Knope vs. Knope

Knope vs.
Knope

Alternate S6 E1

Written by

Preetom Bhattacherjea

Preetom Bhattacherjea
Phone: 732-616-1886
E-mail: Pib5005@gmail.com Spec Script 5/30/14
COLD OPEN
INT. RONS OFFICE - DAY 1
APRIL walks into the office and stands by the doorway
silently. RON is sitting at his desk.
RON
Can I help you?
APRIL
Ive gotten like 100 calls today about
the raccoon problem, apparently its
out of control again or something.
RON
Firstly, theres no such thing as a
raccoon problem, they are very proud
and ruthless beings.
RON TALKING HEAD
RON
We had a raccoon engraved onto my
fathers tombstone to commemorate the
one that had bitten his throat while
he was asleep. It was his last wish.
INT. RONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1
RON
Secondly, this sounds like a job for
the new Deputy Director of Animal
Control.
APRIL
I think this might be serious, people
are calling and threatening legal
action after I hang up on them.
RON
Better hop-skip to it then.
PARKS AND RECREATION Knope vs. Knope 1.
Spec Script 01/20/2014
APRIL
What am I even supposed to do? Chris
fired the whole department. Cant you
just kill them and make birdhouses out
of them or something?
RON
Why yes, yes I can. But then what
would you be doing?
APRIL
Selling the birdhouses for way more
than theyre worth to stupid people
that have nothing better to do with
their money. And sharing the profits
with you.
RON
Nice try. We have the Animal Control
budget to work with now, you can just
hire a new team.
APRIL
(Walking out of office)
I didnt ask for this!
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1
April walks through the office and grabs ANDYS arm.
APRIL
Come on Andy, we have some jerks to
find.
ANDY
Do.. Do you want me to fight them?
APRIL
Yes.
END OF COLD OPEN
ACT ONE
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D1
LESLIE is in front of the department members next to an easel
displaying pictures of pizza and cats.
LESLIE
So when a Pawnee citizen loses a set
amount of weight, they get a furry
little friend of their very own. I
call it the Calories For Cats
program.
DONNA
Why on Earth would you want to do
that?
JERRY
Leslie, I dont know if this is the
best idea.
TOM
It sounds like a program to make cats
fatter.
LESLIE
(embarrassed)
Crazy old Mrs. Reavermeyers son is
putting her in a home and we have to
do something with her 47 cats.
Ron steps into the doorway of his office.
RON
Leslie, may I see you for a moment?
LESLIE
Absolutely, I will be right there.
(speaking to the others)
This conversation isnt over.
(MORE)
Tom, get up there and go through my
presentation again.
INT. RONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1
Leslie enters and Ron sits down behind his desk.
RON
You must be wondering why I asked you
into my office.
LESLIE
Well, Ron, we have been working
together for quite a while, so its
not that strange.
RON
Fair enough. I spoke with Diane and
she informed me of some trouble she
was having getting new computers for
Pawnee Middle School.
LESLIE
Oh, geez. Is everything alright? Is
Diane alright? Does she need any type
of psychiatric care?
RON
Diane is fine, she can hold her own.
Just wanted to give you a heads up.
LESLIE
My mom must have some valid reason.
Ill get to the bottom of it.
RON
I think that would be prudent.
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - LATER - D1
Tom, JEAN-RALPHIO, and SECRETARY are standing by the door of
the waiting room.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
SECRETARY
Please have a seat, somebody will be
with you shortly.
TOM AND JEAN-RALPHIO TALKING HEAD
TOM
Me and Jean-Ralphio both got anonymous
letters in the mail talking about how
much they like our previous ventures.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Snakehole Lounge
TOM
Home run.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Entertainment 720 - Slam dunk.
TOM
Rent-a-Swag
JEAN-RALPHIO
Mm.. still open I assume, I stopped
paying attention to that one very
quickly.
TOM
Its still open. Your sister works
there and you visit all the time.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Either way, somebody loves the way we
handle ourselves, and why wouldnt
they? So here we are, ready to get
praise showered on us by some
beautiful vixen.
Tom looks at Jean-Ralphio disapprovingly.
TOM
Listen, I know that your plan as of
right now is to marry rich, but thats
not why were here.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Its totally cool. If its not some
sweet angel ready to kiss that halo
goodbye, Im definitely game to get
his daughters tum-tum baby bumped.
TOM
Thats not what I meant. Were here
because meeting a successful
entrepreneur might change everything.
You might even get some direction in
your life.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Aww, T, thats so sweet. Now I feel
like a total dick. Tell you what, me
and mystery lady are gonna name our
first kid Tom. Cause thats what you
mean to me.
EXT. PAWNEE JAIL - LATER - D1
April and Andy are standing outside the gates of the jail.
ANDY
Babe, you know I think you have the
best ideas of all time, of anyone I
know. But this one kinda sucks big
time.
APRIL
I need you to just be supportive right
now, Andy. Look, someones coming.
A very scary looking EX-INMATE walks out of the gates.
APRIL (CONT'D)
Hey. What were you in for?
EX-INMATE
Neighbors cat wouldnt stop clawing
at my front door. So I ate it.
ANDY
Thats perfect! Honey, this gentleman
already has experience with animal
removal. And he really thinks outside
the box. We work over at...
April turns her head and glares at Andy with wide eyes.
ANDY (CONT'D)
...At the ice cream store. Come on
down, free scoop for ex-convicts.
EX-INMATE
Dont worry, youll be seeing me.
The Ex-inmate stares at them for a beat before walking away.
ANDY
No good? That was the best candidate
weve seen all day.
APRIL
Im starting to think Pawnee Jail
isnt the place to find who were
looking for, even though that makes no
sense at all.
Andy hugs April.
ANDY
Im sorry, I know how you feel about
jails.
APRIL
(upset)
Theyre just so cool.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - LATER - D1
DIANE comes to meet Leslie in the hallway.
DIANE
Hey Leslie, I wasnt expecting to see
you here today.
LESLIE
Yeah, I was just in the area, thought
Id check out the old stomping
grounds, yknow.
DIANE
Interesting. This wouldnt have
anything to do with the computer issue
I spoke to Ron about, would it?
LESLIE
No, no, no. Nope. But while Im here,
it wouldnt hurt to take a quick look,
right?
DIANE
Of course not, follow me.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1
Leslie and Diane walk into an empty computer lab. All the
computers are from the 1980s.
DIANE
Well, here we are.
LESLIE
Oh my goodness, I had no idea things
were this bad.
(MORE)
These are the same computers as when I
went to Pawnee Middle.
DIANE
So you see my problem, then. And for
some reason, every time I request to
get them updated, the response is
Well replace them when they cant
turn on.
LESLIE
Man, they must have made some sturdy
computers back then.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
I used to sit right in one of those
chairs behind me, learning how to
type, playing Oregon Trail, getting
dysentery. Not in the game, I actually
had dysentery once in middle school. A
month later when I thought it was
happening again, and it turned out I
was just getting my period for the
first time, I couldnt have been
happier.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1
LESLIE
I cant believe these computers
havent been swapped out in almost 30
years. They were dangerous even back
then. Walk by and graze a monitor and
youd get a huge scrape from one of
these bad boys.
Leslie slides her hand on a monitor and freezes completely as
her hand hits an edge.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
DIANE
Leslie, are you okay?
LESLIE
I just cut my hand. Bad.
DIANE
Oh no, lets get you down to the
nurse.
LESLIE
This brings back so many memories.
Secretary is standing, waiting outside of an office door.
SECRETARY
Please, come on in.
Secretary opens the door to the office and the three enter.
Behind a desk, a chair is facing backwards. It spins around
and DENNIS FEINSTEIN (local entrepreneur) is revealed.
DENNIS
Gentlemen.
TOM
Dennis Feinstein? Youve been crapping
on all my ideas for years and now
youre interested in us all of a
sudden?
DENNIS
Guilty. Well, its a pleasure to
finally meet you.
TOM
We have met, at least 3 times now. Im
Tom Haverford.
DENNIS
Listen, do you know how many Toms I
meet on a daily basis? Usually between
0 and 2. Trust me, it adds up.
TOM
What are you doing here in this
building?
DENNIS
Oh, I just rent this office strictly
for when I want to surprise people
with my chair-swivel move.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Im not going to lie to you, I respect
that.
DENNIS
See, your friend knows whats up.
Listen, Tom. Tommy Fresh.
TOM
Wait, whyd you call me Tommy Fresh?
DENNIS
Just popped into my head. Not
important. What is important, is that
I like the projects you have going on,
especially Rent-A-Swag. I think it can
do big things.
TOM
I agree, and thats why I dont want
to sell it.
DENNIS
Listen guy, you have a good idea, and
it has potential. But youre not going
to be able to bring it where it needs
to go on your own.
(MORE)
How about you sell me Rent-A-Swag, I
keep you both on as employees of mine,
my right hand men, and Ill show you
the ropes?
TOM
Hmm, that does sound like a pretty
good deal.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Feinstizzle, I noticed you dont have
a single pic of the fam on your desk.
We need to know who were dealing
with. You Married? Got any kids?
DENNIS
Divorced. But I do have a lovely
daughter, 17-years-old last month.
Jean-Ralphio looks as though he is going through an internal
struggle. Lets out his breath after a few moments.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Alright, that could work.
DENNIS
So we have a deal?
TOM
No, not yet. Im going to need some
time to think it over.
DENNIS
Alright, but the clock is ticking. I
paid a doctor to let me perform one of
his surgeries today at 6PM. If Im
late Im going to miss some valuable
training time.
DENNIS (CONT'D)
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D1
Leslie walks into the office and sits across the desk from
MARLENE (Leslies mother).
MARLENE
Hello, sweetheart. You know I always
love when you visit, but Im just
buried in paperwork right now.
LESLIE
Mom, I understand, but theres
something that I need to talk to you
about.
MARLENE
Whats the matter?
LESLIE
I went down to Pawnee Middle today
when Ron told me how bad the computer
situation has gotten.
MARLENE
Why is Ron Swanson complaining to you
about one of the towns schools?
LESLIE
The woman Ron is getting very serious
with is the principal there and she
showed me the schools computer lab.
Whats going on at that school? Why
havent the computers been updated in
so long?
MARLENE
I think interfering in my affairs
should really be on the bottom of your
list right now, especially with your
impending recall vote.
LESLIE
I just want to know the reason. You
have your own state of the art laptop
right here.
Leslie opens the laptop and presses the power button.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Why isnt this turning on?
MARLENE
Theres no charger, and I never saw
the need to ask for one. I keep the
laptop on my desk mainly for show.
LESLIE
Wow, I cant remember you ever using a
computer. How is this possible?
MARLENE
I dont like this judgement coming
from you, Leslie. Tell Ron Swansons
lady-friend that sending you over
isnt going to change anyones mind.
Now like I said, Im buried in
paperwork right now.
LESLIE
(getting up)
Yeah, well, maybe you wouldnt be if
you learned how to use a computer.
MARLENE
(giving an annoyed look)
Leslie.
LESLIE
Sorry Mom, love you, bye.
Leslie quickly exits the room.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
This is something I never thought Id
witness. Is my mother, Marlene Griggs-
Knope, the Iron Cock Shredder of
Pawnee, out of touch?
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D1
Leslie enters Marlenes office, in a chipper mood.
LESLIE
Hello again, Mom. I brought you a
present.
MARLENE
Did you now? What did you get me?
LESLIE
Here you go!
Leslie takes a bag from behind her back and removes a laptop
charger.
MARLENE
What is that?
LESLIE
I went down to the IT department and
got a charger for your laptop.
MARLENE
You didnt have to do that.
LESLIE
Lets just get this connected.
Leslie plugs the charger into the laptop and turns it on.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Okay, lets see. You have 76,532 E-
mails.
MARLENE
Jennifer prints out any important E-
mails and hands them to me, so dont
worry about that.
LESLIE
Well now you can check your own E-
mails. And not waste 76,000 E-mails
worth of paper.
MARLENE
Yeah, well see about that.
Marlene notices something poking out of Leslies bag, which
is laying on the desk. Marlene takes it out. Its a CD-ROM of
Oregon Trail
MARLENE (CONT'D)
Whats this?
LESLIE
Oh... I picked it up while I was down
at IT.
Marlene takes the CD case and puts it into her desk drawer.
MARLENE
Thanks, Ill take a look at it later.
Leslie looks at the camera, frustrated.
Ron, Donna, and Jerry are discussing Parks business. Andy and
April are off to the side.
ANDY
This just doesnt make sense, isnt
there supposed to be some kind of job
shortage?
APRIL
I have no idea why anyone wouldnt
want to murder rabid raccoons for pay.
Most of the residents here already do
it for fun.
ANDY
I bet Chris regrets firing the old
Animal Control guys now.
April has a contemplative look on her face. Tom and Jean-
Ralphio enter.
TOM
Alright everyone, Ive got some
exciting news. A certain multi-
millionare entrepreneur has offered to
allow Jean-Ralphio and myself to
become his protegees.
RON
Glad to hear it, may I ask who this
gentleman is?
TOM
Well its not Diddy or Jay-Z, but its
pretty close. Its Pawnees own Dennis
Feinstein.
DONNA
Oh, Feinstein. Not bad, Tom. That
guys got some moves.
Donna begins daydreaming and nodding her head.
TOM
I assume youre referring to his
business acumen?
DONNA
Lets just say the man can pack a
years worth of passion into one
weekend.
JERRY
Whos Dennis Feinstein?
Everyone looks at Jerry with looks of disgust. Tom continues,
ignoring Jerrys question.
TOM
Not only is he taking us under his
wing, hes offering enough for us to
make quite a bit of change on the Rent-
A-Swag investments.
RON
What would a business mogul of that
magnitude possibly want with an idiot
like your friend?
JEAN-RALPHIO
I recall a certain mustachioed fellow
coming pretty close to hiring me as
his personal assistant.
RON
That did not happen. Aside from that,
good work, Tom. Sounds like a great
deal.
TOM
Thanks, Ron. I appreciate your vote of
confidence.
RON
No problem, and now that youre going
to be his right hand man, itll be
that much easier to take him down.
TOM
I dont know if I want to do that.
RON
Think about it. You have time.
EXT. CITY HALL - LATER - D1
BEN, ANN, CHRIS, and Leslie are at a table having lunch.
CHRIS
I really hope you can straighten this
out, because if the state of these
computers is that poor, I dont want
to have to get in between a mother,
her daughter, a colleague, and that
colleagues girlfriend.
LESLIE
I really hope it doesnt come down to
that too.
BEN
Im sure you have nothing to worry
about, your mom is a smart woman.
ANN
Yeah, shes been making a name for
herself for how many years now? And
Im sure that doesnt happen by making
bad choices.
LESLIE
Yeah, youre right. Im just worried
that shell get defensive, and I want
this to go as smoothly as possible.
Especially since its something Ron
asked me to help Diane out with.
Marlene walks over to Ben and Leslie.
MARLENE
Hello, you two.
BEN
Marlene, what a suprise.
MARLENE
How has my little girls handsome new
husband been treating her.
BEN
(nervous)
Good... Ive been treating her well.
As well as I can. Things couldnt be
better.
MARLENE
Anyway, Leslie, Ive been giving what
you said some serious thought.
LESLIE
Well thats great, Mom.
MARLENE
After you left, I decided to fiddle
around with that computer and I have
to say, as hard as it is for me, that
I can see your point. Theres a lot of
value to be gained by making an
update.
LESLIE
Im so glad to hear you say that, you
dont even know.
MARLENE
Ill get everything sorted out. I have
to get back to my office, talk to you
soon.
Marlene exits.
LESLIE
Aww, wasnt that sweet, Ben?
BEN
I told you there was nothing to worry
about, your mother is a professional.
LESLIE
I am so excited, I should head over
there tomorrow morning and let Diane
know in person. Whos wants to come
with me and see where little Leslie
Knope broke 16 kids noses playing
dodgeball?
ANN
Well, me and Chris are moving in
together soon, as you all know, and we
have plans to pick up an armoire so I
dont know if I..
LESLIE
Actually no, I did not know that.
CHRIS
Neither did I.
ANN
Sorry, I lied. The truth is I dont
want to get involved in any way
because your mother scares me.
LESLIE
Oh come on, shes not that bad. Plus,
theres nothing to be worried about,
she said I was right, as I usually am.
ANN
I fear any interaction with her, even
positive ones.
LESLIE
Great, were getting over our fears
and youre coming.
ANN
Oh, okay.
LESLIE
Chris?
CHRIS
Ill have to take a rain check, Im
being asked to give a police statement
regarding recent vicious raccoon
maulings.
LESLIE
You lucked out this time, Traeger.
BEN
I would personally love to see where
the famous dysentery story took place.
LESLIE
Perfect!
Leslie gets up from the table and walks away.
ANN
Wait, what?
INT. CITY HALL - LATER - D1
Tom is sitting on a bench calling Dennis Feinstein.
TOM
Hello, Mr. Feinstein, Ive been
considering your offer.
DENNIS
Who the hell is this? Im a little
busy right now.
TOM
This is Tom, Tom Haverford, we spoke
at length about my business just
today.
DENNIS
Ohhh, right, right.
TOM
Is it a bad time?
DENNIS
No, not at all, just scrubbing up.
TOM
Alright, well my answer is yes. I
would be glad to sell the company and
go into business with you.
DENNIS
That was a great, smart choice you
made. It may not seem like it but I
can be a little aggressive sometimes.
TOM
Is that so?
DENNIS
Yeah, I probably would have done
something pretty horrible to you if
you didnt say yes.
TOM
Thats... Good to know.
DENNIS
(to somebody in the room)
Hey, I told you not to get started. I
didnt give you all that money for you
to go and start making incisions
without me.
(MORE)
(to Tom)
Sorry about that. Stupid, dumb
doctors, man. Ruining the amateur
surgery industry.
TOM
That is disturbing.
DENNIS
I know, right?
TOM
Well be in touch.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - D2
Leslie and Ben are sitting in chairs by the entrance of the
school waiting as Diane approaches.
DIANE
Sorry to keep you waiting, I wasnt
expecting you to come back so soon,
Leslie.
LESLIE
Well, Diane, I have some great news
for you. I spoke to my lovely mother,
Marlene Griggs-Knope, and she has
agreed to make updates to the
computers.
DIANE
Thats your mother, huh? I actually
just spoke with her yesterday
afternoon and she told me she would
have everything express shipped. Its
all here, would you like to see it?
LESLIE
Wow, sure.
DENNIS (CONT'D)
Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk to Dianes nearby office. Diane
pulls out 3 CD cases.
DIANE
3 copies of the 1996 release of Oregon
Trail. Thats what we got.
LESLIE
Oh, Diane, I am so sorry.
Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk back into the hallway.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
On the bright side you do have a newer
version of Oregon Trail for the kids
to play.
DIANE
The computers dont even have CD-ROM
drives so we wouldnt be able to
install it.
LESLIE
Shit.
A few children walk by and hear Leslie swear.
KID
Ooooh, she said a bad word.
DIANE
I know, dont worry. Ill be calling
her mommy.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D2
Leslie rushes into Marlenes office, starts to slam the door
and then ends up softly closing it.
LESLIE
Mom, when you said you were going to
make updates to the school, I did not
think you were going to do this.
MARLENE
What? I played that game like you
asked me to and gave the school all
new copies.
LESLIE
I didnt ask you to play that game, it
wasnt actually for you, and they
cant even be played on the schools
current computers!
MARLENE
Leslie, theres one thing that you
havent considered yet.
LESLIE
Yes, and what might that be?
MARLENE
You forgot that I made you what you
are today. As great as you may be
doing in your career, youre never
going to be in a position to tell me
how to do my job. The townships
schools belong to me.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
No, Im not going to cry. Why would I
cry? Theres no reason for that. Its
just some good old fashioned mother-
daughter political ribbing. My eyes
were watering before I even went into
her office.
Leslie, Ron, and Diane walk into the office. April, Andy,
HARRIS, and BRETT (former animal control employees) are all
standing.
LESLIE
It did not go well in there, but Im
going to do anything I can to fix
this. Ive already filled my first
binder of...
Ron notices Harris and Brett in the office and interrupts
Leslie.
RON
What are these two doing here?
ANDY
April found the perfect replacements
for the Animal Control department.
APRIL
I know that these are the guys that
were fired already.
RON
Yes, and then they fled the scene
during their re-interviews because
they thought there were police in the
vicinity.
HARRIS
Wait, police? This isnt like a sting
or anything, right?
APRIL
Stand down, Harris.
BRETT
I didnt come here to get my ass
thrown in jail. I came here to ask
Leslie Knope out on a date.
LESLIE
Sorry, Im married. And arent you
here to get your job back?
BRETT
Wait, were getting our jobs back?
HARRIS
Oh man, that is awesome.
RON
Im starting to remember why Animal
Control was so terrible, and why I
wanted to punch these two.
APRIL
I know theyre both idiots.
LESLIE
Then what are they doing here?
APRIL
Weve been looking for new hires all
day and we havent seen a single
person remotely qualified.
HARRIS
Hey, come on, we used to run a whole
department by ourselves. Could idiots
do what we did?
RON
Yes.
APRIL
And thats my point. These two are
obviously very stupid people, and
thats why they failed. They need
leadership, someone to tell them
things like dont get stoned and
pester the wildlife, and Ill be the
one to provide it.
HARRIS
Hey, we do not need some baby-sitter
on our backs telling us when and what
we can and cant get high.
APRIL
Shut up and sit down or Im banning
potato chips from the workplace.
BRETT
Whoa, whoa. We dont want any trouble.
Harris and Brett both sit down quietly.
RON
Good work, April. Ill be looking
forward to seeing what you can do with
these lumps of chemically saturated
clay.
APRIL
I wont let you down, boss.
Harris and Dwight are sitting in chairs looking down at the
floor as Leslie, Ron, and Diane enter Rons office.
INT. RONS OFFICE - LATER - D2
Leslie, Ron, and Diane are sitting in his office.
LESLIE
I just feel so bad about this guys,
Ron rarely asks me for anything, so I
just have to make things right with
this whole computer thing and my mom.
DIANE
Ron, you did what? You actually asked
Leslie for help with this?
RON
I didnt specifically ask her for
help.
LESLIE
I thought you knew, why else would you
let me in to see your computer lab?
DIANE
Well, to be honest, Ron warned me that
you were kind of a busy-body before
you and I even met, no offense.
LESLIE
Well, maybe Im a tiny bit busy-body.
DIANE
So I just figured that he told you
about the issue and you were just kind
of poking around.
LESLIE
I wasnt just poking around, I was
going to talk to my mom and save your
school until she angrily reminded me
she taught me everything I know.
DIANE
I appreciate your help, but Im going
to go fix this right now. Ron, you
dont need to ask your friends to help
me with anything in the future.
Leslie, apologize to your mother
later.
LESLIE AND RON
Yes, maam.
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D2
Leslie enters her office.
MARLENE
Before you start playing slideshows
and handing me binders filled with
spreadsheets or knitting me sweaters
with computers on them, I want to
apologize.
LESLIE
You want to apologize to me?
MARLENE
Yes, Im very proud of what youve
been able to accomplish, and, frankly,
most of that was without my help. I
shouldnt have said what I did.
LESLIE
Aww, thanks Mom. How did everything
with Diane go?
MARLENE
Shes a smart woman. Were going to
make some actual upgrades to the
computers this time. Real ones.
LESLIE
Thats great!
MARLENE
Next year. Well make some room in the
budget.
LESLIE
Well I guess thats better than
nothing. Mom, I want to apologize too,
I should have known youd be able to
handle things on your own.
MARLENE
Dont apologize. I wouldnt have
agreed to it if you hadnt spoken to
me about it. You usually know what
youre talking about. If kids need
shiny new computers with rounded
edges, so be it.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
So it all worked out, more or less. My
lovely mother still doesnt understand
how new technology can help a school,
but as long... I wonder what else she
hasnt been updating. I should go
check if the buses have seat belts.
END OF ACT THREE
TAG
Tom is sitting on a desk talking to Harris and Brett.
TOM
Everything was just finalized today,
everyone that invested made a buttload
of cash.
HARRIS
How much of a buttload are we talking?
TOM
They tripled what they put in. Stick
with me, kid.
Toms phone rings, he picks up.
TOM (CONT'D)
Dennis, whats happening?
DENNIS
(panting)
Things did not go as well with the
surgery as youd think they would. You
might not be able to reach me for the
next week or so.
Dennis hangs up.
HARRIS
That was the coolest phone call Ive
ever heard.
END OF SHOW

Knope vs. Knope

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