2010 Thomson South-Western

Instructor Only Version

CHAPTER 4
Revising
Business
Messages
Chapter 1, Slide 2
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 2 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
The Writing Process
Chapter 1, Slide 3
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 3 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Improving content and
sentence structure
May involve adding,
cutting, and recasting.
Correcting grammar,
spelling, punctuation,
format, and mechanics
Proofreading
Revising
Chapter 1, Slide 4
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 4 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
What to revise?
Chapter 4, Slide 5 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate flabby
expressions.
Instead of this
We are of the opinion that
Please feel free to
In addition to the above
At this point in time
Despite the fact that
Try this
We think
Please
Also
Now
Although
Chapter 4, Slide 6 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Limit Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this
This memo is to inform
you that all employees
meet today.


I am writing this letter
to say thanks to
everyone who voted.
Try this

All employees
meet today.

Thanks to
everyone who
voted.

Chapter 4, Slide 7 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Drop Unnecessary Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there
is/was and it is/was when used merely to take
up space.
Instead of this
There was only one
employee who should
be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff
who were honored.
Try this
Only one employee
should be promoted.


Lisa and Jeff were
honored.
Chapter 4, Slide 8 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Remove Redundant Words
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?
Chapter 4, Slide 9 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Remove Redundant Words
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?
Chapter 4, Slide 10 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Dump Trite Expressions
Trite and Outdated
as per your request
pursuant to your request
attached hereto
under separate cover
Modern
at your request
at your request
attached
separately
Chapter 4, Slide 11 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Jargon
Computer Jargon
queue

export

bandwidth
Alternative

list of documents
waiting to be printed
transfer data from one
program to another
Internet capacity
Avoid technical terms and special terminology
that readers would not recognize.
Is jargon ever permissible?
Chapter 4, Slide 12 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Slang
to bag on

clueless
turkey
chill/chill out
to tease, to nag, or to
complain
unaware, nave
someone stupid or silly
relax
Avoid slang (informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).
Chapter 4, Slide 13 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Slang
An example from the world of Dilbert:
Chapter 4, Slide 14 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Clichs
Avoid clichs (overused expressions).
Substitute more precise words.
Instead of this
Last but not least, you
should keep your nose
to the grindstone.
We had reached the
end of our rope.
Try this
Finally, you should
work diligently.
We could go no
further.
Chapter 4, Slide 15 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Buried Verbs
Revise verbs that have been converted to
nouns.
Look for words ending in
tion or ment. Could they
be more efficiently and
forcefully converted to verbs?
Tip
Chapter 4, Slide 16 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
The manager came to
the realization that
telecommuting made
sense.
A job seeker must
make application
before May 1.
Try this
The manager
realized that
telecommuting
made sense.
A job seeker must
apply before
May 1.
Buried Verbs
Chapter 4, Slide 17 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
Once we have the
establishment of a
Web site, our
business will grow.

Please give serious
consideration to a
company intranet.
Try this
Once we
establish a Web
site, our business
will grow.

Please seriously
consider a
company intranet.
Buried Verbs
Chapter 4, Slide 18 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Control Exuberance
To sound credible, dont overuse intensifiers
such as very, definitely, quite, completely,
extremely, really, actually, and totally
Excessive
The manager is actually
quite pleased with your
proposal because the
plan is definitely
workable.
Businesslike
The manager is
pleased with your
proposal because
the plan is workable.
Chapter 4, Slide 19 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Precise Words
Revise your writing to include precise words.
Strive for specific verbs, concrete nouns, and
vivid adjectives. Beware of unclear pronouns.
Unclear
The man asked
for a raise.
An employee
presented a
proposal.
More Precise
Jeff Jones asked for a 10
percent salary increase.
Kelly Keeler, production
manager, presented a plan
to stagger hours.
Chapter 4, Slide 20 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Precise Words
Revise your writing to include descriptive,
dynamic adjectives instead of overworked,
all-purpose ones.
Instead of this
They thought her
report was good.






She said she would
get in touch.
Try this
The management council
thought Erins report was
factual and well written.

Sheila said she would
send you an e-mail.


Chapter 4, Slide 21 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Check the Format
Chapter 4, Slide 22 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Designing Documents for
Readability
Employ white space.
Headings

Short paragraphs

Ragged-right margins
Chapter 4, Slide 23 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Serif typefaces have small features at ends
of strokes. Useful for body text.
Times New Roman
Century
Georgia
Garamond
Designing Documents for
Readability
Chapter 4, Slide 24 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without
features. Useful for headings, signs, and
noncontinuous reading material.
Arial
Tahoma
Verdana
Calibri
Designing Documents for
Readability
Chapter 4, Slide 25 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Designing Documents for
Readability
Use bulleted and numbered lists.
Break up complex information into smaller
chunks.
Use numbered lists for sequences.
Use bulleted lists for items that dont
require a certain order.
Chapter 4, Slide 26 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
To clean the printer, you
should do the following.
First, you should
disconnect the power
cord. Then you open the
front cover, and the
printer area should be
cleaned with a soft cloth.
Try this
To clean the printer, do
the following:
1. Disconnect the power
cord.
2. Open the front cover.
3. Clean the printer with
a soft cloth.
Designing Documents for
Readability
Use a numbered list for instructions.
Chapter 4, Slide 27 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
On April 3 we will be in
Toledo, and the speaker
is Troy Lee. On May 20
we will be in Detroit, and
the speaker is Sue Wu.
Try this
Date City Speaker
April 3 Toledo Troy Lee
May 20 Detroit Sue Wu

Designing Documents for
Readability
Organize information with column headings.
Chapter 4, Slide 28 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
Our team constantly tries
to achieve our goals,
customer service must be
improved, and our
production targets must
be met.
Try this
Our team constantly tries
to (a) achieve our goals,
(b) improve customer
service, and (c) hit our
production targets.
Designing Documents for
Readability
Use letters to list items within sentences.
Strive for parallelism.
Chapter 4, Slide 29 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Instead of this
The next topic is
vacations. A new vacation
schedule will be available
on May 1.
To assist employees, we
will begin a flex schedule
in the fall.
Try this
Vacations. A new vacation
schedule will be available
on May 1.
Flextime. To assist
employees, we will begin a
flex schedule in the fall.
Designing Documents for
Readability
Use paragraph headings to improve
organization and readability.
Chapter 4, Slide 30 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e

What to proofread?
Chapter 4, Slide 31 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
What to Watch for
in Proofreading
Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format

I
S
T
O
C
K
P
H
O
T
O
.
C
O
M

/

D
M
I
T
R
Y

S
H
I
R
O
N
O
S
O
V

Chapter 4, Slide 32 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Proofreading Marks
Chapter 1, Slide 33
Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 33 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
Chapter 4, Slide 34 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
How to Proofread
Complex Documents
Allow adequate time.
Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Be prepared to find errors.
Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
Reduce your reading speed.
Chapter 4, Slide 35 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e
For documents that must be perfect:
Have someone read aloud the original
while someone else checks the printout.
Spell names.
Spell difficult words.
Note capitalization.
Note punctuation.
How to Proofread
Complex Documents
2010 Thomson South-Western
Instructor Only Version
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