CIRCLE OF PRAYER

Alice Munro
Trudy threw a jug across the room It didn!t reach the o""osite wall# it didn!t hurt
any$ody% it didn!t e&en $rea'
This was the jug without a handle(cement)colored with $rown strea's on it%
rough as sand"a"er to the touch(that *an made the winter he too' "ottery classes +e
made si, little handleless cu"s to go with it The jug and the cu"s were su""osed to $e
-or sa'e% $ut the local li.uor store doesn!t carry sa'e Once% they $rought some home
-rom a tri"% $ut they didn!t really li'e it /o the jug *an made sits on the highest o"en
shel- in the 'itchen% and a -ew odd items o- &alue are 'e"t in it Trudy!s wedding ring
and her engagement ring% the medal Ro$in won -or all)round e,cellence in 0rade 1% a
long% two)strand nec'lace o- jet $eads that $elonged to *an!s mother and was willed to
Ro$in Trudy won!t let her wear it yet
Trudy came home -rom wor' a little a-ter midnight# she entered the house in the
dar' 2ust the little sto&e light was on(she and Ro$in always le-t that on -or each other
Trudy didn!t need any other light /he clim$ed u" on a chair without e&en letting go o-
her $ag% got down the jug% and -ished around inside it
It was gone O- course /he had 'nown it would $e gone
/he went through the dar' house to Ro$in!s room% still with her $ag o&er her
arm% the jug in her hand /he turned on the o&erhead light Ro$in groaned and turned
o&er% "ulled the "illow o&er her head /hamming
3Your grandmother!s nec'lace%4 Trudy said 35hy did you do that6 Are you
insane64
Ro$in shammed a slee"y groan All the clothes she owned% it seemed% old and
new and clean and dirty% were scattered on the -loor% on the chair% the des'% the dresser%
e&en on the $ed itsel- On the wall was a huge "oster showing a hi""o"otamus% with
the words underneath 35hy 5as I 7orn /o 7eauti-ul64 And another "oster showing
Terry Fo, running along a rainy highway% with a whole ca&alcade o- cars $ehind him
*irty glasses% em"ty yogurt containers% school notes% a Tam"a, still in its wra""er% the
stu--ed sna'e and tiger Ro$in had had since $e-ore she went to school% a collage o-
"ictures o- her cat /ausage% who had $een run o&er two years ago Red and $lue ri$$ons
that she had won -or jum"ing% or running% or throwing $as'et$alls
3You answer me84 said Trudy 3You tell me why you did it84
/he threw the jug 7ut it was hea&ier than she!d thought% or else at the &ery
moment o- throwing it she lost con&iction% $ecause it didn!t hit the wall# it -ell on the
rug $eside the dresser and rolled on the -loor% undamaged
You threw a jug at me that time You could ha&e 'illed me
9ot at you I didn!t throw it at you
You could ha&e 'illed me
Proo- that Ro$in was shamming: /he started u" in a -right% $ut it wasn!t the
$lan' -right o- some$ody who!d $een aslee" /he loo'ed scared% $ut underneath that
childish% scared loo' was another loo'(stu$$orn% calculating% disdain-ul
3It was so $eauti-ul And it was &alua$le It $elonged to your grandmother4
3I thought it $elonged to me%4 said Ro$in
3That girl wasn!t e&en your -riend Christ% you didn!t ha&e a good word to say
-or her this morning4
3You don!t 'now who is my -riend84 Ro$in!s -ace -lushed a $right "in' and her
eyes -illed with tears% $ut her scorn-ul% stu$$orn e,"ression didn!t change 3I 'new her
I tal'ed to her /o get out84
Trudy wor's at the +ome -or Mentally +andica""ed Adults Few "eo"le call it
that Older "eo"le in town still say 3the Misses 5eir!s house%4 and a num$er o- others%
including Ro$in(and% "resuma$ly% most o- those her age(call it the +al-)5it +ouse
The house has a ram" now -or wheelchairs% $ecause some o- the mentally handica""ed
may $e "hysically handica""ed as well% and it has a swimming "ool in the $ac' yard%
which caused a certain amount o- discussion when it was installed at ta,"ayers!
e,"ense Otherwise the house loo's "retty much the way it always did(the white
wooden walls% the dar')green curlicues on the ga$les% the stee" roo- and dar' screened
side "orch% and the dee" lawn in -ront shaded $y so-t ma"le trees
This month% Trudy wor's the -our)to)midnight shi-t Yesterday a-ternoon% she
"ar'ed her car in -ront and wal'ed u" the dri&e thin'ing how nice the house loo'ed%
"eace-ul as in the days o- the Misses 5eir% who must ha&e ser&ed iced tea and read
li$rary $oo's% or "layed cro.uet% whate&er "eo"le did then
Always some "iece o- news% some wrangle or e,citement% once you get inside
The men came to -i, the "ool $ut they didn!t -i, it They went away again It isn!t -i,ed
yet
35e don!t get no use o- it% soon summer $e o&er%4 2ose"hine said
3It!s not e&en the middle o- 2une% you!re saying summer!ll $e o&er%4 ;el&in said
3You thin' $e-ore you tal' *id you hear a$out the young girl that was 'illed out in the
country64 he said to Trudy
Trudy had started to mi, two $atches o- -ro<en lemonade% one "in' and one
"lain 5hen he said that% she smashed the s"oon down on the -ro<en chun' so hard that
some o- the li.uid s"illed o&er
3+ow% ;el&in64
/he was a-raid she would hear that a girl was dragged o-- a country road% ra"ed
in the woods% strangled% $eaten% le-t there Ro$in goes running along the country roads
in her white shorts and T)shirt% a head$and on her -lying hair Ro$in!s hair is golden#
her legs and arms are golden +er chee's and lim$s are downy% not shiny(you
wouldn!t $e sur"rised to see a cloud o- "ollen delicately -loating and settling $ehind her
when she runs Cars hoot at her and she isn!t $othered Foul threats are yelled at her%
and she yells -oul threats $ac'
3*ri&ing a truc'%4 ;el&in said
Trudy!s heart eased Ro$in doesn!t 'now how to dri&e yet
3Fourteen years old% she didn!t 'now how to dri&e%4 ;el&in said 3/he got in the
truc'% and the -irst thing you 'now% she ran it into a tree 5here was her "arents6 That!s
what I!d li'e to 'now They weren!t watching out -or her /he got in the truc' when she
didn!t 'now how to dri&e and ran it into a tree Fourteen That!s too young4
;el&in goes u"town $y himsel-# he hears all the news +e is -i-ty)two years old%
still slim and $oyish)loo'ing% well)sha&ed% with so-t% short% clean dar' hair +e goes to
the $ar$ersho" e&ery day% $ecause he can!t .uite manage to sha&e himsel- E"ile"sy%
then surgery% an in-ected $one)-la"% many more o"erations% a "ermanent mild di--iculty
with -eet and -ingers% a gentle head -og The -og doesn!t o$scure -acts% just moti&es
Perha"s he shouldn!t $e in the +ome at all% $ut where else6 Anyway% he li'es it +e says
he li'es it +e tells the others they shouldn!t com"lain# they should $e more care-ul%
they should $eha&e themsel&es +e "ic's u" the so-t)drin' cans and $eer $ottles that
"eo"le ha&e thrown into the -ront yard(though o- course it isn!t his jo$ to do that
5hen 2anet came in just $e-ore midnight to relie&e Trudy% she had the same story
to tell
3I guess you heard a$out that -i-teen)year)old girl64
5hen 2anet starts telling you something li'e this% she always starts o-- with 3I
guess you heard4 I guess you heard 5ilma and Ted are $rea'ing u"% she says I guess
you heard Al&in /tead had a heart attac'
3;el&in told me%4 Trudy said 3Only he said she was -ourteen4
3Fi-teen%4 2anet said 3/he must!&e $een in Ro$in!s class at school /he didn!t
'now how to dri&e /he didn!t e&en get out o- the lane4
35as she drun'64 said Trudy Ro$in won!t go near alcohol% or do"e% or
cigarettes% or e&en co--ee% she!s so -anatical a$out what she "uts into her $ody
3I don!t thin' so /toned% may$e It was early in the e&ening /he was home with her
sister Their "arents were out +er sister!s $oy-riend came o&er(it was his truc'% and
he either ga&e her the 'eys to the truc' or she too' them You hear di--erent &ersions
You hear that they sent her out -or something% they wanted to get rid o- her% and you
hear she just too' the 'eys and went Anyway% she ran it right into a tree in the lane4
32esus%4 said Trudy
3I 'now It!s so idiotic It!s getting so you hate to thin' a$out your 'ids growing
u" *id e&ery$ody ta'e their medication o'ay6 5hat!s ;el&in watching64
;el&in was still u"% sitting in the li&ing room watching T=
3It!s some$ody $eing inter&iewed +e wrote a $oo' a$out schi<o"hrenics%4
Trudy told 2anet
Anything he comes across a$out mental "ro$lems% ;el&in has to watch% or try to
read
3I thin' it de"resses him% the more he watches that 'ind o- thing%4 2anet said
3*o you 'now I -ound out today I ha&e to ma'e -i&e hundred roses out o- "in' ;leene,
-or my niece Laurel!s wedding6 For the car /he said I "romised I!d ma'e the roses -or
the car 5ell% I didn!t I don!t remem$er "romising a thing Are you going to come o&er
and hel" me64
3/ure%4 said Trudy
3I guess the real reason I want him to get o-- the schi<o"hrenics is I want to
watch the old *allas%4 said 2anet /he and Trudy disagree a$out this Trudy can!t stand
to watch those old reruns o- *allas% to see the characters% with their younger% "lum"er
-aces% going through tri$ulations and $ound u" in romantic com"lications they and the
audience ha&e now -orgotten all a$out That!s what!s so hilarious% 2anet says# it!s so
un$elie&a$le it!s wonder-ul All that ha""ens and they just -orget a$out it and go on
7ut to Trudy it doesn!t seem so un$elie&a$le that the characters would go -rom one
thing to the ne,t thing(-orget-ul% ho"e-ul% "hotogenic% -ore&erchanging their clothes
That it!s not so un$elie&a$le is the thing she really can!t stand
Ro$in% the ne,t morning% said% 3Oh% "ro$a$ly All those "eo"le she hung around
with drin' They "arty all the time They!re sel-)destructi&e It!s her own -ault E&en i-
her sister told her to go% she didn!t ha&e to go /he didn!t ha&e to $e so stu"id4
35hat was her name64 Trudy said
3Tracy Lee%4 said Ro$in with distaste /he ste""ed on the "edal o- the gar$age
tin% li-ted rather than lowered the container o- yogurt she had just em"tied% and
dro""ed it in /he was wearing $i'ini under"ants and a T)shirt that said 3I- I 5ant to
Listen to an Asshole% I!ll Fart4
3That shirt still $others me%4 Trudy said 3/ome things are disgusting $ut -unny%
and some things are more disgusting than -unny4
35hat!s the "ro$lem64 said Ro$in 3I slee" alone4
Trudy sat outside% in her wra""er% drin'ing co--ee while the day got hot There is
a little $ric')"a&ed s"ace $y the side door that she and *an always called the "atio /he
sat there This is a solar)heated house% with $ig "anels o- glass in the south)slo"ing roo-
(the oddest)loo'ing house in town It!s odd inside% too% with the o"en shel&es in the
'itchen instead o- cu"$oards% and the li&ing room u" some stairs% loo'ing out o&er the
-ields at the $ac' /he and *an% -or a jo'e% ga&e "arts o- it the most con&entional%
su$ur$an)sounding names(the "atio% the "owder room% the master $edroom *an
always had to jo'e a$out the way he was li&ing +e $uilt the house himsel-(Trudy did
a lot o- the "ainting and staining(and it was a success Rain didn!t lea' in around the
"anels% and "art o- the house!s heat really did come -rom the sun Most "eo"le who
ha&e the ideas% or ideals% that *an has aren!t &ery "ractical They can!t -i, things or
ma'e things# they don!t understand wiring or car"entry% or whate&er it is they need to
understand *an is good at e&erything(at gardening% cutting wood% $uilding a house
+e is es"ecially good at re"airing motors +e used to tra&el around getting jo$s as an
auto mechanic% a small)engines re"airman That!s how he ended u" here +e came here
to &isit Marlene% got a jo$ as a mechanic% $ecame a wor'ing "artner in an auto)re"air
$usiness% and $e-ore he 'new it(married to Trudy% not Marlene(he was a small)town
$usinessman% a mem$er o- the ;insmen All without sha&ing o-- his nineteen)si,ties
$eard or trimming his hair any more than he wanted to The town was too small and
*an was too smart -or that to $e necessary
9ow *an li&es in a townhouse in Richmond +ill with a girl named 0ene&ie&e
/he is studying law /he was married when she was &ery young% and has three little
children *an met her three years ago when her cam"er $ro'e down a -ew miles
outside o- town +e told Trudy a$out her that night The rented cam"er% the three little
children hardly more than $a$ies% the li&ely little di&orced mother with her hair in
"igtails +er $ra&ery% her "o&erty% her "lans to enter law school I- the cam"er hadn!t
$een easily -i,ed% he was going to in&ite her and her children to s"end the night /he
was on her way to her "arents! summer "lace at Pointe au 7aril
3Then she can!t $e all that "oor%4 Trudy said
3You can $e "oor and ha&e rich "arents%4 *an said
39o% you can!t4
Last summer% Ro$in went to Richmond +ill -or a month!s &isit /he came home
early /he said it was a madhouse The oldest child has to go to a s"ecial reading clinic%
the middle one wets the $ed 0ene&ie&e s"ends all her time in the law li$rary% studying
9o wonder *an sho"s -or $argains% coo's% loo's a-ter the childrern% grows &egeta$les%
dri&es a ta,i on /aturdays and /undays +e wants to set u" a motorcycle)re"air
$usiness in the garage% $ut he can!t get a "ermit# the neigh$ors are against it
+e told Ro$in he was ha""y 9e&er ha""ier% he said Ro$in came home -irmly
grownu"(se&ere% sarcastic% determined /he had some slight% steady grudge she hadn!t
had $e-ore Trudy couldn!t worm it out o- her% couldn!t tease it out o- her# the time
when she could do that was o&er
Ro$in came home at noon and changed her clothes /he "ut on a light% -lowered
cotton $louse and ironed a "ale)$lue cotton s'irt /he said that some o- the girls -rom
the class might $e going around to the -uneral home a-ter school
3I -orgot you had that s'irt%4 said Trudy I- she thought that was going to start a
con&ersation% she was mista'en
The -irst time Trudy met *an% she was drun' /he was nineteen years old% tall
and s'inny >she still is?% with a wild head o- curly $lac' hair >it is cro""ed short now
and showing the gray as $lac' hair does? /he was &ery tanned% wearing jeans and a tie)
dyed T)shirt 9o $rassiere and no need This was in Mus'o'a in August% at a hotel $ar
where they had a $and /he was cam"ing with girl-riends +e was there with his
-ianc@e% Marlene +e had ta'en Marlene home to meet his mother% who li&ed in
Mus'o'a on an island in an em"ty hotel 5hen Trudy was nineteen% he was twenty)
eight /he danced around $y hersel-% giddy and drun'% in -ront o- the ta$le where he sat
with Marlene% a mee')loo'ing $londe with a $ig "in' shel- o- $osom all em$roidered in
little -a'e "earls Trudy just danced in -ront o- him until he got u" and joined her At
the end o- the dance% he as'ed her name% and too' her $ac' and introduced her to
Marlene
3This is 2udy%4 he said Trudy colla"sed% laughing% into the chair $eside
Marlene!s *an too' Marlene u" to dance Trudy -inished o-- Marlene!s $eer and went
loo'ing -or her -riends 3+ow do you do64 she said to them 3I!m 2udy84+e caught u"
with her at the door o- the $ar +e had ditched Marlene when he saw Trudy lea&ing A
man who could change course .uic'ly% see the "ossi$ilities% -lare u" with new
enthusiasm +e told "eo"le later that he was in lo&e with Trudy $e-ore he e&en 'new
her real name 7ut he told Trudy that he cried when he and Marlene were "arting
3I ha&e -eelings%4 he said 3I!m not ashamed to show them4Trudy had no
-eelings -or Marlene at all Marlene was o&er thirty(what could she e,"ect6 Marlene
still li&es in town% wor's at the +ydro o--ice% is not married 5hen Trudy and *an were
ha&ing one o- their con&ersations a$out 0ene&ie&e% Trudy said% 3Marlene must $e
thin'ing I got what!s coming to me4
*an said he had heard that Marlene had joined the Fellowshi" o- 7i$le
Christians The women weren!t allowed ma'eu" and had to wear a 'ind o- $onnet to
church on /undays
3/he won!t $e a$le to ha&e a thought in her head $ut -orgi&ing%4 *an said
Trudy said% 3I $et4
This is what ha""ened at the -uneral home% as Trudy got the story -rom $oth
;el&in and 2anet
The girls -rom Tracy Lee!s class all showed u" together a-ter school This was
during what was called the &isitation% when the -amily waited $eside Tracy Lee!s o"en
cas'et to recei&e -riends +er "arents were there% her married $rother and his wi-e% her
sister% and e&en her sister!s $oy-riend who owned the truc' They stood in a row and
"eo"le lined u" to say a -ew words to them A lot o- "eo"le came They always do% in a
case li'e this Tracy Lee!s grandmother was at the end o- the row in a $rocade)co&ered
chair /he wasn!t a$le to stand u" -or &ery long
All the chairs at the -uneral home are u"holstered in this white)and)gold
$rocade The curtains are the same% the wall"a"er almost matches There are little wall)
$rac'et lights $ehind hea&y "in' glass Trudy has $een there se&eral times and 'nows
what it!s li'e 7ut Ro$in and most o- these girls had ne&er $een inside the "lace $e-ore
They didn!t 'now what to e,"ect /ome o- them $egan to cry as soon as they got inside
the door
The curtains were closed /o-t music was "laying(not e,actly church music $ut
it sounded li'e it Tracy Lee!s co--in was white with gold trim% matching all the $rocade
and the wall"a"er It had a lining o- "leated "in' satin A "in' satin "illow Tracy Lee
had not a mar' on her -ace /he was not made u" .uite as usual% $ecause the underta'er
had done it 7ut she was wearing her -a&orite earrings% tur.uoise)colored triangles and
yellow crescents% two to each ear >/ome "eo"le thought that was in $ad taste? On the
"art o- the co--in that co&ered her -rom the waist down% there was a $ig heart)sha"ed
"illow o- "in' roses
The girls lined u" to s"ea' to the -amily They shoo' hands% they said sorry)-or)
your)loss% just the way e&ery$ody else did 5hen they got through that% when all o-
them had let the grandmother s.uash their cool hands $etween her warm% swollen%
-rec'led ones% they lined u" again% in a straggling sort o- way% and $egan to go "ast the
co--in Many were crying now% shi&ering 5hat could you e,"ect6 Young girls
7ut they $egan to sing as they went "ast 5ith di--iculty at -irst% shyly% $ut with
growing con-idence in their sad% sweet &oices% they sang:
39ow% while the $lossom still clings to the &ine%
I!ll taste your straw$erries% I!II drin' your sweet wine(4
They had "lanned the whole thing% o- course% $e-orehand# they had got that song
o-- a record They $elie&ed that it was an old hymn
/o they -iled "ast% singing% loo'ing down at Tracy Lee% and it was noticed that
they were dro""ing things into the co--in They were sli""ing the rings o-- their -ingers
and the $racelets -rom their arms% and ta'ing the earrings out o- their ears They were
undoing nec'laces% and $owing to "ull chains and long strands o- $eads o&er their
heads E&ery$ody ga&e something All this jewellery went -lashing and s"ar'ling down
on the dead girl% to lie $eside her in her co--in One girl "ulled the $right com$s out o-
her hair% let those go
And no$ody made a mo&e to sto" it +ow could anyone interru"t6 It was li'e a
religious ceremony The girls $eha&ed as i- they!d $een told what to do% as i- this was
what was always done on such occasions They sang% they we"t% they dro""ed their
jewellery The sense o- ritual made e&ery one o- them grace-ul
The -amily wouldn!t sto" it They thought it was $eauti-ul
3It was li'e church%4 Tracy Lee!s mother said% and her grandmother said% 3All
those lo&ely young girls lo&ed Tracy Lee I- they wanted to gi&e their jewellery to show
how they lo&ed her% that!s their $usiness It!s not any$ody else!s $usiness I thought it
was $eauti-ul4
Tracy Lee!s sister $ro'e down and cried It was the -irst time she had done so
*an said% 3This is a test o- lo&e4
O- Trudy!s lo&e% he meant Trudy started singing% 3Please release me% let me go
(4
/he cla""ed a hand to her chest% danced in swoo"s around the room% singing
*an was near laughing% near crying +e couldn!t hel" it# he came and hugged her and
they danced together% staggering They were -airly drun' All that 2une >it was two
years ago?% they were drin'ing gin% in $etween and during their scenes They were
drin'ing% wee"ing% arguing% e,"laining% and Trudy had to 'ee" running to the li.uor
store Yet she can!t remem$er e&er -eeling really drun' or ha&ing a hango&er E,ce"t
that she -elt so tired all the time% as i- she had logs chained to her an'les
/he 'e"t jo'ing /he called 0ene&ie&e 32enny the Fee$4
3This is just li'e wanting to gi&e u" the $usiness and $ecome a "otter%4 she said
3May$e you should ha&e done that I wasn!t really against it You ga&e u" on it
And when you wanted to go to Peru 5e could still do that4
3All those things were just straws in the wind%4 *an said
3I should ha&e 'nown when you started watching the Om$udsman on T=%4
Trudy said 3It was the legal angle% wasn!t it6 You were ne&er so interested in that 'ind
o- thing $e-ore4
3This will o"en li-e u" -or you% too%4 *an said 3You can $e more than just my
wi-e4
3/ure I thin' I!ll $e a $rain surgeon4
3You!re &ery smart You!re a wonder-ul woman You!re $ra&e4
3/ure you!re not tal'ing a$out 2enny the Fee$64
39o% you You% Trudy I still lo&e you You can!t understand that I still lo&e you4
9ot -or years had he had so much to say a$out how he lo&ed her +e lo&ed her
s'inny $ones% her curly hair% her roughening s'in% her way o- coming into a room with a
stride that shoo' the windows% her jo'es% her clowning% her tough tal' +e lo&ed her
mind and her soul +e always would 7ut the "art o- his li-e that had $een $ound u"
with hers was o&er
3That is just tal' That is tal'ing li'e an idiot84 Trudy said 3Ro$in% go $ac' to
$ed84 For Ro$in in her s'im"y nightgown was standing at the to" o- the ste"s
3I can hear you yelling and screaming%4 Ro$in said
35e weren!t yelling and screaming%4 Trudy said 35e!re trying to tal' a$out
something "ri&ate4
35hat64
3I told you% it!s something "ri&ate4
5hen Ro$in sul'ed o-- to $ed% *an said% 3I thin' we should tell her It!s $etter -or
'ids to 'now 0ene&ie&e doesn!t ha&e any secrets -rom her 'ids 2osie!s only -i&e% and
she came into the $edroom one a-ternoon(4
Then Trudy did start yelling and screaming /he clawed through a cushion
co&er 3You sto" telling me a$out your sweet -uc'ing 0ene&ie&e and her sweet -uc'ing
$edroom and her asshole 'ids(you shut u"% don!t tell me anymore8 You!re just a $ig
dri$$ling mouth without any $rains I don!t care what you do% just shut u"84
*an le-t +e "ac'ed a suitcase# he went o-- to Richmond +ill +e was $ac' in -i&e
days 2ust outside o- town% he had sto""ed the car to "ic' Trudy a $ou.uet o-
wild-lowers +e told her he was $ac' -or good% it was o&er
3You don!t say64 said Trudy
7ut she "ut the -lowers in water *usty "in' mil'weed -lowers that smelled li'e
-ace "owder% $lac')eyed /usans% wild sweet "eas% and orange lilies that must ha&e got
loose -rom old disa""eared gardens
3/o you couldn!t stand the "ace64 she said
3I 'new you wouldn!t -all all o&er me%4 *an said 3You wouldn!t $e you i- you
did And what I came $ac' to is you4
/he went to the li.uor store% and this time $ought cham"agne For a month(it
was still summer(they were $ac' together $eing ha""y /he ne&er really -ound out
what had ha""ened at 0ene&ie&e!s house *an said he!d $een ha&ing a middle)aged -it%
that was all +e!d come to his senses +is li-e was here% with her and Ro$in
3You!re tal'ing li'e a marriage)ad&ice column%4 Trudy said
3O'ay Forget the whole thing4
35e $etter%4 she said /he could imagine the 'ids% the con-usion% the -riends(old
$oy-riends% may$e(that he hadn!t $een "re"ared -or 2o'es and o"inions that he
couldn!t understand That was "ossi$le The music he li'ed% the way he tal'ed(e&en
his hair and his $eard(might $e out o- style
They went on -amily dri&es% "icnics They lay out in the grass $ehind the house
at night% loo'ing at the stars The stars were a new interest o- *an!s# he got a ma" They
hugged and 'issed each other -re.uently and tried out some new things(or things they
hadn!t done -or a long time(when they made lo&e
At this time% the road in -ront o- the house was $eing "a&ed They!d $uilt their
house on a hillside at the edge o- town% "ast the other houses% $ut truc's were using this
street .uite a $it now% a&oiding the main streets% so the town was "a&ing it Trudy got
so used to the noise and constant &i$ration she said she could -eel hersel- jiggling all
night% e&en when e&erything was .uiet 5or' started at se&en in the morning They
wo'e u" at the $ottom o- a ri&er o- noise *an dragged himsel- out o- $ed then% losing
the hour o- slee" that he lo&ed $est There was a smell o- diesel -uel in the air
/he wo'e u" one night to -ind him not in $ed /he listened to hear noises in the
'itchen or the $athroom% $ut she couldn!t /he got u" and wal'ed through the house
There were no lights on /he -ound him sitting outside% just outside the door% not ha&ing
a drin' or a glass o- mil' or a co--ee% sitting with his $ac' to the street
Trudy loo'ed out at the torn)u" earth and the huge stalled machinery 3Isn!t the .uiet
lo&ely64 she said
+e didn!t say anything
Oh Oh
/he reali<ed what she!d $een thin'ing when she -ound his side o- the $ed em"ty and
couldn!t hear him anywhere in the house 9ot that he!d le-t her% $ut that he!d done
worse *one away with himsel- 5ith all their ha""iness and hugging and 'issing and
stars and "icnics% she could thin' that
3You can!t -orget her%4 she said 3You lo&e her4
3I don!t 'now what to do4
/he was glad just to hear him s"ea' /he said% 3You!ll ha&e to go and try again4
3There!s no guarantee I can stay%4 he said 3I can!t as' you to stand $y4
39o%4 said Trudy 3I- you go% that!s it4
3I- I go% that!s it4
+e seemed "araly<ed /he -elt that he might just sit there% re"eating what she
said% ne&er $e a$le to mo&e or s"ea' -or himsel- again
3I- you -eel li'e this% that!s all there is to it%4 she said 3You don!t ha&e to choose
You!re already gone4
That wor'ed +e stood u" sti--ly% came o&er% and "ut his arms around her +e
stro'ed her $ac'
3Come $ac' to $ed%4 he said 35e can rest -or a little while yet4
39o You!&e got to $e gone when Ro$in wa'es u" I- we go $ac' to $ed% it!ll just
start all o&er again4
/he made him a thermos o- co--ee +e "ac'ed the $ag he had ta'en with him
$e-ore All Trudy!s mo&ements seemed s'ill-ul and "er-ect% as they ne&er were% usually
/he -elt serene /he -elt as i- they were an old cou"le% mo&ing in harmony% in wordless
lo&e% "ast injury% "ast -orgi&ing Their good$ye was hardly a ri""le /he went outside
with him It was $etween -our)thirty and -i&e o!cloc'# the s'y was $eginning to lighten
and the $irds to wa'e% e&erything was drenched in dew There stood the $ig harmless
machinery% stranded in the ruts o- the road
30ood thing it isn!t last night(you couldn!t ha&e got out%4 she said /he meant
that the road hadn!t $een na&iga$le It was just yesterday that they had graded a
narrow trac' -or local tra--ic
30ood thing%4 he said
0ood$ye
3All I want is to 'now why you did it *id you just do it -or show6 Li'e your
-ather(-or show6 It!s not the nec'lace so much 7ut it was a $eauti-ul thing(I lo&e jet
$eads It was the only thing we had o- your grandmother!s It was your right% $ut you
ha&e no right to ta'e me $y sur"rise li'e that I deser&e an e,"lanation I always lo&ed
jet $eads 5hy64
3I $lame the -amily%4 2anet says 3It was u" to them to sto" it /ome o- the stu--
was just "lastic(those jun' earrings and $racelets($ut what Ro$in threw in% that was
a crime And she wasn!t the only one There were $irthstone rings and gold chains
/ome$ody said a diamond cluster ring% $ut I don!t 'now i- I $elie&e that They said the
girl inherited it% li'e Ro$in You didn!t e&er ha&e it e&aluated% did you64
3I don!t 'now i- jet is worth anything%4 Trudy says
They are sitting in 2anet!s -ront room% ma'ing roses out o- "in' ;leene,
3It!s just stu"id%4 Trudy says
35ell There is one thing you could do%4 says 2anet 3I don!t hardly 'now how to
mention it4
35hat64
3Pray4
Trudy!d had the -eeling% -rom 2anet!s tone% that she was going to tell her
something serious and un"leasant% something a$out hersel-(Trudy(that was a--ecting
her li-e and that e&ery$ody 'new e,ce"t her 9ow she wants to laugh% a-ter $racing
hersel- /he doesn!t 'now what to say
3You don!t "ray% do you64 2anet says
3I ha&en!t got anything against it%4 Trudy says 3I wasn!t $rought u" to $e
religious4
3It!s not strictly s"ea'ing religious%4 2anet says 3I mean% it!s not connected with
any church This is just some o- us that "ray I can!t tell you the names o- any$ody in it%
$ut most o- them you 'now It!s su""osed to $e secret It!s called the Circle o- Prayer4
3Li'e at high school%4 Trudy says 3At high school there were secret societies%
and you weren!t su""osed to tell who was in them Only I wasn!t4
3I was in e&erything going4 2anet sighs 3This is actually more on the serious
side Though some "eo"le in it don!t ta'e it seriously enough% I don!t thin' /ome
"eo"le% they!ll "ray that they!ll -ind a "ar'ing s"ot% or they!ll "ray they get good
weather -or their holidays That isn!t what it!s -or 7ut that!s just indi&idual "raying
5hat the Circle is really a$out is% you "hone u" some$ody that is in it and tell them
what it is you!re worried a$out% or u"set a$out% and as' them to "ray -or you And they
do And they "hone one other "erson that!s in the Circle% and they "hone another and it
goes all around% and we "ray -or one "erson% all together4
Trudy throws a rose away 3That!s $otched Is it all women64
3There isn!t any rule it has to $e 7ut it is% yes Men would $e too em$arrassed I
was em$arrassed at -irst Only the -irst "erson you "hone 'nows your name% who it is
that!s $eing "rayed -or% $ut in a town li'e this nearly e&ery$ody can guess 7ut i- we
started gossi"ing and ratting on each other it wouldn!t wor'% and e&ery$ody 'nows
that /o we don!t And it does wor'4
3Li'e how64 Trudy says
35ell% one girl $anged u" her car /he did eight hundred dollars! damage% and it
was 'ind o- a tric'y situation% where she wasn!t sure her insurance would co&er it% and
neither was her hus$and(he was raging mad($ut we all "rayed% and the insurance
came through without a hitch That!s only one e,am"le4
3There wouldn!t $e much "oint in "raying to get the nec'lace $ac' when it!s in
the co--in and the -uneral!s this morning%4 Trudy says
3It!s not u" to you to say that You don!t say what!s "ossi$le or im"ossi$le You
just as' -or what you want 7ecause it says in the 7i$le% AAs' and it shall $e gi&en! +ow
can you $e hel"ed i- you won!t as'6 You can!t% that!s -or sure 5hat a$out when *an
le-t(what i- you!d "rayed then6 I wasn!t in the Circle then% or I would ha&e said
something to you E&en i- I 'new you!d resist it% I would ha&e said something A lot o-
"eo"le resist 9ow% e&en(it doesn!t sound too great with that girl% $ut how do you
'now% may$e e&en now it might wor'6 It might not $e too late4
3All right%4 says Trudy% in a hard% cheer-ul &oice 3All right4 /he "ushes all the
-lo""y -lowers o-- her la" 3I!ll just get down on my 'nees right now and "ray that I get
*an $ac' I!ll "ray that I get the nec'lace $ac' and I get *an $ac'% and why do I ha&e to
sto" there6 I can "ray that Tracy Lee ne&er died I can "ray that she comes $ac' to li-e
5hy didn!t her mother e&er thin' o- that64
0ood news The swimming "ool is -i,ed They!ll $e a$le to -ill it tomorrow 7ut
;el&in is de"ressed Early this a-ternoon("artly to 'ee" them -rom $othering the men
who were wor'ing on the "ool(he too' Marie and 2ose"hine u"town +e let them get
ice)cream cones +e told them to "ay attention and eat the ice cream u" .uic'ly%
$ecause the sun was hot and it would melt They lic'ed at their cones now and then% as
i- they had all day Ice cream was soon dri$$ling down their chins and down their arms
;el&in had gra$$ed a hand-ul o- "a"er na"'ins% $ut he couldn!t wi"e it u" -ast enough
They were a mess A s"ectacle They didn!t care ;el&in told them they weren!t so
"retty that they could a--ord to loo' li'e that
3/ome "eo"le don!t li'e the loo' o- us anyway%4 he said 3/ome "eo"le don!t
e&en thin' we should $e allowed u"town Peo"le just get used to seeing us and not
staring at us li'e -rea's and you ma'e a mess and s"oil it4
They laughed at him +e could ha&e cowed Marie i- he had her alone% $ut not
when she was with 2ose"hine 2ose"hine was one who needed some old)-ashioned
disci"line% in ;el&in!s o"inion ;el&in had $een in "laces where "eo"le didn!t get away
with anything li'e they got away with here +e didn!t agree with hitting +e had seen
"lenty o- it done% $ut he didn!t agree with it% e&en on the hand 7ut a "erson li'e
2ose"hine could $e shut u" in her room /he could $e made to sit in a corner% she could
$e "ut on $read and water% and it would do a lot o- good All Marie needed was a
tal'ing)to(she had a wea' "ersonality 7ut 2ose"hine was a de&il
3I!ll tal' to $oth o- them%4 Trudy says 3I!ll tell them to say they!re sorry4
3I want -or them to $e sorry%4 ;el&in says 3I don!t care i- they say they are I!m
not ta'ing them e&er again4
Later% when all the others are in $ed% Trudy gets him to sit down to "lay cards
with her on the screened &eranda They "lay Cra<y Eights ;el&in says that!s all he can
manage tonight# his head is sore
B"town% a man said to him% 3+ey% which one o- them two is your girl-riend64
3/tu"id%4 Trudy says 3+e was a stu"id jer'4
The man tal'ing to the -irst man said% 35hich one you going to marry64
3They don!t 'now you% ;el&in They!re just stu"id4
7ut they did 'now him One was Reg +oo"er% one was 7ud *eLisle 7ud *eLisle
that sold real estate They 'new him They had tal'ed to him in the $ar$ersho"# they
called him ;el&in 3+ey% ;el&in% which one you going to marry64
39erds%4 says Trudy 3That!s what Ro$in would say4
3You thin' they!re your -riend% $ut they!re not%4 says ;el&in 3+ow many times I
see that ha""en4
Trudy goes to the 'itchen to "ut on co--ee /he wants to ha&e -resh co--ee to o--er
2anet when she comes in /he a"ologi<ed this morning% and 2anet said all right% I 'now
you!re u"set It really is all right /ometimes you thin' they!re your -riend% and they are
/he loo's at all the mugs hanging on their hoo's /he and 2anet sho""ed all o&er to -ind
them A mug with each one!s name Marie% 2ose"hine% Arthur% ;el&in% /hirley% 0eorge%
*orinda You!d thin' *orinda would $e the hardest name to -ind% $ut actually the
hardest was /hirley E&en the "eo"le who can!t read ha&e learned to recogni<e their
own mugs% $y color and "attern
One day% two new mugs a""eared% $ought $y ;el&in One said Trudy% the other
2anet
3I!m not going to $e too o&erjoyed seeing my name in that lineu"%4 2anet said
37ut I wouldn!t hurt his -eelings -or a million dollars4
For a honeymoon% *an too' Trudy to the island on the la'e where his mother!s
hotel was The hotel was closed down% $ut his mother still li&ed there *an!s -ather was
dead% and she li&ed there alone /he too' a $oat with an out$oard motor across the
water to get her groceries /he sometimes made a mista'e and called Trudy Marlene
The hotel wasn!t much It was a white wooden $o, in a clearing $y the shore
/ome little $o,es o- ca$ins were stuc' $ehind it *an and Trudy stayed in one o- the
ca$ins E&ery ca$in had a wood sto&e *an $uilt a -ire at night to ta'e o-- the chill 7ut
the $lan'ets were dam" and hea&y when he and Trudy wo'e u" in the morning
*an caught -ish and coo'ed them +e and Trudy clim$ed the $ig roc' $ehind the
ca$ins and "ic'ed $lue$erries +e as'ed her i- she 'new how to ma'e a "iecrust% and
she didn!t /o he showed her% rolling out the dough with a whis'ey $ottle
In the morning there was a mist o&er the la'e% just as you see in the mo&ies or in
a "ainting
One a-ternoon% *an stayed out longer than usual% -ishing Trudy 'e"t $usy -or a while
in the 'itchen% ru$$ing the dust o-- things% washing some jars It was the oldest% dar'est
'itchen she had e&er seen% with wooden rac's -or the dinner "lates to dry in /he went
outside and clim$ed the roc' $y hersel-% thin'ing she would "ic' some $lue$erries 7ut
it was already dar' under the trees# the e&ergreens made it dar'% and she didn!t li'e the
idea o- wild animals /he sat on the roc' loo'ing down on the roo- o- the hotel% the old
dead lea&es and $ro'en shingles /he heard a "iano $eing "layed /he scram$led down
the roc' and -ollowed the music around to the -ront o- the $uilding /he wal'ed along
the -ront &eranda and sto""ed at a window% loo'ing into the room that used to $e the
lounge The room with the $lac'ened stone -ire"lace% the lum"y leather chairs% the
horri$le mounted -ish
*an!s mother was there% "laying the "iano A tall% straight)$ac'ed old woman%
with her gray)$lac' hair twisted into such a tiny 'not /he sat and "layed the "iano%
without any lights on% in the hal-)dar'% hal-)$are room
*an had said that his mother came -rom a rich -amily /he had ta'en "iano
lessons% dancing lessons# she had gone around the world when she was a young girl
There was a "icture o- her on a camel 7ut she wasn!t "laying a classical "iece% the sort
o- thing you!d e,"ect her to ha&e learned /he was "laying 3It!s Three O!Cloc' in the
Morning4 5hen she got to the end% she started in again May$e it was a s"ecial -a&orite
o- hers% something she had danced to in the old days Or may$e she wasn!t satis-ied yet
that she had got it right
5hy does Trudy now remem$er this moment6 /he sees her young sel- loo'ing in
the window at the old woman "laying the "iano The dim room% with its o&ersi<e
$eams and -ire"lace and the lonely leather chairs The clattering% -altering% "ersistent
"iano music Trudy remem$ers that so clearly and it seems she stood outside her own
$ody% which ached then -rom the "unishing "leasures o- lo&e /he stood outside her
own ha""iness in a tide o- sadness And the o""osite thing ha""ened the morning *an
le-t Then she stood outside her own unha""iness in a tide o- what seemed
unreasona$ly li'e lo&e 7ut it was the same thing% really% when you got outside 5hat
are those times that stand out% clear "atches in your li-e(what do they ha&e to do with
it6 They aren!t e,actly "romises 7reathing s"aces Is that all6
/he goes into the -ront hall and listens -or any noise -rom u"stairs
All .uiet there% all medicated
The "hone rings right $eside her head
3Are you still there64 Ro$in says 3You!re not gone64
3I!m still here4
3Can I run o&er and ride $ac' with you6 I didn!t do my run earlier $ecause it
was so hot4
You threw the jug You could ha&e 'illed me Yes
;el&in% waiting at the card ta$le% under the light% loo's $leached and old There!s
a "ool o- light whitening his $rown hair +is -ace sags% waiting +e loo's old% sun' into
himsel-% wra""ed in a thic' $ewilderment% nearly lost to her
3;el&in% do you "ray64 says Trudy /he didn!t 'now she was going to as' him
that 3I mean% it!s none o- my $usiness 7ut% li'e -or anything s"eci-ic64
+e!s got an answer -or her% which is rather sur"rising +e "ulls his -ace u"% as i-
he might ha&e -elt the tug he needed to $ring him to the sur-ace
3I- I was smart enough to 'now what to "ray -or%4 he says% 3then I wouldn!t ha&e
to4
+e smiles at her% with some o$li.ue notion o- cons"iracy% o--ering his hal-way
jo'e It!s not meant as com-ort% "articularly Yet it radiates(what he said% the way he
said it% just the -act that he!s there again% radiates% e,"ands the way some silliness can%
when you!re &ery tired In this way% when she was young% and high% a "erson or a
moment could $ecome a lily -loating on the cloudy ri&er water% "er-ect and -amiliar