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SELF-COMMUNICATION SOLVES PERSONAL PROBLEMS

Psychiatrists have caught up with Socrates and cashed on this technique. They employ this
technique as a powerful self-communication instrument to bring about personality change and
improvement.

The troubled person just talks (to himself) while the psychiatrist records his epression!verbal as
well as facial. "e also carefully watches his body language.

The aim is not to advise him but to give him an opportunity to unburden his mind# to see his own
thinking in a new perspective# and thus find solutions to his problems.

"ere is one eample from my own life. $ was at cross-roads of my career# after a spell of
unemployment. $t so happened that $ got three offers almost simultaneously. These were %& job in
"aryana government# a similar job in a "aryana 'niversity# and a lecturer(s job in %anjab 'niversity. $
debated the dilemma of job-thinking in my mind for a couple of days# and opted for the %' job.

$t was self-communication that helped resolve the dilemma. The role of the self can be adequately
played by a good listener.

)ne person who is truly understanding# who listens to you as you struggle with your problems# can
change your outlook on the world.

*ew people go to professional psychiatrists with their problems# but many take their troubles to friends
and some to relatives.

+hen a person in trouble knows that he has a good listener he shares his thoughts fully# which makes
it easier to solve his problems. ,s he talks he finds a solution to his problem himself.

The emphatic listening is described as non-directive. The word refers to the reaction that a listener
should present to a talker who is trying to discuss his own problems.

,nother way of putting it is to say that the listener makes an effort to understand what is said# but
does not give direction.

The listener realises that he is a sounding board. The talker does not want advice. "e wants to talk
freely so that he can listen to his own thoughts as they are put into words.

+ith this opportunity to hear himself speak# he is able to furnish his own advice.

$n brief# the good listener accepts that is said# tries to understand it# and above all# makes no
judgements.

-mpathic understanding with a person# not about him# is an effective approach. $t can bring about a
major personality change.

$f you want to find out how it is to listen without making evaluation judgments# test this eperiment.
The net time you find yourself in a heated discussion with your friend or spouse# let this rule be
followed.

-ach person can speak up for himself only after he has first restated the ideas and feelings of the
previous speaker accurately and to the speaker(s satisfaction.

This means that before presenting your own point of view# it would be necessary for you to achieve
the other speaker(s thoughts and feelings so well that you could summarise them for him.

Sounds simple# but you will discover that it is one of the most difficult things you have ever tried to do.

"owever# once you have been able to see the other(s point of view# your own comment will have to be
revised. /ou will also find the emotion going out of the discussion# the differences being reduced# and
those differences which remain being of a rational and understandable sort.

+hy is non-directive listening so difficult to accomplish0 The answer lies in the fact that such listening
requires a kind of courage that few of us have ever required.

+hen we listen to another person(s ideas# we open ourselves up to the possibility that some of our
own ideas are wrong.

1ost of us fight change# especially when it has to do with altering our own thoughts. Therefore# when
we listen# something from inside makes us want to fight the change in our thinking that might be
brought about by what we hear.

"old on there# we are urged to say. /ou must be wrong. That isn(t the way $ think. ,nd you are not
going to change my mind. $ won(t allow it.

There is no sure formula for the kind of listening that can help people when they feel the very human
desire to be heard. $t depends too much on an attitude that must come from inside the listener.
2o one can spell out a method by which you can become sympathetic and understanding to another
person.

The following point will help in forming non-directive listening.

Listen: +henever you sense that someone is troubled or needs to talk# give him your time. Though it
may seem like a waste of time to you# it seldom is.

$f by listening you can help him clear his mind# it will also help communication between you and the
person talking.

,lso# there may come a time when you need a listener# and it is a fact that a good listener has little
difficulty finding listeners.

Be attentive: $f a verbal avalanche is launched# let it flow uninterrupted until it is ehausted.
1ake every mental effort to understand what is said. %ut yourself in the talker(s place to understand
what he says.

Verbal reactions: ,s the talker proceeds# use a series of eloquent and encouraging grunts. "umm#
'h-huh# )h# or $ see.

$f the talker pauses# you should remain silent. )r nod your head# until talker starts again.

$f he becomes unreasonable# you should restate what has just been said# putting it in the form of a
question. -amples of such restatements might be. /ou really think life that0 )r# you believe your
mother-in-law is trying to ruin your marriage0

Probe not: There is a difference between willingness to listen and curiosity designed to dig for hidden
information. The latter must be avoided. your purpose is not to obtain unwanted information.
-valuate not. /ou should refrain from passing moral judgment upon what is said. $n no case should
you give the talker advice!even if he requests for it.

"ave faith in the ability of the troubled talker to solve his own problems.

/ou are witnessing an ama3ing human phenomenon. the person is talking things over with himself. $f
you do not inject yourself into his conversation# the chances are that the talker will work things out for
himself.

The importance of what lies behind the need for listeners is important. ,n understanding of what
happens when a person talks and another listens is found at the foundations of today(s wellness
psychotherapy. $t is the therapatic value of communication. $t works wonders in human relationships.
4ust know and follow the fundamentals.

The psychiatrist(s most important tool is listening. , non-directive counselling# now practised more
and more widely throughout business and industry# depends upon persons trained to listen quietly
and objectively. $n most job interviews one basic approach is to let the candidate speak about himself.
This provides a peep into his inner self# the real purpose of interview# a view from inside.

-ven in day-to-day living there is a way that you can communicate with yourself but it requires the
help of another individual# a listener# and a very good one.

$f you find such a listener# he# in a sense# becomes a mirror that throws back a reflection of yourself.

The listener hears your words but# what is more important# you hear yourself talking. $f the listener
remains active# but silent# giving you a chance to talk freely# thoughts from both the conscious and
subconscious levels of your brain are put into words.

,s a result you have the opportunity to hear both parts of our brain speaking. 1any times this result in
self-communication you have been seeking all along. $n effect# then you solve your own problems.
/ou don(t have to spend enormous money or energy to be yourself. 4ust talk to yourself.

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