special report

special report

Married

Jesus

to

Divorced from the Church

en years ago, if someone had

asked her who she wants
to be in her next life, she
wouldnt have fumbled. Her
eternal wedlock with Jesus, after all,
was no coincidence. Now, her life at
crossroads, Sister Jesme isnt sure. She
still swears by her love for Jesus, her
name a tightly stitched up version of
Jesus and me. Yet, she renounced
the church late last year and wrote
a highly controversial book Amen:
An autobiography of a nun. The book,
she says, resulted out of an hour-long
dialogue with Jesus, who convinced
84 marie claire india august 2009

Why would a nun want to talk about sex? Amen

An Autobiography of a Nun by Sr Jesme talks about
lesbianism, sexual permissiveness, nepotism and
financial irregularities behind the cloisters of the
church. The nun tells Marie Claire what prompted her
to bare it all. By Arathi Menon. Photographs by N.P. Jayan
her that 27 years of dutiful service as
a nun and five years of preparation to
be one have fulfilled her duties as His
bride (Christians believe Jesus lived
for 33 years on earth). Liberated from
the shackles of a habit, marriage is an
option she hasnt considered. There has
been no dearth of suitors though, the
most prominent being a well-known

swami from Kerala who has a thaali

(mangalsutra) already made for her. I
do not want to narrow down my life to
a family. I think Im born for a bigger
cause, she reasons.
So what prompted her to give
up the life she had known? Her
autobiography, which forced her to
quit the Congregation of Mother

Carmelite, has made her an outcast

of the church. Her family, too, has
disowned her. But Amen is not just
about sexual permissiveness within
the church; an aspect that seems to
have got highlighted in the publicity
the book has garnered. In fact, that her
brush with promiscuity in the church is
limited to just three paragraphs comes
as a dampener to those looking for
thrill. Readers call up to convey their
disappointment, some request her to
describe the events graphically in the
English translation. I recommend the
many pornographic books available in
the market, she chuckles.
The book fell like a bomb on the
Kerala Catholic church. It was already
reeling under a barrage of controversies
including the murder of a young
nun, Sr Abhaya, allegedly by
two priests and a nun. Following
this books publication, the
church hit back with a string of
diatribes volleyed at the nun. I
pity the church. They couldve
fought me in a nobler way, she
says. Nevertheless, Amen... is
a success. It went for reprint
three weeks after hitting
the stands and has now
been published in English
by Penguin Books. Hindi,
Marathi and Tamil versions
are also in the pipeline.
Sr Jesme is no ordinary
nun cooped up in a prayer
room. In fact, there arent any prayer
rooms in her rented apartment Lily,
lodged away from the noisy township
of Kozhikode in Kerala. The twobedroom apartment filled with
newspaper cuttings, the Bible and a
laptop looks dishevelled. Her suitcase
reveals a rainbow of colours saris,
salwar-kameez, dupattas of a synthetic
make. She picks a sandalwoodcoloured sari with navy blue border
for the pictures. This colour is a
good metaphor of my transition, she
winks. A die-hard movie freak, she
recommends Slumdog Millionaire as a
must-watch and giggles like a teenager
at the mention of the special (read
same sex) love her superior had for her

Clockwise from facing

page: Sr Jesme in front
of a picture of Jesus at
her residence; the cover
for the English edition
of her book published
by Penguin; in front of
a Kozhikode church; a
younger Sr Jesme at the
convent

contact she had with Jesus as a bride

left many guessing. Was the experience
sexual? The feeling was spiritual,
she contends. One reader argued that
there cannot be such an experience
without the arousal of the genitals.
Imagine the feeling a mother would
have when she sees her toddlers smile
this was one such.
She would have stayed loyal
to the church if her superiors
hadnt tried to gag her by
forcefully administering
medicines and trying to
lodge her in an asylum, a fate
meted out to those who oppose the
shady dealings inside the church, she
alleges. But no regrets I now have
time to read, write and watch films.
Inside the congregation, I could only
to pray and decorate the church.
As we prepare to wrap up, Sister
Jesme does a Wafa Sultan, who took on
radical Islamists for their interpretation
of the religion. The church continues
to hold on to beliefs from the dark ages,
even as it deals with people in the 21st
century. It needs to be transparent.
The financial irregularities within
the church need to be brought out. It
brainwashes believers into believing
that it is a sin to oppose the priests.
She wishes her book will mark the
beginning of change.

Her life is enmeshed

in controversies, but she
isnt putting a lid on it
colleague. Lesbianism is an accepted
thing for some in nunneries. The
superiors said it was better than going
to the priests and getting pregnant.
I could not object to sexual advances
from Sr Vimi, mentioned in the book.
She was not controlled by the superiors
for the fear that she would kill herself
and because her father was a powerful
person, she says.
She is not putting a lid on whats
become a life enmeshed in controversies.
Jesus is using me as a whip to carry
out his plans. Otherwise how would
a simple book like my autobiography
become such a stupendous success?
she asks. The book talks about the
sublime relationship she shares with
Jesus. Her description of the physical

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