Prepared by: E.M. JAMILLA UST-Institute of Religion GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP
Everyone needs deep or intimate friendships with a few persons. Human beings can do without genital relationships, but they cannot fully develop as human beings without some measure of human friendship. Fr. John Harvey
One necessary requirement of marriage is genuine friendship between husband and wife. True friendship serves as the foundation of a stable union inasmuch as marriage requires true love. Marriage which is a most intimate and unique relationship cannot last unless the parties are true friends.
Friendship in Marriage
Friendship is a non-sexual relationship friends are best chosen from among non-lovers, because lovers have their judgement obscured by passion and try to keep the beloved in an inferior position. It is the souls of friends that become united not their bodies. Plato
QUALITIES OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP 3 essential qualities:
the friendship must be morally helpful to both parties there must be genuine basis of agreement between two parties friendship must be characterized by a spirit of self sacrifice
other qualities of friendship: The ability to listen being available to listen not only to what the friend is saying but also what he is trying to say. Trustworthiness right to expect and an obligation to give loyalty Reverence A friend is not an object to be possessed but a subject to be cherished. Friends are not things to be labeled or catalogued. Friends are to be loved and accepted. Receptiveness - Being open to others. We have to let down the bridge and open the gate.
FRIENDSHIP IN MARRIAGE
The permanent union between husband and wife can remain strong and stable only if they continue to grow and mature in their friendships.
1. It is a trust - a conviction that you can let yourself be important to another.
2.)Friendship evolves slowly it requires delicacy, tact, prudence, urbanity and diplomacy.
3.)Friendship is patient - It is based on developing commonality and complementarity, growing out common interests, values and commitments and mutually reinforcing contribution to the emerging pattern of friendship. 4.)Friendship is not competitive There is no need in the friendship for one to surpass the other or to be afraid of being surpassed by the other.
5.)Friendship is open-ended - it is never perfect, never fulfilled, never incapable of more growth.
6.)Friendship is outgoing - love is not two people looking at each other, but two people looking together in the same direction.
7.) Friendship is playful - play is one of mans obligations and the ones we are most at ease with in our play are, of course, our friends. Play bring us out of ourselves, and enables us to bring out the child in us. HAPPINESS IS BEING MARRIED TO YOUR BESTFRIEND. Marks and Demand of Conjugal Love - Pope Paul VI (Humanae Vitae) Prepared by: E.M. JAMILLA UST Institute of Religion Love between husband and wife expresses itself in many ways, among which sexual intimacy has a particular place. The pleasure of sex is good and holy only if it is the achievement and channel of conjugal love.
In marriage, sexual intimacy should always be accompanied with feeling of mutual love, respect and appreciation between partners. The need for mutual love as the basis of marriage demands that the partners contract it with full liberty and consent. Love is the achievement of freedom. No one can be compelled to love. 1. Conjugal love is fully human The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that makes makes the marriage. If consent is lacking there is no marriage. The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for this consent. If this freedom is lacking marriage is invalid. 2. Conjugal love is total Conjugal love involves a totality , in which all the elements of the person enter appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and one soul. 3. Conjugal love is exclusive and faithful until death. The love of the spouses requires the unity and indissolubility of the spouses community of persons which embrace their entire life: so they are no longer two, but one flesh. They are called to grow continually in their communion through day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving. 4. Conjugal love is fecund By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory. (GS 48 1; 50) True love is always life- giving, always selfless, never life-taking, never selfish. True love always tends to reproduce itself, to make more of itself, because it comes from the Creator. When we frustrate that covenant of love and life, we turn the conjugal act into an act of selfishness rather than an act of total self-donation: "I give you all of me except my reproductive self, except my openness to life", which, in turn, means that I've also closed off my openness to love. For it's a covenant of love and life, not love or life.
Our respect for the sanctity of the human person, for the sanctity of life, begins with our respect for the sanctity of the conjugal act, the act that begets that life.
You can't have one without the other.
Love and Life: CHARACTERISTICS OF A SUCCESSFUL AND LASTING MARITAL RELATIONSHIP MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY (SCL 9) E. M. JAMILLA UST INSTITUTE OF RELIGION CHARACTERISTICS OF A SUCCESSFUL AND LASTING MARITAL RELATIONSHIP Happy couples feel at home with each other from the start. Happy couples dont hold grudge. Happy couples share routines and dreams. Happy couples look for the best. Happy couples learn to change. Happy couples understand the importance of sex. Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand. Happy couples describe their mate as their best friend. Happy couples feel at home with each other from the start. The partner feels a sweeping sense of connection, of shared values. Sometimes their sense of fit is sexual; sometimes its emotional; frequently both. This rapport includes a delicate balance of friendship which is based on sameness, and passion which is based on difference. The tension creates and sustains a vital marriage. Happy couples dont hold grudge. Couples like them have a capacity for resolution. They try to resolve their arguments in various ways. Some set a policy of never going to bed angry; other couples instead go to bed angry in order to sleep it off. The important policy is that the couple should find a way to resolve their conflict and hold no grudge against each other. Happy couples share routines and dreams. Routines do not only produce happiness, but they also instill confidence and trust in the natural and practical existence of the marriage. From this day to day comfort, happy couples can move to the deeper realm of shared dreams and work together for the realization of their dreams. Happy couples look for the best. Couples thrive when spouses focus on what is good and true in the other. Marriage will be strong in the face of temperament if the partner will not focus on his or her dark thoughts. Married couples should learn to see the best, develop the best, and expect the best in their spouses. Happy couples learn to change. Many couples experience a great deal of change through the course of their marriage. It may not be a good idea to go into marriage hoping that the partner will change, but the fact is that the people do change; for they cannot help but change. A good marriage helps people change for the better. Happy couples understand the importance of sex. A good marriage rests upon friendship, respect, commitment qualities that endure when passion wanes. Sex is not everything, but it may be something that gives zest and vibrance to the relationship. Happy couples do not struggle for the upper hand. There is an equal standing in a happy marriage. Competition is not the name of the game but collaborative effort in order to make the relationship work. Couples experience no power struggle even in financial matters. Couples in marriage complete each other rather than compete with each other. Happy couples describe their mate as their best friend. Happines is being married to your best friend. It means that couple spends large amount of time together, talking, working, and laughing. Whatever they want to do with their lives, they want to do it together; they simply enjoy each other above all others. Aspects of Effective Communication among Family Members Prepared by: E.M. JAMILLA UST Institute of Religion The main factor of conjugal happiness and success is communication. In fact through communication disagreements are minimized, expectations are blended and common causes of action are chosen. Communication is not an easy process. The main reason which often prevents people from practicing it is the lack of knowledge of their own feelings and reactions. 1. Listening To listen actively is to involve ones whole person: eyes, posture, attitude, facial expression. . Aspects of Effective Communication 2. Non-verbal signals An important part of the listening is to discern not only what is expressed orally but what is shown by the eyes, facial expression. A good listener listens not only to the sound of spoken words but also to the sound of silence. 3. Directness A good communicator does not resort to hazy suggestions and innuendoes that contaminate the message, which could prove disastrous in any form of communication. 4. Clarity Communication should be concise and clear. Verbosity and decorative words cause much distraction and confusion. Dialogue Between Partners Dialogue is a slow process Dialogue lies in the readiness of each partner to listen fully to each other Dialogue between partners should be covered with the veil of privacy Dialogue requires time Main Subjects for Dialogue Meaning of life Mutual Affection and Love Sexual Achievements and Failures Spiritual Experiences and Experience of the Divine
Dialogue is a very rewarding process, which brings about a lot of peace and joy especially when these topics become the main subjects for dialogue. Enhancing Husband Wife Relationship communicating non-verbally communicating as adults communicating as children communicating as husband and wife communicating emotionally communicating spiritually communicating mutual and diverse interest communicating socially communicating culturally communicating mans /womans condition
(John Hiltz) The harmony which the partners are able to achieve in their mutual relationship is the only source of happiness which they have at their disposal. Nothing else but their deep understanding and unity can fill with joy all the moments they spend together. But this harmony and happiness are not the result of chance; they can be achieved only through long efforts, supported by love and guided by reflection and dialogue.
Strengthening Family Relationships Learn about yourself.
When you feel anxious or stressed about family time or you feel that your buttons are being pushed by family members, take a look within and ask yourself what youre feeling. What can you learn about your own needs and how they are or arent being met? Instead of reacting and blaming, try to gather some information for your own growth.
Strengthening Family Relationships Look at each other in the eyes during conversation.
Looking at each other with compassion, understanding and love strengthens the connection between you and sets a tone for closeness.
Strengthening Family Relationships Practice good communication & negotiation skills.
There are bound to be differences of opinion. Its okay to say what you want. Its helpful to communicate your expectations early. Use the skills that you have learned in your friendships or in your work life in your family life. If you need some practice, look for a workshop or class on communication skills.
Strengthening Family Relationships Take a time-out.
A walk around the block, an afternoon by yourself or some time alone reading a book or doing something you enjoy can help you reconnect with yourself during extended family time.
Strengthening Family Relationships Learn when to seek help.
If past conflicts or feelings from events in the past keep cropping up, it may help to talk it over with a helping professional. Similarly, if it doesnt feel emotional or physically safe to be with family members, its time to get some assistance.
Everything begins in the family love, life, values, virtues, beliefs, traditional practices and customs, attitudes including authentic communication. Finally, the family, the community of love and life cannot survive without effective and authentic communication, the lifeblood of any relationship.