The College Essay

Why does your mentee's essay matter?

A college admissions essay--also known as a personal statement--serves two purposes:

The essay lets your mentee demonstrate their writing and critical
thinking skills.
Most importantly, the essay gives colleges a better picture of who
he/she truly is. The essay goes beyond an academic and personal resume
and serves to highlight your mentees personality, experiences, values and
perspective.

Your mentee is not a standardized test score or a list of grades. He/she is a person, and
the admissions essay is a chance for him/her to become more than a number to the people
that will judge the application.

What is my expectation as a mentor regarding mentee
essays?
What you can do and what you cant do:
As difficult as it may be, DO NOT write any or even part of your mentee's essay. Did you
ever go back and look at your college application essays? I bet they look a lot different than
your writing now!

However, you should:

o Micro-Level: Make them think incredibly carefully about the words and phrases they
are using.
o Marco-Level: Make them think about the overarching theme and impression that their
essay portrays. Is it what they are going for? Are there ways to make it more
effective?
How much does my mentees essay count in the admissions
process?

Essays certainly count but there is no exact formula for determining how much weight it
will carry. Since grades, scores and their involvement outside the classroom are objective
pieces of information, it falls to the essay (and recommendations, which will be covered
later) to help the admissions officers get to know students and separate one really
capable student from another.


The essay is only part of a students application; BUT a strong applicant, who writes a
strong essay has a greatly increased chance of acceptance. A strong applicant who writes
a weak essay is very likely to receive a much less favor able review by the admissions
committee. This is true at every school in the country and particularly true at the most
selective institutions!

Understand who your mentee's are writing for: Tired &
underpaid admission officers!

Your mentee can't cater too much to his/ her audience, but it is important that your
mentee understands the perspective of who will be reading his/her essays. Last year, I read
about 3,500 essays. During the winter, I read 25-30 applications per day or somewhere
between 50-60 essays. When I flip to an essay I'm really trying to get to know the student
more than I already have from reading their transcript and looking at their testing.
Because of this, the most painful essays to read are the ones that make this task more
difficult. Poetry, very abstract essays, or essays that are bookreport-ish and provide little
information about an applicant can make a n admission officer feel like we are
wasting our time. Not a good thing. More tips about what to avoid are included later on
in this section.

What are admission officers looking for in an essay?

Your mentee's essay should, first and foremost, help the admission officer get to know
your mentee on a personal level. There is NO right or wrong answer. But essays may
also be used to:

Highlight an important part of a mentees application

Reveal something important about your mentee that isn't found
elsewhere in an application

The best essays usually have the following in common:

Address real life events. Admissions officers want to know more about your
mentee. Creative writing is not a good choice for an essay.

Have a Voice. Admissions officers want to feel like they are meeting the
applicant when reading their essay.

Thoughtfulness. Admissions officers want to know that applicants have put
some time and thought into EACH essay, and that a student is capable of
thinking deeply about him/herself or an event.

Good Writing. Your mentee has to demonstrate that they are capable of
college level work, or doing the work at a highly selective school Great
writing is a real pleasure for an admission officer to read, and it will keep our
attention even if its 2am. At the very least, your mentees essay should leave us
knowing more about who they are and feeling comfortable that they write well
enough to handle the workload at our institution.
What does your mentee want to show admission officers?

This is the question at the very heart of all admission essays, and a point worth spending
some time on with your mentee. Forget about what type of question the college is asking for
a moment. Instead, realize that the main point of a college admission essay is to provide
an admission officer with a compelling story that helps him/her understand your
mentee better.

Have your mentee come up with two-three things that he/she wants
admission officers to notice about them in their application, and then
find a way to work those into an essay topic for the schools they are
applying to.

Good essays are usually the result of the student writing about an event or
idea that he/she is passionate about.
The Essay Questions: The Most Common Questions Your
Mentee Will Encounter.
Your mentees will have some freedom! You can reassure your mentee that colleges
are not looking to pigeon hole them or hamper their creativity. Admissions
applications usually give students a variety of topics with some parameters. In fact,
even if you are only given a single question chances are that the college
designed the question to be open-ended enough to allow the student to choose
his/her own point of view, and to take the question in a number of different
directions.

Common Application Essay Prompts 2013:
Instructions. The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a
selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want
the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test
scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of
no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response.
Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal.
Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't
accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they
believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then
please share your story.

Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and
what lessons did you learn?

Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act?
Would you make the same decision again?

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or
experience there and why is it meaningful to you?

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal that marked your transition
from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

UC Short Essay Prompts 2013:
Directions: All applicants must respond to two essay prompts the general prompt
and either the freshman or transfer prompt, depending on your status.
Responses to your two prompts must be a maximum of 1,000 words total.
Allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to respond to one prompt at
greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.

The essay prompts

Freshman applicant prompt
Describe the world you come from for example, your family, community or school
and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt for all applicants
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that
is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and
how does it relate to the person you are?

QuestBridge: 2013 National College Match Essay Prompts (minus short
answer)
Both essays are required, and in addition to these longer essays, the application will
feature some shorter answer questions as well. The purpose of these essays is to help
QuestBridge and the partner colleges get to know you better. They are a large component
of the College Match finalist selection process and the application review process by
admissions committees.

Essay #1: Biographical Essay (800 word limit)
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown
up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe
the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How
have these factors caused you to grow?

Essay #2: Please choose one of the topics below (500 word limit)
a) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical
dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
b) A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds
much to the educational mix. Given your background, please describe an
experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college
community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
c) If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be and why?

Adapting your mentee's essay to fit a different essay question: It is possible
for your mentee to revise an existing essay to suit a particular question by just
changing or adding a sentence or two. You want to be sure that his/her essay
answers the question. However, with the amount of work that he/she will be putting
into his/her QuestBridge application it nearly always makes sense to try and reuse
some of the essays he/she has already worked hard on for other applications.

Assisting your mentee with his/her essay

If you've never helped anyone with their writing before here a few pointers.

Content:

Pick a Topic- As mentioned before, the best way to do this is for your mentee
to focus on what he/she wants to convey to the admission office, and then pick
the essay topic that can be best adapted to this theme. It's a great idea to have
your mentee complete a brainstorming sheet before your mentee starts writing.
If your mentee is having a hard time thinking of things to write about, please
check out some of the books on essay writing in the admission office.

Structure: When looking at your mentee's essay you can dissect it into three
parts. Here are some suggestions regarding what you should look for throughout the
essay.

The Opening- This is the first impression the reader is going to get of your
mentee

o Mentees should avoid beginning their essay with simplistic and
obvious sentences like In this essay Im going to discuss or In my
opinion
o Can the reader clearly tell the topic without repeating the prompt?
o Is the way your mentee introduces his/her essay specifically related to
his/her purpose, subject, topic or audience? (Does your ment ee use
a quote, dialogue, rhetorical question, engaging anecdote, interesting
fact, revelation, etc.)? .

The Body- Now that the topic has been introduced, each paragraph should
move the reader closer to understanding the point of an essay.

o Does the body follow an organizational plan?
o What order does the narrative follow? {Chronological?
Retrospective?)
o Description? Does your mentee paint a detailed picture throughout the
essay? This is clich, but true: admission essays should really show
instead of tell.
o Has your mentee introduced, described, and shown how each major
point is related to the essay topic?
o Are the details your mentee provides accurate, appropriate, and
relevant for the topic, purpose and audience?
o Are the transitions between paragraphs smooth, and demonstrate a
connection between ideas?

The Conclusion- Conclusions to admission essays dont have to be
formal, but conclusions should provide some closure to the piece.

o Has your mentee avoided phrases like, In conclusion
o Has your mentee left the reader with a sense of who he/she is as a person
and is that person interesting, thoughtful and potentially a positive
contributor to campus like academically and/or socially?

The Overall Presentation- Does your mentees essay as a whole do the
following?

o Avoid a laundry list presentation (i.e. first I did this, then I did that etc.)
o Avoid rambling
o Address the topic
o Have appropriate language for the topic and audience
o Avoid being too negative
o Avoid being too cute
o Avoid sounding like a thesaurus
o Have correct grammar
o Have a clear tone (formal, informal, humorous, serious, funny)
o Have a clear voice
o MOST IMPORTANTLY! You and your mentee need to ask: What
impression does someone form about your mentee after reading this
essay? I s this the impression your mentee wanted to convey?

How long should the essay be? Long enough to make the point, but no longer. A good
essay that is 700 words will never seem too long to a reader, but a poor essay that is only
400 words will take an eternity to get through. In general, your mentee should keep an
essay to the suggested word length. Tips for shortening an essay are located in this
section.

Types of Essays- There are a range of different types of essays that your mentee might
attempt to write. Included in this section are extensive guidelines for a wide variety of
essay types that your mentee might choose. You should use the guidelines for assistance
when you are editing essays, but also free to pass along this information to your mentee
to guide him/her as he/she writes.

Sample Essays- Lexis office has a few books that cover the College Admissions
Essay (and some are new!!!) so please feel free to drop by and browse them or make
copies of pertinent pages. These books also include many sample essays on pretty much
every topic. Please feel free to send along some the sample essays to your mentee if
he/she is interested.

Short Answer- More and more colleges are including short answer questions to
applications. For a guide in assisting mentees with short answer questions please see
Getting the Most Out of Short Answers over the next few pages.

Common Essay Pitfalls and Misconceptions

A great writer can write an essay about almost any topic and pull it off, so your mentee
shouldnt consider any topic completely off limits. However, there are some essay
questions that are more difficult to pull off than others.

Essays that can backfire:

A phony life changing experience- Your mentee has been a different person
since he didnt get that lead in the school play two years ago? Unless he is really
convincing, it can look like overkill.
Making everything peachy- Everyone lived happily ever after? Conveying a
superficial sense that everything works out in the end can come across as nave.
Popular political topics/news topics/bandwagon topic of the year- You visited
your second cousins grandma who was affected by Hurricane Sandy last fall?
Unless the topic is truly a personal passion and/or your mentee was truly
involved, admission officers will have plenty of essays to read about these issues
that only marginally apply or affect your mentees life.
Melodrama- Never good (life lesson as well as admission essay lesson!)
Quoting song lyrics- Instead of quoting the lyrics for an admission officer, your
mentee should spend time writing about what speaks to him/her about those
lyrics. What sounds profound on Spotify will rarely sound as good on paper.
The Big Game- Inevitably an essay many admission officers will read about
with high frequency. Make sure the student is writing about the big game for a
reason, and not just to fill space.
The service trip to [impoverished place] where I learned that poor people
can be happy, too- Again, we read quite a few of these. See the Big Game.
Also, be wary of these essays sounding too nave.
Religious and Political topics- Preaching in an admission essay is bad whether
its about God or Democrats. Both can easily offend without meaning to and
have the possibility of coming across as closed-minded.
Video Game and Computer Programming Essays

Essays that schools generally love:

Intellectual Essays- This doesnt mean that the essays should be trying to sound
intellectual. However, essays that demonstrate a clear passion for learning and
ideas are truly refreshing (and sometimes over my head!). Admission officers are
trying to separate the grinds from students who really love learning for
learnings sake, and essays can be a great indicator of which way your mentee is
headed. Demonstrating to an admission committee that your mentee has a mature
enough intellect that he/she can draw connections between different disciplines is
a sure way to impress.
Cultural Identity Essays- There is a good chance your mentee might never
encounter a group of people more interested in his/her background, culture and
how it has shaped his/her development more than an admission officer.
Overcoming REAL adversity- See common essay pitfalls for examples of
overcoming not so real adversity
Any topic or essay that is interesting to read and helps the admission officer
get to know your mentee!





2013 National College Match Essay Prompts

We are pleased to announce the essay prompts for the 2013 National College Match application,
which is due on September 27, 2013. Both essays are required, and in addition to these longer
essays, the application will feature some shorter answer questions as well. The purpose of these
essays is to help QuestBridge and the partner colleges get to know you better. They are a large
component of the College Match finalist selection process and the application review process by
admissions committees.

We encourage you to use a word processing program (such as Microsoft Word) to write and edit
your essays. The online application, which opens in August, will include additional instructions
regarding your essays.

Essay #1: Biographical Essay (800 word limit)

We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up,
formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors
and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors
caused you to grow?


Essay #2: Please choose one of the topics below (500 word limit)

a) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma
you have faced and its impact on you.

b) A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to
the educational mix. Given your background, please describe an experience that
illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter
that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

c) If you could change one thing about your community, what would it be and why?


College Essay Writing Tips
Write an Effective Application Essay
A great application essay will present a vivid, personal, and compelling view of you to the
admissions staff. It will round out the rest of your application and help you stand out from the
other applicants. The essay is one of the only parts of your application over which you have
complete control, so take the time to do a good job on it. Check out these tips before you begin.
Dos
Keep Your Focus Narrow and Personal
Your essay must prove a single point or thesis. The reader must be able to find your main idea
and follow it from beginning to end. Try having someone read just your introduction to see what
he thinks your essay is about.
Essays that try to be too comprehensive end up sounding watered-down. Remember, it's not
about telling the committee what you've donethey can pick that up from your list of
activitiesinstead, it's about showing them who you are.
Prove It
Develop your main idea with vivid and specific facts, events, quotations, examples, and reasons.
There's a big difference between simply stating a point of view and letting an idea unfold in the
details:
Okay: "I like to be surrounded by people with a variety of backgrounds and interests"
Better: "During that night, I sang the theme song from Casablanca with a baseball coach
who thinks he's Bogie, discussed Marxism with a little old lady, and heard more than I
ever wanted to know about some woman's gall bladder operation."
Be Specific
Avoid clichd, generic, and predictable writing by using vivid and specific details.
Okay: "I want to help people. I have gotten so much out of life through the love and
guidance of my family, I feel that many individuals have not been as fortunate; therefore,
I would like to expand the lives of others."
Better: "My Mom and Dad stood on plenty of sidelines 'til their shoes filled with water
or their fingers turned white, or somebody's golden retriever signed his name on their
coats in mud. I think that kind of commitment is what I'd like to bring to working with
fourth-graders."

Don'ts
Don't Tell Them What You Think They Want to Hear
Most admissions officers read plenty of essays about the charms of their university, the evils of
terrorism, and the personal commitment involved in being a doctor. Bring something new to the
table, not just what you think they want to hear.
Don't Write a Resume
Don't include information that is found elsewhere in the application. Your essay will end up
sounding like an autobiography, travelogue, or laundry list. Yawn.
"During my junior year, I played first singles on the tennis team, served on the student
council, maintained a B+ average, traveled to France, and worked at a cheese factory."
Don't Use 50 Words When Five Will Do
Eliminate unnecessary words.
Okay: "Over the years it has been pointed out to me by my parents, friends, and
teachersand I have even noticed this about myself, as wellthat I am not the neatest
person in the world."
Better: "I'm a slob."
Don't Forget to Proofread
Typos and spelling or grammatical errors can be interpreted as carelessness or just bad writing.
Don't rely on your computer's spell check. It can miss spelling errors like the ones below.
"After I graduate form high school, I plan to work for a nonprofit organization during the
summer."
"From that day on, Daniel was my best fried."
This article is based on information found in The College Application Essay, by Sarah Myers
McGinty.