And I'm so grateful to you

I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky Never knowing why
Lost forever If I never knew you
Pocahontas soundtrack - "If I Never Knew You"
In the kitchen of his lonely apartment Byun Baekhyun, 19, stares helplessly down at the catalog on the counter. He had found the catalog in his mailbox that morning, staring
at him amidst a sea of bills and letters from home. The catalog is of average size, though a little on the thin side, with bright colors proclaiming the great uses and amazing
reviews of the products it sells.
Baekhyun hasnt even purchased anything yet and this is already a mistake. He should know better than to trust his neighbor, Huang Zi Tao. That kid is always getting into
things.
Byun Baekhyun cares nothing for fads so what the hell is he doing with a catalog of potential robotic boyfriends?
Only Tao could've passed this on to Baekhyun. It makes sense considering Tao has a robot boyfriend already.
Kris is tall and broad; hes the kind of robot one would think had the power to take over the world one day. Baekhyuns a little intimidated by Kris but this feeling has almost
nothing to do with his tall stature and commanding voice. Kris is pretty life-like for a robot and possesses enough human intelligence he can easily be mistaken for human
if it werent for the eerie, artificial light shining in his eyes.
Baekhyun constantly forgets Kris isnt as human as he seems. All things considered, Baekhyun doesnt know why hes even entertaining this idea of a robotic partner.
Its true he doesnt have much success in that department with school and work taking up large chunks of his life but he knows theres no reason to rush things. If he wants a
boyfriend, he would actively seek one and not take the punk way out, buying his own.
Still, a robotic boyfriend does have a certain appeal. It's mostly for curiousity's sake that he opens the catalog and looks through it.
Staying clear away from the sexbots on the last page, Baekhyun lets his eyes roam the first two pages: they detail the many possible cute boyfriends eligible for purchase.
His parents will never know of this. He doesnt know what they personally think of this new robot fad but hes seen newspaper articles about the older Korean generations
being terribly confused, frightened and disgusted by their youths shacking it up with tin cans.
Its only a matter of time before they enslave us! a very frantic reporter said on the television just last night.
Baekhyun doesnt buy into all the hype. Hes seen those robots in action and he doesnt think theyre capable of staging their own uprising when they dont know what hot
or cold are.
Kris can tell Tao what temperatures are considered hot and which are cold but when asked to describe what they feel like, he draws a blank. A very handsome blank, for
his face is shaped like that of a movie stars, but its a mental blank nonetheless.
Baekhyuns never lived with another person, much less a robotic one. Flipping through the catalog, he sees they apparently dont need much to survive: just basic human
interaction, some mental stimulation and love.
All the robots here are advertised as boyfriends but Baekhyun just wants a companion, a roommate of sorts.
He doesnt really know how Tao does it. Kissing a robotic boyfriend, no matter how in love one is with it would be like kissing ones own computer, right? Or kissing a
doll? Or kissing a doll that had a computer inside of it? How lifelike can they be?
Baekhyun should just close this catalog and forget all about robotic boyfriends and all that nonsense. Hes a good-looking guy !...kinda), hell find a real boyfriend on his
own.
Its only after fifteen minutes of flipping through the booklet and landing on the same page that he realizes his eyes are drawn to one figure and one figure only.
The CH model: One hundred and eight two centimeters !Tall); brown, curled hair !cute) and has the ability to...fall in love?
What the hell does that mean? Its a computer; what does it know of love.
Against his better judgment, Baekhyun is drawn to that sweet face. The model is one of the cheaper ones and Baekhyun knows its foolish of him to be thankful when
cheap means almost nothing to a university student.
Hes going to be swimming in debt when he graduates medical school but this...this toy, wouldnt it be interesting to have?
Even if Baekhyun can only stand playing with it for a little while, he would like to personally experience what the big deal is about. Hed like to judge for himself just how
life changing !according to the catalog) having a robotic boyfriend/ roommate is.
And, anyway, if things turn out too badly, he can always blame Tao for this. Tao was the one who gave him such a catalog after all.
A few weeks later, Baekhyun comes home to a gigantic box in front of his door. The box is almost bigger than his apartment door itself and he stares, dumbfounded, at the
giant, sparkly sticker !The Boyfriend Store~!) in front of the box. His shame is the only thing that gets him moving and pulling the box inside, carefully laying it down in
his living room and then stepping back.
After spending the better part of two hours trying to get the box open, the lid finally pops open with a loud gush of air.
Baekhyun falls back, not expecting the lid to suddenly come alive on its own, and stares as a very tall, very naked man stands up in the box. He thinks a part of his brain
fizzles up and dies because from this angle, he is getting very intimately acquainted with his doll and that was not the purpose of all this.
He stands, palms wet with sweat.
The thing shakes its head and yawns, stretching upward. Baekhyun gets an eyeful of cool, smooth white skin breaking out into goose pimples as the AC of the apartment hits
him. Is this supposed to happen? Baekhyun thought they didnt feel.
H-Hello?"
It opens its large eyes, blinking sleepily at him.
Oh, it says in deep voice Baekhyun would not have associated with such a cute face. Hello.
When it laughs and its face gives a large twitch, Baekhyun knows why this model was significantly cheaper than all the rest. It's defective. They mailed him a broken doll.
However, he paid for this so he wont let himself get too worked up about it.
He disappears into his room and comes back with some clothes, telling it to clothe itself. It does so easily, smiling. My name is
You have a name? Baekhyuns voice sounds stupid to his own ears.
Of course, it smiles. Dont you? A little twitch causes one of its eyes to close; Baekhyun thinks he looks like an overexcited puppy.
Yeah, but Im Baekhyun stops, eyes wide as the thing takes one of his shirts and pulls it over his head, hair flying all over the place when its head emerges.
Youre--?
It really is life-like. Baekhyun cant take his eyes away from the very human looking pallor of its skin and how, after it licks its dry lips, there seems to be a small amount of
moisture passed from tongue to lips.
Whats your name? Baekhyun tries to see if its on the box, but underneath the sticker, there is only a serial number.
Chanyeol, it...Chanyeol says, smiling. Theres that eye twitch again. And you are?
Baekhyun, he replies, standing up straighter. Chanyeols height is a bit intimidating, especially when Baekhyun pants are still in his hands and not on his body.
Um, Baekhyun says awkwardly, averting his eyes. Pants please.
Pants? Chanyeol asks, holding up said article of clothing. Oh! Oh, right! Im supposed to wear these, right? Humans dont like walking around naked, hehe.
Sorry!
Baekhyun nods, apology accepted. Its hard to stay mad at robot Chanyeol when he even flushes a pretty pink in embarrassment at his blunder.
I hope this guy doesnt end up taking over my entire life, Baekhyun thinks with some dismay.
Chanyeol trips as he steps out of his box and Baekhyun flails, worried about his new investment injuring itself before hes had enough time to interact with it.
Sorry! Chanyeol turns a darker red, rubbing the back of his head.
Already, hes more life-like than Kris ever is but maybe thats because Baekhyun has never seen Kris express negative emotions. It had been foolish of Baekhyun to think that
just because Chanyeol was robotic that he was meant to be smart.
After tripping over everything from his own feet to air, Baekhyun makes Chanyeol sit down for the rest of the evening. Hes expensive and Baekhyun hasnt looked into
robot insurance yet.
Chanyeol arrives on a Sunday afternoon so, the next morning, when Baekhyun wakes up for school, he opens his eyes to see eyes staring him down. He yelps and swings
without thought, catching Chanyeol right in the cheek.
Chanyeol gasps but feels no pain; Baekhyuns hand throbs so hard its hard for him to pull on his clothes later. Chanyeol apologizes for startling him and tries to explain hes
never lived with a real human before so he was just curious and Baekhyun looked so peaceful sleeping that
Did you watch me all night or something? Baekhyun grumbles, messily brushing his teeth with his good hand. Its also the hand he has the least coordination with.
Was I not supposed to? Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun look at him in the mirror, a vein throbbing in his forehead; Chanyeol tries to shrink into the doorway.
Dont you...need to sleep too? Baekhyun asks after his vein has calmed down.
Um, I don't 'sleep.' I just recharge my batteries and that's every three days, Chanyeol admits, passing Baekhyun a towel to dry his face with.
Baekhyun takes it, face still sour. Thanks...Im going to school now so
Can I come? Ive never been a human school before!
Baekhyun winces, I dont think thats a good idea.
Please? Chanyeols smile is a bit hesitant, cheeks still stained with a small flush. The eerie light behind his eyes all robots have only makes him look more eager to
Baekhyun, who is already having trouble resisting someone who looks so cute and relatively harmless.
Though still a little traumatized by Chanyeol watching him sleep, he agrees to let Chanyeol come along, under the condition he speak to no one, even if they address him
first.
From their walk to his university alone, Baekhyun notices Chanyeol really isnt as intelligent as he thought he would be. This isnt to say Chanyeol is dumb, no, but after the
third time Baekhyun has to grab him and pull him back before hes run over, its official Chanyeol is more than a little oblivious. He apologizes over and over, flushed bright
red, and Baekhyun hates himself for finding Chanyeols color so endearing.
Chanyeol seems genuinely remorseful every time he causes Baekhyun mental anguish, though it doesnt stop him from attempting to cross more streets without looking both
ways first.
But Chanyeol is cute and he smiles at stupid things like a bee flying overhead so he attracts the attention of a small female population the moment he steps foot on campus.
Hes amazed by literally little things and squats to watch a trail of ants march their way into the grass.
So cool, Chanyeol says when a fly buzzes by his ear and he tries to catch it, stretching up and pouting when it flies right out of his grasp.
Right then and there, though he doesnt know it yet, Baekhyun loses a small part of himself to that pout.
It flew away, Chanyeol explains when he notices Baekhyuns eyes on his face. I just wanted to see it up close! It probably thought I was going to smush it or
something.
Smush.
Baekhyun predicts a very cute and fluffy death for himself.
Maybe hes the one whos going to walk into traffic one day when Chanyeol smiles at him like that.
Already, Chanyeols smiled so much his twitch is barely noticeable to Baekhyun. Chanyeol isnt the perfect robot but thats okay with Baekhyun because he is anything but
the perfect human. Its not his place to demand perfection if he cant present it himself.
He learns a lot more than he ever would about himself in that first walk to the university with Chanyeol. Since hes not facing Chanyeol during the walk, he cant see the
eerie glow of Chanyeols eyes. He can delude himself into thinking hes just strolling around with a...friend? Roommate? Person, then. A person with a very young mental
age; Baekhyun is sure there are eight year olds out there who arent as distracted by insects and shadows as Chanyeol is.
Youve never seen any of this?
Oh, I have, Chanyeol smiles, stretching his hand up to touch the tree hes leaning against. But not in real life. I have a lot of images in my head of what everything is
supposed to be and feel like but this is the first time Ive ever really seen or felt them. I cant feel them entirely, not like you can.
Left over rain water rains down on Chanyeol when he shakes the branches of his tree. Baekhyun steps away, wiping away the moisture on his shoulder. Chanyeol stands
beneath it all, waterproof and eager to feel, as Baekhyun would put it.
Do you think Ill ever be able to feel all the things that you do? Chanyeol asks when Baekhyun has stepped back to him.
I dont know, maybe. The Baekhyun yesterday would have told Chanyeol no outright. He's a robot and he isn't meant to feel human things but after spending such little
time with him, Baekhyun doesnt feel any urge to take away Chanyeols bright smile.
For all he knows, Chanyeol has the potential to feel more than Baekhyun ever does so Baekhyun shouldnt count him out.
Baekhyun and Chanyeol meet Tao and Kris at lunchtime. Baekhyun cannot escape the self-satisfied look Tao throws him over his udon and he cowers a bit under Kris
judging glare.
What model are you? Kris asks Chanyeol.
With a small smile, Chanyeol turns to Baekhyun. Baekhyun stares at him for a long minute before he understands. Oh, right, the orders he had given Chanyeol in the
morning.
Answer him, Baekhyun says.
Taos eyebrows rise, You have such a tight grip on him already, hyung. Loosen up.
Baekhyun ignores him, choosing to pick at his food. After Chanyeol responds to Kris, all smiles and eye twitches and everything, Kris says something to Tao in Chinese that
sounds very... judgmental to Baekhyun.
His Chinese is pretty amateur at best but its very hard to hide condescending tones, no matter what the language is.
Baekhyun does his best to ignore the entire thing, thinking he might be a bit self conscious and overprotective of stupid, smiley Chanyeol, whose attention has now turned to
the open window.
Didnt pay a lot for him, huh? Tao asks when Baekhyun is sure Chanyeol is distracted.
Baekhyun shrugs, Does it matter?
Careful, hyung, Tao says, suddenly somber. Kris tells me robots built like yours dont last long. You might not want to get too attached.
Built like mine? Why? Baekhyun sets his chopsticks down, hands lowering to clench in his lap. Whats wrong with him?
You cannot tell me you have not noticed, Kris drawls. He looks lazily to Baekhyun and his eyes shine with something that looks much like pity; Baekhyun hates it. The
way his eyes move, his lack of attention span, that facial twitch...I will give him one hundred days at best. I think it is better if you return him to the company right
away and demand an upgraded
No, Baekhyun shakes his head. I cant. I dont have any money left. Its either him or nothing.
I would take the nothing if I were you, Tao says cautiously. Money is nothing
Easy for you to say, Baekhyun bites. Tao has the decency to look offended,
Whats that supposed to mean?
Tao isnt exactly strapped for cash like Baekhyun is. Its petty for Baekhyun to throw something like that in Taos face when Tao doesnt flaunt his money as much as he
could but the bitterness still fills Baekhyuns mouth. Hes not attached to Chanyeol yet but the thought of sending him back...it already upsets Baekhyun.
He doesnt care if Chanyeol isnt perfect like Kris or about his facial twitches or any of that stuff. Chanyeol is the one who was sent to Baekhyun. Though he doesnt believe
in all that fate mumbo jumbo, there must be some reason why Chanyeol, of all CH models, was sent to him.
While he thinks, he feels Kris hard stare on the side of his face.
To his other side, Chanyeol makes small oh~ noises as he stares out at the world, laughing to himself.
Ill remember what youve told me, Baekhyun says politely. But I dont think well have any problems.
Suit yourself, Kris says but the look in his eyes say, You will regret this. Baekhyun hopes he wont.
A few nights later, Baekhyun comes back from the shower to see his calculus problem set has been finished without his knowledge. Sighing, he calls out a strangled
Chanyeol! and jumps when Chanyeol bounds down the hallway toward him, almost galloping.
Yeah? His smile is so wide it takes up the better half of his face.
Did you do my homework for me? Again?
Chanyeols smile dims, Was I...not supposed to?
Baekhyun face palms, No. Never. Please never do my homework for me ever again, okay? I need to learn this without your help.
But I just wanted to
No, Baekhyun says sternly. Stop. Dont touch my homework. Im forbidding you from going near it.
Now chastised, Chanyeol looks down at his hands in the perfect submissive posture. Okay, Im sorry, he says easily, nodding. I wont do it ever again. Chanyeol wont
touch Baekhyuns books ever again.
He only speaks like this when hes trying hard to nail something in his head, like he did after Baekhyun told him to memorize his cellphone number in case something
happened while Baekhyun was out.
Baekhyun has trouble being seriously angry with Chanyeol who, again, always wants to help whenever he sticks his foot in Baekhyuns life.
With a sigh and a small its okay, Baekhyun lays his hand ontop of Chanyeols. This is the first time theyve touched. Baekhyun is surprised to feel some heat coming from
Chanyeol and lets Chanyeol take up his hand and examine it to his liking.
He holds Baekhyuns hand to the light and then pulls on every one of his fingers, testing out the bones beneath his flesh.
When Chanyeol accidentally brushes along Baekhyuns wrist and Baekhyun flinches, trying to pull his hand back, Chanyeol looks up. What is it? Does it hurt?
No, it...it tickles. Baekhyun clears his throat, suddenly embarrassed.
Tickles? Chanyeol repeats. Does something feel good when it tickles?
N-Not really, Baekhyun tries to pull his hand back again when Chanyeol experimentally brushes his thumb along the veins of his wrist.
It feels uncomfortable and it makes me want to laugh.
But doesnt laughing mean youre happy? Chanyeol smiles, Does tickling make you happy?
Maybe it does to other people but not to me. Chanyeol lets him take his hand back, face drawn in concentration.
Tickling is...okay, Baekhyun sighs. The nerves under the skin become excited when touched a certain way. It makes a lot of people laugh but it makes
me...nervous. I dont like people touching me.
Oh, Chanyeols eyes are wide. Im sorry. I didnt
No, no, its okay, Baekhyun says, holding his hands up. Lets stop talking about this now, youve apologized enough today already.
It gets harder and harder to explain the natural bodily processes Baekhyun takes for granted. Chanyeol knows what happiness is and what the symptoms of happiness are but
he has trouble with other, more complicated emotions, such as fear or anxiety.
Baekhyun can rattle off as many facts as he can about emotions and what their physical consequences are but Chanyeol only shakes his head, not quite understanding why
humans feel the certain things that they do.
I want to be human, he confesses one day. Baekhyun looks up from his history notes, closing his book.
Its late and Chanyeol is next to him on the couch, hand fiddling with a rubix cube Baekhyun found in his closet.
You do?
Everyone where I come from does. Chanyeols voice is hushed. It always is during the night. Baekhyun hasnt tried to get him to speak louder; he thinks Chanyeol
believes he will disturb the peace of the night if he talks louder.
I know Kris wants to be human too, Chanyeol continues. Hes better at hiding it than anyone else I know. Being human is... I dont really understand why I was
made, Baekhyunnie. Sometimes, I look at myself and I look at you and I think we dont look too different so why were you born human and I wasnt? I feel chills
when you leave the window open but I never feel cold. I feel bad, really bad, when you yell at me, but Im not scared of you or nervous the next time I see you. I
just want you to be happy and I want to be happy too. Being happy is the only thing I really...understand about being human. Is that sad?
No, Baekhyun rubs his chin, deep in thought. Its not sad. We humans try to gather and retain happiness our entire lives. If you can do it so easily, then obviously
we have a lot to learn from you too.
But is my happiness...real? Chanyeols eyes are low. I know my happiness isnt....its not human happiness so when Im happy, do I feel it with the same intensity
you do?
Baekhyun is at a loss for words. Of course, he had thought of these questions himself to some extent but he never once entertained the idea Chanyeol was plagued by the
same things.
When Chanyeol looks up, the artificial light behind his eyes seems a bit dimmer than usual. Baekhyun suggests he charge himself before he runs out of power and Chanyeol
agrees, stumbling away from the couch and into the box Baekhyun has propped up in the corner of his bed room. Baekhyun follows him quietly, watching as Chanyeol steps
into the box and shuts the makeshift door. A soft glow radiates from the box as Chanyeol charges, accompanied by a low humming sound that lulls Baekhyun into a peaceful
sleep.
After Chanyeol has charged, he usually sits on the edge of Baekhyuns bed, facing the window until morning. Baekhyun has asked Chanyeol if he would like a futon to rest
on but Chanyeol declined, saying he preferred the heat of Baekhyuns bed and the view from his apartment window.
On many mornings, Baekhyun has woken up slowly and turned himself to watch Chanyeol. The sunlight plays beautifully in his brown hair. Chanyeol really is like a doll
sometimes, especially when he thinks Baekhyun isnt looking. Its still a mystery what Chanyeol thinks about when he watches the sunrise.
Hes painfully oblivious about certain things but hes not by any means stupid, no matter what Kris or Tao try to tell Baekhyun. He finds Chanyeols interest in the smallest
forms of life endearing and also cute. But then again, there arent many things about Chanyeol Baekhyun doesnt find cute. He is one of the cuter models after all. Even
his little facial twitches, that are apparently supposed to be the most obvious signs of his defective structure, are only cute to Baekhyun and a part of him looks forward to
seeing Chanyeol smiles just for those little movements.
Chanyeol may have watched Baekhyun on the first night but it is Baekhyun who watches him for many nights after.
He feels a strange tightening in his chest when Chanyeol curls up at the foot of his bed and tries to sleep. He tries very hard to sleep. He says its one of those things real
beings are capable of doing and hes a bit frustrated that he cant.
It breaks Baekhyuns heart and he doesnt know why.
One day, almost in a trance, Baekhyun gets lost in his university library looking for humanity. He understands very little about what scientists consider a human and he
wishes to understand a bit more so he can compare it to Chanyeol and everything Chanyeol is.
The task itself sounds complicated but its only after collecting twenty different psychology, sociology, anthropology and literature books that it dawns on him how unreal the
task he has given himself is. Right away, he discards all the books having to deal with human evolution since Chanyeol is already modeled after a Homo sapien.
I think therefore I am, says Descartes.
Our world is not the real one, says Plato. What we see isnt real. We must attain a higher level of understanding to surpass what we are taught is reality.
Through Plato, Baekhyun starts his journey into the study of human nature and it is here that his forehead meets the book.
Its too much.
His species has been debating its own existence and purpose for thousands of years. There's no way hell understand everything in one night. Not to mention the small fact
that his books are translated translations of a translation and everything hurts by the time he even thinks about picking up Rousseau.
At the end of the night, right before the library closes, he tries to put everything together.
There's no mistaking it. If Plato is right and reality itself isnt real then Chanyeol is just as real as Baekhyun is. Chanyeol thinks for himself, he has feelings and he knows
what he is...do other animals know what they are?
Do the little bugs Chanyeol likes to play with know they are bugs and he isnt? Thinking isnt only a human thing, since Chanyeol does it, but does thinking alone make him
human enough?
The fifth time he collapses on his books, a librarian walks over to check if hes still breathing.
Baekhyun, to his own dismay, still is. He walks away with nothing learned.
Chanyeol is always there when Baekhyun comes home from school. Hes quiet and makes himself scarce while Baekhyun does his homework. It doesnt help much:
Baekhyun is still distracted by thoughts of what Chanyeol could be getting himself into. Chanyeol has a habit of collecting bugs from outside and bringing them in, if only to
watch how they interact when faced with his probing fingers.
One day, he asks Baekhyun if animals feel pain.
Some of them do, Baekhyun nods. Animals with complex nervous systems feel pain but I know some insects dont because theyre so primitive.
Am I like an insect then? Chanyeol asks, lifting his finger to show the tiny moth clinging to his fingertip.
No, youre not an insect. Insects cant feel a lot of the feelings you can. Youre different. He hopes this reassures Chanyeol but he cant be too sure.
Chanyeol mustve been practicing his facial expressions in the mirror again because he gives nothing away as he continues to play with his moth.
Living with Chanyeol has gotten better this past month.
Chanyeol now sleeps in Baekhyuns bed with him at night and, many a time, Baekhyun has woken up with his face pressed into Chanyeols chest. It unnerves him and he
cant explain what compels his body to pull him closer in the middle of the night.
He hopes Chanyeol just notes this under Weird Things Humans Do and allows him to live with his own embarrassment. But he doesnt. He had been bought from a
boyfriend store after all.
Chanyeol was programmed to go through all these motions of holding someone. Still, Baekhyun is uncomfortable with more than friendly touching and hes always the first
to pull away from Chanyeols tepid embrace.
You dont like me, do you?
Baekhyun looks up from making lunch, frowning. What? Of course, I like you. You wouldnt live here with me if I didnt like you.
No, thats...thats not...Im not your boyfriend.
Well, no
But Im...Im supposed to be your boyfriend, right? Thats why I was made, to be someones boyfriend and since you bought me
Baekhyun turns on the rice cooker and steps away from the stove, fidgeting with his hands.
This...its not that theres anything wrong with you, Chanyeol, I just, I dont see you like that.
Chanyeol nods but Baekhyun knows he doesnt understand. Why did you buy me then? Just to be your friend? They had friendbots back home, I...
You? Baekhyun presses.
Before they put me in the box...they said I would wake up with someone who... loved me. You were promised a robot to do whatever with, but I was promised a...
boyfriend so...so Im sorry if its hard for me to just accept this how it is.
Once again, Baekhyun is left speechless. In this past month, he has grown closer to Chanyeol than he ever has to anyone before. Tao has even stopped dropping in
unexpectedly because all Baekhyun talks about now is Chanyeol.
No, its not love. Its not even a crush. Its not infatuation.
Baekhyun is just curious and utterly fascinated by the little Chanyeol understands of human interactions. It pains him to see someone usually so happy go lucky frown and
apologize for feeling a certain way.
The fact that anything is hard for Chanyeol alone is its own feat. Baekhyun doesnt want him to continue feeling like this.
Swallowing his nerves, he takes Chanyeols hands in his and pulls him in for a hug. He has properly hugged anyone in a few years but Chanyeol is a bit warm, his natural
core processor temperature, and the whirling of his heart is comforting to Baekhyun, who has heard this noise for the past thirty days without pause.
Chanyeol envelops him easily and Baekhyun is reminded once again Chanyeol was created for this very purpose. He was made to bring someone happiness through a stable,
loving relationship. Baekhyuns a bit sorry he currently cant be the one to give Chanyeol all that he needs but he wouldnt send him back for the world, not now.
Im sorry, he says, speaking into Chanyeols clothed chest.
Dont be, Chanyeol replies. Can I...Can I kiss you?
Baekhyun shivers, head swimming. This is a bad idea. This has bad idea written all over it in large, very obvious font. This is getting attached. This is letting Chanyeol
become attached to him. This isnt supposed to happen because Baekhyun had warned about this but this is Chanyeols purpose and Baekhyun would be a fool to deny
someone their true nature.
He would also be a fool if he forced himself to believe he doesnt want it.
Chanyeols lips look soft and if anything...if anything, Baekhyun can always later make himself believe the kiss was for experiments sake. He has been meaning to see if
these robo-boyfriends are just as warm and pliant as human ones. Hes kissed an ex girlfriend before so he thinks he remembers what a kiss is supposed to feel like but
nothing prepares him for the way Chanyeol tips his face up, eyes dark.
Baekhyun feels his throat close up at the sight; Chanyeol really was made for these types of things, huh? His eyes are still open wide when their lips touch.
Luckily for him, Chanyeol makes no move to further deepen the kiss. That would only land Baekhyun in more hot water with his own logic-filled conscious.
He still hasn't forgotten Kris one hundred days warning.
As crazy as it sounds, there would be no straining effort on Baekhyuns part to fall for Chanyeol. He knows this and understands his feelings well. Hes purposely holding
himself back for many reasons, a few of which disappear from his mind when Chanyeol pulls him back, lips brushing over his forehead.
Boyfriendbots are apparently really, really good at what they do, Baekhyun observes.
When Chanyeol disappears into the bedroom for a quick charging, Baekhyun remains rooted in the same spot, mouth open. His rice burns and his heart races painfully in his
chest; how could he be falling for a robot?
Every argument against this relationship in his head is attacked by memories of living with Chanyeol and his adorable smile. Chanyeol is real.
Hes not human but hes capable of some feelings and for Baekhyun to want to emotionally stay away from him because he isnt real is cruel. He knows just how much
Chanyeol wants to be human. Baekhyuns lived through enough of Chanyeols tossing and turning to know hes not any closer to reaching sleep today than he was three
weeks ago, and he hates it.
Its hard to believe not too long ago, Baekhyun was staring at a catalog in his kitchen and cursing Tao for putting these ideas in his head. Now hes still in the kitchen, but
theres a robotic man in his bedroom and theres an anxious feeling in his chest that hadnt been there before.
He looks to the calendar, reaching out to flip two months away. The one-hundredth day with Chanyeol is lightly circled with a red pen.
Theres still enough time. Kris can always be wrong. Hes a machine and they arent always perfect. Everything alive has to make mistakes.
Right?
I sent him back. Chanyeol stops fidgeting in his chair, head suddenly turned to Taos direction. Baekhyun pulls his eyes away from Chanyeol,
Sent who back?
Kris, Tao sips his coffee, staring into his cup.
Next to Baekhyun, Chanyeol frowns. Why would you do that?
Tao avoids Chanyeols eyes and meets Baekhyuns instead. I had to. I realized...I realized I didnt want him anymore. I dont want a fake boyfriend. I want someone
real.
But he was real
Tao shakes his head, He was a doll. A perfect doll. His Chinese was better than mine, but I dont want perfection. I want...
Chanyeol shifts again, He wasnt a doll. He was real, just like me. Why did you...? Why did you send him back? Why would you buy him and then break his heart
like that?
He doesnt have a heart, Tao snaps, suddenly angry.
Baekhyun pats Chanyeols knee to calm him down, urging him to go back to his Rubix cube.
Chanyeols bright eyes look from Baekyun to Tao and back, Why would he
Its okay, Baekhyun says. Ill talk to him. Dont worry. Ill never send you back.
Having assuaged Chanyeol, Baekhyun pulls Tao into the hallway for a little chat.
Tao stands away from him, head angled down to the floor. Why would you argue with him like that? You know how sensitive he gets.
I dont understand, Tao glares.
The hair on Baekhyuns arms rises at his hostility. He shoulders on, Dont understand me?
How can you go from not even seeing their use to deluding yourself into supporting their naivete? Hes not real, hyung. Hes not real and Kris wasnt real. Theyre
all dolls. They dont have feelings.
How can you say that? You know Kris would have done anything for you
Who cares? Tao rubs his face, voice still sharp. Who fucking cares? Hes not real. He will never be real. I got sick of playing into the illusion and I sent him back.
A robot is really the worst thing a human could ever buy.
Baekhyun is silent.
Tao rounds on him again, Have you looked at yourself lately? Hes supposed to be your toy but you, hyung, youre the one being played with. Send him back and get
yourself someone human, someone with mistakes and flaws and...martial art abilities.
Martial art abilities? Tao sighs, dropping his hand from his face. In the shadows, he looks years older than he actually is. This...isnt how I planned to confess or even
tell you that Im jealous of your new toy. I bought Kris because I thought I could, somehow, push my feelings for you onto it but since you got yourself one too, I...I
dont like it. It annoys me. The only thing more annoying than your bot is how attached youve gotten to it. Come on, hyung. Break out of the illusion, already. This
fad has been going on for too long. Send him back.
Baekhyun refuses.
Im sorry, he says. Im sorry I cant return your feelings, Tao, but Im not sending him back. I dont care if he isnt human; Im not here to argue with you on
what makes something human. But hes real. I know hes real. Hes real and he has feelings and he doesnt want to go anymore. Hes happy with me and Im...Im
happy with him too. Im sorry theres nothing you can say to make me change my mind about this, or him, or you. Im so
Dont apologize anymore, I understand, Tao avoids his eyes.
If...If Kris really did have feelings, then I deserve this rejection for thinking differently and sending him back without a care in the world. Im sorry too, hyung. I
wont bring this all up anymore.
That night in bed, Chanyeol suddenly turns to him. You...you wont send me back, right?
Baekhyun groans, Chanyeol, dont you know what time it is
Please, Chanyeol takes a deep breath. The whirl of his processor is loud in the silence of the night.
Baekhyun opens his eyes, No. I wont send you back
Good, because I know Kris...I know he suffered. You dont know what its like being one of us. We dont remember how were born. One moment were just a pile
of nuts and bolts and the next we look like a human and have a humans heart. Kris wanted to be human, I know he did. Does. We all do. Sending him back
means...it means he failed as a human. There isnt a worse thing you could do to my kind, please dont ever
Baekhyun sits up, cupping Chanyeols face in his hands.
Chanyeol sounds as if he will break out into sobs at any moment and it tears at his heart.
Stop thinking about this, he urges softly. Im sorry for Kris, I am, but hes already been returned. You wont have to worry about that happening to you, okay? I
know my word doesnt mean much, but I..I like having you here. Its...nice.
Are you sure? Chanyeol presses closer, nose brushing against Baekhyun. Baekhyun shivers, Yes. Im sure. I d-dont fully understand how this all works but I
think Im beginning to understand you a lot better and Im grateful that I have you...in my life.
You... Chanyeols breath is surprisingly hot on his face; Baekhyun tries to put some distance between them with no luck. You dont care Im not human, right?
Because Im trying, Im trying really hard. I didnt know being a human was this hard
Baekhyun, a little bit half asleep, a little bit over the moon, kisses Chanyeol slowly, hands still holding his face. The chaste kiss evolves into the most intimate unity of lips
Baekhyun has ever experienced, full of movement and curious tongues.
The kiss only breaks when Baekhyuns lungs demand oxygen and he falls back on the bed, followed by an eager Chanyeol who wishes to keep their kissing going.
Lips fall hot on Baekhyuns neck and he squirms, ashamed of the hot flush creeping across his face. The tide of shame only lasts until Chanyeol picks his head up again and
brushes his lips softly over Baekhyuns, as if eager for one more taste. Soft lips swallow Baekhyuns even soft gasp.
Time bends under the weight of their kisses and before Baekhyun knows it, the sun is peeking out from over the horizon. Its the weekend but only dangerous things will
come if Baekhyun allows this to continue, no matter how good it feels. How real it feels.
Tao warms up to Chanyeol slowly but surely. Baekhyun doesn't want to lose his good friend so he forces Tao to come over and spend time with the two of them. Hes not
aiming to convert Taos way of thinking; he just wants more company.
Lately, being alone with Chanyeol feels too stifling. Chanyeol watches him too intensely now and only smiles when Baekhyun asks him if anythings wrong.
I just like looking at you, Chanyeol says with a little twitch. When his heart gives a little responding twitch of its own, Baekhyun questions his life choices once again.
Trying to deny his newfound attraction to Chanyeol is like trying to deny they both walk on two legs. Hes sure its obvious, especially in the moment when it seems like
Chanyeol is going to kiss him and they both freeze up. Baekhyuns flush is a little darker than Chanyeols, hes come to notice.
Chanyeol doesnt have any problems with Tao either and Baekhyun is grateful. Tao is very careful with his speech and mentions nothing of what Chanyeol is or isnt; most of
their conversations revolve around, interestingly enough, Baekhyun.
You should see him when hes trying to sleep, Chanyeol says one time, eyes excited. He makes these little noises when hes trying to sleep, theyre really too cute.
Hey, I do not! Baekhyun interjects.
When Tao looks him over, right eyebrow raised, Baekhyun flushes unnecessarily. What?
You two...sleep together?
Of course! Chanyeol bounces in his seat. I keep Baekhyunnie warm at night.
Baekhyunnie... Tao repeats, enunciating the name.
Chanyeol, bless his soul, doesn't sense the sudden tense air around Tao and continues to talk and talk, picking out more of Baekhyuns bad habits.
In lieu of defending himself against accusations that are too true, Baekhyun tries to steer the conversation elsewhere. Hey, uh, Tao, hows life?
Tao shrugs, Same old, same old. Im thinking of getting a pet, my dorms too big for me now.
You should get a beetle! Theyre really neat!
Chanyeol, beetles arent kept as pets, Baekhyun smiles. You know that.
Oh, I do, but I still think it would be cool to have one as a pet. Theyre really smart.
Taos face shows his disagreement. He doesn't last too long under Chanyeols exuberant probing and calls it a night not too long after. Still hurts, is all he says when
Baekhyun tries to get him to stay a few moments. Baekhyun has no response for that.
When he closes the door and turns, Chanyeol is standing there, eyes troubled. Tao... Huang Zi Tao, he says with perfect pronunciation. Does he...love you?
Love me? Baekhyun leans against the door, I dont think so. I think he just likes me a little more than he should, thats all.
Do you...like him more than you should too? Are human feelings always...mutual?
Not always and theyre not in this case either. Baekhyun steps forward, Tao is just a good friend and neighbor. I dont see him the way I see someone I
would...like. Does that make sense?
Chanyeol hums, A little. I feel bad for him, I think he misses Kris.
What happens to...beings like you that are sent back? Are they resold?
No. With a small shake of his head, Chanyeol steps back. They arent. Theyre pulled apart and made again, into different models and beings, as you said. The
one we knew to be Kris probably doesnt exist anymore.
Hes gone forever.
Chanyeols first glitch happens a few days after their second month anniversary !not that Baekhyuns been keeping count for sentimental reasons or anything".
Baekhyuns typing up his History paper when Chanyeol drops to the floor. A few seconds after the fall, Baekhyun stares, unable to move. Chanyeol lies on the floor not too
far from him, on his side with his eyes closed.
When Baekhyuns adrenaline kicks in, he shoves his laptop away, sending it crashing to the floor, and rushes to Chanyeols side.
Chanyeol! Chanyeol! he yells, trying to shake him awake. Chanyeol is cold to touch and doesnt stir, not even when Baekhyun screams in his ear.
With a cold feeling tightening in his gut, Baekhyun runs to his bedroom and looks for Chanyeols manual, finding it finally after tearing his room apart with his shaking
hands. His hands tremble with such ferocity he has trouble reading the Troubleshoot section and just settles for calling the roboboyfriend company.
Baekhyun only realizes hes shouting when the operator tells him to calm down. The person on the other line obviously doesnt understand he cant!
He cant hear himself over the thundering of his own heart and his still shaking hands smooth their way across Chanyeols forehead, feeling for the thrum of his processor.
Its quiet but its there.
Do something! Baekhyun yells after hes been on hold for no more than five minutes. Hes at his wits end. The mental stress of possibly losing Chanyeol plays with his
bodily functions and he sweats from every pore, not knowing if he wants to cry or scream some more.
Eventually, theres a knock at the door and in come a gang of roboboyfriend doctors.
One of them tries to tell Baekhyun the medical bill wont be cheap but Baekhyun will hear none of that and just directs them to the crumpled figure of Chanyeol in the
living room.
You might want to step away unless you want the magic to be ruined, one of them whispers.
Theyre going to open him up, Baekhyun realizes.
He almost trips over his own feet in his haste to lock himself in the bathroom. Nerves have upset his stomach to such a degree that the moment he pushes up the toilet lid, he
says a nice and mighty hello to that nights dinner.
Sick with worry, he decides to lie there on the bathroom tiles until the doctors !more like engineers" call for him. He feels pathetic for his handling of the situation but the
thought of losing Chanyeol overrides any embarrassment he can feel from his actions. Chanyeol is quickly becoming to mean the world to him.
Somewhere between that first sight of a naked doll in a box to living and sleeping with a smiley, sweet faced person...entity...being, he became so much more than Baekhyun
ever thought he would be.
Chanyeol doesnt need a label. Hes just Chanyeol. He likes to play with little bugs and watch the sunrise. He climbs all the trees he can when Baekhyun meets him at the
park and likes to watch those cheesy sitcoms that are on during dinnertime even if he laughs exactly with the laugh tracks and nothing else.
Chanyeol is only Chanyeol and Baekhyun...likes him.
He really likes him, with all the force of true human emotions and complexities. He cant afford to keep tiptoeing around this issue, especially when their one hundred
days are winding down and Baekhyun doesnt know if Chanyeol will survive to see day 101.
The possibility of Chanyeol not being here with him is almost impossible in itself.
How could Chanyeol ever not be with him?
How can Baekhyun come home and not have Chanyeol waiting for him on the couch, or in the kitchen and whatever other place thats caught his interest that day?
He cant.
Right there, curled on the bathroom floor, Baekhyun vows to live the rest of these days with Chanyeol fully and honestly. Hell live with the hope that Chanyeol will be with
him for a long time, but at the same time, not forgetting their days could potentially be numbered.
Some time later, Baekhyun is pulled out of his increasingly morbid thoughts by a voice calling for him. He jumps up and opens the door to see Chanyeol there with arms
open wide and his ever present smile glowing on his face.
Look, I have a band-aid! he says brightly, pointing to the blue tape on his forehead.
Baekhyun feels something build up in his chest and he laughs to alleviate the pressure, eyes stinging.
Whats wrong, Baekhyunnie? Dont you like my band-aid?
Baekhyun launches himself at Chanyeol, muffling a sobbing sound he will deny to the ends of the Earth. Chanyeol catches him and laughs, wrapping his arms tight around
Baekhyuns smaller body. Chanyeol is also the one who sees the medics out, thanking them happily, all while holding Baekhyun tightly against him.
Baekhyun buries his face in Chanyeols warm collarbone, eyes still stinging. He feels the loud hum of Chanyeols processor through his clothes and temporarily it soothes
him from his nightmarish thoughts of loss.
I thought of you, Chanyeol confesses when theyre both settled in bed. He still holds Baekhyun to his chest, now lightly kissing his forehead.
What? Baekhyun questions sleepily.
Before I fell, Chanyeol clarifies. I thought of you and I saw your face. The next thing I know, those nice doctors were waking me up and giving me a shot. They
said...they asked me If I...if I was one of the models who knew how to love and then...then they asked me if I loved you. They said it was okay for me to love you but
not...to not let you love me back.
Baekhyun sits up, Why? Why not?
Still smiling, Chanyeol wipes at Baekhyuns eyes with his two thumbs. Im not...the perfect model. Im not close to being perfect. Im lucky you still wanted me after
seeing how I am and the way I act. They said I dont have a lot of time left
Stop, please, Baekhyun holds Chanyeols wrists, keeping his touch on his face. Please dont say anything else...
Im sorry, Baekhyunnie. I wish I couldve been made perfect for you, I wish I couldve been all that you wanted
Dont you get it? Baekhyun tightens his grip, resisting eye contact. I cant.... Loose tears fall from his heavy eyes. Some fall on Chanyeol, who tries to catch them and
give them back.
Baekhyunnie, youre leaking!
You, Chanyeol, Baekhyun says seriously. More tears fall. I dont care about any of your defects or faults. I dont care about your facial twitch, I dont care if...if
you dont have enough time left. Youre already perfect for me. Youre already all I could have ever wanted. I dont regret buying you. My only regret is that I took
so long to...kiss you the first time.
Baekhyunnie
Its okay, Baekhyun continues, smiling through his tears. Well make the most of our days. Theres no reason for me to be like this. I know...I know no matter what
happens, I wont lose you.
The kiss Chanyeol pulls him in is meant to be reassuring but it shears away at the protective layer Baekhyun has over his heart. Chanyeol kisses as if hes scared too and his
lower lips trembles when Baekhyun pushes himself closer on the bed.
Dont leak anymore, Chanyeol begs, lips to Baekhyuns cheek. I dont like it. Please dont.
Its called crying, Baekhyun whispers. We do it when were sad or happy.
Are you happy now?
Yes...yes, because I'm with you.
The days pass slowly, Baekhyun makes sure of it. He does most of his homework immediately after coming from university and spends the rest of the days dragging
Chanyeol all around Seoul.
Their first stop is an ice cream shop and Baekhyun buys Chanyeol the most possible scoops, much to the disbelief of the cashier. When Chanyeol downs it all in the same
time one would normally take for one scoop, the cashier lady is stunned.
I cant taste it, not really, Chanyeol says as they walk hand in hand down the street. But it feels good in my mouth! Wah, Baekhyunnie, you have some of your
cheek. Let me get that for you!
Baekhyun expects a sleeve to start rubbing at his face or a hand, not soft lips and a curious tongue. Chanyeol licks Baekhyun until hes good and pink, laughing when
Baekhyuns ice cream comes apart in his hand because he was holding it too tightly.
They act like theyre dating and Baekhyun thinks they are, even if nothing has been put into words.
Theyve evolved beyond words.
In the park, Chanyeol chases a stray dog and then softly tackles Baekhyun to the ground, making them roll over and over until both smell like grass and sunlight. Baekhyun
doesnt think hes ever been this happy with another person before. Chanyeol wants to run everywhere and touch everything; Baekhyun lets him, as long as its legal.
They travel to the highest possible viewpoint in Seoul and the trip is worth it for Baekhyun to see Chanyeols wide eyes and bright smile.
Wouldnt it be cool to fly, Baekhyunnie? If I could fly, Id take you on my back and then wed fly all over the world! Theres this place called New York that looks
so nice from the pictures Ive seen!
Baekhyun makes an offhand promise to take him to New York in five years, if only to see Chanyeols happiness expand into a larger force.
They run around all over the city, taking in all the sights and sounds of their bustling metropolis. Chanyeol has a friendly smile and is once attacked by a group of middle
schoolers who, though knowing hes not of their own kind, have no problem climbing all over him and declaring him their new friend.
They really like you, Baekhyun smiles, watching as one of the smaller girls takes Chanyeol by the hand and refuses to let him go.
I think she wants to keep me! Chanyeol says, tickling under the little girls chin. Hello, little one. I have to go be with Baekhyunnie now, okay? You should go home
to your mom and dad, I think theyre waiting for you!
The little girl looks around Chanyeol to Baekhyun and stares, Is that Baekhyunnie? Baekhyun waves awkwardly.
Yes, it is! Hes my... Chanyeol shuts his mouth, blinking. Hes my... well nothings really coming to mind what name I should use for him so Ill just say, little one.
Chanyeol crouches down until hes eye level with the little girl, grinning. Hes the one I love.
There's a pause and then the little girl smiles, understanding. Love him a lot, okay?
I will, Chanyeol promises with a secret smile.
Standing close enough to hear their conversation, Baekhyun smiles with a heavy chest. His heart had already grown from the affections Chanyeol had given him before but
now, with his words, it swelled a little more.
If his heart grows too much, soon itll be hard to breathe.
Their first shower together is the only one Baekhyun will ever remember. Chanyeol doesnt have a problem with being without clothes and he steps into the bath tub first,
urging Baekhyun to join him.
Bathing for Chanyeol is like eating: he doesnt need to do it but he enjoys doing it nonetheless, if only to be with Baekhyun. Baekhyun feels a little silly telling Chanyeol to
close his eyes as he strips to his boxers but he feels even sillier trying to sit in between Chanyeols legs in the tub because he takes up so much room.
Is Baekhyunnie really dirty? Chanyeol asks, hands resting on top of Baekhyuns thighs.
I just showered this morning so not really.
Can I wash you anyway? I want to see what its like.
Still a little hesitant, and perhaps a bit self-conscious, Baekhyun passes Chanyeol the soap and wash-cloth. He waits for the cool touch of soap bubbles on his back but a
warm mouth kisses the back of his ear instead.
He flushes, W-What was that for?
I just...wanted to do it. Is it okay if I do...more?
Baekhyun hadnt thought this through at all. Chanyeol is now ready to wash every inch of him, and with a careful hand because Chanyeol doesnt do anything to Baekhyun if
not carefully. Baekhyuns too choked up to speak and nods once, thankful he kept his underwear on.
Chanyeol leaves tiny kisses down Baekhyuns shoulders and neck, washing first his back and then rubbing the cloth down his chest and abdomen. Baekhyun feels nothing but
warm wetness when Chanyeol sneaks a kiss to his cheek, chuckling quietly when he jumps in surprise.
Youre not washing me very well, Baekhyun accuses, trying to make his tone one of annoyance. Its very hard to be angry when Chanyeol is licking away the water
droplets that have pooled in his collarbone.
Im washing you with my tongue. Does that count?
It doesnt but Baekhyuns body feels too heavy and warm for him to complain. He settles back against Chanyeols chest, sloshing the water between them.
Are you sleepy, Baekhyunnie?
A little, the waters nice and warm.
Toward the end of the tub, Baekhyun feels Chanyeol wiggle his toes.
This is a nice temperature, Chanyeol says. I like the color it makes your skin turn. Baekhyunnie looks like a cherry. Do cherries taste sweet like you do?
Baekhyuns lips twitch, Some of them do but I only like sour cherries.
I dont know what sour tastes like. Chanyeol continues to decorate the upper part of Baekhyuns body with his mouth, tongue suddenly lazy. But I know what
Baekhyunnie tastes like. I think its the only taste I really know for sure.
And I taste sweet?
Sweet and warm. I like the way you feel on my tongue, I cant stop kissing you right now because the water just makes you taste better.
Baekhyun wants to say something about pheromones but hes trained himself beyond ruining the mood with intellectual anecdotes. He basks in Chanyeols attention, not
resisting when Chanyeol turns his chin to kiss the side of his lips.
Their days are numbered now.
Baekhyun threw out the calendar a week ago; it had been driving him insane. The days are starting to mean nothing to them now but Baekhyun hopes this is only because
theyre so wrapped up in each other and not because they unknown will quickly be upon them.
Whats one hundred days to someone in love? The heart doesnt know time.
These one hundred days could easily be three years or thirty years and Baekhyun knows his feelings wouldnt change. Hes come so far in such a short time and time itself
wont be the reason he drives himself insane. He foolishly wishes he could spend the rest of eternity in this position, with Chanyeol all around him and his warm presence on
Baekhyuns back.
Its too much to ask.
Time is the only illusion besides life humans have thrown themselves into. Baekhyun can stay here and pretend tomorrow wont possibly separate him from Chanyeol but
delusions can only go so far. He loves Chanyeol. He doesnt think he knew what love was before Chanyeol and his smile but now he knows and he knows it all too well.
Love is in these little, silent moments. Love is in a comforting touch, an easy smile. Love is the reason why Baekhyun turns in Chanyeol arms and kisses him squarely on the
mouth, as if forcing his lips to brush against Chanyeols center of being.
Chanyeol laughs into their kiss, the sound swirls up into Baekhyuns mouth and twines around his brain. He wants to remember this laughter for the rest of his lie. He pulls
back then, remembering something else he wishes to always keep with him. Chanyeols eyes.
Baekhyunnie? Chanyeol asks, smiling. This time, his left eye twitches. Baekhyuns heart gives a powerful tug.
My Chanyeol is so good looking, he whispers, pulling him back in to distract from the leaking Baekhyun feels hell do at any second.
Beautiful Baekhyunnie, Chanyeol replies, speaking into his lips.
This moment.
This is the one Baekhyun wishes would last forever.
Over the course of the next five days, Chanyeol has trouble getting out of bed. He doesnt call his moments of time out sleep but Baekhyun is worried nonetheless,
anxiously fidgeting as the few grains of sand finally fall in their hour glasses.
Baekhyun tries to ignore this behavior as best as he can, silently keeping a vigil over their last week. His heart pounds in excitement whenever he sees Chanyeol up and out
of bed. Their kisses are sweeter than they have ever been that week. Chanyeols smile is so infectious and his laughter is so bright, Baekhyun doesnt notice the dimming in
his eyes until its too late.
The fifth day is a Wednesday, Baekhyun will always remember. He is just stepping through the front door, backpack still on his shoulders, when Chanyeols small voice pulls
him into the bedroom.
Baekhyunnie, he moans. From the looks of things, he hasnt gotten out of bed today.
Hes in the same position Baekhyun left him in that morning except now Chanyeol looks to be in serious pain.
The end is nigh.
Im h-here, Baekhyun says, sitting on the bed next to him. His stomach churns at the distress on Chanyeols face.
Dread pools in the chambers of his heart as Chanyeol continues to speak.
Everything...everything hurts. Whats going on?
I dont know, Baekhyun smooths a hand over Chanyeols cheek. Hes colder than he was the time he dropped before Baekhyuns very eyes. Its frightening and
Baekhyuns body reacts accordingly, cutting off his airway in an effort to hold himself together.
This cant be it, Chanyeol suddenly says, trying to open his eyes.
Baekhyuns can't take his eyes away from his face when Chanyeol doesnt succeed in looking up at him.
We havent had enough time, this...I cant go now.
Chanyeol, Baekhyun lays a hand over his lips. He cant take much more of this talk. His insides squirm uncomfortably and theres a familiar pressure pushing at the back
of his eyes.
This is it.
You cant fight this...we cant fight what weve been known was coming all along.
Tears blur Baekhyuns vision, choking his words. He pulls his hand away to angrily wipe at his eyes, disgusted with his own feelings. He has to keep himself together for
Chanyeol.
Chanyeols last image of him cannot be of him leaking everywhere.
Baekhyunnie, Chanyeols hands try to finds his; Baekhyun grips them tightly in his own. I...I didnt know why I was made for a long time. Now, I see that I...I was
made for you and only you. I didnt think Id ever find someone who made me feel so...so human. Im sorry
Shhh, Baekhyun kisses his hands, making sure to keep his tears away from Chanyeols skin. He doesnt want to make this any harder than it has to be. A part of him is
thankful Chanyeol at least has his eyes closed.
Dont forget me, okay? Chanyeols strained voice continues, You can love other people, maybe even love them more than me but dont
Never, Baekhyun swears, gritting his teeth. He takes a deep breath to calm his heart. Its no use. Hes falling apart. You dont have anything to worry about, My...My
Chanyeol is unforgettable.
I love you, Chanyeol says. He tries to pull Baekhyun to him but hes so weak, Baekhyuns heart breaks a little more at his struggle. Baekhyun leans over him, supporting
himself with his hands near Chanyeols head.
I love you, Chanyeol says more quietly, lips brushing over Baekhyuns. Chanyeol loves Baekhyunnie.
I love you.
In the years to come, Baekhyun hates himself for not saying it out loud for Chanyeol to hear.
With a soft kiss, Chanyeol lets out a rough gush of air. The sound is unsettling and rings of finality but it doesnt stop Baekhyun from calling Chanyeols name over and over
again, hoping for a little reaction.
It hits him then, when Chanyeol doesn't move. Its over.
Hes gone.
Hell never see Chanyeols smile ever again.
Hell never see that little facial twitch hes grown to adore.
Hell never wake up in his arms.
Hell never kiss his lips.
Hell never...love anyone else the way he loved Chanyeol.
First a broken sound falls from his lips then he sobs against Chanyeols unmoving chest, fingernails digging into his shirt.
Chanyeol lies beneath him, as cold as stone.
Theres no trace of the happy, amazing, perfect, perfectly human man Baekhyun loves. Will always love.
No arms come around to embrace Baekhyun as he cries.
Theres no whisper of Baekhyunnie, stop leaking! into the curve of his ear.
Nothing.
Baekhyun sobs as if he is the last man on Earth and nothing can save him from his loneliness ahead of him.
A day later, Baekhyun watches the Boyfriend Store truck drive away from his apartment building.
He hasn't stopped crying and having Chanyeol on his bed just made everything worse. Hes so distracted by his emotions, he doesnt notice Tao until hes standing at his
elbow.
Is he...
Hes gone, Baekhyun whispers, eyes still on the direction the truck pulled away in. Hyung, Im
Baekhyun shakes his head and pulls away from him, turning to go back inside his apartment. He hopes Tao understands hes not ready to talk about this yet. He doesnt think
hell ever be able to put into words what it meant to have Chanyeol in his life.
Chanyeol was his sunshine, his cherry ice cream, his friend, his boyfriend...the love of his life.
There are currently no words in any human language that could ever even begin to touch what they shared. Back in his apartment, Baekhyun finds a note hidden under his
pillow.
He looks despite his better judgment.
_______________________________________________
Baekhyunnie. Im going soon.
Remember that I love you, okay? Chanyeol loves Baekhyunnie!
I love you as much as someone like me can love. I love you and thank you for teaching me what this feeling is like. I finally know what its like to love and be loved. It
really is the greatest feeling in the world!
Dont leak, okay? No leaking. Take care of yourself and dont be so rough with Huang Zi Tao. He cares about you a lot.
Goodbye, my Baekyunnie, my boyfriend