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THE MUSICAL

"Wow! I'm still recovering. Wow! Whoever wrote this i s a brilliant - albeit
highly demented - genius. It's definitely the coolest, most twistedly brilliant
thing I've ever seen/heard." -Chris, Berlin
"...mind-erasingly fantastic..."
Scromp, Kentucky
"Most amusing!"
S.T.Joshi, Seattle
"...insanely brilliant."
-Don, British Columbia
"l had nothing to do with it."
Stuart Gordon, Hollywood
Book and Lyrics by HE WHO (for legal reasons) MUST NOT BE NAMED
Restored and Digitally Remastered by SEAN BRANNEY and ANDREW LEMAN
2 0 0 5 by HPL HS I NC.
THE MUSICAL
Sketch by He Who
(for legal reasons)
Must Not Be Named
Book and Lyri cs by
HE WHO (for l egal r easons)
MUST NOT BE NAMED
Res t or ed and di gi t al l y r e ma s t e r e d by
SEAN BRANNEY and ANDREW LEMAN
Publ i s hed Oct ober, 2001 by
The H. P. Lovecr af t Hi st or i cal Soci et y
2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved. www.cthulhulives.org
The volume in your hands has had a st range and
murky history. Its writing and previ ous at t empt s
at pr oduct i on have been accompani ed by
tragedy and madness, and it is not without some
t r epi dat i on t hat t he cur r ent edi t or s have
under t aken to publ i sh it today. The r eader
shoul d be f or ewar ned and cont i nue with cau-
tion.
The Other Gods, a Los Angeles t heat r e compa-
ny. That product i on never opened, and some
peopl e associ at ed with it di ed or di sappear ed
under suspi ci ous ci rcumst ances. The investiga-
tion into t hat doomed product i on is chroni cl ed
i n t he fi l m A Shoggoth on the Roof: The
Documentary. Many unanswer ed quest i ons
remai n.
"A Shoggoth on t he Roof" is a musi cal unl i ke
any other. Like a mad l i beral art s experi ment
gone horri bl y wrong, it is a perverse hybrid of
t he Ct hul hu Mythos of 1920s gothic hor r or
wri t er H.P. Lovecraft and t he plot and music of
"Fi ddl er on t he Roof," an enduri ngl y popul ar
mai nst ay of high school t heat r e groups si nce
1964.
The scri pt seems to have been wri t t en some
t i me in t he l at e 1970s by an aut hor who, for
legal reasons, must not be named. A former
member of t he H.P. Lovecraft Hi st ori cal Society
and f r equent cont ri but or to t he Society' s
j our nal , Strange Eons sent an original auto-
graph l i bret t o of t he show to t he edi t ors of
Strange Eons in l at e 1986. The manuscri pt was
virtually uni nt el l i gi bl e, and it was fi l ed away
with ot her pecul i ar submi ssi ons recei ved by
t he Society (although Society member s did fi nd
t hemsel ves singing one or two of t he songs t hat
they could make out). In 1987, t he aut hor wrot e
to t he edi t ors again to say t hat he would no
longer be cont ri but i ng to, nor readi ng, Strange
Eons, as his doctors had f or bi dden him to have
any f ur t her contact with t he Society. He was
committed to a psychi at ri c hospital, and has not
been hear d from since.
"A Shoggoth on t he Roof" would likely have
been forgotten by t he world, except t hat in 1999
a vi deot ape surfaced at a well-known onl i ne
auct i on site which pur por t ed to be footage of a
r ehear s al of t he show. Thi s vi deot ape was
acqui r ed by t he HPLHS, and subsequent analy-
sis suggests t hat it is a video dub of an authen-
tic 8mm home movie. Aft er a year of research,
Society member s conf i r med t hat t her e had
been an at t empt to pr oduce t he show in 1979 by
The document ar y has been r ecei ved wi t h
ent husi asm by t he Lovecraft community, and
st i rred up new i nt erest in t he musi cal itself.
Aft er t he r el ease of t he film, t he HPLHS negoti-
at ed to acqui r e publ i cat i on ri ght s to "A
Shoggoth on t he Roof." The aut hor' s family, con-
cer ned for its privacy, has at last r el i nqui shed
all rights to ASOTR on t he condi t i on t hat t he
aut hor' s i dent i t y be vigorously prot ect ed.
Pr epar i ng t he manuscri pt for publ i cat i on has
t aken many mont hs of sust ai ned effort. The
original handwr i t t en text is all but illegible,
wi t h numer ous i nt er l i near emendat i ons,
scrawl ed doodles, and no r eal st r uct ur e to
speak of. Although every effort has been made
to pr eser ve t he i nt ent of t he aut hor, it has been
necessary to exerci se fai rl y broad edi t ori al dis-
cret i on in some cases. Thanks ar e due to t he
brave Los Angeles act ors and musi ci ans who
assi st ed in expl ori ng and shapi ng this mat eri al .
Pri or to t hi s publ i cat i on, cert ai n t heat r e groups
in t he Uni t ed St at es and abroad have recei ved
advance copi es of t he script. At t he t i me of t hi s
writing, t heat r e compani es ar e cont empl at i ng
t he grave and horri bl e possibility of at long last
produci ng t he worl d pr emi er e of t hi s most
el dri t ch embodi ment of t he musical t heat r e tra-
dition.
The HPLHS is pl eased to be abl e to bri ng you
t hi s work, and will cont i nue to investigate t he
show and its history, and promot e its f ut ur e
devel opment . Updat ed i nf or mat i on will be
post ed on t he Society' s websi t e at http://
www.cthulhulives.org/Shoggoth.
SB & AHL
i
AN I NTRODUCTI ON
The Char act er s:
HENRY ARMITAGE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ........45, l i br ar i an at Mi skat oni c Uni ver si t y
MARION ARMITAGE ......45, hi s wi f e
PRUDENCE ARMITAGE. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21, hi s el des t daught er
ASENATH ARMITAGE ...........20, hi s s econd daught er
JILL ARMITAGE. . ...........17, hi s youngest daught er
HERBERT WEST ...................... 35, danger ous mani ac, bel oved of Pr ude nc e
HEAD CULTIST ............................... 30, st udl y Ct hul hu wor s hi pper , bel oved of As enat h
OBED MARSH .................85, l at e- bl oomi ng Deep One, bel oved of Ji l l
RANDOLPH CARTER ...........35, ner vous i nvest i gat or
HARLEY WARREN ...........35, shovel -wi el di ng zeal ot
WILBUR WHATELY .........22, Dunwi ch c r e e p
DR. HALSEY ................40, Mi skat oni c Dean, l at er a zombi e
GRANDMA PRUDENCE ...............90, Mar i on' s gr andmot her , a ghost
LAVINIA WHATELY ............50, Wi l bur ' s mot her , a ghost
GREAT CTHULHU .............2,560,000,003, A Gr eat Old One, very l ar ge
A SHOGGOTH
A BYAKHEE
A MI-GO
Numer ous DEEP ONES
Nume r ous GHOULS
Numer ous CULTISTS
Nume r ous VILLAGERS/VICTIMS
Sever al ZOMBIES
The Pl ace: Ar kham, Massachuset t s
The Ti me: 1926
vii
Musi cal Number s :
Act One
Pr ol ogue. . TENTACLES! Ar mi t age, Chor us
Scene 1. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH Ar mi t age, Mar i on
Scene 4. . . BYAKHEE, BYAKHEE Asenat h, Ji l l
Scene 6. . . SHOGGOTH PRAYER He a d Cul t i st , Chor us
I F I WERE A DEEP ONE Old Man Mar s h
Scene 7. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH (repri se) Ar mi t age, Wi l bur What el y
TO LI FE He r be r t West, Pr udence,
Ar mi t age, Hal sey, Zombi es
Act Two
Scene 3. . . THE NIGHTMARE Gr andma Pr udence, Ghoul ,
Ar mi t age, Mari on, Lavi ni a What el y, Chor us
Scene 5. . . VICTIM OF VICTIMS Head Cul t i st , As enat h
Scene 6. . . VERY FAR FROM THE HOME I LOVE Ji l l
Scene 7. . . ARKHAM, DUNWICH (2nd r epr i se) . . He a d Cul t i st , Wi l bur What el y
DO YOU FEAR ME? Ct hul hu, Ar mi t age, Chor us
MISKATONIC Mar i on, He r be r t West
Pr udence, Ar mi t age, Chor us
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ACT ONE
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
PROLOGUE
The ext er i or of t he l i brary, Mi skat oni c Uni versi t y.
A SHOGGOTH is wr i t hi ng and pul sat i ng
gr ot esquel y on t he roof. Ent er ARMITAGE, t he
l i br ar i an.
ARMITAGE
A shoggot h on t he roof. Sounds crazy, no? Cer t i f i abl y i nsane. But he r e in our
l i t t l e vi l l age of Ar kham, Massachuset t s, you mi ght say ever y one of us has a
shoggot h on t he roof. And I' m not speaki ng met aphor i cal l y. It ' s not easy, havi ng
a mal evol ent s hapel es s mons t er l i ke t hat hangi ng over your head. But t he r e it
is. Ar kham is t he home of many st r ange t hi ngs. A bi g mons t er l i ke t hat on such
a poi nt y roof. You may ask "How does it st ay up t her e if it is so di f f i cul t ?" That
I can t el l you i n one wor d: t ent acl es!
VILLAGERS
(ent er singing)
Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles!
Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles!
ARMITAGE
He r e i n Ar kham, t ent acl es get i nt o ever yt hi ng event ual l y. Changel ess, l egend-
ha unt e d Ar kham, whe r e t he cl ust er i ng gambr el roofs sway and sag over at t i cs
whe r e wi t ches hi d f r om t he Ki ng' s men i n t he dar k, ol den days of t he pr ovi nce.
Well t he Ki ng is gone, but t he wi t ches a r e st i l l her e. And t he cul t i st s. And t he
monst er s. And r egul ar folks, j us t t ryi ng not t o not i ce. We t ry not t o t hi nk about
t he scar i est one of all. The gi gant i c hal f dr agon, hal f oct opus, hal f humanoi d
Gr eat Old One hi msel f . Ct hul hu! Wai t i ng to r e t ur n f r om hi s city be ne a t h t he
sea.
(sings)
["Tent acl es!"] Who day and night must slumber in R'lyeh,
wave his tentacles, having nasty dreams?
And who has the might, as master of R'lyeh,
to drive humanity insane?
Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Tentacles!
Cthulhu! Cthulhu! Tentacles!
CULTISTS
Who must bow and kneel and scrape and slave all day,
to raise R'lyeh Cthulhu's way?
Who must live in ignorance until the day
they find they've read too many nasty books?
The Cultists! The Cultists! Tentacles!
The Cultists! The Cultists! Tentacles!
THE DEEP ONES
At nine I started growing gills and swimming in the sea.
And soon I'll know the wonders of the sunken city.
The Deep Ones! The Deep Ones! Tentacles!
The Deep Ones! The Deep Ones! Tentacles!
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THE VICTIMS
Who's always last to know?
Who fills the air with cries?
Whose sanity is blasted and then who usually dies?
The Victims! The Victims! Tentacles!
The Victims! The Victims! Tentacles!
ALL
(Repeat the song as a round.)
ARMITAGE
We have t he shoe f act or y and t he br i ck works, and a wonder f ul i ns ane asyl um
we ar e al l mi ght y pr oud of. But t he he a r t of t he t own is Mi skat oni c Uni versi t y.
It may not be t he bi ggest school in New Engl and, but t her e is no f i ner pl ace i n
t he wor l d t o st udy medi eval met aphysi cs. It is my honor to be its he a d l i br ar i -
an. You s ee many fol ks f r om t he uni ver si t y as you wal k t hr ough Ar kham' s
st r eet s. And i n our smal l communi t y, we have al ways had some speci al t ypes as
wel l . For i nst ance, He r be r t West, t he mad scientist. . . .
HERBERT WEST and DR. HALSEY st ep out of
t he cr owd of vi l l agers.
WEST
Those s mal l - mi nded doct or s have needl es s l y and i r r at i onal l y del ayed me i n
s upr emel y gr eat work. The r eani mat i on of de a d t i ssue is wi t hi n my grasp!
HALSEY
Her ber t , your per ver s e exper i ment s ar e t he vagary of a de me nt e d mani ac, and
cannot be al l owed t o cont i nue. Your r eques t f or t he us e of huma n cadaver s is
compl et el y deni ed.
WEST
I war n you, Doct or Hal sey, you' l l r egr et t hi s deci si on!
All dance.
ARMITAGE
And Ra ndol ph Car t er , t he wr i t er wi t h t he wei r d dr eams who keeps showi ng up
everywhere. . . .
RANDOLPH CARTER s t eps out.
CARTER
I r epeat t o you, gent l emen, t hat your i nqui si t i on is f r ui t l ess. Quest i on me forev-
er if you want . I do not know what has become of Har l ey War r en, t hough I
t hi nk, al most hope, t hat he is s omewher e i n pe a c e f ul obl i vi on if t her e be any-
where. . .
HELPFUL VILLAGER
Mr. Car t er ? Ther e' s a t el ephone cal l f or you.
CARTER
Oh, t hanks.
Car t er exi t s. Al l dance.
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
ARMITAGE
And Obed Marsh, t he cur s ed ol d man f r om near by Innsmout h. . . .
OBED MARSH st eps out.
MARSH
What ar e ye l ooki ng at ? What , ye t hi nk I' m ugly? Is t hat it? I' ll be showi n' ye
ugly!
VILLAGERS
Aaaaah!
Di e d i e d i e die,
die die die die,
die die die die
die die die die die.
Die die die die,
die die die die,
die die die die
die die die die die.
All dance.
ARMITAGE
Then t he r e ar e ot her s i n Ar kham. Some live her e. Some j us t visit.
The HEAD CULTIST, a MI-GO, and ot her s cr oss
t he st age. Vi l l ager s avoi d t hem.
ARMITAGE (cont' d)
The he a d of t he l ocal cult, some ki nd of hor r i bl e monst er , I do not even want to
know what t hat is. We nor mal fol ks j us t look t he ot her way and t ry not t o l ose
our mi nds. And among our sel ves, we get al ong j us t f i ne. Well, of cour se t he r e
ar e some who t hi nk t hat t he magi cal El der Sign is s ha pe d l i ke a st ar, and some
who t hi nk it is s haped mor e l i ke a t r ee, but t hat is al l set t l ed now. Now, we j us t
t ry to....
Two MEN t ake up an ar gument whi ch expands t o
t he ent i r e group.
FI RST MAN
It ' s s haped l i ke a st ar wi t h a l i t t l e f l ame i nsi de.
SECOND MAN
No, it' s l i ke a t r ee. It' s got br a nc he s comi ng off it.
FI RST MAN
I' m t el l i ng you it' s a st ar.
SECOND MAN
Use t he st ar one and you' l l be fi ght i ng off t he Old Ones wi t h your ba r e hands .
It ' s a t r ee.
FI RST MAN
St ar!
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2001 Branney/Lcman. All rights reserved.
SECOND MAN
Tree!
SOME VI LLAGERS
St ar!
OTHER VILLAGERS
Tree!
SOME VI LLAGERS
St ar!
OTHER VILLAGERS
Tree!
SOME VILLAGERS
St ar!
OTHER VI LLAGERS
Tree!
ALL
(singing)
Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles!
Tentacles, tentacles...tentacles!
ARMITAGE
Tent acl es. Li ke I sai d, you cannot l i ve i n Ar kham wi t hout copi ng wi t h t he
Shoggot h on t he Roof!
Vi l l ager s exit. Li br ar y st eps fly out to r eveal
Ar mi t age home.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE ONE
A char mi ng 1920s bungal ow. Di scover MARION,
t he mot her , wear i l y pol i shi ng living room f ur ni -
t ur e. PRUDENCE, t he ol dest daught er , sweepi ng
t he car pet . ASENATH and JILL, t he youngest ,
kni t t i ng on t he couch.
JI LL
Mot her, when wi l l Pa pa be home?
MARION
Oh, you know your f at her , dear . No doubt he is busy cat al ogi ng some obs cur e
vol ume of f or got t en l or e and has compl et el y lost t r ack of t i me.
JILL
But it wi l l be dar k soon.
MARION
He wi l l be fi ne, sweet hear t . Do not wor r y
ASENATH
What ar e you af r ai d of? That he' l l be at t acked by ghoul s?
JILL
Oh!
MARION
Asenat h, t hat is enough! I wi l l have no such t al k i n t hi s house. I am s ur e t he r e
is a per f ect l y r at i onal expl anat i on for your f at her ' s del ay. Maybe some heavy
book shel ves f el l on hi m. Pe r ha ps t hr ough pur e r andom chance he was hi t by a
t r uck. It is possi bl e he was over whel med by t he bl eak poi nt l es s nes s of l i fe and
is even now dr i nki ng hi msel f i nt o a s t upor i n a s peakeas y on Fe de r a l Hi l l .
What ever it is, Ji l l , honey, it is per f ect l y nat ur al . The r e ar e no ghoul s i n
Ar kham.
ASENATH
Ri ght .
MARION
Asenat h, sit up st rai ght . Why can' t you be mor e l i ke Pr ude nc e her e?
Res pect abl e. Ladyl i ke.
ASENATH
Lonely....
MARION
Asenat h! What am I going t o do wi t h you? Pr udence, dear , pay he r no mi nd.
You wi l l f i nd someone.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
PRUDENCE
It ' s al l ri ght , Mama.
MARION
Such a good girl. When you ar e f i ni s hed he r e I ne e d your hel p maki ng t he
Pa r ke r House r ol l s for di nner .
Mar i on exi t s to t he ki t chen.
ASENATH
Sorry, Pr u.
PRUDENCE
It' s al l ri ght , Asenat h, I' m not as l onel y as you t hi nk.
ASENATH
What ? What ar e you t al ki ng about ?
PRUDENCE
I haven' t t ol d anyone yet, but l ast mont h I met a wonder f ul man. At t he l i brary.
He' s a geni us! And very hands ome. Bl ond hai r , penet r at i ng bl ue eyes....
ASENATH
Well I never! What ' s hi s name?
PRUDENCE
Her ber t . He r be r t West. He' s an assi st ant pr of es s or at Mi skat oni c medi cal
school !
ASENATH
Have you pl ayed doct or wi t h hi m yet ?
PRUDENCE
Asenat h, not i n f r ont of Ji l l !
ASENATH
Oh, Pr udence, don' t be so... pr edi ct abl e. Get wi t h it! She' s sevent een. And she' l l
never l ear n t he f act s of l i fe f r om our par ent s .
ARMITAGE ent er s t hr ough t he f r ont door. He set s
down an ar ml oad of books and a bi g key.
ARMITAGE
Good eveni ng, girls.
JILL
Papa!
PRUDENCE
Good eveni ng, Papa.
Mar i on ent er s f r om t he ki t chen.
MARION
Hel l o, dear . Di nner is al most ready.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
ARMITAGE
Gee t hat is swel l . I am qui t e hungry.
MARION
You gi rl s go i n and set t he t abl e, pl ease. I wi sh to s peak wi t h your f at her .
The gi rl s exi t t o t he ki t chen.
MARION (cont' d)
Henry, I am concer ned about Pr udence. She is st i l l t er r i bl y lonely. Col l ege may
have f i l l ed her he a d wi t h educat i on, but s he never met a s ui t abl e man.
ARMITAGE
That is t r ue. The boys at Mi skat oni c ar e r eal l y a bunc h of hopel es s
Poi ndext er s.
The gi rl s peek out t he ki t chen door,
eavesdr oppi ng.
MARION
She is our el dest , Henry. I do not want he r t o end up l i ke my si st er Edna.
ARMITAGE
No, cer t ai nl y not. The fami l y does not ne e d anot her st er eot ypi cal New Engl and
spi nst er .
MARION
I t hi nk we ne e d t o hel p t hi ngs al ong.
ARMITAGE
What do you suggest ?
MARION
We cer t ai nl y do not want he r consor t i ng wi t h t hose i gnor ant he- man t ypes f r om
t he shoe f act or y or some f or ei gner f r om t he br i ck works.
ARMITAGE
I s uppos e not.
MARION
She ne e ds s omeone on her own level. The What el y f ami l y has a boy t hat mi ght
be j us t ri ght .
ARMITAGE
You mean young Wi l bur ? Of t he Dunwi ch What el ys?
MARION
Yes. You know hi m?
ARMITAGE
Sure. He comes to t he l i br ar y al l t he t i me. Dr esses f unny, but very very br i ght .
Al most pr et er nat ur al l y so. Of cour se, t he r e ar e t he r umor s. One he a r s st r ange
t hi ngs about Dunwi ch folk...
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
MARION
We pay no mi nd t o r umor s, Henry. Peopl e ar e j e a l ous and mor bi d and t hat is
al l t her e is t o it. He is an or pha n boy, on hi s own. He ne e ds a wi f e as much as
our Pr ude nc e ne e ds a hus band. I woul d l i ke t he f our of us to have a "get
acquai nt ed" l uncheon.
ARMITAGE
Well t hat sounds l i ke a f i ne i dea. We can have cof f ee and sandwi ches, and a bi t
of cake.
Musi c st art s.
MARION
Spl endi d. Our sweet Pr udence, a br i de at last.
ARMITAGE
["Arkham, (sings)
Dunwi ch ] She is our daughter and we love her.
MARION
We want her happiness and joy.
But here in Arkham it is hard to find a boy.
ARMITAGE
Even in Dunwich it's a problem.
Suitable lads are seldom seen.
BOTH
We've looked since Prudence here turned sweet sixteen.
Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich,
filled with haunting fears;
Neighbors who hide up in the attics,
inbreeding happily for years.
Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich,
ancient haunted grounds;
Finding a normal man's a challenge
in these benighted little towns.
MARION
Wilbur is from a well-known family;
powerful, prominent and rich.
ARMITAGE
And like the residents of Innsmouth, smells like fish.
MARION
His taste in clothing is peculiar.
It's true he doesn't have good looks.
But he's a scholar, always reading books.
BOTH
Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich,
ancient haunted grounds;
Neighborhoods hiding many secrets,
strange and oppressive little towns.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
Arkham, Dunwich, Arkham, Dunwich,
pickings here are slim;
Prudence might not like Wilbur Whately,
but we think she should marry him.
ARMITAGE
(speaking)
I wi l l go dr es s for di nner .
MARION
I wi l l assi st you.
They exi t t o t he bedr oom. The gi rl s e nt e r f r om
t he ki t chen.
ASENATH
Oh, Pr udence! Wi l bur What el y? He' s di sgust i ng! Give me a he- man f r om t he
shoe f act or y any day! What ar e you going t o do?
PRUDENCE
I' m going t o go see Her ber t . He' l l know what to do.
Pr ude nc e bundl e s up and r uns out i nt o t he ni ght .
JILL
Wat ch out f or ghoul s! Oh, Asenat h. What next ?
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
SCENE TWO
An Ar kham gr aveyar d at ni ght . Ent er RAN-
DOLPH CARTER and HARLEY WARREN, carry-
ing shovel s, f l ashl i ght s, and heavy t el ephone
equi pment .
CARTER
They say ghoul s haunt t hes e Ar kham gr aveyar ds by ni ght , War r en.
WARREN
If we f i nd what I' m expect i ng to fi nd, Car t er , ghoul s wi l l be t he l east of our
t r oubl es.
CARTER
Somehow t hat ' s not t he r e a s s ur a nc e I was hopi ng for.
WARREN
We' re al most t her e. Get ahol d of your sel f , man.
CARTER
I don' t know, War r en. I' ve never act ual l y def i l ed an anci ent gr aveyar d.
WARREN
Well t ake it f r om me, it' s not as di f f i cul t as you t hi nk.
CARTER
That ' s good t o know.
WARREN
It' s t al ki ng t o t he cor ps es t hat can make your hai r s t and on end.
A st r ange meepi ng noi se offst age.
CARTER
What was t hat ?
WARREN
Pr obabl y not hi ng. I t hi nk we' r e cl ose.
(consul t s a scar y book)
Yes, it shoul d be j us t about . . . her e!
Li ght s up on an anci ent t omb wi t h an el der si gn
on it. Musi cal chor d.
CARTER
War r en, t he el der sign! Well, one var i ant of it.
WARREN
The man bur i e d i ns i de t hat t omb was a power f ul and danger ous s or cer er i n hi s
day. They we r e wi se t o t ake pr ecaut i ons .
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
CARTER
But War r en, it woul d be madnes s t o br e a k t hat seal ! God onl y knows what
f or ces woul d be unl eas hed!
WARREN
Car t er , it' s t he onl y way to pr ove my t heor y.
CARTER
No War r en! That ar cane symbol may be al l t hat ' s hol di ng back unt ol d hor r or s!
WARREN
Car t er , we must know t he t r ut h!
CARTER
Why? Some t hi ngs ar e bet t er l ef t unknown!
WARREN
Ther e' s onl y one way to conquer f ear , Car t er , and t hat ' s to s t ar e it in t he f ace.
War r en t akes a t ool and begi ns to chi p away at
t he seal on t he t omb. Af t er a moment , Car t er
j oi ns hi m. A ghoul s pi es on t hem unnot i ced f r om
be hi nd a t ombst one. More meepi ng s ounds off-
st age.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
SCENE T HRE E
That ni ght , Pr ude nc e and HERBERT WEST cl asp
hands out si de t he Mi skat oni c Uni ver si t y l i brary.
PRUDENCE
Oh, Her ber t ! What shoul d we do? My par ent s want me to mar r y Wi l bur
What el y!
WEST
What el y? That tall, ugly guy? That wi l l never happen, Pr udence. I ne e d you t oo
much.
PRUDENCE
Oh, Her ber t ! You ne e d me?
WEST
More t han you can possi bl y i magi ne.
PRUDENCE
Oh, Her ber t !
WEST
I wi l l s peak t o your f at her . I wi l l convi nce hi m t hat , wi t h you by my si de, I can
r each undr e a me d of hei ght s, and make t he medi cal es t abl i s hment bow down t o
my gr eat ness!
PRUDENCE
Oh, Her ber t , Her ber t , Her ber t !
They embr ace.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE FOUR
Lat er t hat ni ght . Ji l l and As enat h' s bedr oom.
They have t he cover s pul l ed up to t hei r chi ns.
Mar i on is at t he door.
MARION
Good night, gi rl s. Do not l et t he bedbugs bi t e.
JI LL
Good night, mama.
Ther e is an odd scr at chi ng noi se f r om above.
Thr ough t he wi ndow we can s ee a t ent acl e f r om
t he Shoggot h on t he roof t appi ng at t he glass.
JILL (cont' d)
What ' s t hat noi se?
MARION
It is not hi ng, dear . Pay no at t ent i on.
ASENATH
That shoggot h' s on t he roof agai n.
MARION
It is j us t t he wi nd movi ng t hr ough some t r ee br anches .
ASENATH
(poi nt i ng at t he wi ndow)
Look! Ther e it is!
Mar i on goes t o t he wi ndow and cl oses t he cur-
t ai ns.
MARION
Ther e, it is gone.
St i l l t he scr at chi ng noi se. The t appi ng.
JI LL
I can st i l l he a r it.
MARION
Well, l et it l ul l you to sl eep. Good ni ght .
JI LL
Sweet dr eams, mama.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
MARION
Girls, for me s l eep hol ds t he shocki ng f i nal per i l whi ch gi bber s unment i onabl y
out si de t he or der ed uni ver se, whe r e no dr e a ms r each.
Mar i on exi t s. The gi rl s cl i mb out of bed, r eveal -
ing t hat t hey' r e st i l l ful l y dr essed.
ASENATH
All ri ght , Ji l l , ar e you r eady?
JI LL
I don' t know Asenat h, now it doesn' t s eem l i ke such a good i dea.
ASENATH
C' mon, we can s neak in and out in no t i me. Dad wi l l never know t he di f f er ence!
JILL
But Asenat h, some of t he books in t he l i br ar y ar e danger ous. Pa pa has wa r ne d
us so many t i mes!
ASENATH
Ji l l , t hey' r e j us t books. How danger ous coul d t hey be?
JILL
Oy.
ASENATH
Li st en, Pr ude nc e has he r mad sci ent i st . She met hi m i n t he l i br a r y I want an
i ncubus of my own to t ake me in hi s hot, power f ul ar ms.
JI LL
Well...
ASENATH
Come on. It wi l l be f un.
JILL
Okay.
ASENATH
He r e is t he vaul t of t he r ar es t and most esot er i c books i n t he l i brary.
JI LL
Oh Asenat h, be car ef ul .
As enat h opens t he cage door wi t h t he key. Li ght s
up di m on bookshel ves f ul l of cr eepy vol umes.
The gi rl s s neak t o t he f r ont door and t ake t he
l i br ar y key t hei r f at her l ef t when he ent er ed.
They s neak out of t he hous e and pant omi me
wal ki ng as t he set changes t o r eveal t he
Mi skat oni c Li br ar y Ra r e Book Room. Behi nd t he
count er , t he r e is a cage t he si ze of a j a i l cel l
f i l l ed wi t h books. Ver y moody l i ght i ng.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
ASENATH
Look, Ji l l , he r e t hey al l ar e. The El t down Shar ds. Cul t es des Goul es. Li ber
Ivonis. Unaus s pr echl i chen Kul t en. All seven cr ypt i cal books of H' san!
JI LL
Wow, look at t hat one!
Spot l i ght up br i ght er on THE NECRONOMICON.
Musi cal chor d.
ASENATH
The Necr onomi con!
JILL
Oh, Asenat h!
As enat h r eaches out to t ouch it. Ji l l st ops her.
JILL (cont' d)
No! Not t hat one, Asenat h. Any one but t hat one. The Necr onomi con is not a
toy.
ASENATH
Oh, al l right.
(she t akes a di f f er ent book)
The Li ber Ivonis. Al so know as t he Book of Ei bon. Ver y ol d and power f ul . Now
I' m t hankf ul t hat dad ma de us t ake Lat i n as our el ect i ve.
JI LL
Amor vi nci t omni a et nos cedamus amori !
As enat h checks t he i ndex at t he back of t he book.
ASENATH
Let ' s see. Summoni ng, summoni ng. . . Ah, he r e it is. Hmmm. No i ncubuses.
JI LL
Oh, dar n.
ASENATH
Di mensi onal shambl er . . .
JILL
Too rugose.
ASENATH
Hunt i ng horror. . .
JILL
Mmmm, no ar ms.
ASENATH
Ni ght gaunt . . .
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
JI LL
They' r e good for a l augh but in t he end t hey al ways dump you in t he mi ddl e of
nowher e. I' ve hear d.
ASENATH
Shoggoth...
JI LL
Ewww!
ASENATH
Byakhee. . .
JI LL
Byakhee? What ' s he l i ke?
ASENATH
(reads)
"An i nt er s t el l ar r ace, t ame, t r ai ned, bl ah bl ah bl ah, capabl e of fl yi ng t hr ough
t he vacuum of s pace and car r yi ng a r i der . " Cool! Li ght some candl es and we' l l
check hi m out.
Ji l l and As enat h l i ght candl es and qui ckl y pre-
pa r e a magi c ci rcl e.
ASENATH (cont' d)
Yesh shi r uma yal key.
Ut uk xul t a ar dat a.
Kakht akt amen i as sel ah.
Kakht akt amen i as sel ah.
Musi c st art s.
ASENATH (cont' d)
Bar a na zu abs u Byakhee.
Byakhee byakhee t u a ma xul .
(she begi ns to sing)
[ Byakhee Byakhee byakhee fly me through space
Byakhee" ] Take me away, far from this place.
Byakhee byakhee what can I do
To go for a ride with you?
JILL
Byakhee byakhee now heed my call.
I've done the spells. I've done them all.
Out of tartarean darkness appear
And fly me away from here.
ASENATH
The boys we meet are so dreary.
JILL
So boring, and we both want a thrill.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
BOTH
We're really terribly weary
At least that's the theory, we're virgins still.
As for real dating we're both quite repressed.
Boys here in town
don't pass the test.
We want to go on a dangerous spree.
Yes, we want to try byakhee.
Musi c cont i nues under .
ASENATH
(speaks)
Ji l l , I had no i dea you wer e so i nt er es t ed in boys.
JILL
Well sur e. I' m about t o gr aduat e hi gh school . It' s 1926. I' m a moder n gi rl . But I
don' t want j us t any boy. I' m l ooki ng for s omeone speci al .
ASENATH
Sur e. Ar en' t we al l ?
JILL
(sings)
Sister, dear sister,
The boy that I want to find
Is wild, intense,
He'll make me lose my mind!
But still a nice man, a good man. Yes? Sure!
I want a man who's thrilling,
Who's deeper than the sea,
Loyal and fulfilling,
Who's thrilled with me!
ASENATH
Sister, dear sister,
Your goals are a bit too high.
Men, my dear, are monsters.
But please don't ask me why.
There is no nice man, no good man. It's true.
So if I must have monsters,
I'm damned if I'll despair.
I'll summon up a real one,
And go from there.
JILL
Wait, I hear a flapping sound.
ASENATH
Jill, there's something going on.
Well now who would have guessed it:
my little black book is The Book of Eibon!
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
A hi deous BYAKHEE des cends to t he st age f r om
above.
ASENATH (cont' d)
Byakhee byakhee I hear your wings.
JILL
I smell... a smell.
ASENATH
What are those things?
BOTH
Byakhee byakhee
What have we done?
This suddenly isn't fun.
ASENATH
I don't know how to describe you.
JILL
To see you is a mind-blowing thing.
BOTH
Not moles, crows, nor ants are quite like you,
Nor partially decomposed human beings.
Aaaaaah!!
Byakhee byakhee now that you're here
I've changed my mind, I'm filled with fear.
People who go with you don't reappear.
So leave me alone.
I'll stay at home.
I will forget we ever met.
I must not and won't recall!
They bl ow out t he candl es.
BLACKOUT.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE FI VE
The gr aveyar d. A ghoul st i l l spi es on Car t er and
War r en, who have f i ni s hed chi ppi ng at t he t omb
and ar e about t o lift it.
WARREN
All right, Car t er . Now heave wi t h al l your mi ght .
CARTER
War r en, ar e you sure....
WARREN
Yes, dammi t , yes!
CARTER
OK.
Wi t h gr eat ef f or t , t hey r emove t he l i d of t he t omb.
Musi cal chor d. Vapor s waf t up f r om bel ow. Car t er
st eps back.
CARTER (CONT'D)
My god, t he st ench!
WARREN
Braci ng, i sn' t it?
War r en r e a di e s t he t el ephone equi pment . Car t er
a ppr oa c he s t he open t omb agai n.
CARTER
My god, a r e t hose st eps l eadi ng down?
WARREN
Yes. Bui l t over t wo hundr e d year s ago.
CARTER
What ' s down t her e?
WARREN
I can' t t el l you.
CARTER
Why not ?
WARREN
You coul dn' t ha ndl e it.
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
CARTER
I t hi nk I coul d. Probabl y.
WARREN
No, not t hi s. It ' s too t er r i bl e. You' ve be e n br ave, but you' r e st i l l not r eady. You
must st ay on t he s ur f ace whi l e I f ace el dr i t ch namel es s hor r or s t hat def y
descr i pt i on.
CARTER
But I can' t st ay up he r e al l al one!
WARREN
I' ll keep you i nf or med of ever y move. That ' s what al l t hi s t el ephone gear is for.
You won' t be al one, Car t er . Af t er all, t he r e ar e pr obabl y ghoul s al l over t he
pl ace.
CARTER
That ' s not f unny, War r en.
WARREN
All ri ght , f or get it. Let ' s pack up and go. I' m sor r y I even br ought you t hi s far.
CARTER
No, no. I' ll be al l ri ght . I' ll st ay up her e. I' ll wat ch your back.
WARREN
Yes, t hat ' s it. I ne e d you on t he sur f ace. Wat chi ng my back.
CARTER
Thr ough t he phone.
War r en t akes hi s t el ephone and a f l ashl i ght . He
r e a di e s hi msel f to des cend.
WARREN
All ri ght , I' m going down.
CARTER
Okay.
WARREN
I' ll t el l you what I see.
CARTER
Right.
WARREN
You' ll be her e, ri ght ?
CARTER
Yeah.
WARREN
Okay, I' m going down.
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
CARTER
Okay. Good luck.
WARREN
Okay, he r e I go.
CARTER
Uh huh.
WARREN
Int o t he uns pe a ka bl e abyss.
CARTER
To pr ove your t heory.
WARREN
Yes.
CARTER
That you' ve be e n wor ki ng on for year s.
WARREN
Exactly.
CARTER
The ans wer s ar e down t her e.
WARREN
In t he dar k. And t he st ench.
CARTER
It ' s f i endi s h work. But you' r e t he guy.
WARREN
Ri ght . I' m t he guy. Okay, her e I go.
War r en doesn' t move. Car t er st eps f or war d and
pus hes hi m down t he st ai r s.
CARTER
Don' t f or get to cal l me.
WARREN
Aaaah!
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE SI X
The chur ch of t he Esot er i c Or der of Dagon. The
HEAD CULTIST r eads to hi msel f f r om a scar y
l ooki ng book. Member s of t he congr egat i on e nt e r
and sit on benches . About hal f of t hem wear
r obes wi t h cowl s t hat cover t hei r f aces. OBED
MARSH l i ght s candl es. Ent er Ji l l and Asenat h,
who sit.
JI LL
Asenat h, we r eal l y s houl dn' t be doi ng t hi s.
ASENATH
Don' t be a f uddy- duddy. It' ll be f un. Besi des have you s een t he he a d cul t i st ?
He' s dr eamy. And what a body!
JI LL
But Asenat h, Pa pa gr ounded us for usi ng t he Book of Ei bon t o s ummon t hat
Byakhee. If he f i nds out we at t ended a cul t cer emony, I don' t know what he' l l
do. You know how he f eel s about cul t i st s.
ASENATH
Well, he won' t f i nd out, wi l l he? Besi des, i t ' s not l i ke we' r e he r e to wor shi p t he
power s of dar kness. We' r e j us t hopi ng t o meet guys.
JI LL
But even if you meet someone, what can you do wi t h hi m?
ASENATH
Wat ch and l ear n, l i t t l e si st er.
JI LL
(blushing)
Oh, Asenat h! You a r e wi cked. I mean, sur e, pr e ma r i t a l you know s ounds
pr omi si ng, but I want somet hi ng mor e. Someone mat ur e. A f ami l y man, some-
one wi t h r eal l y ol d f as hi oned val ues. Someone wi t h a dr eam. Someone who...
ASENATH
Shhh, i t ' s st ar t i ng.
The Head Cul t i st st ands.
HEAD CULTIST
It is t i me, l et us begi n.
(reading)
That is not de a d whi ch can et er nal lie...
ALL
And i n s t r ange aeons even deat h may di e.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
The Head Cul t i st doffs hi s robe, r eveal i ng hi s
muscl ed body wear i ng onl y a spar kl y r hi nes t one
codpi ece. Ot her cul t i st s t hr ow back t hei r hoods,
r eveal i ng t hei r hor r i d fi sh-l i ke vi sages. As t he
He a d Cul t i st sings, he chai ns a f emal e Vi ct i m t o
hi s al t ar , and di s embowel s he r wi t h a huge dag-
ger.
HEAD CULTIST
["Shoggot h Pr ayer "] (
s i n g s t o t h e D e e p 0 n e s
)
May Cthulhu come to collect you,
May He bring you madness and pain.
Rising from the sea,
To drive humanity insane.
May you be like Dagon and Hydra
May you finally live 'neath the waves.
Kill humanity
And speed them to their charnel graves.
ALL
Come Cthulhu,
And shorten their lives.
DEEP ONE TENOR
May Cthulhu fill our shoggoth prayer for you.
ALL
la Cthulhu,
Wgah-nagl fhtagn.
DEEP ONE TENOR
May He send his horrible nightmares to you.
HEAD CULTIST
May Cthulhu waken from slumber,
Bringing mankind horror and woe.
Hear us Cthulhu!
Accept our sacrifice.
O hear our shoggoth prayer.
ALL
Great One!
Die die die die die die die die die die die die...etc.
The Deep Ones per f or m a hor r i d bl as phemy of a
dance. Af t er t he dance concl udes, Cul t i st s and
Deep Ones al i ke begi n to s huf f l e out of t he
chur ch.
HEAD CULTIST
Thank you everyone, we' l l s ee you on Tuesday. Re me mbe r to br i ng your i t ems
for t he bake sale...
ASENATH
Oh Ji l l , j us t look at hi m. What a hunk, what a voice. C' mon, l et ' s fol l ow hi m
down to t he beach.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
JI LL
I' ll cat ch up wi t h you.
Mar sh cl eans up t he mess ma de by t he huma n
sacr i f i ce. Ji l l wat ches f r om be hi nd a col umn.
MARSH
Thems is a goi n' to swi m out to sea. Them Deep Ones. Them' s ' neat h t he waves,
not st uck shuf f l i ng ar ound I nns mout h' s r ot t en whar ves. Gr eat Ct hul hu, you
dr i ve many, many cul t i st s crazy. I r eal i ze ai n' t no s hame t o be a cr azed bl ood-
t hi r st y devi l wor s hi pper , but it' s no gr eat honor , ei t her . So what woul d have
been so t er r i bl e i f n I was one of t hem f i sh t hi ngs?
He begi ns to sing.
["If I Wer e a If I were a Deep One,
Deep One"] Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
All day long I'd swim beneath the sea.
If I were a De-ep One.
Terrify the tourists.
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
If I were an icky icky fish,
Scaly, slipp'ry frog-eyed kind of man.
I'd make my lair a deep dark cave with some fungus,
Right in the heart of Devil's Reef.
A foul abode of pestilent coral walls.
The ramulose and arabesque floriation
Spiralling so far beyond belief
With ichor seeping from my chamber halls.
I'd fill the reef with wrecks and corpses and ships,
And men for my friends to see and hear.
Begging mercy as water fills their lungs.
And each loud "ahhh" and "eek" and "help" and "God no"
Would scare off the townfolk far and near,
As if to say "There live the Deep Ones."
If I were a Deep One,
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
All day long I'd swim beneath the sea.
If I were a Deep One.
Drag away some tourists.
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
If I were an icky icky fish,
Scaly, slipp'ry frog-eyed kind of man.
26
2001 Branney/Leman. All ri ght s reserved.
I see my kin, the Marshes, hopping like some fish-frog things
With their bulging milky eyes,
Worshipping Dagon with the unholy rites.
I see them putting on crowns and shuffling like a shoggoth
Ahhh, what a hellish sight they are.
Croaking at the sea both day and night.
The most psychotic men in town would come a lookin' fer me!
They would ask me to adjure them,
Like the Mad Arab himself.
"If'n you please, Old Man Marsh..."
"Oh tell me Old Man Marsh..."
Asking questions that would drive the mad insane!
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
And it won't make one bit of diff'rence
if'n I answer right or wrong.
When you 're deep, they think you really know!
If I were fish, I'd have the gills that I lack
To swim down below to deep R'lyeh.
And maybe have a seat on Cthulhu's tomb.
And I'd discuss the R'lyeh Text with some Deep One friends
Countless hours every day
Fixin' fer the humans' final doom.
If I were a Deep One,
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
All day long I'd swim beneath the sea
If I were a Deep One.
Get to eat the tourists,
Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,
blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub, blub.
Cthulhu you make the people run,
You saw fit that flippers have I none.
Don't you reckon that I'd get more done,
If I were a Deep One?
Old Man Mar sh spot s Ji l l .
MARSH (cont' d)
What ar e ye l ooki n' at, gi rl y? Eh?
JILL
That was. . . wonderful .
MARSH
' Twer e?
JILL
Oh yes. Somet i mes I dr e a m about i nt er mi ngl i ng wi t h t he Deep Ones.
MARSH
Ye do?
27
200 L Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
JILL
Well, somet i mes. I' m Ji l l , Ji l l Ar mi t age.
MARSH
Obed Marsh. But you can cal l me Old Man Mar sh. Ye s hur a r e purt y. Ni ce
br oad hi ps f er br eedi n' .
JILL
Um, t hanks.
MARSH
Don' t hol d much wi t h cour t i n' mysel f. What say ye f ol l er me down to my shack
by t he whar f ?
JI LL
Oh t hat woul d be lovely, but I' m not s ur e we' r e wel l acquai nt ed enough for me
t o visit wi t hout a chaper one. I r eal l y shoul d go now. My si st er ' s wai t i ng for me.
MARSH
But....
JILL
See you ar ound, Mr. Mar sh.
She l eaves.
28
I
2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
SCENE SEVEN
Mi skat oni c l i brary, a f ew days l at er. Ar mi t age
s t ands at t he r a r e book ci r cul at i on desk.
WILBUR WHATELY ent er s, wi t h books. He is
ext r emel y ugly and very very t al l .
WHATELY
I have come to r et ur n t hes e books, Pr of essor Ar mi t age.
ARMITAGE
Ah, Wi l bur . I am gl ad t hat you ar e her e. I have somet hi ng I wi sh to di scuss wi t h
you.
WHATELY
If you ar e concer ned about t he over due copy of t he Pnakot i c Manuscr i pt , I
as s ur e you I wi l l r et ur n it next week.
ARMITAGE
You have be e n sayi ng t hat ever si nce t he sol st i ce, Wi l bur . But t hat is not it. You
know I have a daught er , Pr ude nc e ?
WHATELY
Yes, I have s een he r he r e bef or e.
ARMITAGE
She is an educat ed girl, Wi l bur, wi t h many f i ne qual i t i es. Pe r ha ps you woul d
l i ke t o ask he r f or a dat e?
WHATELY
A dat e?
ARMITAGE
You know, show he r a good t i me.
WHATELY
Ah, yes. I coul d show he r many i nt er est i ng t i mes i ndeed. . . .
ARMITAGE
Excel l ent . You shoul d cal l on us t hi s weekend f or l unch, and we wi l l ar r ange
an i nt r oduct i on.
WHATELY
That is accept abl e.
Musi c begi ns.
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ARMITAGE
Wonder f ul .
["Arkham, (he begi ns to sing)
Dunwi ch" She is our daughter and we love her.
r epr i se]
WHATELY
I do not sing.
Musi c comes t o a gr i ndi ng hal t .
ARMITAGE
Ah, no, of cour se not. Well, t hat is f i ne. My wi f e and I wi l l expect you.
WHATELY
Good day.
Wi l bur exi t s. Ar mi t age checks in t he l i br ar y
books. Ent er Pr ude nc e and He r be r t West, hol di ng
hands.
ARMITAGE
Pr udence. You j us t mi ssed Mr. What el y. What a s hame. I had hoped to i nt ro-
duce you.
PRUDENCE
Papa, t hi s is He r be r t West. We have somet hi ng to t el l you.
ARMITAGE
He r be r t West ? Yes, I have he a r d of you. Doct or Hal sey says you ar e a danger -
ous mani ac.
WEST
I t hi nk you' l l f i nd Doct or Hal sey is si ngi ng a di f f er ent t une t hes e days.
ARMITAGE
But what is it you want ed to t el l me?
PRUDENCE
He r be r t i sn' t a danger ous mani ac, Papa. He' s a geni us. And we ar e i n love!
ARMITAGE
What ?
WEST
Pr of es s or Ar mi t age, I woul d l i ke your consent to mar r y your daught er .
ARMITAGE
Thi s comes as qui t e a shock.

WEST
Pr ude nc e is my i deal subj. . . compani on f or t he gr eat work I have yet to do.
ARMITAGE
Your gr eat wor k? What is t hat ?
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WEST
Let me show you.
They pant omi me wal ki ng as t he l i br ar y set
changes t o Her ber t ' s s ecr et l abor at or y. The r e a r e
sever al gur neys wi t h CORPSES on t hem and l ot s
of el abor at e machi ner y.
ARMITAGE
Wher e ar e we?
WEST
Thi s is my cl andes t i ne l aborat ory, whi ch I bui l t wi t h my own ha nds af t er
Doct or Hal sey f or ba de me to us e t he uni ver si t y' s meager f aci l i t i es.
PRUDENCE
Isn' t it wonder f ul , Pa pa ?
Musi c st art s.
ARMITAGE
Good heavens, a r e t hes e huma n cadaver s ?
WEST
I ndeed t hey ar e.
ARMITAGE
What on ear t h do you pl an t o do wi t h t hem?
WEST
(sings)
["To Life"] To life, to life, I'll bring them!
I'll bring all these dead men to life!
PRUDENCE
He's learned a way for surviving them.
WEST
Really reviving them.
PRUDENCE
He can do it!
To life, to life, he brings them.
WEST
I really do bring them to life.
I have a genius with chemicals.
PRUDENCE
Also polemicals.
WEST
Yes, it's true there's been strife.
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ARMITAGE
This is really the most shocking
thing I've ever heard, and I have heard a few.
PRUDENCE
Oh it's really not so shocking.
If you were a dead man you might like it too.
WEST
To life, to life, I'll bring them!
With one small injection,
like this.
PRUDENCE
Think of it, Papa, we'll never die.
Live for forever!
ARMITAGE
My!
WEST
'Cause I bring them to life!
Musi c cont i nues unde r ne a t h.
ARMITAGE
(speaks)
Well, I must say, t hi s is amazi ng.
West hol ds up a syr i nge of gl owi ng gr een f l ui d.
WEST
I began exper i ment i ng on smal l ani mal s of var i ous ki nds, and per f ect ed a solu-
t i on whi ch r e a ni ma t e s de a d t i ssue.
PRUDENCE
See, Papa?
She r eveal s sever al mons t r ous hi deousl y
def or med cr eat ur es wr i t hi ng on a t abl e.
ARMITAGE
Yes.
WEST
When I was s ur e my sol ut i on wor ked, I began t o t est it on huma n subj ect s.
PRUDENCE
Her e, Papa.
Pr ude nc e r eveal s a di s embodi ed huma n hand
whi ch wal ks ar ound on its f i nger t i ps. Al so di sat -
t ached eyebal l s whi ch look ar ound and bl i nk.
ARMITAGE
That is f asci nat i ng.
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WEST
And in t he end, I was even abl e to convi nce Doct or Hal sey t hat my met hods
wer e sound.
Wi t h a pr oud smi l e, Pr ude nc e r eveal s Doct or
Hal sey, now a t er r i f yi ng zombi e wi t h a gapi ng
bul l et wound i n hi s f or ehead. As t he musi c swel l s
agai n, he si ngs horribly. . . .
HALSEY
(sings)
To life, to life, he brings them!
WEST
I brought Doctor Halsey to life.
Of course I first had to kill the man
With some ingenious plan.
PRUDENCE
He just shot him!
WEST
Okay, it's true, I shot him.
I shot him, but brought him to life!
He has no reason to want to live,
I do: she's yours to give.
Prudence here as my wife!
PRUDENCE
Oh Papa dear I want to marry Herbert,
Since he has a power
Once reserved for God.
ARMITAGE
I never could say no to you my darling,
Even though young West should
face a firing squad!
ALL THREE
To life, to life, we'll bring it!
PRUDENCE
A marriage
WEST
For better
ARMITAGE
Or worse.
ALL THREE
And if that life has no quality,
Still there's the quantity.
We will bring it to life!
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HALSEY
Die die die die die die die die die die die die die....
Pr udence, Ar mi t age and Zombi e Hal sey cont i nue
si ngi ng and danci ng ar ound, whi l e West i nj ect s
al l t he cor ps es on t he gur neys wi t h t he gl owi ng
f l ui d. One by one t hey come to l i fe and become
zombi es, st agger i ng ar ound t he st age wi t h wei r d
f ant ast i c danci ng and si ngi ng. The ot her s st op t o
wat ch.
HALSEY (cont' d)
Wa ga naghl f'thagn
Death is sweet to some f'thagn
Dance and know that even death can wither and die.
Wa ga naghl f'thagn
Death will surely come f'thagn
Dance and know that even death can wither and die.
HALSEY & ZOMBIES
Even life eternal is not time enough to see
All the folly and despair of poor humanity.
Wa ga naghl f'thagn
Death is sweet to some f'thagn
Dance and know that even death can wither and die.
Hey!
The Zombi es do a dans e macabr e, and t he l i vi ng
peopl e j oi n in. Al l dance to a wi l d concl usi on.
ALL
To life!
BLACK OUT
END ACT ONE.
34
ACT TWO
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
SCENE ONE
The ol d gr aveyar d. The open t omb. Cri cket s.
Offst age, Car t er scr eami ng. It get s l ouder.
Suddenl y he r us hes acr oss t he st age, chas ed by a
ghoul .
CARTER
Aaaaaahh! Leave me al one!!
They exi t t he ot her si de.
Si l ence. The cr i cket s r es ume.
The offst age scr eami ng. Then, way upst age, t he
ghoul chases Car t er acr oss agai n.
CARTER (cont' d)
Knock it off! I' m not ki ddi ng!
They' r e gone. Si l ence. Agai n t he cri cket s.
Thi r d t i me. Downst age. The scr eami ng. Car t er
ent er s r unni ng. He t r i ps and f al l s down. The
ghoul is ri ght behi nd. He l unges, f l i es over
Car t er , hi t s t he gr ound, r ol l s and comes up on hi s
feet .
CARTER (cont' d)
All ri ght , t hat ' s enough. Let ' s go.
Car t er pi cks up a shovel . As t he fi ght st ar t s, t he
t el ephone ri ngs. Car t er ans wer s and car r i es on
t he conver sat i on whi l e f i ght i ng t he ghoul .
CARTER (cont' d)
Hel l o? War r en, is t hat you?
Li ght s up on War r en, i n a crypt . He has hi s end of
t he phone. Li ght s f ade on Car t er and t he ghoul .
WARREN
My god, if you coul d s ee what I am seei ng.
CARTER
War r en, what is it?
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
WARREN
Car t er , it' s t er r i bl e! It' s... a t ot al bust . Ther e' s not hi ng he r e but some ol d bot t l es
and ci gar et t e but t s.
CARTER
Oh, I' m sor r y to he a r it. Ouch. I guess t hat ' s not what you wer e expect i ng.
WARREN
Wait! I s ee an i nscr i pt i on cut i nt o t he living rock of t he t omb i t sel f.
(Reads.)
"Asenat h was here". . . Damn!
CARTER
Uh huh. Oooof! That ' s OWWW! Sorry.
WARREN
Car t er , what ' s going on up t her e?
CARTER
Ummm, wel l , AAAAH. Quit it!
WARREN
Car t er ? Car t er ?
CARTER
Cur se t hi s hel l i s h t hi ng! My god!
War r en st ar t s t o r un back t owar d t he sur f ace.
WARREN
Br ace up, Car t er ! I' m on my way!
CARTER
Yeah, about da mn t i me!
Li ght s cr os s f ade as Wa r r e n emer ges f r om t he
t omb t o s ee Car t er at t he mer cy of t he ghoul .
WARREN
Car t er !
Car t er swi ngs hi s shovel acci dent al l y cl ocki ng
War r en in t he head. Wa r r e n t umbl es back i nt o
t he t omb. Car t er pr es s es on unt i l t he ghoul is
def eat ed and s camper s off. Wa r r e n agai n emer ges
f r om t he t omb bl eedi ng f r om t he head.
WARREN (cont' d)
Ow.
CARTER
(mocking)
"Pr obabl y ghoul s al l over t he pl ace. " Yeah, no ki ddi ng!
WARREN
Well, um... Ar e you al l r i ght ?
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CARTER
No t hanks to you. Leave me al one i n ghoul cent r al whi l e you go down t o look at
some t eenage hangout .
WARREN
Sor r y about t hat .
CARTER
Coul d have be e n ki l l ed.
WARREN
Sorry.
CARTER
Jer k.
WARREN
I t hought t her e woul d be f or bi dden s ecr et s down t her e. It ' s t hi s accur s ed book.
It ' s act ual l y very har d t o r ead.
CARTER
Yeah yeah yeah.
WARREN
Well it is.
CARTER
What ever . Come on, l et ' s go.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE TWO
Ar kham st r eet . Ar mi t age wal ks home al one.
ARMITAGE
Well, He r be r t West is cer t ai nl y an odd fel l ow, but it is cl ear my daught er l oves
hi m. And he does have a cer t ai n compel l i ng power . A l i t t l e mi sgui ded maybe,
but at l east he is not a cul t i st . The mai n t hi ng is for Pr ude nc e to be happy. But
what wi l l I say to Mar i on? She has he r hear t set on Wi l bur What el y! Somehow I
doubt s he wi l l be as i mpr es s ed by t he zombi es as I was. I must convi nce he r
Dr. West is t he ri ght man.
Ent er two ghoul s.
ARMITAGE (cont' d)
Aaaah! Begone, foul appar i t i ons !
The ghoul s at t ack Ar mi t age. Ent er Car t er and
War r en, st i l l wi t h t he shovel s, f l ashl i ght s, et c.
WARREN
Cart er, ghoul s a r e at t acki ng t hat di gni f i ed ol d gent l eman!
CARTER
Geez, not more!
War r en and Car t er fi ght off t he ghoul s wi t h t hei r
shovel s. They r un off whi mper i ng i nt o t he ni ght .
ARMITAGE
Thank you very much, Mr. Car t er . St r eet s ar e har dl y s af e at ni ght anymor e.
Car t er acci dent al l y cr eams Wa r r e n agai n in t he
he a d wi t h hi s shovel . Wa r r e n l et s out a bl ood- cur -
dl i ng yowl.
CARTER
Thi s f r eaki n' t own is cr awl i ng wi t h ghoul s! Somet hi ng bad is comi ng. I can f eel
it. I' m going t o have ni ght mar es f or weeks af t er t oni ght .
ARMITAGE
Ni ght mar es ? Say, Mar i on al ways want s t o he a r about a ni ght mar e. That ' s it!
Thanks agai n f or your hel p.
Ar mi t age exi t s.
CARTER
What ever.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
WARREN
Oh, my head. Come on, Car t er . Let ' s go. Wher e di d you put t he car ?
CARTER
It was ri ght her e, on Ayl esbury.
WARREN
I t hought it was on Gai nsvi l l e.
CARTER
Was it? I can never r emember .
They look ar ound, st umped. As t he l i ght s f ade to
bl ack, Car t er and War r en t ur n on t hei r f l ashl i ght s
and exi t .
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE T HRE E
The Ar mi t ages' bedr oom. Compl et e dar kness.
Ar mi t age cr i es out.
ARMITAGE
Ah! Lavi ni a What el y! The ol d wi t ch!
MARION
What ? What is it?
ARMITAGE
No! Stop! Hel p!
MARION
Henry, wake up!
Mar i on t ur ns on t he beds i de l amp, r eveal i ng
Ar mi t age t hr as hi ng in bed.
ARMITAGE
Get away f r om me!
MARION
(shaki ng him)
Henr y! What is t he mat t er wi t h you? You a r e havi ng anot her ba d dr eam.
ARMITAGE
(openi ng hi s eyes, f r i ght ened)
Wher e is she? Wher e is she?
MARION
Who? What ar e you t al ki ng about ?
ARMITAGE
Vi nny What el y. Wi l bur ' s st r ange al bi no mot her , Lavi ni a What el y. She was
st andi ng he r e a moment ago.
MARION
Henry, do not be r i di cul ous. Vi nny What el y di ed l ast year.
ARMITAGE
To be fai r, Mari on, no one knows t hat f or sur e. It is t r ue s he has not be e n s een
si nce t hat ni ght t he whi ppoor wi l l s came down on Sent i nel Hill, but t he r e never
was a f une r a l for her.
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
MARION
Henr y Ar mi t age! I do not want you payi ng he e d t o t hose Dunwi ch r umor s.
"Lavi ni a is st i l l alive. " "Wi l bur' s br ot her is a foul mut ant t hey keep l ocked in
t he at t i c. " "The f at her of t he What el y boys is t he unhol y god of madnes s , Yog
Sot hot h. " Tr ust me, Henry, Vi nny What el y is dead. You had anot her of your t yp-
i cal ni ght mar es. Tel l me what you dr eamt .
ARMITAGE
It was t er r i bl e.
MARION
Tel l me.
ARMITAGE
Okay, but do not say I di d not war n you.
MARION
As if a ni ght mar e of your s coul d s car e me af t er t he t hi ngs I have s een in t hi s
town!
ARMITAGE
All ri ght , t hi s was my dr eam. In t he begi nni ng, I was wal ki ng t hr ough an ol d
gr aveyar d ne a r Big Cypress Swamp. It was a cel ebr at i on of some ki nd.
Ever yone we knew was t her e, and Paul Whi t eman and hi s or chest r a.
As he speaks, MEN, WOMEN, and THE PAUL
WHITEMAN ORCHESTRA e nt e r t he bedr oom.
Henry, wear i ng hi s paj amas , get s out of bed and
j oi ns t hem.
ARMITAGE (cont' d)
In t he mi ddl e of t he gr aveyar d, i n wal ks your gr andmot her Pr udence, may s he
r est in peace.
MARION
Gr andma Pr udence! ? How di d s he look?
ARMITAGE
Well, we have s een worse. Nat ur al l y, I went up to gr eet her . She sai d t o me...
GRANDMA PRUDENCE ent er s, es cor t ed by a
GHOUL.
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
(sings)
["The Ni ght mar e"] You thought that I was dead.
GHOUL
Knock it o f f , knock it o f f .
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
But you were quite misled.
GHOUL
Nothing more than a cough.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
I've had a lovely rest
Since I met Herbert West
The great reanimator.
MARION
He r be r t West ?
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
He's really very bright.
GHOUL
He's a prof! He's a prof!
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
If you don't mind a fright.
GHOUL
Nerves will be badly o f f .
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
For Pru it would be best
To marry Herbert West
The great reanimator.
MARION
Mar r y He r be r t West?! She must have he a r d wrong. She me a nt Wi l bur What el y.
ARMITAGE
You must have heard wrong, Grandma,
It's not Herbert,
It's Wilbur Whately, Grandma,
That dear Pru is gonna wed.
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
No!!!!
It must be Herbert, Henry,
My great grandchild,
My little Prudence, who you named for me,
Herbert's wife was meant to be.
She'll never have to die.
CHORUS
Walk it o f f , walk it o f f .
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
Or even say good-bye.
CHORUS
That's a thing not to scoff.
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
I'm really quite impressed
with darling Herbert West,
The great reanimator.
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
MARION
But we al r eady took out an ad i n t he soci al r egi st er . We al r eady agr eed to have
l unch wi t h Wi l bur!
ARMITAGE
But we announced it, Grandma,
in the papers.
And Wilbur Whately, Grandma,
we were gonna meet for lunch.
GRANDMA PRUDENCE
No!!!!
So you announced it, Henry,
That's your problem.
As for that Whately kid I say to you,
Henry, that's your problem too.
CHORUS
You thought that she was dead,
Knock it o f f , knock it off
That's not what Herbert said!
Walk it o f f , walk it o f f .
With just a small syringe,
And research on the fringe,
He's a reanimator!
ARMITAGE
But what about Wi l bur ?
CHORUS
A great reanimator!
ARMITAGE
I never l i ked hi m anyway.
A great reanima...
CHORUS
Shhhh! Shhh!
Look, who is this?
Who is this? Who comes here?
Who who who who?
What woman is this, all furtive and misshapen?
GHOUL
Could it be?
FI RST GUEST
Sure.
SECOND GUEST
Smells like fish.
PAUL WHITEMAN
I'll say!
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
GHOUL
Who could be mistaken?
CHORUS
It's the wizard's girl come from beyond the grave.
It's the wizard's strange creepy albino girl.
Vinny Whately! Vinny Whately! Vinny Whately....
The ghost of LAVINIA WHATELY r i ses up f r om a
grave.
LAVINIA
Armitage! Armitage! Armitage!
What is this about your daughter marrying my Wilbur?
CHORUS
Her sweet Wilbur!
LAVINIA
Don't you know she's destined for his fearsome older brother?
CHORUS
Older brother!
LAVINIA
If you think your stupid daughter Prudence will escape me,
CHORUS
Will escape her!
LAVINIA
Then you're also very stupid and you will be sorry.
CHORUS
Very sorry!
LAVINIA
Plans! For her we have big plans!
They plan to take your daughter in their arms,
Their many mouths, their tentacles,
To feed their twisted lust!
CHORUS
Her sons plan to take your daughter
Into their arms!
LAVINIA
Tentacles!
CHORUS
Mouths!
LAVINIA
Tentacles!
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
CHORUS
Lust!
LAVINIA
Tentacles!
CHORUS
Tentacles!
LAVINIA
Tentacles!
CHORUS
Yes!!!
LAVINIA
Armitage!
CHORUS
Armitage!
St age busi ness: Ar mi t age t r i es to es cape f r om Lavi ni a.
LAVINIA
Prudence has to marry Wilbur for his older brother.
CHORUS
He's a monster!
LAVINIA
Then my boys will have your daughter in their evil clutches.
CHORUS
Evil clutches!
LAVINIA
They'll consume her soul and feast upon her naked body.
CHORUS
Naked body!
LAVINIA
Then up on the hill the boys will call upon their father.
CHORUS
Yes, their father!
Shhhhh!
Li ght s change, very dr amat i c and omi nous.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
LAVINIA
When Prudence marries my sweet son,
The horror will start.
She'll live about three weeks,
'Cause when three weeks are up,
He'll take her straight upstairs,
The tentacles will uncurl, and...
This they'll give your Prudence
That they'll give your Prudence
This they'll give your Prudence
That's what will happen when she marries my sweet Wilbur!
The Chor us s cr eams and r uns. Lavi ni a chokes
Ar mi t age and t hen l eaves. Ar mi t age cl i mbs back
i nt o be d wi t h Mari on.
MARION
Mer ci f ul heavens! What an awf ul dr eam. We shoul d have known t he r e was
somet hi ng wr ong wi t h Wi l bur . He comes f r om t he mor e decadent si de of t he
What el y fami l y.
ARMITAGE
Yes, t hat and t he s t r ange l umps unde r hi s cl ot hi ng.
MARION
Well, or di nar i l y I put no st ock i n dr eams , but if my gr andmot her Pr ude nc e
came al l t he way back f r om t he de a d t o t el l us to avoi d Wi l bur What el y, t hen I
t hi nk we ought t o pay at t ent i on.
ARMITAGE
Me too.
MARION
(sings)
If Grandma Prudence said knock it o f f , knock it o f f ,
It's Herbert Pru will wed, he's a prof, he's a prof.
She'll never have to die,
Or even say good-bye,
With her reanimator.
ARMITAGE
To Wilbur I'm averse.
MARION
Always thought he was o f f .
ARMITAGE
His brother's even worse.
MARION
And their father's no scoff.
ARMITAGE
Our worries are addressed,
She'll marry Herbert West,
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MARION
The great reanimator.
BOTH
The great reanimator.
The great reanimator.
The great reanimator.
Mar i on goes back to sl eep.
ARMITAGE
Whew!
49
2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE FOUR
Mar sh' s shack. Dim. The smel l of r ot t i ng fi sh. A
f oghor n wai l s and gul l s scr eech. Ent er Ji l l ,
es cor t ed by Marsh.
MARSH
He r e ye be, girly. Be wat chi n' yer st ep.
Mar sh l i ght s a l ant er n, r eveal i ng a den of foul -
ness and i ni qui t y. Cr udel y dr awn pi ct ur es of
Deep Ones decor at e t he wal l s.
JI LL
Oh my, it' s so... cozy.
MARSH
It keeps t he sun out.
An awkwar d paus e.
MARSH (cont' d)
Well, s uppos e ye' l l be want i n' to git it over wi t h. Ye ki n s cr eam if n ye want to.
Ai n' t no one to he a r ye.
JI LL
I' m i n no r ush.
MARSH
What ?
JI LL
Coul dn' t we j us t t al k for a whi l e?
MARSH
What ?
Ji l l pus hes as i de some de a d f i sh and f i nds a
wei r d gold br acel et .
JI LL
What ' s t hi s? It ' s beaut i f ul .
MARSH
That ' s f r om t he Deep Ones. Me Pappy give it me.
JI LL
Oh. That ' s sweet .
(she poi nt s to t he pi ct ur es)
Is t hat your fami l y?
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MARSH
Aye. I' ll be a- j oi ni n' ' em one o' t hes e days.
JILL
That ' s ni ce.
MARSH
Or t hey' l l ki l l me.
JILL
Gosh, my fami l y woul d never do anyt hi ng l i ke t hat for me.
Mar sh begi ns a l echer ous advance.
JI LL (cont' d)
Why, Old Man Mar sh, what ar e you doi ng?
MARSH
Ai n' t ye af r ai d o' me, gi rl y?
JILL
Ji l l . My name is Ji l l .
MARSH
Ji l l . Ji l l . Ye know how t he Deep Ones ' ud say t hat ?
She s hakes he r head. He makes a hor r i bl e croak-
ing bel ch noi se.
JI LL
That ' s my na me ?
MARSH
Yep. It be.
JILL
Let me try.
She does a hor r i bl e cr oak- bel ch. He giggles
obscenel y. She giggles sweetly.
MARSH
That we r e mi ght y f i ne.
JILL
' Twer e?
They s t ar e i nt o each ot her ' s eyes and cl asp
hands . He cr oaks agai n. Then s he croaks. As t hey
cr oak back and f or t h at each ot her , Mar sh ext i n-
gui shes t he l ant er n.
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
SCENE FI VE
At t he beach, t he Head Cul t i st s t ands be f or e
t he sea, del i ber at el y t ossi ng in pebbl es.
As enat h ent er s.
ASENATH
Hi, I' m Asenat h. Mi nd if I j oi n i n?
HEAD CULTIST
Our cul t ?
ASENATH
No, I j us t meant t he rock ski ppi ng.
HEAD CULTIST
Act ual l y, I' m t hr owi ng in t hes e pe bbl e s to s ummon some mor e Deep Ones f r om
Devi l ' s Reef.
ASENATH
Oh. Wel l t hat ' s OK too.
She t oo st ar t s t ossi ng pebbl es .
HEAD CULTIST
I saw you at our occul t r i t ual t he ot her day.
ASENATH
You di d?
HEAD CULTIST
Well i t ' s not ever y day I s ee a gi rl l i ke you ever y day down at t he Esot er i c
Or der of Dagon Hal l . I mean, most of t he gi rl s ar ound he r e have t hat
I nns mout h look. But you, you' re. . .
ASENATH
Go on.
HEAD CULTIST
Shucks, I dunno know. I mean, have you ever l ooked at s omeone and r eal i zed
in an i nst ant you feel. . .
ASENATH
Sani t y f l eei ng your skul l ?
HEAD CULTIST
Uh, no.
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2001 Branney/ Leman. All rights reserved.
ASENATH
A s ens e of lost t i me and vague r ecol l ect i ons of cycl opean ar chi t ect ur e?
HEAD CULTIST
Urn...
ASENATH
That you' r e living on a pl aci d i sl and of i gnor ance ami dst t he bl ack s eas of
i nfi ni t y f r om whi ch it was not me a nt we shoul d voyage f ar ?
HEAD CULTIST
Asenat h, I' m t ryi ng to t el l you somet hi ng.
ASENATH
Coul d you si ng it? I can' t get enough of t he s ound of your voi ce.
HEAD CULTIST
(sings)
Victim of victims, Asenath, oh Asenath,
I saw you sitting in that pew,
Looked in your eyes and Asenath, oh Asenath,
Loved you more than Cthulhu.
Victim of victims, Asenath, oh Asenath,
I knew that you would fit the bill,
But since Cthulhu must come back and attack
I love one whom I must kill.
When Deep Ones die for Great Dagon,
That is a sacrifice.
When Whately reads the Necronomicon,
That is for sacrifice too.
But of all my sacrifices large and small
The most nihilistic one of all
Is when I fin 'ly thrust the knife inside
It will be inside my bride.
ASENATH
Cultist of cultists, paradise oh paradise,
You look at me and raise your knife,
Cut off my clothes and paradise oh paradise
You take me to be your wife.
When you rip off that codpiece, yes!
I'll be your sacrifice.
When I, in my passion, finally get undressed,
'Twill be my sacrifice, ooh.
BOTH
But of all our sacrifices small and great
The one that will fin'ly seal our fate
Is the one that blasts our sanity -
I want you to marry me.
They make out f er oci ousl y and begi n to di sr obe.
["Victim of
Vi ct i ms"]
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
HEAD CULTIST
Wait. No, st op.
ASENATH
What is it?
HEAD CULTIST
Don' t you t hi nk we shoul d ask your Papa' s per mi s s i on and get ma r r i e d f i r st ?
ASENATH
Tomorrow. We' l l ask hi m t omorrow.
They r es ume t he consummat i on of t hei r passi on
as t he l i ght s f ade out.
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SCENE SI X
In t he Mi skat oni c Li br ar y, Ji l l and Old Man
Mar sh a ppr oa c h Ar mi t age.
JILL
Hel l o, papa.
MARSH
Per f es s er Ar mi t age.
ARMITAGE
Why hel l o, Ji l l . And Mi st er Mar sh. We don' t of t en s ee you I nns mout h fol k he r e
i n t he l i brary.
MARSH
Never di d hol d much st ock in books. Damned t hi ngs f al l apar t when t hey get
wet .
JILL
Papa, Obed has a quest i on for you.
ARMITAGE
Oh yes?
MARSH
I wer e wonder i n' i f n ye have any books on squi d.
JI LL
Obed! What Obed me a ns to say Papa, is t hat we ar e i n love and want to get
mar r i ed.
MARSH
Reckon ye can abi de t hat ?
JILL
Papa?
ARMITAGE
Well, it is a bi t of a shock.
JILL
We' re i n love, ar en' t we Obed?
MARSH
Aye, we be.
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ARMITAGE
Ji l l , you ar e my youngest daught er . Old Man Mar sh he r e is a decr epi t degener -
at e oct ogenar i an. No of f ense.
MARSH
None t aken.
ARMITAGE
Not onl y t hat honey, he has got t he I nns mout h look. Why if one wer e to put any
st ock i n t he old f ol kl or e of t he regi on, you woul d know t hat it is a wel l -est ab-
l i shed r umor t hat Mar sh and hi s ki nf ol k have be e n i nt er br eedi ng wi t h hor r i d
f i sh f r og mons t er s for cent ur i es.
JILL
I know Papa. I know al l about t he Deep Ones. Af t er t he weddi ng, we pl an to
move to t hei r s unken city of Y' ha- nt hl ei and so I can i nt e r br e e d wi t h t hem and
spawn f oul pr ogeny too.
ARMITAGE
Oh. Accor di ng to t he copy of t he Pona pe Scr i pt ur e I keep unde r lock and key,
Y' ha- nt hl ei is mi ght y f ar f r om Ar kham. Will you come home for Chr i st mas?
MARSH
Don' t reckon.
ARMITAGE
(aside)
Thi s pl an is madness. How can I acqui es ce to such per ver s i on?
JILL
(sings)
How can I hope to make you see my way
Hear me, Dad, I've gone mad
Why I must travel to Y'ha-nthlei
Very far from the home I love.
Once I was happily content to stay
Here in town on dry ground
Far from the monsters who would come to prey;
Prey on the home I love.
Who could see that Old Marsh would come
Who would add foul shapes to my dreams?
Lovestruck now I stand with him,
Watching wholesome dreams go dim.
Oh, what a psychopathic choice I make,
Swimming far, growing gills,
Breeding with Deep Ones just for Obed's sake
Very far from home I love.
I just decided on this yesterday,
I will stay, far away,
Who could imagine such a horrid thing
Very far from the home I love,
Yet with Old Man Marsh I'm home.
["Very Fa r
Fr om t he
Home I
Love"]
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
ARMITAGE
No. I cannot and must not per mi t this.
JI LL
Papa, we' r e not r eal l y aski ng f or your per mi ssi on. But we woul d l i ke to go wi t h
your bl essi ng.
ARMITAGE
(aside)
My bl essi ng? Bl ess t he uni on of my youngest wi t h an anci ent mal odor ous bat r a-
chi an? Unt hi nkabl e! Swi mmi ng off to j oi n an unde r s e a col ony of Deep Ones?
You know what it is? It is t hose t ent acl es I t ol d you about . Tent acl es! But look
at t hem. She loves hi m. Ah wel l .
(to t hem)
You have my bl essi ng to marry.
JI LL
Oh, Papa, t hank you!
MARSH
Thanki n' ye, Papa.
ARMITAGE
Pr of essor Ar mi t age t o you.
JI LL
C' mon, Obed, l et ' s go pack.
They l eave.
ARMITAGE
What el se coul d I do? One want s a mad sci ent i st , t he ot her want s an old man
who smel l s l i ke cod. What next ?
As enat h ent er s ar m in ar m wi t h t he He a d Cul t i st .
ASENATH
Papa, t he He a d Cul t i st f r om t he Esot er i c Or der of Dagon Hal l and I ar e going
to get mar r i ed.
ARMITAGE
A cul t i st ? Mar r y a cul t i st ? Asenat h, do you r eal i ze what t hat man is?
ASENATH
He has a name, Papa.
ARMITAGE
All t hes e cul t i st t ypes have names. He j us t want s you f or your body
ASENATH
And I want hi m for hi s. It' s i ncr edi bl e.
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ARMITAGE
No, I me a n r eal l y f or your body. Thes e cul t i st s, t hey t r eat you l i ke a que e n one
day and t he next t hi ng you know you ar e on t hei r al t ar , hands and f eet bound, a
sacr i f i ci al dagger st uck i n your hear t , bl ood cascadi ng ont o t he f l oor and your
ent r ai l s s t r ewn al l ar ound t he r oom as a det es t abl e of f er i ng to some gr ot es que
and noi some Gr eat Old One!
ASENATH
But Pa pa
ARMITAGE
No, Asenat h! No! Never t al k of t hi s agai n! Never s peak hi s na me to me agai n!
Never! Do you unde r s t a nd?
ASENATH
Papa, I beg you to accept us.
ARMITAGE
(aside)
Accept t hem? How can I accept a cul t i st ? Can I deny my c r us a de agai nst t he
r et ur n of t he Gr eat Old Ones? On t he ot her hand, can I deny my daught er ? On
t he ot her hand, can I expedi t e t he des t r uct i on of manki nd? On t he ot her hand. . .
t he ot her hand is a t ent acl e!
(to t hem)
No, Asenat h, no, no, no!
The r es i dent s of Ar kham a ppe a r be hi nd a t r ans-
pa r e nt cur t ai n as As enat h and he r Cul t i st sl i nk
off.
TOWNSPEOPLE
(sing)
Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles.
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SCENE SEVEN
Out si de t he l i br ar y. Pr ude nc e and He r be r t ' s wed-
di ng is under way. The vi l l ager s in at t endance.
Ent er Car t er and War r en.
WARREN
I' m t el l i ng you, Car t er . We wer e i n t he wrong gr aveyar d. If we j us t di g ri ght
through. . . .
CARTER
War r en, let t he hel l i sh l egi ons have t he day off for once. It s eems l i ke a ni ce
weddi ng of some ki nd. A ni ce buf f et t abl e. Why don' t we t ry to r el ax and enj oy
t he par t y?
Car t er goes to t he buf f et t abl e and get s a dr i nk.
WARREN
( appr eci at i ng t he buffet )
It' s f i endi s h work, but it has to be done.
He dr ops hi s gear and al so goes to t he buf f et
t abl e.
A PRI EST
I now pr onounce you man and wi fe. You may ki ss t he br i de.
He r be r t ki sses Pr udence. Cheer i ng.
VI LLAGERS
Congr at ul at i ons! Best wi shes! Mazeltov! et c.
ZOMBIE HALSEY
Congr at ul at i ons, Her ber t . She' s lovely. It coul dn' t have ha ppe ne d t o a ni cer
guy-
WEST
Thanks for bei ng my best man, Doct or Hal s ey
A smal l ba nd st r i kes up 1920s da nc e musi c.
Peopl e do t he Char l est on. Pr ude nc e goes to he r
par ent s . Mar i on is weepi ng.
PRUDENCE
Oh Mot her! Oh Papa! Thi s is t he happi es t day of my life!
MARION
My l i t t l e Pr udence!
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2001 Branney/Lernan. All rights reserved.
ARMITAGE
We wi sh you al l t he best , my dar l i ng.
MARION
Oh Henry, how I wi sh t hat As enat h and...
ARMITAGE
No, do not s peak he r name. We have two daught er s l eft , l et us be happy for
t hem. No mor e of t hi s t al k!
Ji l l and Mar sh come over.
JILL
Congr at ul at i ons, Pr udence. You' r e so lucky.
PRUDENCE
Thanks, Ji l l .
Mar sh s hakes Her ber t ' s hand, l eer i ng at
Pr udence.
JI LL
Wel come t o our fami l y, Dr. West.
WEST
Her ber t . Thank you Ji l l .
MARSH
Hey, Her b, i f n ye di e, can I have yer br i de t oo?
WEST
I' m cer t ai n t hat won' t be necessar y.
ZOMBIE HALSEY
Hey everybody, i t ' s t i me f or danci ng and food!
The dance ba nd pl ays l ouder , ever yone does t he
Char l est on. War r en goes back f or s econds at t he
buf f et . The r e ar e t wo ghoul s eat i ng cake. He j oi ns
t hem.
As enat h and t he Head Cul t i st ent er , f ol l owed by
ot her cul t i st s and Deep Ones. The musi c st ops.
JILL
Asenat h!
PRUDENCE
Asenat h! What ar e you doi ng he r e ?
ASENATH
I coul dn' t let my ol der si st er get ma r r i e d wi t hout wi shi ng he r t he best .
PRUDENCE
But Papa. . . .
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ASENATH
I want ed hi m t o see. The cul t i st s ar e good peopl e. Yes, t hey ki l l wi t hout mer cy
a nd ar e al l i ed wi t h t he f or ces of dar kness, but t hey have f eel i ngs too. And
amazi ng power . The Deep Ones have an anci ent cul t ur e. And I love t hem.
ARMITAGE
No, begone, al l of you! You have no pl ace her e!
HEAD CULTIST
That ' s wher e you' r e wrong, sir. We' r e a par t of t hi s communi t y j us t l i ke you. We
br e a t he t he s ame ai r, f eel t he s ame sun, and yes, we have t hat s ame shoggot h
on our roof. It ' s t he t ent acl es. Good and evil, cul t i st and victim, t he t ent acl es
hol d us al l t oget her i n ba l a nc e and harmony.
Musi c swel l s.
(sings)
She is your daughter and you...
Suddenl y Wi l bur What el y emer ges f r om t he
l i brary. He is hol di ng t he Necr onomi con. He
s t ands at t he t op of t he st eps whe r e al l can see.
Musi c comes to a gr i ndi ng hal t .
WHATELY
Cease t hat singing! Peopl e of Ar kham! Pr ude nc e was t o have be e n my wi fe.
Now s he is gi ven to anot her . And I was not even i nvi t ed to t he weddi ng!
Ar mi t age looks embar r as s ed.
WHATELY (cont' d)
Now you wi l l f eel wr at h. Now you wi l l know r egr et .
ARMITAGE
Wi l bur, no! Never r ead al oud f r om t he Necronomi . . .
WHATELY
( r eadi ng f r om t he book)
l a, l a, Ct hul hu! Ct hul hu R' l yeh wagh nag' l f' t agn!
HEAD CULTIST
NooooooH!
A t er r i f yi ng r umbl i ng sound. An ear t hquake.
Pani c s pr eads .
MARION
Henry, what is happeni ng?
ARMITAGE
Oh my god, Mari on, I f ear t he worst !
PRUDENCE
Papa!
["Arkham,
Dunwi ch"
second r epr i se]
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
WEST
Pr udence!
ASENATH
Honey?
HEAD CULTIST
Thi s is going to be r eal l y bad. Wow, I have such mi xed f eel i ngs.
Old Man Mar sh s uddenl y begi ns to t r ans f or m i nt o
a Deep One.
JI LL
Obed!
MARSH
Gr eat Ct hul hu! I' m a' changi n' !
VILLAGERS
Aaaaaaahh! NoooH! Heeeeel p! et c.
CTHULHU hi msel f r i ses up behi nd t he l i brary.
He is enor mous. He s t eps on a house. He r eaches
down and pi cks up me mbe r s of t he dance ba nd
and eat s t hem. He pi cks up t he pr i es t and eat s
hi m too. Peopl e scr ambl e. West t akes Pr ude nc e
and t hey t ry to r un. Ct hul hu st eps on t hem.
Ct hul hu sees Wi l bur What el y on t he l i br ar y st eps.
He pi cks hi m up.
WHATELY
Gr eat Ct hul hu! No! It was I who awakened you! Aaaaaah!
Ct hul hu eat s hi m.
CTHULHU
What ' s going on her e?
Si l ence.
CTHULHU (cont' d)
Well?
ARMITAGE
It... it is a weddi ng, Gr eat Ct hul hu. We we r e j us t t ryi ng t o have a l i t t l e weddi ng
cer emony for my daught er .
CTHULHU
I di dn' t br i ng a gift.
ARMITAGE
That is al l ri ght . We we r e not r eal l y expect i ng you.
CTHULHU
Good.
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ARMITAGE
In fact , I ki nd of wi sh you ha d not come at all.
CTHULHU
What ?
ARMITAGE
Well, for one t hi ng t he buf f et t abl e is cl ear l y not bi g enough now.
CTHULHU
Human,
(begi ns to sing)
["Do You Do you fear me?
Fe a r Me?"]
ARMITAGE
Do I what?!
CTHULHU
Do you fear me?
ARMITAGE
Do I fear you?
You just killed my eldest daughter
And then crushed her fiance.
Ate the band. Ate the priest,
Like they were fish filet!
You have some real aggression.
Ct hul hu l i ft s Ar mi t age i nt o t he air.
CTHULHU
Human, l et me r e phr a s e t he quest i on.
Do you fear me?
ARMITAGE
You're a god!
CTHULHU
Yes...
But do you fear me?
ARMITAGE
Do I fear you?
For such a big guy it seems absurd
You would need to be assured.
The earth is yours, you rule the sea.
If you're such a big guy, why talk about
Fear to me?
Ct hul hu dr ops Ar mi t age. Scr eam. Thud.
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CTHULHU
When you have a reputation
As this horrible thing,
You don't know, do they fear?
Is their cringing quite sincere?
Or do people simply tell you
What they think you want to hear?
And so I'm asking, really,
Do you fear me?
ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
That's insane!
CTHULHU
Per haps. . .
But do you fear me?
ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
Do we fear him?
THE CULTISTS
For millions of years we've worshipped him
THE VICTIMS
Dreamed of him
THE DEEP ONES
Killed for him.
ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
Millions of years, our souls are his.
If that's not fear, what is?
CTHULHU
Then you fear me?
ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
Yes of course we do.
CTHULHU
Aaaaaaah. Now it's time to vanquish you.
Yes, now that I'm awake...
CTHULHU ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
You must succumb. We must succumb.
ALL
After millions of years,
My time has come.
CTHULHU ALL EXCEPT CTHULHU
Your time has come.
As t he musi c swel l s in a beaut i f ul r epr i s e,
Ct hul hu dest r oys t he uni ver si t y and t he city. The
wal l s t umbl e, ever yone is cr us hed or s t epped on.
Ever yone is dead.
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CTHULHU
Phngl ui mgwah nahf , Ct hul hu R' l yeh wgah nagl ft agn!
Ct hul hu cr us hes t he or ches t r a itself and cont i n-
ues hi s r ampage as he exi t s.
All is si l ent for a moment . The Byakhee f l i es
t hr ough. Suddenl y Her ber t ' s hand emer ges f r om
t he r ubbl e, hol di ng a gl owi ng gr een syri nge. He
i nj ect s hi msel f and st agger s t o hi s feet , zombi-
f i ed. He f i nds Pr ude nc e a nd i nj ect s her . They
i nj ect Ar mi t age. West gives Ar mi t age a syr i nge
and he i nj ect s Mari on. The zombi es sur vey t he
devast at i on.
ARMITAGE
Well Her ber t , it looks l i ke your wor k is cut out for you.
WEST
Why bot her , Pr of essor ? I mean, t hanks for t he vot e of conf i dence, but t he Gr eat
Old Ones wi l l be r et ur ni ng.
PRUDENCE
Yes, Papa. He can' t keep r eani mat i ng t he ent i r e wor l d over and over agai n.
MARION
And even if he coul d, what is l ef t for us now? Not hi ng but t o f l ee to t he peace
and saf et y of a new dar k age.
(sings)
["Miskatonic"] Cthulhu has returned,
The Old Ones will be back.
WEST
They'll kill.
PRUDENCE
And crush.
MARION
And still attack.
WEST
(speaks)
It' s over. Ther e' s not hi ng we can do t o st op it now.
ARMITAGE
Oh yes there is.
PRUDENCE
You have a plan?
MARION
Or a dream?
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2001 Branney/Leman. All rights reserved.
ARMITAGE
(speaks)
They can dest r oy t he town, and t he l i br ar y bui l di ng, t hey can even ki l l al l of
us. But t hey can' t ki l l knowl edge. And as long as t he knowl edge survi ves, t her e
will al ways be a Mi skat oni c.
Ar mi t age t akes hi s syr i nge and begi ns to r eani -
mat e cor pses.
WEST
A memory.
PRUDENCE & MARION
The ancient lore.
ALL
What do we have?
Just a chance.
We have Miskatonic.
West al so begi ns to r e a ni ma t e cor pses. More
syr i nges ar e pas s ed out, and as t he song cont i n-
ues, t he whol e cast is gr adual l y r e a ni ma t e d and
j oi ns i n si ngi ng.
ALL (cont' d)
Miskatonic, Miskatonic,
Ivy-league wanna be Miskatonic,
It fills the brain and chills the heart.
Miskatonic, Miskatonic,
Paranoid, desperate Miskatonic,
The knowledge gained here is the start.
Somehow I will find a way to persevere,
Using what I learned while I was here
At Miskatonic.
I believe in Miskatonic
Personal, mystical Miskatonic,
Dear little college, little school of mine.
Musi c r epeat s/ segues i nt o a cur t ai n cal l . The cast
me mbe r s bow and l eave i n t he r ever s e or de r in
whi ch t hey wer e r eani mat ed. Ar mi t age is t he l ast
t o l eave, and as he exi t s he s ees t he SHOGGOTH
cl i mb back up ont o t he roof of t he demol i s hed
l i br ar y bui l di ng and wr i t he grot esquel y.
END ACT TWO.
66