This Is What Its About

When people ask me how I homeschool several children, I tell them the secret is
to teach my kids obedience. Character is key. If a child has learned obedience,
he or she can be taught attentiveness, responsibility, diligence, and the import
ance of having the right attitude.
These traits can make or break the homeschooling experience for any parent. Ther
es no way I can teach my five energetic, gregarious, and very curious children if
these character traits are not present or, at the very least, developing in the
ir hearts.
Yesterday, I was homeschooling seven children. My niece and two nephews were ove
r to homeschool with us. They did great! But my two older boys, Elijah and Edan,
didnt start out too well. They had a conflict that resulted in Elijah throwing h
is hands up in exasperation and Edan chucking a pencil on the floor. They were g
oing over Filipino together and Elijah was frustrated that Edan didnt seem to be
listening. Edan was annoyed that Elijah was forcing him to do his work.
We couldnt continue our homeschooling without dealing with this. So, I called the
two of them aside and we transferred to a room where we could have some privacy
.
Auntie Joy! I need help! I had to ignore the calls at the door and request that th
ey wait till we were done.
In the room, I asked the boys to sit close to me. Both of them were fighting off
the tears.
Let me ask you something, boysweve been memorizing 1 Corinthians 13:4-6. Which of t
hose aspects of love have you NOT been practicing?
There was an awkward silence but they looked up at me and began to speak volunta
rily
Love is kind. Love is not rude, was Edans response.
Love does not keep a record of wrong, admitted Elijah.
How I love the word of God and its power to convict the hearts of my children! I
asked them a simple question but they were convicted.
We recited 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 together again. Love is patient. Love is kind. Lo
ve is not jealous. Love is not proud. Love is not rude. Love does not insist on
its own way. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love rejoices when the truth
wins
Their faces softened which told me that their hearts did, too. They knew that th
ey had not honored Gods word, which was the greater issue.
I know you guys love the Lord, you love one another and you dont want to hurt each
other. How can you improve?
They proceeded to share their feelings and frustrations. I let them talk freely
so I could find out why they were being so reactive towards one another. Elijah
was deeply upset that Edan apologies for unkindness didnt seem sincere. He felt t
hat the same offense was bound to happen because there was no real repentance. Eda
n, on the other hand, didnt like being ordered around by Elijah.
I helped Edan to see that he was not practicing Love is not proud, too. To both I
said, We are an imperfect family. Mommy and daddy are imperfect. All of you are i
mperfect. Thats why we need Jesus. We need to keep applying Gods grace, love, and
forgiveness in our relationships. I went on to admit my own struggles. Honestly, w
hen I was teaching Titus about rhyming earlier and I asked him what rhymes with p
in and he said cup I felt like smacking him. But I didnt because that would be ver
y wrong. But I want you to know that I understand the frustrations you feel towa
rds one another.
They began to laugh because they heard me teaching Titus earlier and it was kind
of a comedy!
We must have spent ten more minutes talking about how to change and apply Gods wo
rd in our lives. We ended by praying together.
I said, I want each of us to pray and confess to the Lord our sins.
At first the boys resisted. I dont know what to pray, mom, quipped Elijah.
Dont worry. I will start, and then you can listen to what I say.
So I prayed to give them a template of how to acknowledge and confess our sins b
efore one another and to the Lord. Afterwards I invited the boys to do the same.
Why did I want them to pray aloud? I wanted them to humble themselves. The best
way to do that was to pray. Its one thing to say sorry and then walk away from t
he situation. Its another thing to come before the Lord and say, Father will you f
orgive me for my wrong attitude. Please forgive me for the way I treated my brot
her. Please help to me to change and improve so that I can become more like you
They didnt pray using those exact words, but in their kid-version way, they said
the same thing. I listened to them pray and they started to tear. There was a br
okenness that took place that was necessary. I got teary-eyed, too. They were ho
nest and sincere as they spoke to the Lord.
We all embraced and I told them how much I love them. Afterwards, we returned to
our homeschooling. Their hearts were ready and we had an amazing day with their
cousins.
Im sharing this story because this is the key to homeschooling. We need to prepar
e our childrens hearts before we can instruct their minds. Godly character is the
bedrock. We must pause to address whats going on in their hearts especially when
their spiritual compass is off. In fact, we need to drop everything if necessar
y, and minister to our children spiritually when their attitudes and behaviors a
re displeasing to the Lord.
How could I possibly continue teaching Elijah and Edan, forcing them to do their
Filipino just because they had to, and ignore or postpone the more important ma
tter of their heart condition? Would God bless the work of their hands if they w
ere continuing in sin? How would he allow me to teach well if I wasnt faithful in
prioritizing what really counts in his eyes?
I must always seek to understand where the real battle lies. Of all the teaching c
hallenges that may confront me as a homeschooling mother dealing with the academ
ics, equipping my kids with the practical skills to succeed when they enter into
a university, and passing on godly character traits the latter must precede the
others. Its imperative to instill character traits in them upon which a successf
ul education can be built.
For my younger kids, obedience is the first priority. The optimum window to esta
blish my authority (and Edrics) has always been between the ages of 0 2. Catalina
is at that point where she is exhibiting brattiness. At 10 months old, she inte
ntionally throws her head back, bounces up and down while crying, or she flings
her body on to her bed for dramatic effect. Edric and I recognise that its time t
o address these things. After two years old, we know it gets harder. Once a chil
d has experienced what it is like to get his or her own way, there is greater re
sistance to submission.
I know a child whose parents started implementing effective and consistent disci
plinary action later rather than earlier. The child had already grown accustomed
to getting her whims accommodated by those around her. Her parents also tended
to be child-centric in their childrearing. As a result, she was difficult to tea
ch and train. It was complicated to get her to do simple things like eat vegetab
les or keep silent when appropriate. She tended not to listen to other authority
figures, too. Because the parents are now course-correcting their parenting, sh
e is improving. But like anything in life, prevention rather than intervention i
s the way to go.
We have to start teaching obedience before a child gets into the habit of defian
ce. Once obedience is established, we can turn our attention towards other chara
cter traits like attentiveness, responsibility, diligence, and having a positive
attitude. As I said earlier, a child who has these traits will be much easier t
o homeschool. It wont be a flawless experience. However, when unpleasant, ungodly
behaviors and attitudes surface during a homeschooling day, our children can be
REMINDED to revert back to what they know is correct and pleasing to God.
Let me end this with a story about Titus that personally blessed me as a mother.
Titus is my youngest official homeschooled child. Tiana, who is just 3 years old,
is not yet enrolled with a program. And my baby girl is too young for formal in
struction. As a kindergartener, I dont expect the same sort of self-directed lear
ning that I encourage my older sons to have.
However, a few weeks back I had to leave the house in the morning. So I assigned
the kids their work and told them I would check on them when I got back. I wasnt
too sure if Titus would be able to do his Filipino on his own, but when I got h
ome, he showed me his notebook. His finished work was inside it. I was very plea
sed!
In the evening, when I was feeding Catalina, he peered into my bedroom. Come in, I
motioned to him. He smiled and skipped over to my side, snuggling under the cov
ers. I told him I was very proud of him for doing his homeschool work. And I ask
ed him, Why did you finish it? He said, Because I wanted to obey you.
I loved that answer.
Titus can be a highly distracted child because he is so curious. For him to fini
sh his assigned task without someone peering over his shoulder to remind him to
do it made my day! I was happier about his motivations rather than the actual ou
tput. He valued obedience.
My prayer is that my children will internalize godly character and experience th
e blessings of doing so. Our family is a work in progress. God deals with my hea
rt daily as a homeschooling mother and he is molding the hearts of my kids, too.
We make mistakes and struggle with our weaknesses but I cant think of doing anyt
hing else with this season of my life. As a mother to young children, I want to
be where the more important battle is. For me, the battle is at homewinning my ki
ds for the Lord by teaching them what really counts. This is what homeschooling
is about.
From enemies to best buds again