Vol.

XII Summer, 1997

The Waverly Newsletter

Greenwich, CT
Tally Ho!
Here is the summary of the bidding and winnings for the 1997 Waverly. And if anyone is heard complaining about the price of the
Waverly, they just may be rudely introduced to Pat Horn’s Glock 8.

Hand- 1996 1997 Total Calcutta Tournament CTP, LD & Total

Player icap Place Owner Bid Bid Investment Prize $ Prize $ Team $ Winnings

Tim Bardo 8 3 Barnes $60 $ 70 $158 $170 $ 75 $25 $270

Tom Barnes 10 4 Kurlich N/A $ 70 $ 86 $180 $ 55 $30 $265

Woody Brotzman 36 1 Carey $65 $102 $111 $190 $125 $30 $345

Jim Cadden 18 13 Steve $50 $ 56 $ 56 $ 55 -0- $15 $ 70

Bill Carey 13 14 Hakes $32 $120 $111 $125 -0- $30 $155

Tom Courtenay 12 7 Cadden N/A $ 56 $ 28 $ 55 $ 15 $45 $115

Larry Ellis 8 11 Gillette $75 $120 $ 90 $105 -0- $25 $130

Patrick English 26 9 Hakes $80 $116 $ 58 $ 30 -0- $40 $ 70

Tom Geshay 10 15 Bardo $85 $104 $ 52 -0- -0- $45 $ 45

Billy Gillette 18 6 Brotzman $90 $120 $170 $ 65 $ 25 $25 $115

Sammy Goble 21 5 Bardo $90 $110 $102 $ 95 $ 40 $25 $160

Rick Hakes 20 2 Ellis $30 $ 60 $148 $135 $ 95 $40 $270

Pat Horn 22 16 Poole $65 $ 92 $ 46 -0- $ 5 $25 $ 30

Marty Kurlich 10 12 Gillette $35 $100 $126 $130 -0- $10 $140

Greg Poole 14 10 Goble $80 $ 94 $ 93 $ 20 -0- $25 $ 45

Steve 8 8 Kurlich N/A $ 82 $ 69 $ 45 $ 10 $55 $110

Others $75

Total $1,042 $1,504 $1,504 $1,400 $445 $490 $2,335

Thank You
On behalf of the Waverly attendees, The Waverly Newsletter would like to thank Commissioner Hakes for his fine effort organizing the 1997
Tournament. Special thanks to Tom Geshay for arranging our hotel accommodations and to Bill and Joann Carey for their fine hospitality
following the final round. Finally, thank you to Rudy for the complimentary tickets to the Raleigh-Durham Ballet.

Ways to Tell the Waverly was at Your Golf Course.

1. ½ the guys in the pro shop don't satisfy the dress code and are forced to purchase non-Rudy discounted apparel.
2. House siding contractors have to be called in to repair homes that are located anywhere from 25 to 250 yards down fairways.
3. Strange men are walking aimlessly around your yard looking down and swiping at the grass with alternating feet.
4. Somebody is trying to scam your snack bar personnel with the line “Where is my free box lunch, pal?”.
5. There is a membership assessment for yards of new sand to be brought in and turf farms begin to proliferate in the area.
6. Michael Jordan's brass locker tag is tarnished green from freeloading admirers pawing at it.
7. The ranger has to track down at least one deadbeat who didn't pay his reduced rate greens fee.
 8. Inventory of the range balls is suddenly very low.
9. Every contestant, to a man, stiffs the club cleaning high school kids trying to make a summer buck.
10. Anything complimentary in the clubhouse is gone: coffee, tea, donuts, towels, tees & pencils. Only thing left is alcohol tainted drool.

Another Great Year!!

It was another great year for the Waverly, now with the 13th annual in the history books. But it was one not without controversy, big and
small and more on that later. First the 97 tournament notes.

Records are made to be broken and it was the year of broken records at the 1997 Waverly Invitational. Lets start with the small
numbers.

To be filed in the shameful category, there were at least eight Waverly players who recorded double digit scores on a single hole and the
426 yard par-5 13th, the “Gully Hole,” at Governors saw the most action. (Rumor has it one contestant is still lost down there.) Using up
their entire handicap on a single hole were Tom Barnes, who took an 11 on the 281 yard par-4 15th hole at Governors Club, and Bill
Carey, who took a 13 on the 413 yard par-5 22nd hole at Governors. Others taking 10 or more include Messrs. Brotzman, Cadden,
Courtenay, English, Hakes, and Horn. (Apologies to anybody not mentioned.)

Playing thirty-six holes on opening day was a first in Waverly history. By completing this day Billy Gillette established the fact he would
be a finisher. With the over/under line at 60 holes, Razor was well on his way to disappointing the pessimists. Which brings us to
another record, the first over/under betting line established for a Waverly contestant.

Calcutta bidding broke records for the second year in a row. The overall purse record fell as the wagering aggregate eclipsed the $1,400
mark and the individual high bid record of $90 was shattered repeatedly with the new high of $120 being bet on four players.

The grumbling started after the first round when, at approximately 11 pm EST there wasn’t a Waverly soul to be found near the bar.
What heresy!! Was this a group admission of advancing age? Gentlemen, get up from where ever you are right now. Yes, RIGHT
NOW! Get up and go to the nearest mirror, preferable not one of the full length variety either, you may not like what you see, and take a
good long look at yourself. Vow you will arrive at Waverly 98 (it isn’t that far away) with the spirit and zest of your first Waverly. We all
need to “Save the Waverly.”

There are grumblings about the venue, in particular, because just under half the field resides in the area and there is subconscious
coercion from non-Waverly relations limiting the social engagements traditionally conducted at the tournament. Perhaps a neutral site,
such as Ocean City should be explored. Travel agents are courting the Commish as we speak, putting the hard sell on to bring the
Waverly to a number of sites. Even the local Bartender Associations are joining in the effort as well.

A somewhat minor controversy sprang up in the final round when one contestant arrived with his personal caddie in tow. Are we getting
that serious about this tournament? Did this create an unfair advantage? What would the rulling be if the caddy was present in the final
group of the day? This was a Waverly first - a caddie. Not to worry though, being thoroughly disgusted with the play of his man, this
caddie pulled a “reverse role Daly” and deserted the course after nine.

Finally, there is the issue of handicaps. Tradition dictates that at the conclusion of the final round, the contestants gather and handicaps
are decided for next year event. Because many players departed once the final round was completed, the handicap meeting, hosted by
the lovely Mrs. Carey, consisted of eight contestants who doggedly debated where the field would be next year. Now those that
snubbed their nose at tradition are lobbying Ricky Lee to have handicaps changed through a dictatorial mandate.

It appears the good ship Commish is taking on some water fast and we hope our fearless leader takes us back to our roots and puts the
“W” back in Waverly.

Love to Fly
This happened on a recent Delta Shuttle flight to Boston during a bad thunderstorm. The captain did his best to skirt the edge of
the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves
into their seats for about half an hour, and many passengers were putting the little plastic-lines bags to good use. When the
turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain’s voice came over the intercom.

“Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn’t it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do, and I’m happy to report
that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today’s flight crew, I’d like to thank you
very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in Boston.”

After a short pause and several clicks ....... “Jesus Christ - whadda bitchin’ ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of strong coffee and a
blow job, right about now!”

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain his intercom was still on, one of the passengers
called after her, “DON’T FORGET THE COFFEE.”

News, Notes & Dirt

A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ....... if you didn’t stick around after the Calcutta bidding, you missed “the whistler” put on
quite a show ....... why do people who know the least know it the loudest ....... I swear I heard Larry “tag team 2 iron” Ellis’ say to his
caddy “WE got that shot.” ....... “Nice tootsies” ....... what ever happened to Lorraine Neuman ....... as you get older, have you noticed
your toenails are now turning a certain shade of chiffon ....... is anybody able to listen to Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of London and
keep a straight face ....... you gotta love those little green pencils from the Governors Club with the eraser ....... any kid will run an errand
for you, if you ask at bedtime ....... the Commish is the master of the wind ball - has athletic ability to roll a 5 iron onto the green from
170 ....... visual that will carry me to Waverly 98 - a young lady lying on her back in a large champagne glass tub full of soapy water
wiggling a creased dollar bill - without using her hands, legs behind her shoulders ....... $100 from the Calcutta went toward the Paul
Henson plaque and the remaining $4 for Newsletter postage and handling costs ....... when putting, don’t you love how Raymond Floyd
squints back and forth between the ball and hole as if he can’t quite decide which is the bigger asshole.

Carolina Rednecks
You know you’re a Carolina redneck if .......your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off .......
directions to your house include: “turn off the paved road.” ....... you have a rag for a gas cap ....... the neighbors started a petition over
your Christmas lights ....... you had a toothpick in your mouth when you had your wedding picture taken ....... you have a “Hefty bag” for
a passenger side window on your car ....... your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs ....... somebody asks to see your
ID and you show them your belt buckle ....... your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging ....... Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a
Christmas card ....... you go to family reunions to meet women ....... you have ever been fired from a construction job because of your
appearance ....... you look like Willie Nelson after you get a hair cut ....... your girlfriend thinks the way you pick your nose is cute .......
you own more than three golf shirts with cut-off sleeves.

A Man of Another Name

Can you match these Waverly contestants with their gay handles?

1. Blade A. Tom Barnes

2. Skeeter B. Marty Kurlich
3. Skull C. Tom Courtenay

If you too would like a gay handle, contact Tom Courtenay, your Waverly gay handle representative.

For What It’s Worth

From Ralph Waldo Emerson - To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the
appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a
bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because
you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

The Field, The Real Story:

Rick "Commish" Hakes - I hope that white stuff on your golf shirt every morning was flour from the bakery, otherwise - we’re outta here!
Greg Poole - The big strappin’ lad wins the Waverly Best Dressed award for 97.
Tom Geshay - After his 2nd Waverly he is so deep in that he needs a periscope. Award for “Furthest travelled to lose so badly.”
Larry “Caddy Master” Ellis - Caddygate has this boy in deep shit. Commish to rule on grant of some winnings to beverage committee.
Woody Brotzmann - On final hole he began hallucinating, seeing his 5th grade teacher sunbathing naked along the fairway.
Pat "5-O" Horn - Gets the “On His Way to the 70th Precinct Award” for going from the penthouse in 96 to the outhouse in 97.
Tim Bardo - The low handicapper’s hero, again in the final foursome. At least he didn’t vomit on himself and still fit as a butcher’s dog.
Billy "Razor" Gillette - Showed that he can be a finisher. Considers starting a roofing & siding business in the Greater Raleigh area.
Marty Kurlich - Eat me I’m a twinky, bite me I’m a dounut, lick me I’m a lollipop. I AM GOLF.
Jim "Jell-O Shot" Cadden -Since he started playing in The Waverly, he’s lived in like 8 different states. What is that?
Bill "Limousine" Carey - Is a magnet to any area that hosts The Waverly. Field request he move to Arizona in a couple years.
Sam "The Bull" Goble - Didn’t know his employer made golf carts and then he uttered “Think I can have one for my 401k?”
Tom Courtenay - Was heard to mutter “I can’t find it!” throughout the tourney. I hope he was talking about the holes on the greens.
Tom Barnes - Even after a year’s sabaticol he finds himself in the final group. See what sex in one position does for a man.

3
Steve - Played very well and is considered a dark horse for 98. Does this guy have a last name?
Patrick English - Thank you all for another great year, look forward to keeping in touch with a few more letters over the next 8 months.

Trivia
What was the headlining act at Pure Gold on May 24th? Consider yourself a sex addict, Frank Gifford status, if you can name at least
four of the other young ladies working on that same evening.

The Waverly Portfolio

Market Buy Price 08/04/97 Profit Comment
Erie Indemnity Nasdaq $29 7/8 $ 33 1/2 $ 3 Sell - BORING!
IBM NYSE $57 7/16 $106 1/4 $49 Hold
Ingersol Rand NYSE $55 $ 67 3/16 $12 New buy. Also known as Sammy’s place.
Lockheed Martin NYSE $65 $106 7/16 $41 Hold
McDonalds NYSE $43 1/2 $ 52 15/16 $ 9 Buy and average up.
Nash Finch Nasdaq $ Buy, recommended by Pure Gold talent.
Paychex Nasdaq $31 $ 39 13/16 $ 8 Buy and average up.
Presstek Nasdaq $26 ½ $ 42 3/16 $16 Hold

Information Superhighway
You can e-mail your contributions to The Waverly Newsletter at PENGL26683@AOL.COM. Send your photographs and contributions
for inclusion in the winter edition.

Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: Winter, 1997.

Trivia answer: Sandra Scream

Gay Handles: 1-C, 2-A, 3-B