Bersikap tegas adalah soal kepercayaan diri yang tinggi dan kemampuan untuk

membela diri. Tegas bukan berarti harus berkata dengan keras dan
mengekspresikan diri dengan muka marah, Tetapi tegas adalah berkata dengan
jelas dan tidak bertele-tele.
Bersikap tegas juga bisa membuat diri kita di hargai oleh orang lain, untuk itu
harus didasari dengan suatu kejujuran. Selain itu sikap tegas bisa membangun
kharisma didalam diri kita.

Rabu, 29 Juni 2011
"Engkau yang tidak tegaan, sulit mengatakan tidak, dan tersiksa jika harus menolak yang
tidak baik, sebetulnya sedang berlaku tidak tegas bagi kebaikanmu sendiri, yang akan
menyiksamu dalam penyesalan. Karena, Tidak sampai hati menolak yang tidak baik, sama
dengan sampai hati merusak hidupmu sendiri. Dan jika engkau sampai gagal, apakah
mereka akan menolongmu?
Ini hidupmu. Tegaslah. Katakan tidak!" (Mario Teguh)


Menurut penelitian, berdasarkan tipe temperamen hanya sekitar tiga persen dari populasi
manusia yang memiliki sikap tegas secara alamiah. Selebihnya memiliki ketegasan yang
terbentuk dari lingkungan ataupun melalui pengetahuan dan pengalaman.
Lingkungan yang kurang mendukung dapat membentuk pribadi yang lemah dan tidak tegas.
Misalnya disebabkan selalu berada dalam posisi sebagai seorang pengikut atau follower.
Sering berada di situasi yang tidak memberi peluang untuk mengemukakan pendapat atau
mengambil keputusan juga membuat sulit melatih ketegasan sikap.
Namun ketegasan sebenarnya diawali dari diri sendiri. Ketegasan lahir dari keyakinan dan
komitmen pribadi terhadap keputusan yang diambil, dan ini terpancar dalam tindakan dan
aktivitas Anda.
Seorang wasit pertandingan sepak bola dikeroyok suporter karena dianggap berpihak dan
tidak tegas. Banyak sidang pengadilan yang kacau karena ketegasan peradilan terabaikan.
Sejarah membuktikan banyak pemerintahan tumbang karena kepemimpinan yang lemah
dan kompromis.

Apa yang membuat tidak bisa bersikap tegas ?
1. Mudah ikut arus. Ketika Anda merasa sulit untuk memilih dan memutuskan sesuatu,
biasanya manusia cenderung mengikuti suara terbanyak atau pilihan yang paling
populer. Mudah mengikuti arus membuat sulit untuk memiliki jati diri dan tidak
tegas dalam menentukan pilihan.
2. Kurang percaya diri
Biasanya kita sulit mengambil keputusan jika kita terjebak dalam grey area atau zona
abu-abu. Terjebak dalam area ini akan melemahkan rasa percaya diri sehingga sulit
untuk bersikap tegas.
3. Sering bertindak gegabah.
Ada tipe orang yang berpikir dahulu sebelum bertindak. Namun tidak sedikit pula
orang yang bertindak dulu baru berpikir. Biasanya mereka ceroboh dan tergesa-gesa
lalu menyesaali kembali keputusannya. Orang plin-plan kata-katanya tidak bisa
dipegang. Sikap seperti ini sulit dipercaya atau diandalkan dan tidak dapat menjadi
seorang pemimpin yang baik.

SOLUSI:
1. Konsisten. Bersikap tegas berarti konsisten terhadap keputusan yang diambil dan
berani menerima konsekuensinya walaupun berat. Bunda Teresa menerapkan sikap
konsisten ketika menerima gadis-gadis muda untuk bergabung dalam pelayanan
dengan Misionaris Karitas. Ia tidak bersikap lunak, bahkan langsung menyuruh
mereka ke tempat orang-orang papa yang menghadapi kematian. Ia ingin semua
anggotanya menyadari bahwa tugas itu memang berat, dan ia tidak ingin
membuatnya jadi gampang. Tantangan mendorong kita berani mengambil sikap.
2. Tentukan prioritas & fokus
Seorang dosen etika memberi ujian kepada mahasiswanya. Dalam 1 jam mereka
diminta untuk menuliskan segala sesuatu tentang kebaikan dan kejahatan. Seorang
mahasiswa asyik menulis mengenai kebaikan, tanpa menyadari satu jam sudah
berlalu. Ketika sang dosen memerintahkan untuk mengumpulkan kertas ujian,
dengan terburu-buru si mahasiswa tadi menambahkan tulisan "Saya tidak punya
waktu untuk kejahatan". Hikmah yang bisa dipetik adalah fokus. Tentukan sasaran
yang jelas dan pilihan yang benar, lalu curahkanlah seluruh perhatian di situ.
3. Siapkan keputusan yang solid. Dalam Perang Dunia II, serangan terhadap kapal
perang Jerman Bismarck yang dilakukan oleh Inggris adalah hasil dari keputusan
Winston Churchil. Berulang kali ia menegaskan rincian mengenai penyerbuan itu.
Hasilnya ? Dalam tempo beberapa hari kapal Bismarck pun karam. Fakta dan analisa
yang tepat membuat kita merasa yakin dan dapat bersikap tegas dalam membuat
sebuah keputusan solid.

POINT Penting:
Bersikap tegas adalah soal kepercayaan diri yang tinggi dan kemampuan untuk membela
diri. Tegas bukan berarti harus berkata dengan keras dan mengekspresikan diri dengan
muka marah, Tetapi tegas adalah berkata dengan jelas dan tidak bertele-tele.
Bersikap tegas juga bisa membuat diri kita di hargai oleh orang lain, untuk itu harus didasari
dengan suatu kejujuran. Selain itu sikap tegas bisa membangun kharisma didalam diri kita.
"Ini Hidupku, dan aku berhak atas Hidupku, aku berhak memilih, aku berhak menolak, aku
berhak untuk mengatakan Tidak, dan aku harus belajar TEGAS!" (Penulis)

Jadi...mulai sekarang cobalah untuk menentukan untuk siapakah hidup yang kalian jalani
agar kita tak slalu jadi pahlawan untuk orang lain tapi tidak untuk diri kita sendiri.

People's behaviour fits four basic models; passive, aggressive, indirectly aggressive, or
assertive.
Passive behaviour is very common in girls and women, because this is how females are
taught to behave. You are being passive when you allow others to be in control and make
decisions for you, you don't express your opinions or feelings, and you let your own needs
be overlooked. If you tend to simply smile sweetly and say nothing, your behaviour can be
described as passive.
Aggressive behaviour is open and sometimes physical. It includes yelling, physical violence
and overt anger. Men are more likely to be aggressive than passive, because male
socialisation encourages aggression and competitiveness.
Indirect aggression occurs when a person is angry or upset, but doesn't express this openly
or talk about the problem directly. This is a very common way for men and women to
behave. It's an expression of powerlessness, an inability to deal constructively with strong
feelings. For example, a girl who is upset with her friend might refuse to look at her or speak
to her. This is indirect aggression. So is running out of the room in the middle of a
conversation and slamming the door. A boy who is upset about not getting into the right
footy team and withdraws in a huff is being indirectly aggressive. 'Gossip' is a form of
indirect aggression. For example, you might be annoyed with somebody and instead of
sorting it out with him, you go and tell all your friends about it. It's a very destructive and
unfair way to behave.
Assertive behaviour is clear and direct communication. Anger and other strong feelings are
expressed in a straightforward manner that takes into account the feelings and views of
others. Acting in an assertive way builds on a person's self esteem, and the self-esteem of
others. It improves people's ability to take charge in their own lives. Assertiveness is about
being responsible for yourself, and making your life work for you, instead of being a victim
of circumstances. Most people have to learn how to be assertive by doing assertiveness
training, because being assertive is not usually part of our social upbringing, for girls or boys.
Even when we know how to be assertive, there are lots of blocks we need to overcome to
put what we have learned into practice in our lives. Lack of self confidence is one such block.
It's also sometimes very hard to change patterns of relating that we have used for most of
our lives. These are some of the things you have to learn to become more assertive.
Use "I" language
That means, instead of talking about "you" or "we", when you're talking about your own
ideas and feelings, say "I". You'll notice when you start listening that a lot of people say
"you" when they mean "I". This is the kind of sentence used "You think you know
everything, and then someone comes along and you realise you're pretty ignorant when you
hear her talking..."
At first it might feel a bit strange using "I". But changing your speech like this can make a big
difference to the way you speak. It can be very powerful, because suddenly you are the one
who is in control.
DON'T BLAME or judge the other person. Just give your own views and express your feelings
when it's appropriate.
STOP APOLOGISING You don't have to say "I'm sorry" every time anything goes wrong. Of
course if it is your responsibility, there's nothing wrong with apologising when something
goes wrong. Girls and women especially tend to put themselves down by saying things like
"I'm only a housewife" or "I'm just on work experience". There's no need to apologise to
others for doing what might seem unimportant. Everything you do has an importance of its
own.
MAKE GOOD EYE CONTACT In Western societies, maintaining eye contact means you are
serious and direct. If your head is bowed or eyes averted, you convey the impression of
being unimportant. In effect, you are saying "I'm serious, but don't take me seriously. (In
some other cultures, for example in Samoa, eye contact can be interpreted as aggressive.)
FACIAL EXPRESSION Your expression should be consistent with what you are saying. There's
no point expressing your annoyance about something you don't like if you're smiling in an
attempt to soften the blow.
BODY LANGUAGE Keep your body language consistent with the message. Your body
language should be relaxed and you should be standing or sitting on the same level as the
other person. Pointing, standing over the other person and having your hands on your hips
are aggressive. It helps if you feel good about your body.
VOICE Keep your voice low and clear. High-pitched tones don't convey that you are serious.
ACKNOWLEDGE compliments and criticism. You don't have to get embarrassed when
somebody tells you something nice about yourself. All you have to do is say "Thank you."
Likewise, when you receive criticism, there's no need to make it mean that the person hates
you. It only means that you have had some criticism. This gives you the opportunity to grow.
Criticism is like a different kind of compliment it means the other person considers you
important enough to give you some feedback. It's easier to deal with criticism as you get
more assertive.
SAY NO when you mean no. Learn how to say "no" when that's what you want. And if
somebody says "no" to you, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Respect that
person's right to be honest with you.
LEARN HOW TO express your anger assertively. This means learning to recognise when you
are angry, owning your anger rather than denying to yourself that you are angry.
Once you recognise that you are angry, you can learn to control it instead of letting it
control you. Deciding how or whether to express it is the hard part. If you're committed to
being honest with the other person, he or she will probably benefit from hearing what you
have to say.
It's better to express your feelings directly than to pretend there's nothing wrong and just
withdraw from her. But you have to be careful expressing anger to others, because it can be
very threatening.
Give yourself positive messages
Once you have identified that never ending tape in your head, you will be able to see that
you are constantly giving yourself messages about yourself. A lot of these will be negative,
and they are called negative self messages.
For example, you might say to yourself when you make a mistake "I'm so stupid, I'll never
learn, I'll always be an idiot."
The first step in becoming more assertive is to catch yourself when you are giving yourself a
negative self message, and change it to a positive one.
This one could become "I've made a mistake, I won't make that one again, because I've
learned from that mistake."