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Preface page




Literature review











All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of
supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad,
and upon his family and companions.
When marriage is spoken of during these "modern" times, Muslims become
horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect" companion,
how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to
solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local
traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man
rather than a delightful experience.
When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth
finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and
overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the
streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (saws) echoes on,
when he said: "O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it
restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to
just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic
and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that
Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (saws) illustrated this through his own life.
So note that by following the advice of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we
can only be successful.
We were intrigued to choose this topic as we want to know the process in selecting
the spouse in order to get married. Moreover, we also want to know deeply the knowledge
about marriage. The main focus in this topic is to explain and compare the way of selecting
the spouse in Islam and other religion. Furthermore, we also provide the definition of
marriage, its importance, its condition to get married in order to provide sufficient
information to people. People need to know exactly what marriage is all about so that there
is no failure in marriages. Divorce is something that is legal but the wrath of Allah.

We would like to thank Allah for smoothing our process in order to complete this
task and also give us the opportunity to discover more about Islam in terms of marriage.
Even though we are having hard time to complete this task, we are more thankful as we
learn more and get more benefits from this. Secondly, thanks to our parents who never tired
in giving us the moral support that we need to continue our journey. Also thanks to our
lecture, Dr. Mohd Shuhaimi Ishak who provide us with the guidelines so that we can finish
up our assignments. Not to forget, a big thank to friends who help us in terms of time,
money, and of course their moral support that boost up our mood to complete this
assignment. Within this task, we are able to think more wisely and its help us widen our

Marriage is the institution ordained by Allah to bring sexual happiness (amongst
other blessings) to humanity. Sex is the gift of pleasure and comfort from Allah which
should not be abused or misused.
Therefore, marriage is the basis of the Islamic family.
Marriage develops love and care and co-operations between the husband and wife. It gives
peace of mind and provides a secure atmosphere for the growth and progress of the whole
human race. Without marriage, the human race would come to a standstill. Marriage was
practice of most of the Prophet including our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. As Allah says in
the Al-Quran:
And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from
yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you
love and compassion, most surely there are signs in this for a
people who reflect

The Blessed Prophet Muhammad s.a.w disapproved of the idea of celibacy,
or living without sex, as an ungrateful and unnatural way of life. People who deliberately
abstain from sex, for a multitude of reasons, often develop a view of human life which most
people would not accept as being normal
. Since the only proper way for a Muslim to take
part in sexual activity is within the marriage, the commitment of good life partner and the
building up of successful relationship together is of vital importance. In Islam itself, we are
required to marry as married can complete half of our faith. Next, marriage must according
to the shariah where Muslims need to follow. Moreover, we will go through the family life
after marrying. Family life is the basis of the Islamic society. Its origin goes back to the
beginning of the creation of the man and woman like Adam and Hawa. So, it is an
institution founded by Allahs will. Allah says in the Al-Quran :

O mankind, be mindful of your duty to you Lord who created you
from a single soul from it created its mate. And from the two
created many men and women.

Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, Living Islam,treading the path of the ideal, New Delhi,India, GoodWord Press,
1998, p.186
Quran, 30:21
Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood, Living Islam,treading the path of the ideal, New Delhi,India, GoodWord Press,
1998, p.186
Quran, 4:1

Islam does not allow free mixing of grown-up boys and girls, nor does it allow sex
outside marriages. The Islamic way of life does not approve the boyfriend and girlfriend
system, or mixed parties of the grown-ups and the like. Islamic society is based on
submission and obedience to the will of Allah. Husband and wife, bound by marriage are
Allahs servant and representatives (khalifah). Marriages must not conflict with the purpose
of life which to seek the pleasure from Allah but rather should lead towards its achievement.

And Allah has made for you Azwaj (mates and wives) of your own
kind, and has made for you, from your wives, sons, and grandsons,
and has bestowed on your good provision. Do they then believe in
false deities and deny the Favor of Allah (by not worshipping Allah

Marriage is a sacred social contract between a bridge-groom and a bride. A great
deal of thought is necessary therefore before the couple decides to marry. The first principles
on which this institution is based on the free consent of man and woman, and the woman
who has reached the age of puberty. At the marriage, the presence of a proxy and two male
witnesses is considered essential or in case two male witnesses are not available, one male
witness and two female witnesses are required. No marriages can take place without the
presence of the witnesses.
If the woman is present on the occasion and offers herself in
marriage, no proxy is needed. It is also essential for the validity of a marriage that the
offered is actually made by the woman and accepted by the man. If, on the lawful guardian
asking permission of the unmarried girl, she keeps silence or smiles it is interpreted into an
affirmative reply.

Ijab and Qabul is a consent. Both the groom and the bride must consent to the
marriage, verbally and in writing. This is done through a formal proposal of marriage (ijab)
and acceptance of the proposal (qabul). A first-time bride is usually represented in the
contract negotiations by her Wali, a male guardian who looks out for her best interests. Even
so, the bride must also express her willingness to enter into marriage. Consent cannot be
obtained from those who are legally unable to give it, example people who are
incapacitated, minor children, and those who have physical or mental impairments which
limit their capacity to understand and consent to a legal contract.

Quran, 16:72
S. Nawab Sultan Jahan Begam, Muslim Married Couple, New Delhi, Award Publishing House, 1980, p13

As marriage is one of the important parts in order to seek Allah pleasure, there are a
number of legal visits to individual in certain circumstances.

Firstly, it is compulsory for those who are able and willing to marry
if they are not going to fall into the valley of adultery. Whilst every
effort to protect them from acts of adultery cannot be protected as
fast, etc.
Secondly, it is illegal for those who cannot afford, if married will
cause harm to himself or his wife and would do injustice to his wife.
Thirdly, not encouraged to marry to those who do not intend to get
married or he has a weakness on the basis it is not confident or able
to distance himself from being drawn into the valley of evil or
injustice to his wife.
Fourthly, married is sunat to those who are able and willing to get
Fifthly, illegal to marry for those who cannot afford to pay alimony
to his wife physically and spiritually. Besides, he himself is too
weak, the powerless and have no desire to get married and be abused
his wife if he is married.

Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one. It makes him/her a
grown up and gives him/her responsibilities whether those responsibilities are to feed and
clothe the wife or to assist the husband. Marriage is supposed to take a person out of the
hectic lifestyle that one is in and place him or her in an organised environment giving them a
path to follow in life and a shoulder to lean on. In short marriage arranges ones life. In
Islam a man cannot have relationships with those he can marry unless it is within marriage.
In other words Islam gives the right to a woman to be a wife of a man independent of the
marriage relationship the man may have with another woman. This is a key difference
because in the modern era a man is not guilty if he has relationships with a woman outside
of marriage but the moment he contracts to treat this woman equally as his wife, he is
criminalised for illegal behaviour. This is odd as the current common law does not
criminalise the actual relationship of the man with another woman but punishes the solemn
promise/affirmation in writing to continue.

Abdul Raof Dalip, syarat-syarat nikah menurut Islam, Selangor, Percetakan Pustaka Jaya, 1990, p7

Any off-spring would be illegitimate as the courts would not recognise polygamy
even though it exists and is accepted in behaviour but not in writing. In some senses the
increase in divorce rates and re-marriages we see nowadays is in some ways a serial version
of polygamy. There are many reasons that support polygamy but Islam limits the practice to
four wives and is allowed only when one can be fair to all wives. Polygamy is only
mentioned briefly here but as a subject could be read in further detail elsewhere. Please also
note that the current Law of the land in this regard should be abided by.

The purpose of this divinely guided conjugation of human reciprocals appears to be
the expression of human submission, trust and have faith in our Creator and that the lot of us
exists for reasons other than suffering, death and annihilation.
This is chiefly accomplished
by means of the flesh through the senses of touch and pleasure (physical and metaphysical)
that naturally incline us towards the attainment of Al-Taqwa when not perverted. Without
touch, we cannot bequeath As-Sakinah ( peace and security) to our descendent because in its
absence there are no descendent. This is because sexual stimulation and response can be
achieved without sight, sound, smell, taste and even pleasure but not without touch.

And those who pray Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort (pleasure) of our eyes, and give us (the
grace) to lead the righteous

Firstly, In its Ibadah aspect, marriage is an act pleasing to Allah because it is in
accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each
other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their children to become
true servants of Allah. Secondly, In its mu'amalah aspect, marriage being a lawful response
to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate children, the
Shari'ah has prescribed detailed rules for translating this response into a living human
institution reinforced by a whole framework of legally enforceable rights and duties, not
only of the spouses, but also of their offspring. Thirdly, marriage shields a person from
promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality etc., which ultimately lead to many other
evils like slander, quarrelling, homicide, loss of property and disintegration of the family.
For instance, it can safeguard ones iman (faith), it stops one from committing such acts by
which she/he could be considered immoral. Sins such as intermingling with people of the
opposite sex or socialising as it is classed in everyday terms are not considered to be
acceptable in Islam, (because it creates immorality and immodesty) even though an
incredibly large amount of people will hastily class it as an 'essential' part of ones day.

Omar Zaid, The Taqwa of Mariagge, Gombak, A.S. Noordeen, 2011, p 132
Quran, 25:74


The most crucial part when it comes to marriage is how to choose your partner.
Marriage is a scared social contract between a bride-groom and a bride. A great deal of
thought is necessary therefore before the couple decides to marry. In modern times, the
criteria for selecting a marriage partner tends to focus mainly on materialistic traits such as
wealth, beauty, social rank, character and others. The Holy Quran, however, enjoins
Muslims to select partners who are good and pure.

Allah states Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of
purity are for women of purity

Islam has given freedom of choice to those who wish to get married. The mutual
choice of the bride and groom to be is given the highest consideration. Islam does not allow
anyone to be force into a marriage.

Allah says Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when
they agree between themselves in a lawful manner

The freedom of spouse selection should be a function of a healthy balance between
the freedom of choice of the would-be-spouses and consideration of the influence and
consent of their parents. The freedom of choice of those who wish to get married should not
rule out the influence and consent of the parents or guardian nor should the parents or
guardian ignore the wishes and consent of the spouse to be. After the age of puberty, a male
who is baligh and sane has full rights to decide about his own marriage. However,
according to the majority of the mujtahids, a baligh and sane girl needs her father or
grandfathers permission. If, however the father or grandfather refuses the proposal of a
suitable man for no valid reason, then the religious judge can over-ride this decision. Since
a marriage is a union between two people and their families, it is important for parents to
understand the need of the children and allow them to be with suitable spouses of their
choice. True love grows after marriage and thus falling in love is not a pre-condition for
marriage in Islam. However, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate spouse, the two
people involved are allowed to see and to talk to each other within Islamic boundaries

Quran, 24:26
Quran, 2:232

Islam encourages its followers to be careful and cautious in selecting a spouse so
this will produce and make perfect marriage and get to the goal. The purpose of life in Islam
is living a sustainable, harmonious, between husband and wife and their future children.


Abu Hurayrah recorded : A woman is sought in marriage on account of four things- her
property, her family, her beauty and her piety. You should seek to with one for the sake of
piety (Muslim 3457)

From this above hadith, we can see that the most important criterion is piety or
religiousness. In the above Hadith, the Prophet mentioned various characteristics that
people, by their nature and custom, look for in a spouse. He did not advocate any of them,
but merely stated them as facts of human nature except for the issue religion that is a
prospective spouses piety and religiousness. Religiousness is the base for human's life and
so is for the marriage. The only way to happiness passes through religion and religious
teachings. If a person doesn't care about his religion, he can't be reliable for marriage. Islam
has established the importance of choosing a religious wife for it is faith which protects a
woman from committing anything that is prohibited. A religious woman always keeps away
from whatever enrages Allah The Almighty or dishonours her husband. On the other hand, a
corrupt woman, particularly one who takes extreme pride in her beauty and wealth, does not
adhere to the teachings of Islam and is certainly prone to the devils insinuations, who may
trick her into not adequately safeguarding her chastity or honour. Hence, Islam urges men to
prefer the religious woman and be meticulous in their search for her in every Muslim

But we must be careful not to be superficial in this issue. The mere wearing hijab or
keeping a beard and praying in the Masjid, as routine compliance with requirements of
piety, do not by themselves guarantee it. There are many people, who at first glance appear
to be abiding by Islam, but upon closer inspection have a twisted understanding and their
practice in reality may leave much to be desired. The characteristic of piety applies to the
groom just as much as to the bride. This should be the main focus of both the womans
guardian and suitor.



Character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and
piety. Allah establishes the relation of this issue to marriage, saying

Allah states Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of
purity are for women of purity

Imam Reza a.s wrote in reply to a person who had asked him if it was advisable to
marry his daughter to a person known for his ill nature, If he is ill-natured ( bad tempered),
dont marry your daughter to him
The same will apply where the bride-to-be lacks a good
nature. Such a woman, though she may be beautiful and rich, would make the life of her
husband miserable. She can never be patient in the difficulties that arise in married life. In
order to ensure marriage life with happiness, one must really careful in choosing spouse, as
a good behaviour spouse will guide us nearer to Allah. But, to have a good spouse, you
yourself must be good too.


Compatibility by definition is as an adjective used for relationship that is capable of
existing or living together in harmony. What a big and heavy word if we really think about
it. It encompasses so much that we desire and it includes as part of its explanation even
bigger words like existing, living and harmony. As such we realize that compatibility is
certainly a grave matter that is to be given much importance especially when getting married
as you are about to take on a life partner for not just this life but InshAllah the next life as
well. We see so many marriages break apart due to diligence and questions were not asked
prior to marriage which could have saved a lot of grief for everyone.
The Prophet gave no recognition to class distinction, but in marriage, he stressed
upon compatibility. The marrying partners must be match of each other, so that there are no
necessary misgivings later.
For instance, it is better for a religious woman who is
committed to laws and principles to marry a man like herself.

Quran, 24:26
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p151, Ansariyan Publications, 2005, Iran
Youth and Spouse Selection, Ali Akbar Mazaheri, p34, Ansariyan Publications, 2005, Iran


Next, we are highly recommended to take into consideration a good family
background when we intend to marry. In logic, to have a good decent in the future, you
must try to find a spouse that have a good family background. Majority of us as human
want the best for ourselves and for our generation. Choose a woman from the good decent,
the woman from the origins of his father and mother or family, living in religious and
practicing charity and kindness.
If the background of the family is good, it shows that the
family has a good teaching regarding Islam, so we must continue the good decent.
Other considerations in choosing a spouse are the physical beauty, though
religiousness and piety are most important, it does not mean that we totally disregard the
physical appearance and beauty of the prospective spouse. We are allowed to choose a good
looking spouse but it should not be our primary reason for marrying that person. This is
because our beauty is not permanent and it is all lend by Allah. What if you partner get
involve into an accident and there may be scars all over the face, will you still love your
partner? When a person puts beauty above all else, the consequences can be disastrous.
This is one of the main reasons that young people seeking to get married must be helped by
more mature family members in making choice. Other than that is virginity, a man is
recommended to marry a virgin woman.

Abdul RaofDalip, 1990, SyaratSyaratNikahMenurut Islam, PercetakanPustaka Jaya, Selangor, p12

There are some differences in choosing the partners in Islam and other religion. As
stated earlier, Muslim needs to marry a woman according to the four characteristics which is
her property, her family, her beauty and her piety. But the most important criteria is her
piety. Therefore, its difference from Americans who choose partners who are similar to them
in a variety of ways, for example, in ethnic and cultural background, age, educational, and
religious background, and socioeconomic status. However, the large role in mate selection is
physical attractiveness.
Firstly, physical attractiveness is one of the most important components of mate
selection; studies show that it is directly related to the frequency of being asked out on a first
date. White found that the more physically attractive a person was, the more likely she or he
was to have friends of other sex. At the same time, the more physically attractive a person
was, the less likely he or she has to worry about the partners involvement with other people.
Whites also found that among males, the more attractive the male, the more likely he was to
desire involvements outside the relationship. The more attractive women did not report a
greater desire for relationship with men outside the partnership than did the less-attractive
women. The researchers developed quantitative profiles of each dating-service member,
based on a point system including age, judgements of physical attractiveness, social status,
humor, and warmth. They found that people who were physically attractive got more calls
for dates. So the conclusion is females tended to select males with higher social status,
whereas males tended to focus on female physical attractiveness.
Secondly, age and success is other criteria for choosing partners. It has been
estimated that in six out of every seven marriages in the United States, the man is old than
the woman. This is because males mature more slowly than female and do not live as long.
Furthermore, in the United Sates there are more males than females in their early 20s. The
research shows that the women have a greater tendency to marry a man who are better
educated or more successful that they are. Because men tend to marry down in terms of
age and status, it can be difficult for successful older women to find an acceptable mate. In
the United State in the 1980s, the average male marrying for the first time was between 23
and 25 years old and the average female marrying for the first time is between 21 and 22
years old. Age differences at the time of marriage are smallest between people marrying at
younger ages and greater between those who marry at older ages. But in all groups, men
tend to marry younger woman.
Two other factors that influence mate selection are endogamy and exogamy.
Endogamy is the culturally prescribed practise or tradition of choosing mate from within
ones own group. These groups might include ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, or general
age groups. The principle of endogamy supposes, say, that middle-class Whites will marry
middle-class Whites, Catholics will marry Catholics, and young people will marry young
people. Exogamy is the practice or tradition of choosing a mate from outside ones own
group, usually typically discouraged in their society. There are no laws against marrying
someone of different socioeconomic status, religion or ethnic group; however, outside
groups tend to be off-limits or less desirable as a source of marital partners. The conclusion
is the greater ethnic differences between individuals; the less likely they are to marry.

There are some eight factors that they believe most influence the degree of
Value: The greater the discrepancy in values between the cultural
groups, the more difficulty the couple will have.
Acculturation: The greater the difference in the level of acculturation
of each partner, the greater the probability of conflict.
Religion: Adding religious differences to cultural differences can
compound adjustment difficulties. An Irish-Italian couple will
probably have an easier time adjusting to marriage than an Irish-
Jewish couple because the Irish and Italian partners are likely to share
a common Catholic heritage.
Race: Interracial couple are the most vulnerable of all couples,
sometimes feeling isolated from both group.
Sex and sex roles: Because women are generally talk more about
their feeling, an Irish wife, for example, will probably have an easier
adjusting to a Jewish husband than a Jewish wife would have
adjusting to an Irish husband.
Socioeconomic differences: Partners from different socioeconomic
circumstances have added difficulties adjusting to each other. The
financial issues with which couples must contend can become even
more problematic if the partners have different life experiences and
expectations regarding them.
Cultural familiarity: Partners who have some experiences with each
others culture before marriage are more likely to understand and
adjust to each other. Couples who live in a multiethnic neighbourhood
after marriage are also less likely to experience pressure and negative
reaction from others.
Extended-family agreement: If kin of both partners are supportive,
the couple has a greater chance of success. If a couple feels force to
elope or if one partners family refuses to attend the wedding, this can
indicate future difficulties.


Meanwhile, in agricultural societies, parents or kin members select marriage mates
for children when they reach the appropriate age. The criteria used in choosing a potential
mate include primarily economic consideration such as social status or wealth and often the
potential for political alliance between the families. The bride and groom have little or
personal contact with each other before their marriage. Love between bride and groom is not
expected. Many agricultural societies have used the traditional type of mate selection
processes. Marriage in Ireland was closely tied to inheritance of a family farm. The son who
was designated as the family heir could not marry until his parents were willing to turn over
their farm to him. Irish parents were usually not eager to give up their farm, so the sons
marriage could easily be postponed until he was in his thirties or even forties. When the
death or disability of one of the parents made it necessary for them to turn over control of
the farm to the son, they would set up to find him a wife.
Usually, if it was not until the tentative arrangement was reached by their fathers that
the prospective bride and groom would get a chance to have their say in the decision. The
woman would bring her friends, her brothers, and perhaps even her parents. The man will
also bring his friend. Among this group of people, they will evaluate each other. If at that
point one or the other decided they could not go through with the marriage, the arrangement
could be called off. If they found each other acceptable, however, the agreement was
finalized and a wedding would quickly follow.
This is a general description of the way the Irish mate selection system worked.
Selection of a partner was largely controlled by the parents. The decision to marry was based
on the success of the bargaining about the economic aspect of the match. The Irish way of
selecting partners almost totally lacked any elements of courtship and love.


All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of
supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad,
and upon his family and companions.
In this 21
century, marriage is the something common to hear as it is sunnah to
marry in the early age as 25 years old. For Muslim, marriage is one of the important parts as
its complete half of our faith towards Allah. Marriages is an action of pleasing Allah
because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife love each other
and help each other to make efforts to continue the human race and rear and nurse their
children to become true servants of Allah. But nowadays, the cases of divorce among
Muslim also increase year by year. This causes the cases of divorced at alarming rate. So in
order to prevent the divorce, people need to weight the criteria in choosing the partners
before marrying.

In Islam, there are four criteria in choosing the spouse. A woman is married for four
things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion. So win the religious
woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser. [Al-Bukhaari] This stresses that if we overlook the
religious aspect and pursue only attractiveness, riches or noble lineage; we would lose out,
indicating we did not aim high enough. As our prophet says: Do not marry women for their
good looks, as their beauty might destroy them; and do not marry them for their wealth as
their riches might lead them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion; and a black
and unattractive maid who is religious, is better [than them both].

One of the most important decisions we can make in this lifetime is the decision of
whom we should marry. It should be made without desperation or haste. The choice should
be made with careful analysis of facts and with Allahs guidance from Quran, Sunnah, and
Istikhara. Istikhara is the most useful tool Muslims have available for the selection of a
spouse is the Istikhara. As with any major decision, after conducting careful research of the
options, assets, and liabilities involved, it is best to ask Allah (SWT) to guide our hearts and
minds to make the proper choice. It should be made while bearing in mind that the purpose
of an Islamic marriage is to have a spouse who helps one to attain jannah (paradise). This
means that compatibility, commitment, and most of all, consciousness of Allah, must be
qualities shared by husband and wives. The ideal mate for any person is one who will keep
them mindful of Allah, keep the home and family life pleasant and comfortable, and gladly
keep observing all the injunctions of Islam in the home and in the community. The ideal
mate is one who is ever mindful of the following ayahs: And vie with one another to attain
to your Sustainers forgiveness and to a Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, which
awaits those conscious of Allah, who spend for charity in time of plenty and in time of
hardship, and restrain their anger, and pardon their fellow men, for Allah loves those who do
good. (Quran 3:133-134).