El comienzo

Ahora usted conoce todas las habilidades que necesita para llevar a cabo una con
versacin abierta y agradable. Pregntese cmo podra usarlas hoy, ahora mismo. Es vital
que empiece inmediatamente; si no, es probable que no empiece nunca. Uno de estos
das quiere decir, por lo general, ninguno de estos das.
Hay un antiguo proverbio ingls que concuerda con otro ms moderno y que, ms o menos
en todos los idiomas, versa: El primer paso es el que cuesta. En su propia vida, ta
mbin usted ha comprobado que es as: superar la inercia es casi siempre la parte ms
difcil de cualquier empresa. Ha tratado alguna vez de empujar un coche? Pues entonc
es ya habr observado que lo ms difcil es ponerlo en movimiento. Qu es lo ms difcil de
scribir una carta, de aprender a nadar, de hacer cualquier trabajo? Ponerse en mar
cha. Y qu supone usted que ser lo ms difcil de usar de las habilidades que ha ido apr
endiendo?
Al comienzo quiz no sea muy capaz de usar estas ha-bilidades para comunicarse, pe
ro es que con ninguna habi-lidad empieza uno siendo muy capaz. Recuerde que cuand
o empez a tratar de escribir su nombre, o de andar en bicicleta, o de conducir un
coche cometi muchos errores y necesit mucha prctica para progresar.
Si le dedica realmente el esfuerzo y el tiempo necesarios para vencer la inercia
y adquirir estas habilidades, el resultado ser una ventaja para toda la vida: as c
omo le pas con leer, escribir o conducir su coche, pronto ya no tendr que pensar e
n ellas; simplemente, las estar usando y beneficindose automticamente de ellas.
Si lo piensa en serio, este es el momento de empezar. Acaba de llegar al final d
e este libro, y deje que este sea...
EL COMIENZO
Bibliografa seleccionada
Para preparar esta obra consult varios centenares de ar-tculos y libros. Si al lec
tor le interesa entender de forma ms detallada, y posiblemente ms tcnica, los compo
nentes de una interaccin social eficaz, creo que encontrar especialmente valiosas l
as fuentes que enumero a continua-cin:
Adler, R. y G. Rodman, Understanding human communication, Holt, Rinehart & Winst
on, Nueva York, 1985.

y L. Rosenfeld, Interplay: The process of interpersonal com- munication, Holt, R

inehart & Winston, Nueva York, 1983. Alberti, R. E. y M. L. Emmons, Your perfect
right, Impact, San Luis Obispo (California), 1986.
Arkowitz, H. Measurement and modification of minimal dating behavior, en M. Hersen
, R. Eisley y P. Miller, eds., Progress in behavior modification, Academic Press
, Nueva York, 1977. Bach, G. R. y R. M. Deutch, Pairing: How to achieve genuine
intimacy, Avon, Nueva York, 1971.
Bandura, A., Social Learning Theory, Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs (Nueva Jers
ey), 1977.
Barrett, T. E., Clinical application of behavioral social skills trai-ning with c
hildren, Psychological Reports, 57 (1985).
Beck, A., Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders, New American Library, N
ueva York, 1979.
Beck, A. y G. Emery, Anxiety disorders and phobias: A cognitive perspective, Bas
ic Books,. Nueva York, 1985.
Bell, R. A., Conversational involvement and loneliness, Com-munication Monographs,
52 (1985).
Bloom, L. A., K. Coburn y J. Pearlman, The new assertive woman, Delacorte, Nueva
York, 1976.
Bolton, R., People skills: How to assert yourselfy listen to others and resolve
conflicts, Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs (Nueva Jersey), 1979.
Bower, S. y G. H. Bower, Asserting yourself: A practical guide to positive chang
e, Addison-Wesley, Reading (Mass.), 1976.
Burgoon, K. K. y R. J. Koper, Nonverbal and relational com-munication associated
with reticence, Human Communi-cation Research, 10 (1984).
Butler, P. E. Self assertion for women, Harper & Row, San Fran-cisco, 1981.
Cappe, R. F. y L. E. Alden, A comparison of treatment strategies for clients funct
ionally impaired by extreme shyness and social avoidance, Journal of Consulting a
nd Clinical Psy-chology, 54 (1986).

Cline, R. J. y K. E. Muslof, Disclosure as social exchange, Wes-tern Journal of Sp

eech Communication, 49 (1985).
Curran, J. P., Skills training as an approach to the treatment of heterosexual-so
cial anxiety, Psychological Bulletin, 84 (1977).
Dyer, W., Your erroneous zones, Funk & Wagnalls, Nueva York, 1976. [Hay version
castellana: Tus zonas errneas, Grijalbo, Barcelona, 1990.]
Ellis, A., Growth through reason, Science & Behavior Books, Palo Alto (Californi
a), 1971.
, Rational-emotive therapy: Research data that supports the clinical and personali
ty hypotheses of RET and other modes of cognitive-behavior therapy, The Counselin
g Psychologist, 7 (1977).
, Reason and emotion in psychotherapy, CitadeLPress, Secaucus (Nueva Jersey), 198
4.

y R. Harper, A new guide to rational living, Wilshire, North Hollywood (Californ

ia), 1977.
Faber, A. y E. Mazlish, How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will
talk, Avon, Nueva York, 1983.
Fensterheim, H. y J. Baer, Dont say yes when you want to say no, Dell, Nueva York
, 1975. [Hay version castellana: No diga si cuando quiera decir no, Grijalbo, Ba
rcelona, 1989.]
Gambrill, E. y C. Richey, Taking charge of your social life, Wads-worth, Belmont
(California), 1985.
Gamer, A.f Its O.K. to say no to drugs!: A parent/child manual for the protection
of children, Tor Books, Nueva York, 1987. [Hay version castellana: Di que no a
las drogas, Grijalbo, Barcelona, 1987.]
Givens, D., The nonverbal basis of attraction: Flirtation, courtship and seduction,
Psychiatry, 41(1978).
Glaser, S. R., Oral communication apprehension and avoidance: The current status o
f treatment research, Communication Education, 30 (1981).

Interpersonal communication instruction: A behavioral com

petency approach, Communication Education, 32 (1983).

y A. Ablen, Toward communication competency, Holt, Rinehart & Winston, Nueva York
, 1986.
, A. Biglan y M. G. Dow, Conversational skills instruction for communication appre
hension and avoidance: Evaluation of a treatment program, Communication Research,
10 (1983).
Glass, C., J. Gottman y S. Shmurak, Response acquisition and cognitive self-state
ment modification approaches to dating skills training, Journal of Counseling Psy
chology, 23 (1976).
Goffman, E., Interaction ritual, Doubleday Anchor, Nueva York, 1973.
Gordon, T., Parent effectiveness training, Plume, Nueva York, 1975. Hall, E., Th
e silent language, Doubleday, Nueva York, 1973. Haynes, L. A. y A. W. Avery, Trai
ning adolescents in self-disclosure and empathy skills, Journal of Counseling Psy
-chology, 26 (1979).
Hosford, R. E., Seif-as-a-model: A cognitive social learning technique, The Counsel
ing Psychologist, 9 (1980).
Jakubowski, P. y A. Langue, The assertive option, Research Press, Champaign (Ill
inois), 1978.
Jeffers, S., Feel the fear and do it anyway, Harcourt, Brace, Jova- novich, San
Diego, 1987.
Johnson, W., People in quandaries, Harper & Row, Nueva York, 1946.
Jourard, W., The transparent self, Van Nostrand, Nueva York, 1971.
. Knapp, M., Nonverbal communication in human interaction, H. Holt, Nueva York,
1978.

, Interpersonal communication and human relationships, Allyn & Bacon, Newton (Ma
ssachusetts), 1983.

y G. R. Miller, eds., Hadbook of interpersonal communication,

Sage, Beverly Hills, 1985.
Kranzler, G., You can change how you feel, RETC Press, Eugene (Oregon), 1977.
Lange, A. J. y P. Jakubowski, Responsible assertive behavior. Cognitive/behaviora

l procedures for trainers, Research Press, Champaign (Illinois), 1976.

LaRusso, D. A., The shadows of communication, Kendall/ Hunt, Dubuque (Iowa), 197
7.
Lazarus, A., ed., Casebook of multimodal therapy, Guilford Press, Nueva York, 19
85.

y A. Fay, I can if I want to, Warner, Nueva York, 1977. McAllister, H. A., Self-d
isclosure and liking: Effects for senders
and receivers, Journal ofPersonatity, 48 (1980).
McCroskey, J. C., Oral communication apprehension: A sum- mary of recent theory a
nd research, Human Communication Research, 4 (1977).
McFall, R. y D. Lillesand, Behavior rehearsal with modeling and coaching in asser
tive training, Journal of Abnormal Psy-chology, 11 (1971).

y C. Twentyman, Four experiments on the relative con-tribution of rehersal, model

ing and coaching to assertive trai-ning, Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 81 (1973
).
Mager, R., Goal analysis, Fearon, Belmont (California), 1972.
Mehrabian, A., Silent messages, Wadsworth, Belmont (Califor-nia), 1980.
Miller, S., D. Wackman, E. Nunnally y C. Salme, Straight talk, Signet (Nueva Yor
k), 1982.
Mize, J,, G. Laad y J. Price, Promoting positive peer relations with young childr
en, Child Care Quarterly, 14 (1985).
Morris, D., Manwatching: A field guide to human behavior, Abrams, Nueva York, 19
79.
, Bodywatching, Crown, Nueva York, 1985.
Murphy, K., Effective listening, Bantam, Nueva York, 1987.
Pease, A., Signals: How to use body language for power, success and love, Bantam
, Nueva York, 1984.
Phillips, G., The reticence syndrome: Some theoretical consi- deratioins about et
iology and treatment, Speech Mono-graphs, 40 (1973).

y N. Metzger, Intimate communication, Allyn & Bacon, Bos-ton, 1976.

Rehm, L. y A. Marston, Reduction of social anxiety through modification of self-r
einforcement, Journal of Consulting Psychology, 32 (1968).
Rogers, C., On becoming a person, Houghton Mifflin, Boston, 1961. [Hay version c
astellana: El proceso de convertirse en persona, Paids, Barcelona, 1990.]
Skinner, B. F., Verbal behavior, Appleton-Century Crofts, Nueva York, 1957.
Smith, M. J., When I say no, I feel guilty, Bantam, Nueva York, 1985. [Hay versin
castellana: Cuando digo no, me siento cul-pable, Grijalbo, Barcelona, 1989.]
, Yes, 1 can say no: Assertiveness training for children, Arbor House, Nueva York
, 1986. [Hay versin castellana: S, puedo decir no, Grijalbo, Barcelona, 1989.]
Spitzberg, B. H. y W, R. Cupach, Interpersonal communication competence, Sage, B
everly Hills, 1984.
Sunnafrank, M., Attitude similarity and interpersonal attraction during early com
municative relationships, Western journal of Speech Communication, 49 (1985).
Tannen, D., Conversational style: Analyzing talk among friends, Ablex, Norwood (
Nueva Jersey), 1984.

, Thats not what I meant!, Ballantine, Nueva York, 1986.

Twentyman, C., T. Boland y R. McFall, Heterosocial avoidance in college males: Fo
ur studies, Behavior Modification, 5 (1981).

y R. McFall, Behavioral training of social skills in shy males, Journal of Consult

ng and Clinical Psychology, 43 (1975).
Watzlawick, H, y N. Lobsenz, Nobody is perfect: How to give cri-ticism and get r
esults, Stratford Press, Los Angeles, 1981. [Hay version castellana: Nadie es pe
rfecto, Grijalbo, Barcelona, 1989.]
Wolfe, J. y I. Fiodor, A cognitive/behavioral approach to mo-difying assertive be
havior in women, The Counseling Psy-chologist, 5 (1975).
Wolpe, J., The practice of behavior therapy, Pergamon, Elmsford (Nueva York), 19
82.
Zimbardo, P., Shyness: What it is and what to do about it, Jove, Nueva York, 198
4.

y S. Radi, The shy child: A parents guide to preventing and overcoming shyness

from infancy to adulthood, McGraw-Hill, Nueva York, 1981.

Adems de los libros citados, le ser provechosa la lectura de las siguientes obras
del fondo de Ediciones Grijalbo:
Benson, Herbert, El poder de la mente, Barcelona, 1990.
Berne, Eric, Qu dice usted despus de decir hola?, Barcelona, 1989.
Devers, Thomas, Aprenda a comunicarse mejor, Barcelona, 1990. Rubin, Theodore I,
, Supere la indecisin, Barcelona, 1989. Valenti, Jack, Aprenda a hablar en pblico,
Barcelona, 1989.