20.

DODGEBALL (2004)
The insulter: Patches OHoulihan (Rip Torn)
The situation: The eccentric Dodgeball coach gives his team a halftime pep talk and doesnt
sugar-coat his instructions. Average Joes will be average no longer.
The insult: Will someone please catch a goddamn ball? Its like watching a bunch of retards
trying to fuck a doorknob out there!
Why it rules: Paints quite a picture, doesnt it?
19. WHITE MEN CANT JUMP (1992)
The insulter: Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes)
The situation: Trash-talking on the basketball court, a number of yo momma jokes are thrown
around but this one really sticks.
The insult: I seen your mother kicking a can down the street. I said What you doin? and she
said Moving
Why it rules: Nothing cuts to the bone like a yo momma joke.
18. THE WAY OF THE GUN (2000)
The insulter: Mr. Parker (Ryan Philippe)
The situation: The reserved-yet-deadly criminal for hire gets involved in a slanging match outside
a club with a bar patron and his bitch girlfriend.
The insult: Shut that cunts mouth or Ill come over there and fuckstart her head!
Why it rules: The c-word always wins an argument (especially when directed at a girl).
17. O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000)
The insulter: Ulysses Everett McGill (George Clooney)
The situation: Escaped convict Ulysses can no longer hide his contempt for his two dim-witted
partners.
The insult: You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.
Why it rules: Is there any instrument duller than the hammer? Exactly.
16. JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK (2001)
The insulter: Jay (Jason Mewes)
The situation: Upon discovering an internet post flaming his new movie, the stoner decides to
retort in his own inimitable style.
The insult: All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. Were
gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to
Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, were gonna make em eat
our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made em
eat. Then all you motherfuckers are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
Why it rules: You know youve read stuff like that on the internet before.
15. THE DEPARTED (2006)
The insulter: Sergeant Dignam (Mark Wahlberg)
The situation: The Boston Police Force set up a stakeout and Dignam gets a little pissed with the
attitude of the tech geeks they hired to wire the place up.
The insult: Im the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.
Why it rules: Its just one of a slew of insults from Dignams acid-tipped tongue. Fuckin A.
14. POINT BREAK (1991)

The insulter: Agent Antonio Pappas (Gary Busey)

The situation: The FBI agent reminds a cocksure Keanu Reeves that hes been around the block
a few times.
The insult: I was taking shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crapping in your hands and
rubbing it on your face!
Why it rules: Keanu Reeves totally did that as a kid.
13. WAYNES WORLD (1992)
The insulter: Garth Algar (Dana Carvey)
The situation: The straggly-haired rocker convinces Kurt Fullers lackey that his TV producer boss
is a douchebag.
The insult: Benjamin is nobodys friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavour, hed be pralines
and dick.
Why it rules: Imaginative and disgusting no one would eat ice cream flavoured like pralines.
12. ROXANNE (1987)
The insulter: C.D. Charlie Bales (Steve Martin)
The situation: Colossaly-conked Charlie is challenged to think of twenty insults better than Big
Nose. This is the best of the bunch, but When you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid?
runs it a close second.
The insult: Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
Why it rules: It reminds us of when Steve Martin was funny.
11. THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991)
The insulter: Joseph Joe Hallenback (Bruce Willis)
The situation: When confronted by a street thug, Hallenback defaults to comedy mode to distract
him (before smacking him up something neat).
The insult: Your wifes so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. If you wanna fuck
her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in.
Why it rules: No one writes barbed put-downs like Shane Black (see also #7).
10. NATIONAL LAMPOONS CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
The insulter: Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
The situation: Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his
boss the following tirade.
The insult: You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating,
inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless,
fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!
Why it rules: Weve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.
9. ANCHORMAN (2004)
The insulter: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
The situation: Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the
newsroom floor. Hers suck. His dont.
The insult: You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why dont you go back to your home on Whore
Island?
Why it rules: Because women really should go back to their homes on Whore Island.
8. SEXY BEAST (2000)
The insulter: Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)

The situation: Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for
one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
The insult: Youre the problem! Youre the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin jam-rag
fucking spunk-bubble!
Why it rules: Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!
7. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)
The insulter: Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
The situation: Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perrys gun
into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
The insult: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what youll find?
A picture of me?
No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!
Why it rules: Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.
6. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
The insulter: Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
The situation: Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Klines kidnapper Otto that hes not as bright as
he thinks he is.
The insult: To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. Ive known sheep who could
outwit you. Ive worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think youre an intellectual, dont you, ape?
Why it rules: Its just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.
5. PREDATOR (1987)
The insulter: Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The situation: After a rumble in the jungle with his intergalactic enemy, Colonel Dutch finally
comes face to face with the Predator and dashes his hopes for a snog.
The insult: Youre one ugly motherfucker!
Why it rules: No need for witty one-liners here: straight to the point and devastatingly brutal, even
for an alien.
4. GET CARTER (1971)
The insulter: Jack Carter (Michael Caine)
The situation: Returning home to find his brother dead in mysterious circumstances, professional
killer Jack re-introduces himself to the snivelling Eric.
The insult: You know, Id almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in
the snow.
Why it rules: Try and stop thinking about it next time your girlfriend asks if you like her eyes.
3. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
The insulter: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
The situation: Having had all he can stand of Scarletts whinging and whimpering, Butler puts his
bitch on ice.
The insult: Frankly my dear, I dont give a damn.
Why it rules: Back in the 1930s, this was worth a million motherfuckers.
2. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
The insulter: Taunting French Guard (John Cleese)
The situation: Atop his castle, the French guard pours scorn on King Arthur and his silly
kerrniggits, spitting down vitriol like acid rain.

The insult: I dont wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart
in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Why it rules: Its hard to argue with that sort of reasoning. And he is French.
1. FULL METAL JACKET (1987)
The insulter: Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey)
The situation: Tubster Private Pyle dares break a smile while having his hair dryed by his furious
drill sergeant. What followed were the most brutal, most heartless and most downright hilarious
insults in movie history. Its almost impossible to pick one amongst a tirade that lasts several
minutes (You look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose, I didnt know they
stacked shit that high, Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your mommas crack and
ended up a brown stain on the mattress, and so on) but pick one we had to
The insult: Did your parents have any children that lived?
Why it rules: Breathtaking in its brevity, its an insult so devastating, the recipient kills himself later
in the picture.
And the worst movie insult ever
HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
The insulter: Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald)
The situation: The golf pro attempts to give amateur ball-smacker Happy a verbal beatdown, but
fails.
The quote: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Why it sucks: The straight-faced reply of You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? leaves Shooter
struggling for an adequate response. No I Man down. Man down. Ali