THE QUEST FOR AUT HEN TIC MANHOOD

A P P E N D I X

SAMPLE - COLLEGE STUDENT

PERSONAL MANHOOD PLAN

I. Mission Statement
My goal is to become an authentic man and to model that for those God brings into my life. In order to
do that, I must establish biblical priorities that will promote spiritual growth. My personal walk with
Jesus Christ will only be consistent if I have a daily quiet time and a regular study of the scriptures. Only
through the scriptures and constant prayer for my decisions will Jesus stay the central focus of my life. As
I grow, His Spirit will conform my character to“the image of Christ” and create a man who initiates, taking
responsibility and courageously leading both men and women. He will call me and equip me to be the
head of my home and to reject my naturally passive nature. This is the abundant life He has promised and
will lead me to the greater reward — His reward.

II. Personal Goals

Things to Address From my Past:

• To establish clear biblical boundaries between my mother and myself before I leave for college.

Short-Term Issues for This Year:

• Take on a position of responsibility and leadership my freshman year at college.
• Be aggressive in initiating dating opportunities and leading them by setting the spiritual tone, being
creative in our activities and treating my dates as a gentleman should.
• Find and become part of a spiritually-focused group by the end of my first semester.
• Pray for and find a male mentor who can encourage me and challenge my spiritual growth.
• Make my studies a priority and establish at least a 3.0 GPA my freshman year.
• Take a stand for my faith on the campus, both in my dorm and the classroom.
• Spend time regularly in the Word and in prayer to fuel my spiritual growth.

Long-Term Issues for My Life:

• To become a servant/leader, and a sensitive and godly man.(Mark 10:45)
• To be a man of humility, strong convictions and integrity. (Philippians 2:1-8)
• To love God and follow Him,and become knowledgeable in the scriptures. (II Timothy 2:15)
• For my life, convictions, and witness to change the lives of those around me. (I Thessalonians 1:2-10)
• When I die, to know that I have fought the good fight and finished the race. (II Timothy 4:7) Also, to
know that I have a peace about leaving this world to receive God’s greater reward.
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SAMPLE - SINGLE MAN

PERSONAL MANHOOD PLAN

A LOOK BACK — FOUNDATION OF MANHOOD

Unfinished Business and How I’ll Deal With It:

There are three wounds which still need to be addressed in my life — father wound, mentor wound, and
depravity wound. Fortunately, none of these wounds are “crippling”or even standing in the way of my
happiness and pursuit of God’s will in my life. However, Men’s Fraternity has convinced me that to truly
be a man of God, I do not need to have any unresolved issues from my past.

While I didn’t disrespect or dishonor Dad outwardly to any great extent while growing up, I did in my
heart. I still feel remorse over this. However, Dad and I have grown closer this past year than perhaps we
have ever been,due in large part to Men’s Fraternity. But I really yearn to know Dad better. I plan to take
these specific short-term steps to address this wound: By mid-summer, I will help out at the store one
Saturday; later in the summer, I will go fishing with Dad and/or plan an overnight trip.

With regards to a mentor, I will continue to pray and actively seek a mentor.

Many past sins still hold me in bondage. This summer I will read Neil Anderson’s Bondage Breaker with
my accountability group.

A Look At Now—Present Pursuit of Manhood

I can honestly say that my relationship with Christ is my number one priority. I don’t ever want that to
change. Developing a closer relationship with God and being transformed in the image of Christ is the
driving force of my life. That focus has resulted in many victories in my pursuit of being an authentic bib-
lical man. Currently, I am successful as a man in the areas of sexual purity, being a man of my word, seek-
ing God’s direction through prayer prior to any major decisions, spending time studying God’s word,
developing a few close friendships, and serving through the church.

I feel I am struggling as a man in being a good steward of my finances, allowing emotions to cloud my
judgment too often,failing to recognize or remain focused on God’s reward and eternal things.
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A P P E N D I X

I believe God gives singles unique and special opportunities for service with regards to time, finances, and
relationships. Not having a wife or children frees me up to invest in the lives of others and the church to a
larger degree. And more importantly, I have more free time to spend with God in the Word and prayer. I
do not take full advantage of these opportunities.

My top spiritual priorities at this time are: Remain sexually pure and treat with respect and honor those
women with whom I am friends and date (Psalm 119:9-16); Encourage other believers (Hebrews 10:24-
25); Exhibit godly characteristics in the workplace — cheerfulness, honesty, integrity, and hard work;
Maintain a good balance between service and spending one-on-one time with God.

A Look Ahead—Pursuit of Real Manhood Over A Lifetime

My number one priority is to discover my spiritual gifts and spiritual mission. I have identified my spiritu-
al gifts as exhortation/encouragement, leadership/administration,and help/service. Potential gifts
include shepherding and apostleship/missionary. I have looked forward to and taken advantage of
opportunities in the church to ser ve. I want to look for opportunities which require these gifts and find
an environment where they can flourish. I believe that through various kinds of service, prayer and input
from fellow believers, God will reveal His spiritual mission for my life.

Mission Statement:

To seek to know God better every day of my life. To maintain and develop a deeper, more intimate rela-
tionship with Christ. To use my spiritual gifts to accomplish God’s will for my life.

Physical: Maintain and improve on my physical conditioning to keep my mind alert and enable my body
to react to a variety of demands.

Relational: Develop a few close relationships with men to hold one another accountable in all areas of
our lives. Treat the women I date with respect and honor.

Financial: Be a strong steward of my finances. Begin to plan for the future years when earning potential
lessens. Give generously.
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A P P E N D I X

SAMPLE - YOUNG MARRIED

PERSONAL MANHOOD PLAN

As a Man/Son:

I want to have honored my father and mother throughout their lives by:Constant verbal and written con-
firmation of my love for them; Consistently seeking their advice and counsel; Seeking my father’s written
and verbal blessing; Presenting them with a written tribute (Exodus 20:12).

Specific Goals: Write my parents a tribute and have it printed and framed for presentation at Christmas.
Take my father on a golf weekend and use the opportunity to confirm my love and appreciation for all his
sacrifices on my behalf.

As a Man/Husband:

I want to have experienced a lifelong, intimate and fulfilling relationship with my wife. I want her to have
felt secure in my love for her, honored for her role as a wife and mother, fulfilled emotionally and romanti-
cally, encouraged spiritually, and lovingly led by a man committed to servant/leadership (I Peter 3:7,
Ephesians 5:25-29).

Specific Goals: To pray together every night before bed. To date my wife at least every other week. To
plan a weekend getaway once a year to evaluate, plan and discuss our relationship. To study her wants,
desires and needs by keeping a written record of them for frequent reference. To take the initiative in
decision making, spiritual leadership, and child discipline.

As a Man/Father:

I want each of my children to know, embrace, and clearly understand our family values (Proverbs 22:6).

Specific Goals: Complete a final draft of our family values in three months. Present a framed family values
document to my family for Christmas.

I want my children to understand biblical manhood and womanhood, and to have celebrated that with
me through significant ceremonies (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).
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Specific Goals: Create a series of unique ceremonies for each child prior to their tenth birthday, and
choose another couple or couples to join us in this process.

I want to have modeled and built into my children’s lives the following character traits: Integrity, purity,
faith, confidence (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, Psalm 15).

Specific Goals: Develop a plan for teaching and modeling these character traits by the end of the year
(book lists, videos, designed dilemmas).

As a Man/Mentor:

I want to have discovered and utilized my spiritual gifts to serve and glorify God and to impact others to
do the same (Ephesians 4:12,I Peter 4:10-11).

Specific Goals: Take one person through One-to-One evangelism program or mentor one younger man
each year. Serve in some Christ-centered organization (in some capacity) each year. Serve in my church
(children’s ministry, small group leadership, etc.) each year.

As a Man/Professional:

I want to have honored Jesus Christ in my work life through an unwavering commitment to integrity,
honesty, hard work,and respect for others (Colossians 3:23-24).

As a Man/Citizen:

I want to have made a positive impact in my community by having addressed key social issues and by
having served my community in areas where I have felt called by God.

Specific Goals: Continue serving on the board of our town’s transient mission,and continue teaching and
discipling men in the mission’s rehabilitation program.
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A P P E N D I X

SAMPLE - MID-LIFE MARRIED

PERSONAL MANHOOD PLAN

Looking Back:

I feel satisfied with my past and the relationship I have with my parents and siblings. I need to try to con-
tinue to set an example for them as a Christian and help them through the end of their lives.

Looking At Now:

In light of the definition of manhood, I feel comfortable that I reject passivity except in the area of lead-
ing my family in spiritual study time. I try to spend time each night with my sons doing a short Bible
study. I will be more regular in my spending time with each son doing a Bible study at night before they
go to sleep. I will also do a better job letting them know about the quiet time I spend each morning in
order to be a better example to them.

I have no problem accepting responsibility for my actions and those of my family. I will provide for my
family financially. I will provide them a safe refuge from the world and will accept the responsibility of
being the spiritual leader of my household.

I have led courageously by succeeding in my business and by providing better than my wife and I expect-
ed was possible when we first got married. We have been blessed far beyond what we thought we ever
would be. I will use these blessings to further God’s work and kingdom by giving of my time to the
church in some capacity of service with youth and by temporarily leading my small group while my regu-
lar leader is absent.

As a Father:
I will take my older son to a Promise Keepers event this year. I will listen to the Dobson tapes with my
younger son this summer and spend a weekend away with him. I will try not to exasperate my sons as
they grow up by being overly controlling, but rather try to nurture, support and encourage them as they
mature (Ephesians 6:4). I will put together a plan of how I will celebrate the different passages of life for
my sons. I will have it in writing by the start of school next year. I will teach my sons the value of using
my talents to serve God and that He is the source of all the blessings we have received (Deuteronomy
8:17-18).
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As a Husband:
I will pray with my wife regularly in the morning and at night before bed. I will spend time alone with
my wife on a weekly basis, to nurture our marriage.

As a Man:
I will join a gym and begin a regular exercise program to take better care of myself physically.

By being one of God’s children,I will have come to expect a greater reward. I will not measure this reward
only by financial blessings, but also by recognizing the wonderful rewards that God has given me in my
wife, children,church,job, friends, and personal health.

A Look Ahead:

I would like to be known as a man who loves his God, his family and his work. I want to be known as
someone who made others feel loved and welcome. I want to be known as someone who made a differ-
ence in his work and brought value everyday to those he worked with. Someone who was different
because he served someone higher than himself first, others second, and only then himself.

I want to be able to encourage others to trust God with their lives and would like to be able to do some
full-time service to God in some capacity once my children are grown and on their own.

I would like to live below our means in order to live without worrying about finances, but rather spend
that energy serving my family, church and others.

I would like my wife to think of me as a tiger for my family in the eyes of the world, and a mushball in
love with her and my boys.

By the End:

I will consider myself fulfilled as a man if, by the end of my life, I have a wife who feels loved, protected
and led by me. I want to have been her refuge (Ephesians 5:25).

I want to have raised godly children who look at life as a blessing from God and see their mission as serv-
ing God as well as their families. And for them to not measure their success only by finances, but also
through all the other ways God rewards us.
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A P P E N D I X

S A M P L E - M AT U R E / V E T E RA N
PERSONAL MANHOOD PLAN

In looking back — At 72 years old, I can say with absolute certainty all of my wounds have been addressed.
My father was an alcoholic in the total meaning of the word. He died a peaceful death when I was 42 and
we were completely reconciled. He loved all of our children. My family remembers the funny times with him
and we freely discuss his lifestyle and ours. My mother died when I was 43,and we all have very happy, lov-
ing memories of her. I am an only child. My wife’s parents and siblings seemed more like family to me. I
greatly admired her father and he admired me. Her mother regarded me as a son,and in our early married
life both of them added great stability to my own new little family. All my personal or career wounds have
long since been eased and I remember them no more.

In looking ahead — I am retired and we are comfortable, content with what we have. Blessed beyond
belief! We have three married sons and three daughters-in-law, each born again,each with a personal rela-
tionship with Jesus Christ. We have four grandchildren,three having accepted Christ and the little one on
course. My family all love each other, and me and their mother. They tell us so and they write us so. Me
worry? Not hardly. My wife is God’s gift to me. Like any husband, at times during these 47 years, I’ve had to
remind her I was a gift to her — but she has been my helpmate, supporter, encourager, exhorter and lover.

A look ahead — What sort of old man do I want to be? Well,I looked ahead and I am he. My family raised
and gone from home, each with their own family, being blessed spiritually and financially. God gave me and
us wonderful spiritual opportunities to serve. We are small group leaders and I am deeply committed to
mentoring five young men. What a challenge every day — What gratification from all of it. My days are
spent researching the Bible, that I may be worthy of the trust these groups put in me. That I don’t try to con-
form these saints to my life, but that they would each develop a deeper relationship with God — every day.
I want to be a role model and a servant/leader. There is no question of me being passive. I am keeping
myself physically fit. My prayer is that when God calls me home, I am standing up doing something … not
lying down waiting.

My life is living proof that God can and will use anyone surrendered to Him. I hope I am remembered as
someone who cared for others and was a true friend. I hope no one says,“Well,he had such great potential.”
Every day I think of something I might have done better, and every day I get the opportunity to do so when I
look for it. I desire and plan to finish well.