Christian Friendship - How

Materialism May Be Ruining

Your Friendships (and We All Do
This)

by Jeffrey S. Arrowood, MTS

From the Abbey - helping you unlock your heart so you can
unleash your passion for God and for life

www.fromtheabbey.com

Christian Friendship - How

Materialism May Be Ruining
Your Friendships (and We All Do
This)
Cultivating and nurturing good Christian friendship is an important part
of Catholic spiritual growth. To be truly effective at nourishing our
friendships, we need to be aware of the influences and attitudes that can
damage our relationships. One
such negative influence is
materialism.
Now, Im not just talking
about the give me, give me,
give me - I want more kind of
consumerism that is so common
in our culture today - though
that is certainly one
manifestation of materialism
and not at all good for a
friendship. Philosophically speaking, materialism is the attitude that this
physical world is all that really matters - or all that really exists. Its
basically spiritual shortsightedness. The physical world is all I can see, so
that must be all that exists.

But Im a Christian - I Cant Be a Materialist!

Not so fast - if youre a Christian you shouldnt be a materialist. But this
is why Jesus and His Church constantly call us to a deeper examination of
conscience. As Pope John Paul II points out in his encyclical Veritatis
Splendor (88), many Christians can find themselves living as if God did not
exist. We live in a materialistic society. Its very easy with our fallen human

nature to claim belief in God but to mindlessly follow our culture in living
as if God didnt exist at all. Gaudium et Spes from Vatican II pointed out
that this is a common state for Catholics, who live with a gap between the
faith they profess on Sunday and their everyday lives at work and in the
home.
Be honest with yourself. Does this describe you, at least to some degree?
If it does, you should be aware not only of the effects that creeping
materialism has on your relationship with God, but also on how it
undermines your friendships, your family, and all other relationships.

What does materialism do to a relationship?

1. Materialism makes relationships pragmatic. When we enter into a
relationship asking, Whats in it for me? we short circuit the trust process.
Friends are people to be loved. But materialists place a value on friendship
based on the benefits of that relationship. They use other people. Therefore,
other people cannot trust them without being fools. To trust a materialist
means to let yourself be used. Such trust creates a one-way flow of goodness
at worst, and a contractual quid-quo-pro relationship at best.
2. Materialism makes a
relationship shallow. A
materialistic relationship
sees no value in intimacy.
In fact, opening yourself
to intimacy with a
pragmatist can be
dangerous. It means
giving him or her leverage
over you. It means
showing all your cards
and weakening your

bargaining position. Doesnt really sound like friendship, does it?

Materialistic relationships tend to be shallow for this very reason. If
intimacy does happen within a materialistic relationship, it is done for
psychological reasons. It lacks a true spiritual connection and sympathy of
heart.
3. Materialism makes a relationship short-lived. Because of the
pragmatic nature of materialistic relationships, commitment is always
conditional. Pragmatic relationships only last as long as the perceived
benefit outweighs the perceived cost of the relationship, or until a better
offer comes along. There is nothing on which to base a long-term
commitment. So materialistic relationships dont last.
4. Materialism makes us selfish. By now I probably dont even have to
say this. It should be obvious that the very nature of a materialistic,
pragmatic relationship is selfishness. What possible foundation for selfless
love would a materialistic relationship have? Is there a material gain to
selflessness? No. Is there a return on investment for selflessness? Not in
any material way, no. The only foundation for selfless love is spiritual.

Short-Circuited Relationships

In short, materialism leads to relationships that are short-circuited in

trust, intimacy, commitment and love. Now, most of us are not going to be
out-and-out materialists. But we all have materialistic tendencies. Its a
good thing to be aware of in ourselves. If you catch yourself slipping into
treating any of your relationships in a whats in it for me attitude, stop
yourself and change your perspective. Dont forget that we are spiritual as
well as physical creatures. A true relationship has to satisfy the spirit, not
just the body. A true Christian friendship transcends the individuals and
draws both outward in love.
<strong>Bottom Line:</strong>
Fortunately for us, the love of friendship is a skill that we can learn - and
learning that skill opens us to the grace of Charity that in turn empowers us
to love even more completely. Thats called cooperating with grace.
The first step to strengthening your relationships is to get yourself
focused amidst all of the distractions in your life.

So to make things easier on you, I created a set of behavioral templates

that can help you grow in an important habit in five key areas of Catholic
spirituality. And it just so happens that I even have one for taking control of
your time!
You'll get an easy-to-follow diagram that leads you step-by-step through
the formation of the virtue of prudence - which will help you create a daily
strategy to focus your time, energy, and attention on what matters most. I'll
also share a short video walking you through this simple but powerful
diagram.
Click this link to go to http://www.fromtheabbey.com/maketime to fill
out the pop-up form, download the template and get started transforming
your faith life!