Friends for Life Parent Handouts

FRIENDS for LIFE Overview

In today’s society children, youth and families are faced with a number of stresses and challenges
on a day to day basis. Research has shown that children and youth who are resilient (can bounce
back and cope with day-today life experiences) are more likely to succeed at school, develop
healthy peer relationships and are less likely to develop mental health problems. Given this
information, it is important that we take an active approach in teaching children, youth and families
how to build their resiliency when faced with the stresses of life.

The FRIENDS for life programme is a well researched and innovative programme designed to assist
children, youth and their families to learn important life skills. The skills and techniques taught in
the FRIENDS programme help children and youth to cope with stress and anxiety as well as learning
to mange difficult and challenging situations. The word FRIENDS is used to teach skills taught
throughout the programme (i.e. each letter stands for a new skill learned). The programme
addresses mind (cognitive), body (physiological) and behaviour (learning) processes which are seen
to interact in the development, maintenance and experience of stress, and anxiety. Your child will
learn how to deal with difficulties, to recognise signs of anxiety, relaxation strategies for staying
calm, to develop positive thinking, how to focus on solutions to problems and not the problems
themselves, how to face their fears as well as learning conflict resolution strategies.

You as parents and caregivers play a vital role in the development and maintenance of the skills
taught in the FRIENDS programme. Each week your child (ren) will be introduced to specific skills to
help build their resiliency. These skills need to be reinforced both during the group and in the
home environment in order for change to occur.

It is our aim that your child (ren), your families and community will both enjoy the FRIENDS for Life
programme and will benefit from learning practical, useful skills for coping with stress, worry, fear
and day-to-day challenges.

FRIENDS
Each letter of the word FRIENDS represents a new skill learnt

F= Feelings
R= Relaxation
I= I Can Do It, I Can Try My Best! (Self-talk, Positive Thinking)
E= Explore Solutions and Coping Step Plans
N= Now Reward Yourself
D= Don’t Forget To Practice
S= Smile and Stay Calm for Life
© Pathways Health and Research Centre
FRIENDS for LIFE – SESSION 1 (Introduction to the Group)

This week your child will begin Session 1 of FRIENDS for Life (FFL). Session 1 begins with an
introduction to FRIENDS and an explanation of what to expect over the coming weeks.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Working in groups

Learning to feel confident and brave in sharing ones feelings and ideas in a safe and
appropriate way

Understanding and accepting individual and cultural differences between peoples

Learning to cope with stress, fears and worries

Identify goal to pursue throughout the programme (e.g. getting along with siblings,
managing exam stress, being able to confidently say a speech in front of the teacher and
class)

Identify happy experiences

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Sit down with your child (ren) and begin discussing individual and family goals that can be
achieved over the coming weeks.
 Make the goals specific and positive in nature (e.g. to keep my room tidy each day, to use
friendly words when talking to my brothers and/or sisters, to complete my homework each
night)
 Focus on positively reinforcing all brave behaviour. Catch your child being brave (e.g. doing
something new for the first time).
 Encourage your child to talk about the things that upset them including any fears or worries.
Share some of your own childhood worries and fears. This will help your child to
understand that feeling anxious and worried is normal and that your child will learn new
skills in managing their worries in the coming weeks.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS - SESSION 2

This week your child will complete Session 2 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 2 teaches how to
understand their own and other people’s feelings better.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Understanding our own and other people’s feelings

Thinking in powerful or helpful ways

Understanding how thoughts and feelings affect behaviour

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Try to verbalise what you think your child is feeling. For example, if you notice that your
child looks happy, let them know this. You could say something like “you look very happy
today. I can tell because you are smiling and have laughed lots, this shows me that you are
happy”. Or, “I can see that you are angry as your face and fists are scrunched up and you
are raising your voice, this shows me that you are angry”.
 Validating your child’s feelings before problem solving is a way of letting your child know
that you understand how they are feeling. For example, if your child is angry you could say
something like “I can see that you are angry and don’t want to do your homework,
however; you need to make a good choice now and find a way to manage your anger. It is
ok to be angry, but it is not ok to hit people when you are angry”.
 It is important that children be able to recognise and label their feelings and the feelings of
others. This helps to build empathy for self and others. Discussing what emotions you see
your child displaying will create understanding. Talking about feelings helps to
communicate to children that all feelings are ok, however; it is what we choose to do with
our feelings that count.
 Identify and discuss the strengths of each family member. Becoming aware of strengths
will enhance and boost individual and family esteem. Use lots of descriptive praise to
validate your child’s strengths. For example, I really like it when you hug your sister when
she is upset, being caring is one of your strengths.
 Share with your child (ren) some of your own strengths. This will help children to
understand their own and others strengths. This also helps to build children’s self-esteem.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS - SESSION 3

This week your child will complete Session 3 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 3 teaches how to feel
confident and brave. It also includes teaching children to listen to their body clues which help them
to understand when they are feeling worried or nervous and how to engage in relaxation activities
to remain calm and manage their worries.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Listening to our body clues to understand feelings

Different methods of relaxation – deep breathing (milkshake breathing), progressive muscle
relaxation, using relaxation scripts, the importance of rest and quiet time.

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Encourage your child (ren) to verbalise what is happening inside of their bodies when they
experience a variety of emotions. For example, when we are worried we can experience
butterflies in our tummy or get a tight feeling in our throat, or we may need to go to the
toilet often. Let our child (ren) know that theses symptoms are your bodies way of telling
you how you are feeling.
 It is important that as soon as children are aware of their body clues they need to do
something about this. Engaging in relaxation strategies helps to reduce these feelings and
to remain in control.
 Practice having quiet time each day. Practice deep breathing from your tummy. Teach your
child (ren) to breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth to help control
their anxiety symptoms.
 Relaxation techniques have an immediate impact on our physiology. Deep breathing is
used to decrease our heart rate and release tension in our body. Being calm also helps us
to think clearly in an anxiety provoking or difficult situation.
 Try to see that your body language matches what you are saying to your child (ren). Child
can often feel confused by the messages from those around them, and therefore they
become confused as how to respond and act in different situations. Try to be clear, firm
and fair in your approach. Remember that children look to you for how to respond in
situations and will model your responses. When your body language matches your
emotions it minimises the likelihood of any miscommunication occurring.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS - SESSION 4

This week your child will complete Session 4 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 4 teaches them how to
understand their self-talk, the things we say to ourselves at different times, and how to turn
unhelpful thinking into positive thinking.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Exploring what makes us happy

Understanding self-talk – helpful (green) thoughts make us feel strong, brave, happy and
confident; unhelpful (red) thoughts make us feel miserable, worried or upset)

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Encourage your child to focus on the positives of situations and not the negatives.
 Remember that we all have unhelpful thoughts and sometimes they occur without our
knowing. The FRIENDS programme teaches children to become aware of their self-talk and
provides the skills to be able to turn negative thoughts into positive and powerful thoughts.
 The more we listen to unhelpful thoughts the more we believe them and act upon them. It
is important to help your child practice bossing back unhelpful thoughts such as “I cannot do
it” and replacing them with more positive thoughts such as “I know it is hard, but I can have
a go and try my best”.
 Thinking in positive and helpful ways is skill that requires continual practice and
reinforcement. When you notice negative thinking in your self or your child, take a moment
to stop, ask yourself is that thought helpful?, if it is not try turning that thought around to
find a more positive way of viewing the situation.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS – SESSION 5

This week your child will complete Session 5 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 5 focuses on changing
unhelpful thoughts into helpful thoughts and how to face your fears by breaking down difficult
tasks into small steps (coping step plans).

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Paying attention to positive thoughts and things

Challenging unhelpful thoughts

Changing unhelpful thoughts into helpful thoughts

Exploring ways to cope

Coping step plans (breaking down difficult things into smaller steps)

Learning to face your fears, worries and difficult situations.

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 It has been demonstrated that from an early age children can learn to choose how they
think, feel and act. However, it is one thing to know this but another to be able to put this
skill into practice.
 For children to develop the ability to see life through a ‘positive’ lens, and to see the glass as
‘half-full’ they need to practice bossing back unhelpful thoughts on a daily basis until this
skill becomes a natural part of their thinking. Changing your thinking processes can be
uncomfortable to being with but it can make a huge difference in our ability to cope if we
can learn to look for the positives in a situation and to not focus on the negatives.
 Children model what they see and hear around them. If you recognise that you are saying
unhelpful words or feeling tense or nervous then let your child know that you are aware of
this. From there demonstrate coming up with an alternative positive way of looking at your
situation. For example, if you are getting stressed about being late for work instead of
saying “Now I am late for work, traffic will be bad and I bet I will get all the red lights!” you
could say “It is going to be ok, maybe the traffic won’t be as bad as I am thinking, and at
least I get to listen to the radio as I drive to work”.
 The more you and your child (ren) practice the skill of recognising your feelings, and
challenging unhelpful thoughts, the more control you and your child (ren) will have over
your behaviour and choices. This will boost everyone’s confidence in being able to face the
ups and downs of life.
 Continue to share your thoughts and feelings with your child (ren) and acknowledge their
emotions. Let them know the things you struggled with when you were their age. Help
them see that things can be turned around and that we can all learn to overcome our
difficulties by CHOOSING to think positively.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS – SESSION 6

This week your child will complete Session 6 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 6 focuses on the
importance of having support teams and role models in our lives. This session also teaches children
how to find solutions to problem situations (6-block problem solving plan).

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

The importance of role models and support teams

6-stage problem solving plan (identifying the problem and possible solutions, listing possible
consequences, picking the best solution, putting the plan into action, evaluating the results)

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Identify the people whom you look up to in your life both now or in the past. Identify the
strengths of these people and discuss with your child (ren) the ways in which these people
have impacted your life.
 Have a family discussion as to the sources of supports available to you. For example, family,
friends, community leaders, teachers, family GP, dance teacher etc. Help your child to
recognise when to seek help and the people they can talk to when they go through good
and bad times. Knowing that there are people available to who care is a protective factor in
children lives.
 Try to focus on the solution to problems and not the problem itself. The more you can take
the emphasis off the problem and redirect the focus on the outcome, the more confident
you will become in knowing you can come through the other side and learn to manage
situations.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS – SESSION 7

This week your child will complete Session 7 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 7 focuses on thinking like
a winner; looking at the importance of feeling good when you have done your best, and to find
ways to reward yourself for trying (effort is important).

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Reward ourselves for trying (effort is important), not just about outcomes

Thinking like a winner

Using humour to deal with different situations

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Try to help your child focus on their effort in giving things a go and not necessarily the
outcome of their efforts.
 An important feat in life is to be able to cope when things don’t go the way we envisioned.
Children can learn to feel confident in being able to face their fears and to keep going when
things don’t go their way. We as adults can teach children that no matter what they are
faced with, they have the power to CHOOSE their thoughts. Children can learn to turn
unhelpful thoughts which may try and stop them from reaching their goals, into more
positive powerful thoughts that lead to positive actions.
 Help you child to focus on what they can do well. This is likely to increase their willingness
to give new things a go or to continue facing things they find difficult.
 Discuss with your child ways that they can feel good about themselves when they have done
their best, despite things not going the way they planned. For example, if your child does
something new or faces a fear, they could say to themself “I am a winner because I tried my
best and I know what to do next time”. They could also work towards tangible rewards for
their efforts such as quality time with the family, or bike riding, a trip to the park for an ice
cream or an extra story at bed time.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre

FRIENDS – SESSION 8

This week your child will complete Session 8 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 8 focuses on how to
practice the specific skills learnt over the last 7 weeks.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Practicing the skills learnt in FRIENDS

Planning ahead for difficult situations

Staying calm

Being confident and brave

Positive affirmations about self

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Try to incorporate the FRIENDS language into everyday life. For example continue to discuss
feelings and our body clues when feeling nervous, happy, excited or sad.
 Continue to challenge unhelpful thoughts (RED thoughts) and turn them into helpful
thoughts (GREEN thoughts).
 Discuss situations where a coping step plan or the 6-block problem solving plan may be
useful (e.g., going on school camp, sitting an exam, not being invited to a party, fighting over
computer time at home).
 Continue to help your child generate personal ways to reward themselves for their efforts.

FRIENDS – SESSION 9
This week your child will complete Session 9 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 9 focuses on putting all
the FRIENDS skills together and teaches children how the skills learnt can be used to help others.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Putting it all together

Using the FRIENDS plan to help ourselves and others

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Help you child to identify future challenges (e.g., beginning a new school) and to set realistic
goals for now and the future (e.g., learning to swim or attend school camp next).
 Keep practicing the FRIENDS skills each day to help your child (ren) manage current and
future challenges.
 Daily practice of the FRIENDS skills will help maintain positive changes. However, set backs
may occur from time-to-time, this is to be expected. Don’t despair! The FRIENDS skills are
skills to be used in real-life situations both now and for the rest of your lives.
© Pathways Health and Research Centre
FRIENDS – SESSION 10

This week your child will complete Session 10 of FRIENDS for Life. Session 10 focuses on preparing
for future challenges and having a party to celebrate the new skills learnt. This session supports
children to identify future situations and challenges where the FRIENDS skills can be used.

The concepts, skills and techniques taught in this session include:

Preparing for future challenges

Party to celebrate new skills learnt

Tips for Parents/Caregivers:

 Have fun using the FRIENDS skills as part of your everyday life. ☺
 Remember that learning new ways of coping takes time and practice.
 Remember that all feelings are ok! It is ok to be scared, angry, worried, sad and confused.
However, it is how we choose to deal with our feelings that matter.
 Take a TEAM approach to managing difficult situations. Don’t go it alone! Together
Everyone Achieves More. Work through problem situations as a family.
 Encourage your child to refer the book to maintain the skills learnt.
 Take care of yourselves! Smile and stay CALM for Life! ☺

FRIENDS – Booster Session 1 &2

The goal of the two booster sessions is to review the steps of the FRIENDS plan. The sessions are an
opportunity to re-visit the FRIENDS skills and to prompt participants to continue using their coping
skills everyday.

CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE FRIENDS FOR LIFE PROGRAMME! ☺

Disclaimer:
The information and material in these fact sheets is general in nature and is intended for your use and information. Pathways Health and Research
Centre accepts no responsibility for the accuracy or completeness of any material contained herein. Pathways Health and Research Centre
recommends that you exercise your own skill and care with respect to any of the material (seek advice etc). You must not assume that the material
will be suitable for the particular purpose that you had in mind when using it. Pathways Health and Research Centre disclaims any liability to any
person for any thing and the consequences of any thing, done or not done by any such person in whole or partial reliance upon the whole or part of
the information contained herein.

© Pathways Health and Research Centre