Q4. Give us a specific example of a time when you solved a complex problem.

In the summer of 2006, one of my closest friends from high school contacted me out of the
blue after seven years without contact. Up to that point, I had assumed that he had gone on to
have a successful career given that he had graduated from a prestigious Korean university and
his father being a prominent politician.
To my shock, he had become totally different from the person I had known. The kind,
studious person I knew had been replaced by someone with bizarre sexual delusions and
imaginations. During our lengthy conversation, I discovered that he had been involved in a
radical sect and only after several years managed to escape. Knowing who he had once been
and as a friend, I felt the urge and responsibility to help him.
Initially, I tried doing the things we had done in high school in an attempt to remind him of
the innocence he once had. However, he was not interested. Instead, he rambled about incest
and deviant delusions that he truly believed in, revealing his disturbed and disoriented state of
mind. Desperately wanting to get him out of his bizarre state of mind, I told him that his
thoughts were perverse. However, this approach backfired. He started to build a protective
wall around his beliefs, further isolating himself from me. His behavior worsened, and I
eventually lost contact with him as he was in and out of mental hospitals.
Unable to help, I felt horrible, yet clueless how to solve his problem. I knew that trying to
lecture him would lead to the same result. So I contacted a psychiatrist who recommended
that the most effective treatment was to make him face the incidents that brought about his
mental disease. Therefore, encouraging him to talk about his past would be a nice start.
Armed with this advice, I met with my friend and asked him to tell me his bizarre stories.
Instead of lecturing and interupting him this time, I listened and even encouraged him to
share his stories. Over several meetings, I gained his trust and he began sharing why he came
to have certain ideas. I discovered that he had been sexually abused and traumatized within
the sect. On the one hand, I told him that managing to escape was a proof of his strength and
resistance against the influence of the group. On the other hand, I started to slowly raise his
awareness of the fallacies in his beliefs. To my relief, he was open to my suggestions and
even showed appreciation. Now, although I cannot say that he has totally overcome his
nightmarish experience, he is able to integrate himself into society again.
This truly taught me a valuable lesson. Instead of forcing a change in someone, it is more
important to build trust through communication first. Based on this, I was able to break down
the barriers which hindered my friends receptiveness to my suggestions.