Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

WHAT IS ECONOMIC ABUSE?

THE DYNAMIC OF DEFEATS AND SURRENDERED

FROM ESTABLISHING OF SUSPICION TO AWARENESS

11

THE HANDWRITING IS WRITTEN ON THE WALL

16

THE DANGER OF BLURRING THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL

19

Introduction
Hello everybody. I am Harel Seal, a lawyer by profession.
In this guide I will focus on economic abuse and violence in families.
The phenomenon occurs when an aggressive party in the family takes over the sources of funds
and the property of the family and makes the others, submissive and afraid of confrontations,
dependent on him financially.
The phenomenon has various characteristics and aspects, and includes, among other things, the
creation of debts in the name of the submissive party, taking actions in order to ruin the
submissive partys work and livelihood, and doing all this, in many cases, in stealthy crafty and
cunning ways, including having actions and deeds in the gray area, not always accompanied by
physical violence.
The phenomenon destroys families from the base, since it produces generations of children and
youth raised on the distortion of the violent wins", power and control give you achievements"
and with guile and cunning you will succeed in your actions."
Economic abuse is not considerable as a criminal matter, due to the fact the police do not
intervene in it, seeing the conflict as a civil matter.
Moreover, even some of the treatment authorities do not always know how to characterize the
economic abuse and tend to associate it with seemingly legitimate economic disputes, all without
internalizing that in practice the phenomenon is violence in its substance!
Economic abuse is also very widespread in workplaces, causing many employees to be hit by
their employers till they are mentally destroyed.

In my opinion this sad phenomenon called economic abuse should be considered violence in all
respects and aspects, and we should do everything to condemn it, no less than we condemn
physical or verbal violence.
Being a lawyer specializing in the field of family law, with at least 11 years experience providing
advice to the violence prevention centers and women movements (such as NAAMAT) in the
country of Israel, I saw, I checked, I examined , cataloged and categorized hundreds of cases of
economic abuse in families, and as a reaction and from the deep will to use my knowledge in
order to help people, I decided to set up a blog and a website including important and necessary
information (which hopefully will expand and increase in the near future), all with regard to the
phenomenon and possibilities of actions against it.
In this guide, I'll give you the tools to characterize the economic abuse, to understand its limits,
its characteristics and its results, and the first basic steps to take in order to raise it on the map
and manipulate it.
Down the road, you can also download my courses, which will give you the tools to be familiar
with the phases that are essential in order to make the change in a correct and efficient way.
For, as we know, all big changes start with a small one step ... see you in the following chapters.

What Is Economic Abuse?

Globally, domestic economic abuse is a situation where a party takes over the family's assets and
money resources by force and / or domineering and / or slyly and / or by taking measures of
intimidation in order to dominate the properties, monies and financial rights of another person
- including his/her right to work and support himself/herself - and prevents the other, as
aforesaid, any access to such property, monies and rights. On the other hand, the phenomenon
consists also of revealing the victim to debts and obligations, having no sense and no control.
We can see from the above definition that there are elements of violence in the phenomenon of
economic abuse, but it is not necessary they will exist, due to the fact that in many cases in which
the economic abuse exists it has been done in clever and disguised ways, without the smell' of
violence.
Economic abuse can occur between spouses and usually exists when there is dependency
between them. It exists also between children and their elderly parents, again where there are
dependencies. It also exists between parents and children, especially when children are minors
and helpless.
In traditional societies, where there are tribes or extended families, there are often dependencies
between parties in the extended family, not always related to parties of the immediate family.
In all cases described above, there is always one party who takes over the property and / or
monies and / or rights that belong to another, preventing the other any access to it, and actually
making the other his/her hostage. In that situation of domineering his/her assets, it follows that
if the victim follows the aggressor's instructions he or she may survive financially, but if not, the
victim will remain without property and without assets.

Henceforth in this guide I will call those causing the damages of economic abuse aggressors",
and those who experience the economic abuse victim/s".
I will describe some possible examples of economic abuse:
First: the aggressor passes to his name properties belonging to the victim. This injury is usually
carried out in real estate and vehicles.
Second: the aggressor confiscates funds belonging to the victim. This injury occurs when, for
example, the aggressor drains the bank account and/or savings plans, and then discharges and
transfers the funds to a place the victim doesnt have any access to, such as another bank account
the victim has no access to, a safe etc..
Third: the aggressor prevents the victim's access to funds used for living. This injury occurs when
the aggressor does not allow the victim access to a pension or annuity or salary, and in fact leaves
the victim without livelihood.
Fourth: the aggressor has his own business in the name of the victim, then he/she empties the
business assets, smuggling money and profits, and finally leaving the business in debt, and all of
this despite the fact the victim hadnt even a minimal access to the business but unfortunately
he/she remained with the full debts and obligations.
Fifth: the aggressor requires that the victim take out loans and / or demands the victim issue
credit cards in his/her name, then the aggressor takes the money, or the things purchased by
credit, leaving the victim with the debts.
Just as in the following case:

Not only this, the aggressor uses the land laws, banking laws and other laws for his/her benefit,
creating a misleading impression that everything is by the law, while in the reality his/her acts
are infected with militancy, violence, lies and deceit against the victim.
Therefore, economic abuse is a big deal, and we have to be familiar with it, so we will be able to
characterize it and give it the necessary solution.
It is important to note that beyond the direct economic implications that economic abuse causes,
as I noted earlier, the economic abuse has also the characteristics of trampling and harvesting,
and its results are almost always the destruction of the mind of the victim and family members
close to him, especially and unfortunately children.
Later I will show that trampling, harvesting and destruction of mind are themselves a kind of
violence, even if the aggressor does not use physical or verbal violence.
Finally - In the case of economic abuse, the damages are not only financial and economic, but also
mental.

The Dynamic Of Defeats And Surrendered

We learned in the first outline what economic abuse is.
The question is, what is due? How is it created? What brings economic abuse?
The answer is as follows:
Note that the answer above suggests that economic abuse must have on the one hand the
overpowering, and on the other hand the surrender, and finally, cumulative to the previous, the
symbiotic dependency between them both.
That is, in economic abuse there will always be the one who takes on the role of control and
brutality. Please note that that job' requires the defeat, being stiff, cruel, and full of negative
energies.
Also there will be the other, the surrendered, who takes on the role of subordinate. In fact, there
can be a situation where in the beginning the surrendered refused to turn down, and only later
he/she gave up and agreed to fall in line with the overwhelming and take on the role of
submissive grinding. Here, the job' of being surrendered requires the ability to suffer and live in
ongoing painful situations.
The third part of the trio is actually the perpetuation of this dynamic by the overwhelming and
submissive statuses.
Of course the decision' to take on one of these roles is not necessarily conscious, and it is likely
that a person takes on the role of submissive having his/her choice or decision from the
subconscious.
But still this is a choice, and once a party chooses to continue living in this bleak dynamic,
unfortunately he/she commemorates it and causes it to be chronic.

Further, many times the victim is aware of the situation, at least during the time that he/she is
found under the economic abuse and ongoing submission process versus the attacker, and yet,
despite the ads, he/she does not do anything and continues to be captured by the dynamic.
Unfortunately, he/she continues to perpetuate the dynamic, causing himself/herself irreversible
economic and emotional damage, and worse, causing irreversible damages to his/her children,
and in fact to everyone who surrounds him/her and contacts him/her.
The question is why? Why will a person continue to create irreversible damage to himself and to
helpless children?
The answer is both simple and complexhis/her doings stem unfortunately from a submissive
childhood and from the distorted dynamic he/she himself absorbed in childhood as aforesaid.
So, if one saw in his childhood one parent degrading the other, taking control, and not to mention,
acting with violence against the other parent, even if not physically, thus causing the other parent
to surrender, then the helpless child absorbed this distorted dynamic into his/her subconscious,
and will think that that force and domination win.
And what side will the helpless child choose? Who will he/she identify with? With the
overwhelming or with the submissive? With the aggressor or with the victim?
The answer to those questions may stem from his/her identification in childhood. That is to say,
that if he/she identified as a child with the aggressor, it is likely that as adults he/she will strive
to overpower, but if he/she identified in childhood with the victim, it is likely that as an adult
he/she will become submissive and surrendering.
Of course, the conclusions above are not total, and there are situations where a person will adopt
rather the opposite identification to his solidarity in childhood.

However, this distorted dynamic of defeats and surrenders will be part of us throughout our
lives, and especially in parental and marital lives, whether as aggressors or as victims.
And more than that, it's highly likely that in a situation where we grow up on the distortion, there
is only a small chance that we will adopt a balanced or equal way of life, as the distorted dynamic
absorbed to our subconscious will not give us a chance to live a well-balanced life.
Why is this so important for us to understand?
Because if we are aware of the fact that we grew up on that distortion of defeat and surrender,
we will understand that our choices, decisions, and behavior stem from the distortion and
striving to perpetuate it.
This is to say, the reason spouses grow up on this distortion in their childhood, find each other,
get married and have children stems from their misled understanding that this is allegedly the
right way to live in.
Unfortunately both sides, even the defeated, are prisoners to this concept and do not have natural
effective tools to change it!
Therefore, if we would like to defeat economic abuse, we have primarily to crack the dynamic of
defeats and surrender and stop the sequence of generations of it, because if the parents of
someone increased the dynamic above, it is likely that the person will adopt it and that's allegedly
what affects children and makes them grow up on the distortion, and there are high chances they
will pass it on to their children, and so forth.
Finally, such a dynamic of defeats and surrenders is very difficult to alter, and sometimes even
impossible, because it requires a deep care while meeting with the subconscious; unfortunately,
ongoing attempts to neutralize it are not always successful.

From Establishing Of Suspicion To Awareness

This is the first step in the revolution or the huge change.
In the previous chapter we focused on the dynamic of defeats, surrenders and the symbiosis
between the two, understanding the essential background or the fertilizer the economic abuse
feeds from.
Before moving on to the subject of this present chapter, it is important to me to make the
following statements:
As long as we are not aware of something, we cannot produce any insight about it. But once we
are aware of a fact, our brain begins to produce insights about it.
We will continue this thesis and simplify it.
Each of us absorbs information. The information can come from the media, studies, books, real
stories we have heard from relatives, courses, etc
Think that the above information permeates our minds and is stored in a kind of a folder that
gets the Subject Name", and from now on all the information relating to the same subject will be
stored in this folder. Thus our brain works.
At some point, usually after some trigger happens, we are exposed to the information collected
on the subject, and then we feel that we have knowledge about the subject. We produce the next
stage on the basis of these insights, and in later stages even refine them.
Do not worry, I'm not talking here about a genius, or a highly educated person or a polymath, but
about each and every one of us. I have described this mechanism, assuring you that it absolutely
exists within each one of us!

I will expand on it. Consider, for example, that in the United States of America the legal system is
based on the jury. The judiciary allows the jury to decide even in the worst criminal cases of
murder, or in complex civil matters, all in spite of the fact the jury are ordinary men and women,
usually selected at random for the task.
And why? For the American judiciary, perhaps the largest democracy in the world, any human
being is smart and can produce insightful wisdom.
How does it work there? Very simple. All members of the jury hear the relevant facts of the legal
case they have to determine on and get all the relevant evidence regarding their decision. After
exposure to the facts and evidence, every member of the jury has a complete picture of the case,
and ultimately is required to produce the conclusions regarding the legal case's decision.
After each member of the jury has reached his conclusions and insights, they all hold a meeting
in which with they practice brainstorming, where each and every one of them explains to his
peers the reasons that led him to the result he reached. The brainstorming ultimately brings
smart insights and further final outcomes based on them.
According to the American judiciary, the insights of the jury are preferable to those of a judge,
scholar that he/she is.
Can you see the power here? Can you see what each one us can do if we have the necessary
awareness and the right knowledge in a particular field?
So how can we raise awareness of something?

I will give some examples in order to answer this question:

First example: We have the knowledge and the insight that if we drive our car when we are drunk,
or under the influence of drugs and alcohol, we are in danger of an accident, or at least (though
also very bad ...) the hazard that our driving license will be taken by law enforcement.
Where does our knowledge and understanding of the above facts come from? The answer is that
our subconscious already absorbed the vital information regarding it from the newspapers, firsthand information (for those who were exposed to car accidents or to a person who had his
driving license confiscated as a result of drunk driving), radio broadcasts etc.--all of which have
created our awareness of the danger of driving while intoxicated.
Another example: We all know nowadays, and there is no need to explain, that whoever pushes
his friend actually performs physical violence, and the outcome of this is a criminal offence. That
is to say, we are aware of the fact, and we have the insight that whoever chooses do such a thing
as pushing another person violates the law, and as a result becomes entangled with the police.
So, actually it's easy for us to categorize the aggressor mentioned above as an offender, and on
the other hand, the one who has experienced the physical violence as the victim.
If you have not noticed, there is one word in the above example--the word nowadays"--that we
have to consider and analyze in that discussion.
Please note that nowadays we live in a modern society, and we know well that if someone pushes
his wife (or she her husband), he/she performs by this aggressive act a criminal offense of
attacking. However, 30 years ago, it was not the situation, and in those years an act like this was
a fairly minor matter and not necessarily considered criminal.
Nowadays doctors and/or social workers exposed to violence, even minor, must report about it
to the police and/or to the relevant authorities. This is distinguished from the past; the situation
then was dim and absolutely not so obvious!

Now let us continue with matters a bit more complicated and complex than the examples above.
The issue of sexual harassment in workplaces about 10, 15, 20 years ago: In those years it was
fairly common that employers harassed subordinates sexually without significant burdens . But
nowadays it is sharp and clear to everyone (I hope everyone) that sexual harassment is
prohibited by law!
Nowadays anyone who has been harassed or sexually harassed in the workplace, for example,
may and should complain to the police or appeal to a court of law with a criminal or financial
claim, and if the court of law determines that the violation has been done, the violating employer
will have to compensate the victim with a large sum of money.
But what is sexual harassment? What is the difference between a legitimate courtship between
a man and a woman, for example (or the reverse) and sexual harassment? The answer is not
always clear and there are many cases that are seemingly located in the gray area
Examples of such cases can be: humor with sexual connotations or implying pornographic
images while slyly attempt to link the image' to a specific individual. And there are of course
more examples
Cynics will rise up and say, If the courts are engaged in complex cases regarding behavior of one
kind or another, then how can we, ordinary people, know what is considered an offense and what
is not?
My answer to questions like this is that I do not expect you enter into those complexities, and
know already how to detect complex situations accurately.
But I expect that you have at least a basic awareness, or at least suspicion, that something is
wrong, and there is a possibility that the words said or the humor acted are considered
harassment, violating the law.

Now back to economic abuse.

I suggest that you start already to check whether the signs and indications described in the
previous chapters are affecting your family or relatives and people you know and cherish.
Please review the characteristics of economic abuse mentioned in my blog and in the first chapter
of this guide and check whether they apply to you or affect you even in some way. And if so, you
have at least the suspicion, if not basic awareness, that the economic abuse may exist.
Remember that, like the jury in the United States of America, you also have the ability to analyze
facts and data and get good results and important conclusions.
See you in the next chapter, where we will learn what to do next.

The Handwriting Is Written On The Wall

There are many people for whom the facts and data that they were exposed to about
relationships within the family, and situations in their workplace, brought them at least to the
bothersome suspicion, if not to clear insights, that they are in a situation of economic abuse. This
is what I call the handwriting on the wall".
What is the handwriting the wall? It is an inscription metaphor. Imagine a virtual wall' where
you write in red or black or any other color your conclusions, or at least your suspicions, about
a situation you or your family or your relatives are in.
Does your brain imagine it?
For example, a woman came to the conclusion that she is a battered woman. She knows it. In
addition, it is probable that she imagines an imaginary wall where it is written in red (or other
colors) the following words: I am a battered woman ... my husband beats me ... my husband
abuses me and destroys me.... I'm afraid of him. He threatened to kill me and he's dangerous ... he
is violent and dangerous, and can hurt me and even kill me. "
This is actually handwriting on the wall.
Such a woman would go to bed at night and wake up in the morning (if she succeeds at all in
sleeping...) and will see this metaphorical handwriting on the wall directly in front of her eyes,
and during the following day she will continue seeing it, no matter where she goes and what she
has done.

But there are less obvious examples than the example of the woman above, which unfortunately
falls in the gray area, in which there is no physical or even significant verbal violence and the
situation is dimmer. In the dimmer situation the woman may suffer from humiliations, trampling
in front of her children, she may have no access to money in the bank account, and she is in fact
under the sole authority and control of her husband and dependent on him financially. But she
has no danger to her life and the situation with her husband is not so bad all the time, especially
when she agrees to obey him
How can this woman in the second example, or the dimmer one, categorize her situation? What
is the handwriting on the wall regarding her?
I may assure you that the woman in the second example is in a very bad condition and suffers
from ongoing economic abuse that ruins her life, causing her and her children irreversible
damage. This is absolutely the handwriting on the wall regarding her.
So why do the two women mentioned above not do anything about their situation? How does it
happen that a woman (it can be also a man) obey her spouse, preferring to ignore the
handwriting on the wall?
The answer to those questions may be surprising.
May I have your permission to use the following metaphor to explain it:
Do you know the glue traps in order to drive away pigeons from windowsills? What is this trap?
Dont worry, the glue will never infect the feet of the pigeon stepping on it; on the contrary, it will
be able to get away from it, but it will have to invest tremendous energy and intense wing
movements and courage to return to flying in the air and out of the nightmare of the trap. While
the pigeon is fighting to be released from the nightmare trap, it'll never return to the same
windowsill anymore.
And why? The answer is this trap is based on an instinctive effect called immunological
memory".

Notice that even in a pigeon , who has a bird brain', the immunological memory it will guide the
traumatized pigeon to never come back to that place where its legs were caught, the area of its
trauma.
Now we will come back to us, people. With the highly developed human brain we have, it may
surprise you to hear that 70% of our brain is instinctive70%! Our instinct includes, among
others the need to eat, tertiary functions, reproduction, and the fear mechanism designed to
protect us from dangers, real and intangible. And why do I describe this? For the reason that we,
in our minds, have the same mechanism or a similar mechanism of immunological memory"
which keeps us from the area of trauma and does not want us returning back there.
Thus, a situation where one of the women in the examples above tried to rebel' against her
husbands domineering, she will be subject to an attack of humiliation, screaming in front of
neighbors and their children, all with the aim and intention of causing her trauma that the
immunological memory' will not wish her to return to any more.
I do not say that a domineering husband does so consciously and manipulatively. He may not .
But the fact is no matter where it comes from, the conscious or from the subconscious, the sad
fact is his worldview revolves around creating the trauma in order to return the spouse into the
fold ...
In reaction to the trauma, the victim, even aware of the handwriting on the wall, will choose to
remain in the status quo and a sort of industrial peace, and his/her willingness to have the change
will unfortunately be forgotten; and this is the danger.
In continuing and as a consequence to the things said above, it follows that in some forms of
economic abuse, where physical violence doesnt exist, there may be more of a tendency to blur
and deny the reality, in this to continue the distortion till it becomes chronic.

The Danger Of Blurring The Handwriting On

The Wall
When a person is present in a state of economic abuse, and he/she is aware of the situation and
does nothing to escape from it, his/her brain begins to systematically delete information or
distort it or alter it. This action of the brain, rule of thumb, is a deformation mechanism.
What does that mean? For some of us, unfortunately, there is a mechanism or device I call a
mechanism of denial and idealization."
The mechanism of denial and idealization, accompanied by inaction, is responsible for blurring,
and even erasing, the handwriting on the wall and making it faded.
What does this mechanism do? As foresaid, first it ignores bad situations that occur, and in
parallel collects morbid points of light', even individual, making them a seemingly ideal image
or at least not as bad as it seems ... in hope that in the future the hopeless aggressor will be
changed and / or moderate himself/herself.
Those who take such a mechanism will try to convince themselves that the situation is not so
bad, and if they separate from the aggressor, the situation would be much worse, that the family
integrity' (which of course does not really exist in their life) will destroyed'.
Meanwhile the fact is that the situation of the victim taking that distortion mechanism continues
deteriorating day by day, month by month and year by year.
This is the greatest danger! There are many people who identified before 20 and 30 years the
handwriting on the wall but because the mechanism of denial and idealization blurred it and
continued living in severe economic abuse.

Therefore, be aware of three things necessary to avoid the distortion and blurring of reality:
First - the moment the handwriting on the wall crystallizes, you should not ignore it, and you
must face the reality in all its significance.
Second - once you are aware of the handwriting on the wall, memorize it and remind it to yourself
every day, talk and consult about it with reliable people, and think all the time about how to
change the situation.
Third beware or the mechanism of denial and idealization and be aware of the fact that this
mechanism is distortion.
The mechanism of denial and idealization" is not the only deformation mechanism. Another one
is the mechanism of hopeless optimism", which happens in people who always try to find the
points of light, even if the situation is hopeless and sick from the ground up. Acting in
mechanisms like this is a combination of obsession and escaping from reality.
Indeed, when hopeless optimism exists, it causes very great damage, because it hides" the facts
and reality under the surface.
Another deformation mechanism and last at the moment is the mechanism of over-pessimism".
It is the opposite of the mechanism of hopeless optimism" mentioned before, but not less
destructive. People who suffer from over-pessimism will never believe in the ability to make a
change. Such a person is static, fatalistic and probably will not do anything with the handwriting
on the wall.
Another mechanism to be considered is the false fear mechanism, but due to short space, we will
not discuss it in this guide.
Hope to see you in my next upcoming courses.
For further questions, you are most welcome to write to me:
Harel Seal
mailto:stopfamilyabuse5@gmail.com