The FBI maintains an 83-page glossary of

Internet slang. And it is hilariously,

frighteningly out of touch.
The FBI headquarters IRL. Thats in real life, to you. (Jeffrey MacMillan/Capital Business)
The BY CAITLIN DEWEY June 17
Internet is full of strange and bewildering neologisms, which
anyone but a text-addled teen would struggle to understand. So the fine, taxpayer-
funded people of the FBI apparently not content to trawl rban !ictionary, li"e the
rest of us compiled a glossary of Internet slang.
#n $%-page glossary. &ontaining nearly %,''' terms.
The glossary was recently made public through a Freedom of Information re(uest by
the group )uc"*oc", which posted the +!F, called ,Twitter shorthand,- online.
!espite its name, this isn.t /ust Twitter slang0 #s the FBI.s Intelligence *esearch
Support nit explains in the introduction, it.s a primer on shorthand used across the
Internet, including in ,instant messages, Faceboo" and )yspace.- #s if that )yspace
reference wasn.t proof enough that the FBI.s a tad out of touch, the I*S then
promises the list will pro1e useful both professionally and ,for "eeping up with your
children and2or grandchildren.- 34our tax dollars at wor"56
#ll of these minor gaffes could be forgi1en, howe1er, if the glossary itself was actually
good. 7b1iously, FBI operati1es and researchers need to understand Internet slang
the Internet is, increasingly, where crime goes down these days. But then we get things
li"e #87TBS78 3,always loo" on the bright side of life-6 and #)79 3,alpha male of
group-6 : within the first ;' entries.
#87TBS78 has, for the record, been tweeted fewer than <'' times in the entire eight-
year history of Twitter. #)79 has been tweeted far more often, but usually in Spanish
: as a misspelling, it would appear, of ,amor- and ,amigo.-
#mong the other head-scratching terms the FBI considers can.t-miss Internet slang0
1. AYFKMWTS (are you f kidding me with this s?) 990 tweets
2. BFFLTDDUP (best friends for life until death do us part) 414 tweets
3. BOGSAT (bunch of guys sitting around talking) 144 tweets
4. BTDTGTTSAWIO (been there, done that, got the T-shirt and wore it out) 47
tweets
5. BTWITIAILWY (by the way, I think I am in love with you) 535 tweets
6. DILLIGAD (does it look like I give a damn?) 289 tweets
7. DITYID (did I tell you Im depressed?) 69 tweets
8. E2EG (ear-to-ear grin) 125 tweets
9. GIWIST (gee, I wish I said that) 56 tweets
10.HCDAJFU (he could do a job for us) 25 tweets
11.IAWTCSM (I agree with this comment so much) 20 tweets
12.IITYWIMWYBMAD (if I tell you what it means will you buy me a drink?) 250
tweets
13.LLTA (lots and lots of thunderous applause) 855 tweets
14.NIFOC (naked in front of computer) 1,065 tweets, most of them referring to
acronym guides like this one.
15.PMYMHMMFSWGAD (pardon me, you must have mistaken me for someone
who gives a damn) 128 tweets
16.SOMSW (someone over my shoulder watching) 170 tweets
17.WAPCE (women are pure concentrated evil) 233 tweets, few relating to
women
18.YKWRGMG (you know what really grinds my gears?) 1,204 tweets
In all fairness to the FBI, they do get some things right0 ,crun"- is helpfully defined as
,cra=y and drun",- FF is ,a recommendation to follow someone referenced in the
tweet,- and a whole range of online patois is translated to its proper >nglish
e(ui1alent0 hafta is ,ha1e to,- ima is ,I.m going to,- "ewt is ,cute.-
7ne would hope the people tas"ed with in1estigating federal crimes could decipher
that "ind of thing through context clues : but the Internet is a 1ast, di==ying place5
#nd both the law and law enforcement, as many, many recent cases ha1e attested, lag
painfully behind technology and technology culture to the detriment of people in
those spaces who need help.
So while I might wanna 3want to6 8)S7 3laugh my soc"s off6 o1er this glossary, it.s
actually "ind of serious, when you T7TT 3thin" on these things6.