hersel& #bo)t to the sy$thetic 3itterb)g ()sic 2ith (ore )$i$hibite% ple#s)re th#$ he h#% e,er obser,e% )$til he
&elt his legs &#lli$g #sleep 2ith bore%o( #$% y#$-e% her o&& the %#$ce &loor to2#r% the t#ble #t 2hich the girl he sho)l%
h#,e bee$ scre2i$g 2#s still sitti$g tipsily 2ith o$e h#$% #ro)$% A#r&y5s $ec-, her or#$ge s#ti$ blo)se still h#$gi$g ope$
slo,e$ly belo2 her &)ll 2hite l#cy br#ssiNre as she made dirty se, talk ostentatiously with Huple, (rr,
-id .ampson and Hungry /oe. /ust as he reached them, 0uciana gave him a orceul,
une,pected shove that carried them both well beyond the table, so that they were still alone.
he was a tall, earthy, e,uberant girl with long hair and a pretty ace, a bu,om, delightul,
lirtatious girl.
5All right,5 she s#i%, 5+ 2ill let yo) b)y (e %i$$er* 7)t + 2o$5t let yo) sleep 2ith (e*5
5>ho #s-e% yo)95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% 2ith s)rprise*
5.o) %o$5t 2#$t to sleep 2ith (e95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to b)y yo) %i$$er*5
She p)lle% hi( o)t o& the $ight cl)b i$to the street #$% %o2$ # &light o& steps i$to # bl#c--(#r-et rest#)r#$t &ille% 2ith
li,ely, chirpi$g, #ttr#cti,e girls 2ho #ll see(e% to -$o2 e#ch other #$% 2ith the sel&-co$scio)s (ilit#ry o&&icers &ro(
%i&&ere$t co)$tries 2ho h#% co(e there 2ith the(* The &oo% 2#s eleg#$t #$% e8pe$si,e, #$% the #isles 2ere
o,er&lo2i$g 2ith gre#t stre#(s o& &l)she% #$% (erry proprietors, #ll sto)t #$% b#l%i$g* The b)stli$g i$terior r#%i#te% 2ith
e$or(o)s, e$g)l&i$g 2#,es o& &)$ #$% 2#r(th*
.oss#ri#$ got # tre(e$%o)s -ic- o)t o& the r)%e g)sto 2ith 2hich L)ci#$# ig$ore% hi( co(pletely 2hile she sho,ele%
#2#y her 2hole (e#l 2ith both h#$%s* She #te li-e # horse )$til the l#st pl#te 2#s cle#$, #$% the$ she pl#ce% her
sil,er2#re %o2$ 2ith #$ #ir o& co$cl)sio$ #$% settle% b#c- l#4ily i$ her ch#ir 2ith # %re#(y #$% co$geste% loo- o& s#te%
gl)tto$y* She %re2 # %eep, s(ili$g, co$te$te% bre#th #$% reg#r%e% hi( #(oro)sly 2ith # (elti$g g#4e*
5O-#y, Joe,5 she p)rre%, her glo2i$g %#r- eyes %ro2sy #$% gr#te&)l* 5/o2 + 2ill let yo) sleep 2ith (e*5
5'y $#(e is .oss#ri#$*5
5O-#y, .oss#ri#$,5 she #$s2ere% 2ith # so&t repe$t#$t l#)gh* 5/o2 + 2ill let yo) sleep 2ith (e*5
5>ho #s-e% yo)95 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
L)ci#$# 2#s st)$$e%* 5.o) %o$5t 2#$t to sleep 2ith (e95
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e% e(ph#tic#lly, l#)ghi$g, #$% shot his h#$% )p )$%er her %ress* The girl c#(e to li&e 2ith # horri&ie%
st#rt* She 3er-e% her legs #2#y &ro( hi( i$st#$tly, 2hippi$g her botto( #ro)$%* 7l)shi$g 2ith #l#r( #$%
e(b#rr#ss(e$t, she p)she% her s-irt b#c- %o2$ 2ith # $)(ber o& pri(, si%elo$g gl#$ces #bo)t the rest#)r#$t*
5/o2 + 2ill let yo) sleep 2ith (e,5 she e8pl#i$e% c#)tio)sly i$ # (#$$er o& #pprehe$si,e i$%)lge$ce* 57)t $ot $o2*5
5+ -$o2* >he$ 2e get b#c- to (y roo(*5
The girl shoo- her he#%, eyei$g hi( (istr)st&)lly #$% -eepi$g her -$ees presse% together* 5/o, $o2 + ()st go ho(e to
(y (#((#, bec#)se (y (#((# %oes $ot li-e (e to %#$ce 2ith sol%iers or let the( t#-e (e to %i$$er, #$% she 2ill be
,ery #$gry 2ith (e i& + %o $ot co(e ho(e $o2* 7)t + 2ill let yo) 2rite %o2$ &or (e 2here yo) li,e* A$% to(orro2
(or$i$g + 2ill co(e to yo)r roo( &or &ic-y-&ic- be&ore + go to (y 2or- #t the ;re$ch o&&ice* C#pisci95
57)llshitC5 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e% 2ith #$gry %is#ppoi$t(e$t*
5Cos# ,)ol %ire b)llshit95 L)ci#$# i$6)ire% 2ith # bl#$- loo-*
.oss#ri#$ bro-e i$to lo)% l#)ghter* He #$s2ere% her &i$#lly i$ # to$e o& sy(p#thetic goo% h)(or* 5+t (e#$s th#t + 2#$t to
escort yo) $o2 to 2here,er the hell + h#,e to t#-e yo) $e8t so th#t + c#$ r)sh b#c- to th#t $ight cl)b be&ore A#r&y le#,es
2ith th#t 2o$%er&)l to(#to he5s got 2itho)t gi,i$g (e # ch#$ce to #s- #bo)t #$ #)$t or &rie$% she ()st h#,e 2ho5s 3)st
li-e her*5
5Co(e95
5S)bito, s)bito,5 he t#)$te% her te$%erly* 5'#((# is 2#iti$g* Re(e(ber95
5Si, si* '#((#*5
.oss#ri#$ let the girl %r#g hi( thro)gh the lo,ely Ro(#$ spri$g $ight &or #l(ost # (ile )$til they re#che% # ch#otic b)s
%epot ho$-i$g 2ith hor$s, bl#4i$g 2ith re% #$% yello2 lights #$% echoi$g 2ith the s$#rli$g ,it)per#tio$s o& )$sh#,e$ b)s
%ri,ers po)ri$g lo#thso(e, h#ir-r#isi$g c)rses o)t #t e#ch other, #t their p#sse$gers #$% #t the strolli$g, )$co$cer$e%
-$ots o& pe%estri#$s cloggi$g their p#ths, 2ho ig$ore% the( )$til they 2ere b)(pe% by the b)ses #$% beg#$ sho)ti$g
c)rses b#c-* L)ci#$# ,#$ishe% #bo#r% o$e o& the %i(i$)ti,e gree$ ,ehicles, #$% .oss#ri#$ h)rrie% #s &#st #s he co)l%
#ll the 2#y b#c- to the c#b#ret #$% the ble#ry-eye% ble#che% blo$%e i$ the ope$ or#$ge s#ti$ blo)se* She see(e%
i$&#t)#te% 2ith A#r&y, b)t he pr#ye% i$te$sely &or her l)scio)s #)$t #s he r#$, or &or # l)scio)s girl &rie$%, sister, co)si$,
or (other 2ho 2#s 3)st #s libi%i$o)s #$% %epr#,e%* She 2o)l% h#,e bee$ per&ect &or .oss#ri#$, # %eb#)che%, co#rse,
,)lg#r, #(or#l, #ppeti4i$g sl#tter$ 2ho( he h#% lo$ge% &or #$% i%oli4e% &or (o$ths* She 2#s # re#l &i$%* She p#i% &or
her o2$ %ri$-s, #$% she h#% #$ #)to(obile, #$ #p#rt(e$t #$% # s#l(o$-colore% c#(eo ri$g th#t %ro,e H)$gry Joe
cle#$ o)t o& his se$ses 2ith its e86)isitely c#r,e% &ig)res o& # $#-e% boy #$% girl o$ # roc-* H)$gry Joe s$orte% #$%
pr#$ce% #$% p#2e% #t the &loor i$ s#li,#ti$g l)st #$% gro,eli$g $ee%, b)t the girl 2o)l% $ot sell hi( the ri$g, e,e$ tho)gh
he o&&ere% her #ll the (o$ey i$ #ll their poc-ets #$% his co(plic#te% bl#c- c#(er# thro2$ i$* She 2#s $ot i$tereste% i$
Catch 22
(o$ey or c#(er#s* She 2#s i$tereste% i$ &or$ic#tio$*
She 2#s go$e 2he$ .oss#ri#$ got there* They 2ere #ll go$e, #$% he 2#l-e% right o)t #$% (o,e% i$ 2ist&)l %e3ectio$
thro)gh the %#r-, e(ptyi$g streets* .oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot o&te$ lo$ely 2he$ he 2#s by hi(sel&, b)t he 2#s lo$ely $o2 i$ his
-ee$ e$,y o& A#r&y, 2ho he -$e2 2#s i$ be% th#t ,ery (o(e$t 2ith the girl 2ho 2#s 3)st right &or .oss#ri#$, #$% 2ho
co)l% #lso (#-e o)t #$y ti(e he 2#$te% to, i& he e,er 2#$te% to, 2ith either or both o& the t2o sle$%er, st)$$i$g,
#ristocr#tic 2o(e$ 2ho li,e% i$ the #p#rt(e$t )pst#irs #$% &r)cti&ie% .oss#ri#$5s se8 &#$t#sies 2he$e,er he h#% se8
&#$t#sies, the be#)ti&)l rich bl#c--h#ire% co)$tess 2ith the re%, 2et, $er,o)s lips #$% her be#)ti&)l rich bl#c--h#ire%
%#)ghter-i$-l#2* .oss#ri#$ 2#s (#%ly i$ lo,e 2ith #ll o& the( #s he (#%e his 2#y b#c- to the o&&icers5 #p#rt(e$t, i$ lo,e
2ith L)ci#$#, 2ith the pr)rie$t i$to8ic#te% girl i$ the )$b)tto$e% s#ti$ blo)se, #$% 2ith the be#)ti&)l rich co)$tess #$%
her be#)ti&)l rich %#)ghter-i$-l#2, both o& 2ho( 2o)l% $e,er let hi( to)ch the( or e,e$ &lirt 2ith the(* They %ote%
-itte$ishly o$ /#tely #$% %e&erre% p#ssi,ely to A#r&y, b)t they tho)ght .oss#ri#$ 2#s cr#4y #$% recoile% &ro( hi( 2ith
%ist#ste&)l co$te(pt e#ch ti(e he (#%e #$ i$%ece$t propos#l or trie% to &o$%le the( 2he$ they p#sse% o$ the st#irs*
They 2ere both s)perb cre#t)res 2ith p)lpy, bright, poi$te% to$g)es #$% (o)ths li-e ro)$% 2#r( pl)(s, # little s2eet
#$% stic-y, # little rotte$* They h#% cl#ssA .oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot s)re 2h#t cl#ss 2#s, b)t he -$e2 th#t they h#% it #$% he
%i% $ot, #$% th#t they -$e2 it, too* He co)l% pict)re, #s he 2#l-e%, the -i$% o& )$%erclothi$g they 2ore #g#i$st their
s,elte &e(i$i$e p#rts, &il(y, s(ooth, cli$gi$g g#r(e$ts o& %eepest bl#c- or o& op#lesce$t p#stel r#%i#$ce 2ith &lo2eri$g
l#ce bor%ers &r#gr#$t 2ith the t#$t#li4i$g &)(es o& p#(pere% &lesh #$% sce$te% b#th s#lts risi$g i$ # ger(i$#ti$g clo)%
&ro( their bl)e-2hite bre#sts* He 2ishe% #g#i$ th#t he 2#s 2here A#r&y 2#s, (#-i$g obsce$e, br)t#l, cheer&)l lo,e 2ith
# 3)icy %r)$-e$ t#rt 2ho %i%$5t gi,e # ti$-er5s %#( #bo)t hi( #$% 2o)l% $e,er thi$- o& hi( #g#i$*
7)t A#r&y 2#s #lre#%y b#c- i$ the #p#rt(e$t 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #rri,e%, #$% .oss#ri#$ g#pe% #t hi( 2ith th#t s#(e se$se
o& persec)te% #sto$ish(e$t he h#% s)&&ere% th#t s#(e (or$i$g o,er 7olog$# #t his (#lig$ #$% c#b#listic #$%
irre(o,#ble prese$ce i$ the $ose o& the pl#$e*
5>h#t #re yo) %oi$g here95 he #s-e%*
5Th#t5s right, #s- hi(C5 H)$gry Joe e8cl#i(e% i$ # r#ge* 5'#-e hi( tell yo) 2h#t he5s %oi$g hereC5
>ith # lo$g, the#tric#l (o#$, ?i% S#(pso$ (#%e # pistol o& his th)(b #$% &ore&i$ger #$% ble2 his o2$ br#i$s o)t*
H)ple, che2i$g #2#y o$ # b)lgi$g 2#% o& b)bble g)(, %r#$- e,erythi$g i$ 2ith # c#llo2, ,#c#$t e8pressio$ o$ his
&i&tee$-ye#r ol% &#ce* A#r&y 2#s t#ppi$g the bo2l o& his pipe #g#i$st his p#l( leis)rely #s he p#ce% b#c- #$% &orth i$
corp)le$t sel&-#ppro,#l, ob,io)sly %elighte% by the stir he 2#s c#)si$g*
50i%$5t yo) go ho(e 2ith th#t girl95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%*
5Oh, s)re, + 2e$t ho(e 2ith her,5 A#r&y replie%* 5.o) %i%$5t thi$- + 2#s goi$g to let her try to &i$% her 2#y ho(e #lo$e, %i%
yo)95
5>o)l%$5t she let yo) st#y 2ith her95
5Oh, she 2#$te% (e to st#y 2ith her, #ll right*5 A#r&y ch)c-le%* 50o$5t yo) 2orry #bo)t goo% ol% A#r&y* 7)t + 2#s$5t goi$g
to t#-e #%,#$t#ge o& # s2eet -i% li-e th#t 3)st bec#)se she5% h#% # little too ()ch to %ri$-* >h#t -i$% o& # g)y %o yo)
thi$- + #(95
5>ho s#i% #$ythi$g #bo)t t#-i$g #%,#$t#ge o& her95 .oss#ri#$ r#ile% #t hi( i$ #(#4e(e$t* 5All she 2#$te% to %o 2#s get
i$to be% 2ith so(eo$e* Th#t5s the o$ly thi$g she -ept t#l-i$g #bo)t #ll $ight lo$g*5
5Th#t5s bec#)se she 2#s # little (i8e% )p,5 A#r&y e8pl#i$e%* 57)t + g#,e her # little t#l-i$g to #$% re#lly p)t so(e se$se
i$to her*5
5.o) b#st#r%C5 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e%, #$% s#$- %o2$ tire%ly o$ the %i,#$ besi%e ?i% S#(pso$* 5>hy the hell %i%$5t yo)
gi,e her to o$e o& )s i& yo) %i%$5t 2#$t her95
5.o) see95 H)$gry Joe #s-e%* 5There5s so(ethi$g 2ro$g 2ith hi(*5
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e% #$% loo-e% #t A#r&y c)rio)sly* 5A#r&y, tell (e so(ethi$g* 0o$5t yo) e,er scre2 #$y o& the(95
A#r&y ch)c-le% #g#i$ 2ith co$ceite% #()se(e$t* 5Oh s)re, + pro% the(* 0o$5t yo) 2orry #bo)t (e* 7)t $e,er #$y $ice
girls* + -$o2 2h#t -i$% o& girls to pro% #$% 2h#t -i$% o& girls $ot to pro%, #$% + $e,er pro% #$y $ice girls* This o$e 2#s #
s2eet -i%* .o) co)l% see her &#(ily h#% (o$ey* >hy, + e,e$ got her to thro2 th#t ri$g o& hers #2#y right o)t the c#r
2i$%o2*5
H)$gry Joe &le2 i$to the #ir 2ith # screech o& i$toler#ble p#i$* 5.o) %i% 2h#t95 he scre#(e%* 5.o) %i% 2h#t95 He beg#$
2h#li$g #2#y #t A#r&y5s sho)l%ers #$% #r(s 2ith both &ists, #l(ost i$ te#rs* 5+ o)ght to -ill yo) &or 2h#t yo) %i%, yo)
lo)sy b#st#r%* He5s si$&)l, th#t5s 2h#t he is* He5s got # %irty (i$%, #i$5t he9 Ai$5t he got # %irty (i$%95
5The %irtiest,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree%*
5>h#t #re yo) &ello2s t#l-i$g #bo)t95 A#r&y #s-e% 2ith ge$)i$e p)44le(e$t, t)c-i$g his &#ce #2#y protecti,ely i$si%e the
c)shio$i$g i$s)l#tio$ o& his o,#l sho)l%ers* 5A2, co(e o$, Joe,5 he ple#%e% 2ith # s(ile o& (il% %isco(&ort* 5K)it
p)$chi$g (e, 2ill yo)95
7)t H)$gry Joe 2o)l% $ot 6)it p)$chi$g )$til .oss#ri#$ pic-e% hi( )p #$% p)she% hi( #2#y to2#r% his be%roo(*
.oss#ri#$ (o,e% listlessly i$to his o2$ roo(, )$%resse% #$% 2e$t to sleep* A seco$% l#ter it 2#s (or$i$g, #$%
so(eo$e 2#s sh#-i$g hi(*
5>h#t #re yo) 2#-i$g (e )p &or95 he 2hi(pere%*
+t 2#s 'ich#el#, the s-i$$y (#i% 2ith the (erry %ispositio$ #$% ho(ely s#llo2 &#ce, #$% she 2#s 2#-i$g hi( )p
bec#)se he h#% # ,isitor 2#iti$g 3)st o)tsi%e the %oor* L)ci#$#C He co)l% h#r%ly belie,e it* A$% she 2#s #lo$e i$ the
roo( 2ith hi( #&ter 'ich#el# h#% %ep#rte%, lo,ely, h#le #$% st#t)es6)e, ste#(i$g #$% rippli$g 2ith #$ irrepressible
#&&ectio$#te ,it#lity e,e$ #s she re(#i$e% i$ o$e pl#ce #$% &ro2$e% #t hi( ir#tely* She stoo% li-e # yo)th&)l &e(#le
coloss)s 2ith her (#g$i&ice$t col)($#r legs #p#rt o$ high 2hite shoes 2ith 2e%ge% heels, 2e#ri$g # pretty gree$ %ress
#$% s2i$gi$g # l#rge, &l#t 2hite le#ther poc-etboo-, 2ith 2hich she cr#c-e% hi( h#r% #cross the &#ce 2he$ he le#pe%
o)t o& be% to gr#b her* .oss#ri#$ st#ggere% b#c-2#r% o)t o& r#$ge i$ # %#4e, cl)tchi$g his sti$gi$g chee- 2ith
be2il%er(e$t*
5PigC5 She sp#t o)t #t hi( ,icio)sly, her $ostrils &l#ri$g i$ # loo- o& s#,#ge %is%#i$* 5Bi,e co(5 )$ #$i(#leC5
>ith # &ierce, g)tt)r#l, scor$&)l, %isg)ste% o#th, she stro%e #cross the roo( #$% thre2 ope$ the three t#ll c#se(e$t
2i$%o2s, letti$g i$si%e #$ e&&)lge$t &loo% o& s)$light #$% crisp &resh #ir th#t 2#she% thro)gh the st)&&y roo( li-e #$
i$,igor#ti$g to$ic* She pl#ce% her poc-etboo- o$ # ch#ir #$% beg#$ ti%yi$g the roo(, pic-i$g his thi$gs )p &ro( the &loor
#$% o&& the tops o& the &)r$it)re, thro2i$g his soc-s, h#$%-erchie& #$% )$%er2e#r i$to #$ e(pty %r#2er o& the %resser
53 | P a g e
#$% h#$gi$g his shirt #$% tro)sers )p i$ the closet*
.oss#ri#$ r#$ o)t o& the be%roo( i$to the b#throo( #$% br)she% his teeth* He 2#she% his h#$%s #$% &#ce #$% co(be%
his h#ir* >he$ he r#$ b#c-, the roo( 2#s i$ or%er #$% L)ci#$# 2#s #l(ost )$%resse%* Her e8pressio$ 2#s rel#8e%*
She le&t her e#rri$gs o$ the %resser #$% p#%%e% b#re&oot to the be% 2e#ri$g 3)st # pi$- r#yo$ che(ise th#t c#(e %o2$
to her hips* She gl#$ce% #bo)t the roo( pr)%e$tly to (#-e cert#i$ there 2#s $othi$g she h#% o,erloo-e% i$ the 2#y o&
$e#t$ess #$% the$ %re2 b#c- the co,erlet #$% stretche% hersel& o)t l)8)rio)sly 2ith #$ e8pressio$ o& &eli$e e8pect#tio$*
She bec-o$e% to hi( lo$gi$gly, 2ith # h)s-y l#)gh*
5/o2,5 she #$$o)$ce% i$ # 2hisper, hol%i$g both #r(s o)t to hi( e#gerly* 5/o2 + 2ill let yo) sleep 2ith (e*5
She tol% hi( so(e lies #bo)t # si$gle 2ee-e$% i$ be% 2ith # sl#)ghtere% &i#$cM i$ the +t#li#$ Ar(y, #$% they #ll t)r$e%
o)t to be tr)e, &or she crie%, 5&i$itoC5 #l(ost #s soo$ #s he st#rte% #$% 2o$%ere% 2hy he %i%$5t stop, )$til he h#% &i$itoe%
too #$% e8pl#i$e% to her*
He lit cig#rettes &or both o& the(* She 2#s e$ch#$te% by the %eep s)$t#$ co,eri$g his 2hole bo%y* He 2o$%ere% #bo)t
the pi$- che(ise th#t she 2o)l% $ot re(o,e* +t 2#s c)t li-e # (#$5s )$%ershirt, 2ith $#rro2 sho)l%er str#ps, #$%
co$ce#le% the i$,isible sc#r o$ her b#c- th#t she re&)se% to let hi( see #&ter he h#% (#%e her tell hi( it 2#s there* She
gre2 te$se #s &i$e steel 2he$ he tr#ce% the ()til#te% co$to)rs 2ith his &i$gertip &ro( # pit i$ her sho)l%er bl#%e #l(ost
to the b#se o& her spi$e* He 2i$ce% #t the (#$y tort)re% $ights she h#% spe$t i$ the hospit#l, %r)gge% or i$ p#i$, 2ith
the )bi6)ito)s, i$er#%ic#ble o%ors o& ether, &ec#l (#tter #$% %isi$&ect#$t, o& h)(#$ &lesh (orti&ie% #$% %ec#yi$g #(i%
the 2hite )$i&or(s, the r)bbersole% shoes, #$% the eerie $ight lights glo2i$g %i(ly )$til %#2$ i$ the corri%ors* She h#%
bee$ 2o)$%e% i$ #$ #ir r#i%*
50o,e95 he #s-e%, #$% he hel% his bre#th i$ s)spe$se*
5/#poli*5
5:er(#$s95
5A(eric#$i*5
His he#rt cr#c-e%, #$% he &ell i$ lo,e* He 2o$%ere% i& she 2o)l% (#rry hi(*
5T) sei p#44o,5 she tol% hi( 2ith # ple#s#$t l#)gh*
5>hy #( + cr#4y95 he #s-e%*
5PerchN $o$ posso spos#re*5
5>hy c#$5t yo) get (#rrie%95
57ec#)se + #( $ot # ,irgi$,5 she #$s2ere%*
5>h#t h#s th#t got to %o 2ith it95
5>ho 2ill (#rry (e9 /o o$e 2#$ts # girl 2ho is $ot # ,irgi$*5
5+ 2ill* +5ll (#rry yo)*5
5'# $o$ posso spos#rti*5
5>hy c#$5t yo) (#rry (e95
5PerchN sei p#44o*5
5>hy #( + cr#4y95
5PerchN ,)oi spos#r(i*5
.oss#ri#$ 2ri$-le% his &orehe#% 2ith 6)i44ic#l #()se(e$t* 5.o) 2o$5t (#rry (e bec#)se +5( cr#4y, #$% yo) s#y +5(
cr#4y bec#)se + 2#$t to (#rry yo)9 +s th#t right95
5Si*5
5T) sei p#445C5 he tol% her lo)%ly*
5PerchN95 she sho)te% b#c- #t hi( i$%ig$#$tly, her )$#,oi%#ble ro)$% bre#sts risi$g #$% &#lli$g i$ # s#)cy h)&& be$e#th
the pi$- che(ise #s she s#t )p i$ be% i$%ig$#$tly* 5>hy #( + cr#4y95
57ec#)se yo) 2o$5t (#rry (e*5
5St)pi%oC5 she sho)te% b#c- #t hi(, #$% s(#c-e% hi( lo)%ly #$% &l#(boy#$tly o$ the chest 2ith the b#c- o& her h#$%*
5/o$ posso spos#rtiC /o$ c#pisci9 /o$ posso spos#rti*5
5Oh, s)re, + )$%erst#$%* A$% 2hy c#$5t yo) (#rry (e95
5PerchN sei p#44oC5
5A$% 2hy #( + cr#4y95
5PerchN ,)oi spos#r(i*5
57ec#)se + 2#$t to (#rry yo)* C#ri$#, ti #(o,5 he e8pl#i$e%, #$% he %re2 her ge$tly b#c- %o2$ to the pillo2* 5Ti #(o
(olto*5
5T) sei p#44o,5 she ()r()re% i$ reply, &l#ttere%*
5PerchN95
57ec#)se yo) s#y yo) lo,e (e* Ho2 c#$ yo) lo,e # girl 2ho is $ot # ,irgi$95
57ec#)se + c#$5t (#rry yo)*5
She bolte% right )p #g#i$ i$ # thre#te$i$g r#ge* 5>hy c#$5t yo) (#rry (e95 she %e(#$%e%, re#%y to clo)t hi( #g#i$ i& he
g#,e #$ )$co(pli(e$t#ry reply* 5J)st bec#)se + #( $ot # ,irgi$95
5/o, $o, %#rli$g* 7ec#)se yo)5re cr#4y*5
She st#re% #t hi( i$ bl#$- rese$t(e$t &or # (o(e$t #$% the$ tosse% her he#% b#c- #$% ro#re% #ppreci#ti,ely 2ith
he#rty l#)ghter* She g#4e% #t hi( 2ith $e2 #ppro,#l 2he$ she stoppe%, the l)sh, respo$si,e tiss)es o& her %#r- &#ce
t)r$i$g %#r-er still #$% bloo(i$g so($ole$tly 2ith # s2elli$g #$% be#)ti&yi$g i$&)sio$ o& bloo%* Her eyes gre2 %i(* He
cr)she% o)t both their cig#rettes, #$% they t)r$e% i$to e#ch other 2or%lessly i$ #$ e$grossi$g -iss 3)st #s H)$gry Joe
c#(e (e#$%eri$g i$to the roo( 2itho)t -$oc-i$g to #s- i& .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to go o)t 2ith hi( to loo- &or girls* H)$gry
Joe stoppe% o$ # %i(e 2he$ he s#2 the( #$% shot o)t o& the roo(* .oss#ri#$ shot o)t o& be% e,e$ &#ster #$% beg#$
sho)ti$g #t L)ci#$# to get %resse%* The girl 2#s %)(b&o)$%e%* He p)lle% her ro)ghly o)t o& be% by her #r( #$% &l)$g
her #2#y to2#r% her clothi$g, the$ r#ce% &or the %oor i$ ti(e to sl#( it sh)t #s H)$gry Joe 2#s r)$$i$g b#c- i$ 2ith his
c#(er#* H)$gry Joe h#% his leg 2e%ge% i$ the %oor #$% 2o)l% $ot p)ll it o)t*
5Let (e i$C5 he begge% )rge$tly, 2riggli$g #$% s6)ir(i$g (#$i#c#lly* 5Let (e i$C5 He stoppe% str)ggli$g &or # (o(e$t to
g#4e )p i$to .oss#ri#$5s &#ce thro)gh the cr#c- i$ the %oor 2ith 2h#t he ()st h#,e s)ppose% 2#s # beg)ili$g s(ile*
5'e $o H)$gry Joe,5 he e8pl#i$e% e#r$estly* 5'e he#p big photogr#pher &ro( Li&e (#g#4i$e* He#p big pict)re o$ he#p
Catch 22
big co,er* + (#-e yo) big Holly2oo% st#r, .oss#ri#$* ')lti %i$ero* ')lti %i,orces* ')lti &ic-y-&ic #ll %#y lo$g* Si, si, siC5
.oss#ri#$ sl#((e% the %oor sh)t 2he$ H)$gry Joe steppe% b#c- # bit to try to shoot # pict)re o& L)ci#$# %ressi$g*
H)$gry Joe #tt#c-e% the sto)t 2oo%e$ b#rrier &#$#tic#lly, &ell b#c- to reorg#$i4e his e$ergies #$% h)rle% hi(sel& &or2#r%
&#$#tic#lly #g#i$* .oss#ri#$ slithere% i$to his o2$ clothes bet2ee$ #ss#)lts* L)ci#$# h#% her gree$-#$%-2hite s)((er
%ress o$ #$% 2#s hol%i$g the s-irt b)$che% )p #bo,e her 2#ist* A 2#,e o& (isery bro-e o,er hi( #s he s#2 her #bo)t
to ,#$ish i$si%e her p#$ties &ore,er* He re#che% o)t to gr#sp her #$% %re2 her to hi( by the r#ise% c#l& o& her leg* She
hoppe% &or2#r% #$% (ol%e% hersel& #g#i$st hi(* .oss#ri#$ -isse% her e#rs #$% her close% eyes ro(#$tic#lly #$%
r)bbe% the b#c-s o& her thighs* She beg#$ to h)( se$s)#lly # (o(e$t be&ore H)$gry Joe h)rle% his &r#il bo%y #g#i$st
the %oor i$ still o$e (ore %esper#te #tt#c- #$% #l(ost -$oc-e% the( both %o2$* .oss#ri#$ p)she% her #2#y*
5BiteC BiteC5 he scol%e% her* 5:et yo)r thi$gs o$C5
5>h#t the hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 she 2#$te% to -$o2*
5;#stC ;#stC C#$5t yo) )$%erst#$% E$glish9 :et yo)r clothes o$ &#stC5
5St)pi%oC5 she s$#rle% b#c- #t hi(* 5Bite is ;re$ch, $ot +t#li#$* S)bito, s)bitoC Th#t5s 2h#t yo) (e#$* S)bitoC5
5Si, si* Th#t5s 2h#t + (e#$* S)bito, s)bitoC5
5Si, si,5 she respo$%e% co-oper#ti,ely, #$% r#$ &or her shoes #$% e#rri$gs*
H)$gry Joe h#% p#)se% i$ his #tt#c- to shoot pict)res thro)gh the close% %oor* .oss#ri#$ co)l% he#r the c#(er# sh)tter
clic-i$g* >he$ both he #$% L)ci#$# 2ere re#%y, .oss#ri#$ 2#ite% &or H)$gry Joe5s $e8t ch#rge #$% y#$-e% the %oor
ope$ o$ hi( )$e8pecte%ly* H)$gry Joe spille% &or2#r% i$to the roo( li-e # &lo)$%eri$g &rog* .oss#ri#$ s-ippe% $i(bly
#ro)$% hi(, g)i%i$g L)ci#$# #lo$g behi$% hi( thro)gh the #p#rt(e$t #$% o)t i$to the h#ll2#y* They bo)$ce% %o2$ the
st#irs 2ith # gre#t roisteri$g cl#tter, l#)ghi$g o)t lo)% bre#thlessly #$% -$oc-i$g their hil#rio)s he#%s together e#ch ti(e
they p#)se% to rest* /e#r the botto( they (et /#tely co(i$g )p #$% stoppe% l#)ghi$g* /#tely 2#s %r#2$, %irty #$%
)$h#ppy* His tie 2#s t2iste% #$% his shirt 2#s r)(ple%, #$% he 2#l-e% 2ith his h#$%s i$ his poc-ets* He 2ore #
h#$g%og, hopeless loo-*
5>h#t5s the (#tter, -i%95 .oss#ri#$ i$6)ire% co(p#ssio$#tely*
5+5( &l#t bro-e #g#i$,5 /#tely replie% 2ith # l#(e #$% %istr#cte% s(ile* 5>h#t #( + goi$g to %o95
.oss#ri#$ %i%$5t -$o2* /#tely h#% spe$t the l#st thirty-t2o ho)rs #t t2e$ty %oll#rs #$ ho)r 2ith the #p#thetic 2hore he
#%ore%, #$% he h#% $othi$g le&t o& his p#y or o& the l)cr#ti,e #llo2#$ce he recei,e% e,ery (o$th &ro( his 2e#lthy #$%
ge$ero)s &#ther* Th#t (e#$t he co)l% $ot spe$% ti(e 2ith her #$y (ore* She 2o)l% $ot #llo2 hi( to 2#l- besi%e her #s
she strolle% the p#,e(e$ts soliciti$g other ser,ice(e$, #$% she 2#s i$&)ri#te% 2he$ she spie% hi( tr#ili$g her &ro( #
%ist#$ce* He 2#s &ree to h#$g #ro)$% her #p#rt(e$t i& he c#re% to, b)t there 2#s $o cert#i$ty th#t she 2o)l% be there*
A$% she 2o)l% gi,e hi( $othi$g )$less he co)l% p#y* She &o)$% se8 )$i$teresti$g* /#tely 2#$te% the #ss)r#$ce th#t
she 2#s $ot goi$g to be% 2ith #$yo$e )$s#,ory or 2ith so(eo$e he -$e2* C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #l2#ys (#%e it # poi$t to b)y
her e#ch ti(e he c#(e to Ro(e, 3)st so he co)l% tor(e$t /#tely 2ith the $e2s th#t he h#% thro2$ his s2eethe#rt
#$other h)(p #$% 2#tch /#tely e#t his li,er #s he rel#te% the #trocio)s i$%ig$ities to 2hich he h#% &orce% her to s)b(it*
L)ci#$# 2#s to)che% by /#tely5s &orlor$ #ir, b)t bro-e lo)%ly i$to rob)st l#)ghter #g#i$ the (o(e$t she steppe% o)tsi%e
i$to the s)$$y street 2ith .oss#ri#$ #$% he#r% H)$gry Joe beseechi$g the( &ro( the 2i$%o2 to co(e b#c- #$% t#-e
their clothes o&&, bec#)se he re#lly 2#s # photogr#pher &ro( Li&e (#g#4i$e* L)ci#$# &le% (irth&)lly #lo$g the si%e2#l- i$
her high 2hite 2e%gies, p)lli$g .oss#ri#$ #lo$g i$ to2 2ith the s#(e l)sty #$% i$ge$)o)s 4e#l she h#% %ispl#ye% i$ the
%#$ce h#ll the $ight be&ore #$% #t e,ery (o(e$t si$ce* .oss#ri#$ c#)ght )p #$% 2#l-e% 2ith his #r( #ro)$% her 2#ist
)$til they c#(e to the cor$er #$% she steppe% #2#y &ro( hi(* She str#ighte$e% her h#ir i$ # (irror &ro( her poc-etboo-
#$% p)t lipstic- o$*
5>hy %o$5t yo) #s- (e to let yo) 2rite (y $#(e #$% #%%ress o$ # piece o& p#per so th#t yo) 2ill be #ble to &i$% (e
#g#i$ 2he$ yo) co(e to Ro(e95 she s)ggeste%*
5>hy %o$5t yo) let (e 2rite yo)r $#(e #$% #%%ress %o2$ o$ # piece o& p#per95 he #gree%*
5>hy95 she %e(#$%e% belligere$tly, her (o)th c)rli$g s)%%e$ly i$to # ,ehe(e$t s$eer #$% her eyes &l#shi$g 2ith #$ger*
5So yo) c#$ te#r it )p i$to little pieces #s soo$ #s + le#,e95
5>ho5s goi$g to te#r it )p95 .oss#ri#$ proteste% i$ co$&)sio$* 5>h#t the hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95
5.o) 2ill,5 she i$siste%* 5.o)5ll te#r it )p i$to little pieces the (i$)te +5( go$e #$% go 2#l-i$g #2#y li-e # big shot bec#)se
# t#ll, yo)$g, be#)ti&)l girl li-e (e, L)ci#$#, let yo) sleep 2ith her #$% %i% $ot #s- yo) &or (o$ey*5
5Ho2 ()ch (o$ey #re yo) #s-i$g (e &or95 he #s-e% her*
5St)pi%oC5 she sho)te% 2ith e(otio$* 5+ #( $ot #s-i$g yo) &or #$y (o$eyC5 She st#(pe% her &oot #$% r#ise% her #r( i$ #
t)rb)le$t gest)re th#t (#%e .oss#ri#$ &e#r she 2#s goi$g to cr#c- hi( i$ the &#ce #g#i$ 2ith her gre#t poc-etboo-*
+$ste#%, she scribble% her $#(e #$% #%%ress o$ # slip o& p#per #$%* thr)st it #t hi(* 5Here,5 she t#)$te% hi(
s#r%o$ic#lly, biti$g o$ her lip to still # %elic#te tre(or* 50o$5t &orget* 0o$5t &orget to te#r it i$to ti$y pieces #s soo$ #s + #(
go$e*5
The$ she s(ile% #t hi( sere$ely, s6)ee4e% his h#$% #$%, 2ith # 2hispere% regret&)l 5A%%io,5 presse% hersel& #g#i$st
hi( &or # (o(e$t #$% the$ str#ighte$e% #$% 2#l-e% #2#y 2ith )$co$scio)s %ig$ity #$% gr#ce*
The (i$)te she 2#s go$e, .oss#ri#$ tore the slip o& p#per )p #$% 2#l-e% #2#y i$ the other %irectio$, &eeli$g ,ery ()ch
li-e # big shot bec#)se # be#)ti&)l yo)$g girl li-e L)ci#$# h#% slept 2ith hi( #$% %i% $ot #s- &or (o$ey* He 2#s pretty
ple#se% 2ith hi(sel& )$til he loo-e% )p i$ the %i$i$g roo( o& the Re% Cross b)il%i$g #$% &o)$% hi(sel& e#ti$g bre#-&#st
2ith %o4e$s #$% %o4e$s o& other ser,ice(e$ i$ #ll -i$%s o& &#$t#stic )$i&or(s, #$% the$ #ll #t o$ce he 2#s s)rro)$%e%
by i(#ges o& L)ci#$# getti$g o)t o& her clothes #$% i$to her clothes #$% c#ressi$g #$% h#r#$g)i$g hi( te(pest)o)sly i$
the pi$- r#yo$ che(ise she 2ore i$ be% 2ith hi( #$% 2o)l% $ot t#-e o&&* .oss#ri#$ cho-e% o$ his to#st #$% eggs #t the
e$or(ity o& his error i$ te#ri$g her lo$g, lithe, $)%e, yo)$g ,ibr#$t li(bs i$to #$y pieces o& p#per so i(p)%e$tly #$%
%)(pi$g her %o2$ so s()gly i$to the g)tter &ro( the c)rb* He (isse% her terribly #lre#%y* There 2ere so (#$y stri%e$t
&#celess people i$ )$i&or( i$ the %i$i$g roo( 2ith hi(* He &elt #$ )rge$t %esire to be #lo$e 2ith her #g#i$ soo$ #$%
spr#$g )p i(pet)o)sly &ro( his t#ble #$% 2e$t r)$$i$g o)tsi%e #$% b#c- %o2$ the street to2#r% the #p#rt(e$t i$
se#rch o& the ti$y bits o& p#per i$ the g)tter, b)t they h#% #ll bee$ &l)she% #2#y by # street cle#$er5s hose*
He co)l%$5t &i$% her #g#i$ i$ the Allie% o&&icers5 $ight cl)b th#t e,e$i$g or i$ the s2elteri$g, b)r$ishe%, he%o$istic be%l#(
o& the bl#c--(#r-et rest#)r#$t 2ith its ,#st bobbi$g 2oo%e$ tr#ys o& eleg#$t &oo% #$% its chirpi$g &loc- o& bright #$%
55 | P a g e
lo,ely girls* He co)l%$5t e,e$ &i$% the rest#)r#$t* >he$ he 2e$t to be% #lo$e, he %o%ge% &l#- o,er 7olog$# #g#i$ i$ #
%re#(, 2ith A#r&y h#$gi$g o,er his sho)l%er #bo(i$#bly i$ the pl#$e 2ith # blo#te% sor%i% leer* +$ the (or$i$g he r#$
loo-i$g &or L)ci#$# i$ #ll the ;re$ch o&&ices he co)l% &i$%, b)t $obo%y -$e2 2h#t he 2#s t#l-i$g #bo)t, #$% the$ he r#$
i$ terror, so 3)(py, %istr#)ght #$% %isorg#$i4e% th#t he 3)st h#% to -eep r)$$i$g i$ terror so(e2here, to the e$liste%
(e$5s #p#rt(e$t &or the s6)#t (#i% i$ the li(e-colore% p#$ties, 2ho( he &o)$% %)sti$g i$ S$o2%e$5s roo( o$ the &i&th
&loor i$ her %r#b bro2$ s2e#ter #$% he#,y %#r- s-irt* S$o2%e$ 2#s still #li,e the$, #$% .oss#ri#$ co)l% tell it 2#s
S$o2%e$5s roo( &ro( the $#(e ste$cile% i$ 2hite o$ the bl)e %)&&el b#g he trippe% o,er #s he pl)$ge% thro)gh the
%oor2#y #t her i$ # &re$4y o& cre#ti,e %esper#tio$* The 2o(#$ c#)ght hi( by the 2rists be&ore he co)l% &#ll #s he c#(e
st)(bli$g to2#r% her i$ $ee% #$% p)lle% hi( #lo$g %o2$ o$ top o& her #s she &loppe% o,er b#c-2#r% o$to the be% #$%
e$,elope% hi( hospit#bly i$ her &l#cci% #$% co$soli$g e(br#ce, her %)st (op #lo&t i$ her h#$% li-e # b#$$er #s her
bro#%, br)tish co$ge$i#l &#ce g#4e% )p #t hi( &o$%ly 2ith # s(ile o& )$per3)re% &rie$%ship* There 2#s # sh#rp el#stic
s$#p #s she rolle% the li(e-colore% p#$ties o&& be$e#th the( both 2itho)t %ist)rbi$g hi(*
He st)&&e% (o$ey i$to her h#$% 2he$ they 2ere &i$ishe%* She h)gge% hi( i$ gr#tit)%e* He h)gge% her* She h)gge% hi(
b#c- #$% the$ p)lle% hi( %o2$ o$ top o& her o$ the be% #g#i$* He st)&&e% (ore (o$ey i$to her h#$% 2he$ they 2ere
&i$ishe% this ti(e #$% r#$ o)t o& the roo( be&ore she co)l% begi$ h)ggi$g hi( i$ gr#tit)%e #g#i$* 7#c- #t his o2$
#p#rt(e$t, he thre2 his thi$gs together #s &#st #s he co)l%, le&t &or /#tely 2h#t (o$ey he h#%, #$% r#$ b#c- to Pi#$os#
o$ # s)pply pl#$e to #pologi4e to H)$gry Joe &or sh)tti$g hi( o)t o& the be%roo(* The #pology 2#s )$$ecess#ry, &or
H)$gry Joe 2#s i$ high spirits 2he$ .oss#ri#$ &o)$% hi(* H)$gry Joe 2#s gri$$i$g &ro( e#r to e#r, #$% .oss#ri#$
t)r$e% sic- #t the sight o& hi(, &or he )$%erstoo% i$st#$tly 2h#t the high spirits (e#$t*
5;orty (issio$s,5 H)$gry Joe #$$o)$ce% re#%ily i$ # ,oice lyric#l 2ith relie& #$% el#tio$* 5The colo$el r#ise% the( #g#i$*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s st)$$e%* 57)t +5,e got thirty-t2o, go%%#((itC Three (ore #$% + 2o)l% h#,e bee$ thro)gh*5
H)$gry Joe shr)gge% i$%i&&ere$tly* 5The colo$el 2#$ts &orty (issio$s,5 he repe#te%*
.oss#ri#$ sho,e% hi( o)t o& the 2#y #$% r#$ right i$to the hospit#l*
1F THE SOL0+ER +/ >H+TE
.oss#ri#$ r#$ right i$to the hospit#l, %eter(i$e% to re(#i$ there &ore,er r#ther th#$ &ly o$e (issio$ (ore th#$ the thirty-
t2o (issio$s he h#%* Te$ %#ys #&ter he ch#$ge% his (i$% #$% c#(e o)t, the colo$el r#ise% the (issio$s to &orty-&i,e
#$% .oss#ri#$ r#$ right b#c- i$, %eter(i$e% to re(#i$ i$ the hospit#l &ore,er r#ther th#$ &ly o$e (issio$ (ore th#$ the
si8 (issio$s (ore he h#% 3)st &lo2$*
.oss#ri#$ co)l% r)$ i$to the hospit#l 2he$e,er he 2#$te% to bec#)se o& his li,er #$% bec#)se o& his eyesA the %octors
co)l%$5t &i8 his li,er co$%itio$ #$% co)l%$5t (eet his eyes e#ch ti(e he tol% the( he h#% # li,er co$%itio$* He co)l% e$3oy
hi(sel& i$ the hospit#l, 3)st #s lo$g #s there 2#s $o o$e re#lly ,ery sic- i$ the s#(e 2#r%* His syste( 2#s st)r%y
e$o)gh to s)r,i,e # c#se o& so(eo$e else5s (#l#ri# or i$&l)e$4# 2ith sc#rcely #$y %isco(&ort #t #ll* He co)l% co(e
thro)gh other people5s to$sillecto(ies 2itho)t s)&&eri$g #$y postoper#ti,e %istress, #$% e,e$ e$%)re their her$i#s #$%
he(orrhoi%s 2ith o$ly (il% $#)se# #$% re,)lsio$* 7)t th#t 2#s 3)st #bo)t #s ()ch #s he co)l% go thro)gh 2itho)t
getti$g sic-* A&ter th#t he 2#s re#%y to bolt* He co)l% rel#8 i$ the hospit#l, si$ce $o o$e there e8pecte% hi( to %o
#$ythi$g* All he 2#s e8pecte% to %o i$ the hospit#l 2#s %ie or get better, #$% si$ce he 2#s per&ectly #ll right to begi$
2ith, getti$g better 2#s e#sy*
7ei$g i$ the hospit#l 2#s better th#$ bei$g o,er 7olog$# or &lyi$g o,er A,ig$o$ 2ith H)ple #$% 0obbs #t the co$trols
#$% S$o2%e$ %yi$g i$ b#c-*
There 2ere )s)#lly $ot $e#rly #s (#$y sic- people i$si%e the hospit#l #s .oss#ri#$ s#2 o)tsi%e the hospit#l, #$% there
2ere ge$er#lly &e2er people i$si%e the hospit#l 2ho 2ere serio)sly sic-* There 2#s # ()ch lo2er %e#th r#te i$si%e the
hospit#l th#$ o)tsi%e the hospit#l, #$% # ()ch he#lthier %e#th r#te* ;e2 people %ie% )$$ecess#rily* People -$e2 # lot
(ore #bo)t %yi$g i$si%e the hospit#l #$% (#%e # ()ch $e#ter, (ore or%erly 3ob o& it* They co)l%$5t %o(i$#te 0e#th
i$si%e the hospit#l, b)t they cert#i$ly (#%e her beh#,e* They h#% t#)ght her (#$$ers* They co)l%$5t -eep 0e#th o)t,
b)t 2hile she 2#s i$ she h#% to #ct li-e # l#%y* People g#,e )p the ghost 2ith %elic#cy #$% t#ste i$si%e the hospit#l*
There 2#s $o$e o& th#t cr)%e, )gly oste$t#tio$ #bo)t %yi$g th#t 2#s so co((o$ o)tsi%e the hospit#l* They %i% $ot blo2
)p i$ (i%-#ir li-e ?r#&t or the %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t, or &ree4e to %e#th i$ the bl#4i$g s)((erti(e the 2#y
S$o2%e$ h#% &ro4e$ to %e#th #&ter spilli$g his secret to .oss#ri#$ i$ the b#c- o& the pl#$e*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ h#% 2hi(pere%* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 .oss#ri#$ h#% trie% to co(&ort hi(* 5There, there*5
They %i%$5t t#-e it o$ the l#( 2eir%ly i$si%e # clo)% the 2#y Cle,i$ger h#% %o$e* They %i%$5t e8plo%e i$to bloo% #$%
clotte% (#tter* They %i%$5t %ro2$ or get str)c- by light$i$g, (#$gle% by (#chi$ery or cr)she% i$ l#$%sli%es* They %i%$5t
get shot to %e#th i$ hol%-)ps, str#$gle% to %e#th i$ r#pes, st#bbe% to %e#th i$ s#loo$s, bl)%geo$e% to %e#th 2ith #8es
by p#re$ts or chil%re$ or %ie s)((#rily by so(e other #ct o& :o%* /obo%y cho-e% to %e#th* People ble% to %e#th li-e
ge$tle(e$ i$ #$ oper#ti$g roo( or e8pire% 2itho)t co((e$t i$ #$ o8yge$ te$t* There 2#s $o$e o& th#t tric-y $o2-yo)-
see-(e-$o2-yo)-%o$5t b)si$ess so ()ch i$ ,og)e o)tsi%e the hospit#l, $o$e o& th#t $o2-+-#(-#$%-$o2-+-#i$5t* There
2ere $o &#(i$es or &loo%s* Chil%re$ %i%$5t s)&&oc#te i$ cr#%les or icebo8es or &#ll )$%er tr)c-s* /o o$e 2#s be#te$ to
%e#th* People %i%$5t stic- their he#%s i$to o,e$s 2ith the g#s o$, 3)(p i$ &ro$t o& s)b2#y tr#i$s or co(e pl)((eti$g li-e
%e#% 2eights o)t o& hotel 2i$%o2s 2ith # 2hooshC, #cceler#ti$g #t the r#te o& si8tee$ &eet per seco$% to l#$% 2ith #
hi%eo)s plopC o$ the si%e2#l- #$% %ie %isg)sti$gly there i$ p)blic li-e #$ #lp#c# s#c- &)ll o& h#iry str#2berry ice cre#(,
blee%i$g, pi$- toes #2ry*
All thi$gs co$si%ere%, .oss#ri#$ o&te$ pre&erre% the hospit#l, e,e$ tho)gh it h#% its &#)lts* The help te$%e% to be
o&&icio)s, the r)les, i& hee%e%, restricti,e, #$% the (#$#ge(e$t (e%%leso(e* Si$ce sic- people 2ere #pt to be prese$t,
he co)l% $ot #l2#ys %epe$% o$ # li,ely yo)$g cro2% i$ the s#(e 2#r% 2ith hi(, #$% the e$tert#i$(e$t 2#s $ot #l2#ys
goo%* He 2#s &orce% to #%(it th#t the hospit#ls h#% #ltere% ste#%ily &or the 2orse #s the 2#r co$ti$)e% #$% o$e (o,e%
closer to the b#ttle&ro$t, the %eterior#tio$ i$ the 6)#lity o& the g)ests beco(i$g (ost (#r-e% 2ithi$ the co(b#t 4o$e
itsel& 2here the e&&ects o& boo(i$g 2#rti(e co$%itio$s 2ere #pt to (#-e the(sel,es co$spic)o)s i((e%i#tely* The
people got sic-er #$% sic-er the %eeper he (o,e% i$to co(b#t, )$til &i$#lly i$ the hospit#l th#t l#st ti(e there h#% bee$
the sol%ier i$ 2hite, 2ho co)l% $ot h#,e bee$ #$y sic-er 2itho)t bei$g %e#%, #$% he soo$ 2#s*
The sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s co$str)cte% e$tirely o& g#)4e, pl#ster #$% # ther(o(eter, #$% the ther(o(eter 2#s (erely #$
#%or$(e$t le&t b#l#$ce% i$ the e(pty %#r- hole i$ the b#$%#ges o,er his (o)th e#rly e#ch (or$i$g #$% l#te e#ch
Catch 22
#&ter$oo$ by /)rse Cr#(er #$% /)rse 0)c-ett right )p to the #&ter$oo$ /)rse Cr#(er re#% the ther(o(eter #$%
%isco,ere% he 2#s %e#%* /o2 th#t .oss#ri#$ loo-e% b#c-, it see(e% th#t /)rse Cr#(er, r#ther th#$ the t#l-#ti,e Te8#$,
h#% ()r%ere% the sol%ier i$ 2hiteA i& she h#% $ot re#% the ther(o(eter #$% reporte% 2h#t she h#% &o)$%, the sol%ier i$
2hite (ight still be lyi$g there #li,e e8#ctly #s he h#% bee$ lyi$g there #ll #lo$g, e$c#se% &ro( he#% to toe i$ pl#ster #$%
g#)4e 2ith both str#$ge, rigi% legs ele,#te% &ro( the hips #$% both str#$ge #r(s str)$g )p perpe$%ic)l#rly, #ll &o)r
b)l-y li(bs i$ c#sts, #ll &o)r str#$ge, )seless li(bs hoiste% )p i$ the #ir by t#)t 2ire c#bles #$% &#$t#stic#lly lo$g le#%
2eights s)spe$%e% %#r-ly #bo,e hi(* Lyi$g there th#t 2#y (ight $ot h#,e bee$ ()ch o& # li&e, b)t it 2#s #ll the li&e he
h#%, #$% the %ecisio$ to ter(i$#te it, .oss#ri#$ &elt, sho)l% h#r%ly h#,e bee$ /)rse Cr#(er5s*
The sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s li-e #$ )$rolle% b#$%#ge 2ith # hole i$ it or li-e # bro-e$ bloc- o& sto$e i$ # h#rbor 2ith #
croo-e% 4i$c pipe 3)tti$g o)t* The other p#tie$ts i$ the 2#r%, #ll b)t the Te8#$, shr#$- &ro( hi( 2ith # te$%erhe#rte%
#,ersio$ &ro( the (o(e$t they set eyes o$ hi( the (or$i$g #&ter the $ight he h#% bee$ s$e#-e% i$* They g#there%
soberly i$ the &#rthest recess o& the 2#r% #$% gossipe% #bo)t hi( i$ (#licio)s, o&&e$%e% )$%erto$es, rebelli$g #g#i$st
his prese$ce #s # gh#stly i(positio$ #$% rese$ti$g hi( (#le,ole$tly &or the $#)se#ti$g tr)th o& 2hich he 2#s bright
re(i$%er* They sh#re% # co((o$ %re#% th#t he 2o)l% begi$ (o#$i$g*
5+ %o$5t -$o2 2h#t +5ll %o i& he %oes begi$ (o#$i$g,5 the %#shi$g yo)$g &ighter pilot 2ith the gol%e$ ()st#che h#%
grie,e% &orlor$ly* 5+t (e#$s he5ll (o#$ %)ri$g the $ight, too, bec#)se he 2o$5t be #ble to tell ti(e*5
/o so)$% #t #ll c#(e &ro( the sol%ier i$ 2hite #ll the ti(e he 2#s there* The r#gge% ro)$% hole o,er his (o)th 2#s
%eep #$% 3et bl#c- #$% sho2e% $o sig$ o& lip, teeth, p#l#te or to$g)e* The o$ly o$e 2ho e,er c#(e close e$o)gh to loo-
2#s the #&&#ble Te8#$, 2ho c#(e close e$o)gh se,er#l ti(es # %#y to ch#t 2ith hi( #bo)t (ore ,otes &or the %ece$t
&ol-, ope$i$g e#ch co$,ers#tio$ 2ith the s#(e )$,#ryi$g greeti$g@ 5>h#t %o yo) s#y, &ell#9 Ho2 yo) co(i$g #lo$g95
The rest o& the (e$ #,oi%e% the( both i$ their reg)l#tio$ (#roo$ cor%)roy b#throbes #$% )$r#,eli$g &l#$$el p#3#(#s,
2o$%eri$g gloo(ily 2ho the sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s, 2hy he 2#s there #$% 2h#t he 2#s re#lly li-e i$si%e*
5He5s #ll right, + tell yo),5 the Te8#$ 2o)l% report b#c- to the( e$co)r#gi$gly #&ter e#ch o& his soci#l ,isits*
50eep %o2$ i$si%e he5s re#lly # reg)l#r g)y* He5s &eeli$g # little shy #$% i$sec)re $o2 bec#)se he %oes$5t -$o2 #$ybo%y
here #$% c#$5t t#l-* >hy %o$5t yo) #ll 3)st step right )p to hi( #$% i$tro%)ce yo)rsel,es9 He 2o$5t h)rt yo)*5
5>h#t the go%%#( hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 0)$b#r %e(#$%e%* 50oes he e,e$ -$o2 2h#t yo)5re t#l-i$g #bo)t95
5S)re he -$o2s 2h#t +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t* He5s $ot st)pi%* There #i$5t $othi$g 2ro$g 2ith hi(*5
5C#$ he he#r yo)95
5>ell, + %o$5t -$o2 i& he c#$ he#r (e or $ot, b)t +5( s)re he -$o2s 2h#t +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t*5
50oes th#t hole o,er his (o)th e,er (o,e95
5/o2, 2h#t -i$% o& # cr#4y 6)estio$ is th#t95 the Te8#$ #s-e% )$e#sily*
5Ho2 c#$ yo) tell i& he5s bre#thi$g i& it $e,er (o,es95
5Ho2 c#$ yo) tell it5s # he95
50oes he h#,e p#%s o,er his eyes )$%er$e#th th#t b#$%#ge o,er his &#ce95
50oes he e,er 2iggle his toes or (o,e the tips o& his &i$gers95
The Te8#$ b#c-e% #2#y i$ (o)$ti$g co$&)sio$* 5/o2, 2h#t -i$% o& # cr#4y 6)estio$ is th#t9 .o) &ell#s ()st #ll be cr#4y
or so(ethi$g* >hy %o$5t yo) 3)st 2#l- right )p to hi( #$% get #c6)#i$te%9 He5s # re#l $ice g)y, + tell yo)*5
The sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s (ore li-e # st)&&e% #$% sterili4e% ()((y th#$ # re#l $ice g)y* /)rse 0)c-ett #$% /)rse
Cr#(er -ept hi( spic--#$%-sp#$* They br)she% his b#$%#ges o&te$ 2ith # 2his-broo( #$% scr)bbe% the pl#ster c#sts
o$ his #r(s, legs, sho)l%ers, chest #$% pel,is 2ith so#py 2#ter* >or-i$g 2ith # ro)$% ti$ o& (et#l polish, they 2#8e% #
%i( gloss o$ the %)ll 4i$c pipe risi$g &ro( the ce(e$t o$ his groi$* >ith %#(p %ish to2els they 2ipe% the %)st se,er#l
ti(es # %#y &ro( the sli( bl#c- r)bber t)bes le#%i$g i$ #$% o)t o& hi( to the t2o l#rge stoppere% 3#rs, o$e o& the(,
h#$gi$g o$ # post besi%e his be%, %rippi$g &l)i% i$to his #r( co$st#$tly thro)gh # slit i$ the b#$%#ges 2hile the other,
#l(ost o)t o& sight o$ the &loor, %r#i$e% the &l)i% #2#y thro)gh the 4i$c pipe risi$g &ro( his groi$* 7oth yo)$g $)rses
polishe% the gl#ss 3#rs )$ce#si$gly* They 2ere pro)% o& their ho)se2or-* The (ore solicito)s o& the t2o 2#s /)rse
Cr#(er, # sh#pely, pretty, se8less girl 2ith # 2holeso(e )$#ttr#cti,e &#ce* /)rse Cr#(er h#% # c)te $ose #$% # r#%i#$t,
bloo(i$g co(ple8io$ %otte% 2ith &etchi$g spr#ys o& #%or#ble &rec-les th#t .oss#ri#$ %eteste%* She 2#s to)che% ,ery
%eeply by the sol%ier i$ 2hite* Her ,irt)o)s, p#le-bl)e, s#)cerli-e eyes &loo%e% 2ith le,i#th#$ te#rs o$ )$e8pecte%
occ#sio$s #$% (#%e .oss#ri#$ (#%*
5Ho2 the hell %o yo) -$o2 he5s e,e$ i$ there95 he #s-e% her*
50o$5t yo) %#re t#l- to (e th#t 2#yC5 she replie% i$%ig$#$tly*
5>ell, ho2 %o yo)9 .o) %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 i& it5s re#lly hi(*5
5>ho95
5>hoe,er5s s)ppose% to be i$ #ll those b#$%#ges* .o) (ight re#lly be 2eepi$g &or so(ebo%y else* Ho2 %o yo) -$o2
he5s e,e$ #li,e95
5>h#t # terrible thi$g to s#yC5 /)rse Cr#(er e8cl#i(e%* 5/o2, yo) get right i$to be% #$% stop (#-i$g 3o-es #bo)t hi(*5
5+5( $ot (#-i$g 3o-es* A$ybo%y (ight be i$ there* ;or #ll 2e -$o2, it (ight e,e$ be ')%%*5
5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 /)rse Cr#(er ple#%e% 2ith hi( i$ # 6)#,eri$g ,oice*
5'#ybe th#t5s 2here the %e#% (#$ is*5
5>h#t %e#% (#$95
5+5,e got # %e#% (#$ i$ (y te$t th#t $obo%y c#$ thro2 o)t* His $#(e is ')%%*5
/)rse Cr#(er5s &#ce bl#$che% #$% she t)r$e% to 0)$b#r %esper#tely &or #i%* 5'#-e hi( stop s#yi$g thi$gs li-e th#t,5 she
begge%*
5'#ybe there5s $o o$e i$si%e,5 0)$b#r s)ggeste% help&)lly* 5'#ybe they 3)st se$t the b#$%#ges here &or # 3o-e*5
She steppe% #2#y &ro( 0)$b#r i$ #l#r(* 5.o)5re cr#4y,5 she crie%, gl#$ci$g #bo)t i(plori$gly* 5.o)5re both cr#4y*5
/)rse 0)c-ett sho2e% )p the$ #$% ch#se% the( #ll b#c- to their o2$ be%s 2hile /)rse Cr#(er ch#$ge% the stoppere%
3#rs &or the sol%ier i$ 2hite* Ch#$gi$g the 3#rs &or the sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s $o tro)ble #t #ll, si$ce the s#(e cle#r &l)i% 2#s
%rippe% b#c- i$si%e hi( o,er #$% o,er #g#i$ 2ith $o #pp#re$t loss* >he$ the 3#r &ee%i$g the i$si%e o& his elbo2 2#s
3)st #bo)t e(pty, the 3#r o$ the &loor 2#s 3)st #bo)t &)ll, #$% the t2o 2ere si(ply )$co)ple% &ro( their respecti,e hoses
#$% re,erse% 6)ic-ly so th#t the li6)i% co)l% be %rippe% right b#c- i$to hi(* Ch#$gi$g the 3#rs 2#s $o tro)ble to #$yo$e
b)t the (e$ 2ho 2#tche% the( ch#$ge% e,ery ho)r or so #$% 2ere b#&&le% by the proce%)re*
57 | P a g e
5>hy c#$5t they hoo- the t2o 3#rs )p to e#ch other #$% eli(i$#te the (i%%le(#$95 the #rtillery c#pt#i$ 2ith 2ho(
.oss#ri#$ h#% stoppe% pl#yi$g chess i$6)ire%* 5>h#t the hell %o they $ee% hi( &or95
5+ 2o$%er 2h#t he %i% to %eser,e it,5 the 2#rr#$t o&&icer 2ith (#l#ri# #$% # (os6)ito bite o$ his #ss l#(e$te% #&ter /)rse
Cr#(er h#% re#% her ther(o(eter #$% %isco,ere% th#t the sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s %e#%*
5He 2e$t to 2#r,5 the &ighter pilot 2ith the gol%e$ ()st#che s)r(ise%*
5>e #ll 2e$t to 2#r,5 0)$b#r co)$tere%*
5Th#t5s 2h#t + (e#$,5 the 2#rr#$t o&&icer 2ith (#l#ri# co$ti$)e%* 5>hy hi(9 There 3)st %oes$5t see( to be #$y logic to
this syste( o& re2#r%s #$% p)$ish(e$t* Loo- 2h#t h#ppe$e% to (e* +& + h#% gotte$ syphilis or # %ose o& cl#p &or (y &i,e
(i$)tes o& p#ssio$ o$ the be#ch i$ste#% o& this %#($e% (os6)ito bite, + co)l% see 3)stice* 7)t (#l#ri#9 '#l#ri#9 >ho
c#$ e8pl#i$ (#l#ri# #s # co$se6)e$ce o& &or$ic#tio$95 The 2#rr#$t o&&icer shoo- his he#% i$ $)(b #sto$ish(e$t*
5>h#t #bo)t (e95 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5+ steppe% o)t o& (y te$t i$ '#rr#-ech o$e $ight to get # b#r o& c#$%y #$% c#)ght yo)r
%ose o& cl#p 2he$ th#t >#c + $e,er e,e$ s#2 be&ore hisse% (e i$to the b)shes* All + re#lly 2#$te% 2#s # b#r o& c#$%y,
b)t 2ho co)l% t)r$ it %o2$95
5Th#t so)$%s li-e (y %ose o& cl#p, #ll right,5 the 2#rr#$t o&&icer #gree%* 57)t +5,e still got so(ebo%y else5s (#l#ri#* J)st
&or o$ce +5% li-e to see #ll these thi$gs sort o& str#ighte$e% o)t, 2ith e#ch perso$ getti$g e8#ctly 2h#t he %eser,es* +t
(ight gi,e (e so(e co$&i%e$ce i$ this )$i,erse*5
5+5,e got so(ebo%y else5s three h)$%re% tho)s#$% %oll#rs,5 the %#shi$g yo)$g &ighter c#pt#i$ 2ith the gol%e$ ()st#che
#%(itte%* 5+5,e bee$ goo&i$g o&& si$ce the %#y + 2#s bor$* + che#te% (y 2#y thro)gh prep school #$% college, #$% 3)st
#bo)t #ll +5,e bee$ %oi$g e,er si$ce is sh#c-i$g )p 2ith pretty girls 2ho thi$- +5% (#-e # goo% h)sb#$%* +5,e got $o
#(bitio$ #t #ll* The o$ly thi$g + 2#$t to %o #&ter the 2#r is (#rry so(e girl 2ho5s got (ore (o$ey th#$ + h#,e #$% sh#c-
)p 2ith lots (ore pretty girls* The three h)$%re% tho)s#$% b)c-s 2#s le&t to (e be&ore + 2#s bor$ by # gr#$%&#ther 2ho
(#%e # &ort)$e selli$g o$ #$ i$ter$#tio$#l sc#le* + -$o2 + %o$5t %eser,e it, b)t +5ll be %#($e% i& + gi,e it b#c-* + 2o$%er
2ho it re#lly belo$gs to*5
5'#ybe it belo$gs to (y &#ther,5 0)$b#r co$3ect)re%* 5He spe$t # li&eti(e #t h#r% 2or- #$% $e,er co)l% (#-e e$o)gh
(o$ey to e,e$ se$% (y sister #$% (e thro)gh college* He5s %e#% $o2, so yo) (ight #s 2ell -eep it*5
5/o2, i& 2e c#$ 3)st &i$% o)t 2ho (y (#l#ri# belo$gs to 2e5% be #ll set* +t5s $ot th#t +5,e got #$ythi$g #g#i$st (#l#ri#* +5%
3)st #s soo$ gol%bric- 2ith (#l#ri# #s 2ith #$ythi$g else* +t5s o$ly th#t + &eel #$ i$3)stice h#s bee$ co((itte%* >hy
sho)l% + h#,e so(ebo%y else5s (#l#ri# #$% yo) h#,e (y %ose o& cl#p95
5+5,e got (ore th#$ yo)r %ose o& cl#p,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(* 5+5,e got to -eep &lyi$g co(b#t (issio$s bec#)se o& th#t %ose
o& yo)rs )$til they -ill (e*5
5Th#t (#-es it e,e$ 2orse* >h#t5s the 3)stice i$ th#t95
5+ h#% # &rie$% $#(e% Cle,i$ger t2o #$% # h#l& 2ee-s #go 2ho )se% to see ple$ty o& 3)stice i$ it*5
5+t5s the highest -i$% o& 3)stice o& #ll,5 Cle,i$ger h#% glo#te%, cl#ppi$g his h#$%s 2ith # (erry l#)gh* 5+ c#$5t help thi$-i$g
o& the Hippolyt)s o& E)ripi%es, 2here the e#rly lice$tio)s$ess o& These)s is prob#bly respo$sible &or the #sceticis( o&
the so$ th#t helps bri$g #bo)t the tr#ge%y th#t r)i$s the( #ll* +& $othi$g else, th#t episo%e 2ith the >#c sho)l% te#ch
yo) the e,il o& se8)#l i((or#lity*5
5+t te#ches (e the e,il o& c#$%y*5
5C#$5t yo) see th#t yo)5re $ot e8#ctly 2itho)t bl#(e &or the pre%ic#(e$t yo)5re i$95 Cle,i$ger h#% co$ti$)e% 2ith
)$%isg)ise% relish* 5+& yo) h#%$5t bee$ l#i% )p i$ the hospit#l 2ith ,e$ere#l %ise#se &or te$ %#ys b#c- there i$ A&ric#, yo)
(ight h#,e &i$ishe% yo)r t2e$ty-&i,e (issio$s i$ ti(e to be se$t ho(e be&ore Colo$el /e,ers 2#s -ille% #$% Colo$el
C#thc#rt c#(e to repl#ce hi(*5
5A$% 2h#t #bo)t yo)95 .oss#ri#$ h#% replie%* 5.o) $e,er got cl#p i$ '#rr#-ech #$% yo)5re i$ the s#(e pre%ic#(e$t*5
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 co$&esse% Cle,i$ger, 2ith # tr#ce o& (oc- co$cer$* 5+ g)ess + ()st h#,e %o$e so(ethi$g ,ery b#% i$ (y
ti(e*5
50o yo) re#lly belie,e th#t95
Cle,i$ger l#)ghe%* 5/o, o& co)rse $ot* + 3)st li-e to -i% yo) #lo$g # little*5
There 2ere too (#$y %#$gers &or .oss#ri#$ to -eep tr#c- o&* There 2#s Hitler, ')ssoli$i #$% To3o, &or e8#(ple, #$%
they 2ere #ll o)t to -ill hi(* There 2#s Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op& 2ith his &#$#ticis( &or p#r#%es #$% there 2#s the blo#te%
colo$el 2ith his big &#t ()st#che #$% his &#$#ticis( &or retrib)tio$, #$% they 2#$te% to -ill hi(, too* There 2#s Appleby,
H#,er(eyer, 7l#c- #$% ?or$* There 2#s /)rse Cr#(er #$% /)rse 0)c-ett, 2ho he 2#s #l(ost cert#i$ 2#$te% hi(
%e#%, #$% there 2#s the Te8#$ #$% the C*+*0* (#$, #bo)t 2ho( he h#% $o %o)bt* There 2ere b#rte$%ers, bric-l#yers
#$% b)s co$%)ctors #ll o,er the 2orl% 2ho 2#$te% hi( %e#%, l#$%lor%s #$% te$#$ts, tr#itors #$% p#triots, ly$chers,
leeches #$% l#c-eys, #$% they 2ere #ll o)t to b)(p hi( o&&* Th#t 2#s the secret S$o2%e$ h#% spille% to hi( o$ the
(issio$ to A,ig$o$ - they 2ere o)t to get hi(A #$% S$o2%e$ h#% spille% it #ll o,er the b#c- o& the pl#$e*
There 2ere ly(ph gl#$%s th#t (ight %o hi( i$* There 2ere -i%$eys, $er,e she#ths #$% corp)scles* There 2ere t)(ors
o& the br#i$* There 2#s Ho%g-i$5s %ise#se, le)-e(i#, #(yotrophic l#ter#l sclerosis* There 2ere &ertile re% (e#%o2s o&
epitheli#l tiss)e to c#tch #$% co%%le # c#$cer cell* There 2ere %ise#ses o& the s-i$, %ise#ses o& the bo$e, %ise#ses o&
the l)$g, %ise#ses o& the sto(#ch, %ise#ses o& the he#rt, bloo% #$% #rteries* There 2ere %ise#ses o& the he#%, %ise#ses
o& the $ec-, %ise#ses o& the chest, %ise#ses o& the i$testi$es, %ise#ses o& the crotch* There e,e$ 2ere %ise#ses o& the
&eet* There 2ere billio$s o& co$scie$tio)s bo%y cells o8i%#ti$g #2#y %#y #$% $ight li-e %)(b #$i(#ls #t their
co(plic#te% 3ob o& -eepi$g hi( #li,e #$% he#lthy, #$% e,ery o$e 2#s # pote$ti#l tr#itor #$% &oe* There 2ere so (#$y
%ise#ses th#t it too- # tr)ly %ise#se% (i$% to e,e$ thi$- #bo)t the( #s o&te$ #s he #$% H)$gry Joe %i%*
H)$gry Joe collecte% lists o& &#t#l %ise#ses #$% #rr#$ge% the( i$ #lph#betic#l or%er so th#t he co)l% p)t his &i$ger
2itho)t %el#y o$ #$y o$e he 2#$te% to 2orry #bo)t* He gre2 ,ery )pset 2he$e,er he (ispl#ce% so(e or 2he$ he
co)l% $ot #%% to his list, #$% he 2o)l% go r)shi$g i$ # col% s2e#t to 0oc 0#$ee-# &or help*
5:i,e hi( E2i$g5s t)(or,5 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise% 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2ho 2o)l% co(e to .oss#ri#$ &or help i$ h#$%li$g H)$gry
Joe, 5#$% &ollo2 it )p 2ith (el#$o(#* H)$gry Joe li-es li$geri$g %ise#ses, b)t he li-es the &)l(i$#ti$g o$es e,e$ (ore*5
0oc 0#$ee-# h#% $e,er he#r% o& either* 5Ho2 %o yo) (#$#ge to -eep )p o$ so (#$y %ise#ses li-e th#t95 he i$6)ire%
2ith high pro&essio$#l estee(*
5+ le#r$ #bo)t the( #t the hospit#l 2he$ + st)%y the Re#%er5s 0igest*5
.oss#ri#$ h#% so (#$y #il(e$ts to be #&r#i% o& th#t he 2#s so(eti(es te(pte% to t)r$ hi(sel& i$ to the hospit#l &or
Catch 22
goo% #$% spe$% the rest o& his li&e stretche% o)t there i$si%e #$ o8yge$ te$t 2ith # b#ttery o& speci#lists #$% $)rses
se#te% #t o$e si%e o& his be% t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y 2#iti$g &or so(ethi$g to go 2ro$g #$% #t le#st o$e s)rgeo$ 2ith #
-$i&e poise% #t the other, re#%y to 3)(p &or2#r% #$% begi$ c)tti$g #2#y the (o(e$t it bec#(e $ecess#ry* A$e)ris(s,
&or i$st#$ceA ho2 else co)l% they e,er %e&e$% hi( i$ ti(e #g#i$st #$ #$e)ris( o& the #ort#9 .oss#ri#$ &elt ()ch s#&er
i$si%e the hospit#l th#$ o)tsi%e the hospit#l, e,e$ tho)gh he lo#the% the s)rgeo$ #$% his -$i&e #s ()ch #s he h#% e,er
lo#the% #$yo$e* He co)l% st#rt scre#(i$g i$si%e # hospit#l #$% people 2o)l% #t le#st co(e r)$$i$g to try to helpA
o)tsi%e the hospit#l they 2o)l% thro2 hi( i$ priso$ i& he e,er st#rte% scre#(i$g #bo)t #ll the thi$gs he &elt e,eryo$e
o)ght to st#rt scre#(i$g #bo)t, or they 2o)l% p)t hi( i$ the hospit#l* O$e o& the thi$gs he 2#$te% to st#rt scre#(i$g
#bo)t 2#s the s)rgeo$5s -$i&e th#t 2#s #l(ost cert#i$ to be 2#iti$g &or hi( #$% e,eryo$e else 2ho li,e% lo$g e$o)gh to
%ie* He 2o$%ere% o&te$ ho2 he 2o)l% e,er recog$i4e the &irst chill, &l)sh, t2i$ge, #che, belch, s$ee4e, st#i$, leth#rgy,
,oc#l slip, loss o& b#l#$ce or l#pse o& (e(ory th#t 2o)l% sig$#l the i$e,it#ble begi$$i$g o& the i$e,it#ble e$%*
He 2#s #&r#i% #lso th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# 2o)l% still re&)se to help hi( 2he$ he 2e$t to hi( #g#i$ #&ter 3)(pi$g o)t o&
'#3or '#3or5s o&&ice, #$% he 2#s right*
5.o) thi$- yo)5,e got so(ethi$g to be #&r#i% #bo)t95 0oc 0#$ee-# %e(#$%e%, li&ti$g his %elic#te i((#c)l#te %#r- he#%
)p &ro( his chest to g#4e #t .oss#ri#$ ir#scibly &or # (o(e$t 2ith l#chry(ose eyes* 5>h#t #bo)t (e9 'y precio)s
(e%ic#l s-ills #re r)sti$g #2#y here o$ this lo)sy isl#$% 2hile other %octors #re cle#$i$g )p* 0o yo) thi$- + e$3oy sitti$g
here %#y #&ter %#y re&)si$g to help yo)9 + 2o)l%$5t (i$% it so ()ch i& + co)l% re&)se to help yo) b#c- i$ the St#tes or i$
so(e pl#ce li-e Ro(e* 7)t s#yi$g $o to yo) here is$5t e#sy &or (e, either*5
5The$ stop s#yi$g $o* :ro)$% (e*5
5+ c#$5t gro)$% yo),5 0oc 0#$ee-# ()(ble%* 5Ho2 (#$y ti(es %o yo) h#,e to be tol%95
5.es yo) c#$* '#3or '#3or tol% (e yo)5re the o$ly o$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2ho c#$ gro)$% (e*5
0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s st)$$e%* 5'#3or '#3or tol% yo) th#t9 >he$95
5>he$ + t#c-le% hi( i$ the %itch*5
5'#3or '#3or tol% yo) th#t9 +$ # %itch95
5He tol% (e i$ his o&&ice #&ter 2e le&t the %itch #$% 3)(pe% i$si%e* He tol% (e $ot to tell #$yo$e he tol% (e, so %o$5t st#rt
shooti$g yo)r (o)th o&&*5
5>hy th#t %irty, sche(i$g li#rC5 0oc 0#$ee-# crie%* 5He 2#s$5t s)ppose% to tell #$yo$e* 0i% he tell yo) ho2 + co)l%
gro)$% yo)95
5J)st by &illi$g o)t # little slip o& p#per s#yi$g +5( o$ the ,erge o& # $er,o)s coll#pse #$% se$%i$g it to :ro)p* 0r* St)bbs
gro)$%s (e$ i$ his s6)#%ro$ #ll the ti(e, so 2hy c#$5t yo)95
5A$% 2h#t h#ppe$s to the (e$ #&ter St)bbs %oes gro)$% the(95 0oc 0#$ee-# retorte% 2ith # s$eer* 5They go right b#c-
o$ co(b#t st#t)s, %o$5t they9 A$% he &i$%s hi(sel& right )p the cree-* S)re, + c#$ gro)$% yo) by &illi$g o)t # slip s#yi$g
yo)5re )$&it to &ly* 7)t there5s # c#tch*5
5C#tch-2295
5S)re* +& + t#-e yo) o&& co(b#t %)ty, :ro)p h#s to #ppro,e (y #ctio$, #$% :ro)p is$5t goi$g to* They5ll p)t yo) right b#c-
o$ co(b#t st#t)s, #$% the$ 2here 2ill + be9 O$ (y 2#y to the P#ci&ic Oce#$, prob#bly* /o, th#$- yo)* +5( $ot goi$g to
t#-e #$y ch#$ces &or yo)*5
5+s$5t it 2orth # try95 .oss#ri#$ #rg)e%* 5>h#t5s so hot #bo)t Pi#$os#95
5Pi#$os# is terrible* 7)t it5s better th#$ the P#ci&ic Oce#$* + 2o)l%$5t (i$% bei$g shippe% so(epl#ce ci,ili4e% 2here +
(ight pic- )p # b)c- or t2o i$ #bortio$ (o$ey e,ery $o2 #$% the$* 7)t #ll they5,e got i$ the P#ci&ic is 3)$gles #$%
(o$soo$s, +5% rot there*5
5.o)5re rotti$g here*5
0oc 0#$ee-# &l#re% )p #$grily* 5.e#h9 >ell, #t le#st +5( goi$g to co(e o)t o& this 2#r #li,e, 2hich is # lot (ore th#$
yo)5re goi$g to %o*5
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t +5( tryi$g to tell yo), go%%#((it* +5( #s-i$g yo) to s#,e (y li&e*5
5+t5s $ot (y b)si$ess to s#,e li,es,5 0oc 0#$ee-# retorte% s)lle$ly*
5>h#t is yo)r b)si$ess95
5+ %o$5t -$o2 2h#t (y b)si$ess is* All they e,er tol% (e 2#s to )phol% the ethics o& (y pro&essio$ #$% $e,er gi,e
testi(o$y #g#i$st #$other physici#$* Liste$* .o) thi$- yo)5re the o$ly o$e 2hose li&e is i$ %#$ger9 >h#t #bo)t (e9
Those t2o 6)#c-s +5,e got 2or-i$g &or (e i$ the (e%ic#l te$t still c#$5t &i$% o)t 2h#t5s 2ro$g 2ith (e*5
5'#ybe it5s E2i$g5s t)(or,5 .oss#ri#$ ()ttere% s#rc#stic#lly*
50o yo) re#lly thi$- so95 0oc 0#$ee-# e8cl#i(e% 2ith &right*
5Oh, + %o$5t -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% i(p#tie$tly* 5+ 3)st -$o2 +5( $ot goi$g to &ly #$y (ore (issio$s* They 2o)l%$5t
re#lly shoot (e, 2o)l% they9 +5,e got &i&ty-o$e*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) #t le#st &i$ish the &i&ty-&i,e be&ore yo) t#-e # st#$%95 0oc 0#$ee-# #%,ise%* 5>ith #ll yo)r bitchi$g, yo)5,e
$e,er &i$ishe% # to)r o& %)ty e,e$ o$ce*5
5Ho2 the hell c#$ +9 The colo$el -eeps r#isi$g the( e,ery ti(e + get close*5
5.o) $e,er &i$ish yo)r (issio$s bec#)se yo) -eep r)$$i$g i$to the hospit#l or goi$g o&& to Ro(e* .o)5% be i$ # ()ch,
stro$ger positio$ i& yo) h#% yo)r &i&ty-&i,e &i$ishe% #$% the$ re&)se% to &ly* The$ (#ybe +5% see 2h#t + co)l% %o*5
50o yo) pro(ise95
5+ pro(ise*5
5>h#t %o yo) pro(ise95
5+ pro(ise th#t (#ybe +5ll thi$- #bo)t %oi$g so(ethi$g to help i& yo) &i$ish yo)r &i&ty-&i,e (issio$s #$% i&yo) get 'c>#tt to
p)t (y $#(e o$ his &light log #g#i$ so th#t + c#$ %r#2 (y &light p#y 2itho)t goi$g )p i$ # pl#$e* +5( #&r#i% o& #irpl#$es*
0i% yo) re#% #bo)t th#t #irpl#$e cr#sh i$ +%#ho three 2ee-s #go9 Si8 people -ille%* +t 2#s terrible* + %o$5t -$o2 2hy they
2#$t (e to p)t i$ &o)r ho)rs5 &light ti(e e,ery (o$th i$ or%er to get (y &light p#y* 0o$5t + h#,e e$o)gh to 2orry #bo)t
2itho)t 2orryi$g #bo)t bei$g -ille% i$ #$ #irpl#$e cr#sh too95
5+ 2orry #bo)t the #irpl#$e cr#shes #lso,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(* 5.o)5re $ot the o$ly o$e*5
5.e#h, b)t +5( #lso pretty 2orrie% #bo)t th#t E2i$g5s t)(or,5 0oc 0#$ee-# bo#ste%* 50o yo) thi$- th#t5s 2hy (y $ose is
st)&&e% #ll the ti(e #$% 2hy + #l2#ys &eel so chilly9 T#-e (y p)lse*5
.oss#ri#$ #lso 2orrie% #bo)t E2i$g5s t)(or #$% (el#$o(#* C#t#strophes 2ere l)r-i$g e,ery2here, too $)(ero)s to
59 | P a g e
co)$t* >he$ he co$te(pl#te% the (#$y %ise#ses #$% pote$ti#l #cci%e$ts thre#te$i$g hi(, he 2#s positi,ely #sto)$%e%
th#t he h#% (#$#ge% to s)r,i,e i$ goo% he#lth &or #s lo$g #s he h#%* +t 2#s (ir#c)lo)s* E#ch %#y he &#ce% 2#s #$other
%#$gero)s (issio$ #g#i$st (ort#lity* A$% he h#% bee$ s)r,i,i$g the( &or t2e$ty-eight ye#rs*
1H THE SOL0+ER >HO SA> EBER.TH+/: T>+CE
.oss#ri#$ o2e% his goo% he#lth to e8ercise, &resh #ir, te#(2or- #$% goo% sports(#$shipA it 2#s to get #2#y &ro( the(
#ll th#t he h#% &irst %isco,ere% the hospit#l* >he$ the physic#l-e%)c#tio$ o&&icer #t Lo2ery ;iel% or%ere% e,eryo$e to &#ll
o)t &or c#listhe$ics o$e #&ter$oo$, .oss#ri#$, the pri,#te, reporte% i$ste#% #t the %ispe$s#ry 2ith 2h#t he s#i% 2#s #
p#i$ i$ his right si%e*
57e#t it,5 s#i% the %octor o$ %)ty there, 2ho 2#s %oi$g # cross2or% p)44le*
5>e c#$5t tell hi( to be#t it,5 s#i% # corpor#l* 5There5s # $e2 %irecti,e o)t #bo)t #b%o(i$#l co(pl#i$ts* >e h#,e to -eep
the( )$%er obser,#tio$ &i,e %#ys bec#)se so (#$y o& the( h#,e bee$ %yi$g #&ter 2e (#-e the( be#t it*5
5All right,5 gr)(ble% the %octor* 5?eep hi( )$%er obser,#tio$ &i,e %#ys #$% the$ (#-e hi( be#t it*5
They too- .oss#ri#$5s clothes #2#y #$% p)t hi( i$ # 2#r%, 2here he 2#s ,ery h#ppy 2he$ $o o$e 2#s s$ori$g $e#rby*
+$ the (or$i$g # help&)l yo)$g E$glish i$ter$ poppe% i$ to #s- hi( #bo)t his li,er*
5+ thi$- it5s (y #ppe$%i8 th#t5s botheri$g (e,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(*
5.o)r #ppe$%i8 is $o goo%,5 the E$glish(#$ %ecl#re% 2ith 3#)$ty #)thority* 5+& yo)r #ppe$%i8 goes 2ro$g, 2e c#$ t#-e it
o)t #$% h#,e yo) b#c- o$ #cti,e %)ty i$ #l(ost $o ti(e #t #ll* 7)t co(e to )s 2ith # li,er co(pl#i$t #$% yo) c#$ &ool )s
&or 2ee-s* The li,er, yo) see, is # l#rge, )gly (ystery to )s* +& yo)5,e e,er e#te$ li,er yo) -$o2 2h#t + (e#$* >e5re
pretty s)re to%#y th#t the li,er e8ists #$% 2e h#,e # &#irly goo% i%e# o& 2h#t it %oes 2he$e,er it5s %oi$g 2h#t it5s
s)ppose% to be %oi$g* 7eyo$% th#t, 2e5re re#lly i$ the %#r-* A&ter #ll, 2h#t is # li,er9 'y &#ther, &or e8#(ple, %ie% o&
c#$cer o& the li,er #$% 2#s $e,er sic- # %#y o& his li&e right )p till the (o(e$t it -ille% hi(* /e,er &elt # t2i$ge o& p#i$* +$
# 2#y, th#t 2#s too b#%, si$ce + h#te% (y &#ther* L)st &or (y (other, yo) -$o2*5
5>h#t5s #$ E$glish (e%ic#l o&&icer %oi$g o$ %)ty here95 .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to -$o2*
The o&&icer l#)ghe%* 5+5ll tell yo) #ll #bo)t th#t 2he$ + see yo) to(orro2 (or$i$g* A$% thro2 th#t silly ice b#g #2#y
be&ore yo) %ie o& p$e)(o$i#*5
.oss#ri#$ $e,er s#2 hi( #g#i$* Th#t 2#s o$e o& the $ice thi$gs #bo)t #ll the %octors #t the hospit#lA he $e,er s#2 #$y
o& the( # seco$% ti(e* They c#(e #$% 2e$t #$% si(ply %is#ppe#re%* +$ pl#ce o& the E$glish i$ter$ the $e8t %#y, there
#rri,e% # gro)p o& %octors he h#% $e,er see$ be&ore to #s- hi( #bo)t his #ppe$%i8*
5There5s $othi$g 2ro$g 2ith (y #ppe$%i8,5 .oss#ri#$ i$&or(e% the(* 5The %octor yester%#y s#i% it 2#s (y li,er*5
5'#ybe it is his li,er,5 replie% the 2hite-h#ire% o&&icer i$ ch#rge* 5>h#t %oes his bloo% co)$t sho295
5He h#s$5t h#% # bloo% co)$t*5
5H#,e o$e t#-e$ right #2#y* >e c#$5t #&&or% to t#-e ch#$ces 2ith # p#tie$t i$ his co$%itio$* >e5,e got to -eep o)rsel,es
co,ere% i$ c#se he %ies*5 He (#%e # $ot#tio$ o$ his clipbo#r% #$% spo-e to .oss#ri#$* 5+$ the (e#$ti(e, -eep th#t ice
b#g o$* +t5s ,ery i(port#$t*5
5+ %o$5t h#,e #$ ice b#g o$*5
5>ell, get o$e* There ()st be #$ ice b#g #ro)$% here so(e2here* A$% let so(eo$e -$o2 i& the p#i$ beco(es
)$e$%)r#ble*5
At the e$% o& te$ %#ys, # $e2 gro)p o& %octors c#(e to .oss#ri#$ 2ith b#% $e2sA he 2#s i$ per&ect he#lth #$% h#% to
get o)t* He 2#s resc)e% i$ the $ic- o& ti(e by # p#tie$t #cross the #isle 2ho beg#$ to see e,erythi$g t2ice* >itho)t
2#r$i$g, the p#tie$t s#t )p i$ be% #$% sho)te%*
5+ see e,erythi$g t2iceC5
A $)rse scre#(e% #$% #$ or%erly &#i$te%* 0octors c#(e r)$$i$g )p &ro( e,ery %irectio$ 2ith $ee%les, lights, t)bes,
r)bber (#llets #$% oscill#ti$g (et#l ti$es* They rolle% )p co(plic#te% i$str)(e$ts o$ 2heels* There 2#s $ot e$o)gh o&
the p#tie$t to go #ro)$%, #$% speci#lists p)she% &or2#r% i$ li$e 2ith r#2 te(pers #$% s$#ppe% #t their colle#g)es i$
&ro$t to h)rry )p #$% gi,e so(ebo%y else # ch#$ce* A colo$el 2ith # l#rge &orehe#% #$% hor$-ri((e% gl#sses soo$
#rri,e% #t # %i#g$osis*
5+t5s (e$i$gitis,5 he c#lle% o)t e(ph#tic#lly, 2#,i$g the others b#c-* 5Altho)gh Lor% -$o2s there5s $ot the slightest
re#so$ &or thi$-i$g so*5
5The$ 2hy pic- (e$i$gitis95 i$6)ire% # (#3or 2ith # s)#,e ch)c-le* 5>hy $ot, let5s s#y, #c)te $ephritis95
57ec#)se +5( # (e$i$gitis (#$, th#t5s 2hy, #$% $ot #$ #c)te-$ephritis (#$,5 retorte% the colo$el* 5A$% +5( $ot goi$g to
gi,e hi( )p to #$y o& yo) -i%$ey bir%s 2itho)t # str)ggle* + 2#s here &irst*5
+$ the e$%, the %octors 2ere #ll i$ #ccor%* They #gree% they h#% $o i%e# 2h#t 2#s 2ro$g 2ith the sol%ier 2ho s#2
e,erythi$g t2ice, #$% they rolle% hi( #2#y i$to # roo( i$ the corri%or #$% 6)#r#$ti$e% e,eryo$e else i$ the 2#r% &or
&o)rtee$ %#ys*
Th#$-sgi,i$g 0#y c#(e #$% 2e$t 2itho)t #$y &)ss 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s still i$ the hospit#l* The o$ly b#% thi$g #bo)t it
2#s the t)r-ey &or %i$$er, #$% e,e$ th#t 2#s pretty goo%* +t 2#s the (ost r#tio$#l Th#$-sgi,i$g he h#% e,er spe$t, #$%
he too- # s#cre% o#th to spe$% e,ery &)t)re Th#$-sgi,i$g 0#y i$ the cloistere% shelter o& # hospit#l* He bro-e his
s#cre% o#th the ,ery $e8t ye#r, 2he$ he spe$t the holi%#y i$ # hotel roo( i$ste#% i$ i$tellect)#l co$,ers#tio$ 2ith
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e, 2ho h#% 0ori 0)45s %og t#gs o$ &or the occ#sio$ #$% 2ho he$pec-e% .oss#ri#$
se$te$tio)sly &or bei$g cy$ic#l #$% c#llo)s #bo)t Th#$-sgi,i$g, e,e$ tho)gh she %i%$5t belie,e i$ :o% 3)st #s ()ch #s
he %i%$5t*
5+5( prob#bly 3)st #s goo% #$ #theist #s yo) #re,5 she spec)l#te% bo#st&)lly* 57)t e,e$ + &eel th#t 2e #ll h#,e # gre#t %e#l
to be th#$-&)l &or #$% th#t 2e sho)l%$5t be #sh#(e% to sho2 it*5
5/#(e o$e thi$g +5,e got to be th#$-&)l &or,5 .oss#ri#$ ch#lle$ge% her 2itho)t i$terest*
5>ell***5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e ()se% #$% p#)se% # (o(e$t to po$%er %)bio)sly* 5'e*5
5Oh, co(e o$,5 he sco&&e%*
She #rche% her eyebro2s i$ s)rprise* 5Are$5t yo) th#$-&)l &or (e95 she #s-e%* She &ro2$e% pee,ishly, her pri%e
2o)$%e%* 5+ %o$5t h#,e to sh#c- )p 2ith yo), yo) -$o2,5 she tol% hi( 2ith col% %ig$ity* 5'y h)sb#$% h#s # 2hole
s6)#%ro$ &)ll o& #,i#tio$ c#%ets 2ho 2o)l% be o$ly too h#ppy to sh#c- )p 2ith their co((#$%i$g o&&icer5s 2i&e 3)st &or
the #%%e% &illip it 2o)l% gi,e the(*5
.oss#ri#$ %eci%e% to ch#$ge the s)b3ect* 5/o2 yo)5re ch#$gi$g the s)b3ect,5 he poi$te% o)t %iplo(#tic#lly* 5+5ll bet + c#$
Catch 22
$#(e t2o thi$gs to be (iser#ble #bo)t &or e,ery o$e yo) c#$ $#(e to be th#$-&)l &or*5
57e th#$-&)l yo)5,e got (e,5 she i$siste%*
5+ #(, ho$ey* 7)t +5( #lso go%%#( goo% #$% (iser#ble th#t + c#$5t h#,e 0ori 0)4 #g#i$, too* Or the h)$%re%s o& other
girls #$% 2o(e$ +5ll see #$% 2#$t i$ (y short li&eti(e #$% 2o$5t be #ble to go to be% 2ith e,e$ o$ce*5
57e th#$-&)l yo)5re he#lthy*5
57e bitter yo)5re $ot goi$g to st#y th#t 2#y*5
57e gl#% yo)5re e,e$ #li,e*5
57e &)rio)s yo)5re goi$g to %ie*5
5Thi$gs co)l% be ()ch 2orse,5 she crie%*
5They co)l% be o$e hell o& # lot better,5 he #$s2ere% he#te%ly*
5.o)5re $#(i$g o$ly o$e thi$g,5 she proteste%* 5.o) s#i% yo) co)l% $#(e t2o*5
5A$% %o$5t tell (e :o% 2or-s i$ (ysterio)s 2#ys,5 .oss#ri#$ co$ti$)e%, h)rtli$g o$ o,er her ob3ectio$* 5There5s $othi$g
so (ysterio)s #bo)t it* He5s $ot 2or-i$g #t #ll* He5s pl#yi$g* Or else He5s &orgotte$ #ll #bo)t )s* Th#t5s the -i$% o& :o%
yo) people t#l- #bo)t - # co)$try b)(p-i$, # cl)(sy, b)$gli$g, br#i$less, co$ceite%, )$co)th h#ysee%* :oo% :o%, ho2
()ch re,ere$ce c#$ yo) h#,e &or # S)pre(e 7ei$g 2ho &i$%s it $ecess#ry to i$cl)%e s)ch phe$o(e$# #s phleg( #$%
tooth %ec#y i$ His %i,i$e syste( o& cre#tio$9 >h#t i$ the 2orl% 2#s r)$$i$g thro)gh th#t 2#rpe%, e,il, sc#tologic#l (i$%
o& His 2he$ He robbe% ol% people o& the po2er to co$trol their bo2el (o,e(e$ts9 >hy i$ the 2orl% %i% He e,er cre#te
pi$95
5P#i$95 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e po)$ce% )po$ the 2or% ,ictorio)sly* 5P#i$ is # )se&)l sy(pto(* P#i$ is # 2#r$i$g
to )s o& bo%ily %#$gers*5
5A$% 2ho cre#te% the %#$gers95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%* He l#)ghe% c#)stic#lly* 5Oh, He 2#s re#lly bei$g ch#rit#ble to )s
2he$ He g#,e )s p#i$C >hy co)l%$5t He h#,e )se% # %oorbell i$ste#% to $oti&y )s, or o$e o& His celesti#l choirs9 Or #
syste( o& bl)e-#$%-re% $eo$ t)bes right i$ the (i%%le o& e#ch perso$5s &orehe#%* A$y 3)-ebo8 (#$)&#ct)rer 2orth his
s#lt co)l% h#,e %o$e th#t* >hy co)l%$5t He95
5People 2o)l% cert#i$ly loo- silly 2#l-i$g #ro)$% 2ith re% $eo$ t)bes i$ the (i%%le o& their &orehe#%s*5
5They cert#i$ly loo- be#)ti&)l $o2 2rithi$g i$ #go$y or st)pe&ie% 2ith (orphi$e, %o$5t they9 >h#t # coloss#l, i((ort#l
bl)$%ererC >he$ yo) co$si%er the opport)$ity #$% po2er He h#% to re#lly %o # 3ob, #$% the$ loo- #t the st)pi%, )gly little
(ess He (#%e o& it i$ste#%, His sheer i$co(pete$ce is #l(ost st#ggeri$g* +t5s ob,io)s He $e,er (et # p#yroll* >hy, $o
sel&-respecti$g b)si$ess(#$ 2o)l% hire # b)$gler li-e Hi( #s e,e$ # shippi$g cler-C5
Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e h#% t)r$e% #she$ i$ %isbelie& #$% 2#s ogli$g hi( 2ith #l#r(* 5.o)5% better $ot t#l- th#t
2#y #bo)t Hi(, ho$ey,5 she 2#r$e% hi( repro,i$gly i$ # lo2 #$% hostile ,oice* 5He (ight p)$ish yo)*5
5+s$5t He p)$ishi$g (e e$o)gh95 .oss#ri#$ s$orte% rese$t&)lly* 5.o) -$o2, 2e ()st$5t let Hi( get #2#y 2ith it* Oh, $o,
2e cert#i$ly ()st$5t let Hi( get #2#y scot &ree &or #ll the sorro2 He5s c#)se% )s* So(e%#y +5( goi$g to (#-e Hi( p#y* +
-$o2 2he$* O$ the J)%g(e$t 0#y* .es, Th#t5s the %#y +5ll be close e$o)gh to re#ch o)t #$% gr#b th#t little yo-el by His
$ec- #$% -5
5Stop itC Stop itC5 Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&5s 2i&e scre#(e% s)%%e$ly, #$% beg#$ be#ti$g hi( i$e&&ect)#lly #bo)t the he#%
2ith both &ists* 5Stop itC5
.oss#ri#$ %)c-e% behi$% his #r( &or protectio$ 2hile she sl#((e% #2#y #t hi( i$ &e(i$i$e &)ry &or # &e2 seco$%s, #$%
the$ he c#)ght her %eter(i$e%ly by the 2rists #$% &orce% her ge$tly b#c- %o2$ o$ the be%* 5>h#t the hell #re yo)
getti$g so )pset #bo)t95 he #s-e% her be2il%ere%ly i$ # to$e o& co$trite #()se(e$t* 5+ tho)ght yo) %i%$5t belie,e i$ :o%*5
5+ %o$5t,5 she sobbe%, b)rsti$g ,iole$tly i$to te#rs* 57)t the :o% + %o$5t belie,e i$ is # goo% :o%, # 3)st :o%, # (erci&)l
:o%* He5s $ot the (e#$ #$% st)pi% :o% yo) (#-e Hi( o)t to be*5
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% #$% t)r$e% her #r(s loose* 5Let5s h#,e # little (ore religio)s &ree%o( bet2ee$ )s,5 he propose%
obligi$gly* 5.o) %o$5t belie,e i$ the :o% yo) 2#$t to, #$% + 2o$5t belie,e i$ the :o% + 2#$t to* +s th#t # %e#l95
Th#t 2#s the (ost illogic#l Th#$-sgi,i$g he co)l% e,er re(e(ber spe$%i$g, #$% his tho)ghts ret)r$e% 2ish&)lly to his
h#lcyo$ &o)rtee$-%#y 6)#r#$ti$e i$ the hospit#l the ye#r be&oreA b)t e,e$ th#t i%yll h#% e$%e% o$ # tr#gic $oteA he 2#s
still i$ goo% he#lth 2he$ the 6)#r#$ti$e perio% 2#s o,er, #$% they tol% hi( #g#i$ th#t he h#% to get o)t #$% go to 2#r*
.oss#ri#$ s#t )p i$ be% 2he$ he he#r% the b#% $e2s #$% sho)te%*
5+ see e,erythi$g t2iceC5
P#$%e(o$i)( bro-e loose i$ the 2#r% #g#i$* The speci#lists c#(e r)$$i$g )p &ro( #ll %irectio$s #$% ri$ge% hi( i$ #
circle o& scr)ti$y so co$&i$i$g th#t he co)l% &eel the h)(i% bre#th &ro( their ,#rio)s $oses blo2i$g )$co(&ort#bly )po$
the %i&&ere$t sectors o& his bo%y* They 2e$t s$oopi$g i$to his eyes #$% e#rs 2ith ti$y be#(s o& light, #ss#)lte% his legs
#$% &eet 2ith r)bber h#((ers #$% ,ibr#ti$g &or-s, %re2 bloo% &ro( his ,ei$s, hel% #$ythi$g h#$%y )p &or hi( to see o$
the periphery o& his ,isio$*
The le#%er o& this te#( o& %octors 2#s # %ig$i&ie%, solicito)s ge$tle(#$ 2ho hel% o$e &i$ger )p %irectly i$ &ro$t
o&.oss#ri#$ #$% %e(#$%e%, 5Ho2 (#$y &i$gers %o yo) see95
5T2o,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5Ho2 (#$y &i$gers %o yo) see $o295 #s-e% the %octor, hol%i$g )p t2o*
5T2o,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5A$% ho2 (#$y $o295 #s-e% the %octor, hol%i$g )p $o$e*
5T2o,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
The %octor5s &#ce 2re#the% 2ith # s(ile* 57y Jo,e, he5s right,5 he %ecl#re% 3)bil#$tly* 5He %oes see e,erythi$g t2ice*5
They rolle% .oss#ri#$ #2#y o$ # stretcher i$to the roo( 2ith the other sol%ier 2ho s#2 e,erythi$g t2ice #$%
6)#r#$ti$e% e,eryo$e else i$ the 2#r% &or #$other &o)rtee$ %#ys*
5+ see e,erythi$g t2iceC5 the sol%ier 2ho s#2 e,erythi$g t2ice sho)te% 2he$ they rolle% .oss#ri#$ i$*
5+ see e,erythi$g t2iceC5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% b#c- #t hi( 3)st #s lo)%ly, 2ith # secret 2i$-*
5The 2#llsC The 2#llsC5 the other sol%ier crie%* 5'o,e b#c- the 2#llsC5
5The 2#llsC The 2#llsC5 .oss#ri#$ crie%* 5'o,e b#c- the 2#llsC5
O$e o& the %octors prete$%e% to sho,e the 2#ll b#c-* 5+s th#t &#r e$o)gh95
The sol%ier 2ho s#2 e,erythi$g t2ice $o%%e% 2e#-ly #$% s#$- b#c- o$ his be%* .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% 2e#-ly too, eyi$g
61 | P a g e
his t#le$te% roo((#te 2ith gre#t h)(ility #$% #%(ir#tio$* He -$e2 he 2#s i$ the prese$ce o& # (#ster* His t#le$te%
roo((#te 2#s ob,io)sly # perso$ to be st)%ie% #$% e()l#te%* 0)ri$g the $ight, his t#le$te% roo((#te %ie%, #$%
.oss#ri#$ %eci%e% th#t he h#% &ollo2e% hi( &#r e$o)gh*
5+ see e,erythi$g o$ceC5 he crie% 6)ic-ly*
A $e2 gro)p o& speci#lists c#(e po)$%i$g )p to his be%si%e 2ith their i$str)(e$ts to &i$% o)t i& it 2#s tr)e*
5Ho2 (#$y &i$gers %o yo) see95 #s-e% the le#%er, hol%i$g )p o$e*
5O$e*5
The %octor hel% )p t2o &i$gers* 5Ho2 (#$y &i$gers %o yo) see $o295
5O$e*5
The %octor hel% )p te$ &i$gers* 5A$% ho2 (#$y $o295
5O$e*5
The %octor t)r$e% to the other %octors 2ith #(#4e(e$t* 5He %oes see e,erythi$g o$ceC5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5>e (#%e hi( #ll
better*5
'And &ust in time, too,' announced the doctor with whom Yossarian ne,t ound himsel alone,
a tall, torpedo$shaped congenial man with an unshaven growth o brown beard and a pack o
cigarettes in his shirt pocket that he chain$smoked insouciantly as he leaned against the wall.
'There are some relatives here to see you. (h, don't worry,' he added with a laugh. '1ot your
relatives. !t's the
mother, ather and brother o that chap who died. They've traveled all the way rom 1ew
York to see a dying soldier, and you're the handiest one we've got.'
5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 .ossarian asked suspiciously. '!'m not dying.'
'( course you're dying. %e're all dying. %here the devil else do you think you're heading''
'They didn't come to see me,' Yossarian ob&ected. 'They came to see their son.'
5They5ll h#,e to t#-e 2h#t they c#$ get* As &#r #s 2e5re co$cer$e%, o$e %yi$g boy is 3)st #s goo% #s #$y other, or 3)st #s
b#%* To # scie$tist, #ll %yi$g boys #re e6)#l* + h#,e # propositio$ &or yo)* .o) let the( co(e i$ #$% loo- yo) o,er &or #
&e2 (i$)tes #$% + 2o$5t tell #$yo$e yo)5,e bee$ lyi$g #bo)t yo)r li,er sy(pto(s*5
.oss#ri#$ %re2 b#c- &ro( hi( &#rther* 5.o) -$o2 #bo)t th#t95
5O& co)rse + %o* :i,e )s so(e cre%it*5 The %octor ch)c-le% #(i#bly #$% lit #$other cig#rette* 5Ho2 %o yo) e8pect #$yo$e
to belie,e yo) h#,e # li,er co$%itio$ i& yo) -eep s6)ee4i$g the $)rses5 tits e,ery ti(e yo) get # ch#$ce9 .o)5re goi$g to
h#,e to gi,e )p se8 i& yo) 2#$t to co$,i$ce people yo)5,e got #$ #ili$g li,er*5
5Th#t5s # hell o& # price to p#y 3)st to -eep #li,e* >hy %i%$5t yo) t)r$ (e i$ i& yo) -$e2 + 2#s &#-i$g95
5>hy the %e,il sho)l% +95 #s-e% the %octor 2ith # &lic-er o& s)rprise* 5>e5re #ll i$ this b)si$ess o& ill)sio$ together* +5(
#l2#ys 2illi$g to le$% # helpi$g h#$% to # &ello2 co$spir#tor #lo$g the ro#% to s)r,i,#l i& he5s 2illi$g to %o the s#(e &or
(e* These people h#,e co(e # lo$g 2#y, #$% +5% r#ther $ot %is#ppoi$t the(* +5( se$ti(e$t#l #bo)t ol% people*5
57)t they c#(e to see their so$*5
5They c#(e too l#te* '#ybe they 2o$5t e,e$ $otice the %i&&ere$ce*5
5S)ppose they st#rt cryi$g*5
5They prob#bly 2ill st#rt cryi$g* Th#t5s o$e o& the re#so$s they c#(e* +5ll liste$ o)tsi%e the %oor #$% bre#- it )p i& it st#rts
getti$g t#c-y*5
5+t #ll so)$%s # bit cr#4y,5 .oss#ri#$ re&lecte%* 5>h#t %o they 2#$t to 2#tch their so$ %ie &or, #$y2#y95
5+5,e $e,er bee$ #ble to &ig)re th#t o$e o)t,5 the %octor #%(itte%, 5b)t they #l2#ys %o* >ell, 2h#t %o yo) s#y9 All yo)5,e
got to %o is lie there # &e2 (i$)tes #$% %ie # little* +s th#t #s-i$g so ()ch95
5All right,5 .oss#ri#$ g#,e i$* 5+& it5s 3)st &or # &e2 (i$)tes #$% yo) pro(ise to 2#it right o)tsi%e*5 He 2#r(e% to his role*
5S#y, 2hy %o$5t yo) 2r#p # b#$%#ge #ro)$% (e &or e&&ect95
5Th#t so)$%s li-e # sple$%i% i%e#,5 #ppl#)%e% the %octor*
They 2r#ppe% # b#tch o& b#$%#ges #ro)$% .oss#ri#$* A te#( o& (e%ic#l or%erlies i$st#lle% t#$ sh#%es o$ e#ch o& the
t2o 2i$%o2s #$% lo2ere% the( to %o)se the roo( i$ %epressi$g sh#%o2s* .oss#ri#$ s)ggeste% &lo2ers #$% the %octor
se$t #$ or%erly o)t to &(% t2o s(#ll b)$ches o& &#%i$g o$es 2ith # stro$g #$% sic-e$i$g s(ell* >he$ e,erythi$g 2#s i$
pl#ce, they (#%e .oss#ri#$ get b#c- i$to be% #$% lie %o2$* The$ they #%(itte% the ,isitors*
The ,isitors e$tere% )$cert#i$ly #s tho)gh they &elt they 2ere i$tr)%i$g, tiptoei$g i$ 2ith st#res o& (ee- #pology, &irst the
grie,i$g (other #$% &#ther, the$ the brother, # glo2eri$g he#,y-set s#ilor 2ith # %eep chest* The (#$ #$% 2o(#$
steppe% i$to the roo( sti&y si%e by si%e #s tho)gh right o)t o& # &#(ili#r, tho)gh esoteric, #$$i,ers#ry %#g)erreotype o$
# 2#ll* They 2ere both short, sere #$% pro)%* They see(e% (#%e o& iro$ #$% ol%, %#r- clothi$g* The 2o(#$ h#% # lo$g,
broo%i$g o,#l &#ce o& b)r$t )(ber, 2ith co#rse gr#yi$g bl#c- h#ir p#rte% se,erely i$ the (i%%le #$% co(be% b#c-
#)sterely behi$% her $ec- 2itho)t c)rl, 2#,e or or$#(e$t#tio$* Her (o)th 2#s s)lle$ #$% s#%, her li$e% lips
co(presse%* The &#ther stoo% ,ery rigi% #$% 6)#i$t i$ # %o)ble-bre#ste% s)it 2ith p#%%e% sho)l%ers th#t 2ere ()ch too
tight &or hi(* He 2#s bro#% #$% ()sc)l#r o$ # s(#ll sc#le #$% h#% # (#g$i&ice$tly c)rle% sil,er ()st#che o$ his
cri$-le% &#ce* His eyes 2ere cre#se% #$% rhe)(y, #$% he #ppe#re% tr#gic#lly ill #t e#se #s he stoo% #2-2#r%ly 2ith the
bri( o& his bl#c- &elt &e%or# hel% i$ his t2o br#2$y l#borer5s h#$%s o)t i$ &ro$t o& his 2i%e l#pels* Po,erty #$% h#r% 2or-
h#% i$&licte% i$i6)ito)s %#(#ge o$ both* The brother 2#s loo-i$g &or # &ight* His ro)$% 2hite c#p 2#s coc-e% #t #$
i$sole$t tilt, his h#$%s 2ere cle$che%, #$% he gl#re% #t e,erythi$g i$ the roo( 2ith # sco2l o& i$3)re% tr)c)le$ce*
The three cre#-e% &or2#r% ti(i%ly, hol%i$g the(sel,es close to e#ch other i$ # ste#lthy, &)$ere#l gro)p #$% i$chi$g
&or2#r% #l(ost i$ step, )$til they #rri,e% #t the si%e o& the be% #$% stoo% st#ri$g %o2$ #t .oss#ri#$* There 2#s #
gr)eso(e #$% e8cr)ci#ti$g sile$ce th#t thre#te$e% to e$%)re &ore,er* ;i$#lly .oss#ri#$ 2#s )$#ble to be#r it #$y lo$ger
#$% cle#re% his thro#t* The ol% (#$ spo-e #t l#st*
5He loo-s terrible,5 he s#i%*
5He5s sic-, P#*5
Catch 22
5:i)seppe,5 s#i% the (other, 2ho h#% se#te% hersel& i$ # ch#ir 2ith her ,ei$o)s &i$gers cl#spe% i$ her l#p*
5'y $#(e is .oss#ri#$,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
5His $#(e is .oss#ri#$, '#* .oss#ri#$, %o$5t yo) recog$i4e (e9 +5( yo)r brother Joh$* 0o$5t yo) -$o2 2ho + #(95
5S)re + %o* .o)5re (y brother Joh$*5
5He %oes recog$i4e (eC P#, he -$o2s 2ho + #(* .oss#ri#$, here5s P#p#* S#y hello to P#p#*5
5Hello, P#p#,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5Hello, :i)seppe*5
5His $#(e is .oss#ri#$, P#*5
5+ c#$5t get o,er ho2 terrible he loo-s,5 the &#ther s#i%*
5He5s ,ery sic-, P#* The %octor s#ys he5s goi$g to %ie*5
5+ %i%$5t -$o2 2hether to belie,e the %octor or $ot,5 the &#ther s#i%* 5.o) -$o2 ho2 croo-e% those g)ys #re*5
5:i)seppe,5 the (other s#i% #g#i$, i$ # so&t, bro-e$ chor% o& ()te% #$g)ish*
5His $#(e is .oss#ri#$, '#* She %o$5t re(e(ber thi$gs too goo% #$y (ore* Ho25re they tre#ti$g yo) i$ here, -i%9 They
tre#ti$g yo) pretty goo%95
5Pretty goo%,5 .oss#ri#$ tol% hi(*
5Th#t5s goo%* J)st %o$5t let #$ybo%y i$ here p)sh yo) #ro)$%* .o)5re 3)st #s goo% #s #$ybo%y else i$ here e,e$ tho)gh
yo) #re +t#li#$* .o)5,e got rights, too*5
.oss#ri#$ 2i$ce% #$% close% his eyes so th#t he 2o)l% $ot h#,e to loo- #t his brother Joh$* He beg#$ to &eel sic-*
5/o2 see ho2 terrible he loo-s,5 the &#ther obser,e%*
5:i)seppe,5 the (other s#i%*
5'#, his $#(e is .oss#ri#$,5 the brother i$terr)pte% her i(p#tie$tly* 5C#$5t yo) re(e(ber95
5+t5s #ll right,5 .oss#ri#$ i$terr)pte% hi(* 5She c#$ c#ll (e :i)seppe i& she 2#$ts to*5
5:i)seppe,5 she s#i% to hi(*
50o$5t 2orry, .oss#ri#$,5 the brother s#i%* 5E,erythi$g is goi$g to be #ll right*5
50o$5t 2orry, '#,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5E,erythi$g is goi$g to be #ll right*5
50i% yo) h#,e # priest95 the brother 2#$te% to -$o2*
5.es,5 .oss#ri#$ lie%, 2i$ci$g #g#i$*
5Th#t5s goo%,5 the brother %eci%e%* 5J)st #s lo$g #s yo)5re getti$g e,erythi$g yo)5,e got co(i$g to yo)* >e c#(e #ll the
2#y &ro( /e2 .or-* >e 2ere #&r#i% 2e 2o)l%$5t get here i$ ti(e*5
5+$ ti(e &or 2h#t95
5+$ ti(e to see yo) be&ore yo) %ie%*5
5>h#t %i&&ere$ce 2o)l% it (#-e95
5>e %i%$5t 2#$t yo) to %ie by yo)rsel&*5
5>h#t %i&ere$ce 2o)l% it (#-e95
5He ()st be getti$g %elirio)s,5 the brother s#i%* 5He -eeps s#yi$g the s#(e thi$g o,er #$% o,er #g#i$*5
5Th#t5s re#lly ,ery &)$$y,5 the ol% (#$ replie%* 5All the ti(e + tho)ght his $#(e 2#s :i)seppe, #$% $o2 + &i$% o)t his
$#(e is .oss#ri#$* Th#t5s re#lly ,ery &)$$y*5
5'#, (#-e hi( &eel goo%,5 the brother )rge%* 5S#y so(ethi$g to cheer hi( )p*5
5:i)seppe*5
5+t5s $ot :i)seppe, '#* +t5s .oss#ri#$*5
5>h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes it (#-e95 the (other #$s2ere% i$ the s#(e (o)r$i$g to$e, 2itho)t loo-i$g )p* 5He5s %yi$g*5
Her t)(i% eyes &ille% 2ith te#rs #$% she beg#$ to cry, roc-i$g b#c- #$% &orth slo2ly i$ her ch#ir 2ith her h#$%s lyi$g i$
her l#p li-e &#lle$ (oths* .oss#ri#$ 2#s #&r#i% she 2o)l% st#rt 2#ili$g* The &#ther #$% brother beg#$ cryi$g #lso*
.oss#ri#$ re(e(bere% s)%%e$ly 2hy they 2ere #ll cryi$g, #$% he beg#$ cryi$g too* A %octor .oss#ri#$ h#% $e,er see$
be&ore steppe% i$si%e the roo( #$% tol% the ,isitors co)rteo)sly th#t they h#% to go* The &#ther %re2 hi(sel& )p &or(#lly
to s#y goo%bye*
5:i)seppe,5 he beg#$*
5.oss#ri#$,5 correcte% the so$*
5.oss#ri#$,5 s#i% the &#ther*
5:i)seppe,5 correcte% .oss#ri#$*
5Soo$ yo)5re goi$g to %ie*5
.oss#ri#$ beg#$ to cry #g#i$* The %octor thre2 hi( # %irty loo- &ro( the re#r o& the roo(, #$% .oss#ri#$ (#%e hi(sel&
stop*
The &#ther co$ti$)e% sole($ly 2ith his he#% lo2ere%* 5>he$ yo) t#l- to the (#$ )pst#irs,5 he s#i%, 5+ 2#$t yo) to tell
Hi( so(ethi$g &or (e* Tell Hi( it #i$5t right &or people to %ie 2he$ they5re yo)$g* + (e#$ it* Tell Hi( i& they got to %ie #t
#ll, they got to %ie 2he$ they5re ol%* + 2#$t yo) to tell Hi( th#t* + %o$5t thi$- He -$o2s it #i$5t right, bec#)se He5s
s)ppose% to be goo% #$% it5s bee$ goi$g o$ &or # lo$g, lo$g ti(e* O-#y95
5A$% %o$5t let #$ybo%y )p there p)sh yo) #ro)$%,5 the brother #%,ise%* 5.o)5ll be 3)st #s goo% #s #$ybo%y else i$
he#,e$, e,e$ tho)gh yo) #re +t#li#$*5
50ress 2#r(,5 s#i% the (other, 2ho see(e% to -$o2*
1 COLO/EL CATHCART
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s # slic-, s)ccess&)l, slipsho%, )$h#ppy (#$ o& thirty-si8 2ho l)(bere% 2he$ he 2#l-e% #$%
2#$te% to be # ge$er#l* He 2#s %#shi$g #$% %e3ecte%, poise% #$% ch#gri$e%* He 2#s co(pl#ce$t #$% i$sec)re, %#ri$g
i$ the #%(i$istr#ti,e str#t#ge(s he e(ploye% to bri$g hi(sel& to the #tte$tio$ o& his s)periors #$% cr#,e$ i$ his co$cer$
th#t his sche(es (ight #ll b#c-&ire* He 2#s h#$%so(e #$% )$#ttr#cti,e, # s2#shb)c-li$g, bee&y, co$ceite% (#$ 2ho
2#s p)tti$g o$ &#t #$% 2#s tor(e$te% chro$ic#lly by prolo$ge% sei4)res o& #pprehe$sio$* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s
co$ceite% bec#)se he 2#s # &)ll colo$el 2ith # co(b#t co((#$% #t the #ge o& o$ly thirty-si8A #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s
%e3ecte% bec#)se #ltho)gh he 2#s #lre#%y thirty-si8 he 2#s still o$ly # &)ll colo$el*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s i(per,io)s to #bsol)tes* He co)l% (e#s)re his o2$ progress o$ly i$ rel#tio$ship to others, #$%
his i%e# o& e8celle$ce 2#s to %o so(ethi$g #t le#st #s 2ell #s #ll the (e$ his o2$ #ge 2ho 2ere %oi$g the s#(e thi$g
e,e$ better* The &#ct th#t there 2ere tho)s#$%s o& (e$ his o2$ #ge #$% ol%er 2ho h#% $ot e,e$ #tt#i$e% the r#$- o&
63 | P a g e
(#3or e$li,e$e% hi( 2ith &oppish %elight i$ his o2$ re(#r-#ble 2orthA o$ the other h#$%, the &#ct th#t there 2ere (e$ o&
his o2$ #ge #$% yo)$ger 2ho 2ere #lre#%y ge$er#ls co$t#(i$#te% hi( 2ith #$ #go$i4i$g se$se o& &#il)re #$% (#%e
hi( g$#2 #t his &i$ger$#ils 2ith #$ )$#ppe#s#ble #$8iety th#t 2#s e,e$ (ore i$te$se th#$ H)$gry Joe5s*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s # ,ery l#rge, po)ti$g, bro#%sho)l%ere% (#$ 2ith close-croppe% c)rly %#r- h#ir th#t 2#s gr#yi$g #t
the tips #$% #$ or$#te cig#rette hol%er th#t he p)rch#se% the %#y be&ore he #rri,e% i$ Pi#$os# to t#-e co((#$% o& his
gro)p* He %ispl#ye% the cig#rette hol%er gr#$%ly o$ e,ery occ#sio$ #$% h#% le#r$e% to (#$ip)l#te it #%roitly*
=$2itti$gly, he h#% %isco,ere% %eep 2ithi$ hi(sel& # &ertile #ptit)%e &or s(o-i$g 2ith # cig#rette hol%er* As &#r #s he
co)l% tell, his 2#s the o$ly cig#rette hol%er i$ the 2hole 'e%iterr#$e#$ the#ter o& oper#tio$s, #$% the tho)ght 2#s both
&l#tteri$g #$% %is6)ieti$g* He h#% $o %o)bts #t #ll th#t so(eo$e #s %ebo$#ir #$% i$tellect)#l #s :e$er#l Pec-e(
#ppro,e% o& his s(o-i$g 2ith # cig#rette hol%er, e,e$ tho)gh the t2o 2ere i$ e#ch other5s prese$ce r#ther sel%o(,
2hich i$ # 2#y 2#s ,ery l)c-y, Colo$el C#thc#rt recog$i4e% 2ith relie&, si$ce :e$er#l Pec-e( (ight $ot h#,e #ppro,e%
o& his cig#rette hol%er #t #ll* >he$ s)ch (isgi,i$gs #ss#ile% Colo$el C#thc#rt, he cho-e% b#c- # sob #$% 2#$te% to
thro2 the %#($e% thi$g #2#y, b)t he 2#s restr#i$e% by his )$s2er,i$g co$,ictio$ th#t the cig#rette hol%er $e,er &#ile%
to e(bellish his (#sc)li$e, (#rti#l physi6)e 2ith # high gloss o& sophistic#te% herois( th#t ill)(i$#te% hi( to %#44li$g
#%,#$t#ge #(o$g #ll the other &)ll colo$els i$ the A(eric#$ Ar(y 2ith 2ho( he 2#s i$ co(petitio$* Altho)gh ho2 co)l%
he be s)re9
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s i$%e&#tig#ble th#t 2#y, #$ i$%)strio)s, i$te$se, %e%ic#te% (ilit#ry t#ctici#$ 2ho c#lc)l#te% %#y #$%
$ight i$ the ser,ice o& hi(sel&* He 2#s his o2$ s#rcoph#g)s, # bol% #$% i$&#llible %iplo(#t 2ho 2#s #l2#ys ber#ti$g
hi(sel& %isg)ste%ly &or #ll the ch#$ces he h#% (isse% #$% -ic-i$g hi(sel& regret&)lly &or #ll the errors he h#% (#%e* He
2#s te$se, irrit#ble, bitter #$% s()g* He 2#s # ,#loro)s opport)$ist 2ho po)$ce% hoggishly )po$ e,ery opport)$ity
Colo$el ?or$ %isco,ere% &or hi( #$% tre(ble% i$ %#(p %esp#ir i((e%i#tely #&ter2#r% #t the possible co$se6)e$ces he
(ight s)&&er* He collecte% r)(ors gree%ily #$% tre#s)re% gossip* He belie,e% #ll the $e2s he he#r% #$% h#% &#ith i$
$o$e* He 2#s o$ the #lert co$st#$tly &or e,ery sig$#l, shre2%ly se$siti,e to rel#tio$ships #$% sit)#tio$s th#t %i% $ot
e8ist* He 2#s so(eo$e i$ the -$o2 2ho 2#s #l2#ys stri,i$g p#thetic#lly to &i$% o)t 2h#t 2#s goi$g o$* He 2#s #
bl)steri$g, i$trepi% b)lly 2ho broo%e% i$co$sol#bly o,er the terrible i$er#%ic#ble i(pressio$s he -$e2 he -ept (#-i$g
o$ people o& pro(i$e$ce 2ho 2ere sc#rcely #2#re th#t he 2#s e,e$ #li,e*
E,erybo%y 2#s persec)ti$g hi(* Colo$el C#thc#rt li,e% by his 2its i$ #$ )$st#ble, #rith(etic#l 2orl% o& bl#c- eyes #$%
&e#thers i$ his c#p, o& o,er2hel(i$g i(#gi$#ry tri)(phs #$% c#t#strophic i(#gi$#ry %e&e#ts* He oscill#te% ho)rly
bet2ee$ #$g)ish #$% e8hil#r#tio$, ()ltiplyi$g &#$t#stic#lly the gr#$%e)r o& his ,ictories #$% e8#gger#ti$g tr#gic#lly the
serio)s$ess o& his %e&e#ts* /obo%y e,er c#)ght hi( $#ppi$g* +& 2or% re#che% hi( th#t :e$er#l 0ree%le or :e$er#l
Pec-e( h#% bee$ see$ s(ili$g, &ro2$i$g, or %oi$g $either, he co)l% $ot (#-e hi(sel& rest )$til he h#% &o)$% #$
#ccept#ble i$terpret#tio$ #$% gr)(ble% ()lishly )$til Colo$el ?or$ pers)#%e% hi( to rel#8 #$% t#-e thi$gs e#sy*
Lie)te$#$t Colo$el ?or$ 2#s # loy#l, i$%ispe$s#ble #lly 2ho got o$ Colo$el C#thc#rt5s $er,es* Colo$el C#thc#rt
ple%ge% eter$#l gr#tit)%e to Colo$el ?or$ &or the i$ge$io)s (o,es he %e,ise% #$% 2#s &)rio)s 2ith hi( #&ter2#r% 2he$
he re#li4e% they (ight $ot 2or-* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s gre#tly i$%ebte% to Colo$el ?or$ #$% %i% $ot li-e hi( #t #ll* The
t2o 2ere ,ery close* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s 3e#lo)s o& Colo$el ?or$5s i$tellige$ce #$% h#% to re(i$% hi(sel& o&te$ th#t
Colo$el ?or$ 2#s still o$ly # lie)te$#$t colo$el, e,e$ tho)gh he 2#s #l(ost te$ ye#rs ol%er th#$ Colo$el C#thc#rt, #$%
th#t Colo$el ?or$ h#% obt#i$e% his e%)c#tio$ #t # st#te )$i,ersity* Colo$el C#thc#rt be2#ile% the (iser#ble &#te th#t
h#% gi,e$ hi( &or #$ i$,#l)#ble #ssist#$t so(eo$e #s co((o$ #s Colo$el ?or$* +t 2#s %egr#%i$g to h#,e to %epe$% so
thoro)ghly o$ # perso$ 2ho h#% bee$ e%)c#te% #t # st#te )$i,ersity* +& so(eo$e %i% h#,e to beco(e i$%ispe$s#ble to
hi(, Colo$el C#thc#rt l#(e$te%, it co)l% 3)st #s e#sily h#,e bee$ so(eo$e 2e#lthy #$% 2ell groo(e%, so(eo$e &ro( #
better &#(ily 2ho 2#s (ore (#t)re th#$ Colo$el ?or$ #$% 2ho %i% $ot tre#t Colo$el C#thc#rt5s %esire to beco(e #
ge$er#l #s &ri,olo)sly #s Colo$el C#thc#rt secretly s)specte% Colo$el ?or$ secretly %i%*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$te% to be # ge$er#l so %esper#tely he 2#s 2illi$g to try #$ythi$g, e,e$ religio$, #$% he s)((o$e%
the ch#pl#i$ to his o&&ice l#te o$e (or$i$g the 2ee- #&ter he h#% r#ise% the $)(ber o& (issio$s to si8ty #$% poi$te%
#br)ptly %o2$ to2#r% his %es- to his copy o& The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post* The colo$el 2ore his -h#-i shirt coll#r 2i%e
ope$, e8posi$g # sh#%o2 o& to)gh bl#c- bristles o& be#r% o$ his egg-2hite $ec-, #$% h#% # spo$gy h#$gi$g )$%erlip*
He 2#s # perso$ 2ho $e,er t#$$e%, #$% he -ept o)t o& the s)$ #s ()ch #s possible to #,oi% b)r$i$g* The colo$el 2#s
(ore th#$ # he#% t#ller th#$ the ch#pl#i$ #$% o,er t2ice #s bro#%, #$% his s2olle$, o,erbe#ri$g #)thority (#%e the
ch#pl#i$ &eel &r#il #$% sic-ly by co$tr#st*
5T#-e # loo-, Ch#pl#i$,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt %irecte%, scre2i$g # cig#rette i$to his hol%er #$% se#ti$g hi(sel& #&&l)e$tly i$
the s2i,el ch#ir behi$% his %es-* 5Let (e -$o2 2h#t yo) thi$-*5
The ch#pl#i$ loo-e% %o2$ #t the ope$ (#g#4i$e co(pli#$tly #$% s#2 #$ e%itori#l spre#% %e#li$g 2ith #$ A(eric#$
bo(ber gro)p i$ E$gl#$% 2hose ch#pl#i$ s#i% pr#yers i$ the brie&i$g roo( be&ore e#ch (issio$* The ch#pl#i$ #l(ost
2ept 2ith h#ppi$ess 2he$ he re#li4e% the colo$el 2#s $ot goi$g to holler #t hi(* The t2o h#% h#r%ly spo-e$ si$ce the
t)()lt)o)s e,e$i$g Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% thro2$ hi( o)t o& the o&&icers5 cl)b #t :e$er#l 0ree%le5s bi%%i$g #&ter Chie&
>hite H#l&o#t h#% p)$che% Colo$el 'oo%)s i$ the $ose* The ch#pl#i$5s i$iti#l &e#r h#% bee$ th#t the colo$el i$te$%e%
repri(#$%i$g hi( &or h#,i$g go$e b#c- i$to the o&&icers5 cl)b 2itho)t per(issio$ the e,e$i$g be&ore* He h#% go$e there
2ith .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r #&ter the t2o h#% co(e )$e8pecte%ly to his te$t i$ the cle#ri$g i$ the 2oo%s to #s- hi( to
3oi$ the(* +$ti(i%#te% #s he 2#s by Colo$el C#thc#rt, he $e,ertheless &o)$% it e#sier to br#,e his %isple#s)re th#$ to
%ecli$e the tho)ght&)l i$,it#tio$ o& his t2o $e2 &rie$%s, 2ho( he h#% (et o$ o$e o& his hospit#l ,isits 3)st # &e2 2ee-s
be&ore #$% 2ho h#% 2or-e% so e&&ecti,ely to i$s)l#te hi( #g#i$st the (yri#% soci#l ,icissit)%es i$,ol,e% i$ his o&&ici#l
%)ty to li,e o$ closest ter(s o& &#(ili#rity 2ith (ore th#$ $i$e h)$%re% )$&#(ili#r o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ 2ho tho)ght
hi( #$ o%% %)c-*
The ch#pl#i$ gl)e% his eyes to the p#ges o& the (#g#4i$e* He st)%ie% e#ch photogr#ph t2ice #$% re#% the c#ptio$s
i$te$tly #s he org#$i4e% his respo$se to the colo$el5s 6)estio$ i$to # gr#((#tic#lly co(plete se$te$ce th#t he
rehe#rse% #$% reorg#$i4e% i$ his (i$% # co$si%er#ble $)(ber o& ti(es be&ore he 2#s #ble &i$#lly to ()ster the co)r#ge
to reply*
5+ thi$- th#t s#yi$g pr#yers be&ore e#ch (issio$ is # ,ery (or#l #$% highly l#)%#tory proce%)re, sir,5 he o&&ere% ti(i%ly,
#$% 2#ite%*
5.e#h,5 s#i% the colo$el* 57)t + 2#$t to -$o2 i& yo) thi$- they5ll 2or- here*5
Catch 22
5.es, sir,5 #$s2ere% the ch#pl#i$ #&ter # &e2 (o(e$ts* 5+ sho)l% thi$- they 2o)l%*5
5The$ +5% li-e to gi,e it # try*5 The colo$el5s po$%ero)s, &#ri$#ceo)s chee-s 2ere ti$te% s)%%e$ly 2ith glo2i$g p#tches o&
e$th)si#s(* He rose to his &eet #$% beg#$ 2#l-i$g #ro)$% e8cite%ly* 5Loo- ho2 ()ch goo% they5,e %o$e &or these
people i$ E$gl#$%* Here5s # pict)re o& # colo$el i$ The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post 2hose ch#pl#i$ co$%)cts pr#yers be&ore
e#ch (issio$* +& the pr#yers 2or- &or hi(, they sho)l% 2or- &or )s* '#ybe i& 2e s#y pr#yers, they5ll p)t (y pict)re i$ The
S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post*5
The colo$el s#t %o2$ #g#i$ #$% s(ile% %ist#$tly i$ l#,ish co$te(pl#tio$* The ch#pl#i$ h#% $o hi$t o& 2h#t he 2#s
e8pecte% to s#y $e8t* >ith # pe$si,e e8pressio$ o$ his oblo$g, r#ther p#le &#ce, he #llo2e% his g#4e to settle o$
se,er#l o& the high b)shels &ille% 2ith re% pl)( to(#toes th#t stoo% i$ ro2s #g#i$st e#ch o& the 2#lls* He prete$%e% to
co$ce$tr#te o$ # reply* A&ter # 2hile he re#li4e% th#t he 2#s st#ri$g #t ro2s #$% ro2s o& b)shels o& re% pl)( to(#toes
#$% gre2 so i$trig)e% by the 6)estio$ o& 2h#t b)shels bri((i$g 2ith re% pl)( to(#toes 2ere %oi$g i$ # gro)p
co((#$%er5s o&&ice th#t he &orgot co(pletely #bo)t the %isc)ssio$ o& pr#yer (eeti$gs )$til Colo$el C#thc#rt, i$ # ge$i#l
%igressio$, i$6)ire%@
5>o)l% yo) li-e to b)y so(e, Ch#pl#i$9 They co(e right o&& the &#r( Colo$el ?or$ #$% + h#,e )p i$ the hills* + c#$ let
yo) h#,e # b)shel 2holes#le*5
5Oh, $o, sir* + %o$5t thi$- so*5
5Th#t5s 6)ite #ll right,5 the colo$el #ss)re% hi( liber#lly* 5.o) %o$5t h#,e to* 'ilo is gl#% to s$#p )p #ll 2e c#$ pro%)ce*
These 2ere pic-e% o$ly yester%#y* /otice ho2 &ir( #$% ripe they #re, li-e # yo)$g girl5s bre#sts*5
The ch#pl#i$ bl)she%, #$% the colo$el )$%erstoo% #t o$ce th#t he h#% (#%e # (ist#-e* He lo2ere% his he#% i$ sh#(e,
his c)(berso(e &#ce b)r$i$g* His &i$gers &elt gross #$% )$2iel%y* He h#te% the ch#pl#i$ ,e$o(o)sly &or bei$g #
ch#pl#i$ #$% (#-i$g # co#rse bl)$%er o)t o& #$ obser,#tio$ th#t i$ #$y other circ)(st#$ces, he -$e2, 2o)l% h#,e bee$
co$si%ere% 2itty #$% )rb#$e* He trie% (iser#bly to rec#ll so(e (e#$s o& e8tric#ti$g the( both &ro( their %e,#st#ti$g
e(b#rr#ss(e$t* He rec#lle% i$ste#% th#t the ch#pl#i$ 2#s o$ly # c#pt#i$, #$% he str#ighte$e% #t o$ce 2ith # shoc-e%
#$% o)tr#ge% g#sp* His chee-s gre2 tight 2ith &)ry #t the tho)ght th#t he h#% 3)st bee$ %)pe% i$to h)(ili#tio$ by # (#$
2ho 2#s #l(ost the s#(e #ge #s he 2#s #$% still o$ly # c#pt#i$, #$% he s2)$g )po$ the ch#pl#i$ #,e$gi$gly 2ith #
loo- o& s)ch ()r%ero)s #$t#go$is( th#t the ch#pl#i$ beg#$ to tre(ble* The colo$el p)$ishe% hi( s#%istic#lly 2ith #
lo$g, glo2eri$g, (#lig$#$t, h#te&)l, sile$t st#re*
5>e 2ere spe#-i$g #bo)t so(ethi$g else,5 he re(i$%e% the ch#pl#i$ c)tti$gly #t l#st* 5>e 2ere $ot spe#-i$g #bo)t the
&ir(, ripe bre#sts o& be#)ti&)l yo)$g girls b)t #bo)t so(ethi$g else e$tirely* >e 2ere spe#-i$g #bo)t co$%)cti$g
religio)s ser,ices i$ the brie&i$g roo( be&ore e#ch (issio$* +s there #$y re#so$ 2hy 2e c#$5t95
5/o, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ ()(ble%*
5The$ 2e5ll begi$ 2ith this #&ter$oo$5s (issio$*5 The colo$el5s hostility so&te$e% gr#%)#lly #s he #pplie% hi(sel& to %et#ils*
5/o2, + 2#$t yo) to gi,e # lot o& tho)ght to the -i$% o& pr#yers 2e5re goi$g to s#y* + %o$5t 2#$t #$ythi$g he#,y or s#%* +5%
li-e yo) to -eep it light #$% s$#ppy, so(ethi$g th#t 2ill se$% the boys o)t &eeli$g pretty goo%* 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t +
(e#$9 + %o$5t 2#$t #$y o& this ?i$g%o( o& :o% or B#lley o& 0e#th st)&&* Th#t5s #ll too $eg#ti,e* >h#t #re yo) (#-i$g
s)ch # so)r &#ce &or95
5+5( sorry, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ st#((ere%* 5+ h#ppe$e% to be thi$-i$g o& the T2e$ty-thir% Ps#l( 3)st #s yo) s#i% th#t*5
5Ho2 %oes th#t o$e go95
5Th#t5s the o$e yo) 2ere 3)st re&erri$g to, sir* JThe Lor% is (y shepher%A + -J 5
5Th#t5s the o$e + 2#s 3)st re&erri$g to* +t5s o)t* >h#t else h#,e yo) got95
5 JS#,e (e, O :o%A &or the 2#ters #re co(e i$ )$to -J 5
5/o 2#ters,5 the colo$el %eci%e%, blo2i$g r)gge%ly i$to his cig#rette hol%er #&ter &lippi$g the b)tt %o2$ i$to his co(be%-
br#ss #sh tr#y* 5>hy %o$5t 2e try so(ethi$g ()sic#l9 Ho2 #bo)t the h#rps o$ the 2illo2s95
5Th#t h#s the ri,ers o& 7#bylo$ i$ it, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie%* 5 J***there 2e s#t %o2$, ye#, 2e 2ept, 2he$ 2e
re(e(bere% Eio$*J 5
5Eio$9 Let5s &orget #bo)t th#t o$e right $o2* +5% li-e to -$o2 ho2 th#t o$e e,e$ got i$ there* H#,e$5t yo) got #$ythi$g
h)(oro)s th#t st#ys #2#y &ro( 2#ters #$% ,#lleys #$% :o%9 +5% li-e to -eep #2#y &ro( the s)b3ect o& religio$ #ltogether
i& 2e c#$*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s #pologetic* 5+5( sorry, sir, b)t 3)st #bo)t #ll the pr#yers + -$o2 #re r#ther so(ber i$ to$e #$% (#-e #t
le#st so(e p#ssi$g re&ere$ce to :o%*5
5The$ let5s get so(e $e2 o$es* The (e$ #re #lre#%y %oi$g e$o)gh bitchi$g #bo)t the (issio$s + se$% the( o$ 2itho)t
o)r r)bbi$g it i$ 2ith #$y ser(o$s #bo)t :o% or %e#th or P#r#%ise* >hy c#$5t 2e t#-e # (ore positi,e #ppro#ch9 >hy
c#$5t 2e #ll pr#y &or so(ethi$g goo%, li-e # tighter bo(b p#tter$, &or e8#(ple9 Co)l%$5t 2e pr#y &or # tighter bo(b
p#tter$95
5>ell, yes, sir, + s)ppose so,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere% hesit#$tly* 5.o) 2o)l%$5t e,e$ $ee% (e i& th#t5s #ll yo) 2#$te% to %o*
.o) co)l% %o th#t yo)rsel&*5
5+ -$o2 + co)l%,5 the colo$el respo$%e% t#rtly* 57)t 2h#t %o yo) thi$- yo)5re here &or9 + co)l% shop &or (y o2$ &oo%, too,
b)t th#t5s 'ilo5s 3ob, #$% th#t5s 2hy he5s %oi$g it &or e,ery gro)p i$ the #re#* .o)r 3ob is to le#% )s i$ pr#yer, #$% &ro(
$o2 o$ yo)5re goi$g to le#% )s i$ # pr#yer &or # tighter bo(b p#tter$ be&ore e,ery (issio$* +s th#t cle#r9 + thi$- # tighter
bo(b p#tter$ is so(ethi$g re#lly 2orth pr#yi$g &or* +t 2ill be # &e#ther i$ #ll o)r c#ps 2ith :e$er#l Pec-e(* :e$er#l
Pec-e( &eels it (#-es # ()ch $icer #eri#l photogr#ph 2he$ the bo(bs e8plo%e close together*5
5:e$er#l Pec-e(, sir95
5Th#t5s right, Ch#pl#i$,5 the colo$el replie%, ch)c-li$g p#ter$#lly #t the ch#pl#i$5s loo- o& p)44le(e$t* 5+ 2o)l%$5t 2#$t this
to get #ro)$%, b)t it loo-s li-e :e$er#l 0ree%le is &i$#lly o$ the 2#y o)t #$% th#t :e$er#l Pec-e( is sl#te% to repl#ce
hi(* ;r#$-ly, +5( $ot goi$g to be sorry to see th#t h#ppe$* :e$er#l Pec-e( is # ,ery goo% (#$, #$% + thi$- 2e5ll #ll be
()ch better o&& )$%er hi(* O$ the other h#$%, it (ight $e,er t#-e pl#ce, #$% 2e5% still re(#i$ )$%er :e$er#l 0ree%le*
;r#$-ly, + 2o)l%$5t be sorry to see th#t h#ppe$ either, bec#)se :e$er#l 0ree%le is #$other ,ery goo% (#$, #$% + thi$-
2e5ll #ll be ()ch better o&& )$%er hi( too* + hope yo)5re goi$g to -eep #ll this )$%er yo)r h#t, Ch#pl#i$* + 2o)l%$5t 2#$t
either o$e to get the i%e# + 2#s thro2i$g (y s)pport o$ the si%e o& the other*5
5.es, sir*5
5Th#t5s goo%,5 the colo$el e8cl#i(e%, #$% stoo% )p 3o,i#lly* 57)t #ll this gossip is$5t getti$g )s i$to The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g
65 | P a g e
Post, eh, Ch#pl#i$9 Let5s see 2h#t -i$% o& proce%)re 2e c#$ e,ol,e* +$ci%e$t#lly, Ch#pl#i$, $ot # 2or% #bo)t this
be&oreh#$% to Colo$el ?or$* =$%erst#$%95
5.es, sir*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt beg#$ tr#(pi$g b#c- #$% &orth re&lecti,ely i$ the $#rro2 corri%ors le&t bet2ee$ his b)shels o& pl)(
to(#toes #$% the %es- #$% 2oo%e$ ch#irs i$ the ce$ter o& the roo(* 5+ s)ppose 2e5ll h#,e to -eep yo) 2#iti$g o)tsi%e
)$til the brie&i$g is o,er, bec#)se #ll th#t i$&or(#tio$ is cl#ssi&ie%* >e c#$ slip yo) i$ 2hile '#3or 0#$by is sy$chro$i4i$g
the 2#tches* + %o$5t thi$- there5s #$ythi$g secret #bo)t the right ti(e* >e5ll #lloc#te #bo)t # (i$)te #$% # h#l& &or yo) i$
the sche%)le* >ill # (i$)te #$% # h#l& be e$o)gh95
5.es, sir* +& it %oes$5t i$cl)%e the ti(e $ecess#ry to e8c)se the #theists &ro( the roo( #$% #%(it the e$liste% (e$*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt stoppe% i$ his tr#c-s* 5>h#t #theists95 he bello2e% %e&e$si,ely, his 2hole (#$$er ch#$gi$g i$ # &l#sh
to o$e o& ,irt)o)s #$% belligere$t %e$i#l* 5There #re $o #theists i$ (y o)t&itC Atheis( is #g#i$st the l#2, is$5t it95
5/o, sir*5
5+t is$5t95 The colo$el 2#s s)rprise%* 5The$ it5s )$-A(eric#$, is$5t it95
5+5( $ot s)re, sir,5 #$s2ere% the ch#pl#i$*
5>ell, + #(C5 the colo$el %ecl#re%* 5+5( $ot goi$g to %isr)pt o)r religio)s ser,ices 3)st to #cco((o%#te # b)$ch o& lo)sy
#theists* They5re getti$g $o speci#l pri,ileges &io( (e* They c#$ st#y right 2here they #re #$% pr#y 2ith the rest o& )s*
A$% 2h#t5s #ll this #bo)t e$liste% (e$9 J)st ho2 the hell %o they get i$to this #ct95
The ch#pl#i$ &elt his &#ce &l)sh* 5+5( sorry, sir* + 3)st #ss)(e% yo) 2o)l% 2#$t the e$liste% (e$ to be prese$t, si$ce they
2o)l% be goi$g #lo$g o$ the s#(e (issio$*5
5>ell, + %o$5t* They5,e got # :o% #$% # ch#pl#i$ o& their o2$, h#,e$5t they95
5/o, sir*5
5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t9 .o) (e#$ they pr#y to the s#(e :o% 2e %o95
5.es, sir*5
5A$% He liste$s95
5+ thi$- so, sir*5
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%,5 re(#r-e% the colo$el, #$% he s$orte% to hi(sel& i$ 6)i44ic#l #()se(e$t* His spirits %roope%
s)%%e$ly # (o(e$t l#ter, #$% he r#$ his h#$% $er,o)sly o,er his short, bl#c-, gr#yi$g c)rls* 50o yo) re#lly thi$- it5s #
goo% i%e# to let the e$liste% (e$ i$95 he #s-e% 2ith co$cer$*
5+ sho)l% thi$- it o$ly proper, sir*5
5+5% li-e to -eep the( o)t,5 co$&i%e% the colo$el, #$% beg#$ cr#c-i$g his -$)c-les s#,#gely #s he 2#$%ere% b#c- #$%
&orth* 5Oh, %o$5t get (e 2ro$g, Ch#pl#i$* +t is$5t th#t + thi$- the e$liste% (e$ #re %irty, co((o$ #$% i$&erior* +t5s th#t 2e
3)st %o$5t h#,e e$o)gh roo(* ;r#$-ly, tho)gh, +5% 3)st #s soo$ the o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ %i%$5t &r#ter$i4e i$ the
brie&i$g roo(* They see e$o)gh o& e#ch other %)ri$g the (issio$, it see(s to (e* So(e o& (y ,ery best &rie$%s #re
e$liste% (e$, yo) )$%erst#$%, b)t th#t5s #bo)t #s close #s + c#re to let the( co(e* Ho$estly $o2, Ch#pl#i$, yo)
2o)l%$5t 2#$t yo)r sister to (#rry #$ e$liste% (#$, 2o)l% yo)95
5'y sister is #$ e$liste% (#$, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie%*
The colo$el stoppe% i$ his tr#c-s #g#i$ #$% eye% the ch#pl#i$ sh#rply to (#-e cert#i$ he 2#s $ot bei$g ri%ic)le%* 5J)st
2h#t %o yo) (e#$ by th#t re(#r-, Ch#pl#i$9 Are yo) tryi$g to be &)$$y95
5Oh, $o, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ h#ste$e% to e8pl#i$ 2ith # loo- o& e8cr)ci#ti$g %isco(&ort* 5She5s # (#ster serge#$t i$ the
'#ri$es*5
The colo$el h#% $e,er li-e% the ch#pl#i$ #$% $o2 he lo#the% #$% %istr)ste% hi(* He e8perie$ce% # -ee$ pre(o$itio$ o&
%#$ger #$% 2o$%ere% i& the ch#pl#i$ too 2ere plotti$g #g#i$st hi(, i& the ch#pl#i$5s retice$t, )$i(pressi,e (#$$er 2ere
re#lly 3)st # si$ister %isg)ise (#s-i$g # &iery #(bitio$ th#t, 52#y %o2$ %eep, 2#s cr#&ty #$% )$scr)p)lo)s* There 2#s
so(ethi$g &)$$y #bo)t the ch#pl#i$, #$% the colo$el soo$ %etecte% 2h#t it 2#s* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s st#$%i$g sti&&ly #t
#tte$tio$, &or the colo$el h#% &orgotte$ to p)t hi( #t e#se* Let hi( st#y th#t 2#y, the colo$el %eci%e% ,i$%icti,ely, 3)st to
sho2 hi( 2ho 2#s boss #$% to s#&eg)#r% hi(sel& #g#i$st #$y loss o& %ig$ity th#t (ight %e,ol,e &ro( his #c-$o2le%gi$g
the o(issio$*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s %r#2$ hyp$otic#lly to2#r% the 2i$%o2 2ith # (#ssi,e, %)ll st#re o& (oo%y i$trospectio$* The
e$liste% (e$ 2ere #l2#ys tre#chero)s, he %eci%e%* He loo-e% %o2$2#r% i$ (o)r$&)l gloo( #t the s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge
he h#% or%ere% b)ilt &or the o&&icers o$ his he#%6)#rters st#&&, #$% he rec#lle% the (orti&yi$g #&ter$oo$ :e$er#l 0ree%le
h#% to$g)e-l#she% hi( r)thlessly i$ &ro$t o& Colo$el ?or$ #$% '#3or 0#$by #$% or%ere% hi( to thro2 ope$ the r#$ge to
#ll the e$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers o$ co(b#t %)ty* The s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge h#% bee$ # re#l bl#c- eye &or hi(, Colo$el
C#thc#rt 2#s &orce% to co$cl)%e* He 2#s positi,e th#t :e$er#l 0ree%le h#% $e,er &orgotte$ it, e,e$ tho)gh he 2#s
positi,e th#t :e$er#l 0ree%le %i%$5t e,e$ re(e(ber it, 2hich 2#s re#lly ,ery )$3)st, Colo$el C#thc#rt l#(e$te%, si$ce
the i%e# o& # s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge itsel& sho)l% h#,e bee$ # re#l &e#ther i$ his c#p, e,e$ tho)gh it h#% bee$ s)ch # re#l
bl#c- eye* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s helpless to #ssess e8#ctly ho2 ()ch gro)$% he h#% g#i$e% or lost 2ith his go%%#(
s-eet-shooti$g r#$ge #$% 2ishe% th#t Colo$el ?or$ 2ere i$ his o&&ice right the$ to e,#l)#te the e$tire episo%e &or hi(
still o$e (ore ti(e #$% #ss)#ge his &e#rs*
+t 2#s #ll ,ery perple8i$g, #ll ,ery %isco)r#gi$g* Colo$el C#thc#rt too- the cig#rette hol%er o)t o& his (o)th, stoo% it o$
e$% i$si%e the poc-et o& his shirt, #$% beg#$ g$#2i$g o$ the &i$ger$#ils o& both h#$%s grie,o)sly* E,erybo%y 2#s
#g#i$st hi(, #$% he 2#s sic- to his so)l th#t Colo$el ?or$ 2#s $ot 2ith hi( i$ this (o(e$t o& crisis to help hi( %eci%e
2h#t to %o #bo)t the pr#yer (eeti$gs* He h#% #l(ost $o &#ith #t #ll i$ the ch#pl#i$, 2ho 2#s still o$ly # c#pt#i$* 50o yo)
thi$-,5 he #s-e%, 5th#t -eepi$g the e$liste% (e$ o)t (ight i$ter&ere 2ith o)r ch#$ces o& getti$g res)lts95
The ch#pl#i$ hesit#te%, &eeli$g hi(sel& o$ )$&#(ili#r gro)$% #g#i$* 5.es, sir,5 he replie% &i$#lly* 5+ thi$- it5s co$cei,#ble
th#t s)ch #$ #ctio$ co)l% i$ter&ere 2ith yo)r ch#$ces o& h#,i$g the pr#yers &or # tighter bo(b p#tter$ #$s2ere%*5
5+ 2#s$5t e,e$ thi$-i$g #bo)t th#tC5 crie% the colo$el, 2ith his eyes bli$-i$g #$% spl#shi$g li-e p)%%les* 5.o) (e#$ th#t
:o% (ight e,e$ %eci%e to p)$ish (e by gi,i$g )s # looser bo(b p#tter$95
5.es, sir,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$* 5+t5s co$cei,#ble He (ight*5
5The hell 2ith it, the$,5 the colo$el #sserte% i$ # h)&& o& i$%epe$%e$ce* 5+5( $ot goi$g to set these %#($e% pr#yer
(eeti$gs )p 3)st to (#-e thi$gs 2orse th#$ they #re*5 >ith # scor$&)l s$ic-er, he settle% hi(sel& behi$% his %es-,
repl#ce% the e(pty cig#rette hol%er i$ his (o)th #$% l#pse% i$to p#rt)rie$t sile$ce &or # &e2 (o(e$ts* 5/o2 + thi$-
Catch 22
#bo)t it,5 he co$&esse%, #s ()ch to hi(sel& #s to the ch#pl#i$, 5h#,i$g the (e$ pr#y to :o% prob#bly 2#s$5t s)ch # hot
i%e# #$y2#y* The e%itors o& The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post (ight $ot h#,e co-oper#te%*5
The colo$el #b#$%o$e% his pro3ect 2ith re(orse, &or he h#% co$cei,e% it e$tirely o$ his o2$ #$% h#% hope% to )$,eil it
#s # stri-i$g %e(o$str#tio$ to e,eryo$e th#t he h#% $o re#l $ee% &or Colo$el ?or$* O$ce it 2#s go$e, he 2#s gl#% to be
ri% o& it, &or he h#% bee$ tro)ble% &ro( the st#rt by the %#$ger o& i$stit)ti$g the pl#$ 2itho)t &irst chec-i$g it o)t 2ith
Colo$el ?or$* He he#,e% #$ i((e$se sigh o& co$te$t(e$t* He h#% # ()ch higher opi$io$ o& hi(sel& $o2 th#t his i%e#
2#s #b#$%o$e%, &or he h#% (#%e # ,ery 2ise %ecisio$, he &elt, #$%, (ost i(port#$t, he h#% (#%e this 2ise %ecisio$
2itho)t co$s)lti$g Colo$el ?or$*
5>ill th#t be #ll, sir95 #s-e% the ch#pl#i$*
5.e#h,5 s#i% Colo$el C#thc#rt* 5=$less yo)5,e got so(ethi$g else to s)ggest*5
5/o, sir* O$ly***5
The colo$el li&te% his eyes #s tho)gh #&&ro$te% #$% st)%ie% the ch#pl#i$ 2ith #loo& %istr)st* 5O$ly 2h#t, Ch#pl#i$95
5Sir,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$, 5so(e o& the (e$ #re ,ery )pset si$ce yo) r#ise% the $)(ber o& (issio$s to si8ty* They5,e #s-e%
(e to spe#- to yo) #bo)t it*5
The colo$el 2#s sile$t* The ch#pl#i$5s &#ce re%%e$e% to the roots o& his s#$%y h#ir #s he 2#ite%* The colo$el -ept hi(
s6)ir(i$g # lo$g ti(e 2ith # &i8e%, )$i$tereste% loo- %e,oi% o& #ll e(otio$*
5Tell the( there5s # 2#r goi$g o$,5 he #%,ise% &i$#lly i$ # &l#t ,oice*
5Th#$- yo), sir, + 2ill,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie% i$ # &loo% o& gr#tit)%e bec#)se the colo$el h#% &i$#lly s#i% so(ethi$g* 5They
2ere 2o$%eri$g 2hy yo) co)l%$5t re6)isitio$ so(e o& the repl#ce(e$t cre2s th#t #re 2#iti$g i$ A&ric# to t#-e their
pl#ces #$% the$ let the( go ho(e*5
5Th#t5s #$ #%(i$istr#ti,e (#tter,5 the colo$el s#i%* 5+t5s $o$e o& their b)si$ess*5 He poi$te% l#$g)i%ly to2#r% the 2#ll* 5Help
yo)rsel& to # pl)( to(#to, Ch#pl#i$* :o #he#%, it5s o$ (e*5
5Th#$- yo), sir* Sir -5
50o$5t (e$tio$ it* Ho2 %o yo) li-e li,i$g o)t there i$ the 2oo%s, Ch#pl#i$9 +s e,erythi$g h)$-y %ory95
5.es, sir*5
5Th#t5s goo%* .o) get i$ to)ch 2ith )s i& yo) $ee% #$ythi$g*5
5.es, sir* Th#$- yo), sir* Sir -5
5Th#$-s &or %roppi$g #ro)$%, Ch#pl#i$* +5,e got so(e 2or- to %o $o2* .o)5ll let (e -$o2 i& yo) c#$ thi$- o& #$ythi$g &or
getti$g o)r $#(es i$to The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post, 2o$5t yo)95
5.es, sir, + 2ill*5 The ch#pl#i$ br#ce% hi(sel& 2ith # pro%igio)s e&&ort o& the 2ill #$% pl)$ge% #he#% br#4e$ly* 5+5(
p#rtic)l#rly co$cer$e% #bo)t the co$%itio$ o& o$e o& the bo(b#r%iers, sir* .oss#ri#$*5
The colo$el gl#$ce% )p 6)ic-ly 2ith # st#rt o& ,#g)e recog$itio$* 5>ho95 he #s-e% i$ #l#r(*
5.oss#ri#$, sir*5
5.oss#ri#$95
5.es, sir* .oss#ri#$* He5s i$ # ,ery b#% 2#y, sir* +5( #&r#i% he 2o$5t be #ble to s)&&er ()ch lo$ger 2itho)t %oi$g
so(ethi$g %esper#te*5
5+s th#t # &#ct, Ch#pl#i$95
5.es, sir* +5( #&r#i% it is*5
The colo$el tho)ght #bo)t it i$ he#,y sile$ce &or # &e2 (o(e$ts* 5Tell hi( to tr)st i$ :o%,5 he #%,ise% &i$#lly*
5Th#$- yo), sir,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$* 5+ 2ill*5
2< CORPORAL >H+TCO'7
The l#te-A)g)st (or$i$g s)$ 2#s hot #$% ste#(y, #$% there 2#s $o bree4e o$ the b#lco$y* The ch#pl#i$ (o,e% slo2ly*
He 2#s %o2$c#st #$% b)r%e$e% 2ith sel&-repro#ch 2he$ he steppe% 2itho)t $oise &ro( the colo$el5s o&&ice o$ his
r)bber-sole% #$% r)bber-heele% bro2$ shoes* He h#te% hi(sel& &or 2h#t he co$str)e% to be his o2$ co2#r%ice* He h#%
i$te$%e% to t#-e # ()ch stro$ger st#$% 2ith Colo$el C#thc#rt o$ the (#tter o& the si8ty (issio$s, to spe#- o)t 2ith
co)r#ge, logic #$% elo6)e$ce o$ # s)b3ect #bo)t 2hich he h#% beg)$ to &eel ,ery %eeply* +$ste#% he h#% &#ile%
(iser#bly, h#% cho-e% )p o$ce #g#i$ i$ the &#ce o& oppositio$ &ro( # stro$ger perso$#lity* +t 2#s # &#(ili#r, ig$o(i$io)s
e8perie$ce, #$% his opi$io$ o& hi(sel& 2#s lo2*
He cho-e% )p e,e$ (ore # seco$% l#ter 2he$ he spie% Colo$el ?or$5s t)bby (o$ochro(e &ig)re trotti$g )p the c)r,e%,
2i%e, yello2 sto$e st#irc#se to2#r% hi( i$ l#c-#%#isic#l h#ste &ro( the gre#t %il#pi%#te% lobby belo2 2ith its lo&ty 2#lls
o& cr#c-e% %#r- (#rble #$% circ)l#r &loor o& cr#c-e% gri(y tile* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s e,e$ (ore &righte$e% o& Colo$el ?or$
th#$ he 2#s o& Colo$el C#thc#rt* The s2#rthy, (i%%le-#ge% lie)te$#$t colo$el 2ith the ri(less, icy gl#sses #$% &#cete%,
b#l%, %o(eli-e p#te th#t he 2#s #l2#ys to)chi$g se$siti,ely 2ith the tips o& his spl#ye% &i$gers %isli-e% the ch#pl#i$ #$%
2#s i(polite to hi( &re6)e$tly* He -ept the ch#pl#i$ i$ # co$st#$t st#te o& terror 2ith his c)rt, %erisi,e to$g)e #$% his
-$o2i$g, cy$ic#l eyes th#t the ch#pl#i$ 2#s $e,er br#,e e$o)gh to (eet &or (ore th#$ #$ #cci%e$t#l seco$%* +$e,it#bly,
the ch#pl#i$5s #tte$tio$, #s he co2ere% (ee-ly be&ore hi(, &oc)se% o$ Colo$el ?or$5s (i%ri&&, 2here the shirtt#ils
b)$chi$g )p &ro( i$si%e his s#ggi$g belt #$% b#lloo$i$g %o2$ o,er his 2#ist g#,e hi( #$ #ppe#r#$ce o& slo,e$ly girth
#$% (#%e hi( see( i$ches shorter th#$ his (i%%le height* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s #$ )$ti%y %is%#i$&)l (#$ 2ith #$ oily s-i$
#$% %eep, h#r% li$es r)$$i$g #l(ost str#ight %o2$ &ro( his $ose bet2ee$ his crep)sc)l#r 3o2ls #$% his s6)#re, cle&te%
chi$* His &#ce 2#s %o)r, #$% he gl#$ce% #t the ch#pl#i$ 2itho)t recog$itio$ #s the t2o %re2 close o$ the st#irc#se #$%
prep#re% to p#ss*
5Hiy#, ;#ther,5 he s#i% to$elessly 2itho)t loo-i$g #t the ch#pl#i$* 5Ho25s it goi$g95
5:oo% (or$i$g, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie%, %iscer$i$g 2isely th#t Colo$el ?or$ e8pecte% $othi$g (ore i$ the 2#y o& #
respo$se*
Colo$el ?or$ 2#s procee%i$g )p the st#irs 2itho)t sl#c-e$i$g his p#ce, #$% the ch#pl#i$ resiste% the te(pt#tio$ to
re(i$% hi( #g#i$ th#t he 2#s $ot # C#tholic b)t #$ A$#b#ptist, #$% th#t it 2#s there&ore $either $ecess#ry $or correct to
#%%ress hi( #s ;#ther* He 2#s #l(ost cert#i$ $o2 th#t Colo$el ?or$ re(e(bere% #$% th#t c#lli$g hi( ;#ther 2ith #
loo- o& s)ch bl#$% i$$oce$ce 2#s 3)st #$other o$e o& Colo$el ?or$5s (etho%s o& t#)$ti$g hi( bec#)se he 2#s o$ly #$
A$#b#ptist*
Colo$el ?or$ h#lte% 2itho)t 2#r$i$g 2he$ he 2#s #l(ost by #$% c#(e 2hirli$g b#c- %o2$ )po$ the ch#pl#i$ 2ith #
gl#re o& i$&)ri#te% s)spicio$* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s petri&ie%*
67 | P a g e
5>h#t #re yo) %oi$g 2ith th#t pl)( to(#to, Ch#pl#i$95 Colo$el ?or$ %e(#$%e% ro)ghly*
The ch#pl#i$ loo-e% %o2$ his #r( 2ith s)rprise #t the pl)( to(#to Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% i$,ite% hi( to t#-e* 5+ got it i$
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s o&&ice, sir,5 he (#$#ge% to reply*
50oes the colo$el -$o2 yo) too- it95
5.es, sir* He g#,e it to (e*5
5Oh, i$ th#t c#se + g)ess it5s o-#y,5 Colo$el ?or$ s#i%, (olli&ie%* He s(ile% 2itho)t 2#r(th, 3#bbi$g the cr)(ple% &ol%s o&
his shirt b#c- %o2$ i$si%e his tro)sers 2ith his th)(bs* His eyes gli$te% -ee$ly 2ith # pri,#te #$% s#tis&yi$g (ischie&*
5>h#t %i% Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$t to see yo) #bo)t, ;#ther95 he #s-e% s)%%e$ly*
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s to$g)e-tie% 2ith i$%ecisio$ &or # (o(e$t* 5+ %o$5t thi$- + o)ght -5
5S#yi$g pr#yers to the e%itors o& The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post95
The ch#pl#i$ #l(ost s(ile%* 5.es, sir*5
Colo$el ?or$ 2#s e$ch#$te% 2ith his o2$ i$t)itio$* He l#)ghe% %isp#r#gi$gly* 5.o) -$o2, + 2#s #&r#i% he5% begi$
thi$-i$g #bo)t so(ethi$g so ri%ic)lo)s #s soo$ #s he s#2 this 2ee-5s S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post* + hope yo) s)ccee%e% i$
sho2i$g hi( 2h#t #$ #trocio)s i%e# it is*5
5He h#s %eci%e% #g#i$st it, sir*5
5Th#t5s goo%* +5( gl#% yo) co$,i$ce% hi( th#t the e%itors o& The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post 2ere $ot li-ely to r)$ th#t s#(e
story t2ice 3)st to gi,e so(e p)blicity to so(e obsc)re colo$el* Ho2 #re thi$gs i$ the 2il%er$ess, ;#ther9 Are yo) #ble
to (#$#ge o)t there95
5.es, sir* E,erythi$g is 2or-i$g o)t*5
5Th#t5s goo%* +5( h#ppy to he#r yo) h#,e $othi$g to co(pl#i$ #bo)t* Let )s -$o2 i& yo) $ee% #$ythi$g to (#-e yo)
co(&ort#ble* >e #ll 2#$t yo) to h#,e # goo% ti(e o)t there*5
5Th#$- yo), sir* + 2ill*5
/oise o& # gro2i$g stir rose &ro( the lobby belo2* +t 2#s #l(ost l)$chti(e, #$% the e#rliest #rri,#ls 2ere %ri&ti$g i$to the
he#%6)#rters (ess h#lls, the e$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers sep#r#ti$g i$to %i&&ere$t %i$i$g h#lls o$ &#ci$g si%es o& the
#rch#ic rot)$%#* Colo$el ?or$ stoppe% s(ili$g*
5.o) h#% l)$ch 2ith )s here 3)st # %#y or so #go, %i%$5t yo), ;#ther95 he #s-e% (e#$i$g&)lly*
5.es, sir* The %#y be&ore yester%#y*5
5Th#t5s 2h#t + tho)ght,5 Colo$el ?or$ s#i%, #$% p#)se% to let his poi$t si$- i$* 5>ell, t#-e it e#sy, ;#ther* +5ll see yo)
#ro)$% 2he$ it5s ti(e &or yo) to e#t here #g#i$*5
5Th#$- yo), sir*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s $ot cert#i$ #t 2hich o& the &i,e o&&icers5 #$% &i,e e$liste% (e$5s (ess h#lls he 2#s sche%)le% to h#,e
l)$ch th#t %#y, &or the syste( o& rot#tio$ 2or-e% o)t &or hi( by Colo$el ?or$ 2#s co(plic#te%, #$% he h#% &orgotte$ his
recor%s b#c- i$ his te$t* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s the o$ly o&&icer #tt#che% to :ro)p He#%6)#rters 2ho %i% $ot resi%e i$ the
(ol%eri$g re%-sto$e :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g itsel& or i$ #$y o& the s(#ller s#tellite str)ct)res th#t rose #bo)t the
gro)$%s i$ %is3)$cte% rel#tio$ship* The ch#pl#i$ li,e% i$ # cle#ri$g i$ the 2oo%s #bo)t &o)r (iles #2#y bet2ee$ the
o&&icers5 cl)b #$% the &irst o& the &o)r s6)#%ro$ #re#s th#t stretche% #2#y &ro( :ro)p He#%6)#rters i$ # %ist#$t li$e* The
ch#pl#i$ li,e% #lo$e i$ # sp#cio)s, s6)#re te$t th#t 2#s #lso his o&&ice* So)$%s o& re,elry tr#,ele% to hi( #t $ight &ro(
the o&&icers5 cl)b #$% -ept hi( #2#-e o&te$ #s he t)r$e% #$% tosse% o$ his cot i$ p#ssi,e, h#l&-,ol)$t#ry e8ile* He 2#s
$ot #ble to g#)ge the e&&ect o& the (il% pills he too- occ#sio$#lly to help hi( sleep #$% &elt g)ilty #bo)t it &or %#ys
#&ter2#r%*
The o$ly o$e 2ho li,e% 2ith the ch#pl#i$ i$ his cle#ri$g i$ the 2oo%s 2#s Corpor#l >hitco(b, his #ssist#$t* Corpor#l
>hitco(b, #$ #theist, 2#s # %isgr)$tle% s)bor%i$#te 2ho &elt he co)l% %o the ch#pl#i$5s 3ob ()ch better th#$ the
ch#pl#i$ 2#s %oi$g it #$% ,ie2e% hi(sel&, there&ore, #s #$ )$%erpri,ilege% ,icti( o& soci#l i$e6)ity* He li,e% i$ # te$t o&
his o2$ #s sp#cio)s #$% s6)#re #s the ch#pl#i$5s* He 2#s ope$ly r)%e #$% co$te(pt)o)s to the ch#pl#i$ o$ce he
%isco,ere% th#t the ch#pl#i$ 2o)l% let hi( get #2#y 2ith it* The bor%ers o& the t2o te$ts i$ the cle#ri$g stoo% $o (ore
th#$ &o)r or &i,e &eet #p#rt*
+t 2#s Colo$el ?or$ 2ho h#% (#ppe% o)t this 2#y o& li&e &or the ch#pl#i$* O$e goo% re#so$ &or (#-i$g the ch#pl#i$ li,e
o)tsi%e the :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g 2#s Colo$el ?or$5s theory th#t %2elli$g i$ # te$t #s (ost o& his p#rishio$ers
%i% 2o)l% bri$g hi( i$to closer co(()$ic#tio$ 2ith the(* A$other goo% re#so$ 2#s the &#ct th#t h#,i$g the ch#pl#i$
#ro)$% He#%6)#rters #ll the ti(e (#%e the other o&&icers )$co(&ort#ble* +t 2#s o$e thi$g to (#i$t#i$ li#iso$ 2ith the
Lor%, #$% they 2ere #ll i$ &#,or o& th#tA it 2#s so(ethi$g else, tho)gh, to h#,e Hi( h#$gi$g #ro)$% t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs #
%#y* All i$ #ll, #s Colo$el ?or$ %escribe% it to '#3or 0#$by, the 3ittery #$% goggle-eye% gro)p oper#tio$s o&&icer, the
ch#pl#i$ h#% it pretty so&tA he h#% little (ore to %o th#$ liste$ to the tro)bles o& others, b)ry the %e#%, ,isit the be%ri%%e$
#$% co$%)ct religio)s ser,ices* A$% there 2ere $ot so (#$y %e#% &or hi( to b)ry #$y (ore, Colo$el ?or$ poi$te% o)t,
si$ce oppositio$ &ro( :er(#$ &ighter pl#$es h#% ,irt)#lly ce#se% #$% si$ce close to $i$ety per ce$t o& 2h#t &#t#lities
there still 2ere, he esti(#te%, perishe% behi$% the e$e(y li$es or %is#ppe#re% i$si%e the clo)%s, 2here the ch#pl#i$
h#% $othi$g to %o 2ith %isposi$g o& the re(#i$s* The religio)s ser,ices 2ere cert#i$ly $o gre#t str#i$, either, si$ce they
2ere co$%)cte% o$ly o$ce # 2ee- #t the :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g #$% 2ere #tte$%e% by ,ery &e2 o& the (e$*
Act)#lly, the ch#pl#i$ 2#s le#r$i$g to lo,e it i$ his cle#ri$g i$ the 2oo%s* 7oth he #$% Corpor#l >hitco(b h#% bee$
pro,i%e% 2ith e,ery co$,e$ie$ce so th#t $either (ight e,er ple#% %isco(&ort #s # b#sis &or see-i$g per(issio$ to ret)r$
to the He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g* The ch#pl#i$ rot#te% his bre#-&#sts, l)$ches #$% %i$$ers i$ sep#r#te sets #(o$g the eight
s6)#%ro$ (ess h#lls #$% #te e,ery &i&th (e#l i$ the e$liste% (e$5s (ess #t :ro)p He#%6)#rters #$% e,ery te$th (e#l
#t the o&&icers5 (ess there* 7#c- ho(e i$ >isco$si$ the ch#pl#i$ h#% bee$ ,ery &o$% o& g#r%e$i$g, #$% his he#rt 2elle%
2ith # glorio)s i(pressio$ o& &ertility #$% &r)itio$ e#ch ti(e he co$te(pl#te% the lo2, pric-ly bo)ghs o& the st)$te% trees
#$% the 2#ist-high 2ee%s #$% thic-ets by 2hich he 2#s #l(ost 2#lle% i$* +$ the spri$g he h#% lo$ge% to pl#$t bego$i#s
#$% 4i$$i#s i$ # $#rro2 be% #ro)$% his te$t b)t h#% bee$ %eterre% by his &e#r o& Corpor#l >hitco(b5s r#$cor* The
ch#pl#i$ relishe% the pri,#cy #$% isol#tio$ o& his ,er%#$t s)rro)$%i$gs #$% the re,erie #$% (e%it#tio$ th#t li,i$g there
&ostere%* ;e2er people c#(e to hi( 2ith their tro)bles th#$ &or(erly, #$% he #llo2e% hi(sel& # (e#s)re o& gr#tit)%e &or
th#t too* The ch#pl#i$ %i% $ot (i8 &reely #$% 2#s $ot co(&ort#ble i$ co$,ers#tio$* He (isse% his 2i&e #$% his three
s(#ll chil%re$, #$% she (isse% hi(*
>h#t %isple#se% Corpor#l >hitco(b (ost #bo)t the ch#pl#i$, #p#rt &ro( the &#ct th#t the ch#pl#i$ belie,e% i$ :o%, 2#s
Catch 22
his l#c- o& i$iti#ti,e #$% #ggressi,e$ess* Corpor#l >hitco(b reg#r%e% the lo2 #tte$%#$ce #t religio)s ser,ices #s # s#%
re&lectio$ o& his o2$ st#t)s* His (i$% ger(i$#te% &e,erishly 2ith ch#lle$gi$g $e2 i%e#s &or sp#r-i$g the gre#t spirit)#l
re,i,#l o& 2hich he %re#(e% hi(sel& the #rchitect - bo8 l)$ches, ch)rch soci#ls, &or( letters to the &#(ilies o& (e$ -ille%
#$% i$3)re% i$ co(b#t, ce$sorship, 7i$go* 7)t the ch#pl#i$ bloc-e% hi(* Corpor#l >hitco(b bri%le% 2ith ,e8#tio$
be$e#th the ch#pl#i$5s restr#i$t, &or he spie% roo( &or i(pro,e(e$t e,ery2here* +t 2#s people li-e the ch#pl#i$, he
co$cl)%e%, 2ho 2ere respo$sible &or gi,i$g religio$ s)ch # b#% $#(e #$% (#-i$g p#ri#hs o)t o& the( both* =$li-e the
ch#pl#i$, Corpor#l >hitco(b %eteste% the secl)sio$ o& the cle#ri$g i$ the 2oo%s* O$e o& the &irst thi$gs he i$te$%e% to
%o #&ter he %epose% the ch#pl#i$ 2#s (o,e b#c- i$to the :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g, 2here he co)l% be right i$ the
thic- o& thi$gs*
>he$ the ch#pl#i$ %ro,e b#c- i$to the cle#ri$g #&ter le#,i$g Colo$el ?or$, Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#s o)tsi%e i$ the
()ggy h#4e t#l-i$g i$ co$spir#tori#l to$es to # str#$ge ch)bby (#$ i$ # (#roo$ cor%)roy b#throbe #$% gr#y &l#$$el
p#3#(#s* The ch#pl#i$ recog$i4e% the b#throbe #$% p#3#(#s #s o&&ici#l hospit#l #ttire* /either o& the t2o (e$ g#,e hi(
#$y sig$ o& recog$itio$* The str#$ger5s g)(s h#% bee$ p#i$te% p)rpleA his cor%)roy b#throbe 2#s %ecor#te% i$ b#c-
2ith # pict)re o& # 7-2! $osi$g thro)gh or#$ge b)rsts o& &l#- #$% i$ &ro$t 2ith si8 $e#t ro2s o& ti$y bo(bs sig$i&yi$g si8ty
co(b#t (issio$s &lo2$* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s so str)c- by the sight th#t he stoppe% to st#re* 7oth (e$ bro-e o&& their
co$,ers#tio$ #$% 2#ite% i$ sto$y sile$ce &or hi( to go* The ch#pl#i$ h)rrie% i$si%e his te$t* He he#r%, or i(#gi$e% he
he#r%, the( titteri$g*
Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#l-e% i$ # (o(e$t l#ter #$% %e(#$%e%, 5>h#t5s %oi$g95
5There is$5t #$ythi$g $e2,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie% 2ith #,erte% eyes* 5>#s #$yo$e here to see (e95
5J)st th#t cr#c-pot .oss#ri#$ #g#i$* He5s # re#l tro)ble(#-er, is$5t he95
5+5( $ot so s)re he5s # cr#c-pot,5 the ch#pl#i$ obser,e%*
5Th#t5s right, t#-e his p#rt,5 s#i% Corpor#l >hitco(b i$ #$ i$3)re% to$e, #$% st#(pe% o)t*
The ch#pl#i$ co)l% $ot belie,e th#t Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#s o&&e$%e% #g#i$ #$% h#% re#lly 2#l-e% o)t* As soo$ #s he
%i% re#li4e it, Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#l-e% b#c- i$*
5.o) #l2#ys si%e 2ith other people,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b #cc)se%* 5.o) %o$5t b#c- )p yo)r (e$* Th#t5s o$e o& the thi$gs
th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)*5
5+ %i%$5t i$te$% to si%e 2ith hi(,5 the ch#pl#i$ #pologi4e%* 5+ 2#s 3)st (#-i$g # st#te(e$t*5
5>h#t %i% Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$t95
5+t 2#s$5t #$ythi$g i(port#$t* He 3)st 2#$te% to %isc)ss the possibility o& s#yi$g pr#yers i$ the brie&i$g roo( be&ore e#ch
(issio$*5
5All right, %o$5t tell (e,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b s$#ppe% #$% 2#l-e% o)t #g#i$*
The ch#pl#i$ &elt terrible* /o (#tter ho2 co$si%er#te he trie% to be, it see(e% he #l2#ys (#$#ge% to h)rt Corpor#l
>hitco(b5s &eeli$gs* He g#4e% %o2$ re(orse&)lly #$% s#2 th#t the or%erly &orce% )po$ hi( by Colo$el ?or$ to -eep his
te$t cle#$ #$% #tte$% to his belo$gi$gs h#% $eglecte% to shi$e his shoes #g#i$*
Corpor#l >hitco(b c#(e b#c- i$* 5.o) $e,er tr)st (e 2ith i$&or(#tio$,5 he 2hi$e% tr)c)le$tly* 5.o) %o$5t h#,e
co$&i%e$ce i$ yo)r (e$* Th#t5s #$other o$e o& the thi$gs th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)*5
5.es, + %o,5 the ch#pl#i$ #ss)re% hi( g)iltily* 5+ h#,e lots o& co$&i%e$ce i$ yo)*5
5The$ ho2 #bo)t those letters95
5/o, $ot $o2,5 the ch#pl#i$ ple#%e%, cri$gi$g* 5/ot the letters* Ple#se %o$5t bri$g th#t )p #g#i$* +5ll let yo) -$o2 i& + h#,e #
ch#$ge o& (i$%*5
Corpor#l >hitco(b loo-e% &)rio)s* 5+s th#t so9 >ell, it5s #ll right &or yo) to 3)st sit there #$% sh#-e yo)r he#% 2hile + %o
#ll the 2or-* 0i%$5t yo) see the g)y o)tsi%e 2ith #ll those pict)res p#i$te% o$ his b#throbe95
5+s he here to see (e95
5/o,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b s#i%, #$% 2#l-e% o)t*
+t 2#s hot #$% h)(i% i$si%e the te$t, #$% the ch#pl#i$ &elt hi(sel& t)r$i$g %#(p* He liste$e% li-e #$ )$2illi$g
e#,es%ropper to the ()&&le%, i$%isti$g)ish#ble %ro$e o& the lo2ere% ,oices o)tsi%e* As he s#t i$ertly #t the ric-ety bri%ge
t#ble th#t ser,e% #s # %es-, his lips 2ere close%, his eyes 2ere bl#$-, #$% his &#ce, 2ith its p#le ochre h)e #$% #$cie$t,
co$&i$e% cl)sters o& (i$)te #c$e pits, h#% the color #$% te8t)re o& #$ )$cr#c-e% #l(o$% shell* He r#c-e% his (e(ory &or
so(e cl)e to the origi$ o& Corpor#l >hitco(b5s bitter$ess to2#r% hi(* +$ so(e 2#y he 2#s )$#ble to &#tho(, he 2#s
co$,i$ce% he h#% %o$e hi( so(e )$&orgi,#ble 2ro$g* +t see(e% i$cre%ible th#t s)ch l#sti$g ire #s Corpor#l >hitco(b5s
co)l% h#,e ste((e% &ro( his re3ectio$ o& 7i$go or the &or( letters ho(e to the &#(ilies o& the (e$ -ille% i$ co(b#t* The
ch#pl#i$ 2#s %espo$%e$t 2ith #$ #ccept#$ce o& his o2$ i$eptit)%e* He h#% i$te$%e% &or so(e 2ee-s to h#,e # he#rt-
to-he#rt t#l- 2ith Corpor#l >hitco(b i$ or%er to &i$% o)t 2h#t 2#s botheri$g hi(, b)t 2#s #lre#%y #sh#(e% o& 2h#t he
(ight &i$% o)t*
O)tsi%e the te$t, Corpor#l >hitco(b s$ic-ere%* The other (#$ ch)c-le%* ;or # &e2 prec#rio)s seco$%s, the ch#pl#i$
ti$gle% 2ith # 2eir%, occ)lt se$s#tio$ o& h#,i$g e8perie$ce% the i%e$tic#l sit)#tio$ be&ore i$ so(e prior ti(e or
e8iste$ce* He e$%e#,ore% to tr#p #$% $o)rish the i(pressio$ i$ or%er to pre%ict, #$% perh#ps e,e$ co$trol, 2h#t
i$ci%e$t 2o)l% occ)r $e8t, b)t the #&#t)s (elte% #2#y )$pro%)cti,ely, #s he h#% -$o2$ be&oreh#$% it 2o)l%* 0M3*** ,)*
The s)btle, rec)rri$g co$&)sio$ bet2ee$ ill)sio$ #$% re#lity th#t 2#s ch#r#cteristic o& p#r#($esi# &#sci$#te% the
ch#pl#i$, #$% he -$e2 # $)(ber o& thi$gs #bo)t it* He -$e2, &or e8#(ple, th#t it 2#s c#lle% p#r#($esi#, #$% he 2#s
i$tereste% #s 2ell i$ s)ch coroll#ry optic#l phe$o(e$# #s 3#(#is ,), $e,er see$, #$% pres6)e ,), #l(ost see$* There
2ere terri&yi$g, s)%%e$ (o(e$ts 2he$ ob3ects, co$cepts #$% e,e$ people th#t the ch#pl#i$ h#% li,e% 2ith #l(ost #ll his
li&e i$e8plic#bly too- o$ #$ )$&#(ili#r #$% irreg)l#r #spect th#t he h#% $e,er see$ be&ore #$% 2hich (#%e the( tot#lly
str#$ge@ 3#(#is ,)* A$% there 2ere other (o(e$ts 2he$ he #l(ost s#2 #bsol)te tr)th i$ brilli#$t &l#shes o& cl#rity th#t
#l(ost c#(e to hi(@ pres6)e ,)* The episo%e o& the $#-e% (#$ i$ the tree #t S$o2%e$5s &)$er#l (ysti&ie% hi(
thoro)ghly* +t 2#s $ot %M3*** ,), &or #t the ti(e he h#% e8perie$ce% $o se$s#tio$ o& e,er h#,i$g see$ # $#-e% (#$ i$ #
tree #t S$o2%e$5s &)$er#l be&ore* +t 2#s $ot 3#(#is ,), si$ce the #pp#ritio$ 2#s $ot o& so(eo$e, or so(ethi$g, &#(ili#r
#ppe#ri$g to hi( i$ #$ )$&#(ili#r g)ise* A$% it 2#s cert#i$ly $ot pres6)e ,), &or the ch#pl#i$ %i% see hi(*
A 3eep st#rte% )p 2ith # b#c-&ire %irectly o)tsi%e #$% ro#re% #2#y* H#% the $#-e% (#$ i$ the tree #t S$o2%e$5s &)$er#l
bee$ (erely # h#ll)ci$#tio$9 Or h#% it bee$ # tr)e re,el#tio$9 The ch#pl#i$ tre(ble% #t the (ere i%e#* He 2#$te%
%esper#tely to co$&i%e i$ .oss#ri#$, b)t e#ch ti(e he tho)ght #bo)t the occ)rre$ce he %eci%e% $ot to thi$- #bo)t it #$y
69 | P a g e
&)rther, #ltho)gh $o2 th#t he %i% thi$- #bo)t it he co)l% $ot be s)re th#t he e,er re#lly h#% tho)ght #bo)t it*
Corpor#l >hitco(b s#)$tere% b#c- i$ 2e#ri$g # shi$y $e2 s(ir- #$% le#$e% his elbo2 i(perti$e$tly #g#i$st the ce$ter
pole o& the ch#pl#i$5s te$t*
50o yo) -$o2 2ho th#t g)y i$ the re% b#throbe 2#s95 he #s-e% bo#st&)lly* 5Th#t 2#s # C*+*0* (#$ 2ith # &r#ct)re% $ose*
He c#(e %o2$ here &ro( the hospit#l o$ o&&ici#l b)si$ess* He5s co$%)cti$g #$ i$,estig#tio$*5
The ch#pl#i$ r#ise% his eyes 6)ic-ly i$ obse6)io)s co((iser#tio$* 5+ hope yo)5re $ot i$ #$y tro)ble* +s there #$ythi$g +
c#$ %o95
5/o, +5( $ot i$ #$y tro)ble,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b replie% 2ith # gri$* 5.o) #re* They5re goi$g to cr#c- %o2$ o$ yo) &or
sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to #ll those letters yo)5,e bee$ sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to* Ho2 %o yo) li-e
th#t95
5+ h#,e$5t bee$ sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to #$y letters,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$*
5.o) %o$5t h#,e to lie to (e,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b #$s2ere%* 5+5( $ot the o$e yo) h#,e to co$,i$ce*5
57)t +5( $ot lyi$g*5
5+ %o$5t c#re 2hether yo)5re lyi$g or $ot* They5re goi$g to get yo) &or i$tercepti$g '#3or '#3or5s correspo$%e$ce, too* A
lot o& th#t st)&& is cl#ssi&ie% i$&or(#tio$*5
5>h#t correspo$%e$ce95 #s-e% the ch#pl#i$ pl#i$ti,ely i$ risi$g e8#sper#tio$* 5+5,e $e,er e,e$ see$ #$y o& '#3or '#3or5s
correspo$%e$ce*5
5.o) %o$5t h#,e to lie to (e,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b replie%* 5+5( $ot the o$e yo) h#,e to co$,i$ce*5
57)t +5( $ot lyi$gC5 proteste% the ch#pl#i$*
5+ %o$5t see 2hy yo) h#,e to sho)t #t (e,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b retorte% 2ith #$ i$3)re% loo-* He c#(e #2#y &ro( the
ce$ter pole #$% shoo- his &i$ger #t the ch#pl#i$ &or e(ph#sis* 5+ 3)st %i% yo) the biggest &#,or #$ybo%y e,er %i% yo) i$
yo)r 2hole li&e, #$% yo) %o$5t e,e$ re#li4e it* E,ery ti(e he tries to report yo) to his s)periors, so(ebo%y )p #t the
hospit#l ce$sors o)t the %et#ils* He5s bee$ goi$g b#tty &or 2ee-s tryi$g to t)r$ yo) i$* + 3)st p)t # ce$sor5s o-#y o$ his
letter 2itho)t e,e$ re#%i$g it* Th#t 2ill (#-e # ,ery goo% i(pressio$ &or yo) )p #t C*+*0* he#%6)#rters* +t 2ill let the(
-$o2 th#t 2e5re $ot the le#st bit #&i#i% to h#,e the 2hole tr)th #bo)t yo) co(e o)t*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s reeli$g 2ith co$&)sio$* 57)t yo) #re$5t #)thori4e% to ce$sor letters, #re yo)95
5O& co)rse $ot,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b #$s2ere%* 5O$ly o&&icers #re e,er #)thori4e% to %o th#t* + ce$sore% it i$ yo)r $#(e*5
57)t +5( $ot #)thori4e% to ce$sor letters either* A( +95
5+ too- c#re o& th#t &or yo), too,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b #ss)re% hi(* 5+ sig$e% so(ebo%y else5s $#(e &or yo)*5
5+s$5t th#t &orgery95
5Oh, %o$5t 2orry #bo)t th#t either* The o$ly o$e 2ho (ight co(pl#i$ i$ # c#se o& &orgery is the perso$ 2hose $#(e yo)
&orge%, #$% + loo-e% o)t &or yo)r i$terests by pic-i$g # %e#% (#$* + )se% >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e*5 Corpor#l >hitco(b
scr)ti$i4e% the ch#pl#i$5s &#ce closely &or so(e sig$ o& rebellio$ #$% the$ bree4e% #he#% co$&i%e$tly 2ith co$ce#le%
iro$y* 5Th#t 2#s pretty 6)ic- thi$-i$g o$ (y p#rt, 2#s$5t it95
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 the ch#pl#i$ 2#ile% so&tly i$ # 6)#,eri$g ,oice, s6)i$ti$g 2ith grotes6)e co$tortio$s o& #$g)ish #$%
i$co(prehe$sio$* 5+ %o$5t thi$- + )$%erst#$% #ll yo)5,e bee$ telli$g (e* Ho2 2ill it (#-e # goo% i(pressio$ &or (e i& yo)
sig$e% >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e i$ste#% o& (y o2$95
57ec#)se they5re co$,i$ce% th#t yo) #re >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g* 0o$5t yo) see9 They5ll -$o2 it 2#s yo)*5
57)t is$5t th#t the ,ery belie& 2e 2#$t to %ispel9 >o$5t this help the( pro,e it95
5+& + tho)ght yo) 2ere goi$g to be so st)&&y #bo)t it, + 2o)l%$5t e,e$ h#,e trie% to help,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b %ecl#re%
i$%ig$#$tly, #$% 2#l-e% o)t* A seco$% l#ter he 2#l-e% b#c- i$* 5+ 3)st %i% yo) the biggest &#,or #$ybo%y e,er %i% yo) i$
yo)r 2hole li&e #$% yo) %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 it* .o) %o$5t -$o2 ho2 to sho2 yo)r #ppreci#tio$* Th#t5s #$other o$e o& the
thi$gs th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)*5
5+5( sorry,5 the ch#pl#i$ #pologi4e% co$tritely* 5+ re#lly #( sorry* +t5s 3)st th#t +5( so co(pletely st)$$e% by #ll yo)5re telli$g
(e th#t + %o$5t e,e$ re#li4e 2h#t +5( s#yi$g* +5( re#lly ,ery gr#te&)l to yo)*5
5The$ ho2 #bo)t letti$g (e se$% o)t those &or( letters95 Corpor#l >hitco(b %e(#$%e% i((e%i#tely* 5C#$ + begi$
2or-i$g o$ the &irst %r#&ts95
The ch#pl#i$5s 3#2 %roppe% i$ #sto$ish(e$t* 5/o, $o,5 he gro#$e%* 5/ot $o2*5
Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#s i$ce$se%* 5+5( the best &rie$% yo)5,e got #$% yo) %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 it,5 he #sserte% belligere$tly,
#$% 2#l-e% o)t o& the ch#pl#i$5s te$t* He 2#l-e% b#c- i$* 5+5( o$ yo)r si%e #$% yo) %o$5t e,e$ re#li4e it* 0o$5t yo) -$o2
2h#t serio)s tro)ble yo)5re i$9 Th#t C*+*0* (#$ h#s go$e r)shi$g b#c- to the hospit#l to 2rite # br#$%-$e2 report o$
yo) #bo)t th#t to(#to*5
5>h#t to(#to95 the ch#pl#i$ #s-e%, bli$-i$g*
5The pl)( to(#to yo) 2ere hi%i$g i$ yo)r h#$% 2he$ yo) &irst sho2e% )p here* There it is* The to(#to yo)5re still
hol%i$g i$ yo)r h#$% right this ,ery (i$)teC5
The c#pt#i$ )$cle$che% his &i$gers 2ith s)rprise #$% s#2 th#t he 2#s still hol%i$g the pl)( to(#to he h#% obt#i$e% i$
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s o&&ice* He set it %o2$ 6)ic-ly o$ the bri%ge t#ble* 5+ got this to(#to &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt,5 he s#i%,
#$% 2#s str)c- by ho2 l)%icro)s his e8pl#$#tio$ so)$%e%* 5He i$siste% + t#-e it*5
5.o) %o$5t h#,e to lie to (e,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b #$s2ere%* 5+ %o$5t c#re 2hether yo) stole it &ro( hi( or $ot*5
5Stole it95 the ch#pl#i$ e8cl#i(e% 2ith #(#4e(e$t* 5>hy sho)l% + 2#$t to ste#l # pl)( to(#to95
5Th#t5s e8#ctly 2h#t h#% )s both st)(pe%,5 s#i% Corpor#l >hitco(b* 5A$% the$ the C*+*0* (#$ &ig)re% o)t yo) (ight
h#,e so(e i(port#$t secret p#pers hi%%e$ #2#y i$si%e it*5
The ch#pl#i$ s#gge% li(ply be$e#th the (o)$t#i$o)s 2eight o& his %esp#ir* 5+ %o$5t h#,e #$y i(port#$t secret p#pers
hi%%e$ #2#y i$si%e it,5 he st#te% si(ply* 5+ %i%$5t e,e$ 2#$t it to begi$ 2ith* Here, yo) c#$ h#,e it #$% see &or yo)rsel&*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t it*5
5Ple#se t#-e it #2#y,5 the ch#pl#i$ ple#%e% i$ # ,oice th#t 2#s b#rely #)%ible* 5+ 2#$t to be ri% o& it*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t it,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b s$#ppe% #g#i$, #$% st#l-e% o)t 2ith #$ #$gry &#ce, s)ppressi$g # s(ile o& gre#t
3)bil#tio$ #t h#,i$g &orge% # po2er&)l $e2 #lli#$ce 2ith the C*+*0* (#$ #$% #t h#,i$g s)ccee%e% #g#i$ i$ co$,i$ci$g the
ch#pl#i$ th#t he 2#s re#lly %isple#se%*
Poor >hitco(b, sighe% the ch#pl#i$, #$% bl#(e% hi(sel& &or his #ssist#$t5s (#l#ise* He s#t ()tely i$ # po$%ero)s,
st)lti&yi$g (el#$choly, 2#iti$g e8pect#$tly &or Corpor#l >hitco(b to 2#l- b#c- i$* He 2#s %is#ppoi$te% #s he he#r% the
Catch 22
pere(ptory cr)$ch o& Corpor#l >hitco(b5s &ootsteps rece%e i$to sile$ce* There 2#s $othi$g he 2#$te% to %o $e8t* He
%eci%e% to p#ss )p l)$ch &or # 'il-y >#y #$% # 7#by R)th &ro( his &oot loc-er #$% # &e2 s2#llo2s o& l)-e-2#r( 2#ter
&ro( his c#$tee$* He &elt hi(sel& s)rro)$%e% by %e$se, o,er2hel(i$g &ogs o& possibilities i$ 2hich he co)l% percei,e $o
gli((er o& light* He %re#%e% 2h#t Colo$el C#thc#rt 2o)l% thi$- 2he$ the $e2s th#t he 2#s s)specte% o& bei$g
>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g 2#s bro)ght to hi(, the$ &ell to &retti$g o,er 2h#t Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s #lre#%y thi$-i$g #bo)t hi( &or
e,e$ h#,i$g bro#che% the s)b3ect o& si8ty (issio$s* There 2#s so ()ch )$h#ppi$ess i$ the 2orl%, he re&lecte%, bo2i$g
his he#% %is(#lly be$e#th the tr#gic tho)ght, #$% there 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o #bo)t #$ybo%y5s, le#st o& #ll his o2$*
21 :E/ERAL 0REE0LE
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s $ot thi$-i$g #$ythi$g #t #ll #bo)t the ch#pl#i$, b)t 2#s t#$gle% )p i$ # br#$%-$e2, (e$#ci$g
proble( o& his o2$@ .oss#ri#$C
.oss#ri#$C The (ere so)$% o& th#t e8ecr#ble, )gly $#(e (#%e his bloo% r)$ col% #$% his bre#th co(e i$ l#bore%
g#sps* The ch#pl#i$5s &irst (e$tio$ o& the $#(e .oss#ri#$C h#% tolle% %eep i$ his (e(ory li-e # porte$to)s go$g* As
soo$ #s the l#tch o& the %oor h#% clic-e% sh)t, the 2hole h)(ili#ti$g recollectio$ o& the $#-e% (#$ i$ &or(#tio$ c#(e
c#sc#%i$g %o2$ )po$ hi( i$ # (orti&yi$g, cho-i$g &loo% o& sti$gi$g %et#ils* He beg#$ to perspire #$% tre(ble* There
2#s # si$ister #$% )$li-ely coi$ci%e$ce e8pose% th#t 2#s too %i#bolic#l i$ i(plic#tio$ to be #$ythi$g less th#$ the (ost
hi%eo)s o& o(e$s* The $#(e o& the (#$ 2ho h#% stoo% $#-e% i$ r#$-s th#t %#y to recei,e his 0isti$g)ishe% ;lyi$g
Cross &ro( :e$er#l 0ree%le h#% #lso bee$ - .oss#ri#$C A$% $o2 it 2#s # (#$ $#(e% .oss#ri#$ 2ho 2#s thre#te$i$g to
(#-e tro)ble o,er the si8ty (issio$s he h#% 3)st or%ere% the (e$ i$ his gro)p to &ly* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2o$%ere%
gloo(ily i& it 2#s the s#(e .oss#ri#$*
He cli(be% to his &eet 2ith #$ #ir o& i$toler#ble 2oe #$% beg#$ (o,i$g #bo)t his o&&ice* He &elt hi(sel& i$ the prese$ce
o& the (ysterio)s* The $#-e% (#$ i$ &or(#tio$, he co$ce%e% cheerlessly, h#% bee$ # re#l bl#c- eye &or hi(* So h#% the
t#(peri$g 2ith the bo(b li$e be&ore the (issio$ to 7olog$# #$% the se,e$-%#y %el#y i$ %estroyi$g the bri%ge #t ;err#r#,
e,e$ tho)gh %estroyi$g the bri%ge #t ;err#r# &i$#lly, he re(e(bere% 2ith glee, h#% bee$ # re#l &e#ther i$ his c#p,
#ltho)gh losi$g # pl#$e there the seco$% ti(e #ro)$%, he rec#lle% i$ %e3ectio$, h#% bee$ #$other bl#c- eye, e,e$
tho)gh he h#% 2o$ #$other re#l &e#ther i$ his c#p by getti$g # (e%#l #ppro,e% &or the bo(b#r%ier 2ho h#% gotte$ hi(
the re#l bl#c- eye i$ the &irst pl#ce by goi$g #ro)$% o,er the t#rget t2ice* Th#t bo(b#r%ier5s $#(e, he re(e(bere%
s)%%e$ly 2ith #$other st)pe&yi$g shoc-, h#% #lso bee$ .oss#ri#$C /o2 there 2ere threeC His ,isco)s eyes b)lge% 2ith
#sto$ish(e$t #$% he 2hippe% hi(sel& #ro)$% i$ #l#r( to see 2h#t 2#s t#-i$g pl#ce behi$% hi(* A (o(e$t #go there
h#% bee$ $o .oss#ri#$s i$ his li&eA $o2 they 2ere ()ltiplyi$g li-e hobgobli$s* He trie% to (#-e hi(sel& gro2 c#l(*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot # co((o$ $#(eA perh#ps there 2ere $ot re#lly three .oss#ri#$s b)t o$ly t2o .oss#ri#$s, or (#ybe
e,e$ o$ly o$e .oss#ri#$ - b)t th#t re#lly (#%e $o %i&&ere$ceC The colo$el 2#s still i$ gr#,e peril* +$t)itio$ 2#r$e% hi(
th#t he 2#s %r#2i$g close to so(e i((e$se #$% i$scr)t#ble cos(ic cli(#8, #$% his bro#%, (e#ty, to2eri$g &r#(e
ti$gle% &ro( he#% to toe #t the tho)ght th#t .oss#ri#$, 2hoe,er he 2o)l% e,e$t)#lly t)r$ o)t to be, 2#s %esti$e% to
ser,e #s his $e(esis*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s $ot s)perstitio)s, b)t he %i% belie,e i$ o(e$s, #$% he s#t right b#c- %o2$ behi$% his %es- #$%
(#%e # cryptic $ot#tio$ o$ his (e(or#$%)( p#% to loo- i$to the 2hole s)spicio)s b)si$ess o& the .oss#ri#$s right
#2#y* He 2rote his re(i$%er to hi(sel& i$ # he#,y #$% %ecisi,e h#$%, #(pli&yi$g it sh#rply 2ith # series o& co%e%
p)$ct)#tio$ (#r-s #$% )$%erli$i$g the 2hole (ess#ge t2ice, so th#t it re#%@
.oss#ri#$C C C (9)C
The colo$el s#t b#c- 2he$ he h#% &i$ishe% #$% 2#s e8tre(ely ple#se% 2ith hi(sel& &or the pro(pt #ctio$ he h#% 3)st
t#-e$ to (eet this si$ister crisis* .oss#ri#$ - the ,ery sight o& the $#(e (#%e hi( sh)%%er* There 2ere so (#$y esses
i$ it* +t 3)st h#% to be s)b,ersi,e* +t 2#s li-e the 2or% s)b,ersi,e itsel&* +t 2#s li-e se%itio)s #$% i$si%io)s too, #$% li-e
soci#list, s)spicio)s, &#scist #$% Co(()$ist* +t 2#s #$ o%io)s, #lie$, %ist#ste&)l $#(e, th#t 3)st %i% $ot i$spire
co$&i%e$ce* +t 2#s $ot #t #ll li-e s)ch cle#$, crisp, ho$est, A(eric#$ $#(es #s C#thc#rt, Pec-e( #$% 0ree%le*
Colo$el C#thc#rt rose slo2ly #$% beg#$ %ri&ti$g #bo)t his o&&ice #g#i$* Al(ost )$co$scio)sly, he pic-e% )p # pl)(
to(#to &ro( the top o& o$e o& the b)shels #$% too- # ,or#cio)s bite* He (#%e # 2ry &#ce #t o$ce #$% thre2 the rest o&
the pl)( to(#to i$to his 2#ste-b#s-et* The colo$el %i% $ot li-e pl)( to(#toes, $ot e,e$ 2he$ they 2ere his o2$, #$%
these 2ere $ot e,e$ his o2$* These h#% bee$ p)rch#se% i$ %i&&ere$t (#r-et pl#ces #ll o,er Pi#$os# by Colo$el ?or$
)$%er ,#rio)s i%e$tities, (o,e% )p to the colo$el5s &#r(ho)se i$ the hills i$ the %e#% o& $ight, #$% tr#$sporte% %o2$ to
:ro)p He#%6)#rters the $e8t (or$i$g &or s#le to 'ilo, 2ho p#i% Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ pre(i)( prices &or
the(* Colo$el C#thc#rt o&te$ 2o$%ere% i& 2h#t they 2ere %oi$g 2ith the pl)( to(#toes 2#s leg#l, b)t Colo$el ?or$ s#i%
it 2#s, #$% he trie% $ot to broo% #bo)t it too o&te$* He h#% $o 2#y o& -$o2i$g 2hether or $ot the ho)se i$ the hills 2#s
leg#l, either, si$ce Colo$el ?or$ h#% (#%e #ll the #rr#$ge(e$ts* Colo$el C#thc#rt %i% $ot -$o2 i& he o2$e% the ho)se
or re$te% it, &ro( 2ho( he h#% #c6)ire% it or ho2 ()ch, i& #$ythi$g, it 2#s costi$g* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s the l#2yer, #$% i&
Colo$el ?or$ #ss)re% hi( th#t &r#)%, e8tortio$, c)rre$cy (#$ip)l#tio$, e(be44le(e$t, i$co(e t#8 e,#sio$ #$% bl#c--
(#r-et spec)l#tio$s 2ere leg#l, Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s i$ $o positio$ to %is#gree 2ith hi(*
All Colo$el C#thc#rt -$e2 #bo)t his ho)se i$ the hills 2#s th#t he h#% s)ch # ho)se #$% h#te% it* He 2#s $e,er so
bore% #s 2he$ spe$%i$g there the t2o or three %#ys e,ery other 2ee- $ecess#ry to s)st#i$ the ill)sio$ th#t his %#(p
#$% %r#&ty sto$e &#r(ho)se i$ the hills 2#s # gol%e$ p#l#ce o& c#r$#l %elights* O&&icers5 cl)bs e,ery2here p)ls#te% 2ith
bl)rre% b)t -$o2i$g #cco)$ts o& l#,ish, h)she%-)p %ri$-i$g #$% se8 orgies there #$% o& secret, i$ti(#te $ights o&
ecst#sy 2ith the (ost be#)ti&)l, the (ost t#$t#li4i$g, the (ost re#%ily #ro)se% #$% (ost e#sily s#tis&ie% +t#li#$
co)rtes#$s, &il( #ctresses, (o%els #$% co)$tesses* /o s)ch pri,#te $ights o& ecst#sy or h)she%-)p %ri$-i$g #$% se8
orgies e,er occ)rre%* They (ight h#,e occ)rre% i& either :e$er#l 0ree%le or :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% o$ce e,i$ce% #$
i$terest i$ t#-i$g p#rt i$ orgies 2ith hi(, b)t $either e,er %i%, #$% the colo$el 2#s cert#i$ly $ot goi$g to 2#ste his ti(e
#$% e$ergy (#-i$g lo,e to be#)ti&)l 2o(e$ )$less there 2#s so(ethi$g i$ it &or hi(*
The colo$el %re#%e% his %#$- lo$ely $ights #t his &#r(ho)se #$% the %)ll, )$e,e$t&)l %#ys* He h#% ()ch (ore &)$ b#c-
#t :ro)p, bro2be#ti$g e,eryo$e he 2#s$5t #&r#i% o&* Ho2e,er, #s Colo$el ?or$ -ept re(i$%i$g hi(, there 2#s $ot ()ch
gl#(o)r i$ h#,i$g # &#r(ho)se i$ the hills i& he $e,er )se% it* He %ro,e o&& to his &#r(ho)se e#ch ti(e i$ # (oo% o& sel&-
pity* He c#rrie% # shotg)$ i$ his 3eep #$% spe$t the (o$oto$o)s ho)rs there shooti$g it #t bir%s #$% #t the pl)(
71 | P a g e
to(#toes th#t %i% gro2 there i$ )$te$%e% ro2s #$% 2ere too ()ch tro)ble to h#r,est*
Among those oicers o inerior rank toward whom "olonel "athcart still deemed it prudent
to show respect, he included Ma&or $ de "overley, even though he did not want to and was not
sure he even had to. Ma&or $ de "overley was as great a mystery to him as he was to Ma&or
Ma&or and to everyone else who ever took notice o him. "olonel "athcart had no idea
whether to look up or look down in his attitude toward Ma&or $ de "overley. Ma&or $ de
"overley was only a ma&or, even though he was ages older than "olonel
"athcart2 at the same time, so many other people treated Ma&or $ de "overley with such
proound and earul veneration that "olonel "athcart had a hunch they might know
something. Ma&or $ de "overley was an ominous, incomprehensible presence who kept him
constantly on edge and o whom even "olonel -orn tended to be wary. Everyone was araid
o him, and no one knew why. 1o one even knew Ma&or $ %e Co,erley5s &irst $#(e, bec#)se $o o$e
h#% e,er h#% the te(erity to #s- hi(* Colo$el C#thc#rt -$e2 th#t '#3or - %e Co,erley 2#s #2#y #$% he re3oice% i$ his
#bse$ce )$til it occ)rre% to hi( th#t '#3or - %e Co,erley (ight be #2#y so(e2here co$spiri$g #g#i$st hi(, #$% the$ he
2ishe% th#t '#3or - %e Co,erley 2ere b#c- i$ his s6)#%ro$ 2here he belo$ge% so th#t he co)l% be 2#tche%*
+$ # little 2hile Colo$el C#thc#rt5s #rches beg#$ to #che &ro( p#ci$g b#c- #$% &orth so ()ch* He s#t %o2$ behi$% his
%es- #g#i$ #$% resol,e% to e(b#r- )po$ # (#t)re #$% syste(#tic e,#l)#tio$ o& the e$tire (ilit#ry sit)#tio$* >ith the
b)si$essli-e #ir o& # (#$ 2ho -$o2s ho2 to get thi$gs %o$e, he &o)$% # l#rge 2hite p#%, %re2 # str#ight li$e %o2$ the
(i%%le #$% crosse% it $e#r the top, %i,i%i$g the p#ge i$to t2o bl#$- col)($s o& e6)#l 2i%th* He reste% # (o(e$t i$
critic#l r)(i$#tio$* The$ he h)%%le% o,er his %es-, #$% #t the he#% o& the le&t col)($, i$ # cr#(pe% #$% &i$ic-y h#$%, he
2rote, 57l#c- EyesCCC5 At the top o& the right col)($ he 2rote, 5;e#thers i$ 'y C#pCCC CC5 He le#$e% b#c- o$ce (ore to
i$spect his ch#rt #%(iri$gly &ro( #$ ob3ecti,e perspecti,e* A&ter # &e2 seco$%s o& sole($ %eliber#tio$, he lic-e% the tip
o& his pe$cil c#re&)lly #$% 2rote )$%er 57l#c- EyesCCC,5 #&ter i$te$t i$ter,#ls@
;err#r#
7olog$# (bo(b li$e (o,e% o$ (#p %)ri$g)
S-eet r#$ge
/#-e% (#$ i$&or(#tio$ (#&ter A,ig$o$)
The$ he #%%e%@
;oo% poiso$i$g (%)ri$g 7olog$#)
#$%
'o#$i$g (epi%e(ic o& %)ri$g A,ig$o$ brie&i$g)
The$ he #%%e%@
Ch#pl#i$ (h#$gi$g #ro)$% o&&icers5 cl)b e,ery $ight)
He %eci%e% to be ch#rit#ble #bo)t the ch#pl#i$, e,e$ tho)gh he %i% $ot li-e hi(, #$% )$%er 5;e#thers i$ 'y C#pCCC CC5 he
2rote@
Ch#pl#i$ (h#$gi$g #ro)$% o&&icers5 cl)b e,ery $ight)
The t2o ch#pl#i$ e$tries, there&ore, $e)tr#li4e% e#ch other* Alo$gsi%e 5;err#r#5 #$% 5/#-e% (#$ i$ &or(#tio$ (#&ter
A,ig$o$)5 he the$ 2rote@
.oss#ri#$C
Alo$gsi%e 57olog$# (bo(b li$e (o,e% o$ (#p %)ri$g)5 5;oo% poiso$i$g (%)ri$g 7olog$#)5 #$% 5'o#$i$g (epi%e(ic o&
%)ri$g A,ig$o$ brie&i$g)5 he 2rote i$ # bol%, %ecisi,e h#$%@
9
Those e$tries l#bele% 595 2ere the o$es he 2#$te% to i$,estig#te i((e%i#tely to %eter(i$e i& .oss#ri#$ h#% pl#ye% #$y
p#rt i$ the(*
S)%%e$ly his #r( beg#$ to sh#-e, #$% he 2#s )$#ble to 2rite #$y (ore* He rose to his &eet i$ terror, &eeli$g stic-y #$%
&#t, #$% r)she% to the ope$ 2i$%o2 to g)lp i$ &resh #ir* His g#4e &ell o$ the s-eet-r#$ge, #$% he reele% #2#y 2ith #
sh#rp cry o& %istress, his 2il% #$% &e,erish eyes sc#$$i$g the 2#lls o& his o&&ice &r#$tic#lly #s tho)gh they 2ere s2#r(i$g
2ith .oss#ri#$s*
/obo%y lo,e% hi(* :e$er#l 0ree%le h#te% hi(, #ltho)gh :e$er#l Pec-e( li-e% hi(, #ltho)gh he co)l%$5t be s)re, si$ce
Catch 22
Colo$el C#rgill, :e$er#l Pec-e(5s #i%e, )$%o)bte%ly h#% #(bitio$s o& his o2$ #$% 2#s prob#bly s#bot#gi$g hi( 2ith
:e$er#l Pec-e( #t e,ery opport)$ity* The o$ly goo% colo$el, he %eci%e%, 2#s # %e#% colo$el, e8cept &or hi(sel&* The
o$ly colo$el he tr)ste% 2#s Colo$el 'oo%)s, #$% e,e$ he h#% #$ i$ 2ith his &#ther-i$-l#2* 'ilo, o& co)rse, h#% bee$ the
big &e#ther i$ his c#p, #ltho)gh h#,i$g his gro)p bo(be% by 'ilo5s pl#$es h#% prob#bly bee$ # terrible bl#c- eye &or
hi(, e,e$ tho)gh 'ilo h#% )lti(#tely stille% #ll protest by %isclosi$g the h)ge $et pro&it the sy$%ic#te h#% re#li4e% o$ the
%e#l 2ith the e$e(y #$% co$,i$ci$g e,eryo$e th#t bo(bi$g his o2$ (e$ #$% pl#$es h#% there&ore re#lly bee$ #
co((e$%#ble #$% ,ery l)cr#ti,e blo2 o$ the si%e o& pri,#te e$terprise* The colo$el 2#s i$sec)re #bo)t 'ilo bec#)se
other colo$els 2ere tryi$g to l)re hi( #2#y, #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt still h#% th#t lo)sy 7ig Chie& >hite H#l&o#t i$ his
gro)p 2ho th#t lo)sy, l#4y C#pt#i$ 7l#c- cl#i(e% 2#s the o$e re#lly respo$sible &or the bo(b li$e5s bei$g (o,e% %)ri$g
the 7ig Siege o& 7olog$#* Colo$el C#thc#rt li-e% 7ig Chie& >hite H#l&o#t bec#)se 7ig Chie& >hite H#l&o#t -ept
p)$chi$g th#t lo)sy Colo$el 'oo%)s i$ the $ose e,ery ti(e he got %r)$- #$% Colo$el 'oo%)s 2#s #ro)$%* He 2ishe%
th#t 7ig Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2o)l% begi$ p)$chi$g Colo$el ?or$ i$ his &#t &#ce, too* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s # lo)sy s(#rt
#lec-* So(eo$e #t T2e$ty-se,e$th Air ;orce He#%6)#rters h#% it i$ &or hi( #$% se$t b#c- e,ery report he 2rote 2ith #
blisteri$g reb)-e, #$% Colo$el ?or$ h#% bribe% # cle,er (#il cler- there $#(e% >i$tergree$ to try to &i$% o)t 2ho it 2#s*
Losi$g the pl#$e o,er ;err#r# the seco$% ti(e #ro)$% h#% $ot %o$e hi( #$y goo%, he h#% to #%(it, #$% $either h#%
h#,i$g th#t other pl#$e %is#ppe#r i$si%e th#t clo)% - th#t 2#s o$e he h#%$5t e,e$ 2ritte$ %o2$C He trie% to rec#ll,
lo$gi$gly, i& .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ lost i$ th#t pl#$e i$ the clo)% #$% re#li4e% th#t .oss#ri#$ co)l% $ot possibly h#,e bee$
lost i$ th#t pl#$e i$ the clo)% i& he 2#s still #ro)$% $o2 r#isi$g s)ch # big sti$- #bo)t h#,i$g to &ly # lo)sy &i,e (issio$s
(ore*
'#ybe si8ty (issio$s 2ere too (#$y &or the (e$ to &ly, Colo$el C#thc#rt re#so$e%, i& .oss#ri#$ ob3ecte% to &lyi$g the(,
b)t he the$ re(e(bere% th#t &orci$g his (e$ to &ly (ore (issio$s th#$ e,eryo$e else 2#s the (ost t#$gible
#chie,e(e$t he h#% goi$g &or hi(* As Colo$el ?or$ o&te$ re(#r-e%, the 2#r 2#s cr#2li$g 2ith gro)p co((#$%ers 2ho
2ere (erely %oi$g their %)ty, #$% it re6)ire% 3)st so(e sort o& %r#(#tic gest)re li-e (#-i$g his gro)p &ly (ore co(b#t
(issio$s th#$ #$y other bo(ber gro)p to spotlight his )$i6)e 6)#lities o& le#%ership* Cert#i$ly $o$e o& the ge$er#ls
see(e% to ob3ect to 2h#t he 2#s %oi$g, #ltho)gh #s &#r #s he co)l% %etect they 2ere$5t p#rtic)l#rly i(presse% either,
2hich (#%e hi( s)spect th#t perh#ps si8ty co(b#t (issio$s 2ere $ot $e#rly e$o)gh #$% th#t he o)ght to i$cre#se the
$)(ber #t o$ce to se,e$ty, eighty, # h)$%re%, or e,e$ t2o h)$%re%, three h)$%re%, or si8 tho)s#$%C
Cert#i$ly he 2o)l% be ()ch better o&& )$%er so(ebo%y s)#,e li-e :e$er#l Pec-e( th#$ he 2#s )$%er so(ebo%y
boorish #$% i$se$siti,e li-e :e$er#l 0ree%le, bec#)se :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% the %iscer$(e$t, the i$tellige$ce #$% the
+,y Le#g)e b#c-gro)$% to #ppreci#te #$% e$3oy hi( #t his &)ll ,#l)e, #ltho)gh :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% $e,er gi,e$ the
slightest i$%ic#tio$ th#t he #ppreci#te% or e$3oye% hi( #t #ll* Colo$el C#thc#rt &elt percepti,e e$o)gh to re#li4e th#t
,isible sig$#ls o& recog$itio$ 2ere $e,er $ecess#ry bet2ee$ sophistic#te%, sel&-#ss)re% people li-e hi(sel& #$% :e$er#l
Pec-e( 2ho co)l% 2#r( to e#ch other &ro( # %ist#$ce 2ith i$$#te ()t)#l )$%erst#$%i$g* +t 2#s e$o)gh th#t they 2ere
o& li-e -i$%, #$% he -$e2 it 2#s o$ly # (#tter o& 2#iti$g %iscreetly &or pre&er(e$t )$til the right ti(e, #ltho)gh it rotte%
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s sel&-estee( to obser,e th#t :e$er#l Pec-e( $e,er %eliber#tely so)ght hi( o)t #$% th#t he l#bore%
$o h#r%er to i(press Colo$el C#thc#rt 2ith his epigr#(s #$% er)%itio$ th#$ he %i% to i(press #$yo$e else i$ e#rshot,
e,e$ e$liste% (e$* Either Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s$5t getti$g thro)gh to :e$er#l Pec-e( or :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s $ot the
sci$till#ti$g, %iscri(i$#ti$g, i$tellect)#l, &or2#r%-loo-i$g perso$#lity he prete$%e% to be #$% it 2#s re#lly :e$er#l 0ree%le
2ho 2#s se$siti,e, ch#r(i$g, brilli#$t #$% sophistic#te% #$% )$%er 2ho( he 2o)l% cert#i$ly be ()ch better o&&, #$%
s)%%e$ly Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% #bsol)tely $o co$ceptio$ o& ho2 stro$gly he stoo% 2ith #$yo$e #$% beg#$ b#$gi$g o$
his b)44er 2ith his &ist &or Colo$el ?or$ to co(e r)$$i$g i$to his o&&ice #$% #ss)re hi( th#t e,erybo%y lo,e% hi(, th#t
.oss#ri#$ 2#s # &ig(e$t o& his i(#gi$#tio$, #$% th#t he 2#s (#-i$g 2o$%er&)l progress i$ the sple$%i% #$% ,#li#$t
c#(p#ig$ he 2#s 2#gi$g to beco(e # ge$er#l*
Act)#lly, Colo$el C#thc#rt %i% $ot h#,e # ch#$ce i$ hell o& beco(i$g # ge$er#l* ;or o$e thi$g, there 2#s e8-P*;*C*
>i$tergree$, 2ho #lso 2#$te% to be # ge$er#l #$% 2ho #l2#ys %istorte%, %estroye%, re3ecte% or (is%irecte% #$y
correspo$%e$ce by, &or or #bo)t Colo$el C#thc#rt th#t (ight %o hi( cre%it* ;or #$other, there #lre#%y 2#s # ge$er#l,
:e$er#l 0ree%le 2ho -$e2 th#t :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s #&ter his 3ob b)t %i% $ot -$o2 ho2 to stop hi(*
:e$er#l 0ree%le, the 2i$g co((#$%er, 2#s # bl)$t, ch)$-y, b#rrel-cheste% (#$ i$ his e#rly &i&ties* His $ose 2#s s6)#t
#$% re%, #$% he h#% l)(py 2hite, b)$che%-)p eyeli%s circli$g his s(#ll gr#y eyes li-e h#loes o& b#co$ &#t* He h#% #
$)rse #$% # so$-i$ l#2, #$% he 2#s pro$e to lo$g, po$%ero)s sile$ces 2he$ he h#% $ot bee$ %ri$-i$g too ()ch*
:e$er#l 0ree%le h#% 2#ste% too ()ch o& his ti(e i$ the Ar(y %oi$g his 3ob 2ell, #$% $o2 it 2#s too l#te* /e2 po2er
#lig$(e$ts h#% co#lesce% 2itho)t hi( #$% he 2#s #t # loss to cope 2ith the(* At )$g)#r%e% (o(e$ts his h#r% #$%
s)lle$ &#ce slippe% i$to # so(ber, preocc)pie% loo- o& %e&e#t #$% &r)str#tio$* :e$er#l 0ree%le %r#$- # gre#t %e#l* His
(oo%s 2ere #rbitr#ry #$% )$pre%ict#ble* 5>#r is hell,5 he %ecl#re% &re6)e$tly, %r)$- or sober, #$% he re#lly (e#$t it,
#ltho)gh th#t %i% $ot pre,e$t hi( &ro( (#-i$g # goo% li,i$g o)t o& it or &ro( t#-i$g his so$-i$-l#2 i$to the b)si$ess 2ith
hi(, e,e$ tho)gh the t2o bic-ere% co$st#$tly*
5Th#t b#st#r%,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le 2o)l% co(pl#i$ #bo)t his so$-i$-l#2 2ith # co$te(pt)o)s gr)$t to #$yo$e 2ho
h#ppe$e% to be st#$%i$g besi%e hi( #t the c)r,e o& the b#r o& the o&&icers5 cl)b* 5E,erythi$g he5s got he o2es to (e* +
(#%e hi(, th#t lo)sy so$ o& # bitchC He h#s$5t got br#i$s e$o)gh to get #he#% o$ his o2$*5
5He thi$-s he -$o2s e,erythi$g,5 Colo$el 'oo%)s 2o)l% retort i$ # s)l-i$g to$e to his o2$ #)%ie$ce #t the other e$% o&
the b#r* 5He c#$5t t#-e criticis( #$% he 2o$5t liste$ to #%,ice*5
5All he c#$ %o is gi,e #%,ice,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le 2o)l% obser,e 2ith # r#spi$g s$ort* 5+& it 2#s$5t &or (e, he5% still be #
corpor#l*5
:e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s #l2#ys #cco(p#$ie% by both Colo$el 'oo%)s #$% his $)rse, 2ho 2#s #s %elect#ble # piece o&
#ss #s #$yo$e 2ho s#2 her h#% e,er l#i% eyes o$* :e$er#l 0ree%le5s $)rse 2#s ch)bby, short #$% blo$%e* She h#%
pl)(p %i(ple% chee-s, h#ppy bl)e eyes, #$% $e#t c)rly t)r$e%-)p h#ir* She s(ile% #t e,eryo$e #$% $e,er spo-e #t #ll
)$less she 2#s spo-e$ to* Her boso( 2#s l)sh #$% her co(ple8io$ cle#r* She 2#s irresistible, #$% (e$ e%ge% #2#y
&ro( her c#re&)lly* She 2#s s)cc)le$t, s2eet, %ocile #$% %)(b, #$% she %ro,e e,eryo$e cr#4y b)t :e$er#l 0ree%le*
5.o) sho)l% see her $#-e%,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le chortle% 2ith cro)py relish, 2hile his $)rse stoo% s(ili$g pro)%ly right #t
his sho)l%er* 57#c- #t >i$g she5s got # )$i&or( i$ (y roo( (#%e o& p)rple sil- th#t5s so tight her $ipples st#$% o)t li-e
bi$g cherries* 'ilo got (e the &#bric* There is$5t e,e$ roo( e$o)gh &or p#$ties or # br#ssiNre )$%er$e#th* + (#-e her
73 | P a g e
2e#r it so(e $ights 2he$ 'oo%)s is #ro)$% 3)st to %ri,e hi( cr#4y*5 :e$er#l 0ree%le l#)ghe% ho#rsely* 5.o) sho)l% see
2h#t goes o$ i$si%e th#t blo)se o& hers e,ery ti(e she shi&ts her 2eight* She %ri,es hi( o)t o& his (i$%* The &irst ti(e +
c#tch hi( p)tti$g # h#$% o$ her or #$y other 2o(#$ +5ll b)st the hor$y b#st#r% right %o2$ to pri,#te #$% p)t hi( o$ ?*P*
&or # ye#r*5
5He -eeps her #ro)$% 3)st to %ri,e (e cr#4y,5 Colo$el 'oo%)s #cc)se% #ggrie,e%ly #t the other e$% o& the b#r* 57#c- #t
>i$g she5s got # )$i&or( (#%e o)t o& p)rple sil- th#t5s so tight her $ipples st#$% o)t li-e bi$g cherries* There is$5t e,e$
roo( &or p#$ties or # br#ssiNre )$%er$e#th* .o) sho)l% he#r th#t r)stle e,ery ti(e she shi&ts her 2eight* The &irst ti(e +
(#-e # p#ss #t her or #$y other girl he5ll b)st (e right %o2$ to pri,#te #$% p)t (e o$ ?*P* &or # ye#r* She %ri,es (e o)t
o& (y (i$%*5
5He h#s$5t gotte$ l#i% si$ce 2e shippe% o,erse#s,5 co$&i%e% :e$er#l 0ree%le, #$% his s6)#re gri44le% he#% bobbe% 2ith
s#%istic l#)ghter #t the &ie$%ish i%e#* 5Th#t5s o$e o& the re#so$s + $e,er let hi( o)t o& (y sight, 3)st so he c#$5t get to #
2o(#$* C#$ yo) i(#gi$e 2h#t th#t poor so$ o& # bitch is goi$g thro)gh95
5+ h#,e$5t bee$ to be% 2ith # 2o(#$ si$ce 2e shippe% o,erse#s,5 Colo$el 'oo%)s 2hi(pere% te#r&)lly* 5C#$ yo)
i(#gi$e 2h#t +5( goi$g thro)gh95
:e$er#l 0ree%le co)l% be #s i$tr#$sige$t 2ith #$yo$e else 2he$ %isple#se% #s he 2#s 2ith Colo$el 'oo%)s* He h#%
$o t#ste &or sh#(, t#ct or prete$sio$, #$% his cre%o #s # pro&essio$#l sol%ier 2#s )$i&ie% #$% co$cise@ he belie,e% th#t
the yo)$g (e$ 2ho too- or%ers &ro( hi( sho)l% be 2illi$g to gi,e )p their li,es &or the i%e#ls, #spir#tio$s #$%
i%iosy$cr#sies o& the ol% (e$ he too- or%ers &ro(* The o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ i$ his co((#$% h#% i%e$tity &or hi(
o$ly #s (ilit#ry 6)#$tities* All he #s-e% 2#s th#t they %o their 2or-A beyo$% th#t, they 2ere &ree to %o 2h#te,er they
ple#se%* They 2ere &ree, #s Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s &ree, to &orce their (e$ to &ly si8ty (issio$s i& they chose, #$% they
2ere &ree, #s .oss#ri#$ h#% bee$ &ree, to st#$% i$ &or(#tio$ $#-e% i& they 2#$te% to, #ltho)gh :e$er#l 0ree%le5s gr#$ite
3#2 s2)$g ope$ #t the sight #$% he 2e$t stri%i$g %ict#tori#lly right %o2$ the li$e to (#-e cert#i$ th#t there re#lly 2#s #
(#$ 2e#ri$g $othi$g b)t (occ#si$s 2#iti$g #t #tte$tio$ i$ r#$-s to recei,e # (e%#l &ro( hi(* :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s
speechless* Colo$el C#thc#rt beg#$ to &#i$t 2he$ he spie% .oss#ri#$, #$% Colo$el ?or$ steppe% )p behi$% hi( #$%
s6)ee4e% his #r( i$ # stro$g grip* The sile$ce 2#s grotes6)e* A ste#%y 2#r( 2i$% &lo2e% i$ &ro( the be#ch, #$% #$ ol%
c#rt &ille% 2ith %irty str#2 r)(ble% i$to ,ie2 o$ the (#i$ ro#%, %r#2$ by # bl#c- %o$-ey #$% %ri,e$ by # &#r(er i$ #
&loppi$g h#t #$% &#%e% bro2$ 2or- clothes 2ho p#i% $o #tte$tio$ to the &or(#l (ilit#ry cere(o$y t#-i$g pl#ce i$ the
s(#ll &iel% o$ his right*
At l#st :e$er#l 0ree%le spo-e* 5:et b#c- i$ the c#r,5 he s$#ppe% o,er his sho)l%er to his $)rse, 2ho h#% &ollo2e% hi(
%o2$ the li$e* The $)rse to%%le% #2#y 2ith # s(ile to2#r% his bro2$ st#&& c#r, p#r-e% #bo)t t2e$ty y#r%s #2#y #t the
e%ge o& the rect#$g)l#r cle#ri$g* :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#ite% i$ #)stere sile$ce )$til the c#r %oor sl#((e% #$% the$
%e(#$%e%, 5>hich o$e is this95
Colo$el 'oo%)s chec-e% his roster* 5This o$e is .oss#ri#$, 0#%* He gets # 0isti$g)ishe% ;lyi$g Cross*5
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%,5 ()(ble% :e$er#l 0ree%le, #$% his r)%%y (o$olithic &#ce so&te$e% 2ith #()se(e$t* 5>hy #re$5t
yo) 2e#ri$g clothes, .oss#ri#$95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to*5
5>h#t %o yo) (e#$ yo) %o$5t 2#$t to9 >hy the hell %o$5t yo) 2#$t to95
5+ 3)st %o$5t 2#$t to, sir*5
5>hy is$5t he 2e#ri$g clothes95 :e$er#l 0ree%le %e(#$%e% o,er his sho)l%er o& Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5He5s t#l-i$g to yo),5 Colo$el ?or$ 2hispere% o,er Colo$el C#thc#rt5s sho)l%er &ro( behi$%, 3#bbi$g his elbo2 sh#rply
i$to Colo$el C#thc#rt5s b#c-*
5>hy is$5t he 2e#ri$g clothes95 Colo$el C#thc#rt %e(#$%e% o& Colo$el ?or$ 2ith # loo- o& #c)te p#i$, te$%erly $)rsi$g
the spot 2here Colo$el ?or$ h#% 3)st 3#bbe% hi(*
5>hy is$5t he 2e#ri$g clothes95 Colo$el ?or$ %e(#$%e% o& C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$*
5A (#$ 2#s -ille% i$ his pl#$e o,er A,ig$o$ l#st 2ee- #$% ble% #ll o,er hi(,5 C#pt#i$ >re$ replie%* 5He s2e#rs he5s
$e,er goi$g to 2e#r # )$i&or( #g#i$*5
5A (#$ 2#s -ille% i$ his pl#$e o,er A,ig$o$ l#st 2ee- #$% ble% #ll o,er hi(,5 Colo$el ?or$ reporte% %irectly to :e$er#l
0ree%le* 5His )$i&or( h#s$5t co(e b#c- &ro( the l#)$%ry yet*5
5>here #re his other )$i&or(s95
5They5re i$ the l#)$%ry, too*5
5>h#t #bo)t his )$%er2e#r95 :e$er#l 0ree%le %e(#$%e%*
5All his )$%er2e#r5s i$ the l#)$%ry, too,5 #$s2ere% Colo$el ?or$*
5Th#t so)$%s li-e # lot o& cr#p to (e,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le %ecl#re%*
5+t is # lot o& cr#p, sir,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
50o$5t yo) 2orry, sir,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt pro(ise% :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ith # thre#te$i$g loo- #t .oss#ri#$* 5.o) h#,e (y
perso$#l 2or% &or it th#t this (#$ 2ill be se,erely p)$ishe%*5
5>h#t the hell %o + c#re i& he5s p)$ishe% or $ot95 :e$er#l 0ree%le replie% 2ith s)rprise #$% irrit#tio$* 5He5s 3)st 2o$ #
(e%#l* +& he 2#$ts to recei,e it 2itho)t #$y clothes o$, 2h#t the hell b)si$ess is it o& yo)rs95
5Those #re (y se$ti(e$ts e8#ctly, sirC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt echoe% 2ith reso)$%i$g e$th)si#s( #$% (oppe% his bro2 2ith
# %#(p 2hite h#$%-erchie&* 57)t 2o)l% yo) s#y th#t, sir, e,e$ i$ the light o& :e$er#l Pec-e(5s rece$t (e(or#$%)( o$
the s)b3ect o& #ppropri#te (ilit#ry #ttire i$ co(b#t #re#s95
5Pec-e(95 :e$er#l 0ree%le5s &#ce clo)%e%*
5.es, sir, sir,5 s#i% Colo$el C#thc#rt obse6)io)sly* 5:e$er#l Pec-e( e,e$ reco((e$%s th#t 2e se$% o)r (e$ i$to
co(b#t i$ &)ll-%ress )$i&or( so they5ll (#-e # goo% i(pressio$ o$ the e$e(y 2he$ they5re shot %o2$*5
5Pec-e(95 repe#te% :e$er#l 0ree%le, still s6)i$ti$g 2ith be2il%er(e$t* 5J)st 2h#t the hell %oes Pec-e( h#,e to %o 2ith
it95
Colo$el ?or$ 3#bbe% Colo$el C#thc#rt sh#rply #g#i$ i$ the b#c- 2ith his elbo2*
5Absol)tely $othi$g, sirC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt respo$%e% spr)cely, 2i$ci$g i$ e8tre(e p#i$ #$% gi$gerly r)bbi$g the spot
2here Colo$el ?or$ h#% 3)st 3#bbe% hi( #g#i$* 5A$% th#t5s e8#ctly 2hy + %eci%e% to t#-e #bsol)tely $o #ctio$ #t #ll )$til +
&irst h#% #$ opport)$ity to %isc)ss it 2ith yo)* Sh#ll 2e ig$ore it co(pletely, sir95
:e$er#l 0ree%le ig$ore% hi( co(pletely, t)r$i$g #2#y &ro( hi( i$ b#le&)l scor$ to h#$% .oss#ri#$ his (e%#l i$ its c#se*
Catch 22
5:et (y girl b#c- &ro( the c#r,5 he co((#$%e% Colo$el 'oo%)s cr#bbily, #$% 2#ite% i$ o$e spot 2ith his sco2li$g &#ce
%o2$ )$til his $)rse h#% re3oi$e% hi(*
5:et 2or% to the o&&ice right #2#y to -ill th#t %irecti,e + 3)st iss)e% or%eri$g the (e$ to 2e#r $ec-ties o$ the co(b#t
(issio$s,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt 2hispere% to Colo$el ?or$ )rge$tly o)t o& the cor$er o& his (o)th*
5+ tol% yo) $ot to %o it,5 Colo$el ?or$ s$ic-ere%* 57)t yo) 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$ to (e*5
5ShhhhC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt c#)tio$e%* 5:o%%#((it, ?or$, 2h#t %i% yo) %o to (y b#c-95
Colo$el ?or$ s$ic-ere% #g#i$*
:e$er#l 0ree%le5s $)rse #l2#ys &ollo2e% :e$er#l 0ree%le e,ery2here he 2e$t, e,e$ i$to the brie&i$g roo( 3)st be&ore
the (issio$ to A,ig$o$, 2here she stoo% 2ith her #si$i$e s(ile #t the si%e o& the pl#t&or( #$% bloo(e% li-e # &ertile
o#sis #t :e$er#l 0ree%le5s sho)l%er i$ her pi$--#$%-gree$ )$i&or(* .oss#ri#$ loo-e% #t her #$% &ell i$ lo,e, %esper#tely*
His spirits s#$-, le#,i$g hi( e(pty i$si%e #$% $)(b* He s#t g#4i$g i$ cl#((y 2#$t #t her &)ll re% lips #$% %i(ple%
chee-s #s he liste$e% to '#3or 0#$by %escribe i$ # (o$oto$o)s, %i%#ctic (#le %ro$e the he#,y co$ce$tr#tio$s o& &l#-
#2#iti$g the( #t A,ig$o$, #$% he (o#$e% i$ %eep %esp#ir s)%%e$ly #t the tho)ght th#t he (ight $e,er see #g#i$ this
lo,ely 2o(#$ to 2ho( he h#% $e,er spo-e$ # 2or% #$% 2ho( he $o2 lo,e% so p#thetic#lly* He throbbe% #$% #che%
2ith sorro2, &e#r #$% %esire #s he st#re% #t herA she 2#s so be#)ti&)l* He 2orshipe% the gro)$% she stoo% o$* He lic-e%
his p#rche%, thirsti$g lips 2ith # stic-y to$g)e #$% (o#$e% i$ (isery #g#i$, lo)%ly e$o)gh this ti(e to #ttr#ct the
st#rtle%, se#rchi$g gl#$ces o& the (e$ sitti$g #ro)$% hi( o$ the ro2s o& cr)%e 2oo%e$ be$ches i$ their chocol#te-
colore% co,er#lls #$% stitche% 2hite p#r#ch)te h#r$esses*
/#tely t)r$e% to hi( 6)ic-ly 2ith #l#r(* 5>h#t is it95 he 2hispere%* 5>h#t5s the (#tter95
.oss#ri#$ %i% $ot he#r hi(* He 2#s sic- 2ith l)st #$% (es(eri4e% 2ith regret* :e$er#l 0ree%le5s $)rse 2#s o$ly # little
ch)bby, #$% his se$ses 2ere st)&&e% to co$gestio$ 2ith the yello2 r#%i#$ce o& her h#ir #$% the )$&elt press)re o& her
so&t short &i$gers, 2ith the ro)$%e%, )$t#ste% 2e#lth o& her $)bile bre#sts i$ her Ar(y-pi$- shirt th#t 2#s ope$e% 2i%e #t
the thro#t #$% 2ith the rolli$g, ripe$e%, tri#$g)l#r co$&l)e$ces o& her belly #$% thighs i$ her tight, slic- &orest-gree$
g#b#r%i$e o&&icer5s p#$ts* He %r#$- her i$ i$s#ti#bly &ro( he#% to p#i$te% toe$#il* He $e,er 2#$te% to lose her*
5Oooooooooooooh,5 he (o#$e% #g#i$, #$% this ti(e the 2hole roo( ripple% #t his 6)#,eri$g, %r#2$-o)t cry* A 2#,e o&
st#rtle% )$e#si$ess bro-e o,er the o&&icers o$ the %#is, #$% e,e$ '#3or 0#$by, 2ho h#% beg)$ sy$chro$i4i$g the
2#tches, 2#s %istr#cte% (o(e$t#rily #s he co)$te% o)t the seco$%s #$% #l(ost h#% to begi$ #g#i$* /#tely &ollo2e%
.oss#ri#$5s tr#$s&i8e% g#4e %o2$ the lo$g &r#(e #)%itori)( )$til he c#(e to :e$er#l 0ree%le5s $)rse* He bl#$che% 2ith
trepi%#tio$ 2he$ he g)esse% 2h#t 2#s tro)bli$g .oss#ri#$*
5C)t it o)t, 2ill yo)95 /#tely 2#r$e% i$ # &ierce 2hisper*
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 .oss#ri#$ (o#$e% # &o)rth ti(e, this ti(e lo)%ly e$o)gh &or e,eryo$e to he#r hi(
%isti$ctly*
5Are yo) cr#4y95 /#tely hisse% ,ehe(e$tly* 5.o)5ll get i$to tro)ble*5
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 0)$b#r #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$ &ro( the opposite e$% o& the roo(*
/#tely recog$i4e% 0)$b#r5s ,oice* The sit)#tio$ 2#s $o2 o)t o& co$trol, #$% he t)r$e% #2#y 2ith # s(#ll (o#$* 5Ooh*5
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 0)$b#r (o#$e% b#c- #t hi(*
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 /#tely (o#$e% o)t lo)% i$ e8#sper#tio$ 2he$ he re#li4e% th#t he h#% 3)st (o#$e%*
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 0)$b#r (o#$e% b#c- #t hi( #g#i$*
5Ooooooooooooooooooooh,5 so(eo$e e$tirely $e2 chi(e% i$ &ro( #$other sectio$ o& the roo(, #$% /#tely5s h#ir stoo%
o$ e$%*
.oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r both replie% 2hile /#tely cri$ge% #$% h)$te% #bo)t &)tilely &or so(e hole i$ 2hich to hi%e #$%
t#-e .oss#ri#$ 2ith hi(* A spri$-li$g o& people 2ere s(otheri$g l#)ghter* A$ el&i$ i(p)lse possesse% /#tely #$% he
(o#$e% i$te$tio$#lly the $e8t ti(e there 2#s # l)ll* A$other $e2 ,oice #$s2ere%* The &l#,or o& %isobe%ie$ce 2#s
titill#ti$g, #$% /#tely (o#$e% %eliber#tely #g#i$, the $e8t ti(e he co)l% s6)ee4e o$e i$ e%ge2ise* Still #$other $e2
,oice echoe% hi(* The roo( 2#s boili$g irrepressibly i$to be%l#(* A$ eerie h)bb)b o& ,oices 2#s risi$g* ;eet 2ere
sc)&&le%, #$% thi$gs beg#$ to %rop &ro( people5s &i$gers - pe$cils, co(p)ters, (#p c#ses, cl#tteri$g steel &l#- hel(ets* A
$)(ber o& (e$ 2ho 2ere $ot (o#$i$g 2ere $o2 giggli$g ope$ly, #$% there 2#s $o telli$g ho2 &#r the )$org#$i4e%
i$s)rrectio$ o& (o#$i$g (ight h#,e go$e i& :e$er#l 0ree%le hi(sel& h#% $ot co(e &or2#r% to 6)ell it, steppi$g o)t
%eter(i$e%ly i$ the ce$ter o& the pl#t&or( %irectly i$ &ro$t o& '#3or 0#$by, 2ho, 2ith his e#r$est, perse,eri$g he#% %o2$,
2#s still co$ce$tr#ti$g o$ his 2rist 2#tch #$% s#yi$g, 5***t2e$ty-&i,e seco$%s*** t2e$ty*** &i&tee$***5 :e$er#l 0ree%le5s
gre#t, re% %o(i$eeri$g &#ce 2#s g$#rle% 2ith perple8ity #$% o#-e$ 2ith #2eso(e resol)tio$*
5Th#t 2ill be #ll, (e$,5 he or%ere% tersely, his eyes gl#ri$g 2ith %is#ppro,#l #$% his s6)#re 3#2 &ir(, #$% th#t5s #ll there
2#s* 5+ r)$ # &ighti$g o)t&it,5 he tol% the( ster$ly, 2he$ the roo( h#% gro2$ #bsol)tely 6)iet #$% the (e$ o$ the be$ches
2ere #ll co2eri$g sheepishly, 5#$% there5ll be $o (ore (o#$i$g i$ this gro)p #s lo$g #s +5( i$ co((#$%* +s th#t cle#r95
+t 2#s cle#r to e,erybo%y b)t '#3or 0#$by, 2ho 2#s still co$ce$tr#ti$g o$ his 2rist 2#tch #$% co)$ti$g %o2$ the
seco$%s #lo)%* 5***&o)r*** three*** t2o*** o$e*** ti(eC5 c#lle% o)t '#3or 0#$by, #$% r#ise% his eyes tri)(ph#$tly to %isco,er
th#t $o o$e h#% bee$ liste$i$g to hi( #$% th#t he 2o)l% h#,e to begi$ #ll o,er #g#i$* 5Ooooh,5 he (o#$e% i$ &r)str#tio$*
5>h#t 2#s th#t95 ro#re% :e$er#l 0ree%le i$cre%)lo)sly, #$% 2hirle% #ro)$% i$ # ()r%ero)s r#ge )po$ '#3or 0#$by,
2ho st#ggere% b#c- i$ terri&ie% co$&)sio$ #$% beg#$ to 6)#il #$% perspire* 5>ho is this (#$95
5'-(#3or 0#$by, sir,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt st#((ere%* 5'y gro)p oper#tio$s o&&icer*5
5T#-e hi( o)t #$% shoot hi(,5 or%ere% :e$er#l 0ree%le*
5S-sir95
5+ s#i% t#-e hi( o)t #$% shoot hi(* C#$5t yo) he#r95
5.es, sirC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt respo$%e% s(#rtly, s2#llo2i$g h#r%, #$% t)r$e% i$ # bris- (#$$er to his ch#)&&e)r #$% his
(eteorologist* 5T#-e '#3or 0#$by o)t #$% shoot hi(*5
5S-sir95 his ch#)&&e)r #$% his (eteorologist st#((ere%*
5+ s#i% t#-e '#3or 0#$by o)t #$% shoot hi(,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s$#ppe%* 5C#$5t yo) he#r95
The t2o yo)$g lie)te$#$ts $o%%e% l)(pishly #$% g#pe% #t e#ch other i$ st)$$e% #$% &l#cci% rel)ct#$ce, e#ch 2#iti$g
&or the other to i$iti#te the proce%)re o& t#-i$g '#3or 0#$by o)tsi%e #$% shooti$g hi(* /either h#% e,er t#-e$ '#3or
0#$by o)tsi%e #$% shot hi( be&ore* They i$che% their 2#y %)bio)sly to2#r% '#3or 0#$by &ro( opposite si%es* '#3or
75 | P a g e
0#$by 2#s 2hite 2ith &e#r* His legs coll#pse% s)%%e$ly #$% he beg#$ to &#ll, #$% the t2o yo)$g lie)te$#$ts spr#$g
&or2#r% #$% sei4e% hi( )$%er both #r(s to s#,e hi( &ro( sl)(pi$g to the &loor* /o2 th#t they h#% '#3or 0#$by, the
rest see(e% e#sy, b)t there 2ere $o g)$s* '#3or 0#$by beg#$ to cry* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$te% to r)sh to his si%e #$%
co(&ort hi(, b)t %i% $ot 2#$t to loo- li-e # sissy i$ &ro$t o& :e$er#l 0ree%le* He re(e(bere% th#t Appleby #$%
H#,er(eyer #l2#ys bro)ght their *D! #)to(#tics o$ the (issio$s, #$% he beg#$ to sc#$ the ro2s o& (e$ i$ se#rch o&
the(*
As soo$ #s '#3or 0#$by beg#$ to cry, Colo$el 'oo%)s, 2ho h#% bee$ ,#cill#ti$g 2retche%ly o$ the si%eli$es, co)l%
restr#i$ hi(sel& $o lo$ger #$% steppe% o)t %i&&i%e$tly to2#r% :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ith # sic-ly #ir o& sel&-s#cri&ice* 5+ thi$-
yo)5% better 2#it # (i$)te, 0#%,5 he s)ggeste% hesit#$tly* 5+ %o$5t thi$- yo) c#$ shoot hi(*5
:e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s i$&)ri#te% by his i$ter,e$tio$* 5>ho the hell s#ys + c#$5t95 he th)$%ere% p)g$#cio)sly i$ # ,oice
lo)% e$o)gh to r#ttle the 2hole b)il%i$g* Colo$el 'oo%)s, his &#ce &l)shi$g 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t, be$t close to 2hisper
i$to his e#r* 5>hy the hell c#$5t +95 :e$er#l 0ree%le bello2e%* Colo$el 'oo%)s 2hispere% so(e (ore* 5.o) (e#$ + c#$5t
shoot #$yo$e + 2#$t to95 :e$er#l 0ree%le %e(#$%e% 2ith )$co(pro(isi$g i$%ig$#tio$* He pric-e% )p his e#rs 2ith
i$terest #s Colo$el 'oo%)s co$ti$)e% 2hisperi$g* 5+s th#t # &#ct95 he i$6)ire%, his r#ge t#(e% by c)riosity*
5.es, 0#%* +5( #&r#i% it is*5
5+ g)ess yo) thi$- yo)5re pretty go%%#( s(#rt, %o$5t yo)95 :e$er#l 0ree%le l#she% o)t #t Colo$el 'oo%)s s)%%e$ly*
Colo$el 'oo%)s t)r$e% cri(so$ #g#i$* 5/o, 0#%, it is$5t -5
5All right, let the i$s)bor%i$#te so$ o& # bitch go,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le s$#rle%, t)r$i$g bitterly #2#y &ro( his so$-i$-l#2 #$%
b#r-i$g pee,ishly #t Colo$el C#thc#rt5s ch#)&&e)r #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt5s (eteorologist* 57)t get hi( o)t o& this b)il%i$g
#$% -eep hi( o)t* A$% let5s co$ti$)e this go%%#( brie&i$g be&ore the 2#r e$%s* +5,e $e,er see$ so ()ch i$co(pete$ce*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt $o%%e% l#(ely #t :e$er#l 0ree%le #$% sig$#le% his (e$ h)rrie%ly to p)sh '#3or 0#$by o)tsi%e the
b)il%i$g* As soo$ #s '#3or 0#$by h#% bee$ p)she% o)tsi%e, tho)gh, there 2#s $o o$e to co$ti$)e the brie&i$g*
E,eryo$e g#2-e% #t e,eryo$e else i$ o#&ish s)rprise* :e$er#l 0ree%le t)r$e% p)rple 2ith r#ge #s $othi$g h#ppe$e%*
Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% $o i%e# 2h#t to %o* He 2#s #bo)t to begi$ (o#$i$g #lo)% 2he$ Colo$el ?or$ c#(e to the resc)e
by steppi$g &or2#r% #$% t#-i$g co$trol* Colo$el C#thc#rt sighe% 2ith e$or(o)s, te#r&)l relie&, #l(ost o,er2hel(e% 2ith
gr#tit)%e*
5/o2, (e$, 2e5re goi$g to sy$chro$i4e o)r 2#tches,5 Colo$el ?or$ beg#$ pro(ptly i$ # sh#rp, co((#$%i$g (#$$er,
rolli$g his eyes &lirt#tio)sly i$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s %irectio$* 5>e5re goi$g to sy$chro$i4e o)r 2#tches o$e ti(e #$% o$e
ti(e o$ly, #$% i& it %oes$5t co(e o&& i$ th#t o$e ti(e, :e$er#l 0ree%le #$% + #re goi$g to 2#$t to -$o2 2hy* +s th#t cle#r95
He &l)ttere% his eyes to2#r% :e$er#l 0ree%le #g#i$ to (#-e s)re his pl)g h#% registere%* 5/o2 set yo)r 2#tches &or
$i$e-eightee$*5
Colo$el ?or$ sy$chro$i4e% their 2#tches 2itho)t # si$gle hitch #$% (o,e% #he#% 2ith co$&i%e$ce* He g#,e the (e$ the
colors o& the %#y #$% re,ie2e% the 2e#ther co$%itio$s 2ith #$ #gile, &l#shy ,ers#tility, c#sti$g si%elo$g, si(peri$g loo-s
#t :e$er#l 0ree%le e,ery &e2 seco$%s to %r#2 i$cre#se% e$co)r#ge(e$t &ro( the e8celle$t i(pressio$ he s#2 he 2#s
(#-i$g* Pree$i$g #$% pr)$i$g hi(sel& e&&)lge$%y #$% str)tti$g ,#i$glorio)sly #bo)t the pl#t&or( #s he pic-e% )p
(o(e$t)(, he g#,e the (e$ the colors o& the %#y #g#i$ #$% shi&te% $i(bly i$to # ro)si$g pep t#l- o$ the i(port#$ce o&
the bri%ge #t A,ig$o$ to the 2#r e&&ort #$% the oblig#tio$ o& e#ch (#$ o$ the (issio$ to pl#ce lo,e o& co)$try #bo,e lo,e
o& li&e* >he$ his i$spiri$g %issert#tio$ 2#s &i$ishe%, he g#,e the (e$ the colors o& the %#y still o$e (ore ti(e, stresse%
the #$gle o& #ppro#ch #$% re,ie2e% the 2e#ther co$%itio$s #g#i$* Colo$el ?or$ &elt hi(sel& #t the &)ll height o& his
po2ers* He belo$ge% i$ the spotlight*
Co(prehe$sio$ %#2$e% slo2ly o$ Colo$el C#thc#rtA 2he$ it c#(e, he 2#s str)c- %)(b* His &#ce gre2 lo$ger #$%
lo$ger #s he e$,io)sly 2#tche% Colo$el ?or$5s tre#chery co$ti$)e, #$% he 2#s #l(ost #&r#i% to liste$ 2he$ :e$er#l
0ree%le (o,e% )p besi%e hi( #$%, i$ # 2hisper bl)stery e$o)gh to be he#r% thro)gho)t the roo(, %e(#$%e%,
5>ho is th#t (#$95
Colo$el C#thc#rt #$s2ere% 2ith 2#$ &orebo%i$g, #$% :e$er#l 0ree%le the$ c)ppe% his h#$% o,er his (o)th #$%
2hispere% so(ethi$g th#t (#%e Colo$el C#thc#rt5s &#ce glo2 2ith i((e$se 3oy* Colo$el ?or$ s#2 #$% 6)i,ere% 2ith
)$co$t#i$#ble r#pt)re* H#% he 3)st bee$ pro(ote% i$ the &iel% by :e$er#l 0ree%le to &)ll colo$el9 He co)l% $ot e$%)re
the s)spe$se* >ith # (#ster&)l &lo)rish, he bro)ght the brie&i$g to # close #$% t)r$e% e8pect#$tly to recei,e #r%e$t
co$gr#t)l#tio$s &ro( :e$er#l 0ree%le - 2ho 2#s #lre#%y stri%i$g o)t o& the b)il%i$g 2itho)t # gl#$ce b#c-2#r%, tr#ili$g
his $)rse #$% Colo$el 'oo%)s behi$% hi(* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s st)$$e% by this %is#ppoi$ti$g sight, b)t o$ly &or #$ i$st#$t*
His eyes &o)$% Colo$el C#thc#rt, 2ho 2#s still st#$%i$g erect i$ # gri$$i$g tr#$ce, #$% he r)she% o,er 3)bil#$tly #$%
beg#$ p)lli$g o$ his #r(*
5>h#t5% he s#y #bo)t (e95 he %e(#$%e% e8cite%ly i$ # &er,or o& pro)% #$% bliss&)l #$ticip#tio$* 5>h#t %i% :e$er#l
0ree%le s#y95
5He 2#$te% to -$o2 2ho yo) 2ere*5
5+ -$o2 th#t* + -$o2 th#t* 7)t 2h#t5% he s#y #bo)t (e9 >h#t5% he s#y95
5.o) (#-e hi( sic-*5
22 '+LO THE 'A.OR
Th#t 2#s the (issio$ o$ 2hich .oss#ri#$ lost his $er,e* .oss#ri#$ lost his $er,e o$ the (issio$ to A,ig$o$ bec#)se
S$o2%e$ lost his g)ts, #$% S$o2%e$ lost his g)ts bec#)se their pilot th#t %#y 2#s H)ple, 2ho 2#s o$ly &i&tee$ ye#rs
ol%, #$% their co-pilot 2#s 0obbs, 2ho 2#s e,e$ 2orse #$% 2ho 2#$te% .oss#ri#$ to 3oi$ 2ith hi( i$ # plot to ()r%er
Colo$el C#thc#rt* H)ple 2#s # goo% pilot, .oss#ri#$ -$e2, b)t he 2#s o$ly # -i%, #$% 0obbs h#% $o co$&i%e$ce i$ hi(,
either, #$% 2reste% the co$trols #2#y 2itho)t 2#r$i$g #&ter they h#% %roppe% their bo(bs, goi$g berser- i$ (i%-#ir #$%
tippi$g the pl#$e o,er i$to th#t he#rt-stoppi$g, e#r-splitti$g, i$%escrib#bly petri&yi$g &#t#l %i,e th#t tore .oss#ri#$5s
e#rpho$es &ree &ro( their co$$ectio$ #$% h)$g hi( helplessly to the roo& o& the $ose by the top o& his he#%*
Oh, :o%C .oss#ri#$ h#% shrie-e% so)$%lessly #s he &elt the( #ll &#lli$g* Oh, :o%C Oh, :o%C Oh, :o%C Oh, :o%C he h#%
shrie-e% beseechi$gly thro)gh lips th#t co)l% $ot ope$ #s the pl#$e &ell #$% he %#$gle% 2itho)t 2eight by the top o& his
he#% )$til H)ple (#$#ge% to sei4e the co$trols b#c- #$% le,ele% the pl#$e o)t %o2$ i$si%e the cr#4y, cr#ggy, p#tch2or-
c#$yo$ o& cr#shi$g #$ti#ircr#&t &ire &ro( 2hich they h#% cli(be% #2#y #$% &ro( 2hich they 2o)l% $o2 h#,e to esc#pe
#g#i$* Al(ost #t o$ce there 2#s # th)% #$% # hole the si4e o& # big &ist i$ the ple8igl#ss* .oss#ri#$5s chee-s 2ere
sti$gi$g 2ith shi((eri$g spli$ters* There 2#s $o bloo%*
Catch 22
5>h#t h#ppe$e%9 >h#t h#ppe$e%95 he crie%, #$% tre(ble% ,iole$tly 2he$ he co)l% $ot he#r his o2$ ,oice i$ his e#rs*
He 2#s co2e% by the e(pty sile$ce o$ the i$terco( #$% #l(ost too horri&ie% to (o,e #s he cro)che% li-e # tr#ppe%
(o)se o$ his h#$%s #$% -$ees #$% 2#ite% 2itho)t %#ri$g to bre#the )$til he &i$#lly spie% the gle#(i$g cyli$%ric#l 3#c-
pl)g o& his he#%set s2i$gi$g b#c- #$% &orth i$ &ro$t o& his eyes #$% 3#((e% it b#c- i$to its recept#cle 2ith &i$gers th#t
r#ttle%* Oh, :o%C he -ept shrie-i$g 2ith $o #b#te(e$t o& terror #s the &l#- th)(pe% #$% ()shroo(e% #ll #bo)t hi(* Oh,
:o%C
0obbs 2#s 2eepi$g 2he$ .oss#ri#$ 3#((e% his 3#c- pl)g b#c- i$to the i$terco( syste( #$% 2#s #ble to he#r #g#i$*
5Help hi(, help hi(,5 0obbs 2#s sobbi$g* 5Help hi(, help hi(*5
5Help 2ho9 Help 2ho95 .oss#ri#$ c#lle% b#c-* 5Help 2ho95
5The bo(b#r%ier, the bo(b#r%ier,5 0obbs crie%* 5He %oes$5t #$s2er* Help the bo(b#r%ier, help the bo(b#r%ier*5
5+5( the bo(b#r%ier,5 .oss#ri#$ crie% b#c- #t hi(* 5+5( the bo(b#r%ier* +5( #ll right* +5( #ll right*5
5The$ help hi(, help hi(,5 0obbs 2ept* 5Help hi(, help hi(*5
5Help 2ho9 Help 2ho95
5The r#%io-g)$$er,5 0obbs begge%* 5Help the r#%io-g)$$er*5
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ 2hi(pere% &eebly o,er the i$terco( syste( the$ i$ # ble#t o& pl#i$ti,e #go$y* 5Ple#se help (e* +5(
col%*5
A$% .oss#ri#$ crept o)t thro)gh the cr#2l2#y #$% cli(be% )p o,er the bo(b b#y #$% %o2$ i$to the re#r sectio$ o& the
pl#$e 2here S$o2%e$ l#y o$ the &loor 2o)$%e% #$% &ree4i$g to %e#th i$ # yello2 spl#sh o& s)$light $e#r the $e2 t#il-
g)$$er lyi$g stretche% o)t o$ the &loor besi%e hi( i$ # %e#% &#i$t*
0obbs 2#s the 2orst pilot i$ the 2orl% #$% -$e2 it, # sh#ttere% 2rec- o& # ,irile yo)$g (#$ 2ho 2#s co$ti$)#lly stri,i$g
to co$,i$ce his s)periors th#t he 2#s $o lo$ger &it to pilot # pl#$e* /o$e o& his s)periors 2o)l% liste$, #$% it 2#s the %#y
the $)(ber o& (issio$s 2#s r#ise% to si8ty th#t 0obbs stole i$to .oss#ri#$5s te$t 2hile Orr 2#s o)t loo-i$g &or g#s-ets
#$% %isclose% the plot he h#% &or()l#te% to ()r%er Colo$el C#thc#rt* He $ee%e% .oss#ri#$5s #ssist#$ce*
5.o) 2#$t )s to -ill hi( i$ col% bloo%95 .oss#ri#$ ob3ecte%*
5Th#t5s right,5 0obbs #gree% 2ith #$ opti(istic s(ile, e$co)r#ge% by .oss#ri#$5s re#%y gr#sp o& the sit)#tio$* 5>e5ll shoot
hi( to %e#th 2ith the L)ger + bro)ght b#c- &ro( Sicily th#t $obo%y -$o2s +5,e got*5
5+ %o$5t thi$- + co)l% %o it,5 .oss#ri#$ co$cl)%e%, #&ter 2eighi$g the i%e# i$ sile$ce #2hile*
0obbs 2#s #sto$ishe%* 5>hy $ot95
5Loo-* /othi$g 2o)l% ple#se (e (ore th#$ to h#,e the so$ o& # bitch bre#- his $ec- or get -ille% i$ # cr#sh or to &i$% o)t
th#t so(eo$e else h#% shot hi( to %e#th* 7)t + %o$5t thi$- + co)l% -ill hi(*5
5He5% %o it to yo),5 0obbs #rg)e%* 5+$ &#ct, yo)5re the o$e 2ho tol% (e he is %oi$g it to )s by -eepi$g )s i$ co(b#t so
lo$g*5
57)t + %o$5t thi$- + co)l% %o it to hi(* He5s got # right to li,e, too, + g)ess*5
5/ot #s lo$g #s he5s tryi$g to rob yo) #$% (e o& o)r right to li,e* >h#t5s the (#tter 2ith yo)95 0obbs 2#s &l#bberg#ste%*
5+ )se% to liste$ to yo) #rg)i$g th#t s#(e thi$g 2ith Cle,i$ger* A$% loo- 2h#t h#ppe$e% to hi(* Right i$si%e th#t clo)%*5
5Stop sho)ti$g, 2ill yo)95 .oss#ri#$ sh)she% hi(*
5+5( $ot sho)ti$gC5 0obbs sho)te% lo)%er, his &#ce re% 2ith re,ol)tio$#ry &er,or* His eyes #$% $ostrils 2ere r)$$i$g, #$%
his p#lpit#ti$g cri(so$ lo2er lip 2#s spl#ttere% 2ith # &o#(y %e2* 5There ()st h#,e bee$ close to # h)$%re% (e$ i$ the
gro)p 2ho h#% &i$ishe% their &i&ty-&i,e (issio$s 2he$ he r#ise% the $)(ber to si8ty* There ()st h#,e bee$ #t le#st
#$other h)$%re% li-e yo) 2ith 3)st # co)ple (ore to &ly* He5s goi$g to -ill )s #ll i& 2e let hi( go o$ &ore,er* >e5,e got to
-ill hi( &irst*5
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e% e8pressio$lessly, 2itho)t co((itti$g hi(sel&* 50o yo) thi$- 2e co)l% get #2#y 2ith it95
5+5,e got it #ll 2or-e% o)t* + -5
5Stop sho)ti$g, &or Christ5s s#-eC5
5+5( $ot sho)ti$g* +5,e got it -5
5>ill yo) stop sho)ti$gC5
5+5,e got it #ll 2or-e% o)t,5 0obbs 2hispere%, grippi$g the si%e o& Orr5s cot 2ith 2hite--$)c-le% h#$%s to co$str#i$ the(
&ro( 2#,i$g* 5Th)rs%#y (or$i$g 2he$ he5s %)e b#c- &ro( th#t go%%#( &#r(ho)se o& his i$ the hills, +5ll s$e#- )p
thro)gh the 2oo%s to th#t h#irpi$ t)r$ i$ the ro#% #$% hi%e i$ the b)shes* He h#s to slo2 %o2$ there, #$% + c#$ 2#tch
the ro#% i$ both %irectio$s to (#-e s)re there5s $o o$e else #ro)$%* >he$ + see hi( co(i$g, +5ll sho,e # big log o)t i$to
the ro#% to (#-e hi( stop his 3eep* The$ +5ll step o)t o& the b)shes 2ith (y L)ger #$% shoot hi( i$ the he#% )$til he5s
%e#%* +5ll b)ry the g)$, co(e b#c- %o2$ thro)gh the 2oo%s to the s6)#%ro$ #$% go #bo)t (y b)si$ess 3)st li-e
e,erybo%y else* >h#t co)l% possibly go 2ro$g95
.oss#ri#$ h#% &ollo2e% e#ch step #tte$ti,ely* 5>here %o + co(e i$95 he #s-e% i$ p)44le(e$t*
5+ co)l%$5t %o it 2itho)t yo),5 0obbs e8pl#i$e%* 5+ $ee% yo) to tell (e to go #he#%*5
.oss#ri#$ &o)$% it h#r% to belie,e hi(* 5+s th#t #ll yo) 2#$t (e to %o9 J)st tell yo) to go #he#%95
5Th#t5s #ll + $ee% &ro( yo),5 0obbs #$s2ere%* 5J)st tell (e to go #he#% #$% +5ll blo2 his br#i$s o)t #ll by (ysel& the %#y
#&ter to(orro2*5 His ,oice 2#s #cceler#ti$g 2ith e(otio$ #$% risi$g #g#i$* 5+5% li-e to shoot Colo$el ?or$ i$ the he#%, too,
2hile 2e5re #t it, #ltho)gh +5% li-e to sp#re '#3or 0#$by, i& th#t5s #ll right 2ith yo)* The$ +5% ()r%er Appleby #$%
H#,er(eyer #lso, #$% #&ter 2e &i$ish ()r%eri$g Appleby #$% H#,er(eyer +5% li-e to ()r%er 'c>#tt*5
5'c>#tt95 crie% .oss#ri#$, #l(ost 3)(pi$g )p i$ horror* 5'c>#tt5s # &rie$% o& (i$e* >h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( 'c>#tt95
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 0obbs co$&esse% 2ith #$ #ir o& &lo)$%eri$g e(b#rr#ss(e$t* 5+ 3)st tho)ght th#t #s lo$g #s 2e 2ere
()r%eri$g Appleby #$% H#,er(eyer 2e (ight #s 2ell ()r%er 'c>#tt too* 0o$5t yo) 2#$t to ()r%er 'c>#tt95
.oss#ri#$ too- # &ir( st#$%* 5Loo-, + (ight -eep i$tereste% i$ this i& yo) stop sho)ti$g it #ll o,er the isl#$% #$% i& yo)
stic- to -illi$g Colo$el C#thc#rt* 7)t i& yo)5re goi$g to t)r$ this i$to # bloo% b#th, yo) c#$ &orget #bo)t (e*5
5All right, #ll right,5 0obbs so)ght to pl#c#te hi(* 5J)st Colo$el C#thc#rt* Sho)l% + %o it9 Tell (e to go #he#%*5
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#%* 5+ %o$5t thi$- + co)l% tell yo) to go #he#%*5
0obbs 2#s &r#$tic* 5+5( 2illi$g to co(pro(ise,5 he ple#%e% ,ehe(e$tly* 5.o) %o$5t h#,e to tell (e to go #he#%* J)st tell
(e it5s # goo% i%e#* O-#y9 +s it # goo% i%e#95
.oss#ri#$ still shoo- his he#%* 5+t 2o)l% h#,e bee$ # gre#t i%e# i& yo) h#% go$e #he#% #$% %o$e it 2itho)t e,e$
spe#-i$g to (e* /o2 it5s too l#te* + %o$5t thi$- + c#$ tell yo) #$ythi$g* :i,e (e so(e (ore ti(e* + (ight ch#$ge (y
77 | P a g e
(i$%*5
5The$ it 2ill be too l#te*5
.oss#ri#$ -ept sh#-i$g his he#%* 0obbs 2#s %is#ppoi$te%* He s#t &or # (o(e$t 2ith # h#$g%og loo-, the$ sp)rte% to
his &eet s)%%e$ly #$% st#(pe% #2#y to h#,e #$other i(pet)o)s cr#c- #t pers)#%i$g 0oc 0#$ee-# to gro)$% hi(,
-$oc-i$g o,er .oss#ri#$5s 2#shst#$% 2ith his hip 2he$ he l)rche% #ro)$% #$% trippi$g o,er the &)el li$e o& the sto,e Orr
2#s still co$str)cti$g* 0oc 0#$ee-# 2ithstoo% 0obbs5s bl)steri$g #$% gestic)l#ti$g #tt#c- 2ith # series o& i(p#tie$t
$o%s #$% se$t hi( to the (e%ic#l te$t to %escribe his sy(pto(s to :)s #$% >es, 2ho p#i$te% his g)(s p)rple 2ith
ge$ti#$-,iolet sol)tio$ the (o(e$t he st#rte% to t#l-* They p#i$te% his toes p)rple, too, #$% &orce% # l#8#ti,e %o2$ his
thro#t 2he$ he ope$e% his (o)th #g#i$ to co(pl#i$, #$% the$ they se$t hi( #2#y*
0obbs 2#s i$ e,e$ 2orse sh#pe th#$ H)$gry Joe, 2ho co)l% #t le#st &ly (issio$s 2he$ he 2#s $ot h#,i$g $ight(#res*
0obbs 2#s #l(ost #s b#% #s Orr, 2ho see(e% h#ppy #s #$ )$%ersi4e%, gri$$i$g l#r- 2ith his %er#$ge% #$% g#l,#$ic
giggle #$% shi,eri$g 2#rpe% b)c- teeth #$% 2ho 2#s se$t #lo$g &or # rest le#,e 2ith 'ilo #$% .oss#ri#$ o$ the trip to
C#iro &or eggs 2he$ 'ilo bo)ght cotto$ i$ste#% #$% too- o&& #t %#2$ &or +st#$b)l 2ith his pl#$e p#c-e% to the g)$ t)rrets
2ith e8otic spi%ers #$% )$ripe$e% re% b#$#$#s* Orr 2#s o$e o& the ho(eliest &re#-s .oss#ri#$ h#% e,er e$co)$tere%,
#$% o$e o& the (ost #ttr#cti,e* He h#% # r#2 b)lgy &#ce, 2ith h#4el eyes s6)ee4i$g &ro( their soc-ets li-e (#tchi$g
bro2$ h#l,es o& (#rbles #$% thic-, 2#,y p#rticolore% h#ir slopi$g )p to # pe#- o$ the top o& his he#% li-e # po(#%e%
p)p te$t* Orr 2#s -$oc-e% %o2$ i$to the 2#ter or h#% #$ e$gi$e shot o)t #l(ost e,ery ti(e he 2e$t )p, #$% he beg#$
3er-i$g o$ .oss#ri#$5s #r( li-e # 2il% (#$ #&ter they h#% t#-e$ o&& &or /#ples #$% co(e %o2$ i$ Sicily to &i$% the
sche(i$g, cig#r-s(o-i$g, te$-ye#r-ol% pi(p 2ith the t2o t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$ sisters 2#iti$g &or the( i$ to2$ i$ &ro$t o&
the hotel i$ 2hich there 2#s roo( &or o$ly 'ilo* .oss#ri#$ p)lle% b#c- &ro( Orr #%#(#$tly, g#4i$g 2ith so(e co$cer$
#$% be2il%er(e$t #t 't* Et$# i$ste#% o& 't* Bes),i)s #$% 2o$%eri$g 2h#t they 2ere %oi$g i$ Sicily i$ste#% o& /#ples
#s Orr -ept e$tre#ti$g hi( i$ # titteri$g, st)tteri$g, co$c)pisce$t t)r(oil to go #lo$g 2ith hi( behi$% the sche(i$g te$-
ye#r-ol% pi(p to his t2o t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$ sisters 2ho 2ere $ot re#lly ,irgi$s #$% $ot re#lly sisters #$% 2ho 2ere
re#lly o$ly t2e$ty-eight*
5:o 2ith hi(,5 'ilo i$str)cte% .oss#ri#$ l#co$ic#lly* 5Re(e(ber yo)r (issio$*5
5All right,5 .oss#ri#$ yiel%e% 2ith # sigh, re(e(beri$g his (issio$* 57)t #t le#st let (e try to &i$% # hotel roo( &irst so +
c#$ get # goo% $ight5s sleep #&ter2#r%*5
5.o)5ll get # goo% $ight5s sleep 2ith the girls,5 'ilo replie% 2ith the s#(e #ir o& i$trig)e* Re(e(ber yo)r (issio$*5
7)t they got $o sleep #t #ll, &or .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr &o)$% the(sel,es 3#((e% i$to the s#(e %o)ble be% 2ith the t2o
t2el,e-ye#r-ol% t2e$ty-eight-ye#r-ol% prostit)tes, 2ho t)r$e% o)t to be oily #$% obese #$% 2ho -ept 2#-i$g the( )p #ll
$ight lo$g to #s- the( to s2itch p#rt$ers* .oss#ri#$5s perceptio$s 2ere soo$ so &)44y th#t he p#i% $o $otice to the beige
t)rb#$ the &#t o$e cro2%i$g i$to hi( -ept 2e#ri$g )$til l#te the $e8t (or$i$g 2he$ the sche(i$g te$-ye#r-ol% pi(p 2ith
the C)b#$ p#$#tell# s$#tche% it o&& i$ p)blic i$ # besti#l c#price th#t e8pose% i$ the brilli#$t Sicili#$ %#ylight her
shoc-i$g, (issh#pe$ #$% %e$)%#te s-)ll* Be$ge&)l $eighbors h#% sh#,e% her h#ir to the gle#(i$g bo$e bec#)se she
h#% slept 2ith :er(#$s* The girl screeche% i$ &e(i$i$e o)tr#ge #$% 2#%%le% co(ic#lly #&ter the sche(i$g te$-ye#r-ol%
pi(p, her grisly, ble#-, ,iol#te% sc#lp slitheri$g )p #$% %o2$ l)%icro)sly #ro)$% the 6)eer %#r-e$e% 2#rt o& her &#ce li-e
so(ethi$g ble#che% #$% obsce$e* .oss#ri#$ h#% $e,er l#i% eyes o$ #$ythi$g so b#re be&ore* The pi(p sp)$ the t)rb#$
high o$ his &i$ger li-e # trophy #$% -ept hi(sel& s-ippi$g i$ches #he#% o& her &i$ger tips #s he le% her i$ # t#$t#li4i$g
circle #ro)$% the s6)#re co$geste% 2ith people 2ho 2ere ho2li$g 2ith l#)ghter #$% poi$ti$g to .oss#ri#$ 2ith %erisio$
2he$ 'ilo stro%e )p 2ith # gri( loo- o& h#ste #$% p)c-ere% his lips repro,i$gly #t the )$see(ly spect#cle o& so ()ch
,ice #$% &ri,olity* 'ilo i$siste% o$ le#,i$g #t o$ce &or '#lt#*
5>e5re sleepy,5 Orr 2hi$e%*
5Th#t5s yo)r o2$ &#)lt,5 'ilo ce$s)re% the( both sel&righteo)sly* 5+& yo) h#% spe$t the $ight i$ yo)r hotel roo( i$ste#% o&
2ith these i((or#l girls, yo)5% both &eel #s goo% #s + %o to%#y*5
5.o) tol% )s to go 2ith the(,5 .oss#ri#$ retorte% #cc)si$gly* 5A$% 2e %i%$5t h#,e # hotel roo(* .o) 2ere the o$ly o$e
2ho co)l% get # hotel roo(*5
5Th#t 2#s$5t (y &#)lt, either,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e% h#)ghtily* 5Ho2 2#s + s)ppose% to -$o2 #ll the b)yers 2o)l% be i$ to2$ &or
the chic--pe# h#r,est95
5.o) -$e2 it,5 .oss#ri#$ ch#rge%* 5Th#t e8pl#i$s 2hy 2e5re here i$ Sicily i$ste#% o& /#ples* .o)5,e prob#bly got the
2hole %#($e% pl#$e &ille% 2ith chic--pe#s #lre#%y*5
5ShhhhhhC5 'ilo c#)tio$e% ster$ly, 2ith # (e#$i$g&)l gl#$ce to2#r% Orr* 5Re(e(ber yo)r (issio$*5
The bo(b b#y, the re#r #$% t#il sectio$s o& the pl#$e #$% (ost o& the top t)rret g)$$er5s sectio$ 2ere #ll &ille% 2ith
b)shels o& chic--pe#s 2he$ they #rri,e% #t the #ir&iel% to t#-e o&& &or '#lt#*
.oss#ri#$5s (issio$ o$ the trip 2#s to %istr#ct Orr &ro( obser,i$g 2here 'ilo bo)ght his eggs, e,e$ tho)gh Orr 2#s #
(e(ber o& 'ilo5s sy$%ic#te #$%, li-e e,ery other (e(ber o& 'ilo5s sy$%ic#te, o2$e% # sh#re* His (issio$ 2#s silly,
.oss#ri#$ &elt, si$ce it 2#s co((o$ -$o2le%ge th#t 'ilo bo)ght his eggs i$ '#lt# &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece #$% sol% the(
to the (ess h#lls i$ his sy$%ic#te &or &i,e ce$ts #piece*
5+ 3)st %o$5t tr)st hi(,5 'ilo broo%e% i$ the pl#$e, 2ith # b#c-2#r% $o% to2#r% Orr, 2ho 2#s c)rle% )p li-e # t#$gle% rope
o$ the lo2 b)shels o& chic--pe#s, tryi$g tort)re%ly to sleep* 5A$% +5% 3)st #s soo$ b)y (y eggs 2he$ he5s $ot #ro)$% to
le#r$ (y b)si$ess secrets* >h#t else %o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%95
.oss#ri#$ 2#s ri%i$g besi%e hi( i$ the co-pilot5s se#t* 5+ %o$5t )$%erst#$% 2hy yo) b)y eggs &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece i$
'#lt# #$% sell the( &or &i,e ce$ts*5
5+ %o it to (#-e # pro&it*5
57)t ho2 c#$ yo) (#-e # pro&it9 .o) lose t2o ce$ts #$ egg*5
57)t + (#-e # pro&it o& three #$% # 6)#rter ce$ts #$ egg by selli$g the( &or &o)r #$% # 6)#rter ce$ts #$ egg to the people
i$ '#lt# + b)y the( &ro( &or se,e$ ce$ts #$ egg* O& co)rse, + %o$5t (#-e the pro&it* The sy$%ic#te (#-es the pro&it* A$%
e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*5
.oss#ri#$ &elt he 2#s begi$$i$g to )$%erst#$%* 5A$% the people yo) sell the eggs to #t &o)r #$% # 6)#rter ce$ts #piece
(#-e # pro&it o& t2o #$% three 6)#rter ce$ts #piece 2he$ they sell the( b#c- to yo) #t se,e$ ce$ts #piece* +s th#t right9
>hy %o$5t yo) sell the eggs %irectly to yo) #$% eli(i$#te the people yo) b)y the( &ro(95
57ec#)se +5( the people + b)y the( &ro(,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%* 5+ (#-e # pro&it o& three #$% # 6)#rter ce$ts #piece 2he$ + sell
Catch 22
the( to (e #$% # pro&it o& t2o #$% three 6)#rter ce$ts #piece 2he$ + b)y the( b#c- &ro( (e* Th#t5s # tot#l pro&it o& si8
ce$ts #$ egg* + lose o$ly t2o ce$ts #$ egg 2he$ + sell the( to the (ess h#lls #t &i,e ce$ts #piece, #$% th#t5s ho2 + c#$
(#-e # pro&it b)yi$g eggs &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece #$% selli$g the( &or &i,e ce$ts #piece* + p#y o$ly o$e ce$t #piece #t
the he$ 2he$ + b)y the( i$ Sicily*5
5+$ '#lt#,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte%* 5.o) b)y yo)r eggs i$ '#lt#, $ot Sicily*5
'ilo chortle% pro)%ly* 5+ %o$5t b)y eggs i$ '#lt#,5 he co$&esse%, 2ith #$ #ir o& slight #$% cl#$%esti$e #()se(e$t th#t 2#s
the o$ly %ep#rt)re &ro( i$%)strio)s sobriety .oss#ri#$ h#% e,er see$ hi( (#-e* 5+ b)y the( i$ Sicily &or o$e ce$t #piece
#$% tr#$s&er the( to '#lt# secretly #t &o)r #$% # h#l& ce$ts #piece i$ or%er to get the price o& eggs )p to se,e$ ce$ts
#piece 2he$ people co(e to '#lt# loo-i$g &or the(*5
5>hy %o people co(e to '#lt# &or eggs 2he$ they5re so e8pe$si,e there95
57ec#)se they5,e #l2#ys %o$e it th#t 2#y*5
5>hy %o$5t they loo- &or eggs i$ Sicily95
57ec#)se they5,e $e,er %o$e it th#t 2#y*5
5/o2 + re#lly %o$5t )$%erst#$%* >hy %o$5t yo) sell yo)r (ess h#lls the eggs &or se,e$ ce$ts #piece i$ste#% o&&or &i,e
ce$ts #piece95
57ec#)se (y (ess h#lls 2o)l% h#,e $o $ee% &or (e the$* A$yo$e c#$ b)y se,e$-ce$ts-#piece eggs &or se,e$ ce$ts
#piece*5
5>hy %o$5t they byp#ss yo) #$% b)y the eggs %irectly &ro( yo) i$ '#lt# #t &o)r #$% # 6)#rter ce$ts #piece95
57ec#)se + 2o)l%$5t sell it to the(*5
5>hy 2o)l%$5t yo) sell it to the(95
57ec#)se the$ there 2o)l%$5t be #s ()ch roo( &or pro&it* At le#st this 2#y + c#$ (#-e # bit &or (ysel& #s # (i%%le(#$*5
5The$ yo) %o (#-e # pro&it &or yo)rsel&,5 .oss#ri#$ %ecl#re%*
5O& co)rse + %o* 7)t it #ll goes to the sy$%ic#te* A$% e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 +t5s e8#ctly 2h#t
h#ppe$s 2ith those pl)( to(#toes + sell to Colo$el C#thc#rt*5
57)y,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte% hi(* 5.o) %o$5t sell pl)( to(#toes to Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$* .o) b)y pl)(
to(#toes &ro( the(*5
5/o, sell,5 'ilo correcte% .oss#ri#$* 5+ %istrib)te (y pl)( to(#toes i$ (#r-ets #ll o,er Pi#$os# )$%er #$ #ss)(e% $#(e
so th#t Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ c#$ b)y the( )p &ro( (e )$%er their #ss)(e% $#(es #t &o)r ce$ts #piece
#$% sell the( b#c- to (e the $e8t %#y &or the sy$%ic#te #t &i,e ce$ts #piece* They (#-e # pro&it o& o$e ce$t #piece* +
(#-e # pro&it o& three #$% # h#l& ce$ts #piece, #$% e,erybo%y co(es o)t #he#%*5
5E,erybo%y b)t the sy$%ic#te,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$ 2ith # s$ort* 5The sy$%ic#te is p#yi$g &i,e ce$ts #piece &or pl)( to(#toes
th#t cost yo) o$ly h#l& # ce$t #piece* Ho2 %oes the sy$%ic#te be$e&it95
5The sy$%ic#te be$e&its 2he$ + be$e&it,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%, 5bec#)se e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re* A$% the sy$%ic#te gets Colo$el
C#thc#rt5s #$% Colo$el ?or$5s s)pport so th#t they5ll let (e go o)t o$ trips li-e this o$e* .o)5ll see ho2 ()ch pro&it th#t
c#$ (e#$ i$ #bo)t &i&tee$ (i$)tes 2he$ 2e l#$% i$ P#ler(o*5
5'#lt#,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte% hi(* 5>e5re &lyi$g to '#lt# $o2, $ot P#ler(o*5
5/o, 2e5re &lyi$g to P#ler(o,5 'ilo #$s2ere%* 5There5s #$ e$%i,e e8porter i$ P#ler(o + h#,e to see &or # (i$)te #bo)t #
ship(e$t o& ()shroo(s to 7er$ th#t 2ere %#(#ge% by (ol%*5
5'ilo, ho2 %o yo) %o it95 .oss#ri#$ i$6)ire% 2ith l#)ghi$g #(#4e(e$t #$% #%(ir#tio$* 5.o) &ill o)t # &light pl#$ &or o$e
pl#ce #$% the$ yo) go to #$other* 0o$5t the people i$ the co$trol to2ers e,er r#ise hell95
5They #ll belo$g to the sy$%ic#te,5 'ilo s#i%* 5A$% they -$o2 th#t 2h#t5s goo% &or the sy$%ic#te is goo% &or the co)$try,
bec#)se th#t5s 2h#t (#-es S#((y r)$* The (e$ i$ the co$trol to2ers h#,e # sh#re, too, #$% th#t5s 2hy they #l2#ys
h#,e to %o 2h#te,er they c#$ to help the sy$%ic#te*5
50o + h#,e # sh#re95
5E,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*5
50oes Orr h#,e # sh#re95
5E,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*5
5A$% H)$gry Joe9 He h#s # sh#re, too95
5E,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*5
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%,5 ()se% .oss#ri#$, %eeply i(presse% 2ith the i%e# o& # sh#re &or the ,ery &irst ti(e*
'ilo t)r$e% to2#r% hi( 2ith # &#i$t gli((er o& (ischie&* 5+ h#,e # s)re-&ire pl#$ &or che#ti$g the &e%er#l go,er$(e$t o)t
o& si8 tho)s#$% %oll#rs* >e c#$ (#-e three tho)s#$% %oll#rs #piece 2itho)t #$y ris- to either o& )s* Are yo) i$tereste%95
5/o*5
'ilo loo-e% #t .oss#ri#$ 2ith pro&o)$% e(otio$* 5Th#t5s 2h#t + li-e #bo)t yo),5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5.o)5re ho$estC .o)5re the
o$ly o$e + -$o2 th#t + c#$ re#lly tr)st* Th#t5s 2hy + 2ish yo)5% try to be o& (ore help to (e* + re#lly 2#s %is#ppoi$te%
2he$ yo) r#$ o&& 2ith those t2o tr#(ps i$ C#t#$i# yester%#y*5
.oss#ri#$ st#re% #t 'ilo i$ 6)i44ic#l %isbelie&* 5'ilo, yo) tol% (e to go 2ith the(* 0o$5t yo) re(e(ber95
5Th#t 2#s$5t (y &#)lt,5 'ilo #$s2ere% 2ith %ig$ity* 5+ h#% to get ri% o& Orr so(e 2#y o$ce 2e re#che% to2$* +t 2ill be # lot
%i&&ere$t i$ P#ler(o* >he$ 2e l#$% i$ P#ler(o, + 2#$t yo) #$% Orr to le#,e 2ith the girls right &ro( the #irport*5
5>ith 2h#t girls95
5+ r#%ioe% #he#% #$% (#%e #rr#$ge(e$ts 2ith # &o)r-ye#r-ol% pi(p to s)pply yo) #$% Orr 2ith t2o eight-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$s
2ho #re h#l& Sp#$ish* He5ll be 2#iti$g #t the #irport i$ # li(o)si$e* :o right i$ #s soo$ #s yo) step o)t o& the pl#$e*5
5/othi$g %oi$g,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$, sh#-i$g his he#%* 5The o$ly pl#ce +5( goi$g is to sleep*5
'ilo t)r$e% li,i% 2ith i$%ig$#tio$, his sli( lo$g $ose &lic-eri$g sp#s(o%ic#lly bet2ee$ his bl#c- eyebro2s #$% his
)$b#l#$ce% or#$ge-bro2$ ()st#che li-e the p#le, thi$ &l#(e o& # si$gle c#$%le* 5.oss#ri#$, re(e(ber yo)r (issio$,5 he
re(i$%e% re,ere$tly*
5To hell 2ith (y (issio$,5 .oss#ri#$ respo$%e% i$%i&&ere$tly* 5A$% to hell 2ith the sy$%ic#te too, e,e$ tho)gh + %o h#,e #
sh#re* + %o$5t 2#$t #$y eight-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$s, e,e$ i& they #re h#l& Sp#$ish*5
5+ %o$5t bl#(e yo)* 7)t these eight-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$s #re re#lly o$ly thirty-t2o* A$% they5re $ot re#lly h#l& Sp#$ish b)t o$ly
o$e-thir% Esto$i#$*5
79 | P a g e
5+ %o$5t c#re &or #$y ,irgi$s*5
5A$% they5re $ot e,e$ ,irgi$s,5 'ilo co$ti$)e% pers)#si,ely* 5The o$e + pic-e% o)t &or yo) 2#s (#rrie% &or # short ti(e to
#$ el%erly schoolte#cher 2ho slept 2ith her o$ly o$ S)$%#ys, so she5s re#lly #l(ost #s goo% #s $e2*5
7)t Orr 2#s sleepy, too, #$% .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2ere both #t 'ilo5s si%e 2he$ they ro%e i$to the city o& P#ler(o &ro( the
#irport #$% %isco,ere% th#t there 2#s $o roo( &or the t2o o& the( #t the hotel there either, #$%, (ore i(port#$t, th#t
'ilo 2#s (#yor*
The 2eir%, i(pl#)sible receptio$ &or 'ilo beg#$ #t the #ir&iel%, 2here ci,ili#$ l#borers 2ho recog$i4e% hi( h#lte% i$ their
%)ties respect&)lly to g#4e #t hi( 2ith &)ll e8pressio$s o& co$trolle% e8)ber#$ce #$% #%)l#tio$* /e2s o& his #rri,#l
prece%e% hi( i$to the city, #$% the o)ts-irts 2ere #lre#%y cro2%e% 2ith cheeri$g citi4e$s #s they spe% by i$ their s(#ll
)$co,ere% tr)c-* .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2ere (ysti&ie% #$% ()te #$% presse% close #g#i$st 'ilo &or sec)rity*
+$si%e the city, the 2elco(e &or 'ilo gre2 lo)%er #s the tr)c- slo2e% #$% e#se% %eeper to2#r% the (i%%le o& to2$*
S(#ll boys #$% girls h#% bee$ rele#se% &ro( school #$% 2ere li$i$g the si%e2#l-s i$ $e2 clothes, 2#,i$g ti$y &l#gs*
.oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2ere #bsol)tely speechless $o2* The streets 2ere 3#((e% 2ith 3oyo)s thro$gs, #$% str)$g o,erhe#%
2ere h)ge b#$$ers be#ri$g 'ilo5s pict)re* 'ilo h#% pose% &or these pict)res i$ # %r#b pe#s#$t5s blo)se 2ith # high
coll#r, #$% his scr)p)lo)s, p#ter$#l co)$te$#$ce 2#s toler#$t, 2ise, critic#l #$% stro$g #s he st#re% o)t #t the pop)l#ce
o($iscie$tly 2ith his )$%iscipli$e% ()st#che #$% %is)$ite% eyes* Si$-i$g i$,#li%s ble2 -isses to hi( &ro( 2i$%o2s*
Apro$e% shop-eepers cheere% ecst#tic#lly &ro( the $#rro2 %oor2#ys o& their shops* T)b#s cr)(pe%* Here #$% there #
perso$ &ell #$% 2#s tr#(ple% to %e#th* Sobbi$g ol% 2o(e$ s2#r(e% thro)gh e#ch other &r#$tic#lly #ro)$% the slo2-
(o,i$g tr)c- to to)ch 'ilo5s sho)l%er or press his h#$%* 'ilo bore the t)()lt)o)s celebr#tio$s 2ith be$e,ole$t gr#ce*
He 2#,e% b#c- to e,eryo$e i$ eleg#$t reciproc#tio$ #$% sho2ere% ge$ero)s h#$%&)ls o& &oilco,ere% Hershey -isses to
the re3oici$g ()ltit)%es* Li$es o& l)sty yo)$g boys #$% girls s-ippe% #lo$g behi$% hi( 2ith their #r(s li$-e%, ch#$ti$g i$
ho#rse #$% gl#ssy-eye% #%or#tio$, 5'iloC 'i-loC 'i-loC5
/o2 th#t his secret 2#s o)t, 'ilo rel#8e% 2ith .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr #$% i$&l#te% op)le$tly 2ith # ,#st, shy pri%e* His
chee-s t)r$e% &lesh-colore%* 'ilo h#% bee$ electe% (#yor o& P#ler(o - #$% o& $e#rby C#ri$i, 'o$re#le, 7#gheri#,
Ter(i$i +(erese, Ce&#l), 'istrett# #$% /icosi# #s 2ell - bec#)se he h#% bro)ght Scotch to Sicily*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s #(#4e%* 5The people here li-e to %ri$- Scotch th#t ()ch95
5They %o$5t %ri$- #$y o& the Scotch,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%* 5Scotch is ,ery e8pe$si,e, #$% these people here #re ,ery poor*5
5The$ 2hy %o yo) i(port it to Sicily i& $obo%y %ri$-s #$y95
5To b)il% )p # price* + (o,e the Scotch here &ro( '#lt# to (#-e (ore roo( &or pro&it 2he$ + sell it b#c- to (e &or
so(ebo%y else* + cre#te% # 2hole $e2 i$%)stry here* To%#y Sicily is the thir% l#rgest e8porter o& Scotch i$ the 2orl%, #$%
th#t5s 2hy they electe% (e (#yor*5
5Ho2 #bo)t getti$g )s # hotel roo( i& yo)5re s)ch # hotshot95 Orr gr)(ble% i(perti$e$tly i$ # ,oice sl)rre% 2ith &#tig)e*
'ilo respo$%e% co$tritely* 5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t +5( goi$g to %o,5 he pro(ise%* 5+5( re#lly sorry #bo)t &orgetti$g to r#%io #he#%
&or hotel roo(s &or yo) t2o* Co(e #lo$g to (y o&&ice #$% +5ll spe#- to (y %ep)ty (#yor #bo)t it right $o2*5
'ilo5s o&&ice 2#s # b#rbershop, #$% his %ep)ty (#yor 2#s # p)%gy b#rber &ro( 2hose obse6)io)s lips cor%i#l greeti$gs
&o#(e% #s e&&)si,ely #s the l#ther he beg#$ 2hippi$g )p i$ 'ilo5s sh#,i$g c)p*
5>ell, Bittorio,5 s#i% 'ilo, settli$g b#c- l#4ily i$ o$e o& Bittorio5s b#rber ch#irs, 5ho2 2ere thi$gs i$ (y #bse$ce this ti(e95
5Bery s#%, Sig$or 'ilo, ,ery s#%* 7)t $o2 th#t yo) #re b#c-, the people #re #ll h#ppy #g#i$*5
5+ 2#s 2o$%eri$g #bo)t the si4e o& the cro2%s* Ho2 co(e #ll the hotels #re &)ll95
57ec#)se so (#$y people &ro( other cities #re here to see yo), Sig$or 'ilo* A$% bec#)se 2e h#,e #ll the b)yers 2ho
h#,e co(e i$to to2$ &or the #rticho-e #)ctio$*5
'ilo5s h#$% so#re% )p perpe$%ic)l#rly li-e #$ e#gle #$% #rreste% Bittorio5s sh#,i$g br)sh* 5>h#t5s #rticho-e95 he
i$6)ire%*
5Articho-e, Sig$or 'ilo9 A$ #rticho-e is # ,ery t#sty ,eget#ble th#t is pop)l#r e,ery2here* .o) ()st try so(e #rticho-es
2hile yo) #re here, Sig$or 'ilo* >e gro2 the best i$ the 2orl%*5
5Re#lly95 s#i% 'ilo* 5Ho2 ()ch #re #rticho-es selli$g &or this ye#r95
5+t loo-s li-e # ,ery goo% ye#r &or #rticho-es* The crops 2ere ,ery b#%*5
5+s th#t # &#ct95 ()se% 'ilo, #$% 2#s go$e, sli%i$g &ro( his ch#ir so s2i&tly th#t his stripe% b#rber5s #pro$ ret#i$e% his
sh#pe &or # seco$% or t2o #&ter he h#% go$e be&ore it coll#pse%* 'ilo h#% ,#$ishe% &ro( sight by the ti(e .oss#ri#$ #$%
Orr r)she% #&ter hi( to the %oor2#y*
5/e8t95 b#r-e% 'ilo5s %ep)ty (#yor o&&icio)sly* 5>ho5s $e8t95
.oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2#l-e% &ro( the b#rbershop i$ %e3ectio$* 0eserte% by 'ilo, they tr)%ge% ho(elessly thro)gh the
re,eli$g (#sses i$ &)tile se#rch o& # pl#ce to sleep* .oss#ri#$ 2#s e8h#)ste%* His he#% throbbe% 2ith # %)ll, %ebilit#ti$g
p#i$, #$% he 2#s irrit#ble 2ith Orr, 2ho h#% &o)$% t2o cr#b #pples so(e2here #$% 2#l-e% 2ith the( i$ his chee-s )$til
.oss#ri#$ spie% the( there #$% (#%e hi( t#-e the( o)t* The$ Orr &o)$% t2o horse chest$)ts so(e2here #$% slippe%
those i$ )$til .oss#ri#$ %etecte% the( #$% s$#ppe% #t hi( #g#i$ to t#-e the cr#b #pples o)t o& his (o)th* Orr gri$$e%
#$% replie% th#t they 2ere $ot cr#b #pples b)t horse chest$)ts #$% th#t they 2ere $ot i$ his (o)th b)t i$ his h#$%s, b)t
.oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot #ble to )$%erst#$% # si$gle 2or% he s#i% bec#)se o& the horse chest$)ts i$ his (o)th #$% (#%e hi(
t#-e the( o)t #$y2#y* A sly light t2i$-le% i$ Orr5s eyes* He r)bbe% his &orehe#% h#rshly 2ith his -$)c-les, li-e # (#$ i$
#$ #lcoholic st)por, #$% s$ic-ere% le2%ly*
50o yo) re(e(ber th#t girl -5 He bro-e o&& to s$ic-er le2%ly #g#i$* 50o yo) re(e(ber th#t girl 2ho 2#s hitti$g (e o,er
the he#% 2ith th#t shoe i$ th#t #p#rt(e$t i$ Ro(e, 2he$ 2e 2ere both $#-e%95 he #s-e% 2ith # loo- o& c)$$i$g
e8pect#tio$* He 2#ite% )$til .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% c#)tio)sly* 5+& yo) let (e p)t the chest$)ts b#c- i$ (y (o)th +5ll tell yo)
2hy she 2#s hitti$g (e* +s th#t # %e#l95
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e%, #$% Orr tol% hi( the 2hole &#$t#stic story o& 2hy the $#-e% girl i$ /#tely5s 2hore5s #p#rt(e$t 2#s
hitti$g hi( o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe, b)t .oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot #ble to )$%erst#$% # si$gle 2or% bec#)se the horse
chest$)ts 2ere b#c- i$ his (o)th* .oss#ri#$ ro#re% 2ith e8#sper#te% l#)ghter #t the tric-, b)t i$ the e$% there 2#s
$othi$g &or the( to %o 2he$ $ight &ell b)t e#t # %#(p %i$$er i$ # %irty rest#)r#$t #$% hitch # ri%e b#c- to the #ir&iel%,
2here they slept o$ the chill (et#l &loor o& the pl#$e #$% t)r$e% #$% tosse% i$ gro#$i$g tor(e$t )$til the tr)c- %ri,ers
bl#ste% )p less th#$ t2o ho)rs l#ter 2ith their cr#tes o& #rticho-es #$% ch#se% the( o)t o$to the gro)$% 2hile they &ille%
)p the pl#$e* A he#,y r#i$ beg#$ &#lli$g* .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2ere %rippi$g 2et by the ti(e the tr)c-s %ro,e #2#y #$%
Catch 22
h#% $o choice b)t to s6)ee4e the(sel,es b#c- i$to the pl#$e #$% roll the(sel,es )p li-e shi,eri$g #$cho,ies bet2ee$
the 3olti$g cor$ers o& the cr#tes o& #rticho-es th#t 'ilo &le2 )p to /#ples #t %#2$ #$% e8ch#$ge% &or the ci$$#(o$
stic-s, clo,es, ,#$ill# be#$s #$% pepper po%s th#t he r)she% right b#c- %o2$ so)th 2ith th#t s#(e %#y to '#lt#, 2here,
it t)r$e% o)t, he 2#s Assist#$t :o,er$or-:e$er#l* There 2#s $o roo( &or .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr i$ '#lt# either* 'ilo 2#s
'#3or Sir 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er i$ '#lt# #$% h#% # gig#$tic o&&ice i$ the go,er$or-ge$er#l5s b)il%i$g* His (#hog#$y %es-
2#s i((e$se* +$ # p#$el o& the o#- 2#ll, bet2ee$ crosse% 7ritish &l#gs, h)$g # %r#(#tic #rresti$g photogr#ph o& '#3or
Sir 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er i$ the %ress )$i&or( o& the Roy#l >elsh ;)siliers* His ()st#che i$ the photogr#ph 2#s clippe%
#$% $#rro2, his chi$ 2#s chisele%, #$% his eyes 2ere sh#rp #s thor$s* 'ilo h#% bee$ -$ighte%, co((issio$e% # (#3or
i$ the Roy#l >elsh ;)siliers #$% $#(e% Assist#$t :o,er$or-:e$er#l o& '#lt# bec#)se he h#% bro)ght the egg tr#%e
there* He g#,e .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr ge$ero)s per(issio$ to spe$% the $ight o$ the thic- c#rpet i$ his o&&ice, b)t shortly
#&ter he le&t # se$try i$ b#ttle %ress #ppe#re% #$% %ro,e the( &ro( the b)il%i$g #t the tip o& his b#yo$et, #$% they ro%e
o)t e8h#)ste%ly to the #irport 2ith # s)rly c#b %ri,er, 2ho o,erch#rge% the(, #$% 2e$t to sleep i$si%e the pl#$e #g#i$,
2hich 2#s &ille% $o2 2ith le#-i$g g)$$y s#c-s o& coco# #$% &reshly gro)$% co&&ee #$% ree-i$g 2ith #$ o%or so rich th#t
they 2ere both o)tsi%e retchi$g ,iole$tly #g#i$st the l#$%i$g ge#r 2he$ 'ilo 2#s ch#)&&e)re% )p the &irst thi$g the $e8t
(or$i$g, loo-i$g &it #s # &i%%le, #$% too- right o&& &or Or#$, 2here there 2#s #g#i$ $o roo( #t the hotel &or .oss#ri#$ #$%
Orr, #$% 2here 'ilo 2#s Bice-Sh#h* 'ilo h#% #t his %ispos#l s)(pt)o)s 6)#rters i$si%e # s#l(o$-pi$- p#l#ce, b)t
.oss#ri#$ #$% Orr 2ere $ot #llo2e% to #cco(p#$y hi( i$si%e bec#)se they 2ere Christi#$ i$&i%els* They 2ere stoppe%
#t the g#tes by g#rg#$t)#$ 7erber g)#r%s 2ith sci(it#rs #$% ch#se% #2#y* Orr 2#s s$)&&li$g #$% s$ee4i$g 2ith #
crippli$g he#% col%* .oss#ri#$5s bro#% b#c- 2#s be$t #$% #chi$g* He 2#s re#%y to bre#- 'ilo5s $ec-, b)t 'ilo 2#s Bice-
Sh#h o& Or#$ #$% his perso$ 2#s s#cre%* 'ilo 2#s $ot o$ly the Bice-Sh#h o& Or#$, #s it t)r$e% o)t, b)t #lso the C#liph
o& 7#gh%#%, the +(#( o& 0#(#sc)s, #$% the Shei- o& Ar#by* 'ilo 2#s the cor$ go%, the r#i$ go% #$% the rice go% i$
b#c-2#r% regio$s 2here s)ch cr)%e go%s 2ere still 2orshipe% by ig$or#$t #$% s)perstitio)s people, #$% %eep i$si%e the
3)$gles o& A&ric#, he i$ti(#te% 2ith beco(i$g (o%esty, l#rge gr#,e$ i(#ges o& his ()st#che% &#ce co)l% be &o)$%
o,erloo-i$g pri(iti,e sto$e #lt#rs re% 2ith h)(#$ bloo%* E,ery2here they to)che% he 2#s #ccl#i(e% 2ith ho$or, #$% it
2#s o$e tri)(ph#l o,#tio$ #&ter #$other &or hi( i$ city #&ter city )$til they &i$#lly %o)ble% b#c- thro)gh the 'i%%le E#st
#$% re#che% C#iro, 2here 'ilo cor$ere% the (#r-et o$ cotto$ th#t $o o$e else i$ the 2orl% 2#$te% #$% bro)ght hi(sel&
pro(ptly to the bri$- o& r)i$* +$ C#iro there 2#s #t l#st roo( #t the hotel &or .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr* There 2ere so&t be%s &or
the( 2ith &#t &l)&&e%-)p pillo2s #$% cle#$, crisp sheets* There 2ere closets 2ith h#$gers &or their clothes* There 2#s
2#ter to 2#sh 2ith* .oss#ri#$ #$% Orr so#-e% their r#$ci%, )$&rie$%ly bo%ies pi$- i$ # ste#(i$g-hot t)b #$% the$ 2e$t
&ro( the hotel 2ith 'ilo to e#t shri(p coc-t#ils #$% &ilet (ig$o$ i$ # ,ery &i$e rest#)r#$t 2ith # stoc- tic-er i$ the lobby
th#t h#ppe$e% to be clic-i$g o)t the l#test 6)ot#tio$ &or Egypti#$ cotto$ 2he$ 'ilo i$6)ire% o& the c#pt#i$ o& 2#iters
2h#t -i$% o& (#chi$e it 2#s* 'ilo h#% $e,er i(#gi$e% # (#chi$e so be#)ti&)l #s # stoc- tic-er be&ore*
5Re#lly95 he e8cl#i(e% 2he$ the c#pt#i$ o& 2#iters h#% &i$ishe% his e8pl#$#tio$* 5A$% ho2 ()ch is Egypti#$ cotto$
selli$g &or95 The c#pt#i$ o& 2#iters tol% hi(, #$% 'ilo bo)ght the 2hole crop*
7)t .oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot $e#rly so &righte$e% by the Egypti#$ cotto$ 'ilo bo)ght #s he 2#s by the b)$ches o& gree$ re%
b#$#$#s 'ilo h#% spotte% i$ the $#ti,e (#r-et pl#ce #s they %ro,e i$to the city, #$% his &e#rs pro,e% 3)sti&ie%, &or 'ilo
shoo- hi( #2#-e o)t o& # %eep sleep 3)st #&ter t2el,e #$% sho,e% # p#rtly peele% b#$#$# to2#r% hi(* .oss#ri#$
cho-e% b#c- # sob*
5T#ste it,5 'ilo )rge%, &ollo2i$g .oss#ri#$5s 2rithi$g &#ce #ro)$% 2ith the b#$#$# i$siste$tly*
5'ilo, yo) b#st#r%,5 (o#$e% .oss#ri#$, 5+5,e got to get so(e sleep*5
5E#t it #$% tell (e i& it5s goo%,5 'ilo perse,ere%* 50o$5t tell Orr + g#,e it to yo)* + ch#rge% hi( t2o pi#sters &or his*5
.oss#ri#$ #te the b#$#$# s)b(issi,ely #$% close% his eyes #&ter telli$g 'ilo it 2#s goo%, b)t 'ilo shoo- hi( #2#-e
#g#i$ #$% i$str)cte% hi( to get %resse% #s 6)ic-ly #s he co)l%, bec#)se they 2ere le#,i$g #t o$ce &or Pi#$os#*
5.o) #$% Orr h#,e to lo#% the b#$#$#s i$to the pl#$e right #2#y,5 he e8pl#i$e%* 5The (#$ s#i% to 2#tch o)t &or spi%ers
2hile yo)5re h#$%li$g the b)$ches*5
5'ilo, c#$5t 2e 2#it )$til (or$i$g95 .oss#ri#$ ple#%e%* 5+5,e got to get so(e sleep*5
5They5re ripe$i$g ,ery 6)ic-ly,5 #$s2ere% 'ilo, 5#$% 2e %o$5t h#,e # (i$)te to lose* J)st thi$- ho2 h#ppy the (e$ b#c-
#t the s6)#%ro$ 2ill be 2he$ they get these b#$#$#s*5
7)t the (e$ b#c- #t the s6)#%ro$ $e,er e,e$ s#2 #$y o& the b#$#$#s, &or it 2#s # seller5s (#r-et &or b#$#$#s i$
+st#$b)l #$% # b)yer5s (#r-et i$ 7eir)t &or the c#r#2#y see%s 'ilo r)she% 2ith to 7e$g#si #&ter selli$g the b#$#$#s, #$%
2he$ they r#ce% b#c- i$to Pi#$os# bre#thlessly si8 %#ys l#ter #t the co$cl)sio$ o& Orr5s rest le#,e, it 2#s 2ith # lo#% o&
best 2hite eggs &ro( Sicily th#t 'ilo s#i% 2ere &ro( Egypt #$% sol% to his (ess h#lls &or o$ly &o)r ce$ts #piece so th#t
#ll the co((#$%i$g o&&icers i$ his sy$%ic#te 2o)l% i(plore hi( to spee% right b#c- to C#iro &or (ore b)$ches o& gree$
re% b#$#$#s to sell i$ T)r-ey &or the c#r#2#y see%s i$ %e(#$% i$ 7e$g#si* A$% e,erybo%y h#% # sh#re*
2G /ATEL.5S OL0 'A/
The o$ly o$e b#c- i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2ho %i% see #$y o& 'ilo5s re% b#$#$#s 2#s A#r&y, 2ho pic-e% )p t2o &ro( #$
i$&l)e$ti#l &r#ter$ity brother o& his i$ the K)#rter(#ster Corps 2he$ the b#$#$#s ripe$e% #$% beg#$ stre#(i$g i$to +t#ly
thro)gh $or(#l bl#c--(#r-et ch#$$els #$% 2ho 2#s i$ the o&&icer5s #p#rt(e$t 2ith .oss#ri#$ the e,e$i$g /#tely &i$#lly
&o)$% his 2hore #g#i$ #&ter so (#$y &r)itless 2ee-s o& (o)r$&)l se#rchi$g #$% l)re% her b#c- to the #p#rt(e$t 2ith t2o
girl &rie$%s by pro(isi$g the( thirty %oll#rs e#ch*
5Thirty %oll#rs e#ch95 re(#r-e% A#r&y slo2ly, po-i$g #$% p#tti$g e#ch o& the three str#ppi$g girls s-eptic#lly 2ith the #ir
o& # gr)%gi$g co$$oisse)r* 5Thirty %oll#rs is # lot o& (o$ey &or pieces li-e these* 7esi%es, + $e,er p#i% &or it i$ (y li&e*5
5+5( $ot #s-i$g yo) to p#y &or it,5 /#tely #ss)re% hi( 6)ic-ly* 5+5ll p#y &or the( #ll* + 3)st 2#$t yo) g)ys to t#-e the other
t2o* >o$5t yo) help (e o)t95
A#r&y s(ir-e% co(pl#ce$tly #$% shoo- his so&t ro)$% he#%* 5/obo%y h#s to p#y &or it &or goo% ol% A#r&y* + c#$ get #ll +
2#$t #$y ti(e + 2#$t it* +5( 3)st $ot i$ the (oo% right $o2*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) 3)st p#y #ll three #$% se$% the other t2o #2#y95 .oss#ri#$ s)ggeste%*
57ec#)se the$ (i$e 2ill be #$gry 2ith (e &or (#-i$g her 2or- &or her (o$ey,5 /#tely replie% 2ith #$ #$8io)s loo- #t his
girl, 2ho 2#s glo2eri$g #t hi( restlessly #$% st#rti$g to ()tter* 5She s#ys th#t i& + re#lly li-e her +5% se$% her #2#y #$%
go to be% 2ith o$e o& the others*5
81 | P a g e
'! have a better idea,' boasted Aary. '%hy don't we keep the three o them here until ater the
curew and then threaten to push them out into the street to be arrested unless they give us all
their money' %e can even threaten to push them
out the window.'
5A#r&yC5 /#tely 2#s #gh#st*
5+ 2#s o$ly tryi$g to help,5 s#i% A#r&y sheepishly* A#r&y 2#s #l2#ys tryi$g to help /#tely bec#)se /#tely5s &#ther 2#s rich
#$% pro(i$e$t #$% i$ #$ e8celle$t positio$ to help A#r&y #&ter the 2#r* 5:ee 2hi4,5 he %e&e$%e% hi(sel& 6)er)lo)sly*
57#c- i$ school 2e 2ere #l2#ys %oi$g thi$gs li-e th#t* + re(e(ber o$e %#y 2e tric-e% these t2o %)(b high-school girls
&ro( to2$ i$to the &r#ter$ity ho)se #$% (#%e the( p)t o)t &or #ll the &ello2s there 2ho 2#$te% the( by thre#te$i$g to
c#ll )p their p#re$ts #$% s#y they 2ere p)tti$g o)t &or )s* >e -ept the( tr#ppe% i$ be% there &or (ore th#$ te$ ho)rs*
>e e,e$ s(#c-e% their &#ces # little 2he$ they st#rte% to co(pl#i$* The$ 2e too- #2#y their $ic-els #$% %i(es #$%
che2i$g g)( #$% thre2 the( o)t* 7oy, 2e )se% to h#,e &)$ i$ th#t &r#ter$ity ho)se,5 he rec#lle% pe#ce&)lly, his
corp)le$t chee-s #glo2 2ith the 3o,i#l, r)bic)$% 2#r(th o& $ost#lgic recollectio$* 5>e )se% to ostr#ci4e e,eryo$e, e,e$
e#ch other*5
7)t A#r&y 2#s $o help to /#tely $o2 #s the girl /#tely h#% &#lle$ so %eeply i$ lo,e 2ith beg#$ s2e#ri$g #t hi( s)lle$ly
2ith risi$g, (e$#ci$g rese$t(e$t* L)c-ily, H)$gry Joe b)rst i$ 3)st the$, #$% e,erythi$g 2#s #ll right #g#i$, e8cept th#t
0)$b#r st#ggere% i$ %r)$- # (i$)te l#ter #$% beg#$ e(br#ci$g o$e o& the other giggli$g girls #t o$ce* /o2 there 2ere
&o)r (e$ #$% three girls, #$% the se,e$ o& the( le&t A#r&y i$ the #p#rt(e$t #$% cli(be% i$to # horse-%r#2$ c#b, 2hich
re(#i$e% #t the c)rb #t # %e#% h#lt 2hile the girls %e(#$%e% their (o$ey i$ #%,#$ce* /#tely g#,e the( $i$ety %oll#rs
2ith # g#ll#$t &lo)rish, #&ter borro2i$g t2e$ty %oll#rs &ro( .oss#ri#$, thirty-&i,e %oll#rs &ro( 0)$b#r #$% se,e$tee$
%oll#rs &ro( H)$gry Joe* The girls gre2 &rie$%lier the$ #$% c#lle% #$ #%%ress to the %ri,er, 2ho %ro,e the( #t # cloppi$g
p#ce h#l&2#y #cross the city i$to # sectio$ they h#% $e,er ,isite% be&ore #$% stoppe% i$ &ro$t o& #$ ol%, t#ll b)il%i$g o$ #
%#r- street* The girls le% the( )p &o)r steep, ,ery lo$g &lights o& cre#-i$g 2oo%e$ st#irs #$% g)i%e% the( thro)gh #
%oor2#y i$to their o2$ 2o$%er&)l #$% resple$%e$t te$e(e$t #p#rt(e$t, 2hich b)rgeo$e% (ir#c)lo)sly 2ith #$ i$&i$ite
#$% proli&er#ti$g &lo2 o& s)pple yo)$g $#-e% girls #$% co$t#i$e% the e,il #$% %eb#)che% )gly ol% (#$ 2ho irrit#te%
/#tely co$st#$tly 2ith his c#)stic l#)ghter #$% the cl)c-i$g, proper ol% 2o(#$ i$ the #sh-gr#y 2oole$ s2e#ter 2ho
%is#ppro,e% o& e,erythi$g i((or#l th#t occ)rre% there #$% trie% her best to ti%y )p*
The #(#4i$g pl#ce 2#s # &ertile, seethi$g cor$)copi# o& &e(#le $ipples #$% $#,els* At &irst, there 2ere 3)st their o2$
three girls, i$ the %i(ly-lit, %r#b bro2$ sitti$g roo( th#t stoo% #t the 3)$ct)re o& three ()r-y h#ll2#ys le#%i$g i$ sep#r#te
%irectio$s to the %ist#$t recesses o& the str#$ge #$% (#r,elo)s bor%ello* The girls %isrobe% #t o$ce, p#)si$g i$ %i&&ere$t
st#ges to poi$t pro)%ly to their g#rish )$%erthi$gs #$% b#$teri$g #ll the 2hile 2ith the g#)$t #$% %issip#te% ol% (#$ 2ith
the sh#bby lo$g 2hite h#ir #$% slo,e$ly 2hite )$b)tto$e% shirt 2ho s#t c#c-li$g l#sci,io)sly i$ # ()sty bl)e #r(ch#ir
#l(ost i$ the e8#ct ce$ter o& the roo( #$% b#%e /#tely #$% his co(p#$io$s 2elco(e 2ith # (irth&)l #$% s#r%o$ic
&or(#lity* The$ the ol% 2o(#$ tr)%ge% o)t to get # girl &or H)$gry Joe, %ippi$g her c#ptio)s he#% s#%ly, #$% ret)r$e%
2ith t2o big-boso(e% be#)ties, o$e #lre#%y )$%resse% #$% the other i$ o$ly # tr#$sp#re$t pi$- h#l& slip th#t she
2iggle% o)t o& 2hile sitti$g %o2$* Three (ore $#-e% girls s#)$tere% i$ &ro( # %i&&ere$t %irectio$ #$% re(#i$e% to ch#t,
the$ t2o others* ;o)r (ore girls p#sse% thro)gh the roo( i$ #$ i$%ole$t gro)p, e$grosse% i$ co$,ers#tio$A three 2ere
b#re&oot #$% o$e 2obble% perilo)sly o$ # p#ir o& )$b)c-le% sil,er %#$ci$g shoes th#t %i% $ot see( to be her o2$* O$e
(ore girl #ppe#re% 2e#ri$g o$ly p#$ties #$% s#t %o2$, bri$gi$g the tot#l co$greg#ti$g there i$ 3)st # &e2 (i$)tes to
ele,e$, #ll b)t o$e o& the( co(pletely )$clothe%*
There 2#s b#re &lesh lo)$gi$g e,ery2here, (ost o& it pl)(p, #$% H)$gry Joe beg#$ to %ie* He stoo% stoc- still i$ rigi%,
c#t#leptic #sto$ish(e$t 2hile the girls #(ble% i$ #$% (#%e the(sel,es co(&ort#ble* The$ he let o)t # pierci$g shrie-
s)%%e$ly #$% bolte% to2#r% the %oor i$ # he#%lo$g %#sh b#c- to2#r% the e$liste% (e$5s #p#rt(e$t &or his c#(er#, o$ly
to be h#lte% i$ his tr#c-s 2ith #$other &r#$tic shrie- by the %re#%&)l, &ree4i$g pre(o$itio$ th#t this 2hole lo,ely, l)ri%, rich
#$% color&)l p#g#$ p#r#%ise 2o)l% be s$#tche% #2#y &ro( hi( irre%ee(#bly i& he 2ere to let it o)t o& his sight &or e,e$
#$ i$st#$t* He stoppe% i$ the %oor2#y #$% sp)ttere%, the 2iry ,ei$s #$% te$%o$s i$ his &#ce #$% $ec- p)ls#ti$g ,iole$tly*
The ol% (#$ 2#tche% hi( 2ith ,ictorio)s (erri(e$t, sitti$g i$ his ()sty bl)e #r(ch#ir li-e so(e s#t#$ic #$% he%o$istic
%eity o$ # thro$e, # stole$ =*S* Ar(y bl#$-et 2r#ppe% #ro)$% his spi$%ly legs to 2#r% o&& # chill* He l#)ghe% 6)ietly, his
s)$-e$, shre2% eyes sp#r-li$g percepti,ely 2ith # cy$ic#l #$% 2#$to$ e$3oy(e$t* He h#% bee$ %ri$-i$g* /#tely re#cte%
o$ sight 2ith bristli$g e$(ity to this 2ic-e%, %epr#,e% #$% )$p#triotic ol% (#$ 2ho 2#s ol% e$o)gh to re(i$% hi( o& his
&#ther #$% 2ho (#%e %isp#r#gi$g 3o-es #bo)t A(eric#*
5A(eric#,5 he s#i%, 52ill lose the 2#r* A$% +t#ly 2ill 2i$ it*5
5A(eric# is the stro$gest #$% (ost prospero)s $#tio$ o$ e#rth,5 /#tely i$&or(e% hi( 2ith lo&ty &er,or #$% %ig$ity* 5A$%
the A(eric#$ &ighti$g (#$ is seco$% to $o$e*5
5E8#ctly,5 #gree% the ol% (#$ ple#s#$tly, 2ith # hi$t o& t#)$ti$g #()se(e$t* 5+t#ly, o$ the other h#$%, is o$e o& the le#st
prospero)s $#tio$s o$ e#rth* A$% the +t#li#$ &ighti$g (#$ is prob#bly seco$% to #ll* A$% th#t5s e8#ctly 2hy (y co)$try is
%oi$g so 2ell i$ this 2#r 2hile yo)r co)$try is %oi$g so poorly*5
/#tely g)&&#2e% 2ith s)rprise, the$ bl)she% #pologetic#lly &or his i(polite$ess* 5+5( sorry + l#)ghe% #t yo),5 he s#i%
si$cerely, #$% he co$ti$)e% i$ # to$e o& respect&)l co$%esce$sio$* 57)t +t#ly 2#s occ)pie% by the :er(#$s #$% is $o2
bei$g occ)pie% by )s* .o) %o$5t c#ll th#t %oi$g ,ery 2ell, %o yo)95
57)t o& co)rse + %o,5 e8cl#i(e% the ol% (#$ cheer&)lly* 5The :er(#$s #re bei$g %ri,e$ o)t, #$% 2e #re still here* +$ # &e2
ye#rs yo) 2ill be go$e, too, #$% 2e 2ill still be here* .o) see, +t#ly is re#lly # ,ery poor #$% 2e#- co)$try, #$% th#t5s
2h#t (#-es )s so stro$g* +t#li#$ sol%iers #re $ot %yi$g #$y (ore* 7)t A(eric#$ #$% :er(#$ sol%iers #re* + c#ll th#t
%oi$g e8tre(ely 2ell* .es, + #( 6)ite cert#i$ th#t +t#ly 2ill s)r,i,e this 2#r #$% still be i$ e8iste$ce lo$g #&ter yo)r o2$
co)$try h#s bee$ %estroye%*5
/#tely co)l% sc#rcely belie,e his e#rs* He h#% $e,er he#r% s)ch shoc-i$g bl#sphe(ies be&ore, #$% he 2o$%ere% 2ith
i$sti$cti,e logic 2hy :-(e$ %i% $ot #ppe#r to loc- the tr#itoro)s ol% (#$ )p* 5A(eric# is $ot goi$g to be %estroye%C5 he
sho)te% p#ssio$#tely*
5/e,er95 pro%%e% the ol% (#$ so&tly*
Catch 22
5>ell***5 /#tely &#ltere%*
The ol% (#$ l#)ghe% i$%)lge$tly, hol%i$g i$ chec- # %eeper, (ore e8plosi,e %elight* His go#%i$g re(#i$e% ge$tle*
5Ro(e 2#s %estroye%, :reece 2#s %estroye%, Persi# 2#s %estroye%, Sp#i$ 2#s %estroye%* All gre#t co)$tries #re
%estroye%* >hy $ot yo)rs9 Ho2 ()ch lo$ger %o yo) re#lly thi$- yo)r o2$ co)$try 2ill l#st9 ;ore,er9 ?eep i$ (i$% th#t
the e#rth itsel& is %esti$e% to be %estroye% by the s)$ i$ t2e$ty-&i,e (illio$ ye#rs or so*5
/#tely s6)ir(e% )$co(&ort#bly* 5>ell, &ore,er is # lo$g ti(e, + g)ess*5
5A (illio$ ye#rs95 persiste% the 3eeri$g ol% (#$ 2ith -ee$, s#%istic 4est* 5A h#l& (illio$9 The &rog is #l(ost &i,e h)$%re%
(illio$ ye#rs ol%* Co)l% yo) re#lly s#y 2ith ()ch cert#i$ty th#t A(eric#, 2ith #ll its stre$gth #$% prosperity, 2ith its
&ighti$g (#$ th#t is seco$% to $o$e, #$% 2ith its st#$%#r% o& li,i$g th#t is the highest i$ the 2orl%, 2ill l#st #s lo$g #s***
the &rog95
/#tely 2#$te% to s(#sh his leeri$g &#ce* He loo-e% #bo)t i(plori$gly &or help i$ %e&e$%i$g his co)$try5s &)t)re #g#i$st
the ob$o8io)s c#l)($ies o& this sly #$% si$&)l #ss#il#$t* He 2#s %is#ppoi$te%* .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r 2ere b)sy i$ # &#r
cor$er p#2i$g orgi#stic#lly #t &o)r or &i,e &rolicso(e girls #$% si8 bottles o& re% 2i$e, #$% H)$gry Joe h#% lo$g si$ce
tr#(pe% #2#y %o2$ o$e o& the (ystic h#ll2#ys, propelli$g be&ore hi( li-e # r#,e$i$g %espot #s (#$y o& the bro#%est-
hippe% yo)$g prostit)tes #s he co)l% co$t#i$ i$ his &r#il 2i$%-(illi$g #r(s #$% cr#( i$to o$e %o)ble be%*
/#tely &elt hi(sel& #t #$ e(b#rr#ssi$g loss* His o2$ girl s#t spr#2le% o)t gr#celessly o$ #$ o,erst)&&e% so&# 2ith #$
e8pressio$ o& otiose bore%o(* /#tely 2#s )$$er,e% by her torpi% i$%i&&ere$ce to hi(, by the s#(e sleepy #$% i$ert
poise th#t he re(e(bere% so ,i,%ly, so s2eetly, #$% so (iser#bly &ro( the &irst ti(e she h#% see$ hi( #$% ig$ore% hi(
#t the p#c-e% pe$$y-#$te bl#c-3#c- g#(e i$ the li,i$g roo( o& the e$liste% (e$5s #p#rt(e$t* Her l#8 (o)th h)$g ope$
i$ # per&ect O, #$% :o% #lo$e -$e2 #t 2h#t her gl#4e% #$% s(o-y eyes 2ere st#ri$g i$ s)ch br)te #p#thy* The ol% (#$
2#ite% tr#$6)illy, 2#tchi$g hi( 2ith # %iscer$i$g s(ile th#t 2#s both scor$&)l #$% sy(p#thetic* A lisso(e, blo$%,
si$)o)s girl 2ith lo,ely legs #$% ho$ey-colore% s-i$ l#i% hersel& o)t co$te$te%ly o$ the #r( o& the ol% (#$5s ch#ir #$%
beg#$ (olesti$g his #$g)l#r, p#le, %issol)te &#ce l#$g)i%ly #$% co6)ettishly* /#tely sti&&e$e% 2ith rese$t(e$t #$%
hostility #t the sight o& s)ch lechery i$ # (#$ so ol%* He t)r$e% #2#y 2ith # si$-i$g he#rt #$% 2o$%ere% 2hy he si(ply
%i% $ot t#-e his o2$ girl #$% go to be%*
This sor%i%, ,)lt)ro)s, %i#bolic#l ol% (#$ re(i$%e% /#tely o& his &#ther bec#)se the t2o 2ere $othi$g #t #ll #li-e*
/#tely5s &#ther 2#s # co)rtly 2hite-h#ire% ge$tle(#$ 2ho %resse% i(pecc#blyA this ol% (#$ 2#s #$ )$co)th b)(*
/#tely5s &#ther 2#s # sober, philosophic#l #$% respo$sible (#$A this ol% (#$ 2#s &ic-le #$% lice$tio)s* /#tely5s &#ther
2#s %iscreet #$% c)lt)re%A this ol% (#$ 2#s # boor* /#tely5s &#ther belie,e% i$ ho$or #$% -$e2 the #$s2er to
e,erythi$gA this ol% (#$ belie,e% i$ $othi$g #$% h#% o$ly 6)estio$s* /#tely5s &#ther h#% # %isti$g)ishe% 2hite ()st#cheA
this ol% (#$ h#% $o ()st#che #t #ll* /#tely5s &#ther - #$% e,eryo$e else5s &#ther /#tely h#% e,er (et - 2#s %ig$i&ie%,
2ise #$% ,e$er#bleA this ol% (#$ 2#s )tterly repelle$t, #$% /#tely pl)$ge% b#c- i$to %eb#te 2ith hi(, %eter(i$e% to
rep)%i#te his ,ile logic #$% i$si$)#tio$s 2ith #$ #(bitio)s ,e$ge#$ce th#t 2o)l% c#pt)re the #tte$tio$ o& the bore%,
phleg(#tic girl he h#% &#lle$ so i$te$sely i$ lo,e 2ith #$% 2i$ her #%(ir#tio$ &ore,er*
5>ell, &r#$-ly, + %o$5t -$o2 ho2 lo$g A(eric# is goi$g to l#st,5 he procee%e% %#)$tlessly* 5+ s)ppose 2e c#$5t l#st &ore,er
i& the 2orl% itsel& is goi$g to be %estroye% so(e%#y* 7)t + %o -$o2 th#t 2e5re goi$g to s)r,i,e #$% tri)(ph &or # lo$g,
lo$g ti(e*5
5;or ho2 lo$g95 (oc-e% the pro&#$e ol% (#$ 2ith # gle#( o& (#licio)s el#tio$* 5/ot e,e$ #s lo$g #s the &rog95
5')ch lo$ger th#$ yo) or (e,5 /#tely bl)rte% o)t l#(ely*
5Oh, is th#t #llC Th#t 2o$5t be ,ery ()ch lo$ger the$, co$si%eri$g th#t yo)5re so g)llible #$% br#,e #$% th#t + #( #lre#%y
s)ch #$ ol%, ol% (#$*5
5Ho2 ol% #re yo)95 /#tely #s-e%, gro2i$g i$trig)e% #$% ch#r(e% 2ith the ol% (#$ i$ spite o& hi(sel&*
5A h)$%re% #$% se,e$*5 The ol% (#$ ch)c-le% he#rtily #t /#tely5s loo- o& ch#gri$* 5+ see yo) %o$5t belie,e th#t either*5
5+ %o$5t belie,e #$ythi$g yo) tell (e,5 /#tely replie%, 2ith # b#sh&)l (itig#ti$g s(ile* 5The o$ly thi$g + %o belie,e is th#t
A(eric# is goi$g to 2i$ the 2#r*5
5.o) p)t so ()ch stoc- i$ 2i$$i$g 2#rs,5 the gr)bby i$i6)ito)s ol% (#$ sco&&e%* 5The re#l tric- lies i$ losi$g 2#rs, i$
-$o2i$g 2hich 2#rs c#$ be lost* +t#ly h#s bee$ losi$g 2#rs &or ce$t)ries, #$% 3)st see ho2 sple$%i%ly 2e5,e %o$e
$o$etheless* ;r#$ce 2i$s 2#rs #$% is i$ # co$ti$)#l st#te o& crisis* :er(#$y loses #$% prospers* Loo- #t o)r o2$ rece$t
history* +t#ly 2o$ # 2#r i$ Ethiopi# #$% pro(ptly st)(ble% i$to serio)s tro)ble* Bictory g#,e )s s)ch i$s#$e %el)sio$s o&
gr#$%e)r th#t 2e helpe% st#rt # 2orl% 2#r 2e h#%$5t # ch#$ce o& 2i$$i$g* 7)t $o2 th#t 2e #re losi$g #g#i$, e,erythi$g
h#s t#-e$ # t)r$ &or the better, #$% 2e 2ill cert#i$ly co(e o)t o$ top #g#i$ i& 2e s)ccee% i$ bei$g %e&e#te%*5
/#tely g#pe% #t hi( i$ )$%isg)ise% be&)%%le(e$t* 5/o2 + re#lly %o$5t )$%erst#$% 2h#t yo)5re s#yi$g* .o) t#l- li-e #
(#%(#$*5
57)t + li,e li-e # s#$e o$e* + 2#s # &#scist 2he$ ')ssoli$i 2#s o$ top, #$% + #( #$ #$ti-&#scist $o2 th#t he h#s bee$
%epose%* + 2#s &#$#tic#lly pro-:er(#$ 2he$ the :er(#$s 2ere here to protect )s #g#i$st the A(eric#$s, #$% $o2 th#t
the A(eric#$s #re here to protect )s #g#i$st the :er(#$s + #( &#$#tic#lly pro-A(eric#$* + c#$ #ss)re yo), (y o)tr#ge%
yo)$g &rie$%5 - the ol% (#$5s -$o2i$g, %is%#i$&)l eyes sho$e e,e$ (ore e&&er,esce$tly #s /#tely5s st)tteri$g %is(#y
i$cre#se% - 5th#t yo) #$% yo)r co)$try 2ill h#,e # $o (ore loy#l p#rtis#$ i$ +t#ly th#$ (e - b)t o$ly #s lo$g #s yo)
re(#i$ i$ +t#ly*5
57)t,5 /#tely crie% o)t i$ %isbelie&, 5yo)5re # t)r$co#tC A ti(e-ser,erC A sh#(e&)l, )$scr)p)lo)s opport)$istC5
5+ #( # h)$%re% #$% se,e$ ye#rs ol%,5 the ol% (#$ re(i$%e% hi( s)#,ely*
50o$5t yo) h#,e #$y pri$ciples95
5O& co)rse $ot*5
5/o (or#lity95
5Oh, + #( # ,ery (or#l (#$,5 the ,ill#i$o)s ol% (#$ #ss)re% hi( 2ith s#tiric serio)s$ess, stro-i$g the b#re hip o& #
b)8o( bl#c--h#ire% girl 2ith pretty %i(ples 2ho h#% stretche% hersel& o)t se%)cti,ely o$ the other #r( o& his ch#ir* He
gri$$e% #t /#tely s#rc#stic#lly #s he s#t bet2ee$ both $#-e% girls i$ s()g #$% thre#%b#re sple$%or, 2ith # so,ereig$
h#$% o$ e#ch*
5+ c#$5t belie,e it,5 /#tely re(#r-e% gr)%gi$gly, tryi$g st)bbor$ly $ot to 2#tch hi( i$ rel#tio$ship to the girls* 5+ si(ply
c#$5t belie,e it*5
57)t it5s per&ectly tr)e* >he$ the :er(#$s (#rche% i$to the city, + %#$ce% i$ the streets li-e # yo)th&)l b#lleri$# #$%
83 | P a g e
sho)te%, JHeil HitlerCJ )$til (y l)$gs 2ere ho#rse* + e,e$ 2#,e% # s(#ll /#4i &l#g th#t + s$#tche% #2#y &ro( # be#)ti&)l
little girl 2hile her (other 2#s loo-i$g the other 2#y* >he$ the :er(#$s le&t the city, + r)she% o)t to 2elco(e the
A(eric#$s 2ith # bottle o& e8celle$t br#$%y #$% # b#s-et o& &lo2ers* The br#$%y 2#s &or (ysel&, o& co)rse, #$% the
&lo2ers 2ere to spri$-le )po$ o)r liber#tors* There 2#s # ,ery sti&& #$% st)&&y ol% (#3or ri%i$g i$ the &irst c#r, #$% + hit hi(
s6)#rely i$ the eye 2ith # re% rose* A (#r,elo)s shotC .o) sho)l% h#,e see$ hi( 2i$ce*5
/#tely g#spe% #$% 2#s o$ his &eet 2ith #(#4e(e$t, the bloo% %r#i$i$g &ro( his chee-s* 5'#3or - %e Co,erleyC5 he crie%*
50o yo) -$o2 hi(95 i$6)ire% the ol% (#$ 2ith %elight* 5>h#t # ch#r(i$g coi$ci%e$ceC5
/#tely 2#s too #sto)$%e% e,e$ to he#r hi(* 5So yo)5re the o$e 2ho 2o)$%e% '#3or - %e Co,erleyC5 he e8cl#i(e% i$
horri&ie% i$%ig$#tio$* 5Ho2 co)l% yo) %o s)ch # thi$g95
The &ie$%ish ol% (#$ 2#s )$pert)rbe%* 5Ho2 co)l% + resist, yo) (e#$* .o) sho)l% h#,e see$ the #rrog#$t ol% bore,
sitti$g there so ster$ly i$ th#t c#r li-e the Al(ighty Hi(sel&, 2ith his big, rigi% he#% #$% his &oolish, sole($ &#ce* >h#t #
te(pti$g t#rget he (#%eC + got hi( i$ the eye 2ith #$ A(eric#$ 7e#)ty rose* + tho)ght th#t 2#s (ost #ppropri#te* 0o$5t
yo)95
5Th#t 2#s # terrible thi$g to %oC5 /#tely sho)te% #t hi( repro#ch&)lly* 5A ,icio)s #$% cri(i$#l thi$gC '#3or - %e Co,erley is
o)r s6)#%ro$ e8ec)ti,e o&&icerC5
5+s he95 te#se% the )$rege$er#te ol% (#$, pi$chi$g his poi$ty 3#2 gr#,ely i$ # p#ro%y o& repe$t#$ce* 5+$ th#t c#se, yo)
()st gi,e (e cre%it &or bei$g i(p#rti#l* >he$ the :er(#$s ro%e i$, + #l(ost st#bbe% # rob)st yo)$g Oberle)t$#$t to
%e#th 2ith # sprig o& e%el2eiss*5
/#tely 2#s #pp#lle% #$% be2il%ere% by the #bo(i$#ble ol% (#$5s i$#bility to percei,e the e$or(ity o& his o&&e$ce* 50o$5t
yo) re#li4e 2h#t yo)5,e %o$e95 he scol%e% ,ehe(e$tly* 5'#3or - %e Co,erley is # $oble #$% 2o$%er&)l perso$, #$%
e,eryo$e #%(ires hi(*5
5He5s # silly ol% &ool 2ho re#lly h#s $o right #cti$g li-e # silly yo)$g &ool* >here is he to%#y9 0e#%95
/#tely #$s2ere% so&tly 2ith so(ber #2e* 5/obo%y -$o2s* He see(s to h#,e %is#ppe#re%*5
5.o) see9 +(#gi$e # (#$ his #ge ris-i$g 2h#t little li&e he h#s le&t &or so(ethi$g so #bs)r% #s # co)$try*5
/#tely 2#s i$st#$tly )p i$ #r(s #g#i$* 5There is $othi$g so #bs)r% #bo)t ris-i$g yo)r li&e &or yo)r co)$tryC5 he %ecl#re%*
5+s$5t there95 #s-e% the ol% (#$* 5>h#t is # co)$try9 A co)$try is # piece o& l#$% s)rro)$%e% o$ #ll si%es by bo)$%#ries,
)s)#lly )$$#t)r#l* E$glish(e$ #re %yi$g &or E$gl#$%, A(eric#$s #re %yi$g &or A(eric#, :er(#$s #re %yi$g &or
:er(#$y, R)ssi#$s #re %yi$g &or R)ssi#* There #re $o2 &i&ty or si8ty co)$tries &ighti$g i$ this 2#r* S)rely so (#$y
co)$tries c#$5t #ll be 2orth %yi$g &or*5
5A$ythi$g 2orth li,i$g &or,5 s#i% /#tely, 5is 2orth %yi$g &or*5
5A$% #$ythi$g 2orth %yi$g &or,5 #$s2ere% the s#crilegio)s ol% (#$, 5is cert#i$ly 2orth li,i$g &or* .o) -$o2, yo)5re s)ch #
p)re #$% $#i,e yo)$g (#$ th#t + #l(ost &eel sorry &or yo)* Ho2 ol% #re yo)9 T2e$ty-&i,e9 T2e$ty-si895
5/i$etee$,5 s#i% /#tely* 5+5ll be t2e$ty i$ J#$)#ry*5
5+& yo) li,e*5 The ol% (#$ shoo- his he#%, 2e#ri$g, &or # (o(e$t, the s#(e to)chy, (e%it#ti$g &ro2$ o& the &ret&)l #$%
%is#ppro,i$g ol% 2o(#$* 5They #re goi$g to -ill yo) i& yo) %o$5t 2#tch o)t, #$% + c#$ see $o2 th#t yo) #re $ot goi$g to
2#tch o)t* >hy %o$5t yo) )se so(e se$se #$% try to be (ore li-e (e9 .o) (ight li,e to be # h)$%re% #$% se,e$, too*5
57ec#)se it5s better to %ie o$ o$e5s &eet th#$ li,e o$ o$e5s -$ees,5 /#tely retorte% 2ith tri)(ph#$t #$% lo&ty co$,ictio$* 5+
g)ess yo)5,e he#r% th#t s#yi$g be&ore*5
5.es, + cert#i$ly h#,e,5 ()se% the tre#chero)s ol% (#$, s(ili$g #g#i$* 57)t +5( #&r#i% yo) h#,e it b#c-2#r%* +t is better to
li,e o$ o$e5s &eet th#$ %ie o$ o$e5s -$ees* Th#t is the 2#y the s#yi$g goes*5
5Are yo) s)re95 /#tely #s-e% 2ith sober co$&)sio$* 5+t see(s to (#-e (ore se$se (y 2#y*5
5/o, it (#-es (ore se$se (y 2#y* As- yo)r &rie$%s*5
/#tely t)r$e% to #s- his &rie$%s #$% %isco,ere% they h#% go$e* .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r h#% both %is#ppe#re%* The ol%
(#$ ro#re% 2ith co$te(pt)o)s (erri(e$t #t /#tely5s loo- o& e(b#rr#sse% s)rprise* /#tely5s &#ce %#r-e$e% 2ith sh#(e*
He ,#cill#te% helplessly &or # &e2 seco$%s #$% the$ sp)$ hi(sel& #ro)$% #$% &le% i$si%e the $e#rest o& the h#ll2#ys i$
se#rch o& .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r, hopi$g to c#tch the( i$ ti(e #$% bri$g the( b#c- to the resc)e 2ith $e2s o& the
re(#r-#ble cl#sh bet2ee$ the ol% (#$ #$% '#3or - %e Co,erley* All the %oors i$ the h#ll2#ys 2ere sh)t* There 2#s light
)$%er $o$e* +t 2#s #lre#%y ,ery l#te* /#tely g#,e )p his se#rch &orlor$ly* There 2#s $othi$g le&t &or hi( to %o, he
re#li4e% &i$#lly, b)t get the girl he 2#s i$ lo,e 2ith #$% lie %o2$ 2ith her so(e2here to (#-e te$%er, co)rteo)s lo,e to
her #$% pl#$ their &)t)re togetherA b)t she h#% go$e o&& to be%, too, by the ti(e he ret)r$e% to the sitti$g roo( &or her,
#$% there 2#s $othi$g le&t &or hi( to %o the$ b)t res)(e his #borti,e %isc)ssio$ 2ith the lo#thso(e ol% (#$, 2ho rose
&ro( his #r(ch#ir 2ith 3esti$g ci,ility #$% e8c)se% hi(sel& &or the $ight, #b#$%o$i$g /#tely there 2ith t2o ble#ry-eye%
girls 2ho co)l% $ot tell hi( i$to 2hich roo( his o2$ 2hore h#% go$e #$% 2ho p#%%e% o&& to be% se,er#l seco$%s l#ter
#&ter tryi$g i$ ,#i$ to i$terest hi( i$ the(sel,es, le#,i$g hi( to sleep #lo$e i$ the sitti$g roo( o$ the s(#ll, l)(py so&#*
/#tely 2#s # se$siti,e, rich, goo%-loo-i$g boy 2ith %#r- h#ir, tr)sti$g eyes, #$% # p#i$ i$ his $ec- 2he$ he #2o-e o$
the so&# e#rly the $e8t (or$i$g #$% 2o$%ere% %)lly 2here he 2#s* His $#t)re 2#s i$,#ri#bly ge$tle #$% polite* He h#%
li,e% &or #l(ost t2e$ty ye#rs 2itho)t tr#)(#, te$sio$, h#te, or $e)rosis, 2hich 2#s proo& to .oss#ri#$ o& 3)st ho2 cr#4y
he re#lly 2#s* His chil%hoo% h#% bee$ # ple#s#$t, tho)gh %iscipli$e%, o$e* He got o$ 2ell 2ith his brothers #$% sisters,
#$% he %i% $ot h#te his (other #$% &#ther, e,e$ tho)gh they h#% both bee$ ,ery goo% to hi(*
/#tely h#% bee$ bro)ght )p to %etest people li-e A#r&y, 2ho( his (other ch#r#cteri4e% #s cli(bers, #$% people li-e
'ilo, 2ho( his &#ther ch#r#cteri4e% #s p)shers, b)t he h#% $e,er le#r$e% ho2, si$ce he h#% $e,er bee$ per(itte% $e#r
the(* As &#r #s he co)l% rec#ll, his ho(es i$ Phil#%elphi#, /e2 .or-, '#i$e, P#l( 7e#ch, So)th#(pto$, Lo$%o$,
0e#),ille, P#ris #$% the so)th o& ;r#$ce h#% #l2#ys bee$ cro2%e% o$ly 2ith l#%ies #$% ge$tle(e$ 2ho 2ere $ot
cli(bers or p)shers* /#tely5s (other, # %esce$%#$t o& the /e2 E$gl#$% Thor$to$s, 2#s # 0#)ghter o& the A(eric#$
Re,ol)tio$* His &#ther 2#s # So$ o& # 7itch*
5Al2#ys re(e(ber,5 his (other h#% re(i$%e% hi( &re6)e$tly, 5th#t yo) #re # /#tely* .o) #re $ot # B#$%erbilt, 2hose
&ort)$e 2#s (#%e by # ,)lg#r t)gbo#t c#pt#i$, or # Roc-e&eller, 2hose 2e#lth 2#s #(#sse% thro)gh )$scr)p)lo)s
spec)l#tio$s i$ cr)%e petrole)(A or # Rey$ol%s or 0)-e, 2hose i$co(e 2#s %eri,e% &ro( the s#le to the )$s)specti$g
p)blic o& pro%)cts co$t#i$i$g c#$cer-c#)si$g resi$s #$% t#rsA #$% yo) #re cert#i$ly $ot #$ Astor, 2hose &#(ily, + belie,e,
still lets roo(s* .o) #re # /#tely, #$% the /#telys h#,e $e,er %o$e #$ythi$g &or their (o$ey*5
5>h#t yo)r (other (e#$s, so$,5 i$ter3ecte% his &#ther #&&#bly o$e ti(e 2ith th#t &l#ir &or gr#ce&)l #$% eco$o(ic#l
Catch 22
e8pressio$ /#tely #%(ire% so ()ch, 5is th#t ol% (o$ey is better th#$ $e2 (o$ey #$% th#t the $e2ly rich #re $e,er to be
estee(e% #s highly #s the $e2ly poor* +s$5t th#t correct, (y %e#r9
/#tely5s &#ther bri((e% co$ti$)#lly 2ith s#ge #$% sophistic#te% co)$sel o& th#t -i$%* He 2#s #s eb)llie$t #$% r)%%y #s
()lle% cl#ret, #$% /#tely li-e% hi( # gre#t %e#l, #ltho)gh he %i% $ot li-e ()lle% cl#ret* >he$ 2#r bro-e o)t, /#tely5s
&#(ily %eci%e% th#t he 2o)l% e$list i$ the #r(e% &orces, si$ce he 2#s too yo)$g to be pl#ce% i$ the %iplo(#tic ser,ice,
#$% si$ce his &#ther h#% it o$ e8celle$t #)thority th#t R)ssi# 2#s goi$g to coll#pse i$ # (#tter o& 2ee-s or (o$ths #$%
th#t Hitler, Ch)rchill, Roose,elt, ')ssoli$i, :#$%hi, ;r#$co, Pero$ #$% the E(peror o& J#p#$ 2o)l% the$ #ll sig$ #
pe#ce tre#ty #$% li,e together h#ppily e,er #&ter* +t 2#s /#tely5s &#ther5s i%e# th#t he 3oi$ the Air Corps, 2here he co)l%
tr#i$ s#&ely #s # pilot 2hile the R)ssi#$s c#pit)l#te% #$% the %et#ils o& the #r(istice 2ere 2or-e% o)t, #$% 2here, #s #$
o&&icer, he 2o)l% #ssoci#te o$ly 2ith ge$tle(e$*
+$ste#%, he &o)$% hi(sel& 2ith .oss#ri#$, 0)$b#r #$% H)$gry Joe i$ # 2hore ho)se i$ Ro(e, poig$#$tly i$ lo,e 2ith #$
i$%i&&ere$t girl there 2ith 2ho( he &i$#lly %i% lie %o2$ the (or$i$g #&ter the $ight he slept #lo$e i$ the sitti$g roo(, o$ly
to be i$terr)pte% #l(ost i((e%i#tely by her i$corrigible -i% sister, 2ho c#(e b)rsti$g i$ 2itho)t 2#r$i$g #$% h)rle%
hersel& o$to the be% 3e#lo)sly so th#t /#tely co)l% e(br#ce her, too* /#tely5s 2hore spr#$g )p s$#rli$g to 2h#c- her
#$grily #$% 3er-e% her to her &eet by her h#ir* The t2el,e-ye#r-ol% girl loo-e% to /#tely li-e # pl)c-e% chic-e$ or li-e #
t2ig 2ith the b#r- peele% o&& her s#pli$g bo%y e(b#rr#sse% e,eryo$e i$ her precocio)s #tte(pts to i(it#te her el%ers,
#$% she 2#s #l2#ys bei$g ch#se% #2#y to p)t clothes o$ #$% or%ere% o)t i$to the street to pl#y i$ the &resh #ir 2ith the
other chil%re$* The t2o sisters s2ore #$% sp#t #t e#ch other $o2 s#,#gely, r#isi$g # &l)e$t, %e#&e$i$g co((otio$ th#t
bro)ght # 2hole cro2% o& hil#rio)s spect#tors s2#r(i$g i$to the roo(* /#tely g#,e )p i$ e8#sper#tio$* He #s-e% his girl
to get %resse% #$% too- her %o2$st#irs &or bre#-&#st* The -i% sister t#gge% #lo$g, #$% /#tely &elt li-e the pro)% he#% o&
# &#(ily #s the three o& the( #te respect#bly i$ # $e#rby ope$-#ir c#&M* 7)t /#tely5s 2hore 2#s #lre#%y bore% by the
ti(e they st#rte% b#c-, #$% she %eci%e% to go street2#l-i$g 2ith t2o other girls r#ther th#$ spe$% (ore ti(e 2ith hi(*
/#tely #$% the -i% sister &ollo2e% (ee-ly # bloc- behi$%, the #(bitio)s yo)$gster to pic- )p ,#l)#ble poi$ters, /#tely to
e#t his li,er i$ (oo$i$g &r)str#tio$, #$% both 2ere s#%%e$e% 2he$ the girls 2ere stoppe% by sol%iers i$ # st#&& c#r #$%
%ri,e$ #2#y*
/#tely 2e$t b#c- to the c#&M #$% bo)ght the -i% sister chocol#te ice cre#( )$til her spirits i(pro,e% #$% the$ ret)r$e%
2ith her to the #p#rt(e$t, 2here .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r 2ere &loppe% o)t i$ the sitti$g roo( 2ith #$ e8h#)ste% H)$gry
Joe, 2ho 2#s still 2e#ri$g o$ his b#ttere% &#ce the bliss&)l, $)(b, tri)(ph#$t s(ile 2ith 2hich he h#% li(pe% i$to ,ie2
&ro( his (#ssi,e h#re( th#t (or$i$g li-e # perso$ 2ith $)(ero)s bro-e$ bo$es* The lechero)s #$% %epr#,e% ol% (#$
2#s %elighte% 2ith H)$gry Joe5s split lips #$% bl#c--#$%-bl)e eyes* He greete% /#tely 2#r(ly, still 2e#ri$g the s#(e
r)(ple% clothes o& the e,e$i$g be&ore* /#tely 2#s pro&o)$%ly )pset by his see%y #$% %isrep)t#ble #ppe#r#$ce, #$%
2he$e,er he c#(e to the #p#rt(e$t he 2ishe% th#t the corr)pt, i((or#l ol% (#$ 2o)l% p)t o$ # cle#$ 7roo-s 7rothers
shirt, sh#,e, co(b his h#ir, 2e#r # t2ee% 3#c-et, #$% gro2 # %#pper 2hite ()st#che so th#t /#tely 2o)l% $ot h#,e to
s)&&er s)ch co$&)si$g sh#(e e#ch ti(e he loo-e% #t hi( #$% 2#s re(i$%e% o& his &#ther*
2D '+LO
April h#% bee$ the best (o$th o& #ll &or 'ilo* Lil#cs bloo(e% i$ April #$% &r)it ripe$e% o$ the ,i$e* He#rtbe#ts 6)ic-e$e%
#$% ol% #ppetites 2ere re$e2e%* +$ April # li,elier iris gle#(e% )po$ the b)r$ishe% %o,e* April 2#s spri$g, #$% i$ the
spri$g 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er5s &#$cy h#% lightly t)r$e% to tho)ghts o& t#$geri$es*
5T#$geri$es95
5.es, sir*5
5'y (e$ 2o)l% lo,e t#$geri$es,5 #%(itte% the colo$el i$ S#r%i$i# 2ho co((#$%e% &o)r s6)#%ro$s o& 7-2"s*
5There5ll be #ll the t#$geri$es they c#$ e#t th#t yo)5re #ble to p#y &or 2ith (o$ey &ro( yo)r (ess &)$%,5 'ilo #ss)re%
hi(*
5C#s#b# (elo$s95
5Are goi$g &or # so$g i$ 0#(#sc)s*5
5+ h#,e # 2e#-$ess &or c#s#b# (elo$s* +5,e #l2#ys h#% # 2e#-$ess &or c#s#b# (elo$s*5
5J)st le$% (e o$e pl#$e &ro( e#ch s6)#%ro$, 3)st o$e pl#$e, #$% yo)5ll h#,e #ll the c#s#b#s yo) c#$ e#t th#t yo)5,e
(o$ey to p#y &or*5
5>e b)y &ro( the sy$%ic#te95
5A$% e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*5
5+t5s #(#4i$g, positi,ely #(#4i$g* Ho2 c#$ yo) %o it95
5'#ss p)rch#si$g po2er (#-es the big %i&&ere$ce* ;or e8#(ple, bre#%e% ,e#l c)tlets*5
5+5( $ot so cr#4y #bo)t bre#%e% ,e#l c)tlets,5 gr)(ble% the s-eptic#l 7-2! co((#$%er i$ the $orth o& Corsic#*
57re#%e% ,e#l c)tlets #re ,ery $)tritio)s,5 'ilo #%(o$ishe% hi( pio)sly* 5They co$t#i$ egg yol- #$% bre#% cr)(bs* A$%
so #re l#(b chops*5
5Ah, l#(b chops,5 echoe% the 7-2! co((#$%er* 5:oo% l#(b chops95
5The best,5 s#i% 'ilo, 5th#t the bl#c- (#r-et h#s to o&&er*5
57#by l#(b chops95
5+$ the c)test little pi$- p#per p#$ties yo) e,er s#2* Are goi$g &or # so$g i$ Port)g#l*5
5+ c#$5t se$% # pl#$e to Port)g#l* + h#,e$5t the #)thority*5
5+ c#$, o$ce yo) le$% the pl#$e to (e* >ith # pilot to &ly it* A$% %o$5t &orget - yo)5ll get :e$er#l 0ree%le*5
5>ill :e$er#l 0ree%le e#t i$ (y (ess h#ll #g#i$95
5Li-e # pig, o$ce yo) st#rt &ee%i$g hi( (y best 2hite &resh eggs &rie% i$ (y p)re cre#(ery b)tter* There5ll be t#$geri$es
too, #$% c#s#b# (elo$s, ho$ey%e2s, &ilet o& 0o,er sole, b#-e% Al#s-#, #$% coc-les #$% ()ssels*5
5A$% e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re95
5Th#t,5 s#i% 'ilo, 5is the (ost be#)ti&)l p#rt o& it*5
5+ %o$5t li-e it,5 gro2le% the )$co-oper#ti,e &ighter-pl#$e co((#$%er, 2ho %i%$5t li-e 'ilo either*
5There5s #$ )$co-oper#ti,e &ighter-pl#$e co((#$%er )p $orth 2ho5s got it i$ &or (e,5 'ilo co(pl#i$e% to :e$er#l
0ree%le* 5+t t#-es 3)st o$e perso$ to r)i$ the 2hole thi$g, #$% the$ yo) 2o)l%$5t h#,e yo)r &resh eggs &rie% i$ (y p)re
cre#(ery b)tter #$y (ore*5
:e$er#l 0ree%le h#% the )$co-oper#ti,e &ighter-pl#$e co((#$%er tr#$s&erre% to the Solo(o$ +sl#$%s to %ig gr#,es #$%
85 | P a g e
repl#ce% hi( 2ith # se$ile colo$el 2ith b)rsitis #$% # cr#,i$g &or litchi $)ts 2ho i$tro%)ce% 'ilo to the 7-1F ge$er#l o$
the (#i$l#$% 2ith # ye#r$i$g &or Polish s#)s#ge*
5Polish s#)s#ge is goi$g &or pe#$)ts i$ Cr#co2,5 'ilo i$&or(e% hi(*
5Polish s#)s#ge,5 sighe% the ge$er#l $ost#lgic#lly* 5.o) -$o2, +5% gi,e 3)st #bo)t #$ythi$g &or # goo% h)$- o& Polish
s#)s#ge* J)st #bo)t #$ythi$g*5
5.o) %o$5t h#,e to gi,e #$ythi$g* J)st gi,e (e o$e pl#$e &or e#ch (ess h#ll #$% # pilot 2ho 2ill %o 2h#t he5s tol%* A$% #
s(#ll %o2$ p#y(e$t o$ yo)r i$iti#l or%er #s # to-e$ o& goo% &#ith*5
57)t Cr#co2 is h)$%re%s o& (iles behi$% the e$e(y li$es* Ho2 2ill yo) get to the s#)s#ge95
5There5s #$ i$ter$#tio$#l Polish s#)s#ge e8ch#$ge i$ :e$e,#* +5ll 3)st &ly the pe#$)ts i$to S2it4erl#$% #$% e8ch#$ge
the( &or Polish s#)s#ge #t the ope$ (#r-et r#te* They5ll &ly the pe#$)ts b#c- to Cr#co2 #$% +5ll &ly the Polish s#)s#ge
b#c- to yo)* .o) b)y o$ly #s ()ch Polish s#)s#ge #s yo) 2#$t thro)gh the sy$%ic#te* There5ll be t#$geri$es too, 2ith
o$ly # little #rti&ici#l colori$g #%%e%* A$% eggs &ro( '#lt# #$% Scotch &ro( Sicily* .o)5ll be p#yi$g the (o$ey to yo)rsel&
2he$ yo) b)y &ro( the sy$%ic#te, si$ce yo)5ll o2$ # sh#re, so yo)5ll re#lly be getti$g e,erythi$g yo) b)y &or $othi$g*
0oes$5t th#t (#-es se$se95
5Sheer ge$i)s* Ho2 i$ the 2orl% %i% yo) e,er thi$- o& it95
5'y $#(e is 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er* + #( t2e$ty-se,e$ ye#rs ol%*5
'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er5s pl#$es &le2 i$ &ro( e,ery2here, the p)rs)it pl#$es, bo(bers, #$% c#rgo ships stre#(i$g i$to
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s &iel% 2ith pilots #t the co$trols 2ho 2o)l% %o 2h#t they 2ere tol%* The pl#$es 2ere %ecor#te% 2ith
&l#(boy#$t s6)#%ro$ e(ble(s ill)str#ti$g s)ch l#)%#ble i%e#ls #s Co)r#ge, 'ight, J)stice, Tr)th, Liberty, Lo,e, Ho$or
#$% P#triotis( th#t 2ere p#i$te% o)t #t o$ce by 'ilo5s (ech#$ics 2ith # %o)ble co#t o& &l#t 2hite #$% repl#ce% i$ g#rish
p)rple 2ith the ste$cile% $#(e ' L ' E/TERPR+SES, ;+/E ;R=+TS A/0 PRO0=CE* The 5' L '5 +$ 5' L '
E/TERPR+SES5 stoo% &or 'ilo L 'i$%erbi$%er, #$% the L 2#s i$serte%, 'ilo re,e#le% c#$%i%ly, to $)lli&y #$y i(pressio$
th#t the sy$%ic#te 2#s # o$e-(#$ oper#tio$* Pl#$es #rri,e% &or 'ilo &ro( #ir&iel%s i$ +t#ly, /orth A&ric# #$% E$gl#$%, #$%
&ro( Air Tr#$sport Co((#$% st#tio$s i$ Liberi#, Asce$sio$ +sl#$%, C#iro, #$% ?#r#chi* P)rs)it pl#$es 2ere tr#%e% &or
#%%itio$#l c#rgo ships or ret#i$e% &or e(erge$cy i$,oice %)ty #$% s(#ll-p#rcel ser,iceA tr)c-s #$% t#$-s 2ere proc)re%
&ro( the gro)$% &orces #$% )se% &or short-%ist#$ce ro#% h#)li$g* E,erybo%y h#% # sh#re, #$% (e$ got &#t #$% (o,e%
#bo)t t#(ely 2ith toothpic-s i$ their gre#sy lips* 'ilo s)per,ise% the 2hole e8p#$%i$g oper#tio$ by hi(sel&* 0eep otter-
bro2$ li$es o& preocc)p#tio$ etche% the(sel,es per(#$e$tly i$to his c#re2or$ &#ce #$% g#,e hi( # h#rrie% loo- o&
sobriety #$% (istr)st* E,erybo%y b)t .oss#ri#$ tho)ght 'ilo 2#s # 3er-, &irst &or ,ol)$teeri$g &or the 3ob o& (ess o&&icer
#$% $e8t &or t#-i$g it so serio)sly* .oss#ri#$ #lso tho)ght th#t 'ilo 2#s # 3er-A b)t he #lso -$e2 th#t 'ilo 2#s # ge$i)s*
O$e %#y 'ilo &le2 #2#y to E$gl#$% to pic- )p # lo#% o& T)r-ish h#l,#h #$% c#(e &lyi$g b#c- &ro( '#%#g#sc#r le#%i$g
&o)r :er(#$ bo(bers &ille% 2ith y#(s, coll#r%s, ()st#r% gree$s #$% bl#c--eye% :eorgi# pe#s* 'ilo 2#s %)(b&o)$%e%
2he$ he steppe% %o2$ to the gro)$% #$% &o)$% # co$ti$ge$t o& #r(e% '*P*s 2#iti$g to i(priso$ the :er(#$ pilots #$%
co$&isc#te their pl#$es* Co$&isc#teC The (ere 2or% 2#s #$#the(# to hi(, #$% he stor(e% b#c- #$% &orth i$ e8cori#ti$g
co$%e($#tio$, sh#-i$g # pierci$g &i$ger o& reb)-e i$ the g)ilt-ri%%e$ &#ces o& Colo$el C#thc#rt, Colo$el ?or$ #$% the
poor b#ttle-sc#rre% c#pt#i$ 2ith the s)b(#chi$e g)$ 2ho co((#$%e% the '*P*s*
5+s this R)ssi#95 'ilo #ss#ile% the( i$cre%)lo)sly #t the top o& his ,oice* 5Co$&isc#te95 he shrie-e%, #s tho)gh he co)l%
$ot belie,e his o2$ e#rs* 5Si$ce 2he$ is it the policy o& the A(eric#$ go,er$(e$t to co$&isc#te the pri,#te property o& its
citi4e$s9 Sh#(e o$ yo)C Sh#(e o$ #ll o& yo) &or e,e$ thi$-i$g s)ch # horrible tho)ght*5
57)t 'ilo,5 '#3or 0#$by i$terr)pte% ti(i%ly, 52e5re #t 2#r 2ith :er(#$y, #$% those #re :er(#$ pl#$es*5
5They #re $o s)ch thi$gC5 'ilo retorte% &)rio)sly* 5Those pl#$es belo$g to the sy$%ic#te, #$% e,erybo%y h#s # sh#re*
Co$&isc#te9 Ho2 c#$ yo) possibly co$&isc#te yo)r o2$ pri,#te property9 Co$&isc#te, i$%ee%C +5,e $e,er he#r% #$ythi$g
so %epr#,e% i$ (y 2hole li&e*5
A$% s)re e$o)gh, 'ilo 2#s right, &or 2he$ they loo-e%, his (ech#$ics h#% p#i$te% o)t the :er(#$ s2#sti-#s o$ the
2i$gs, t#ils #$% &)sel#ges 2ith %o)ble co#ts o& &l#t 2hite #$% ste$cile% i$ the 2or%s ' L ' E/TERPR+SES, ;+/E
;R=+TS A/0 PRO0=CE* Right be&ore their eyes he h#% tr#$s&or(e% his sy$%ic#te i$to #$ i$ter$#tio$#l c#rtel*
'ilo5s #rgosies o& ple$ty $o2 &ille% the #ir* Pl#$es po)re% i$ &ro( /or2#y, 0e$(#r-, ;r#$ce, :er(#$y, A)stri#, +t#ly,
.)gosl#,i#, Ro(#$i#, 7)lg#ri#, S2e%e$, ;i$l#$%, Pol#$% - &ro( e,ery2here i$ E)rope, i$ &#ct, b)t R)ssi#, 2ith 2ho(
'ilo re&)se% to %o b)si$ess* >he$ e,erybo%y 2ho 2#s goi$g to h#% sig$e% )p 2ith ' L ' E$terprises, ;i$e ;r)its #$%
Pro%)ce, 'ilo cre#te% # 2holly o2$e% s)bsi%i#ry, ' L ' ;#$cy P#stry, #$% obt#i$e% (ore #irpl#$es #$% (ore (o$ey
&ro( the (ess &)$%s &or sco$es #$% cr)(pets &ro( the 7ritish +sles, pr)$e #$% cheese 0#$ish &ro( Cope$h#ge$,
Mcl#irs, cre#( p)&&s, /#poleo$s #$% petits &o)rs &ro( P#ris, Rei(s #$% :re$oble, ?)gelhop&, p)(per$ic-el #$%
P&e&&er-)che$ &ro( 7erli$, Li$4er #$% 0obos Torte$ &ro( Bie$$#, Str)%el &ro( H)$g#ry #$% b#-l#,# &ro( A$-#r#* E#ch
(or$i$g 'ilo se$t pl#$es #lo&t #ll o,er E)rope #$% /orth A&ric# h#)li$g lo$g re% to2 sig$s #%,ertisi$g the %#y5s speci#ls
i$ l#rge s6)#re letters@ 5E.ERO=/0, FO* * * >H+T+/:, 21O*5 He booste% c#sh i$co(e &or the sy$%ic#te by le#si$g to2
sig$s to Pet 'il-, :#i$es 0og ;oo%, #$% /o84e(#* +$ # spirit o& ci,ic e$terprise, he reg)l#rly #llotte% # cert#i$ #(o)$t
o& &ree #eri#l #%,ertisi$g sp#ce to :e$er#l Pec-e( &or the prop#g#tio$ o& s)ch (ess#ges i$ the p)blic i$terest #s
/EAT/ESS CO=/TS, HASTE 'A?ES >ASTE, #$% THE ;A'+L. THAT PRA.S TO:ETHER STA.S TO:ETHER*
'ilo p)rch#se% spot r#%io #$$o)$ce(e$ts o$ A8is S#lly5s #$% Lor% H#2 H#25s %#ily prop#g#$%# bro#%c#sts &ro(
7erli$ to -eep thi$gs (o,i$g* 7)si$ess boo(e% o$ e,ery b#ttle&ro$t*
'ilo5s pl#$es 2ere # &#(ili#r sight* They h#% &ree%o( o& p#ss#ge e,ery2here, #$% o$e %#y 'ilo co$tr#cte% 2ith the
A(eric#$ (ilit#ry #)thorities to bo(b the :er(#$-hel% high2#y bri%ge #t Or,ieto #$% 2ith the :er(#$ (ilit#ry
#)thorities to %e&e$% the high2#y bri%ge #t Or,ieto 2ith #$ti#ircr#&t &ire #g#i$st his o2$ #tt#c-* His &ee &or #tt#c-i$g the
bri%ge &or A(eric# 2#s the tot#l cost o& the oper#tio$ pl)s si8 per ce$t #$% his &ee &ro( :er(#$y &or %e&e$%i$g the
bri%ge 2#s the s#(e cost-pl)s-si8 #gree(e$t #)g(e$te% by # (erit bo$)s o& # tho)s#$% %oll#rs &or e,ery A(eric#$
pl#$e he shot %o2$* The co$s)((#tio$ o& these %e#ls represe$te% #$ i(port#$t ,ictory &or pri,#te e$terprise, he
poi$te% o)t, si$ce the #r(ies o& both co)$tries 2ere soci#li4e% i$stit)tio$s* O$ce the co$tr#cts 2ere sig$e%, there
see(e% to be $o poi$t i$ )si$g the reso)rces o& the sy$%ic#te to bo(b #$% %e&e$% the bri%ge, i$#s()ch #s both
go,er$(e$ts h#% #(ple (e$ #$% (#teri#l right there to %o so #$% 2ere per&ectly h#ppy to co$trib)te the(, #$% i$ the
e$% 'ilo re#li4e% # &#$t#stic pro&it &ro( both h#l,es o& his pro3ect &or %oi$g $othi$g (ore th#$ sig$i$g his $#(e t2ice*
The #rr#$ge(e$ts 2ere &#ir to both si%es* Si$ce 'ilo %i% h#,e &ree%o( o& p#ss#ge e,ery2here, his pl#$es 2ere #ble to
Catch 22
ste#l o,er i$ # s$e#- #tt#c- 2itho)t #lerti$g the :er(#$ #$ti#ircr#&t g)$$ersA #$% si$ce 'ilo -$e2 #bo)t the #tt#c-, he
2#s #ble to #lert the :er(#$ #$ti#ircr#&t g)$$ers i$ s)&&icie$t ti(e &or the( to begi$ &iri$g #cc)r#tely the (o(e$t the
pl#$es c#(e i$to r#$ge* +t 2#s #$ i%e#l #rr#$ge(e$t &or e,eryo$e b)t the %e#% (#$ i$ .oss#ri#$5s te$t, 2ho 2#s -ille%
o,er the t#rget the %#y he #rri,e%*
5+ %i%$5t -ill hi(C5 'ilo -ept replyi$g p#ssio$#tely to .oss#ri#$5s #$gry protest* 5+ 2#s$5t e,e$ there th#t %#y, + tell yo)* 0o
yo) thi$- + 2#s %o2$ there o$ the gro)$% &iri$g #$ #$ti#ircr#&t g)$ 2he$ the pl#$es c#(e o,er95
57)t yo) org#$i4e% the 2hole thi$g, %i%$5t yo)95 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% b#c- #t hi( i$ the ,el,et %#r-$ess clo#-i$g the p#th
le#%i$g p#st the still ,ehicles o& the (otor pool to the ope$-#ir (o,ie the#ter*
5A$% + %i%$5t org#$i4e #$ythi$g,5 'ilo #$s2ere% i$%ig$#$tly, %r#2i$g gre#t #git#te% s$i&&s o& #ir i$ thro)gh his hissi$g,
p#le, t2itchi$g $ose* 5The :er(#$s h#,e the bri%ge, #$% 2e 2ere goi$g to bo(b it, 2hether + steppe% i$to the pict)re or
$ot* + 3)st s#2 # 2o$%er&)l opport)$ity to (#-e so(e pro&it o)t o& the (issio$, #$% + too- it* >h#t5s so terrible #bo)t
th#t95
5>h#t5s so terrible #bo)t it9 'ilo, # (#$ i$ (y te$t 2#s -ille% o$ th#t (issio$ be&ore he co)l% e,e$ )$p#c- his b#gs*5
57)t + %i%$5t -ill hi(*5
5.o) got # tho)s#$% %oll#rs e8tr# &or it*5
57)t + %i%$5t -ill hi(* + 2#s$5t e,e$ there, + tell yo)* + 2#s i$ 7#rcelo$# b)yi$g oli,e oil #$% s-i$less #$% bo$eless
s#r%i$es, #$% +5,e got the p)rch#se or%ers to pro,e it* A$% + %i%$5t get the tho)s#$% %oll#rs* Th#t tho)s#$% %oll#rs 2e$t
to the sy$%ic#te, #$% e,erybo%y got # sh#re, e,e$ yo)*5 'ilo 2#s #ppe#li$g to .oss#ri#$ &ro( the botto( o& his so)l*
5Loo-, + %i%$5t st#rt this 2#r, .oss#ri#$, $o (#tter 2h#t th#t lo)sy >i$tergree$ is s#yi$g* +5( 3)st tryi$g to p)t it o$ #
b)si$essli-e b#sis* +s #$ythi$g 2ro$g 2ith th#t9 .o) -$o2, # tho)s#$% %oll#rs #i$5t s)ch # b#% price &or # (e%i)(
bo(ber #$% # cre2* +& + c#$ pers)#%e the :er(#$s to p#y (e # tho)s#$% %oll#rs &or e,ery pl#$e they shoot %o2$, 2hy
sho)l%$5t + t#-e it95
57ec#)se yo)5re %e#li$g 2ith the e$e(y, th#t5s 2hy* C#$5t yo) )$%erst#$% th#t 2e5re &ighti$g # 2#r9 People #re %yi$g*
Loo- #ro)$% yo), &or Christ5s s#-eC5
'ilo shoo- his he#% 2ith 2e#ry &orbe#r#$ce* 5A$% the :er(#$s #re $ot o)r e$e(ies,5 he %ecl#re%* 5Oh + -$o2 2h#t
yo)5re goi$g to s#y* S)re, 2e5re #t 2#r 2ith the(* 7)t the :er(#$s #re #lso (e(bers i$ goo% st#$%i$g o& the sy$%ic#te,
#$% it5s (y 3ob to protect their rights #s sh#rehol%ers* '#ybe they %i% st#rt the 2#r, #$% (#ybe they #re -illi$g (illio$s o&
people, b)t they p#y their bills # lot (ore pro(ptly th#$ so(e #llies o& o)rs + co)l% $#(e* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$% th#t +
h#,e to respect the s#$ctity o& (y co$tr#ct 2ith :er(#$y9 C#$5t yo) see it &ro( (y poi$t o& ,ie295
5/o,5 .oss#ri#$ reb)&&e% hi( h#rshly*
'ilo 2#s st)$g #$% (#%e $o e&&ort to %isg)ise his 2o)$%e% &eeli$gs* +t 2#s # ()ggy, (oo$lit $ight &ille% 2ith g$#ts,
(oths, #$% (os6)itoes* 'ilo li&te% his #r( s)%%e$ly #$% poi$te% to2#r% the ope$-#ir the#ter, 2here the (il-y, %)st-&ille%
be#( b)rsti$g hori4o$t#lly &ro( the pro3ector sl#she% # co$eli-e s2#th i$ the bl#c-$ess #$% %r#pe% i$ # &l)oresce$t
(e(br#$e o& light the #)%ie$ce tilte% o$ the se#ts there i$ hyp$otic s#gs, their &#ces &oc)se% )p2#r% to2#r% the
#l)(i$i4e% (o,ie scree$* 'ilo5s eyes 2ere li6)i% 2ith i$tegrity, #$% his #rtless #$% )$corr)pte% &#ce 2#s l)stro)s 2ith #
shi$i$g (i8t)re o& s2e#t #$% i$sect repelle$t*
5Loo- #t the(,5 he e8cl#i(e% i$ # ,oice cho-e% 2ith e(otio$* 5They5re (y &rie$%s, (y co)$try(e$, (y co(r#%es i$
#r(s* A &ello2 $e,er h#% # better b)$ch o& b)%%ies* 0o yo) thi$- +5% %o # si$gle thi$g to h#r( the( i& + %i%$5t h#,e to9
H#,e$5t + got e$o)gh o$ (y (i$%9 C#$5t yo) see ho2 )pset + #( #lre#%y #bo)t #ll th#t cotto$ pili$g )p o$ those piers i$
Egypt95 'ilo5s ,oice spli$tere% i$to &r#g(e$ts, #$% he cl)tche% #t .oss#ri#$5s shirt &ro$t #s tho)gh %ro2$i$g* His eyes
2ere throbbi$g ,isibly li-e bro2$ c#terpill#rs* 5.oss#ri#$, 2h#t #( + goi$g to %o 2ith so ()ch cotto$9 +t5s #ll yo)r &#)lt &or
letti$g (e b)y it*5
The cotto$ 2#s pili$g )p o$ the piers i$ Egypt, #$% $obo%y 2#$te% #$y* 'ilo h#% $e,er %re#(e% th#t the /ile B#lley
co)l% be so &ertile or th#t there 2o)l% be $o (#r-et #t #ll &or the crop he h#% bo)ght* The (ess h#lls i$ his sy$%ic#te
2o)l% $ot helpA they rose )p i$ )$co(pro(isi$g rebellio$ #g#i$st his propos#l to t#8 the( o$ # per c#pit# b#sis i$ or%er
to e$#ble e#ch (#$ to o2$ his o2$ sh#re o& the Egypti#$ cotto$ crop* E,e$ his reli#ble &rie$%s the :er(#$s &#ile% hi(
i$ this crisis@ they pre&erre% ers#t4* 'ilo5s (ess h#lls 2o)l% $ot e,e$ help hi( store the cotto$, #$% his 2#reho)si$g
costs s-yroc-ete% #$% co$trib)te% to the %e,#st#ti$g %r#i$ )po$ his c#sh reser,es* The pro&its &ro( the Or,ieto (issio$
2ere s)c-e% #2#y* He beg#$ 2riti$g ho(e &or the (o$ey he h#% se$t b#c- i$ better %#ysA soo$ th#t 2#s #l(ost go$e*
A$% $e2 b#les o& cotto$ -ept #rri,i$g o$ the 2h#r,es #t Ale8#$%ri# e,ery %#y* E#ch ti(e he s)ccee%e% i$ %)(pi$g
so(e o$ the 2orl% (#r-et &or # loss it 2#s s$#ppe% )p by c#$$y Egypti#$ bro-ers i$ the Le,#$t, 2ho sol% it b#c- to hi(
#t the origi$#l price, so th#t he 2#s re#lly 2orse o&& th#$ be&ore*
' L ' E$terprises ,erge% o$ coll#pse* 'ilo c)rse% hi(sel& ho)rly &or his (o$)(e$t#l gree% #$% st)pi%ity i$ p)rch#si$g
the e$tire Egypti#$ cotto$ crop, b)t # co$tr#ct 2#s # co$tr#ct #$% h#% to be ho$ore%, #$% o$e $ight, #&ter # s)(pt)o)s
e,e$i$g (e#l, #ll 'ilo5s &ighters #$% bo(bers too- o&&, 3oi$e% i$ &or(#tio$ %irectly o,erhe#% #$% beg#$ %roppi$g bo(bs
o$ the gro)p* He h#% l#$%e% #$other co$tr#ct 2ith the :er(#$s, this ti(e to bo(b his o2$ o)t&it* 'ilo5s pl#$es
sep#r#te% i$ # 2ell co-or%i$#te% #tt#c- #$% bo(be% the &)el stoc-s #$% the or%$#$ce %)(p, the rep#ir h#$g#rs #$% the
7-2! bo(bers resti$g o$ the lollipop-sh#pe% h#r%st#$%s #t the &iel%* His cre2s sp#re% the l#$%i$g strip #$% the (ess
h#lls so th#t they co)l% l#$% s#&ely 2he$ their 2or- 2#s %o$e #$% e$3oy # hot s$#c- be&ore retiri$g* They bo(be% 2ith
their l#$%i$g lights o$, si$ce $o o$e 2#s shooti$g b#c-* They bo(be% #ll &o)r s6)#%ro$s, the o&&icers5 cl)b #$% the
:ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g* 'e$ bolte% &ro( their te$ts i$ sheer terror #$% %i% $ot -$o2 i$ 2hich %irectio$ to t)r$*
>o)$%e% soo$ l#y scre#(i$g e,ery2here* A cl)ster o& &r#g(e$t#tio$ bo(bs e8plo%e% i$ the y#r% o& the o&&icers5 cl)b
#$% p)$che% 3#gge% holes i$ the si%e o& the 2oo%e$ b)il%i$g #$% i$ the bellies #$% b#c-s o& # ro2 o& lie)te$#$ts #$%
c#pt#i$s st#$%i$g #t the b#r* They %o)ble% o,er i$ #go$y #$% %roppe%* The rest o& the o&&icers &le% to2#r% the t2o e8its
i$ p#$ic #$% 3#((e% )p the %oor2#ys li-e # %e$se, ho2li$g %#( o& h)(#$ &lesh #s they shr#$- &ro( goi$g &#rther*
Colo$el C#thc#rt cl#2e% #$% elbo2e% his 2#y thro)gh the )$r)ly, be2il%ere% (#ss )$til he stoo% o)tsi%e by hi(sel&* He
st#re% )p #t the s-y i$ st#r- #sto$ish(e$t #$% horror* 'ilo5s pl#$es, b#lloo$i$g sere$ely i$ o,er the blosso(i$g treetops
2ith their bo(b b#y %oors ope$ #$% 2i$g &l#ps %o2$ #$% 2ith their (o$stro)s, b)g-eye%, bli$%i$g, &iercely &lic-eri$g,
eerie l#$%i$g lights o$, 2ere the (ost #poc#lyptic sight he h#% e,er behel%* Colo$el C#thc#rt let go # stric-e$ g#sp o&
%is(#y #$% h)rle% hi(sel& he#%lo$g i$to his 3eep, #l(ost sobbi$g* He &o)$% the g#s pe%#l #$% the ig$itio$ #$% spe%
to2#r% the #ir&iel% #s &#st #s the roc-i$g c#r 2o)l% c#rry hi(, his h)ge &l#bby h#$%s cle$che% #$% bloo%less o$ the
87 | P a g e
2heel or bl#ri$g his hor$ tor(e$te%ly* O$ce he #l(ost -ille% hi(sel& 2he$ he s2er,e% 2ith # b#$shee screech o& tires
to #,oi% plo2i$g i$to # b)$ch o& (e$ r)$$i$g cr#4ily to2#r% the hills i$ their )$%er2e#r 2ith their st)$$e% &#ces %o2$
#$% their thi$ #r(s presse% high #ro)$% their te(ples #s p)$y shiel%s* .ello2, or#$ge #$% re% &ires 2ere b)r$i$g o$
both si%es o& the ro#%* Te$ts #$% trees 2ere i$ &l#(es, #$% 'ilo5s pl#$es -ept co(i$g #ro)$% i$ter(i$#bly 2ith their
bli$-i$g 2hite l#$%i$g lights o$ #$% their bo(b b#y %oors ope$* Colo$el C#thc#rt #l(ost t)r$e% the 3eep o,er 2he$ he
sl#((e% the br#-es o$ #t the co$trol to2er* He le#pe% &ro( the c#r 2hile it 2#s still s-i%%i$g %#$gero)sly #$% h)rtle%
)p the &light o& steps i$si%e, 2here three (e$ 2ere b)sy #t the i$str)(e$ts #$% the co$trols* He bo2le% t2o o& the(
#si%e i$ his l)$ge &or the $ic-el-pl#te% (icropho$e, his eyes glitteri$g 2il%ly #$% his bee&y &#ce co$torte% 2ith stress* He
s6)ee4e% the (icropho$e i$ # besti#l grip #$% beg#$ sho)ti$g hysteric#lly #t the top o& his ,oice*
5'ilo, yo) so$ o& # bitchC Are yo) cr#4y9 >h#t the hell #re yo) %oi$g9 Co(e %o2$C Co(e %o2$C5
5Stop holleri$g so ()ch, 2ill yo)95 #$s2ere% 'ilo, 2ho 2#s st#$%i$g there right besi%e hi( i$ the co$trol to2er 2ith #
(icropho$e o& his o2$* 5+5( right here*5 'ilo loo-e% #t hi( 2ith reproo& #$% t)r$e% b#c- to his 2or-* 5Bery goo%, (e$,
,ery goo%,5 he ch#$te% i$to his (icropho$e* 57)t + see o$e s)pply she% still st#$%i$g* Th#t 2ill $e,er %o, P)r,is - +5,e
spo-e$ to yo) #bo)t th#t -i$% o& sho%%y 2or- be&ore* /o2, yo) go right b#c- there this (i$)te #$% try it #g#i$* A$% this
ti(e co(e i$ slo2ly*** slo2ly* H#ste (#-es 2#ste, P)r,is* H#ste (#-es 2#ste* +& +5,e tol% yo) th#t o$ce, + ()st h#,e tol%
yo) th#t # h)$%re% ti(es* H#ste (#-es 2#ste*5
The lo)%spe#-er o,erhe#% beg#$ s6)#2-i$g* 5'ilo, this is Al,i$ 7ro2$* +5,e &i$ishe% %roppi$g (y bo(bs* >h#t sho)l% +
%o $o295
5Str#&e,5 s#i% 'ilo*
5Str#&e95 Al,i$ 7ro2$ 2#s shoc-e%*
5>e h#,e $o choice,5 'ilo i$&or(e% hi( resig$e%ly* 5+t5s i$ the co$tr#ct*5
5Oh, o-#y, the$,5 Al,i$ 7ro2$ #c6)iesce%* 5+$ th#t c#se +5ll str#&e*5
This ti(e 'ilo h#% go$e too &#r* 7o(bi$g his o2$ (e$ #$% pl#$es 2#s (ore th#$ e,e$ the (ost phleg(#tic obser,er
co)l% sto(#ch, #$% it loo-e% li-e the e$% &or hi(* High-r#$-i$g go,er$(e$t o&&ici#ls po)re% i$ to i$,estig#te*
/e2sp#pers i$,eighe% #g#i$st 'ilo 2ith gl#ri$g he#%li$es, #$% Co$gress(e$ %e$o)$ce% the #trocity i$ ste$tori#$
2r#th #$% cl#(ore% &or p)$ish(e$t* 'others 2ith chil%re$ i$ the ser,ice org#$i4e% i$to (ilit#$t gro)ps #$% %e(#$%e%
re,e$ge* /ot o$e ,oice 2#s r#ise% i$ his %e&e$se* 0ece$t people e,ery2here 2ere #&&ro$te%, #$% 'ilo 2#s #ll 2#she%
)p )$til he ope$e% his boo-s to the p)blic #$% %isclose% the tre(e$%o)s pro&it he h#% (#%e* He co)l% rei(b)rse the
go,er$(e$t &or #ll the people #$% property he h#% %estroye% #$% still h#,e e$o)gh (o$ey le&t o,er to co$ti$)e b)yi$g
Egypti#$ cotto$* E,erybo%y, o& co)rse, o2$e% # sh#re* A$% the s2eetest p#rt o& the 2hole %e#l 2#s th#t there re#lly
2#s $o $ee% to rei(b)rse the go,er$(e$t #t #ll*
5+$ # %e(ocr#cy, the go,er$(e$t is the people,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e%* 5>e5re people, #re$5t 2e9 So 2e (ight 3)st #s 2ell -eep
the (o$ey #$% eli(i$#te the (i%%le(#$* ;r#$-ly, +5% li-e to see the go,er$(e$t get o)t o& 2#r #ltogether #$% le#,e the
2hole &iel% to pri,#te i$%)stry* +& 2e p#y the go,er$(e$t e,erythi$g 2e o2e it, 2e5ll o$ly be e$co)r#gi$g go,er$(e$t
co$trol #$% %isco)r#gi$g other i$%i,i%)#ls &ro( bo(bi$g their o2$ (e$ #$% pl#$es* >e5ll be t#-i$g #2#y their i$ce$ti,e*5
'ilo 2#s correct, o& co)rse, #s e,eryo$e soo$ #gree% b)t # &e2 e(bittere% (is&its li-e 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2ho s)l-e%
c#$t#$-ero)sly #$% ()ttere% o&&e$si,e i$si$)#tio$s #bo)t the (or#lity o& the 2hole ,e$t)re )$til 'ilo (olli&ie% hi( 2ith
# %o$#tio$, i$ the $#(e o& the sy$%ic#te, o& # light2eight #l)(i$)( coll#psible g#r%e$ ch#ir th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# co)l%
&ol% )p co$,e$ie$tly #$% c#rry o)tsi%e his te$t e#ch ti(e Chie& >hite H#l&o#t c#(e i$si%e his te$t #$% c#rry b#c- i$si%e
his te$t e#ch ti(e Chie& >hite H#l&o#t c#(e o)t* 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% lost his he#% %)ri$g 'ilo5s bo(b#r%(e$tA i$ste#% o&
r)$$i$g &or co,er, he h#% re(#i$e% o)t i$ the ope$ #$% per&or(e% his %)ty, slitheri$g #lo$g the gro)$% thro)gh
shr#p$el, str#&i$g #$% i$ce$%i#ry bo(bs li-e # &)rti,e, 2ily li4#r% &ro( c#s)#lty to c#s)#lty, #%(i$isteri$g to)r$i6)ets,
(orphi$e, spli$ts #$% s)l&#$il#(i%e 2ith # %#r- #$% %ole&)l ,is#ge, $e,er s#yi$g o$e 2or% (ore th#$ he h#% to #$%
re#%i$g i$ e#ch (#$5s bl)i$g 2o)$% # %re#%&)l porte$t o& his o2$ %ec#y* He 2or-e% hi(sel& rele$tlessly i$to e8h#)stio$
be&ore the lo$g $ight 2#s o,er #$% c#(e %o2$ 2ith # s$i&e the $e8t %#y th#t se$t hi( h)rryi$g 6)er)lo)sly i$to the
(e%ic#l te$t to h#,e his te(per#t)re t#-e$ by :)s #$% >es #$% to obt#i$ # ()st#r% pl#ster #$% ,#pori4er*
0oc 0#$ee-# te$%e% e#ch (o#$i$g (#$ th#t $ight 2ith the s#(e gl)( #$% pro&o)$% #$% i$tro,erte% grie& he sho2e% #t
the #ir&iel% the %#y o& the A,ig$o$ (issio$ 2he$ .oss#ri#$ cli(be% %o2$ the &e2 steps o& his pl#$e $#-e%, i$ # st#te o&
)tter shoc-, 2ith S$o2%e$ s(e#re% #b)$%#$tly #ll o,er his b#re heels #$% toes, -$ees, #r(s #$% &i$gers, #$% poi$te%
i$si%e 2or%lessly to2#r% 2here the yo)$g r#%io-g)$$er l#y &ree4i$g to %e#th o$ the &loor besi%e the still yo)$ger t#il-
g)$$er 2ho -ept &#lli$g b#c- i$to # %e#% &#i$t e#ch ti(e he ope$e% his eyes #$% s#2 S$o2%e$ %yi$g*
0oc 0#$ee-# %r#pe% # bl#$-et #ro)$% .oss#ri#$5s sho)l%ers #l(ost te$%erly #&ter S$o2%e$ h#% bee$ re(o,e% &ro(
the pl#$e #$% c#rrie% i$to #$ #(b)l#$ce o$ # stretcher* He le% .oss#ri#$ to2#r% his 3eep* 'c>#tt helpe%, #$% the three
%ro,e i$ sile$ce to the s6)#%ro$ (e%ic#l te$t, 2here 'c>#tt #$% 0oc 0#$ee-# g)i%e% .oss#ri#$ i$si%e to # ch#ir #$%
2#she% S$o2%e$ o&& hi( 2ith col% 2et b#lls o& #bsorbe$t cotto$* 0oc 0#$ee-# g#,e hi( # pill #$% # shot th#t p)t hi(
to sleep &or t2el,e ho)rs* >he$ .oss#ri#$ 2o-e )p #$% 2e$t to see hi(, 0oc 0#$ee-# g#,e hi( #$other pill #$% # shot
th#t p)t hi( to sleep &or #$other t2el,e ho)rs* >he$ .oss#ri#$ 2o-e )p #g#i$ #$% 2e$t to see hi(, 0oc 0#$ee-#
(#%e re#%y to gi,e hi( #$other pill #$% # shot*
5Ho2 lo$g #re yo) goi$g to -eep gi,i$g (e those pills #$% shots95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% hi(*
5=$til yo) &eel better*5
5+ &eel #ll right $o2*5
0oc 0#$ee-#5s &r#il s)$t#$$e% &orehe#% &)rro2e% 2ith s)rprise* 5The$ 2hy %o$5t yo) p)t so(e clothes o$9 >hy #re yo)
2#l-i$g #ro)$% $#-e%95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to 2e#r # )$i&or( #$y (ore*5
0oc 0#$ee-# #ccepte% the e8pl#$#tio$ #$% p)t #2#y his hypo%er(ic syri$ge* 5Are yo) s)re yo) &eel #ll right95
5+ &eel &i$e* +5( 3)st # little logy &ro( #ll those pills #$% shots yo)5,e bee$ gi,i$g (e*5
.oss#ri#$ 2e$t #bo)t his b)si$ess 2ith $o clothes o$ #ll the rest o& th#t %#y #$% 2#s still $#-e% l#te the $e8t (or$i$g
2he$ 'ilo, #&ter h)$ti$g e,ery2here else, &i$#lly &o)$% hi( sitti$g )p # tree # s(#ll %ist#$ce i$ b#c- o& the 6)#i$t little
(ilit#ry ce(etery #t 2hich S$o2%e$ 2#s bei$g b)rie%* 'ilo 2#s %resse% i$ his c)sto(#ry b)si$ess #ttire - oli,e-%r#b
tro)sers, # &resh oli,e-%r#b shirt #$% tie, 2ith o$e sil,er &irst lie)te$#$t5s b#r gle#(i$g o$ the coll#r, #$% # reg)l#tio$
Catch 22
%ress c#p 2ith # sti&& le#ther bill*
5+5,e bee$ loo-i$g #ll o,er &or yo),5 'ilo c#lle% )p to .oss#ri#$ &ro( the gro)$% repro#ch&)lly*
5.o) sho)l% h#,e loo-e% &or (e i$ this tree,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%* 5+5,e bee$ )p here #ll (or$i$g*5
5Co(e o$ %o2$ #$% t#ste this #$% tell (e i& it5s goo%* +t5s ,ery i(port#$t*5
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#%* He s#t $)%e o$ the lo2est li(b o& the tree #$% b#l#$ce% hi(sel& 2ith both h#$%s gr#spi$g
the bo)gh %irectly #bo,e* He re&)se% to b)%ge, #$% 'ilo h#% $o choice b)t to stretch both #r(s #bo)t the tr)$- i$ #
%ist#ste&)l h)g #$% st#rt cli(bi$g* He str)ggle% )p2#r% cl)(sily 2ith lo)% gr)$ts #$% 2hee4es, #$% his clothes 2ere
s6)#she% #$% croo-e% by the ti(e he p)lle% hi(sel& )p high e$o)gh to hoo- # leg o,er the li(b #$% p#)se &or bre#th*
His %ress c#p 2#s #s-e2 #$% i$ %#$ger o& &#lli$g* 'ilo c#)ght it 3)st i$ ti(e 2he$ it beg#$ slippi$g* :lob)les o&
perspir#tio$ gliste$e% li-e tr#$sp#re$t pe#rls #ro)$% his ()st#che #$% s2elle% li-e op#6)e blisters )$%er his eyes*
.oss#ri#$ 2#tche% hi( i(p#ssi,ely* C#)tio)sly 'ilo 2or-e% hi(sel& #ro)$% i$ # h#l& circle so th#t he co)l% &#ce
.oss#ri#$* He )$2r#ppe% tiss)e p#per &ro( so(ethi$g so&t, ro)$% #$% bro2$ #$% h#$%e% it to .oss#ri#$*
5Ple#se t#ste this #$% let (e -$o2 2h#t yo) thi$-* +5% li-e to ser,e it to the (e$*5
5>h#t is it95 #s-e% .oss#ri#$, #$% too- # big bite*
5Chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$*5
.oss#ri#$ g#gge% co$,)lsi,ely #$% spr#ye% his big (o)th&)l o& chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$ right i$to 'ilo5s &#ce* 5Here,
t#-e it b#c-C5 he spo)te% #$grily* 5Jes)s ChristC H#,e yo) go$e cr#4y9 .o) %i%$5t e,e$ t#-e the go%%#( see%s o)t*5
5:i,e it # ch#$ce, 2ill yo)95 'ilo begge%* 5+t c#$5t be th#t b#%* +s it re#lly th#t b#%95
5+t5s e,e$ 2orse*5
57)t +5,e got to (#-e the (ess h#lls &ee% it to the (e$*5
5They5ll $e,er be #ble to s2#llo2 it*5
5They5,e got to s2#llo2 it,5 'ilo or%#i$e% 2ith %ict#tori#l gr#$%e)r, #$% #l(ost bro-e his $ec- 2he$ he let go 2ith o$e
#r( to 2#,e # righteo)s &i$ger i$ the #ir*
5Co(e o$ o)t here,5 .oss#ri#$ i$,ite% hi(* 5.o)5ll be ()ch s#&er, #$% yo) c#$ see e,erythi$g*5
:rippi$g the bo)gh #bo,e 2ith both h#$%s, 'ilo beg#$ i$chi$g his 2#y o)t o$ the li(b si%e2#ys 2ith )t(ost c#re #$%
#pprehe$sio$* His &#ce 2#s rigi% 2ith te$sio$, #$% he sighe% 2ith relie& 2he$ he &o)$% hi(sel& se#te% sec)rely besi%e
.oss#ri#$* He stro-e% the tree #&&ectio$#tely* 5This is # pretty goo% tree,5 he obser,e% #%(iri$gly 2ith propriet#ry
gr#tit)%e*
5+t5s the tree o& li&e,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%, 2#ggli$g his toes, 5#$% o& -$o2le%ge o& goo% #$% e,il, too*5
'ilo s6)i$te% closely #t the b#r- #$% br#$ches* 5/o it is$5t,5 he replie%* 5+t5s # chest$)t tree* + o)ght to -$o2* + sell
chest$)ts*5
5H#,e it yo)r 2#y*5
They s#t i$ the tree 2itho)t t#l-i$g &or se,er#l seco$%s, their legs %#$gli$g #$% their h#$%s #l(ost str#ight )p o$ the
bo)gh #bo,e, the o$e co(pletely $)%e b)t &or # p#ir o& crepe-sole% s#$%#ls, the other co(pletely %resse% i$ # co#rse
oli,e-%r#b 2oole$ )$i&or( 2ith his tie -$otte% tight* 'ilo st)%ie% .oss#ri#$ %i&&i%e$tly thro)gh the cor$er o& his eye,
hesit#ti$g t#ct&)lly*
5+ 2#$t to #s- yo) so(ethi$g,5 he s#i% #t l#st* 5.o) %o$5t h#,e #$y clothes o$* + %o$5t 2#$t to b)tt i$ or #$ythi$g, b)t + 3)st
2#$t to -$o2* >hy #re$5t yo) 2e#ri$g yo)r )$i&or(95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to*5
'ilo $o%%e% r#pi%ly li-e # sp#rro2 pec-i$g* 5+ see, + see,5 he st#te% 6)ic-ly 2ith # loo- o& ,i,i% co$&)sio$* 5+ )$%erst#$%
per&ectly* + he#r% Appleby #$% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- s#y yo) h#% go$e cr#4y, #$% + 3)st 2#$te% to &i$% o)t*5 He hesit#te% politely
#g#i$, 2eighi$g his $e8t 6)estio$* 5Are$5t yo) e,er goi$g to p)t yo)r )$i&or( o$ #g#i$95
5+ %o$5t thi$- so*5
'ilo $o%%e% 2ith sp)rio)s ,i( to i$%ic#te he still )$%erstoo% #$% the$ s#t sile$t, r)(i$#ti$g gr#,ely 2ith tro)ble%
(isgi,i$g* A sc#rlet-creste% bir% shot by belo2, br)shi$g s)re %#r- 2i$gs #g#i$st # 6)i,eri$g b)sh* .oss#ri#$ #$% 'ilo
2ere co,ere% i$ their bo2er by tiss)e-thi$ tiers o& slopi$g gree$ #$% l#rgely s)rro)$%e% by other gr#y chest$)t trees
#$% # sil,er spr)ce* The s)$ 2#s high o,erhe#% i$ # ,#st s#pphire-bl)e s-y be#%e% 2ith lo2, isol#te%, p)&&y clo)%s o&
%ry #$% i((#c)l#te 2hite* There 2#s $o bree4e, #$% the le#,es #bo)t the( h)$g (otio$less* The sh#%e 2#s &e#thery*
E,erythi$g 2#s #t pe#ce b)t 'ilo, 2ho str#ighte$e% s)%%e$ly 2ith # ()&&le% cry #$% beg#$ poi$ti$g e8cite%ly*
5Loo- #t th#tC5 he e8cl#i(e% i$ #l#r(* 5Loo- #t th#tC Th#t5s # &)$er#l goi$g o$ %o2$ there* Th#t loo-s li-e the ce(etery*
+s$5t it95
.oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% hi( slo2ly i$ # le,el ,oice* 5They5re b)ryi$g th#t -i% 2ho got -ille% i$ (y pl#$e o,er A,ig$o$ the
other %#y* S$o2%e$*5
5>h#t h#ppe$e% to hi(95 'ilo #s-e% i$ # ,oice %e#%e$e% 2ith #2e*
5He got -ille%*5
5Th#t5s terrible,5 'ilo grie,e%, #$% his l#rge bro2$ eyes &ille% 2ith te#rs* 5Th#t poor -i%* +t re#lly is terrible*5 He bit his
tre(bli$g lip h#r%, #$% his ,oice rose 2ith e(otio$ 2he$ he co$ti$)e%* 5A$% it 2ill get e,e$ 2orse i& the (ess h#lls %o$5t
#gree to b)y (y cotto$* .oss#ri#$, 2h#t5s the (#tter 2ith the(9 0o$5t they re#li4e it5s their sy$%ic#te9 0o$5t they -$o2
they5,e #ll got # sh#re95
50i% the %e#% (#$ i$ (y te$t h#,e # sh#re95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e% c#)stic#lly*
5O& co)rse he %i%,5 'ilo #ss)re% hi( l#,ishly* 5E,erybo%y i$ the s6)#%ro$ h#s # sh#re*5
5He 2#s -ille% be&ore he e,e$ got i$to the s6)#%ro$*5
'ilo (#%e # %e&t gri(#ce o& trib)l#tio$ #$% t)r$e% #2#y* 5+ 2ish yo)5% stop pic-i$g o$ (e #bo)t th#t %e#% (#$ i$ yo)r
te$t,5 he ple#%e% pee,ishly* 5+ tol% yo) + %i%$5t h#,e #$ythi$g to %o 2ith -illi$g hi(* +s it (y &#)lt th#t + s#2 this gre#t
opport)$ity to cor$er the (#r-et o$ Egypti#$ cotto$ #$% got )s i$to #ll this tro)ble9 >#s + s)ppose% to -$o2 there 2#s
goi$g to be # gl)t9 + %i%$5t e,e$ -$o2 2h#t # gl)t 2#s i$ those %#ys* A$ opport)$ity to cor$er # (#r-et %oes$5t co(e
#lo$g ,ery o&te$, #$% + 2#s pretty shre2% to gr#b the ch#$ce 2he$ + h#% it*5 'ilo g)lpe% b#c- # (o#$ #s he s#2 si8
)$i&or(e% p#llbe#rers li&t the pl#i$ pi$e co&&i$ &ro( the #(b)l#$ce #$% set it ge$tly %o2$ o$ the gro)$% besi%e the
y#2$i$g g#sh o& the &reshly %)g gr#,e* 5A$% $o2 + c#$5t get ri% o& # si$gle pe$$y5s 2orth,5 he (o)r$e%*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s )$(o,e% by the &)sti#$ ch#r#%e o& the b)ri#l cere(o$y, #$% by 'ilo5s cr)shi$g bere#,e(e$t* The
ch#pl#i$5s ,oice &lo#te% )p to hi( thro)gh the %ist#$ce te$)o)sly i$ #$ )$i$telligible, #l(ost i$#)%ible (o$oto$e, li-e #
89 | P a g e
g#seo)s ()r()r* .oss#ri#$ co)l% (#-e o)t '#3or '#3or by his to2eri$g #$% l#$-y #loo&$ess #$% tho)ght he
recog$i4e% '#3or 0#$by (oppi$g his bro2 2ith # h#$%-erchie&* '#3or 0#$by h#% $ot stoppe% sh#-i$g si$ce his r)$-i$
2ith :e$er#l 0ree%le* There 2ere str#$%s o& e$liste% (e$ (ol%e% i$ # c)r,e #ro)$% the three o&&icers, #s i$&le8ible #s
l)(ps o& 2oo%, #$% &o)r i%le gr#,e%iggers i$ stre#-e% &#tig)es lo)$gi$g i$%i&&ere$tly o$ sp#%es $e#r the shoc-i$g,
i$co$gr)o)s he#p o& loose copperre% e#rth* As .oss#ri#$ st#re%, the ch#pl#i$ ele,#te% his g#4e to2#r% .oss#ri#$
be#ti&ic#lly, presse% his &i$gers %o2$ o,er his eyeb#lls i$ # (#$$er o& #&&lictio$, peere% )p2#r% #g#i$ to2#r% .oss#ri#$
se#rchi$gly, #$% bo2e% his he#%, co$cl)%i$g 2h#t .oss#ri#$ too- to be # cli(#ctic p#rt o& the &)$er#l rite* The &o)r (e$
i$ &#tig)es li&te% the co&&i$ o$ sli$gs #$% lo2ere% it i$to the gr#,e* 'ilo sh)%%ere% ,iole$tly*
5+ c#$5t 2#tch it,5 he crie%, t)r$i$g #2#y i$ #$g)ish* 5+ 3)st c#$5t sit here #$% 2#tch 2hile those (ess h#lls let (y
sy$%ic#te %ie*5 He g$#she% his teeth #$% shoo- his he#% 2ith bitter 2oe #$% rese$t(e$t* 5+& they h#% #$y loy#lty, they
2o)l% b)y (y cotto$ till it h)rts so th#t they c#$ -eep right o$ b)yi$g (y cotto$ till it h)rts the( so(e (ore* They 2o)l%
b)il% &ires #$% b)r$ )p their )$%er2e#r #$% s)((er )$i&or(s 3)st to cre#te bigger %e(#$%* 7)t they 2o$5t %o # thi$g*
.oss#ri#$, try e#ti$g the rest o& this chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$ &or (e* '#ybe it 2ill t#ste %elicio)s $o2*5
.oss#ri#$ p)she% his h#$% #2#y* 5:i,e )p, 'ilo* People c#$5t e#t cotto$*5
'ilo5s &#ce $#rro2e% c)$$i$gly* 5+t is$5t re#lly cotto$,5 he co#8e%* 5+ 2#s 3o-i$g* +t5s re#lly cotto$ c#$%y, %elicio)s cotto$
c#$%y* Try it #$% see*5
5/o2 yo)5re lyi$g*5
5+ $e,er lieC5 'ilo re3oi$%ere% 2ith pro)% %ig$ity*
5.o)5re lyi$g $o2*5
5+ o$ly lie 2he$ it5s $ecess#ry,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e% %e&e$si,ely, #,erti$g his eyes &or # (o(e$t #$% bli$-i$g his l#shes
2i$$i$gly* 5This st)&& is better th#$ cotto$ c#$%y, re#lly it is* +t5s (#%e o)t o& re#l cotto$* .oss#ri#$, yo)5,e got to help (e
(#-e the (e$ e#t it* Egypti#$ cotto$ is the &i$est cotto$ i$ the 2orl%*5
57)t it5s i$%igestible,5 .oss#ri#$ e(ph#si4e%* 5+t 2ill (#-e the( sic-, %o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 >hy %o$5t yo) try li,i$g o$ it
yo)rsel& i& yo) %o$5t belie,e (e95
5+ %i% try,5 #%(itte% 'ilo gloo(ily* 5A$% it (#%e (e sic-*5
The gr#,ey#r% 2#s yello2 #s h#y #$% gree$ #s coo-e% c#bb#ge* +$ # little 2hile the ch#pl#i$ steppe% b#c-, #$% the
beige cresce$t o& h)(#$ &or(s beg#$ to bre#- )p sl)ggishly, li-e &lots#(* The (e$ %ri&te% 2itho)t h#ste or so)$% to the
,ehicles p#r-e% #lo$g the si%e o& the b)(py %irt ro#%* >ith their he#%s %o2$ %isco$sol#tely, the ch#pl#i$, '#3or '#3or
#$% '#3or 0#$by (o,e% to2#r% their 3eeps i$ #$ ostr#ci4e% gro)p, e#ch hol%i$g hi(sel& &rie$%lessly se,er#l &eet #2#y
&ro( the other t2o*
5+t5s #ll o,er,5 obser,e% .oss#ri#$*
5+t5s the e$%,5 'ilo #gree% %espo$%e$tly* 5There5s $o hope le&t* A$% #ll bec#)se + le&t the( &ree to (#-e their o2$
%ecisio$s* Th#t sho)l% te#ch (e # lesso$ #bo)t %iscipli$e the $e8t ti(e + try so(ethi$g li-e this*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) sell yo)r cotto$ to the go,er$(e$t95 .oss#ri#$ s)ggeste% c#s)#lly, #s he 2#tche% the &o)r (e$ i$
stre#-e% &#tig)es sho,eli$g he#pi$g bl#%e&)ls o& the copper-re% e#rth b#c- %o2$ i$si%e the gr#,e*
'ilo ,etoe% the i%e# br)s6)ely* 5+t5s # (#tter o& pri$ciple,5 he e8pl#i$e% &ir(ly* 5The go,er$(e$t h#s $o b)si$ess i$
b)si$ess, #$% + 2o)l% be the l#st perso$ i$ the 2orl% to e,er try to i$,ol,e the go,er$(e$t i$ # b)si$ess o& (i$e* 7)t the
b)si$ess o& go,er$(e$t is b)si$ess,5 he re(e(bere% #lertly, #$% co$ti$)e% 2ith el#tio$* 5C#l,i$ Cooli%ge s#i% th#t, #$%
C#l,i$ Cooli%ge 2#s # Presi%e$t, so it ()st be tr)e* A$% the go,er$(e$t %oes h#,e the respo$sibility o& b)yi$g #ll the
Egypti#$ cotto$ +5,e got th#t $o o$e else 2#$ts so th#t + c#$ (#-e # pro&it, %oes$5t it95 'ilo5s &#ce clo)%e% #l(ost #s
#br)ptly, #$% his spirits %esce$%e% i$to # st#te o& s#% #$8iety* 57)t ho2 2ill + get the go,er$(e$t to %o it95
57ribe it,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%*
57ribe itC5 'ilo 2#s o)tr#ge% #$% #l(ost lost his b#l#$ce #$% bro-e his $ec- #g#i$* 5Sh#(e o$ yo)C5 he scol%e% se,erely,
bre#thi$g ,irt)o)s &ire %o2$ #$% )p2#r% i$to his r)sty ()st#che thro)gh his billo2i$g $ostrils #$% pri( lips* 57ribery is
#g#i$st the l#2, #$% yo) -$o2 it* 7)t it5s $ot #g#i$st the l#2 to (#-e # pro&it, is it9 So it c#$5t be #g#i$st the l#2 &or (e
to bribe so(eo$e i$ or%er to (#-e # &#ir pro&it, c#$ it9 /o, o& co)rse $otC5 He &ell to broo%i$g #g#i$, 2ith # (ee-, #l(ost
piti#ble %istress* 57)t ho2 2ill + -$o2 2ho to bribe95
5Oh, %o$5t yo) 2orry #bo)t th#t,5 .oss#ri#$ co(&orte% hi( 2ith # to$eless s$ic-er #s the e$gi$es o& the 3eeps #$%
#(b)l#$ce &r#ct)re% the %ro2sy sile$ce #$% the ,ehicles i$ the re#r beg#$ %ri,i$g #2#y b#c-2#r%* 5.o) (#-e the bribe
big e$o)gh #$% they5ll &i$% yo)* J)st (#-e s)re yo) %o e,erythi$g right o)t i$ the ope$* Let e,eryo$e -$o2 e8#ctly 2h#t
yo) 2#$t #$% ho2 ()ch yo)5re 2illi$g to p#y &or it* The &irst ti(e yo) #ct g)ilty or #sh#(e%, yo) (ight get i$to tro)ble*5
5+ 2ish yo)5% co(e 2ith (e,5 'ilo re(#r-e%* 5+ 2o$5t &eel s#&e #(o$g people 2ho t#-e bribes* They5re $o better th#$ #
b)$ch o& croo-s*5
5.o)5ll be #ll right,5 .oss#ri#$ #ss)re% hi( 2ith co$&i%e$ce* 5+& yo) r)$ i$to tro)ble, 3)st tell e,erybo%y th#t the sec)rity o&
the co)$try re6)ires # stro$g %o(estic Egypti#$-cotto$ spec)l#ti$g i$%)stry*5
5+t %oes,5 'ilo i$&or(e% hi( sole($ly* 5A stro$g Egypti#$-cotto$ spec)l#ti$g i$%)stry (e#$s # ()ch stro$ger A(eric#*5
5O& co)rse it %oes* A$% i& th#t %oes$5t 2or-, poi$t o)t the gre#t $)(ber o& A(eric#$ &#(ilies th#t %epe$% o$ it &or
i$co(e*5
5A gre#t (#$y A(eric#$ &#(ilies %o %epe$% o$ it &or i$co(e*5
5.o) see95 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5.o)5re ()ch better #t it th#$ + #(* .o) #l(ost (#-e it so)$% tr)e*5
5+t is tr)e,5 'ilo e8cl#i(e% 2ith # stro$g tr#ce o& ol% h#)te)r*
5Th#t5s 2h#t + (e#$* .o) %o it 2ith 3)st the right #(o)$t o& co$,ictio$*5
5.o)5re s)re yo) 2o$5t co(e 2ith (e95
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#%*
'ilo 2#s i(p#tie$t to get st#rte%* He st)&&e% the re(#i$%er o& the chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$ b#ll i$to his shirt poc-et #$%
e%ge% his 2#y b#c- gi$gerly #lo$g the br#$ch to the s(ooth gr#y tr)$-* He thre2 this #r(s #bo)t the tr)$- i$ #
ge$ero)s #$% #2-2#r% e(br#ce #$% beg#$ shi$$yi$g %o2$, the si%es o& his le#ther-sole% shoes slippi$g co$st#$tly so
th#t it see(e% (#$y ti(es he 2o)l% &#ll #$% i$3)re hi(sel&* H#l&2#y %o2$, he ch#$ge% his (i$% #$% cli(be% b#c- )p*
7its o& tree b#r- st)c- to his ()st#che, #$% his str#i$i$g &#ce 2#s &l)she% 2ith e8ertio$*
5+ 2ish yo)5% p)t yo)r )$i&or( o$ i$ste#% o& goi$g #ro)$% $#-e% th#t 2#y,5 he co$&i%e% pe$si,ely be&ore he cli(be% b#c-
%o2$ #g#i$ #$% h)rrie% #2#y* 5.o) (ight st#rt # tre$%, #$% the$ +5ll $e,er get ri% o& #ll this gol%#r$e% cotto$*5
Catch 22
2! THE CHAPLA+/
+t 2#s #lre#%y so(e ti(e si$ce the ch#pl#i$ h#% &irst beg)$ 2o$%eri$g 2h#t e,erythi$g 2#s #ll #bo)t* >#s there #
:o%9 Ho2 co)l% he be s)re9 7ei$g #$ A$#b#ptist (i$ister i$ the A(eric#$ Ar(y 2#s %i&&ic)lt e$o)gh )$%er the best o&
circ)(st#$cesA 2itho)t %og(#, it 2#s #l(ost i$toler#ble*
People 2ith lo)% ,oices &righte$e% hi(* 7r#,e, #ggressi,e (e$ o& #ctio$ li-e Colo$el C#thc#rt le&t hi( &eeli$g helpless
#$% #lo$e* >here,er he 2e$t i$ the Ar(y, he 2#s # str#$ger* E$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers %i% $ot co$%)ct the(sel,es 2ith
hi( #s they co$%)cte% the(sel,es 2ith other e$liste% (e$ #$% o&&icers, #$% e,e$ other ch#pl#i$s 2ere $ot #s &rie$%ly
to2#r% hi( #s they 2ere to2#r% e#ch other* +$ # 2orl% i$ 2hich s)ccess 2#s the o$ly ,irt)e, he h#% resig$e% hi(sel& to
&#il)re* He 2#s p#i$&)lly #2#re th#t he l#c-e% the ecclesi#stic#l #plo(b #$% s#,oir-&#ire th#t e$#ble% so (#$y o& his
colle#g)es i$ other &#iths #$% sects to get #he#%* He 2#s 3)st $ot e6)ippe% to e8cel* He tho)ght o& hi(sel& #s )gly #$%
2#$te% %#ily to be ho(e 2ith his 2i&e*
Act)#lly, the ch#pl#i$ 2#s #l(ost goo%-loo-i$g, 2ith # ple#s#$t, se$siti,e &#ce #s p#le #$% brittle #s s#$%sto$e* His
(i$% 2#s ope$ o$ e,ery s)b3ect*
Perh#ps he re#lly 2#s >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g, #$% perh#ps he re#lly h#% bee$ sig$i$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e to those
letters he -$e2 $othi$g #bo)t* S)ch l#pses o& (e(ory 2ere $ot )$co((o$ i$ (e%ic#l #$$#ls, he -$e2* There 2#s $o
2#y o& re#lly -$o2i$g #$ythi$g* He re(e(bere% ,ery %isti$ctly - or 2#s )$%er the i(pressio$ he re(e(bere% ,ery
%isti$ctly - his &eeli$g th#t he h#% (et .oss#ri#$ so(e2here be&ore the &irst ti(e he h#% (et .oss#ri#$ lyi$g i$ be% i$
the hospit#l* He re(e(bere% e8perie$ci$g the s#(e %is6)ieti$g se$s#tio$ #l(ost t2o 2ee-s l#ter 2he$ .oss#ri#$
#ppe#re% #t his te$t to #s- to be t#-e$ o&& co(b#t %)ty* 7y th#t ti(e, o& co)rse, the ch#pl#i$ h#% (et .oss#ri#$
so(e2here be&ore, i$ th#t o%%, )$ortho%o8 2#r% i$ 2hich e,ery p#tie$t see(e% %eli$6)e$t b)t the )$&ort)$#te p#tie$t
co,ere% &ro( he#% to toe i$ 2hite b#$%#ges #$% pl#ster 2ho 2#s &o)$% %e#% o$e %#y 2ith # ther(o(eter i$ his (o)th*
7)t the ch#pl#i$5s i(pressio$ o& # prior (eeti$g 2#s o& so(e occ#sio$ &#r (ore (o(e$to)s #$% occ)lt th#$ th#t, o& #
sig$i&ic#$t e$co)$ter 2ith .oss#ri#$ i$ so(e re(ote, s)b(erge% #$% perh#ps e,e$ e$tirely spirit)#l epoch i$ 2hich he
h#% (#%e the i%e$tic#l, &ore%oo(i$g #%(issio$ th#t there 2#s $othi$g, #bsol)tely $othi$g, he co)l% %o to help hi(*
#oubts o such kind gnawed at the chaplain's lean, suering rame insatiably. %as there a
single true aith, or a lie ater death' How many angels could dance on the head o a pin, and
with what matters did 3od occupy himsel i
all the ininite aeons beore the "reation' %hy was it necessary to put a protective seal on
the brow o "ain i there were no other people to protect him rom' #id Adam and Eve
produce daughters' These were the great, comple, *uestions o ontology that tormented him.
Yet they never seemed nearly as crucial to him as the *uestion o kindness and good manners.
He was pinched perspi$$gly i$ the episte(ologic#l %ile((# o& the s-eptic, )$#ble to #ccept sol)tio$s to proble(s
he 2#s )$2illi$g to %is(iss #s )$sol,#ble* He 2#s $e,er 2itho)t (isery, #$% $e,er 2itho)t hope*
5H#,e yo) e,er,5 he i$6)ire% hesit#$tly o& .oss#ri#$ th#t %#y i$ his te$t #s .oss#ri#$ s#t hol%i$g i$ both h#$%s the 2#r(
bottle o& Coc#-Col# 2ith 2hich the ch#pl#i$ h#% bee$ #ble to sol#ce hi(, 5bee$ i$ # sit)#tio$ 2hich yo) &elt yo) h#%
bee$ i$ be&ore, e,e$ tho)gh yo) -$e2 yo) 2ere e8perie$ci$g it &or the &irst ti(e95 .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% per&)$ctorily, #$%
the ch#pl#i$5s bre#th 6)ic-e$e% i$ #$ticip#tio$ #s he (#%e re#%y to 3oi$ his 2ill po2er 2ith .oss#ri#$5s i$ # pro%igio)s
e&&ort to rip #2#y #t l#st the ,ol)(i$o)s bl#c- &ol%s shro)%i$g the eter$#l (ysteries o& e8iste$ce* 50o yo) h#,e th#t
&eeli$g $o295
.oss#ri#$ shoo- his he#% #$% e8pl#i$e% th#t %M3*** ,) 2#s 3)st # (o(e$t#ry i$&i$itesi(#l l#g i$ the oper#tio$ o& t2o
co#cti,e se$sory $er,e ce$ters th#t co((o$ly &)$ctio$e% si()lt#$eo)sly* The ch#pl#i$ sc#rcely he#r% hi(* He 2#s
%is#ppoi$te%, b)t $ot i$cli$e% to belie,e .oss#ri#$, &or he h#% bee$ gi,e$ # sig$, # secret, e$ig(#tic ,isio$ th#t he still
l#c-e% the bol%$ess to %i,)lge* There 2#s $o (ist#-i$g the #2eso(e i(plic#tio$s o& the ch#pl#i$5s re,el#tio$@ it 2#s
either #$ i$sight o& %i,i$e origi$ or # h#ll)ci$#tio$A he 2#s either blesse% or losi$g his (i$%* 7oth prospects &ille% hi(
2ith e6)#l &e#r #$% %epressio$* +t 2#s $either %M3*** ,), pres6)e ,) $or 3#(#is ,)* +t 2#s possible th#t there 2ere other
,)s o& 2hich he h#% $e,er he#r% #$% th#t o$e o& these other ,)s 2o)l% e8pl#i$ s)cci$ctly the b#&i$g phe$o(e$o$ o&
2hich he h#% bee$ both # 2it$ess #$% # p#rtA it 2#s e,e$ possible th#t $o$e o& 2h#t he tho)ght h#% t#-e$ pl#ce, re#lly
h#% t#-e$ pl#ce, th#t he 2#s %e#li$g 2ith #$ #berr#tio$ o& (e(ory r#ther th#$ o& perceptio$, th#t he $e,er re#lly h#%
tho)ght he h#% see$, th#t his i(pressio$ $o2 th#t he o$ce h#% tho)ght so 2#s (erely the ill)sio$ o& #$ ill)sio$, #$%
th#t he 2#s o$ly $o2 i(#gi$i$g th#t he h#% e,er o$ce i(#gi$e% seei$g # $#-e% (#$ sitti$g i$ # tree #t the ce(etery*
+t 2#s ob,io)s to the ch#pl#i$ $o2 th#t he 2#s $ot p#rtic)l#rly 2ell s)ite% to his 2or-, #$% he o&te$ spec)l#te% 2hether
he (ight $ot be h#ppier ser,i$g i$ so(e other br#$ch o& the ser,ice, #s # pri,#te i$ the i$&#$try or &iel% #rtillery, perh#ps,
or e,e$ #s # p#r#trooper* He h#% $o re#l &rie$%s* 7e&ore (eeti$g .oss#ri#$, there 2#s $o o$e i$ the gro)p 2ith 2ho(
he &elt #t e#se, #$% he 2#s h#r%ly #t e#se 2ith .oss#ri#$, 2hose &re6)e$t r#sh #$% i$s)bor%i$#te o)tb)rsts -ept hi(
#l(ost co$st#$tly o$ e%ge #$% i$ #$ #(big)o)s st#te o& e$3oy#ble trepi%#tio$* The ch#pl#i$ &elt s#&e 2he$ he 2#s #t
the o&&icers5 cl)b 2ith .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r, #$% e,e$ 2ith 3)st /#tely #$% 'c>#tt* >he$ he s#t 2ith the( he h#% $o
$ee% to sit 2ith #$yo$e elseA his proble( o& 2here to sit 2#s sol,e%, #$% he 2#s protecte% #g#i$st the )$%esire%
co(p#$y o& #ll those &ello2 o&&icers 2ho i$,#ri#bly 2elco(e% hi( 2ith e8cessi,e cor%i#lity 2he$ he #ppro#che% #$%
2#ite% )$co(&ort#bly &or hi( to go #2#y* He (#%e so (#$y people )$e#sy* E,eryo$e 2#s #l2#ys ,ery &rie$%ly to2#r%
hi(, #$% $o o$e 2#s e,er ,ery $iceA e,eryo$e spo-e to hi(, #$% $o o$e e,er s#i% #$ythi$g* .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r
2ere ()ch (ore rel#8e%, #$% the ch#pl#i$ 2#s h#r%ly )$co(&ort#ble 2ith the( #t #ll* They e,e$ %e&e$%e% hi( the
$ight Colo$el C#thc#rt trie% to thro2 hi( o)t o& the o&&icers5 cl)b #g#i$, .oss#ri#$ risi$g tr)c)le$tly to i$ter,e$e #$%
/#tely sho)ti$g o)t, 5.oss#ri#$C5 to restr#i$ hi(* Colo$el C#thc#rt t)r$e% 2hite #s # sheet #t the so)$% o& .oss#ri#$5s
$#(e, #$%, to e,eryo$e5s #(#4e(e$t, retre#te% i$ horri&ie% %isor%er )$til he b)(pe% i$to :e$er#l 0ree%le, 2ho
elbo2e% hi( #2#y 2ith #$$oy#$ce #$% or%ere% hi( right b#c- to or%er the ch#pl#i$ to st#rt co(i$g i$to the o&&icers5
cl)b e,ery $ight #g#i$*
The ch#pl#i$ h#% #l(ost #s ()ch tro)ble -eepi$g tr#c- o& his st#t)s #t the o&&icers5 cl)b #s he h#% re(e(beri$g #t
91 | P a g e
2hich o& the te$ (ess h#lls i$ the gro)p he 2#s sche%)le% to e#t his $e8t (e#l* He 2o)l% 3)st #s soo$ h#,e re(#i$e%
-ic-e% o)t o& the o&&icers5 cl)b, h#% it $ot bee$ &or the ple#s)re he 2#s $o2 &i$%i$g there 2ith his $e2 co(p#$io$s* +& the
ch#pl#i$ %i% $ot go to the o&&icers5 cl)b #t $ight, there 2#s $o pl#ce else he co)l% go* He 2o)l% p#ss the ti(e #t
.oss#ri#$5s #$% 0)$b#r5s t#ble 2ith # shy, retice$t s(ile, sel%o( spe#-i$g )$less #%%resse%, # gl#ss o& thic- s2eet
2i$e #l(ost )$t#ste% be&ore hi( #s he toye% )$&#(ili#rly 2ith the ti$y cor$cob pipe th#t he #&&ecte% sel&co$scio)sly #$%
occ#sio$#lly st)&&e% 2ith tob#cco #$% s(o-e%* He e$3oye% liste$i$g to /#tely, 2hose (#)%li$, bitters2eet l#(e$t#tio$s
(irrore% ()ch o& his o2$ ro(#$tic %esol#tio$ #$% $e,er &#ile% to e,o-e i$ hi( res)rge$t ti%es o& lo$gi$g &or his 2i&e #$%
chil%re$* The ch#pl#i$ 2o)l% e$co)r#ge /#tely 2ith $o%s o& co(prehe$sio$ or #sse$t, #()se% by his c#$%or #$%
i((#t)rity* /#tely %i% $ot glory too i((o%estly th#t his girl 2#s # prostit)te, #$% the ch#pl#i$5s #2#re$ess ste((e%
(#i$ly &ro( C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho $e,er slo)che% p#st their t#ble 2itho)t # bro#% 2i$- #t the ch#pl#i$ #$% so(e
t#steless, 2o)$%i$g gibe #bo)t her to /#tely* The ch#pl#i$ %i% $ot #ppro,e o& C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #$% &o)$% it %i&&ic)lt $ot to
2ish hi( e,il*
/o o$e, $ot e,e$ /#tely, see(e% re#lly to #ppreci#te th#t he, Ch#pl#i$ Robert Oli,er Ship(#$, 2#s $ot 3)st # ch#pl#i$
b)t # h)(#$ bei$g, th#t he co)l% h#,e # ch#r(i$g, p#ssio$#te, pretty 2i&e 2ho( he lo,e% #l(ost i$s#$ely #$% three
s(#ll bl)e-eye% chil%re$ 2ith str#$ge, &orgotte$ &#ces 2ho 2o)l% gro2 )p so(e%#y to reg#r% hi( #s # &re#- #$% 2ho
(ight $e,er &orgi,e hi( &or #ll the soci#l e(b#rr#ss(e$t his ,oc#tio$ 2o)l% c#)se the(* >hy co)l%$5t #$ybo%y
)$%erst#$% th#t he 2#s $ot re#lly # &re#- b)t # $or(#l, lo$ely #%)lt tryi$g to le#% # $or(#l, lo$ely #%)lt li&e9 +& they
pric-e% hi(, %i%$5t he blee%9 A$% i& he 2#s tic-le%, %i%$5t he l#)gh9 +t see(e% $e,er to h#,e occ)rre% to the( th#t he,
3)st #s they, h#% eyes, h#$%s, org#$s, %i(e$sio$s, se$ses #$% #&&ectio$s, th#t he 2#s 2o)$%e% by the s#(e -i$% o&
2e#po$s they 2ere, 2#r(e% #$% coole% by the s#(e bree4es #$% &e% by the s#(e -i$% o& &oo%, #ltho)gh, he 2#s
&orce% to co$ce%e, i$ # %i&&ere$t (ess h#ll &or e#ch s)ccessi,e (e#l* The o$ly perso$ 2ho %i% see( to re#li4e he h#%
&eeli$gs 2#s Corpor#l >hitco(b, 2ho h#% 3)st (#$#ge% to br)ise the( #ll by goi$g o,er his he#% to Colo$el C#thc#rt
2ith his propos#l &or se$%i$g &or( letters o& co$%ole$ce ho(e to the &#(ilies o& (e$ -ille% or 2o)$%e% i$ co(b#t*
The ch#pl#i$5s 2i&e 2#s the o$e thi$g i$ the 2orl% he co)l% be cert#i$ o&, #$% it 2o)l% h#,e bee$ s)&&icie$t, i& o$ly he
h#% bee$ le&t to li,e his li&e o)t 2ith 3)st her #$% the chil%re$* The ch#pl#i$5s 2i&e 2#s # reser,e%, %i(i$)ti,e, #gree#ble
2o(#$ i$ her e#rly thirties, ,ery %#r- #$% ,ery #ttr#cti,e, 2ith # $#rro2 2#ist, c#l( i$tellige$t eyes, #$% s(#ll, bright,
poi$ty teeth i$ # chil%li-e &#ce th#t 2#s ,i,#cio)s #$% petiteA he -ept &orgetti$g 2h#t his chil%re$ loo-e% li-e, #$% e#ch
ti(e he ret)r$e% to their s$#pshots it 2#s li-e seei$g their &#ces &or the &irst ti(e* The ch#pl#i$ lo,e% his 2i&e #$%
chil%re$ 2ith s)ch t#(eless i$te$sity th#t he o&te$ 2#$te% to si$- to the gro)$% helplessly #$% 2eep li-e # c#st#2#y
cripple* He 2#s tor(e$te% i$e8or#bly by (orbi% &#$t#sies i$,ol,i$g the(, by %ire, hi%eo)s o(e$s o& ill$ess #$%
#cci%e$t* His (e%it#tio$s 2ere poll)te% 2ith thre#ts o& %re#% %ise#ses li-e E2i$g5s t)(or #$% le)-e(i#A he s#2 his
i$&#$t so$ %ie t2o or three ti(es e,ery 2ee- bec#)se he h#% $e,er t#)ght his 2i&e ho2 to stop #rteri#l blee%i$gA
2#tche%, i$ te#r&)l, p#r#ly4e% sile$ce, his 2hole &#(ily electroc)te%, o$e #&ter the other, #t # b#sebo#r% soc-et bec#)se
he h#% $e,er tol% her th#t # h)(#$ bo%y 2o)l% co$%)ct electricityA #ll &o)r 2e$t )p i$ &l#(es #l(ost e,ery $ight 2he$
the 2#ter he#ter e8plo%e% #$% set the t2o-story 2oo%e$ ho)se #&ireA i$ gh#stly, he#rtless, re,olti$g %et#il he s#2 his
poor %e#r 2i&e5s tri( #$% &r#gile bo%y cr)she% to # ,isco)s p)lp #g#i$st the bric- 2#ll o& # (#r-et b)il%i$g by # h#l&-
2i$e% %r)$-e$ #)to(obile %ri,er #$% 2#tche% his hysteric#l &i,e-ye#r-ol% %#)ghter bei$g le% #2#y &ro( the grisly sce$e
by # -i$%ly (i%%le-#ge% ge$tle(#$ 2ith s$o2-2hite h#ir 2ho r#pe% #$% ()r%ere% her repe#te%ly #s soo$ #s he h#%
%ri,e$ her o&& to # %eserte% s#$%pit, 2hile his t2o yo)$ger chil%re$ st#r,e% to %e#th slo2ly i$ the ho)se #&ter his 2i&e5s
(other, 2ho h#% bee$ b#by-sitti$g, %roppe% %e#% &ro( # he#rt #tt#c- 2he$ $e2s o& his 2i&e5s #cci%e$t 2#s gi,e$ to her
o,er the telepho$e* The ch#pl#i$5s 2i&e 2#s # s2eet, soothi$g, co$si%er#te 2o(#$, #$% he ye#r$e% to to)ch the 2#r(
&lesh o& her sle$%er #r( #g#i$ #$% stro-e her s(ooth bl#c- h#ir, to he#r her i$ti(#te, co(&orti$g ,oice* She 2#s # ()ch
stro$ger perso$ th#$ he 2#s* He 2rote brie&, )$tro)ble% letters to her o$ce # 2ee-, so(eti(es t2ice* He 2#$te% to
2rite )rge$t lo,e letters to her #ll %#y lo$g #$% cro2% the e$%less p#ges 2ith %esper#te, )$i$hibite% co$&essio$s o& his
h)(ble 2orship #$% $ee% #$% 2ith c#re&)l i$str)ctio$s &or #%(i$isteri$g #rti&ici#l respir#tio$* He 2#$te% to po)r o)t to
her i$ torre$ts o& sel&-pity #ll his )$be#r#ble lo$eli$ess #$% %esp#ir #$% 2#r$ her $e,er to le#,e the boric #ci% or the
#spiri$ i$ re#ch o& the chil%re$ or to cross # street #g#i$st the tr#&&ic light* He %i% $ot 2ish to 2orry her* The ch#pl#i$5s
2i&e 2#s i$t)iti,e, ge$tle, co(p#ssio$#te #$% respo$si,e* Al(ost i$e,it#bly, his re,eries o& re)$io$ 2ith her e$%e% i$
e8plicit #cts o& lo,e-(#-i$g*
The ch#pl#i$ &elt (ost %eceit&)l presi%i$g #t &)$er#ls, #$% it 2o)l% $ot h#,e #sto$ishe% hi( to le#r$ th#t the #pp#ritio$ i$
the tree th#t %#y 2#s # (#$i&est#tio$ o& the Al(ighty5s ce$s)re &or the bl#sphe(y #$% pri%e i$here$t i$ his &)$ctio$* To
si()l#te gr#,ity, &eig$ grie& #$% prete$% s)per$#t)r#l i$tellige$ce o& the here#&ter i$ so &e#rso(e #$% #rc#$e #
circ)(st#$ce #s %e#th see(e% the (ost cri(i$#l o& o&&e$ses* He rec#lle% - or 2#s #l(ost co$,i$ce% he rec#lle% - the
sce$e #t the ce(etery per&ectly* He co)l% still see '#3or '#3or #$% '#3or 0#$by st#$%i$g so(ber #s bro-e$ sto$e
pill#rs o$ either si%e o& hi(, see #l(ost the e8#ct $)(ber o& e$liste% (e$ #$% #l(ost the e8#ct pl#ces i$ 2hich they h#%
stoo%, see the &o)r )$(o,i$g (e$ 2ith sp#%es, the rep)lsi,e co&&i$ #$% the l#rge, loose, tri)(ph#$t (o)$% o& re%%ish-
bro2$ e#rth, #$% the (#ssi,e, still, %epthless, ()&&li$g s-y, so 2eir%ly bl#$- #$% bl)e th#t %#y it 2#s #l(ost poiso$o)s*
He 2o)l% re(e(ber the( &ore,er, &or they 2ere #ll p#rt #$% p#rcel o& the (ost e8tr#or%i$#ry e,e$t th#t h#% e,er
be&#lle$ hi(, #$ e,e$t perh#ps (#r,elo)s, perh#ps p#thologic#l - the ,isio$ o& the $#-e% (#$ i$ the tree* Ho2 co)l% he
e8pl#i$ it9 +t 2#s $ot #lre#%y see$ or $e,er see$, #$% cert#i$ly $ot #l(ost see$A $either %M3*** ,), 3#(#is ,) $or pres6)e
,) 2#s el#stic e$o)gh to co,er it* >#s it # ghost, the$9 The %e#% (#$5s so)l9 A$ #$gel &ro( he#,e$ or # (i$io$ &ro(
hell9 Or 2#s the 2hole &#$t#stic episo%e (erely the &ig(e$t o& # %ise#se% i(#gi$#tio$, his o2$, o& # %eterior#ti$g (i$%,
# rotti$g br#i$9 The possibility th#t there re#lly h#% bee$ # $#-e% (#$ i$ the tree - t2o (e$, #ct)#lly, si$ce the &irst h#%
bee$ 3oi$e% shortly by # seco$% (#$ cl#% i$ # bro2$ ()st#che #$% si$ister %#r- g#r(e$ts &ro( he#% to toe 2ho be$t
&or2#r% rit)#listic#lly #lo$g the li(b o& the tree to o&&er the &irst (#$ so(ethi$g to %ri$- &ro( # bro2$ goblet - $e,er
crosse% the ch#pl#i$5s (i$%*
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s si$cerely # ,ery help&)l perso$ 2ho 2#s $e,er #ble to help #$yo$e, $ot e,e$ .oss#ri#$ 2he$ he
&i$#lly %eci%e% to sei4e the b)ll by the hor$s #$% ,isit '#3or '#3or secretly to le#r$ i&, #s .oss#ri#$ h#% s#i%, the (e$ i$
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s gro)p re#lly 2ere bei$g &orce% to &ly (ore co(b#t (issio$s th#$ #$yo$e else* +t 2#s # %#ri$g,
i(p)lsi,e (o,e o$ 2hich the ch#pl#i$ %eci%e% #&ter 6)#rreli$g 2ith Corpor#l >hitco(b #g#i$ #$% 2#shi$g %o2$ 2ith
tepi% c#$tee$ 2#ter his 3oyless l)$ch o& 'il-y >#y #$% 7#by R)th* He 2e$t to '#3or '#3or o$ &oot so th#t Corpor#l
Catch 22
>hitco(b 2o)l% $ot see hi( le#,i$g, ste#li$g i$to the &orest $oiselessly )$til the t2o te$ts i$ his cle#ri$g 2ere le&t
behi$%, the$ %roppi$g %o2$ i$si%e the #b#$%o$e% r#ilro#% %itch, 2here the &ooti$g 2#s s)rer* He h)rrie% #lo$g the
&ossili4e% 2oo%e$ ties 2ith #cc)()l#ti$g ()ti$o)s #$ger* He h#% bee$ bro2be#te$ #$% h)(ili#te% s)ccessi,ely th#t
(or$i$g by Colo$el C#thc#rt, Colo$el ?or$ #$% Corpor#l >hitco(b* He 3)st h#% to (#-e hi(sel& &elt i$ so(e respectC
His slight chest 2#s soo$ p)&&i$g &or bre#th* He (o,e% #s s2i&tly #s he co)l% 2itho)t bre#-i$g i$to # r)$, &e#ri$g his
resol)tio$ (ight %issol,e i& he slo2e%* Soo$ he s#2 # )$i&or(e% &ig)re co(i$g to2#r% hi( bet2ee$ the r)ste% r#ils* He
cl#(bere% i((e%i#tely )p the si%e o& the %itch, %)c-e% i$si%e # %e$se copse o& lo2 trees &or co$ce#l(e$t #$% spe%
#lo$g i$ his origi$#l %irectio$ # $#rro2, o,ergro2$ (ossy p#th he &o)$% 2i$%i$g %eep i$si%e the sh#%e% &orest* +t 2#s
to)gher goi$g there, b)t he pl)$ge% #he#% 2ith the s#(e rec-less #$% co$s)(i$g %eter(i$#tio$, slippi$g #$%
st)(bli$g o&te$ #$% sti$gi$g his )$protecte% h#$%s o$ the st)bbor$ br#$ches bloc-i$g his 2#y )$til the b)shes #$% t#ll
&er$s o$ both si%es spre#% ope$ #$% he l)rche% p#st #$ oli,e-%r#b (ilit#ry tr#iler o$ ci$%er bloc-s cle#rly ,isible thro)gh
the thi$$i$g )$%erbr)sh* He co$ti$)e% p#st # te$t 2ith # l)(i$o)s pe#rl-gr#y c#t s)$$i$g itsel& o)tsi%e #$% p#st #$other
tr#iler o$ ci$%er bloc-s #$% the$ b)rst i$to the cle#ri$g o& .oss#ri#$5s s6)#%ro$* A s#lty %e2 h#% &or(e% o$ his lips* He
%i% $ot p#)se, b)t stro%e %irectly #cross the cle#ri$g i$to the or%erly roo(, 2here he 2#s 2elco(e% by # g#)$t, stoop-
sho)l%ere% st#&& serge#$t 2ith pro(i$e$t chee-bo$es #$% lo$g, ,ery light blo$% h#ir, 2ho i$&or(e% hi( gr#cio)sly th#t
he co)l% go right i$, si$ce '#3or '#3or 2#s o)t*
The ch#pl#i$ th#$-e% hi( 2ith # c)rt $o% #$% procee%e% #lo$e %o2$ the #isle bet2ee$ the %es-s #$% type2riters to the
c#$,#s p#rtitio$ i$ the re#r* He bobbe% thro)gh the tri#$g)l#r ope$i$g #$% &o)$% hi(sel& i$si%e #$ e(pty o&&ice* The &l#p
&ell close% behi$% hi(* He 2#s bre#thi$g h#r% #$% s2e#ti$g pro&)sely* The o&&ice re(#i$e% e(pty* He tho)ght he he#r%
&)rti,e 2hisperi$g* Te$ (i$)tes p#sse%* He loo-e% #bo)t i$ ster$ %isple#s)re, his 3#2s cl#(pe% together i$%o(it#bly,
#$% the$ t)r$e% s)%%e$ly to 2#ter #s he re(e(bere% the st#&& serge#$t5s e8#ct 2or%s@ he co)l% go right i$, si$ce '#3or
'#3or 2#s o)t* The e$liste% (e$ 2ere pl#yi$g # pr#ctic#l 3o-eC The ch#pl#i$ shr#$- b#c- &ro( the 2#ll i$ terror, bitter
te#rs spri$gi$g to his eyes* A ple#%i$g 2hi(per esc#pe% his tre(bli$g lips* '#3or '#3or 2#s else2here, #$% the e$liste%
(e$ i$ the other roo( h#% (#%e hi( the b)tt o& #$ i$h)(#$ pr#$-* He co)l% #l(ost see the( 2#iti$g o$ the other si%e
o& the c#$,#s 2#ll, b)$che% )p e8pect#$tly li-e # p#c- o& gree%y, glo#ti$g o($i,oro)s be#sts o& prey, re#%y 2ith their
b#rb#ric (irth #$% 3eers to po)$ce o$ hi( br)t#lly the (o(e$t he re#ppe#re%* He c)rse% hi(sel& &or his g)llibility #$%
2ishe% i$ p#$ic &or so(ethi$g li-e # (#s- or # p#ir o& %#r- gl#sses #$% # &#lse ()st#che to %isg)ise hi(, or &or #
&orce&)l, %eep ,oice li-e Colo$el C#thc#rt5s #$% bro#%, ()sc)l#r sho)l%ers #$% biceps to e$#ble hi( to step o)tsi%e
&e#rlessly #$% ,#$6)ish his (#le,ole$t persec)tors 2ith #$ o,erbe#ri$g #)thority #$% sel&-co$&i%e$ce th#t 2o)l% (#-e
the( #ll 6)#il #$% sli$- #2#y cr#,e$ly i$ repe$t#$ce* He l#c-e% the co)r#ge to &#ce the(* The o$ly other 2#y o)t 2#s
the 2i$%o2* The co#st 2#s cle#r, #$% the ch#pl#i$ 3)(pe% o)t o& '#3or '#3or5s o&&ice thro)gh the 2i$%o2, %#rte% s2i&tly
#ro)$% the cor$er o& the te$t, #$% le#pe% %o2$ i$si%e the r#ilro#% %itch to hi%e*
He scoote% #2#y 2ith his bo%y %o)ble% o,er #$% his &#ce co$torte% i$te$tio$#lly i$to # $o$ch#l#$t, soci#ble s(ile i$
c#se #$yo$e ch#$ce% to see hi(* He #b#$%o$e% the %itch &or the &orest the (o(e$t he s#2 so(eo$e co(i$g to2#r%
hi( &ro( the opposite %irectio$ #$% r#$ thro)gh the cl)ttere% &orest &re$4ie%ly li-e so(eo$e p)rs)e%, his chee-s b)r$i$g
2ith %isgr#ce* He he#r% lo)%, 2il% pe#ls o& %erisi,e l#)ghter cr#shi$g #ll #bo)t hi( #$% c#)ght bl)rre% gli(pses o&
2ic-e%, beery &#ces s(ir-i$g &#r b#c- i$si%e the b)shes #$% high o,erhe#% i$ the &oli#ge o& the trees* Sp#s(s o&
scorchi$g p#i$s st#bbe% thro)gh his l)$gs #$% slo2e% hi( to # cripple% 2#l-* He l)$ge% #$% st#ggere% o$2#r% )$til he
co)l% go $o &#rther #$% coll#pse% #ll #t o$ce #g#i$st # g$#rle% #pple tree, b#$gi$g his he#% h#r% #g#i$st the tr)$- #s
he topple% &or2#r% #$% hol%i$g o$ 2ith both #r(s to -eep &ro( &#lli$g* His bre#thi$g 2#s # r#spi$g, (o#$i$g %i$ i$ his
e#rs* 'i$)tes p#sse% li-e ho)rs be&ore he &i$#lly recog$i4e% hi(sel& #s the so)rce o& the t)rb)le$t ro#r th#t 2#s
o,er2hel(i$g hi(* The p#i$s i$ his chest #b#te%* Soo$ he &elt stro$g e$o)gh to st#$%* He coc-e% his e#rs cr#&tily* The
&orest 2#s 6)iet* There 2#s $o %e(o$ic l#)ghter, $o o$e 2#s ch#si$g hi(* He 2#s too tire% #$% s#% #$% %irty to &eel
relie,e%* He str#ighte$e% his %ishe,ele% clothi$g 2ith &i$gers th#t 2ere $)(b #$% sh#-i$g #$% 2#l-e% the rest o& the
2#y to the cle#ri$g 2ith rigi% sel&-co$trol* The ch#pl#i$ broo%e% o&te$ #bo)t the %#$ger o& he#rt #tt#c-*
Corpor#l >hitco(b5s 3eep 2#s still p#r-e% i$ the cle#ri$g* The ch#pl#i$ tiptoe% ste#lthily #ro)$% the b#c- o& Corpor#l
>hitco(b5s te$t r#ther th#$ p#ss the e$tr#$ce #$% ris- bei$g see$ #$% i$s)lte% by hi(* He#,i$g # gr#te&)l sigh, he
slippe% 6)ic-ly i$si%e his o2$ te$t #$% &o)$% Corpor#l >hitco(b e$sco$ce% o$ his cot, his -$ees proppe% )p* Corpor#l
>hitco(b5s ()%-c#-e% shoes 2ere o$ the ch#pl#i$5s bl#$-et, #$% he 2#s e#ti$g o$e o& the ch#pl#i$5s c#$%y b#rs #s he
th)(be% 2ith s$eeri$g e8pressio$ thro)gh o$e o& the ch#pl#i$5s 7ibles*
5>here5,e yo) bee$95 he %e(#$%e% r)%ely #$% %isi$tereste%ly, 2itho)t loo-i$g )p*
The ch#pl#i$ colore% #$% t)r$e% #2#y e,#si,ely* 5+ 2e$t &or # 2#l- thro)gh the 2oo%s*5
5All right,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b s$#ppe%* 50o$5t t#-e (e i$to yo)r co$&i%e$ce* 7)t 3)st 2#it #$% see 2h#t h#ppe$s to (y
(or#le*5 He bit i$to the ch#pl#i$5s c#$%y b#r h)$grily #$% co$ti$)e% 2ith # &)ll (o)th* 5.o) h#% # ,isitor 2hile yo) 2ere
go$e* '#3or '#3or*5
The ch#pl#i$ sp)$ #ro)$% 2ith s)rprise #$% crie%@ 5'#3or '#3or9 '#3or '#3or 2#s here95
5Th#t5s 2ho 2e5re t#l-i$g #bo)t, is$5t it95
5>here %i% he go95
5He 3)(pe% %o2$ i$to th#t r#ilro#% %itch #$% too- o&& li-e # &righte$e% r#bbit*5 Corpor#l >hitco(b s$ic-ere%* 5>h#t #
3er-C5
50i% he s#y 2h#t he 2#$te%95
5He s#i% he $ee%e% yo)r help i$ # (#tter o& gre#t i(port#$ce*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s #sto)$%e%* 5'#3or '#3or s#i% th#t95
5He %i%$5t s#y th#t,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b correcte% 2ith 2itheri$g precisio$* 5He 2rote it %o2$ i$ # se#le% perso$#l letter
he le&t o$ yo)r %es-*5
The ch#pl#i$ gl#$ce% #t the bri%ge t#ble th#t ser,e% #s his %es- #$% s#2 o$ly the #bo(i$#ble or#$ge-re% pe#r-sh#pe%
pl)( to(#to he h#% obt#i$e% th#t s#(e (or$i$g &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt, still lyi$g o$ its si%e 2here he h#% &orgotte$ it
li-e #$ i$%estr)ctible #$% i$c#(#%i$e sy(bol o& his o2$ i$eptit)%e* 5>here is the letter95
5+ thre2 it #2#y #s soo$ #s + tore it ope$ #$% re#% it*5 Corpor#l >hitco(b sl#((e% the 7ible sh)t #$% 3)(pe% )p*
5>h#t5s the (#tter9 >o$5t yo) t#-e (y 2or% &or it95 He 2#l-e% o)t* He 2#l-e% right b#c- i$ #$% #l(ost colli%e% 2ith the
ch#pl#i$, 2ho 2#s r)shi$g o)t behi$% hi( o$ his 2#y b#c- to '#3or '#3or* 5.o) %o$5t -$o2 ho2 to %eleg#te
93 | P a g e
respo$sibility,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b i$&or(e% hi( s)lle$ly* 5Th#t5s #$other o$e o& the thi$gs th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)*5
The ch#pl#i$ $o%%e% pe$ite$tly #$% h)rrie% p#st, )$#ble to (#-e hi(sel& t#-e the ti(e to #pologi4e* He co)l% &eel the
s-ill&)l h#$% o& &#te (oti,#ti$g hi( i(per#ti,ely* T2ice th#t %#y #lre#%y, he re#li4e% $o2, '#3or '#3or h#% co(e r#ci$g
to2#r% hi( i$si%e the %itchA #$% t2ice th#t %#y the ch#pl#i$ h#% st)pi%ly postpo$e% the %esti$e% (eeti$g by bolti$g i$to
the &orest* He seethe% 2ith sel&-recri(i$#tio$ #s he h#ste$e% b#c- #s r#pi%ly #s he co)l% stri%e #lo$g the spli$tere%,
irreg)l#rly sp#ce% r#ilro#% ties* 7its o& grit #$% gr#,el i$si%e his shoes #$% soc-s 2ere gri$%i$g the tops o& his toes r#2*
His p#le, l#bori$g &#ce 2#s scre2e% )p )$co$scio)sly i$to # gri(#ce o& #c)te %isco(&ort* The e#rly A)g)st #&ter$oo$
2#s gro2i$g hotter #$% (ore h)(i%* +t 2#s #l(ost # (ile &ro( his te$t to .oss#ri#$5s s6)#%ro$* The ch#pl#i$5s s)((er-
t#$ shirt 2#s so#-i$g 2ith perspir#tio$ by the ti(e he #rri,e% there #$% r)she% bre#thlessly b#c- i$si%e the or%erly roo(
te$t, 2here he 2#s h#lte% pere(ptorily by the s#(e tre#chero)s, so&t-spo-e$ st#&& serge#$t 2ith ro)$% eyegl#sses #$%
g#)$t chee-s, 2ho re6)este% hi( to re(#i$ o)tsi%e bec#)se '#3or '#3or 2#s i$si%e #$% tol% hi( he 2o)l% $ot be
#llo2e% i$si%e )$til '#3or '#3or 2e$t o)t* The ch#pl#i$ loo-e% #t hi( i$ #$ )$co(prehe$%i$g %#4e* >hy %i% the
serge#$t h#te hi(9 he 2o$%ere%* His lips 2ere 2hite #$% tre(bli$g* He 2#s #chi$g 2ith thirst* >h#t 2#s the (#tter
2ith people9 >#s$5t there tr#ge%y e$o)gh9 The serge#$t p)t his h#$% o)t #$% hel% the ch#pl#i$ ste#%y*
5+5( sorry, sir,5 he s#i% regret&)lly i$ # lo2, co)rteo)s, (el#$choly ,oice* 57)t those #re '#3or '#3or5s or%ers* He $e,er
2#$ts to see #$yo$e*5
5He 2#$ts to see (e,5 the ch#pl#i$ ple#%e%* 5He c#(e to (y te$t to see (e 2hile + 2#s here be&ore*5
5'#3or '#3or %i% th#t95 the serge#$t #s-e%*
5.es, he %i%* Ple#se go i$ #$% #s- hi(*5
5+5( #&r#i% + c#$5t go i$, sir* He $e,er 2#$ts to see (e either* Perh#ps i& yo) le&t # $ote*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to le#,e # $ote* 0oes$5t he e,er (#-e #$ e8ceptio$95
5O$ly i$ e8tre(e circ)(st#$ces* The l#st ti(e he le&t his te$t 2#s to #tte$% the &)$er#l o& o$e o& the e$liste% (e$* The
l#st ti(e he s#2 #$yo$e i$ his o&&ice 2#s # ti(e he 2#s &orce% to* A bo(b#r%ier $#(e% .oss#ri#$ &orce% -5
5.oss#ri#$95 The ch#pl#i$ lit )p 2ith e8cite(e$t #t this $e2 coi$ci%e$ce* >#s this #$other (ir#cle i$ the (#-i$g9 57)t
th#t5s e8#ctly 2ho( + 2#$t to spe#- to hi( #bo)tC 0i% they t#l- #bo)t the $)(ber o& (issio$s .oss#ri#$ h#s to &ly95
5.es, sir, th#t5s e8#ctly 2h#t they %i% t#l- #bo)t* C#pt#i$ .oss#ri#$ h#% &lo2$ &i&ty-o$e (issio$s, #$% he #ppe#le% to
'#3or '#3or to gro)$% hi( so th#t he 2o)l%$5t h#,e to &ly &o)r (ore* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$te% o$ly &i&ty-&i,e (issio$s
the$*5
5A$% 2h#t %i% '#3or '#3or s#y95
5'#3or '#3or tol% hi( there 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o*5
The ch#pl#i$5s &#ce &ell* 5'#3or '#3or s#i% th#t95
5.es, sir* +$ &#ct, he #%,ise% .oss#ri#$ to go see yo) &or help* Are yo) cert#i$ yo) 2o)l%$5t li-e to le#,e # $ote, sir9 +
h#,e # pe$cil #$% p#per right here*5
The ch#pl#i$ shoo- his he#%, che2i$g his clotte% %ry lo2er lip &orlor$ly, #$% 2#l-e% o)t* +t 2#s still so e#rly i$ the %#y,
#$% so ()ch h#% #lre#%y h#ppe$e%* The #ir 2#s cooler i$ the &orest* His thro#t 2#s p#rche% #$% sore* He 2#l-e%
slo2ly #$% #s-e% hi(sel& r)e&)lly 2h#t $e2 (is&ort)$e co)l% possibly be&#ll hi( # (o(e$t be&ore the (#% her(it i$ the
2oo%s le#pe% o)t #t hi( 2itho)t 2#r$i$g &ro( behi$% # ()lberry b)sh* The ch#pl#i$ scre#(e% #t the top o& his ,oice*
The t#ll, c#%#,ero)s str#$ger &ell b#c- i$ &right #t the ch#pl#i$5s cry #$% shrie-e%, 50o$5t h)rt (eC5
5>ho #re yo)95 the ch#pl#i$ sho)te%*
5Ple#se %o$5t h)rt (eC5 the (#$ sho)te% b#c-*
5+5( the ch#pl#i$C5
5The$ 2hy %o yo) 2#$t to h)rt (e95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to h)rt yo)C5 the ch#pl#i$ i$siste% 2ith # risi$g hi$t o& e8#sper#tio$, e,e$ tho)gh he 2#s still roote% to the
spot* 5J)st tell (e 2ho yo) #re #$% 2h#t yo) 2#$t &ro( (e*5
5+ 3)st 2#$t to &i$% o)t i& Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %ie% o& p$e)(o$i# yet,5 the (#$ sho)te% b#c-* 5Th#t5s #ll + 2#$t* + li,e here*
'y $#(e is ;l)(e* + belo$g to the s6)#%ro$, b)t + li,e here i$ the 2oo%s* .o) c#$ #s- #$yo$e*5
The ch#pl#i$5s co(pos)re beg#$ tric-li$g b#c- #s he st)%ie% the 6)eer, cri$gi$g &ig)re i$te$tly* A p#ir o& c#pt#i$5s b#rs
)lcer#te% 2ith r)st h)$g o$ the (#$5s r#gge% shirt coll#r* He h#% # h#iry, t#r-bl#c- (ole o$ the )$%ersi%e o& o$e $ostril
#$% # he#,y ro)gh ()st#che the color o& popl#r b#r-*
5>hy %o yo) li,e i$ the 2oo%s i& yo) belo$g to the s6)#%ro$95 the ch#pl#i$ i$6)ire% c)rio)sly*
5+ h#,e to li,e i$ the 2oo%s,5 the c#pt#i$ replie% cr#bbily, #s tho)gh the ch#pl#i$ o)ght to -$o2* He str#ighte$e% slo2ly,
still 2#tchi$g the ch#pl#i$ g)#r%e%ly #ltho)gh he to2ere% #bo,e hi( by (ore th#$ # &)ll he#%*
50o$5t yo) he#r e,erybo%y t#l-i$g #bo)t (e9 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t s2ore he 2#s goi$g to c)t (y thro#t so(e $ight 2he$
+ 2#s &#st #sleep, #$% + %o$5t %#re lie %o2$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2hile he5s still #li,e*5
The ch#pl#i$ liste$e% to the i(pl#)sible e8pl#$#tio$ %istr)st&)lly* 57)t th#t5s i$cre%ible,5 he replie%* 5Th#t 2o)l% be
pre(e%it#te% ()r%er* >hy %i%$5t yo) report the i$ci%e$t to '#3or '#3or95
5+ %i% report the i$ci%e$t to '#3or '#3or,5 s#i% the c#pt#i$ s#%ly, 5#$% '#3or '#3or s#i% he 2o)l% c)t (y thro#t i& + e,er
spo-e to hi( #g#i$*5 The (#$ st)%ie% the ch#pl#i$ &e#r&)lly* 5Are yo) goi$g to c)t (y thro#t, too95
5Oh, $o, $o, $o,5 the ch#pl#i$ #ss)re% hi(* 5O& co)rse $ot* 0o yo) re#lly li,e i$ the &orest95
The c#pt#i$ $o%%e%, #$% the ch#pl#i$ g#4e% #t his poro)s gr#y p#llor o& &#tig)e #$% (#l$)tritio$ 2ith # (i8t)re o& pity
#$% estee(* The (#$5s bo%y 2#s # bo$y shell i$si%e r)(ple% clothi$g th#t h)$g o$ hi( li-e # %isor%erly collectio$ o&
s#c-s* >isps o& %rie% gr#ss 2ere gl)e% #ll o,er hi(A he $ee%e% # h#irc)t b#%ly* There 2ere gre#t, %#r- circles )$%er his
eyes* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s (o,e% #l(ost to te#rs by the h#r#sse%, be%r#ggle% pict)re the c#pt#i$ prese$te%, #$% he &ille%
2ith %e&ere$ce #$% co(p#ssio$ #t the tho)ght o& the (#$y se,ere rigors the poor (#$ h#% to e$%)re %#ily* +$ # ,oice
h)she% 2ith h)(ility, he s#i%,
5>ho %oes yo)r l#)$%ry95
The c#pt#i$ p)rse% his lips i$ # b)si$essli-e (#$$er* 5+ h#,e it %o$e by # 2#sher2o(#$ i$ o$e o& the &#r(ho)ses %o2$
the ro#%* + -eep (y thi$gs i$ (y tr#iler #$% s$e#- i$si%e o$ce or t2ice # %#y &or # cle#$ h#$%-erchie& or # ch#$ge o&
)$%er2e#r*5
5>h#t 2ill yo) %o 2he$ 2i$ter co(es95
5Oh, + e8pect to be b#c- i$ the s6)#%ro$ by the$,5 the c#pt#i$ #$s2ere% 2ith # -i$% o& (#rtyre% co$&i%e$ce* 5Chie& >hite
Catch 22
H#l&o#t -ept pro(isi$g e,eryo$e th#t he 2#s goi$g to %ie o& p$e)(o$i#, #$% + g)ess +5ll h#,e to be p#tie$t )$til the
2e#ther t)r$s # little col%er #$% %#(per*5 He scr)ti$i4e% the ch#pl#i$ perple8e%ly* 50o$5t yo) -$o2 #ll this9 0o$5t yo)
he#r #ll the &ello2s t#l-i$g #bo)t (e95
5+ %o$5t thi$- +5,e e,er he#r% #$yo$e (e$tio$ yo)*5
5>ell, + cert#i$ly c#$5t )$%erst#$% th#t*5 The c#pt#i$ 2#s pi6)e%, b)t (#$#ge% to c#rry o$ 2ith # prete$se o& opti(is(*
5>ell, here it is #l(ost Septe(ber #lre#%y, so + g)ess it 2o$5t be too lo$g $o2* The $e8t ti(e #$y o& the boys #s- #bo)t
(e, 2hy, 3)st tell the( +5ll be b#c- gri$%i$g o)t those ol% p)blicity rele#ses #g#i$ #s soo$ #s Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %ies o&
p$e)(o$i#* >ill yo) tell the( th#t9 S#y +5ll be b#c- i$ the s6)#%ro$ #s soo$ #s 2i$ter co(es #$% Chie& H#l&o#t %ies o&
p$e)(o$i#* O-#y95
The ch#pl#i$ (e(ori4e% the prophetic 2or%s sole($ly, e$tr#$ce% &)rther by their esoteric i(port* 50o yo) li,e o$
berries, herbs #$% roots95 he #s-e%*
5/o, o& co)rse $ot,5 the c#pt#i$ replie% 2ith s)rprise* 5+ s$e#- i$to the (ess h#ll thro)gh the b#c- #$% e#t i$ the -itche$*
'ilo gi,es (e s#$%2iches #$% (il-*5
5>h#t %o yo) %o 2he$ it r#i$s95
The c#pt#i$ #$s2ere% &r#$-ly* 5+ get 2et*5
5>here %o yo) sleep95
S2i&tly the c#pt#i$ %)c-e% %o2$ i$to # cro)ch #$% beg#$ b#c-i$g #2#y* 5.o) too95 he crie% &r#$tic#lly*
5Oh, $o,5 crie% the ch#pl#i$* 5+ s2e#r to yo)*5
5.o) %o 2#$t to c)t (y thro#tC5 the c#pt#i$ i$siste%*
5+ gi,e (y 2or%,5 the ch#pl#i$ ple#%e%, b)t it 2#s too l#te, &or the ho(ely hirs)te specter h#% #lre#%y ,#$ishe%,
%issol,i$g so e8pertly i$si%e the bloo(i$g, %#pple%, &r#g(e$te% (#l&or(#tio$s o& le#,es, light #$% sh#%o2s th#t the
ch#pl#i$ 2#s #lre#%y %o)bti$g th#t he h#% e,e$ bee$ there* So (#$y (o$stro)s e,e$ts 2ere occ)rri$g th#t he 2#s $o
lo$ger positi,e 2hich e,e$ts 2ere (o$stro)s #$% 2hich 2ere re#lly t#-i$g pl#ce* He 2#$te% to &i$% o)t #bo)t the
(#%(#$ i$ the 2oo%s #s 6)ic-ly #s possible, to chec- i& there e,er re#lly h#% bee$ # C#pt#i$ ;l)(e, b)t his &irst chore,
he rec#lle% 2ith rel)ct#$ce, 2#s to #ppe#se Corpor#l >hitco(b &or $eglecti$g to %eleg#te e$o)gh respo$sibility to hi(*
He plo%%e% #lo$g the 4ig4#ggi$g p#th thro)gh the &orest listlessly, clogge% 2ith thirst #$% &eeli$g #l(ost too e8h#)ste%
to go o$* He 2#s re(orse&)l 2he$ he tho)ght o& Corpor#l >hitco(b* He pr#ye% th#t Corpor#l >hitco(b 2o)l% be go$e
2he$ he re#che% the cle#ri$g so th#t he co)l% )$%ress 2itho)t e(b#rr#ss(e$t, 2#sh his #r(s #$% chest #$% sho)l%ers
thoro)ghly, %ri$- 2#ter, lie %o2$ re&reshe% #$% perh#ps e,e$ sleep &or # &e2 (i$)tesA b)t he 2#s i$ &or still #$other
%is#ppoi$t(e$t #$% still #$other shoc-, &or Corpor#l >hitco(b 2#s Serge#$t >hitco(b by the ti(e he #rri,e% #$% 2#s
sitti$g 2ith his shirt o&& i$ the ch#pl#i$5s ch#ir se2i$g his $e2 serge#$t5s stripes o$ his slee,e 2ith the ch#pl#i$5s $ee%le
#$% thre#%* Corpor#l >hitco(b h#% bee$ pro(ote% by Colo$el C#thc#rt, 2ho 2#$te% to see the ch#pl#i$ #t o$ce #bo)t
the letters*
5Oh, $o,5 gro#$e% the ch#pl#i$, si$-i$g %o2$ %)(b&o)$%e% o$ his cot* His 2#r( c#$tee$ 2#s e(pty, #$% he 2#s too
%istr#)ght to re(e(ber the lister b#g h#$gi$g o)tsi%e i$ the sh#%e bet2ee$ the t2o te$ts* 5+ c#$5t belie,e it* + 3)st c#$5t
belie,e th#t #$yo$e 2o)l% serio)sly belie,e th#t +5,e bee$ &orgi$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g5s $#(e*5
5/ot those letters,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b correcte%, pl#i$ly e$3oyi$g the ch#pl#i$5s ch#gri$* 5He 2#$ts to see yo) #bo)t the
letters ho(e to the &#(ilies o& c#s)#lties*5
5Those letters95 #s-e% the ch#pl#i$ 2ith s)rprise*
5Th#t5s right,5 Corpor#l >hitco(b glo#te%* 5He5s re#lly goi$g to che2 yo) o)t &or re&)si$g to let (e se$% the(* .o)
sho)l% h#,e see$ hi( go &or the i%e# o$ce + re(i$%e% hi( the letters co)l% c#rry his sig$#t)re* Th#t5s 2hy he pro(ote%
(e* He5s #bsol)tely s)re they5ll get hi( i$to The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post*5
The ch#pl#i$5s be&)%%le(e$t i$cre#se%* 57)t ho2 %i% he -$o2 2e 2ere e,e$ co$si%eri$g the i%e#95
5+ 2e$t to his o&&ice #$% tol% hi(*5
5.o) %i% 2h#t95 the ch#pl#i$ %e(#$%e% shrilly, #$% ch#rge% to his &eet i$ #$ )$&#(ili#r r#ge* 50o yo) (e#$ to s#y th#t
yo) #ct)#lly 2e$t o,er (y he#% to the colo$el 2itho)t #s-i$g (y per(issio$95
Corpor#l >hitco(b gri$$e% br#4e$ly 2ith scor$&)l s#tis&#ctio$* 5Th#t5s right, Ch#pl#i$,5 he #$s2ere%* 5A$% yo) better $ot
try to %o #$ythi$g #bo)t it i& yo) -$o2 2h#t5s goo% &or yo)*5 He l#)ghe% 6)ietly i$ (#licio)s %e&i#$ce* 5Colo$el C#thc#rt
is$5t goi$g to li-e it i& he &i$%s o)t yo)5re getti$g e,e$ 2ith (e &or bri$gi$g hi( (y i%e#* .o) -$o2 so(ethi$g, Ch#pl#i$95
Corpor#l >hitco(b co$ti$)e%, biti$g the ch#pl#i$5s bl#c- thre#% #p#rt co$te(pt)o)sly 2ith # lo)% s$#p #$% b)tto$i$g
o$ his shirt* 5Th#t %)(b b#st#r% re#lly thi$-s it5s o$e o& the gre#test i%e#s he5s e,er he#r%*5
5+t (ight e,e$ get (e i$to The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt bo#ste% i$ his o&&ice 2ith # s(ile, s2#ggeri$g
b#c- #$% &orth co$,i,i#lly #s he repro#che% the ch#pl#i$* 5A$% yo) %i%$5t h#,e br#i$s e$o)gh to #ppreci#te it* .o)5,e got
# goo% (#$ i$ Corpor#l >hitco(b, Ch#pl#i$* + hope yo) h#,e br#i$s e$o)gh to #ppreci#te th#t*5
5Serge#$t >hitco(b,5 the ch#pl#i$ correcte%, be&ore he co)l% co$trol hi(sel&*
Colo$el C#thc#rt O#re%* 5+ s#i% Serge#$t >hitco(b,5 he replie%* 5+ 2ish yo)5% try liste$i$g o$ce i$ # 2hile i$ste#% o&
#l2#ys &i$%i$g &#)lt* .o) %o$5t 2#$t to be # c#pt#i$ #ll yo)r li&e, %o yo)95
5Sir95
5>ell, + cert#i$ly %o$5t see ho2 yo)5re e,er goi$g to #(o)$t to #$ythi$g else i& yo) -eep o$ this 2#y* Corpor#l >hitco(b
&eels th#t yo) &ello2s h#,e$5t h#% # &resh i%e# i$ $i$etee$ h)$%re% #$% &orty-&o)r ye#rs, #$% +5( i$cli$e% to #gree 2ith
hi(* A bright boy, th#t Corpor#l >hitco(b* >ell, it5s #ll goi$g to ch#$ge*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#t %o2$ #t his %es- 2ith #
%eter(i$e% #ir #$% cle#re% # l#rge $e#t sp#ce i$ his blotter* >he$ he h#% &i$ishe%, he t#ppe% his &i$ger i$si%e it*
5St#rti$g to(orro2,5 he s#i%, 5+ 2#$t yo) #$% Corpor#l >hitco(b to 2rite # letter o& co$%ole$ce &or (e to the $e8t o& -i$
o& e,ery (#$ i$ the gro)p 2ho5s -ille%, 2o)$%e% or t#-e$ priso$er* + 2#$t those letters to be si$cere letters* + 2#$t the(
&ille% )p 2ith lots o& perso$#l %et#ils so there5ll be $o %o)bt + (e#$ e,ery 2or% yo) s#y* +s th#t cle#r95
The ch#pl#i$ steppe% &or2#r% i(p)lsi,ely to re(o$str#te* 57)t, sir, th#t5s i(possibleC5 he bl)rte% o)t* 5>e %o$5t e,e$
-$o2 #ll the (e$ th#t 2ell*5
5>h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e95 Colo$el C#thc#rt %e(#$%e%, #$% the$ s(ile% #(ic#bly* 5Corpor#l >hitco(b bro)ght
(e this b#sic &or( letter th#t t#-es c#re o& 3)st #bo)t e,ery sit)#tio$* Liste$@ J0e#r 'rs*, 'r*, 'iss, or 'r* #$% 'rs*@
>or%s c#$$ot e8press the %eep perso$#l grie& + e8perie$ce% 2he$ yo)r h)sb#$%, so$, &#ther or brother 2#s -ille%,
2o)$%e% or reporte% (issi$g i$ #ctio$*J A$% so o$* + thi$- th#t ope$i$g se$te$ce s)(s )p (y se$ti(e$ts e8#ctly*
95 | P a g e
Liste$, (#ybe yo)5% better let Corpor#l >hitco(b t#-e ch#rge o& the 2hole thi$g i& yo) %o$5t &eel )p to it*5 Colo$el
C#thc#rt 2hippe% o)t his cig#rette hol%er #$% &le8e% it bet2ee$ both h#$%s li-e #$ o$y8 #$% i,ory ri%i$g crop* 5Th#t5s
o$e o& the thi$gs th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo), Ch#pl#i$* Corpor#l >hitco(b tells (e yo) %o$5t -$o2 ho2 to %eleg#te
respo$sibility* He s#ys yo)5,e got $o i$iti#ti,e either* .o)5re $ot goi$g to %is#gree 2ith (e, #re yo)95
5/o, sir*5 The ch#pl#i$ shoo- his he#%, &eeli$g %espic#bly re(iss bec#)se he %i% $ot -$o2 ho2 to %eleg#te respo$sibility
#$% h#% $o i$iti#ti,e, #$% bec#)se he re#lly h#% bee$ te(pte% to %is#gree 2ith the colo$el* His (i$% 2#s # sh#(bles*
They 2ere shooti$g s-eet o)tsi%e, #$% e,ery ti(e # g)$ 2#s &ire% his se$ses 2ere 3#rre%* He co)l% $ot #%3)st to the
so)$% o& the shots* He 2#s s)rro)$%e% by b)shels o& pl)( to(#toes #$% 2#s #l(ost co$,i$ce% th#t he h#% stoo% i$
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s o&&ice o$ so(e si(il#r occ#sio$ %eep i$ the p#st #$% h#% bee$ s)rro)$%e% by those s#(e b)shels o&
those s#(e pl)( to(#toes* 0M3*** ,) #g#i$* The setti$g see(e% so &#(ili#rA yet it #lso see(e% so %ist#$t* His clothes &elt
gri(y #$% ol%, #$% he 2#s %e#thly #&r#i% he s(elle%*
5.o) t#-e thi$gs too serio)sly, Ch#pl#i$,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt tol% hi( bl)$tly 2ith #$ #ir o& #%)lt ob3ecti,ity* 5Th#t5s #$other
o$e o& the thi$gs th#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)* Th#t lo$g &#ce o& yo)rs gets e,erybo%y %epresse%* Let (e see yo) l#)gh o$ce
i$ # 2hile* Co(e o$, Ch#pl#i$* .o) gi,e (e # belly l#)gh $o2 #$% +5ll gi,e yo) # 2hole b)shel o& pl)( to(#toes*5 He
2#ite% # seco$% or t2o, 2#tchi$g, #$% the$ chortle% ,ictorio)sly* 5.o) see, Ch#pl#i$, +5( right* .o) c#$5t gi,e (e # belly
l#)gh, c#$ yo)95
5/o, sir,5 #%(itte% the ch#pl#i$ (ee-ly, s2#llo2i$g slo2ly 2ith # ,isible e&&ort* 5/ot right $o2* +5( ,ery thirsty*5
5The$ get yo)rsel& # %ri$-* Colo$el ?or$ -eeps so(e bo)rbo$ i$ his %es-* .o) o)ght to try %roppi$g #ro)$% the o&&icers5
cl)b 2ith )s so(e e,e$i$g 3)st to h#,e yo)rsel& # little &)$* Try getti$g lit o$ce i$ # 2hile* + hope yo) %o$5t &eel yo)5re
better th#$ the rest o& )s 3)st bec#)se yo)5re # pro&essio$#l (#$*5
5Oh, $o, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ #ss)re% hi( 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t* 5As # (#tter o& &#ct, + h#,e bee$ goi$g to the o&&icers5 cl)b
the p#st &e2 e,e$i$gs*5
5.o)5re o$ly # c#pt#i$, yo) -$o2,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt co$ti$)e%, p#yi$g $o #tte$tio$ to the ch#pl#i$5s re(#r-* 5.o) (#y be
# pro&essio$#l (#$, b)t yo)5re still o$ly # c#pt#i$*5
5.es, sir* + -$o2*5
5Th#t5s &i$e, the$* +t5s 3)st #s 2ell yo) %i%$5t l#)gh be&ore* + 2o)l%$5t h#,e gi,e$ yo) the pl)( to(#toes #$y2#y* Corpor#l
>hitco(b tells (e yo) too- # pl)( to(#to 2he$ yo) 2ere i$ here this (or$i$g*5
5This (or$i$g9 7)t, sirC .o) g#,e it to (e*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt coc-e% his he#% 2ith s)spicio$* 5+ %i%$5t s#y + %i%$5t gi,e it to yo), %i% +9 + (erely s#i% yo) too- it* + %o$5t
see 2hy yo)5,e got s)ch # g)ilty co$scie$ce i& yo) re#lly %i%$5t ste#l it* 0i% + gi,e it to yo)95
5.es, sir* + s2e#r yo) %i%*5
5The$ +5ll 3)st h#,e to t#-e yo)r 2or% &or it* Altho)gh + c#$5t i(#gi$e 2hy +5% 2#$t to gi,e yo) # pl)( to(#to*5 Colo$el
C#thc#rt tr#$s&erre% # ro)$% gl#ss p#per2eight co(pete$tly &ro( the right e%ge o& his %es- to the le&t e%ge #$% pic-e%
)p # sh#rpe$e% pe$cil* 5O-#y* Ch#pl#i$, +5,e got # lot o& i(port#$t 2or- to %o $o2 i& yo)5re thro)gh* .o) let (e -$o2
2he$ Corpor#l >hitco(b h#s se$t o)t #bo)t # %o4e$ o& those letters #$% 2e5ll get i$ to)ch 2ith the e%itors o& The
S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post*5 A s)%%e$ i$spir#tio$ (#%e his &#ce brighte$* 5S#yC + thi$- +5ll ,ol)$teer the gro)p &or A,ig$o$
#g#i$* Th#t sho)l% spee% thi$gs )pC5
5;or A,ig$o$95 The ch#pl#i$5s he#rt (isse% # be#t, #$% #ll his &lesh beg#$ to pric-le #$% creep*
5Th#t5s right,5 the colo$el e8pl#i$e% e8)ber#$tly* 5The soo$er 2e get so(e c#s)#lties, the soo$er 2e c#$ (#-e so(e
progress o$ this* +5% li-e to get i$ the Christ(#s iss)e i& 2e c#$* + i(#gi$e the circ)l#tio$ is higher the$*5
A$% to the ch#pl#i$5s horror, the colo$el li&te% the pho$e to ,ol)$teer the gro)p &or A,ig$o$ #$% trie% to -ic- hi( o)t o&
the o&&icers5 cl)b #g#i$ th#t ,ery s#(e $ight # (o(e$t be&ore .oss#ri#$ rose )p %r)$-e$ly, -$oc-i$g o,er his ch#ir, to
st#rt #$ #,e$gi$g p)$ch th#t (#%e /#tely c#ll o)t his $#(e #$% (#%e Colo$el C#thc#rt bl#$ch #$% retre#t pr)%e$tly
s(#c- i$to :e$er#l 0ree%le, 2ho sho,e% hi( o&& his br)ise% &oot %isg)ste%ly #$% or%er hi( &or2#r% to -ic- the ch#pl#i$
right b#c- i$to the o&&icers5 cl)b* +t 2#s #ll ,ery )psetti$g to Colo$el C#thc#rt, &irst the %re#%e% $#(e .oss#ri#$C tolli$g
o)t #g#i$ cle#rly li-e # 2#r$i$g o& %oo( #$% the$ :e$er#l 0ree%le5s br)ise% &oot, #$% th#t 2#s #$other &#)lt Colo$el
C#thc#rt &o)$% i$ the ch#pl#i$, the &#ct th#t it 2#s i(possible to pre%ict ho2 :e$er#l 0ree%le 2o)l% re#ct e#ch ti(e he
s#2 hi(* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2o)l% $e,er &orget the &irst e,e$i$g :e$er#l 0ree%le too- $otice o& the ch#pl#i$ i$ the
o&&icers5 cl)b, li&ti$g his r)%%y, s2elteri$g, i$to8ic#te% &#ce to st#re po$%ero)sly thro)gh the yello2 p#ll o& cig#rette
s(o-e #t the ch#pl#i$ l)r-i$g $e#r the 2#ll by hi(sel&*
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le h#% e8cl#i(e% ho#rsely, his sh#ggy gr#y (e$#ci$g eyebro2s beetli$g i$
recog$itio$* 5+s th#t # ch#pl#i$ + see o,er there9 Th#t5s re#lly # &i$e thi$g 2he$ # (#$ o& :o% begi$s h#$gi$g #ro)$% #
pl#ce li-e this 2ith # b)$ch o& %irty %r)$-s #$% g#(blers*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt co(presse% his lips pri(ly #$% st#rte% to rise* 5+ co)l%$5t #gree 2ith yo) (ore, sir,5 he #sse$te% bris-ly
i$ # to$e o& oste$t#tio)s %is#ppro,#l* 5+ 3)st %o$5t -$o2 2h#t5s h#ppe$i$g to the clergy these %#ys*5
5They5re getti$g better, th#t5s 2h#t5s h#ppe$i$g to the(,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le gro2le% e(ph#tic#lly*
Colo$el C#thc#rt g)lpe% #2-2#r%ly #$% (#%e # $i(ble reco,ery* 5.es, sir* They #re getti$g better* Th#t5s e8#ctly 2h#t +
h#% i$ (i$%, sir*5
5This is 3)st the pl#ce &or # ch#pl#i$ to be, (i$gli$g 2ith the (e$ 2hile they5re o)t %ri$-i$g #$% g#(bli$g so he c#$ get
to )$%erst#$% the( #$% 2i$ their co$&i%e$ce* Ho2 the hell else is he e,er goi$g to get the( to belie,e i$ :o%95
5Th#t5s e8#ctly 2h#t + h#% i$ (i$%, sir, 2he$ + or%ere% hi( to co(e here,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i% c#re&)lly, #$% thre2 his
#r( &#(ili#rly #ro)$% the ch#pl#i$5s sho)l%ers #s he 2#l-e% hi( o&& i$to # cor$er to or%er hi( i$ # col% )$%erto$e to
st#rt reporti$g &or %)ty #t the o&&icers5 cl)b e,ery e,e$i$g to (i$gle 2ith the (e$ 2hile they 2ere %ri$-i$g #$% g#(bli$g
so th#t he co)l% get to )$%erst#$% the( #$% 2i$ their co$&i%e$ce*
The ch#pl#i$ #gree% #$% %i% report &or %)ty to the o&&icers5 cl)b e,ery $ight to (i$gle 2ith (e$ 2ho 2#$te% to #,oi% hi(,
)$til the e,e$i$g the ,icio)s &ist &ight bro-e o)t #t the pi$g-po$g t#ble #$% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t 2hirle% 2itho)t
pro,oc#tio$ #$% p)$che% Colo$el 'oo%)s s6)#rely i$ the $ose, -$oc-i$g Colo$el 'oo%)s %o2$ o$ the se#t o& his
p#$ts #$% (#-i$g :e$er#l 0ree%le ro#r 2ith l)sty, )$e8pecte% l#)ghter )$til he spie% the ch#pl#i$ st#$%i$g close by
g#2-i$g #t hi( grotes6)ely i$ tort)re% 2o$%er* :e$er#l 0ree%le &ro4e #t the sight o& hi(* He glo2ere% #t the ch#pl#i$
2ith s2olle$ &)ry &or # (o(e$t, his goo% h)(or go$e, #$% t)r$e% b#c- to2#r% the b#r %isgr)$te%ly, rolli$g &ro( si%e to
si%e li-e # s#ilor o$ his short b#$%y legs* Colo$el C#thc#rt c#$tere% &e#r&)lly #lo$g behi$%, gl#$ci$g #$8io)sly #bo)t i$
Catch 22
,#i$ &or so(e sig$ o& help &ro( Colo$el ?or$*
5Th#t5s # &i$e thi$g,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le gro2le% #t the b#r, grippi$g his e(pty shot gl#ss i$ his b)rly h#$%* 5Th#t5s re#lly #
&i$e thi$g, 2he$ # (#$ o& :o% begi$s h#$gi$g #ro)$% # pl#ce li-e this 2ith # b)$ch o& %irty %r)$-s #$% g#(blers*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt sighe% 2ith relie&* 5.es, sir,5 he e8cl#i(e% pro)%ly* 5+t cert#i$ly is # &i$e thi$g*5
5The$ 2hy the hell %o$5t yo) %o so(ethi$g #bo)t it95
5Sir95 Colo$el C#thc#rt i$6)ire%, bli$-i$g*
50o yo) thi$- it %oes yo) cre%it to h#,e yo)r ch#pl#i$ h#$gi$g #ro)$% here e,ery $ight9 He5s i$ here e,ery go%%#( ti(e
+ co(e*5
5.o)5re right, sir, #bsol)tely right,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt respo$%e%* 5+t %oes (e $o cre%it #t #ll* A$% + #( goi$g to %o
so(ethi$g #bo)t it, this ,ery (i$)te*5
5Are$5t yo) the o$e 2ho or%ere% hi( to co(e here95
5/o, sir, th#t 2#s Colo$el ?or$* + i$te$% to p)$ish hi( se,erely, too*5
5+& he 2#s$5t # ch#pl#i$,5 :e$er#l 0ree%le ()ttere%, 5+5% h#,e hi( t#-e$ o)tsi%e #$% shot*5
5He5s $ot # ch#pl#i$, sir*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt #%,ise% help&)lly*
5+s$5t he9 The$ 2hy the hell %oes he 2e#r th#t cross o$ his coll#r i& he5s $ot # ch#pl#i$95
5He %oes$5t 2e#r # cross o$ his coll#r, sir* He 2e#rs # sil,er le#&* He5s # lie)te$#$t colo$el*5
5.o)5,e got # ch#pl#i$ 2ho5s # lie)te$#$t colo$el95 i$6)ire% :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ith #(#4e(e$t*
5Oh, $o, sir* 'y ch#pl#i$ is o$ly # c#pt#i$*5
5The$ 2hy the hell %oes he 2e#r # sil,er le#& o$ his coll#r i& he5s o$ly # c#pt#i$95
5He %oes$5t 2e#r # sil,er le#& o$ his coll#r, sir* He 2e#rs # cross*5
5:o #2#y &ro( (e $o2, yo) so$ o& # bitch,5 s#i% :e$er#l 0ree%le* 5Or +5ll h#,e yo) t#-e$ o)tsi%e #$% shotC5
5.es, sir*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2e$t #2#y &ro( :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ith # g)lp #$% -ic-e% the ch#pl#i$ o)t o& the o&&icers5 cl)b, #$% it
2#s e8#ctly the 2#y it #l(ost 2#s t2o (o$ths l#ter #&ter the ch#pl#i$ h#% trie% to pers)#%e Colo$el C#thc#rt to resci$%
his or%er i$cre#si$g the $)(ber o& (issio$s to si8ty #$% h#% &#ile% #bys(#lly i$ th#t e$%e#,or too, #$% the ch#pl#i$ 2#s
re#%y $o2 to c#pit)l#te to %esp#ir e$tirely b)t 2#s restr#i$e% by the (e(ory o& his 2i&e, 2ho( he lo,e% #$% (isse% so
p#thetic#lly 2ith s)ch se$s)#l #$% e8#lte% #r%or, #$% by the li&elo$g tr)st he h#% pl#ce% i$ the 2is%o( #$% 3)stice o& #$
i((ort#l, o($ipote$t, o($iscie$t, h)(#$e, )$i,ers#l, #$thropo(orphic, E$glish-spe#-i$g, A$glo-S#8o$, pro-A(eric#$
:o%, 2hich h#% beg)$ to 2#,er* So (#$y thi$gs 2ere testi$g his &#ith* There 2#s the 7ible, o& co)rse, b)t the 7ible 2#s
# boo-, #$% so 2ere 7le#- Ho)se, Tre#s)re +sl#$%, Eth#$ ;ro(e #$% The L#st o& the 'ohic#$s* 0i% it the$ see(
prob#ble, #s he h#% o$ce o,erhe#r% 0)$b#r #s-, th#t the #$s2ers to the ri%%les o& cre#tio$ 2o)l% be s)pplie% by
people too ig$or#$t to )$%erst#$% the (ech#$ics o& r#i$&#ll9 H#% Al(ighty :o%, i$ #ll His i$&i$ite 2is%o(, re#lly bee$
#&r#i% th#t (e$ si8 tho)s#$% ye#rs #go 2o)l% s)ccee% i$ b)il%i$g # to2er to he#,e$9 >here the %e,il 2#s he#,e$9
>#s it )p9 0o2$9 There 2#s $o )p or %o2$ i$ # &i$ite b)t e8p#$%i$g )$i,erse i$ 2hich e,e$ the ,#st, b)r$i$g, %#44li$g,
(#3estic s)$ 2#s i$ # st#te o& progressi,e %ec#y th#t 2o)l% e,e$t)#lly %estroy the e#rth too* There 2ere $o (ir#clesA
pr#yers 2e$t )$#$s2ere%, #$% (is&ort)$e tr#(pe% 2ith e6)#l br)t#lity o$ the ,irt)o)s #$% the corr)ptA #$% the
ch#pl#i$, 2ho h#% co$scie$ce #$% ch#r#cter, 2o)l% h#,e yiel%e% to re#so$ #$% reli$6)ishe% his belie& i$ the :o% o& his
&#thers - 2o)l% tr)ly h#,e resig$e% both his c#lli$g #$% his co((issio$ #$% t#-e$ his ch#$ces #s # pri,#te i$ the
i$&#$try or &iel% #rtillery, or e,e$, perh#ps, #s # corpor#l i$ the p#r#troopers - h#% it $ot bee$ &or s)ch s)ccessi,e (ystic
phe$o(e$# #s the $#-e% (#$ i$ the tree #t th#t poor serge#$t5s &)$er#l 2ee-s be&ore #$% the cryptic, h#)$ti$g,
e$co)r#gi$g pro(ise o& the prophet ;l)(e i$ the &orest o$ly th#t #&ter$oo$@ 5Tell the( +5ll be b#c- 2he$ 2i$ter co(es*5
2" AAR;.
+$ # 2#y it 2#s #ll .oss#ri#$5s &#)lt, &or i& he h#% $ot (o,e% the bo(b li$e %)ri$g the 7ig Siege o& 7olog$#, '#3or - %e
Co,erley (ight still be #ro)$% to s#,e hi(, #$% i& he h#% $ot stoc-e% the e$liste% (e$5s #p#rt(e$t 2ith girls 2ho h#% $o
other pl#ce to li,e, /#tely (ight $e,er h#,e &#lle$ i$ lo,e 2ith his 2hore #s she s#t $#-e% &ro( the 2#ist %o2$ i$ the
roo( &)ll o& gr)(py bl#c-3#c- pl#yers 2ho ig$ore% her* /#tely st#re% #t her co,ertly &ro( his o,er-st)&&e% yello2
#r(ch#ir, (#r,eli$g #t the bore%, phleg(#tic stre$gth 2ith 2hich she #ccepte% the (#ss re3ectio$* She y#2$e%, #$% he
2#s %eeply (o,e%* He h#% $e,er 2it$esse% s)ch heroic poise be&ore*
The girl h#% cli(be% &i,e steep &lights o& st#irs to sell hersel& to the gro)p o& s#ti#te% e$liste% (e$, 2ho h#% girls li,i$g
there #ll #ro)$% the(A $o$e 2#$te% her #t #$y price, $ot e,e$ #&ter she h#% strippe% 2itho)t re#l e$th)si#s( to te(pt
the( 2ith # t#ll bo%y th#t 2#s &ir( #$% &)ll #$% tr)ly ,ol)pt)o)s* She see(e% (ore &#tig)e% th#$ %is#ppoi$te%* /o2 she
s#t resti$g i$ ,#c)o)s i$%ole$ce, 2#tchi$g the c#r% g#(e 2ith %)ll c)riosity #s she g#there% her rec#lcitr#$t e$ergies
&or the te%io)s chore o& %o$$i$g the rest o& her clothi$g #$% goi$g b#c- to 2or-* +$ # little 2hile she stirre%* A little 2hile
l#ter she rose 2ith #$ )$co$scio)s sigh #$% steppe% leth#rgic#lly i$to her tight cotto$ p#$ties #$% %#r- s-irt, the$
b)c-le% o$ her shoes #$% le&t* /#tely slippe% o)t behi$% herA #$% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #$% A#r&y e$tere% the o&&icers5
#p#rt(e$t #l(ost t2o ho)rs l#ter, there she 2#s #g#i$, steppi$g i$to her p#$ties #$% s-irt, #$% it 2#s #l(ost li-e the
ch#pl#i$5s rec)rri$g se$s#tio$ o& h#,i$g bee$ thro)gh # sit)#tio$ be&ore, e8cept &or /#tely, 2ho 2#s (opi$g
i$co$sol#bly 2ith his h#$%s i$ his poc-ets*
5She 2#$ts to go $o2,5 he s#i% i$ # &#i$t, str#$ge ,oice* 5She %oes$5t 2#$t to st#y*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) 3)st p#y her so(e (o$ey to let yo) spe$% the rest o& the %#y 2ith her95 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise%*
5She g#,e (e (y (o$ey b#c-,5 /#tely #%(itte%* 5She5s tire% o& (e $o2 #$% 2#$ts to go loo-i$g &or so(eo$e else*5
The girl p#)se% 2he$ her shoes 2ere o$ to gl#$ce i$ s)rly i$,it#tio$ #t .oss#ri#$ #$% A#r&y* Her bre#sts 2ere poi$ty
#$% l#rge i$ the thi$ 2hite slee,eless s2e#ter she 2ore th#t s6)ee4e% e#ch co$to)r #$% &lo2e% o)t2#r% s(oothly 2ith
the tops o& her e$tici$g hips* .oss#ri#$ ret)r$e% her g#4e #$% 2#s stro$gly #ttr#cte%* He shoo- his he#%*
5:oo% ri%%#$ce to b#% r)bbish,5 2#s A#r&y5s )$pert)rbe% respo$se*
50o$5t s#y th#t #bo)t herC5 /#tely proteste% 2ith p#ssio$ th#t 2#s both # ple# #$% # reb)-e* 5+ 2#$t her to st#y 2ith (e*5
5>h#t5s so speci#l #bo)t her95 A#r&y s$eere% 2ith (oc- s)rprise* 5She5s o$ly # 2hore*5
5A$% %o$5t c#ll her # 2horeC5
The girl shr)gge% i(p#ssi,ely #&ter # &e2 (ore seco$%s #$% #(ble% to2#r% the %oor* /#tely bo)$%e% &or2#r%
2retche%ly to hol% it ope$* He 2#$%ere% b#c- i$ # he#rtbro-e$ %#4e, his se$siti,e &#ce elo6)e$t 2ith grie&*
50o$5t 2orry #bo)t it,5 .oss#ri#$ co)$sele% hi( #s -i$%ly #s he co)l%* 5.o)5ll prob#bly be #ble to &i$% her #g#i$* >e -$o2
97 | P a g e
2here #ll the 2hores h#$g o)t*5
5Ple#se %o$5t c#ll her th#t,5 /#tely begge%, loo-i$g #s tho)gh he (ight cry*
5+5( sorry,5 ()r()re% .oss#ri#$*
A#r&y th)$%ere% 3o,i#lly, 5There #re h)$%re%s o& 2hores 3)st #s goo% cr#2li$g #ll o,er the streets* Th#t o$e 2#s$5t e,e$
pretty*5 He ch)c-le% (elli&l)o)sly 2ith reso$#$t %is%#i$ #$% #)thority* 5>hy, yo) r)she% &or2#r% to ope$ th#t %oor #s
tho)gh yo) 2ere i$ lo,e 2ith her*5
5+ thi$- + #( i$ lo,e 2ith her,5 /#tely co$&esse% i$ # sh#(e%, &#r-o&& ,oice*
A#r&y 2ri$-le% his ch)bby ro)$% rosy &orehe#% i$ co(ic %isbelie&* 5Ho, ho, ho, hoC5 he l#)ghe%, p#tti$g the e8p#$si,e
&orest-gree$ si%es o& his o&&icer5s t)$ic prospero)sly* 5Th#t5s rich* .o) i$ lo,e 2ith her9 Th#t5s re#lly rich*5 A#r&y h#% #
%#te th#t s#(e #&ter$oo$ 2ith # Re% Cross girl &ro( S(ith 2hose &#ther o2$e% #$ i(port#$t (il--o&-(#g$esi# pl#$t*
5/o2, th#t5s the -i$% o& girl yo) o)ght to be #ssoci#ti$g 2ith, #$% $ot 2ith co((o$ sl)ts li-e th#t o$e* >hy, she %i%$5t
e,e$ loo- cle#$*5
5+ %o$5t c#reC5 /#tely sho)te% %esper#tely* 5A$% + 2ish yo)5% sh)t )p, + %o$5t e,e$ 2#$t to t#l- #bo)t it 2ith yo)*5
5A#r&y, sh)t )p,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5Ho, ho, ho, hoC5 A#r&y co$ti$)e%* 5+ 3)st c#$5t i(#gi$e 2h#t yo)r &#ther #$% (other 2o)l% s#y i& they -$e2 yo) 2ere
r)$$i$g #ro)$% 2ith &ilthy trollops li-e th#t o$e* .o)r &#ther is # ,ery %isti$g)ishe% (#$, yo) -$o2*5
5+5( $ot goi$g to tell hi(,5 /#tely %ecl#re% 2ith %eter(i$#tio$* 5+5( $ot goi$g to s#y # 2or% #bo)t her to hi( or 'other
)$til #&ter 2e5re (#rrie%*5
5'#rrie%95 A#r&y5s i$%)lge$t (erri(e$t s2elle% tre(e$%o)sly* 5Ho, ho, ho, ho, hoC /o2 yo)5re re#lly t#l-i$g st)pi%* >hy,
yo)5re $ot e,e$ ol% e$o)gh to -$o2 2h#t tr)e lo,e is*5
A#r&y 2#s #$ #)thority o$ the s)b3ect o& tr)e lo,e bec#)se he h#% #lre#%y &#lle$ tr)ly i$ lo,e 2ith /#tely5s &#ther #$%
2ith the prospect o& 2or-i$g &or hi( #&ter the 2#r i$ so(e e8ec)ti,e c#p#city #s # re2#r% &or be&rie$%i$g /#tely* A#r&y
2#s # le#% $#,ig#tor 2ho h#% $e,er bee$ #ble to &i$% hi(sel& si$ce le#,i$g college* He 2#s # ge$i#l, (#g$#$i(o)s
le#% $#,ig#tor 2ho co)l% #l2#ys &orgi,e the other (#$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ &or %e$o)$ci$g hi( &)rio)sly e#ch ti(e he got
lost o$ # co(b#t (issio$ #$% le% the( o,er co$ce$tr#tio$s o& #$ti#ircr#&t &ire* He got lost o$ the streets o& Ro(e th#t
s#(e #&ter$oo$ #$% $e,er %i% &i$% the eligible Re% Cross girl &ro( S(ith 2ith the i(port#$t (il--o&-(#g$esi# pl#$t* He
got lost o$ the (issio$ to ;err#r# the %#y ?r#&t 2#s shot %o2$ #$% -ille%, #$% he got lost #g#i$ o$ the 2ee-ly (il- r)$ to
P#r(# #$% trie% to le#% the pl#$es o)t to se# o,er the city o& Leghor$ #&ter .oss#ri#$ h#% %roppe% his bo(bs o$ the
)$%e&e$%e% i$l#$% t#rget #$% settle% b#c- #g#i$st his thic- 2#ll o& #r(or pl#te 2ith his eyes close% #$% # &r#gr#$t
cig#rette i$ his &i$gertips* S)%%e$ly there 2#s &l#-, #$% #ll #t o$ce 'c>#tt 2#s shrie-i$g o,er the i$terco(, 5;l#-C ;l#-C
>here the hell #re 2e9 >h#t the hell5s goi$g o$95
.oss#ri#$ &lippe% his eyes ope$ i$ #l#r( #$% s#2 the tot#lly )$e8pecte% b)lgi$g bl#c- p)&&s o& &l#- cr#shi$g %o2$ i$
to2#r% the( &ro( high )p #$% A#r&y5s co(pl#ce$t (elo$-ro)$% ti$y-eye% &#ce g#4i$g o)t #t the #ppro#chi$g c#$$o$
b)rsts 2ith #&&#ble be()se(e$t* .oss#ri#$ 2#s &l#bberg#ste%* His leg 2e$t #br)ptly to sleep* 'c>#tt h#% st#rte% to
cli(b #$% 2#s yelpi$g o,er the i$terco( &or i$str)ctio$s* .oss#ri#$ spr#$g &or2#r% to see 2here they 2ere #$%
re(#i$e% i$ the s#(e pl#ce* He 2#s )$#ble to (o,e* The$ he re#li4e% he 2#s soppi$g 2et* He loo-e% %o2$ #t his
crotch 2ith # si$-i$g, sic- se$s#tio$* A 2il% cri(so$ blot 2#s cr#2li$g )p2#r% r#pi%ly #lo$g his shirt &ro$t li-e #$
e$or(o)s se# (o$ster risi$g to %e,o)r hi(* He 2#s hitC Sep#r#te tric-les o& bloo% spille% to # p)%%le o$ the &loor
thro)gh o$e s#t)r#te% tro)ser leg li-e co)$tless )$stopp#ble s2#r(s o& 2riggli$g re% 2or(s* His he#rt stoppe%* A
seco$% soli% 3olt str)c- the pl#$e* .oss#ri#$ sh)%%ere% 2ith re,)lsio$ #t the 6)eer sight o& his 2o)$% #$% scre#(e% #t
A#r&y &or help*
5+ lost (y b#llsC A#r&y, + lost (y b#llsC5 A#r&y %i%$5t he#r, #$% .oss#ri#$ be$t &or2#r% #$% t)gge% #t his #r(* 5A#r&y, help
(e,5 he ple#%e%, #l(ost 2eepi$g, 5+5( hitC +5( hitC5
A#r&y t)r$e% slo2ly 2ith # bl#$%, 6)i44ic#l gri$* 5>h#t95
5+5( hit, A#r&yC Help (eC5
A#r&y gri$$e% #g#i$ #$% shr)gge% #(i#bly* 5+ c#$5t he#r yo),5 he s#i%*
5C#$5t yo) see (e95 .oss#ri#$ crie% i$cre%)lo)sly, #$% he poi$te% to the %eepe$i$g pool o& bloo% he &elt spl#shi$g %o2$
#ll #ro)$% hi( #$% spre#%i$g o)t )$%er$e#th* 5+5( 2o)$%e%C Help (e, &or :o%5s s#-eC A#r&y, help (eC5
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 A#r&y co(pl#i$e% toler#$tly, c)ppi$g his po%gy h#$% behi$% the bl#$che% coroll# o& his e#r* 5>h#t
%i% yo) s#y95
.oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% i$ # coll#psi$g ,oice, 2e#ry s)%%e$ly o& sho)ti$g so ()ch, o& the 2hole &r)str#ti$g, e8#sper#ti$g,
ri%ic)lo)s sit)#tio$* He 2#s %yi$g, #$% $o o$e too- $otice* 5/e,er (i$%*5
5>h#t95 A#r&y sho)te%*
5+ s#i% + lost (y b#llsC C#$5t yo) he#r (e9 +5( 2o)$%e% i$ the groi$C5
5+ still c#$5t he#r yo),5 A#8&y chi%e%*
5+ s#i% $e,er (i$%C5 .oss#ri#$ scre#(e% 2ith # tr#ppe% &eeli$g o& terror #$% beg#$ to shi,er, &eeli$g ,ery col% s)%%e$ly
#$% ,ery 2e#-*
A#r&y shoo- his he#% regret&)lly #g#i$ #$% lo2ere% his obsce$e, l#ctesce$t e#r #l(ost %irectly i$to .oss#ri#$5s &#ce*
5.o)5ll 3)st h#,e to spe#- )p, (y &rie$%* .o)5ll 3)st h#,e to spe#- )p*5
5Le#,e (e #lo$e, yo) b#st#r%C .o) %)(b, i$se$siti,e b#st#r%, le#,e (e #lo$eC5 .oss#ri#$ sobbe%* He 2#$te% to
p)((el A#r&y, b)t l#c-e% the stre$gth to li&t his #r(s* He %eci%e% to sleep i$ste#% #$% -eele% o,er si%e2#ys i$to # %e#%
&#i$t*
He 2#s 2o)$%e% i$ the thigh, #$% 2he$ he reco,ere% co$scio)s$ess he &o)$% 'c>#tt o$ both -$ees t#-i$g c#re o&
hi(* He 2#s relie,e%, e,e$ tho)gh he still s#2 A#r&y5s blo#te% cher)b5s &#ce h#$gi$g %o2$ o,er 'c>#tt5s sho)l%er 2ith
pl#ci% i$terest* .oss#ri#$ s(ile% &eebly #t 'c>#tt, &eeli$g ill, #$% #s-e%, 5>ho5s (i$%i$g the store95 'c>#tt g#,e $o
sig$ th#t he he#r%* >ith gro2i$g horror, .oss#ri#$ g#there% i$ bre#th #$% repe#te% the 2or%s #s lo)%ly #s he co)l%*
'c>#tt loo-e% )p* 5Christ, +5( gl#% yo)5re still #li,eC5 he e8cl#i(e%, he#,i$g #$ e$or(o)s sigh* The goo%-h)(ore%,
&rie$%ly cri$-les #bo)t his eyes 2ere 2hite 2ith te$sio$ #$% oily 2ith gri(e #s he -ept )$rolli$g #$ i$ter(i$#ble b#$%#ge
#ro)$% the b)l-y cotto$ co(press .oss#ri#$ &elt str#ppe% b)r%e$so(ely to the i$si%e o& o$e thigh* 5/#tely5s #t the
co$trols* The poor -i% #l(ost st#rte% b#2li$g 2he$ he he#r% yo) 2ere hit* He still thi$-s yo)5re %e#%* They -$oc-e%
ope$ #$ #rtery &or yo), b)t + thi$- +5,e got it stoppe%* + g#,e yo) so(e (orphi$e*5
Catch 22
5:i,e (e so(e (ore*5
5+t (ight be too soo$* +5ll gi,e yo) so(e (ore 2he$ it st#rts to h)rt*5
5+t h)rts $o2*5
5Oh, 2ell, 2h#t the hell,5 s#i% 'c>#tt #$% i$3ecte% #$other syrette o& (orphi$e i$to .oss#ri#$5s #r(*
5>he$ yo) tell /#tely +5( #ll right***5 s#i% .oss#ri#$ to 'c>#tt, #$% lost co$scio)s$ess #g#i$ #s e,erythi$g 2e$t &)44y
behi$% # &il( o& str#2berry-str#i$e% gel#ti$ #$% # gre#t b#rito$e b)44 s2#llo2e% hi( i$ so)$%* He c#(e to i$ the
#(b)l#$ce #$% s(ile% e$co)r#ge(e$t #t 0oc 0#$ee-#5s 2ee,il-li-e, gl)( #$% o,ersh#%o2e% co)$te$#$ce &or the
%i44y seco$% or t2o he h#% be&ore e,erythi$g 2e$t rose-pet#l pi$- #g#i$ #$% the$ t)r$e% re#lly bl#c- #$% )$&#tho(#bly
still*
.oss#ri#$ 2o-e )p i$ the hospit#l #$% 2e$t to sleep* >he$ he 2o-e )p i$ the hospit#l #g#i$, the s(ell o& ether 2#s
go$e #$% 0)$b#r 2#s lyi$g i$ p#3#(#s i$ the be% #cross the #isle (#i$t#i$i$g th#t he 2#s $ot 0)$b#r b)t # &ortiori*
.oss#ri#$ tho)ght he 2#s cr#c-e%* He c)rle% his lip s-eptic#lly #t 0)$b#r5s bit o& $e2s #$% slept o$ it &it&)lly &or # %#y or
t2o, the$ 2o-e )p 2hile the $)rses 2ere else2here #$% e#se% hi(sel& o)t o& be% to see &or hi(sel&* The &loor s2#ye%
li-e the &lo#ti$g r#&t #t the be#ch #$% the stitches o$ the i$si%e o& his thigh bit i$to his &lesh li-e &i$e sets o& &ish teeth #s
he li(pe% #cross the #isle to per)se the $#(e o$ the te(per#t)re c#r% o$ the &oot o& 0)$b#r5s be%, b)t s)re e$o)gh,
0)$b#r 2#s right@ he 2#s $ot 0)$b#r #$y (ore b)t Seco$% Lie)te$#$t A$tho$y ;* ;ortiori*
5>h#t the hell5s goi$g o$95
A* ;ortiori got o)t o& be% #$% (otio$e% to .oss#ri#$ to &ollo2* :r#spi$g &or s)pport #t #$ythi$g he co)l% re#ch,
.oss#ri#$ li(pe% #lo$g #&ter hi( i$to the corri%or #$% %o2$ the #%3#ce$t 2#r% to # be% co$t#i$i$g # h#rrie% yo)$g (#$
2ith pi(ples #$% # rece%i$g chi$* The h#rrie% yo)$g (#$ rose o$ o$e elbo2 2ith #l#crity #s they #ppro#che%* A*
;ortiori 3er-e% his th)(b o,er his sho)l%er #$% s#i%, 5Scre2*5 The h#rrie% yo)$g (#$ 3)(pe% o)t o& be% #$% r#$ #2#y*
A* ;ortiori cli(be% i$to the be% #$% bec#(e 0)$b#r #g#i$*
5Th#t 2#s A* ;ortiori,5 0)$b#r e8pl#i$e%* 5They %i%$5t h#,e #$ e(pty be% i$ yo)r 2#r%, so + p)lle% (y r#$- #$% ch#se%
hi( b#c- here i$to (i$e* +t5s # pretty s#tis&yi$g e8perie$ce p)lli$g r#$-* .o) o)ght to try it so(eti(e* .o) o)ght to try it
right $o2, i$ &#ct, bec#)se yo) loo- li-e yo)5re goi$g to &#ll %o2$*5
.oss#ri#$ &elt li-e he 2#s goi$g to &#ll %o2$* He t)r$e% to the l#$ter$ 3#2e%, le#ther-&#ce% (i%%le-#ge% (#$ lyi$g i$ the
be% $e8t to 0)$b#r5s, 3er-e% his th)(b o,er his sho)l%er #$% s#i% 5Scre2*5 The (i%%le-#ge% (#$ sti&&e$e% &iercely #$%
gl#re%*
5He5s # (#3or,5 0)$b#r e8pl#i$e%* 5>hy %o$5t yo) #i( # little lo2er #$% try beco(i$g >#rr#$t O&&icer Ho(er L)(ley &or #
2hile9 The$ yo) c#$ h#,e # &#ther i$ the st#te legisl#t)re #$% # sister 2ho5s e$g#ge% to # ch#(pio$ s-ier* J)st tell hi(
yo)5re # c#pt#i$*5
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% to the st#rtle% p#tie$t 0)$b#r h#% i$%ic#te%* 5+5( # c#pt#i$,5 he s#i%, 3er-i$g his th)(b o,er his
sho)l%er* 5Scre2*5
The st#rtle% p#tie$t 3)(pe% %o2$ to the &loor #t .oss#ri#$5s co((#$% #$% r#$ #2#y* .oss#ri#$ cli(be% )p i$to his be%
#$% bec#(e >#rr#$t O&&icer Ho(er L)(ley, 2ho &elt li-e ,o(iti$g #$% 2#s co,ere% s)%%e$ly 2ith # cl#((y s2e#t* He
slept &or #$ ho)r #$% 2#$te% to be .oss#ri#$ #g#i$* +t %i% $ot (e#$ so ()ch to h#,e # &#ther i$ the st#te legisl#t)re #$%
# sister 2ho 2#s e$g#ge% to # ch#(pio$ s-ier* 0)$b#r le% the 2#y b#c- to .oss#ri#$5s 2#r%, 2here he th)(be% A*
;ortiori o)t o& be% to beco(e 0)$b#r #g#i$ &or # 2hile* There 2#s $o sig$ o& >#rr#$t O&&icer Ho(er L)(ley* /)rse
Cr#(er 2#s there, tho)gh, #$% si44le% 2ith s#$cti(o$io)s #$ger li-e # %#(p &irecr#c-er* She or%ere% .oss#ri#$ to get
right b#c- i$to his be% #$% bloc-e% his p#th so he co)l%$5t co(ply* Her pretty &#ce 2#s (ore rep)lsi,e th#$ e,er* /)rse
Cr#(er 2#s # goo%-he#rte%, se$ti(e$t#l cre#t)re 2ho re3oice% )$sel&ishly #t $e2s o& 2e%%i$gs, e$g#ge(e$ts, births
#$% #$$i,ers#ries e,e$ tho)gh she 2#s )$#c6)#i$te% 2ith #$y o& the people i$,ol,e%*
5Are yo) cr#4y95 she scol%e% ,irt)o)sly, sh#-i$g #$ i$%ig$#$t &i$ger i$ &ro$t o& his eyes* 5+ s)ppose yo) 3)st %o$5t c#re i&
yo) -ill yo)rsel&, %o yo)95
5+t5s (y sel&,5 he re(i$%e% her*
5+ s)ppose yo) 3)st %o$5t c#re i& yo) lose yo)r leg, %o yo)95
5+t5s (y leg*5
5+t cert#i$ly is $ot yo)r legC5 /)rse Cr#(er retorte%* 5Th#t leg belo$gs to the =* S* go,er$(e$t* +t5s $o %i&&ere$t th#$ #
ge#r or # be%p#$* The Ar(y h#s i$,este% # lot o& (o$ey to (#-e yo) #$ #irpl#$e pilot, #$% yo)5,e $o right to %isobey
the %octor5s or%ers*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s $ot s)re he li-e% bei$g i$,este% i$* /)rse Cr#(er 2#s still st#$%i$g %irectly i$ &ro$t o& hi( so th#t he
co)l% $ot p#ss* His he#% 2#s #chi$g* /)rse Cr#(er sho)te% #t hi( so(e 6)estio$ he co)l% $ot )$%erst#$%* He 3er-e%
his th)(b o,er his sho)l%er #$% s#i%, 5Scre2*5
/)rse Cr#(er cr#c-e% hi( i$ the &#ce so h#r% she #l(ost -$oc-e% hi( %o2$* .oss#ri#$ %re2 b#c- his &ist to p)$ch her
i$ the 3#2 3)st #s his leg b)c-le% #$% he beg#$ to &#ll* /)rse 0)c-ett stro%e )p i$ ti(e to c#tch hi(* She #%%resse%
the( both &ir(ly*
5J)st 2h#t5s goi$g o$ here95
5He 2o$5t get b#c- i$to his be%,5 /)rse Cr#(er reporte% 4e#lo)sly i$ #$ i$3)re% to$e* 5S)e A$$, he s#i% so(ethi$g
#bsol)tely horrible to (e* Oh, + c#$5t e,e$ (#-e (ysel& repe#t itC5
5She c#lle% (e # ge#r,5 .oss#ri#$ ()ttere%*
/)rse 0)c-ett 2#s $ot sy(p#thetic* 5>ill yo) get b#c- i$to be%,5 she s#i%, 5or ()st + t#-e yo) by yo)r e#r #$% p)t yo)
there95
5T#-e (e by (y e#r #$% p)t (e there,5 .oss#ri#$ %#re% her*
/)rse 0)c-ett too- hi( by his e#r #$% p)t hi( b#c- i$ be%*
2F /=RSE 0=C?ETT
/)rse S)e A$$ 0)c-ett 2#s # t#ll, sp#re, (#t)re, str#ight-b#c-e% 2o(#$ 2ith # pro(i$e$t, 2ell-ro)$%e% #ss, s(#ll
bre#sts #$% #$g)l#r #scetic /e2 E$gl#$% &e#t)res th#t c#(e e6)#lly close to bei$g ,ery lo,ely #$% ,ery pl#i$* Her s-i$
2#s 2hite #$% pi$-, her eyes s(#ll, her $ose #$% chi$ sle$%er #$% sh#rp* She 2#s #ble, pro(pt, strict #$% i$tellige$t*
She 2elco(e% respo$sibility #$% -ept her he#% i$ e,ery crisis* She 2#s #%)lt #$% sel&-reli#$t, #$% there 2#s $othi$g
she $ee%e% &ro( #$yo$e* .oss#ri#$ too- pity #$% %eci%e% to help her*
/e8t (or$i$g 2hile she 2#s st#$%i$g be$t o,er s(oothi$g the sheets #t the &oot o& his be%, he slippe% his h#$%
99 | P a g e
ste#lthily i$to the $#rro2 sp#ce bet2ee$ her -$ees #$%, #ll #t o$ce, bro)ght it )p s2i&tly )$%er her %ress #s &#r #s it
2o)l% go* /)rse 0)c-ett shrie-e% #$% 3)(pe% i$to the #ir # (ile, b)t it 2#s$5t high e$o)gh, #$% she s6)ir(e% #$%
,#)lte% #$% sees#2e% b#c- #$% &orth o$ her %i,i$e &)lcr)( &or #l(ost # &)ll &i&tee$ seco$%s be&ore she 2iggle% &ree
&i$#lly #$% retre#te% &r#$tic#lly i$to the #isle 2ith #$ #she$, tre(bli$g &#ce* She b#c-e% #2#y too &#r, #$% 0)$b#r, 2ho
h#% 2#tche% &ro( the begi$$i$g, spr#$g &or2#r% o$ his be% 2itho)t 2#r$i$g #$% &l)$g both #r(s #ro)$% her boso(
&ro( behi$%* /)rse 0)c-ett let o)t #$other scre#( #$% t2iste% #2#y, &leei$g &#r e$o)gh &ro( 0)$b#r &or .oss#ri#$ to
l)$ge &or2#r% #$% gr#b her by the s$#tch #g#i$* /)rse 0)c-ett bo)$ce% o)t #cross the #isle o$ce (ore li-e # pi$g-
po$g b#ll 2ith legs* 0)$b#r 2#s 2#iti$g ,igil#$tly, re#%y to po)$ce* She re(e(bere% hi( 3)st i$ ti(e #$% le#pe% #si%e*
0)$b#r (isse% co(pletely #$% s#ile% by her o,er the be% to the &loor, l#$%i$g o$ his s-)ll 2ith # soggy, cr)$chi$g th)%
th#t -$oc-e% hi( col%*
He 2o-e )p o$ the &loor 2ith # blee%i$g $ose #$% e8#ctly the s#(e %istress&)l he#% sy(pto(s he h#% bee$ &eig$i$g #ll
#lo$g* The 2#r% 2#s i$ # ch#otic )pro#r* /)rse 0)c-ett 2#s i$ te#rs, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s co$soli$g her #pologetic#lly #s
he s#t besi%e her o$ the e%ge o& # be%* The co((#$%i$g colo$el 2#s 2roth #$% sho)ti$g #t .oss#ri#$ th#t he 2o)l%
$ot per(it his p#tie$ts to t#-e i$%ece$t liberties 2ith his $)rses*
5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( hi(95 0)$b#r #s-e% pl#i$ti,ely &ro( the &loor, 2i$ci$g #t the ,ibr#ti$g p#i$s i$ his te(ples th#t
his ,oice set )p* 5He %i%$5t %o #$ythi$g*5
5+5( t#l-i$g #bo)t yo)C5 the thi$, %ig$i&ie% colo$el bello2e% #s lo)%ly #s he co)l%* 5.o)5re goi$g to be p)$ishe% &or 2h#t
yo) %i%*5
5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( hi(95 .oss#ri#$ c#lle% o)t* 5All he %i% 2#s &#ll o$ his he#%*5
5A$% +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t yo) tooC5 the colo$el %ecl#re%, 2hirli$g to r#ge #t .oss#ri#$* 5.o)5re goi$g to be goo% #$% sorry
yo) gr#bbe% /)rse 0)c-ett by the boso(*5
5+ %i%$5t gr#b /)rse 0)c-ett by the boso(,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5+ gr#bbe% her by the boso(,5 s#i% 0)$b#r*
5Are yo) both cr#4y95 the %octor crie% shrilly, b#c-i$g #2#y i$ p#li$g co$&)sio$*
5.es, he re#lly is cr#4y, 0oc,5 0)$b#r #ss)re% hi(* 5E,ery $ight he %re#(s he5s hol%i$g # li,e &ish i$ his h#$%s*5
The %octor stoppe% i$ his tr#c-s 2ith # loo- o& eleg#$t #(#4e(e$t #$% %ist#ste, #$% the 2#r% gre2 still* 5He %oes
2h#t95 he %e(#$%e%*
5He %re#(s he5s hol%i$g # li,e &ish i$ his h#$%*5
5>h#t -i$% o& &ish95 the %octor i$6)ire% ster$ly o&.oss#ri#$*
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%* 5+ c#$5t tell o$e -i$% o& &ish &ro( #$other*5
5+$ 2hich h#$% %o yo) hol% the(95
5+t ,#ries,5 #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$*
5+t ,#ries 2ith the &ish,5 0)$b#r #%%e% help&)lly*
The colo$el t)r$e% #$% st#re% %o2$ #t 0)$b#r s)spicio)sly 2ith # $#rro2 s6)i$t* 5.es9 A$% ho2 co(e yo) see( to
-$o2 so ()ch #bo)t it95
5+5( i$ the %re#(,5 0)$b#r #$s2ere% 2itho)t cr#c-i$g # s(ile*
The colo$el5s &#ce &l)she% 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t* He gl#re% #t the( both 2ith col%, )$&orgi,i$g rese$t(e$t* 5:et )p o&&
the &loor #$% i$to yo)r be%,5 he %irecte% 0)$b#r thro)gh thi$ lips* 5A$% + %o$5t 2#$t to he#r #$other 2or% #bo)t this
%re#( &ro( either o$e o& yo)* +5,e got # (#$ o$ (y st#&& to liste$ to %isg)sti$g bilge li-e this*5
5J)st 2hy %o yo) thi$-,5 c#re&)lly i$6)ire% '#3or S#$%erso$, the so&t #$% thic-set s(ili$g st#&& psychi#trist to 2ho( the
colo$el h#% or%ere% .oss#ri#$ se$t, 5th#t Colo$el ;erre%ge &i$%s yo)r %re#( %isg)sti$g95
.oss#ri#$ replie% respect&)lly* 5+ s)ppose it5s either so(e 6)#lity i$ the %re#( or so(e 6)#lity i$ Colo$el ;erre%ge*5
5Th#t5s ,ery 2ell p)t,5 #ppl#)%e% '#3or S#$%erso$, 2ho 2ore s6)e#-i$g :+ shoes #$% h#% ch#rco#l-bl#c- h#ir th#t
stoo% )p #l(ost str#ight* 5;or so(e re#so$,5 he co$&i%e%, 5Colo$el ;erre%ge h#s #l2#ys re(i$%e% (e o& # se# g)ll* He
%oes$5t p)t ()ch &#ith i$ psychi#try, yo) -$o2*5
5.o) %o$5t li-e se# g)lls, %o yo)95 i$6)ire% .oss#ri#$*
5/o, $ot ,ery ()ch,5 #%(itte% '#3or S#$%erso$ 2ith # sh#rp, $er,o)s l#)gh #$% p)lle% #t his pe$%)lo)s seco$% chi$
lo,i$gly #s tho)gh it 2ere # lo$g go#tee* 5+ thi$- yo)r %re#( is ch#r(i$g, #$% + hope it rec)rs &re6)e$tly so th#t 2e c#$
co$ti$)e %isc)ssi$g it* >o)l% yo) li-e # cig#rette95 He s(ile% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ %ecli$e%* 5J)st 2hy %o yo) thi$-,5 he
#s-e% -$o2i$gly, 5th#t yo) h#,e s)ch # stro$g #,ersio$ to #ccepti$g # cig#rette &ro( (e95
5+ p)t o$e o)t # seco$% #go* +t5s still s(ol%eri$g i$ yo)r #sh tr#y*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ ch)c-le%* 5Th#t5s # ,ery i$ge$io)s e8pl#$#tio$* 7)t + s)ppose 2e5ll soo$ %isco,er the tr)e re#so$*5 He
tie% # sloppy %o)ble bo2 i$ his ope$e% shoel#ce #$% the$ tr#$s&erre% # li$e% yello2 p#% &ro( his %es- to his l#p* 5This
&ish yo) %re#( #bo)t* Let5s t#l- #bo)t th#t* +t5s #l2#ys the s#(e &ish, is$5t it95
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%* 5+ h#,e tro)ble recog$i4i$g &ish*5
5>h#t %oes the &ish re(i$% yo) o&95
5Other &ish*5
5A$% 2h#t %o other &ish re(i$% yo) o&95
5Other &ish*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ s#t b#c- %is#ppoi$te%ly* 50o yo) li-e &ish95
5/ot especi#lly*5
'/ust why do you think
you have such a morbid aversion to &ish95 #s-e% '#3or S#$%erso$ tri)(ph#$tly*
5They5re too bl#$%,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%* 5A$% too bo$y*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ $o%%e% )$%erst#$%i$gly, 2ith # s(ile th#t 2#s #gree#ble #$% i$si$cere* 5Th#t5s # ,ery i$teresti$g
e8pl#$#tio$* 7)t 2e5ll soo$ %isco,er the tr)e re#so$, + s)ppose* 0o yo) li-e this p#rtic)l#r &ish9 The o$e yo)5re hol%i$g
i$ yo)r h#$%95
5+ h#,e $o &eeli$gs #bo)t it either 2#y*5
50o yo) %isli-e the &ish9 0o yo) h#,e #$y hostile or #ggressi,e e(otio$s to2#r% it95
5/o, $ot #t #ll* +$ &#ct, + r#ther li-e the &ish*5
Catch 22
5The$ yo) %o li-e the &ish*5
5Oh, $o* + h#,e $o &eeli$gs to2#r% it either 2#y*5
57)t yo) 3)st s#i% yo) li-e% it* A$% $o2 yo) s#y yo) h#,e $o &eeli$gs to2#r% it either 2#y* +5,e 3)st c#)ght yo) i$ #
co$tr#%ictio$* 0o$5t yo) see95
5.es, sir* + s)ppose yo) h#,e c#)ght (e i$ # co$tr#%ictio$*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ pro)%ly lettere% 5Co$tr#%ictio$5 o$ his p#% 2ith his thic- bl#c- pe$cil* 5J)st 2hy %o yo) thi$-,5 he
res)(e% 2he$ he h#% &i$ishe%, loo-i$g )p, 5th#t yo) (#%e those t2o st#te(e$ts e8pressi$g co$tr#%ictory e(otio$#l
respo$ses to the &ish95
5+ s)ppose + h#,e #$ #(bi,#le$t #ttit)%e to2#r% it*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ spr#$g )p 2ith 3oy 2he$ he he#r% the 2or%s 5#(bi,#le$t #ttit)%e5* 5.o) %o )$%erst#$%C5 he e8cl#i(e%,
2ri$gi$g his h#$%s together ecst#tic#lly* 5Oh, yo) c#$5t i(#gi$e ho2 lo$ely it5s bee$ &or (e, t#l-i$g %#y #&ter %#y to
p#tie$ts 2ho h#,e$5t the slightest -$o2le%ge o& psychi#try, tryi$g to c)re people 2ho h#,e $o re#l i$terest i$ (e or (y
2or-C +t5s gi,e$ (e s)ch # terrible &eeli$g o& i$#%e6)#cy*5 A sh#%o2 o& #$8iety crosse% his &#ce* 5+ c#$5t see( to sh#-e it*5
5Re#lly95 #s-e% .oss#ri#$, 2o$%eri$g 2h#t else to s#y* 5>hy %o yo) bl#(e yo)rsel& &or g#ps i$ the e%)c#tio$ o& others95
5+t5s silly, + -$o2,5 '#3or S#$%erso$ replie% )$e#sily 2ith # gi%%y, i$,ol)$t#ry l#)gh* 57)t +5,e #l2#ys %epe$%e% ,ery
he#,ily o$ the goo% opi$io$ o& others* + re#che% p)berty # bit l#ter th#$ #ll the other boys (y #ge, yo) see, #$% it5s
gi,e$ (e sort o& - 2ell, #ll sorts o& proble(s* + 3)st -$o2 +5( goi$g to e$3oy %isc)ssi$g the( 2ith yo)* +5( so e#ger to
begi$ th#t +5( #l(ost rel)ct#$t to %igress $o2 to yo)r proble(, b)t +5( #&r#i% + ()st* Colo$el ;erre%ge 2o)l% be cross i&
he -$e2 2e 2ere spe$%i$g #ll o)r ti(e o$ (e* +5% li-e to sho2 yo) so(e i$- blots $o2 to &(% o)t 2h#t cert#i$ sh#pes
#$% colors re(i$% yo) o&*5
5.o) c#$ s#,e yo)rsel& the tro)ble, 0octor* E,erythi$g re(i$%s (e o& se8*5
50oes it95 crie% '#3or S#$%erso$ 2ith %elight, #s tho)gh )$#ble to belie,e his e#rs* 5/o2 2e5re re#lly getti$g
so(e2hereC 0o yo) e,er h#,e #$y goo% se8 %re#(s95
5'y &ish %re#( is # se8 %re#(*5
5/o, + (e#$ re#l se8 %re#(s - the -i$% 2here yo) gr#b so(e $#-e% bitch by the $ec- #$% pi$ch her #$% p)$ch her i$
the &#ce )$til she5s #ll bloo%y #$% the$ thro2 yo)rsel& %o2$ to r#,ish her #$% b)rst i$to te#rs bec#)se yo) lo,e her #$%
h#te her so ()ch yo) %o$5t -$o2 2h#t else to %o* Th#t5s the -i$% o& se8 %re#(s + li-e to t#l- #bo)t* 0o$5t yo) e,er h#,e
se8 %re#(s li-e th#t95
.oss#ri#$ re&lecte% # (o(e$t 2ith # 2ise loo-* 5Th#t5s # &ish %re#(,5 he %eci%e%*
'#3or S#$%erso$ recoile% #s tho)gh he h#% bee$ sl#ppe%* 5.es, o& co)rse,5 he co$ce%e% &rigi%ly, his (#$$er ch#$gi$g
to o$e o& e%gy #$% %e&e$si,e #$t#go$is(* 57)t +5% li-e yo) to %re#( o$e li-e th#t #$y2#y 3)st to see ho2 yo) re#ct* Th#t
2ill be #ll &or to%#y* +$ the (e#$ti(e, +5% #lso li-e yo) to %re#( )p the #$s2ers to so(e o& those 6)estio$s + #s-e% yo)*
These sessio$s #re $o (ore ple#s#$t &or (e th#$ they #re &or yo), yo) -$o2*5
5+5ll (e$tio$ it to 0)$b#r,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%*
50)$b#r95
5He5s the o$e 2ho st#rte% it #ll* +t5s his %re#(*5
5Oh, 0)$b#r*5 '#3or S#$%erso$ s$eere%, his co$&i%e$ce ret)r$i$g* 5+5ll bet 0)$b#r is th#t e,il &ello2 2ho re#lly %oes #ll
those $#sty thi$gs yo)5re #l2#ys bei$g bl#(e% &or, is$5t he95
5He5s $ot so e,il*5
A$% yet yo)5ll %e&e$% hi( to the ,ery %e#th, 2o$5t yo)95
5/ot th#t &#r*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ s(ile% t#)$ti$gly #$% 2rote 50)$b#r5 o$ his p#%* 5>hy #re yo) li(pi$g95 he #s-e% sh#rply, #s
.oss#ri#$ (o,e% to the %oor* 5A$% 2h#t the %e,il is th#t b#$%#ge %oi$g o$ yo)r leg9 Are yo) (#% or so(ethi$g95
5+ 2#s 2o)$%e% i$ the leg* Th#t5s 2h#t +5( i$ the hospit#l &or*5
5Oh, $o, yo)5re $ot,5 glo#te% '#3or S#$%erso$ (#licio)sly* 5.o)5re i$ the hospit#l &or # sto$e i$ yo)r s#li,#ry gl#$%* So
yo)5re $ot so s(#rt #&ter #ll, #re yo)9 .o) %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 2h#t yo)5re i$ the hospit#l &or*5
5+5( i$ the hospit#l &or # 2o)$%e% leg,5 .oss#ri#$ i$siste%*
'#3or S#$%erso$ ig$ore% his #rg)(e$t 2ith # s#rc#stic l#)gh* 5>ell, gi,e (y reg#r%s to yo)r &rie$% 0)$b#r* A$% yo) 2ill
tell hi( to %re#( th#t %re#( &or (e, 2o$5t yo)95
7)t 0)$b#r h#% $#)se# #$% %i44i$ess 2ith his co$st#$t he#%#che #$% 2#s $ot i$cli$e% to co-oper#te 2ith '#3or
S#$%erso$* H)$gry Joe h#% $ight(#res bec#)se he h#% &i$ishe% si8ty (issio$s #$% 2#s 2#iti$g #g#i$ to go ho(e, b)t
he 2#s )$2illi$g to sh#re #$y 2he$ he c#(e to the hospit#l to ,isit*
5H#s$5t #$yo$e got #$y %re#(s &or '#3or S#$%erso$95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e%* 5+ h#te to %is#ppoi$t hi(* He &eels so re3ecte%
#lre#%y*5
5+5,e bee$ h#,i$g # ,ery pec)li#r %re#( e,er si$ce + le#r$e% yo) 2ere 2o)$%e%,5 co$&esse% the ch#pl#i$* 5+ )se% to
%re#( e,ery $ight th#t (y 2i&e 2#s %yi$g or bei$g ()r%ere% or th#t (y chil%re$ 2ere cho-i$g to %e#th o$ (orsels o&
$)tritio)s &oo%* /o2 + %re#( th#t +5( o)t s2i((i$g i$ 2#ter o,er (y he#% #$% # sh#r- is e#ti$g (y le&t leg i$ e8#ctly the
s#(e pl#ce 2here yo) h#,e yo)r b#$%#ge*5
5Th#t5s # 2o$%er&)l %re#(,5 0)$b#r %ecl#re%* 5+ bet '#3or S#$%erso$ 2ill lo,e it*5
5Th#t5s # horrible %re#(C5 '#3or S#$%erso$ crie%* 5+t5s &ille% 2ith p#i$ #$% ()til#tio$ #$% %e#th* +5( s)re yo) h#% it 3)st to
spite (e* .o) -$o2, +5( $ot e,e$ s)re yo) belo$g i$ the Ar(y, 2ith # %isg)sti$g %re#( li-e th#t*5
.oss#ri#$ tho)ght he spie% # r#y o& hope* 5Perh#ps yo)5re right, sir,5 he s)ggeste% slyly* 5Perh#ps + o)ght to be gro)$%e%
#$% ret)r$e% to the St#tes*5
5H#s$5t it e,er occ)rre% to yo) th#t i$ yo)r pro(isc)o)s p)rs)it o& 2o(e$ yo) #re (erely tryi$g to #ss)#ge yo)r
s)bco$scio)s &e#rs o& se8)#l i(pote$ce95
5.es, sir, it h#s*5
5The$ 2hy %o yo) %o it95
5To #ss)#ge (y &e#rs o& se8)#l i(pote$ce*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) get yo)rsel& # goo% hobby i$ste#%95 '#3or S#$%erso$ i$6)ire% 2ith &rie$%ly i$terest* 5Li-e &ishi$g* 0o yo)
re#lly &i$% /)rse 0)c-ett so #ttr#cti,e9 + sho)l% thi$- she 2#s r#ther bo$y* R#ther bl#$% #$% bo$y, yo) -$o2* Li-e #
101 | P a g e
&ish*5
5+ h#r%ly -$o2 /)rse 0)c-ett*5
5The$ 2hy %i% yo) gr#b her by the boso(9 'erely bec#)se she h#s o$e95
50)$b#r %i% th#t*5
5Oh, %o$5t st#rt th#t #g#i$,5 '#3or S#$%erso$ e8cl#i(e% 2ith ,itriolic scor$, #$% h)rle% %o2$ his pe$cil %isg)ste%ly* 50o
yo) re#lly thi$- th#t yo) c#$ #bsol,e yo)rsel& o& g)ilt by prete$%i$g to be so(eo$e else9 + %o$5t li-e yo), ;ortiori* 0o yo)
-$o2 th#t9 + %o$5t li-e yo) #t #ll*5
.oss#ri#$ &elt # col%, %#(p 2i$% o& #pprehe$sio$ blo2 o,er hi(* 5+5( $ot ;ortiori, sir,5 he s#i% ti(i%ly* 5+5( .oss#ri#$*5
5.o)5re 2ho95
5'y $#(e is .oss#ri#$, sir* A$% +5( i$ the hospit#l 2ith # 2o)$%e% leg*5
5.o)r $#(e is ;ortiori,5 '#3or S#$%erso$ co$tr#%icte% hi( belligere$tly* 5A$% yo)5re i$ the hospit#l &or # sto$e i$ yo)r
s#li,#ry gl#$%*5
5Oh, co(e o$, '#3orC5 .oss#ri#$ e8plo%e%* 5+ o)ght to -$o2 2ho + #(*5
5A$% +5,e got #$ o&&ici#l Ar(y recor% here to pro,e it,5 '#3or S#$%erso$ retorte%* 5.o)5% better get # grip o$ yo)rsel&
be&ore it5s too l#te* ;irst yo)5re 0)$b#r* /o2 yo)5re .oss#ri#$* The $e8t thi$g yo) -$o2 yo)5ll be cl#i(i$g yo)5re
>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g* 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)9 .o)5,e got # split perso$#lity, th#t5s 2h#t5s 2ro$g 2ith yo)*5
5Perh#ps yo)5re right, sir*5 .oss#ri#$ #gree% %iplo(#tic#lly*
5+ -$o2 +5( right* .o)5,e got # b#% persec)tio$ co(ple8* .o) thi$- people #re tryi$g to h#r( yo)*5
5People #re tryi$g to h#r( (e*5
5.o) see9 .o) h#,e $o respect &or e8cessi,e #)thority or obsolete tr#%itio$s* .o)5re %#$gero)s #$% %epr#,e%, #$% yo)
o)ght to be t#-e$ o)tsi%e #$% shotC5
5Are yo) serio)s95
5.o)5re #$ e$e(y o& the peopleC5
5Are yo) $)ts95 .oss#ri#$ sho)te%*
5/o, +5( $ot $)ts,5 0obbs ro#re% &)rio)sly b#c- i$ the 2#r%, i$ 2h#t he i(#gi$e% 2#s # &)rti,e 2hisper* 5H)$gry Joe s#2
the(, + tell yo)* He s#2 the( yester%#y 2he$ he &le2 to /#ples to pic- )p so(e bl#c--(#r-et #ir co$%itio$ers &or
Colo$el C#thc#rt5s &#r(* They5,e got # big repl#ce(e$t ce$ter there #$% it5s &ille% 2ith h)$%re%s o& pilots, bo(b#r%iers
#$% g)$$ers o$ the 2#y ho(e* They5,e got &orty-&i,e (issio$s, th#t5s #ll* A &e2 2ith P)rple He#rts h#,e e,e$ less*
Repl#ce(e$t cre2s #re po)ri$g i$ &ro( the St#tes i$to the other bo(ber gro)ps* They 2#$t e,eryo$e to ser,e o,erse#s
#t le#st o$ce, e,e$ #%(i$istr#ti,e perso$$el* 0o$5t yo) re#% the p#pers9 >e5,e got to -ill hi( $o2C5
5.o)5,e got o$ly t2o (ore (issio$s to &ly,5 .oss#ri#$ re#so$e% 2ith hi( i$ # lo2 ,oice* 5>hy t#-e # ch#$ce95
5+ c#$ get -ille% &lyi$g the(, too,5 0obbs #$s2ere% p)g$#cio)sly i$ his ro)gh, 6)#,eri$g, o,er2ro)ght ,oice* 5>e c#$ -ill
hi( the &irst thi$g to(orro2 (or$i$g 2he$ he %ri,es b#c- &ro( his &#r(* +5,e got the g)$ right here*5
.oss#ri#$ goggle% 2ith #(#4e(e$t #s 0obbs p)lle% # g)$ o)t o& his poc-et #$% %ispl#ye% it high i$ the #ir* 5Are yo)
cr#4y95 he hisse% &r#$tic#lly* 5P)t it #2#y* A$% -eep yo)r i%iot ,oice %o2$*5
5>h#t #re yo) 2orrie% #bo)t95 0obbs #s-e% 2ith o&&e$%e% i$$oce$ce* 5/o o$e c#$ he#r )s*5
5Hey, -$oc- it o&& %o2$ there,5 # ,oice r#$g o)t &ro( the &#r e$% o& the 2#r%* 5C#$5t yo) see 2e5re tryi$g to $#p95
5>h#t the hell #re yo), # 2ise g)y95 0obbs yelle% b#c- #$% sp)$ #ro)$% 2ith cle$che% &ists, re#%y to &ight* He 2hirle%
b#c- to .oss#ri#$ #$%, be&ore he co)l% spe#-, s$ee4e% th)$%ero)sly si8 ti(es, st#ggeri$g si%e2#ys o$ r)bbery legs i$
the i$ter,#ls #$% r#isi$g his elbo2s i$e&&ecti,ely to &e$% e#ch sei4)re o&&* The li%s o& his 2#tery eyes 2ere p)&&y #$%
i$&l#(e%*
5>ho %oes he thi$-,5 he %e(#$%e%, s$i&&i$g sp#s(o%ic#lly #$% 2ipi$g his $ose 2ith the b#c- o& his st)r%y 2rist, 5he is, #
cop or so(ethi$g95
5He5s # C*+*0* (#$,5 .oss#ri#$ $oti&ie% hi( tr#$6)illy* 5>e5,e got three here $o2 #$% (ore o$ the 2#y* Oh, %o$5t be
sc#re%* They5re #&ter # &orger $#(e% >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g* They5re $ot i$tereste% i$ ()r%erers*5
5')r%erers95 0obbs 2#s #&&ro$te%* 5>hy %o yo) c#ll )s ()r%erers9 J)st bec#)se 2e5re goi$g to ()r%er Colo$el
C#thc#rt95
57e 6)iet, %#($ yo)C5 %irecte% .oss#ri#$* 5C#$5t yo) 2hisper95
5+ #( 2hisperi$g* + -5
5.o)5re still sho)ti$g*5
5/o, +5( $ot* + -5
5Hey, sh)t )p %o2$ there, 2ill yo)95 p#tie$ts #ll o,er the 2#r% beg#$ holleri$g #t 0obbs*
5+5ll &ight yo) #llC5 0obbs scre#(e% b#c- #t the(, #$% stoo% )p o$ # ric-ety 2oo%e$ ch#ir, 2#,i$g the g)$ 2il%ly*
.oss#ri#$ c#)ght his #r( #$% y#$-e% hi( %o2$* 0obbs beg#$ s$ee4i$g #g#i$* 5+ h#,e #$ #llergy,5 he #pologi4e% 2he$
he h#% &i$ishe%, his $ostrils r)$$i$g #$% his eyes stre#(i$g 2ith te#rs*
5Th#t5s too b#%* .o)5% (#-e # gre#t le#%er o& (e$ 2itho)t it*5
5Colo$el C#thc#rt5s the ()r%erer,5 0obbs co(pl#i$e% ho#rsely 2he$ he h#% sho,e% #2#y # soile%, cr)(ple% -h#-i
h#$%-erchie&* 5Colo$el C#thc#rt5s the o$e 2ho5s goi$g to ()r%er )s #ll i& 2e %o$5t %o so(ethi$g to stop hi(*5
5'#ybe he 2o$5t r#ise the (issio$s #$y (ore* '#ybe si8ty is #s high #s he5ll go*5
5He #l2#ys r#ises the (issio$s* .o) -$o2 th#t better th#$ + %o*5 0obbs s2#llo2e% #$% be$t his i$te$se &#ce ,ery close
to .oss#ri#$5s, the ()scles i$ his bro$4e, roc-li-e 3#2 b)$chi$g )p i$to 6)i,eri$g -$ots* 5J)st s#y it5s o-#y #$% +5ll %o the
2hole thi$g to(orro2 (or$i$g* 0o yo) )$%erst#$% 2h#t +5( telli$g yo)9 +5( 2hisperi$g $o2, #i$5t +95
.oss#ri#$ tore his eyes #2#y &ro( the g#4e o& b)r$i$g e$tre#ty 0obbs h#% &#ste$e% o$ hi(* 5>hy the go%%#( hell %o$5t
yo) 3)st go o)t #$% %o it95 he proteste%* 5>hy %o$5t yo) stop t#l-i$g to (e #bo)t it #$% %o it #lo$e95
5+5( #&r#i% to %o it #lo$e* +5( #&r#i% to %o #$ythi$g #lo$e*5
5The$ le#,e (e o)t o& it* +5% h#,e to be cr#4y to get (i8e% )p i$ so(ethi$g li-e this $o2* +5,e got # (illio$-%oll#r leg
2o)$% here* They5re goi$g to se$% (e ho(e*5
5Are yo) cr#4y95 0obbs e8cl#i(e% i$ %isbelie&* 5All yo)5,e got there is # scr#tch* He5ll h#,e yo) b#c- &lyi$g co(b#t
(issio$s the %#y yo) co(e o)t, P)rple He#rt #$% #ll*5
5The$ + re#lly 2ill -ill hi(,5 .oss#ri#$ ,o2e%* 5+5ll co(e loo-i$g &or yo) #$% 2e5ll %o it together*5
5The$ let5s %o it to(orro2 2hile 2e5,e still got the ch#$ce,5 0obbs ple#%e%* 5The ch#pl#i$ s#ys he5s ,ol)$teere% the
Catch 22
gro)p &or A,ig$o$ #g#i$* + (#y be -ille% be&ore yo) get o)t* Loo- ho2 these h#$%s o& (i$e sh#-e* + c#$5t &ly # pl#$e* +5(
$ot goo% e$o)gh*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s #&r#i% to s#y yes* 5+ 2#$t to 2#it #$% see 2h#t h#ppe$s &irst*5
5The tro)ble 2ith yo) is th#t yo) 3)st 2o$5t %o #$ythi$g,5 0obbs co(pl#i$e% i$ # thic- i$&)ri#te% ,oice*
5+5( %oi$g e,erythi$g + possibly c#$,5 the ch#pl#i$ e8pl#i$e% so&tly to .oss#ri#$ #&ter 0obbs h#% %ep#rte%* 5+ e,e$ 2e$t to
the (e%ic#l te$t to spe#- to 0oc 0#$ee-# #bo)t helpi$g yo)*5
5.es, + c#$ see*5 .oss#ri#$ s)ppresse% # s(ile* 5>h#t h#ppe$e%95
5They p#i$te% (y g)(s p)rple,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie% sheepishly*
5They p#i$te% his toes p)rple, too,5 /#tely #%%e% i$ o)tr#ge* 5A$% the$ they g#,e hi( # l#8#ti,e*5
57)t + 2e$t b#c- #g#i$ this (or$i$g to see hi(*5
5A$% they p#i$te% his g)(s p)rple #g#i$,5 s#i% /#tely*
57)t + %i% get to spe#- to hi(,5 the ch#pl#i$ #rg)e% i$ # pl#i$ti,e to$e o& sel&-3)sti&ic#tio$* 50octor 0#$ee-# see(s li-e
s)ch #$ )$h#ppy (#$* He s)spects th#t so(eo$e is plotti$g to tr#$s&er hi( to the P#ci&ic Oce#$* All this ti(e he5s bee$
thi$-i$g o& co(i$g to (e &or help* >he$ + tol% hi( + $ee%e% his help, he 2o$%ere% i& there 2#s$5t # ch#pl#i$ + co)l%$5t go
see*5 The ch#pl#i$ 2#ite% i$ p#tie$t %e3ectio$ 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #$% 0)$b#r both bro-e i$to l#)ghter* 5+ )se% to thi$- it
2#s i((or#l to be )$h#ppy,5 he co$ti$)e%, #s tho)gh -ee$i$g #lo)% i$ solit)%e* 5/o2 + %o$5t -$o2 2h#t to thi$- #$y
(ore* +5% li-e to (#-e the s)b3ect o& i((or#lity the b#sis o& (y ser(o$ this S)$%#y, b)t +5( $ot s)re + o)ght to gi,e #$y
ser(o$ #t #ll 2ith these p)rple g)(s* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s ,ery %isple#se% 2ith the(*5
5Ch#pl#i$, 2hy %o$5t yo) co(e i$to the hospit#l 2ith )s &or # 2hile #$% t#-e it e#sy95 .oss#ri#$ i$,ite%* 5.o) co)l% be
,ery co(&ort#ble here*5
The br#sh i$i6)ity o& the propos#l te(pte% #$% #()se% the ch#pl#i$ &or # seco$% or t2o* 5/o, + %o$5t thi$- so,5 he
%eci%e% rel)ct#$tly* 5+ 2#$t to #rr#$ge &or # trip to the (#i$l#$% to see # (#il cler- $#(e% >i$tergree$* 0octor 0#$ee-#
tol% (e he co)l% help*5
5>i$tergree$ is prob#bly the (ost i$&l)e$ti#l (#$ i$ the 2hole the#ter o& oper#tio$s* He5s $ot o$ly # (#il cler-, b)t he
h#s #ccess to # (i(eogr#ph (#chi$e* 7)t he 2o$5t help #$ybo%y* Th#t5s o$e o& the re#so$s he5ll go &#r*5
5+5% li-e to spe#- to hi( #$y2#y* There ()st be so(ebo%y 2ho 2ill help yo)*5
50o it &or 0)$b#r, Ch#pl#i$,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte% 2ith # s)perior #ir* 5+5,e got this (illio$-%oll#r leg 2o)$% th#t 2ill t#-e
(e o)t o& co(b#t* +& th#t %oes$5t %o it, there5s # psychi#trist 2ho thi$-s +5( $ot goo% e$o)gh to be i$ the Ar(y*5
5+5( the o$e 2ho is$5t goo% e$o)gh to be i$ the Ar(y,5 0)$b#r 2hi$e% 3e#lo)sly* 5+t 2#s (y %re#(*5
5+t5s $ot the %re#(, 0)$b#r,5 .oss#ri#$ e8pl#i$e%* 5He li-es yo)r %re#(* +t5s (y perso$#lity* He thi$-s it5s split*5
5+t5s split right %o2$ the (i%%le,5 s#i% '#3or S#$%erso$, 2ho h#% l#ce% his l)(py :+ shoes &or the occ#sio$ #$% h#%
slic-e% his ch#rco#l-%)ll h#ir %o2$ 2ith so(e sti&&e$i$g #$% re%ole$t to$ic* He s(ile% oste$t#tio)sly to sho2 hi(sel&
re#so$#ble #$% $ice* 5+5( $ot s#yi$g th#t to be cr)el #$% i$s)lti$g,5 he co$ti$)e% 2ith cr)el #$% i$s)lti$g %elight* 5+5( $ot
s#yi$g it bec#)se + h#te yo) #$% 2#$t re,e$ge* +5( $ot s#yi$g it bec#)se yo) re3ecte% (e #$% h)rt (y &eeli$gs terribly*
/o, +5( # (#$ o& (e%ici$e #$% +5( bei$g col%ly ob3ecti,e* + h#,e ,ery b#% $e2s &or yo)* Are yo) (#$ e$o)gh to t#-e it95
5:o%, $oC5 scre#(e% .oss#ri#$* 5+5ll go right to pieces*5
'#3or S#$%erso$ &le2 i$st#$tly i$to # r#ge* 5C#$5t yo) e,e$ %o o$e thi$g right95 he ple#%e%, t)r$i$g beet-re% 2ith
,e8#tio$ #$% cr#shi$g the si%es o& both &ists %o2$ )po$ his %es- together* 5The tro)ble 2ith yo) is th#t yo) thi$- yo)5re
too goo% &or #ll the co$,e$tio$s o& society* .o) prob#bly thi$- yo)5re too goo% &or (e too, 3)st bec#)se + #rri,e% #t
p)berty l#te* >ell, %o yo) -$o2 2h#t yo) #re9 .o)5re # &r)str#te%, )$h#ppy, %isill)sio$e%, )$%iscipli$e%, (#l#%3)ste%
yo)$g (#$C5 '#3or S#$%erso$5s %ispositio$ see(e% to (ello2 #s he reele% o&& the )$co(pli(e$t#ry #%3ecti,es*
5.es, sir,5 .oss#ri#$ #gree% c#re&)lly* 5+ g)ess yo)5re right*5
5O& co)rse +5( right* .o)5re i((#t)re* .o)5,e bee$ )$#ble to #%3)st to the i%e# o& 2#r*5
5.es, sir*5
5.o) h#,e # (orbi% #,ersio$ to %yi$g* .o) prob#bly rese$t the &#ct th#t yo)5re #t 2#r #$% (ight get yo)r he#% blo2$ o&&
#$y seco$%*5
5+ (ore th#$ rese$t it, sir* +5( #bsol)tely i$ce$se%*5
5.o) h#,e %eep-se#te% s)r,i,#l #$8ieties* A$% yo) %o$5t li-e bigots, b)llies, s$obs or hypocrites* S)bco$scio)sly there
#re (#$y people yo) h#te*5
5Co$scio)sly, sir, co$scio)sly,5 .oss#ri#$ correcte% i$ #$ e&&ort to help* 5+ h#te the( co$scio)sly*5
5.o)5re #$t#go$istic to the i%e# o& bei$g robbe%, e8ploite%, %egr#%e%, h)(ili#te% or %ecei,e%* 'isery %epresses yo)*
+g$or#$ce %epresses yo)* Persec)tio$ %epresses yo)* Biole$ce %epresses yo)* Sl)(s %epress yo)* :ree% %epresses
yo)* Cri(e %epresses yo)* Corr)ptio$ %epresses yo)* .o) -$o2, it 2o)l%$5t s)rprise (e i& yo)5re # (#$ic-%epressi,eC5
5.es, sir* Perh#ps + #(*5
50o$5t try to %e$y it*5
5+5( $ot %e$yi$g it, sir,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$, ple#se% 2ith the (ir#c)lo)s r#pport th#t &i$#lly e8iste% bet2ee$ the(* 5+ #gree
2ith #ll yo)5,e s#i%*5
5The$ yo) #%(it yo)5re cr#4y, %o yo)95
5Cr#4y95 .oss#ri#$ 2#s shoc-e%* 5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t9 >hy #( + cr#4y9 .o)5re the o$e 2ho5s cr#4yC5
'#3or S#$%erso$ t)r$e% re% 2ith i$%ig$#tio$ #g#i$ #$% cr#she% both &ists %o2$ )po$ his thighs* 5C#lli$g (e cr#4y,5 he
sho)te% i$ # sp)tteri$g r#ge, 5is # typic#lly s#%istic #$% ,i$%icti,e p#r#$oi#c re#ctio$C .o) re#lly #re cr#4yC5
5The$ 2hy %o$5t yo) se$% (e ho(e95
5A$% +5( goi$g to se$% yo) ho(eC5
5They5re goi$g to se$% (e ho(eC5 .oss#ri#$ #$$o)$ce% 3)bil#$tly, #s he hobble% b#c- i$to the 2#r%*
5'e tooC5 A* ;ortiori re3oice%* 5They 3)st c#(e to (y 2#r% #$% tol% (e*5
5>h#t #bo)t (e95 0)$b#r %e(#$%e% pet)l#$tly o& the %octors*
5.o)95 they replie% 2ith #sperity* 5.o)5re goi$g 2ith .oss#ri#$* Right b#c- i$to co(b#tC5
A$% b#c- i$to co(b#t they both 2e$t* .oss#ri#$ 2#s e$r#ge% 2he$ the #(b)l#$ce ret)r$e% hi( to the s6)#%ro$, #$%
he 2e$t li(pi$g &or 3)stice to 0oc 0#$ee-#, 2ho gl#re% #t hi( gl)(ly 2ith (isery #$% %is%#i$*
5.o)C5 0oc 0#$ee-# e8cl#i(e% (o)r$&)lly 2ith #cc)si$g %isg)st, the egg-sh#pe% po)ches )$%er both eyes &ir( #$%
ce$sorio)s* 5All yo) e,er thi$- o& is yo)rsel&* :o t#-e # loo- #t the bo(b li$e i& yo) 2#$t to see 2h#t5s bee$ h#ppe$i$g
103 | P a g e
si$ce yo) 2e$t to the hospit#l*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s st#rtle%* 5Are 2e losi$g95
5Losi$g95 0oc 0#$ee-# crie%* 5The 2hole (ilit#ry sit)#tio$ h#s bee$ goi$g to hell e,er si$ce 2e c#pt)re% P#ris* + -$e2 it
2o)l% h#ppe$*5 He p#)se%, his s)l-i$g ire t)r$i$g to (el#$choly, #$% &ro2$e% irrit#bly #s tho)gh it 2ere #ll .oss#ri#$5s
&#)lt* 5A(eric#$ troops #re p)shi$g i$to :er(#$ soil* The R)ssi#$s h#,e c#pt)re% b#c- #ll o& Ro(#$i#* O$ly yester%#y
the :ree-s i$ the Eighth Ar(y c#pt)re% Ri(i$i* The :er(#$s #re o$ the %e&e$si,e e,ery2hereC5 0oc 0#$ee-# p#)se%
#g#i$ #$% &orti&ie% hi(sel& 2ith # h)ge bre#th &or # pierci$g e3#c)l#tio$ o& grie&* 5There5s $o (ore L)&t2#&&e le&tC5 he
2#ile%* He see(e% re#%y to b)rst i$to te#rs* 5The 2hole :othic li$e is i$ %#$ger o& coll#psi$gC5
5So95 #s-e% .oss#ri#$* 5>h#t5s 2ro$g95
5>h#t5s 2ro$g95 0oc 0#$ee-# crie%* 5+& so(ethi$g %oes$5t h#ppe$ soo$, :er(#$y (#y s)rre$%er* A$% the$ 2e5ll #ll be
se$t to the P#ci&icC5
.oss#ri#$ g#2-e% #t 0oc 0#$ee-# i$ grotes6)e %is(#y* 5Are yo) cr#4y9 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t yo)5re s#yi$g95
5.e#h, it5s e#sy &or yo) to l#)gh,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s$eere%*
5>ho the hell is l#)ghi$g95
5At le#st yo)5,e got # ch#$ce* .o)5re i$ co(b#t #$% (ight get -ille%* 7)t 2h#t #bo)t (e9 +5,e got $othi$g to hope &or*5
5.o)5re o)t o& yo)r go%%#( he#%C5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% #t hi( e(ph#tic#lly, sei4i$g hi( by the shirt &ro$t* 50o yo) -$o2
th#t9 /o2 -eep yo)r st)pi% (o)th sh)t #$% liste$ to (e*5
0oc 0#$ee-# 2re$che% hi(sel& #2#y* 50o$5t yo) %#re t#l- to (e li-e th#t* +5( # lice$se% physici#$*5
5The$ -eep yo)r st)pi% lice$se% physici#$5s (o)th sh)t #$% liste$ to 2h#t they tol% (e )p #t the hospit#l* +5( cr#4y* 0i%
yo) -$o2 th#t95
5So95
5Re#lly cr#4y*5
5So95
5+5( $)ts* C)c-oo* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 +5( o&& (y roc-er* They se$t so(eo$e else ho(e i$ (y pl#ce by (ist#-e*
They5,e got # lice$se% psychi#trist )p #t the hospit#l 2ho e8#(i$e% (e, #$% th#t 2#s his ,er%ict* +5( re#lly i$s#$e*5
5So95
5So95 .oss#ri#$ 2#s p)44le% by 0oc 0#$ee-#5s i$#bility to co(prehe$%* 50o$5t yo) see 2h#t th#t (e#$s9 /o2 yo) c#$
t#-e (e o&& co(b#t %)ty #$% se$% (e ho(e* They5re $ot goi$g to se$% # cr#4y (#$ o)t to be -ille%, #re they95
5>ho else 2ill go95
2H 0O77S
'c>#tt 2e$t, #$% 'c>#tt 2#s $ot cr#4y* A$% so %i% .oss#ri#$, still 2#l-i$g 2ith # li(p, #$% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ h#% go$e
t2o (ore ti(es #$% the$ &o)$% hi(sel& (e$#ce% by the r)(or o& #$other (issio$ to 7olog$#, he li(pe% %eter(i$e%ly
i$to 0obbs5s te$t e#rly o$e 2#r( #&ter$oo$, p)t # &i$ger to his (o)th #$% s#i%, 5Sh)shC5
5>h#t #re yo) sh)shi$g hi( &or95 #s-e% ?i% S#(pso$, peeli$g # t#$geri$e 2ith his &ro$t teeth #s he per)se% the %og-
e#re% p#ges o& # co(ic boo-* 5He is$5t e,e$ s#yi$g #$ythi$g*5
5Scre2,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$ to ?i% S#(pso$, 3er-i$g his th)(b b#c- o,er his sho)l%er to2#r% the e$tr#$ce o& the te$t*
?i% S#(pso$ coc-e% his blo$% eyebro2s %iscer$i$gly #$% rose to co-oper#te* He 2histle% )p2#r% &o)r ti(es i$to his
%roopi$g yello2 ()st#che #$% sp)rte% #2#y i$to the hills o$ the %e$te% ol% gree$ (otorcycle he h#% p)rch#se%
seco$%h#$% (o$ths be&ore* .oss#ri#$ 2#ite% )$til the l#st &#i$t b#r- o& the (otor h#% %ie% #2#y i$ the %ist#$ce* Thi$gs
i$si%e the te$t %i% $ot see( 6)ite $or(#l* The pl#ce 2#s too $e#t* 0obbs 2#s 2#tchi$g hi( c)rio)sly, s(o-i$g # &#t
cig#r* /o2 th#t .oss#ri#$ h#% (#%e )p his (i$% to be br#,e, he 2#s %e#thly #&r#i%*
5All right,5 he s#i%* 5Let5s -ill Colo$el C#thc#rt* >e5ll %o it together*5
0obbs spr#$g &or2#r% o&& his cot 2ith # loo- o& 2il%est terror* 5Sh)shC5 he ro#re%* 5?ill Colo$el C#thc#rt9 >h#t #re yo)
t#l-i$g #bo)t95
57e 6)iet, %#($ it,5 .oss#ri#$ s$#rle%* 5The 2hole isl#$% 2ill he#r* H#,e yo) still got th#t g)$95
5Are yo) cr#4y or so(ethi$g95 sho)te% 0obbs* 5>hy sho)l% + 2#$t to -ill Colo$el C#thc#rt95
5>hy95 .oss#ri#$ st#re% #t 0obbs 2ith #$ i$cre%)lo)s sco2l* 5>hy9 +t 2#s yo)r i%e#, 2#s$5t it9 0i%$5t yo) co(e to the
hospit#l #$% #s- (e to %o it95
0obbs s(ile% slo2ly* 57)t th#t 2#s 2he$ + h#% o$ly &i&ty-eight (issio$s,5 he e8pl#i$e%, p)&&i$g o$ his cig#r l)8)rio)sly*
5+5( #ll p#c-e% $o2 #$% +5( 2#iti$g to go ho(e* +5,e &i$ishe% (y si8ty (issio$s*5
5So 2h#t95 .oss#ri#$ replie%* 5He5s o$ly goi$g to r#ise the( #g#i$*5
5'#ybe this ti(e he 2o$5t*5
5He #l2#ys r#ises the(* >h#t the hell5s the (#tter 2ith yo), 0obbs9 As- H)$gry Joe ho2 (#$y ti(e he5s p#c-e% his
b#gs*5
5+5,e got to 2#it #$% see 2h#t h#ppe$s,5 0obbs (#i$t#i$e% st)bbor$ly* 5+5% h#,e to be cr#4y to get (i8e% )p i$ so(ethi$g
li-e this $o2 th#t +5( o)t o& co(b#t*5 He &lic-e% the #sh &ro( his cig#r* 5/o, (y #%,ice to yo),5 he re(#r-e%, 5is th#t yo)
&ly yo)r si8ty (issio$s li-e the rest o& )s #$% the$ see 2h#t h#ppe$s*5
.oss#ri#$ resiste% the i(p)lse to spit s6)#rely i$ his eye* 5+ (#y $ot li,e thro)gh si8ty,5 he 2hee%le% i$ # &l#t, pessi(istic
,oice* 5There5s # r)(or #ro)$% th#t he ,ol)$teere% the gro)p &or 7olog$# #g#i$*5
5+t5s o$ly # r)(or,5 0obbs poi$te% o)t 2ith # sel&-i(port#$t #ir* 5.o) ()st$5t belie,e e,ery r)(or yo) he#r*5
5>ill yo) stop gi,i$g (e #%,ice95
5>hy %o$5t yo) spe#- to Orr95 0obbs #%,ise%* 5Orr got -$oc-e% %o2$ i$to the 2#ter #g#i$ l#st 2ee- o$ th#t seco$%
(issio$ to A,ig$o$* '#ybe he5s )$h#ppy e$o)gh to -ill hi(*5
5Orr h#s$5t got br#i$s e$o)gh to be )$h#ppy*5
Orr h#% bee$ -$oc-e% %o2$ i$to the 2#ter #g#i$ 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s still i$ the hospit#l #$% h#% e#se% his cripple%
#irpl#$e %o2$ ge$tly i$to the gl#ssy bl)e s2ells o&& '#rseilles 2ith s)ch &l#2less s-ill th#t $ot o$e (e(ber o& the si8-
(#$ cre2 s)&&ere% the slightest br)ise* The esc#pe h#tches i$ the &ro$t #$% re#r sectio$s &le2 ope$ 2hile the se# 2#s
still &o#(i$g 2hite #$% gree$ #ro)$% the pl#$e, #$% the (e$ scr#(ble% o)t #s spee%ily #s they co)l% i$ their &l#cci%
or#$ge '#e >est li&e 3#c-ets th#t &#ile% to i$&l#te #$% %#$gle% li(p #$% )seless #ro)$% their $ec-s #$% 2#ists* The li&e
3#c-ets &#ile% to i$&l#te bec#)se 'ilo h#% re(o,e% the t2i$ c#rbo$-%io8i%e cyli$%ers &ro( the i$&l#ti$g ch#(bers to (#-e
the str#2berry #$% cr)she%-pi$e#pple ice-cre#( so%#s he ser,e% i$ the o&&icers5 (ess h#ll #$% h#% repl#ce% the( 2ith
Catch 22
(i(eogr#phe% $otes th#t re#%@ 5>h#t5s goo% &or ' L ' E$terprises is goo% &or the co)$try*5 Orr poppe% o)t o& the
si$-i$g #irpl#$e l#st*
5.o) sho)l% h#,e see$ hi(C5 Serge#$t ?$ight ro#re% 2ith l#)ghter #s he rel#te% the episo%e to .oss#ri#$* 5+t 2#s the
&)$$iest go%%#( thi$g yo) e,er s#2* /o$e o& the '#e >ests 2o)l% 2or- bec#)se 'ilo h#% stole$ the c#rbo$ %io8i%e to
(#-e those ice-cre#( so%#s yo) b#st#r%s h#,e bee$ getti$g i$ the o&&icers5 (ess* 7)t th#t 2#s$5t too b#%, #s it t)r$e%
o)t* O$ly o$e o& )s co)l%$5t s2i(, #$% 2e li&te% th#t g)y )p i$to the r#&t #&ter Orr h#% 2or-e% it o,er by its rope right )p
#g#i$st the &)sel#ge 2hile 2e 2ere #ll still st#$%i$g o$ the pl#$e* Th#t little cr#c-pot s)re h#s # -$#c- &or thi$gs li-e
th#t* The$ the other r#&t c#(e loose #$% %ri&te% #2#y, so th#t #ll si8 o& )s 2o)$% )p sitti$g i$ o$e 2ith o)r elbo2s #$%
legs presse% so close #g#i$st e#ch other yo) #l(ost co)l%$5t (o,e 2itho)t -$oc-i$g the g)y $e8t to yo) o)t o& the r#&t
i$to the 2#ter* The pl#$e 2e$t %o2$ #bo)t three seco$%s #&ter 2e le&t it #$% 2e 2ere o)t there #ll #lo$e, #$% right #&ter
th#t 2e beg#$ )$scre2i$g the c#ps o$ o)r '#e >ests to see 2h#t the hell h#% go$e 2ro$g #$% &o)$% those go%%#(
$otes &ro( 'ilo telli$g )s th#t 2h#t 2#s goo% &or hi( 2#s goo% e$o)gh &or the rest o& )s* Th#t b#st#r%C Jes)s, %i% 2e
c)rse hi(, #ll e8cept th#t b)%%y o& yo)rs, Orr, 2ho 3)st -ept gri$$i$g #s tho)gh &or #ll he c#re% 2h#t 2#s goo% &or 'ilo
(ight be goo% e$o)gh &or the rest o& )s*
5+ s2e#r, yo) sho)l% h#,e see$ hi( sitti$g )p there o$ the ri( o& the r#&t li-e the c#pt#i$ o& # ship 2hile the rest o& )s 3)st
2#tche% hi( #$% 2#ite% &or hi( to tell )s 2h#t to %o* He -ept sl#ppi$g his h#$%s o$ his legs e,ery &e2 seco$%s #s
tho)gh he h#% the sh#-es #$% s#yi$g, JAll right $o2, #ll right,J #$% giggli$g li-e # cr#4y little &re#-, the$ s#yi$g, JAll right
$o2, #ll right,J #g#i$, #$% giggli$g li-e # cr#4y little &re#- so(e (ore* +t 2#s li-e 2#tchi$g so(e -i$% o& # (oro$*
>#tchi$g hi( 2#s #ll th#t -ept )s &ro( goi$g to pieces #ltogether %)ri$g the &irst &e2 (i$)tes, 2h#t 2ith e#ch 2#,e
2#shi$g o,er )s i$to the r#&t or %)(pi$g # &e2 o& )s b#c- i$to the 2#ter so th#t 2e h#% to cli(b b#c- i$ #g#i$ be&ore the
$e8t 2#,e c#(e #lo$g #$% 2#she% )s right b#c- o)t* +t 2#s s)re &)$$y* >e 3)st -ept &#lli$g o)t #$% cli(bi$g b#c- i$*
>e h#% the g)y 2ho co)l%$5t s2i( stretche% o)t i$ the (i%%le o& the r#&t o$ the &loor, b)t e,e$ there he #l(ost %ro2$e%,
bec#)se the 2#ter i$si%e the r#&t 2#s %eep e$o)gh to -eep spl#shi$g i$ his &#ce* Oh, boyC
5The$ Orr beg#$ ope$i$g )p co(p#rt(e$ts i$ the r#&t, #$% the &)$ re#lly beg#$* ;irst he &o)$% # bo8 o& chocol#te b#rs
#$% he p#sse% those #ro)$% so 2e s#t there e#ti$g s#lty chocol#te b#rs 2hile the 2#,es -ept -$oc-i$g )s o)t o& the r#&t
i$to the 2#ter* /e8t he &o)$% so(e bo)illo$ c)bes #$% #l)(i$)( c)ps #$% (#%e )s so(e so)p* The$ he &o)$% so(e
te#* S)re, he (#%e itC C#$5t yo) see hi( ser,i$g )s te# #s 2e s#t there so#-i$g 2et i$ 2#ter )p to o)r #ss9 /o2 + 2#s
&#lli$g o)t o& the r#&t bec#)se + 2#s l#)ghi$g so ()ch* >e 2ere #ll l#)ghi$g* A$% he 2#s %e#% serio)s, e8cept &or th#t
goo&y giggle o& his #$% th#t cr#4y gri$* >h#t # 3er-C >h#te,er he &o)$% he )se%* He &o)$% so(e sh#r- repelle$t #$% he
spri$-le% it right o)t i$to the 2#ter* He &o)$% so(e (#r-er %ye #$% he thre2 it i$to the 2#ter* The $e8t thi$g he &i$%s is #
&ishi$g li$e #$% %rie% b#it, #$% his &#ce lights )p #s tho)gh the Air-Se# Resc)e l#)$ch h#% 3)st spe% )p to s#,e )s
be&ore 2e %ie% o& e8pos)re or be&ore the :er(#$s se$t # bo#t o)t &ro( Spe4i# to t#-e )s priso$er or (#chi$e-g)$ )s*
+$ $o ti(e #t #ll, Orr h#% th#t &ishi$g li$e o)t i$to the 2#ter, trolli$g #2#y #s h#ppy #s # l#r-* JLie)te$#$t, 2h#t %o yo)
e8pect to c#tch9J + #s-e% hi(* JCo%,J he tol% (e* A$% he (e#$t it* A$% it5s # goo% thi$g he %i%$5t c#tch #$y, bec#)se he
2o)l% h#,e e#te$ th#t co%&ish r#2 i& he h#% c#)ght #$y, #$% 2o)l% h#,e (#%e )s e#t it, too, bec#)se he h#% &o)$% this
little boo- th#t s#i% it 2#s #ll right to e#t co%&ish r#2*
5The $e8t thi$g he &o)$% 2#s this little bl)e o#r #bo)t the si4e o& # 0i8ie-c)p spoo$, #$%, s)re e$o)gh, he beg#$ ro2i$g
2ith it, tryi$g to (o,e #ll $i$e h)$%re% po)$%s o& )s 2ith th#t little stic-* C#$ yo) i(#gi$e9 A&ter th#t he &o)$% # s(#ll
(#g$etic co(p#ss #$% # big 2#terproo& (#p, #$% he spre#% the (#p ope$ o$ his -$ees #$% set the co(p#ss o$ top o&
it* A$% th#t5s ho2 he spe$t the ti(e )$til the l#)$ch pic-e% )s )p #bo)t thirty (i$)tes l#ter, sitti$g there 2ith th#t b#ite%
&ishi$g li$e o)t behi$% hi(, 2ith the co(p#ss i$ his l#p #$% the (#p spre#% o)t o$ his -$ees, #$% p#%%li$g #2#y #s
h#r% #s he co)l% 2ith th#t %i$-y bl)e o#r #s tho)gh he 2#s spee%i$g to '#3orc#* Jes)sC5
Serge#$t ?$ight -$e2 #ll #bo)t '#3orc#, #$% so %i% Orr, bec#)se .oss#ri#$ h#% tol% the( o&te$ o& s)ch s#$ct)#ries #s
Sp#i$, S2it4erl#$% #$% S2e%e$ 2here A(eric#$ &liers co)l% be i$ter$e% &or the %)r#tio$ o& the 2#r )$%er co$%itio$s o&
)t(ost e#se #$% l)8)ry (erely by &lyi$g there* .oss#ri#$ 2#s the s6)#%ro$5s le#%i$g #)thority o$ i$ter$(e$t #$% h#%
#lre#%y beg)$ plotti$g #$ e(erge$cy he#%i$g i$to S2it4erl#$% o$ e,ery (issio$ he &le2 i$to $orther$(ost +t#ly* He
2o)l% cert#i$ly h#,e pre&erre% S2e%e$, 2here the le,el o& i$tellige$ce 2#s high #$% 2here he co)l% s2i( $)%e 2ith
be#)ti&)l girls 2ith lo2, %e()rri$g ,oices #$% sire 2hole h#ppy, )$%iscipli$e% tribes o& illegiti(#te .oss#ri#$s th#t the
st#te 2o)l% #ssist thro)gh p#rt)ritio$ #$% l#)$ch i$to li&e 2itho)t stig(#A b)t S2e%e$ 2#s o)t o& re#ch, too &#r #2#y,
#$% .oss#ri#$ 2#ite% &or the piece o& &l#- th#t 2o)l% -$oc- o)t o$e e$gi$e o,er the +t#li#$ Alps #$% pro,i%e hi( 2ith the
e8c)se &or he#%i$g &or S2it4erl#$%* He 2o)l% $ot e,e$ tell his pilot he 2#s g)i%i$g hi( there* .oss#ri#$ o&te$ tho)ght o&
sche(i$g 2ith so(e pilot he tr)ste% to &#-e # cripple% e$gi$e #$% the$ %estroy the e,i%e$ce o& %eceptio$ 2ith # belly
l#$%i$g, b)t the o$ly pilot he re#lly tr)ste% 2#s 'c>#tt, 2ho 2#s h#ppiest 2here he 2#s #$% still got # big boot o)t o&
b)44i$g his pl#$e o,er .oss#ri#$5s te$t or ro#ri$g i$ so lo2 o,er the b#thers #t the be#ch th#t the &ierce 2i$% &ro( his
propellers sl#she% %#r- &)rro2s i$ the 2#ter #$% 2hippe% sheets o& spr#y &l#ppi$g b#c- &or seco$%s #&ter2#r%*
0obbs #$% H)$gry Joe 2ere o)t o& the 6)estio$, #$% so 2#s Orr, 2ho 2#s ti$-eri$g 2ith the ,#l,e o& the sto,e #g#i$
2he$ .oss#ri#$ li(pe% %espo$%e$tly b#c- i$to the te$t #&ter 0obbs h#% t)r$e% hi( %o2$* The sto,e Orr 2#s
(#$)&#ct)ri$g o)t o& #$ i$,erte% (et#l %r)( stoo% i$ the (i%%le o& the s(ooth ce(e$t &loor he h#% co$str)cte%* He 2#s
2or-i$g se%)lo)sly o$ both -$ees* .oss#ri#$ trie% p#yi$g $o #tte$tio$ to hi( #$% li(pe% 2e#rily to his cot #$% s#t %o2$
2ith # l#bore%, %r#2$-o)t gr)$t* Pric-les o& perspir#tio$ 2ere t)r$i$g chilly o$ his &orehe#%* 0obbs h#% %epresse% hi(*
0oc 0#$ee-# %epresse% hi(* A$ o(i$o)s ,isio$ o& %oo( %epresse% hi( 2he$ he loo-e% #t Orr* He beg#$ tic-i$g 2ith
# ,#riety o& i$ter$#l tre(ors* /er,es t2itche%, #$% the ,ei$ i$ o$e 2rist beg#$ p#lpit#ti$g*
Orr st)%ie% .oss#ri#$ o,er his sho)l%er, his (oist lips %r#2$ b#c- #ro)$% co$,e8 ro2s o& l#rge b)c- teeth* Re#chi$g
si%e2#ys, he %)g # bottle o& 2#r( beer o)t o& his &oot loc-er, #$% he h#$%e% it to .oss#ri#$ #&ter pryi$g o&& the c#p*
/either s#i% # 2or%* .oss#ri#$ sippe% the b)bbles o&& the top #$% tilte% his he#% b#c-* Orr 2#tche% hi( c)$$i$gly 2ith #
$oiseless gri$* .oss#ri#$ eye% Orr g)#r%e%ly* Orr s$ic-ere% 2ith # slight, ()ci% sibil#$ce #$% t)r$e% b#c- to his 2or-,
s6)#tti$g* .oss#ri#$ gre2 te$se*
50o$5t st#rt,5 he begge% i$ # thre#te$i$g ,oice, both h#$%s tighte$i$g #ro)$% his beer bottle* 50o$5t st#rt 2or-i$g o$ yo)r
sto,e*5
Orr c#c-le% 6)ietly* 5+5( #l(ost &i$ishe%*5
5/o, yo)5re $ot* .o)5re #bo)t to begi$*5
105 | P a g e
5Here5s the ,#l,e* See9 +t5s #l(ost #ll together*5
5A$% yo)5re #bo)t to t#-e it #p#rt* + -$o2 2h#t yo)5re %oi$g, yo) b#st#r%* +5,e see$ yo) %o it three h)$%re% ti(es*5
Orr shi,ere% 2ith glee* 5+ 2#$t to get the le#- i$ this g#soli$e li$e o)t,5 he e8pl#i$e%* 5+5,e got it %o2$ $o2 to 2here it5s
o$ly #$ oo4e*5
5+ c#$5t 2#tch yo),5 .oss#ri#$ co$&esse% to$elessly* 5+& yo) 2#$t to 2or- 2ith so(ethi$g big, th#t5s o-#y* 7)t th#t ,#l,e is
&ille% 2ith ti$y p#rts, #$% + 3)st h#,e$5t got the p#tie$ce right $o2 to 2#tch yo) 2or-i$g so h#r% o,er thi$gs th#t #re so
go%%#( s(#ll #$% )$i(port#$t*5
5J)st bec#)se they5re s(#ll %oes$5t (e#$ they5re )$i(port#$t*5
5+ %o$5t c#re*5
5O$ce (ore95
5>he$ +5( $ot #ro)$%* .o)5re # h#ppy i(becile #$% yo) %o$5t -$o2 2h#t it (e#$s to &eel the 2#y + %o* Thi$gs h#ppe$ to
(e 2he$ yo) 2or- o,er s(#ll thi$gs th#t + c#$5t e,e$ begi$ to e8pl#i$* + &i$% o)t th#t + c#$5t st#$% yo)* + st#rt to h#te
yo), #$% +5( soo$ thi$-i$g serio)sly #bo)t b)sti$g this bottle %o2$ o$ yo)r he#% or st#bbi$g yo) i$ the $ec- 2ith th#t
h)$ti$g -$i&e there* 0o yo) )$%erst#$%95
Orr $o%%e% ,ery i$tellige$tly* 5+ 2o$5t t#-e the ,#l,e #p#rt $o2,5 he s#i%, #$% beg#$ t#-i$g it #p#rt, 2or-i$g 2ith slo2,
tireless, i$ter(i$#ble precisio$, his r)stic, )$g#i$ly &#ce be$t ,ery close to the &loor, pic-i$g p#i$st#-i$gly #t the (i$)te
(ech#$is( i$ his &i$gers 2ith s)ch li(itless, plo%%i$g co$ce$tr#tio$ th#t he see(e% sc#rcely to be thi$-i$g o& it #t #ll*
.oss#ri#$ c)rse% hi( sile$tly #$% (#%e )p his (i$% to ig$ore hi(* 5>h#t the hell5s yo)r h)rry 2ith th#t sto,e, #$y2#y95
he b#r-e% o)t # (o(e$t l#ter i$ spite o& hi(sel&* 5+t5s still hot o)t* >e5re prob#bly goi$g s2i((i$g l#ter* >h#t #re yo)
2orrie% #bo)t the col% &or*5
5The %#ys #re getti$g shorter,5 Orr obser,e% philosophic#lly* 5+5% li-e to get this #ll &i$ishe% &or yo) 2hile there5s still ti(e*
.o)5ll h#,e the best sto,e i$ the s6)#%ro$ 2he$ +5( thro)gh* +t 2ill b)r$ #ll $ight 2ith this &ee% co$trol +5( &i8i$g, #$%
these (et#l pl#tes 2ill r#%i#te the he#t #ll o,er the te$t* +& yo) le#,e # hel(et &)ll o& 2#ter o$ this thi$g 2he$ yo) go to
sleep, yo)5ll h#,e 2#r( 2#ter to 2#sh 2ith #ll re#%y &or yo) 2he$ yo) 2#-e )p* >o$5t th#t be $ice9 +& yo) 2#$t to coo-
eggs or so)p, #ll yo)5ll h#,e to %o is set the pot %o2$ here #$% t)r$ the &ire )p*5
5>h#t %o yo) (e#$, (e95 .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to -$o2* 5>here #re yo) goi$g to be95
Orr5s st)$te% torso shoo- s)%%e$ly 2ith # ()&&le% sp#s( o& #()se(e$t* 5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 he e8cl#i(e%, #$% # 2eir%,
2#,eri$g giggle g)she% o)t s)%%e$ly thro)gh his ch#tteri$g b)c- teeth li-e #$ e8plo%i$g 3et o& e(otio$* He 2#s still
l#)ghi$g 2he$ he co$ti$)e%, #$% his ,oice 2#s clogge% 2ith s#li,#* 5+& they -eep o$ shooti$g (e %o2$ this 2#y, + %o$5t
-$o2 2here +5( goi$g to be*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s (o,e%* 5>hy %o$5t yo) try to stop &lyi$g, Orr9 .o)5,e got #$ e8c)se*5
5+5,e o$ly got eightee$ (issio$s*5
57)t yo)5,e bee$ shot %o2$ o$ #l(ost e,ery o$e* .o)5re either %itchi$g or cr#sh-l#$%i$g e,ery ti(e yo) go )p*5
5Oh, + %o$5t (i$% &lyi$g (issio$s* + g)ess they5re lots o& &)$* .o) o)ght to try &lyi$g # &e2 2ith (e 2he$ yo)5re $ot &lyi$g
le#%* J)st &or l#)ghs* Tee-hee*5 Orr g#4e% )p #t .oss#ri#$ thro)gh the cor$ers o& his eyes 2ith # loo- o& poi$te% (irth*
.oss#ri#$ #,oi%e% his st#re* 5They5,e got (e &lyi$g le#% #g#i$*5
5>he$ yo)5re $ot &lyi$g le#%* +& yo) h#% #$y br#i$s, %o yo) -$o2 2h#t yo)5% %o9 .o)5% go right to Piltch#r% #$% >re$
#$% tell the( yo) 2#$t to &ly 2ith (e*5
5A$% get shot %o2$ 2ith yo) e,ery ti(e yo) go )p9 >h#t5s the &)$ i$ th#t95
5Th#t5s 3)st 2hy yo) o)ght to %o it,5 Orr i$siste%* 5+ g)ess +5( 3)st #bo)t the best pilot #ro)$% $o2 2he$ it co(es to
%itchi$g or (#-i$g cr#sh l#$%i$gs* +t 2o)l% be goo% pr#ctice &or yo)*5
5:oo% pr#ctice &or 2h#t95
5:oo% pr#ctice i$ c#se yo) e,er h#,e to %itch or (#-e # cr#sh l#$%i$g* Tee-hee-hee*5
5H#,e yo) got #$other bottle o& beer &or (e95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% (orosely*
50o yo) 2#$t to b)st it %o2$ o$ (y he#%95
This ti(e .oss#ri#$ %i% l#)gh* 5Li-e th#t 2hore i$ th#t #p#rt(e$t i$ Ro(e95
Orr s$iggere% le2%ly, his b)lgi$g cr#b #pple chee-s blo2i$g o)t2#r% 2ith ple#s)re* 50o yo) re#lly 2#$t to -$o2 2hy
she 2#s hitti$g (e o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe95 he te#se%*
5+ %o -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ te#se% b#c-* 5/#tely5s 2hore tol% (e*5
Orr gri$$e% li-e # g#rgoyle* 5/o she %i%$5t*5
.oss#ri#$ &elt sorry &or O&&* Orr 2#s so s(#ll #$% )gly* >ho 2o)l% protect hi( i& he li,e%9 >ho 2o)l% protect # 2#r(-
he#rte%, si(ple-(i$%e% g$o(e li-e Orr &ro( ro2%ies #$% cli6)es #$% &ro( e8pert #thletes li-e Appleby 2ho h#% &lies i$
their eyes #$% 2o)l% 2#l- right o,er hi( 2ith s2#ggeri$g co$ceit #$% sel&-#ss)r#$ce e,ery ch#$ce they got9 .oss#ri#$
2orrie% &re6)e$tly #bo)t Orr* >ho 2o)l% shiel% hi( #g#i$st #$i(osity #$% %eceit, #g#i$st people 2ith #(bitio$ #$% the
e(bittere% s$obbery o& the big shot5s 2i&e, #g#i$st the s6)#li%, corr)pti$g i$%ig$ities o& the pro&it (oti,e #$% the &rie$%ly
$eighborhoo% b)tcher 2ith i$&erior (e#t9 Orr 2#s # h#ppy #$% )$s)specti$g si(pleto$ 2ith # thic- (#ss o& 2#,y
polychro(#tic h#ir p#rte% %o2$ the ce$ter* He 2o)l% be (ere chil%5s pl#y &or the(* They 2o)l% t#-e his (o$ey, scre2
his 2i&e #$% sho2 $o -i$%$ess to his chil%re$* .oss#ri#$ &elt # &loo% o& co(p#ssio$ s2eep o,er hi(*
Orr 2#s #$ ecce$tric (i%get, # &re#-ish, li-#ble %2#r& 2ith # s()tty (i$% #$% # tho)s#$% ,#l)#ble s-ills th#t 2o)l% -eep
hi( i$ # lo2 i$co(e gro)p #ll his li&e* He co)l% )se # sol%eri$g iro$ #$% h#((er t2o bo#r%s together so th#t the 2oo%
%i% $ot split #$% the $#ils %i% $ot be$%* He co)l% %rill holes* He h#% b)ilt # goo% %e#l (ore i$ the te$t 2hile .oss#ri#$
2#s #2#y i$ the hospit#l* He h#% &ile% or chisele% # per&ect ch#$$el i$ the ce(e$t so th#t the sle$%er g#soli$e li$e 2#s
&l)sh 2ith the &loor #s it r#$ to the sto,e &ro( the t#$- he h#% b)ilt o)tsi%e o$ #$ ele,#te% pl#t&or(* He h#% co$str)cte%
#$%iro$s &or the &irepl#ce o)t o& e8cess bo(b p#rts #$% h#% &ille% the( 2ith sto)t sil,er logs, #$% he h#% &r#(e% 2ith
st#i$e% 2oo% the photogr#phs o& girls 2ith big bre#sts he h#% tor$ o)t o& cheesec#-e (#g#4i$es #$% h)$g o,er the
(#$telpiece* Orr co)l% ope$ # c#$ o& p#i$t* He co)l% (i8 p#i$t, thi$ p#i$t, re(o,e p#i$t* He co)l% chop 2oo% #$%
(e#s)re thi$gs 2ith # r)ler* He -$e2 ho2 to b)il% &ires* He co)l% %ig holes, #$% he h#% # re#l gi&t &or bri$gi$g 2#ter &or
the( both i$ c#$s #$% c#$tee$s &ro( the t#$-s $e#r the (ess h#ll* He co)l% e$gross hi(sel& i$ #$ i$co$se6)e$ti#l t#s-
&or ho)rs 2itho)t gro2i$g restless or bore%, #s obli,io)s to &#tig)e #s the st)(p o& # tree, #$% #l(ost #s t#cit)r$* He
h#% #$ )$c#$$y -$o2le%ge o& 2il%li&e #$% 2#s $ot #&r#i% o& %ogs or c#ts or beetles or (oths, or o& &oo%s li-e scro% or
tripe*
Catch 22
.oss#ri#$ sighe% %re#rily #$% beg#$ broo%i$g #bo)t the r)(ore% (issio$ to 7olog$#* The ,#l,e Orr 2#s %is(#$tli$g
2#s #bo)t the si4e o& # th)(b #$% co$t#i$e% thirty-se,e$ sep#r#te p#rts, e8cl)%i$g the c#si$g, (#$y o& the( so (i$)te
th#t Orr 2#s re6)ire% to pi$ch the( tightly bet2ee$ the tips o& his &i$ger$#ils #s he pl#ce% the( c#re&)lly o$ the &loor i$
or%erly, c#t#log)e% ro2s, $e,er 6)ic-e$i$g his (o,e(e$ts or slo2i$g the( %o2$, $e,er tiri$g, $e,er p#)si$g i$ his
rele$tless, (etho%ic#l, (o$oto$o)s proce%)re )$less it 2#s to leer #t .oss#ri#$ 2ith (#$i#c#l (ischie&* .oss#ri#$ trie%
$ot to 2#tch hi(* He co)$te% the p#rts #$% tho)ght he 2o)l% go cle#r o)t o& his (i$%* He t)r$e% #2#y, sh)tti$g his
eyes, b)t th#t 2#s e,e$ 2orse, &or $o2 he h#% o$ly the so)$%s, the ti$y (#%%e$i$g, i$%e&#tig#ble, %isti$ct clic-s #$%
r)stles o& h#$%s #$% 2eightless p#rts* Orr 2#s bre#thi$g rhyth(ic#lly 2ith # $oise th#t 2#s stertoro)s #$% rep)lsi,e*
.oss#ri#$ cle$che% his &ists #$% loo-e% #t the lo$g bo$e-h#$%le% h)$ti$g -$i&e h#$gi$g i$ # holster o,er the cot o& the
%e#% (#$ i$ the te$t* As soo$ #s he tho)ght o& st#bbi$g Orr, his te$sio$ e#se%* The i%e# o& ()r%eri$g Orr 2#s so
ri%ic)lo)s th#t he beg#$ to co$si%er it serio)sly 2ith 6)eer 2hi(sy #$% &#sci$#tio$* He se#rche% the $#pe o& Orr5s $ec-
&or the prob#ble site o& the (e%)ll# oblo$g#t#* J)st the %#i$tiest stic- there 2o)l% -ill hi( #$% sol,e so (#$y serio)s,
#go$i4i$g proble(s &or the( both*
50oes it h)rt95 Orr #s-e% #t precisely th#t (o(e$t, #s tho)gh by protecti,e i$sti$ct*
.oss#ri#$ eye% hi( closely* 50oes 2h#t h)rt95
5.o)r leg,5 s#i% Orr 2ith # str#$ge, (ysterio)s l#)gh* 5.o) still li(p # little*5
5+t5s 3)st # h#bit, + g)ess,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$, bre#thi$g #g#i$ 2ith relie&* 5+5ll prob#bly get o,er it soo$*5
Orr rolle% o,er si%e2#ys to the &loor #$% c#(e )p o$ o$e -$ee, &#ci$g to2#r% .oss#ri#$* 50o yo) re(e(ber,5 he %r#2le%
re&lecti,ely, 2ith #$ #ir o& l#bore% recollectio$, 5th#t girl 2ho 2#s hitti$g (e o$ the he#% th#t %#y i$ Ro(e95 He ch)c-le%
#t .oss#ri#$5s i$,ol)$t#ry e8cl#(#tio$ o& tric-e% #$$oy#$ce* 5+5ll (#-e # %e#l 2ith yo) #bo)t th#t girl* +5ll tell yo) 2hy th#t
girl 2#s hitti$g (e o$ the he#% 2ith her shoe th#t %#y i& yo) #$s2er o$e 6)estio$*5
5>h#t5s the 6)estio$95
50i% yo) e,er scre2 /#tely5s girl95
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% 2ith s)rprise* 5'e9 /o* /o2 tell (e 2hy th#t girl hit yo) 2ith her shoe*5
5Th#t 2#s$5t the 6)estio$,5 Orr i$&or(e% hi( 2ith ,ictorio)s %elight* 5Th#t 2#s 3)st co$,ers#tio$* She #cts li-e yo)
scre2e% her*5
5>ell, + %i%$5t* Ho2 %oes she #ct95
5She #cts li-e she %o$5t li-e yo)*5
5She %oes$5t li-e #$yo$e*5
5She li-es C#pt#i$ 7l#c-,5 Orr re(i$%e%*
5Th#t5s bec#)se he tre#ts her li-e %irt* A$yo$e c#$ get # girl th#t 2#y*5
5She 2e#rs # sl#,e br#celet o$ her leg 2ith his $#(e o$ it*5
5He (#-es her 2e#r it to $ee%le /#tely*5
5She e,e$ gi,es hi( so(e o& the (o$ey she gets &ro( /#tely*5
5Liste$, 2h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( (e95
50i% yo) e,er scre2 (y girl95
5.o)r girl9 >ho the hell is yo)r girl95
5The o$e 2ho hit (e o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe*5
5+5,e bee$ 2ith her # co)ple o& ti(es,5 .oss#ri#$ #%(itte%* 5Si$ce 2he$ is she yo)r girl9 >h#t #re yo) getti$g #t95
5She %o$5t li-e yo), either*5
5>h#t the hell %o + c#re i& she li-es (e or $ot9 She li-es (e #s ()ch #s she li-es yo)*5
50i% she e,er hit yo) o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe95
5Orr, +5( tire%* >hy %o$5t yo) le#,e (e #lo$e95
5Tee-hee-hee* Ho2 #bo)t th#t s-i$$y co)$tess i$ Ro(e #$% her s-i$$y %#)ghter-i$-l#295 Orr persiste% i(pishly 2ith
i$cre#si$g 4est* 50i% yo) e,er scre2 the(95
5Oh, ho2 + 2ish + co)l%,5 sighe% .oss#ri#$ ho$estly, i(#gi$i$g, #t the (ere 6)estio$, the pr)rie$t, )se%, %ec#yi$g &eel i$
his petti$g h#$%s o& their tee$y, p)lpy b)ttoc-s #$% bre#sts*
5They %o$5t li-e yo) either,5 co((e$te% Orr* 5They li-e A#r&y, #$% they li-e /#tely, b)t they %o$5t li-e yo)* >o(e$ 3)st
%o$5t see( to li-e yo)* + thi$- they thi$- yo)5re # b#% i$&l)e$ce*5
5>o(e$ #re cr#4y,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%, #$% 2#ite% gri(ly &or 2h#t he -$e2 2#s co(i$g $e8t*
5Ho2 #bo)t th#t other girl o& yo)rs95 Orr #s-e% 2ith # prete$se o& pe$si,e c)riosity* 5The &#t o$e9 The b#l% o$e9 .o)
-$o2, th#t &#t b#l% o$e i$ Sicily 2ith the t)rb#$ 2ho -ept s2e#ti$g #ll o,er )s #ll $ight lo$g9 +s she cr#4y too95
50i%$5t she li-e (e either95
5Ho2 co)l% yo) %o it to # girl 2ith $o h#ir95
5Ho2 2#s + s)ppose% to -$o2 she h#% $o h#ir95
5+ -$e2 it,5 Orr br#gge%* 5+ -$e2 it #ll the ti(e*5
5.o) -$e2 she 2#s b#l%95 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e% i$ 2o$%er*
5/o, + -$e2 this ,#l,e 2o)l%$5t 2or- i& + le&t # p#rt o)t,5 Orr #$s2ere%, glo2i$g 2ith cr#$berry-re% el#tio$ bec#)se he h#%
3)st %)pe% .oss#ri#$ #g#i$* 5>ill yo) ple#se h#$% (e th#t s(#ll co(positio$ g#s-et th#t rolle% o,er there9 +t5s right $e#r
yo)r &oot*5
5/o it is$5t*5
5Right here,5 s#i% Orr, #$% too- hol% o& so(ethi$g i$,isible 2ith the tips o& his &i$ger$#ils #$% hel% it )p &or .oss#ri#$ to
see* 5/o2 +5ll h#,e to st#rt #ll o,er #g#i$*5
5+5ll -ill yo) i& yo) %o* +5ll ()r%er yo) right o$ the spot*5
5>hy %o$5t yo) e,er &ly 2ith (e95 Orr #s-e% s)%%e$ly, #$% loo-e% str#ight i$to .oss#ri#$5s &#ce &or the &irst ti(e* 5There,
th#t5s the 6)estio$ + 2#$t yo) to #$s2er* >hy %o$5t yo) e,er &ly 2ith (e95
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% #2#y 2ith i$te$se sh#(e #$% e(b#rr#ss(e$t* 5+ tol% yo) 2hy* They5,e got (e &lyi$g le#% bo(b#r%ier
(ost o& the ti(e*5
5Th#t5s $ot 2hy,5 Orr s#i%, sh#-i$g his he#%* 5.o) 2e$t to Piltch#r% #$% >re$ #&ter the &irst A,ig$o$ (issio$ #$% tol%
the( yo) %i%$5t e,er 2#$t to &ly 2ith (e* Th#t5s 2hy, is$5t it95
.oss#ri#$ &elt his s-i$ t)r$ hot* 5/o + %i%$5t,5 he lie%*
107 | P a g e
5.es yo) %i%,5 Orr i$siste% e6)#bly* 5.o) #s-e% the( $ot to #ssig$ yo) to #$y pl#$e pilote% by (e, 0obbs or H)ple
bec#)se yo) %i%$5t h#,e co$&i%e$ce i$ )s #t the co$trols* A$% Piltch#r% #$% >re$ s#i% they co)l%$5t (#-e #$ e8ceptio$
o& yo) bec#)se it 2o)l%$5t be &#ir to the (e$ 2ho %i% h#,e to &ly 2ith )s*5
5So95 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5+t %i%$5t (#-e #$y %i&&ere$ce the$, %i% it95
57)t they5,e $e,er (#%e yo) &ly 2ith (e*5 Orr, 2or-i$g o$ both -$ees #g#i$, 2#s #%%ressi$g .oss#ri#$ 2itho)t
bitter$ess or repro#ch, b)t 2ith i$3)re% h)(ility, 2hich 2#s i$&i$itely (ore p#i$&)l to obser,e, #ltho)gh he 2#s still
gri$$i$g #$% s$ic-eri$g, #s tho)gh the sit)#tio$ 2ere co(ic* 5.o) re#lly o)ght to &ly 2ith (e, yo) -$o2* +5( # pretty goo%
pilot, #$% +5% t#-e c#re o& yo)* + (#y get -$oc-e% %o2$ # lot, b)t th#t5s $ot (y &#)lt, #$% $obo%y5s e,er bee$ h)rt i$ (y
pl#$e* .es, sir - i& yo) h#% #$y br#i$s, yo) -$o2 2h#t yo)5% %o9 .o)5% go right to Piltch#r% #$% >re$ #$% tell the( yo)
2#$t to &ly #ll yo)r (issio$s 2ith (e*5
.oss#ri#$ le#$e% &or2#r% #$% peere% closely i$to Orr5s i$scr)t#ble (#s- o& co$tr#%ictory e(otio$s* 5Are yo) tryi$g to tell
(e so(ethi$g95
5Tee-hee-hee-hee,5 Orr respo$%e%* 5+5( tryi$g to tell yo) 2hy th#t big girl 2ith the shoe 2#s hitti$g (e o$ the he#% th#t
%#y* 7)t yo) 3)st 2o$5t let (e*5
5Tell (e*5
5>ill yo) &ly 2ith (e95
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% #$% shoo- his he#%* 5.o)5ll o$ly get -$oc-e% %o2$ i$to the 2#ter #g#i$*5
Orr %i% get -$oc-e% %o2$ i$to the 2#ter #g#i$ 2he$ the r)(ore% (issio$ to 7olog$# 2#s &lo2$, #$% he l#$%e% his
si$gle-e$gi$e pl#$e 2ith # s(#shi$g 3#r o$ the choppy, 2i$%s2ept 2#,es tossi$g #$% &#lli$g belo2 the 2#rli-e bl#c-
th)$%erclo)%s (obili4i$g o,erhe#%* He 2#s l#te getti$g o)t o& the pl#$e #$% e$%e% )p #lo$e i$ # r#&t th#t beg#$ %ri&ti$g
#2#y &ro( the (e$ i$ the other r#&t #$% 2#s o)t o& sight by the ti(e the Air-Se# Resc)e l#)$ch c#(e plo2i$g )p
thro)gh the 2i$% #$% spl#tteri$g r#i$%rops to t#-e the( #bo#r%* /ight 2#s #lre#%y &#lli$g by the ti(e they 2ere ret)r$e%
to the s6)#%ro$* There 2#s $o 2or% o& Orr*
50o$5t 2orry,5 re#ss)re% ?i% S#(pso$, still 2r#ppe% i$ the he#,y bl#$-ets #$% r#i$co#t i$ 2hich he h#% bee$ s2#%%le%
o$ the bo#t by his resc)ers* 5He5s prob#bly bee$ pic-e% )p #lre#%y i& he %i%$5t %ro2$ i$ th#t stor(* +t %i%$5t l#st lo$g* +
bet he5ll sho2 )p #$y (i$)te*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#l-e% b#c- to his te$t to 2#it &or Orr to sho2 )p #$y (i$)te #$% lit # &ire to (#-e thi$gs 2#r( &or hi(* The
sto,e 2or-e% per&ectly, 2ith # stro$g, rob)st bl#4e th#t co)l% be r#ise% or lo2ere% by t)r$i$g the t#p Orr h#% &i$#lly
&i$ishe% rep#iri$g* A light r#i$ 2#s &#lli$g, %r)((i$g so&tly o$ the te$t, the trees, the gro)$%* .oss#ri#$ coo-e% # c#$ o&
hot so)p to h#,e re#%y &or Orr #$% #te it #ll hi(sel& #s the ti(e p#sse%* He h#r%-boile% so(e eggs &or Orr #$% #te those
too* The$ he #te # 2hole ti$ o& Che%%#r cheese &ro( # p#c-#ge o& ? r#tio$s*
E#ch ti(e he c#)ght hi(sel& 2orryi$g he (#%e hi(sel& re(e(ber th#t Orr co)l% %o e,erythi$g #$% bro-e i$to sile$t
l#)ghter #t the pict)re o& Orr i$ the r#&t #s Serge#$t ?$ight h#% %escribe% hi(, be$t &or2#r% 2ith # b)sy, preocc)pie%
s(ile o,er the (#p #$% co(p#ss i$ his l#p, st)&&i$g o$e so#-i$g-2et chocol#te b#r #&ter #$other i$to his gri$$i$g,
titteri$g (o)th #s he p#%%le% #2#y %)ti&)lly thro)gh the light$i$g, th)$%er #$% r#i$ 2ith the bright-bl)e )seless toy o#r,
the &ishi$g li$e 2ith %rie% b#it tr#ili$g o)t behi$% hi(* .oss#ri#$ re#lly h#% $o %o)bt #bo)t Orr5s #bility to s)r,i,e* +& &ish
co)l% be c#)ght 2ith th#t silly &ishi$g li$e, Orr 2o)l% c#tch the(, #$% i& it 2#s co%&ish he 2#s #&ter, the$ Orr 2o)l% c#tch
# co%&ish, e,e$ tho)gh $o co%&ish h#% e,er bee$ c#)ght i$ those 2#ters be&ore* .oss#ri#$ p)t #$other c#$ o& so)p )p
to coo- #$% #te th#t too 2he$ it 2#s hot* E,ery ti(e # c#r %oor sl#((e%, he bro-e i$to # hope&)l s(ile #$% t)r$e%
e8pect#$tly to2#r% the e$tr#$ce, liste$i$g &or &ootsteps* He -$e2 th#t #$y (o(e$t Orr 2o)l% co(e 2#l-i$g i$to the te$t
2ith big, gliste$i$g, r#i$-so#-e% eyes, chee-s #$% b)c- teeth, loo-i$g l)%icro)sly li-e # 3olly /e2 E$gl#$% oyster(#$ i$
# yello2 oils-i$ r#i$ h#t #$% slic-er $)(ero)s si4es too l#rge &or hi( #$% hol%i$g )p pro)%ly &or .oss#ri#$5s #()se(e$t
# gre#t %e#% co%&ish he h#% c#)ght* 7)t he %i%$5t*
2 PEC?E'
There 2#s $o 2or% #bo)t Orr the $e8t %#y, #$% Serge#$t >hitco(b, 2ith co((e$%#ble %isp#tch #$% co$si%er#ble
hope, %roppe% # re(i$%er i$ his tic-ler &ile to se$% # &or( letter o,er Colo$el C#thc#rt5s sig$#t)re to Orr5s $e8t o& -i$
2he$ $i$e (ore %#ys h#% el#pse%* There 2#s 2or% &ro( :e$er#l Pec-e(5s he#%6)#rters, tho)gh, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s
%r#2$ to the cro2% o& o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$ i$ shorts #$% b#thi$g tr)$-s b)44i$g i$ gr)(py co$&)sio$ #ro)$% the
b)lleti$ bo#r% 3)st o)tsi%e the or%erly roo(*
5>h#t5s so %i&&ere$t #bo)t this S)$%#y, + 2#$t to -$o295 H)$gry Joe 2#s %e(#$%i$g ,oci&ero)sly o& Chie& >hite H#l&o#t*
5>hy 2o$5t 2e h#,e # p#r#%e this S)$%#y 2he$ 2e %o$5t h#,e # p#r#%e e,ery S)$%#y9 H)h95
.oss#ri#$ 2or-e% his 2#y thro)gh to the &ro$t #$% let o)t # lo$g, #go$i4e% gro#$ 2he$ he re#% the terse #$$o)$ce(e$t
there@
0)e to circ)(st#$ces beyo$% (y co$trol, there 2ill be $o big p#r#%e this S)$%#y #&ter$oo$*
Colo$el Scheiss-op&
0obbs 2#s right* They 2ere i$%ee% se$%i$g e,eryo$e o,erse#s, e,e$ Lie)te$#$t Scheiss-op&, 2ho h#% resiste% the
(o,e 2ith #ll the ,igor #$% 2is%o( #t his co((#$% #$% 2ho reporte% &or %)ty #t :e$er#l Pec-e(5s o&&ice i$ # (oo% o&
gr#,e %isco$te$t*
:e$er#l Pec-e( 2elco(e% Colo$el Scheiss-op& 2ith e&&)si,e ch#r( #$% s#i% he 2#s %elighte% to h#,e hi(* A$
#%%itio$#l colo$el o$ his st#&& (e#$t th#t he co)l% $o2 begi$ #git#ti$g &or t2o #%%itio$#l (#3ors, &o)r #%%itio$#l c#pt#i$s,
si8tee$ #%%itio$#l lie)te$#$ts #$% )$tol% 6)#$tities o& #%%itio$#l e$liste% (e$, type2riters, %es-s, &ili$g c#bi$ets,
#)to(obiles #$% other s)bst#$ti#l e6)ip(e$t #$% s)pplies th#t 2o)l% co$trib)te to the prestige o& his positio$ #$%
i$cre#se his stri-i$g po2er i$ the 2#r he h#% %ecl#re% #g#i$st :e$er#l 0ree%le* He $o2 h#% t2o &)ll colo$elsA :e$er#l
0ree%le h#% o$ly &i,e, #$% &o)r o& those 2ere co(b#t co((#$%ers* >ith #l(ost $o i$trig)i$g #t #ll, :e$er#l Pec-e(
h#% e8ec)te% # (#$e),er th#t 2o)l% e,e$t)#lly %o)ble his stre$gth* A$% :e$er#l 0ree%le 2#s getti$g %r)$- (ore
o&te$* The &)t)re loo-e% 2o$%er&)l, #$% :e$er#l Pec-e( co$te(pl#te% his bright $e2 colo$el e$ch#$te%ly 2ith #$
e&&)lge$t s(ile*
+$ #ll (#tters o& co$se6)e$ce, :e$er#l P* P* Pec-e( 2#s, #s he #l2#ys re(#r-e% 2he$ he 2#s #bo)t to critici4e the
2or- o& so(e close #ssoci#te p)blicly, # re#list* He 2#s # h#$%so(e, pi$--s-i$$e% (#$ o& &i&ty-three* His (#$$er 2#s
Catch 22
#l2#ys c#s)#l #$% rel#8e%, #$% his )$i&or(s 2ere c)sto(-(#%e* He h#% sil,er-gr#y h#ir, slightly (yopic eyes #$% thi$,
o,erh#$gi$g, se$s)#l lips* He 2#s # percepti,e, gr#ce&)l, sophistic#te% (#$ 2ho 2#s se$siti,e to e,eryo$e5s
2e#-$esses b)t his o2$ #$% &o)$% e,eryo$e #bs)r% b)t hi(sel&* :e$er#l Pec-e( l#i% gre#t, &#sti%io)s stress o$ s(#ll
(#tters o& t#ste #$% style* He 2#s #l2#ys #)g(e$ti$g thi$gs* Appro#chi$g e,e$ts 2ere $e,er co(i$g, b)t #l2#ys
)pco(i$g* +t 2#s $ot tr)e th#t he 2rote (e(or#$%)(s pr#isi$g hi(sel& #$% reco((e$%i$g th#t his #)thority be
e$h#$ce% to i$cl)%e #ll co(b#t oper#tio$sA he 2rote (e(or#$%#* A$% the prose i$ the (e(or#$%# o& other o&&icers 2#s
#l2#ys t)rgi%, stilte%, or #(big)o)s* The errors o& others 2ere i$e,it#bly %eplor#ble* Reg)l#tio$s 2ere stri$ge$t, #$% his
%#t# $e,er 2#s obt#i$e% &ro( # reli#ble so)rce, b)t #l2#ys 2ere obt#i$e%* :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s &re6)e$tly co$str#i$e%*
Thi$gs 2ere o&te$ i$c)(be$t )po$ hi(, #$% he &re6)e$tly #cte% 2ith gre#test rel)ct#$ce* +t $e,er esc#pe% his (e(ory
th#t $either bl#c- $or 2hite 2#s # color, #$% he $e,er )se% ,erb#l 2he$ he (e#$t or#l* He co)l% 6)ote glibly &ro( Pl#to,
/iet4sche, 'o$t#ig$e, Theo%ore Roose,elt, the '#r6)is %e S#%e #$% >#rre$ :* H#r%i$g* A ,irgi$ #)%ie$ce li-e Colo$el
Scheiss-op& 2#s grist &or :e$er#l Pec-e(5s (ill, # sti()l#ti$g opport)$ity to thro2 ope$ his 2hole %#44li$g er)%ite
tre#s)re ho)se o& p)$s, 2isecr#c-s, sl#$%ers, ho(ilies, #$ec%otes, pro,erbs, epigr#(s, #pophtheg(s, bo$ (ots #$%
other p)$ge$t s#yi$gs* He be#(e% )rb#$ely #s he beg#$ orie$ti$g Colo$el Scheiss-op& to his $e2 s)rro)$%i$gs*
5'y o$ly &#)lt,5 he obser,e% 2ith pr#ctice% goo% h)(or, 2#tchi$g &or the e&&ect o& his 2or%s, 5is th#t + h#,e $o &#)lts*5
Colo$el Scheiss-op& %i%$5t l#)gh, #$% :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s st)$$e%* A he#,y %o)bt cr)she% his e$th)si#s(* He h#%
3)st ope$e% 2ith o$e o& his (ost tr)ste% p#r#%o8es, #$% he 2#s positi,ely #l#r(e% th#t $ot the slightest &lic-er o&
#c-$o2le%g(e$t h#% (o,e% #cross th#t i(per,io)s &#ce, 2hich beg#$ to re(i$% hi( s)%%e$ly, i$ h)e #$% te8t)re, o&
#$ )$)se% so#p er#ser* Perh#ps Colo$el Scheiss-op& 2#s tire%, :e$er#l Pec-e( gr#$te% to hi(sel& ch#rit#blyA he h#%
co(e # lo$g 2#y, #$% e,erythi$g 2#s )$&#(ili#r* :e$er#l Pec-e(5s #ttit)%e to2#r% #ll the perso$$el i$ his co((#$%,
o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$, 2#s (#r-e% by the s#(e e#sy spirit o& toler#$ce #$% per(issi,e$ess* He (e$tio$e% o&te$
th#t i& the people 2ho 2or-e% &or hi( (et hi( h#l&2#y, he 2o)l% (eet the( (ore th#$ h#l&2#y, 2ith the res)lt, #s he
#l2#ys #%%e% 2ith #$ #st)te ch)c-le, th#t there 2#s $e,er #$y (eeti$g o& the (i$%s #t #ll* :e$er#l Pec-e( tho)ght o&
hi(sel& #s #esthetic #$% i$tellect)#l* >he$ people %is#gree% 2ith hi(, he )rge% the( to be ob3ecti,e*
A$% it 2#s i$%ee% #$ ob3ecti,e Pec-e( 2ho g#4e% #t Colo$el Scheiss-op& e$co)r#gi$gly #$% res)(e% his
i$%octri$#tio$ 2ith #$ #ttit)%e o& (#g$#$i(o)s &orgi,e$ess* 5.o)5,e co(e to )s 3)st i$ ti(e, Scheiss-op&* The s)((er
o&&e$si,e h#s petere% o)t, th#$-s to the i$co(pete$t le#%ership 2ith 2hich 2e s)pply o)r troops, #$% + h#,e # cryi$g
$ee% &or # to)gh, e8perie$ce%, co(pete$t o&&icer li-e yo) to help pro%)ce the (e(or#$%# )po$ 2hich 2e rely so
he#,ily to let people -$o2 ho2 goo% 2e #re #$% ho2 ()ch 2or- 2e5re t)r$i$g o)t* + hope yo) #re # proli&ic 2riter*5
5+ %o$5t -$o2 #$ythi$g #bo)t 2riti$g,5 Colo$el Scheiss-op& retorte% s)lle$ly*
5>ell, %o$5t let th#t tro)ble yo),5 :e$er#l Pec-e( co$ti$)e% 2ith # c#reless &lic- o& his 2rist* 5J)st p#ss the 2or- + #ssig$
yo) #lo$g to so(ebo%y else #$% tr)st to l)c-* >e c#ll th#t %eleg#tio$ o& respo$sibility* So(e2here %o2$ $e#r the
lo2est le,el o& this co-or%i$#te% org#$i4#tio$ + r)$ #re people 2ho %o get the 2or- %o$e 2he$ it re#ches the(, #$%
e,erythi$g (#$#ges to r)$ #lo$g s(oothly 2itho)t too ()ch e&&ort o$ (y p#rt* + s)ppose th#t5s bec#)se + #( # goo%
e8ec)ti,e* /othi$g 2e %o i$ this l#rge %ep#rt(e$t o& o)rs is re#lly ,ery i(port#$t, #$% there5s $e,er #$y r)sh* O$ the
other h#$%, it is i(port#$t th#t 2e let people -$o2 2e %o # gre#t %e#l o& it* Let (e -$o2 i& yo) &i$% yo)rsel& shorth#$%e%*
+5,e #lre#%y p)t i$ # re6)isitio$ &or t2o (#3ors, &o)r c#pt#i$s #$% si8tee$ lie)te$#$ts to gi,e yo) # h#$%* >hile $o$e o&
the 2or- 2e %o is ,ery i(port#$t, it is i(port#$t th#t 2e %o # gre#t %e#l o& it* 0o$5t yo) #gree95
5>h#t #bo)t the p#r#%es95 Colo$el Scheiss-op& bro-e i$*
5>h#t p#r#%es95 i$6)ire% :e$er#l Pec-e( 2ith # &eeli$g th#t his polish 3)st 2#s$5t getti$g #cross*
5>o$5t + be #ble to co$%)ct p#r#%es e,ery S)$%#y #&ter$oo$95 Colo$el Scheiss-op& %e(#$%e% pet)l#$tly*
5/o* O& co)rse $ot* >h#t e,er g#,e yo) th#t i%e#95
57)t they s#i% + co)l%*5
5>ho s#i% yo) co)l%95
5The o&&icers 2ho se$t (e o,erse#s* They tol% (e +5% be #ble to (#rch the (e$ #ro)$% i$ p#r#%es #ll + 2#$te% to*5
5They lie% to yo)*5
5Th#t 2#s$5t &#ir, sir*5
5+5( sorry, Scheiss-op&* +5( 2illi$g to %o e,erythi$g + c#$ to (#-e yo) h#ppy here, b)t p#r#%es #re o)t o& the 6)estio$*
>e %o$5t h#,e e$o)gh (e$ i$ o)r o2$ org#$i4#tio$ to (#-e )p ()ch o& # p#r#%e, #$% the co(b#t )$its 2o)l% rise )p
i$ ope$ rebellio$ i& 2e trie% to (#-e the( (#rch* +5( #&r#i% yo)5ll 3)st h#,e to hol% b#c- #2hile )$til 2e get co$trol* The$
yo) c#$ %o 2h#t yo) 2#$t 2ith the (e$*5
5>h#t #bo)t (y 2i&e95 Colo$el Scheiss-op& %e(#$%e% 2ith %isgr)$tle% s)spicio$* 5+5ll still be #ble to se$% &or her, 2o$5t
+95
5.o)r 2i&e9 >hy i$ the 2orl% sho)l% yo) 2#$t to95
5A h)sb#$% #$% 2i&e sho)l% be together*5
5Th#t5s o)t o& the 6)estio$ #lso*5
57)t they s#i% + co)l% se$% &or herC5
5They lie% to yo) #g#i$*5
5They h#% $o right to lie to (eC5 Colo$el Scheiss-op& proteste%, his eyes 2etti$g 2ith i$%ig$#tio$*
5O& co)rse they h#% # right,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( s$#ppe% 2ith col% #$% c#lc)l#te% se,erity, resol,i$g right the$ #$% there
to test the (ettle o& his $e2 colo$el )$%er &ire* 50o$5t be s)ch #$ #ss, Scheiss-op&* People h#,e # right to %o #$ythi$g
th#t5s $ot &orbi%%e$ by l#2, #$% there5s $o l#2 #g#i$st lyi$g to yo)* /o2, %o$5t e,er 2#ste (y ti(e 2ith s)ch se$ti(e$t#l
pl#tit)%es #g#i$* 0o yo) he#r95
5.es, sir,5 ()r()re% Colo$el Scheiss-op&
Colo$el Scheiss-op& 2ilte% p#thetic#lly, #$% :e$er#l Pec-e( blesse% the &#tes th#t h#% se$t hi( # 2e#-li$g &or #
s)bor%i$#te* A (#$ o& sp)$- 2o)l% h#,e bee$ )$thi$-#ble* H#,i$g 2o$, :e$er#l Pec-e( rele$te%* He %i% $ot e$3oy
h)(ili#ti$g his (e$* 5+& yo)r 2i&e 2ere # >#c, + co)l% prob#bly h#,e her tr#$s&erre% here* 7)t th#t5s the (ost + c#$ %o*5
5She h#s # &rie$% 2ho5s # >#c,5 Colo$el Scheiss-op& o&&ere% hope&)lly*
5+5( #&r#i% th#t is$5t goo% e$o)gh* H#,e 'rs* Scheiss-op& 3oi$ the >#cs i& she 2#$ts to, #$% +5ll bri$g her o,er here* 7)t
i$ the (e#$ti(e, (y %e#r Colo$el, let5s get b#c- to o)r little 2#r, i& 2e (#y* Here, brie&ly, is the (ilit#ry sit)#tio$ th#t
co$&ro$ts )s*5 :e$er#l Pec-e( rose #$% (o,e% to2#r% # rot#ry r#c- o& e$or(o)s colore% (#ps*
109 | P a g e
Colo$el Scheiss-op& bl#$che%* 5>e5re $ot goi$g i$to co(b#t, #re 2e95 he bl)rte% o)t i$ horror*
5Oh, $o, o& co)rse $ot,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( #ss)re% hi( i$%)lge$tly, 2ith # co(p#$io$#ble l#)gh* 5Ple#se gi,e (e so(e
cre%it, 2o$5t yo)9 Th#t5s 2hy 2e5re still %o2$ here i$ Ro(e* Cert#i$ly, +5% li-e to be )p i$ ;lore$ce, too, 2here + co)l%
-eep i$ closer to)ch 2ith e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$* 7)t ;lore$ce is still # bit too $e#r the #ct)#l &ighti$g to s)it (e*5 :e$er#l
Pec-e( li&te% # 2oo%e$ poi$ter #$% s2ept the r)bber tip cheer&)lly #cross +t#ly &ro( o$e co#st to the other* 5These,
Scheiss-op&, #re the :er(#$s* They5re %)g i$to these (o)$t#i$s ,ery soli%ly i$ the :othic Li$e #$% 2o$5t be p)she%
o)t till l#te $e8t spri$g, #ltho)gh th#t is$5t goi$g to stop those clo%s 2e h#,e i$ ch#rge &ro( tryi$g* Th#t gi,es )s i$
Speci#l Ser,ices #l(ost $i$e (o$ths to #chie,e o)r ob3ecti,e* A$% th#t ob3ecti,e is to c#pt)re e,ery bo(ber gro)p i$
the =*S* Air ;orce* A&ter #ll,5 s#i% :e$er#l Pec-e( 2ith his lo2, 2ell-(o%)l#te% ch)c-le, 5i& %roppi$g bo(bs o$ the
e$e(y is$5t # speci#l ser,ice, + 2o$%er 2h#t i$ the 2orl% is* 0o$5t yo) #gree95 Colo$el Scheiss-op& g#,e $o i$%ic#tio$
th#t he %i% #gree, b)t :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s #lre#%y too e$tr#$ce% 2ith his o2$ lo6)#city to $otice* 5O)r positio$ right
$o2 is e8celle$t* Rei$&orce(e$ts li-e yo)rsel& -eep #rri,i$g, #$% 2e h#,e (ore th#$ e$o)gh ti(e to pl#$ o)r e$tire
str#tegy c#re&)lly* O)r i((e%i#te go#l,5 he s#i%, 5is right here*5 A$% :e$er#l Pec-e( s2)$g his poi$ter so)th to the
isl#$% o& Pi#$os# #$% t#ppe% it sig$i&ic#$tly )po$ # l#rge 2or% th#t h#% bee$ lettere% o$ there 2ith bl#c- gre#se pe$cil*
The 2or% 2#s 0REE0LE*
Colo$el Scheiss-op&, s6)i$ti$g, (o,e% ,ery close to the (#p, #$% &or the &irst ti(e si$ce he e$tere% the roo( # light o&
co(prehe$sio$ she% # %i( glo2 o,er his stoli% &#ce* 5+ thi$- + )$%erst#$%,5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5.es, + -$o2 + )$%erst#$%* O)r
&irst 3ob is to c#pt)re 0ree%le #2#y &ro( the e$e(y* Right95
:e$er#l Pec-e( l#)ghe% be$ig$ly* 5/o, Scheiss-op&* 0ree%le5s o$ o)r si%e, #$% 0ree%le is the e$e(y* :e$er#l 0ree%le
co((#$%s &o)r bo(b gro)ps th#t 2e si(ply ()st c#pt)re i$ or%er to co$ti$)e o)r o&&e$si,e* Co$6)eri$g :e$er#l
0ree%le 2ill gi,e )s the #ircr#&t #$% ,it#l b#ses 2e $ee% to c#rry o)r oper#tio$s i$to other #re#s* A$% th#t b#ttle, by the
2#y, is 3)st #bo)t 2o$*5 :e$er#l Pec-e( %ri&te% to2#r% the 2i$%o2, l#)ghi$g 6)ietly #g#i$, #$% settle% b#c- #g#i$st the
sill 2ith his #r(s &ol%e%, gre#tly s#tis&ie% by his o2$ 2it #$% by his -$o2le%ge#ble, bl#se i(p)%e$ce* The s-ille% choice
o& 2or%s he 2#s e8ercisi$g 2#s e86)isitely titill#ti$g* :e$er#l Pec-e( li-e% liste$i$g to hi(sel& t#l-, li-e (ost o& #ll
liste$i$g to hi(sel& t#l- #bo)t hi(sel&* 5:e$er#l 0ree%le si(ply %oes$5t -$o2 ho2 to cope 2ith (e,5 he glo#te%* 5+ -eep
i$,#%i$g his 3)ris%ictio$ 2ith co((e$ts #$% criticis(s th#t #re re#lly $o$e o& (y b)si$ess, #$% he %oes$5t -$o2 2h#t to
%o #bo)t it* >he$ he #cc)ses (e o& see-i$g to )$%er(i$e hi(, + (erely #$s2er th#t (y o$ly p)rpose i$ c#lli$g
#tte$tio$ to his errors is to stre$gthe$ o)r 2#r e&&ort by eli(i$#ti$g i$e&&icie$cy* The$ + #s- hi( i$$oce$tly i& he5s oppose%
to i(pro,i$g o)r 2#r e&&ort* Oh, he gr)(bles #$% he bristles #$% he bello2s, b)t he5s re#lly 6)ite helpless* He5s si(ply
o)t o& style* He5s t)r$i$g i$to 6)ite # so)se, yo) -$o2* The poor bloc-he#% sho)l%$5t e,e$ be # ge$er#l* He h#s $o to$e,
$o to$e #t #ll* Th#$- :o% he is$5t goi$g to l#st*5 :e$er#l Pec-e( ch)c-le% 2ith 3#)$ty relish #$% s#ile% s(oothly #lo$g
to2#r% # &#,orite le#r$e% #ll)sio$* 5+ so(eti(es thi$- o& (ysel& #s ;orti$br#s - h#, h# - i$ the pl#y H#(let by >illi#(
Sh#-espe#re, 2ho 3)st -eeps circli$g #$% circli$g #ro)$% the #ctio$ )$til e,erythi$g else &#lls #p#rt, #$% the$ strolls i$ #t
the e$% to pic- )p #ll the pieces &or hi(sel&* Sh#-espe#re is -5
5+ %o$5t -$o2 #$ythi$g #bo)t pl#ys,5 Colo$el Scheiss-op& bro-e i$ bl)$tly*
:e$er#l Pec-e( loo-e% #t hi( 2ith #(#4e(e$t* /e,er be&ore h#% # re&ere$ce o& his to Sh#-espe#re5s h#llo2e%
H#(let bee$ ig$ore% #$% tr#(ple% )po$ 2ith s)ch r)%e i$%i&&ere$ce* He beg#$ to 2o$%er 2ith ge$)i$e co$cer$ 3)st
2h#t sort o& shithe#% the Pe$t#go$ h#% &oiste% o$ hi(* 5>h#t %o yo) -$o2 #bo)t95 he #s-e% #ci%ly*
5P#r#%es,5 #$s2ere% Colo$el Scheiss-op& e#gerly* 5>ill + be #ble to se$% o)t (e(os #bo)t p#r#%es95
5As lo$g #s yo) %o$5t sche%)le #$y*5 :e$er#l Pec-e( ret)r$e% to his ch#ir still 2e#ri$g # &ro2$* 5A$% #s lo$g #s they
%o$5t i$ter&ere 2ith yo)r (#i$ #ssig$(e$t o& reco((e$%i$g th#t the #)thority o& Speci#l Ser,ices be e8p#$%e% to
i$cl)%e co(b#t #cti,ities*5
5C#$ + sche%)le p#r#%es #$% the$ c#ll the( o&&95
:e$er#l Pec-e( brighte$e% i$st#$tly* 5>hy, th#t5s # 2o$%er&)l i%e#C 7)t 3)st se$% o)t 2ee-ly #$$o)$ce(e$ts
postpo$i$g the p#r#%es* 0o$5t e,e$ bother to sche%)le the(* Th#t 2o)l% be i$&i$itely (ore %isco$certi$g*5 :e$er#l
Pec-e( 2#s blosso(i$g spryly 2ith cor%i#lity #g#i$* 5.es, Scheiss-op&,5 he s#i%, 5+ thi$- yo)5,e re#lly hit o$ so(ethi$g*
A&ter #ll, 2h#t co(b#t co((#$%er co)l% possibly 6)#rrel 2ith )s &or $oti&yi$g his (e$ th#t there 2o$5t be # p#r#%e th#t
co(i$g S)$%#y9 >e5% be (erely st#ti$g # 2i%ely -$o2$ &#ct* 7)t the i(plic#tio$ is be#)ti&)l* .es, positi,ely be#)ti&)l*
>e5re i(plyi$g th#t 2e co)l% sche%)le # p#r#%e i& 2e chose to* +5( goi$g to li-e yo), Scheiss-op&* Stop i$ #$% i$tro%)ce
yo)rsel& to Colo$el C#rgill #$% tell hi( 2h#t yo)5re )p to* + -$o2 yo) t2o 2ill li-e e#ch other*5
Colo$el C#rgill c#(e stor(i$g i$to :e$er#l Pec-e(5s o&&ice # (i$)te l#ter i$ # &)ror o& ti(i% rese$t(e$t* 5+5,e bee$ here
lo$ger th#$ Scheiss-op&,5 he co(pl#i$e%* 5>hy c#$5t + be the o$e to c#ll o&& the p#r#%es95
57ec#)se Scheiss-op& h#s e8perie$ce 2ith p#r#%es, #$% yo) h#,e$5t* .o) c#$ c#ll o&& =*S*O* sho2s i& yo) 2#$t to* +$
&#ct 2hy %o$5t yo)9 J)st thi$- o& #ll the pl#ces th#t 2o$5t be getti$g # =*S*O* sho2 o$ #$y gi,e$ %#y* Thi$- o& #ll the
pl#ces e#ch big-$#(e e$tert#i$er 2o$5t be ,isiti$g* .es, C#rgill, + thi$- yo)5,e hit o$ so(ethi$g* + thi$- yo)5,e 3)st
thro2$ ope$ # 2hole $e2 #re# o& oper#tio$ &or )s* Tell Colo$el Scheiss-op& + 2#$t hi( to 2or- #lo$g )$%er yo)r
s)per,isio$ o$ this* A$% se$% hi( i$ to see (e 2he$ yo)5re thro)gh gi,i$g hi( i$str)ctio$s*5
5Colo$el C#rgill s#ys yo) tol% hi( yo) 2#$t (e to 2or- #lo$g )$%er his s)per,isio$ o$ the =*S*O* pro3ect,5 Colo$el
Scheiss-op& co(pl#i$e%*
5+ tol% hi( $o s)ch thi$g,5 #$s2ere% :e$er#l Pec-e(* 5Co$&i%e$ti#lly, Scheiss-op&, +5( $ot too h#ppy 2ith Colo$el
C#rgill* He5s bossy #$% he5s slo2* +5% li-e yo) to -eep # close eye o$ 2h#t he5s %oi$g #$% see i& yo) c#$5t get # little
(ore 2or- o)t o& hi(*5
5He -eeps b)tti$g i$,5 Colo$el C#rgill proteste%* 5He 2o$5t let (e get #$y 2or- %o$e*5
5There5s so(ethi$g ,ery &)$$y #bo)t Scheiss-op&,5 :e$er#l Pec-e( #gree% re&lecti,ely* 5?eep # ,ery close eye o$ hi(
#$% see i& yo) c#$5t &i$% o)t 2h#t he5s )p to*5
5/o2 he5s b)tti$g i$to (y b)si$essC5 Colo$el Scheiss-op& crie%*
'#on't let it worry you, .cheisskop,' said 3eneral 4eckem, congratulating himsel on how
adeptly he had it "olonel .cheisskop into h
s standard method o operation. Already his two colonels were barely on speaking terms.
Catch 22
'"olonel "argill envies you because o the splendid &ob you're doing on parades. He's araid
!'m going to put you in charge o bomb patterns.'
Colo$el Scheiss-op& 2#s #ll e#rs* 5>h#t #re bo(b p#tter$s95
57o(b p#tter$s95 :e$er#l Pec-e( repe#te%, t2i$-li$g 2ith sel&-s#tis&ie% goo% h)(or* 5A bo(b p#tter$ is # ter( +
%re#(e% )p 3)st se,er#l 2ee-s #go* +t (e#$s $othi$g, b)t yo)5% be s)rprise% #t ho2 r#pi%ly it5s c#)ght o$* >hy, +5,e got
#ll sorts o& people co$,i$ce% + thi$- it5s i(port#$t &or the bo(bs to e8plo%e close together #$% (#-e # $e#t #eri#l
photogr#ph* There5s o$e colo$el i$ Pi#$os# 2ho5s h#r%ly co$cer$e% #$y (ore 2ith 2hether he hits the t#rget or $ot*
Let5s &ly o,er #$% h#,e so(e &)$ 2ith hi( to%#y* +t 2ill (#-e Colo$el C#rgill 3e#lo)s, #$% + le#r$e% &ro( >i$tergree$ this
(or$i$g th#t :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ill be o&& i$ S#r%i$i#* +t %ri,es :e$er#l 0ree%le i$s#$e to &i$% o)t +5,e bee$ i$specti$g
o$e o& his i$st#ll#tio$s 2hile he5s bee$ o&& i$specti$g #$other* >e (#y e,e$ get there i$ ti(e &or the brie&i$g* They5ll be
bo(bi$g # ti$y )$%e&e$%e% ,ill#ge, re%)ci$g the 2hole co(()$ity to r)bble* + h#,e it &ro( >i$tergree$ - >i$tergree$5s
#$ e8-serge#$t $o2, by the 2#y - th#t the (issio$ is e$tirely )$$ecess#ry* +ts o$ly p)rpose is to %el#y :er(#$
rei$&orce(e$ts #t # ti(e 2he$ 2e #re$5t e,e$ pl#$$i$g #$ o&&e$si,e* 7)t th#t5s the 2#y thi$gs go 2he$ yo) ele,#te
(e%iocre people to positio$s o& #)thority*5 He gest)re% l#$g)i%ly to2#r% his gig#$tic (#p o& +t#ly* 5>hy, this ti$y
(o)$t#i$ ,ill#ge is so i$sig$i&ic#$t th#t it is$5t e,e$ there*5
They #rri,e% #t Colo$el C#thc#rt5s gro)p too l#te to #tte$% the preli(i$#ry brie&i$g #$% he#r '#3or 0#$by i$sist, 57)t it is
there, + tell yo)* +t5s there, it5s there*5
5+t5s 2here95 0)$b#r %e(#$%e% %e&i#$tly, prete$%i$g $ot to see*
5+t5s right there o$ the (#p 2here this ro#% (#-es this slight t)r$* C#$5t yo) see this slight t)r$ o$ yo)r (#p95
5/o, + c#$5t see it*5
5+ c#$ see it,5 ,ol)$teere% H#,er(eyer, #$% (#r-e% the spot o$ 0)$b#r5s (#p* 5A$% here5s # goo% pict)re o& the ,ill#ge
right o$ these photogr#phs* + )$%erst#$% the 2hole thi$g* The p)rpose o& the (issio$ is to -$oc- the 2hole ,ill#ge
sli%i$g %o2$ the si%e o& the (o)$t#i$ #$% cre#te # ro#%bloc- th#t the :er(#$s 2ill h#,e to cle#r* +s th#t right95
5Th#t5s right,5 s#i% '#3or 0#$by, (oppi$g his perspiri$g &orehe#% 2ith his h#$%-erchie&* 5+5( gl#% so(ebo%y here is
begi$$i$g to )$%erst#$%* These t2o #r(ore% %i,isio$s 2ill be co(i$g %o2$ &ro( A)stri# i$to +t#ly #lo$g this ro#%* The
,ill#ge is b)ilt o$ s)ch # steep i$cli$e th#t #ll the r)bble &ro( the ho)ses #$% other b)il%i$gs yo) %estroy 2ill cert#i$ly
t)(ble right %o2$ #$% pile )po$ the ro#%*5
5>h#t the hell %i&&ere$ce 2ill it (#-e95 0)$b#r 2#$te% to -$o2, #s .oss#ri#$ 2#tche% hi( e8cite%ly 2ith # (i8t)re o&
#2e #$% #%)l#tio$* 5+t 2ill o$ly t#-e the( # co)ple o& %#ys to cle#r it*5
'#3or 0#$by 2#s tryi$g to #,oi% #$ #rg)(e$t* 5>ell, it #pp#re$tly (#-es so(e %i&&ere$ce to He#%6)#rters,5 he
#$s2ere% i$ # co$cili#tory to$e* 5+ s)ppose th#t5s 2hy they or%ere% the (issio$*5
5H#,e the people i$ the ,ill#ge bee$ 2#r$e%95 #s-e% 'c>#tt*
'#3or 0#$by 2#s %is(#ye% th#t 'c>#tt too 2#s registeri$g oppositio$* 5/o, + %o$5t thi$- so*5
5H#,e$5t 2e %roppe% #$y le#&lets telli$g the( th#t this ti(e 2e5ll be &lyi$g o,er to hit the(95 #s-e% .oss#ri#$* 5C#$5t 2e
e,e$ tip the( o&& so they5ll get o)t o& the 2#y95
5/o, + %o$5t thi$- so*5 '#3or 0#$by 2#s s2e#ri$g so(e (ore #$% still shi&ti$g his eyes #bo)t )$e#sily* 5The :er(#$s
(ight &i$% o)t #$% choose #$other ro#%* +5( $ot s)re #bo)t #$y o& this* +5( 3)st (#-i$g #ss)(ptio$s*5
5They 2o$5t e,e$ t#-e shelter,5 0)$b#r #rg)e% bitterly* 5They5ll po)r o)t i$to the streets to 2#,e 2he$ they see o)r
pl#$es co(i$g, #ll the chil%re$ #$% %ogs #$% ol% people* Jes)s ChristC >hy c#$5t 2e le#,e the( #lo$e95
5>hy c#$5t 2e cre#te the ro#%bloc- so(e2here else95 #s-e% 'c>#tt* 5>hy ()st it be there95
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 '#3or 0#$by #$s2ere% )$h#ppily* 5+ %o$5t -$o2* Loo-, &ello2s, 2e5,e got to h#,e so(e co$&i%e$ce i$ the
people #bo,e )s 2ho iss)e o)r or%ers* They -$o2 2h#t they5re %oi$g*5
5The hell they %o,5 s#i% 0)$b#r*
5>h#t5s the tro)ble95 i$6)ire% Colo$el ?or$, (o,i$g leis)rely #cross the brie&i$g roo( 2ith his h#$%s i$ his poc-ets #$%
his t#$ shirt b#ggy*
5Oh, $o tro)ble, Colo$el,5 s#i% '#3or 0#$by, tryi$g $er,o)sly to co,er )p* 5>e5re 3)st %isc)ssi$g the (issio$*5
5They %o$5t 2#$t to bo(b the ,ill#ge,5 H#,er(eyer s$ic-ere%, gi,i$g '#3or 0#$by #2#y*
5.o) pric-C5 .oss#ri#$ s#i% to H#,er(eyer*
5.o) le#,e H#,er(eyer #lo$e,5 Colo$el ?or$ or%ere% .oss#ri#$ c)rtly* He recog$i4e% .oss#ri#$ #s the %r)$- 2ho h#%
#ccoste% hi( ro)ghly #t the o&&icers5 cl)b o$e $ight be&ore the &irst (issio$ to 7olog$#, #$% he s2)$g his %isple#s)re
pr)%e$tly to 0)$b#r* 5>hy %o$5t yo) 2#$t to bo(b the ,ill#ge95
5+t5s cr)el, th#t5s 2hy*5
5Cr)el95 #s-e% Colo$el ?or$ 2ith col% goo% h)(or, &righte$e% o$ly (o(e$t#rily by the )$i$hibite% ,ehe(e$ce o&
0)$b#r5s hostility* 5>o)l% it be #$y less cr)el to let those t2o :er(#$ %i,isio$s %o2$ to &ight 2ith o)r troops9 A(eric#$
li,es #re #t st#-e, too, yo) -$o2* >o)l% yo) r#ther see A(eric#$ bloo% spille%95
5A(eric#$ bloo% is bei$g spille%* 7)t those people #re li,i$g )p there i$ pe#ce* >hy c#$5t 2e le#,e the( the hell #lo$e95
5.es, it5s e#sy &or yo) to t#l-,5 Colo$el ?or$ 3eere%* 5.o)5re s#&e here i$ Pi#$os#* +t 2o$5t (#-e #$y %i&&ere$ce to yo)
2he$ these :er(#$ rei$&orce(e$ts #rri,e, 2ill it95
0)$b#r t)r$e% cri(so$ 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t #$% replie% i$ # ,oice th#t 2#s s)%%e$ly %e&e$si,e* 5>hy c#$5t 2e cre#te
the ro#%bloc- so(e2here else9 Co)l%$5t 2e bo(b the slope o& # (o)$t#i$ or the ro#% itsel&95
5>o)l% yo) r#ther go b#c- to 7olog$#95 The 6)estio$, #s-e% 6)ietly, r#$g o)t li-e # shot #$% cre#te% # sile$ce i$ the
roo( th#t 2#s #2-2#r% #$% (e$#ci$g* .oss#ri#$ pr#ye% i$te$sely, 2ith sh#(e, th#t 0)$b#r 2o)l% -eep his (o)th
sh)t* 0)$b#r %roppe% his g#4e, #$% Colo$el ?or$ -$e2 he h#% 2o$* 5/o, + tho)ght $ot,5 he co$ti$)e% 2ith )$%isg)ise%
scor$* 5.o) -$o2, Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% + h#,e to go to # lot o& tro)ble to get yo) # (il- r)$ li-e this* +& yo)5% soo$er &ly
(issio$s to 7olog$#, Spe4i# #$% ;err#r#, 2e c#$ get those t#rgets 2ith $o tro)ble #t #ll*5 His eyes gle#(e% %#$gero)sly
behi$% his ri(less gl#sses, #$% his ()%%y 3o2ls 2ere s6)#re #$% h#r%* 5J)st let (e -$o2*5
5+ 2o)l%,5 respo$%e% H#,er(eyer e#gerly 2ith #$other bo#st&)l s$ic-er* 5+ li-e to &ly i$to 7olog$# str#ight #$% le,el 2ith
(y he#% i$ the bo(bsight #$% liste$ to #ll th#t &l#- p)(pi$g #2#y #ll #ro)$% (e* + get # big -ic- o)t o& the 2#y the (e$
co(e ch#rgi$g o,er to (e #&ter the (issio$ #$% c#ll (e %irty $#(es* E,e$ the e$liste% (e$ get sore e$o)gh to c)rse
111 | P a g e
(e #$% 2#$t to t#-e soc-s #t (e*5
Colo$el ?or$ ch)c-e% H#,er(eyer )$%er the chi$ 3o,i#lly, ig$ori$g hi(, #$% the$ #%%resse% hi(sel& to 0)$b#r #$%
.oss#ri#$ i$ # %ry (o$oto$e* 5.o)5,e got (y s#cre% 2or% &or it* /obo%y is (ore %istresse% #bo)t those lo)sy 2ops )p
i$ the hills th#$ Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% (ysel&* '#is c5est l# g)erre* Try to re(e(ber th#t 2e %i%$5t st#rt the 2#r #$% +t#ly
%i%* Th#t 2e 2ere$5t the #ggressors #$% +t#ly 2#s* A$% th#t 2e co)l%$5t possibly i$&lict #s ()ch cr)elty o$ the +t#li#$s,
:er(#$s, R)ssi#$s #$% Chi$ese #s they5re #lre#%y i$&licti$g o$ the(sel,es*5 Colo$el ?or$ g#,e '#3or 0#$by5s
sho)l%er # &rie$%ly s6)ee4e 2itho)t ch#$gi$g his )$&rie$%ly e8pressio$* 5C#rry o$ 2ith the brie&i$g, 0#$by* A$% (#-e
s)re they )$%erst#$% the i(port#$ce o& # tight bo(b p#tter$*5
5Oh, $o, Colo$el,5 '#3or 0#$by bl)rte% o)t, bli$-i$g )p2#r%* 5/ot &or this t#rget* +5,e tol% the( to sp#ce their bo(bs si8ty
&eet #p#rt so th#t 2e5ll h#,e # ro#%bloc- the &)ll le$gth o& the ,ill#ge i$ste#% o& i$ 3)st o$e spot* +t 2ill be # ()ch (ore
e&&ecti,e ro#%bloc- 2ith # loose bo(b p#tter$*5
5>e %o$5t c#re #bo)t the ro#%bloc-,5 Colo$el ?or$ i$&or(e% hi(* 5Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$ts to co(e o)t o& this (issio$
2ith # goo% cle#$ #eri#l photogr#ph he 2o$5t be #sh#(e% to se$% thro)gh ch#$$els* 0o$5t &orget th#t :e$er#l Pec-e(
2ill be here &or the &)ll brie&i$g, #$% yo) -$o2 ho2 he &eels #bo)t bo(b p#tter$s* +$ci%e$t#lly, '#3or, yo)5% better h)rry
)p 2ith these %et#ils #$% cle#r o)t be&ore he gets here* :e$er#l Pec-e( c#$5t st#$% yo)*5
5Oh, $o, Colo$el,5 '#3or 0#$by correcte% obligi$gly* 5+t5s :e$er#l 0ree%le 2ho c#$5t st#$% (e*5
5:e$er#l Pec-e( c#$5t st#$% yo) either* +$ &#ct, $o o$e c#$ st#$% yo)* ;i$ish 2h#t yo)5re %oi$g, 0#$by, #$% %is#ppe#r*
+5ll co$%)ct the brie&i$g*5
5>here5s '#3or 0#$by95 Colo$el C#thc#rt i$6)ire%, #&ter he h#% %ri,e$ )p &or the &)ll brie&i$g 2ith :e$er#l Pec-e( #$%
Colo$el Scheiss-op&*
5He #s-e% per(issio$ to le#,e #s soo$ #s he s#2 yo) %ri,i$g )p,5 #$s2ere% Colo$el ?or$* 5He5s #&r#i% :e$er#l Pec-e(
%oes$5t li-e hi(* + 2#s goi$g to co$%)ct the brie&i$g #$y2#y* + %o # ()ch better 3ob*5
5Sple$%i%C5 s#i% Colo$el C#thc#rt* 5/oC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt co)$ter(#$%e% hi(sel& #$ i$st#$t l#ter 2he$ he re(e(bere%
ho2 goo% # 3ob Colo$el ?or$ h#% %o$e be&ore :e$er#l 0ree%le #t the &irst A,ig$o$ brie&i$g* 5+5ll %o it (ysel&*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt br#ce% hi(sel& 2ith the -$o2le%ge th#t he 2#s o$e o& :e$er#l Pec-e(5s &#,orites #$% too- ch#rge o&
the (eeti$g, s$#ppi$g his 2or%s o)t crisply to the #tte$ti,e #)%ie$ce o& s)bor%i$#te o&&icers 2ith the bl)&& #$%
%isp#ssio$#te to)gh$ess he h#% pic-e% )p &ro( :e$er#l 0ree%le* He -$e2 he c)t # &i$e &ig)re there o$ the pl#t&or(
2ith his ope$ shirt coll#r, his cig#rette hol%er, #$% his close-croppe%, gr#y-tippe% c)rly bl#c- h#ir* He bree4e% #lo$g
be#)ti&)lly, e,e$ e()l#ti$g cert#i$ ch#r#cteristic (ispro$)$ci#tio$s o& :e$er#l 0ree%le5s, #$% he 2#s $ot the le#st bit
i$ti(i%#te% by :e$er#l Pec-e(5s $e2 colo$el )$til he s)%%e$ly rec#lle% th#t :e$er#l Pec-e( %eteste% :e$er#l
0ree%le* The$ his ,oice cr#c-e%, #$% #ll co$&i%e$ce le&t hi(* He st)(ble% #he#% thro)gh i$sti$ct i$ b)r$i$g h)(ili#tio$*
He 2#s s)%%e$ly i$ terror o& Colo$el Scheiss-op&* A$other colo$el i$ the #re# (e#$t #$other ri,#l, #$other e$e(y,
#$other perso$ 2ho h#te% hi(* A$% this o$e 2#s to)ghC A horri&yi$g tho)ght occ)rre% to Colo$el C#thc#rt@ S)ppose
Colo$el Scheiss-op& h#% #lre#%y bribe% #ll the (e$ i$ the roo( to begi$ (o#$i$g, #s they h#% %o$e #t the &irst A,ig$o$
(issio$* Ho2 co)l% he sile$ce the(9 >h#t # terrible bl#c- eye th#t 2o)l% beC Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s sei4e% 2ith s)ch
&right th#t he #l(ost bec-o$e% to Colo$el ?or$* So(eho2 he hel% hi(sel& together #$% sy$chro$i4e% the 2#tches*
>he$ he h#% %o$e th#t, he -$e2 he h#% 2o$, &or he co)l% e$% $o2 #t #$y ti(e* He h#% co(e thro)gh i$ # crisis* He
2#$te% to l#)gh i$ Colo$el Scheiss-op&5s &#ce 2ith tri)(ph #$% spite* He h#% pro,e% hi(sel& brilli#$tly )$%er press)re,
#$% he co$cl)%e% the brie&i$g 2ith #$ i$spiri$g peror#tio$ th#t e,ery i$sti$ct tol% hi( 2#s # (#ster&)l e8hibitio$ o&
elo6)e$t t#ct #$% s)btlety*
5/o2, (e$,5 he e8horte%* 5>e h#,e 2ith )s to%#y # ,ery %isti$g)ishe% g)est, :e$er#l Pec-e( &ro( Speci#l Ser,ices,
the (#$ 2ho gi,es )s #ll o)r so&tb#ll b#ts, co(ic boo-s #$% =*S*O* sho2s* + 2#$t to %e%ic#te this (issio$ to hi(* :o o$
o)t there #$% bo(b - &or (e, &or yo)r co)$try, &or :o%, #$% &or th#t gre#t A(eric#$, :e$er#l P* P* Pec-e(* A$% let5s see
yo) p)t #ll those bo(bs o$ # %i(eC5
G< 0=/7AR
.oss#ri#$ $o lo$ger g#,e # %#($ 2here his bo(bs &ell, #ltho)gh he %i% $ot go #s &#r #s 0)$b#r, 2ho %roppe% his
bo(bs h)$%re%s o& y#r%s p#st the ,ill#ge #$% 2o)l% &#ce # co)rt-(#rti#l i& it co)l% e,er be sho2$ he h#% %o$e it
%eliber#tely* >itho)t # 2or% e,e$ to .oss#ri#$, 0)$b#r h#% 2#she% his h#$%s o& the (issio$* The &#ll i$ the hospit#l
h#% either sho2$ hi( the light or scr#(ble% his br#i$sA it 2#s i(possible to s#y 2hich*
0)$b#r sel%o( l#)ghe% #$y (ore #$% see(e% to be 2#sti$g #2#y* He s$#rle% belligere$tly #t s)perior o&&icers, e,e$ #t
'#3or 0#$by, #$% 2#s cr)%e #$% s)rly #$% pro&#$e e,e$ i$ &ro$t o& the ch#pl#i$, 2ho 2#s #&r#i% o& 0)$b#r $o2 #$%
see(e% to be 2#sti$g #2#y #lso* The ch#pl#i$5s pilgri(#ge to >i$tergree$ h#% pro,e% #borti,eA #$other shri$e 2#s
e(pty* >i$tergree$ 2#s too b)sy to see the ch#pl#i$ hi(sel&* A br#sh #ssist#$t bro)ght the ch#pl#i$ # stole$ Eippo
cig#rette lighter #s # gi&t #$% i$&or(e% hi( co$%esce$%i$gly th#t >i$tergree$ 2#s too %eeply i$,ol,e% 2ith 2#rti(e
#cti,ities to co$cer$ hi(sel& 2ith (#tters so tri,i#l #s the $)(ber o& (issio$s (e$ h#% to &ly* The ch#pl#i$ 2orrie% #bo)t
0)$b#r #$% broo%e% (ore o,er .oss#ri#$ $o2 th#t Orr 2#s go$e* To the ch#pl#i$, 2ho li,e% by hi(sel& i$ # sp#cio)s
te$t 2hose poi$ty top se#le% hi( i$ gloo(y solit)%e e#ch $ight li-e the c#p o& # to(b, it see(e% i$cre%ible th#t
.oss#ri#$ re#lly pre&erre% li,i$g #lo$e #$% 2#$te% $o roo((#tes*
As # le#% bo(b#r%ier #g#i$, .oss#ri#$ h#% 'c>#tt &or # pilot, #$% th#t 2#s o$e co$sol#tio$, #ltho)gh he 2#s still so
)tterly )$%e&e$%e%* There 2#s $o 2#y to &ight b#c-* He co)l% $ot e,e$ see 'c>#tt #$% the co-pilot &ro( his post i$ the
$ose* All he co)l% e,er see 2#s A#r&y, 2ith 2hose &)sti#$, (oo$-&#ce% i$eptit)%e he h#% &i$#lly lost #ll p#tie$ce, #$%
there 2ere (i$)tes o& #go$i4i$g &)ry #$% &r)str#tio$ i$ the s-y 2he$ he h)$gere% to be %e(ote% #g#i$ to # 2i$g pl#$e
2ith # lo#%e% (#chi$e g)$ i$ the co(p#rt(e$t i$ste#% o& the precisio$ bo(bsight th#t he re#lly h#% $o $ee% &or, #
po2er&)l, he#,y &i&ty-c#liber (#chi$e g)$ he co)l% sei4e ,e$ge&)lly i$ both h#$%s #$% t)r$ loose s#,#gely #g#i$st #ll
the %e(o$s tyr#$$i4i$g hi(@ #t the s(o-y bl#c- p)&&s o& the &l#- itsel&A #t the :er(#$ #$ti#ircr#&t g)$$ers belo2 2ho(
he co)l% $ot e,e$ see #$% co)l% $ot possibly h#r( 2ith his (#chi$e g)$ e,e$ i& he e,er %i% t#-e the ti(e to ope$ &ire,
#t H#,er(eyer #$% Appleby i$ the le#% pl#$e &or their &e#rless str#ight #$% le,el bo(b r)$ o$ the seco$% (issio$ to
7olog$# 2here the &l#- &ro( t2o h)$%re% #$% t2e$ty-&o)r c#$$o$s h#% -$oc-e% o)t o$e o& Orr5s e$gi$es &or the ,ery
l#st ti(e #$% se$t hi( %o2$ %itchi$g i$to the se# bet2ee$ :e$o# #$% L# Spe4i# 3)st be&ore the brie& th)$%erstor(
bro-e*
Act)#lly, there 2#s $ot ()ch he co)l% %o 2ith th#t po2er&)l (#chi$e g)$ e8cept lo#% it #$% test-&ire # &e2 ro)$%s* +t
Catch 22
2#s $o (ore )se to hi( th#$ the bo(bsight* He co)l% re#lly c)t loose 2ith it #g#i$st #tt#c-i$g :er(#$ &ighters, b)t
there 2ere $o :er(#$ &ighters #$y (ore, #$% he co)l% $ot e,e$ s2i$g it #ll the 2#y #ro)$% i$to the helpless &#ces o&
pilots li-e H)ple #$% 0obbs #$% or%er the( b#c- %o2$ c#re&)lly to the gro)$%, #s he h#% o$ce or%ere% ?i% S#(pso$
b#c- %o2$, 2hich is e8#ctly 2h#t he %i% 2#$t to %o to 0obbs #$% H)ple o$ the hi%eo)s &irst (issio$ to A,ig$o$ the
(o(e$t he re#li4e% the &#$t#stic pic-le he 2#s i$, the (o(e$t he &o)$% hi(sel& #lo&t i$ # 2i$g pl#$e 2ith 0obbs #$%
H)ple i$ # &light he#%e% by H#,er(eyer #$% Appleby* 0obbs #$% H)ple9 H)ple #$% 0obbs9 >ho 2ere they9 >h#t
prepostero)s (#%$ess to &lo#t i$ thi$ #ir t2o (iles high o$ #$ i$ch or t2o o& (et#l, s)st#i$e% &ro( %e#th by the (e#ger
s-ill #$% i$tellige$ce o& t2o ,#pi% str#$gers, # be#r%less -i% $#(e% H)ple #$% # $er,o)s $)t li-e 0obbs, 2ho re#lly %i%
go $)ts right there i$ the pl#$e, r)$$i$g #()c- o,er the t#rget 2itho)t le#,i$g his copilot5s se#t #$% gr#bbi$g the
co$trols &ro( H)ple to pl)$ge the( #ll %o2$ i$to th#t chilli$g %i,e th#t tore .oss#ri#$5s he#%set loose #$% bro)ght the(
right b#c- i$si%e the %e$se &l#- &ro( 2hich they h#% #l(ost esc#pe%* The $e8t thi$g he -$e2, #$other str#$ger, # r#%io-
g)$$er $#(e% S$o2%e$, 2#s %yi$g i$ b#c-* +t 2#s i(possible to be positi,e th#t 0obbs h#% -ille% hi(, &or 2he$
.oss#ri#$ pl)gge% his he#%set b#c- i$, 0obbs 2#s #lre#%y o$ the i$terco( ple#%i$g &or so(eo$e to go )p &ro$t #$%
help the bo(b#r%ier* A$% #l(ost i((e%i#tely S$o2%e$ bro-e i$, 2hi(peri$g, 5Help (e* Ple#se help (e* +5( col%* +5(
col%*5 A$% .oss#ri#$ cr#2le% slo2ly o)t o& the $ose #$% )p o$ top o& the bo(b b#y #$% 2riggle% b#c- i$to the re#r
sectio$ o& the pl#$e - p#ssi$g the &irst-#i% -it o$ the 2#y th#t he h#% to ret)r$ &or - to tre#t S$o2%e$ &or the 2ro$g
2o)$%, the y#2$i$g, r#2, (elo$-sh#pe% hole #s big #s # &ootb#ll i$ the o)tsi%e o& his thigh, the )$se,ere%, bloo%-
so#-e% ()scle &ibers i$si%e p)ls#ti$g 2eir%ly li-e bli$% thi$gs 2ith li,es o& their o2$, the o,#l, $#-e% 2o)$% th#t 2#s
#l(ost # &oot lo$g #$% (#%e .oss#ri#$ (o#$ i$ shoc- #$% sy(p#thy the i$st#$t he spie% it #$% $e#rly (#%e hi( ,o(it*
A$% the s(#ll, slight t#il-g)$$er 2#s lyi$g o$ the &loor besi%e S$o2%e$ i$ # %e#% &#i$t, his &#ce #s 2hite #s #
h#$%-erchie&, so th#t .oss#ri#$ spr#$g &or2#r% 2ith re,)lsio$ to help hi( &irst*
.es, i$ the lo$g r)$, he 2#s ()ch s#&er &lyi$g 2ith 'c>#tt, #$% he 2#s $ot e,e$ s#&e 2ith 'c>#tt, 2ho lo,e% &lyi$g too
()ch #$% 2e$t b)44i$g bol%ly i$ches o&& the gro)$% 2ith .oss#ri#$ i$ the $ose o$ the 2#y b#c- &ro( the tr#i$i$g &light
to bre#- i$ the $e2 bo(b#r%ier i$ the 2hole repl#ce(e$t cre2 Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% obt#i$e% #&ter Orr 2#s lost* The
pr#ctice bo(b r#$ge 2#s o$ the other si%e o& Pi#$os#, #$%, &lyi$g b#c-, 'c>#tt e%ge% the belly o& the l#4i$g, slo2-
cr)isi$g pl#$e 3)st o,er the crest o& (o)$t#i$s i$ the (i%%le #$% the$, i$ste#% o& (#i$t#i$i$g #ltit)%e, 3olte% both
e$gi$es ope$ #ll the 2#y, l)rche% )p o$ o$e si%e #$%, to .oss#ri#$5s #sto$ish(e$t, beg#$ &ollo2i$g the &#lli$g l#$%
%o2$ #s &#st #s the pl#$e 2o)l% go, 2#ggi$g his 2i$gs g#ily #$% s-i((i$g 2ith # (#ssi,e, gri$%i$g, h#((eri$g ro#r
o,er e#ch roc-y rise #$% %ip o& the rolli$g terr#i$ li-e # %i44y g)ll o,er 2il% bro2$ 2#,es* .oss#ri#$ 2#s petri&ie%* The
$e2 bo(b#r%ier besi%e hi( s#t %e()rely 2ith # be2itche% gri$ #$% -ept 2histli$g 5>heeC5 #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to
re#ch o)t #$% cr)sh his i%iotic &#ce 2ith o$e h#$% #s he &li$che% #$% &l)$g hi(sel& #2#y &ro( the bo)l%ers #$% hilloc-s
#$% l#shi$g br#$ches o& trees th#t loo(e% )p #bo,e hi( o)t i$ &ro$t #$% r)she% p#st 3)st )$%er$e#th i$ # si$-i$g,
stre#-i$g bl)r* /o o$e h#% # right to t#-e s)ch &right&)l ris-s 2ith his li&e*
5:o )p, go )p, go )pC5 he sho)te% &r#$tic#lly #t 'c>#tt, h#ti$g hi( ,e$o(o)sly, b)t 'c>#tt 2#s si$gi$g b)oy#$tly o,er
the i$terco( #$% prob#bly co)l%$5t he#r* .oss#ri#$, bl#4i$g 2ith r#ge #$% #l(ost sobbi$g &or re,e$ge, h)rle% hi(sel&
%o2$ i$to the cr#2l2#y #$% &o)ght his 2#y thro)gh #g#i$st the %r#ggi$g 2eight o& gr#,ity #$% i$erti# )$til he #rri,e% #t
the (#i$ sectio$ #$% p)lle% hi(sel& )p to the &light %ec-, to st#$% tre(bli$g behi$% 'c>#tt i$ the pilot5s se#t* He loo-e%
%esper#tely #bo)t &or # g)$, # gr#y-bl#c- *D! #)to(#tic th#t he co)l% coc- #$% r#( right )p #g#i$st the b#se o&
'c>#tt5s s-)ll* There 2#s $o g)$* There 2#s $o h)$ti$g -$i&e either, #$% $o other 2e#po$ 2ith 2hich he co)l%
bl)%geo$ or st#b, #$% .oss#ri#$ gr#spe% #$% 3er-e% the coll#r o& 'c>#tt5s co,er#lls i$ tighte$i$g &ists #$% sho)te% to
hi( to go )p, go )p* The l#$% 2#s still s2i((i$g by )$%er$e#th #$% &l#shi$g by o,erhe#% o$ both si%es* 'c>#tt loo-e%
b#c- #t .oss#ri#$ #$% l#)ghe% 3oy&)lly #s tho)gh .oss#ri#$ 2ere sh#ri$g his &)$* .oss#ri#$ sli% both h#$%s #ro)$%
'c>#tt5s b#re thro#t #$% s6)ee4e%* 'c>#tt t)r$e% sti&&@
5:o )p,5 .oss#ri#$ or%ere% )$(ist#-#bly thro)gh his teeth i$ # lo2, (e$#ci$g ,oice* 5Or +5ll -ill yo)*5
Rigi% 2ith c#)tio$, 'c>#tt c)t the (otors b#c- #$% cli(be% gr#%)#lly* .oss#ri#$5s h#$%s 2e#-e$e% o$ 'c>#tt5s $ec-
#$% sli% %o2$ o&& his sho)l%ers to %#$gle i$ertly* He 2#s $ot #$gry #$y (ore* He 2#s #sh#(e%* >he$ 'c>#tt t)r$e%,
he 2#s sorry the h#$%s 2ere his #$% 2ishe% there 2ere so(epl#ce 2here he co)l% b)ry the(* They &elt %e#%*
'c>#tt g#4e% #t hi( %eeply* There 2#s $o &rie$%li$ess i$ his st#re* 57oy,5 he s#i% col%ly, 5yo) s)re ()st be i$ pretty b#%
sh#pe* .o) o)ght to go ho(e*5
5They 2o$5t let (e*5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% 2ith #,erte% eyes, #$% crept #2#y*
.oss#ri#$ steppe% %o2$ &ro( the &light %ec- #$% se#te% hi(sel& o$ the &loor, h#$gi$g his he#% 2ith g)ilt #$% re(orse*
He 2#s co,ere% 2ith s2e#t*
'c>#tt set co)rse %irectly b#c- to2#r% the &iel%* .oss#ri#$ 2o$%ere% 2hether 'c>#tt 2o)l% $o2 go to the oper#tio$s
te$t to see Piltch#r% #$% >re$ #$% re6)est th#t .oss#ri#$ $e,er be #ssig$e% to his pl#$e #g#i$, 3)st #s .oss#ri#$ h#%
go$e s)rreptitio)sly to spe#- to the( #bo)t 0obbs #$% H)ple #$% Orr #$%, )$s)ccess&)lly, #bo)t A#r&y* He h#% $e,er
see$ 'c>#tt loo- %isple#se% be&ore, h#% $e,er see$ hi( i$ #$y b)t the (ost lighthe#rte% (oo%, #$% he 2o$%ere%
2hether he h#% 3)st lost #$other &rie$%*
7)t 'c>#tt 2i$-e% #t hi( re#ss)ri$gly #s he cli(be% %o2$ &ro( the pl#$e #$% 3oshe% hospit#bly 2ith the cre%)lo)s
$e2 pilot #$% bo(b#r%ier %)ri$g the 3eep ri%e b#c- to the s6)#%ro$, #ltho)gh he %i% $ot #%%ress # 2or% to .oss#ri#$
)$til #ll &o)r h#% ret)r$e% their p#r#ch)tes #$% sep#r#te% #$% the t2o o& the( 2ere 2#l-i$g si%e by si%e to2#r% their
o2$ ro2 o& te$ts* The$ 'c>#tt5s sp#rsely &rec-le% t#$ Scotch-+rish &#ce bro-e s)%%e$ly i$to # s(ile #$% he %)g his
-$)c-les pl#y&)lly i$to .oss#ri#$5s ribs, #s tho)gh thro2i$g # p)$ch*
5.o) lo)se,5 he l#)ghe%* 5>ere yo) re#lly goi$g to -ill (e )p there95
.oss#ri#$ gri$$e% pe$ite$tly #$% shoo- his he#%* 5/o* + %o$5t thi$- so*5
5+ %i%$5t re#li4e yo) got it so b#%* 7oyC >hy %o$5t yo) t#l- to so(ebo%y #bo)t it95
5+ t#l- to e,erybo%y #bo)t it* >h#t the hell5s the (#tter 2ith yo)9 0o$5t yo) e,er he#r (e95
5+ g)ess + $e,er re#lly belie,e% yo)*5
5Are$5t yo) e,er #&r#i%95
5'#ybe + o)ght to be*5
5/ot e,e$ o$ the (issio$s95
5+ g)ess + 3)st %o$5t h#,e br#i$s e$o)gh*5 'c>#tt l#)ghe% sheepishly*
113 | P a g e
5There #re so (#$y 2#ys &or (e to get -ille%,5 .oss#ri#$ co((e$te%, 5#$% yo) h#% to &i$% o$e (ore*5
'c>#tt s(ile% #g#i$* 5S#y, + bet it ()st re#lly sc#re yo) 2he$ + b)44 yo)r te$t, h)h95
5+t sc#res (e to %e#th* +5,e tol% yo) th#t*5
5+ tho)ght it 2#s 3)st the $oise yo) 2ere co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t*5 'c>#tt (#%e # resig$e% shr)g* 5Oh, 2ell, 2h#t the hell,5 he
s#$g* 5+ g)ess +5ll 3)st h#,e to gi,e it )p*5
7)t 'c>#tt 2#s i$corrigible, #$%, 2hile he $e,er b)44e% .oss#ri#$5s te$t #g#i$, he $e,er (isse% #$ opport)$ity to b)44
the be#ch #$% ro#r li-e # &ierce #$% lo2-&lyi$g th)$%erbolt o,er the r#&t i$ the 2#ter #$% the secl)%e% hollo2 i$ the s#$%
2here .oss#ri#$ l#y &eeli$g )p /)rse 0)c-ett or pl#yi$g he#rts, po-er or pi$ochle 2ith /#tely, 0)$b#r #$% H)$gry Joe*
.oss#ri#$ (et /)rse 0)c-ett #l(ost e,ery #&ter$oo$ th#t both 2ere &ree #$% c#(e 2ith her to the be#ch o$ the other
si%e o& the $#rro2 s2ell o& sho)l%er-high %)$es sep#r#ti$g the( &ro( the #re# i$ 2hich the other o&&icers #$% e$liste%
(e$ 2e$t s2i((i$g $)%e* /#tely, 0)$b#r #$% H)$gry Joe 2o)l% co(e there, too* 'c>#tt 2o)l% occ#sio$#lly 3oi$
the(, #$% o&te$ A#r&y, 2ho #l2#ys #rri,e% p)%gily i$ &)ll )$i&or( #$% $e,er re(o,e% #$y o& his clothi$g b)t his shoes
#$% his h#tA A#r&y $e,er 2e$t s2i((i$g* The other (e$ 2ore s2i((i$g tr)$-s i$ %e&ere$ce to /)rse 0)c-ett, #$% i$
%e&ere$ce #lso to /)rse Cr#(er, 2ho #cco(p#$ie% /)rse 0)c-ett #$% .oss#ri#$ to the be#ch e,ery ti(e #$% s#t
h#)ghtily by hersel& te$ y#r%s #2#y* /o o$e b)t A#r&y e,er (#%e re&ere$ce to the $#-e% (e$ s)$-b#thi$g i$ &)ll ,ie2
&#rther %o2$ the be#ch or 3)(pi$g #$% %i,i$g &ro( the e$or(o)s 2hite-2#she% r#&t th#t bobbe% o$ e(pty oil %r)(s o)t
beyo$% the silt s#$%* /)rse Cr#(er s#t by hersel& bec#)se she 2#s #$gry 2ith .oss#ri#$ #$% %is#ppoi$te% i$ /)rse
0)c-ett*
/)rse S)e A$$ 0)c-ett %espise% A#r&y, #$% th#t 2#s #$other o$e o& the $)(ero)s &etchi$g tr#its #bo)t /)rse 0)c-ett
th#t .oss#ri#$ e$3oye%* He e$3oye% /)rse S)e A$$ 0)c-ett5s lo$g 2hite legs #$% s)pple, c#llipygo)s #ssA he o&te$
$eglecte% to re(e(ber th#t she 2#s 6)ite sli( #$% &r#gile &ro( the 2#ist )p #$% h)rt her )$i$te$tio$#lly i$ (o(e$ts o&
p#ssio$ 2he$ he h)gge% her too ro)ghly* He lo,e% her (#$$er o& sleepy #c6)iesce$ce 2he$ they l#y o$ the be#ch #t
%)s-* He %re2 sol#ce #$% se%#tio$ &ro( her $e#r$ess* He h#% # cr#,i$g to to)ch her #l2#ys, to re(#i$ #l2#ys i$
physic#l co(()$ic#tio$* He li-e% to e$circle her #$-le loosely 2ith his &i$gers #s he pl#ye% c#r%s 2ith /#tely, 0)$b#r
#$% H)$gry Joe, to lightly #$% lo,i$gly c#ress the %o2$y s-i$ o& her &#ir, s(ooth thigh 2ith the b#c-s o& his $#ils or,
%re#(ily, se$s)o)sly, #l(ost )$co$scio)sly, sli%e his propriet#ry, respect&)l h#$% )p the shell-li-e ri%ge o& her spi$e
be$e#th the el#stic str#p o& the top o& the t2o-piece b#thi$g s)it she #l2#ys 2ore to co$t#i$ #$% co,er her ti$y, lo$g-
$ipple% bre#sts* He lo,e% /)rse 0)c-ett5s sere$e, &l#ttere% respo$se, the se$se o& #tt#ch(e$t to hi( she %ispl#ye%
pro)%ly* H)$gry Joe h#% # cr#,i$g to &eel /)rse 0)c-ett )p, too, #$% 2#s restr#i$e% (ore th#$ o$ce by .oss#ri#$5s
&orbi%%i$g glo2er* /)rse 0)c-ett &lirte% 2ith H)$gry Joe 3)st to -eep hi( i$ he#t, #$% her ro)$% light-bro2$ eyes
gli((ere% 2ith (ischie& e,ery ti(e .oss#ri#$ r#ppe% her sh#rply 2ith his elbo2 or &ist to (#-e her stop*
The (e$ pl#ye% c#r%s o$ # to2el, )$%ershirt, or bl#$-et, #$% /)rse 0)c-ett (i8e% the e8tr# %ec- o& c#r%s, sitti$g 2ith
her b#c- resti$g #g#i$st # s#$% %)$e* >he$ she 2#s $ot sh)&&li$g the e8tr# %ec- o& c#r%s, she s#t s6)i$ti$g i$to # ti$y
poc-et (irror, br)shi$g (#sc#r# o$ her c)rli$g re%%ish eyel#shes i$ # bir%br#i$e% e&&ort to (#-e the( lo$ger
per(#$e$tly* Occ#sio$#lly she 2#s #ble to st#c- the c#r%s or spoil the %ec- i$ # 2#y they %i% $ot %isco,er )$til they
2ere 2ell i$to the g#(e, #$% she l#)ghe% #$% glo2e% 2ith bliss&)l gr#ti&ic#tio$ 2he$ they #ll h)rle% their c#r%s %o2$
%isg)ste%ly #$% beg#$ p)$chi$g her sh#rply o$ the #r(s or legs #s they c#lle% her &ilthy $#(es #$% 2#r$e% her to stop
&ooli$g #ro)$%* She 2o)l% pr#ttle $o$se$sic#lly 2he$ they 2ere stri,i$g h#r%est to thi$-, #$% # pi$- &l)sh o& el#tio$
crept i$to her chee-s 2he$ they g#,e her (ore sh#rp r#ps o$ the #r(s #$% legs 2ith their &ists #$% tol% her to sh)t )p*
/)rse 0)c-ett re,ele% i$ s)ch #tte$tio$ #$% %)c-e% her short chest$)t b#$gs 2ith 3oy 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #$% the others
&oc)se% )po$ her* +t g#,e her # pec)li#r &eeli$g o& 2#r( #$% e8pect#$t 2ell-bei$g to -$o2 th#t so (#$y $#-e% boys #$%
(e$ 2ere i%li$g close by o$ the other si%e o& the s#$% %)$es* She h#% o$ly to stretch her $ec- or rise o$ so(e prete8t
to see t2e$ty or &orty )$%resse% (#les lo)$gi$g or pl#yi$g b#ll i$ the s)$light* Her o2$ bo%y 2#s s)ch # &#(ili#r #$%
)$re(#r-#ble thi$g to her th#t she 2#s p)44le% by the co$,)lsi,e ecst#sy (e$ co)l% t#-e &ro( it, by the i$te$se #$%
#()si$g $ee% they h#% (erely to to)ch it, to re#ch o)t )rge$tly #$% press it, s6)ee4e it, pi$ch it, r)b it* She %i% $ot
)$%erst#$% .oss#ri#$5s l)stA b)t she 2#s 2illi$g to t#-e his 2or% &or it*
E,e$i$gs 2he$ .oss#ri#$ &elt hor$y he bro)ght /)rse 0)c-ett to the be#ch 2ith t2o bl#$-ets #$% e$3oye% (#-i$g lo,e
to her 2ith (ost o& their clothes o$ (ore th#$ he so(eti(es e$3oye% (#-i$g lo,e to #ll the ,igoro)s b#re #(or#l girls i$
Ro(e* ;re6)e$tly they 2e$t to the be#ch #t $ight #$% %i% $ot (#-e lo,e, b)t 3)st l#y shi,eri$g bet2ee$ the bl#$-ets
#g#i$st e#ch other to 2#r% o&& the bris-, %#(p chill* The i$--bl#c- $ights 2ere t)r$i$g col%, the st#rs &rosty #$% &e2er*
The r#&t s2#ye% i$ the ghostly tr#il o& (oo$light #$% see(e% to be s#ili$g #2#y* A (#r-e% hi$t o& col% 2e#ther
pe$etr#te% the #ir* Other (e$ 2ere 3)st st#rti$g to b)il% sto,es #$% c#(e to .oss#ri#$5s te$t %)ri$g the %#y to (#r,el #t
Orr5s 2or-(#$ship* +t thrille% /)rse 0)c-ett r#pt)ro)sly th#t .oss#ri#$ co)l% $ot -eep his h#$%s o&& her 2he$ they 2ere
together, #ltho)gh she 2o)l% $ot let hi( slip the( i$si%e her b#thi$g shorts %)ri$g the %#y 2he$ #$yo$e 2#s $e#r
e$o)gh to see, $ot e,e$ 2he$ the o$ly 2it$ess 2#s /)rse Cr#(er, 2ho s#t o$ the other si%e o& her s#$% %)$e 2ith her
repro,i$g $ose i$ the #ir #$% prete$%e% $ot to see #$ythi$g*
/)rse Cr#(er h#% stoppe% spe#-i$g to /)rse 0)c-ett, her best &rie$%, bec#)se o& her li#iso$ 2ith .oss#ri#$, b)t still
2e$t e,ery2here 2ith /)rse 0)c-ett si$ce /)rse 0)c-ett 2#s her best &rie$%* She %i% $ot #ppro,e o& .oss#ri#$ or his
&rie$%s* >he$ they stoo% )p #$% 2e$t s2i((i$g 2ith /)rse 0)c-ett, /)rse Cr#(er stoo% )p #$% 2e$t s2i((i$g, too,
(#i$t#i$i$g the s#(e te$-y#r% %ist#$ce bet2ee$ the(, #$% (#i$t#i$i$g her sile$ce, s$)bbi$g the( e,e$ i$ the 2#ter*
>he$ they l#)ghe% #$% spl#she%, she l#)ghe% #$% spl#she%A 2he$ they %i,e%, she %i,e%A 2he$ they s2#( to the s#$%
b#r #$% reste%, /)rse Cr#(er s2#( to the s#$% b#r #$% reste%* >he$ they c#(e o)t, she c#(e o)t, %rie% her
sho)l%ers 2ith her o2$ to2el #$% se#te% hersel& #loo&ly i$ her o2$ spot, her b#c- rigi% #$% # ri$g o& re&lecte% s)$light
b)r$ishi$g her light-blo$% h#ir li-e # h#lo* /)rse Cr#(er 2#s prep#re% to begi$ t#l-i$g to /)rse 0)c-ett #g#i$ i& she
repe$te% #$% #pologi4e%* /)rse 0)c-ett pre&erre% thi$gs the 2#y they 2ere* ;or # lo$g ti(e she h#% 2#$te% to gi,e
/)rse Cr#(er # r#p to (#-e her sh)t )p*
/)rse 0)c-ett &o)$% .oss#ri#$ 2o$%er&)l #$% 2#s #lre#%y tryi$g to ch#$ge hi(* She lo,e% to 2#tch hi( t#-i$g short
$#ps 2ith his &#ce %o2$ #$% his #r( thro2$ #cross her, or st#ri$g ble#-ly #t the e$%less t#(e, 6)iet 2#,es bre#-i$g
li-e pet p)ppy %ogs #g#i$st the shore, sc#(peri$g lightly )p the s#$% # &oot or t2o #$% the$ trotti$g #2#y* She 2#s
c#l( i$ his sile$ces* She -$e2 she %i% $ot bore hi(, #$% she b)&&e% or p#i$te% her &i$ger$#ils st)%io)sly 2hile he %o4e%
or broo%e% #$% the %es)ltory 2#r( #&ter$oo$ bree4e ,ibr#te% %elic#tely o$ the s)r&#ce o& the be#ch* She lo,e% to loo-
Catch 22
#t his 2i%e, lo$g, si$e2y b#c- 2ith its bro$4e%, )$ble(ishe% s-i$* She lo,e% to bri$g hi( to &l#(e i$st#$tly by t#-i$g his
2hole e#r i$ her (o)th s)%%e$ly #$% r)$$i$g her h#$% %o2$ his &ro$t #ll the 2#y* She lo,e% to (#-e hi( b)r$ #$%
s)&&er till %#r-, the$ s#tis&y hi(* The$ -iss hi( #%ori$gly bec#)se she h#% bro)ght hi( s)ch bliss*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s $e,er lo$ely 2ith /)rse 0)c-ett, 2ho re#lly %i% -$o2 ho2 to -eep her (o)th sh)t #$% 2#s 3)st
c#pricio)s e$o)gh* He 2#s h#)$te% #$% tor(e$te% by the ,#st, bo)$%less oce#$* He 2o$%ere% (o)r$&)lly, #s /)rse
0)c-ett b)&&e% her $#ils, #bo)t #ll the people 2ho h#% %ie% )$%er 2#ter* There 2ere s)rely (ore th#$ # (illio$ #lre#%y*
>here 2ere they9 >h#t i$sects h#% e#te$ their &lesh9 He i(#gi$e% the #2&)l i(pote$ce o& bre#thi$g i$ helplessly
6)#rts #$% 6)#rts o& 2#ter* .oss#ri#$ &ollo2e% the s(#ll &ishi$g bo#ts #$% (ilit#ry l#)$ches plyi$g b#c- #$% &orth &#r o)t
#$% &o)$% the( )$re#lA it %i% $ot see( tr)e th#t there 2ere &)ll-si4e% (e$ #bo#r%, goi$g so(e2here e,ery ti(e* He
loo-e% to2#r% sto$y Elb#, #$% his eyes #)to(#tic#lly se#rche% o,erhe#% &or the &l)&&y, 2hite, t)r$ip-sh#pe% clo)% i$
2hich Cle,i$ger h#% ,#$ishe%* He peere% #t the ,#poro)s +t#li#$ s-yli$e #$% tho)ght o& Orr* Cle,i$ger #$% Orr* >here
h#% they go$e9 .oss#ri#$ h#% o$ce stoo% o$ # 3etty #t %#2$ #$% 2#tche% # t)&te% ro)$% log th#t 2#s %ri&ti$g to2#r%
hi( o$ the ti%e t)r$ )$e8pecte%ly i$to the blo#te% &#ce o& # %ro2$e% (#$A it 2#s the &irst %e#% perso$ he h#% e,er see$*
He thirste% &or li&e #$% re#che% o)t r#,e$o)sly to gr#sp #$% hol% /)rse 0)c-ett5s &lesh* He st)%ie% e,ery &lo#ti$g ob3ect
&e#r&)lly &or so(e gr)eso(e sig$ o& Cle,i$ger #$% Orr, prep#re% &or #$y (orbi% shoc- b)t the shoc- 'c>#tt g#,e hi(
o$e %#y 2ith the pl#$e th#t c#(e bl#sti$g s)%%e$ly i$to sight o)t o& the %ist#$t still$ess #$% h)rtle% (ercilessly #lo$g
the shore li$e 2ith # gre#t gro2li$g, cl#tteri$g ro#r o,er the bobbi$g r#&t o$ 2hich blo$%, p#le ?i% S#(pso$, his $#-e%
si%es scr#2$y e,e$ &ro( so &#r #2#y, le#pe% clo2$ishly )p to to)ch it #t the e8#ct (o(e$t so(e #rbitr#ry g)st o& 2i$%
or (i$or (isc#lc)l#tio$ o& 'c>#tt5s se$ses %roppe% the spee%i$g pl#$e %o2$ 3)st lo2 e$o)gh &or # propeller to slice
hi( h#l& #2#y*
E,e$ people 2ho 2ere $ot there re(e(bere% ,i,i%ly e8#ctly 2h#t h#ppe$e% $e8t* There 2#s the brie&est, so&test tsstC
&ilteri$g #)%ibly thro)gh the sh#tteri$g, o,er2hel(i$g ho2l o& the pl#$e5s e$gi$es, #$% the$ there 2ere 3)st ?i%
S#(pso$5s t2o p#le, s-i$$y legs, still 3oi$e% by stri$gs so(eho2 #t the bloo%y tr)$c#te% hips, st#$%i$g stoc--still o$ the
r#&t &or 2h#t see(e% # &)ll (i$)te or t2o be&ore they topple% o,er b#c-2#r% i$to the 2#ter &i$#lly 2ith # &#i$t, echoi$g
spl#sh #$% t)r$e% co(pletely )psi%e %o2$ so th#t o$ly the grotes6)e toes #$% the pl#ster-2hite soles o& ?i% S#(pso$5s
&eet re(#i$e% i$ ,ie2*
O$ the be#ch, #ll hell bro-e loose* /)rse Cr#(er (#teri#li4e% o)t o& thi$ #ir s)%%e$ly #$% 2#s 2eepi$g hysteric#lly
#g#i$st .oss#ri#$5s chest 2hile .oss#ri#$ h)gge% her sho)l%ers #$% soothe% her* His other #r( bolstere% /)rse
0)c-ett, 2ho 2#s tre(bli$g #$% sobbi$g #g#i$st hi(, too, her lo$g, #$g)l#r &#ce %e#% 2hite* E,eryo$e #t the be#ch
2#s scre#(i$g #$% r)$$i$g, #$% the (e$ so)$%e% li-e 2o(e$* They sc#(pere% &or their thi$gs i$ p#$ic, stoopi$g
h)rrie%ly #$% loo-i$g #s-#$ce #t e#ch ge$tle, -$ee-high 2#,e b)bbli$g i$ #s tho)gh so(e )gly, re%, grisly org#$ li-e #
li,er or # l)$g (ight co(e 2#shi$g right )p #g#i$st the(* Those i$ the 2#ter 2ere str)ggli$g to get o)t, &orgetti$g i$
their h#ste to s2i(, 2#ili$g, 2#l-i$g, hel% b#c- i$ their &light by the ,isco)s, cli$gi$g se# #s tho)gh by # biti$g 2i$%*
?i% S#(pso$ h#% r#i$e% #ll o,er* Those 2ho spie% %rops o& hi( o$ their li(bs or torsos %re2 b#c- 2ith terror #$%
re,)lsio$, #s tho)gh tryi$g to shri$- #2#y &ro( their o2$ o%io)s s-i$s* E,erybo%y r#$ i$ # sl)ggish st#(pe%e, shooti$g
tort)re%, horri&ie% gl#$ces b#c-, &illi$g the %eep, sh#%o2y, r)stli$g 2oo%s 2ith their &r#il g#sps #$% cries* .oss#ri#$
%ro,e both st)(bli$g, &#lteri$g 2o(e$ be&ore hi( &r#$tic#lly, sho,i$g the( #$% pro%%i$g the( to (#-e the( h)rry, #$%
r#ce% b#c- 2ith # c)rse to help 2he$ H)$gry Joe trippe% o$ the bl#$-et or the c#(er# c#se he 2#s c#rryi$g #$% &ell
&or2#r% o$ his &#ce i$ the ()% o& the stre#(*
7#c- #t the s6)#%ro$ e,eryo$e #lre#%y -$e2* 'e$ i$ )$i&or( 2ere scre#(i$g #$% r)$$i$g there too, or st#$%i$g
(otio$less i$ o$e spot, roote% i$ #2e, li-e Serge#$t ?$ight #$% 0oc 0#$ee-# #s they gr#,ely cr#$e% their he#%s
)p2#r% #$% 2#tche% the g)ilty, b#$-i$g, &orlor$ #irpl#$e 2ith 'c>#tt circle #$% circle slo2ly #$% cli(b*
5>ho is it95 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% #$8io)sly #t 0oc 0#$ee-# #s he r#$ )p, bre#thless #$% li(p, his so(ber eyes b)r$i$g
2ith # (isty, hectic #$g)ish* 5>ho5s i$ the pl#$e95
5'c>#tt,5 s#i% Serge#$t ?$ight* 5He5s got the t2o $e2 pilots 2ith hi( o$ # tr#i$i$g &light* 0oc 0#$ee-#5s )p there, too*5
5+5( right here,5 co$te$%e% 0oc 0#$ee-#, i$ # str#$ge #$% tro)ble% ,oice, %#rti$g #$ #$8io)s loo- #t Serge#$t ?$ight*
5>hy %oes$5t he co(e %o2$95 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e% i$ %esp#ir* 5>hy %oes he -eep goi$g )p95
5He5s prob#bly #&r#i% to co(e %o2$,5 Serge#$t ?$ight #$s2ere%, 2itho)t (o,i$g his sole($ g#4e &ro( 'c>#tt5s solit#ry
cli(bi$g #irpl#$e* 5He -$o2s 2h#t -i$% o& tro)ble he5s i$*5
A$% 'c>#tt -ept cli(bi$g higher #$% higher, $osi$g his %ro$i$g #irpl#$e )p2#r% e,e$ly i$ # slo2, o,#l spir#l th#t
c#rrie% hi( &#r o)t o,er the 2#ter #s he he#%e% so)th #$% &#r i$ o,er the r)sset &oothills 2he$ he h#% circle% the l#$%i$g
&iel% #g#i$ #$% 2#s &lyi$g $orth* He 2#s soo$ )p o,er &i,e tho)s#$% &eet* His e$gi$es 2ere so&t #s 2hispers* A 2hite
p#r#ch)te poppe% ope$ s)%%e$ly i$ # s)rprisi$g p)&&* A seco$% p#r#ch)te poppe% ope$ # &e2 (i$)tes l#ter #$%
co#ste% %o2$, li-e the &irst, %irectly i$ to2#r% the cle#ri$g o& the l#$%i$g strip* There 2#s $o (otio$ o$ the gro)$%* The
pl#$e co$ti$)e% so)th &or thirty seco$%s (ore, &ollo2i$g the s#(e p#tter$, &#(ili#r #$% pre%ict#ble $o2, #$% 'c>#tt
li&te% # 2i$g #$% b#$-e% gr#ce&)lly #ro)$% i$to his t)r$*
5T2o (ore to go,5 s#i% Serge#$t ?$ight* 5'c>#tt #$% 0oc 0#$ee-#*5
5+5( right here, Serge#$t ?$ight,5 0oc 0#$ee-# tol% hi( pl#i$ti,ely* 5+5( $ot i$ the pl#$e*5
5>hy %o$5t they 3)(p95 Serge#$t ?$ight #s-e%, ple#%i$g #lo)% to hi(sel&* 5>hy %o$5t they 3)(p95
5+t %oes$5t (#-e se$se,5 grie,e% 0oc 0#$ee-#, biti$g his lip* 5+t 3)st %oes$5t (#-e se$se*5
7)t .oss#ri#$ )$%erstoo% s)%%e$ly 2hy 'c>#tt 2o)l%$5t 3)(p, #$% 2e$t r)$$i$g )$co$troll#bly %o2$ the 2hole le$gth
o& the s6)#%ro$ #&ter 'c>#tt5s pl#$e, 2#,i$g his #r(s #$% sho)ti$g )p #t hi( i(plori$gly to co(e %o2$, 'c>#tt, co(e
%o2$A b)t $o o$e see(e% to he#r, cert#i$ly $ot 'c>#tt, #$% # gre#t, cho-i$g (o#$ tore &ro( .oss#ri#$5s thro#t #s
'c>#tt t)r$e% #g#i$, %ippe% his 2i$gs o$ce i$ s#l)te, %eci%e% oh, 2ell, 2h#t the hell, #$% &le2 i$to # (o)$t#i$*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s so )pset by the %e#ths o& ?i% S#(pso$ #$% 'c>#tt th#t he r#ise% the (issio$s to si8ty-&i,e*
G1 'RS* 0A/EE?A
>he$ Colo$el C#thc#rt le#r$e% th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# too h#% bee$ -ille% i$ 'c>#tt5s pl#$e, he i$cre#se% the $)(ber o&
(issio$s to se,e$ty*
The &irst perso$ i$ the s6)#%ro$ to &i$% o)t th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s %e#% 2#s Serge#$t To2ser, 2ho h#% bee$ i$&or(e%
e#rlier by the (#$ i$ the co$trol to2er th#t 0oc 0#$ee-#5s $#(e 2#s %o2$ #s # p#sse$ger o$ the pilot5s (#$i&est
'c>#tt h#% &ile% be&ore t#-i$g o&&* Serge#$t To2ser br)she% #2#y # te#r #$% str)c- 0oc 0#$ee-#5s $#(e &ro( the
115 | P a g e
roster o& s6)#%ro$ perso$$el* >ith lips still 6)i,eri$g, he rose #$% tr)%ge% o)tsi%e rel)ct#$tly to bre#- the b#% $e2s to
:)s #$% >es, %iscreetly #,oi%i$g #$y co$,ers#tio$ 2ith 0oc 0#$ee-# hi(sel& #s he (o,e% by the &light s)rgeo$5s slight
sep)lchr#l &ig)re roosti$g %espo$%e$tly o$ his stool i$ the l#te-#&ter$oo$ s)$light bet2ee$ the or%erly roo( #$% the
(e%ic#l te$t* Serge#$t To2ser5s he#rt 2#s he#,yA $o2 he h#% t2o %e#% (e$ o$ his h#$%s - ')%%, the %e#% (#$ i$
.oss#ri#$5s te$t 2ho 2#s$5t e,e$ there, #$% 0oc 0#$ee-#, the $e2 %e#% (#$ i$ the s6)#%ro$, 2ho (ost cert#i$ly 2#s
there #$% g#,e e,ery i$%ic#tio$ o& pro,i$g # still thor$ier #%(i$istr#ti,e proble( &or hi(*
:)s #$% >es liste$e% to Serge#$t To2ser 2ith loo-s o& stoic s)rprise #$% s#i% $ot # 2or% #bo)t their bere#,e(e$t to
#$yo$e else )$til 0oc 0#$ee-# hi(sel& c#(e i$ #bo)t #$ ho)r #&ter2#r% to h#,e his te(per#t)re t#-e$ &or the thir% ti(e
th#t %#y #$% his bloo% press)re chec-e%* The ther(o(eter registere% # h#l& %egree lo2er th#$ his )s)#l s)b$or(#l
te(per#t)re o& "*H* 0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s #l#r(e%* The &i8e%, ,#c#$t, 2oo%e$ st#res o& his t2o e$liste% (e$ 2ere e,e$
(ore irrit#ti$g th#$ #l2#ys*
5:o%%#((it,5 he e8post)l#te% politely i$ #$ )$co((o$ e8cess o& e8#sper#tio$, 52h#t5s the (#tter 2ith yo) t2o (e$
#$y2#y9 +t 3)st is$5t right &or # perso$ to h#,e # lo2 te(per#t)re #ll the ti(e #$% 2#l- #ro)$% 2ith # st)&&e% $ose*5 0oc
0#$ee-# e(itte% # gl)(, sel&-pityi$g s$i&& #$% strolle% %isco$sol#tely #cross the te$t to help hi(sel& to so(e #spiri$ #$%
s)lph)r pills #$% p#i$t his o2$ thro#t 2ith Argyrol* His %o2$c#st &#ce 2#s &r#gile #$% &orlor$ #s # s2#llo25s, #$% he
r)bbe% the b#c- o& his #r(s rhyth(ic#lly* 5J)st loo- ho2 col% + #( right $o2* .o)5re s)re yo)5re $ot hol%i$g #$ythi$g
b#c-95
5.o)5re %e#%, sir,5 o$e o& his t2o e$liste% (e$ e8pl#i$e%*
0oc 0#$ee-# 3er-e% his he#% )p 6)ic-ly 2ith rese$t&)l %istr)st* 5>h#t5s th#t95
5.o)5re %e#%, sir,5 repe#te% the other* 5Th#t5s prob#bly the re#so$ yo) #l2#ys &eel so col%*5
5Th#t5s right, sir* .o)5,e prob#bly bee$ %e#% #ll this ti(e #$% 2e 3)st %i%$5t %etect it*5
5>h#t the hell #re yo) both t#l-i$g #bo)t95 0oc 0#$ee-# crie% shrilly 2ith # s)rgi$g, petri&yi$g se$s#tio$ o& so(e
o$r)shi$g )$#,oi%#ble %is#ster*
5+t5s tr)e, sir,5 s#i% o$e o& the e$liste% (e$* 5The recor%s sho2 th#t yo) 2e$t )p i$ 'c>#tt5s pl#$e to collect so(e &light
ti(e* .o) %i%$5t co(e %o2$ i$ # p#r#ch)te, so yo) ()st h#,e bee$ -ille% i$ the cr#sh*5
5Th#t5s right, sir,5 s#i% the other* 5.o) o)ght to be gl#% yo)5,e got #$y te(per#t)re #t #ll*5
0oc 0#$ee-#5s (i$% 2#s reeli$g i$ co$&)sio$* 5H#,e yo) both go$e cr#4y95 he %e(#$%e%* 5+5( goi$g to report this
2hole i$s)bor%i$#te i$ci%e$t to Serge#$t To2ser*5
5Serge#$t To2ser5s the o$e 2ho tol% )s #bo)t it,5 s#i% either :)s or >es* 5The >#r 0ep#rt(e$t5s e,e$ goi$g to $oti&y
yo)r 2i&e*5
0oc 0#$ee-# yelpe% #$% r#$ o)t o& the (e%ic#l te$t to re(o$str#te 2ith Serge#$t To2ser, 2ho e%ge% #2#y &ro( hi(
2ith rep)g$#$ce #$% #%,ise% 0oc 0#$ee-# to re(#i$ o)t o& sight #s ()ch #s possible )$til so(e %ecisio$ co)l% be
re#che% rel#ti$g to the %ispositio$ o& his re(#i$s*
5:ee, + g)ess he re#lly is %e#%,5 grie,e% o$e o& his e$liste% (e$ i$ # lo2, respect&)l ,oice* 5+5( goi$g to (iss hi(* He
2#s # pretty 2o$%er&)l g)y, 2#s$5t he95
5.e#h, he s)re 2#s,5 (o)r$e% the other* 57)t +5( gl#% the little &)c- is go$e* + 2#s getti$g sic- #$% tire% o& t#-i$g his
bloo% press)re #ll the ti(e*5
'rs* 0#$ee-#, 0oc 0#$ee-#5s 2i&e, 2#s $ot gl#% th#t 0oc 0#$ee-# 2#s go$e #$% split the pe#ce&)l St#te$ +sl#$% $ight
2ith 2oe&)l shrie-s o& l#(e$t#tio$ 2he$ she le#r$e% by >#r 0ep#rt(e$t telegr#( th#t her h)sb#$% h#% bee$ -ille% i$
#ctio$* >o(e$ c#(e to co(&ort her, #$% their h)sb#$%s p#i% co$%ole$ce c#lls #$% hope% i$2#r%ly th#t she 2o)l% soo$
(o,e to #$other $eighborhoo% #$% sp#re the( the oblig#tio$ o& co$ti$)o)s sy(p#thy* The poor 2o(#$ 2#s tot#lly
%istr#)ght &or #l(ost # &)ll 2ee-* Slo2ly, heroic#lly, she &o)$% the stre$gth to co$te(pl#te # &)t)re &ille% 2ith %ire
proble(s &or hersel& #$% her chil%re$* J)st #s she 2#s gro2i$g resig$e% to her loss, the post(#$ r#$g 2ith # bolt &ro(
the bl)e - # letter &ro( o,erse#s th#t 2#s sig$e% 2ith her h)sb#$%5s sig$#t)re #$% )rge% her &r#$tic#lly to %isreg#r% #$y
b#% $e2s co$cer$i$g hi(* 'rs* 0#$ee-# 2#s %)(b&o)$%e%* The %#te o$ the letter 2#s illegible* The h#$%2riti$g
thro)gho)t 2#s sh#-y #$% h)rrie%, b)t the style rese(ble% her h)sb#$%5s #$% the (el#$choly, sel&-pityi$g to$e 2#s
&#(ili#r, #ltho)gh (ore %re#ry th#$ )s)#l* 'rs* 0#$ee-# 2#s o,er3oye% #$% 2ept irrepressibly 2ith relie& #$% -isse% the
cri$-le%, gr)bby tiss)e o& B-(#il st#tio$ery # tho)s#$% ti(es* She %#she% # gr#te&)l $ote o&& to her h)sb#$% pressi$g
hi( &or %et#ils #$% se$t # 2ire i$&or(i$g the >#r 0ep#rt(e$t o& its error* The >#r 0ep#rt(e$t replie% to)chily th#t there
h#% bee$ $o error #$% th#t she 2#s )$%o)bte%ly the ,icti( o& so(e s#%istic #$% psychotic &orger i$ her h)sb#$%5s
s6)#%ro$* The letter to her h)sb#$% 2#s ret)r$e% )$ope$e%, st#(pe% ?+LLE0 +/ ACT+O/*
'rs* 0#$ee-# h#% bee$ 2i%o2e% cr)elly #g#i$, b)t this ti(e her grie& 2#s (itig#te% so(e2h#t by # $oti&ic#tio$ &ro(
>#shi$gto$ th#t she 2#s sole be$e&ici#ry o& her h)sb#$%5s P1<,<<< :+ i$s)r#$ce policy, 2hich #(o)$t 2#s obt#i$#ble
by her o$ %e(#$%* The re#li4#tio$ th#t she #$% the chil%re$ 2ere $ot &#ce% i((e%i#tely 2ith st#r,#tio$ bro)ght # br#,e
s(ile to her &#ce #$% (#r-e% the t)r$i$g poi$t i$ her %istress* The Beter#$s A%(i$istr#tio$ i$&or(e% her by (#il the ,ery
$e8t %#y th#t she 2o)l% be e$title% to pe$sio$ be$e&its &or the rest o& her $#t)r#l li&e bec#)se o& her h)sb#$%5s %e(ise,
#$% to # b)ri#l #llo2#$ce &or hi( o& P2!<* A go,er$(e$t chec- &or P2!< 2#s e$close%* :r#%)#lly, i$e8or#bly, her
prospects brighte$e%* A letter #rri,e% th#t s#(e 2ee- &ro( the Soci#l Sec)rity A%(i$istr#tio$ st#ti$g th#t, )$%er the
pro,isio$s o& the Ol% Age #$% S)r,i,ors +$s)r#$ce Act O& 1G!, she 2o)l% recei,e (o$thly s)pport &or hersel& #$% her
%epe$%e$t chil%re$ )$til they re#che% the #ge o& eightee$, #$% # b)ri#l #llo2#$ce o& P2!<* >ith these go,er$(e$t
letters #s proo& o& %e#th, she #pplie% &or p#y(e$t o$ three li&e i$s)r#$ce policies 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% c#rrie%, 2ith # ,#l)e
o& P!<,<<< e#chA her cl#i( 2#s ho$ore% #$% processe% s2i&tly* E#ch %#y bro)ght $e2 )$e8pecte% tre#s)res* A -ey to #
s#&e-%eposit bo8 le% to # &o)rth li&e i$s)r#$ce policy 2ith # &#ce ,#l)e o& P!<,<<<, #$% to P1H,<<< i$ c#sh o$ 2hich
i$co(e t#8 h#% $e,er bee$ p#i% #$% $ee% $e,er be p#i%* A &r#ter$#l lo%ge to 2hich he h#% belo$ge% g#,e her #
ce(etery plot* A seco$% &r#ter$#l org#$i4#tio$ o& 2hich he h#% bee$ # (e(ber se$t her # b)ri#l #llo2#$ce o& P2!<* His
co)$ty (e%ic#l #ssoci#tio$ g#,e her # b)ri#l #llo2#$ce o& P2!<*
The h)sb#$%s o& her closest &rie$%s beg#$ to &lirt 2ith her* 'rs* 0#$ee-# 2#s si(ply %elighte% 2ith the 2#y thi$gs 2ere
t)r$i$g o)t #$% h#% her h#ir %ye%* Her &#$t#stic 2e#lth 3)st -ept pili$g )p, #$% she h#% to re(i$% hersel& %#ily th#t #ll the
h)$%re%s o& tho)s#$%s o& %oll#rs she 2#s #c6)iri$g 2ere $ot 2orth # si$gle pe$$y 2itho)t her h)sb#$% to sh#re this
goo% &ort)$e 2ith her* +t #sto$ishe% her th#t so (#$y sep#r#te org#$i4#tio$s 2ere 2illi$g to %o so ()ch to b)ry 0oc
0#$ee-#, 2ho, b#c- i$ Pi#$os#, 2#s h#,i$g # terrible ti(e tryi$g to -eep his he#% #bo,e the gro)$% #$% 2o$%ere% 2ith
Catch 22
%is(#l #pprehe$sio$ 2hy his 2i&e %i% $ot #$s2er the letter he h#% 2ritte$*
He &o)$% hi(sel& ostr#ci4e% i$ the s6)#%ro$ by (e$ 2ho c)rse% his (e(ory &o)lly &or h#,i$g s)pplie% Colo$el C#thc#rt
2ith pro,oc#tio$ to r#ise the $)(ber o& co(b#t (issio$s* Recor%s #ttesti$g to his %e#th 2ere p)ll)l#ti$g li-e i$sect eggs
#$% ,eri&yi$g e#ch other beyo$% #ll co$te$tio$* He %re2 $o p#y or P1 r#tio$s #$% %epe$%e% &or li&e o$ the ch#rity o&
Serge#$t To2ser #$% 'ilo, 2ho both -$e2 he 2#s %e#%* Colo$el C#thc#rt re&)se% to see hi(, #$% Colo$el ?or$ se$t
2or% thro)gh '#3or 0#$by th#t he 2o)l% h#,e 0oc 0#$ee-# cre(#te% o$ the spot i& he e,er sho2e% )p #t :ro)p
He#%6)#rters* '#3or 0#$by co$&i%e% th#t :ro)p 2#s i$ce$se% 2ith #ll &light s)rgeo$s bec#)se o& 0r* St)bbs, the
b)shy-h#ire%, b#ggy-chi$$e%, slo,e$ly &light s)rgeo$ i$ 0)$b#r5s s6)#%ro$ 2ho 2#s %eliber#tely #$% %e&i#$tly bre2i$g
i$si%io)s %isse$sio$ there by gro)$%i$g #ll (e$ 2ith si8ty (issio$s o$ proper &or(s th#t 2ere re3ecte% by :ro)p
i$%ig$#$tly 2ith or%ers restori$g the co$&)se% pilots, $#,ig#tors, bo(b#r%iers #$% g)$$ers to co(b#t %)ty* 'or#le there
2#s ebbi$g r#pi%ly, #$% 0)$b#r 2#s )$%er s)r,eill#$ce* :ro)p 2#s gl#% 0oc 0#$ee-# h#% bee$ -ille% #$% %i% $ot
i$te$% to #s- &or # repl#ce(e$t*
/ot e,e$ the ch#pl#i$ co)l% bri$g 0oc 0#$ee-# b#c- to li&e )$%er the circ)(st#$ces* Al#r( ch#$ge% to resig$#tio$,
#$% (ore #$% (ore 0oc 0#$ee-# #c6)ire% the loo- o& #$ #ili$g ro%e$t* The s#c-s )$%er his eyes t)r$e% hollo2 #$%
bl#c-, #$% he p#%%e% thro)gh the sh#%o2s &r)itlessly li-e # )bi6)ito)s spoo-* E,e$ C#pt#i$ ;l)(e recoile% 2he$ 0oc
0#$ee-# so)ght hi( o)t i$ the 2oo%s &or help* He#rtlessly, :)s #$% >es t)r$e% hi( #2#y &ro( their (e%ic#l te$t
2itho)t e,e$ # ther(o(eter &or co(&ort, #$% the$, o$ly the$, %i% he re#li4e th#t, to #ll i$te$ts #$% p)rposes, he re#lly
2#s %e#%, #$% th#t he h#% better %o so(ethi$g %#($e% &#st i& he e,er hope% to s#,e hi(sel&*
There 2#s $o2here else to t)r$ b)t to his 2i&e, #$% he scribble% #$ i(p#ssio$e% letter beggi$g her to bri$g his plight to
the #tte$tio$ o& the >#r 0ep#rt(e$t #$% )rgi$g her to co(()$ic#te #t o$ce 2ith his gro)p co((#$%er, Colo$el
C#thc#rt, &or #ss)r#$ces th#t - $o (#tter 2h#t else she (ight h#,e he#r% - it 2#s i$%ee% he, her h)sb#$%, 0oc
0#$ee-#, 2ho 2#s ple#%i$g 2ith her, #$% $ot # corpse or so(e i(postor* 'rs* 0#$ee-# 2#s st)$$e% by the %epth o&
e(otio$ i$ the #l(ost illegible #ppe#l* She 2#s tor$ 2ith co(p)$ctio$ #$% te(pte% to co(ply, b)t the ,ery $e8t letter
she ope$e% th#t %#y 2#s &ro( th#t s#(e Colo$el C#thc#rt, her h)sb#$%5s gro)p co((#$%er, #$% beg#$@
0e#r 'rs*, 'r*, 'iss, or 'r* #$% 'rs* 0#$ee-#@ >or%s c#$$ot e8press the %eep perso$#l grie& + e8perie$ce% 2he$ yo)r
h)sb#$%, so$, &#ther or brother 2#s -ille%, 2o)$%e% or reporte% (issi$g i$ #ctio$*
'rs* 0#$ee-# (o,e% 2ith her chil%re$ to L#$si$g, 'ichig#$, #$% le&t $o &or2#r%i$g #%%ress*
G2 .O-.O5S ROO'+ES
.oss#ri#$ 2#s 2#r( 2he$ the col% 2e#ther c#(e #$% 2h#le-sh#pe% clo)%s ble2 lo2 thro)gh # %i$gy, sl#te-gr#y s-y,
#l(ost 2itho)t e$%, li-e the %ro$i$g, %#r-, iro$ &loc-s o& 7-1F #$% 7-2D bo(bers &ro( the lo$g-r#$ge #ir b#ses i$ +t#ly
the %#y o& the i$,#sio$ o& so)ther$ ;r#$ce t2o (o$ths e#rlier* E,eryo$e i$ the s6)#%ro$ -$e2 th#t ?i% S#(pso$5s
s-i$$y legs h#% 2#she% )p o$ the 2et s#$% to lie there #$% rot li-e # p)rple t2iste% 2ishbo$e* /o o$e 2o)l% go to
retrie,e the(, $ot :)s or >es or e,e$ the (e$ i$ the (ort)#ry #t the hospit#lA e,eryo$e (#%e belie,e th#t ?i%
S#(pso$5s legs 2ere $ot there, th#t they h#% bobbe% #2#y so)th &ore,er o$ the ti%e li-e #ll o& Cle,i$ger #$% Orr* /o2
th#t b#% 2e#ther h#% co(e, #l(ost $o o$e e,er s$e#-e% #2#y #lo$e #$y (ore to pee- thro)gh b)shes li-e # per,ert #t
the (ol%eri$g st)(ps*
There 2ere $o (ore be#)ti&)l %#ys* There 2ere $o (ore e#sy (issio$s* There 2#s sti$gi$g r#i$ #$% %)ll, chilli$g &og,
#$% the (e$ &le2 #t 2ee--lo$g i$ter,#ls, 2he$e,er the 2e#ther cle#re%* At $ight the 2i$% (o#$e%* The g$#rle% #$%
st)$te% tree tr)$-s cre#-e% #$% gro#$e% #$% &orce% .oss#ri#$5s tho)ghts e#ch (or$i$g, e,e$ be&ore he 2#s &)lly
#2#-e, b#c- o$ ?i% S#(pso$5s s-i$$y legs blo#ti$g #$% %ec#yi$g, #s syste(#tic#lly #s # tic-i$g cloc-, i$ the icy r#i$
#$% 2et s#$% #ll thro)gh the bli$%, col%, g)sty October $ights* A&ter ?i% S#(pso$5s legs, he 2o)l% thi$- o& piti&)l,
2hi(peri$g S$o2%e$ &ree4i$g to %e#th i$ the re#r sectio$ o& the pl#$e, hol%i$g his eter$#l, i(()t#ble secret co$ce#le%
i$si%e his 6)ilte%, #r(or-pl#te &l#- s)it )$til .oss#ri#$ h#% &i$ishe% sterili4i$g #$% b#$%#gi$g the 2ro$g 2o)$% o$ his
leg, #$% the$ spilli$g it o)t s)%%e$ly #ll o,er the &loor* At $ight 2he$ he 2#s tryi$g to sleep, .oss#ri#$ 2o)l% c#ll the roll
o& #ll the (e$, 2o(e$ #$% chil%re$ he h#% e,er -$o2$ 2ho 2ere $o2 %e#%* He trie% to re(e(ber #ll the sol%iers, #$%
he res)rrecte% i(#ges o& #ll the el%erly people he h#% -$o2$ 2he$ # chil% - #ll the #)$ts, )$cles, $eighbors, p#re$ts
#$% gr#$%p#re$ts, his o2$ #$% e,eryo$e else5s, #$% #ll the p#thetic, %el)%e% shop-eepers 2ho ope$e% their s(#ll,
%)sty stores #t %#2$ #$% 2or-e% i$ the( &oolishly )$til (i%$ight* They 2ere #ll %e#%, too* The $)(ber o& %e#% people
3)st see(e% to i$cre#se* A$% the :er(#$s 2ere still &ighti$g* 0e#th 2#s irre,ersible, he s)specte%, #$% he beg#$ to
thi$- he 2#s goi$g to lose*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s 2#r( 2he$ the col% 2e#ther c#(e bec#)se o& Orr5s (#r,elo)s sto,e, #$% he (ight h#,e e8iste% i$ his
2#r( te$t 6)ite co(&ort#bly i& $ot &or the (e(ory o& Orr, #$% i& $ot &or the g#$g o& #$i(#te% roo((#tes th#t c#(e
s2#r(i$g i$si%e r#p#cio)sly o$e %#y &ro( the t2o &)ll co(b#t cre2s Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% re6)isitio$e% - #$% obt#i$e%
i$ less th#$ &orty-eight ho)rs - #s repl#ce(e$ts &or ?i% S#(pso$ #$% 'c>#tt* .oss#ri#$ e(itte% # lo$g, lo)%, cro#-i$g
g#sp o& protest 2he$ he tr)%ge% i$ tire%ly #&ter # (issio$ #$% &o)$% the( #lre#%y there*
There 2ere &o)r o& the(, #$% they 2ere h#,i$g # 2h#le o& # goo% ti(e #s they helpe% e#ch other set )p their cots* They
2ere horsi$g #ro)$%* The (o(e$t he s#2 the(, .oss#ri#$ -$e2 they 2ere i(possible* They 2ere &ris-y, e#ger #$%
e8)ber#$t, #$% they h#% #ll bee$ &rie$%s i$ the St#tes* They 2ere pl#i$ly )$thi$-#ble*
They 2ere $oisy, o,erco$&i%e$t, e(pty-he#%e% -i%s o& t2e$ty-o$e* They h#% go$e to college #$% 2ere e$g#ge% to
pretty, cle#$ girls 2hose pict)res 2ere #lre#%y st#$%i$g o$ the ro)gh ce(e$t (#$telpiece o& Orr5s &irepl#ce* They h#%
ri%%e$ i$ spee%bo#ts #$% pl#ye% te$$is* They h#% bee$ horseb#c- ri%i$g* O$e h#% o$ce bee$ to be% 2ith #$ ol%er
2o(#$* They -$e2 the s#(e people i$ %i&&ere$t p#rts o& the co)$try #$% h#% go$e to school 2ith e#ch other5s co)si$s*
They h#% liste$e% to the >orl% Series #$% re#lly c#re% 2ho 2o$ &ootb#ll g#(es* They 2ere obt)seA their (or#le 2#s
goo%* They 2ere gl#% th#t the 2#r h#% l#ste% lo$g e$o)gh &or the( to &i$% o)t 2h#t co(b#t 2#s re#lly li-e* They 2ere
h#l&2#y thro)gh )$p#c-i$g 2he$ .oss#ri#$ thre2 the( o)t*
They 2ere pl#i$ly o)t o& the 6)estio$, .oss#ri#$ e8pl#i$e% #%#(#$tly to Serge#$t To2ser, 2hose s#llo2 e6)i$e &#ce
2#s %espo$%e$t #s he i$&or(e% .oss#ri#$ th#t the $e2 o&&icers 2o)l% h#,e to be #%(itte%* Serge#$t To2ser 2#s $ot
per(itte% to re6)isitio$ #$other si8-(#$ te$t &ro( :ro)p 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s li,i$g i$ o$e #lo$e*
5+5( $ot li,i$g i$ this o$e #lo$e,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i% 2ith # s)l-* 5+5,e got # %e#% (#$ i$ here 2ith (e* His $#(e is ')%%*5
117 | P a g e
5Ple#se, sir,5 begge% Serge#$t To2ser, sighi$g 2e#rily, 2ith # si%elo$g gl#$ce #t the &o)r b#&&le% $e2 o&&icers liste$i$g i$
(ysti&ie% sile$ce 3)st o)tsi%e the e$tr#$ce* 5')%% 2#s -ille% o$ the (issio$ to Or,ieto* .o) -$o2 th#t* He 2#s &lyi$g
right besi%e yo)*5
5The$ 2hy %o$5t yo) (o,e his thi$gs o)t95
57ec#)se he $e,er e,e$ got here* C#pt#i$, ple#se %o$5t bri$g th#t )p #g#i$* .o) c#$ (o,e i$ 2ith Lie)te$#$t /#tely i&
yo) li-e* +5ll e,e$ se$% so(e (e$ &ro( the or%erly roo( to tr#$s&er yo)r belo$gi$gs*5
7)t to #b#$%o$ Orr5s te$t 2o)l% be to #b#$%o$ Orr, 2ho 2o)l% h#,e bee$ sp)r$e% #$% h)(ili#te% cl#$$ishly by these
&o)r si(ple-(i$%e% o&&icers 2#iti$g to (o,e i$* +t %i% $ot see( 3)st th#t these boistero)s, i((#t)re yo)$g (e$ sho)l%
sho2 )p #&ter #ll the 2or- 2#s %o$e #$% be #llo2e% to t#-e possessio$ o& the (ost %esir#ble te$t o$ the isl#$%* 7)t th#t
2#s the l#2, Serge#$t To2ser e8pl#i$e%, #$% #ll .oss#ri#$ co)l% %o 2#s gl#re #t the( i$ b#le&)l #pology #s he (#%e
roo( &or the( #$% ,ol)$teer help&)l pe$ite$t hi$ts #s they (o,e% i$si%e his pri,#cy #$% (#%e the(sel,es #t ho(e*
They 2ere the (ost %epressi$g gro)p o& people .oss#ri#$ h#% e,er bee$ 2ith* They 2ere #l2#ys i$ high spirits* They
l#)ghe% #t e,erythi$g* They c#lle% hi( 5.o-.o5 3oc)l#rly #$% c#(e i$ tipsy l#te #t $ight #$% 2o-e hi( )p 2ith their
cl)(sy, b)(pi$g, giggli$g e&&orts to be 6)iet, the$ bo(b#r%e% hi( 2ith #si$i$e sho)ts o& hil#rio)s goo%-&ello2ship 2he$
he s#t )p c)rsi$g to co(pl#i$* He 2#$te% to (#ss#cre the( e#ch ti(e they %i%* They re(i$%e% hi( o& 0o$#l% 0)c-5s
$ephe2s* They 2ere #&r#i% o& .oss#ri#$ #$% persec)te% hi( i$cess#$tly 2ith $#ggi$g ge$erosity #$% 2ith their
e8#sper#ti$g i$siste$ce o$ %oi$g s(#ll &#,ors &or hi(* They 2ere rec-less, p)erile, co$ge$i#l, $#i,e, pres)(pt)o)s,
%e&ere$ti#l #$% r#(b)$ctio)s* They 2ere %)(bA they h#% $o co(pl#i$ts* They #%(ire% Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% they &o)$%
Colo$el ?or$ 2itty* They 2ere #&r#i% o& .oss#ri#$, b)t they 2ere $ot the le#st bit #&r#i% o& Colo$el C#thc#rt5s se,e$ty
(issio$s* They 2ere &o)r cle#$-c)t -i%s 2ho 2ere h#,i$g lots o& &)$, #$% they 2ere %ri,i$g .oss#ri#$ $)ts* He co)l% $ot
(#-e the( )$%erst#$% th#t he 2#s # crotchety ol% &ogey o& t2e$ty-eight, th#t he belo$ge% to #$other ge$er#tio$,
#$other er#, #$other 2orl%, th#t h#,i$g # goo% ti(e bore% hi( #$% 2#s $ot 2orth the e&&ort, #$% th#t they bore% hi(,
too* He co)l% $ot (#-e the( sh)t )pA they 2ere 2orse th#$ 2o(e$* They h#% $ot br#i$s e$o)gh to be i$tro,erte% #$%
represse%*
Cro$ies o& theirs i$ other s6)#%ro$s beg#$ %roppi$g i$ )$#sh#(e%ly #$% )si$g the te$t #s # h#$go)t* There 2#s o&te$
$ot roo( e$o)gh &or hi(* >orst o& #ll, he co)l% $o lo$ger bri$g /)rse 0)c-ett there to lie %o2$ 2ith her* A$% $o2 th#t
&o)l 2e#ther h#% co(e, he h#% $o pl#ce elseC This 2#s # c#l#(ity he h#% $ot &oresee$, #$% he 2#$te% to b)st his
roo((#tes5 he#%s ope$ 2ith his &ists or pic- the( )p, e#ch i$ t)r$, by the se#ts o& their p#$ts #$% the scr)&&s o& their
$ec-s #$% pitch the( o)t o$ce #$% &or #ll i$to the %#$-, r)bbery pere$$i#l 2ee%s gro2i$g bet2ee$ his r)sty so)pc#$
)ri$#l 2ith $#il holes i$ the botto( #$% the -$otty-pi$e s6)#%ro$ l#tri$e th#t stoo% li-e # be#ch loc-er $ot &#r #2#y*
+$ste#% o& b)sti$g their he#%s ope$, he tr#(pe% i$ his g#loshes #$% bl#c- r#i$co#t thro)gh the %ri44li$g %#r-$ess to
i$,ite Chie& >hite H#l&o#t to (o,e i$ 2ith hi(, too, #$% %ri,e the &#sti%io)s, cle#$-li,i$g b#st#r%s o)t 2ith his thre#ts #$%
s2i$ish h#bits* 7)t Chie& >hite H#l&o#t &elt col% #$% 2#s #lre#%y (#-i$g pl#$s to (o,e )p i$to the hospit#l to %ie o&
p$e)(o$i#* +$sti$ct tol% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t it 2#s #l(ost ti(e* His chest #che% #$% he co)ghe% chro$ic#lly* >his-ey
$o lo$ger 2#r(e% hi(* 'ost %#($i$g o& #ll, C#pt#i$ ;l)(e h#% (o,e% b#c- i$to his tr#iler* Here 2#s #$ o(e$ o&
)$(ist#-#ble (e#$i$g*
5He h#% to (o,e b#c-,5 .oss#ri#$ #rg)e% i$ # ,#i$ e&&ort to cheer )p the gl)(, b#rrel-cheste% +$%i#$, 2hose 2ell--$it
sorrel-re% &#ce h#% %ege$er#te% r#pi%ly i$to # %il#pi%#te%, c#lc#reo)s gr#y* 5He5% %ie o& e8pos)re i& he trie% to li,e i$ the
2oo%s i$ this 2e#ther*5
5/o, th#t 2o)l%$5t %ri,e the yello2belly b#c-,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %is#gree% obsti$#tely* He t#ppe% his &orehe#% 2ith
cryptic i$sight* 5/o, sirree* He -$o2s so(ethi$g* He -$o2s it5s ti(e &or (e to %ie o& p$e)(o$i#, th#t5s 2h#t he -$o2s*
A$% th#t5s ho2 + -$o2 it5s ti(e*5
5>h#t %oes 0oc 0#$ee-# s#y95
5+5( $ot #llo2e% to s#y #$ythi$g,5 0oc 0#$ee-# s#i% sorro2&)lly &ro( his se#t o$ his stool i$ the sh#%o2s o& # cor$er, his
s(ooth, t#pere%, %i(i$)ti,e &#ce t)rtle-gree$ i$ the &lic-eri$g c#$%lelight* E,erythi$g s(elle% o& (il%e2* The b)lb i$ the
te$t h#% blo2$ o)t se,er#l %#ys be&ore, #$% $either o& the t2o (e$ h#% bee$ #ble to ()ster the i$iti#ti,e to repl#ce it*
5+5( $ot #llo2e% to pr#ctice (e%ici$e #$y (ore,5 0oc 0#$ee-# #%%e%*
5He5s %e#%,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t glo#te%, 2ith # horse l#)gh e$t#$gle% i$ phleg(* 5Th#t5s re#lly &)$$y*5
5+ %o$5t e,e$ %r#2 (y p#y #$y (ore*5
5Th#t5s re#lly &)$$y,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t repe#te%* 5All this ti(e he5s bee$ i$s)lti$g (y li,er, #$% loo- 2h#t h#ppe$e% to
hi(* He5s %e#%* ?ille% by his o2$ gree%*5
5Th#t5s $ot 2h#t -ille% (e,5 0oc 0#$ee-# obser,e% i$ # ,oice th#t 2#s c#l( #$% &l#t* 5There5s $othi$g 2ro$g 2ith gree%*
+t5s #ll th#t lo)sy 0r* St)bbs5 &#)lt, getti$g Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ stirre% )p #g#i$st &light s)rgeo$s* He5s
goi$g to gi,e the (e%ic#l pro&essio$ # b#% $#(e by st#$%i$g )p &or pri$ciple* +& he5s $ot c#re&)l, he5ll be bl#c--b#lle% by
his st#te (e%ic#l #ssoci#tio$ #$% -ept o)t o& the hospit#ls*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#tche% Chie& >hite H#l&o#t po)r 2his-ey c#re&)lly i$to three e(pty sh#(poo bottles #$% store the( #2#y i$
the ()sette b#g he 2#s p#c-i$g*
5C#$5t yo) stop by (y te$t o$ yo)r 2#y )p to the hospit#l #$% p)$ch o$e o& the( i$ the $ose &or (e95 he spec)l#te%
#lo)%* 5+5,e got &o)r o& the(, #$% they5re goi$g to cro2% (e o)t o& (y te$t #ltogether*5
5.o) -$o2, so(ethi$g li-e th#t o$ce h#ppe$e% to (y 2hole tribe,5 Chie& >hite H#l&o#t re(#r-e% i$ 3olly #ppreci#tio$,
sitti$g b#c- o$ his cot to ch)c-le* 5>hy %o$5t yo) get C#pt#i$ 7l#c- to -ic- those -i%s o)t9 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- li-es to -ic-
people o)t*5
.oss#ri#$ gri(#ce% so)rly #t the (ere (e$tio$ o& C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho 2#s #lre#%y b)llyi$g the $e2 &liers e#ch ti(e they
steppe% i$to his i$tellige$ce te$t &or (#ps or i$&or(#tio$* .oss#ri#$5s #ttit)%e to2#r% his roo((#tes t)r$e% (erci&)l #$%
protecti,e #t the (ere recollectio$ o& C#pt#i$ 7l#c-* +t 2#s $ot their &#)lt th#t they 2ere yo)$g #$% cheer&)l, he
re(i$%e% hi(sel& #s he c#rrie% the s2i$gi$g be#( o& his &l#shlight b#c- thro)gh the %#r-$ess* He 2ishe% th#t he co)l%
be yo)$g #$% cheer&)l, too* A$% it 2#s$5t their &#)lt th#t they 2ere co)r#geo)s, co$&i%e$t #$% c#re&ree* He 2o)l% 3)st
h#,e to be p#tie$t 2ith the( )$til o$e or t2o 2ere -ille% #$% the rest 2o)$%e%, #$% the$ they 2o)l% #ll t)r$ o)t o-#y* He
,o2e% to be (ore toler#$t #$% be$e,ole$t, b)t 2he$ he %)c-e% i$si%e his te$t 2ith his &rie$%lier #ttit)%e # gre#t bl#4e
2#s ro#ri$g i$ the &irepl#ce, #$% he g#spe% i$ horri&ie% #(#4e(e$t* Orr5s be#)ti&)l birch logs 2ere goi$g )p i$ s(o-eC
His roo((#tes h#% set &ire to the(C He g#pe% #t the &o)r i$se$siti,e o,erhe#te% &#ces #$% 2#$te% to sho)t c)rses #t
Catch 22
the(* He 2#$te% to b#$g their he#%s together #s they greete% hi( 2ith lo)% co$,i,i#l cries #$% i$,ite% hi( ge$ero)sly
to p)ll )p # ch#ir #$% e#t their chest$)ts #$% ro#ste% pot#toes* >h#t co)l% he %o 2ith the(9
A$% the ,ery $e8t (or$i$g they got ri% o& the %e#% (#$ i$ his te$tC J)st li-e th#t, they 2his-e% hi( #2#yC They c#rrie%
his cot #$% #ll his belo$gi$gs right o)t i$to the b)shes #$% si(ply %)(pe% the( there, #$% the$ they stro%e b#c-
sl#ppi$g their h#$%s bris-ly #t # 3ob 2ell %o$e* .oss#ri#$ 2#s st)$$e% by their o,erbe#ri$g ,igor #$% 4e#l, by their
pr#ctic#l, %irect e&&icie$cy* +$ # (#tter o& (o(e$ts they h#% %ispose% e$ergetic#lly o& # proble( 2ith 2hich .oss#ri#$
#$% Serge#$t To2ser h#% bee$ gr#ppli$g )$s)ccess&)lly &or (o$ths* .oss#ri#$ 2#s #l#r(e% - they (ight get ri% o& hi(
3)st #s 6)ic-ly, he &e#re% - #$% r#$ to H)$gry Joe #$% &le% 2ith hi( to Ro(e the %#y be&ore /#tely5s 2hore &i$#lly got #
goo% $ight5s sleep #$% 2o-e )p i$ lo,e*
GG /ATEL.5S >HORE
He (isse% /)rse 0)c-ett i$ Ro(e* There 2#s $ot ()ch else to %o #&ter H)$gry Joe le&t o$ his (#il r)$* .oss#ri#$
(isse% /)rse 0)c-ett so ()ch th#t he 2e$t se#rchi$g h)$grily thro)gh the streets &or L)ci#$#, 2hose l#)gh #$%
i$,isible sc#r he h#% $e,er &orgotte$, or the boo4y, blo24y, ble#ry-eye% &loo4y i$ the o,erlo#%e% 2hite br#ssiNre #$%
)$b)tto$e% or#$ge s#ti$ blo)se 2hose $#)ghty s#l(o$-colore% c#(eo ri$g A#r&y h#% thro2$ #2#y so c#llo)sly thro)gh
the 2i$%o2 o& her c#r* Ho2 he ye#r$e% &or both girlsC He loo-e% &or the( i$ ,#i$* He 2#s so %eeply i$ lo,e 2ith the(,
#$% he -$e2 he 2o)l% $e,er see either #g#i$* 0esp#ir g$#2e% #t hi(* Bisio$s beset hi(* He 2#$te% /)rse 0)c-ett
2ith her %ress )p #$% her sli( thighs b#re to the hips* He b#$ge% # thi$ street2#l-er 2ith # 2et co)gh 2ho pic-e% hi(
)p &ro( #$ #lley bet2ee$ hotels, b)t th#t 2#s $o &)$ #t #ll #$% he h#ste$e% to the e$liste% (e$5s #p#rt(e$t &or the &#t,
&rie$%ly (#i% i$ the li(e-colore% p#$ties, 2ho 2#s o,er3oye% to see hi( b)t co)l%$5t #ro)se hi(* He 2e$t to be% there
e#rly #$% slept #lo$e* He 2o-e )p %is#ppoi$te% #$% b#$ge% # s#ssy, short, ch)bby girl he &o)$% i$ the #p#rt(e$t #&ter
bre#-&#st, b)t th#t 2#s o$ly # little better, #$% he ch#se% her #2#y 2he$ he5% &i$ishe% #$% 2e$t b#c- to sleep* He
$#ppe% till l)$ch #$% the$ 2e$t shoppi$g &or prese$ts &or /)rse 0)c-ett #$% # sc#r& &or the (#i% i$ the li(e-colo)re%
p#$ties, 2ho h)gge% hi( 2ith s)ch g#rg#$t)#$ gr#tit)%e th#t he 2#s soo$ hot &or /)rse 0)c-ett #$% r#$ loo-i$g
lechero)sly &or L)ci#$# #g#i$* +$ste#% he &o)$% A#r&y, 2ho h#% l#$%e% i$ Ro(e 2he$ H)$gry Joe ret)r$e% 2ith 0)$b#r,
/#tely #$% 0obbs, #$% 2ho 2o)l% $ot go #lo$g o$ the %r)$-e$ &or#y th#t $ight to resc)e /#tely5s 2hore &ro( the
(i%%le-#ge% (ilit#ry big shots hol%i$g her c#pti,e i$ # hotel bec#)se she 2o)l% $ot s#y )$cle*
5>hy sho)l% + ris- getti$g i$to tro)ble 3)st to help her o)t95 A#r&y %e(#$%e% h#)ghtily* 57)t %o$5t tell /#tely + s#i% th#t*
Tell hi( + h#% to -eep #$ #ppoi$t(e$t 2ith so(e ,ery i(port#$t &r#ter$ity brothers*5
The (i%%le-#ge% big shots 2o)l% $ot let /#tely5s 2hore le#,e )$til they (#%e her s#y )$cle*
5S#y )$cle,5 they s#i% to her*
5=$cle,5 she s#i%*
5/o, $o* S#y )$cle*5
5=$cle,5 she s#i%*
5She still %oes$5t )$%erst#$%*5
5.o) still %o$5t )$%erst#$%, %o yo)9 >e c#$5t re#lly (#-e yo) s#y )$cle )$less yo) %o$5t 2#$t to s#y )$cle* 0o$5t yo)
see9 0o$5t s#y )$cle 2he$ + tell yo) to s#y )$cle* O-#y9 S#y )$cle*5
5=$cle,5 she s#i%*
5/o, %o$5t s#y )$cle* S#y )$cle*5
She %i%$5t s#y )$cle*
5Th#t5s goo%C5
5Th#t5s ,ery goo%*5
5+t5s # st#rt* /o2 s#y )$cle*5
5=$cle,5 she s#i%*
5+t5s $o goo%*5
5/o, it5s $o goo% th#t 2#y either* She 3)st is$5t i(presse% 2ith )s* There5s 3)st $o &)$ (#-i$g her s#y )$cle 2he$ she
%oes$5t c#re 2hether 2e (#-e her s#y )$cle or $ot*5
5/o, she re#lly %oes$5t c#re, %oes she9 S#y J&oot*J 5
5;oot*5
5.o) see9 She %oes$5t c#re #bo)t #$ythi$g 2e %o* She %oes$5t c#re #bo)t )s* >e %o$5t (e#$ # thi$g to yo), %o 2e95
5=$cle,5 she s#i%*
She %i%$5t c#re #bo)t the( # bit, #$% it )pset the( terribly* They shoo- her ro)ghly e#ch ti(e she y#2$e%* She %i% $ot
see( to c#re #bo)t #$ythi$g, $ot e,e$ 2he$ they thre#te$e% to thro2 her o)t the 2i$%o2* They 2ere )tterly
%e(or#li4e% (e$ o& %isti$ctio$* She 2#s bore% #$% i$%i&&ere$t #$% 2#$te% ,ery ()ch to sleep* She h#% bee$ o$ the 3ob
&or t2e$ty-t2o ho)rs, #$% she 2#s sorry th#t these (e$ h#% $ot per(itte% her to le#,e 2ith the other t2o girls 2ith
2ho( the orgy h#% beg)$* She 2o$%ere% ,#g)ely 2hy they 2#$te% her to l#)gh 2he$ they l#)ghe%, #$% 2hy they
2#$te% her to e$3oy it 2he$ they (#%e lo,e to her* +t 2#s #ll ,ery (ysterio)s to her, #$% ,ery )$i$teresti$g*
She 2#s $ot s)re 2h#t they 2#$te% &ro( her* E#ch ti(e she sl)(pe% o,er 2ith her eyes close% they shoo- her #2#-e
#$% (#%e her s#y 5)$cle5 #g#i$* E#ch ti(e she s#i% 5)$cle,5 they 2ere %is#ppoi$te%* She 2o$%ere% 2h#t 5)$cle5 (e#$t*
She s#t o$ the so&# i$ # p#ssi,e, phleg(#tic st)por, her (o)th ope$ #$% #ll her clothi$g cr)(ple% i$ # cor$er o$ the
&loor, #$% 2o$%ere% ho2 ()ch lo$ger they 2o)l% sit #ro)$% $#-e% 2ith her #$% (#-e her s#y )$cle i$ the eleg#$t hotel
s)ite to 2hich Orr5s ol% girl &rie$%, giggli$g )$co$troll#bly #t .oss#ri#$5s #$% 0)$b#r5s %r)$-e$ #$tics, g)i%e% /#tely #$%
the other (e(bers o& the (otley resc)e p#rty*
0)$b#r s6)ee4e% Orr5s ol% girl &rie$%5s &#$$y gr#te&)lly #$% p#sse% her b#c- to .oss#ri#$, 2ho proppe% her #g#i$st the
%oor 3#(b 2ith both h#$%s o$ her hips #$% 2or(e% hi(sel& #g#i$st her l#sci,io)sly )$til /#tely sei4e% hi( by the #r(
#$% p)lle% hi( #2#y &ro( her i$to the bl)e sitti$g roo(, 2here 0)$b#r 2#s #lre#%y h)rli$g e,erythi$g i$ sight o)t the
2i$%o2 i$to the co)rt* 0obbs 2#s s(#shi$g &)r$it)re 2ith #$ #sh st#$%* A $)%e, ri%ic)lo)s (#$ 2ith # bl)shi$g
#ppe$%ecto(y sc#r #ppe#re% i$ the %oor2#y s)%%e$ly #$% bello2e%*
5>h#t5s goi$g o$ here95
5.o)r toes #re %irty,5 0)$b#r s#i%*
The (#$ co,ere% his groi$ 2ith both h#$%s #$% shr#$- &ro( ,ie2* 0)$b#r, 0obbs #$% H)$gry Joe 3)st -ept %)(pi$g
e,erythi$g they co)l% li&t o)t the 2i$%o2 2ith gre#t, ho2li$g 2hoops o& h#ppy #b#$%o$* They soo$ &i$ishe% 2ith the
119 | P a g e
clothi$g o$ the co)ches #$% the l)gg#ge o$ the &loor, #$% they 2ere r#$s#c-i$g # ce%#r closet 2he$ the %oor to the
i$$er roo( ope$e% #g#i$ #$% # (#$ 2ho 2#s ,ery %isti$g)ishe%-loo-i$g &ro( the $ec- )p p#%%e% i$to ,ie2 i(perio)sly
o$ b#re &eet*
5Here, yo), stop th#t,5 he b#r-e%* 5J)st 2h#t %o yo) (e$ thi$- yo)5re %oi$g95
5.o)r toes #re %irty,5 0)$b#r s#i% to hi(*
The (#$ co,ere% his groi$ #s the &irst o$e h#% %o$e #$% %is#ppe#re%* /#tely ch#rge% #&ter hi(, b)t 2#s bloc-e% by the
&irst o&&icer, 2ho plo%%e% b#c- i$ hol%i$g # pillo2 i$ &ro$t o& hi(, li-e # b)bble %#$cer*
5Hey, yo) (e$C5 he ro#re% #$grily* 5Stop itC5
5Stop it,5 0)$b#r replie%*
5Th#t5s 2h#t + s#i%*5
5Th#t5s 2h#t + s#i%,5 0)$b#r s#i%*
The o&&icer st#(pe% his &oot pet)l#$tly, t)r$i$g 2e#- 2ith &r)str#tio$* 5Are yo) %eliber#tely repe#ti$g e,erythi$g + s#y95
5Are yo) %eliber#tely repe#ti$g e,erythi$g + s#y95
'!'ll
hrash you.' The man raised a ist.
5+5ll thr#sh yo),5 0)$b#r 2#r$e% hi( col%ly* 5.o)5re # :er(#$ spy, #$% +5( goi$g to h#,e yo) shot*5
5:er(#$ spy9 +5( #$ A(eric#$ colo$el*5
5.o) %o$5t loo- li-e #$ A(eric#$ colo$el* .o) loo- li-e # &#t (#$ 2ith # pillo2 i$ &ro$t o& hi(* >here5s yo)r )$i&or(, i&
yo)5re #$ A(eric#$ colo$el95
5.o) 3)st thre2 it o)t the 2i$%o2*5
5All right, (e$,5 0)$b#r s#i%* 5Loc- the silly b#st#r% )p* T#-e the silly b#st#r% %o2$ to the st#tio$ ho)se #$% thro2 #2#y
the -ey*5
The colo$el bl#$che% 2ith #l#r(* 5Are yo) #ll cr#4y9 >here5s yo)r b#%ge9 Hey, yo)C Co(e b#c- i$ hereC5
7)t he 2hirle% too l#te to stop /#tely, 2ho h#% gli(pse% his girl sitti$g o$ the so&# i$ the other roo( #$% h#% %#rte%
thro)gh the %oor2#y behi$% his b#c-* The others po)re% thro)gh #&ter hi( right i$to the (i%st o& the other $#-e% big
shots* H)$gry Joe l#)ghe% hysteric#lly 2he$ he s#2 the(, poi$ti$g i$ %isbelie& #t o$e #&ter the other #$% cl#spi$g his
he#% #$% si%es* T2o 2ith &leshy physi6)es #%,#$ce% tr)c)le$tly )$til they spie% the loo- o& (e#$ %isli-e #$% hostility o$
0obbs #$% 0)$b#r #$% $otice% th#t 0obbs 2#s still s2i$gi$g li-e # t2o-h#$%e% cl)b the 2ro)ght-iro$ #sh st#$% he h#%
)se% to s(#sh thi$gs i$ the sitti$g roo(* /#tely 2#s #lre#%y #t his girl5s si%e* She st#re% #t hi( 2itho)t recog$itio$ &or #
&e2 seco$%s* The$ she s(ile% &#i$tly #$% let her he#% si$- to his sho)l%er 2ith her eyes close%* /#tely 2#s i$ ecst#syA
she h#% $e,er s(ile% #t hi( be&ore*
5;ilpo,5 s#i% # c#l(, sle$%er, 3#%e%-loo-i$g (#$ 2ho h#% $ot e,e$ stirre% &ro( his #r(ch#ir* 5.o) %o$5t obey or%ers* + tol%
yo) to get the( o)t, #$% yo)5,e go$e #$% bro)ght the( i$* C#$5t yo) see the %i&&ere$ce95
5They5,e thro2$ o)r thi$gs o)t the 2i$%o2, :e$er#l*5
5:oo% &or the(* O)r )$i&or(s too9 Th#t 2#s cle,er* >e5ll $e,er be #ble to co$,i$ce #$yo$e 2e5re s)perior 2itho)t o)r
)$i&or(s*5
5Let5s get their $#(es, Lo), #$% -5
5Oh, /e%, rel#8,5 s#i% the sle$%er (#$ 2ith pr#ctice% 2e#ri$ess* 5.o) (#y be pretty goo% #t (o,i$g #r(ore% %i,isio$s
i$to #ctio$, b)t yo)5re #l(ost )seless i$ # soci#l sit)#tio$* Soo$er or l#ter 2e5ll get o)r )$i&or(s b#c-, #$% the$ 2e5ll be
their s)periors #g#i$* 0i% they re#lly thro2 o)r )$i&or(s o)t9 Th#t 2#s # sple$%i% t#ctic*5
5They thre2 e,erythi$g o)t*5
5The o$es i$ the closet, too95
5They thre2 the closet o)t, :e$er#l* Th#t 2#s th#t cr#sh 2e he#r% 2he$ 2e tho)ght they 2ere co(i$g i$ to -ill )s*5
5A$% +5ll thro2 yo) o)t $e8t,5 0)$b#r thre#te$e%*
The ge$er#l p#le% slightly* 5>h#t the %e,il is he so (#% #bo)t95 he #s-e% .oss#ri#$*
5He (e#$s it, too,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5.o)5% better let the girl le#,e*5
5Lor%, t#-e her,5 e8cl#i(e% the ge$er#l 2ith relie&* 5All she5s %o$e is (#-e )s &eel i$sec)re* At le#st she (ight h#,e
%isli-e% or rese$te% )s &or the h)$%re% %oll#rs 2e p#i% her* 7)t she 2o)l%$5t e,e$ %o th#t* .o)r h#$%so(e yo)$g &rie$%
there see(s 6)ite #tt#che% to her* /otice the 2#y he lets his &i$gers li$ger o$ the i$si%e o& her thighs #s he prete$%s to
roll )p her stoc-i$gs*5
/#tely, c#)ght i$ the #ct, bl)she% g)iltily #$% (o,e% (ore 6)ic-ly thro)gh the steps o& %ressi$g her* She 2#s so)$%
#sleep #$% bre#the% so reg)l#rly th#t she see(e% to be s$ori$g so&tly*
5Let5s ch#rge her $o2, Lo)C5 )rge% #$other o&&icer* 5>e5,e got (ore perso$$el, #$% 2e c#$ e$circle -5
5Oh, $o, 7ill,5 #$s2ere% the ge$er#l 2ith # sigh* 5.o) (#y be # 2i4#r% #t %irecti$g # pi$cer (o,e(e$t i$ goo% 2e#ther
o$ le,el terr#i$ #g#i$st #$ e$e(y th#t h#s #lre#%y co((itte% his reser,es, b)t yo) %o$5t #l2#ys thi$- so cle#rly
#$y2here else* >hy sho)l% 2e 2#$t to -eep her95
5:e$er#l, 2e5re i$ # ,ery b#% str#tegic positio$* >e h#,e$5t got # stitch o& clothi$g, #$% it5s goi$g to be ,ery %egr#%i$g
#$% e(b#rr#ssi$g &or the perso$ 2ho h#s to go %o2$st#irs thro)gh the lobby to get so(e*5
5.es, ;ilpo, yo)5re 6)ite right,5 s#i% the ge$er#l* 5A$% th#t5s e8#ctly 2hy yo)5re the o$e to %o it* :et goi$g*5
5/#-e%, sir95
5T#-e yo)r pillo2 2ith yo) i& yo) 2#$t to* A$% get so(e cig#rettes, too, 2hile yo)5re %o2$st#irs pic-i$g )p (y )$%er2e#r
#$% p#$ts, 2ill yo)95
5+5ll se$% e,erythi$g )p &or yo),5 .oss#ri#$ o&&ere%*
5There, :e$er#l,5 s#i% ;ilpo 2ith relie&* 5/o2 + 2o$5t h#,e to go*5
5;ilpo, yo) $it2it* C#$5t yo) see he5s lyi$g95
5Are yo) lyi$g95
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e%, #$% ;ilpo5s &#ith 2#s sh#ttere%* .oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% #$% helpe% /#tely 2#l- his girl o)t i$to the
corri%or #$% i$to the ele,#tor* Her &#ce 2#s s(ili$g #s tho)gh 2ith # lo,ely %re#( #s she slept 2ith her he#% still resti$g
o$ /#tely5s sho)l%er* 0obbs #$% 0)$b#r r#$ o)t i$to the street to stop # c#b*
/#tely5s 2hore loo-e% )p 2he$ they le&t the c#r* She s2#llo2e% %ryly se,er#l ti(es %)ri$g the #r%)o)s tre- )p the st#irs
Catch 22
to her #p#rt(e$t, b)t she 2#s sleepi$g so)$%ly #g#i$ by the ti(e /#tely )$%resse% her #$% p)t her to be%* She slept
&or eightee$ ho)rs, 2hile /#tely %#she% #bo)t the #p#rt(e$t #ll the $e8t (or$i$g sh)shi$g e,erybo%y i$ sight, #$%
2he$ she 2o-e )p she 2#s %eeply i$ lo,e 2ith hi(* +$ the l#st #$#lysis, th#t 2#s #ll it too- to 2i$ her he#rt - # goo%
$ight5s sleep*
The girl s(ile% 2ith co$te$t(e$t 2he$ she ope$e% her eyes #$% s#2 hi(, #$% the$, stretchi$g her lo$g legs
l#$g)oro)sly be$e#th the r)stli$g sheets, bec-o$e% hi( i$to be% besi%e her 2ith th#t loo- o& si(peri$g i%iocy o& #
2o(#$ i$ he#t* /#tely (o,e% to her i$ # h#ppy %#4e, so o,erco(e 2ith r#pt)re th#t he h#r%ly (i$%e% 2he$ her -i%
sister i$terr)pte% hi( #g#i$ by &lyi$g i$to the roo( #$% &li$gi$g hersel& %o2$ o$to the be% bet2ee$ the(* /#tely5s 2hore
sl#ppe% #$% c)rse% her, b)t this ti(e 2ith l#)ghter #$% ge$ero)s #&&ectio$, #$% /#tely settle% b#c- s()gly 2ith #$ #r(
#bo)t e#ch, &eeli$g stro$g #$% protecti,e* They (#%e # 2o$%er&)l &#(ily gro)p, he %eci%e%* The little girl 2o)l% go to
college 2he$ she 2#s ol% e$o)gh, to S(ith or R#%cli&&e or 7ry$ '#2r - he 2o)l% see to th#t* /#tely bo)$%e% o)t o& be%
#&ter # &e2 (i$)tes to #$$o)$ce his goo% &ort)$e to his &rie$%s #t the top o& his ,oice* He c#lle% to the( 3)bil#$tly to
co(e to the roo( #$% sl#((e% the %oor i$ their st#rtle% &#ces #s soo$ #s they #rri,e%* He h#% re(e(bere% 3)st i$ ti(e
th#t his girl h#% $o clothes o$*
5:et %resse%,5 he or%ere% her, co$gr#t)l#ti$g hi(sel& o$ his #lert$ess*
5PerchN95 she #s-e% c)rio)sly*
5PerchN95 he repe#te% 2ith #$ i$%)lge$t ch)c-le* 57ec#)se + %o$5t 2#$t the( to see yo) 2itho)t #$y clothes o$*5
5PerchN $o95 she i$6)ire%*
5PerchN $o95 He loo-e% #t her 2ith #sto$ish(e$t* 57ec#)se it is$5t right &or other (e$ to see yo) $#-e%, th#t5s 2hy*5
5PerchN $o95
57ec#)se + s#y $oC5 /#tely e8plo%e% i$ &r)str#tio$* 5/o2 %o$5t #rg)e 2ith (e* +5( the (#$ #$% yo) h#,e to %o 2h#te,er +
s#y* ;ro( $o2 o$, + &orbi% yo) e,er to go o)t o& this roo( )$less yo) h#,e #ll yo)r clothes o$* +s th#t cle#r95
/#tely5s 2hore loo-e% #t hi( #s tho)gh he 2ere i$s#$e* 5Are yo) cr#4y9 Che s)cce%e95
5+ (e#$ e,ery 2or% + s#y*5
5T) sei p#44oC5 she sho)te% #t hi( 2ith i$cre%)lo)s i$%ig$#tio$, #$% spr#$g o)t o& be%* S$#rli$g )$i$telligibly, she
s$#ppe% o$ p#$ties #$% stro%e to2#r% the %oor*
/#tely %re2 hi(sel& )p 2ith &)ll (#$ly #)thority* 5+ &orbi% yo) to le#,e this roo( th#t 2#y,5 he i$&or(e% her*
5T) sei p#44oC5 she shot b#c- #t hi(, #&ter he h#% le&t, sh#-i$g her he#% i$ %isbelie&* 5+%iot#C T) sei )$ p#44o i(becilleC5
5T) sei p#44o,5 s#i% her thi$ -i% sister, st#rti$g o)t #&ter her i$ the s#(e h#)ghty 2#l-*
5.o) co(e b#c- here,5 /#tely or%ere% her* 5+ &orbi% yo) to go o)t th#t 2#y, tooC5
5+%iot#C5 the -i% sister c#lle% b#c- #t hi( 2ith %ig$ity #&ter she h#% &lo)$ce% p#st* 5T) sei )$ p#44o i(becille*5
/#tely &)(e% i$ circles o& %istr#cte% helpless$ess &or se,er#l seco$%s #$% the$ spri$te% o)t i$to the sitti$g roo( to
&orbi% his &rie$%s to loo- #t his girl &rie$% 2hile she co(pl#i$e% #bo)t hi( i$ o$ly her p#$ties*
5>hy $ot95 #s-e% 0)$b#r*
5>hy $ot95 e8cl#i(e% /#tely* 57ec#)se she5s (y girl $o2, #$% it is$5t right &or yo) to see her )$less she5s &)lly %resse%*5
5>hy $ot95 #s-e% 0)$b#r*
5.o) see95 s#i% his girl 2ith # shr)g* 5L)i N p#44oC5
5Si, N (olto p#44o,5 echoe% her -i% sister*
5The$ (#-e her -eep her clothes o$ i& yo) %o$5t 2#$t )s to see her,5 #rg)e% H)$gry Joe* 5>h#t the hell %o yo) 2#$t
&ro( )s95
5She 2o$5t liste$ to (e,5 /#tely co$&esse% sheepishly* 5So &ro( $o2 o$ yo)5ll #ll h#,e to sh)t yo)r eyes or loo- i$ the
other %irectio$ 2he$ she co(es i$ th#t 2#y* O-#y95
5'#%o$$5C5 crie% his girl i$ e8#sper#tio$, #$% st#(pe% o)t o& the roo(*
5'#%o$$5C5 crie% her -i% sister, #$% st#(pe% o)t behi$% her*
5L)i N p#44o,5 .oss#ri#$ obser,e% goo%-$#t)re%ly* 5+ cert#i$ly h#,e to #%(it it*5
5Hey, yo) cr#4y or so(ethi$g95 H)$gry Joe %e(#$%e% o& /#tely* 5The $e8t thi$g yo) -$o2 yo)5ll be tryi$g to (#-e her
gi,e )p h)stli$g*5
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 /#tely s#i% to his girl, 5+ &orbi% yo) to go o)t h)stli$g*5
5PerchN95 she i$6)ire% c)rio)sly*
5PerchN95 he scre#(e% 2ith #(#4e(e$t* 57ec#)se it5s $ot $ice, th#t5s 2hyC5
5PerchN $o95
57ec#)se it 3)st is$5tC5 /#tely i$siste%* 5+t 3)st is$5t right &or # $ice girl li-e yo) to go loo-i$g &or other (e$ to sleep 2ith* +5ll
gi,e yo) #ll the (o$ey yo) $ee%, so yo) 2o$5t h#,e to %o it #$y (ore*5
5A$% 2h#t 2ill + %o #ll %#y i$ste#%95
50o95 s#i% /#tely* 5.o)5ll %o 2h#t #ll yo)r &rie$%s %o*5
5'y &rie$%s go loo-i$g &or (e$ to sleep 2ith*5
5The$ get $e2 &rie$%sC + %o$5t e,e$ 2#$t yo) to #ssoci#te 2ith girls li-e th#t, #$y2#y* Prostit)tio$ is b#%C E,erybo%y
-$o2s th#t, e,e$ hi(*5 He t)r$e% 2ith co$&i%e$ce to the e8perie$ce% ol% (#$* 5A( + right95
5.o)5re 2ro$g,5 #$s2ere% the ol% (#$* 5Prostit)tio$ gi,es her #$ opport)$ity to (eet people* +t pro,i%es &resh #ir #$%
2holeso(e e8ercise, #$% it -eeps her o)t o& tro)ble*5
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 /#tely %ecl#re% ster$ly to his girl &rie$%, 5+ &orbi% yo) to h#,e #$ythi$g to %o 2ith th#t 2ic-e% ol% (#$*5
5B# &o$g)lC5 his girl replie%, rolli$g her h#r#sse% eyes )p to2#r% the ceili$g* 5>h#t %oes he 2#$t &ro( (e95 she i(plore%,
sh#-i$g her &ists* 5L#sci#(iC5 she tol% hi( i$ (e$#ci$g e$tre#ty* 5St)pi%oC +& yo) thi$- (y &rie$%s #re so b#%, go tell yo)r
&rie$%s $ot to &ic-y-&ic- #ll the ti(e 2ith (y &rie$%sC5
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 /#tely tol% his &rie$%s, 5+ thi$- yo) &ello2s o)ght to stop r)$$i$g #ro)$% 2ith her &rie$%s #$% settle %o2$*5
5'#%o$$5C5 crie% his &rie$%s, rolli$g their h#r#sse% eyes )p to2#r% the ceili$g*
/#tely h#% go$e cle#r o)t o& his (i$%* He 2#$te% the( #ll to &#ll i$ lo,e right #2#y #$% get (#rrie%* 0)$b#r co)l% (#rry
Orr5s 2hore, #$% .oss#ri#$ co)l% &#ll i$ lo,e 2ith /)rse 0)c-ett or #$yo$e else he li-e%* A&ter the 2#r they co)l% #ll
2or- &or /#tely5s &#ther #$% bri$g )p their chil%re$ i$ the s#(e s)b)rb* /#tely s#2 it #ll ,ery cle#rly* Lo,e h#%
tr#$s(ogri&ie% hi( i$to # ro(#$tic i%iot, #$% they %ro,e hi( #2#y b#c- i$to the be%roo( to 2r#$gle 2ith his girl o,er
121 | P a g e
C#pt#i$ 7l#c-* She #gree% $ot to go to be% 2ith C#pt#i$ 7l#c- #g#i$ or gi,e hi( #$y (ore o& /#tely5s (o$ey, b)t she
2o)l% $ot b)%ge #$ i$ch o$ her &rie$%ship 2ith the )gly, ill--e(pt, %issip#te%, &ilthy-(i$%e% ol% (#$, 2ho 2it$esse%
/#tely5s &lo2eri$g lo,e #&&#ir 2ith i$s)lti$g %erisio$ #$% 2o)l% $ot #%(it th#t Co$gress 2#s the gre#test %eliber#ti,e
bo%y i$ the 2hole 2orl%*
5;ro( $o2 o$,5 /#tely or%ere% his girl &ir(ly, 5+ #bsol)tely &orbi% yo) e,e$ to spe#- to th#t %isg)sti$g ol% (#$*5
5Ag#i$ the ol% (#$95 crie% the girl i$ 2#ili$g co$&)sio$* 5PerchN $o95
5He %oes$5t li-e the Ho)se o& Represe$t#ti,es*5
5'#((# (i#C >h#t5s the (#tter 2ith yo)95
5E p#44o,5 obser,e% her -i% sister philosophic#lly* 5Th#t5s 2h#t5s the (#tter 2ith hi(*5
5Si,5 the ol%er girl #gree% re#%ily, te#ri$g #t her lo$g bro2$ h#ir 2ith both h#$%s* 5L)i N p#44o*5
7)t she (isse% /#tely 2he$ he 2#s #2#y #$% 2#s &)rio)s 2ith .oss#ri#$ 2he$ he p)$che% /#tely i$ the &#ce 2ith #ll
his (ight #$% -$oc-e% hi( i$to the hospit#l 2ith # bro-e$ $ose*
GD THA/?S:+B+/:
+t 2#s #ct)#lly #ll Serge#$t ?$ight5s &#)lt th#t .oss#ri#$ b)ste% /#tely i$ the $ose o$ Th#$-sgi,i$g 0#y, #&ter e,eryo$e
i$ the s6)#%ro$ h#% gi,e$ h)(ble th#$-s to 'ilo &or pro,i%i$g the &#$t#stic#lly op)le$t (e#l o$ 2hich the o&&icers #$%
e$liste% (e$ h#% gorge% the(sel,es i$s#ti#bly #ll #&ter$oo$ #$% &or %ispe$si$g li-e i$e8h#)stible l#rgess the )$ope$e%
bottles o& che#p 2his-ey he h#$%e% o)t )$sp#ri$gly to e,ery (#$ 2ho #s-e%* E,e$ be&ore %#r-, yo)$g sol%iers 2ith
p#sty 2hite &#ces 2ere thro2i$g )p e,ery2here #$% p#ssi$g o)t %r)$-e$ly o$ the gro)$%* The #ir t)r$e% &o)l* Other
(e$ pic-e% )p ste#( #s the ho)rs p#sse%, #$% the #i(less, rioto)s celebr#tio$ co$ti$)e%* +t 2#s # r#2, ,iole$t,
g)44li$g s#t)r$#li# th#t spille% obstrepero)sly thro)gh the 2oo%s to the o&&icers5 cl)b #$% spre#% )p i$to the hills to2#r%
the hospit#l #$% the #$ti#ircr#&t-g)$ e(pl#ce(e$ts* There 2ere &ist &ights i$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% o$e st#bbi$g* Corpor#l
?olo%$y shot hi(sel& thro)gh the leg i$ the i$tellige$ce te$t 2hile pl#yi$g 2ith # lo#%e% g)$ #$% h#% his g)(s #$% toes
p#i$te% p)rple i$ the spee%i$g #(b)l#$ce #s he l#y o$ his b#c- 2ith the bloo% sp)rti$g &ro( his 2o)$%* 'e$ 2ith c)t
&i$gers, blee%i$g he#%s, sto(#ch cr#(ps #$% bro-e$ #$-les c#(e li(pi$g pe$ite$tly )p to the (e%ic#l te$t to h#,e their
g)(s #$% toes p#i$te% p)rple by :)s #$% >es #$% be gi,e$ # l#8#ti,e to thro2 i$to the b)shes* The 3oyo)s celebr#tio$
l#ste% lo$g i$to the $ight, #$% the still$ess 2#s &r#ct)re% o&te$ by 2il%, e8)lt#$t sho)ts #$% by the cries o& people 2ho
2ere (erry or sic-* There 2#s the rec)rri$g so)$% o& retchi$g #$% (o#$i$g, o& l#)ghter, greeti$gs, thre#ts #$%
s2e#ri$g, #$% o& bottles sh#tteri$g #g#i$st roc-* There 2ere %irty so$gs i$ the %ist#$ce* +t 2#s 2orse th#$ /e2 .e#r5s
E,e*
.oss#ri#$ 2e$t to be% e#rly &or s#&ety #$% soo$ %re#(e% th#t he 2#s &leei$g #l(ost he#%lo$g %o2$ #$ e$%less 2oo%e$
st#irc#se, (#-i$g # lo)%, st#cc#to cl#tter 2ith his heels* The$ he 2o-e )p # little #$% re#li4e% so(eo$e 2#s shooti$g #t
hi( 2ith # (#chi$e g)$* A tort)re%, terri&ie% sob rose i$ his thro#t* His &irst tho)ght 2#s th#t 'ilo 2#s #tt#c-i$g the
s6)#%ro$ #g#i$, #$% he rolle% o& his cot to the &loor #$% l#y )$%er$e#th i$ # tre(bli$g, pr#yi$g b#ll, his he#rt th)(pi$g
li-e # %rop &orge, his bo%y b#the% i$ # col% s2e#t* There 2#s $o $oise o& pl#$es* A %r)$-e$, h#ppy l#)gh so)$%e% &ro(
#&#r* 5H#ppy /e2 .e#r, H#ppy /e2 .e#rC5 # tri)(ph#$t &#(ili#r ,oice sho)te% hil#rio)sly &ro( high #bo,e bet2ee$ the
short, sh#rp b)rsts o& (#chi$e g)$ &ire, #$% .oss#ri#$ )$%erstoo% th#t so(e (e$ h#% go$e #s # pr#$- to o$e o& the
s#$%b#gge% (#chi$e-g)$ e(pl#ce(e$ts 'ilo h#% i$st#lle% i$ the hills #&ter his r#i% o$ the s6)#%ro$ #$% st#&&e% 2ith
his o2$ (e$*
.oss#ri#$ bl#4e% 2ith h#tre% #$% 2r#th 2he$ he s#2 he 2#s the ,icti( o& #$ irrespo$sible 3o-e th#t h#% %estroye% his
sleep #$% re%)ce% hi( to # 2hi(peri$g h)l-* He 2#$te% to -ill, he 2#$te% to ()r%er* He 2#s #$grier th#$ he h#% e,er
bee$ be&ore, #$grier e,e$ th#$ 2he$ he h#% sli% his h#$%s #ro)$% 'c>#tt5s $ec- to str#$gle hi(* The g)$ ope$e% &ire
#g#i$* Boices crie% 5H#ppy /e2 .e#rC5 #$% glo#ti$g l#)ghter rolle% %o2$ &ro( the hills thro)gh the %#r-$ess li-e #
2itch5s glee* +$ (occ#si$s #$% co,er#lls, .oss#ri#$ ch#rge% o)t o& his te$t &or re,e$ge 2ith his *D!, r#((i$g # clip o&
c#rtri%ges )p i$to the grip #$% sl#((i$g the bolt o& the g)$ b#c- to lo#% it* He s$#ppe% o&& the s#&ety c#tch #$% 2#s
re#%y to shoot* He he#r% /#tely r)$$i$g #&ter hi( to restr#i$ hi(, c#lli$g his $#(e* The (#chi$e g)$ ope$e% &ire o$ce
(ore &ro( # bl#c- rise #bo,e the (otor pool, #$% or#$ge tr#cer b)llets s-i((e% li-e lo2-gli%i$g %#shes o,er the tops o&
the sh#%o2y te$ts, #l(ost clippi$g the pe#-s* Ro#rs o& ro)gh l#)ghter r#$g o)t #g#i$ bet2ee$ the short b)rsts*
.oss#ri#$ &elt rese$t(e$t boil li-e #ci% i$si%e hi(A they 2ere e$%#$geri$g his li&e, the b#st#r%sC >ith bli$%, &erocio)s
r#ge #$% %eter(i$#tio$, he r#ce% #cross the s6)#%ro$ p#st the (otor pool, r)$$i$g #s &#st #s he co)l%, #$% 2#s
#lre#%y po)$%i$g )p i$to the hills #lo$g the $#rro2, 2i$%i$g p#th 2he$ /#tely &i$#lly c#)ght )p, still c#lli$g 5.o-.oC .o-
.oC5 2ith ple#%i$g co$cer$ #$% i(plori$g hi( to stop* He gr#spe% .oss#ri#$5s sho)l%ers #$% trie% to hol% hi( b#c-*
.oss#ri#$ t2iste% &ree, t)r$i$g* /#tely re#che% &or hi( #g#i$, #$% .oss#ri#$ %ro,e his &ist s6)#rely i$to /#tely5s %elic#te
yo)$g &#ce #s h#r% #s he co)l%, c)rsi$g hi(, the$ %re2 his #r( b#c- to hit hi( #g#i$, b)t /#tely h#% %roppe% o)t o&
sight 2ith # gro#$ #$% l#y c)rle% )p o$ the gro)$% 2ith his he#% b)rie% i$ both h#$%s #$% bloo% stre#(i$g bet2ee$ his
&i$gers* .oss#ri#$ 2hirle% #$% pl)$ge% #he#% )p the p#th 2itho)t loo-i$g b#c-*
Soo$ he s#2 the (#chi$e g)$* T2o &ig)res le#pe% )p i$ silho)ette 2he$ they he#r% hi( #$% &le% i$to the $ight 2ith
t#)$ti$g l#)ghter be&ore he co)l% get there* He 2#s too l#te* Their &ootsteps rece%e%, le#,i$g the circle o& s#$%b#gs
e(pty #$% sile$t i$ the crisp #$% 2i$%less (oo$light* He loo-e% #bo)t %e3ecte%ly* Jeeri$g l#)ghter c#(e to hi( #g#i$,
&ro( # %ist#$ce* A t2ig s$#ppe% $e#rby* .oss#ri#$ %roppe% to his -$ees 2ith # col% thrill o& el#tio$ #$% #i(e%* He he#r%
# ste#lthy r)stle o& le#,es o$ the other si%e o& the s#$%b#gs #$% &ire% t2o 6)ic- ro)$%s* So(eo$e &ire% b#c- #t hi(
o$ce, #$% he recog$i4e% the shot*
50)$b#r9 he c#lle%*
5.oss#ri#$95
The t2o (e$ le&t their hi%i$g pl#ces #$% 2#l-e% &or2#r% to (eet i$ the cle#ri$g 2ith 2e#ry %is#ppoi$t(e$t, their g)$s
%o2$* They 2ere both shi,eri$g slightly &ro( the &rosty #ir #$% 2hee4i$g &ro( the l#bor o& their )phill r)sh*
5The b#st#r%s,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5They got #2#y*5
5They too- te$ ye#rs o&& (y li&e,5 0)$b#r e8cl#i(e%* 5+ tho)ght th#t so$ o& # bitch 'ilo 2#s bo(bi$g )s #g#i$* +5,e $e,er
bee$ so sc#re%* + 2ish + -$e2 2ho the b#st#r%s 2ere*
5O$e 2#s Serge#$t ?$ight*5
5Let5s go -ill hi(*5 0)$b#r5s teeth 2ere ch#tteri$g* 5He h#% $o right to sc#re )s th#t 2#y*5
.oss#ri#$ $o lo$ger 2#$te% to -ill #$yo$e* 5Let5s help /#tely &irst* + thi$- + h)rt hi( #t the botto( o& the hill*5
Catch 22
7)t there 2#s $o sig$ o& /#tely #lo$g the p#th, e,e$ tho)gh .oss#ri#$ loc#te% the right spot by the bloo% o$ the sto$es*
/#tely 2#s $ot i$ his te$t either, #$% they %i% $ot c#tch )p 2ith hi( )$til the $e8t (or$i$g 2he$ they chec-e% i$to the
hospit#l #s p#tie$ts #&ter le#r$i$g he h#% chec-e% i$ 2ith # bro-e$ $ose the $ight be&ore* /#tely be#(e% i$ &righte$e%
s)rprise #s they p#%%e% i$to the 2#r% i$ their slippers #$% robes behi$% /)rse Cr#(er #$% 2ere #ssig$e% to their be%s*
/#tely5s $ose 2#s i$ # b)l-y c#st, #$% he h#% t2o bl#c- eyes* He -ept bl)shi$g gi%%ily i$ shy e(b#rr#ss(e$t #$%
s#yi$g he 2#s sorry 2he$ .oss#ri#$ c#(e o,er to #pologi4e &or hitti$g hi(* .oss#ri#$ &elt terribleA he co)l% h#r%ly be#r
to loo- #t /#tely5s b#ttere% co)$te$#$ce, e,e$ tho)gh the sight 2#s so co(ic#l he 2#s te(pte% to g)&&#2* 0)$b#r 2#s
%isg)ste% by their se$ti(e$t#lity, #$% #ll three 2ere relie,e% 2he$ H)$gry Joe c#(e b#rgi$g i$ )$e8pecte%ly 2ith his
i$tric#te bl#c- c#(er# #$% tr)(pe%-)p sy(pto(s o& #ppe$%icitis to be $e#r e$o)gh to .oss#ri#$ to t#-e pict)res o& hi(
&eeli$g )p /)rse 0)c-ett* Li-e .oss#ri#$, he 2#s soo$ %is#ppoi$te%* /)rse 0)c-ett h#% %eci%e% to (#rry # %octor - #$y
%octor, bec#)se they #ll %i% so 2ell i$ b)si$ess - #$% 2o)l% $ot t#-e ch#$ces i$ the ,ici$ity o& the (#$ 2ho (ight
so(e%#y be her h)sb#$%* H)$gry Joe 2#s ir#te #$% i$co$sol#ble )$til - o& #ll people - the ch#pl#i$ 2#s le% i$ 2e#ri$g #
(#roo$ cor%)roy b#throbe, shi$i$g li-e # s-i$$y lightho)se 2ith # r#%i#$t gri$ o& sel&-s#tis&#ctio$ too tre(e$%o)s to be
co$ce#le%* The ch#pl#i$ h#% e$tere% the hospit#l 2ith # p#i$ i$ his he#rt th#t the %octors tho)ght 2#s g#s i$ his
sto(#ch #$% 2ith #$ #%,#$ce% c#se o& >isco$si$ shi$gles*
5>h#t i$ the 2orl% #re >isco$si$ shi$gles95 #s-e% .oss#ri#$*
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t the %octors 2#$te% to -$o2C5 bl)rte% o)t the ch#pl#i$ pro)%ly, #$% b)rst i$to l#)ghter* /o o$e h#% e,er
see$ hi( so 2#ggish, or so h#ppy* 5There5s $o s)ch thi$g #s >isco$si$ shi$gles* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 + lie%* + (#%e #
%e#l 2ith the %octors* + pro(ise% th#t + 2o)l% let the( -$o2 2he$ (y >isco$si$ shi$gles 2e$t #2#y i& they 2o)l%
pro(ise $ot to %o #$ythi$g to c)re the(* + $e,er tol% # lie be&ore* +s$5t it 2o$%er&)l95
The ch#pl#i$ h#% si$$e%, #$% it 2#s goo%* Co((o$ se$se tol% hi( th#t telli$g lies #$% %e&ecti$g &ro( %)ty 2ere si$s*
O$ the other h#$%, e,eryo$e -$e2 th#t si$ 2#s e,il, #$% th#t $o goo% co)l% co(e &ro( e,il* 7)t he %i% &eel goo%A he &elt
positi,ely (#r,elo)s* Co$se6)e$tly, it &ollo2e% logic#lly th#t telli$g lies #$% %e&ecti$g &ro( %)ty co)l% $ot be si$s* The
ch#pl#i$ h#% (#stere%, i$ # (o(e$t o& %i,i$e i$t)itio$, the h#$%y tech$i6)e o& protecti,e r#tio$#li4#tio$, #$% he 2#s
e8hil#r#te% by his %isco,ery* +t 2#s (ir#c)lo)s* +t 2#s #l(ost $o tric- #t #ll, he s#2, to t)r$ ,ice i$to ,irt)e #$% sl#$%er
i$to tr)th, i(pote$ce i$to #bsti$e$ce, #rrog#$ce i$to h)(ility, pl)$%er i$to phil#$thropy, thie,ery i$to ho$or, bl#sphe(y
i$to 2is%o(, br)t#lity i$to p#triotis(, #$% s#%is( i$to 3)stice* A$ybo%y co)l% %o itA it re6)ire% $o br#i$s #t #ll* +t (erely
re6)ire% $o ch#r#cter* >ith e&&er,esce$t #gility the ch#pl#i$ r#$ thro)gh the 2hole g#()t o& ortho%o8 i((or#lities, 2hile
/#tely s#t )p i$ be% 2ith &l)she% el#tio$, #sto)$%e% by the (#% g#$g o& co(p#$io$s o& 2hich he &o)$% hi(sel& the
$)cle)s* He 2#s &l#ttere% #$% #pprehe$si,e, cert#i$ th#t so(e se,ere o&&ici#l 2o)l% soo$ #ppe#r #$% thro2 the 2hole
lot o& the( o)t li-e # p#c- o& b)(s* /o o$e bothere% the(* +$ the e,e$i$g they #ll troope% e8)ber#$tly o)t to see #
lo)sy Holly2oo% e8tr#,#g#$4# i$ Tech$icolor, #$% 2he$ they troope% e8)ber#$tly b#c- i$ #&ter the lo)sy Holly2oo%
e8tr#,#g#$4#, the sol%ier i$ 2hite 2#s there, #$% 0)$b#r scre#(e% #$% 2e$t to pieces*
5He5s b#c-C5 0)$b#r scre#(e%* 5He5s b#c-C He5s b#c-C5
.oss#ri#$ &ro4e i$ his tr#c-s, p#r#ly4e% #s ()ch by the eerie shrill$ess i$ 0)$b#r5s ,oice #s by the &#(ili#r, 2hite,
(orbi% sight o& the sol%ier i$ 2hite co,ere% &ro( he#% to toe i$ pl#ster #$% g#)4e* A str#$ge, 6)#,eri$g, i$,ol)$t#ry
$oise c#(e b)bbli$g &ro( .oss#ri#$5s thro#t*
5He5s b#c-C5 0)$b#r scre#(e% #g#i$*
5He5s b#c-C5 # p#tie$t %elirio)s 2ith &e,er echoe% i$ #)to(#tic terror*
All #t o$ce the 2#r% er)pte% i$to be%l#(* 'obs o& sic- #$% i$3)re% (e$ beg#$ r#$ti$g i$cohere$tly #$% r)$$i$g #$%
3)(pi$g i$ the #isle #s tho)gh the b)il%i$g 2ere o$ &ire* A p#tie$t 2ith o$e &oot #$% o$e cr)tch 2#s hoppi$g b#c- #$%
&orth s2i&tly i$ p#$ic cryi$g, 5>h#t is it9 >h#t is it9 Are 2e b)r$i$g9 Are 2e b)r$i$g95
5He5s b#c-C5 so(eo$e sho)te% #t hi(* 50i%$5t yo) he#r hi(9 He5s b#c-C He5s b#c-C5
5>ho5s b#c-95 sho)te% so(eo$e else* 5>ho is it95
5>h#t %oes it (e#$9 >h#t sho)l% 2e %o95
5Are 2e o$ &ire95
5:et )p #$% r)$, %#($ itC E,erybo%y get )p #$% r)$C5
E,erybo%y got o)t o& be% #$% beg#$ r)$$i$g &ro( o$e e$% o& the 2#r% to the other* O$e C*+*0* (#$ 2#s loo-i$g &or #
g)$ to shoot o$e o& the other C*+*0* (e$ 2ho h#% 3#bbe% his elbo2 i$to his eye* The 2#r% h#% t)r$e% i$to ch#os* The
p#tie$t %elirio)s 2ith the high &e,er le#pe% i$to the #isle #$% #l(ost -$oc-e% o,er the p#tie$t 2ith o$e &oot, 2ho
#cci%e$t#lly bro)ght the bl#c- r)bber tip o& his cr)tch %o2$ o$ the other5s b#re &oot, cr)shi$g so(e toes* The %elirio)s
(#$ 2ith the &e,er #$% the cr)she% toes s#$- to the &loor #$% 2ept i$ p#i$ 2hile other (e$ trippe% o,er hi( #$% h)rt
hi( (ore i$ their bli$%, (illi$g, #go$i4e% st#(pe%e* 5He5s b#c-C5 #ll the (e$ -ept ()(bli$g #$% ch#$ti$g #$% c#lli$g o)t
hysteric#lly #s they r)she% b#c- #$% &orth* 5He5s b#c-, he5s b#c-C5 /)rse Cr#(er 2#s there i$ the (i%%le s)%%e$ly li-e #
spi$$i$g police(#$, tryi$g %esper#tely to restore or%er, %issol,i$g helplessly i$to te#rs 2he$ she &#ile%* 57e still, ple#se
be still,5 she )rge% )selessly thro)gh her (#ssi,e sobs* The ch#pl#i$, p#le #s # ghost, h#% $o i%e# 2h#t 2#s goi$g o$*
/either %i% /#tely, 2ho -ept close to .oss#ri#$5s si%e, cli$gi$g to his elbo2, or H)$gry Joe, 2ho &ollo2e% %)bio)sly 2ith
his scr#2$y &ists cle$che% #$% gl#$ce% &ro( si%e to si%e 2ith # &#ce th#t 2#s sc#re%*
5Hey, 2h#t5s goi$g o$95 H)$gry Joe ple#%e%* 5>h#t the hell is goi$g o$95
5+t5s the s#(e o$eC5 0)$b#r sho)te% #t hi( e(ph#tic#lly i$ # ,oice risi$g cle#rly #bo,e the r#)co)s co((otio$* 50o$5t
yo) )$%erst#$%9 +t5s the s#(e o$e*5
5The s#(e o$eC5 .oss#ri#$ he#r% hi(sel& echo, 6)i,eri$g 2ith # %eep #$% o(i$o)s e8cite(e$t th#t he co)l% $ot co$trol,
#$% sho,e% his 2#y #&ter 0)$b#r to2#r% the be% o& the sol%ier i$ 2hite*
5T#-e it e#sy, &ell#s,5 the short p#triotic Te8#$ co)$sele% #&&#bly, 2ith #$ )$cert#i$ gri$* 5There5s $o c#)se to be )pset*
>hy %o$5t 2e #ll 3)st t#-e it e#sy95
5The s#(e o$eC5 others beg#$ ()r()ri$g, ch#$ti$g #$% sho)ti$g*
S)%%e$ly /)rse 0)c-ett 2#s there, too* 5>h#t5s goi$g o$95 she %e(#$%e%*
5He5s b#c-C5 /)rse Cr#(er scre#(e%, si$-i$g i$to her #r(s* 5He5s b#c-, he5s b#c-C5
+t 2#s, i$%ee%, the s#(e (#$* He h#% lost # &e2 i$ches #$% #%%e% so(e 2eight, b)t .oss#ri#$ re(e(bere% hi(
i$st#$tly by the t2o sti&& #$)s #$% the t2o sti&&, thic-, )seless legs #ll %r#2$ )p2#r% i$to the #ir #l(ost perpe$%ic)l#rly by
the t#)t ropes #$% the lo$g le#% 2eights s)spe$%e% &ro( p)lleys o,er hi( #$% by the &r#ye% bl#c- hole i$ the b#$%#ges
123 | P a g e
o,er his (o)th* He h#%, i$ &#ct, h#r%ly ch#$ge% #t #ll* There 2#s the s#(e 4i$c pipe risi$g &ro( the h#r% sto$e (#ss
o,er his groi$ #$% le#%i$g to the cle#r gl#ss 3#r o$ the &loor* There 2#s the s#(e cle#r gl#ss 3#r o$ # pole %rippi$g &l)i%
i$to hi( thro)gh the croo- o& his elbo2* .oss#ri#$ 2o)l% recog$i4e hi( #$y2here* He 2o$%ere% 2ho he 2#s*
5There5s $o o$e i$si%eC5 0)$b#r yelle% o)t #t hi( )$e8pecte%ly*
.oss#ri#$ &elt his he#rt s-ip # be#t #$% his legs gro2 2e#-* 5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 he sho)te% 2ith %re#%,
st)$$e% by the h#gg#r%, sp#r-i$g #$g)ish i$ 0)$b#r5s eyes #$% by his cr#4e% loo- o& 2il% shoc- #$% horror* 5Are yo)
$)ts or so(ethi$g9 >h#t the hell %o yo) (e#$, there5s $o o$e i$si%e95
5They5,e stole$ hi( #2#yC5 0)$b#r sho)te% b#c-* 5He5s hollo2 i$si%e, li-e # chocol#te sol%ier* They 3)st too- hi( #2#y
#$% le&t those b#$%#ges there*5
5>hy sho)l% they %o th#t95
5>hy %o they %o #$ythi$g95
5They5,e stole$ hi( #2#yC5 scre#(e% so(eo$e else, #$% people #ll o,er the 2#r% beg#$ scre#(i$g, 5They5,e stole$ hi(
#2#y* They5,e stole$ hi( #2#yC5
5:o b#c- to yo)r be%s,5 /)rse 0)c-ett ple#%e% 2ith 0)$b#r #$% .oss#ri#$, p)shi$g &eebly #g#i$st .oss#ri#$5s chest*
5Ple#se go b#c- to yo)r be%s*5
5.o)5re cr#4yC5 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% #$grily #t 0)$b#r* 5>h#t the hell (#-es yo) s#y th#t95
50i% #$yo$e see hi(95 0)$b#r %e(#$%e% 2ith s$eeri$g &er,or*
5.o) s#2 hi(, %i%$5t yo)95 .oss#ri#$ s#i% to /)rse 0)c-ett* 5Tell 0)$b#r there5s so(eo$e i$si%e*5
5Lie)te$#$t Sch()l-er is i$si%e,5 /)rse 0)c-ett s#i%* 5He5s b)r$e% #ll o,er*5
50i% she see hi(95
5.o) s#2 hi(, %i%$5t yo)95
5The %octor 2ho b#$%#ge% hi( s#2 hi(*5
5:o get hi(, 2ill yo)9 >hich %octor 2#s it95
/)rse 0)c-ett re#cte% to the 6)estio$ 2ith # st#rtle% g#sp* 5The %octor is$5t e,e$ hereC5 she e8cl#i(e%* 5The p#tie$t 2#s
bro)ght to )s th#t 2#y &ro( # &iel% hospit#l*5
5.o) see95 crie% /)rse Cr#(er* 5There5s $o o$e i$si%eC5
5There5s $o o$e i$si%eC5 yelle% H)$gry Joe, #$% beg#$ st#(pi$g o$ the &loor*
0)$b#r bro-e thro)gh #$% le#pe% )p &)rio)sly o$ the sol%ier i$ 2hite5s be% to see &or hi(sel&, pressi$g his gle#(i$g eye
%o2$ h)$grily #g#i$st the t#ttere% bl#c- hole i$ the shell o& 2hite b#$%#ges* He 2#s still be$t o,er st#ri$g 2ith o$e eye
i$to the lightless, )$stirri$g ,oi% o& the sol%ier i$ 2hite5s (o)th 2he$ the %octors #$% the '*P*s c#(e r)$$i$g to help
.oss#ri#$ p)ll hi( #2#y* The %octors 2ore g)$s #t the 2#ist* The g)#r%s c#rrie% c#rbi$es #$% ri&les 2ith 2hich they
sho,e% #$% 3olte% the cro2% o& ()tteri$g p#tie$ts b#c-* A stretcher o$ 2heels 2#s there, #$% the sol%er i$ 2hite 2#s
li&te% o)t o& be% s-ill&)lly #$% rolle% o)t o& sight i$ # (#tter o& seco$%s* The %octors #$% '*P*s (o,e% thro)gh the 2#r%
#ss)ri$g e,eryo$e th#t e,erythi$g 2#s #ll right*
/)rse 0)c-ett pl)c-e% .oss#ri#$5s #r( #$% 2hispere% to hi( &)rti,ely to (eet her i$ the broo( closet o)tsi%e i$ the
corri%or* .oss#ri#$ re3oice% 2he$ he he#r% her* He tho)ght /)rse 0)c-ett &i$#lly 2#$te% to get l#i% #$% p)lle% her s-irt
)p the seco$% they 2ere #lo$e i$ the broo( closet, b)t she p)she% hi( #2#y* She h#% )rge$t $e2s #bo)t 0)$b#r*
5They5re goi$g to %is#ppe#r hi(,5 she s#i%*
.oss#ri#$ s6)i$te% #t her )$co(prehe$%i$gly* 5They5re 2h#t95 he #s-e% i$ s)rprise, #$% l#)ghe% )$e#sily* 5>h#t %oes
th#t (e#$95
5+ %o$5t -$o2* + he#r% the( t#l-i$g behi$% # %oor*5
5>ho95
5+ %o$5t -$o2* + co)l%$5t see the(* + 3)st he#r% the( s#y they 2ere goi$g to %is#ppe#r 0)$b#r*5
5>hy #re they goi$g to %is#ppe#r hi(95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5+t %oes$5t (#-e se$se* +t is$5t e,e$ goo% gr#((#r* >h#t the hell %oes it (e#$ 2he$ they %is#ppe#r so(ebo%y95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
Jes)s, yo)5re # gre#t helpC5
5>hy #re yo) pic-i$g o$ (e95 /)rse 0)c-ett proteste% 2ith h)rt &eeli$gs, #$% beg#$ s$i&&i$g b#c- te#rs* 5+5( o$ly tryi$g
to help* +t is$5t (y &#)lt they5re goi$g to %is#ppe#r hi(, is it9 + sho)l%$5t e,e$ be telli$g yo)*5
.oss#ri#$ too- her i$ his #r(s #$% h)gge% her 2ith ge$tle, co$trite #&&ectio$* 5+5( sorry,5 he #pologi4e%, -issi$g her
chee- respect&)lly, #$% h)rrie% #2#y to 2#r$ 0)$b#r, 2ho 2#s $o2here to be &o)$%*
G! '+LO THE '+L+TA/T
;or the &irst ti(e i$ his li&e, .oss#ri#$ pr#ye%* He got %o2$ o$ his -$ees #$% pr#ye% to /#tely $ot to ,ol)$teer to &ly
(ore th#$ se,e$ty (issio$s #&ter Chie& >hite H#l&o#t %i% %ie o& p$e)(o$i# i$ the hospit#l #$% /#tely h#% #pplie% &or his
3ob* 7)t /#tely 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$*
5+5,e got to &ly (ore (issio$s,5 /#tely i$siste% l#(ely 2ith # croo-e% s(ile* 5Other2ise they5ll se$% (e ho(e*5
5So95
5+ %o$5t 2#$t to go ho(e )$til + c#$ t#-e her b#c- 2ith (e*5
5She (e#$s th#t ()ch to yo)95
/#tely $o%%e% %e3ecte%ly* 5+ (ight $e,er see her #g#i$*5
5The$ get yo)rsel& gro)$%e%,5 .oss#ri#$ )rge%* 5.o)5,e &i$ishe% yo)r (issio$s #$% yo) %o$5t $ee% the &light p#y* >hy
%o$5t yo) #s- &or Chie& >hite H#l&o#t5s 3ob, i& yo) c#$ st#$% 2or-i$g &or C#pt#i$ 7l#c-95
/#tely shoo- his he#%, his chee-s %#r-e$i$g 2ith shy #$% regret&)l (orti&ic#tio$* 5They 2o$5t gi,e it to (e* + spo-e to
Colo$el ?or$, #$% he tol% (e +5% h#,e to &ly (ore (issio$s or be se$t ho(e*5
.oss#ri#$ c)rse% s#,#gely* 5Th#t5s 3)st pl#i$ (e#$$ess*5
5+ %o$5t (i$%, + g)ess* +5,e &lo2$ se,e$ty (issio$s 2itho)t getti$g h)rt* + g)ess + c#$ &ly # &e2 (ore*5
50o$5t %o #$ythi$g #t #ll #bo)t it )$til + t#l- to so(eo$e,5 .oss#ri#$ %eci%e%, #$% 2e$t loo-i$g &or help &ro( 'ilo, 2ho
2e$t i((e%i#tely #&ter2#r% to Colo$el C#thc#rt &or help i$ h#,i$g hi(sel& #ssig$e% to (ore co(b#t (issio$s*
'ilo h#% bee$ e#r$i$g (#$y %isti$ctio$s &or hi(sel&* He h#% &lo2$ &e#rlessly i$to %#$ger #$% criticis( by selli$g
petrole)( #$% b#ll be#ri$gs to :er(#$y #t goo% prices i$ or%er to (#-e # goo% pro&it #$% help (#i$t#i$ # b#l#$ce o&
Catch 22
po2er bet2ee$ the co$te$%i$g &orces* His $er,e )$%er &ire 2#s gr#ce&)l #$% i$&i$ite* >ith # %e,otio$ to p)rpose #bo,e
#$% beyo$% the li$e o& %)ty, he h#% the$ r#ise% the price o& &oo% i$ his (ess h#lls so high th#t #ll o&&icers #$% e$liste%
(e$ h#% to t)r$ o,er #ll their p#y to hi( i$ or%er to e#t* Their #lter$#ti,e - there 2#s #$ #lter$#ti,e, o& co)rse, si$ce 'ilo
%eteste% coercio$ #$% 2#s # ,oc#l ch#(pio$ o& &ree%o( o& choice - 2#s to st#r,e* >he$ he e$co)$tere% # 2#,e o&
e$e(y resist#$ce to this #tt#c-, he st)c- to his positio$ 2itho)t reg#r% &or his s#&ety or rep)t#tio$ #$% g#ll#$tly i$,o-e%
the l#2 o& s)pply #$% %e(#$%* A$% 2he$ so(eo$e so(e2here s#i% $o, 'ilo g#,e gro)$% gr)%gi$gly, ,#li#$tly
%e&e$%i$g, e,e$ i$ retre#t, the historic right o& &ree (e$ to p#y #s ()ch #s they h#% to &or the thi$gs they $ee%e% i$
or%er to s)r,i,e*
'ilo h#% bee$ c#)ght re%-h#$%e% i$ the #ct o& pl)$%eri$g his co)$try(e$, #$%, #s # res)lt, his stoc- h#% $e,er bee$
higher* He pro,e% goo% #s his 2or% 2he$ # r#2bo$e% (#3or &ro( 'i$$esot# c)rle% his lip i$ rebellio)s %is#,o2#l #$%
%e(#$%e% his sh#re o& the sy$%ic#te 'ilo -ept s#yi$g e,erybo%y o2$e%* 'ilo (et the ch#lle$ge by 2riti$g the 2or%s 5A
Sh#re5 o$ the $e#rest scr#p o& p#per #$% h#$%i$g it #2#y 2ith # ,irt)o)s %is%#i$ th#t 2o$ the e$,y #$% #%(ir#tio$ o&
#l(ost e,eryo$e 2ho -$e2 hi(* His glory 2#s #t # pe#-, #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt, 2ho -$e2 #$% #%(ire% his 2#r recor%,
2#s #sto$ishe% by the %e&ere$ti#l h)(ility 2ith 2hich 'ilo prese$te% hi(sel& #t :ro)p He#%6)#rters #$% (#%e his
&#$t#stic #ppe#l &or (ore h#4#r%o)s #ssig$(e$ts*
5.o) 2#$t to &ly (ore co(b#t (issio$s95 Colo$el C#thc#rt g#spe%* 5>h#t i$ the 2orl% &or95
'ilo #$s2ere% i$ # %e()re ,oice 2ith his &#ce lo2ere% (ee-ly* 5+ 2#$t to %o (y %)ty, sir* The co)$try is #t 2#r, #$% +
2#$t to &ight to %e&e$% it li-e the rest o& the &ello2s*5
57)t, 'ilo, yo) #re %oi$g yo)r %)ty,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt e8cl#i(e% 2ith # l#)gh th#t th)$%ere% 3o,i#lly* 5+ c#$5t thi$- o& #
si$gle perso$ 2ho5s %o$e (ore &or the (e$ th#$ yo) h#,e* >ho g#,e the( chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$95
'ilo shoo- his he#% slo2ly #$% s#%ly* 57)t bei$g # goo% (ess o&&icer i$ 2#rti(e 3)st is$5t e$o)gh, Colo$el C#thc#rt*5
5Cert#i$ly it is, 'ilo* + %o$5t -$o2 2h#t5s co(e o,er yo)*5
5Cert#i$ly it is$5t, Colo$el,5 'ilo %is#gree% i$ # so(e2h#t &ir( to$e, r#isi$g his s)bser,ie$t eyes sig$i&ic#$tly 3)st &#r
e$o)gh to #rrest Colo$el C#thc#rt5s* 5So(e o& the (e$ #re begi$$i$g to t#l-*5
5Oh, is th#t it9 :i,e (e their $#(es, 'ilo* :i,e (e their $#(es #$% +5ll see to it th#t they go o$ e,ery %#$gero)s (issio$
the gro)p &lies*5
5/o, Colo$el, +5( #&r#i% they5re right,5 'ilo s#i%, 2ith his he#% %roopi$g #g#i$* 5+ 2#s se$t o,erse#s #s # pilot, #$% +
sho)l% be &lyi$g (ore co(b#t (issio$s #$% spe$%i$g less ti(e o$ (y %)ties #s # (ess o&&icer*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#s s)rprise% b)t co-oper#ti,e* 5>ell, 'ilo, i& yo) re#lly &eel th#t 2#y, +5( s)re 2e c#$ (#-e 2h#te,er
#rr#$ge(e$ts yo) 2#$t* Ho2 lo$g h#,e yo) bee$ o,erse#s $o295
5Ele,e$ (o$ths, sir*5
5A$% ho2 (#$y (issio$s h#,e yo) &lo2$95
5;i,e*5
5;i,e95 #s-e% Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5;i,e, sir*5
5;i,e, eh95 Colo$el C#thc#rt r)bbe% his chee- pe$si,ely* 5Th#t is$5t ,ery goo%, is it95
5+s$5t it95 #s-e% 'ilo i$ # sh#rply e%ge% ,oice, gl#$ci$g )p #g#i$*
Colo$el C#thc#rt 6)#ile%* 5O$ the co$tr#ry, th#t5s ,ery goo%, 'ilo,5 he correcte% hi(sel& h#stily* 5+t is$5t b#% #t #ll*5
5/o, Colo$el,5 'ilo s#i%, 2ith # lo$g, l#$g)ishi$g, 2ist&)l sigh, 5it is$5t ,ery goo%* Altho)gh it5s ,ery ge$ero)s o& yo) to s#y
so*5
57)t it5s re#lly $ot b#%, 'ilo* /ot b#% #t #ll, 2he$ yo) co$si%er #ll yo)r other ,#l)#ble co$trib)tio$s* ;i,e (issio$s, yo)
s#y9 J)st &i,e95
5J)st &i,e, sir*5
5J)st &i,e*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt gre2 #2&)lly %epresse% &or # (o(e$t #s he 2o$%ere% 2h#t 'ilo 2#s re#lly thi$-i$g, #$%
2hether he h#% #lre#%y got # bl#c- eye 2ith hi(* 5;i,e is ,ery goo%, 'ilo,5 he obser,e% 2ith e$th)si#s(, spyi$g # r#y o&
hope* 5Th#t #,er#ges o)t to #l(ost o$e co(b#t (issio$ e,ery t2o (o$ths* A$% +5ll bet yo)r tot#l %oes$5t i$cl)%e the ti(e
yo) bo(be% )s*5
5.es, sir* +t %oes*5
5+t %oes95 i$6)ire% Colo$el C#thc#rt 2ith (il% 2o$%er* 5.o) %i%$5t #ct)#lly &ly #lo$g o$ th#t (issio$, %i% yo)9 +& +
re(e(ber correctly, yo) 2ere i$ the co$trol to2er 2ith (e, 2ere$5t yo)95
57)t it 2#s (y (issio$,5 'ilo co$te$%e%* 5+ org#$i4e% it, #$% 2e )se% (y pl#$es #$% s)pplies* + pl#$$e% #$% s)per,ise%
the 2hole thi$g*5
5Oh, cert#i$ly, 'ilo, cert#i$ly* +5( $ot %isp)ti$g yo)* +5( o$ly chec-i$g the &ig)res to (#-e s)re yo)5re cl#i(i$g #ll yo)5re
e$title% to* 0i% yo) #lso i$cl)%e the ti(e 2e co$tr#cte% 2ith yo) to bo(b the bri%ge #t Or,ieto95
5Oh, $o, sir* + %i%$5t thi$- + sho)l%, si$ce + 2#s i$ Or,ieto #t the ti(e %irecti$g the #$ti#ircr#&t &ire*5
5+ %o$5t see 2h#t %i&&ere$ce th#t (#-es, 'ilo* +t 2#s still yo)r (issio$* A$% # %#($e% goo% o$e, too, + ()st s#y* >e
%i%$5t get the bri%ge, b)t 2e %i% h#,e # be#)ti&)l bo(b p#tter$* + re(e(ber :e$er#l Pec-e( co((e$ti$g o$ it* /o,
'ilo, + i$sist yo) co)$t Or,ieto #s # (issio$, too*5
5+& yo) i$sist, sir*5
5+ %o i$sist, 'ilo* /o2, let5s see - yo) $o2 h#,e # gr#$% tot#l o& si8 (issio$s, 2hich is %#($e% goo%, 'ilo, %#($e% goo%,
re#lly* Si8 (issio$s is #$ i$cre#se o& t2e$ty per ce$t i$ 3)st # co)ple o& (i$)tes, 2hich is $ot b#% #t #ll, 'ilo, $ot b#% #t
#ll*5
5'#$y o& the other (e$ h#,e se,e$ty (issio$s,5 'ilo poi$te% o)t*
57)t they $e,er pro%)ce% #$y chocol#te-co,ere% cotto$, %i% they9 'ilo, yo)5re %oi$g (ore th#$ yo)r sh#re*5
57)t they5re getti$g #ll the &#(e #$% opport)$ity,5 'ilo persiste% 2ith # pet)l#$ce th#t bor%ere% o$ s$i,eli$g* 5Sir, + 2#$t
to get i$ there #$% &ight li-e the rest o& the &ello2s* Th#t5s 2h#t +5( here &or* + 2#$t to 2i$ (e%#ls, too*5
5.es, 'ilo, o& co)rse* >e #ll 2#$t to spe$% (ore ti(e i$ co(b#t* 7)t people li-e yo) #$% (e ser,e i$ %i&&ere$t 2#ys*
Loo- #t (y o2$ recor%,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt )ttere% # %eprec#tory l#)gh* 5+5ll bet it5s $ot ge$er#lly -$o2$, 'ilo, th#t +
(ysel& h#,e &lo2$ o$ly &o)r (issio$s, is it95
5/o, sir,5 'ilo replie%* 5+t5s ge$er#lly -$o2$ th#t yo)5,e &lo2$ o$ly t2o (issio$s* A$% th#t o$e o& those occ)rre% 2he$
A#r&y #cci%e$t#lly &le2 yo) o,er e$e(y territory 2hile $#,ig#ti$g yo) to /#ples &or # bl#c--(#r-et 2#ter cooler*5
125 | P a g e
Colo$el C#thc#rt, &l)shi$g 2ith e(b#rr#ss(e$t, #b#$%o$e% #ll &)rther #rg)(e$t* 5All right, 'ilo* + c#$5t pr#ise yo)
e$o)gh &or 2h#t yo) 2#$t to %o* +& it re#lly (e#$s so ()ch to yo), +5ll h#,e '#3or '#3or #ssig$ yo) to the $e8t si8ty-&o)r
(issio$s so th#t yo) c#$ h#,e se,e$ty, too*5
5Th#$- yo), Colo$el, th#$- yo), sir* .o) %o$5t -$o2 2h#t this (e#$s*5
50o$5t (e$tio$ it, 'ilo* + -$o2 e8#ctly 2h#t it (e#$s*5
5/o, Colo$el, + %o$5t thi$- yo) %o -$o2 2h#t it (e#$s,5 'ilo %is#gree% poi$te%ly* 5So(eo$e 2ill h#,e to begi$ r)$$i$g the
sy$%ic#te &or (e right #2#y* +t5s ,ery co(plic#te%, #$% + (ight get shot %o2$ #t #$y ti(e*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt brighte$e% i$st#$tly #t the tho)ght #$% beg#$ r)bbi$g his h#$%s 2ith #,#ricio)s 4est* 5.o) -$o2, 'ilo,
+ thi$- Colo$el ?or$ #$% + (ight be 2illi$g to t#-e the sy$%ic#te o&& yo)r h#$%s,5 he s)ggeste% i$ #$ o&&h#$% (#$$er,
#l(ost lic-i$g his lips i$ s#,ory #$ticip#tio$* 5O)r e8perie$ce i$ bl#c--(#r-et pl)( to(#toes sho)l% co(e i$ ,ery )se&)l*
>here %o 2e begi$95
'ilo 2#tche% Colo$el C#thc#rt ste#%ily 2ith # bl#$% #$% g)ileless e8pressio$* 5Th#$- yo), sir, th#t5s ,ery goo% o& yo)*
7egi$ 2ith # s#lt-&ree %iet &or :e$er#l Pec-e( #$% # &#t-&ree %iet &or :e$er#l 0ree%le*5
5Let (e get # pe$cil* >h#t5s $e8t95
5The ce%#rs*5
5Ce%#rs95
5;ro( Leb#$o$*5
5Leb#$o$95
5>e5,e got ce%#rs &ro( Leb#$o$ %)e #t the s#2(ill i$ Oslo to be t)r$e% i$to shi$gles &or the b)il%er i$ C#pe Co%*
C*O*0* A$% the$ there5s the pe#s*5
5Pe#s95
5Th#t #re o$ the high se#s* >e5,e got bo#tlo#%s o& pe#s th#t #re o$ the high se#s &ro( Atl#$t# to Holl#$% to p#y &or the
t)lips th#t 2ere shippe% to :e$e,# to p#y &or the cheeses th#t ()st go to Bie$$# '*+*;*5
5'*+*;*95
5'o$ey i$ ;ro$t* The H#psb)rgs #re sh#-y*5
5'ilo*5
5A$% %o$5t &orget the g#l,#$i4e% 4i$c i$ the 2#reho)se #t ;li$t* ;o)r c#rlo#%s o& g#l,#$i4e% 4i$c &ro( ;li$t ()st be &lo2$
to the s(elters i$ 0#(#sc)s by $oo$ o& the eightee$th, ter(s ;*O*7* C#lc)tt# t2o per ce$t te$ %#ys E*O*'* O$e
'essersch(itt &)ll o& he(p is %)e i$ 7elgr#%e &or # C-DF #$% # h#l& &)ll o& those se(i-pitte% %#tes 2e st)c- the( 2ith
&ro( ?h#rto)(* =se the (o$ey &ro( the Port)g)ese #$cho,ies 2e5re selli$g b#c- to Lisbo$ to p#y &or the Egypti#$
cotto$ 2e5,e got co(i$g b#c- to )s &ro( '#(#ro$ec- #$% to pic- )p #s (#$y or#$ges #s yo) c#$ i$ Sp#i$* Al2#ys p#y
c#sh &or $#r#$3#s*5
5/#r#$3#s95
5Th#t5s 2h#t they c#ll or#$ges i$ Sp#i$, #$% these #re Sp#$ish or#$ges* A$% - oh, yes* 0o$5t &orget Pilt%o2$ '#$*5
5Pilt%o2$ '#$95
5.es, Pilt%o2$ '#$* The S(ithso$i#$ +$stit)tio$ is $ot i$ # positio$ #t this ti(e to (eet o)r price &or # seco$% Pilt%o2$
'#$, b)t they #re loo-i$g &or2#r% to the %e#th o& # 2e#lthy #$% belo,e% %o$or #$% -5
5'ilo*5
5;r#$ce 2#$ts #ll the p#rsley 2e c#$ se$% the(, #$% + thi$- 2e (ight #s 2ell, bec#)se 2e5ll $ee% the &r#$cs &or the lire
&or the p&e$$igs &or the %#tes 2he$ they get b#c-* +5,e #lso or%ere% # tre(e$%o)s ship(e$t o& Per),i#$ b#ls# 2oo% &or
%istrib)tio$ to e#ch o& the (ess h#lls i$ the sy$%ic#te o$ # pro r#t# b#sis*5
57#ls# 2oo%9 >h#t #re the (ess h#lls goi$g to %o 2ith b#ls# 2oo%95
5:oo% b#ls# 2oo% is$5t so e#sy to co(e by these %#ys, Colo$el* + 3)st %i%$5t thi$- it 2#s # goo% i%e# to p#ss )p the
ch#$ce to b)y it*5
5/o, + s)ppose $ot,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s)r(ise% ,#g)ely 2ith the loo- o& so(ebo%y se#sic-* 5A$% + #ss)(e the price 2#s
right*5
5The price,5 s#i% 'ilo, 52#s o)tr#geo)s - positi,ely e8orbit#$tC 7)t si$ce 2e bo)ght it &ro( o$e o& o)r o2$ s)bsi%i#ries,
2e 2ere h#ppy to p#y it* Loo- #&ter the hi%es*5
5The hi,es95
5The hi%es*5
5The hi%es95
5The hi%es* +$ 7)e$os Aires* They h#,e to be t#$$e%*5
5T#$$e%95
5+$ /e2&o)$%l#$%* A$% shippe% to Helsi$-i /*'*+*;* be&ore the spri$g th#2 begi$s* E,erythi$g to ;i$l#$% goes /*'*+*;*
be&ore the spri$g th#2 begi$s*5
5/o 'o$ey i$ ;ro$t95 g)esse% Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5:oo%, Colo$el* .o) h#,e # gi&t, sir* A$% the$ there5s the cor-*5
5The cor-95
5Th#t ()st go to /e2 .or-, the shoes &or To)lo)se, the h#( &or Si#(, the $#ils &ro( >#les, #$% the t#$geri$es &or /e2
Orle#$s*5
5'ilo*5
5>e h#,e co#ls i$ /e2c#stle, sir*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt thre2 )p his h#$%s* 5'ilo, stopC5 he crie%, #l(ost i$ te#rs* 5+t5s $o )se* .o)5re 3)st li-e + #( -
i$%ispe$s#bleC5 He p)she% his pe$cil #si%e #$% rose to his &eet i$ &r#$tic e8#sper#tio$* 5'ilo, yo) c#$5t &ly si8ty-&o)r (ore
(issio$s* .o) c#$5t e,e$ &ly o$e (ore (issio$* The 2hole syste( 2o)l% &#ll #p#rt i& #$ythi$g h#ppe$e% to yo)*5
'ilo $o%%e% sere$ely 2ith co(pl#ce$t gr#ti&ic#tio$* 5Sir, #re yo) &orbi%%i$g (e to &ly #$y (ore co(b#t (issio$s95
5'ilo, + &orbi% yo) to &ly #$y (ore co(b#t (issio$s,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt %ecl#re% i$ # to$e o& ster$ #$% i$&le8ible #)thority*
57)t th#t5s $ot &#ir, sir,5 s#i% 'ilo* 5>h#t #bo)t (y recor%9 The other (e$ #re getti$g #ll the &#(e #$% (e%#ls #$%
p)blicity* >hy sho)l% + be pe$#li4e% 3)st bec#)se +5( %oi$g s)ch # goo% 3ob #s (ess o&&icer95
5/o, 'ilo, it is$5t &#ir* 7)t + %o$5t see #$ythi$g 2e c#$ %o #bo)t it*5
5'#ybe 2e c#$ get so(eo$e else to &ly (y (issio$s &or (e*5
Catch 22
57)t (#ybe 2e c#$ get so(eo$e else to &ly yo)r (issio$s &or yo),5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s)ggeste%* 5Ho2 #bo)t the stri-i$g
co#l (i$ers i$ Pe$$syl,#$i# #$% >est Birgi$i#95
'ilo shoo- his he#%* 5+t 2o)l% t#-e too lo$g to tr#i$ the(* 7)t 2hy $ot the (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$, sir9 A&ter #ll, +5( %oi$g
this &or the(* They o)ght to be 2illi$g to %o so(ethi$g &or (e i$ ret)r$*5
57)t 2hy $ot the (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$, 'ilo95 Colo$el C#thc#rt e8cl#i(e%* 5A&ter #ll, yo)5re %oi$g #ll this &or the(* They
o)ght to be 2illi$g to %o so(ethi$g &or yo) i$ ret)r$*5
5>h#t5s &#ir is &#ir*5
5>h#t5s &#ir is &#ir*5
5They co)l% t#-e t)r$s, sir*5
5They (ight e,e$ t#-e t)r$s &lyi$g yo)r (issio$s &or yo), 'ilo*5
5>ho gets the cre%it95
5.o) get the cre%it, 'ilo* A$% i& # (#$ 2i$s # (e%#l &lyi$g o$e o& yo)r (issio$s, yo) get the (e%#l*5
5>ho %ies i& he gets -ille%95
5>hy, he %ies, o& co)rse* A&ter #ll, 'ilo, 2h#t5s &#ir is &#ir* There5s 3)st o$e thi$g*5
5.o)5ll h#,e to r#ise the $)(ber o& (issio$s*5
5+ (ight h#,e to r#ise the $)(ber o& (issio$s #g#i$, #$% +5( $ot s)re the (e$ 2ill &ly the(* They5re still pretty sore
bec#)se + 3)(pe% the( to se,e$ty* +& + c#$ get 3)st o$e o& the reg)l#r o&&icers to &ly (ore, the rest 2ill prob#bly &ollo2*5
5/#tely 2ill &ly (ore (issio$s, sir,5 'ilo s#i%* 5+ 2#s tol% i$ strictest co$&i%e$ce 3)st # little 2hile #go th#t he5ll %o #$ythi$g
he h#s to i$ or%er to re(#i$ o,erse#s 2ith # girl he5s &#lle$ i$ lo,e 2ith*5
57)t /#tely 2ill &ly (oreC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt %ecl#re%, #$% he bro)ght his h#$%s together i$ # reso)$%i$g cl#p o& ,ictory*
5.es, /#tely 2ill &ly (ore* A$% this ti(e +5( re#lly goi$g to 3)(p the (issio$s, right )p to eighty, #$% re#lly -$oc- :e$er#l
0ree%le5s eye o)t* A$% this is # goo% 2#y to get th#t lo)sy r#t .oss#ri#$ b#c- i$to co(b#t 2here he (ight get -ille%*5
5.oss#ri#$95 A tre(or o& %eep co$cer$ p#sse% o,er 'ilo5s si(ple, ho(esp)$ &e#t)res, #$% he scr#tche% the cor$er o&
his re%%ish-bro2$ ()st#che tho)ght&)lly*
5.e#h, .oss#ri#$* + he#r he5s goi$g #ro)$% s#yi$g th#t he5s &i$ishe% his (issio$s #$% the 2#r5s o,er &or hi(* >ell, (#ybe
he h#s &i$ishe% his (issio$s* 7)t he h#s$5t &i$ishe% yo)r (issio$s, h#s he9 H#C H#C H#s he got # s)rprise co(i$g to
hi(C5
5Sir, .oss#ri#$ is # &rie$% o& (i$e,5 'ilo ob3ecte%* 5+5% h#te to be respo$sible &or %oi$g #$ythi$g th#t 2o)l% p)t hi( b#c- i$
co(b#t* + o2e # lot to .oss#ri#$* +s$5t there #$y 2#y 2e co)l% (#-e #$ e8ceptio$ o& hi(95
5Oh, $o, 'ilo*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt cl)c-e% se$te$tio)sly, shoc-e% by the s)ggestio$* 5>e ()st $e,er pl#y &#,orites* >e
()st #l2#ys tre#t e,ery (#$ #li-e*5
5+5% gi,e e,erythi$g + o2$ to .oss#ri#$,5 'ilo perse,ere% g#(ely o$ .oss#ri#$5s beh#l&* 57)t si$ce + %o$5t o2$ #$ythi$g, +
c#$5t gi,e e,erythi$g to hi(, c#$ +9 So he5ll 3)st h#,e to t#-e his ch#$ces 2ith the rest o& the (e$, 2o$5t he95
5>h#t5s &#ir is &#ir, 'ilo*5
5.es, sir, 2h#t5s &#ir is &#ir,5 'ilo #gree%* 5.oss#ri#$ is $o better th#$ the other (e$, #$% he h#s $o right to e8pect #$y
speci#l pri,ileges, h#s he95
5/o, 'ilo* >h#t5s &#ir is &#ir*5
A$% there 2#s $o ti(e &or .oss#ri#$ to s#,e hi(sel& &ro( co(b#t o$ce Colo$el C#thc#rt iss)e% his #$$o)$ce(e$t
r#isi$g the (issio$s to eighty l#te th#t s#(e #&ter$oo$, $o ti(e to %iss)#%e /#tely &ro( &lyi$g the( or e,e$ to co$spire
#g#i$ 2ith 0obbs to ()r%er Colo$el C#thc#rt, &or the #lert so)$%e% s)%%e$ly #t %#2$ the $e8t %#y #$% the (e$ 2ere
r)she% i$to the tr)c-s be&ore # %ece$t bre#-&#st co)l% be prep#re%, #$% they 2ere %ri,e$ #t top spee% to the brie&i$g
roo( #$% the$ o)t to the #ir&iel%, 2here the clittercl#tteri$g &)el tr)c-s 2ere still p)(pi$g g#soli$e i$to the t#$-s o& the
pl#$es #$% the sc#(peri$g cre2s o& #r(orers 2ere toili$g #s s2i&tly #s they co)l% #t hoisti$g the tho)s#$%-po)$%
%e(olitio$ bo(bs i$to the bo(b b#ys* E,erybo%y 2#s r)$$i$g, #$% e$gi$es 2ere t)r$e% o$ #$% 2#r(e% )p #s soo$ #s
the &)el tr)c-s h#% &i$ishe%*
+$tellige$ce h#% reporte% th#t # %is#ble% +t#li#$ cr)iser i$ %ry%oc- #t L# Spe4i# 2o)l% be to2e% by the :er(#$s th#t
s#(e (or$i$g to # ch#$$el #t the e$tr#$ce o& the h#rbor #$% sc)ttle% there to %epri,e the Allie% #r(ies o& %eep-2#ter
port &#cilities 2he$ they c#pt)re% the city* ;or o$ce, # (ilit#ry i$tellige$ce report pro,e% #cc)r#te* The lo$g ,essel 2#s
h#l&2#y #cross the h#rbor 2he$ they &le2 i$ &ro( the 2est, #$% bro-e it #p#rt 2ith %irect hits &ro( e,ery &light th#t &ille%
the( #ll 2ith 2#,es o& e$or(o)sly s#tis&yi$g gro)p pri%e )$til they &o)$% the(sel,es e$g)l&e% i$ gre#t b#rr#ges o& &l#-
th#t rose &ro( g)$s i$ e,ery be$% o& the h)ge horseshoe o& (o)$t#i$o)s l#$% belo2* E,e$ H#,er(eyer resorte% to the
2il%est e,#si,e #ctio$ he co)l% co((#$% 2he$ he s#2 2h#t # ,#st %ist#$ce he h#% still to tr#,el to esc#pe, #$% 0obbs,
#t the pilot5s co$trols i$ his &or(#tio$, 4igge% 2he$ he sho)l% h#,e 4#gge%, s-i%%i$g his pl#$e i$to the pl#$e #lo$gsi%e,
#$% che2e% o&& its t#il* His 2i$g bro-e o&& #t the b#se, #$% his pl#$e %roppe% li-e # roc- #$% 2#s #l(ost o)t o& sight i$
#$ i$st#$t* There 2#s $o &ire, $o s(o-e, $ot the slightest )$to2#r% $oise* The re(#i$i$g 2i$g re,ol,e% #s po$%ero)sly
#s # gri$%i$g ce(e$t (i8er #s the pl#$e pl)((ete% $ose %o2$2#r% i$ # str#ight li$e #t #cceler#ti$g spee% )$til it
str)c- the 2#ter, 2hich &o#(e% ope$ #t the i(p#ct li-e # 2hite 2#ter lily o$ the %#r--bl)e se#, #$% 2#she% b#c- i$ #
geyser o& #pple-gree$ b)bbles 2he$ the pl#$e s#$-* +t 2#s o,er i$ # (#tter o& seco$%s* There 2ere $o p#r#ch)tes* A$%
/#tely, i$ the other pl#$e, 2#s -ille% too*
G" THE CELLAR
/#tely5s %e#th #l(ost -ille% the ch#pl#i$* Ch#pl#i$ Ship(#$ 2#s se#te% i$ his te$t, l#bori$g o,er his p#per2or- i$ his
re#%i$g spect#cles, 2he$ his pho$e r#$g #$% $e2s o& the (i%-#ir collisio$ 2#s gi,e$ to hi( &ro( the &iel%* His i$si%es
t)r$e% #t o$ce to %ry cl#y* His h#$% 2#s tre(bli$g #s he p)t the pho$e %o2$* His other h#$% beg#$ tre(bli$g* The
%is#ster 2#s too i((e$se to co$te(pl#te* T2el,e (e$ -ille% - ho2 gh#stly, ho2 ,ery, ,ery #2&)lC His &eeli$g o& terror
gre2* He pr#ye% i$sti$cti,ely th#t .oss#ri#$, /#tely, H)$gry Joe #$% his other &rie$%s 2o)l% $ot be liste% #(o$g the
,icti(s, the$ ber#te% hi(sel& repe$t#$tly, &or to pr#y &or their s#&ety 2#s to pr#y &or the %e#th o& other yo)$g (e$ he %i%
$ot e,e$ -$o2* +t 2#s too l#te to pr#yA yet th#t 2#s #ll he -$e2 ho2 to %o* His he#rt 2#s po)$%i$g 2ith # $oise th#t
see(e% to be co(i$g &ro( so(e2here o)tsi%e, #$% he -$e2 he 2o)l% $e,er sit i$ # %e$tist5s ch#ir #g#i$, $e,er gl#$ce
#t # s)rgic#l tool, $e,er 2it$ess #$ #)to(obile #cci%e$t or he#r # ,oice sho)t #t $ight, 2itho)t e8perie$ci$g the s#(e
,iole$t th)(pi$g i$ his chest #$% %re#%i$g th#t he 2#s goi$g to %ie* He 2o)l% $e,er 2#tch #$other &ist &ight 2itho)t
&e#ri$g he 2#s goi$g to &#i$t #$% cr#c- his s-)ll ope$ o$ the p#,e(e$t or s)&&er # &#t#l he#rt #tt#c- or cerebr#l
127 | P a g e
he(orrh#ge* He 2o$%ere% i& he 2o)l% e,er see his 2i&e #g#i$ or his three s(#ll chil%re$* He 2o$%ere% i& he e,er
sho)l% see his 2i&e #g#i$, $o2 th#t C#pt#i$ 7l#c- h#% pl#$te% i$ his (i$% s)ch stro$g %o)bts #bo)t the &i%elity #$%
ch#r#cter o& #ll 2o(e$* There 2ere so (#$y other (e$, he &elt, 2ho co)l% pro,e (ore s#tis&yi$g to her se8)#lly* >he$
he tho)ght o& %e#th $o2, he #l2#ys tho)ght o& his 2i&e, #$% 2he$ he tho)ght o& his 2i&e he #l2#ys tho)ght o& losi$g her*
+$ #$other (i$)te the ch#pl#i$ &elt stro$g e$o)gh to rise #$% 2#l- 2ith gl)( rel)ct#$ce to the te$t $e8t %oor &or
Serge#$t >hitco(b* They %ro,e i$ Serge#$t >hitco(b5s 3eep* The ch#pl#i$ (#%e &ists o& his h#$%s to -eep the( &ro(
sh#-i$g #s they l#y i$ his l#p* He gro)$% his teeth together #$% trie% $ot to he#r #s Serge#$t >hitco(b chirr)pe%
e8)lt#$tly o,er the tr#gic e,e$t* T2el,e (e$ -ille% (e#$t t2el,e (ore &or( letters o& co$%ole$ce th#t co)l% be (#ile% i$
o$e b)$ch to the $e8t o& -i$ o,er Colo$el C#thc#rt5s sig$#t)re, gi,i$g Serge#$t >hitco(b hope o& getti$g #$ #rticle o$
Colo$el C#thc#rt i$to The S#t)r%#y E,e$i$g Post i$ ti(e &or E#ster*
At the &iel% # he#,y sile$ce pre,#ile%, o,erpo2eri$g (otio$ li-e # r)thless, i$se$s#te spell hol%i$g i$ thr#ll the o$ly
bei$gs 2ho (ight bre#- it* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s i$ #2e* He h#% $e,er behel% s)ch # gre#t, #pp#lli$g still$ess be&ore*
Al(ost t2o h)$%re% tire%, g#)$t, %o2$c#st (e$ stoo% hol%i$g their p#r#ch)te p#c-s i$ # so(ber #$% )$stirri$g cro2%
o)tsi%e the brie&i$g roo(, their &#ces st#ri$g bl#$-ly i$ %i&&ere$t #$gles o& st)$$e% %e3ectio$* They see(e% )$2illi$g to
go, )$#ble to (o,e* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s #c)tely co$scio)s o& the &#i$t $oise his &ootsteps (#%e #s he #ppro#che%* His
eyes se#rche% h)rrie%ly, &r#$tic#lly, thro)gh the i((obile (#4e o& li(p &ig)res* He spie% .oss#ri#$ &i$#lly 2ith # &eeli$g
o& i((e$se 3oy, #$% the$ his (o)th g#pe% ope$ slo2ly i$ )$be#r#ble horror #s he $ote% .oss#ri#$5s ,i,i%, be#te$,
gri(y loo- o& %eep, %r)gge% %esp#ir* He )$%erstoo% #t o$ce, recoili$g i$ p#i$ &ro( the re#li4#tio$ #$% sh#-i$g his he#%
2ith # protesti$g #$% i(plori$g gri(#ce, th#t /#tely 2#s %e#%* The -$o2le%ge str)c- hi( 2ith # $)(bi$g shoc-* A sob
bro-e &ro( hi(* The bloo% %r#i$e% &ro( his legs, #$% he tho)ght he 2#s goi$g to %rop* /#tely 2#s %e#%* All hope th#t
he 2#s (ist#-e$ 2#s 2#she% #2#y by the so)$% o& /#tely5s $#(e e(ergi$g 2ith rec)rri$g cl#rity $o2 &ro( the #l(ost
i$#)%ible b#bble o& ()r()ri$g ,oices th#t he 2#s s)%%e$ly #2#re o& &or the &irst ti(e* /#tely 2#s %e#%@ the boy h#%
bee$ -ille%* A 2hi(peri$g so)$% rose i$ the ch#pl#i$5s thro#t, #$% his 3#2 beg#$ to 6)i,er* His eyes &ille% 2ith te#rs, #$%
he 2#s cryi$g* He st#rte% to2#r% .oss#ri#$ o$ tiptoe to (o)r$ besi%e hi( #$% sh#re his 2or%less grie&* At th#t (o(e$t
# h#$% gr#bbe% hi( ro)ghly #ro)$% the #r( #$% # br)s6)e ,oice %e(#$%e%,
5Ch#pl#i$ Ship(#$95
He t)r$e% 2ith s)rprise to &#ce # sto)t, p)g$#cio)s colo$el 2ith # l#rge he#% #$% ()st#che #$% # s(ooth, &lori% s-i$*
He h#% $e,er see$ the (#$ be&ore* 5.es* >h#t is it95 The &i$gers gr#spi$g the ch#pl#i$5s #r( 2ere h)rti$g hi(, #$% he
trie% i$ ,#i$ to s6)ir( loose*
5Co(e #lo$g*5
The ch#pl#i$ p)lle% b#c- i$ &righte$e% co$&)sio$* 5>here9 >hy9 >ho #re yo), #$y2#y95
5.o)5% better co(e #lo$g 2ith )s, ;#ther,5 # le#$, h#2--&#ce% (#3or o$ the ch#pl#i$5s other si%e i$to$e% 2ith re,ere$ti#l
sorro2* 5>e5re &ro( the go,er$(e$t* >e 2#$t to #s- yo) so(e 6)estio$s*5
5>h#t -i$% o& 6)estio$s9 >h#t5s the (#tter95
5Are$5t yo) Ch#pl#i$ Ship(#$95 %e(#$%e% the obese colo$el*
5He5s the o$e,5 Serge#$t >hitco(b #$s2ere%*
5:o o$ #lo$g 2ith the(,5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- c#lle% o)t to the ch#pl#i$ 2ith # hostile #$% co$te(pt)o)s s$eer* 5:o o$ i$to the
c#r i& yo) -$o2 2h#t5s goo% &or yo)*5
H#$%s 2ere %r#2i$g the ch#pl#i$ #2#y irresistibly* He 2#$te% to sho)t &or help to .oss#ri#$, 2ho see(e% too &#r #2#y
to he#r* So(e o& the (e$ $e#rby 2ere begi$$i$g to loo- #t hi( 2ith #2#-e$i$g c)riosity* The ch#pl#i$ be$t his &#ce
#2#y 2ith b)r$i$g sh#(e #$% #llo2e% hi(sel& to be le% i$to the re#r o& # st#&& c#r #$% se#te% bet2ee$ the &#t colo$el
2ith the l#rge, pi$- &#ce #$% the s-i$$y, )$ct)o)s, %espo$%e$t (#3or* He #)to(#tic#lly hel% # 2rist o)t to e#ch,
2o$%eri$g &or # (o(e$t i& they 2#$te% to h#$%c)&& hi(* A$other o&&icer 2#s #lre#%y i$ the &ro$t se#t* A t#ll '*P* 2ith #
2histle #$% # 2hite hel(et got i$ behi$% the 2heel* The ch#pl#i$ %i% $ot %#re r#ise his eyes )$til the close% c#r h#%
l)rche% &ro( the #re# #$% the spee%i$g 2heels 2ere 2hi$i$g o$ the b)(py bl#c-top ro#%*
5>here #re yo) t#-i$g (e95 he #s-e% i$ # ,oice so&t 2ith ti(i%ity #$% g)ilt, his g#4e still #,erte%* The $otio$ c#(e to hi(
th#t they 2ere hol%i$g hi( to bl#(e &or the (i%-#ir cr#sh #$% the %e#th o& /#tely* 5>h#t h#,e + %o$e95
5>hy %o$5t yo) -eep yo)r tr#p sh)t #$% let )s #s- the 6)estio$s95 s#i% the colo$el*
50o$5t t#l- to hi( th#t 2#y,5 s#i% the (#3or* 5+t is$5t $ecess#ry to be so %isrespect&)l*5
5The$ tell hi( to -eep his tr#p sh)t #$% let )s #s- the 6)estio$s*5
5;#ther, ple#se -eep yo)r tr#p sh)t #$% let )s #s- the 6)estio$s,5 )rge% the (#3or sy(p#thetic#lly* 5+t 2ill be better &or
yo)*5
5+t is$5t $ecess#ry to c#ll (e ;#ther,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$* 5+5( $ot # C#tholic*5
5/either #( +, ;#ther,5 s#i% the (#3or* 5+t5s 3)st th#t +5( # ,ery %e,o)t perso$, #$% + li-e to c#ll #ll (e$ o& :o% ;#ther*5
5He %oes$5t e,e$ belie,e there #re #theists i$ &o8holes,5 the colo$el (oc-e%, #$% $)%ge% the ch#pl#i$ i$ the ribs
&#(ili#rly* 5:o o$, Ch#pl#i$, tell hi(* Are there #theists i$ &o8holes95
5+ %o$5t -$o2, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ replie%* 5+5,e $e,er bee$ i$ # &o8hole*5
The o&&icer i$ &ro$t s2)$g his he#% #ro)$% s2i&tly 2ith # 6)#rrelso(e e8pressio$* 5.o)5,e $e,er bee$ i$ he#,e$ either,
h#,e yo)9 7)t yo) -$o2 there5s # he#,e$, %o$5t yo)95
5Or %o yo)95 s#i% the colo$el*
5Th#t5s # ,ery serio)s cri(e yo)5,e co((itte%, ;#ther,5 s#i% the (#3or*
5>h#t cri(e95
5>e %o$5t -$o2 yet,5 s#i% the colo$el* 57)t 2e5re goi$g to &i$% o)t* A$% 2e s)re -$o2 it5s ,ery serio)s*5
The c#r s2)$g o&& the ro#% #t :ro)p He#%6)#rters 2ith # s6)e#l o& tires, sl#c-e$i$g spee% o$ly slightly, #$% co$ti$)e%
#ro)$% p#st the p#r-i$g lot to the b#c- o& the b)il%i$g* The three o&&icers #$% the ch#pl#i$ got o)t* +$ si$gle &ile, they
)shere% hi( %o2$ # 2obbly &light o& 2oo%e$ st#irs le#%i$g to the b#se(e$t #$% le% hi( i$to # %#(p, gloo(y roo( 2ith
# lo2 ce(e$t ceili$g #$% )$&i$ishe% sto$e 2#lls* There 2ere cob2ebs i$ #ll the cor$ers* A h)ge ce$tipe%e ble2 #cross
the &loor to the shelter o& # 2#ter pipe* They s#t the ch#pl#i$ i$ # h#r%, str#ight-b#c-e% ch#ir th#t stoo% behi$% # s(#ll,
b#re t#ble*
5Ple#se (#-e yo)rsel& co(&ort#ble, Ch#pl#i$,5 i$,ite% the colo$el cor%i#lly, s2itchi$g o$ # bli$%i$g spotlight #$% shooti$g
Catch 22
it s6)#rely i$to the ch#pl#i$5s &#ce* He pl#ce% # set o& br#ss -$)c-les #$% bo8 o& 2oo%e$ (#tches o$ the t#ble* 5>e
2#$t yo) to rel#8*5
The ch#pl#i$5s eyes b)lge% o)t i$cre%)lo)sly* His teeth ch#ttere% #$% his li(bs &elt )tterly 2itho)t stre$gth* He 2#s
po2erless* They (ight %o 2h#te,er they 2ishe% to hi(, he re#li4e%A these br)t#l (e$ (ight be#t hi( to %e#th right
there i$ the b#se(e$t, #$% $o o$e 2o)l% i$ter,e$e to s#,e hi(, $o o$e, perh#ps, b)t the %e,o)t #$% sy(p#thetic (#3or
2ith the sh#rp &#ce, 2ho set # 2#ter t#p %rippi$g lo)%ly i$to # si$- #$% ret)r$e% to the t#ble to l#y # le$gth o& he#,y
r)bber hose %o2$ besi%e the br#ss -$)c-les*
5E,erythi$g5s goi$g to be #ll right, Ch#pl#i$,5 the (#3or s#i% e$co)r#gi$gly* 5.o)5,e got $othi$g to be #&r#i% o& i& yo)5re $ot
g)ilty* >h#t #re yo) so #&r#i% o&9 .o)5re $ot g)ilty, #re yo)95
5S)re he5s g)ilty,5 s#i% the colo$el* 5:)ilty #s hell*5
5:)ilty o& 2h#t95 i(plore% the ch#pl#i$, &eeli$g (ore #$% (ore be2il%ere% #$% $ot -$o2i$g 2hich o& the (e$ to #ppe#l
to &or (ercy* The thir% o&&icer 2ore $o i$sig$i# #$% l)r-e% i$ sile$ce o&& to the si%e* 5>h#t %i% + %o95
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t 2e5re goi$g to &i$% o)t,5 #$s2ere% the colo$el, #$% he sho,e% # p#% #$% pe$cil #cross the t#ble to the
ch#pl#i$* 5>rite yo)r $#(e &or )s, 2ill yo)9 +$ yo)r o2$ h#$%2riti$g*5
5'y o2$ h#$%2riti$g95
5Th#t5s right* A$y2here o$ the p#ge*5 >he$ the ch#pl#i$ h#% &i$ishe%, the colo$el too- the p#% b#c- #$% hel% it )p
#lo$gsi%e # sheet o& p#per he re(o,e% &ro( # &ol%er* 5See95 he s#i% to the (#3or, 2ho h#% co(e to his si%e #$% 2#s
peeri$g sole($ly o,er his sho)l%er*
5They5re $ot the s#(e, #re they95 the (#3or #%(itte%*
5+ tol% yo) he %i% it*5
50i% 2h#t95 #s-e% the ch#pl#i$*
5Ch#pl#i$, this co(es #s # gre#t shoc- to (e,5 the (#3or #cc)se% i$ # to$e o& he#,y l#(e$t#tio$*
5>h#t %oes95
5+ c#$5t tell yo) ho2 %is#ppoi$te% + #( i$ yo)*5
5;or 2h#t95 persiste% the ch#pl#i$ (ore &i#$tic#lly* 5>h#t h#,e + %o$e95
5;or this,5 replie% the (#3or, #$%, 2ith #$ #ir o& %isill)sio$e% %isg)st, tosse% %o2$ o$ the t#ble the p#% o$ 2hich the
ch#pl#i$ h#% sig$e% his $#(e* 5This is$5t yo)r h#$%2riti$g*5
The ch#pl#i$ bli$-e% r#pi%ly 2ith #(#4e(e$t* 57)t o& co)rse it5s (y h#$%2riti$g*5
5/o it is$5t, Ch#pl#i$* .o)5re lyi$g #g#i$*5
57)t + 3)st 2rote itC5 the ch#pl#i$ crie% i$ e8#sper#tio$* 5.o) s#2 (e 2rite it*5
5Th#t5s 3)st it,5 the (#3or #$s2ere% bitterly* 5+ s#2 yo) 2rite it* .o) c#$5t %e$y th#t yo) %i% 2rite it* A perso$ 2ho5ll lie
#bo)t his o2$ h#$%2riti$g 2ill lie #bo)t #$ythi$g*5
57)t 2ho lie% #bo)t (y o2$ h#$%2riti$g95 %e(#$%e% the ch#pl#i$, &orgetti$g his &e#r i$ the 2#,e o& #$ger #$%
i$%ig$#tio$ th#t 2elle% )p i$si%e hi( s)%%e$ly* 5Are yo) cr#4y or so(ethi$g9 >h#t #re yo) both t#l-i$g #bo)t95
5>e #s-e% yo) to 2rite yo)r $#(e i$ yo)r o2$ h#$%2riti$g* A$% yo) %i%$5t %o it*5
57)t o& co)rse + %i%* +$ 2hose h#$%2riti$g %i% + 2rite it i& $ot (y o2$95
5+$ so(ebo%y else5s*5
5>hose95
5Th#t5s 3)st 2h#t 2e5re goi$g to &i$% o)t,5 thre#te$e% the colo$el*
5T#l-, Ch#pl#i$*5
The ch#pl#i$ loo-e% &ro( o$e to the other o& the t2o (e$ 2ith risi$g %o)bt #$% hysteri#* 5Th#t h#$%2riti$g is (i$e,5 he
(#i$t#i$e% p#ssio$#tely* 5>here else is (y h#$%2riti$g, i& th#t is$5t it95
5Right here,5 #$s2ere% the colo$el* A$% loo-i$g ,ery s)perior, he tosse% %o2$ o$ the t#ble # photost#tic copy o& # piece
o& B (#il i$ 2hich e,erythi$g b)t the s#l)t#tio$ 50e#r '#ry5 h#% bee$ bloc-e% o)t #$% o$ 2hich the ce$sori$g o&&icer
h#% 2ritte$, 5+ lo$g &or yo) tr#gic#lly* R* O* Ship(#$, Ch#pl#i$, =*S* Ar(y*5 The colo$el s(ile% scor$&)lly #s he 2#tche%
the ch#pl#i$5s &#ce t)r$ cri(so$* 5>ell, Ch#pl#i$9 0o yo) -$o2 2ho 2rote th#t95
The ch#pl#i$ too- # lo$g (o(e$t to replyA he h#% recog$i4e% .oss#ri#$5s h#$%2riti$g* 5/o*5
5.o) c#$ re#%, tho)gh, c#$5t yo)95 the colo$el perse,ere% s#rc#stic#lly* 5The #)thor sig$e% his $#(e*5
5Th#t5s (y $#(e there*5
5The$ yo) 2rote it* K*E*0*5
57)t + %i%$5t 2rite it* Th#t is$5t (y h#$%2riti$g, either*5
5The$ yo) sig$e% yo)r $#(e i$ so(ebo%y else5s h#$%2riti$g #g#i$,5 the colo$el retorte% 2ith # shr)g* 5Th#t5s #ll th#t
(e#$s*5
5Oh, this is ri%ic)lo)sC5 the ch#pl#i$ sho)te%, s)%%e$ly losi$g #ll p#tie$ce* He 3)(pe% to his &eet i$ # bl#4i$g &)ry, both
&ists cle$che%* 5+5( $ot goi$g to st#$% &or this #$y lo$gerC 0o yo) he#r9 T2el,e (e$ 2ere 3)st -ille%, #$% + h#,e $o ti(e
&or these silly 6)estio$s* .o)5,e $o right to -eep (e here, #$% +5( 3)st $ot goi$g to st#$% &or it*5
>itho)t s#yi$g # 2or%, the colo$el p)she% the ch#pl#i$5s chest h#r% #$% -$oc-e% hi( b#c- %o2$ i$to the ch#ir, #$% the
ch#pl#i$ 2#s s)%%e$ly 2e#- #$% ,ery ()ch #&r#i% #g#i$* The (#3or pic-e% )p the le$gth o& r)bber hose #$% beg#$
t#ppi$g it (e$#ci$gly #g#i$st his ope$ p#l(* The colo$el li&te% the bo8 o& (#tches, too- o$e o)t #$% hel% it poise%
#g#i$st the stri-i$g s)r&#ce, 2#tchi$g 2ith glo2eri$g eyes &or the ch#pl#i$5s $e8t sig$ o& %e&i#$ce* The ch#pl#i$ 2#s
p#le #$% #l(ost too petri&ie% to (o,e* The bright gl#re o& the spotlight (#%e hi( t)r$ #2#y &i$#llyA the %rippi$g 2#ter
2#s lo)%er #$% #l(ost )$be#r#bly irrit#ti$g* He 2ishe% they 2o)l% tell hi( 2h#t they 2#$te% so th#t he 2o)l% -$o2
2h#t to co$&ess* He 2#ite% te$sely #s the thir% o&&icer, #t # sig$#l &ro( the colo$el, #(ble% o,er &ro( the 2#ll #$%
se#te% hi(sel& o$ the t#ble 3)st # &e2 i$ches #2#y &ro( the ch#pl#i$* His &#ce 2#s e8pressio$less, his eyes pe$etr#ti$g
#$% col%*
5T)r$ o&& the light,5 he s#i% o,er his sho)l%er i$ # lo2, c#l( ,oice* 5+t5s ,ery #$$oyi$g*5
The ch#pl#i$ g#,e hi( # s(#ll s(ile o& gr#tit)%e* 5Th#$- yo), sir* A$% the %rip too, ple#se*5
5Le#,e the %rip,5 s#i% the o&&icer* 5Th#t %oes$5t bother (e*5 He t)gge% )p the legs o& his tro)sers # bit, #s tho)gh to
preser,e their $#tty cre#se* 5Ch#pl#i$,5 he #s-e% c#s)#lly, 5o& 2h#t religio)s pers)#sio$ #re yo)95
5+5( #$ A$#b#ptist, sir*5
5Th#t5s # pretty s)spicio)s religio$, is$5t it95
129 | P a g e
5S)spicio)s95 i$6)ire% the ch#pl#i$ i$ # -i$% o& i$$oce$t %#4e* 5>hy, sir95
5>ell, + %o$5t -$o2 # thi$g #bo)t it* .o)5ll h#,e to #%(it th#t, 2o$5t yo)9 0oes$5t th#t (#-e it pretty s)spicio)s95
5+ %o$5t -$o2, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere% %iplo(#tic#lly, 2ith #$ )$e#sy st#((er* He &o)$% the (#$5s l#c- o& i$sig$i#
%isco$certi$g #$% 2#s $ot e,e$ s)re he h#% to s#y 5sir5* >ho 2#s he9 A$% 2h#t #)thority h#% he to i$terrog#te hi(9
5Ch#pl#i$, + o$ce st)%ie% L#ti$* + thi$- it5s o$ly &#ir to 2#r$ yo) o& th#t be&ore + #s- (y $e8t 6)estio$* 0oes$5t the 2or%
A$#b#ptist si(ply (e#$ th#t yo)5re $ot # 7#ptist95
5Oh, $o, sir* There5s ()ch (ore*5
5Are yo) # 7#ptist95
5/o, sir*5
5The$ yo) #re $ot # 7#ptist, #re$5t yo)95
5Sir95
5+ %o$5t see 2hy yo)5re bic-eri$g 2ith (e o$ th#t poi$t* .o)5,e #lre#%y #%(itte% it* /o2, Ch#pl#i$, to s#y yo)5re $ot #
7#ptist %oes$5t re#lly tell )s #$ythi$g #bo)t 2h#t yo) #re, %oes it9 .o) co)l% be #$ythi$g or #$yo$e*5 He le#$e% &or2#r%
slightly #$% his (#$$er too- o$ # shre2% #$% sig$i&ic#$t #ir* 5.o) co)l% e,e$ be,5 he #%%e%, 5>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g, co)l%$5t
yo)95
5>#shi$gto$ +r,i$g95 the ch#pl#i$ repe#te% 2ith s)rprise*
5Co(e o$, >#shi$gto$,5 the corp)le$t colo$el bro-e i$ ir#scibly* 5>hy %o$5t yo) (#-e # cle#$ bre#st o& it9 >e -$o2 yo)
stole th#t pl)( to(#to*5
A&ter # (o(e$t5s shoc-, the ch#pl#i$ giggle% 2ith $er,o)s relie&* 5Oh, is th#t itC5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5/o2 +5( begi$$i$g to
)$%erst#$%* + %i%$5t ste#l th#t pl)( to(#to, sir* Colo$el C#thc#rt g#,e it to (e* .o) c#$ e,e$ #s- hi( i& yo) %o$5t belie,e
(e*5
A %oor ope$e% #t the other e$% o& the roo( #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt steppe% i$to the b#se(e$t #s tho)gh &ro( # closet*
5Hello, Colo$el* Colo$el, he cl#i(s yo) g#,e hi( th#t pl)( to(#to* 0i% yo)95
5>hy sho)l% + gi,e hi( # pl)( to(#to95 #$s2ere% Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5Th#$- yo), Colo$el* Th#t 2ill be #ll*5
5+t5s # ple#s)re, Colo$el,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt replie%, #$% he steppe% b#c- o)t o& the b#se(e$t, closi$g the %oor #&ter hi(*
5>ell, Ch#pl#i$9 >h#t h#,e yo) got to s#y $o295
5He %i% gi,e it to (eC5 the ch#pl#i$ hisse% i$ # 2hisper th#t 2#s both &ierce #$% &e#r&)l* 5He %i% gi,e it to (eC5
5.o)5re $ot c#lli$g # s)perior o&&icer # li#r #re yo), Ch#pl#i$95
5>hy sho)l% # s)perior o&&icer gi,e yo) # pl)( to(#to, Ch#pl#i$95
5+s th#t 2hy yo) trie% to gi,e it to Serge#$t >hitco(b, Ch#pl#i$9 7ec#)se it 2#s # hot to(#to95
5/o, $o, $o,5 the ch#pl#i$ proteste%, 2o$%eri$g (iser#bly 2hy they 2ere $ot #ble to )$%erst#$%* 5+ o&&ere% it to Serge#$t
>hitco(b bec#)se + %i%$5t 2#$t it*5
5>hy5% yo) ste#l it &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt i& yo) %i%$5t 2#$t it95
5+ %i%$5t ste#l it &ro( Colo$el C#thc#r%5
5The$ 2hy #re yo) so g)ilty, i& yo) %i%$5t ste#l it95
5+5( $ot g)iltyC5
5The$ 2hy 2o)l% 2e be 6)estio$i$g yo) i& yo) 2ere$5t g)ilty95
5Oh, + %o$5t -$o2,5 the ch#pl#i$ gro#$e%, -$e#%i$g his &i$gers i$ his l#p #$% sh#-i$g his bo2e% #$% #$g)ishe% he#%* 5+
%o$5t -$o2*5
5He thi$-s 2e h#,e ti(e to 2#ste,5 s$orte% the (#3or*
5Ch#pl#i$,5 res)(e% the o&&icer 2itho)t i$sig$i# #t # (ore leis)rely p#ce, li&ti$g # type2ritte$ sheet o& yello2 p#per &ro(
the ope$ &ol%er, 5+ h#,e # sig$e% st#te(e$t here &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt #sserti$g yo) stole th#t pl)( to(#to &ro( hi(*5
He l#y the sheet &#ce %o2$ o$ o$e si%e o& the &ol%er #$% pic-e% )p # seco$% p#ge &ro( the other si%e* 5A$% + h#,e #
$ot#ri4e% #&&i%#,it &ro( Serge#$t >hitco(b i$ 2hich he st#tes th#t he -$e2 the to(#to 2#s hot 3)st &ro( the 2#y yo)
trie% to )$lo#% it o$ hi(*5
5+ s2e#r to :o% + %i%$5t ste#l it, sir,5 the ch#pl#i$ ple#%e% 2ith %istress, #l(ost i$ te#rs* 5+ gi,e yo) (y s#cre% 2or% it 2#s
$ot # hot to(#to*5
5Ch#pl#i$, %o yo) belie,e i$ :o%95
5.es, sir* O& co)rse + %o*5
5Th#t5s o%%, Ch#pl#i$,5 s#i% the o&&icer, t#-i$g &ro( the &ol%er #$other type2ritte$ yello2 p#ge, 5bec#)se + h#,e here i$
(y h#$%s $o2 #$other st#te(e$t &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt i$ 2hich he s2e#rs th#t yo) re&)se% to co-oper#te 2ith hi( i$
co$%)cti$g pr#yer (eeti$gs i$ the brie&i$g roo( be&ore e#ch (issio$*5
Ater looking blank a moment, the chaplain nodded *uickly with recollection. '(h, that's not
*uite true, sir,' he e,plained eagerly. '"olonel "athcart gave up the
%e# hi(sel& o$ce he re#li4e% e$liste% (e$ pr#y to the s#(e :o% #s o&&icers*5
'He did what'' e,claimed the oicer in disbelie.
'%hat nonsense+' declared the red$aced colonel, and swung away rom the chaplain with
dignity and annoyance.
50oes he e8pect )s to belie,e th#t95 crie% the (#3or i$cre%)lo)sly*
The o&&icer 2itho)t i$sig$i# ch)c-le% #ci%ly* 5Ch#pl#i$, #re$5t yo) stretchi$g thi$gs # bit &#r $o295 he i$6)ire% 2ith #
s(ile th#t 2#s i$%)lge$t #$% )$&rie$%ly*
57)t, sir, it5s the tr)th, sirC + s2e#r it5s the tr)th*5
5+ %o$5t see ho2 th#t (#tters o$e 2#y or the other,5 the o&&icer #$s2ere% $o$ch#l#$tly, #$% re#che% si%e2#ys #g#i$
to2#r% the ope$ &ol%er &ille% 2ith p#pers* 5Ch#pl#i$, %i% yo) s#y yo) %i% belie,e i$ :o% i$ #$s2er to (y 6)estio$9 + %o$5t
re(e(ber*5
5.es, sir* + %i% s#y so, sir* + %o belie,e i$ :o%*5
5The$ th#t re#lly is ,ery o%%, Ch#pl#i$, bec#)se + h#,e here #$other #&&i%#,it &ro( Colo$el C#thc#rt th#t st#tes yo) o$ce
tol% hi( #theis( 2#s $ot #g#i$st the l#2* 0o yo) rec#ll e,er (#-i$g # st#te(e$t li-e th#t to #$yo$e95
Catch 22
The ch#pl#i$ $o%%e% 2itho)t #$y hesit#tio$, &eeli$g hi(sel& o$ ,ery soli% gro)$% $o2* 5.es, sir, + %i% (#-e # st#te(e$t
li-e th#t* + (#%e it bec#)se it5s tr)e* Atheis( is $ot #g#i$st the l#2*5
57)t th#t5s still $o re#so$ to s#y so, Ch#pl#i$, is it95 the o&&icer chi%e% t#rtly, &ro2$i$g, #$% pic-e% )p still o$e (ore
type2ritte$, $ot#ri4e% p#ge &ro( the &ol%er* 5A$% here + h#,e #$other s2or$ st#te(e$t &ro( Serge#$t >hitco(b th#t
s#ys yo) oppose% his pl#$ o& se$%i$g letters o& co$%ole$ce o,er Colo$el C#thc#rt5s sig$#t)re to the $e8t o& -i$ o& (e$
-ille% or 2o)$%e% i$ co(b#t* +s th#t tr)e95
5.es, sir, + %i% oppose it,5 #$s2ere% the ch#pl#i$* 5A$% +5( pro)% th#t + %i%* Those letters #re i$si$cere #$% %isho$est*
Their o$ly p)rpose is to bri$g glory to Colo$el C#thc#rt*5
57)t 2h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes th#t (#-e95 replie% the o&&icer* 5They still bri$g sol#ce #$% co(&ort to the &#(ilies th#t recei,e
the(, %o$5t they9 Ch#pl#i$, + si(ply c#$5t )$%erst#$% yo)r thi$-i$g process*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s st)(pe% #$% #t # co(plete loss &or # reply* He h)$g his he#%, &eeli$g to$g)e-tie% #$% $#i,e*
The r)%%y sto)t colo$el steppe% &or2#r% ,igoro)sly 2ith # s)%%e$ i%e#* 5>hy %o$5t 2e -$oc- his go%%#( br#i$s o)t95 he
s)ggeste% 2ith rob)st e$th)si#s( to the others*
5.es, 2e co)l% -$oc- his go%%#( br#i$s o)t, co)l%$5t 2e95 the h#2--&#ce% (#3or #gree%* 5He5s o$ly #$ A$#b#ptist*5
5/o, 2e5,e got to &i$% hi( g)ilty &irst,5 the o&&icer 2itho)t i$sig$i# c#)tio$e% 2ith # l#$g)i% restr#i$i$g 2#,e* He sli% lightly
to the &loor #$% (o,e% #ro)$% to the other si%e o& the t#ble, &#ci$g the ch#pl#i$ 2ith both h#$%s presse% &l#t o$ the
s)r&#ce* His e8pressio$ 2#s %#r- #$% ,ery ster$, s6)#re #$% &orbi%%i$g* 5Ch#pl#i$,5 he #$$o)$ce% 2ith (#gisteri#l
rigi%ity, 52e ch#rge yo) &or(#lly 2ith bei$g >#shi$gto$ +r,i$g #$% t#-i$g c#pricio)s #$% )$lice$se% liberties i$ ce$sori$g
the letters o& o&&icers #$% e$liste% (e$* Are yo) g)ilty or i$$oce$t95
5+$$oce$t, sir*5 The ch#pl#i$ lic-e% %ry lips 2ith # %ry to$g)e #$% le#$e% &or2#r% i$ s)spe$se o$ the e%ge o& his ch#ir*
5:)ilty,5 s#i% the colo$el*
5:)ilty,5 s#i% the (#3or*
5:)ilty it is, the$,5 re(#r-e% the o&&icer 2itho)t i$sig$i#, #$% 2rote # 2or% o$ # p#ge i$ the &ol%er* 5Ch#pl#i$,5 he
co$ti$)e%, loo-i$g )p, 52e #cc)se yo) #lso o& the co((issio$ o& cri(es #$% i$&r#ctio$s 2e %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 #bo)t yet*
:)ilty or i$$oce$t95
5+ %o$5t -$o2, sir* Ho2 c#$ + s#y i& yo) %o$5t tell (e 2h#t they #re95
5Ho2 c#$ 2e tell yo) i& 2e %o$5t -$o295
5:)ilty,5 %eci%e% the colo$el*
5S)re he5s g)ilty,5 #gree% the (#3or* 5+& they5re his cri(es #$% i$&r#ctio$s, he ()st h#,e co((itte% the(*5
5:)ilty it is, the$,5 ch#$te% the o&&icer 2itho)t i$sig$i#, #$% (o,e% o&& to the si%e o& the roo(* 5He5s #ll yo)rs, Colo$el*5
5Th#$- yo),5 co((e$%e% the colo$el* 5.o) %i% # ,ery goo% 3ob*5 He t)r$e% to the ch#pl#i$* 5O-#y, Ch#pl#i$, the 3ig5s )p*
T#-e # 2#l-*5
The ch#pl#i$ %i% $ot )$%erst#$%* 5>h#t %o yo) 2ish (e to %o95
5:o o$, be#t it, + tol% yo)C5 the colo$el ro#re%, 3er-i$g # th)(b o,er his sho)l%er #$grily* 5:et the hell o)t o& here*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s shoc-e% by his bellicose 2or%s #$% to$e #$%, to his o2$ #(#4e(e$t #$% (ysti&ic#tio$, %eeply
ch#gri$e% th#t they 2ere t)r$i$g hi( loose* 5Are$5t yo) e,e$ goi$g to p)$ish (e95 he i$6)ire% 2ith 6)er)lo)s s)rprise*
5.o)5re %#($e% right 2e5re goi$g to p)$ish yo)* 7)t 2e5re cert#i$ly $ot goi$g to let yo) h#$g #ro)$% 2hile 2e %eci%e
ho2 #$% 2he$ to %o it* So get goi$g* Hit the ro#%*5
The ch#pl#i$ rose te$t#ti,ely #$% too- # &e2 steps #2#y* 5+5( &ree to go95
5;or the ti(e bei$g* 7)t %o$5t try to le#,e the isl#$%* >e5,e got yo)r $)(ber, Ch#pl#i$* J)st re(e(ber th#t 2e5,e got
yo) )$%er s)r,eill#$ce t2e$ty-&o)r ho)rs # %#y*5
+t 2#s $ot co$cei,#ble th#t they 2o)l% #llo2 hi( to le#,e* The ch#pl#i$ 2#l-e% to2#r% the e8it gi$gerly, e8pecti$g #t #$y
i$st#$t to be or%ere% b#c- by # pere(ptory ,oice or h#lte% i$ his tr#c-s by # he#,y blo2 o$ the sho)l%er or the he#%*
They %i% $othi$g to stop hi(* He &o)$% his 2#y thro)gh the st#le, %#r-, %#$- corri%ors to the &light o& st#irs* He 2#s
st#ggeri$g #$% p#$ti$g 2he$ he cli(be% o)t i$to the &resh #ir* As soo$ #s he h#% esc#pe%, # &eeli$g o& o,er2heli$i$g
(or#l o)tr#ge &ille% hi(* He 2#s &)rio)s, (ore &)rio)s #t the #trocities o& the %#y th#$ he h#% e,er &elt be&ore i$ his
2hole li&e* He s2ept thro)gh the sp#cio)s, echoi$g lobby o& the b)il%i$g i$ # te(per o& sc#l%i$g #$% ,i$%icti,e
rese$t(e$t* He 2#s $ot goi$g to st#$% &or it #$y (ore, he tol% hi(sel&, he 2#s si(ply $ot goi$g to st#$% &or it* >he$ he
re#che% the e$tr#$ce, he spie%, 2ith # &eeli$g o& goo% &ort)$e, Colo$el ?or$ trotti$g )p the 2i%e steps #lo$e* 7r#ci$g
hi(sel& 2ith # %eep bre#th, the ch#pl#i$ (o,e% co)r#geo)sly &or2#r% to i$tercept hi(*
5Colo$el, +5( $ot goi$g to st#$% &or it #$y (ore,5 he %ecl#re% 2ith ,ehe(e$t %eter(i$#tio$, #$% 2#tche% i$ %is(#y #s
Colo$el ?or$ 2e$t trotti$g by )p the steps 2itho)t e,e$ $otici$g hi(* 5Colo$el ?or$C5
The t)bby, loose &ig)re o& his s)perior o&&icer stoppe%, t)r$e% #$% c#(e trotti$g b#c- %o2$ slo2ly* 5>h#t is it, Ch#pl#i$95
5Colo$el ?or$, + 2#$t to t#l- to yo) #bo)t the cr#sh this (or$i$g* +t 2#s # terrible thi$g to h#ppe$, terribleC5
Colo$el ?or$ 2#s sile$t # (o(e$t, reg#r%i$g the ch#pl#i$ 2ith # gli$t o& cy$ic#l #()se(e$t* 5.es, Ch#pl#i$, it cert#i$ly
2#s terrible,5 he s#i% &i$#lly* 5+ %o$5t -$o2 ho2 2e5re goi$g to 2rite this o$e )p 2itho)t (#-i$g o)rsel,es loo- b#%*5
5Th#t is$5t 2h#t + (e#$t,5 the ch#pl#i$ scol%e% &ir(ly 2itho)t #$y &e#r #t #ll* 5So(e o& those t2el,e (e$ h#% #lre#%y
&i$ishe% their se,e$ty (issio$s*5
Colo$el ?or$ l#)ghe%* 5>o)l% it be #$y less terrible i& they h#% #ll bee$ $e2 (e$95 he i$6)ire% c#)stic#lly*
O$ce #g#i$ the ch#pl#i$ 2#s st)(pe%* +((or#l logic see(e% to be co$&o)$%i$g hi( #t e,ery t)r$* He 2#s less s)re o&
hi(sel& th#$ be&ore 2he$ he co$ti$)e%, #$% his ,oice 2#,ere%* 5Sir, it 3)st is$5t right to (#-e the (e$ i$ this gro)p &ly
eighty (issio$s 2he$ the (e$ i$ other gro)ps #re bei$g se$t ho(e 2ith &i&ty #$% &i&ty-&i,e*5
5>e5ll t#-e the (#tter )$%er co$si%er#tio$,5 Colo$el ?or$ s#i% 2ith bore% %isi$terest, #$% st#rte% #2#y* 5A%ios, P#%re*5
5>h#t %oes th#t (e#$, sir95 the ch#pl#i$ persiste% i$ # ,oice t)r$i$g shrill*
Colo$el ?or$ stoppe% 2ith #$ )$ple#s#$t e8pressio$ #$% too- # step b#c- %o2$* 5+t (e#$s 2e5ll thi$- #bo)t it, P#%re,5
he #$s2ere% 2ith s#rc#s( #$% co$te(pt* 5.o) 2o)l%$5t 2#$t )s to %o #$ythi$g 2itho)t thi$-i$g #bo)t it, 2o)l% yo)95
5/o, sir, + s)ppose $ot* 7)t yo) h#,e bee$ thi$-i$g #bo)t it, h#,e$5t yo)95
5.es, P#%re, 2e h#,e bee$ thi$-i$g #bo)t it* 7)t to (#-e yo) h#ppy, 2e5ll thi$- #bo)t it so(e (ore, #$% yo)5ll be the
&irst perso$ 2e5ll tell i& 2e re#ch # $e2 %ecisio$* A$% $o2, #%ios*5 Colo$el ?or$ 2hirle% #2#y #g#i$ #$% h)rrie% )p the
st#irs*
131 | P a g e
5Colo$el ?or$C5 The ch#pl#i$5s cry (#%e Colo$el ?or$ stop o$ce (ore* His he#% s2)$g slo2ly #ro)$% to2#r% the
ch#pl#i$ 2ith # loo- o& (orose i(p#tie$ce* >or%s g)she% &ro( the ch#pl#i$ i$ # $er,o)s torre$t* 5Sir, + 2o)l% li-e yo)r
per(issio$ to t#-e the (#tter to :e$er#l 0ree%le* + 2#$t to bri$g (y protests to >i$g He#%6)#rters*5
Colo$el ?or$5s thic-, %#r- 3o2ls i$&l#te% )$e8pecte%ly 2ith # s)ppresse% g)&&#2, #$% it too- hi( # (o(e$t to reply*
5Th#t5s #ll right, P#%re,5 he #$s2ere% 2ith (ischie,o)s (erri(e$t, tryi$g h#r% to -eep # str#ight &#ce* 5.o) h#,e (y
per(issio$ to spe#- to :e$er#l 0ree%le*5
5Th#$- yo), sir* + belie,e it o$ly &#ir to 2#r$ yo) th#t + thi$- + h#,e so(e i$&l)e$ce 2ith :e$er#l 0ree%le*5
5+t5s goo% o& yo) to 2#r$ (e, P#%re* A$% + belie,e it o$ly &#ir to 2#r$ yo) th#t yo) 2o$5t &i$% :e$er#l 0ree%le #t >i$g*5
Colo$el ?or$ gri$$e% 2ic-e%ly #$% the$ bro-e i$to tri)(ph#$t l#)ghter* 5:e$er#l 0ree%le is o)t, P#%re* A$% :e$er#l
Pec-e( is i$* >e h#,e # $e2 2i$g co((#$%er*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s st)$$e%* 5:e$er#l Pec-e(C5
5Th#t5s right, Ch#pl#i$* H#,e yo) got #$y i$&l)e$ce 2ith hi(95
5>hy, + %o$5t e,e$ -$o2 :e$er#l Pec-e(,5 the ch#pl#i$ proteste% 2retche%ly*
Colo$el ?or$ l#)ghe% #g#i$* 5Th#t5s too b#%, Ch#pl#i$, bec#)se Colo$el C#thc#rt -$o2s hi( ,ery 2ell*5 Colo$el ?or$
ch)c-le% ste#%ily 2ith glo#ti$g relish &or #$other seco$% or t2o #$% the$ stoppe% #br)ptly* 5A$% by the 2#y, P#%re,5 he
2#r$e% col%ly, po-i$g his &i$ger o$ce i$to the ch#pl#i$5s chest* 5The 3ig is )p bet2ee$ yo) #$% 0r* St)bbs* >e -$o2 ,ery
2ell he se$t yo) )p here to co(pl#i$ to%#y*5
50r* St)bbs95 The ch#pl#i$ shoo- his he#% i$ b#&&le% protest* 5+ h#,e$5t see$ 0r* St)bbs, Colo$el* + 2#s bro)ght here by
three str#$ge o&&icers 2ho too- (e %o2$ i$to the cell#r 2itho)t #)thority #$% 6)estio$e% #$% i$s)lte% (e*5
Colo$el ?or$ po-e% the ch#pl#i$ i$ the chest o$ce (ore* 5.o) -$o2 %#($e% 2ell 0r* St)bbs h#s bee$ telli$g the (e$ i$
his s6)#%ro$ they %i%$5t h#,e to &ly (ore th#$ se,e$ty (issio$s*5 He l#)ghe% h#rshly* 5>ell, P#%re, they %o h#,e to &ly
(ore th#$ se,e$ty (issio$s, bec#)se 2e5re tr#$s&erri$g 0r* St)bbs to the P#ci&ic* So #%ios, P#%re* A%ios*5
GF :E/ERAL SCHE+SS?OP;
0ree%le 2#s o)t, #$% :e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s i$, #$% :e$er#l Pec-e( h#% h#r%ly (o,e% i$si%e :e$er#l 0ree%le5s o&&ice
to repl#ce hi( 2he$ his sple$%i% (ilit#ry ,ictory beg#$ &#lli$g to pieces #ro)$% hi(*
5:e$er#l Scheiss-op&95 he i$6)ire% )$s)specti$gly o& the serge#$t i$ his $e2 o&&ice 2ho bro)ght hi( 2or% o& the or%er
th#t h#% co(e i$ th#t (or$i$g* 5.o) (e#$ Colo$el Scheiss-op&, %o$5t yo)95
5/o, sir, :e$er#l Scheiss-op& He 2#s pro(ote% to ge$er#l this (or$i$g, sir*5
5>ell, th#t5s cert#i$ly c)rio)sC Scheiss-op&9 A ge$er#l9 >h#t gr#%e95
5Lie)te$#$t ge$er#l, sir, #$% -5
5Lie)te$#$t ge$er#lC5
5.es, sir, #$% he 2#$ts yo) to iss)e $o or%ers to #$yo$e i$ yo)r co((#$% 2itho)t &irst cle#ri$g the( thro)gh hi(*5
5>ell, +5ll be %#($e%,5 ()se% :e$er#l Pec-e( 2ith #sto$ish(e$t, s2e#ri$g #lo)% &or perh#ps the &irst ti(e i$ his li&e*
5C#rgill, %i% yo) he#r th#t9 Scheiss-op& 2#s pro(ote% 2#y )p to lie)te$#$t ge$er#l* +5ll bet th#t pro(otio$ 2#s i$te$%e%
&or (e #$% they g#,e it to hi( by (ist#-e*5
Colo$el C#rgill h#% bee$ r)bbi$g his st)r%y chi$ re&lecti,ely* 5>hy is he gi,i$g or%ers to )s95
:e$er#l Pec-e(5s slee-, scr)bbe%, %isti$g)ishe% &#ce tighte$e%* 5.es, Serge#$t,5 he s#i% slo2ly 2ith #$
)$co(prehe$%i$g &ro2$* 5>hy is he iss)i$g or%ers to )s i& he5s still i$ Speci#l Ser,ices #$% 2e5re i$ co(b#t oper#tio$s95
5Th#t5s #$other ch#$ge th#t 2#s (#%e this (or$i$g, sir* All co(b#t oper#tio$s #re $o2 )$%er the 3)ris%ictio$ o& Speci#l
Ser,ices* :e$er#l Scheiss-op& is o)r $e2 co((#$%i$g o&&icer*5
:e$er#l Pec-e( let o)t # sh#rp cry* 5Oh, (y :o%C5 he 2#ile%, #$% #ll his pr#ctic#l co(pos)re 2e$t )p i$ hysteri#*
5Scheiss-op& i$ ch#rge9 Scheiss-op&95 He presse% his &ists %o2$ o$ his eyes 2ith horror* 5C#rgill, get (e >i$tergree$C
Scheiss-op&9 /ot Scheiss-op&C5
All pho$es beg#$ ri$gi$g #t o$ce* A corpor#l r#$ i$ #$% s#l)te%*
5Sir, there5s # ch#pl#i$ o)tsi%e to see yo) 2ith $e2s o& #$ i$3)stice i$ Colo$el C#thc#rt5s s6)#%ro$*5
5Se$% hi( #2#y, se$% hi( #2#yC >e5,e got e$o)gh i$3)stices o& o)r o2$* >here5s >i$tergree$95
5Sir, :e$er#l Scheiss-op& is o$ the pho$e* He 2#$ts to spe#- to yo) #t o$ce*5
5Tell hi( + h#,e$5t #rri,e% yet* :oo% Lor%C5 :e$er#l Pec-e( scre#(e%, #s tho)gh str)c- by the e$or(ity o& the %is#ster
&or the &irst ti(e* 5Scheiss-op&9 The (#$5s # (oro$C + 2#l-e% #ll o,er th#t bloc-he#%, #$% $o2 he5s (y s)perior o&&icer*
Oh, (y Lor%C C#rgillC C#rgill, %o$5t %esert (eC >here5s >i$tergree$95
5Sir, + h#,e #$ e8-Serge#$t >i$tergree$ o$ yo)r other telepho$e* He5s bee$ tryi$g to re#ch yo) #ll (or$i$g*5
5:e$er#l, + c#$5t get >i$tergree$,5 Colo$el C#rgill sho)te%, 5His li$e is b)sy*5
:e$er#l Pec-e( 2#s perspiri$g &reely #s he l)$ge% &or the other telepho$e*
5>i$tergree$C5
5Pec-e(, yo) so$ o& # bitch -5
5>i$tergree$, h#,e yo) he#r% 2h#t they5,e %o$e95
5- 2h#t h#,e yo) %o$e, yo) st)pi% b#st#r%95
5They p)t Scheiss-op& i$ ch#rge o& e,erythi$gC5
>i$tergree$ 2#s shrie-i$g 2ith r#ge #$% p#$ic* 5.o) #$% yo)r go%%#( (e(or#$%)(sC They5,e go$e #$% tr#$s&erre%
co(b#t oper#tio$s to Speci#l Ser,icesC5
5Oh, $o,5 (o#$e% :e$er#l Pec-e(* 5+s th#t 2h#t %i% it9 'y (e(or#$%#9 +s th#t 2h#t (#%e the( p)t Scheiss-op& i$
ch#rge9 >hy %i%$5t they p)t (e i$ ch#rge95
57ec#)se yo) 2ere$5t i$ Speci#l Ser,ices #$y (ore* .o) tr#$s&erre% o)t #$% le&t hi( i$ ch#rge* A$% %o yo) -$o2 2h#t
he 2#$ts9 0o yo) -$o2 2h#t the b#st#r% 2#$ts )s #ll to %o95
5Sir, + thi$- yo)5% better t#l- to :e$er#l Scheiss-op&,5 ple#%e% the serge#$t $er,o)sly* 5He i$sists o$ spe#-i$g to
so(eo$e*5
5C#rgill, t#l- to Scheiss-op& &or (e* + c#$5t %o it* ;i$% o)t 2h#t he 2#$ts*5
Colo$el C#rgill liste$e% to :e$er#l Scheiss-op& &or # (o(e$t #$% 2e$t 2hite #s # sheet* 5Oh, (y :o%C5 he crie%, #s the
pho$e &ell &ro( his &i$gers* 50o yo) -$o2 2h#t he 2#$ts9 He 2#$ts )s to (#rch* He 2#$ts e,erybo%y to (#rchC5
GH ?+0 S+STER
Catch 22
.oss#ri#$ (#rche% b#c-2#r% 2ith his g)$ o$ his hip #$% re&)se% to &ly #$y (ore (issio$s* He (#rche% b#c-2#r%
bec#)se he 2#s co$ti$o)sly spi$$i$g #ro)$% #s he 2#l-e% to (#-e cert#i$ $o o$e 2#s s$e#-i$g )p o$ hi( &ro(
behi$%* E,ery so)$% to his re#r 2#s # 2#r$i$g, e,ery perso$ he p#sse% # pote$ti#l #ss#ssi$* He -ept his h#$% o$ his
g)$ b)tt co$st#$tly #$% s(ile% #t $o o$e b)t H)$gry Joe* He tol% C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$ th#t he 2#s
thro)gh &lyi$g* C#pt#i$ Piltch#r% #$% C#pt#i$ >re$ le&t his $#(e o&& the &light sche%)le &or the $e8t (issio$ #$% reporte%
the (#tter to :ro)p He#%6)#rters*
Colo$el ?or$ l#)ghe% c#h$ly* 5>h#t the %e,il %o yo) (e#$, he 2o$5t &ly (ore (issio$s95 he #s-e% 2ith # s(ile, #s
Colo$el C#thc#rt crept #2#y i$to # cor$er to broo% #bo)t the si$ister i(port o& the $#(e .oss#ri#$ poppi$g )p to pl#g)e
hi( o$ce #g#i$* 5>hy 2o$5t he95
5His &rie$% /#tely 2#s -ille% i$ the cr#sh o,er Spe4i#* '#ybe th#t5s 2hy*5
5>ho %oes he thi$- he is - Achilles95 Colo$el ?or$ 2#s ple#se% 2ith the si(ile #$% &ile% # (e$t#l re(i$%er to repe#t it
the $e8t ti(e he &o)$% hi(sel& i$ :e$er#l Pec-e(5s prese$ce* 5He h#s to &ly (ore (issio$s* He h#s $o choice* :o b#c-
#$% tell hi( yo)5ll report the (#tter to )s i& he %oes$5t ch#$ge his (i$%*5
5>e #lre#%y %i% tell hi( th#t, sir* +t (#%e $o %i&&ere$ce*5
5>h#t %oes '#3or '#3or s#y95
5>e $e,er see '#3or '#3or* He see(s to h#,e %is#ppe#re%*5
5+ 2ish 2e co)l% %is#ppe#r hi(C5 Colo$el C#thc#rt bl)rte% o)t &ro( the cor$er pee,ishly* 5The 2#y they %i% th#t &ello2
0)$b#r*5
5Oh, there #re ple$ty o& other 2#ys 2e c#$ h#$%le this o$e,5 Colo$el ?or$ #ss)re% hi( co$&i%e$tly, #$% co$ti$)e% to
Piltch#r% #$% >re$, 5Let5s begi$ 2ith the -i$%est* Se$% hi( to Ro(e &or # rest &or # &e2 %#ys* '#ybe this &ello25s %e#th
re#lly %i% h)rt hi( # bit*5
/#tely5s %e#th, i$ &#ct, #l(ost -ille% .oss#ri#$ too, &or 2he$ he bro-e the $e2s to /#tely5s 2hore i$ Ro(e she )ttere% #
pierci$g, he#rtbro-e$ shrie- #$% trie% to st#b hi( to %e#th 2ith # pot#to peeler*
57r)toC5 she ho2le% #t hi( i$ hysteric#l &)ry #s he be$t her #r( )p #ro)$% behi$% her b#c- #$% t2iste% gr#%)#lly )$til
the pot#to peeler %roppe% &ro( her gr#sp* 57r)toC 7r)toC5 She l#she% #t hi( s2i&tly 2ith the lo$g-$#ile% &i$gers o& her &ree
h#$% #$% r#-e% ope$ his chee-* She sp#t i$ his &#ce ,icio)sly*
5>h#t5s the (#tter95 he scre#(e% i$ sti$gi$g p#i$ #$% be2il%er(e$t, &li$gi$g her #2#y &ro( hi( #ll the 2#y #cross the
roo( to the 2#ll* 5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( (e95
She &le2 b#c- #t hi( 2ith both &ists &l#ili$g #$% bloo%ie% his (o)th 2ith # soli% p)$ch be&ore he 2#s #ble to gr#b her
2rists #$% hol% her still* Her h#ir tosse% 2il%ly* Te#rs 2ere stre#(i$g i$ si$gle torre$ts &ro( her &l#shi$g, h#te-&ille% eyes
#s she str)ggle% #g#i$st hi( &iercely i$ #$ irr#tio$#l &re$4y o& (#%%e$e% (ight, s$#rli$g #$% c)rsi$g s#,#gely #$%
scre#(i$g 57r)toC 7r)toC5 e#ch ti(e he trie% to e8pl#i$* Her gre#t stre$gth c#)ght hi( o&& g)#r%, #$% he lost his &ooti$g*
She 2#s $e#rly #s t#ll #s .oss#ri#$, #$% &or # &e2 &#$t#stic, terror-&ille% (o(e$ts he 2#s cert#i$ she 2o)l% o,erpo2er
hi( i$ her cr#4e% %eter(i$#tio$, cr)sh hi( to the gro)$% #$% rip hi( #p#rt (ercilessly li(b &ro( li(b &or so(e hei$o)s
cri(e he h#% $e,er co((itte%* He 2#$te% to yell &or help #s they stro,e #g#i$st e#ch other &r#$tic#lly i$ # gr)$ti$g,
p#$ti$g st#le(#te, #r( #g#i$st #r(* At l#st she 2e#-e$e%, #$% he 2#s #ble to &orce her b#c- #$% ple#% 2ith her to let
hi( t#l-, s2e#ri$g to her th#t /#tely5s %e#th h#% $ot bee$ his &#)lt* She sp#t i$ his &#ce #g#i$, #$% he p)she% her #2#y
h#r% i$ %isg)ste% #$ger #$% &r)str#tio$* She h)rle% hersel& %o2$ to2#r% the pot#to peeler the i$st#$t he rele#se% her*
He &l)$g hi(sel& %o2$ #&ter her, #$% they rolle% o,er e#ch other o$ the &loor se,er#l ti(es be&ore he co)l% te#r the
pot#to peeler #2#y* She trie% to trip hi( 2ith her h#$% #s he scr#(ble% to his &eet #$% scr#tche% #$ e8cr)ci#ti$g ch)$-
o)t o& his #$-le* He hoppe% #cross the roo( i$ p#i$ #$% thre2 the pot#to peeler o)t the 2i$%o2* He he#,e% # h)ge sigh
o& relie& o$ce he s#2 he 2#s s#&e*
5/o2, ple#se let (e e8pl#i$ so(ethi$g to yo),5 he c#3ole% i$ # (#t)re, re#so$i$g, e#r$est ,oice*
She -ic-e% hi( i$ the groi$* >hooshC 2e$t the #ir o)t o& hi(, #$% he s#$- %o2$ o$ his si%e 2ith # shrill #$% )l)l#ti$g
cry, %o)ble% )p o,er his -$ees i$ ch#otic #go$y #$% retchi$g &or bre#th* /#tely5s 2hore r#$ &ro( the roo(* .oss#ri#$
st#ggere% )p to his &eet $ot # (o(e$t too soo$, &or she c#(e ch#rgi$g b#c- i$ &ro( the -itche$ c#rryi$g # lo$g bre#%
-$i&e* A (o#$ o& i$cre%)lo)s %is(#y 2#&te% &ro( his lips #s, still cl)tchi$g his throbbi$g, te$%er, b)r$i$g bo2els i$ both
h#$%s, he %roppe% his &)ll 2eight %o2$ #g#i$st her shi$s #$% -$oc-e% her legs o)t &ro( )$%er her* She &lippe%
co(pletely o,er his he#% #$% l#$%e% o$ the &loor o$ her elbo2s 2ith # 3#rri$g th)%* The -$i&e s-ittere% &ree, #$% he
sl#ppe% it o)t o& sight )$%er the be%* She trie% to l)$ge #&ter it, #$% he sei4e% her by the #r( #$% y#$-e% her )p* She
trie% to -ic- hi( i$ the groi$ #g#i$, #$% he sl)$g her #2#y 2ith # ,iole$t o#th o& his o2$* She sl#((e% i$to the 2#ll o&&
b#l#$ce #$% s(#she% # ch#ir o,er i$to # ,#$ity t#ble co,ere% 2ith co(bs, h#irbr)shes #$% cos(etic 3#rs th#t #ll 2e$t
cr#shi$g o&&* A &r#(e% pict)re &ell to the &loor #t the other e$% o& the roo(, the gl#ss &ro$t sh#tteri$g*
5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t &ro( (e95 he yelle% #t her i$ 2hi$i$g #$% e8#sper#te% co$&)sio$* 5+ %i%$5t -ill hi(*5
She h)rle% # he#,y gl#ss #sh tr#y #t his he#%* He (#%e # &ist #$% 2#$te% to p)$ch her i$ the sto(#ch 2he$ she c#(e
ch#rgi$g #t hi( #g#i$, b)t he 2#s #&r#i% he (ight h#r( her* He 2#$te% to clip her ,ery $e#tly o$ the poi$t o& the 3#2
#$% r)$ &ro( the roo(, b)t there 2#s $o cle#r t#rget, #$% he (erely s-ippe% #si%e $e#tly #t the l#st seco$% #$% helpe%
her #lo$g p#st hi( 2ith # stro$g sho,e* She b#$ge% h#r% #g#i$st the other 2#ll* /o2 she 2#s bloc-i$g the %oor* She
thre2 # l#rge ,#se #t hi(* The$ she c#(e #t hi( 2ith # &)ll 2i$e bottle #$% str)c- hi( s6)#rely o$ the te(ple, -$oc-i$g
hi( %o2$ h#l&-st)$$e% o$ o$e -$ee* His e#rs 2ere b)44i$g, his 2hole &#ce 2#s $)(b* 'ore th#$ #$ythi$g else, he 2#s
e(b#rr#sse%* He &elt #2-2#r% bec#)se she 2#s goi$g to ()r%er hi(* He si(ply %i% $ot )$%erst#$% 2h#t 2#s goi$g o$*
He h#% $o i%e# 2h#t to %o* 7)t he %i% -$o2 he h#% to s#,e hi(sel&, #$% he c#t#p)lte% &or2#r% o&& the &loor 2he$ he
s#2 her r#ise the 2i$e bottle to clo)t hi( #g#i$ #$% b#rrele% i$to her (i%ri&& be&ore she co)l% stri-e hi(* He h#%
(o(e$t)(, #$% he propelle% her be&ore hi( b#c-2#r% i$ his %ri,i$g r)sh )$til her -$ees b)c-le% #g#i$st the si%e o& the
be% #$% she &ell o,er o$to the (#ttress 2ith .oss#ri#$ spr#2le% o$ top o& her bet2ee$ her legs* She pl)$ge% her $#ils
i$to the si%e o& his $ec- #$% go)ge% #s he 2or-e% his 2#y )p the s)pple, &)ll hills #$% le%ges o& her ro)$%e% bo%y )$til
he co,ere% her co(pletely #$% presse% her i$to s)b(issio$, his &i$gers p)rs)i$g her thr#shi$g #r( persiste$tly )$til
they #rri,e% #t the 2i$e bottle &i$#lly #$% 2re$che% it &ree* She 2#s still -ic-i$g #$% c)rsi$g #$% scr#tchi$g &erocio)sly*
She trie% to bite hi( cr)elly, her co#rse, se$s)#l lips stretche% b#c- o,er her teeth li-e #$ e$r#ge% o($i,oro)s be#st5s*
/o2 th#t she l#y c#pti,e be$e#th hi(, he 2o$%ere% ho2 he 2o)l% e,er esc#pe her 2itho)t le#,i$g hi(sel& ,)l$er#ble*
He co)l% &eel the te$se%, str#%%li$g i$si%e o& her b)&&eti$g thighs #$% -$ees s6)ee4i$g #$% ch)r$i$g #ro)$% o$e o& his
133 | P a g e
legs* He 2#s stirre% by tho)ghts o& se8 th#t (#%e hi( #sh#(e%* He 2#s co$scio)s o& the ,ol)pt)o)s &lesh o& her &ir(,
yo)$g-2o(#$5s bo%y str#i$i$g #$% be#ti$g #g#i$st hi( li-e # h)(i%, &l)i%, %elect#ble, )$yiel%i$g ti%e, her belly #$%
2#r(, li,e, pl#stic bre#sts thr)sti$g )p2#r% #g#i$st hi( ,igoro)sly i$ s2eet #$% (e$#ci$g te(pt#tio$* Her bre#th 2#s
sc#l%i$g* All #t o$ce he re#li4e% - tho)gh the 2rithi$g t)rb)le$ce be$e#th hi( h#% $ot %i(i$ishe% o$e 2hit - th#t she
2#s $o lo$ger gr#ppli$g 2ith hi(, recog$i4e% 2ith # 6)i,er th#t she 2#s $ot &ighti$g hi( b)t he#,i$g her pel,is )p
#g#i$st hi( re(orselessly i$ the pri(#l, po2er&)l, rh#pso%ic i$sti$ct)#l rhyth( o& erotic #r%or #$% #b#$%o$(e$t* He
g#spe% i$ %elighte% s)rprise* Her &#ce - #s be#)ti&)l #s # bloo(i$g &lo2er to hi( $o2 - 2#s %istorte% 2ith # $e2 -i$% o&
tort)re, the tiss)es sere$ely s2olle$, her h#l&-close% eyes (isty #$% )$seei$g 2ith the st)lti&yi$g l#$g)or o& %esire*
5C#ro,5 she ()r()re% ho#rsely #s tho)gh &ro( the %epths o& # tr#$6)il #$% l)8)rio)s tr#$ce* 5Ooooh, c#ro (io*5
He stro-e% her h#ir* She %ro,e her (o)th #g#i$st his &#ce 2ith s#,#ge p#ssio$* He lic-e% her $ec-* She 2r#ppe% her
#r(s #ro)$% hi( #$% h)gge%* He &elt hi(sel& &#lli$g, &#lli$g ecst#tic#lly i$ lo,e 2ith her #s she -isse% hi( #g#i$ #$%
#g#i$ 2ith lips th#t 2ere ste#(i$g #$% 2et #$% so&t #$% h#r%, ()(bli$g %eep so)$%s to hi( #%ori$gly i$ #$ i$cohere$t
obli,io$ o& r#pt)re, o$e c#ressi$g h#$% o$ his b#c- slippi$g %e&tly %o2$ i$si%e his tro)ser belt 2hile the other grope%
secretly #$% tre#chero)sly #bo)t o$ the &loor &or the bre#% -$i&e #$% &o)$% it* He s#,e% hi(sel& 3)st i$ ti(e* She still
2#$te% to -ill hi(C He 2#s shoc-e% #$% #sto)$%e% by her %epr#,e% s)bter)ge #s he tore the -$i&e &ro( her gr#sp #$%
h)rle% it #2#y* He bo)$%e% o)t o& the be% to his &eet* His &#ce 2#s #gog 2ith be&)%%le(e$t #$% %isill)sio$* He %i% $ot
-$o2 2hether to %#rt thro)gh the %oor to &ree%o( or coll#pse o$ the be% to &#ll i$ lo,e 2ith her #$% pl#ce hi(sel&
#b3ectly #t her (ercy #g#i$* She sp#re% hi( &ro( %oi$g either by b)rsti$g )$pre%ict#bly i$to te#rs* He 2#s st)$$e%
#g#i$*
This ti(e she 2ept 2ith $o other e(otio$ th#$ grie&, pro&o)$%, %ebilit#ti$g, h)(ble grie&, &orgetti$g #ll #bo)t hi(* Her
%esol#tio$ 2#s p#thetic #s she s#t 2ith her te(pest)o)s, pro)%, lo,ely he#% bo2e%, her sho)l%ers s#ggi$g, her spirit
(elti$g* This ti(e there 2#s $o (ist#-i$g her #$g)ish* :re#t r#c-i$g sobs cho-e% #$% shoo- her* She 2#s $o lo$ger
#2#re o& hi(, $o lo$ger c#re%* He co)l% h#,e 2#l-e% &ro( the roo( s#&ely the$* 7)t he chose to re(#i$ #$% co$sole
#$% help her*
5Ple#se,5 he )rge% her i$#rtic)l#tely 2ith his #r( #bo)t her sho)l%ers, recollecti$g 2ith p#i$e% s#%$ess ho2 i$#rtic)l#te
#$% e$&eeble% he h#% &elt i$ the pl#$e co(i$g b#c- &ro( A,ig$o$ 2he$ S$o2%e$ -ept 2hi(peri$g to hi( th#t he 2#s
col%, he 2#s col%, #$% #ll .oss#ri#$ co)l% o&&er hi( i$ ret)r$ 2#s 5There, there* There, there*5 5Ple#se,5 he repe#te% to
her sy(p#thetic#lly* 5Ple#se, ple#se*5
She reste% #g#i$st hi( #$% crie% )$til she see(e% too 2e#- to cry #$y lo$ger, #$% %i% $ot loo- #t hi( o$ce )$til he
e8te$%e% his h#$%-erchie& 2he$ she h#% &i$ishe%* She 2ipe% her chee-s 2ith # ti$y, polite s(ile #$% g#,e the
h#$%-erchie& b#c-, ()r()ri$g 5:r#4ie, gr#4ie5 2ith (ee-, (#i%e$ly propriety, #$% the$, 2itho)t #$y 2#r$i$g 2h#tsoe,er
o& # ch#$ge i$ (oo%, cl#2e% s)%%e$ly #t his eyes 2ith both h#$%s* She l#$%e% 2ith e#ch #$% let o)t # ,ictorio)s shrie-*
5H#C Ass#ssi$oC5 she hoote%, #$% r#ce% 3oyo)sly #cross the roo( &or the bre#% -$i&e to &i$ish hi( o&&*
H#l& bli$%e%, he rose #$% st)(ble% #&ter her* A $oise behi$% hi( (#%e hi( t)r$* His se$ses reele% i$ horror #t 2h#t he
s#2* /#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister, o& #ll people, 2#s co(i$g #&ter hi( 2ith #$other lo$g bre#% -$i&eC
5Oh, $o,5 he 2#ile% 2ith # sh)%%er, #$% he -$oc-e% the -$i&e o)t o& her h#$% 2ith # sh#rp %o2$2#r% blo2 o$ her 2rist*
He lost p#tie$ce e$tirely 2ith the 2hole grotes6)e #$% i$co(prehe$sible (elee* There 2#s $o telli$g 2ho (ight l)$ge
#t hi( $e8t thro)gh the %oor2#y 2ith #$other lo$g bre#% -$i&e, #$% he li&te% /#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister o&& the &loor,
thre2 her #t /#tely5s 2hore #$% r#$ o)t o& the roo(, o)t o& the #p#rt(e$t #$% %o2$ the st#irs* The t2o girls ch#se% o)t
i$to the h#ll #&ter hi(* He he#r% their &ootsteps l#g &#rther #$% &#rther behi$% #s he &le% #$% the$ ce#se #ltogether* He
he#r% sobbi$g %irectly o,erhe#%* :l#$ci$g b#c-2#r% )p the st#ir 2ell, he spie% /#tely5s 2hore sitti$g i$ # he#p o$ o$e
o& the steps, 2eepi$g 2ith her &#ce i$ both h#$%s, 2hile her p#g#$, irrepressible -i% sister h)$g %#$gero)sly o,er the
b#$ister sho)ti$g 57r)toC 7r)toC5 %o2$ #t hi( h#ppily #$% br#$%ishe% her bre#% -$i&e #t hi( #s tho)gh it 2ere #$ e8citi$g
$e2 toy she 2#s e#ger to )se*
.oss#ri#$ esc#pe%, b)t -ept loo-i$g b#c- o,er his sho)l%er #$8io)sly #s he retre#te% thro)gh the street* People st#re%
#t hi( str#$gely, (#-i$g hi( (ore #pprehe$si,e* He 2#l-e% i$ $er,o)s h#ste, 2o$%eri$g 2h#t there 2#s i$ his
#ppe#r#$ce th#t c#)ght e,eryo$e5s #tte$tio$* >he$ he to)che% his h#$% to # sore spot o$ his &orehe#%, his &i$gers
t)r$e% gooey 2ith bloo%, #$% he )$%erstoo%* He %#bbe% his &#ce #$% $ec- 2ith # h#$%-erchie&* >here,er it presse%, he
pic-e% )p $e2 re% s()%ges* He 2#s blee%i$g e,ery2here* He h)rrie% i$to the Re% Cross b)il%i$g #$% %o2$ the t2o
steep &lights o& 2hite (#rble st#irs to the (e$5s 2#shroo(, 2here he cle#$se% #$% $)rse% his i$$)(er#ble ,isible
2o)$%s 2ith col% 2#ter #$% so#p #$% str#ighte$e% his shirt coll#r #$% co(be% his h#ir* He h#% $e,er see$ # &#ce so
b#%ly br)ise% #$% scr#tche% #s the o$e still bli$-i$g b#c- #t hi( i$ the (irror 2ith # %#4e% #$% st#rtle% )$e#si$ess*
>h#t o$ e#rth h#% she 2#$te% &ro( hi(9
>he$ he le&t the (e$5s roo(, /#tely5s 2hore 2#s 2#iti$g o)tsi%e i$ #(b)sh* She 2#s cro)che% #g#i$st the 2#ll $e#r
the botto( o& the st#irc#se #$% c#(e po)$ci$g %o2$ )po$ hi( li-e # h#2- 2ith # glitteri$g sil,er ste#- -$i&e i$ her &ist*
He bro-e the br)$t o& her #ss#)lt 2ith his )pr#ise% elbo2 #$% p)$che% her $e#tly o$ the 3#2* Her eyes rolle%* He c#)ght
her be&ore she %roppe% #$% s#t her %o2$ ge$tly* The$ he r#$ )p the steps #$% o)t o& the b)il%i$g #$% spe$t the $e8t
three ho)rs h)$ti$g thro)gh the city &or H)$gry Joe so th#t he co)l% get #2#y &ro( Ro(e be&ore she co)l% &i$% hi(
#g#i$* He %i% $ot &eel re#lly s#&e )$til the pl#$e h#% t#-e$ o&&* >he$ they l#$%e% i$ Pi#$os#, /#tely5s 2hore, %isg)ise%
i$ # (ech#$ic5s gree$ o,er#lls, 2#s 2#iti$g 2ith her ste#- -$i&e e8#ctly 2here the pl#$e stoppe%, #$% #ll th#t s#,e% hi(
#s she st#bbe% #t his chest i$ her le#ther-sole% high-heele% shoes 2#s the gr#,el )$%er&oot th#t (#%e her &eet roll o)t
&ro( )$%er her* .oss#ri#$, #sto)$%e%, h#)le% her )p i$to the pl#$e #$% hel% her (otio$less o$ the &loor i$ # %o)ble
#r(loc- 2hile H)$gry Joe r#%ioe% the co$trol to2er &or per(issio$ to ret)r$ to Ro(e* At the #irport i$ Ro(e, .oss#ri#$
%)(pe% her o)t o& the pl#$e o$ the t#8i strip, #$% H)$gry Joe too- right o&& &or Pi#$os# #g#i$ 2itho)t e,e$ c)tti$g his
e$gi$es* Sc#rcely bre#thi$g, .oss#ri#$ scr)ti$i4e% e,ery &ig)re 2#rily #s he #$% H)$gry Joe 2#l-e% b#c- thro)gh the
s6)#%ro$ to2#r% their te$ts* H)$gry Joe eye% hi( ste#%ily 2ith # &)$$y e8pressio$*
5Are yo) s)re yo) %i%$5t i(#gi$e the 2hole thi$g95 H)$gry Joe i$6)ire% hesit#$tly #&ter # 2hile*
5+(#gi$e it9 .o) 2ere right there 2ith (e, 2ere$5t yo)9 .o) 3)st &le2 her b#c- to Ro(e*5
5'#ybe + i(#gi$e% the 2hole thi$g, too* >hy %oes she 2#$t to -ill yo) &or95
5She $e,er %i% li-e (e* '#ybe it5s bec#)se + bro-e his $ose, or (#ybe it5s bec#)se + 2#s the o$ly o$e i$ sight she co)l%
Catch 22
h#te 2he$ she got the $e2s* 0o yo) thi$- she5ll co(e b#c-95
.oss#ri#$ 2e$t to the o&&icers5 cl)b th#t $ight #$% st#ye% ,ery l#te* He -ept # leery eye o)t &or /#tely5s 2hore #s he
#ppro#che% his te$t* He stoppe% 2he$ he s#2 her hi%i$g i$ the b)shes #ro)$% the si%e, grippi$g # h)ge c#r,i$g -$i&e
#$% #ll %resse% )p to loo- li-e # Pi#$os#$ &#r(er* .oss#ri#$ tiptoe% #ro)$% the b#c- $oiselessly #$% sei4e% her &ro(
behi$%*
5C#r#(b#C5 she e8cl#i(e% i$ # r#ge, #$% resiste% li-e # 2il%c#t #s he %r#gge% her i$si%e the te$t #$% h)rle% her %o2$
o$ the &loor*
5Hey, 2h#t5s goi$g o$95 6)erie% o$e o& his roo((#tes %ro2sily*
5Hol% her till + get b#c-,5 .oss#ri#$ or%ere%, y#$-i$g hi( o)t o& be% o$ top o& her #$% r)$$i$g o)t* 5Hol% herC5
5Let (e -ill hi( #$% +5ll &ic-y-&ic- yo) #ll,5 she o&&ere%*
The other roo((#tes le#pe% o)t o& their cots 2he$ they s#2 it 2#s # girl #$% trie% to (#-e her &ic-y-&ic- the( #ll &irst #s
.oss#ri#$ r#$ to get H)$gry Joe, 2ho 2#s sleepi$g li-e # b#by* .oss#ri#$ li&te% H)ple5s c#t o&& H)$gry Joe5s &#ce #$%
shoo- hi( #2#-e* H)$gry Joe %resse% r#pi%ly* This ti(e they &le2 the pl#$e $orth #$% t)r$e% i$ o,er +t#ly &#r behi$% the
e$e(y li$es* >he$ they 2ere o,er le,el l#$%, they str#ppe% # p#r#ch)te o$ /#tely5s 2hore #$% sho,e% her o)t the
esc#pe h#tch* .oss#ri#$ 2#s positi,e th#t he 2#s #t l#st ri% o& her #$% 2#s relie,e%* As he #ppro#che% his te$t b#c- i$
Pi#$os#, # &ig)re re#re% )p i$ the %#r-$ess right besi%e the p#th, #$% he &#i$te%* He c#(e to sitti$g o$ the gro)$% #$%
2#ite% &or the -$i&e to stri-e hi(, #l(ost 2elco(i$g the (ort#l blo2 &or the pe#ce it 2o)l% bri$g* A &rie$%ly h#$% helpe%
hi( )p i$ste#%* +t belo$ge% to # pilot i$ 0)$b#r5s s6)#%ro$*
5Ho2 #re yo) %oi$g95 #s-e% the pilot, 2hisperi$g*
5Pretty goo%,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%*
5+ s#2 yo) &#ll %o2$ 3)st $o2* + tho)ght so(ethi$g h#ppe$e% to yo)*5
5+ thi$- + &#i$te%*5
5There5s # r)(or i$ (y s6)#%ro$ th#t yo) tol% the( yo) 2ere$5t goi$g to &ly #$y (ore co(b#t (issio$s*5
5Th#t5s the tr)th*5
5The$ they c#(e #ro)$% &ro( :ro)p #$% tol% )s th#t the r)(or 2#s$5t tr)e, th#t yo) 2ere 3)st -i%%i$g #ro)$%*5
5Th#t 2#s # lie*5
50o yo) thi$- they5ll let yo) get #2#y 2ith it95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5>h#t 2ill they %o to yo)95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
50o yo) thi$- they5ll co)rt-(#rti#l yo) &or %esertio$ i$ the &#ce o& the e$e(y95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5+ hope yo) get #2#y 2ith it,5 s#i% the pilot i$ 0)$b#r5s s6)#%ro$, ste#li$g o)t o& sight i$to the sh#%o2s* 5Let (e -$o2
ho2 yo)5re %oi$g*5
.oss#ri#$ st#re% #&ter hi( # &e2 seco$%s #$% co$ti$)e% to2#r% his te$t*
5PssstC5 s#i% # ,oice # &e2 p#ces o$2#r%* +t 2#s Appleby, hi%i$g i$ b#c- o& # tree* 5Ho2 #re yo) %oi$g95
5Pretty goo%,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5+ he#r% the( s#y they 2ere goi$g to thre#te$ to co)rt-(#rti#l yo) &or %eserti$g i$ the &#ce o& the e$e(y* 7)t th#t they
2o)l%$5t try to go thro)gh 2ith it bec#)se they5re $ot e,e$ s)re they5,e got # c#se #g#i$st yo) o$ th#t* A$% bec#)se it
(ight (#-e the( loo- b#% 2ith the $e2 co((#$%ers* 7esi%es, yo)5re still # pretty big hero &or goi$g #ro)$% t2ice o,er
the bri%ge #t ;err#r#* + g)ess yo)5re 3)st #bo)t the biggest hero 2e5,e got $o2 i$ the gro)p* + 3)st tho)ght yo)5% li-e to
-$o2 th#t they5ll o$ly be bl)&&i$g*5
5Th#$-s, Appleby*5
5Th#t5s the o$ly re#so$ + st#rte% t#l-i$g to yo), to 2#r$ yo)*5
5+ #ppreci#te it*5
Appleby sc)&&e% the toes o& his shoes i$to the gro)$% sheepishly* 5+5( sorry 2e h#% th#t &ist &ight i$ the o&&icers5 cl)b,
.oss#ri#$*5
5Th#t5s #ll right*5
57)t + %i%$5t st#rt it* + g)ess th#t 2#s Orr5s &#)lt &or hitti$g (e i$ the &#ce 2ith his pi$g-po$g p#%%le* >h#t5% he 2#$t to %o
th#t &or95
5.o) 2ere be#ti$g hi(*5
5>#s$5t + s)ppose% to be#t hi(9 +s$5t th#t the poi$t9 /o2 th#t he5s %e#%, + g)ess it %oes$5t (#tter #$y (ore 2hether +5(
# better pi$g-po$g pl#yer or $ot, %oes it95
5+ g)ess $ot*5
5A$% +5( sorry #bo)t (#-i$g s)ch # &)ss #bo)t those At#bri$e t#blets o$ the 2#y o,er* +& yo) 2#$t to c#tch (#l#ri#, +
g)ess it5s yo)r b)si$ess, is$5t it95
5Th#t5s #ll right, Appleby*5
57)t + 2#s o$ly tryi$g to %o (y %)ty* + 2#s obeyi$g or%ers* + 2#s #l2#ys t#)ght th#t + h#% to obey or%ers*5
5Th#t5s #ll right*5
5.o) -$o2, + s#i% to Colo$el ?or$ #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt th#t + %i%$5t thi$- they o)ght to (#-e yo) &ly #$y (ore (issio$s i&
yo) %i%$5t 2#$t to, #$% they s#i% they 2ere ,ery %is#ppoi$te% i$ (e*5
.oss#ri#$ s(ile% 2ith r)e&)l #()se(e$t* 5+5ll bet they #re*5 5>ell, + %o$5t c#re* Hell, yo)5,e &lo2$ se,e$ty-o$e* Th#t o)ght
to be e$o)gh* 0o yo) thi$- they5ll let yo) get #2#y 2ith it95
5/o*5
5S#y, i& they %o let yo) get #2#y 2ith it, they5ll h#,e to let the rest o& )s get #2#y 2ith it, 2o$5t they95
5Th#t5s 2hy they c#$5t let (e get #2#y 2ith it*5
5>h#t %o yo) thi$- they5ll %o95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
50o yo) thi$- they 2ill try to co)rt-(#rti#l yo)95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5Are yo) #&r#i%95
135 | P a g e
5.es*5
5Are yo) goi$g to &ly (ore (issio$s95
5/o*5
5+ hope yo) %o get #2#y 2ith it,5 Appleby 2hispere% 2ith co$,ictio$* 5+ re#lly %o*5
5Th#$-s, Appleby*5
5+ %o$5t &eel too h#ppy #bo)t &lyi$g so (#$y (issio$s either $o2 th#t it loo-s #s tho)gh 2e5,e got the 2#r 2o$* +5ll let yo)
-$o2 i& + he#r #$ythi$g else*5
5Th#$-s, Appleby*5
5HeyC5 c#lle% # ()te%, pere(ptory ,oice &ro( the le#&less shr)bs gro2i$g besi%e his te$t i$ # 2#ist-high cl)(p #&ter
Appleby h#% go$e* H#,er(eyer 2#s hi%i$g there i$ # s6)#t* He 2#s e#ti$g pe#$)t brittle, #$% his pi(ples #$% l#rge,
oily pores loo-e% li-e %#r- sc#les* 5Ho2 yo) %oi$g95 he #s-e% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ h#% 2#l-e% to hi(*
5Pretty goo%*5
5Are yo) goi$g to &ly (ore (issio$s95
5/o*5
5S)ppose they try to (#-e yo)95
5+ 2o$5t let the(*5
5Are yo) yello295
5.es*5
5>ill they co)rt-(#rti#l yo)95
5They5ll prob#bly try*5
5>h#t %i% '#3or '#3or s#y95
5'#3or '#3or5s go$e*5
50i% they %is#ppe#r hi(95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5>h#t 2ill yo) %o i& they %eci%e to %is#ppe#r yo)95
5+5ll try to stop the(*5
50i%$5t they o&&er yo) #$y %e#ls or #$ythi$g i& yo) %i% &ly95
5Piltch#r% #$% >re$ s#i% they5% #rr#$ge thi$gs so +5% o$ly go o$ (il- r)$s*5
H#,er(eyer per-e% )p* 5S#y, th#t so)$%s li-e # pretty goo% %e#l* + 2o)l%$5t (i$% # %e#l li-e th#t (ysel&* + bet yo)
s$#ppe% it )p*5
5+ t)r$e% it %o2$*5
5Th#t 2#s %)(b*5 H#,er(eyer5s stoli%, %)ll &#ce &)rro2e% 2ith co$ster$#tio$* 5S#y, # %e#l li-e th#t 2#s$5t so &#ir to the
rest o& )s, 2#s it9 +& yo) o$ly &le2 o$ (il- r)$s, the$ so(e o& )s 2o)l% h#,e to &ly yo)r sh#re o& the %#$gero)s (issio$s,
2o)l%$5t 2e95
5Th#t5s right*5
5S#y, + %o$5t li-e th#t,5 H#,er(eyer e8cl#i(e%, risi$g rese$t&)lly 2ith his h#$%s cle$che% o$ his hips* 5+ %o$5t li-e th#t #
bit* Th#t5s # re#l roy#l scre2i$g they5re getti$g re#%y to gi,e (e 3)st bec#)se yo)5re too go%%#( yello2 to &ly #$y (ore
(issio$s, is$5t it95
5T#-e it )p 2ith the(,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$ #$% (o,e% his h#$% to his g)$ ,igil#$tly*
5/o, +5( $ot bl#(i$g yo),5 s#i% H#,er(eyer, 5e,e$ tho)gh + %o$5t li-e yo)* .o) -$o2, +5( $ot too h#ppy #bo)t &lyi$g so
(#$y (issio$s #$y (ore either* +s$5t there so(e 2#y + c#$ get o)t o& it, too95
.oss#ri#$ s$ic-ere% iro$ic#lly #$% 3o-e%, 5P)t # g)$ o$ #$% st#rt (#rchi$g 2ith (e*5
H#,er(eyer shoo- his he#% tho)ght&)lly* 5/#h, + co)l%$5t %o th#t* + (ight bri$g so(e %isgr#ce o$ (y 2i&e #$% -i% i& +
#cte% li-e # co2#r%* /obo%y li-es # co2#r%* 7esi%es, + 2#$t to st#y i$ the reser,es 2he$ the 2#r is o,er* .o) get &i,e
h)$%re% %oll#rs # ye#r i& yo) st#y i$ the reser,es*5
5The$ &ly (ore (issio$s*5
5.e#h, + g)ess + h#,e to* S#y, %o yo) thi$- there5s #$y ch#$ce they (ight t#-e yo) o&& co(b#t %)ty #$% se$% yo) ho(e95
5/o*5
57)t i& they %o #$% let yo) t#-e o$e perso$ 2ith yo), 2ill yo) pic- (e9 0o$5t pic- #$yo$e li-e Appleby* Pic- (e*5
5>hy i$ the 2orl% sho)l% they %o so(ethi$g li-e th#t95
5+ %o$5t -$o2* 7)t i& they %o, 3)st re(e(ber th#t + #s-e% yo) &irst, 2ill yo)9 A$% let (e -$o2 ho2 yo)5re %oi$g* +5ll 2#it &or
yo) here i$ these b)shes e,ery $ight* '#ybe i& they %o$5t %o #$ythi$g b#% to yo), + 2o$5t &ly #$y (ore (issio$s either*
O-#y95
All the $e8t e,e$i$g, people -ept poppi$g )p #t hi( o)t o& the %#r-$ess to #s- hi( ho2 he 2#s %oi$g, #ppe#li$g to hi(
&or co$&i%e$ti#l i$&or(#tio$ 2ith 2e#ry, tro)ble% &#ces o$ the b#sis o& so(e (orbi% #$% cl#$%esti$e -i$ship he h#% $ot
g)esse% e8iste%* People i$ the s6)#%ro$ he b#rely -$e2 poppe% i$to sight o)t o& $o2here #s he p#sse% #$% #s-e% hi(
ho2 he 2#s %oi$g* E,e$ (e$ &ro( other s6)#%ro$s c#(e o$e by o$e to co$ce#l the(sel,es i$ the %#r-$ess #$% pop
o)t* E,ery2here he steppe% #&ter s)$%o2$ so(eo$e 2#s lyi$g i$ 2#it to pop o)t #$% #s- hi( ho2 he 2#s %oi$g*
People poppe% o)t #t hi( &ro( trees #$% b)shes, &ro( %itches #$% t#ll 2ee%s, &ro( #ro)$% the cor$ers o& te$ts #$%
&ro( behi$% the &e$%ers o& p#r-e% c#rs* E,e$ o$e o& his roo((#tes poppe% o)t to #s- hi( ho2 he 2#s %oi$g #$%
ple#%e% 2ith hi( $ot to tell #$y o& his other roo((#tes he h#% poppe% o)t* .oss#ri#$ %re2 $e#r e#ch bec-o$i$g, o,erly
c#)tio)s silho)ette 2ith his h#$% o$ his g)$, $e,er -$o2i$g 2hich hissi$g sh#%o2 2o)l% &i$#lly t)r$ %isho$estly i$to
/#tely5s 2hore or, 2orse, i$to so(e %)ly co$stit)te% go,er$(e$t#l #)thority se$t to cl)b hi( r)thlessly i$to i$se$sibility*
+t beg#$ to loo- #s i& they 2o)l% h#,e to %o so(ethi$g li-e th#t* They %i% $ot 2#$t to co)rt-(#rti#l hi( &or %esertio$ i$
the &#ce o& the e$e(y bec#)se # h)$%re% #$% thirty-&i,e (iles #2#y &ro( the e$e(y co)l% h#r%ly be c#lle% the &#ce o&
the e$e(y, #$% bec#)se .oss#ri#$ 2#s the o$e 2ho h#% &i$#lly -$oc-e% %o2$ the bri%ge #t ;err#r# by goi$g #ro)$%
t2ice o,er the t#rget #$% -illi$g ?r#&t - he 2#s #l2#ys #l(ost &orgetti$g ?r#&t 2he$ he co)$te% the %e#% (e$ he -$e2*
7)t they h#% to %o so(ethi$g to hi(, #$% e,eryo$e 2#ite% gri(ly to see 2h#t horrible thi$g it 2o)l% be*
0)ri$g the %#y, they #,oi%e% hi(, e,e$ A#r&y, #$% .oss#ri#$ )$%erstoo% th#t they 2ere %i&&ere$t people together i$
%#ylight th#$ they 2ere #lo$e i$ the %#r-* He %i% $ot c#re #bo)t the( #t #ll #s he 2#l-e% #bo)t b#c-2#r% 2ith his h#$%
Catch 22
o$ his g)$ #$% #2#ite% the l#test bl#$%ish(e$ts, thre#ts #$% i$%)ce(e$ts &ro( :ro)p e#ch ti(e C#pt#i$s Piltch#r%
#$% >re$ %ro,e b#c- &ro( #$other )rge$t co$&ere$ce 2ith Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$* H)$gry Joe 2#s h#r%ly
#ro)$%, #$% the o$ly other perso$ 2ho e,er spo-e to hi( 2#s C#pt#i$ 7l#c-, 2ho c#lle% hi( 5Ol% 7loo% #$% :)ts5 i$ #
(erry, t#)$ti$g ,oice e#ch ti(e he h#ile% hi( #$% 2ho c#(e b#c- &ro( Ro(e to2#r% the e$% o& the 2ee- to tell hi(
/#tely5s 2hore 2#s go$e* .oss#ri#$ t)r$e% sorry 2ith # st#b o& ye#r$i$g #$% re(orse* He (isse% her*
5:o$e95 he echoe% i$ # hollo2 to$e*
5.e#h, go$e*5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- l#)ghe%, his ble#ry eyes $#rro2 2ith &#tig)e #$% his pe#-e%, sh#rp &#ce spro)ti$g #s )s)#l
2ith # sp#rse re%%ish-blo$% st)bble* He r)bbe% the b#gs )$%er his eyes 2ith both &ists* 5+ tho)ght + (ight #s 2ell gi,e
the st)pi% bro#% #$other bo&& 3)st &or ol% ti(es5 s#-e #s lo$g #s + 2#s i$ Ro(e #$y2#y* .o) -$o2, 3)st to -eep th#t -i%
/#tely5s bo%y spi$$i$g i$ his gr#,e, h#, h#C Re(e(ber the 2#y + )se% to $ee%le hi(9 7)t the pl#ce 2#s e(pty*5
5>#s there #$y 2or% &ro( her95 pro%%e% .oss#ri#$, 2ho h#% bee$ broo%i$g i$cess#$tly #bo)t the girl, 2o$%eri$g ho2
()ch she 2#s s)&&eri$g, #$% &eeli$g #l(ost lo$ely #$% %eserte% 2itho)t her &erocio)s #$% )$#ppe#s#ble #tt#c-s*
5There5s $o o$e there,5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- e8cl#i(e% cheer&)lly, tryi$g to (#-e .oss#ri#$ )$%erst#$%* 50o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9
They5re #ll go$e* The 2hole pl#ce is b)ste%*5
5:o$e95
5.e#h, go$e* ;l)she% right o)t i$to the street*5 C#pt#i$ 7l#c- ch)c-le% he#rtily #g#i$, #$% his poi$te% A%#(5s #pple
3)(pe% )p #$% %o2$ 2ith glee i$si%e his scr#ggly $ec-* 5The 3oi$t5s e(pty* The '*P*s b)ste% the 2hole #p#rt(e$t )p
#$% %ro,e the 2hores right o)t* Ai$5t th#t # l#)gh95
.oss#ri#$ 2#s sc#re% #$% beg#$ to tre(ble* 5>hy5% they %o th#t95
5>h#t %i&&ere$ce %oes it (#-e9 respo$%e% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2ith #$ e8)ber#$t gest)re* 5They &l)she% the( right o)t i$to
the street* Ho2 %o yo) li-e th#t9 The 2hole b#tch*5
5>h#t #bo)t the -i% sister95
5;l)she% #2#y,5 l#)ghe% C#pt#i$ 7l#c-* 5;l)she% #2#y 2ith the rest o& the bro#%s* Right o)t i$to the street*5
57)t she5s o$ly # -i%C5 .oss#ri#$ ob3ecte% p#ssio$#tely* 5She %oes$5t -$o2 #$ybo%y else i$ the 2hole city* >h#t5s goi$g
to h#ppe$ to her95
5>h#t the hell %o + c#re95 respo$%e% C#pt#i$ 7l#c- 2ith #$ i$%i&&ere$t shr)g, #$% the$ g#2-e% s)%%e$ly #t .oss#ri#$
2ith s)rprise #$% 2ith # cr#&ty gle#( o& pryi$g el#tio$* 5S#y, 2h#t5s the (#tter9 +& + -$e2 this 2#s goi$g to (#-e yo) so
)$h#ppy, + 2o)l% h#,e co(e right o,er #$% tol% yo), 3)st to (#-e yo) e#t yo)r li,er* Hey, 2here #re yo) goi$g9 Co(e
o$ b#c-C Co(e o$ b#c- here #$% e#t yo)r li,erC5
G THE ETER/AL C+T.
.oss#ri#$ 2#s goi$g #bse$t 2itho)t o&&ici#l le#,e 2ith 'ilo, 2ho, #s the pl#$e cr)ise% to2#r% Ro(e, shoo- his he#%
repro#ch&)lly #$%, 2ith pio)s lips p)lse%, i$&or(e% .oss#ri#$ i$ ecclesi#stic#l to$es th#t he 2#s #sh#(e% o& hi(*
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e%* .oss#ri#$ 2#s (#-i$g #$ )$co)th spect#cle o& hi(sel& by 2#l-i$g #ro)$% b#c-2#r% 2ith his g)$ o$
his hip #$% re&)si$g to &ly (ore co(b#t (issio$s, 'ilo s#i%* .oss#ri#$ $o%%e%* +t 2#s %isloy#l to his s6)#%ro$ #$%
e(b#rr#ssi$g to his s)periors* He 2#s pl#ci$g 'ilo i$ # ,ery )$co(&ort#ble positio$, too* .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% #g#i$* The
(e$ 2ere st#rti$g to gr)(ble* +t 2#s $ot &#ir &or .oss#ri#$ to thi$- o$ly o& his o2$ s#&ety 2hile (e$ li-e 'ilo, Colo$el
C#thc#rt, Colo$el ?or$ #$% e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ 2ere 2illi$g to %o e,erythi$g they co)l% to 2i$ the 2#r* The (e$ 2ith
se,e$ty (issio$s 2ere st#rri$g to gr)(ble bec#)se they h#% to &ly eighty, #$% there 2#s # %#$ger so(e o& the( (ight
p)t o$ g)$s #$% begi$ 2#l-i$g #ro)$% b#c-2#r%, too* 'or#le 2#s %eterior#ti$g #$% it 2#s #ll .oss#ri#$5s &#)lt* The
co)$try 2#s i$ perilA he 2#s 3eop#r%i4i$g his tr#%itio$#l rights o& &ree%o( #$% i$%epe$%e$ce by %#ri$g to e8ercise the(*
.oss#ri#$ -ept $o%%i$g i$ the co-pilot5s se#t #$% trie% $ot to liste$ #s 'ilo pr#ttle% o$* /#tely5s 2hore 2#s o$ his (i$%,
#s 2ere ?r#&t #$% Orr #$% /#tely #$% 0)$b#r, #$% ?i% S#(pso$ #$% 'c>#tt, #$% #ll the poor #$% st)pi% #$% %ise#se%
people he h#% see$ i$ +t#ly, Egypt #$% /orth A&ric# #$% -$e2 #bo)t i$ other #re#s o& the 2orl%, #$% S$o2%e$ #$%
/#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister 2ere o$ his co$scie$ce, too* .oss#ri#$ tho)ght he -$e2 2hy /#tely5s 2hore hel% hi(
respo$sible &or /#tely5s %e#th #$% 2#$te% to -ill hi(* >hy the hell sho)l%$5t she9 +t 2#s # (#$5s 2orl%, #$% she #$%
e,eryo$e yo)$ger h#% e,ery right to bl#(e hi( #$% e,eryo$e ol%er &or e,ery )$$#t)r#l tr#ge%y th#t be&ell the(A 3)st #s
she, e,e$ i$ her grie&, 2#s to bl#(e &or e,ery (#$-(#%e (isery th#t l#$%e% o$ her -i% sister #$% o$ #ll other chil%re$
behi$% her* So(eo$e h#% to %o so(ethi$g so(eti(e* E,ery ,icti( 2#s # c)lprit, e,ery c)lprit # ,icti(, #$% so(ebo%y
h#% to st#$% )p so(eti(e to try to bre#- the lo)sy ch#i$ o& i$herite% h#bit th#t 2#s i(perili$g the( #ll* +$ p#rts o& A&ric#
little boys 2ere still stole$ #2#y by #%)lt sl#,e tr#%ers #$% sol% &or (o$ey to (e$ 2ho %ise(bo2ele% the( #$% #te
the(* .oss#ri#$ (#r,ele% th#t chil%re$ co)l% s)&&er s)ch b#rb#ric s#cri&ice 2itho)t e,i$ci$g the slightest hi$t o& &e#r or
p#i$* He too- it &or gr#$te% th#t they %i% s)b(it so stoic#lly* +& $ot, he re#so$e%, the c)sto( 2o)l% cert#i$ly h#,e %ie%,
&or $o cr#,i$g &or 2e#lth or i((ort#lity co)l% be so gre#t, he &elt, #s to s)bsist o$ the sorro2 o& chil%re$*
He 2#s roc-i$g the bo#t, 'ilo s#i%, #$% .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% o$ce (ore* He 2#s $ot # goo% (e(ber o& the te#(, 'ilo
s#i%* .oss#ri#$ $o%%e% #$% liste$e% to 'ilo tell hi( th#t the %ece$t thi$g to %o i& he %i% $ot li-e the 2#y Colo$el
C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ 2ere r)$$i$g the gro)p 2#s go to R)ssi#, i$ste#% o& stirri$g )p tro)ble* Colo$el C#thc#rt #$%
Colo$el ?or$ h#% both bee$ ,ery goo% to .oss#ri#$, 'ilo s#i%A h#%$5t they gi,e$ hi( # (e%#l #&ter the l#st (issio$ to
;err#r# #$% pro(ote% hi( to c#pt#i$9 .oss#ri#$ $o%%e%* 0i%$5t they &ee% hi( #$% gi,e hi( his p#y e,ery (o$th9
.oss#ri#$ $o%%e% #g#i$* 'ilo 2#s s)re they 2o)l% be ch#rit#ble i& he 2e$t to the( to #pologi4e #$% rec#$t #$% pro(ise
to &ly eighty (issio$s* .oss#ri#$ s#i% he 2o)l% thi$- it o,er, #$% hel% his bre#th #$% pr#ye% &or # s#&e l#$%i$g #s 'ilo
%roppe% his 2heels #$% gli%e% i$ to2#r% the r)$2#y* +t 2#s &)$$y ho2 he h#% re#lly co(e to %etest &lyi$g*
Ro(e 2#s i$ r)i$s, he s#2, 2he$ the pl#$e 2#s %o2$* The #ir%ro(e h#% bee$ bo(be% eight (o$ths be&ore, #$%
-$obby sl#bs o& 2hite sto$e r)bble h#% bee$ b)ll%o4e% i$to &l#t-toppe% he#ps o$ both si%es o& the e$tr#$ce thro)gh the
2ire &e$ce s)rro)$%i$g the &iel%* The Colosse)( 2#s # %il#pi%#te% shell, #$% the Arch o& Co$st#$ti$e h#% &#lle$*
/#tely5s 2hore5s #p#rt(e$t 2#s # sh#(bles* The girls 2ere go$e, #$% the o$ly o$e there 2#s the ol% 2o(#$* The
2i$%o2s i$ the #p#rt(e$t h#% bee$ s(#she%* She 2#s b)$%le% )p i$ s2e#ters #$% s-irts #$% 2ore # %#r- sh#2l #bo)t
her he#%* She s#t o$ # 2oo%e$ ch#ir $e#r #$ electric hot pl#te, her #r(s &ol%e%, boili$g 2#ter i$ # b#ttere% #l)(i$)(
pot* She 2#s t#l-i$g #lo)% to hersel& 2he$ .oss#ri#$ e$tere% #$% beg#$ (o#$i$g #s soo$ #s she s#2 hi(*
5:o$e,5 she (o#$e% be&ore he co)l% e,e$ i$6)ire* Hol%i$g her elbo2s, she roc-e% b#c- #$% &orth (o)r$&)lly o$ her
cre#-i$g ch#ir* 5:o$e*5
5>ho95
137 | P a g e
5All* All the poor yo)$g girls*5
5>here95
5A2#y* Ch#se% #2#y i$to the street* All o& the( go$e* All the poor yo)$g girls*5
5Ch#se% #2#y by 2ho9 >ho %i% it95
5The (e#$ t#ll sol%iers 2ith the h#r% 2hite h#ts #$% cl)bs* A$% by o)r c#r#bi$ieri* They c#(e 2ith their cl)bs #$%
ch#se% the( #2#y* They 2o)l% $ot e,e$ let the( t#-e their co#ts* The poor thi$gs* They 3)st ch#se% the( #2#y i$to
the col%*5
50i% they #rrest the(95
5They ch#se% the( #2#y* They 3)st ch#se% the( #2#y*5
5The$ 2hy %i% they %o it i& they %i%$5t #rrest the(95
5+ %o$5t -$o2,5 sobbe% the ol% 2o(#$* 5+ %o$5t -$o2* >ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e9 >ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e $o2 th#t #ll the
poor yo)$g girls #re go$e9 >ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e95
5There ()st h#,e bee$ # re#so$,5 .oss#ri#$ persiste%, po)$%i$g his &ist i$to his h#$%* 5They co)l%$5t 3)st b#rge i$ here
#$% ch#se e,eryo$e o)t*5
5/o re#so$,5 2#ile% the ol% 2o(#$* 5/o re#so$*5
5>h#t right %i% they h#,e95
5C#tch-22*5
5>h#t95 .oss#ri#$ &ro4e i$ his tr#c-s 2ith &e#r #$% #l#r( #$% &elt his 2hole bo%y begi$ to ti$gle* 5>h#t %i% yo) s#y95
5C#tch-225 the ol% 2o(#$ repe#te%, roc-i$g her he#% )p #$% %o2$* 5C#tch-22* C#tch-22 s#ys they h#,e # right to %o
#$ythi$g 2e c#$5t stop the( &ro( %oi$g*5
5>h#t the hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 .oss#ri#$ sho)te% #t her i$ be2il%ere%, &)rio)s protest* 5Ho2 %i% yo) -$o2 it 2#s
C#tch-229 >ho the hell tol% yo) it 2#s C#tch-2295
5The sol%iers 2ith the h#r% 2hite h#ts #$% cl)bs* The girls 2ere cryi$g* J0i% 2e %o #$ythi$g 2ro$g9J they s#i%* The (e$
s#i% $o #$% p)she% the( #2#y o)t the %oor 2ith the e$%s o& their cl)bs* JThe$ 2hy #re yo) ch#si$g )s o)t9J the girls
s#i%* JC#tch-22,J the (e$ s#i%* J>h#t right %o yo) h#,e9J the girls s#i%* JC#tch-22,J the (e$ s#i%* All they -ept s#yi$g
2#s JC#tch-22, C#tch-22*J >h#t %oes it (e#$, C#tch-229 >h#t is C#tch-2295
50i%$5t they sho2 it to yo)95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%, st#(pi$g #bo)t i$ #$ger #$% %istress* 50i%$5t yo) e,e$ (#-e the(
re#% it95
5They %o$5t h#,e to sho2 )s C#tch-22,5 the ol% 2o(#$ #$s2ere%* 5The l#2 s#ys they %o$5t h#,e to*5
5>h#t l#2 s#ys they %o$5t h#,e to95
5C#tch-22*5
5Oh, :o% %#($C5 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e% bitterly* 5+ bet it 2#s$5t e,e$ re#lly there*5 He stoppe% 2#l-i$g #$% gl#$ce% #bo)t
the roo( %isco$sol#tely* 5>here5s the ol% (#$95
5:o$e,5 (o)r$e% the ol% 2o(#$*
5:o$e95
50e#%,5 the ol% 2o(#$ tol% hi(, $o%%i$g i$ e(ph#tic l#(e$t, poi$ti$g to her he#% 2ith the &l#t o& her h#$%* 5So(ethi$g
bro-e i$ here* O$e (i$)te he 2#s li,i$g, o$e (i$)te he 2#s %e#%*5
57)t he c#$5t be %e#%C5 .oss#ri#$ crie%, re#%y to #rg)e i$siste$tly* 7)t o& co)rse he -$e2 it 2#s tr)e, -$e2 it 2#s logic#l
#$% tr)eA o$ce #g#i$ the ol% (#$ h#% (#rche% #lo$g 2ith the (#3ority*
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% #2#y #$% tr)%ge% thro)gh the #p#rt(e$t 2ith # gloo(y sco2l, peeri$g 2ith pessi(istic c)riosity i$to
#ll the roo(s* E,erythi$g (#%e o& gl#ss h#% bee$ s(#she% by the (e$ 2ith the cl)bs* Tor$ %r#pes #$% be%%i$g l#y
%)(pe% o$ the &loor* Ch#irs, t#bles #$% %ressers h#% bee$ o,ert)r$e%* E,erythi$g bre#-#ble h#% bee$ bro-e$* The
%estr)ctio$ 2#s tot#l* /o 2il% ,#$%#ls co)l% h#,e bee$ (ore thoro)gh* E,ery 2i$%o2 2#s s(#she%, #$% %#r-$ess
po)re% li-e i$-y clo)%s i$to e#ch roo( thro)gh the sh#ttere% p#$es* .oss#ri#$ co)l% i(#gi$e the he#,y, cr#shi$g
&oot&#lls o& the t#ll '*P*s i$ the h#r% 2hite h#ts* He co)l% pict)re the &iery #$% (#licio)s e8hil#r#tio$ 2ith 2hich they h#%
(#%e their 2rec-#ge, #$% their s#$cti(o$io)s, r)thless se$se o& right #$% %e%ic#tio$* All the poor yo)$g girls 2ere
go$e* E,eryo$e 2#s go$e b)t the 2eepi$g ol% 2o(#$ i$ the b)l-y bro2$ #$% gr#y s2e#ters #$% bl#c- he#% sh#2l, #$%
soo$ she too 2o)l% be go$e*
5:o$e,5 she grie,e%, 2he$ he 2#l-e% b#c- i$, be&ore he co)l% e,e$ spe#-* 5>ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e $o295
.oss#ri#$ ig$ore% the 6)estio$* 5/#tely5s girl &rie$% - %i% #$yo$e he#r &ro( her95 he #s-e%*
5:o$e*5
5+ -$o2 she5s go$e* 7)t %i% #$yo$e he#r &ro( her9 0oes #$yo$e -$o2 2here she is95
5:o$e*5
5The little sister* >h#t h#ppe$e% to her95
5:o$e*5 The ol% 2o(#$5s to$e h#% $ot ch#$ge%*
50o yo) -$o2 2h#t +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% sh#rply, st#ri$g i$to her eyes to see i& she 2ere $ot spe#-i$g to
hi( &ro( # co(#* He r#ise% his ,oice* 5>h#t h#ppe$e% to the -i% sister, to the little girl95
5:o$e, go$e,5 the ol% 2o(#$ replie% 2ith # cr#bby shr)g, irrit#te% by his persiste$ce, her lo2 2#il gro2i$g lo)%er*
5Ch#se% #2#y 2ith the rest, ch#se% #2#y i$to the street* They 2o)l% $ot e,e$ let her t#-e her co#t*5
5>here %i% she go95
5+ %o$5t -$o2* + %o$5t -$o2*5
5>ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& her95
5>ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e95
5She %oes$5t -$o2 #$ybo%y else, %oes she95
5>ho 2ill t#-e c#re o& (e95
.oss#ri#$ le&t (o$ey i$ the ol% 2o(#$5s l#p - it 2#s o%% ho2 (#$y 2ro$gs le#,i$g (o$ey see(e% to right - #$% stro%e
o)t o& the #p#rt(e$t, c)rsi$g C#tch-22 ,ehe(e$tly #s he %esce$%e% the st#irs, e,e$ tho)gh he -$e2 there 2#s $o
s)ch thi$g* C#tch22 %i% $ot e8ist, he 2#s positi,e o& th#t, b)t it (#%e $o %i&&ere$ce* >h#t %i% (#tter 2#s th#t e,eryo$e
tho)ght it e8iste%, #$% th#t 2#s ()ch 2orse, &or there 2#s $o ob3ect or te8t to ri%ic)le or re&)te, to #cc)se, critici4e,
#tt#c-, #(e$%, h#te, re,ile, spit #t, rip to shre%s, tr#(ple )po$ or b)r$ )p*
+t 2#s col% o)tsi%e, #$% %#r-, #$% # le#-y, i$sipi% (ist l#y s2olle$ i$ the #ir #$% tric-le% %o2$ the l#rge, )$polishe%
Catch 22
sto$e bloc-s o& the ho)ses #$% the pe%est#ls o& (o$)(e$ts* .oss#ri#$ h)rrie% b#c- to 'ilo #$% rec#$te%* He s#i% he
2#s sorry #$%, -$o2i$g he 2#s lyi$g, pro(ise% to &ly #s (#$y (ore (issio$s #s Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$te% i& 'ilo 2o)l%
o$ly )se #ll his i$&l)e$ce i$ Ro(e to help hi( loc#te /#tely5s 2hore5s -i% sister*
5She5s 3)st # t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$, 'ilo,5 he e8pl#i$e% #$8io)sly, 5#$% + 2#$t to &i$% her be&ore it5s too l#te*5
'ilo respo$%e% to his re6)est 2ith # be$ig$ s(ile* 5+5,e got 3)st the t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$ yo)5re loo-i$g &or,5 he
#$$o)$ce% 3)bil#$tly* 5This t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$ is re#lly o$ly thirty-&o)r, b)t she 2#s bro)ght )p o$ # lo2-protei$ %iet
by ,ery strict p#re$ts #$% %i%$5t st#rt sleepi$g 2ith (e$ )$til -5
5'ilo, +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t # little girlC5 .oss#ri#$ i$terr)pte% hi( 2ith %esper#te i(p#tie$ce* 50o$5t yo) )$%erst#$%9 + %o$5t
2#$t to sleep 2ith her* + 2#$t to help her* .o)5,e got %#)ghters* She5s 3)st # little -i%, #$% she5s #ll #lo$e i$ this city 2ith
$o o$e to t#-e c#re o& her* + 2#$t to protect her &ro( h#r(* 0o$5t yo) -$o2 2h#t +5( t#l-i$g #bo)t95
'ilo %i% )$%erst#$% #$% 2#s %eeply to)che%* 5.oss#ri#$, +5( pro)% o& yo),5 he e8cl#i(e% 2ith pro&o)$% e(otio$* 5+ re#lly
#(* .o) %o$5t -$o2 ho2 gl#% + #( to see th#t e,erythi$g is$5t #l2#ys 3)st se8 2ith yo)* .o)5,e got pri$ciples* Cert#i$ly
+5,e got %#)ghters, #$% + -$o2 e8#ctly 2h#t yo)5re t#l-i$g #bo)t* >e5ll &i$% th#t girl i& 2e h#,e to t)r$ this 2hole city
)psi%e %o2$* Co(e #lo$g*5
.oss#ri#$ 2e$t #lo$g i$ 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er5s spee%i$g ' L ' st#&& c#r to police he#%6)#rters to (eet # s2#rthy, )$ti%y
police co((issio$er 2ith # $#rro2 bl#c- ()st#che #$% )$b)tto$e% t)$ic 2ho 2#s &i%%li$g 2ith # sto)t 2o(#$ 2ith
2#rts #$% t2o chi$s 2he$ they e$tere% his o&&ice #$% 2ho greete% 'ilo 2ith 2#r( s)rprise #$% bo2e% #$% scr#pe% i$
obsce$e ser,ility #s tho)gh 'ilo 2ere so(e eleg#$t (#r6)is*
5Ah, '#rchese 'ilo,5 he %ecl#re% 2ith e&&)si,e ple#s)re, p)shi$g the &#t, %isgr)$tle% 2o(#$ o)t the %oor 2itho)t e,e$
loo-i$g to2#r% her* 5>hy %i%$5t yo) tell (e yo) 2ere co(i$g9 + 2o)l% h#,e # big p#rty &or yo)* Co(e i$, co(e i$,
'#rchese* .o) #l(ost $e,er ,isit )s #$y (ore*5
'ilo -$e2 th#t there 2#s $ot o$e (o(e$t to 2#ste* 5Hello, L)igi,5 he s#i%, $o%%i$g so bris-ly th#t he #l(ost see(e%
r)%e* 5L)igi, + $ee% yo)r help* 'y &rie$% here 2#$ts to &i$% # girl*5
5A girl, '#rchese95 s#i% L)igi, scr#tchi$g his &#ce pe$si,ely* 5There #re lots o& girls i$ Ro(e* ;or #$ A(eric#$ o&&icer, #
girl sho)l% $ot be too %i&&ic)lt*5
5/o, L)igi, yo) %o$5t )$%erst#$%* This is # t2el,e-ye#r-ol% ,irgi$ th#t he h#s to &i$% right #2#y*5
5Ah, yes, $o2 + )$%erst#$%,5 L)igi s#i% s#g#cio)sly* 5A ,irgi$ (ight t#-e # little ti(e* 7)t i& he 2#its #t the b)s ter(i$#l
2here the yo)$g &#r( girls loo-i$g &or 2or- #rri,e, + -5
5L)igi, yo) still %o$5t )$%erst#$%,5 'ilo s$#ppe% 2ith s)ch br)s6)e i(p#tie$ce th#t the police co((issio$er5s &#ce
&l)she% #$% he 3)(pe% to #tte$tio$ #$% beg#$ b)tto$i$g his )$i&or( i$ co$&)sio$* 5This girl is # &rie$%, #$ ol% &rie$% o&
the &#(ily, #$% 2e 2#$t to help her* She5s o$ly # chil%* She5s #ll #lo$e i$ this city so(e2here, #$% 2e h#,e to &i$% her
be&ore so(ebo%y h#r(s her* /o2 %o yo) )$%erst#$%9 L)igi, this is ,ery i(port#$t to (e* + h#,e # %#)ghter the s#(e
#ge #s th#t little girl, #$% $othi$g i$ the 2orl% (e#$s (ore to (e right $o2 th#$ s#,i$g th#t poor chil% be&ore it5s too l#te*
>ill yo) help95
5Si, '#rchese, $o2 + )$%erst#$%,5 s#i% L)igi* 5A$% + 2ill %o e,erythi$g i$ (y po2er to &i$% her* 7)t to$ight + h#,e #l(ost
$o (e$* To$ight #ll (y (e$ #re b)sy tryi$g to bre#- )p the tr#&&ic i$ illeg#l tob#cco*5
5+lleg#l tob#cco95 #s-e% 'ilo*
5'ilo,5 .oss#ri#$ ble#te% &#i$tly 2ith # si$-i$g he#rt, se$si$g #t o$ce th#t #ll 2#s lost*
5Si, '#rchese,5 s#i% L)igi* 5The pro&it i$ illeg#l tob#cco is so high th#t the s()ggli$g is #l(ost i(possible to co$trol*5
5+s there re#lly th#t ()ch pro&it i$ illeg#l tob#cco95 'ilo i$6)ire% 2ith -ee$ i$terest, his r)st-colore% eyebro2s #rchi$g
#,i%ly #$% his $ostrils s$i&&i$g*
5'ilo,5 .oss#ri#$ c#lle% to hi(* 5P#y #tte$tio$ to (e, 2ill yo)95
5Si, '#rchese,5 L)igi #$s2ere%* 5The pro&it i$ illeg#l tob#cco is ,ery high* The s()ggli$g is # $#tio$#l sc#$%#l,
'#rchese, tr)ly # $#tio$#l %isgr#ce*5
5+s th#t # &#ct95 'ilo obser,e% 2ith # preocc)pie% s(ile #$% st#rte% to2#r% the %oor #s tho)gh i$ # spell*
5'iloC5 .oss#ri#$ yelle%, #$% bo)$%e% &or2#r% i(p)lsi,ely to i$tercept hi(* 5'ilo, yo)5,e got to help (e*5
5+lleg#l tob#cco,5 'ilo e8pl#i$e% to hi( 2ith # loo- o& epileptic l)st, str)ggli$g %ogge%ly to get by* 5Let (e go* +5,e got to
s()ggle illeg#l tob#cco*5
5St#y here #$% help (e &i$% her,5 ple#%e% .oss#ri#$* 5.o) c#$ s()ggle illeg#l tob#cco to(orro2*5
7)t 'ilo 2#s %e#& #$% -ept p)shi$g &or2#r%, $o$,iole$tly b)t irresistibly, s2e#ti$g, his eyes, #s tho)gh he 2ere i$ the
grip o& # bli$% &i8#tio$, b)r$i$g &e,erishly, #$% his t2itchi$g (o)th sl#,eri$g* He (o#$e% c#l(ly #s tho)gh i$ re(ote,
i$sti$cti,e %istress #$% -ept repe#ti$g, 5+lleg#l tob#cco, illeg#l tob#cco*5 .oss#ri#$ steppe% o)t o& the 2#y 2ith
resig$#tio$ &i$#lly 2he$ he s#2 it 2#s hopeless to try to re#so$ 2ith hi(* 'ilo 2#s go$e li-e # shot* The co((issio$er
o& police )$b)tto$e% his t)$ic #g#i$ #$% loo-e% #t .oss#ri#$ 2ith co$te(pt*
5>h#t %o yo) 2#$t here95 he #s-e% col%ly* 50o yo) 2#$t (e to #rrest yo)95
.oss#ri#$ 2#l-e% o)t o& the o&&ice #$% %o2$ the st#irs i$to the %#r-, to(bli-e street, p#ssi$g i$ the h#ll the sto)t 2o(#$
2ith 2#rts #$% t2o chi$s, 2ho 2#s #lre#%y o$ her 2#y b#c- i$* There 2#s $o sig$ o& 'ilo o)tsi%e* There 2ere $o lights
i$ #$y o& the 2i$%o2s* The %eserte% si%e2#l- rose steeply #$% co$ti$)o)sly &or se,er#l bloc-s* He co)l% see the gl#re
o& # bro#% #,e$)e #t the top o& the lo$g cobblesto$e i$cli$e* The police st#tio$ 2#s #l(ost #t the botto(A the yello2
b)lbs #t the e$tr#$ce si44le% i$ the %#(p$ess li-e 2et torches* A &rigi%, &i$e r#i$ 2#s &#lli$g* He beg#$ 2#l-i$g slo2ly,
p)shi$g )phill* Soo$ he c#(e to # 6)iet, co4y, i$,iti$g rest#)r#$t 2ith re% ,el,et %r#pes i$ the 2i$%o2s #$% # bl)e $eo$
sig$ $e#r the %oor th#t s#i%@ TO/.5S RESTA=RA/T ;+/E ;OO0 A/0 0R+/?* ?EEP O=T* The 2or%s o$ the bl)e $eo$
sig$ s)rprise% hi( (il%ly &or o$ly #$ i$st#$t* /othi$g 2#rpe% see(e% bi4#rre #$y (ore i$ his str#$ge, %istorte%
s)rro)$%i$gs* The tops o& the sheer b)il%i$gs sl#$te% i$ 2eir%, s)rre#listic perspecti,e, #$% the street see(e% tilte%* He
r#ise% the coll#r o& his 2#r( 2oole$ co#t #$% h)gge% it #ro)$% hi(* The $ight 2#s r#2* A boy i$ # thi$ shirt #$% thi$
t#ttere% tro)sers 2#l-e% o)t o& the %#r-$ess o$ b#re &eet* The boy h#% bl#c- h#ir #$% $ee%e% # h#irc)t #$% shoes #$%
soc-s* His sic-ly &#ce 2#s p#le #$% s#%* His &eet (#%e grisly, so&t, s)c-i$g so)$%s i$ the r#i$ p)%%les o$ the 2et
p#,e(e$t #s he p#sse%, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#s (o,e% by s)ch i$te$se pity &or his po,erty th#t he 2#$te% to s(#sh his
p#le, s#%, sic-ly &#ce 2ith his &ist #$% -$oc- hi( o)t o& e8iste$ce bec#)se he bro)ght to (i$% #ll the p#le, s#%, sic-ly
chil%re$ i$ +t#ly th#t s#(e $ight 2ho $ee%e% h#irc)ts #$% $ee%e% shoes #$% soc-s* He (#%e .oss#ri#$ thi$- o& cripples
#$% o& col% #$% h)$gry (e$ #$% 2o(e$, #$% o& #ll the %)(b, p#ssi,e, %e,o)t (others 2ith c#t#to$ic eyes $)rsi$g
139 | P a g e
i$&#$ts o)t%oors th#t s#(e $ight 2ith chille% #$i(#l )%%ers b#re% i$se$sibly to th#t s#(e r#2 r#i$* Co2s* Al(ost o$
c)e, # $)rsi$g (other p#%%e% p#st hol%i$g #$ i$&#$t i$ bl#c- r#gs, #$% .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to s(#sh her too, bec#)se
she re(i$%e% hi( o& the b#re&oot boy i$ the thi$ shirt #$% thi$, t#ttere% tro)sers #$% o& #ll the shi,eri$g, st)pe&yi$g
(isery i$ # 2orl% th#t $e,er yet h#% pro,i%e% e$o)gh he#t #$% &oo% #$% 3)stice &or #ll b)t #$ i$ge$io)s #$%
)$scr)p)lo)s h#$%&)l* >h#t # lo)sy e#rthC He 2o$%ere% ho2 (#$y people 2ere %estit)te th#t s#(e $ight e,e$ i$ his
o2$ prospero)s co)$try, ho2 (#$y ho(es 2ere sh#$ties, ho2 (#$y h)sb#$%s 2ere %r)$- #$% 2i,es soc-e%, #$% ho2
(#$y chil%re$ 2ere b)llie%, #b)se% or #b#$%o$e%* Ho2 (#$y &#(ilies h)$gere% &or &oo% they co)l% $ot #&&or% to b)y9
Ho2 (#$y he#rts 2ere bro-e$9 Ho2 (#$y s)ici%es 2o)l% t#-e pl#ce th#t s#(e $ight, ho2 (#$y people 2o)l% go
i$s#$e9 Ho2 (#$y coc-ro#ches #$% l#$%lor%s 2o)l% tri)(ph9 Ho2 (#$y 2i$$ers 2ere losers, s)ccesses &#il)res, rich
(e$ poor (e$9 Ho2 (#$y 2ise g)ys 2ere st)pi%9 Ho2 (#$y h#ppy e$%i$gs 2ere )$h#ppy e$%i$gs9 Ho2 (#$y
ho$est (e$ 2ere li#rs, br#,e (e$ co2#r%s, loy#l (e$ tr#itors, ho2 (#$y s#i$te% (e$ 2ere corr)pt, ho2 (#$y people
i$ positio$s o& tr)st h#% sol% their so)ls to bl#c-g)#r%s &or petty c#sh, ho2 (#$y h#% $e,er h#% so)ls9 Ho2 (#$y
str#ight-#$%-$#rro2 p#ths 2ere croo-e% p#ths9 Ho2 (#$y best &#(ilies 2ere 2orst &#(ilies #$% ho2 (#$y goo%
people 2ere b#% people9 >he$ yo) #%%e% the( #ll )p #$% the$ s)btr#cte%, yo) (ight be le&t 2ith o$ly the chil%re$, #$%
perh#ps 2ith Albert Ei$stei$ #$% #$ ol% ,ioli$ist or sc)lptor so(e2here* .oss#ri#$ 2#l-e% i$ lo$ely tort)re, &eeli$g
estr#$ge%, #$% co)l% $ot 2ipe &ro( his (i$% the e8cr)ci#ti$g i(#ge o& the b#re&oot boy 2ith sic-ly chee-s )$til he
t)r$e% the cor$er i$to the #,e$)e &i$#lly #$% c#(e )po$ #$ Allie% sol%ier h#,i$g co$,)lsio$s o$ the gro)$%, # yo)$g
lie)te$#$t 2ith # s(#ll, p#le, boyish &#ce* Si8 other sol%iers &ro( %i&&ere$t co)$tries 2restle% 2ith %i&&ere$t p#rts o& hi(,
stri,i$g to help hi( #$% hol% hi( still* He yelpe% #$% gro#$e% )$i$telligibly thro)gh cle$che% teeth, his eyes rolle% )p
i$to his he#%* 50o$5t let hi( bite his to$g)e o&&,5 # short serge#$t $e#r .oss#ri#$ #%,ise% shre2%ly, #$% # se,e$th (#$
thre2 hi(sel& i$to the &r#y to 2restle 2ith the ill lie)te$#$t5s &#ce* All #t o$ce the 2restlers 2o$ #$% t)r$e% to e#ch other
)$%eci%e%ly, &or $o2 th#t they hel% the yo)$g lie)te$#$t rigi% they %i% $ot -$o2 2h#t to %o 2ith hi(* A 6)i,er o& (oro$ic
p#$ic spre#% &ro( o$e str#i$i$g br)te &#ce to #$other* 5>hy %o$5t yo) li&t hi( )p #$% p)t hi( o$ the hoo% o& th#t c#r95 #
corpor#l st#$%i$g i$ b#c- o& .oss#ri#$ %r#2le%* Th#t see(e% to (#-e se$se, so the se,e$ (e$ li&te% the yo)$g
lie)te$#$t )p #$% stretche% hi( o)t c#re&)lly o$ the hoo% o& # p#r-e% c#r, still pi$$i$g e#ch str)ggli$g p#rt o& hi( %o2$*
O$ce they h#% hi( stretche% o)t o$ the hoo% o& the p#r-e% c#r, they st#re% #t e#ch other )$e#sily #g#i$, &or they h#%
$o i%e# 2h#t to %o 2ith hi( $e8t* 5>hy %o$5t yo) li&t hi( )p o&& the hoo% o& th#t c#r #$% l#y hi( %o2$ o$ the gro)$%95
%r#2le% the s#(e corpor#l behi$% .oss#ri#$* Th#t see(e% li-e # goo% i%e#, too, #$% they beg#$ to (o,e hi( b#c- to
the si%e2#l-, b)t be&ore they co)l% &i$ish, # 3eep r#ce% )p 2ith # &l#shi$g re% spotlight #t the si%e #$% t2o (ilit#ry
police(e$ i$ the &ro$t se#t*
5>h#t5s goi$g o$95 the %ri,er yelle%*
5He5s h#,i$g co$,)lsio$s,5 o$e o& the (e$ gr#ppli$g 2ith o$e o& the yo)$g lie)te$#$t5s li(bs #$s2ere%* 5>e5re hol%i$g
hi( still*5
5Th#t5s goo%* He5s )$%er #rrest*5
5>h#t sho)l% 2e %o 2ith hi(95
5?eep hi( )$%er #rrestC5 the '*P* sho)te%, %o)bli$g o,er 2ith r#)co)s l#)ghter #t his 3est, #$% spe% #2#y i$ his 3eep*
Yossarian recalled that he had no leave papers and moved prudently past the strange group
toward the sound o muled voices emanating rom a distance inside the murky darkness
ahead. The broad, rain$blotched boulevard was illuminated every hal$block by short, curling
lampposts with eerie, shimmering glares surrounded by smoky brown mist. 5rom a window
overhead he heard an unhappy emale voice pleading, '4lease don't. 4lease don't.' A
despondent young woman in a black raincoat with much black hair on her ace passed with
her eyes lowered. At the Ministry o 4ublic Aairs on the ne,t block, a drunken lady was
backed up against one o the luted "orinthian columns by a drunken young soldier, while
three drunken comrades in arms sat watching nearby on the steps with wine bottles standing
between their legs. '4leeshe don't,' begged the drunken lady. '! want to go home now. 4leeshe
don't.' (ne o the sitting men cursed pugnaciously and hurled a wine bottle at Yossarian when
he turned to look up. The bottle shattered harmlessly ar away with a brie and muted noise.
Yossarian continued walking away at the same listless, unhurried pace, hands buried in his
pockets. '"ome on, baby,' he heard the drunken soldier urge determinedly. '!t's my turn now.'
'4leeshe don't,' begged the drunken lady. '4leeshe don't.' At the very ne,t corner, deep inside
the dense, impenetrable shadows o a narrow, winding side street, he heard the mysterious,
unmistakable sound o someone shoveling snow. The measured, labored, evocative scrape o
iron shovel against concrete made his lesh crawl with terror as he stepped rom the curb to
cross the ominous alley and hurried onward until the haunting, incongruous noise had been
let behind. 1ow he knew where he was6 soon, i he continued without turning, he would
come to the dry ountain in the middle o the boulevard, then to the oicers' apartment seven
blocks beyond. He heard snarling, inhuman voices cutting through the ghostly blackness in
ront suddenly. The bulb on the corner lamp post had died, spilling gloom over hal the street,
throwing everything visible o balance. (n the other side o the intersection, a man was
beating a dog with a stick like the man who was beating the horse with a whip in
Catch 22
7askolnikov's dream. Yossarian strained helplessly not to see or hear. The dog whimpered
and s*uealed in brute, dumbounded hysteria at the end o an old Manila rope and groveled
and crawled on its belly without resisting, but the man beat it and beat it anyway with his
heavy, lat stick. A small crowd watched. A s*uat woman stepped out and asked him please to
stop. 'Mind your own business,' the man barked gruly, liting his stick as though he might
beat her too, and the woman retreated sheepishly with an ab&ect and humiliated air. Yossarian
*uickened his pace to get away, almost ran. The night was illed with horrors, and he thought
he knew how "hrist must have elt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist
through a ward ull o nuts, like a victim through a prison ull o thieves. %hat a welcome
sight a leper must have been+ At the ne,t corner a man was beating a small boy brutally in the
midst o an immobile crowd o adult
pectators who made no eort to intervene. Yossarian recoiled with sickening recognition. He
was certain he had witnessed that same horrible scene sometime beore. #M3*** ,)9 The si$ister
coi$ci%e$ce shoo- hi( #$% &ille% hi( 2ith %o)bt #$% %re#%* +t 2#s the s#(e sce$e he h#% 2it$esse% # bloc- be&ore,
#ltho)gh e,erythi$g i$ it see(e% 6)ite %i&&ere$t* >h#t i$ the 2orl% 2#s h#ppe$i$g9 >o)l% # s6)#t 2o(#$ step o)t #$%
#s- the (#$ to ple#se stop9 >o)l% he r#ise his h#$% to stri-e her #$% 2o)l% she retre#t9 /obo%y (o,e%* The chil%
crie% ste#%ily #s tho)gh i$ %r)gge% (isery* The (#$ -ept -$oc-i$g hi( %o2$ 2ith h#r%, reso)$%i$g ope$-p#l( blo2s to
the he#%, the$ 3er-i$g hi( )p to his &eet i$ or%er to -$oc- hi( %o2$ #g#i$* /o o$e i$ the s)lle$, co2eri$g cro2%
see(e% to c#re e$o)gh #bo)t the st)$$e% #$% be#te$ boy to i$ter&ere* The chil% 2#s $o (ore th#$ $i$e* O$e %r#b
2o(#$ 2#s 2eepi$g sile$tly i$to # %irty %ish to2el* The boy 2#s e(#ci#te% #$% $ee%e% # h#irc)t* 7right-re% bloo% 2#s
stre#(i$g &ro( both e#rs* .oss#ri#$ crosse% 6)ic-ly to the other si%e o& the i((e$se #,e$)e to esc#pe the $#)se#ti$g
sight #$% &o)$% hi(sel& 2#l-i$g o$ h)(#$ teeth lyi$g o$ the %re$che%, gliste$i$g p#,e(e$t $e#r splotches o& bloo%
-ept stic-y by the pelti$g r#i$%rops po-i$g e#ch o$e li-e sh#rp &i$ger$#ils* 'ol#rs #$% bro-e$ i$cisors l#y sc#ttere%
e,ery2here* He circle% o$ tiptoe the grotes6)e %ebris #$% c#(e $e#r # %oor2#y co$t#i$i$g # cryi$g sol%ier hol%i$g #
s#t)r#te% h#$%-erchie& to his (o)th, s)pporte% #s he s#gge% by t2o other sol%iers 2#iti$g i$ gr#,e i(p#tie$ce &or the
(ilit#ry #(b)l#$ce th#t &i$#lly c#(e cl#$gi$g )p 2ith #(ber &og lights o$ #$% p#sse% the( by &or #$ #lterc#tio$ o$ the
$e8t bloc- bet2ee$ # ci,ili#$ +t#li#$ 2ith boo-s #$% # sle2 o& ci,ili#$ police(e$ 2ith #r(loc-s #$% cl)bs* The
scre#(i$g, str)ggli$g ci,ili#$ 2#s # %#r- (#$ 2ith # &#ce 2hite #s &lo)r &ro( &e#r* His eyes 2ere p)ls#ti$g i$ hectic
%esper#tio$, &l#ppi$g li-e b#t5s 2i$gs, #s the (#$y t#ll police(e$ sei4e% hi( by the #r(s #$% legs #$% li&te% hi( )p* His
boo-s 2ere spille% o$ the gro)$%* 5HelpC5 he shrie-e% shrilly i$ # ,oice str#$gli$g i$ its o2$ e(otio$, #s the police(e$
c#rrie% hi( to the ope$ %oors i$ the re#r o& the #(b)l#$ce #$% thre2 hi( i$si%e* 5PoliceC HelpC PoliceC5 The %oors 2ere
sh)t #$% bolte%, #$% the #(b)l#$ce r#ce% #2#y* There 2#s # h)(orless iro$y i$ the l)%icro)s p#$ic o& the (#$
scre#(i$g &or help to the police 2hile police(e$ 2ere #ll #ro)$% hi(* .oss#ri#$ s(ile% 2ryly #t the &)tile #$% ri%ic)lo)s
cry &or #i%, the$ s#2 2ith # st#rt th#t the 2or%s 2ere #(big)o)s, re#li4e% 2ith #l#r( th#t they 2ere $ot, perh#ps,
i$te$%e% #s # c#ll &or police b)t #s # heroic 2#r$i$g &ro( the gr#,e by # %oo(e% &rie$% to e,eryo$e 2ho 2#s $ot #
police(#$ 2ith # cl)b #$% # g)$ #$% # (ob o& other police(e$ 2ith cl)bs #$% g)$s to b#c- hi( )p* 5HelpC PoliceC5 the
(#$ h#% crie%, #$% he co)l% h#,e bee$ sho)ti$g o& %#$ger* .oss#ri#$ respo$%e% to the tho)ght by slippi$g #2#y
ste#lthily &ro( the police #$% #l(ost trippe% o,er the &eet o& # b)rly 2o(#$ o& &orty h#ste$i$g #cross the i$tersectio$
g)iltily, %#rti$g &)rti,e, ,i$%icti,e gl#$ces behi$% her to2#r% # 2o(#$ o& eighty 2ith thic-, b#$%#ge% #$-les %o%%eri$g
#&ter her i$ # losi$g p)rs)it* The ol% 2o(#$ 2#s g#spi$g &or bre#th #s she (i$ce% #lo$g #$% ()tteri$g to hersel& i$
%istr#cte% #git#tio$* There 2#s $o (ist#-i$g the $#t)re o& the sce$eA it 2#s # ch#se* The tri)(ph#$t &irst 2o(#$ 2#s
h#l&2#y #cross the 2i%e #,e$)e be&ore the seco$% 2o(#$ re#che% the c)rb* The $#sty, s(#ll, glo#ti$g s(ile 2ith 2hich
she gl#$ce% b#c- #t the l#bori$g ol% 2o(#$ 2#s both 2ic-e% #$% #pprehe$si,e* .oss#ri#$ -$e2 he co)l% help the
tro)ble% ol% 2o(#$ i& she 2o)l% o$ly cry o)t, -$e2 he co)l% spri$g &or2#r% #$% c#pt)re the st)r%y &irst 2o(#$ #$% hol%
her &or the (ob o& police(e$ $e#rby i& the seco$% 2o(#$ 2o)l% o$ly gi,e hi( lice$se 2ith # shrie- o& %istress* 7)t the
ol% 2o(#$ p#sse% by 2itho)t e,e$ seei$g hi(, ()(bli$g i$ terrible, tr#gic ,e8#tio$, #$% soo$ the &irst 2o(#$ h#%
,#$ishe% i$to the %eepe$i$g l#yers o& %#r-$ess #$% the ol% 2o(#$ 2#s le&t st#$%i$g helplessly i$ the ce$ter o& the
thoro)gh&#re, %#4e%, )$cert#i$ 2hich 2#y to procee%, #lo$e* .oss#ri#$ tore his eyes &ro( her #$% h)rrie% #2#y i$
sh#(e bec#)se he h#% %o$e $othi$g to #ssist her* He %#rte% &)rti,e, g)ilty gl#$ces b#c- #s he &le% i$ %e&e#t, #&r#i% the
ol% 2o(#$ (ight $o2 st#rt &ollo2i$g hi(, #$% he 2elco(e% the co$ce#li$g shelter o& the %ri44li$g, %ri&ti$g, lightless,
$e#rly op#6)e gloo(* 'obs*** (obs o& police(e$ - e,erythi$g b)t E$gl#$% 2#s i$ the h#$%s o& (obs, (obs, (obs*
'obs 2ith cl)bs 2ere i$ co$trol e,ery2here*
The s)r&#ce o& the coll#r #$% sho)l%ers o& .oss#ri#$5s co#t 2#s so#-e%* His soc-s 2ere 2et #$% col%* The light o$ the
$e8t l#(ppost 2#s o)t, too, the gl#ss globe bro-e$* 7)il%i$gs #$% &e#t)reless sh#pes &lo2e% by hi( $oiselessly #s
tho)gh bor$e p#st i(()t#bly o$ the s)r&#ce o& so(e r#$- #$% ti(eless ti%e* A t#ll (o$- p#sse%, his &#ce b)rie% e$tirely
i$si%e # co#rse gr#y co2l, e,e$ the eyes hi%%e$* ;ootsteps sloshe% to2#r% hi( ste#%ily thro)gh # p)%%le, #$% he
&e#re% it 2o)l% be #$other b#re&oot chil%* He br)she% by # g#)$t, c#%#,ero)s, trist&)l (#$ i$ # bl#c- r#i$co#t 2ith #
st#r-sh#pe% sc#r i$ his chee- #$% # glossy ()til#te% %epressio$ the si4e o& #$ egg i$ o$e te(ple* O$ s6)ishi$g str#2
s#$%#ls, # yo)$g 2o(#$ (#teri#li4e% 2ith her 2hole &#ce %is&ig)re% by # :o%-#2&)l pi$- #$% pieb#l% b)r$ th#t st#rte%
o$ her $ec- #$% stretche% i$ # r#2, corr)g#te% (#ss )p both chee-s p#st her eyesC .oss#ri#$ co)l% $ot be#r to loo-,
#$% sh)%%ere%* /o o$e 2o)l% e,er lo,e her* His spirit 2#s sic-A he lo$ge% to lie %o2$ 2ith so(e girl he co)l% lo,e 2ho
2o)l% soothe #$% e8cite hi( #$% p)t hi( to sleep* A (ob 2ith # cl)b 2#s 2#iti$g &or hi( i$ Pi#$os#* The girls 2ere #ll
go$e* The co)$tess #$% her %#)ghter-i$-l#2 2ere $o lo$ger goo% e$o)ghA he h#% gro2$ too ol% &or &)$, he $o lo$ger
h#% the ti(e* L)ci#$# 2#s go$e, %e#%, prob#blyA i& $ot yet, the$ soo$ e$o)gh* A#r&y5s b)8o( trollop h#% ,#$ishe% 2ith
her s()tty c#(eo ri$g, #$% /)rse 0)c-ett 2#s #sh#(e% o& hi( bec#)se he h#% re&)se% to &ly (ore co(b#t (issio$s
141 | P a g e
#$% 2o)l% c#)se # sc#$%#l* The o$ly girl he -$e2 $e#rby 2#s the pl#i$ (#i% i$ the o&&icers5 #p#rt(e$t, 2ho( $o$e o&
the (e$ h#% e,er slept 2ith* Her $#(e 2#s 'ich#el#, b)t the (e$ c#lle% her &ilthy thi$gs i$ %)lcet, i$gr#ti#ti$g ,oices,
#$% she giggle% 2ith chil%ish 3oy bec#)se she )$%erstoo% $o E$glish #$% tho)ght they 2ere &l#tteri$g her #$% (#-i$g
h#r(less 3o-es* E,erythi$g 2il% she 2#tche% the( %o &ille% her 2ith e$ch#$te% %elight* She 2#s # h#ppy, si(ple-
(i$%e%, h#r%-2or-i$g girl 2ho co)l% $ot re#% #$% 2#s b#rely #ble to 2rite her $#(e* Her str#ight h#ir 2#s the color o&
rotti$g str#2* She h#% s#llo2 s-i$ #$% (yopic eyes, #$% $o$e o& the (e$ h#% e,er slept 2ith her bec#)se $o$e o& the
(e$ h#% e,er 2#$te% to, $o$e b)t A#r&y, 2ho h#% r#pe% her o$ce th#t s#(e e,e$i$g #$% h#% the$ hel% her priso$er i$
# clothes closet &or #l(ost t2o ho)rs 2ith his h#$% o,er her (o)th )$til the ci,ili#$ c)r&e2 sire$s so)$%e% #$% it 2#s
)$l#2&)l &or her to be o)tsi%e*
The$ he thre2 her o)t the 2i$%o2* Her %e#% bo%y 2#s still lyi$g o$ the p#,e(e$t 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #rri,e% #$% p)she%
his 2#y politely thro)gh the circle o& sole($ $eighbors 2ith %i( l#$ter$s, 2ho gl#re% 2ith ,e$o( #s they shr#$- #2#y
&ro( hi( #$% poi$te% )p bitterly to2#r% the seco$%-&loor 2i$%o2s i$ their pri,#te, gri(, #cc)si$g co$,ers#tio$s*
.oss#ri#$5s he#rt po)$%e% 2ith &right #$% horror #t the piti&)l, o(i$o)s, gory spect#cle o& the bro-e$ corpse* He %)c-e%
i$to the h#ll2#y #$% bolte% )p the st#irs i$to the #p#rt(e$t, 2here he &o)$% A#r&y p#ci$g #bo)t )$e#sily 2ith #
po(po)s, slightly )$co(&ort#ble s(ile* A#r&y see(e% # bit )$settle% #s he &i%gete% 2ith his pipe #$% #ss)re% .oss#ri#$
th#t e,erythi$g 2#s goi$g to be #ll right* There 2#s $othi$g to 2orry #bo)t*
5+ o$ly r#pe% her o$ce,5 he e8pl#i$e%*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s #gh#st* 57)t yo) -ille% her, A#r&yC .o) -ille% herC5
5Oh, + h#% to %o th#t #&ter + r#pe% her,5 A#r&y replie% i$ his (ost co$%esce$%i$g (#$$er* 5+ co)l%$5t ,ery 2ell let her go
#ro)$% s#yi$g b#% thi$gs #bo)t )s, co)l% +95
57)t 2hy %i% yo) h#,e to to)ch her #t #ll, yo) %)(b b#st#r%95 .oss#ri#$ sho)te%* 5>hy co)l%$5t yo) get yo)rsel& # girl o&&
the street i& yo) 2#$te% o$e9 The city is &)ll o& prostit)tes*5
5Oh, $o, $ot (e,5 A#r&y br#gge%* 5+ $e,er p#i% &or it i$ (y li&e*5
5A#r&y, #re yo) i$s#$e95 .oss#ri#$ 2#s #l(ost speechless* 5.o) -ille% # girl* They5re goi$g to p)t yo) i$ 3#ilC5
5Oh, $o,5 A#r&y #$s2ere% 2ith # &orce% s(ile* 5/ot (e* They #re$5t goi$g to p)t goo% ol% A#r&y i$ 3#il* /ot &or -illi$g her*5
57)t yo) thre2 her o)t the 2i$%o2* She5s lyi$g %e#% i$ the street*5
5She h#s $o right to be there,5 A#r&y #$s2ere%* 5+t5s #&ter c)r&e2*5
5St)pi%C 0o$5t yo) re#li4e 2h#t yo)5,e %o$e95 .oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to gr#b A#r&y by his 2ell-&e%, c#terpill#r-so&t sho)l%ers
#$% sh#-e so(e se$se i$to hi(* 5.o)5,e ()r%ere% # h)(#$ bei$g* They #re goi$g to p)t yo) i$ 3#il* They (ight e,e$
h#$g yo)C5
5Oh, + h#r%ly thi$- they5ll %o th#t,5 A#r&y replie% 2ith # 3o,i#l ch)c-le, #ltho)gh his sy(pto(s o& $er,o)s$ess i$cre#se%*
He spille% tob#cco cr)(bs )$co$scio)sly #s his short &i$gers &)(ble% 2ith the bo2l o& his pipe* 5/o, sirree* /ot to goo%
ol% A#r&y*5 He chortle% #g#i$* 5She 2#s o$ly # ser,#$t girl* + h#r%ly thi$- they5re goi$g to (#-e too ()ch o& # &)ss o,er
o$e poor +t#li#$ ser,#$t girl 2he$ so (#$y tho)s#$%s o& li,es #re bei$g lost e,ery %#y* 0o yo)95
5Liste$C5 .oss#ri#$ crie%, #l(ost i$ 3oy* He pric-e% )p his e#rs #$% 2#tche% the bloo% %r#i$ &ro( A#r&y5s &#ce #s sire$s
(o)r$e% &#r #2#y, police sire$s, #$% the$ #sce$%e% #l(ost i$st#$t#$eo)sly to # ho2li$g, stri%e$t, o$r)shi$g c#copho$y
o& o,er2hel(i$g so)$% th#t see(e% to cr#sh i$to the roo( #ro)$% the( &ro( e,ery si%e* 5A#r&y, they5re co(i$g &or yo),5
he s#i% i$ # &loo% o& co(p#ssio$, sho)ti$g to be he#r% #bo,e the $oise* 5They5re co(i$g to #rrest yo)* A#r&y, %o$5t yo)
)$%erst#$%9 .o) c#$5t t#-e the li&e o& #$other h)(#$ bei$g #$% get #2#y 2ith it, e,e$ i& she is 3)st # poor ser,#$t girl*
0o$5t yo) see9 C#$5t yo) )$%erst#$%95
5Oh, $o,5 A#r&y i$siste% 2ith # l#(e l#)gh #$% # 2e#- s(ile* 5They5re $ot co(i$g to #rrest (e* /ot goo% ol% A#r&y*5
All #t o$ce he loo-e% sic-* He s#$- %o2$ o$ # ch#ir i$ # tre(bli$g st)por, his st)(py, l#8 h#$%s 6)#-i$g i$ his l#p* C#rs
s-i%%e% to # stop o)tsi%e* Spotlights hit the 2i$%o2s i((e%i#tely* C#r %oors sl#((e% #$% police 2histles screeche%*
Boices rose h#rshly* A#r&y 2#s gree$* He -ept sh#-i$g his he#% (ech#$ic#lly 2ith # 6)eer, $)(b s(ile #$% repe#ti$g i$
# 2e#-, hollo2 (o$oto$e th#t they 2ere $ot co(i$g &or hi(, $ot &or goo% ol% A#r&y, $o sirree, stri,i$g to co$,i$ce
hi(sel& th#t this 2#s so e,e$ #s he#,y &ootsteps r#ce% )p the st#irs #$% po)$%e% #cross the l#$%i$g, e,e$ #s &ists be#t
o$ the %oor &o)r ti(es 2ith # %e#&e$i$g, i$e8or#ble &orce* The$ the %oor to the #p#rt(e$t &le2 ope$, #$% t2o l#rge,
to)gh, br#2$y '*P*s 2ith icy eyes #$% &ir(, si$e2y, )$s(ili$g 3#2s e$tere% 6)ic-ly, stro%e #cross the roo(, #$%
#rreste% .oss#ri#$*
They #rreste% .oss#ri#$ &or bei$g i$ Ro(e 2itho)t # p#ss*
They #pologi4e% to A#r&y &or i$tr)%i$g #$% le% .oss#ri#$ #2#y bet2ee$ the(, grippi$g hi( )$%er e#ch #r( 2ith &i$gers
#s h#r% #s steel (#$#cles* They s#i% $othi$g #t #ll to hi( o$ the 2#y %o2$* T2o (ore t#ll '*P*s 2ith cl)bs #$% h#r%
2hite hel(ets 2ere 2#iti$g o)tsi%e #t # close% c#r* They (#rche% .oss#ri#$ i$to the b#c- se#t, #$% the c#r ro#re%
#2#y #$% 2e#,e% thro)gh the r#i$ #$% ()%%y &og to # police st#tio$* The '*P*s loc-e% hi( )p &or the $ight i$ # cell 2ith
&o)r sto$e 2#lls* At %#2$ they g#,e hi( # p#il &or # l#tri$e #$% %ro,e hi( to the #irport, 2here t2o (ore gi#$t '*P*s 2ith
cl)bs #$% 2hite hel(ets 2ere 2#iti$g #t # tr#$sport pl#$e 2hose e$gi$es 2ere #lre#%y 2#r(i$g )p 2he$ they #rri,e%,
the cyli$%ric#l gree$ co2li$gs oo4i$g 6)i,eri$g be#%s o& co$%e$s#tio$* /o$e o& the '*P*s s#i% #$ythi$g to e#ch other
either* They %i% $ot e,e$ $o%* .oss#ri#$ h#% $e,er see$ s)ch gr#$ite &#ces* The pl#$e &le2 to Pi#$os#* T2o (ore sile$t
'*P*s 2ere 2#iti$g #t the l#$%i$g strip* There 2ere $o2 eight, #$% they &ile% 2ith precise, 2or%less %iscipli$e i$to t2o
c#rs #$% spe% o$ h)((i$g tires p#st the &o)r s6)#%ro$ #re#s to the :ro)p He#%6)#rters b)il%i$g, 2here still t2o (ore
'*P*s 2ere 2#iti$g #t the p#r-i$g #re#* All te$ t#ll, stro$g, p)rpose&)l, sile$t (e$ to2ere% #ro)$% hi( #s they t)r$e%
to2#r% the e$tr#$ce* Their &ootsteps cr)$che% i$ lo)% )$iso$ o$ the ci$%ere% gro)$%* He h#% #$ i(pressio$ o&
#cceler#ti$g h#ste* He 2#s terri&ie%* E,ery o$e o& the te$ '*P*s see(e% po2er&)l e$o)gh to b#sh hi( to %e#th 2ith #
si$gle blo2* They h#% o$ly to press their (#ssi,e, to)ghe$e%, bo)l%ero)s sho)l%ers #g#i$st hi( to cr)sh #ll li&e &ro( his
bo%y* There 2#s $othi$g he co)l% %o to s#,e hi(sel&* He co)l% $ot e,e$ see 2hich t2o 2ere grippi$g hi( )$%er the
#r(s #s they (#rche% hi( r#pi%ly bet2ee$ the t2o tight si$gle-&ile col)($s they h#% &or(e%* Their p#ce 6)ic-e$e%, #$%
he &elt #s tho)gh he 2ere &lyi$g #lo$g 2ith his &eet o&& the gro)$% #s they trotte% i$ resol)te c#%e$ce )p the 2i%e (#rble
st#irc#se to the )pper l#$%i$g, 2here still t2o (ore i$scr)t#ble (ilit#ry police(e$ 2ith h#r% &#ces 2ere 2#iti$g to le#%
the( #ll #t #$ e,e$ &#ster p#ce %o2$ the lo$g, c#$tile,ere% b#lco$y o,erh#$gi$g the i((e$se lobby* Their (#rchi$g
&ootsteps o$ the %)ll tile &loor th)$%ere% li-e #$ #2eso(e, 6)ic-e$i$g %r)( roll thro)gh the ,#c#$t ce$ter o& the b)il%i$g
#s they (o,e% 2ith e,e$ gre#ter spee% #$% precisio$ to2#r% Colo$el C#thc#rt5s o&&ice, #$% ,iole$t 2i$%s o& p#$ic beg#$
Catch 22
blo2i$g i$ .oss#ri#$5s e#rs 2he$ they t)r$e% hi( to2#r% his %oo( i$si%e the o&&ice, 2here Colo$el ?or$, his r)(p
spre#%i$g co(&ort#bly o$ # cor$er o& Colo$el C#thc#rt5s %es-, s#t 2#iti$g to greet hi( 2ith # ge$i#l s(ile #$% s#i%,
5>e5re se$%i$g yo) ho(e*5
D< CATCH-22
There 2#s, o& co)rse, # c#tch*
5C#tch-2295 i$6)ire% .oss#ri#$*
5O& co)rse,5 Colo$el ?or$ #$s2ere% ple#s#$tly, #&ter he h#% ch#se% the (ighty g)#r% o& (#ssi,e '*P*s o)t 2ith #$
i$so)ci#$t &lic- o& his h#$% #$% # slightly co$te(pt)o)s $o% - (ost rel#8e%, #s #l2#ys, 2he$ he co)l% be (ost cy$ic#l*
His ri(less s6)#re eyegl#sses gli$te% 2ith sly #()se(e$t #s he g#4e% #t .oss#ri#$* 5A&ter #ll, 2e c#$5t si(ply se$% yo)
ho(e &or re&)si$g to &ly (ore (issio$s #$% -eep the rest o& the (e$ here, c#$ 2e9 Th#t 2o)l% h#r%ly be &#ir to the(*5
5.o)5re go%%#( rightC5 Colo$el C#thc#rt bl)rte% o)t, l)(beri$g b#c- #$% &orth gr#celessly li-e # 2i$%e% b)ll, p)&&i$g #$%
po)ti$g #$grily* 5+5% li-e to tie hi( )p h#$% #$% &oot #$% thro2 hi( #bo#r% # pl#$e o$ e,ery (issio$* Th#t5s 2h#t +5% li-e
to %o*5
Colo$el ?or$ (otio$e% Colo$el C#thc#rt to be sile$t #$% s(ile% #t .oss#ri#$* 5.o) -$o2, yo) re#lly h#,e bee$ (#-i$g
thi$gs terribly %i&&ic)lt &or Colo$el C#thc#rt,5 he obser,e% 2ith &lip goo% h)(or, #s tho)gh the &#ct %i% $ot %isple#se hi(
#t #ll* 5The (e$ #re )$h#ppy #$% (or#le is begi$$i$g to %eterior#te* A$% it5s #ll yo)r &#)lt*5
5+t5s yo)r &#)lt,5 .oss#ri#$ #rg)e%, 5&or r#isi$g the $)(ber o& (issio$s*5
5/o, it5s yo)r &#)lt &or re&)si$g to &ly the(,5 Colo$el ?or$ retorte%* 5The (e$ 2ere per&ectly co$te$t to &ly #s (#$y
(issio$s #s 2e #s-e% #s lo$g #s they tho)ght they h#% $o #lter$#ti,e* /o2 yo)5,e gi,e$ the( hope, #$% they5re
)$h#ppy* So the bl#(e is #ll yo)rs*5
50oes$5t he -$o2 there5s # 2#r goi$g o$95 Colo$el C#thc#rt, still st#(pi$g b#c- #$% &orth, %e(#$%e% (orosely 2itho)t
loo-i$g #t .oss#ri#$*
5+5( 6)ite s)re he %oes,5 Colo$el ?or$ #$s2ere%* 5Th#t5s prob#bly 2hy he re&)ses to &ly the(*5
50oes$5t it (#-e #$y %i&&ere$ce to hi(95
5>ill the -$o2le%ge th#t there5s # 2#r goi$g o$ 2e#-e$ yo)r %ecisio$ to re&)se to p#rticip#te i$ it95 Colo$el ?or$ i$6)ire%
2ith s#rc#stic serio)s$ess, (oc-i$g Colo$el C#thc#rt*
5/o, sir,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%, #l(ost ret)r$i$g Colo$el ?or$5s s(ile*
5+ 2#s #&r#i% o& th#t,5 Colo$el ?or$ re(#r-e% 2ith #$ el#bor#te sigh, loc-i$g his &i$gers together co(&ort#bly o$ top o& his
s(ooth, b#l%, bro#%, shi$y bro2$ he#%* 5.o) -$o2, i$ #ll &#ir$ess, 2e re#lly h#,e$5t tre#te% yo) too b#%ly, h#,e 2e9
>e5,e &e% yo) #$% p#i% yo) o$ ti(e* >e g#,e yo) # (e%#l #$% e,e$ (#%e yo) # c#pt#i$*5
5+ $e,er sho)l% h#,e (#%e hi( # c#pt#i$,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt e8cl#i(e% bitterly* 5+ sho)l% h#,e gi,e$ hi( # co)rt-(#rti#l
#&ter he lo)se% )p th#t ;err#r# (issio$ #$% 2e$t #ro)$% t2ice*5
5+ tol% yo) $ot to pro(ote hi(,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$, 5b)t yo) 2o)l%$5t liste$ to (e*5
5/o yo) %i%$5t* .o) tol% (e to pro(ote hi(, %i%$5t yo)95
5+ tol% yo) $ot to pro(ote hi(* 7)t yo) 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$*5
5+ sho)l% h#,e liste$e%*5
5.o) $e,er liste$ to (e,5 Colo$el ?or$ persiste% 2ith relish* 5Th#t5s the re#so$ 2e5re i$ this spot*5
5All right, gee 2hi4* Stop r)bbi$g it i$, 2ill yo)95
Colo$el C#thc#rt b)rro2e% his &ists %o2$ %eep i$si%e his poc-ets #$% t)r$e% #2#y i$ # slo)ch* 5+$ste#% o& pic-i$g o$
(e, 2hy %o$5t yo) &ig)re o)t 2h#t 2e5re goi$g to %o #bo)t hi(95
5>e5re goi$g to se$% hi( ho(e, +5( #&r#i%*5 Colo$el ?or$ 2#s ch)c-li$g tri)(ph#$tly 2he$ he t)r$e% #2#y &ro( Colo$el
C#thc#rt to &#ce .oss#ri#$* 5.oss#ri#$, the 2#r is o,er &or yo)* >e5re goi$g to se$% yo) ho(e* .o) re#lly %o$5t %eser,e
it, yo) -$o2, 2hich is o$e o& the re#so$s + %o$5t (i$% %oi$g it* Si$ce there5s $othi$g else 2e c#$ ris- %oi$g to yo) #t this
ti(e, 2e5,e %eci%e% to ret)r$ yo) to the St#tes* >e5,e 2or-e% o)t this little %e#l to -5
5>h#t -i$% o& %e#l95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e% 2ith %e&i#$t (istr)st*
Colo$el ?or$ tosse% his he#% b#c- #$% l#)ghe%* 5Oh, # thoro)ghly %espic#ble %e#l, (#-e $o (ist#-e #bo)t th#t* +t5s
#bsol)tely re,olti$g* 7)t yo)5ll #ccept it 6)ic-ly e$o)gh*5
50o$5t be too s)re*5
5+ h#,e$5t the slightest %o)bt yo) 2ill, e,e$ tho)gh it sti$-s to high he#,e$* Oh, by the 2#y* .o) h#,e$5t tol% #$y o& the
(e$ yo)5,e re&)se% to &ly (ore (issio$s, h#,e yo)95
5/o, sir,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere% pro(ptly*
Colo$el ?or$ $o%%e% #ppro,i$gly* 5Th#t5s goo%* + li-e the 2#y yo) lie* .o)5ll go &#r i$ this 2orl% i& yo) e,er #c6)ire so(e
%ece$t #(bitio$*5
50oes$5t he -$o2 there5s # 2#r goi$g o$95 Colo$el C#thc#rt yelle% o)t s)%%e$ly, #$% ble2 2ith ,igoro)s %isbelie& i$to the
ope$ e$% o& his cig#rette hol%er*
5+5( 6)ite s)re he %oes,5 Colo$el ?or$ replie% #ci%ly, 5si$ce yo) bro)ght th#t i%e$tic#l poi$t to his #tte$tio$ 3)st # (o(e$t
#go*5 Colo$el ?or$ &ro2$e% 2e#rily &or .oss#ri#$5s be$e&it, his eyes t2i$-li$g s2#rthily 2ith sly #$% %#ri$g scor$*
:rippi$g the e%ge o& Colo$el C#thc#rt5s %es- 2ith both h#$%s, he li&te% his &l#cci% h#)$ches &#r b#c- o$ the cor$er to sit
2ith both short legs %#$gli$g &reely* His shoes -ic-e% lightly #g#i$st the yello2 o#- 2oo%, his sl)%ge-bro2$ soc-s,
g#rterless, coll#pse% i$ s#ggi$g circles belo2 #$-les th#t 2ere s)rprisi$gly s(#ll #$% 2hite* 5.o) -$o2, .oss#ri#$,5 he
()se% #&&#bly i$ # (#$$er o& c#s)#l re&lectio$ th#t see(e% both %erisi,e #$% si$cere, 5+ re#lly %o #%(ire yo) # bit*
.o)5re #$ i$tellige$t perso$ o& gre#t (or#l ch#r#cter 2ho h#s t#-e$ # ,ery co)r#geo)s st#$%* +5( #$ i$tellige$t perso$
2ith $o (or#l ch#r#cter #t #ll, so +5( i$ #$ i%e#l positio$ to #ppreci#te it*5
5These #re ,ery critic#l ti(es,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt #sserte% pet)l#$tly &ro( # &#r cor$er o& the o&&ice, p#yi$g $o #tte$tio$ to
Colo$el ?or$*
5Bery critic#l ti(es i$%ee%,5 Colo$el ?or$ #gree% 2ith # pl#ci% $o%* 5>e5,e 3)st h#% # ch#$ge o& co((#$% #bo,e, #$%
2e c#$5t #&&or% # sit)#tio$ th#t (ight p)t )s i$ # b#% light 2ith either :e$er#l Scheiss-op& or :e$er#l Pec-e(* +s$5t th#t
2h#t yo) (e#$, Colo$el95
5H#s$5t he got #$y p#triotis(95
5>o$5t yo) &ight &or yo)r co)$try95 Colo$el ?or$ %e(#$%e%, e()l#ti$g Colo$el C#thc#rt5s h#rsh, sel&-righteo)s to$e*
5>o$5t yo) gi,e )p yo)r li&e &or Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% (e95
143 | P a g e
.oss#ri#$ te$se% 2ith #lert #sto$ish(e$t 2he$ he he#r% Colo$el ?or$5s co$cl)%i$g 2or%s* 5>h#t5s th#t95 he e8cl#i(e%*
5>h#t h#,e yo) #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt got to %o 2ith (y co)$try9 .o)5re $ot the s#(e*5
5Ho2 c#$ yo) sep#r#te )s95 Colo$el ?or$ i$6)ire% 2ith iro$ic#l tr#$6)illity*
5Th#t5s right,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt crie% e(ph#tic#lly* 5.o)5re either &or )s or #g#i$st )s* There5s $o t2o 2#ys #bo)t it*5
5+5( #&r#i% he5s got yo),5 #%%e% Colo$el ?or$* 5.o)5re either &or )s or #g#i$st yo)r co)$try* +t5s #s si(ple #s th#t*5
5Oh, $o, Colo$el* + %o$5t b)y th#t*5
Colo$el ?or$ 2#s )$r)&e%* 5/either %o +, &r#$-ly, b)t e,eryo$e else 2ill* So there yo) #re*5
5.o)5re # %isgr#ce to yo)r )$i&or(C5 Colo$el C#thc#rt %ecl#re% 2ith bl)steri$g 2r#th, 2hirli$g to co$&ro$t .oss#ri#$ &or
the &irst ti(e* 5+5% li-e to -$o2 ho2 yo) e,er got to be # c#pt#i$, #$y2#y*5
5.o) pro(ote% hi(,5 Colo$el ?or$ re(i$%e% s2eetly, sti&li$g # s$ic-er* 50o$5t yo) re(e(ber95
5>ell, + $e,er sho)l% h#,e %o$e it*5
5+ tol% yo) $ot to %o it,5 Colo$el ?or$ s#i%* 57)t yo) 3)st 2o)l%$5t liste$ to (e*5
5:ee 2hi4, 2ill yo) stop r)bbi$g it i$95 Colo$el C#thc#rt crie%* He &)rro2e% his bro2 #$% glo2ere% #t Colo$el ?or$
thro)gh eyes $#rro2 2ith s)spicio$, his &ists cle$che% o$ his hips* 5S#y, 2hose si%e #re yo) o$, #$y2#y95
5.o)r si%e, Colo$el* >h#t other si%e co)l% + be o$95
5The$ stop pic-i$g o$ (e, 2ill yo)9 :et o&& (y b#c-, 2ill yo)95
5+5( o$ yo)r si%e, Colo$el* +5( 3)st lo#%e% 2ith p#triotis(*5
5>ell, 3)st (#-e s)re yo) %o$5t &orget th#t*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt t)r$e% #2#y gr)%gi$gly #&ter #$other (o(e$t, i$co(pletely
re#ss)re%, #$% beg#$ stri%i$g the &loor, his h#$%s -$e#%i$g his lo$g cig#rette hol%er* He 3er-e% # th)(b to2#r%
.oss#ri#$* 5Let5s settle 2ith hi(* + -$o2 2h#t +5% li-e to %o 2ith hi(* +5% li-e to t#-e hi( o)tsi%e #$% shoot hi(* Th#t5s
2h#t +5% li-e to %o 2ith hi(* Th#t5s 2h#t :e$er#l 0ree%le 2o)l% %o 2ith hi(*5
57)t :e$er#l 0ree%le is$5t 2ith )s #$y (ore,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$, 5so 2e c#$5t t#-e hi( o)tsi%e #$% shoot hi(*5 /o2 th#t
his (o(e$t o& te$sio$ 2ith Colo$el C#thc#rt h#% p#sse%, Colo$el ?or$ rel#8e% #g#i$ #$% res)(e% -ic-i$g so&tly
#g#i$st Colo$el C#thc#rt5s %es-* He ret)r$e% to .oss#ri#$* 5So 2e5re goi$g to se$% yo) ho(e i$ste#%* +t too- # bit o&
thi$-i$g, b)t 2e &i$#lly 2or-e% o)t this horrible little pl#$ &or se$%i$g yo) ho(e 2itho)t c#)si$g too ()ch %iss#tis&#ctio$
#(o$g the &rie$%s yo)5ll le#,e behi$%* 0oes$5t th#t (#-e yo) h#ppy95
5>h#t -i$% o& pl#$9 +5( $ot s)re +5( goi$g to li-e it*5
5+ -$o2 yo)5re $ot goi$g to li-e it*5 Colo$el ?or$ l#)ghe%, loc-i$g his h#$%s co$te$te%ly o$ top o& his he#% #g#i$* 5.o)5re
goi$g to lo#the it* +t re#lly is o%io)s #$% cert#i$ly 2ill o&&e$% yo)r co$scie$ce* 7)t yo)5ll #gree to it 6)ic-ly e$o)gh* .o)5ll
#gree to it bec#)se it 2ill se$% yo) ho(e s#&e #$% so)$% i$ t2o 2ee-s, #$% bec#)se yo) h#,e $o choice* +t5s th#t or #
co)rt-(#rti#l* T#-e it or le#,e it*5
.oss#ri#$ s$orte%* 5Stop bl)&&i$g, Colo$el* .o) c#$5t co)rt-(#rti#l (e &or %esertio$ i$ the &#ce o& the e$e(y* +t 2o)l%
(#-e yo) loo- b#% #$% yo) prob#bly co)l%$5t get # co$,ictio$*5
57)t 2e c#$ co)rt-(#rti#l yo) $o2 &or %esertio$ &ro( %)ty, si$ce yo) 2e$t to Ro(e 2itho)t # p#ss* A$% 2e co)l% (#-e it
stic-* +& yo) thi$- #bo)t it # (i$)te, yo)5ll see th#t yo)5% le#,e )s $o #lter$#ti,e* >e c#$5t si(ply let yo) -eep 2#l-i$g
#ro)$% i$ ope$ i$s)bor%i$#tio$ 2itho)t p)$ishi$g yo)* All the other (e$ 2o)l% stop &lyi$g (issio$s, too* /o, yo) h#,e
(y 2or% &or it* >e 2ill co)rt-(#rti#l yo) i& yo) t)r$ o)r %e#l %o2$, e,e$ tho)gh it 2o)l% r#ise # lot o& 6)estio$s #$% be #
terrible bl#c- eye &or Colo$el C#thc#rt*5
Colo$el C#thc#rt 2i$ce% #t the 2or%s 5bl#c- eye5 #$%, 2itho)t #$y #pp#re$t pre(e%it#tio$, h)rle% his sle$%er o$y8-#$%-
i,ory cig#rette hol%er %o2$ ,icio)sly o$ the 2oo%e$ s)r&#ce o$ his %es-* 5Jes)s ChristC5 he sho)te% )$e8pecte%ly* 5+ h#te
this go%%#( cig#rette hol%erC5 The cig#rette hol%er bo)$ce% o&& the %es- to the 2#ll, ricochete% #cross the 2i$%o2 sill to
the &loor #$% c#(e to # stop #l(ost 2here he 2#s st#$%i$g* Colo$el C#thc#rt st#re% %o2$ #t it 2ith #$ ir#scible sco2l* 5+
2o$%er i& it5s re#lly %oi$g (e #$y goo%*5
5+t5s # &e#ther i$ yo)r c#p 2ith :e$er#l Pec-e(, b)t # bl#c- eye &or yo) 2ith :e$er#l Scheiss-op&,5 Colo$el ?or$
i$&or(e% hi( 2ith # (ischie,o)s loo- o& i$$oce$ce*
5>ell, 2hich o$e #( + s)ppose% to ple#se95
57oth*5
5Ho2 c#$ + ple#se the( both9 They h#te e#ch other* Ho2 #( + e,er goi$g to get # &e#ther i$ (y c#p &ro( :e$er#l
Scheiss-op& 2itho)t getti$g # bl#c- eye &ro( :e$er#l Pec-e(95
5'#rch*5
5.e#h, (#rch* Th#t5s the o$ly 2#y to ple#se hi(* '#rch* '#rch*5 Colo$el C#thc#rt gri(#ce% s)lle$ly* 5So(e ge$er#lsC
They5re # %isgr#ce to their )$i&or(s* +& people li-e those t2o c#$ (#-e ge$er#l, + %o$5t see ho2 + c#$ (iss*5
5.o)5re goi$g to go &#r*5 Colo$el ?or$ #ss)re% hi( 2ith # &l#t l#c- o& co$,ictio$, #$% t)r$e% b#c- ch)c-li$g to .oss#ri#$,
his %is%#i$&)l (erri(e$t i$cre#si$g #t the sight o& .oss#ri#$5s )$yiel%i$g e8pressio$ o& #$t#go$is( #$% %istr)st* 5A$%
there yo) h#,e the cr)8 o& the sit)#tio$* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2#$ts to be # ge$er#l #$% + 2#$t to be # colo$el, #$% th#t5s
2hy 2e h#,e to se$% yo) ho(e*5
5>hy %oes he 2#$t to be # ge$er#l95
5>hy9 ;or the s#(e re#so$ th#t + 2#$t to be # colo$el* >h#t else h#,e 2e got to %o9 E,eryo$e te#ches )s to #spire to
higher thi$gs* A ge$er#l is higher th#$ # colo$el, #$% # colo$el is higher th#$ # lie)te$#$t colo$el* So 2e5re both
#spiri$g* A$% yo) -$o2, .oss#ri#$, it5s # l)c-y thi$g &or yo) th#t 2e #re* .o)r ti(i$g o$ this is #bsol)tely per&ect, b)t +
s)ppose yo) too- th#t &#ctor i$to #cco)$t i$ yo)r c#lc)l#tio$s*5
5+ h#,e$5t bee$ %oi$g #$y c#lc)l#ti$g,5 .oss#ri#$ retorte%*
5.es, + re#lly %o e$3oy the 2#y yo) lie,5 Colo$el ?or$ #$s2ere%* 5>o$5t it (#-e yo) pro)% to h#,e yo)r co((#$%i$g
o&&icer pro(ote% to ge$er#l - to -$o2 yo) ser,e% i$ #$ o)t&it th#t #,er#ge% (ore co(b#t (issio$s per perso$ th#$ #$y
other9 0o$5t yo) 2#$t to e#r$ (ore )$it cit#tio$s #$% (ore o#- le#& cl)sters &or yo)r Air 'e%#l9 >here5s yo)r 5sprit %e
corps9 0o$5t yo) 2#$t to co$trib)te &)rther to this gre#t recor% by &lyi$g (ore co(b#t (issio$s9 +t5s yo)r l#st ch#$ce to
#$s2er yes*5
5/o*5
5+$ th#t c#se, yo) h#,e )s o,er # b#rrel -5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$ 2itho)t r#$cor*
5He o)ght to be #sh#(e% o& hi(sel&C5
5- #$% 2e h#,e to se$% yo) ho(e* J)st %o # &e2 little thi$gs &or )s, #$% -5
Catch 22
5>h#t sort o& thi$gs95 .oss#ri#$ i$terr)pte% 2ith belligere$t (isgi,i$g*
5Oh, ti$y, i$sig$i&ic#$t thi$gs* Re#lly, this is # ,ery ge$ero)s %e#l 2e5re (#-i$g 2ith yo)* >e 2ill iss)e or%ers ret)r$i$g
yo) to the St#tes - re#lly, 2e 2ill - #$% #ll yo) h#,e to %o i$ ret)r$ is***5
5>h#t9 >h#t ()st + %o95
Colo$el ?or$ l#)ghe% c)rtly* 5Li-e )s*5
.oss#ri#$ bli$-e%* 5Li-e yo)95
5Li-e )s*5
5Li-e yo)95
5Th#t5s right,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$, $o%%i$g, gr#ti&ie% i((e#s)r#bly by .oss#ri#$5s g)ileless s)rprise #$% be2il%er(e$t*
5Li-e )s* Joi$ )s* 7e o)r p#l* S#y $ice thi$gs #bo)t )s here #$% b#c- i$ the St#tes* 7eco(e o$e o& the boys* /o2, th#t
is$5t #s-i$g too ()ch, is it95
5.o) 3)st 2#$t (e to li-e yo)9 +s th#t #ll95
5Th#t5s #ll*5
5Th#t5s #ll95
5J)st &i$% it i$ yo)r he#rt to li-e )s*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#$te% to l#)gh co$&i%e$tly 2he$ he s#2 2ith #(#4e(e$t th#t Colo$el ?or$ 2#s telli$g the tr)th* 5Th#t is$5t
goi$g to be too e#sy,5 he s$eere%*
5Oh, it 2ill be # lot e#sier th#$ yo) thi$-,5 Colo$el ?or$ t#)$te% i$ ret)r$, )$%is(#ye% by .oss#ri#$5s b#rb* 5.o)5ll be
s)rprise% #t ho2 e#sy yo)5ll &i$% it to li-e )s o$ce yo) begi$*5 Colo$el ?or$ hitche% )p the 2#ist o& his loose, ,ol)(i$o)s
tro)sers* The %eep bl#c- groo,es isol#ti$g his s6)#re chi$ &ro( his 3o2ls 2ere be$t #g#i$ i$ # -i$% o& 3eeri$g #$%
reprehe$sible (irth* 5.o) see, .oss#ri#$, 2e5re goi$g to p)t yo) o$ e#sy street* >e5re goi$g to pro(ote yo) to (#3or
#$% e,e$ gi,e yo) #$other (e%#l* C#pt#i$ ;l)(e is #lre#%y 2or-i$g o$ glo2i$g press rele#ses %escribi$g yo)r ,#lor
o,er ;err#r#, yo)r %eep #$% #bi%i$g loy#lty to yo)r o)t&it #$% yo)r co$s)((#te %e%ic#tio$ to %)ty* Those phr#ses #re
#ll #ct)#l 6)ot#tio$s, by the 2#y* >e5re goi$g to glori&y yo) #$% se$% yo) ho(e # hero, rec#lle% by the Pe$t#go$ &or
(or#le #$% p)blic-rel#tio$s p)rposes* .o)5ll li,e li-e # (illio$#ire* E,eryo$e 2ill lio$i4e yo)* .o)5ll h#,e p#r#%es i$ yo)r
ho$or #$% (#-e speeches to r#ise (o$ey &or 2#r bo$%s* A 2hole $e2 2orl% o& l)8)ry #2#its yo) o$ce yo) beco(e o)r
p#l* +s$5t it lo,ely95
.oss#ri#$ &o)$% hi(sel& liste$i$g i$te$tly to the &#sci$#ti$g el)ci%#tio$ o& %et#ils* 5+5( $ot s)re + 2#$t to (#-e speeches*5
5The$ 2e5ll &orget the speeches* The i(port#$t thi$g is 2h#t yo) s#y to people here*5 Colo$el ?or$ le#$e% &or2#r%
e#r$estly, $o lo$ger s(ili$g* 5>e %o$5t 2#$t #$y o& the (e$ i$ the gro)p to -$o2 th#t 2e5re se$%i$g yo) ho(e #s #
res)lt o& yo)r re&)s#l to &ly (ore (issio$s* A$% 2e %o$5t 2#$t :e$er#l Pec-e( or :e$er#l Scheiss-op& to get 2i$% o&
#$y &rictio$ bet2ee$ )s, either* Th#t5s 2hy 2e5re goi$g to beco(e s)ch goo% p#ls*5
5>h#t 2ill + s#y to the (e$ 2ho #s-e% (e 2hy + re&)se% to &ly (ore (issio$s95
5Tell the( yo) h#% bee$ i$&or(e% i$ co$&i%e$ce th#t yo) 2ere bei$g ret)r$e% to the St#tes #$% th#t yo) 2ere )$2illi$g
to ris- yo)r li&e &or #$other (issio$ or t2o* J)st # (i$or %is#gree(e$t bet2ee$ p#ls, th#t5s #ll*5
5>ill they belie,e it95
5O& co)rse they5ll belie,e it, o$ce they see 2h#t gre#t &rie$%s 2e5,e beco(e #$% 2he$ they see the press rele#ses #$%
re#% the &l#tteri$g thi$gs yo) h#,e to s#y #bo)t (e #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt* 0o$5t 2orry #bo)t the (e$* They5ll be e#sy
e$o)gh to %iscipli$e #$% co$trol 2he$ yo)5,e go$e* +t5s o$ly 2hile yo)5re still here th#t they (#y pro,e tro)bleso(e* .o)
-$o2, o$e goo% #pple c#$ spoil the rest,5 Colo$el ?or$ co$cl)%e% 2ith co$scio)s iro$y* 5.o) -$o2 - this 2o)l% re#lly be
2o$%er&)l - yo) (ight e,e$ ser,e #s #$ i$spir#tio$ to the( to &ly (ore (issio$s*5
5S)ppose + %e$o)$ce yo) 2he$ + get b#c- to the St#tes95
5A&ter yo)5,e #ccepte% o)r (e%#l #$% pro(otio$ #$% #ll the &#$&#re9 /o o$e 2o)l% belie,e yo), the Ar(y 2o)l%$5t let
yo), #$% 2hy i$ the 2orl% sho)l% yo) 2#$t to9 .o)5re goi$g to be o$e o& the boys, re(e(ber9 .o)5ll e$3oy # rich,
re2#r%i$g, l)8)rio)s, pri,ilege% e8iste$ce* .o)5% h#,e to be # &ool to thro2 it #ll #2#y 3)st &or # (or#l pri$ciple, #$%
yo)5re $ot # &ool* +s it # %e#l95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5+t5s th#t or # co)rt-(#rti#l*5
5Th#t5s # pretty sc)((y tric- +5% be pl#yi$g o$ the (e$ i$ the s6)#%ro$, is$5t it95
5O%io)s,5 Colo$el ?or$ #gree% #(i#bly, #$% 2#ite%, 2#tchi$g .oss#ri#$ p#tie$tly 2ith # gli((er o& pri,#te %elight*
57)t 2h#t the hellC5 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e%* 5+& they %o$5t 2#$t to &ly (ore (issio$s, let the( st#$% )p #$% %o so(ethi$g
#bo)t it the 2#y + %i%* Right95
5O& co)rse,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$*
5There5s $o re#so$ + h#,e to ris- (y li&e &or the(, is there95
5O& co)rse $ot*5
.oss#ri#$ #rri,e% #t his %ecisio$ 2ith # s2i&t gri$* 5+t5s # %e#lC5 he #$$o)$ce% 3)bil#$tly*
5:re#t,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$ 2ith so(e2h#t less cor%i#lity th#$ .oss#ri#$ h#% e8pecte%, #$% he sli% hi(sel& o&& Colo$el
C#thc#rt5s %es- to st#$% o$ the &loor* He t)gge% the &ol%s o& cloth o& his p#$ts #$% )$%ershorts &ree &ro( his crotch #$%
g#,e .oss#ri#$ # li(p h#$% to sh#-e* 5>elco(e #bo#r%*5
5Th#$-s, Colo$el* + -5
5C#ll (e 7l#c-ie, Joh$* >e5re p#ls $o2*5
5S)re, 7l#c-ie* 'y &rie$%s c#ll (e .o-.o* 7l#c-ie, + -5
5His &rie$%s c#ll hi( .o-.o,5 Colo$el ?or$ s#$g o)t to Colo$el C#thc#rt* 5>hy %o$5t yo) co$gr#t)l#te .o-.o o$ 2h#t #
se$sible (o,e he5s (#-i$g95
5Th#t5s # re#l se$sible (o,e yo)5re (#-i$g, .o-.o,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt s#i%, p)(pi$g .oss#ri#$5s h#$% 2ith cl)(sy 4e#l*
5Th#$- yo), Colo$el, + -5
5C#ll hi( Ch)c-,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$*
5S)re, c#ll (e Ch)c-,5 s#i% Colo$el C#thc#rt 2ith # l#)gh th#t 2#s he#rty #$% #2-2#r%* 5>e5re #ll p#ls $o2*5
5S)re, Ch)c-*5
5E8it s(ili$g,5 s#i% Colo$el ?or$, his h#$%s o$ both their sho)l%ers #s the three o& the( (o,e% to the %oor*
145 | P a g e
5Co(e o$ o,er &or %i$$er 2ith )s so(e $ight, .o-.o,5 Colo$el C#thc#rt i$,ite% hospit#bly* 5Ho2 #bo)t to$ight9 +$ the
gro)p %i$i$g roo(*5
5+5% lo,e to, sir*5
5Ch)c-,5 Colo$el ?or$ correcte% repro,i$gly*
5+5( sorry, 7l#c-ie* Ch)c-* + c#$5t get )se% to it*5
5Th#t5s #ll right, p#l*5
5S)re, p#l*5
5Th#$-s, p#l*5
50o$5t (e$tio$ it, p#l*5
5So lo$g, p#l*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#,e% goo%bye &o$%ly to his $e2 p#ls #$% s#)$tere% o)t o$to the b#lco$y corri%or, #l(ost b)rsti$g i$to so$g
the i$st#$t he 2#s #lo$e* He 2#s ho(e &ree@ he h#% p)lle% it o&&A his #ct o& rebellio$ h#% s)ccee%e%A he 2#s s#&e, #$%
he h#% $othi$g to be #sh#(e% o& to #$yo$e* He st#rte% to2#r% the st#irc#se 2ith # 3#)$ty #$% e8hil#r#te% #ir* A pri,#te
i$ gree$ &#tig)es s#l)te% hi(* .oss#ri#$ ret)r$e% the s#l)te h#ppily, st#ri$g #t the pri,#te 2ith c)riosity* He loo-e%
str#$gely &#(ili#r* >he$ .oss#ri#$ ret)r$e% the s#l)te, the pri,#te i$ gree$ &#tig)es t)r$e% s)%%e$ly i$to /#tely5s 2hore
#$% l)$ge% #t hi( ()r%ero)sly 2ith # bo$e-h#$%le% -itche$ -$i&e th#t c#)ght hi( i$ the si%e belo2 his )pr#ise% #r(*
.oss#ri#$ s#$- to the &loor 2ith # shrie-, sh)tti$g his eyes i$ o,er2hel(i$g terror #s he s#2 the girl li&t the -$i&e to stri-e
#t hi( #g#i$* He 2#s #lre#%y )$co$scio)s 2he$ Colo$el ?or$ #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt %#she% o)t o& the o&&ice #$% s#,e%
his li&e by &righte$i$g her #2#y*
D1 S/O>0E/
5C)t,5 s#i% # %octor*
5.o) c)t,5 s#i% #$other*
5/o c)ts,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$ 2ith # thic-, )$2iel%y to$g)e*
5/o2 loo- 2ho5s b)tti$g i$,5 co(pl#i$e% o$e o& the %octors* 5A$other co)$ty he#r% &ro(* Are 2e goi$g to oper#te or
#re$5t 2e95
5He %oes$5t $ee% #$ oper#tio$,5 co(pl#i$e% the other* 5+t5s # s(#ll 2o)$%* All 2e h#,e to %o is stop the blee%i$g, cle#$ it
o)t #$% p)t # &e2 stitches i$*5
57)t +5,e $e,er h#% # ch#$ce to oper#te be&ore* >hich o$e is the sc#lpel9 +s this o$e the sc#lpel95
5/o, the other o$e is the sc#lpel* >ell, go #he#% #$% c)t #lre#%y i& yo)5re goi$g to* '#-e the i$cisio$*5
5Li-e this95
5/ot there, yo) %opeC5
5/o i$cisio$s,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, percei,i$g thro)gh the li&ti$g &og o& i$se$sibility th#t the t2o str#$gers 2ere re#%y to begi$
c)tti$g hi(*
5A$other co)$ty he#r% &ro(,5 co(pl#i$e% the &irst %octor s#rc#stic#lly* 5+s he goi$g to -eep t#l-i$g th#t 2#y 2hile +
oper#te o$ hi(95
5.o) c#$5t oper#te o$ hi( )$til + #%(it hi(,5 s#i% # cler-*
5.o) c#$5t #%(it hi( )$til + cle#r hi(,5 s#i% # &#t, gr)&& colo$el 2ith # ()st#che #$% #$ e$or(o)s pi$- &#ce th#t presse%
%o2$ ,ery close to .oss#ri#$ #$% r#%i#te% scorchi$g he#t li-e the botto( o& # h)ge &ryi$g p#$* 5>here 2ere yo) bor$95
The &#t, gr)&& colo$el re(i$%e% .oss#ri#$ o& the &#t, gr)&& colo$el 2ho h#% i$terrog#te% the ch#pl#i$ #$% &o)$% hi( g)ilty*
.oss#ri#$ st#re% )p #t hi( thro)gh # gl#ssy &il(* The cloyi$g sce$ts o& &or(#l%ehy%e #$% #lcohol s2eete$e% the #ir*
5O$ # b#ttle&iel%,5 he #$s2ere%*
5/o, $o* +$ 2h#t st#te 2ere yo) bor$95
5+$ # st#te o& i$$oce$ce*5
5/o, $o, yo) %o$5t )$%erst#$%*5
5Let (e h#$%le hi(,5 )rge% # h#tchet-&#ce% (#$ 2ith s)$-e$ #cri(o$io)s eyes #$% # thi$, (#le,ole$t (o)th* 5Are yo) #
s(#rt #lec- or so(ethi$g95 he #s-e% .oss#ri#$*
5He5s %elirio)s,5 o$e o& the %octors s#i%* 5>hy %o$5t yo) let )s t#-e hi( b#c- i$si%e #$% tre#t hi(95
5Le#,e hi( right here i& he5s %elirio)s* He (ight s#y so(ethi$g i$cri(i$#ti$g*5
57)t he5s still blee%i$g pro&)sely* C#$5t yo) see9 He (ight e,e$ %ie*5
5:oo% &or hi(C5
5+t 2o)l% ser,e the &i$-y b#st#r% right,5 s#i% the &#t, gr)&& colo$el* 5All right, Joh$, let5s spe#- o)t* >e 2#$t to get to the
tr)th*5
5E,eryo$e c#lls (e .o-.o*5
5>e 2#$t yo) to co-oper#te 2ith )s, .o-.o* >e5re yo)r &rie$%s #$% 2e 2#$t yo) to tr)st )s* >e5re here to help yo)*
>e5re $ot goi$g to h)rt yo)*5
5Let5s 3#b o)r th)(bs %o2$ i$si%e his 2o)$% #$% go)ge it,5 s)ggeste% the h#tchet-&#ce% (#$*
.oss#ri#$ let his eyes &#ll close% #$% hope% they 2o)l% thi$- he 2#s )$co$scio)s*
5He5s &#i$te%,5 he he#r% # %octor s#y* 5C#$5t 2e tre#t hi( $o2 be&ore it5s too l#te9 He re#lly (ight %ie*5
5All right, t#-e hi(* + hope the b#st#r% %oes %ie*5
5.o) c#$5t tre#t hi( )$til + #%(it hi(,5 the cler- s#i%*
.oss#ri#$ pl#ye% %e#% 2ith his eyes sh)t 2hile the cler- #%(itte% hi( by sh)&&li$g so(e p#pers, #$% the$ he 2#s rolle%
#2#y slo2ly i$to # st)&&y, %#r- roo( 2ith se#ri$g spotlights o,erhe#% i$ 2hich the cloyi$g s(ell o& &or(#l%ehy%e #$%
s2eet #lcohol 2#s e,e$ stro$ger* The ple#s#$t, per(e#ti$g sti$- 2#s i$to8ic#ti$g* He s(elle% ether too #$% he#r%
gl#ss ti$-li$g* He liste$e% 2ith secret, egotistic#l (irth to the h)s-y bre#thi$g o& the t2o %octors* +t %elighte% hi( th#t
they tho)ght he 2#s )$co$scio)s #$% %i% $ot -$o2 he 2#s liste$i$g* +t #ll see(e% ,ery silly to hi( )$til o$e o& the
%octors s#i%,
5>ell, %o yo) thi$- 2e sho)l% s#,e his li&e9 They (ight be sore #t )s i& 2e %o*5
5Let5s oper#te,5 s#i% the other %octor* 5Let5s c)t hi( ope$ #$% get to the i$si%e o& thi$gs o$ce #$% &or #ll* He -eeps
co(pl#i$i$g #bo)t his li,er* His li,er loo-s pretty s(#ll o$ this 1 r#y*5
5Th#t5s his p#$cre#s, yo) %ope* This is his li,er*5
5/o it is$5t* Th#t5s his he#rt* +5ll bet yo) # $ic-el this is his li,er* +5( goi$g to oper#te #$% &i$% o)t* Sho)l% + 2#sh (y h#$%s
Catch 22
&irst95
5/o oper#tio$s,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, ope$i$g his eyes #$% tryi$g to sit )p*
5A$other co)$ty he#r% &ro(,5 sco&&e% o$e o& the %octors i$%ig$#$tly* 5C#$5t 2e (#-e hi( sh)t )p95
5>e co)l% gi,e hi( # tot#l* The ether5s right here*5
5/o tot#ls,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5A$other co)$ty he#r% &ro(,5 s#i% # %octor*
5Let5s gi,e hi( # tot#l #$% -$oc- hi( o)t* The$ 2e c#$ %o 2h#t 2e 2#$t 2ith hi(*5
They g#,e .oss#ri#$ tot#l #$esthesi# #$% -$oc-e% hi( o)t* He 2o-e )p thirsty i$ # pri,#te roo(, %ro2$i$g i$ ether
&)(es* Colo$el ?or$ 2#s there #t his be%si%e, 2#iti$g c#l(ly i$ # ch#ir i$ his b#ggy, 2ool, oli,e-%r#b shirt #$% tro)sers*
A bl#$%, phleg(#tic s(ile h)$g o$ his bro2$ &#ce 2ith its he#,y-be#r%e% chee-s, #$% he 2#s b)&&i$g the &#cets o& his
b#l% he#% ge$tly 2ith the p#l(s o& both h#$%s* He be$t &or2#r% ch)c-li$g 2he$ .oss#ri#$ #2o-e, #$% #ss)re% hi( i$
the &rie$%liest to$es th#t the %e#l they h#% (#%e 2#s still o$ i& .oss#ri#$ %i%$5t %ie* .oss#ri#$ ,o(ite%, #$% Colo$el
?or$ shot to his &eet #t the &irst co)gh #$% &le% i$ %isg)st, so it see(e% i$%ee% th#t there 2#s # sil,er li$i$g to e,ery
clo)%, .oss#ri#$ re&lecte%, #s he %ri&te% b#c- i$to # s)&&oc#ti$g %#4e* A h#$% 2ith sh#rp &i$gers shoo- hi( #2#-e
ro)ghly* He t)r$e% #$% ope$e% his eyes #$% s#2 # str#$ge (#$ 2ith # (e#$ &#ce 2ho c)rle% his lip #t hi( i$ # spite&)l
sco2l #$% br#gge%,
5>e5,e got yo)r p#l, b)%%y* >e5,e got yo)r p#l*5
.oss#ri#$ t)r$e% col% #$% &#i$t #$% bro-e i$to # s2e#t*
5>ho5s (y p#l95 he #s-e% 2he$ he s#2 the ch#pl#i$ sitti$g 2here Colo$el ?or$ h#% bee$ sitti$g*
5'#ybe +5( yo)r p#l,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere%*
7)t .oss#ri#$ co)l%$5t he#r hi( #$% close% his eyes* So(eo$e g#,e hi( 2#ter to sip #$% tiptoe% #2#y* He slept #$%
2o-e )p &eeli$g gre#t )$til he t)r$e% his he#% to s(ile #t the ch#pl#i$ #$% s#2 A#r&y there i$ste#%* .oss#ri#$ (o#$e%
i$sti$cti,ely #$% scre2e% his &#ce )p 2ith e8cr)ci#ti$g irrit#bility 2he$ A#r&y chortle% #$% #s-e% ho2 he 2#s &eeli$g*
A#r&y loo-e% p)44le% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ i$6)ire% 2hy he 2#s $ot i$ 3#il* .oss#ri#$ sh)t his eyes to (#-e hi( go #2#y*
>he$ he ope$e% the(, A#r&y 2#s go$e #$% the ch#pl#i$ 2#s there* .oss#ri#$ bro-e i$to l#)ghter 2he$ he spie% the
ch#pl#i$5s cheer&)l gri$ #$% #s-e% hi( 2h#t i$ the hell he 2#s so h#ppy #bo)t*
5+5( h#ppy #bo)t yo),5 the ch#pl#i$ replie% 2ith e8cite% c#$%or #$% 3oy* 5+ he#r% #t :ro)p th#t yo) 2ere ,ery serio)sly
i$3)re% #$% th#t yo) 2o)l% h#,e to be se$t ho(e i& yo) li,e%* Colo$el ?or$ s#i% yo)r co$%itio$ 2#s critic#l* 7)t +5,e 3)st
le#r$e% &ro( o$e o& the %octors th#t yo)r 2o)$% is re#lly # ,ery slight o$e #$% th#t yo)5ll prob#bly be #ble to le#,e i$ #
%#y or t2o* .o)5re i$ $o %#$ger* +t is$5t b#% #t #ll*5
.oss#ri#$ liste$e% to the ch#pl#i$5s $e2s 2ith e$or(o)s relie&* 5Th#t5s goo%*5
5.es,5 s#i% the ch#pl#i$, # pi$- &l)sh o& i(pish ple#s)re creepi$g i$to his chee-s* 5.es, th#t is goo%*5
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe%, rec#lli$g his &irst co$,ers#tio$ 2ith the ch#pl#i$* 5.o) -$o2, the &irst ti(e + (et yo) 2#s i$ the
hospit#l* A$% $o2 +5( i$ the hospit#l #g#i$* J)st #bo)t the o$ly ti(e + see yo) l#tely is i$ the hospit#l* >here5,e yo)
bee$ -eepi$g yo)rsel&95
The ch#pl#i$ shr)gge%* 5+5,e bee$ pr#yi$g # lot,5 he co$&esse%* 5+ try to st#y i$ (y te$t #s ()ch #s + c#$, #$% + pr#y
e,ery ti(e Serge#$t >hitco(b le#,es the #re#, so th#t he 2o$5t c#tch (e*5
50oes it %o #$y goo%95
5+t t#-es (y (i$% o&& (y tro)bles,5 the ch#pl#i$ #$s2ere% 2ith #$other shr)g* 5A$% it gi,es (e so(ethi$g to %o*5
5>ell th#t5s goo%, the$, is$5t it95
5.es,5 #gree% the ch#pl#i$ e$th)si#stic#lly, #s tho)gh the i%e# h#% $ot occ)rre% to hi( be&ore* 5.es, + g)ess th#t is goo%*5
He be$t &or2#r% i(p)lsi,ely 2ith #2-2#r% solicit)%e* 5.oss#ri#$, is there #$ythi$g + c#$ %o &or yo) 2hile yo)5re here,
#$ythi$g + c#$ get yo)95
.oss#ri#$ te#se% hi( 3o,i#lly* 5Li-e toys, or c#$%y, or che2i$g g)(95
The ch#pl#i$ bl)she% #g#i$, gri$$i$g sel&-co$scio)sly, #$% the$ t)r$e% ,ery respect&)l* 5Li-e boo-s, perh#ps, or
#$ythi$g #t #ll* + 2ish there 2#s so(ethi$g + co)l% %o to (#-e yo) h#ppy* .o) -$o2, .oss#ri#$, 2e5re #ll ,ery pro)% o&
yo)*5
5Pro)%95
5.es, o& co)rse* ;or ris-i$g yo)r li&e to stop th#t /#4i #ss#ssi$* +t 2#s # ,ery $oble thi$g to %o*5
5>h#t /#4i #ss#ssi$95
5The o$e th#t c#(e here to ()r%er Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$* A$% yo) s#,e% the(* He (ight h#,e st#bbe%
yo) to %e#th #s yo) gr#pple% 2ith hi( o$ the b#lco$y* +t5s # l)c-y thi$g yo)5re #li,eC5
.oss#ri#$ s$ic-ere% s#r%o$ic#lly 2he$ he )$%erstoo%* 5Th#t 2#s $o /#4i #ss#ssi$*5
5Cert#i$ly it 2#s* Colo$el ?or$ s#i% it 2#s*5
5Th#t 2#s /#tely5s girl &rie$%* A$% she 2#s #&ter (e, $ot Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$* She5s bee$ tryi$g to -ill (e
e,er si$ce + bro-e the $e2s to her th#t /#tely 2#s %e#%*5
57)t ho2 co)l% th#t be95 the ch#pl#i$ proteste% i$ li,i% #$% rese$t&)l co$&)sio$* 5Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ both
s#2 hi( #s he r#$ #2#y* The o&&ici#l report s#ys yo) stoppe% # /#4i #ss#ssi$ &ro( -illi$g the(*5
50o$5t belie,e the o&&ici#l report,5 .oss#ri#$ #%,ise% %ryly* 5+t5s p#rt o& the %e#l*5
5>h#t %e#l95
5The %e#l + (#%e 2ith Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$* They5ll let (e go ho(e # big hero i& + s#y $ice thi$gs #bo)t
the( to e,erybo%y #$% $e,er critici4e the( to #$yo$e &or (#-i$g the rest o& the (e$ &ly (ore (issio$s*5
The ch#pl#i$ 2#s #pp#lle% #$% rose h#l&2#y o)t o& his ch#ir* He bristle% 2ith bellicose %is(#y* 57)t th#t5s terribleC Th#t5s
# sh#(e&)l, sc#$%#lo)s %e#l, is$5t it95
5O%io)s,5 .oss#ri#$ #$s2ere%, st#ri$g )p 2oo%e$ly #t the ceili$g 2ith 3)st the b#c- o& his he#% resti$g o$ the pillo2* 5+
thi$- Jo%io)sJ is the 2or% 2e %eci%e% o$*5
5The$ ho2 co)l% yo) #gree to it95
5+t5s th#t or # co)rt-(#rti#l, Ch#pl#i$*5
5Oh,5 the ch#pl#i$ e8cl#i(e% 2ith # loo- o& st#r- re(orse, the b#c- o& his h#$% co,eri$g his (o)th* He lo2ere% hi(sel&
i$to his ch#ir )$e#sily* 5+ sho)l%$5t h#,e s#i% #$ythi$g*5
5They5% loc- (e i$ priso$ 2ith # b)$ch o& cri(i$#ls*5
147 | P a g e
5O& co)rse* .o) ()st %o 2h#te,er yo) thi$- is right, the$*5 The ch#pl#i$ $o%%e% to hi(sel& #s tho)gh %eci%i$g the
#rg)(e$t #$% l#pse% i$to e(b#rr#sse% sile$ce*
50o$5t 2orry,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i% 2ith # sorro2&)l l#)gh #&ter se,er#l (o(e$ts h#% p#sse%* 5+5( $ot goi$g to %o it*5
57)t yo) ()st %o it,5 the ch#pl#i$ i$siste%, be$%i$g &or2#r% 2ith co$cer$* 5Re#lly, yo) ()st* + h#% $o right to i$&l)e$ce
yo)* + re#lly h#% $o right to s#y #$ythi$g*5
5.o) %i%$5t i$&l)e$ce (e*5 .oss#ri#$ h#)le% hi(sel& o,er o$to his si%e #$% shoo- his he#% i$ sole($ (oc-ery* 5Christ,
Ch#pl#i$C C#$ yo) i(#gi$e th#t &or # si$9 S#,i$g Colo$el C#thc#rt5s li&eC Th#t5s o$e cri(e + %o$5t 2#$t o$ (y recor%*5
The ch#pl#i$ ret)r$e% to the s)b3ect 2ith c#)tio$* 5>h#t 2ill yo) %o i$ste#%9 .o) c#$5t let the( p)t yo) i$ priso$*5
5+5ll &ly (ore (issio$s* Or (#ybe + re#lly 2ill %esert #$% let the( c#tch (e* They prob#bly 2o)l%*5
5A$% they5% p)t yo) i$ priso$* .o) %o$5t 2#$t to go to priso$*5
5The$ +5ll 3)st -eep &lyi$g (issio$s )$til the 2#r e$%s, + g)ess* So(e o& )s h#,e to s)r,i,e*5
57)t yo) (ight get -ille%*5
5The$ + g)ess + 2o$5t &ly #$y (ore (issio$s*5
5>h#t 2ill yo) %o95
5+ %o$5t -$o2*5
5>ill yo) let the( se$% yo) ho(e95
5+ %o$5t -$o2* +s it hot o)t9 +t5s ,ery 2#r( i$ here*5
5+t5s ,ery col% o)t,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i%*
5.o) -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ re(e(bere%, 5# ,ery &)$$y thi$g h#ppe$e% - (#ybe + %re#(e% it* + thi$- # str#$ge (#$ c#(e i$
here be&ore #$% tol% (e he5s got (y p#l* + 2o$%er i& + i(#gi$e% it*5
5+ %o$5t thi$- yo) %i%,5 the ch#pl#i$ i$&or(e% hi(* 5.o) st#rte% to tell (e #bo)t hi( 2he$ + %roppe% i$ e#rlier*5
5The$ he re#lly %i% s#y it* J>e5,e got yo)r p#l, b)%%y,J he s#i%* J>e5,e got yo)r p#l*J He h#% the (ost (#lig$#$t (#$$er
+ e,er s#2* + 2o$%er 2ho (y p#l is*5
5+ li-e to thi$- th#t +5( yo)r p#l, .oss#ri#$,5 the ch#pl#i$ s#i% 2ith h)(ble si$cerity* 5A$% they cert#i$ly h#,e got (e*
They5,e got (y $)(ber #$% they5,e got (e )$%er s)r,eill#$ce, #$% they5,e got (e right 2here they 2#$t (e* Th#t5s
2h#t they tol% (e #t (y i$terrog#tio$*5
5/o, + %o$5t thi$- it5s yo) he (e#$t,5 .oss#ri#$ %eci%e%* 5+ thi$- it ()st be so(eo$e li-e /#tely or 0)$b#r* .o) -$o2,
so(eo$e 2ho 2#s -ille% i$ the 2#r, li-e Cle,i$ger, Orr, 0obbs, ?i% S#(pso$ or 'c>#tt*5 .oss#ri#$ e(itte% # st#rtle%
g#sp #$% shoo- his he#%* 5+ 3)st re#li4e% it,5 he e8cl#i(e%* 5They5,e got #ll (y p#ls, h#,e$5t they9 The o$ly o$es le&t #re
(e #$% H)$gry Joe*5 He ti$gle% 2ith %re#% #s he s#2 the ch#pl#i$5s &#ce go p#le* 5Ch#pl#i$, 2h#t is it95
5H)$gry Joe 2#s -ille%*5
5:o%, $oC O$ # (issio$95
5He %ie% i$ his sleep 2hile h#,i$g # %re#(* They &o)$% # c#t o$ his &#ce*5
5Poor b#st#r%,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, #$% beg#$ to cry, hi%i$g his te#rs i$ the croo- o& his sho)l%er* The ch#pl#i$ le&t 2itho)t
s#yi$g goo%bye* .oss#ri#$ #te so(ethi$g #$% 2e$t to sleep* A h#$% shoo- hi( #2#-e i$ the (i%%le o& the $ight* He
ope$e% his eyes #$% s#2 # thi$, (e#$ (#$ i$ # p#tie$t5s b#throbe #$% p#3#(#s 2ho loo-e% #t hi( 2ith # $#sty s(ir-
#$% 3eere%*
5>e5,e got yo)r p#l, b)%%y* >e5,e got yo)r p#l*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s )$$er,e%* 5>h#t the hell #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 he ple#%e% i$ i$cipie$t p#$ic*
5.o)5ll &i$% o)t, b)%%y* .o)5ll &i$% o)t*5
.oss#ri#$ l)$ge% &or his tor(e$tor5s thro#t 2ith o$e h#$%, b)t the (#$ gli%e% o)t o& re#ch e&&ortlessly #$% ,#$ishe% i$to
the corri%or 2ith # (#licio)s l#)gh* .oss#ri#$ l#y there tre(bli$g 2ith # po)$%i$g p)lse* He 2#s b#the% i$ icy s2e#t* He
2o$%ere% 2ho his p#l 2#s* +t 2#s %#r- i$ the hospit#l #$% per&ectly 6)iet* He h#% $o 2#tch to tell hi( the ti(e* He 2#s
2i%e-#2#-e, #$% he -$e2 he 2#s # priso$er i$ o$e o& those sleepless, be%ri%%e$ $ights th#t 2o)l% t#-e #$ eter$ity to
%issol,e i$to %#2$* A throbbi$g chill oo4e% )p his legs* He 2#s col%, #$% he tho)ght o& S$o2%e$, 2ho h#% $e,er bee$
his p#l b)t 2#s # ,#g)ely &#(ili#r -i% 2ho 2#s b#%ly 2o)$%e% #$% &ree4i$g to %e#th i$ the p)%%le o& h#rsh yello2
s)$light spl#shi$g i$to his &#ce thro)gh the si%e g)$port 2he$ .oss#ri#$ cr#2le% i$to the re#r sectio$ o& the pl#$e o,er
the bo(b b#y #&ter 0obbs h#% beseeche% hi( o$ the i$terco( to help the g)$$er, ple#se help the g)$$er* .oss#ri#$5s
sto(#ch t)r$e% o,er 2he$ his eyes &irst behel% the (#c#bre sce$eA he 2#s #bsol)tely re,olte%, #$% he p#)se% i$ &right
# &e2 (o(e$ts be&ore %esce$%i$g, cro)che% o$ his h#$%s #$% -$ees i$ the $#rro2 t)$$el o,er the bo(b b#y besi%e
the se#le% corr)g#te% c#rto$ co$t#i$i$g the &irst-#i% -it* S$o2%e$ 2#s lyi$g o$ his b#c- o$ the &loor 2ith his legs
stretche% o)t, still b)r%e$e% c)(berso(ely by his &l#- s)it, his &l#- hel(et, his p#r#ch)te h#r$ess #$% his '#e >est*
/ot &#r #2#y o$ the &loor l#y the s(#ll t#il-g)$$er i$ # %e#% &#i$t* The 2o)$% .oss#ri#$ s#2 2#s i$ the o)tsi%e o&
S$o2%e$5s thigh, #s l#rge #$% %eep #s # &ootb#ll, it see(e%* +t 2#s i(possible to tell 2here the shre%s o& his s#t)r#te%
co,er#lls e$%e% #$% the r#gge% &lesh beg#$*
There 2#s $o (orphi$e i$ the &irst-#i% -it, $o protectio$ &or S$o2%e$ #g#i$st p#i$ b)t the $)(bi$g shoc- o& the g#pi$g
2o)$% itsel&* The t2el,e syrettes o& (orphi$e h#% bee$ stole$ &ro( their c#se #$% repl#ce% by # cle#$ly lettere% $ote
th#t s#i%@ 5>h#t5s goo% &or ' L ' E$terprises is goo% &or the co)$try* 'ilo 'i$%erbi$%er*5 .oss#ri#$ s2ore #t 'ilo #$%
hel% t2o #spiri$s o)t to #she$ lips )$#ble to recei,e the(* 7)t &irst he h#stily %re2 # to)r$i6)et #ro)$% S$o2%e$5s thigh
bec#)se he co)l% $ot thi$- 2h#t else to %o i$ those &irst t)()lt)o)s (o(e$ts 2he$ his se$ses 2ere i$ t)r(oil, 2he$ he
-$e2 he ()st #ct co(pete$tly #t o$ce #$% &e#re% he (ight go to pieces co(pletely* S$o2%e$ 2#tche% hi( ste#%ily,
s#yi$g $othi$g* /o #rtery 2#s sp)rti$g, b)t .oss#ri#$ prete$%e% to #bsorb hi(sel& e$tirely i$to the &#shio$i$g o& #
to)r$i6)et, bec#)se #pplyi$g # to)r$i6)et 2#s so(ethi$g he %i% -$o2 ho2 to %o* He 2or-e% 2ith si()l#te% s-ill #$%
co(pos)re, &eeli$g S$o2%e$5s l#c--l)ster g#4e resti$g )po$ hi(* He reco,ere% possessio$ o& hi(sel& be&ore the
to)r$i6)et 2#s &i$ishe% #$% loose$e% it i((e%i#tely to lesse$ the %#$ger o& g#$gre$e* His (i$% 2#s cle#r $o2, #$% he
-$e2 ho2 to procee%* He r)((#ge% thro)gh the &irst-#i% -it &or scissors*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ s#i% so&tly* 5+5( col%*5
5.o)5re goi$g to be #ll right, -i%,5 .oss#ri#$ re#ss)re% hi( 2ith # gri$* 5.o)5re goi$g to be #ll right*5
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ s#i% #g#i$ i$ # &r#il, chil%li-e ,oice* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, bec#)se he %i% $ot -$o2 2h#t else to s#y* 5There, there*5
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ 2hi(pere%* 5+5( col%*5
Catch 22
5There, there* There, there*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s &righte$e% #$% (o,e% (ore s2i&tly* He &o)$% # p#ir o& scissors #t l#st #$% beg#$ c)tti$g c#re&)lly thro)gh
S$o2%e$5s co,er#lls high )p #bo,e the 2o)$%, 3)st belo2 the groi$* He c)t thro)gh the he#,y g#b#r%i$e cloth #ll the
2#y #ro)$% the thigh i$ # str#ight li$e* The ti$y t#ilg)$$er 2o-e )p 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s c)tti$g 2ith the scissors, s#2
hi(, #$% &#i$te% #g#i$* S$o2%e$ rolle% his he#% to the other si%e o& his $ec- i$ or%er to st#re #t .oss#ri#$ (ore %irectly*
A %i(, s)$-e$ light glo2e% i$ his 2e#- #$% listless eyes* .oss#ri#$, p)44le%, trie% $ot to loo- #t hi(* He beg#$ c)tti$g
%o2$2#r% thro)gh the co,er#lls #lo$g the i$si%e se#(* The y#2$i$g 2o)$% - 2#s th#t # t)be o& sli(y bo$e he s#2
r)$$i$g %eep i$si%e the gory sc#rlet &lo2 behi$% the t2itchi$g, st#rtli$g &ibers o& 2eir% ()scle9 - 2#s %rippi$g bloo% i$
se,er#l tric-les, li-e s$o2 (elti$g o$ e#,es, b)t ,isco)s #$% re%, #lre#%y thic-e$i$g #s it %roppe%* .oss#ri#$ -ept
c)tti$g thro)gh the co,er#lls to the botto( #$% peele% ope$ the se,ere% leg o& the g#r(e$t* +t &ell to the &loor 2ith #
plop, e8posi$g the he( o& -h#-i )$%ershorts th#t 2ere so#-i$g )p blotches o& bloo% o$ o$e si%e #s tho)gh i$ thirst*
.oss#ri#$ 2#s st)$$e% #t ho2 2#8e$ #$% gh#stly S$o2%e$5s b#re leg loo-e%, ho2 lo#thso(e, ho2 li&eless #$% esoteric
the %o2$y, &i$e, c)rle% blo$% h#irs o$ his o%% 2hite shi$ #$% c#l&* The 2o)$%, he s#2 $o2, 2#s $ot $e#rly #s l#rge #s #
&ootb#ll, b)t #s lo$g #$% 2i%e #s his h#$% #$% too r#2 #$% %eep to see i$to cle#rly* The r#2 ()scles i$si%e t2itche% li-e
li,e h#(b)rger (e#t* A lo$g sigh o& relie& esc#pe% slo2ly thro)gh .oss#ri#$5s (o)th 2he$ he s#2 th#t S$o2%e$ 2#s
$ot i$ %#$ger o& %yi$g* The bloo% 2#s #lre#%y co#g)l#ti$g i$si%e the 2o)$%, #$% it 2#s si(ply # (#tter o& b#$%#gi$g
hi( )p #$% -eepi$g hi( c#l( )$til the pl#$e l#$%e%* He re(o,e% so(e p#c-ets o& s)l&#$il#(i%e &ro( the &irst-#i% -it*
S$o2%e$ 6)i,ere% 2he$ .oss#ri#$ presse% #g#i$st hi( ge$tly to t)r$ hi( )p slightly o$ his si%e*
50i% + h)rt yo)95
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ 2hi(pere%* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%* 5There, there*5
5+5( col%* +5( col%*5
5There, there* There, there*5
5+t5s st#rti$g to h)rt (e,5 S$o2%e$ crie% o)t s)%%e$ly 2ith # pl#i$ti,e, )rge$t 2i$ce*
.oss#ri#$ scr#(ble% &r#$tic#lly thro)gh the &irst-#i% -it i$ se#rch o& (orphi$e #g#i$ #$% &o)$% o$ly 'ilo5s $ote #$% #
bottle o& #spiri$* He c)rse% 'ilo #$% hel% t2o #spiri$ t#blets o)t to S$o2%e$* He h#% $o 2#ter to o&&er* S$o2%e$
re3ecte% the #spiri$ 2ith #$ #l(ost i(perceptible sh#-e o& his he#%* His &#ce 2#s p#le #$% p#sty* .oss#ri#$ re(o,e%
S$o2%e$5s &l#- hel(et #$% lo2ere% his he#% to the &loor*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ (o#$e% 2ith h#l&-close% eyes* 5+5( col%*5
The e%ges o& his (o)th 2ere t)r$i$g bl)e* .oss#ri#$ 2#s petri&ie%* He 2o$%ere% 2hether to p)ll the rip cor% o&
S$o2%e$5s p#r#ch)te #$% co,er hi( 2ith the $ylo$ &ol%s* +t 2#s ,ery 2#r( i$ the pl#$e* :l#$ci$g )p )$e8pecte%ly,
S$o2%e$ g#,e hi( # 2#$, co-oper#ti,e s(ile #$% shi&te% the positio$ o& his hips # bit so th#t .oss#ri#$ co)l% begi$
s#lti$g the 2o)$% 2ith s)l&#$il#(i%e* .oss#ri#$ 2or-e% 2ith re$e2e% co$&i%e$ce #$% opti(is(* The pl#$e bo)$ce%
h#r% i$si%e #$ #ir poc-et, #$% he re(e(bere% 2ith # st#rt th#t he h#% le&t his o2$ p#r#ch)te )p &ro$t i$ the $ose* There
2#s $othi$g to be %o$e #bo)t th#t* He po)re% e$,elope #&ter e$,elope o& the 2hite cryst#lli$e po2%er i$to the bloo%y
o,#l 2o)$% )$til $othi$g re% co)l% be see$ #$% the$ %re2 # %eep, #pprehe$si,e bre#th, steeli$g hi(sel& 2ith gritte%
teeth #s he to)che% his b#re h#$% to the %#$gli$g shre%s o& %ryi$g &lesh to t)c- the( )p i$si%e the 2o)$%* K)ic-ly he
co,ere% the 2hole 2o)$% 2ith # l#rge cotto$ co(press #$% 3er-e% his h#$% #2#y* He s(ile% $er,o)sly 2he$ his brie&
or%e#l h#% e$%e%* The #ct)#l co$t#ct 2ith the %e#% &lesh h#% $ot bee$ $e#rly #s rep)lsi,e #s he h#% #$ticip#te%, #$%
he &o)$% #$ e8c)se to c#ress the 2o)$% 2ith his &i$gers #g#i$ #$% #g#i$ to co$,i$ce hi(sel& o& his o2$ co)r#ge*
/e8t he beg#$ bi$%i$g the co(press i$ pl#ce 2ith # roll o& g#)4e* The seco$% ti(e #ro)$% S$o2%e$5s thigh 2ith the
b#$%#ge, he spotte% the s(#ll hole o$ the i$si%e thro)gh 2hich the piece o& &l#- h#% e$tere%, # ro)$%, cri$-le% 2o)$%
the si4e o& # 6)#rter 2ith bl)e e%ges #$% # bl#c- core i$si%e 2here the bloo% h#% cr)ste%* .oss#ri#$ spri$-le% this o$e
2ith s)l&#$il#(i%e too #$% co$ti$)e% )$2i$%i$g the g#)4e #ro)$% S$o2%e$5s leg )$til the co(press 2#s sec)re* The$
he s$ippe% o&& the roll 2ith the scissors #$% slit the e$% %o2$ the ce$ter* He (#%e the 2hole thi$g &#st 2ith # ti%y
s6)#re -$ot* +t 2#s # goo% b#$%#ge, he -$e2, #$% he s#t b#c- o$ his heels 2ith pri%e, 2ipi$g the perspir#tio$ &ro( his
bro2, #$% gri$$e% #t S$o2%e$ 2ith spo$t#$eo)s &rie$%li$ess*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ (o#$e%* 5+5( col%*5
5.o)5re goi$g to be #ll right, -i%,5 .oss#ri#$ #ss)re% hi(, p#tti$g his #r( co(&orti$gly* 5E,erythi$g5s )$%er co$trol*5
S$o2%e$ shoo- his he#% &eebly* 5+5( col%,5 he repe#te%, 2ith eyes #s %)ll #$% bli$% #s sto$e* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$, 2ith gro2i$g %o)bt #$% trepi%#tio$* 5There, there* +$ # little 2hile 2e5ll be b#c- o$ the
gro)$% #$% 0oc 0#$ee-# 2ill t#-e c#re o& yo)*5
7)t S$o2%e$ -ept sh#-i$g his he#% #$% poi$te% #t l#st, 2ith 3)st the b#rest (o,e(e$t o& his chi$, %o2$ to2#r% his
#r(pit* .oss#ri#$ be$t &or2#r% to peer #$% s#2 # str#$gely colore% st#i$ seepi$g thro)gh the co,er#lls 3)st #bo,e the
#r(hole o& S$o2%e$5s &l#- s)it* .oss#ri#$ &elt his he#rt stop, the$ po)$% so ,iole$tly he &o)$% it %i&&ic)lt to bre#the*
S$o2%e$ 2#s 2o)$%e% i$si%e his &l#- s)it* .oss#ri#$ rippe% ope$ the s$#ps o& S$o2%e$5s &l#- s)it #$% he#r% hi(sel&
scre#( 2il%ly #s S$o2%e$5s i$si%es slithere% %o2$ to the &loor i$ # soggy pile #$% 3)st -ept %rippi$g o)t* A ch)$- o& &l#-
(ore th#$ three i$ches big h#% shot i$to his other si%e 3)st )$%er$e#th the #r( #$% bl#ste% #ll the 2#y thro)gh, %r#2i$g
2hole (ottle% 6)#rts o& S$o2%e$ #lo$g 2ith it thro)gh the gig#$tic hole i$ his ribs it (#%e #s it bl#ste% o)t* .oss#ri#$
scre#(e% # seco$% ti(e #$% s6)ee4e% both h#$%s o,er his eyes* His teeth 2ere ch#tteri$g i$ horror* He &orce% hi(sel&
to loo- #g#i$* Here 2#s :o%5s ple$ty, #ll right, he tho)ght bitterly #s he st#re% - li,er, l)$gs, -i%$eys, ribs, sto(#ch #$%
bits o& the ste2e% to(#toes S$o2%e$ h#% e#te$ th#t %#y &or l)$ch* .oss#ri#$ h#te% ste2e% to(#toes #$% t)r$e% #2#y
%i44ily #$% beg#$ to ,o(it, cl)tchi$g his b)r$i$g thro#t* The t#il g)$$er 2o-e )p 2hile .oss#ri#$ 2#s ,o(iti$g, s#2 hi(,
#$% &#i$te% #g#i$* .oss#ri#$ 2#s li(p 2ith e8h#)stio$, p#i$ #$% %esp#ir 2he$ he &i$ishe%* He t)r$e% b#c- 2e#-ly to
S$o2%e$, 2hose bre#th h#% gro2$ so&ter #$% (ore r#pi%, #$% 2hose &#ce h#% gro2$ p#ler* He 2o$%ere% ho2 i$ the
2orl% to begi$ to s#,e hi(*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ 2hi(pere%* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 .oss#ri#$ ()(ble% (ech#$ic#lly i$ # ,oice too lo2 to be he#r%* 5There, there*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s col%, too, #$% shi,eri$g )$co$troll#bly* He &elt goose pi(ples cl#c-i$g #ll o,er hi( #s he g#4e% %o2$
%espo$%e$tly #t the gri( secret S$o2%e$ h#% spille% #ll o,er the (essy &loor* +t 2#s e#sy to re#% the (ess#ge i$ his
e$tr#ils* '#$ 2#s (#tter, th#t 2#s S$o2%e$5s secret* 0rop hi( o)t # 2i$%o2 #$% he5ll &#ll* Set &ire to hi( #$% he5ll b)r$*
149 | P a g e
7)ry hi( #$% he5ll rot, li-e other -i$%s o& g#rb#ge* The spirit go$e, (#$ is g#rb#ge* Th#t 2#s S$o2%e$5s secret*
Ripe$ess 2#s #ll*
5+5( col%,5 S$o2%e$ s#i%* 5+5( col%*5
5There, there,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$* 5There, there*5 He p)lle% the rip cor% o& S$o2%e$5s p#r#ch)te #$% co,ere% his bo%y 2ith
the 2hite $ylo$ sheets*
5+5( col%*5
5There, there*5
D2 .OSSAR+A/
5Colo$el ?or$ s#ys,5 s#i% '#3or 0#$by to .oss#ri#$ 2ith # prissy, gr#ti&ie% s(ile, 5th#t the %e#l is still o$* E,erythi$g is
2or-i$g o)t &i$e*5
5/o it is$5t*5
5Oh, yes, i$%ee%,5 '#3or 0#$by i$siste% be$e,ole$tly* 5+$ &#ct, e,erythi$g is ()ch better* +t 2#s re#lly # stro-e o& l)c- th#t
yo) 2ere #l(ost ()r%ere% by th#t girl* /o2 the %e#l c#$ go thro)gh per&ectly*5
5+5( $ot (#-i$g #$y %e#ls 2ith Colo$el ?or$*5
'#3or 0#$by5s e&&er,esce$t opti(is( ,#$ishe% i$st#$tly, #$% he bro-e o)t #ll #t o$ce i$to # b)bbli$g s2e#t* 57)t yo) %o
h#,e # %e#l 2ith hi(, %o$5t yo)95 he #s-e% i$ #$g)ishe% p)44le(e$t* 50o$5t yo) h#,e #$ #gree(e$t95
5+5( bre#-i$g the #gree(e$t*5
57)t yo) shoo- h#$%s o$ it, %i%$5t yo)9 .o) g#,e hi( yo)r 2or% #s # ge$tle(#$*5
5+5( bre#-i$g (y 2or%*5
5Oh, %e#r,5 sighe% '#3or 0#$by, #$% beg#$ %#bbi$g i$e&&ect)#lly #t his c#re2or$ bro2 2ith # &ol%e% 2hite h#$%-erchie&*
57)t 2hy, .oss#ri#$9 +t5s # ,ery goo% %e#l they5re o&&eri$g yo)*5
5+t5s # lo)sy %e#l, 0#$by* +t5s #$ o%io)s %e#l*5
5Oh, %e#r,5 '#3or 0#$by &rette%, r)$$i$g his b#re h#$% o,er his %#r-, 2iry h#ir, 2hich 2#s #lre#%y so#-e% 2ith
perspir#tio$ to the tops o& the thic-, close-croppe% 2#,es* 5Oh %e#r*5
50#$by, %o$5t yo) thi$- it5s o%io)s95
'#3or 0#$by po$%ere% # (o(e$t* 5.es, + s)ppose it is o%io)s,5 he co$ce%e% 2ith rel)ct#$ce* His glob)l#r, e8ophth#l(ic
eyes 2ere 6)ite %istr#)ght* 57)t 2hy %i% yo) (#-e s)ch # %e#l i& yo) %i%$5t li-e it95
5+ %i% it i$ # (o(e$t o& 2e#-$ess,5 .oss#ri#$ 2isecr#c-e% 2ith gl)( iro$y* 5+ 2#s tryi$g to s#,e (y li&e*5
50o$5t yo) 2#$t to s#,e yo)r li&e $o295
5Th#t5s 2hy + 2o$5t let the( (#-e (e &ly (ore (issio$s*5
5The$ let the( se$% yo) ho(e #$% yo)5ll be i$ $o (ore %#$ger*5
5Let the( se$% (e ho(e bec#)se + &le2 (ore th#$ &i&ty (issio$s,5 .oss#ri#$ s#i%, 5#$% $ot bec#)se + 2#s st#bbe% by
th#t girl, or bec#)se +5,e t)r$e% i$to s)ch # st)bbor$ so$ o& # bitch*5
'#3or 0#$by shoo- his he#% e(ph#tic#lly i$ si$cere #$% bespect#cle% ,e8#tio$* 5They5% h#,e to se$% $e#rly e,ery (#$
ho(e i& they %i% th#t* 'ost o& the (e$ h#,e (ore th#$ &i&ty (issio$s* Colo$el C#thc#rt co)l%$5t possibly re6)isitio$ so
(#$y i$e8perie$ce% repl#ce(e$t cre2s #t o$e ti(e 2itho)t c#)si$g #$ i$,estig#tio$* He5s c#)ght i$ his o2$ tr#p*5
5Th#t5s his proble(*5
5/o, $o, $o, .oss#ri#$,5 '#3or 0#$by %is#gree% solicito)sly* 5+t5s yo)r proble(* 7ec#)se i& yo) %o$5t go thro)gh 2ith the
%e#l, they5re goi$g to i$stit)te co)rt-(#rti#l procee%i$gs #s soo$ #s yo) sig$ o)t o& the hospit#l*5
.oss#ri#$ th)(be% his $ose #t '#3or 0#$by #$% l#)ghe% 2ith s()g el#tio$* 5The hell they 2illC 0o$5t lie to (e, 0#$by*
They 2o)l%$5t e,e$ try*5
57)t 2hy 2o)l%$5t they95 i$6)ire% '#3or 0#$by, bli$-i$g 2ith #sto$ish(e$t*
57ec#)se +5,e re#lly got the( o,er # b#rrel $o2* There5s #$ o&&ici#l report th#t s#ys + 2#s st#bbe% by # /#4i #ss#ssi$
tryi$g to -ill the(* They5% cert#i$ly loo- silly tryi$g to co)rt-(#rti#l (e #&ter th#t*5
57)t, .oss#ri#$C5 '#3or 0#$by e8cl#i(e%* 5There5s #$other o&&ici#l report th#t s#ys yo) 2ere st#bbe% by #$ i$$oce$t girl
i$ the co)rse o& e8te$si,e bl#c--(#r-et oper#tio$s i$,ol,i$g #cts o& s#bot#ge #$% the s#le o& (ilit#ry secrets to the
e$e(y*5
.oss#ri#$ 2#s t#-e$ b#c- se,erely 2ith s)rprise #$% %is#ppoi$t(e$t* 5A$other o&&ici#l report95
5.oss#ri#$, they c#$ prep#re #s (#$y o&&ici#l reports #s they 2#$t #$% choose 2hiche,er o$es they $ee% o$ #$y gi,e$
occ#sio$* 0i%$5t yo) -$o2 th#t95
5Oh, %e#r,5 .oss#ri#$ ()r()re% i$ he#,y %e3ectio$, the bloo% %r#i$i$g &ro( his &#ce* 5Oh, %e#r*5
'#3or 0#$by presse% &or2#r% #,i%ly 2ith # loo- o& ,)lt)ro)s 2ell-(e#$i$g* 5.oss#ri#$, %o 2h#t they 2#$t #$% let the(
se$% yo) ho(e* +t5s best &or e,eryo$e th#t 2#y*5
5+t5s best &or C#thc#rt, ?or$ #$% (e, $ot &or e,eryo$e*5
5;or e,eryo$e,5 '#3or 0#$by i$siste%* 5+t 2ill sol,e the 2hole proble(*5
5+s it best &or the (e$ i$ the gro)p 2ho 2ill h#,e to -eep &lyi$g (ore (issio$s95
'#3or 0#$by &li$che% #$% t)r$e% his &#ce #2#y )$co(&ort#bly &or # seco$%* 5.oss#ri#$,5 he replie%, 5it 2ill help $obo%y i&
yo) &orce Colo$el C#thc#rt to co)rt-(#rti#l yo) #$% pro,e yo) g)ilty o& #ll the cri(es 2ith 2hich yo)5ll be ch#rge%* .o)
2ill go to priso$ &or # lo$g ti(e, #$% yo)r 2hole li&e 2ill be r)i$e%*5
.oss#ri#$ liste$e% to hi( 2ith # gro2i$g &eeli$g o& co$cer$* 5>h#t cri(es 2ill they ch#rge (e 2ith95
5+$co(pete$ce o,er ;err#r#, i$s)bor%i$#tio$, re&)s#l to e$g#ge the e$e(y i$ co(b#t 2he$ or%ere% to %o so, #$%
%esertio$*5
.oss#ri#$ s)c-e% his chee-s i$ soberly* 5They co)l% ch#rge (e 2ith #ll th#t, co)l% they9 They g#,e (e # (e%#l &or
;err#r#* Ho2 co)l% they ch#rge (e 2ith i$co(pete$ce $o295
5A#r&y 2ill s2e#r th#t yo) #$% 'c>#tt lie% i$ yo)r o&&ici#l report*5
5+5ll bet the b#st#r% 2o)l%C5
5They 2ill #lso &i$% yo) g)ilty,5 '#3or 0#$by recite%, 5o& r#pe, e8te$si,e bl#c--(#r-et oper#tio$s, #cts o& s#bot#ge #$%
the s#le o& (ilit#ry secrets to the e$e(y*5
5Ho2 2ill they pro,e #$y o& th#t9 + $e,er %i% # si$gle o$e o& those thi$gs*5
57)t they h#,e 2it$esses 2ho 2ill s2e#r yo) %i%* They c#$ get #ll the 2it$esses they $ee% si(ply by pers)#%i$g the(
th#t %estroyi$g yo) is &or the goo% o& the co)$try* A$% i$ # 2#y, it 2o)l% be &or the goo% o& the co)$try*5
Catch 22
5+$ 2h#t 2#y95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%, risi$g )p slo2ly o$ o$e elbo2 2ith bri%li$g hostility*
'#3or 0#$by %re2 b#c- # bit #$% beg#$ (oppi$g his &orehe#% #g#i$* 5>ell, .oss#ri#$,5 he beg#$ 2ith #$ #pologetic
st#((er, 5it 2o)l% $ot help the 2#r e&&ort to bri$g Colo$el C#thc#rt #$% Colo$el ?or$ i$to %isrep)te $o2* Let5s &#ce it,
.oss#ri#$ - i$ spite o& e,erythi$g, the gro)p %oes h#,e # ,ery goo% recor%* +& yo) 2ere co)rt-(#rti#le% #$% &o)$%
i$$oce$t, other (e$ 2o)l% prob#bly re&)se to &ly (issio$s, too* Colo$el C#thc#rt 2o)l% be i$ %isgr#ce, #$% the (ilit#ry
e&&icie$cy o& the )$it (ight be %estroye%* So i$ th#t 2#y it 2o)l% be &or the goo% o& the co)$try to h#,e yo) &o)$% g)ilty
#$% p)t i$ priso$, e,e$ tho)gh yo) #re i$$oce$t*5
5>h#t # s2eet 2#y yo) h#,e o& p)tti$g thi$gsC5 .oss#ri#$ s$#ppe% 2ith c#)stic rese$t(e$t*
'#3or 0#$by t)r$e% re% #$% s6)ir(e% #$% s6)i$te% )$e#sily* 5Ple#se %o$5t bl#(e (e,5 he ple#%e% 2ith # loo- o&
#$8io)s i$tegrity* 5.o) -$o2 it5s $ot (y &#)lt* All +5( %oi$g is tryi$g to loo- #t thi$gs ob3ecti,ely #$% #rri,e #t # sol)tio$ to
# ,ery %i&&ic)lt sit)#tio$*5
5+ %i%$5t cre#te the sit)#tio$*5
57)t yo) c#$ resol,e it* A$% 2h#t else c#$ yo) %o9 .o) %o$5t 2#$t to &ly (ore (issio$s*5
5+ c#$ r)$ #2#y*5
R)$ #2#y95
50esert* T#-e o&& + c#$ t)r$ (y b#c- o$ the 2hole %#($e% (ess #$% st#rt r)$$i$g*5
'#3or 0#$by 2#s shoc-e%* 5>here to9 >here co)l% yo) go95
5+ co)l% get to Ro(e e#sily e$o)gh* A$% + co)l% hi%e (ysel& there*5
5A$% li,e i$ %#$ger e,ery (i$)te o& yo)r li&e th#t they 2o)l% &i$% yo)9 /o, $o, $o, $o, .oss#ri#$* Th#t 2o)l% be #
%is#stro)s #$% ig$oble thi$g to %o* R)$$i$g #2#y &ro( proble(s $e,er sol,e% the(* Ple#se belie,e (e* + #( o$ly tryi$g
to help yo)*5
5Th#t5s 2h#t th#t -i$% %etecti,e s#i% be&ore he %eci%e% to 3#b his th)(b i$to (y 2o)$%,5 .oss#ri#$ retorte% s#rc#stic#lly*
5+ #( $ot # %etecti,e,5 '#3or 0#$by replie% 2ith i$%ig$#tio$, his chee-s &l)shi$g #g#i$* 5+5( # )$i,ersity pro&essor 2ith #
highly %e,elope% se$se o& right #$% 2ro$g, #$% + 2o)l%$5t try to %ecei,e yo)* + 2o)l%$5t lie to #$yo$e*5
5>h#t 2o)l% yo) %o i& o$e o& the (e$ i$ the gro)p #s-e% yo) #bo)t this co$,ers#tio$95
5+ 2o)l% lie to hi(*5
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% (oc-i$gly, #$% '#3or 0#$by, %espite his bl)shi$g %isco(&ort, le#$e% b#c- 2ith relie&, #s tho)gh
2elco(i$g the respite .oss#ri#$5s ch#$gi$g (oo% pro(ise%* .oss#ri#$ g#4e% #t hi( 2ith # (i8t)re o& reser,e% pity #$%
co$te(pt* He s#t )p i$ be% 2ith his b#c- resti$g #g#i$st the he#%bo#r%, lit # cig#rette, s(ile% slightly 2ith 2ry
#()se(e$t, #$% st#re% 2ith 2hi(sic#l sy(p#thy #t the ,i,i%, pop-eye% horror th#t h#% i(pl#$te% itsel& per(#$e$tly o$
'#3or 0#$by5s &#ce the %#y o& the (issio$ to A,ig$o$, 2he$ :e$er#l 0ree%le h#% or%ere% hi( t#-e$ o)tsi%e #$% shot*
The st#rtle% 2ri$-les 2o)l% #l2#ys re(#i$, li-e %eep bl#c- sc#rs, #$% .oss#ri#$ &elt sorry &or the ge$tle, (or#l, (i%%le-
#ge% i%e#list, #s he &elt sorry &or so (#$y people 2hose shortco(i$gs 2ere $ot l#rge #$% 2hose tro)bles 2ere light*
>ith %eliber#te #(i#bility he s#i%, 50#$by, ho2 c#$ yo) 2or- #lo$g 2ith people li-e C#thc#rt #$% ?or$9 0oes$5t it t)r$
yo)r sto(#ch95
Ma&or #anby seemed surprised by Yossarian's *uestion. '! do it to help my country,' he
replied, as though the answer should have been obvious. '"olonel "athcart and "olonel -orn
are my superiors, and obeying their orders is the only contribution ! can make to the war
eort. ! work along with them because it's my duty. And also,' he added in a much lower
voice, dropping his eyes, 'be
151 | P a g e
ause ! am not a very aggressive person.'
5.o)r co)$try %oes$5t $ee% yo)r help #$y (ore,5 .oss#ri#$ re#so$e% 2ith #$t#go$is(* 5So #ll yo)5re %oi$g is helping
them.'
'! try not to think o that,' Ma&or #anby admitted rankly. ')ut ! try to concentrate on only the
big result and to orget that they are succeeding, too. ! try to pretend that they are not
signiicant.'
5Th#t5s (y tro)ble, yo) -$o2,5 .oss#ri#$ ()se% sy(p#thetic#lly, &ol%i$g his #r(s* 57et2ee$ (e #$% e,ery i%e#l + #l2#ys
&i$% Scheiss-op&s, Pec-e(s, ?or$s #$% C#thc#rts* A$% th#t sort o& ch#$ges the i%e#l*5
5.o) ()st try $ot to thi$- o& the(,5 '#3or 0#$by #%,ise% #&&ir(#ti,ely* 5A$% yo) ()st $e,er let the( ch#$ge yo)r ,#l)es*
+%e#ls #re goo%, b)t people #re so(eti(es $ot so goo%* .o) ()st try to loo- )p #t the big pict)re*5
.oss#ri#$ re3ecte% the #%,ice 2ith # s-eptic#l sh#-e o& his he#%* 5>he$ + loo- )p, + see people c#shi$g i$* + %o$5t see
he#,e$ or s#i$ts or #$gels* + see people c#shi$g i$ o$ e,ery %ece$t i(p)lse #$% e,ery h)(#$ tr#ge%y*5
57)t yo) ()st try $ot to thi$- o& th#t, too,5 '#3or 0#$by i$siste%* 5A$% yo) ()st try $ot to let it )pset yo)*5
5Oh, it %oes$5t re#lly )pset (e* >h#t %oes )pset (e, tho)gh, is th#t they thi$- +5( # s)c-er* They thi$- th#t they5re
s(#rt, #$% th#t the rest o& )s #re %)(b* A$%, yo) -$o2, 0#$by, the tho)ght occ)rs to (e right $o2, &or the &irst ti(e,
th#t (#ybe they5re right*5
57)t yo) ()st try $ot to thi$- o& th#t too,5 #rg)e% '#3or 0#$by* 5.o) ()st thi$- o$ly o& the 2el&#re o& yo)r co)$try #$%
the %ig$ity o& (#$*5
5.e#h,5 s#i% .oss#ri#$*
5+ (e#$ it, .oss#ri#$* This is $ot >orl% >#r O$e* .o) ()st $e,er &orget th#t 2e5re #t 2#r 2ith #ggressors 2ho 2o)l% $ot
let either o$e o& )s li,e i& they 2o$*5
5+ -$o2 th#t,5 .oss#ri#$ replie% tersely, 2ith # s)%%e$ s)rge o& sco2li$g #$$oy#$ce* 5Christ, 0#$by, + e#r$e% th#t (e%#l +
got, $o (#tter 2h#t their re#so$s 2ere &or gi,i$g it to (e* +5,e &lo2$ se,e$ty go%%#( co(b#t (issio$s* 0o$5t t#l- to (e
#bo)t &ighti$g to s#,e (y co)$try* +5,e bee$ &ighti$g #ll #lo$g to s#,e (y co)$try* /o2 +5( goi$g to &ight # little to s#,e
(ysel&* The co)$try5s $ot i$ %#$ger #$y (ore, b)t + #(*5
5The 2#r5s $ot o,er yet* The :er(#$s #re %ri,i$g to2#r% A$t2erp*5
5The :er(#$s 2ill be be#te$ i$ # &e2 (o$ths* A$% J#p#$ 2ill be be#te$ # &e2 (o$ths #&ter th#t* +& + 2ere to gi,e )p (y
li&e $o2, it 2o)l%$5t be &or (y co)$try* +t 2o)l% be &or C#thc#rt #$% ?or$* So +5( t)r$i$g (y bo(bsight i$ &or the %)r#tio$*
;ro( $o2 o$ +5( thi$-i$g o$ly o& (e*5
'#3or 0#$by replie% i$%)lge$tly 2ith # s)perior s(ile, 57)t, .oss#ri#$, s)ppose e,eryo$e &elt th#t 2#y*5
5The$ +5% cert#i$ly be # %#($e% &ool to &eel #$y other 2#y, 2o)l%$5t +95 .oss#ri#$ s#t )p str#ighter 2ith # 6)i44ic#l
e8pressio$* 5.o) -$o2, + h#,e # 6)eer &eeli$g th#t +5,e bee$ thro)gh this e8#ct co$,ers#tio$ be&ore 2ith so(eo$e* +t5s
3)st li-e the ch#pl#i$5s se$s#tio$ o& h#,i$g e8perie$ce% e,erythi$g t2ice*5
5The ch#pl#i$ 2#$ts yo) to let the( se$% yo) ho(e,5 '#3or 0#$by re(#r-e%*
5The ch#pl#i$ c#$ 3)(p i$ the l#-e*5
5Oh, %e#r*5 '#3or 0#$by sighe%, sh#-i$g his he#% i$ regret&)l %is#ppoi$t(e$t* 5He5s #&r#i% he (ight h#,e i$&l)e$ce% yo)*5
5He %i%$5t i$&l)e$ce (e* .o) -$o2 2h#t + (ight %o9 + (ight st#y right here i$ this hospit#l be% #$% ,eget#te* + co)l%
,eget#te ,ery co(&ort#bly right here #$% let other people (#-e the %ecisio$s*5
5.o) ()st (#-e %ecisio$s,5 '#3or 0#$by %is#gree%* 5A perso$ c#$5t li,e li-e # ,eget#ble*5
5>hy $ot95
A %ist#$t 2#r( loo- e$tere% '#3or 0#$by5s eyes* 5+t ()st be $ice to li,e li-e # ,eget#ble,5 he co$ce%e% 2ist&)lly*
5+t5s lo)sy,5 #$s2ere% .oss#ri#$*
5/o, it ()st be ,ery ple#s#$t to be &ree &ro( #ll this %o)bt #$% press)re,5 i$siste% '#3or 0#$by* 5+ thi$- +5% li-e to li,e li-e
# ,eget#ble #$% (#-e $o i(port#$t %ecisio$s*5
5>h#t -i$% o& ,eget#ble, 0#$by95
5A c)c)(ber or # c#rrot*5
5>h#t -i$% o& c)c)(ber9 A goo% o$e or # b#% o$e95
5Oh, # goo% o$e, o& co)rse*5
5They5% c)t yo) o&& i$ yo)r pri(e #$% slice yo) )p &or # s#l#%*5
'#3or 0#$by5s &#ce &ell* 5A poor o$e, the$*5
5They5% let yo) rot #$% )se yo) &or &ertili4er to help the goo% o$es gro2*5
5+ g)ess + %o$5t 2#$t to li,e li-e # ,eget#ble, the$,5 s#i% '#3or 0#$by 2ith # s(ile o& s#% resig$#tio$*
50#$by, ()st + re#lly let the( se$% (e ho(e95 .oss#ri#$ i$6)ire% o& hi( serio)sly*
'#3or 0#$by shr)gge%* 5+t5s # 2#y to s#,e yo)rsel&*5
5+t5s # 2#y to lose (ysel&, 0#$by* .o) o)ght to -$o2 th#t*5
5.o) co)l% h#,e lots o& thi$gs yo) 2#$t*5
5+ %o$5t 2#$t lots o& thi$gs + 2#$t,5 .oss#ri#$ replie%, #$% the$ be#t his &ist %o2$ #g#i$st the (#ttress i$ #$ o)tb)rst o&
r#ge #$% &r)str#tio$* 5:o%%#((it, 0#$byC +5,e got &rie$%s 2ho 2ere -ille% i$ this 2#r* + c#$5t (#-e # %e#l $o2* :etti$g
st#bbe% by th#t bitch 2#s the best thi$g th#t e,er h#ppe$e% to (e*5
5>o)l% yo) r#ther go to 3#il95
5>o)l% yo) let the( se$% yo) ho(e95
5O& co)rse + 2o)l%C5 '#3or 0#$by %ecl#re% 2ith co$,ictio$* 5Cert#i$ly + 2o)l%,5 he #%%e% # &e2 (o(e$ts l#ter, i$ # less
positi,e (#$$er* 5.es, + s)ppose + 2o)l% let the( se$% (e ho(e i& + 2ere i$ yo)r pl#ce,5 he %eci%e% )$co(&ort#bly, #&ter
l#psi$g i$to tro)ble% co$te(pl#tio$* The$ he thre2 his &#ce si%e2#ys %isg)ste%ly i$ # gest)re o& ,iole$t %istress #$%
bl)rte% o)t, 5Oh, yes, o& co)rse +5% let the( se$% (e ho(eC 7)t +5( s)ch # terrible co2#r% + co)l%$5t re#lly be i$ yo)r
pl#ce*5
57)t s)ppose yo) 2ere$5t # co2#r%95 .oss#ri#$ %e(#$%e%, st)%yi$g hi( closely* 5S)ppose yo) %i% h#,e the co)r#ge to
Catch 22
%e&y so(ebo%y95
5The$ + 2o)l%$5t let the( se$% (e ho(e,5 '#3or 0#$by ,o2e% e(ph#tic#lly 2ith ,igoro)s 3oy #$% e$th)si#s(* 57)t +
cert#i$ly 2o)l%$5t let the( co)rt-(#rti#l (e*5
5>o)l% yo) &ly (ore (issio$s95
5/o, o& co)rse $ot* Th#t 2o)l% be tot#l c#pit)l#tio$* A$% + (ight be -ille%*5
5The$ yo)5% r)$ #2#y95
'#3or 0#$by st#rte% to retort 2ith pro)% spirit #$% c#(e to #$ #br)pt stop, his h#l&-ope$e% 3#2 s2i$gi$g close% %)(bly*
He p)rse% his lips i$ # tire% po)t* 5+ g)ess there 3)st 2o)l%$5t be #$y hope &or (e, the$, 2o)l% there95
His &orehe#% #$% prot)ber#$t 2hite eyeb#lls 2ere soo$ gliste$i$g $er,o)sly #g#i$* He crosse% his li(p 2rists i$ his l#p
#$% h#r%ly see(e% to be bre#thi$g #s he s#t 2ith his g#4e %roopi$g to2#r% the &loor i$ #c6)iesce$t %e&e#t* 0#r-, steep
sh#%o2s sl#$te% i$ &ro( the 2i$%o2* .oss#ri#$ 2#tche% hi( sole($ly, #$% $either o& the t2o (e$ stirre% #t the r#ttli$g
$oise o& # spee%i$g ,ehicle s-i%%i$g to # stop o)tsi%e #$% the so)$% o& r#ci$g &ootsteps po)$%i$g to2#r% the b)il%i$g i$
h#ste*
5.es, there5s hope &or yo),5 .oss#ri#$ re(e(bere% 2ith # sl)ggish &lo2 o& i$spir#tio$* 5'ilo (ight help yo)* He5s bigger
th#$ Colo$el C#thc#rt, #$% he o2es (e # &e2 &#,ors*5
'#3or 0#$by shoo- his he#% #$% #$s2ere% to$elessly* 5'ilo #$% Colo$el C#thc#rt #re p#ls $o2* He (#%e Colo$el
C#thc#rt # ,ice-presi%e$t #$% pro(ise% hi( #$ i(port#$t 3ob #&ter the 2#r*5
5The$ e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ 2ill help )s,5 .oss#ri#$ e8cl#i(e%* 5He h#tes the( both, #$% this 2ill i$&)ri#te hi(*5
'#3or 0#$by shoo- his he#% ble#-ly #g#i$* 5'ilo #$% e8-P*;*C* >i$tergree$ (erge% l#st 2ee-* They5re #ll p#rt$ers $o2
i$ ' L ' E$terprises*5
5The$ there is $o hope &or )s, is there95
5/o hope*5
5/o hope #t #ll, is there95
5/o, $o hope #t #ll,5 '#3or 0#$by co$ce%e%* He loo-e% )p #&ter # 2hile 2ith # h#l&-&or(e% $otio$* 5>o)l%$5t it be $ice i&
they co)l% %is#ppe#r )s the 2#y they %is#ppe#re% the others #$% relie,e )s o& #ll these cr)shi$g b)r%e$s95
.oss#ri#$ s#i% $o* '#3or 0#$by #gree% 2ith # (el#$choly $o%, lo2eri$g his eyes #g#i$, #$% there 2#s $o hope #t #ll
&or either o& the( )$til &ootsteps e8plo%e% i$ the corri%or s)%%e$ly #$% the ch#pl#i$, sho)ti$g #t the top o& his ,oice,
c#(e b)rsti$g i$to the roo( 2ith the electri&yi$g $e2s #bo)t Orr, so o,erco(e 2ith hil#rio)s e8cite(e$t th#t he 2#s
#l(ost i$cohere$t &or # (i$)te or t2o* Te#rs o& gre#t el#tio$ 2ere sp#r-li$g i$ his eyes, #$% .oss#ri#$ le#pe% o)t o& be%
2ith #$ i$cre%)lo)s yelp 2he$ he &i$#lly )$%erstoo%*
5S2e%e$95 he crie%*
5OrrC5 crie% the ch#pl#i$*
5Orr95 crie% .oss#ri#$*
5S2e%e$C5 crie% the ch#pl#i$, sh#-i$g his he#% )p #$% %o2$ 2ith glee&)l r#pt)re #$% pr#$ci$g #bo)t )$co$troll#bly &ro(
spot to spot i$ # gri$$i$g, %elicio)s &re$4y* 5+t5s # (ir#cle, + tell yo)C A (ir#cleC + belie,e i$ :o% #g#i$* + re#lly %o* >#she%
#shore i$ S2e%e$ #&ter so (#$y 2ee-s #t se#C +t5s # (ir#cle*5
5>#she% #shore, hellC5 .oss#ri#$ %ecl#re%, 3)(pi$g #ll #bo)t #lso #$% ro#ri$g i$ l#)ghi$g e8)lt#tio$ #t the 2#lls, the
ceili$g, the ch#pl#i$ #$% '#3or 0#$by* 5He %i%$5t 2#sh #shore i$ S2e%e$* He ro2e% thereC He ro2e% there, Ch#pl#i$,
he ro2e% there*5
Ro2e% there95
5He pl#$$e% it th#t 2#yC He 2e$t to S2e%e$ %eliber#tely*5
5>ell, + %o$5t c#reC5 the ch#pl#i$ &l)$g b#c- 2ith )$%i(i$ishe% 4e#l* 5+t5s still # (ir#cle, # (ir#cle o& h)(#$ i$tellige$ce
#$% h)(#$ e$%)r#$ce* Loo- ho2 ()ch he #cco(plishe%C5 The ch#pl#i$ cl)tche% his he#% 2ith both h#$%s #$% %o)ble%
o,er i$ l#)ghter* 5C#$5t yo) 3)st pict)re hi(95 he e8cl#i(e% 2ith #(#4e(e$t* 5C#$5t yo) 3)st pict)re hi( i$ th#t yello2
r#&t, p#%%li$g thro)gh the Str#its o& :ibr#lt#r #t $ight 2ith th#t ti$y little bl)e o#r -5
5>ith th#t &ishi$g li$e tr#ili$g o)t behi$% hi(, e#ti$g r#2 co%&ish #ll the 2#y to S2e%e$, #$% ser,i$g hi(sel& te# e,ery
#&ter$oo$ -5
5+ c#$ 3)st see hi(C5 crie% the ch#pl#i$, p#)si$g # (o(e$t i$ his celebr#tio$ to c#tch his bre#th* 5+t5s # (ir#cle o& h)(#$
perse,er#$ce, + tell yo)* A$% th#t5s 3)st 2h#t +5( goi$g to %o &ro( $o2 o$C +5( goi$g to perse,ere* .es, +5( goi$g to
perse,ere*5
5He -$e2 2h#t he 2#s %oi$g e,ery step o& the 2#yC5 .oss#ri#$ re3oice%, hol%i$g both &ists #lo&t tri)(ph#$tly #s tho)gh
hopi$g to s6)ee4e re,el#tio$s &ro( the(* He sp)$ to # stop &#ci$g '#3or 0#$by* 50#$by, yo) %opeC There is hope, #&ter
#ll* C#$5t yo) see9 E,e$ Cle,i$ger (ight be #li,e so(e2here i$ th#t clo)% o& his, hi%i$g i$si%e )$til it5s s#&e to co(e
o)t*5
5>h#t #re yo) t#l-i$g #bo)t95 '#3or 0#$by #s-e% i$ co$&)sio$* 5>h#t #re yo) both t#l-i$g #bo)t95
57ri$g (e #pples, 0#$by, #$% chest$)ts too* R)$, 0#$by, r)$* 7ri$g (e cr#b #pples #$% horse chest$)ts be&ore it5s too
l#te, #$% get so(e &or yo)rsel&*5
5Horse chest$)ts9 Cr#b #pples9 >h#t i$ the 2orl% &or95
5To pop i$to o)r chee-s, o& co)rse*5 .oss#ri#$ thre2 his #r(s )p i$to the #ir i$ # gest)re o& (ighty #$% %esp#iri$g
sel&recri(i$#tio$* 5Oh, 2hy %i%$5t + liste$ to hi(9 >hy 2o)l%$5t + h#,e so(e &#ith95
5H#,e yo) go$e cr#4y95 '#3or 0#$by %e(#$%e% 2ith #l#r( #$% be2il%er(e$t* 5.oss#ri#$, 2ill yo) ple#se tell (e 2h#t
yo) #re t#l-i$g #bo)t95
50#$by, Orr pl#$$e% it th#t 2#y* 0o$5t yo) )$%erst#$% - he pl#$$e% it th#t 2#y &ro( the begi$$i$g* He e,e$ pr#ctice%
getti$g shot %o2$* He rehe#rse% &or it o$ e,ery (issio$ he &le2* A$% + 2o)l%$5t go 2ith hi(C Oh, 2hy 2o)l%$5t + liste$9
He i$,ite% (e #lo$g, #$% + 2o)l%$5t go 2ith hi(C 0#$by, bri$g (e b)c- teeth too, #$% # ,#l,e to &i8 #$% # loo- o& st)pi%
i$$oce$ce th#t $obo%y 2o)l% e,er s)spect o& #$y cle,er$ess* +5ll $ee% the( #ll* Oh, 2hy 2o)l%$5t + liste$ to hi(* /o2 +
)$%erst#$% 2h#t he 2#s tryi$g to tell (e* + e,e$ )$%erst#$% 2hy th#t girl 2#s hitti$g hi( o$ the he#% 2ith her shoe*5
5>hy95 i$6)ire% the ch#pl#i$ sh#rply*
.oss#ri#$ 2hirle% #$% sei4e% the ch#pl#i$ by the shirt &ro$t i$ #$ i(port)$i$g grip* 5Ch#pl#i$, help (eC Ple#se help (e*
:et (y clothes* A$% h)rry, 2ill yo)9 + $ee% the( right #2#y*5
The ch#pl#i$ st#rte% #2#y #lertly* 5.es, .oss#ri#$, + 2ill* 7)t 2here #re they9 Ho2 2ill + get the(95
153 | P a g e
57y b)llyi$g #$% bro2be#ti$g #$ybo%y 2ho tries to stop yo)* Ch#pl#i$, get (e (y )$i&or(C +t5s #ro)$% this hospit#l
so(e2here* ;or o$ce i$ yo)r li&e, s)ccee% #t so(ethi$g*5
The ch#pl#i$ str#ighte$e% his sho)l%ers 2ith %eter(i$#tio$ #$% tighte$e% his 3#2* 50o$5t 2orry, .oss#ri#$* +5ll get yo)r
)$i&or(* 7)t 2hy 2#s th#t girl hitti$g Orr o,er the he#% 2ith her shoe9 Ple#se tell (e*5
57ec#)se he 2#s p#yi$g her to, th#t5s 2hyC 7)t she 2o)l%$5t hit hi( h#r% e$o)gh, so he h#% to ro2 to S2e%e$*
Ch#pl#i$, &i$% (e (y )$i&or( so + c#$ get o)t o& here* As- /)rse 0)c-ett &or it* She5ll help yo)* She5ll %o #$ythi$g she
c#$ to be ri% o& (e*5
5>here #re yo) goi$g95 '#3or 0#$by #s-e% #pprehe$si,ely 2he$ the ch#pl#i$ h#% shot &ro( the roo(* 5>h#t #re yo)
goi$g to %o95
5+5( goi$g to r)$ #2#y,5 .oss#ri#$ #$$o)$ce% i$ #$ e8)ber#$t, cle#r ,oice, #lre#%y te#ri$g ope$ the b)tto$s o& his
p#3#(# tops*
5Oh, $o,5 '#3or 0#$by gro#$e%, #$% beg#$ p#tti$g his perspiri$g &#ce r#pi%ly 2ith the b#re p#l(s o& both h#$%s* 5.o)
c#$5t r)$ #2#y* >here c#$ yo) r)$ to9 >here c#$ yo) go95
5To S2e%e$*5
5To S2e%e$95 '#3or 0#$by e8cl#i(e% i$ #sto$ish(e$t* 5.o)5re goi$g to r)$ to S2e%e$9 Are yo) cr#4y95
5Orr %i% it*5
5Oh, $o, $o, $o, $o, $o,5 '#3or 0#$by ple#%e%* 5/o, .oss#ri#$, yo)5ll $e,er get there* .o) c#$5t r)$ #2#y to S2e%e$* .o)
c#$5t e,e$ ro2*5
57)t + c#$ get to Ro(e i& yo)5ll -eep yo)r (o)th sh)t 2he$ yo) le#,e here #$% gi,e (e # ch#$ce to c#tch # ri%e* >ill
yo) %o it95
57)t they5ll &i$% yo),5 '#3or 0#$by #rg)e% %esper#tely, 5#$% bri$g yo) b#c- #$% p)$ish yo) e,e$ (ore se,erely*5
5They5ll h#,e to try li-e hell to c#tch (e this ti(e*5
5They 2ill try li-e hell* A$% e,e$ i& they %o$5t &i$% yo), 2h#t -i$% o& 2#y is th#t to li,e9 .o)5ll #l2#ys be #lo$e* /o o$e 2ill
e,er be o$ yo)r si%e, #$% yo)5ll #l2#ys li,e i$ %#$ger o& betr#y#l*5
5+ li,e th#t 2#y $o2*5
57)t yo) c#$5t 3)st t)r$ yo)r b#c- o$ #ll yo)r respo$sibilities #$% r)$ #2#y &ro( the(,5 '#3or 0#$by i$siste%* 5+t5s s)ch #
$eg#ti,e (o,e* +t5s esc#pist*5
.oss#ri#$ l#)ghe% 2ith b)oy#$t scor$ #$% shoo- his he#%* 5+5( $ot r)$$i$g #2#y &ro( (y respo$sibilities* +5( r)$$i$g to
the(* There5s $othi$g $eg#ti,e #bo)t r)$$i$g #2#y to s#,e (y li&e* .o) -$o2 2ho the esc#pists #re, %o$5t yo), 0#$by9
/ot (e #$% Orr*5
5Ch#pl#i$, ple#se t#l- to hi(, 2ill yo)9 He5s %eserti$g* He 2#$ts to r)$ #2#y to S2e%e$*5
5>o$%er&)lC5 cheere% the ch#pl#i$, pro)%ly thro2i$g o$ the be% # pillo2c#se &)ll o& .oss#ri#$5s clothi$g* 5R)$ #2#y to
S2e%e$, .oss#ri#$* A$% +5ll st#y here #$% perse,ere* .es* +5ll perse,ere* +5ll $#g #$% b#%ger Colo$el C#thc#rt #$%
Colo$el ?or$ e,ery ti(e + see the(* +5( $ot #&r#i%* +5ll e,e$ pic- o$ :e$er#l 0ree%le*5
5:e$er#l 0ree%le5s o)t,5 .oss#ri#$ re(i$%e%, p)lli$g o$ his tro)sers #$% h#stily st)&&i$g the t#ils o& his shirt i$si%e* 5+t5s
:e$er#l Pec-e( $o2*5
The ch#pl#i$5s b#bbli$g co$&i%e$ce %i% $ot &#lter &or #$ i$st#$t* 5The$ +5ll pic- o$ :e$er#l Pec-e(, #$% e,e$ o$ :e$er#l
Scheiss-op&* A$% %o yo) -$o2 2h#t else +5( goi$g to %o9 +5( goi$g to p)$ch C#pt#i$ 7l#c- i$ the $ose the ,ery $e8t
ti(e + see hi(* .es, +5( goi$g to p)$ch hi( i$ the $ose* +5ll %o it 2he$ lots o& people #re #ro)$% so th#t he (#y $ot h#,e
# ch#$ce to hit (e b#c-*5
5H#,e yo) both go$e cr#4y95 '#3or 0#$by proteste%, his b)lgi$g eyes str#i$i$g i$ their soc-ets 2ith tort)re% #2e #$%
e8#sper#tio$* 5H#,e yo) both t#-e$ le#,e o& yo)r se$ses9 .oss#ri#$, liste$ -5
5+t5s # (ir#cle, + tell yo),5 the ch#pl#i$ procl#i(e%, sei4i$g '#3or 0#$by #bo)t the 2#ist #$% %#$ci$g hi( #ro)$% 2ith his
elbo2s e8te$%e% &or # 2#lt4* 5A re#l (ir#cle* +& Orr co)l% ro2 to S2e%e$, the$ + c#$ tri)(ph o,er Colo$el C#thc#rt #$%
Colo$el ?or$, i& o$ly + perse,ere*5
5Ch#pl#i$, 2ill yo) ple#se sh)t )p95 '#3or 0#$by e$tre#te% politely, p)lli$g &ree #$% p#tti$g his perspiri$g bro2 2ith #
&l)tteri$g (otio$* He be$t to2#r% .oss#ri#$, 2ho 2#s re#chi$g &or his shoes* 5>h#t #bo)t Colo$el -5
5+ co)l%$5t c#re less*5
57)t this (#y #ct)#-5
5To hell 2ith the( bothC5
5This (#y #ct)#lly help the(,5 '#3or 0#$by persiste% st)bbor$ly* 5H#,e yo) tho)ght o& th#t95
5Let the b#st#r%s thri,e, &or #ll + c#re, si$ce + c#$5t %o # thi$g to stop the( b)t e(b#rr#ss the( by r)$$i$g #2#y* +5,e got
respo$sibilities o& (y o2$ $o2, 0#$by* +5,e got to get to S2e%e$*5
5.o)5ll $e,er (#-e it* +t5s i(possible* +t5s #l(ost # geogr#phic#l i(possibility to get there &ro( here*5
5Hell, 0#$by, + -$o2 th#t* 7)t #t le#st +5ll be tryi$g* There5s # yo)$g -i% i$ Ro(e 2hose li&e +5% li-e to s#,e i& + c#$ &i$%
her* +5ll t#-e her to S2e%e$ 2ith (e i& + c#$ &i$% her, so it is$5t #ll sel&ish, is it95
5+t5s #bsol)tely i$s#$e* .o)r co$scie$ce 2ill $e,er let yo) rest*5
5:o% bless it*5 .oss#ri#$ l#)ghe%* 5+ 2o)l%$5t 2#$t to li,e 2itho)t stro$g (isgi,i$gs* Right, Ch#pl#i$95
5+5( goi$g to p)$ch C#pt#i$ 7l#c- right i$ the $ose the $e8t ti(e + see hi(,5 glorie% the ch#pl#i$, thro2i$g t2o le&t 3#bs i$
the #ir #$% the$ # cl)(sy h#y(#-er* 5J)st li-e th#t*5
5>h#t #bo)t the %isgr#ce95 %e(#$%e% '#3or 0#$by*
5>h#t %isgr#ce9 +5( (ore i$ %isgr#ce $o2*5 .oss#ri#$ tie% # h#r% -$ot i$ the seco$% shoel#ce #$% spr#$g to his &eet*
5>ell, 0#$by, +5( re#%y* >h#t %o yo) s#y9 >ill yo) -eep yo)r (o)th sh)t #$% let (e c#tch # ri%e95
'#3or 0#$by reg#r%e% .oss#ri#$ i$ sile$ce, 2ith # str#$ge, s#% s(ile* He h#% stoppe% s2e#ti$g #$% see(e% #bsol)tely
c#l(* 5>h#t 2o)l% yo) %o i& + %i% try to stop yo)95 he #s-e% 2ith r)e&)l (oc-ery* 57e#t (e )p95
.oss#ri#$ re#cte% to the 6)estio$ 2ith h)rt s)rprise* 5/o, o& co)rse $ot* >hy %o yo) s#y th#t95
5+ 2ill be#t yo) )p,5 bo#ste% the ch#pl#i$, %#$ci$g )p ,ery close to '#3or 0#$by #$% sh#%o2bo8i$g* 5.o) #$% C#pt#i$
7l#c-, #$% (#ybe e,e$ Corpor#l >hitco(b* >o)l%$5t it be 2o$%er&)l i& + &o)$% + %i%$5t h#,e to be #&r#i% o& Corpor#l
>hitco(b #$y (ore95
5Are yo) goi$g to stop (e95 .oss#ri#$ #s-e% '#3or 0#$by, #$% g#4e% #t hi( ste#%ily*
'#3or 0#$by s-ippe% #2#y &ro( the ch#pl#i$ #$% hesit#te% # (o(e$t lo$ger* 5/o, o& co)rse $otC5 he bl)rte% o)t, #$%
Catch 22
s)%%e$ly 2#s 2#,i$g both #r(s to2#r% the %oor i$ # gest)re o& e8)ber#$t )rge$cy* 5O& co)rse + 2o$5t stop yo)* :o, &or
:o% s#-es, #$% h)rryC 0o yo) $ee% #$y (o$ey95
5+ h#,e so(e (o$ey*5
5>ell, here5s so(e (ore*5 >ith &er,e$t, e8cite% e$th)si#s(, '#3or 0#$by presse% # thic- 2#% o& +t#li#$ c)rre$cy )po$
.oss#ri#$ #$% cl#spe% his h#$% i$ both his o2$, #s ()ch to still his o2$ tre(bli$g &i$gers #s to gi,e e$co)r#ge(e$t to
.oss#ri#$* 5+t ()st be $ice to be i$ S2e%e$ $o2,5 he obser,e% ye#r$i$gly* 5The girls #re so s2eet* A$% the people #re so
#%,#$ce%*5
5:oo%bye, .oss#ri#$,5 the ch#pl#i$ c#lle%* 5A$% goo% l)c-* +5ll st#y here #$% perse,ere, #$% 2e5ll (eet #g#i$ 2he$ the
&ighti$g stops*5
5So lo$g, Ch#pl#i$* Th#$-s, 0#$by*5
5Ho2 %o yo) &eel, .oss#ri#$95
5;i$e* /o, +5( ,ery &righte$e%*5
5Th#t5s goo%,5 s#i% '#3or 0#$by* 5+t pro,es yo)5re still #li,e* +t 2o$5t be &)$*5
.oss#ri#$ st#rte% o)t* 5.es it 2ill*5
5+ (e#$ it, .oss#ri#$* .o)5ll h#,e to -eep o$ yo)r toes e,ery (i$)te o& e,ery %#y* They5ll be$% he#,e$ #$% e#rth to c#tch
yo)*5
5+5ll -eep o$ (y toes e,ery (i$)te*5
5.o)5ll h#,e to 3)(p*5
5+5ll 3)(p*5
5J)(pC5 '#3or 0#$by crie%*
.oss#ri#$ 3)(pe%* /#tely5s 2hore 2#s hi%i$g 3)st o)tsi%e the %oor* The -$i&e c#(e %o2$, (issi$g hi( by i$ches, #$%
he too- o&&*
THE E/0
APPE/0+1
Joseph Heller5s Pre&#ce to the 1D E%itio$ o& C#tch-22
+$ 1"1, The /e2 .or- Ti(es 2#s # $e2sp#per 2ith eight col)($s* A$% o$ /o,e(ber 11 o& th#t ye#r, o$e %#y #&ter the
o&&ici#l p)blic#tio$ %#te o& C#tch-22, the p#ge 2ith the boo- re,ie2 c#rrie% #$ )$)s)#l #%,ertise(e$t th#t r#$ &ro( top
to botto( #$% 2#s &i,e col)($s 2i%e* To the eye the e&&ect 2#s st)pe$%o)s* The boo- re,ie2 th#t %#y, o& # 2or- by
so(ebo%y else, 2#s s6)ee4e% #si%e to the &ol% o& the p#ge, #s 2ere the cross2or% p)44le #$% #ll else* The #% h#% this
c#ptio$@ >HAT5S THE CATCH9 A$% %ispl#ye% #t the top i$ silho)ette 2#s the co(ic c#rtoo$ o& # )$i&or(e% &ig)re i$
&light, gl#$ci$g o&& to the si%e #t so(e )$speci&ie% %#$ger 2ith #$ e8pressio$ o& p#$ic*
+t 2#s #$ #$$o)$ce(e$t #% &or C#tch-22* +$ter2o,e$ 2ith the te8t 2ere (e$tio$s o& pr#ise &ro( t2e$ty-o$e i$%i,i%)#ls
#$% gro)ps o& so(e p)blic st#$%i$g, (ost co$$ecte% to liter#t)re #$% the p)blishi$g 2orl%, 2ho h#% recei,e% the $o,el
be&ore p)blic#tio$ #$% h#% #lre#%y re,ie2e% it or co((e$te% #bo)t it &#,or#bly*
>ithi$ %#ys #&ter p)blic#tio$, there 2#s # re,ie2 i$ The /#tio$ by /elso$ Algre$ (# clie$t o& (y o2$ liter#ry #ge$t, 2ho
h#% )rge% hi( to re#% it), 2ho 2rote o& C#tch-22 th#t it 52#s the best $o,el to co(e o)t o& #$y2here i$ ye#rs5* A$% there
2#s # re,ie2 by St)%s Ter-el i$ # Chic#go %#ily $e2sp#per th#t reco((e$%e% it #bo)t #s highly*
So ()ch #tte$tio$ to the 2or- #t p)blic#tio$ 2#s i$ l#rge p#rt the res)lt o& the i$%)strio)s 4e#l #$% #ppreci#tio$ o& (y
liter#ry #ge$t, C#$%i%# 0o$#%io, #$% (y e%itor, Robert :ottlieb, #$% + e(br#ce the opport)$ity #&&or%e% $o2 to %e%ic#te
this $e2 e%itio$ to both o& the(, #s colle#g)es #$% #llies 2ith t#le$ts th#t 2ere o& i((e#s)r#ble ,#l)e*
The 2or- 2#s $ot re,ie2e% i$ the Ti(es o$ p)blic#tio$* Ho2e,er, it 2#s re,ie2e% i$ the Her#l% Trib)$e by '#)rice
0olbier, #$% 'r* 0olbier s#i% o& it@ 5A 2il%, (o,i$g, shoc-i$g, hil#rio)s, r#gi$g, e8hil#r#ti$g, gi#$t roller-co#ster o& # boo-*5
Th#t the re,ie2er &or the Her#l% Trib)$e c#(e to re,ie2 #t #ll this 2#r $o,el by so(eo$e )$-$o2$ 2#s #l(ost e$tirely
the pro%)ct o& coi$ci%e$ce* S* J* Perel(#$, ()ch better -$o2$ #$% the s)b3ect o& #$ i$ter,ie2 by 'r* 0olbier, 2#s
p)blishi$g his o2$ boo- #t 3)st #bo)t th#t ti(e* His p)blisher 2#s Si(o$ L Sch)ster, (i$e too, #$% the e%itor i$ ch#rge
o& his 2or- there 2#s #lso the s#(e, 7ob :ottlieb* +$ #$s2er to # 6)estio$ p)t to hi( by 0olbier #bo)t his o2$ re#%i$g,
'r* Perel(#$ replie% th#t he 2#s ,ery ()ch e$grosse% i$ # $o,el presse% )po$ hi( by his e%itor, # $o,el c#lle% C#tch-
22* Ret)r$i$g to his o&&ice, 'r* 0olbier l#ter co$&esse% to (e, he &o)$% the boo- #lre#%y i$ # pile 2ith others he h#%
%eci%e% he 2o)l% $ot h#,e ti(e to st)%y #s prospects to 2rite #bo)t* H#% it $ot bee$ &or :ottlieb, there 2o)l% h#,e
bee$ $o Perel(#$, #$% h#% it $ot bee$ &or Perel(#$, there 2o)l% h#,e bee$ $o re,ie2 by 0olbier*
A$% h#% it $ot bee$ &or 0olbier, there (ight $ot h#,e bee$ the Ti(es* T2o 2ee-s #&ter2#r%, #$% prob#bly o$ly bec#)se
o& 'r* 0olbier, the boo- 2#s %escribe% 2ith #pprob#tio$ i$ the %#ily Ti(es by the re,ie2er Or,ille Prescott, 2ho
pre%icte% it 2o)l% $ot be &orgotte$ by those 2ho co)l% t#-e it #$% c#lle% it@ 5A %#44li$g per&or(#$ce th#t 2ill o)tr#ge
$e#rly #s (#$y re#%ers #s it %elights*5
The rest, o$e (ight s#y is history, b)t it is # history e#sily (isco$str)e%* The $o,el 2o$ $o pri4es #$% 2#s $ot o$ #$y
bestseller list*
A$%, #s 'r* Prescott &ores#2, &or 3)st #bo)t e,ery goo% report, there see(e% to #ppe#r o$e th#t 2#s $eg#ti,e* Loo-i$g
b#c- #t this $o,el #&ter t2e$ty-&i,e ye#rs, Joh$ Al%ri%ge, to (y (i$% the (ost percepti,e #$% persiste$t co((e$t#tor o&
A(eric#$ liter#t)re o,er the %ec#%es, l#)%e% Robert 7r)stei$ &or his s)perbly i$tellige$t re,ie2 i$ The /e2 Rep)blic,
2hich co$t#i$e% 5esse$ti#l #rg)(e$ts th#t ()ch o& the l#ter criticis( h#s %o$e little to i(pro,e o$5, #$% 'r* Al%ri%ge
recog$ise% th#t (#$y i$ the e#rly #)%ie$ce o& C#tch-22 5li-e% the boo- &or 3)st the re#so$s th#t c#)se% others to h#te it5*
The %isp#r#ge(e$ts 2ere &re6)e$tly ,e$o(o)s* +$ the S)$%#y Ti(es, i$ # $otice i$ b#c- so sle$%er th#t the o$ly
people seei$g it 2ere those #2#iti$g it, the re,ie2er (# $o,elist 2ho #lso by ch#$ce 2#s # clie$t o& (y o2$ #ge$t,
C#$%i%#) %eci%e% th#t the 5$o,el g#sps &or 2#$t o& cr#&t #$% se$sibility5, 5is repetitio)s #$% (o$oto$o)s5, 5&#ils5, 5is #$
e(otio$#l ho%gepo%ge5, #$% 2#s $o $o,elA #$% i$ the estee(e% The /e2 .or-er, the re,ie2er, # st#&& 2riter 2ho
$or(#lly 2rites #bo)t 3#44, co(p#re% the boo- )$&#,or#bly 2ith # $o,el o& si(il#r setti$g by 'itchell :oo%(#$ #$%
%eci%e% th#t C#tch-22 5%oes$5t e,e$ see( to h#,e bee$ 2ritte$A i$ste#%, it gi,es the i(pressio$ o& h#,i$g bee$ sho)te%
155 | P a g e
o$to p#per5, 52h#t re(#i$s is # %ebris o& so)r 3o-es5, #$% th#t i$ the e$% Heller 52#llo2s i$ his o2$ l#)ghter #$% &i$#lly
%ro2$s i$ it5* (+ #( te(pte% $o2 to %ro2$ i$ l#)ghter #s + 3ot this %o2$*)
+ %o $ot rec#ll th#t the $o,el 2#s i$cl)%e% i$ the se,er#l h)$%re% boo-s i$ the Christ(#s ro)$%)p o& reco((e$%e%
re#%i$g o& the Ti(es th#t ye#r or i$ the se,er#l h)$%re% others pic-e% o)t i$ the spri$g &or s)((er re#%i$g*
7)t i$ l#te s)((er o& 1"2, R#y(o$% >#lters, o$ the bestseller p#ge o& the S)$%#y Ti(es, 2hich the$ c#rrie% reg)l#rly
the col)($ 5+$ #$% O)t o& 7oo-s5, reporte% th#t the )$%ergro)$% boo- /e2 .or-ers see(e% to be t#l-i$g #bo)t (ost
2#s C#tch-22* (The $o,el prob#bly 2#s (ore he#,ily #%,ertise% th#$ #$y other th#t ye#r, b)t it 2#s still )$%ergro)$%*)
/ot th#t ()ch l#ter, /e2s2ee- c#rrie% # story to the s#(e e&&ect i$ # sp#ce (ore th#$ # p#ge 2i%e* A$% l#te th#t s#(e
s)((er, + 2#s i$,ite% to (y &irst tele,isio$ i$ter,ie2* The progr#( 2#s the To%#y sho2, the$ # ,#riety sho2 #s ()ch #s
#$ythi$g else* The i$teri( host 2#s Joh$ Ch#$cellor* 'r* Ch#$cellor h#% rece$tly ret)r$e% &ro( his $e2s(#$5s post i$
the ?re(li$, #$% he h#% #gree% to #ccept the positio$ o$ co$%itio$ th#t he i$ter,ie2 o$ly those people he hi(sel& chose
to*
A&ter the sho2, i$ # b#r close by the st)%io i$ 2hich + &o)$% (ysel& %ri$-i$g (#rti$is #t #$ e#rlier ho)r th#$ e,er i$ (y
li&e, he h#$%e% (e # p#c-et o& stic-ers he5% h#% pri$te% pri,#tely* They re#%@ .OSSAR+A/ L+BES* A$% he co$&i%e% he5%
bee$ p#sti$g these stic-ers secretly o$ the 2#lls o& the corri%ors #$% i$ the e8ec)ti,e rest roo(s o& the /7C b)il%i$g*
The$ c#(e Septe(ber #$% the p#perb#c- e%itio$ #$% 2ith it, &i$#lly, #$ e8p#$sio$ i$ pop)l#r #ppe#l th#t see(e% to
t#-e the p)blishers, 0ell, by s)rprise, %espite el#bor#te pro(otio$ #$% %istrib)tio$ str#tegies* +t see(e% &or # 2hile th#t
the people there co)l% $ot &)lly bri$g the(sel,es to belie,e the s#les &ig)res #$% th#t they 2o)l% $e,er c#tch )p*
P#perb#c- p)blishers pri$t i$ the h)$%re%s o& tho)s#$%s* ;or this, #&ter #$ i$iti#l rele#se o& G<<,<<< copies, they 2e$t
b#c- to press &i,e (ore ti(es bet2ee$ Septe(ber #$% the e$% o& the ye#r, t2ice e#ch i$ October #$% 0ece(ber, #$%
by the e$% o& 1"G, there 2ere ele,e$ pri$ti$gs* +$ E$gl#$%, )$%er the #)spices o& the e$terprisi$g yo)$g e%itor, there
To( '#schler, it 2#s th#t 2#y &ro( the st#rt* 7estseller lists 2ere $e2 #$% r)%i(e$t#ry the$, b)t C#tch-22 2#s 6)ic-ly
#t the he#% o& the(*
;or (e the history o& C#tch-22 begi$s b#c- i$ 1!G, 2he$ + st#rte% 2riti$g it* +$ 1!G, 1 2#s e(ploye% #s # copy2riter
#t # s(#ll #%,ertisi$g #ge$cy i$ /e2 .or-, #&ter t2o ye#rs #s #$ i$str)ctor i$ E$glish co(positio$ #t Pe$$syl,#$i# St#te
=$i,ersity, 2hich 2#s the$ # college* E#rly o$, i$ #$8io)s $ee% o& #$ #ppro,i$g opi$io$, + se$t the ope$i$g ch#pter o&& to
the liter#ry #ge$ts + h#% (#$#ge% to obt#i$ #&ter p)blishi$g # &e2 short stories i$ (#g#4i$es, i$ Es6)ire #$% The
Atl#$tic* The #ge$ts 2ere $ot i(presse%, b)t # yo)$g #ssist#$t there, 's* C#$%i%# 0o$#%io, 2#s, #$% she sec)re%
per(issio$ to s)b(it th#t ch#pter to # &e2 p)blic#tio$s th#t reg)l#rly p)blishe% e8cerpts &ro( 5$o,els i$ progress5*
+$ 1!! the ch#pter #ppe#re% i$ # p#perb#c- 6)#rterly, /e2 >orl% >riti$g (#$ #$thology th#t #lso co$t#i$e%, )$%er #
pse)%o$y(, #$ e8tr#ct &ro( #$other $o,el i$ progress - J#c- ?ero)#c5s O$ the Ro#%)* There c#(e co(pli(e$t#ry
letters o& i$terest &ro( # &e2 e%itors #t est#blishe% boo- p)blishers, #$% + 2#s e$co)r#ge% to co$ti$)e 2ith # 2or- + $o2
s#2 re#listic#lly 2#s goi$g to t#-e (e # goo% (#$y ye#rs lo$ger th#$ + #t &irst h#% g)esse%*
+$ 1!F, 2he$ + h#% #bo)t 2F< p#ges i$ typescript, + 2#s e(ploye% #t Ti(e (#g#4i$e, 2riti$g #%,ertisi$g-s#les
prese$t#tio$s by %#y 2he$ $ot &)rti,ely p)tti$g tho)ghts %o2$ o$ p#per &or (y 2or- o$ the $o,el #t ho(e th#t e,e$i$g*
A$% C#$%i%# 0o$#%io 2#s est#blishi$g hersel& #s # pre-e(i$e$t #ge$t i$ her o2$ right, 2ith # list o& A(eric#$ #)thors
#s clie$ts #s i(pressi,e #s #$y* >e #gree% it (#%e se$se to s)b(it the p#rti#l (#$)script to so(e p)blishers, (#i$ly to
obt#i$ # pr#ctic#l i%e# o& the pote$ti#l &or p)blic#tio$ o& the $o,el 2e both tho)ght so ()ch o&* She 2#s %r#2$ to2#r% #
$e2 yo)$g e%itor she -$e2 o& #t Si(o$ L Sch)ster, o$e she tho)ght (ight pro,e (ore recepti,e to i$$o,#tio$ th#$
(ost* His $#(e 2#s Robert :ottlieb, #$% she 2#s right*
>hile :ottlieb b)sie% hi(sel& 2ith those p#ges, +, 2ith # &o)r-2ee- s)((er ,#c#tio$ &ro( bo)$ti&)l Ti(e (#g#4i$e,
beg#$ re2riti$g the(* :ottlieb #$% + (et &or l)$ch, (#i$ly &or hi( to g#)ge (y te(per#(e$t #$% #scert#i$ ho2
#(e$#ble + 2o)l% be #s #$ #)thor to 2or- 2ith* A&ter + liste$e% to hi( #ll)%e 2ith t#ct to cert#i$ bro#% s)ggestio$s he
tho)ght he e,e$t)#lly (ight be co(pelle% to (#-e, + h#$%e% hi( (y $e2 p#ges 2ith the bo#st&)l respo$se th#t + h#%
#lre#%y t#-e$ c#re o& $e#rly #ll o& the(*
He s)rprise% (e 2ith co$cer$ th#t + (ight t#-e e8ceptio$ to 2or-i$g 2ith so(eo$e so yo)$g - he 2#s t2e$ty-si8, + thi$-,
#$% + 2#s thirty-&o)r* + 2#s (ore gre#tly s)rprise% to le#r$ &ro( hi( l#ter th#t both he #$% his closest colle#g)e #t Si(o$
L Sch)ster, /i$# 7o)r$e, 2ere i$ti(i%#te% #t &irst by #$ #ir o& s)spicio$ + pro3ecte% th#t + %i% $ot -$o2 + e,e$
possesse%* + h#,e $ot bee$ s)spicio)s o& hi( si$ce, #$% + %o)bt ,ery ()ch th#t :ottlieb, 2ho 2e$t o$ to beco(e the
he#% o& Al&re% A* ?$op& #$% the$ the e%itor o& The /e2 .or-er (#g#4i$e, h#s e,er #g#i$ bee$ i$ti(i%#te% by #$ybo%y*
A$% 2h#t + still re(e(ber (ost #gree#bly #bo)t hi( is th#t he %i% $ot #s- &or #$ o)tli$e or o$ce see- &or e,e$ # hi$t o&
2here this o$e-thir% o& # $o,el he5% see$ 2#s goi$g to go* The co$tr#ct + recei,e% c#lle% &or #$ #%,#$ce o& &i&tee$
h)$%re% %oll#rs, h#l& o$ sig$i$g, 2hich + %i% $ot $ee%, #$% the re(#i$%er o$ co(pletio$ #$% #ccept#$ce*
Prob#bly, + 2#s his &irst $o,elist, b)t $ot his &irst to be p)blishe%A other #)thors 2ith co(plete% (#$)scripts c#(e to hi(
i$ the three (ore ye#rs + $ee%e% to &i$ish (i$e* Prob#bly, + 2#s C#$%i%#5s e#rliest clie$t too* 7oth 2ere #s %elighte% #s +
2#s 2ith the e,e$t)#l s)ccess o& C#tch-22, #$% the three o& )s h#,e bee$ re,eli$g i$ o)r recollectio$s o& the e8perie$ce
e,er si$ce*
O$ ;ebr)#ry 2H, 1"2, the 3o)r$#list Rich#r% St#r$es p)blishe% # col)($ o& )$restr#i$e% pr#ise i$ his $e2sp#per, The
/e2 .or- >orl%-Telegr#(, th#t ope$e% 2ith these 2or%s@ 5.oss#ri#$ 2ill, + thi$-, li,e # ,ery lo$g ti(e*5
His trib)te 2#s )$e8pecte%, bec#)se 'r* St#r$es 2#s # $e2sp#per(#$ i$ the h#r%-boile% (o%e 2hose c)sto(#ry be#t
2#s loc#l politics, #$% the >orl%-Telegr#( 2#s 2i%ely reg#r%e% #s ge$er#lly co$ser,#ti,e*
To this %#y + #( gr#te&)l to 'r* St#r$es &or his )$6)#li&ie% #$% )$solicite% #ppro,#l #$% bless hi( &or the #cc)r#cy o& his
pre%ictio$* .oss#ri#$ h#s i$%ee% li,e% # lo$g ti(e* 'r* St#r$es h#s p#sse% o$* '#$y people (e$tio$e% i$ th#t &irst
#%,ertise(e$t h#,e %ie%, #$% (ost o& the rest o& )s #re o$ the 2#y*
7)t .oss#ri#$ is #li,e 2he$ the $o,el e$%s* 7ec#)se o& the (otio$ pict)re, e,e$ close re#%ers o& the $o,el h#,e # &i$#l,
l#sti$g i(#ge o& hi( #t se#, p#%%li$g to2#r% &ree%o( i$ # yello2 i$&l#te% li&ebo#t* +$ the boo- he %oes$5t get th#t &#rA b)t
he is $ot c#pt)re% #$% he is$5t %e#%* At the e$% o& the s)ccessor ,ol)(e +5,e 3)st co(plete%, Closi$g Ti(e (th#t &leei$g
c#rtoo$ &ig)re is #g#i$ o$ the boo- 3#c-et o& the A(eric#$ e%itio$, b)t 2e#ri$g # b)si$ess(#$5s ch#pe#) #$% (o,i$g
2ith # c#$e), he is #g#i$ still #li,e, (ore th#$ &orty ye#rs ol%er b)t %e&i$itely still there* 5E,eryo$e h#s got to go,5 his
physici#$ &rie$% i$ th#t $o,el re(i$%s hi( 2ith e(ph#sis* 5E,eryo$eC5 7)t sho)l% + e,er 2rite #$other se6)el, he 2o)l%
still be #ro)$% #t the e$%*
Catch 22
Soo$er or l#ter, + ()st co$ce%e, .oss#ri#$, $o2 se,e$ty, 2ill h#,e to p#ss #2#y too* 7)t it 2o$5t be by (y h#$%*
JOSEPH HELLER, 1D
E#st H#(pto$, /e2 .or-
157 | P a g e