AGHWEE THE SKY MONSTER

BY KENZABURO OE
Alone in my room, I wear a piratical black patch over my right eye
!he eye may look all right, b"t the tr"th i# I have #carcely any #ight in it I
#ay #carcely, it i#n$t totally blin% &on#e'"ently, when I look at thi# worl%
with both eye# I #ee two worl%# per(ectly #"perimpo#e%, a vag"e an%
#ha%owy worl% on top o( one that$# bright an% vivi% I can be walking
%own a pave% #treet when a #en#e o( peril an% "nbalance will #top me
like a rat )"#t #c"rrie% o"t o( a #ewer, %ea% in my track# Or I$ll %i#cover a
*lm o( "nhappine## an% (atig"e on the (ace o( a cheer("l (rien% an% clog
the +ow o( an ea#y chat with my #t"tter I #"ppo#e I$ll get "#e% to thi#
event"ally I( I %on$t, I inten% to wear my patch not only in my room when
I$m alone b"t on the #treet an% with my (rien%# ,tranger# may pa## with
con%e#cen%ing #mile#-what an ol%.(a#hione% )oke/-b"t I$m ol% eno"gh
not to be annoye% by every little thing
!he #tory I inten% to tell i# abo"t my *r#t e0perience earning
money1 I began with my right eye beca"#e the memory o( that
e0perience ten year# ago revive% in me abr"ptly an% '"ite o"t o( conte0t
when violence wa# %one to my eye la#t #pring Remembering, I #ho"l%
a%%, I wa# (ree% (rom the hatre% "ncoiling in my heart an% beginning to
(etter me At the very en% I$ll talk abo"t the acci%ent it#el(
!en year# ago I ha% twenty.twenty vi#ion Now one o( my eye# i#
r"ine% Time #hi(te%, la"nche% it#el( (rom the #pringboar% o( an eyeball
#'"a#he% by a #tone 2hen I *r#t met that #entimental ma%man I ha%
only a chil%$# "n%er#tan%ing o( time I wa# yet to have the cr"el
awarene## o( time %rilling it# eye# into my back an% time lying in wait
ahea%
!en year# ago I wa# eighteen, *ve (eet #i0, one h"n%re% an% ten
po"n%#, ha% )"#t entere% college an% wa# looking (or part.time )ob
Altho"gh I #till ha% tro"ble rea%ing 3rench, I wante% a cloth.bo"n% e%ition
in two vol"me# o( LAme Enchante It wa# a 4o#cow e%ition, with not only
a (orewor% b"t (ootnote# an% even the colophon in R"##ian ai% wi#py line#
like bit# o( threa% connecting the letter# o( the 3rench te0t A c"rio"#
e%ition to be #"re, b"t #t"r%ier an% more elegant than the 3rench, an%
m"ch cheaper At the time I %i#covere% it in a book#tore #peciali5ing a
Ea#t E"ropean p"blication# I ha% no intere#t in Romain Rollan%, yet I went
imme%iately into action to make the vol"me# mine In tho#e %ay# I o(ten
#"cc"mbe% to #ome weir% pa##ion an% it never bothere% me, I ha% the
(eeling there wa# nothing to worry abo"t #o long a# I wa# #"6ciently
ob#e##e%
A# I ha% )"#t entere% college an% wa#n$t regi#tere% at the
employment center, I looke% (or work by making the ro"n%# o( people I
knew 3inally my "ncle intro%"ce% me to a banker who came "p with an
o7er 89i% yo" happen to #ee a movie calle% Harvey:8 he a#ke% I #ai%
ye#, an% trie% (or a #mile o( mo%erate b"t "nmi#takable %e%ication,
appropriate (or #omeone abo"t to be employe% (or the *r#t time ;arvey
wa# that <immy ,tewart *lm abo"t a man living with an imaginary rabbit
a# big a# a bear1 it ha% ma%e me la"gh #o har% I tho"ght I wo"l% %ie
8Recently, my #on ha# been having the #ame #ort o( %el"#ion# abo"t
living with a mon#ter8 !he banker %i%n$t ret"rn my #mile 8;e$# #toppe%
working an% #tay# in hi# room I$% like him to get o"t (rom time to time
b"t o( co"r#e he$% nee% a-companion 2o"l% yo" be intere#te%:8
I knew '"ite a bit abo"t the banker$# #on ;e wa# a yo"ng
compo#er who#e avant.gar%e m"#ic ha% won pri5e# in 3rance an% Italy
an% who wa# generally incl"%e% in the photo ro"n%"p# in the weekly
maga5ine#, the kin% o( article they alway# calle% 8<apan$# Arti#t# o(
!omorrow8 I ha% never hear% hi# ma)or work#, b"t I ha% #een #everal
*lm# he ha% written the m"#ic (or !here wa# one abo"t the a%vent"re# o(
a )"venile %elin'"ent that ha% a #hort, lyrical theme playe% on the
harmonica It wa# bea"ti("l 2atching the pict"re, I remember (eeling
vag"ely tro"ble% by the i%ea o( an a%"lt nearly thirty year# ol% =in (act,
the compo#er wa# twenty.eight when he hire% me, my pre#ent age>,
working o"t a theme (or the harmonica, I #"ppo#e beca"#e my own
harmonica ha% become my little brother$# property when I ha% entere%
elementary #chool An% po##ibly beca"#e I knew more abo"t the
compo#er, who#e name wa# 9, than )"#t p"blic (act#1 I knew he ha%
create% a #can%al ?enerally I have nothing b"t contempt (or #can%al#,
b"t I knew that the compo#er$# in(ant chil% ha% %ie%, that he ha% gotten
%ivorce% a# a re#"lt, an% that he wa# r"more% to be involve% with a
certain movie actre## I ha%n$t known that he wa# in the grip# o(
#omething like the rabbit in <immy ,tewart$# movie, or that he ha%
#toppe% working an% #ecl"%e% him#el( in hi# room ;ow #erio"# wa# hi#
con%ition, I won%ere%, wa# it a ca#e o( nervo"# break%own, or wa# he
clearly #chi5ophrenic:
8I$m not certain I know )"#t what yo" mean by companion,8 I #ai%,
reeling in my #mile 8Nat"rally, I$% like to be o( #ervice i( I can8 !hi# time,
concealing my c"rio#ity an% apprehen#ion I trie% to len% my voice an%
e0pre##ion a# m"ch #ympathy a# po##ible witho"t #eeming (orwar% It
wa# only a part.time )ob, b"t it wa# the *r#t chance o( employment I ha%
ha% an% I wa# %etermine% to %o my accommo%ating be#t
82hen my #on %eci%e# he want# to go #omewhere in !okyo, yo" go
along-)"#t that !here$# a n"r#e at the ho"#e an% #he ha# no tro"ble
han%ling him, #o yo" %on$t have to worry abo"t violence8 !he banker
ma%e me (eel like a #ol%ier who#e cowar%ice ha% been %i#covere% I
bl"#he% an% #ai%, trying to recover lo#t gro"n%, 8I$m (on% o( m"#ic, an% I
re#pect compo#er# more than anyone, #o I look (orwar% to accompanying
9 an% talking with him8
8All he think# abo"t the#e %ay# i# thi# thing in hi# hea%, an%
apparently that$# all he talk# abo"t/8 !he banker$# br"#'"ene## ma%e my
(ace even re%%er 8Yo" can go o"t to #ee him tomorrow,8 he #ai%
8At-yo"r ho"#e:8
8!hat$# right, %i% yo" think he wa# in an a#yl"m:8 3rom the
banker$# tone o( voice I co"l% only #"ppo#e that he wa# at bottom a na#ty
man
8I( I #ho"l% get the )ob,8 I #ai% with my eye# on the +oor, 8I$ll %rop
by again to thank yo"8 I co"l% ea#ily have crie%
8No, he$ll be hiring yo" =All right then, I re#olve% %e*antly, I$ll call 9
my employer>, #o that won$t be nece##ary All I care abo"t i# that he
%oe#n$t get into any tro"ble o"t#i%e that might %evelop into a
#can%al !here$# hi# career to think abo"t Nat"rally, what he %oe#
re+ect# on me-8
,o that wa# it/ I tho"ght, #o I wa# to be a moral #entinel g"ar%ing
the banker$# (amily again#t a #econ% contamination by the poi#on# o(
#can%al O( co"r#e I %i%n$t #ay a thing, I only no%%e% %epen%ably, an0io"#
to warm the banker$# chilly heart with the heat o( reliance on me I %i%n$t
even a#k the mo#t pre##ing '"e#tion, #omething tr"ly %i6c"lt to a#k@ !hi#
mon#ter ha"nting yo"r #on, #ir, i# it a rabbit like ;arvey, nearly #i0 (eet
tall: A creat"re covere% in bri#tly hair like an Abominable ,nowman:
2hat kin% o( a mon#ter i# it: In the en% I remaine% #ilent an% con#ole%
my#el( with the tho"ght that I might be able to pry the #ecret o"t o( the
n"r#e i( I ma%e (rien%# with her
!hen I le(t the e0ec"tive$# o6ce, an% a# I walke% along the corri%or
grin%ing my teeth in h"miliation a# i( I were <"lien ,orel a(ter a meeting
with #omeone important I became #el(.con#cio"# to the tip# o( my *nger#
an% trie% a##e##ing my attit"%e an% it# e7ectivene## 2hen I got o"t o(
college I cho#e not to #eek nine.to.*ve employment, an% I %o believe the
memory o( my %ialog"e with that %i#agreeable banker playe% a large part
in my %eci#ion
Even #o, when cla##e# were over the ne0t %ay I took a train o"t to
the re#i%ential #"b"rb where the compo#er live% A# I pa##e% thro"gh the
gate o( that ca#tle o( a ho"#e, I remember a roaring o( terri*c bea#t#, a#
at a 5oo in the mi%%le o( the night I wa# %i#maye%, I cowere%, what i(
tho#e were the #cream# o( my employer: A goo% thing it %i%n$t occ"r to
me then that tho#e #avage #cream# might have been coming (rom the
mon#ter ha"nting 9 like <immy ,tewart$# rabbit 2hatever they were, it
wa# #o clear that the #creaming ha% rattle% me that the mai% #howing me
the way wa# in%i#creet eno"gh to break into a la"gh !hen I %i#covere%
#omeone el#e la"ghing, voicele##ly, in the %imne## beyon% a win%ow in
an anne0 in the gar%en It wa# the man who wa# #"ppo#e% to employ me1
he wa# la"ghing like a (ace in a movie witho"t a #o"n% track An% boiling
all aro"n% him wa# that howling o( wil% bea#t# I li#tene% clo#ely an%
reali5e% that #everal o( the #ame animal# were #hrieking in concert An%
in voice# too #hrill to be o( thi# worl% Aban%one% by the mai% at the
entrance to the anne0, I %eci%e% the #creaming m"#t be part o( the
compo#er$# tape collection, regaine% my co"rage, #traightene% "p an%
opene% the %oor
In#i%e, the anne0 remin%e% me o( a kin%ergarten !here were no
partition# in the large room, only two piano#, an electric organ, #everal
tape recor%er#, a recor% player, #omething we ha% calle% a 8mi0er8 when
I wa# in the high.#chool ra%io cl"b-there wa# har%ly room to #tep A %og
a#leep on the +oor, (or e0ample, t"rne% o"t to be a t"ba o( re%%i#h bra##
It wa# )"#t a# I ha% imagine% a compo#er$# #t"%io1 I even ha% the ill"#ion I
ha% #een the place be(ore ;i# (ather ha% #ai% 9 ha% #toppe% working
an% #ecl"%e% him#el( in hi# room, co"l% he have been mi#taken:
!he compo#er wa# )"#t ben%ing to #witch o7 the tape recor%er
Envelope% in a chao# that wa# not witho"t it# own or%er, he move% hi#
han%# #wi(tly an% in an in#tant tho#e bea#tly #cream# were #"cke% into a
%ark hole o( #ilence !hen he #traightene% an% t"rne% to me with a tr"ly
tran'"il #mile
;aving glance% aro"n% the room an% #een that the n"r#e wa# not
pre#ent I wa# a little wary, b"t the compo#er gave me no rea#on in the
worl% to e0pect that he wa# abo"t to get violent
84y (ather tol% me abo"t yo" &ome in, there$# room over there,8
he #ai% in a low, re#onant voice
I took o7 my #hoe# an% #teppe% "p onto the r"g witho"t p"tting on
#lipper# !hen I looke% aro"n% (or a place to #it, b"t e0cept (or a ro"n%
#tool in (ront o( the piano an% the organ, there wa#n$t a bit o( ("rnit"re in
the room, not even a c"#hion ,o I bro"ght my (eet together between a
pair o( bongo %r"m# an% #ome empty tape bo0e# an% there I #too%
"ncom(ortably !he compo#er #too% there too, arm# hanging at hi# #i%e# I
won%ere% i( he ever #at %own ;e %i%n$t a#k me to be #eate% either, )"#t
#too% there #ilent an% #miling
8&o"l% tho#e have been monkey voice#:8 I #ai%, trying to crack a
#ilence that threatene% to #et more '"ickly than any cement
8Rhinocero#-they #o"n%e% that way beca"#e I #pee%e% the
machine "p An% I ha% the vol"me way "p, too At lea#t I think they$re
rhinocero#-rhino i# what I a#ke% (or when I ha% thi# tape ma%e-o(
co"r#e I can$t really be #"re B"t now that yo"$re here, I$ll be able to go to
the 5oo my#el(8
8I may take that to mean that I$m employe%:8
8O( co"r#e/ I %i%n$t have yo" come o"t here to te#t yo" ;ow can a
l"natic te#t a normal per#on:8 !he man who wa# to be my employer #ai%
thi# ob)ectively an% almo#t a# i( he were embarra##e% 2hich ma%e me
(eel %i#g"#te% with the ob#e'"io"#ne## o( what I ha% #ai% . I may take
that to mean that I$m employe%: I ha% #o"n%e% like a #hopkeeper/ !he
compo#er wa# %i7erent (rom hi# b"#ine##man (ather an% I #ho"l% have
been more %irect with him
8I wi#h yo" wo"l%n$t call yo"r#el( a l"natic It$# awkwar% (or me8
!rying to be (rank wa# one thing, b"t what a brainle## remark/ B"t the
compo#er met me hal( way, 8All right, i( that$# how yo" (eel I #"ppo#e
that wo"l% make work ea#ier8
2ork i# a vag"e wor%, b"t, at lea#t %"ring tho#e (ew month# when I
wa# vi#iting him once a week, the compo#er %i%n$t get even a# clo#e to
work a# going to the 5oo to recor% a gen"ine rhino (or him#el( All he %i%
wa# wan%er aro"n% !okyo in vario"# conveyance# or on (oot an% vi#it a
variety o( place# 2hen he mentione% work, he m"#t there(ore have ha%
me in min% An% I worke% '"ite a lot1 I even went on a mi##ion (or him all
the way to Kyoto
8!hen when #ho"l% I begin:8 I #ai%
8Right away i( it #"it# yo" Now8
8!hat #"it# me *ne8
8I$ll have to get rea%y-wo"l% yo" wait o"t#i%e:8
;ea% lowere% ca"tio"#ly, a# tho"gh he were walking in a #wamp,
my employer picke% hi# way to the back o( the room pa#t m"#ical
in#tr"ment# an% #o"n% e'"ipment an% pile# o( man"#cript to a black
woo%en %oor which he opene% an% then clo#e% behin% him I got a '"ick
look at a woman in a n"r#e$# "ni(orm, a woman in her early (ortie# with a
longi#h (ace an% heavy #ha%ow# on her cheek# that might have been
wrinkle# or maybe #car# ,he #eeme% to encircle the compo#er with her
right arm a# #he "#here% him in#i%e, while with her le(t han% #he clo#e%
the %oor I( thi# wa# part o( the ro"tine, I wo"l% never have a chance to
talk with the n"r#e be(ore I went o"t with my employer ,tan%ing in (ront
o( the clo#e% %oor, in the %arke#t part o( that %im room, I #h"Ae% into my
#hoe# an% (elt my an0iety abo"t thi# )ob o( mine increa#e !he compo#er
ha% #mile% the whole time an% when I ha% prompte% him he ha% replie%
B"t he ha%n$t vol"nteere% m"ch ,ho"l% I have been more re#erve%:
,ince o"t#i%e might have meant two thing# an% #ince I wa# %etermine%
that everything #ho"l% be per(ect on my *r#t )ob, I %eci%e% to wait )"#t
in#i%e the main gate, (rom where I co"l% #ee the anne0 in the gar%en
9 wa# a #mall, thin man, b"t with a hea% that #eeme% larger than
mo#t !o make the bony cli7 o( hi# (orehea% look a little le## (orbi%%ing he
combe% hi# pale, well.wa#he%, an% +"7y hair %own over hi# brow ;i#
mo"th an% )aw were #mall, an% hi# teeth were horribly irreg"lar An% yet,
probably %"e to the color o( hi# %eeply rece##e% eye#, there wa# a #tatic
correctne## abo"t hi# (ace that went well with a tran'"il #mile A# (or the
overall impre##ion, there wa# #omething canine abo"t the man ;e wore
+annel tro"#er# an% a #weater with #tripe# like +ea# ;i# #ho"l%er# were a
little #toope%, hi# arm# o"tlan%i#hly long
2hen he came o"t o( the back %oor o( the anne0, my employer
wa# wearing a bl"e wool car%igan over hi# other #weater an% a pair o(
white tenni# #hoe# ;e remin%e% me o( a gra%e.#chool m"#ic teacher In
one han% he hel% a black #car(, an% a# i( he were p"55ling whether to
wrap it aro"n% hi# neck, there wa# perple0ity in hi# grin to me a# I waite%
at the gate 3or a# long a# I knew 9, e0cept at the very en% when he wa#
lying in a ho#pital be%, he wa# alway# %re##e% thi# way I remember hi#
o"t*t #o well beca"#e I wa# alway# #tr"ck by #omething comical abo"t an
a%"lt man wearing a car%igan aro"n% hi# #ho"l%er#, a# i( he were a
woman in %i#g"i#e It# #hapele##ne## an% non%e#cript color ma%e that
#weater per(ect (or him A# the compo#er pigeon.toe% towar% me pa#t the
#hr"bbery, he ab#ently li(te% the han% that hel% the #car( an% #ignale%
me with it !hen he wrappe% the #car( re#ol"tely aro"n% hi# neck It wa#
alrea%y (o"r in the a(ternoon an% (airly col% o"t.o(.%oor#
9 went thro"gh the gate, an% a# I wa# (ollowing him =o"r
relation#hip wa# alrea%y that o( employer an% employee> I ha% the (eeling
I wa# being watche% an% t"rne% aro"n%@ behin% the #ame win%ow
thro"gh which I ha% %i#covere% my employer, that (orty.year.ol% n"r#e
with the #carre%-or were they wrinkle%:-cheek# wa# watching "# the
way a #ol%ier remaining behin% might #ee a %e#erter o7, her lip# clampe%
#h"t like a t"rtle$# I re#olve% to get her alone a# #oon a# I co"l% to
'"e#tion her abo"t 9$# con%ition 2hat wa# wrong with the woman,
anyway: ;ere #he wa# taking care o( a yo"ng man with a nervo"#
con%ition, maybe a ma%man, yet when her charge went o"t #he ha%
nothing to #ay to hi# companion/ 2a#n$t that pro(e##ional negligence:
2a#n$t #he at lea#t oblige% to *ll in the new man on the )ob: Or wa# my
employer a patient #o gentle an% harmle## that nothing ha% to be #ai%:
2hen he got to the #i%ewalk 9 #h"ttere% open hi# tire%.looking
eye# in their %eep #ocket# an% glance% #wi(tly "p an% %own the %e#erte%,
re#i%ential #treet I %i%n$t know whether it wa# an in%ication o( ma%ne##
or what-#"%%en action witho"t any contin"ity #eeme% to be a habit o(
hi# !he compo#er looke% "p at the clear, en%.o(.a"t"mn #ky, blinking
rapi%ly !ho"gh they were #"nken, there wa# #omething remarkably
e0pre##ive abo"t hi# %eep brown eye# !hen he #toppe% blinking an% hi#
eye# #eeme% to (oc"#, a# tho"gh he were #earching the #ky I #too%
obli'"ely behin% him, watching, an% what impre##e% me mo#t vivi%ly wa#
the movement o( hi# A%am$# apple, which wa# large a# any *#t I
won%ere% i( he ha% been %e#tine% to become a large man1 perhap#
#omething ha% impe%e% hi# growth in in(ancy an% now only hi# hea% (rom
the neck "p be#poke the giant he wa# meant to be
Bowering hi# ga5e (rom the #ky, my employer (o"n% an% hel% my
p"55le% eye# with hi# own an% #ai% ca#"ally, b"t with a gravity that ma%e
ob)ection impo##ible, 8On a clear %ay yo" can #ee thing# +oating "p there
very well ;e$# "p there with them, an% (re'"ently he come# %own to me
when I go o"t%oor#8
In#tantly I (elt threatene% Booking away (rom my employer, I
won%ere% how to #"rvive thi# *r#t or%eal that ha% con(ronte% me #o
'"ickly ,ho"l% I preten% to believe in 8him,8 or wo"l% that be a mi#take:
2a# I %ealing with a raving ma%man, or wa# the compo#er )"#t a poker.
(ace% h"mori#t trying to have #ome ("n with me: A# I #too% there in
%i#tre##, he e0ten%e% me a helping han%@ 8I know yo" can$t #ee the
*g"re# +oating in the #ky, an% I know yo" wo"l%n$t be aware o( him even
i( he were right here at my #i%e All I a#k i# that yo" %on$t act ama5e%
when he come# %own to earth, even i( I talk to him Beca"#e yo"$% "p#et
him i( yo" were to break o"t la"ghing all o( a #"%%en or trie% to #h"t me
"p An% i( yo" happen to notice when we$re talking that I want #ome
#"pport (rom yo", I$% appreciate it i( yo"$% chime right in an% #ay
#omething, yo" know, a6rmative Yo" #ee, I$m e0plaining !okyo to him a#
i( it were a para%i#e It might #eem a l"natic para%i#e to yo", b"t maybe
yo" co"l% think o( it a# a #atire an% be a6rmative anyway, at lea#t when
he$# %own here with me8
I li#tene% care("lly an% tho"ght I co"l% make o"t at lea#t the
conto"r# o( what my employer e0pecte% o( me !hen wa# he a rabbit a#
big a# a man a(ter all, ne#ting in the #ky: B"t that wa#n$t what I a#ke%1 I
permitte% my#el( to a#k only@ 8;ow will I know when he$# %own here with
yo":8
8<"#t by watching me1 he only come# %own when I$m o"t#i%e8
8;ow abo"t when yo"$re in a car:8
8In a car or a train, a# long a# I$m ne0t to an open win%ow he$#
likely to #how "p !here have been time# when he$# appeare% when I wa#
in the ho"#e, )"#t #tan%ing ne0t to an open win%ow8
8An% right now:8 I a#ke% "ncom(ortably I m"#t have #o"n%e%
like the cla## %"nce who #imply cannot gra#p the m"ltiplication principle
8Right now it$# )"#t yo" an% me,8 my employer #ai% gracio"#ly
82hy %on$t we ri%e in to ,hin)"k" to%ay1 I haven$t been on a train in a
long time8
2e walke% to the #tation, an% all the way I kept an eye peele% (or a
#ign that #omething ha% appeare% at my employer$# #i%e B"t be(ore I
knew it we were on the train an%, #o (ar a# I co"l% tell, nothing ha%
materiali5e% One thing I %i% notice@ the compo#er ignore% the people
who pa##e% "# on the #treet even when they greete% him A# i( he him#el(
%i% not e0i#t, a# i( the people who approache% with hello# an% how.are.
yo"# were regi#tering an ill"#ion which they mi#took (or him, my
employer "tterly ignore% all overt"re# to contact
!he #ame thing happene% at the ticket win%ow1 9 %ecline% to
relate to other people ;an%ing me one tho"#an% yen he tol% me to b"y
ticket#, an% then re("#e% to take hi# own even when I hel% it o"t to him I
ha% to #top at the gate an% have both o"r ticket# p"nche% while 9 #wept
thro"gh the t"rn#tile onto the plat(orm with the (ree%om o( the invi#ible
man Even on the train, he behave% a# i( the other pa##enger# were no
more aware o( him than o( the atmo#phere1 h"%%ling in a #eat in the
(arthe#t corner o( the car, he ro%e in #ilence with hi# eye# clo#e% I #too%
in (ront o( him an% watche% in growing apprehen#ion (or whatever it wa#
to +oat in thro"gh the open win%ow an% #ettle at hi# #i%e Nat"rally, I
%i%n$t believe in the mon#ter$# e0i#tence It wa# )"#t that I wa#
%etermine% not to mi## the in#tant when 9$# %el"#ion# took hol% o( him1 I
(elt I owe% him that m"ch in ret"rn (or the money he wa# paying me B"t,
a# it happene%, he #at like #ome #mall animal playing %ea% all the way to
,hin)"k" ,tation, #o I co"l% only #"rmi#e that he ha%n$t ha% a vi#it (rom
the #ky O( co"r#e, #"ppo#ition wa# all it wa#@ a# long a# other people
were aro"n% "#, my employer remaine% a #"llen oy#ter o( #ilence B"t I
learne% #oon eno"gh that my g"e## ha% been correct Beca"#e when the
moment came it wa# more than apparent =(rom 9$# reaction, I mean> that
#omething wa# vi#iting him
2e ha% le(t the #tation an% were walking %own the #treet It wa#
that time o( %ay a little be(ore evening when not many people are o"t,
yet we ran acro## a #mall crow% gathere% on a corner 2e #toppe% to
look1 #"rro"n%e% by the crow%, an ol% man wa# t"rning aro"n% an%
aro"n% in the #treet witho"t a glance at anyone A %igni*e%.looking ol%
man, he wa# #pinning in a (ren5y, cl"tching a brie(ca#e an% an "mbrella
to hi# brea#t, m"##ing hi# gray, poma%e% hair a little a# he #tampe% hi#
(eet an% barke% like a #eal !he (ace# in the watching crow% were
l"#terle## an% %ry in the evening chill that wa# #tealing into the air1 the
ol% man$# (ace alone wa# +"#he%, an% #weating, an% #eeme% abo"t to
#team
,"%%enly I notice% that 9, who #ho"l% have been #tan%ing at my
#i%e, ha% taken a (ew #tep# back an% ha% thrown one arm aro"n% the
#ho"l%er# o( an invi#ible #omething ro"ghly hi# own height Now he wa#
peering a7ectionately into the #pace #lightly above the empty circle o( hi#
arm !he crow% wa# too intent on the ol% man to be concerne% with 9$#
per(ormance, b"t I wa# terri*e% ,lowly the compo#er t"rne% to me, a# i(
he wante% to intro%"ce me to a (rien% I %i%n$t know how to re#pon%1 all I
co"l% %o wa# panic an% bl"#h It wa# like (orgetting yo"r #illy line# in the
)"nior high #chool play !he compo#er contin"e% to #tare at me, an% now
there wa# annoyance in hi# eye# ;e wa# #eeking an e0planation (or that
intent ol% man t"rning #inglemin%e%ly in the #treet (or the bene*t o( hi#
vi#itor (rom the #ky A para%i#ical e0planation/ B"t all I co"l% %o wa#
won%er #t"pi%ly whether the ol% man might have been aAicte% with ,aint
Cit"#$ %ance
2hen I #a%ly #hook my hea% in #ilence, the light o( in'"iry went
o"t o( my employer$# eye# A# i( he were taking leave o( a (rien%, he
%roppe% hi# arm !hen he #lowly #hi(te% hi# ga5e #kywar% "ntil hi# hea%
wa# all the way back an% hi# large A%am$# apple #too% o"t in bol% relie(
!he phantom ha% #oare% back into the #ky an% I wa# a#hame%1 I ha%n$t
been e'"al to my )ob A# I #too% there with my hea% hanging, the
compo#er #teppe% "p to me an% in%icate% that my *r#t %ay o( work wa#
at an en%@ 82e can go home, now ;e$# come %own to%ay alrea%y, an%
yo" m"#t be pretty tire%8 I %i% (eel e0ha"#te% a(ter all that ten#ion
2e ro%e back in a ta0i with the win%ow# rolle% "p, an% a# #oon a#
I$% been pai% (or the %ay, I le(t B"t I %i%n$t go #traight to the #tation1 I
waite% behin% a telephone pole %iagonally acro## (rom the ho"#e 9"#k
%eepene%, the #ky t"rne% the color o( a ro#e, an% )"#t a# the promi#e o(
night wa# becoming (act, the n"r#e, in a #hort.#kirte%, one.piece %re## o(
a color in%i#tinct in the %imne##, appeare% thro"gh the main gate p"#hing
a bran%.new bicycle in (ront o( her Be(ore #he co"l% get on the bicycle, I
ran over to her 2itho"t her n"r#e$# "ni(orm, #he wa# )"#t an or%inary
little woman in her early (ortie#1 vani#he% (rom her (ace wa# the my#tery I
ha% %i#covere% thro"gh the anne0 win%ow An% my appearance ha%
"n#ettle% her ,he co"l%n$t climb on the bike an% pe%al away, b"t neither
wo"l% #he #tan% #till1 #he ha% beg"n to walk the bike along when I
%eman%e% that #he e0plain o"r m"t"al employer$# con%ition ,he
re#i#te%, peevi#hly, b"t I ha% a goo% grip on the bicycle #eat an% #o in the
en% #he gave in 2hen #he began to talk, her (ormi%able lower )aw
#nappe% #h"t at each break in the #entence1 #he wa# ab#ol"tely a talking
t"rtle
8;e #ay# it$# a (at baby in a white cotton nightgown Big a# a
kangaroo, he #ay# It$# #"ppo#e% to be a(rai% o( %og# an% policemen an%
it come# %own o"t o( the #ky ;e #ay# it# name i# Aghwee/ Bet me tell yo"
#omething, i( yo" happen to be aro"n% when that #pook get# hol% o( him,
yo"$% better )"#t play %"mb, yo" can$t a7or% to get involve% 9on$t (orget,
yo"$re %ealing with a looney/ An% another thing, %on$t yo" take him
anyplace ("nny, even i( he want# to go On top o( everything el#e, a little
gonorrhea i# all we nee% aro"n% here/8
I bl"#he% an% let go o( the bicycle #eat !he n"r#e, )angling her
bell, pe%ale% away into the %arkne## a# (a#t a# #he co"l% go with leg# a#
ro"n% an% thin a# han%lebar# Ah, a (at baby in a white cotton nightgown,
big a# a kangaroo/
2hen I #howe% "p at the ho"#e the (ollowing week, the compo#er
*0e% me with tho#e clear brown eye# o( hi# an% rattle% me by #aying,
tho"gh not e#pecially in reproo(, 8I hear yo" waite% (or the n"r#e an%
a#ke% her abo"t my vi#itor (rom the #ky Yo" really take yo"r work
#erio"#ly8
!hat a(ternoon we took the #ame train in the oppo#ite %irection,
into the co"ntry (or hal( an ho"r to an am"#ement park on the bank# o(
the !ama river 2e trie% all kin%# o( ri%e# an%, l"ckily (or me, the baby a#
big a# a kangaroo %roppe% o"t o( the #ky to vi#it 9 when he wa# "p by
him#el( in the ,ky ,loop, woo%en bo0e# #hape% like boat# that were
hoi#te% #lowly into the air on the bla%e# o( a kin% o( win%mill 3rom a
bench on the gro"n%, I watche% the compo#er talking with an imaginary
pa##enger at hi# #i%e An% "ntil hi# vi#itor ha% climbe% back into the #ky,
9 re("#e% to come %own1 again an% again a #ignal (rom him #ent me
r"nning to b"y him another ticket
Another inci%ent that ma%e an impre##ion on me that %ay occ"rre%
a# we were cro##ing the am"#ement park towar% the e0it, when 9
acci%entally #teppe% in #ome wet cement 2hen he #aw that hi# (oot ha%
le(t an imprint he became abnormally irritate%, an% "ntil I ha% negotiate%
with the workmen, pai% them #omething (or their pain# an% ha% the
(ootprint trowele% away, he #t"bbornly re("#e% to move (rom the #pot
!hi# wa# the only time the compo#er ever reveale% to me the lea#t
violence in hi# nat"re On the way home on the train, I #"ppo#e beca"#e
he regrette% having barke% at me, he e0c"#e% him#el( in thi# way@ 8I$m
not living in pre#ent time anymore, at lea#t not con#cio"#ly 9o yo" know
the r"le that govern# trip# into the pa#t in a time machine: 3or e0ample,
a man who travel# back ten tho"#an% year# in time %oe#n$t %are %o
anything in that worl% that might remain behin% him Beca"#e he %oe#n$t
e0i#t in time ten tho"#an% year# ago, an% i( he le(t anything behin% him
there the re#"lt wo"l% be a warp, in*nitely #light maybe b"t #till a warp,
in all o( hi#tory (rom then "ntil now, ten tho"#an% year# o( it !hat$# the
way the r"le goe#, an% #ince I$m not living in pre#ent time, I m"#tn$t %o
anything here in thi# worl% that might remain or leave an imprint8
8B"t why have yo" #toppe% living in pre#ent time:8 I a#ke%, an% my
employer #eale% him#el( "p like a gol( ball an% ignore% me I regrette% my
loo#e tong"e1 I ha% *nally e0cee%e% the limit# permitte% me, beca"#e I
wa# too concerne% with 9$# problem 4aybe the n"r#e wa# right1 playing
%"mb wa# the only way, an% I co"l%n$t a7or% to get involve% I re#olve%
not to
2e walke% aro"n% !okyo a n"mber o( time# a(ter that, an% my new
policy wa# a #"cce## B"t the %ay came when the compo#er$# problem#
began to involve me whether I like% it or not One a(ternoon we got into a
cab together an%, (or the *r#t time #ince I ha% taken the )ob, 9 mentione%
a #peci*c %e#tination, a #wank apartment ho"#e %e#igne% like a hotel in
9aikan Yama 2hen we arrive%, 9 waite% in the co7ee #hop in the
ba#ement while I went "p the elevator alone to pick "p a package that
wa# waiting (or me I wa# to be given the package by 9$# (ormer wi(e,
who wa# living alone in the apartment now
I knocke% on a %oor that ma%e me think o( the cell block# at ,ing
,ing =I wa# alway# going to the movie# in tho#e %ay#1 I have the (eeling
abo"t ninety.*ve percent o( what I knew came %irectly (rom the movie#>
an% it wa# opene% by a #hort woman with a p"%gy re% (ace on top o( a
neck that wa# )"#t a# p"%gy an% a# ro"n% a# a cylin%er ,he or%ere% me
to take my #hoe# o7 an% #tep in#i%e, an% pointe% to a #o(a near the
win%ow where I wa# to #it !hi# m"#t be the way high #ociety receive# a
#tranger, I remember thinking at the time 3or me, the #on o( a poor
(armer, re("#ing her invitation an% a#king (or the package at the %oor
wo"l% have taken the co"rage to %e(y <apane#e high #ociety, the co"rage
o( that b"tcher who threatene% Bo"i# DIC I %i% a# I wa# tol%, an% #teppe%
(or the *r#t time in my li(e into a #t"%io apartment in the American #tyle
!he compo#er$# (ormer wi(e po"re% me #ome beer ,he #eeme%
#omewhat ol%er than 9, an% altho"gh #he ge#t"re% gran%ly an% intone%
when #he #poke, #he wa# too ro"n% an% overweight to achieve %ignity
,he wa# wearing a %re## o( #ome heavy cloth with the hem o( the #kirt
"nravele% in the manner o( a #'"aw co#t"me, an% her necklace o(
%iamon%# #et in gol% looke% like the work o( an Inca cra(t#man =now that I
think abo"t it, the#e ob#ervation#, too, #mell %i#tinctly o( the movie#> ;er
win%ow overlooke% the #treet# o( ,hib"ya, b"t the light po"ring thro"gh it
into the room #eeme% to bother her terri*cally1 #he wa# contin"ally
#hi(ting in her chair, #howing me leg# a# ro"n% an% bloo%#hot a# her
neck, while #he '"e#tione% me in the voice o( a pro#ec"tor I #"ppo#e I
wa# her only #o"rce o( in(ormation abo"t her (ormer h"#ban% ,ipping my
black, bitter beer a# i( it were hot co7ee, I an#were% her a# be#t I co"l%,
b"t my knowle%ge o( 9 wa# #cant an% inacc"rate an% I co"l%n$t #ati#(y
her !hen #he #tarte% a#king abo"t 9$# actre## girl (rien%, whether #he
came to #ee him an% thing# like that, an% there wa# nothing I co"l% #ay
Annoye%, I tho"ght to my#el(, what b"#ine## wa# it o( her#, %i%n$t #he
have any woman$# pri%e:
89oe# 9 #till #ee that Ehantom:8
8Ye#, it$# a baby the #i5e o( a kangaroo in a white cotton nightgown
an% he #ay# it# name i# Aghwee, the n"r#e wa# telling me abo"t it,8 I #ai%
enth"#ia#tically, gla% to enco"nter a '"e#tion I co"l% %o )"#tice to 8It$#
"#"ally +oating in the #ky, b"t #ometime# it +ie# %own to 9$# #i%e8
8Aghwee, yo" #ay !hen it m"#t be the gho#t o( o"r %ea% baby Yo"
know why he call# it Aghwee: Beca"#e o"r baby #poke only once while it
wa# alive an% that wa# what it #ai%-Aghwee !hat$# a pretty m"#hy way
to name the gho#t that$# ha"nting yo", %on$t yo" think:8 !he woman
#poke %eri#ively1 an "gly, corro#ive o%or reache% me (rom her mo"th
8O"r baby wa# born with a l"mp on the back o( it# hea% that ma%e it look
a# i( it ha% two hea%# !he %octor %iagno#e% it a# a brain hernia 2hen 9
hear% the new# he %eci%e% to protect him#el( an% me (rom a cata#trophe,
#o he got together with the %octor an% they kille% the baby-I think they
only gave it #"gar water in#tea% o( milk no matter how lo"% it #creame%
4y h"#ban% kille% the baby beca"#e he %i%n$t want "# to be #a%%le% with
a chil% who co"l% only ("nction a# a vegetable, which i# what the %octor
ha% pre%icte%/ ,o he wa# acting o"t o( (anta#tic egoti#m more than
anything el#e B"t then there wa# an a"top#y an% the l"mp t"rne% o"t to
be a benign t"mor !hat$# when 9 began #eeing gho#t#1 yo" #ee he$% lo#t
the co"rage he nee%e% to #"#tain hi# egoti#m, #o he %ecline% to live hi#
own li(e, )"#t a# he ha% %ecline% to let the baby go on living Not that he
committe% #"ici%e, he )"#t +e% (rom reality into a worl% o( phantom# B"t
once yo"r han%# are all bloo%y with a baby$# m"r%er, yo" can$t get them
clean again )"#t by r"nning (rom reality, anybo%y know# that ,o here he
i#, han%# a# *lthy a# ever an% carrying on abo"t Aghwee8
!he cr"elne## o( her critici#m wa# har% to bear, (or my employer$#
#ake ,o I t"rne% to her, re%%er in the (ace than ever with the e0citement
o( her own lo'"acity, an% #tr"ck a blow (or 9 82here were yo" while all
thi# wa# going on: Yo" were the mother, weren$t yo":8
8I ha% a &ae#arean, an% (or a week a(terwar%# I wa# in a coma with
a high (ever It wa# all over when I woke "p,8 #ai% 9$# (ormer wi(e, leaving
my ga"ntlet on the +oor !hen #he #too% "p an% move% towar% the
kitchen 8I g"e## yo"$ll have #ome more beer:8
8No, thank yo", I$ve ha% eno"gh 2o"l% yo" plea#e give me the
package I$m #"ppo#e% to take to 9:8
8O( co"r#e, )"#t let me gargle I have to gargle every ten min"te#,
(or pyorrhea-yo" m"#t have notice% the #mell:8
9$# (ormer wi(e p"t a bra## key into a b"#ine## envelope an%
han%e% it to me ,tan%ing behin% me while I tie% my #hoe#, #he a#ke%
what #chool I went to an% then #ai% pro"%ly@ 8I hear there$# not even one
#"b#criber to the ! .. !ime# in the %ormitorie# there Yo" may be
intere#te% to know that my (ather will own that paper #oon8
I let #ilence #peak (or my contempt
I wa# abo"t to get into the elevator when %o"bt kni(e% thro"gh me
a# tho"gh my che#t were ma%e o( b"tter I ha% to think I let the elevator
go an% %eci%e% to "#e the #tair# I( hi# (ormer wi(e ha% %e#cribe% 9$#
#tate o( min% correctly, how co"l% I be #"re he wo"l%n$t commit #"ici%e
with a pinch o( cyani%e or #omething taken (rom a bo0 thi# key "nlocke%:
All the way %own the #tair# I won%ere% what to %o, an% then I wa#
#tan%ing in (ront o( 9$# table an% #till ha%n$t arrive% at a concl"#ion !he
compo#er #at there with hi# eye# tightly #h"t, hi# tea "nto"che% on the
table I #"ppo#e it wo"l%n$t %o (or him to be #een %rinking material# (rom
thi# time now that he ha% #toppe% living in it an% ha% become a traveler
(rom another
8I #aw her,8 I began, re#olve% all o( a #"%%en to lie, 8an% we were
talking all thi# time b"t #he wo"l%n$t give me anything8
4y employer looke% "p at me placi%ly an% #ai% nothing, tho"gh
%o"bt clo"%e% hi# p"ppy eye# in their %eep #ocket# All the way back in
the cab I #at in #ilence at hi# #i%e, #ecretly pert"rbe% I wa#n$t #"re
whether he ha% #een thro"gh my lie In my #hirt pocket the key wa#
heavy
B"t I only kept it (or a week 3or one thing, the i%ea o( 9$# #"ici%e
began to #eem #illy1 (or another, I wa# worrie% he might a#k hi# wi(e
abo"t the key ,o I p"t it in a %i7erent envelope an% maile% it to him
#pecial %elivery !he ne0t %ay I went o"t to the ho"#e a little worrie% an%
(o"n% my employer in the open #pace in (ront o( the anne0, b"rning a pile
o( #core# in man"#cript !hey m"#t have been hi# own compo#ition#@ that
key ha% "nlocke% the compo#er$# m"#ic
2e %i%n$t go o"t that %ay In#tea% I helpe% 9 incinerate hi# whole
op"# 2e ha% b"rne% everything an% ha% %"g a hole an% I wa# b"rying
the a#he# when #"%%enly 9 began to whi#per !he phantom ha% %roppe%
o"t o( the #ky An% "ntil it le(t I contin"e% working, #lowly b"rying tho#e
a#he# !hat a(ternoon Aghwee =an% there wa# no %enying it wa# a m"#hy
name> the mon#ter (rom the #ky remaine% at my employer$# #i%e (or ("lly
twenty min"te#
3rom that %ay on, #ince I either #teppe% to one #i%e or %roppe%
behin% whenever the baby phantom appeare%, the compo#er m"#t have
reali5e% that I wa# complying with only the *r#t o( hi# original
in#tr"ction#, not to act ama5e%, while hi# re'"e#t that I back him "p with
#omething a6rmative wa# con#i#tently ignore% Yet he #eeme% #ati#*e%,
an% #o my )ob wa# ma%e ea#ier I co"l%n$t believe 9 wa# the kin% o(
per#on to create a %i#t"rbance in the #treet1 in (act hi# (ather$# warning
began to #eem ri%ic"lo"#, o"r to"r# o( !okyo together contin"e% #o
"nevent("lly I ha% alrea%y p"rcha#e% the 4o#cow e%ition o( L'Ame
Enchant I wante%, b"t I no longer ha% any intention o( giving "p #"ch a
won%er("l )ob 4y employer an% I went everywhere together 9 wante% to
vi#it all the concert hall# where work# o( hi# ha% been per(orme% an% all
the #chool# he ha% ever been to 2e wo"l% make #pecial trip# to place#
he ha% once en)oye% him#el(-bar#, movie theater#, in%oor #wimming
pool#-an% then we wo"l% t"rn back witho"t going in#i%e An% the
compo#er ha% a pa##ion (or all o( !okyo$# many (orm# o( p"blic
tran#portation@ I$m #"re we ro%e the entire metropolitan #"bway #y#tem
,ince the mon#ter baby co"l%n$t %e#cen% (rom the #ky while we were
"n%ergro"n%, I co"l% en)oy the #"bway in peace o( min% Nat"rally, I
ten#e% whenever we enco"ntere% %og# or o6cer# o( the law,
remembering what the n"r#e ha% tol% me, b"t tho#e enco"nter# never
coinci%e% with an appearance by Aghwee I %i#covere% that I wa# loving
my )ob Not loving my employer or hi# phantom baby the #i5e o( a
kangaroo ,imply loving my )ob
One %ay the compo#er approache% me abo"t making a trip (or him
;e wo"l% pay traveling e0pen#e#, an% my %aily wage wo"l% be %o"ble%1
#ince I wo"l% have to #tay overnight in a hotel an% wo"l%n$t be back "ntil
the #econ% %ay, I wo"l% act"ally be earning (o"r time# what I "#"ally
ma%e Not only that, the p"rpo#e o( the trip wa# to meet 9$# (ormer
girl(rien% the movie actre## in 9$# place I accepte% eagerly, I wa#
%elighte% An% #o began that comic an% pathetic )o"rney
9 gave me the name o( the hotel the actre## ha% mentione% in a
recent letter an% the %ate #he wa# e0pecting him to arrive !hen he ha%
me learn a me##age to the girl@ my employer wa# no longer living in
pre#ent time1 he wa# like a traveler who ha% arrive% here in a time
machine (rom a worl% ten tho"#an% year# in the ("t"re Accor%ingly, he
co"l%n$t permit him#el( to create a new e0i#tence with hi# own #ignat"re
on it thro"gh #"ch act# a# writing letter#
I memori5e% the me##age, an% then it wa# late at night an% I wa#
#itting oppo#ite a movie actre## in the ba#ement bar o( a hotel in Kyoto,
with a chance *r#t to e0plain why 9 ha%n$t come him#el(, ne0t to
per#"a%e hi# mi#tre## o( hi# conception o( time, an% *nally to %eliver hi#
me##age I concl"%e%@ 89 wo"l% like yo" to be care("l not to con("#e hi#
recent %ivorce with another %ivorce he once promi#e% yo" he wo"l% get1
an% #ince he i#n$t living in pre#ent time anymore, he #ay# it$# only nat"ral
that he won$t be #eeing yo" again8 I (elt my (ace color1 (or the *r#t time I
ha% the #en#ation that I ha% a tr"ly %i6c"lt )ob
8I# that what 9.boy #ay#: An% what %o yo" #ay: ;ow %o yo" (eel
abo"t all thi# that yo"$% r"n an erran% all the way to Kyoto:8
83rankly, I think 9 i# being m"#hy8
8!hat$# the way he i#-I$% #ay he$# being pretty m"#hy with yo",
too, a#king thi# kin% o( (avor/8
8I$m employe%1 I get pai% by the %ay (or what I %o8
82hat are yo" %rinking there: ;ave #ome bran%y8
I %i% Until then I$% been %rinking the #ame %ark beer 9$# (ormer
wi(e ha% given me, with an egg in it to thin it %own By #ome '"eer carom
o( a p#ychological billiar%, I$% been in+"ence% by a memory (rom 9$#
(ormer wi(e$# apartment while waiting to meet hi# mi#tre## !he actre##
ha% been %rinking bran%y all along It wa# the *r#t importe% bran%y I$%
ever ha%
8An% what$# all thi# abo"t 9.boy #eeing a gho#t, a baby a# big a# a
kangaroo: 2hat %i% yo" call it, Raghbee:8
8Aghwee/ !he baby only #poke once be(ore it %ie% an% that wa#
what it #ai%8
8An% 9 tho"ght it wa# telling him it# name: I#n$t that %arling/ I(
that baby ha% been normal, it wa# all %eci%e% that 9 wa# going to get a
%ivorce an% marry me !he %ay the baby wa# born we were in be%
together in a hotel room an% there wa# a phone call an% then we knew
#omething aw("l ha% happene% 9 )"mpe% o"t o( be% an% went #traight to
the ho#pital Not a wor% (rom him #ince-8 !he actre## g"lpe% her bran%y
%own, *lle% her gla## to the brim (rom the bottle o( ;enne##y on the table
a# i( #he were po"ring (r"it )"ice, an% %raine% her gla## again
O"r table wa# hi%%en (rom the bar by a %i#play ca#e ("ll o(
cigarette# ;anging on the wall above my #ho"l%er wa# a large color
po#ter with the actre##$# pict"re on it, a beer a%verti#ement !he (ace in
the po#ter glittere% like gol%, no le## than the beer !he girl #itting
oppo#ite me wa# not '"ite #o %a55ling, there wa# even a %epre##ion in
her (orehea%, )"#t below the hairline, that looke% %eep eno"gh to contain
an a%"lt th"mb B"t it wa# preci#ely the (a"lt that ma%e her more
appealing than her pict"re
,he co"l%n$t get the baby o7 her min%
8Book, wo"l%n$t it be terri(ying to %ie witho"t memorie# or
e0perience# beca"#e yo"$% never %one anything h"man while yo" were
alive: !hat$# how it wo"l% be i( yo" %ie% a# an in(ant-wo"l%n$t that be
terri(ying:8
8Not to the baby, I %on$t imagine,8 I #ai% %e(erentially
8B"t think abo"t the worl% a(ter %eath/8 !he actre##$# logic wa# ("ll
o( leap#
8!he worl% a(ter %eath:8
8I( there i# #"ch a thing, the #o"l# o( the %ea% m"#t live there with
their memorie# (or all eternity B"t what abo"t the #o"l o( a baby who
never knew anything an% never ha% any e0perience#: I mean what
memorie# can it have:8
At a lo##, I %rank my bran%y in #ilence
8I$m terribly a(rai% o( %eath #o I$m alway# thinking abo"t it-yo"
%on$t have to be %i#g"#te% with yo"r#el( beca"#e yo" %on$t have a '"ick
an#wer (or me B"t yo" know what I think: !he min"te that baby %ie%, I
think 9.boy %eci%e% not to create any new memorie# (or him#el(, a# i( he
ha% %ie%, too, an% that$# why he #toppe% living, yo" know, po#itively, in
pre#ent time An% I bet he call# that baby gho#t %own to earth all over
!okyo #o he can create new memorie# (or it/8
At the time I tho"ght #he m"#t be right !hi# tip#y movie actre##
with a %ent in her (orehea% big eno"gh (or a th"mb i# '"ite an original
p#ychologi#t, I tho"ght my#el( An% m"ch more 9$# type, I tho"ght, than
the p"%gy, tomato.(ace% %a"ghter o( a new#paper baron All o( a #"%%en I
reali5e% that, even here in Kyoto with h"n%re%# o( mile# between "#, I,
the mo%el o( a (aith("l employee, wa# thinking e0cl"#ively abo"t 9 No,
there wa# #omething el#e, too, there wa# 9$# phantom I reali5e% that the
baby who#e appearance I waite% (or nervo"#ly every time my employer
an% I went o"t together ha%n$t been o7 my min% (or a min"te
It wa# time (or the bar to clo#e an% I %i%n$t have a room I$%
manage% to get a# ol% a# I wa# witho"t ever #taying in a hotel an% I knew
nothing abo"t re#ervation# B"ckily, the actre## wa# known at the hotel,
an% a wor% (rom her got me a room 2e went "p in the elevator together,
an% I #tarte% to get o7 at my +oor when #he #"gge#te% we have one la#t
%rink an% invite% me to her room It wa# (rom that point that memorie# o(
the evening get comic an% pathetic 2hen #he ha% #eate% me in a chair,
the actre## ret"rne% to the %oor an% looke% "p an% %own the hall, then
went thro"gh a whole #erie# o( nervo"# motion#, +o"nce% on the be% a# i(
to te#t the #pring#, t"rne% light# on an% #witche% them o7, ran a little
water in the t"b !hen #he po"re% me the bran%y #he ha% promi#e% an%,
#ipping a &oca.&ola, #he tol% me abo"t another man who ha% co"rte% her
%"ring her a7air with 9, an% *nally going to be% with him, an% 9 #lapping
her #o har% the teeth rattle% in her mo"th !hen #he a#ke% i( I tho"ght
to%ay$# college #t"%ent# went in (or 8heavy petting8: It %epen%e% on the
#t"%ent, I #ai%-#"%%enly the actre## ha% become a mother #col%ing a
chil% (or #taying "p too late an% wa# telling me to *n% my own room an%
go to #leep I #ai% goo% night, went %own#tair#, an% (ell a#leep
imme%iately I woke "p at %awn with a *re in my throat
!he mo#t comic an% pathetic part wa# #till to come I "n%er#too%
the min"te I opene% my eye# that the actre## ha% invite% me to her room
inten%ing to #e%"ce a college #t"%ent who wa# wil% (or heavy petting
An% with that "n%er#tan%ing came rage an% ab)ect %e#ire I ha%n$t #lept
with a woman yet, b"t thi# h"miliation %eman%e% that I retaliate I wa#
%r"nk on what m"#t have been my *r#t ;enne##y C,OE, an% I wa# o"t o(
my hea% with the kin% o( poi#ono"# %e#ire that goe# with being eighteen
It wa# only *ve o$clock in the morning an% there wa# no #ign o( li(e in the
hall# Bike a panther wil% with rage I #pe% to her %oor on pa%%e% (eet It
wa# a)ar I #teppe% in#i%e an% (o"n% her #eate% at the %re##er mirror with
her back to me &reeping "p %irectly behin% her =to thi# %ay I won%er
what I wa# trying to %o>, I l"nge% at her neck with both han%# !he
actre## whirle% aro"n% with a broa% #mile on her (ace, ri#ing a# #he
t"rne%, an% then #he ha% my han%# in her own an% wa# p"mping them
happily "p an% %own a# i( #he were welcoming a g"e#t an% #ing.#onging,
8?oo% morning/ ?oo% morning/ ?oo% morning/8 Be(ore I knew it I ha%
been #eate% in a chair an% we were #haring her toa#t an% morning co7ee
an% rea%ing the new#paper together A(ter a while the movie actre## #ai%
in a tone o( voice #he might have "#e% to %i#c"## the weather@ 8Yo" were
trying to rape me )"#t now, weren$t yo"/8 ,he went back to her make"p
an% I got o"t o( there, +e% %own#tair# to my own room an% b"rrowe%
back into be%, trembling a# tho"gh I ha% malaria I wa# a(rai% that a
report o( thi# inci%ent might reach 9, b"t the #"b)ect o( the movie actre##
never came "p again I contin"e% to en)oy my )ob
2inter ha% come O"r plan that a(ternoon wa# to bicycle thro"gh
9$# re#i%ential neighborhoo% an% #"rro"n%ing *el%# I wa# on a r"#ty ol%
bike an% my employer ha% borrowe% the n"r#e$# #hiny new one
?ra%"ally we e0pan%e% the ra%i"# o( a circle aro"n% 9F# ho"#e, ri%ing into
a new ho"#ing %evelopment an% coa#ting %own hill# in the %irection o(
the 3iel%# 2e were #weating, reli#hing the #en#ation o( liberation, more
an% more e0hilarate% I #ay 8we8 an% incl"%e 9 beca"#e that a(ternoon it
wa# evi%ent that he wa# in high #pirit#, too ;e wa# even whi#tling a
theme (rom a Bach #onata (or +"te an% harp#ichor% calle% ,iciliana I
happene% to know that beca"#e when I wa# in high #chool I ha% playe%
+"te I never learne% to play well b"t I %i% %evelop a habit o( thr"#ting o"t
my "pper lip the way a tapir %oe# Nat"rally, I ha% (rien%# who in#i#te%
my b"ck teeth were to blame B"t the (act i#, +"ti#t# (re'"ently look like
tapir#
A# we pe%ale% %own the #treet, I picke% "p the t"ne an% began to
whi#tle along with 9 ,iciliana i# a #"#taine% an% elegant theme, b"t I wa#
o"t o( breath (rom pe%aling an% my whi#tle kept lap#ing into airy
#ibilance Yet 9$# phra#ing wa# per(ect, ab#ol"tely legato I #toppe%
whi#tling then, a#hame% to go on, an% the compo#er glance% over at me
with hi# lip# #till p"r#e% in a whi#tle like a carp p"ckering "p to breathe
an% #mile% hi# tran'"il #mile ?rante% there wa# a %i7erence in the bike#,
it wa# #till "nnat"ral an% pathetic that an eighteen.year.ol% #t"%ent,
#kinny maybe, b"t tall, #ho"l% begin to tire an% r"n #hort o( breath be(ore
a twenty.eight.year.ol% compo#er who wa# a little man an% #ick be#i%e#
Un)"#t i# what it wa#, an% in("riating 4y moo% clo"%e% in#tantly an% I (elt
%i#g"#te% with the whole )ob ,o I #too% "p on the pe%al# all o( a #"%%en
an% #pe% away a# ("rio"#ly a# a bicycle racer I even t"rne% %own a
narrow gravel path between two vegetable *el%# p"rpo#ely 2hen I
looke% back a min"te later, my employer wa# h"nche% over the han%le
bar#, hi# large, ro"n% hea% no%%ing above hi# narrow #ho"l%er#, ch"rning
the gravel beneath hi# wheel# in hot p"r#"it o( me I coa#te% to a #top,
proppe% a (oot on the barbe% wire (ence that bor%ere% the *el% an%
waite% (or 9 to catch "p I wa# alrea%y a#hame% o( my chil%i#hne##
;i# hea% #till bobbing, my employer wa# approaching (a#t An%
then I knew the phantom wa# with him 9 wa# racing hi# bike %own the
e0treme le(t o( the gravel path, hi# (ace twi#te% to the right #o that he
wa# almo#t looking over hi# right #ho"l%er, an% the rea#on hi# hea%
appeare% to bob wa# that he wa# whi#pering enco"ragement to
#omething r"nning, or maybe +ying, along#i%e the bicycle Bike a
marathon coach pacing one o( hi# r"nner# Ah, I tho"ght, he$# %oing that
on the premi#e that Aghwee i# neck an% neck with hi# #pee%ing bike !he
mon#ter a# large a# a kangaroo, the (at, (anny baby in a white cotton
nightgown wa# bo"n%ing-like a kangaroo/-%own that gravel path I
#h"%%ere%, then I kicke% the barbe% wire (ence an% #lowly pe%ale% away,
waiting (or my employer an% the mon#ter in hi# imagination to catch "p
9on$t think I ha% let my#el( begin to believe in Aghwee$# e0i#tence
I ha% taken the n"r#e$# a%vice, #worn not to lo#e #ight o( the anchor on
my common #en#e a# in tho#e #lightly #olemn #lap#tick come%ie# where,
(or e0ample, the keeper o( the ma% ho"#e goe# ma%1 con#cio"#ly
%eri#ive, I wa# thinking to my#el( that the ne"rotic compo#er wa# p"tting
on a #how with hi# bicycle )"#t to (ollow "p a lie he ha% tol% me once, an%
what a lot o( tro"ble to go to/ In other wor%#, I wa# keeping a clinical
%i#tance between my#el( an% 9$# phantom mon#ter Even #o, there
occ"rre% a #trange alteration in my #tate o( min%
It began thi# way@ 9 ha% *nally ca"ght "p an% wa# biking along a
(ew (eet behin% me when, a# "ne0pecte%ly a# a clo"%b"r#t, an% a#
ine#capably, we were envelope% by the belling o( a pack o( ho"n%# I
looke% "p an% #aw them racing towar% me %own the gravel path, yo"ng
a%"lt 9oberman# that #too% two (eet high, more than ten o( them
R"nning breathle##ly behin% the pack, the thin black leather lea#he#
gra#pe% in one han%, wa# a man in overall#, cha#ing the %og# perhap#, or
maybe they were %ragging him along <et.black 9oberman#, #leek a# wet
#eal#, with )"#t a %"#ting o( %ry chocolate on their che#t# an% )owl# an%
p"mping ha"nche# An% %own on "# they howle%, *lling the gravel path,
keening (or the attack at #"ch a (orwar% tilt they looke% abo"t to topple
on their (oaming #no"t# !here wa# a mea%ow on the other #i%e o( the
*el%1 the man in overall# m"#t have been training the bea#t# there an%
now he wa# on hi# way home with them
!rembling with (ear, I got o7 my bike an% helple##ly #"rveye% the
*el% on the other #i%e o( the (ence !he barbe% wire came "p to my
che#t I might have ha% a chance my#el( b"t I wo"l% never have been
able to boo#t the little compo#er to #a(ety on the other #i%e !he poi#on#
o( terror were beginning to n"mb my hea%, b"t (or one l"ci% in#tant I
co"l% #ee the cata#trophe that wa# bo"n% to occ"r in a (ew #econ%# A#
the 9oberman# neare%, 9 wo"l% #en#e that Aghwee wa# being attacke%
by a pack o( the animal# it mo#t (eare% ;e wo"l% probably hear the
baby$# (rightene% crying An% certainly he wo"l% meet the %og# hea%.on,
in %e(en#e o( hi# baby !hen the 9oberman# wo"l% rip him to piece# Or
he wo"l% try to e#cape with the baby an% make a reckle## leap to clear
the (ence an% be )"#t a# cr"elly torn I wa# rocke% by the pity o( what I
knew m"#t happen An% while I #too% there %"mbly witho"t a plan, tho#e
giant black.an%.chocolate %evil# were clo#ing in on "#, #napping in the air
with aw("l )aw#, #o clo#e by now that I co"l% hear their alaba#ter claw#
clicking on the gravel ,"%%enly I knew I co"l% %o nothing (or 9 an% hi#
baby, an% with that knowle%ge I went limp, "nre#i#ting a# a pervert when
he i# #ei5e% in the #"bway, an% wa# #wallowe% whole in the %arkne## o(
my (ear I backe% o7 the gravel path "ntil the barbe% wire wa# a *re in my
back, p"lle% my bike in (ront o( me a# i( it were a wall, an% #h"t my eye#
tight An animal #tench battere% me, together with the howling o( the
%og# an% the po"n%ing o( their (eet, an% I co"l% (eel tear# #eeping pa#t
my eyeli%# I aban%one% my#el( to a wave o( (ear an% it #wept me
away
On my #ho"l%er wa# a han% gentle a# the e##ence o( all
gentlene##1 it (elt like Aghwee to"ching me B"t I knew it wa# my
employer1 he ha% let tho#e *en%i#h %og# pa## an% no cata#trophe o( (ear
ha% be(allen him I contin"e% crying anyway, with my eye# clo#e% an% my
#ho"l%er# heaving I wa# too ol% to cry in (ront o( other people, I #"ppo#e
the #hock o( (right ha% in%"ce% #ome kin% o( in(antile regre##ion in me
2hen I #toppe% crying, we walke% o"r bike# pa#t that barbe% wire (ence
like pri#oner# in a concentration camp, in #ilence, o"r hea%# hanging, to
the mea%ow beyon% the *el% where #tranger# were playing ball an%
e0erci#ing %og# =9 wa#n$t occ"pie% with Aghwee anymore, the baby m"#t
have le(t while I wa# crying> 2e lai% o"r bike# %own an% then #prawle%
on the gra## o"r#elve# 4y tear# ha% +oo%e% away my preten#ion# an%
my rebellio"#ne## an% the perver#e #"#picion in my heart An% 9 wa# no
longer wary o( me I lay back on the gra## an% cla#pe% my han%# beneath
my hea%, c"rio"#ly light an% %ry a(ter all that crying !hen I clo#e% my
eye# an% li#tene% '"ietly while 9 peere% %own at me with hi# chin in hi#
han% an% #poke to me o( Aghwee$# worl%
89o yo" know a poem calle% $,hame$ by &h"ya Nakahara: Bi#ten
to the #econ% ver#e@
!he mo"rn("l #ky
;igh where branche# tangle
!eem# with %ea% baby #o"l#1
I blinke% an% #aw
above the %i#tant *el%#
+eece knit into a %ream
o( ma#to%on#
8!hat$# one a#pect o( the worl% o( the %ea% baby I #ee !here are
#ome Blake engraving#, too, e#pecially one calle% $&hri#t Re("#ing the
Ban'"et O7ere% by ,atan$-have yo" ever #een it: An% there$# another,
$!he 4orning ,tar# ,inging !ogether$ In both there are *g"re# in the #ky
who have the #ame reality abo"t them a# the people on the gro"n%, an%
whenever I look at them I$m #"re Blake wa# hinting at an a#pect o( thi#
other worl% I once #aw a 9ali painting that wa# clo#e, too, ("ll o( opa'"e
being# +oating in the #ky abo"t a h"n%re% yar%# above the gro"n% an%
glowing with an ivory white light Now that$# e0actly the worl% I #ee An%
yo" know what tho#e glowing thing# are that *ll the #ky: Being# we$ve
lo#t (rom o"r live# %own here on earth, an% now they +oat "p there in the
#ky abo"t a h"n%re% yar%# above the gro"n%, '"ietly glowing like
amoeba# "n%er a micro#cope An% #ometime# they %e#cen% the way o"r
Aghwee %oe# =my employer #ai% it an% I %i%n$t prote#t, which %oe#n$t
mean I ac'"ie#ce%> B"t it take# a #acri*ce worthy o( them to ac'"ire the
eye# to #ee them +oating there an% the ear# to %etect them when they
%e#cen% to earth, an% yet there are moment# when #"%%enly we$re
en%owe% with that ability witho"t any #acri*ce or even e7ort on o"r part
I think that$# what happene% to yo" a (ew min"te# ago8
2itho"t any #acri*ce or even e7ort on my part, )"#t a (ew tear# o(
e0piation, my employer #eeme% to have wante% to #ay !he tr"th wa# I
ha% #he% tear# o"t o( (ear an% helple##ne## an% a kin% o( vag"e terror
abo"t my ("t"re =my *r#t )ob, an e0periment in a kin% o( microco#m o(
li(e, wa# g"ar%ing thi# ma% compo#er, an% #ince I ha% (aile% to %o that
a%e'"ately, it wa# pre%ictable that #it"ation# I co"l%n$t cope with wo"l%
rec"r a# one o( the pattern# o( my li(e>, b"t in#tea% o( interr"pting with a
prote#t, I contin"e% to li#ten %ocilely
8Yo"$re #till yo"ng, probably yo" haven$t lo#t #ight o( anything in
thi# worl% that yo" can never (orget, that$# #o %ear to yo" yo"$re aware o(
it# ab#ence all the time Erobably the #ky a h"n%re% yar%# or #o above
yo"r hea% i# #till nothing more than #ky to yo" B"t all that mean# i# that
the #toreho"#e happen# to be empty at the moment Or have yo" lo#t
anything that wa# really important to yo":8
!he compo#er pa"#e% (or my an#wer, an% I (o"n% my#el(
remembering hi# (ormer mi#tre##, that movie actre## with a %ent in her
(orehea% a# big a# an a%"lt th"mb Nat"rally, no cr"cial lo## o( mine
co"l% have ha% anything to %o with her, all that crying ha% ero%e% my
hea% an% a #entimental honey wa# #eeping into the crevice#
82ell, have yo":8 3or the *r#t time #ince we ha% met, my employer
wa# in#i#tent 8;ave yo" lo#t anything that wa# important to yo":8
,"%%enly I ha% to #ay #omething #illy to cover my embarra##ment
8I lo#t a cat,8 I trie%
8A ,iame#e or what:8
8<"#t an or%inary cat with orange #tripe#1 he %i#appeare% abo"t a
week ago8
8I( it$# only been a week he might come back I#n$t it the #ea#on (or
them to wan%er:8
8!hat$# what I tho"ght, too, b"t now I know he won$t be back8
82hy:G
8;e wa# a to"gh torn with hi# own territory #take% o"t !hi#
morning I #aw a weak.looking cat walking "p an% %own hi# block an% it
wa#n$t even on it# g"ar%-my cat won$t be coming back8 2hen I$%
#toppe% talking I reali5e% I$% tol% a #tory inten%e% (or la"gh# in a voice
that wa# hoar#e with #a%ne##
8!hen there$# a cat +oating in yo"r #ky,8 my employer #ai%
#olemnly
!hro"gh clo#e% eye# I pict"re% an opa'"e cat a# large a# an a%
balloon, glowing with an ivory.white light a# it +oate% thro"gh the #ky It
wa# a comical +ight all right, b"t it al#o ma%e me wi#t("l
8!he *g"re# +oating in yo"r #ky begin to increa#e at an
accelerating rate !hat$# why I haven$t been living in pre#ent time ever
#ince that inci%ent with the baby, #o I co"l% #top that #prea%ing ,ince I$m
not living in o"r time, I can$t %i#cover anything new, b"t I %on$t lo#e #ight
o( anything, either-the #tate o( my #ky never change#8 !here wa#
pro(o"n% relie( in the compo#er$# voice
B"t wa# my own #ky really empty e0cept (or one bloate% cat with
orange #tripe#: I opene% my eye# an% #tarte% to look "p at the clear, now
almo#t evening #ky, when %rea% ma%e me clo#e my eye# again 9rea% o(
my#el(, (or what i( I ha% #een a glowing her% o( n"mberle## being# I ha%
lo#t (rom time %own here on earth/
2e lay on the gra## in that mea%ow (or '"ite a while, ringe% by the
pa##ive a6nity two people have (or one another when the #ame gloom i#
gripping them An% gra%"ally I began to get my per#pective back I
reproache% my#el(@ how "nlike the eighteen.year.ol% pragmati#t I really
wa# to have let my#el( be in+"ence% by a ma% compo#er/ I$m not
#"gge#ting my e'"ilibri"m wa# per.(ectly re#tore% !he %ay I #"cc"mbe%
to that #trange panic, I %rew clo#er than ever to the #entiment# o( my
employer an% to that glowing her% in the #ky one h"n%re% yar%# above
the gro"n% !o an e0tent, what yo" might call the a(tere7ect# remaine%
with me
An% then the *nal %ay came It wa# &hri#tma# Eve I$m certain
abo"t the %ate beca"#e 9 gave me a wri#twatch with a little apology
abo"t being a %ay early An% I remember that a pow%ery #now (ell (or
abo"t an ho"r )"#t a(ter l"nch 2e went %own to the ?in5a together b"t it
wa# alrea%y getting crow%e%, #o we %eci%e% to walk o"t to !okyo harbor
9 wante% to #ee a &hilean (reighter that wa# #"ppo#e% to have %ocke%
that %ay I wa# eager to go, too1 I pict"re% a #hip with #now blanketing her
%eck# 2e ha% le(t the ?in5a crow%# an% were )"#t pa##ing the Kab"ki
!heater when 9 looke% "p at the %ark an% #till #nowy #ky An% Aghwee
%e#cen%e% to hi# #i%e A# "#"al, I walke% a (ew #tep# behin% the
compo#er an% hi# phantom 2e came to a wi%e inter#ection 9 an% the
baby ha% )"#t #teppe% o7 the c"rb when the light change% 9 #toppe%,
an% a +eet o( tr"ck# a# b"lky a# elephant# heave% into motion with their
&hri#tma# (reight !hat wa# when it happene% ,"%%enly 9 crie% o"t an%
thr"#t both arm# in (ront o( him a# i( he were trying to re#c"e #omething1
then he leape% in among tho#e tr"ck# an% wa# #tr"ck to the gro"n% I
watche% #t"pi%ly (rom the c"rb
8!hat wa# #"ici%e1 he )"#t kille% him#el(/8 #ai% #haky voice at my
#i%e
B"t I ha% no time to won%er whether it might have been #"ici%e In
a min"te that inter#ection ha% become back#tage at a circ"#, )amme%
with milling tr"ck# like elephant#, an% I wa# kneeling at 9$# #i%e, hol%ing
hi# bloo%y bo%y in my arm# an% trembling like a %og I %i%n$t know what
to %o, a policeman ha% %a#he% "p an% then %i#appeare% on the r"n
again
9 wa#n$t %ea%1 it wa# more aw("l than that ;e wa# %ying, lying
there in the *lthy wet that ha% been a light #now, oo5ing bloo% an%
#omething like tree.#ap !he %ark an% #nowy pattern o( the #ky rippe%
open an% the #tately light o( a ,pani#h pieta ma%e my employer$# bloo%
gli#ten like #illy (at By that time a crow% ha% gathere%, #natche# o(
8<ingle Bell#8 wheele% above o"r hea%# like panic.#tricken pigeon#, an% I
knelt at 9$# #i%e li#tening har% (or nothing in partic"lar an% hearing
#creaming in the %i#tance B"t the crow% )"#t #too% there #ilently in the
col%, a# i( in%i7erent to the #cream# I have never li#tene% #o har% on a
#treet corner again, nor again hear% #cream# like that
An amb"lance *nally arrive% an% my employer wa# li(te% in#i%e
"ncon#cio"# ;e wa# cake% with bloo% an% m"%, an% #hock #eeme% to
have withere% hi# bo%y In white tenni# #hoe#, he looke% like an in)"re%
blin% man I climbe% into the amb"lance with a %octor an% an or%erly an%
a yo"ng man abo"t my age who #eeme% ha"ghty an% aloo( ;e t"rne%
o"t to be the %river$# helper on the long.%i#tance tr"ck that ha% hit 9 !he
conge#tion wa# getting wor#e all the time a# the amb"lance c"t acro##
the ?in5a =accor%ing to #ome #tati#tic# I #aw recently, there were recor%
crow%# that &hri#tma# Eve> !ho#e who hear% the #iren an% #toppe% to
watch "# pa##, nearly all o( them, #hare% a look o( circ"m#pectly #olemn
concern In one corner o( my %a5e% hea% I re+ecte% that the #o.calle%
in#cr"table <apane#e #mile, while it #eeme% likely to e0i#t, %i% not
4eanwhile 9 lay "ncon#cio"# on that wobbly #tretcher, blee%ing hi# li(e
away
2hen we arrive% at the ho#pital, two or%erlie# who %i%n$t even
pa"#e to change o"t o( #hoe# into #lipper# r"#he% 9 away to #ome rece##
o( the b"il%ing !he #ame policeman a# be(ore appeare% o"t o( nowhere
again an% calmly a#ke% me a lot o( '"e#tion# !hen I wa# permitte% to go
to 9 !he yo"ng worker (rom the tr"ck ha% alrea%y (o"n% the room an%
wa# #itting on a bench in the corri%or ne0t to the %oor I #at %own ne0t to
him an% we waite% (or a long time At *r#t he wo"l% only m"tter abo"t all
the %eliverie# he #till ha% to make, b"t when two ho"r# ha% pa##e% he
began to complain that he wa# h"ngry in a #"rpri#ingly yo"ng voice, an%
my ho#tility towar% him %win%le% 2e waite% #ome more, then the banker
arrive% with hi# wi(e an% three %a"ghter#, who were all %re##e% "p to go
to a party Ignoring "#, they went in#i%e All (o"r o( the women ha% (at,
#'"at bo%ie# an% re% (ace#1 they remin%e% me o( 9$# (ormer wi(e I
contin"e% to wait It ha% been ho"r# by then, an% the whole time I ha%
been tormente% by #"#picion-ha%n$t my employer inten%e% to kill
him#el( (rom the beginning: Be(ore taking hi# li(e he ha% #ettle% thing#
with hi# e0.wi(e an% (ormer mi#tre##, b"rne% hi# man"#cript#, to"re% the
city #aying goo%bye to place# he wo"l% mi##-ha%n$t he hire% me
beca"#e he nee%e% #ome goo%.nat"re% help with tho#e chore#: Kept me
(rom #eeing hi# plan by inventing a mon#ter baby +oating in the #ky: In
other wor%#, wa#n$t it the ca#e that my only real ("nction ha% been to
help 9 commit #"ici%e: !he yo"ng laborer ha% (allen a#leep with hi# hea%
on my #ho"l%er an% every min"te or two he wo"l% conv"l#e a# tho"gh in
pain ;e m"#t have been %reaming abo"t r"nning over a man with a
tr"ck
It wa# pitch black o"t#i%e when the banker appeare% in the %oor
an% calle% me I ea#e% my #ho"l%er (rom "n%er the worker$# hea% an%
#too% "p !he banker pai% me my #alary (or the %ay an% then let me into
the room 9 lay on hi# back with r"bber t"be# in hi# no#tril# a# in a )oke
;i# (ace gave me pa"#e@ it wa# black a# #moke% meat B"t I co"l%n$t help
voicing the %o"bt that ha% me #o a(rai% I calle% o"t to my %ying
employer@ 89i% yo" hire me )"#t #o yo" co"l% commit #"ici%e: 2a# all that
abo"t Aghwee )"#t a cover."p:8 !hen my throat wa# clogge% with tear#
an% I wa# #"rpri#e% to hear my#el( #ho"ting, 8I wa# abo"t to believe in
Aghwee/8
At that moment, a# my eye# *lle% with tear# an% thing# began to
%im, I #aw a #mile appear on 9$# %arkene%, #hrivele% (ace It might have
been a mocking #mile an% it might have been a #mile o( (rien%ly mi#chie(
!he banker le% me o"t o( the room !he yo"ng man (rom the tr"ck wa#
#tretche% o"t on the bench a#leep On my way o"t, I #lippe% the tho"#an%
yen I ha% earne% into hi# )acket pocket I rea% in the evening paper the
ne0t %ay that the compo#er wa# %ea%
An% then it wa# thi# #pring an% I wa# walking %own the #treet when
a gro"p o( (rightene% chil%ren #"%%enly #tarte% throwing #tone# It wa# #o
#"%%en an% "nprovoke%, I %on$t know what I ha% %one to threaten them
2hatever it wa#, (ear ha% t"rne% tho#e chil%ren into killer#, an% one o(
them hit me in the right eye with a rock a# big a# a *#t I went %own on
one knee, pre##e% my han% to my eye an% (elt a l"mp o( broken +e#h
2ith my goo% eye I watche% my %ripping bloo% %raw in the %irt in the
#treet a# tho"gh magnetically It wa# then that I #en#e% a being I knew
an% mi##e% leave the gro"n% behin% me like a kangaroo an% #oar into the
teary bl"e o( a #ky that retaine% it# winter brittlene## ?oo%.bye, Aghwee,
I hear% my#el( whi#pering in my heart An% then I knew that my hatre% o(
tho#e (rightene% chil%ren ha% melte% away an% that time ha% *lle% my
#ky %"ring tho#e ten year# with *g"re# that glowe% with an ivory.white
light, I #"ppo#e not all o( them p"rely innocent 2hen I wa# wo"n%e% by
tho#e chil%ren an% #acri*ce% my #ight in one eye, #o clearly a grat"ito"#
#acri*ce, I ha% been en%owe%, i( (or only an in#tant, with the power to
perceive a creat"re that ha% %e#cen%e% (rom the height# o( my #ky