Cynthia Wilson Ministries, Inc.

A Heart of Reverence and Respect for your

Spouse

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as
[being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she
respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards
him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that
she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him
exceedingly]. Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Bible)

Wordnet Dictionary

Respect: a courteous expression (by word of deed) of esteem or

regard; (2) an attitude of admiration or esteem; (3) deference,
respectfulness- courteous regard for people’s feelings.

de·fer
To submit to the opinion, wishes, or decision of another through
respect or in recognition of his or her authority, knowledge, or
judgment. To commit or entrust to another.

ven·er·ate To regard with respect, reverence, or heartfelt deference.

Apostle Paul gave the church a wonderful analogy of how the husband
and wife are to relate to one another. Just as Jesus sacrificially gave
of Himself for the church, He extended His sacrificial love that the
church would be cared for, loved and protected; the husband is to give
of himself also lovingly and sacrificially. Christ gave His life so that we
could continually receive the unfailing love, care and abundance of
nourishment, through healing, salvation and deliverance.

As this is the expected role of the husband, to love their wives by

nourishing and caring for them as if they were taking excellent care of
their own bodies. And how can a husband do this?

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I Peter 3:1-6
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if
some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the
conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct
accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward-
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel- rather let
it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For
in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God
also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as
Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if
you do good and are not afraid with any terror. (NKJV)

In a similar way, you husbands must live with your wives in an

understanding manner, as with a most delicate partner. Honor them
as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing may
interfere with your prayers. I Peter 3:7 (International Standard
Version)

As we can see, it is important for the husband to dwell with his wife
according to knowledge and understanding. He needs to know what is
it that pleases his wife, what irritates her and pushes the wrong
button, is learning how to be truly honest and open with his wife, is he
willing to discuss serious issues without being defensive? Is he willing
to allow his wife to have input in the decision making, although she
will respect to him to make the final decision out of love?

Let’s look why it is so important that a woman respects her

spouse.

David’s wife Michal

II Samuel 6:12-23

12. When David heard this, he brought the Ark to the City of David
with a great celebration.
13. After the men who were carrying it had gone six paces, they
stopped and waited so that he could sacrifice an ox and a fat lamb.
14. And David danced before the Lord with all his might, and was
wearing priests' clothing.
15. So Israel brought home the Ark of the Lord with much shouting
and blowing of trumpets.

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 16. (But as the procession came into the city, Michal, Saul's
daughter, watched from a window and saw King David leaping and
dancing before the Lord; and she was filled with contempt for him.)
17. The Ark was placed inside the tent which David had prepared for
it; and he sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings to the Lord.
18. Then he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of heaven,
19. and gave a present to everyone--men and women alike--of a loaf
of bread, some wine, and a cake of raisins. When it was all over, and
everyone had gone home,
20. David returned to bless his family. But Michal came out to meet
him and exclaimed in disgust, ``How glorious the king of Israel looked
today! He exposed himself to the girls along the street like a common
pervert!''
21. David retorted, ``I was dancing before the Lord who chose me
above your father and his family and who appointed me as leader of
Israel, the people of the Lord! So I am willing to act like a fool in order
to show my joy in the Lord.
22. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, but I
will be respected by the girls of whom you spoke!''
23. So Michal was childless throughout her life.

Wives, the love in the relationship will increase and abound in the
marriage relationship when we begin to choose to lay down our rights
to have the last word. Lay down your ideology that you must be the
leader in the home if anything is to be done. Ladies lay down your
pride and ideologies that you will be nothing but a doormat.

The key to experiencing healing in your marriage is to first deal issues

of your own heart.

Respect for your husband will come easy, when issues of your heart
are dealt with before God.

When I went before God to deal with the issues of my heart, God
begin to change my attitude. I purposed in my heart that when my
husband was unloving, I would yet love.

I meditated on I Corinthians 13:4-7, 13

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or
rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it
keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice
but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never

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loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every
circumstance.

Three things will last forever-faith, hope, and love and the greatest of
these is love.

Issues that prevents respect and love:

• Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses –

Prov. 10:12 (bitterness, unforgiving spirit, malice)

• Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Prov.
13:10

• Excessive talking – Too much talk leads to sin, be sensible

and keep your mouth shut. Prov. 10:19

• Cutting remarks – Some people make cutting remarks, but

the words of the wise bring healing. Prov. 12:18

• Destructiveness – A wise woman builds her home, but a

foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
(Prov. 14:1) Example, gossiping and backbiting, degrading
your spouse with relatives or others. Constant bickering and
strife initiated in the home.

• Quarrelsome – A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily

as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights woods.

• Bitter Revenge and long-standing contempt – The people

of Philistia have acted against Judah out of bitter revenge and
long-standing contempt. Ezekiel 25:15

Essential keys for walking in respect:

• Forgive
• Repentance – godly sorrow
• Renounce ungodly ways and attitudes
• Pray daily, spend time in the Word of God, sing praises in
your heart making melody to God
• Walk in exceeding love
• Highly esteem him in the home, outside the home
• Assure and affirm him

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• Take negative thoughts captive, bring your thoughts in
obedience to Christ
• Think and dwell on positive things about your husband
• Reject the lies of the enemy
• Ask him in what ways you can show him respect
• Shake off moodiness on his part or your part
• Inquire about what might be troubling him
• Express your faith in his leadership in the home
• Leave notes for him in various places
• Prayerfully and lovingly confront issues at the right time
• If he doesn’t do something as you expected, maintain a
positive attitude
• Praise him once a day
• Let him know what is unique and special about him
• Allow him to make final decisions
• Allow him to lead in the marriage, honor his authority