would fly, the ropes would keep breaking and the actors would come thumping to the
ground and they'd have to be carried off by the stage hands. There seemed to be an
unlimited supply of understudies to take the children's places, and then they'd fall to the
ground. And then the crocodile that chases Captain Hook seemed to be a real crocodile,
it wasn't an actor, and at one point it fell off the stage, crushing several children in the
front row. Several understudies came and took their places in the audience. And from
scene to scene Wendy seemed to get fatter and fatter until finally by the second act she
was immobile and had to be moved with a cart. You remember how in the second act
Tinkerbell drinks some poison that Peter's about to drink, in order to save him? And then
Peter turns to the audience and he says that Tinkerbell's going to die because not enough
people believe in fairies, but that if everybody in the audience claps real hard to show that
they do believe in fairies, then maybe Tinkerbell won't die. And so then all the children
started to clap. We clapped very hard and very long. My palms hurt and even started to
bleed I clapped so hard. Then suddenly the actress playing Peter Pan turned to the
audience and she said, "That wasn't enough. You didn't clap hard enough. Tinkerbell's
dead.
Darlene from Jim Leonard, Jr.'s THE DIVINERS
Don't you guys read the Bible? I gotta learn the whole thing. Like, say I'm sittin at the
table and I want seconds on dessert, Aunt Norma says, "Give me a verse first, Darlene."
If I didn't know the Bible I'd starve to death, see? But I been learnin who Adam and Eve
are. They're the first people, and they're livin in this great big old garden in Europe. And
the thing about Eve is she's walking around pickin berries and junk with no clothes on.
And this snake comes strollin up, see? And he tells her how she's sittin there jaybird
stark naked. So this business a bein naked really sets God off at the snake, see? Cause
Eve bein so dumb she didn't get in any trouble, but now it's like a whole nother ball
game. And God wasn't just mad at this one snake either -- he was mad at all a the snakes
and all a the worms in the world. So he tells em "From now on you guys're gonna crawl
around in the dirt!" God says, "From now on nobody likes you."
Fiona from Heidi Decker's EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
I'm pretty. There's no getting around it. I just am. Pretty. Pretty is more than just a state
of being, it's a way of life. My Mama always said, you're either pretty or you're not, and
there's no in between. She doesn't believe in bisexuals either. She doesn't like
indecisiveness in anyone. So I . . . am pretty. It's what I am. It's who I am. Now if
you're waitin' for me to get to the part where I wish things had been different, that I hate
the superficial world that we live in and beauty is only skin deep, you can forget it.
Those are just things that ugly girls tell each other to make themselves feel better. Now
you know it and I know it. There's no need to pretend for me. This face, and this body,
have gotten me everything I've ever wanted. No, I didn't get things with sex. I am far too
well bred to be that vulgar. Besides, I don't have to. "Pretty" is the promise of sex. Of
good things, better things. I am the trophy that's always juuuust beyond their fingertips
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. . . and people will do anything to get a glimpse, a taste, a touch. I'm the Holy Grail!
Don't talk to me about being objectified. Yes, I am able to use four-syllable words. Bein'
a woman never kept me from getting a thing. Now it's not that I don't empathize. I do.
I've read plenty about the feminist movement . . . and I feel sorry for them, I do. But I
dont' see what any of it has to do with me. I mean, c'mon, let's be honest here . . . we all
know that those people are just women who were never quite pretty enough. Now that's
not my fault. The truth is the truth, and if it hurts, I can't help it.
Catherine from Rachel Rubin Ladutke's GRACE NOTES
I don't remember much about giving birth, but I remember I heard her cry. I didn't get to
look at her, or hold her. The nurse even said I didn't deserve to see her, because I was
giving her away. They did let me feed her once. I had to refuse to sign the papers before
they'd even let me do that. She had blue eyes. I think most babies have blue eyes, but
hers weren't at all pale. They were really deep, deep blue. Like the ocean. One hour,
that's all we had together. Then they took her away again. You know what I really don't
get, Emmy? When I talked to the other girls at the agency, they all kept saying they
couldn't wait to give birth so they could get back to normal. But I didn't want to have the
baby, because then I was going to lose her. I tried to keep her with me as long as I could.
I started having pains in the middle of the night, but I didn't wake Mom up until I couldn't
stand it any more. I didn't want to go to the hospital, 'cause I knew I'd be coming home
alone and empty. That's the worst part, I think. I feel so empty. I'm cold all the time.
And now everyone expects me to just go on like nothing happened. They lied to me.
Nobody told me it would be like this. I'm not even twenty years old, Emily, and I feel
like my life is over. Or a part of my life, anyway. And I just keep waiting for it to stop
hurting. But it doesn't. It just gets worse. You don't know how much it hurts. Emmy.
Hold me?
Lucy from Alan Ayckbourn's INVISIBLE FRIENDS
This is my room. No one is allowed in here except for me. I'm a very tidy sort of
person. Which is a bit extraordinary in this house. I think I must be a freak. I actually
like to know where I have put my things. This is my bed. And this is my desk. And up
there on the shelf are my special, most favorite books. Actually one of the reasons that I
keep it tidy is because my very, very special friend, Zara, also like things tidy. Oh yeah, I
should explain to you about Zara shouldn't I? You may have heard my mom talking
about my invisible friend? Well, this is Zara. Zara, say hello to my friends. And won't
you say hello to Zara, she did say hello to you. I invented Zara when I was seven or
eight. Just for fun. I think I was ill at the time and wasn't allowed to play with any of my
real friends, so I made up Zara. She's my special friend that no one else can see, except
me. Of course, I can't really see her either. Not really. Although sometimes I--it's almost
as if I could see her, sometimes. If I concentrate very hard it's like I can just glimpse her
out of the corner of my eye. Still...Anyway...I've kept Zara for years and years, it's been
almost ten years now actually. Until they all started saying I was much too old for that
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sort of thing and got worried and started talking about sending for a doctor. So then I
didn't take her round with me quite so much after that. But she's still here. And when I
feel really sad and depressed, I sit and talk to Zara. Zara always understands. Zara
always listens.
Rebeka from Aaron Levy's ONE MAN'S DANCE
My father used to tell me this Dot The Astronaut story. It's about this girl, who was
always the same age as me no matter how old I got. She was born paralyzedcan't walk,
can't reach out, can't dance. At night she and her father would sit on their balcony and
look up at the stars, just like we are. One night, Dot asked her dad where Pluto was, that
of all the stars she wanted to go to Pluto. Her father asked why Pluto? "'Cause I could
dance on Pluto," she said. "I could dance with Mickey Mouse, and Goofy, and Donald
Duck, and me." Her father pointed to the sky and said, all you gotta do is push those
stars out of your way, and you can get there. That's all you gotta do. And if you get
there, if you actually get there, Ira, it's not dark anymore. It's bright. "Then I can't get
there," Dot said, "'cause I can't move, I can't reach." And Dot's dad held her up to the sky
and said, "You can reach, if you just look up, get real mad at them stars, and push them
out of your way. See? Look, there's Pluto, Dot. Don't be afraid, LOOK AT IT." (Pause.)
And she looked, and her father raised her higher, and he let go (Beat.) And that's
where she is, Iraon Pluto, dancing with her pals.
Kelsey from Lauren McConnell's THE NORTHERN LIGHTS
I want to go home. I want to catch a bus tomorrow and go home. To California! I can't
go back to the cabin and the goat and the smell! Not after California! I can't take it
anymore! I'm sorry! I've just begun to realize that, I don't know, I just want a normal
life. I didn't think I did, but I do. Zephyr, everything about our life is strange! You've
just lived up here so long you don't see it anymore. Even I didn't really see it until we
went to visit my parents! We live in a house with no electricity! That is strange. The
only time I get to hear music is in the car! Sometimes I sneak out to the car just to listen
to the radioeven if it is nothing but this country western crap! And our bathtub is
outside the house! That is strange. How many people have to put on snow boots every
time they want to take a bath? How many people have to milk a stupid goat every time
they need a little cream for their coffee? We live a strange life! But the strangest thing of
all is we don't have to live this way! We have options! We could move and get real jobs
and have a normal life. Our parents are even willing to help us! But instead we choose
to live like the Beverly Hillbillies before they struck oil. Normal people don't live like
that! Normal people don't want to live like that. I'm growing up fast. I remember how
we used to sit around complaining about Californiaabout the building, the growth, the
polluted, modern rat-race. We knew a better way. We were better than all of them. We
would live in harmony with nature. We were so self-righteous! I'll tell you this much: I
enjoyed being in California. I liked the weather. I liked the malls! I liked the freeways!
I liked it!
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was a novelty when I was a kidI got invited to everyones party just on the chance Id
faint for them and hopefully droop into the cake or punch or hamburger meat. But then
my novelty wore off and I realized I was spending more time getting propped up by
broom handles in a corner somewhere than actually annoying the party. I always thought
that it was just methat I didnt WANT to be a part of ANYTHING. Then about three
months ago, I took a bus to New Orleansjust to get away from Shreveportand I
walked in here by accident. I stood right back there, because it was crowded and there
werent any seats. And yall were singing this big, group song that went something like
Friends will lift you heart up when life has let you down . . . Ill never forget how you
all looked. Music was soft, and Miss Red was singing something so full ofloveand I
looked at you . . . (To Penny.) . . . and thisfeelingwas all over your face . . . (To
Crystal.) . . . and you had tears in your eyes . . . (To Dee-Dee.) . . . and I saw you in the
audience, and your face wasbeamingevery word meant something to you. And when
the song was over, the audience clapped and whistled and cheered for you. (Softly.) And
you took each others hands, and bowed . . . and held on to each other. You didnt let go.
And then you hugged each other. On stage, in front of this wholegroupof people.
And everyone was smiling and cheering. And I thought, well . . . I thought, something
happened here, and it had something to do with why people want to be with other
people . . . and I want to know what that is . . . Ive looked everywhere for what you have
here every day of your lives. I dont know what it is, or what its called. But if I dont
get it, Im not going to make it. Its that real to me. Its that . . . necessary. ( Smiling.)
You know, just standing here, I feel calmer than I have in my whole life. And I dont
want to move.
Woman from Kate Sheins AMY NAME IS STILL ALICE
Excuse me, are you the registry consultant? Well, I'm here to register! For gifts. I'm
very excited. When is the happy event? There isn't one. I'm not getting married. I'll
probably never get married. Yes, I know that you only register brides. Frankly, I find
that a little discriminatory. I'm here to register and I really don't want any hassle. No, no
don't get the manager. It's just that yesterday while I was attaching tiny silver bells to a
spice rack for my friends, this voice inside my head started screaming at me. It said,
"Schmuck! Why do you keep buying presents for people who have found everything
they want?" Isn't it enough that they fell in love? They've already won the sweepstakes,
why do they need door prizes? Now then, I need things. I need matching luggage.
Candlesticks! Put me down for two pairs! Come on, just do it! I know I'm single. I
confront that fact every day of my life. You want to know when the special event is? A
week from Saturday. I'm throwing a shower to announce a life of singlehood, and the
beauty is I won't have to return anything if it doesn't work out!
Adelaide from Michael Redhill's BUILDING JERUSALEM
Dr. Pearson, I have sat around for over ninety minutes this evening and listened to you
denigrate anything that is unfamiliar or unappealing to you, as if it is your main calling to
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disillusion anyone who doesnt see things the way you do. Do you know that it is, in
fact, dangerous to feed our infants milk? Plain milk, Dr. Pearson. While you are
measuring the attributes of your race of perfect men and women, there are babies who are
dead because no one taught their mothers how to heat milk. Its simple: having reached
a temperature of thirty-two degrees centigrade, milk will cease to pose any kind of a
threat to an infant. It is sweet and nourishing. At thirty-one degrees, however, it is
potentially poison, full of lethal germs. One degree, Dr. Pearson. Can you measure that
for us? Thirty-two and you wake up a family. Thirty-one and you have to call the casketmaker. Have you ever held one of your own children in your arms, watching the very life
drain from its face? Because you were feeding it poison and you didnt know any better?
(slight beat) Or is that just womens work?
from Lynn Marie Macys CRUNCHING NUMBERS
Look, I have to step over homeless people and drug addicts in the street just to get into
my office building. People are crazy here. Every time I go out Im afraid Im gonna run
into some kook. Sickos just come right up to you. They do this insane stuff right in
public. Like, a few months back, we were on a shoot by the East River and saw a bunch
of Hells Angels try to drown this loud-mouth, red-haired guy. They stripped him naked
and tossed him into the ice cold water. We had to call the police. His wife or someone
dove in to rescue him. Unbelievable. And just last night really late, I was coming
home in a cab and I saw this crazy guy with a gun. He was forcing these two other
people to carry a lamppost down the street. My god, I thought someone was shooting a
film cause he was dressed up like a gangster from an old movie. But there were no
cameras! Everyday I walk out terrified that Im next. That todays gonna be my turn to
lose my mind.
Georgeann from Alan Balls FIVE WOMEN WEARING THE SAME DRESS
I was walking down the aisle, first thing I saw was the back of his head. It just jumped
right out at me. I recognized that little hair pattern on the back of his neck, where his
hair starts? You know where it comes to those two little points, and its darker than the
rest? I always thought that was so sexy. Then I looked at him during the ceremony, and
something about the way the light hit his face . . . I swear, it just broke my heart. And
then outside, I saw him talking to this total skank in a navy blue linen dress with
absolutely no back, I mean you could almost see her butt. And he was smiling at her with
that smile, that same smile that used to make me feel like I really meant something to
him. And then it all came back, just bang, all those times I sat waiting for his phone call,
me going out of my way to make things convenient for him. Having to take a fricking
taxi cab to the Womens Health Center that day because it was so cold my car wouldnt
start. And later that awful, awful night I sat out in front of his apartment building staring
at Tracys burgundy Cutlass in the driveway, just wishing I was dead.
hurt anybody, and slept whenever she wanted to, just by closing her eyes. Somebody
who mainly just laid there and laughed at the colors waving around over her head and
chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some new trick nearly every day, and
rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand pulling my quilt back up over me.
Thats who I started out and this is who is left. Thats what this is about. Its somebody I
lost, all right, its my own self. Who I never was. Or who I tried to be and never got
there. Somebody I waited for who never came. And never will. So, see, it doesnt
matter what else happens in the world or in this house, even. Im what was worth waiting
for and I didnt make it. Me . . . who might have made a difference to me . . . Im not
going to show up, so theres no reason to stay, except to keep you company, and thats . . .
not reason enough because Im not . . . very good company. Am I.
Lucy from Ralph Papes SOAP OPERA
I can have just about any man I want these days. It's great. But for a long time, I used to
think of myself as being unattractive and couldn't get many men at all. I hated that period
in my life, and I hated myself too. Until I met this guy, Johnny. Johnny really dug me.
He told me he used to think of himself as being unattractive to women, or something like
that, and for a long time went around hating himself also. But he was so attracted to me
that he just threw all his inhibitions right out the window. He pursued me constantly until
I agreed to go out with him - he worshipped me - he adored me. I couldn't believe that a
man was paying this much attention to me. You have to understand: I was, like,
incredibly shy. But Johnny changed all that. He would say things to me, things that an
intelligent person would consider sentimental or corny, about my eyes, my lips, my hair.
And at first I thought: oh come on, Jesus. But I'll tell you something: when someone
really believes what he's saying, you believe it, too. When someone tells you, over and
over, that he loves you, that you're the most precious thing in his whole life, you lay
awake at night beside him, crying, trying to find within yourself the qualities that he
seems able to see so clearly, and at last you see them, too. And it's like: well, of course.
Miss Smith from Benn W. Levy's SPRINGTIME FOR HENRY
I don't happen to have a husband. . . . I ceased to have one over a year ago. . . . I shot him.
. . . I shot him in the Touraine. . . . He was a Frenchman, and we used to live in the
Touraine. I was really very fond of Aristide. . . . I found out after a year that he had a
mistress. That I could have put up with, for after all you must expect Frenchmen to be a
little bit French. But he began bringing her home to tea. I used to say, "Please, Aristide,
dear, don't bring that woman home to tea. Send her some tea, if you like, but it's not right
to bring her here for it." He was very sweet to me in his own way and promised he would
try not to. But he was rather weak, poor darling, and this was one of the temptations he
really couldn't resist. It seemed to him innocent enough. A few months later I found out
he had another mistress also; and the climax came when, after fighting against it for some
time, he surrendered to an impulse, and invited them both to tea. I argued with him very
nicely, and pointed out that it would be so bad for little Pierre to grow up thinking that
mistresses for tea was in the natural course of things. So I bought a second-hand revolver
and said that I was terribly sorry but, if he did it again, I really would have to take the law
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into my own hands. Well, poor darling, he did it again. . . . It's not unusual in France. The
judge was most charming, and the jury were perfectly sweet. They said they wouldn't
dream of convicting me. Everybody was extremely sorry for me. The judge declared that
in a way I had performed a public service. If husbands began thinking they might bring
their mistresses home to tea, he didn't know what would happen.
Wife from James Lapine's TABLE SETTINGS
I've always been happy. Always. Oh, sure, there was a time when even I gave into
depression. But really, there's no question about it. I'm just a happy person by nature.
Now that can threaten some people. (She looks around the space to indicate the "some
people" as her family.) Sometimes when I have a smile on my face they ask me, "What's
the matter?" Like if I'm just in a merry mood, there has to be a reason. I'm just
simpleminded! Now there's a lot to be said for simplicity. I don't claim to feel less than
anyone else. Sure, I have my bad days, but I let go. I get angry, and that's that. I don't
make things complex when they can be simple and easy. I feel pain, but I don't dwell on
it. I think of things that make me happy. Unlike some people I know, I count my
blessings and not my problems. Take my mother-in-law, for instance. All that woman
seems to talk about is this one's stomach cancer, and that one's cataract operation and
who's divorcing who. And my husband is forever glued to his newspapersometimes I
think that man would rather read about political unrest and crime than be with his own
family. And the kids. Children, our one hope for the futurelast night I joined them in
the TV room. They were watching this gruesome program about starving people, in
Indo-Asiaor somewhere! Well, I just shut that television off and said, "For crying out
loud can't you kids watch something a little cheerier? Whatever happened to 'Ozzie and
Harriet?'" Well, those kids looked at me like I was nuts. Listen, I just try to smile and
bring a little happiness into this family. I mean we're all going to end up with six feet of
ground on top of us, let's have a few laughs. But you know, some people see the cup of
life as half empty. I see it as half full. And if those half empties won't let us half fulls be
happy. SCREW'EM.
Amanda from Nicky Silver's THE FOOD CHAIN
I was reading my paper when the waiter came over and asked if I was alone. Well! It
was obvious that I was alone. I was sitting there, in a booth, by myself - did he think I
thought I had an imaginary friend with me? I was alone! Did he have to rub it in? Was he
trying to be funny? Did he think he was, in some way better than me? It was in his tone.
"Are you alone?" But what he meant to say was "You're alone aren't you!?" And I can't
imagine that he's not alone every single day of his miserable, pathetic life! He has
terrible skin. Not the way bad skin is attractive on some people. On some men! It's never
attractive on women - have you noticed that? Just one more example of the injustices we
are forced to suffer! If we have bad skin, we're grotesque! Let a man have bad skin and
he can be Richard Burton for God sake! I hate being a woman! I've strayed. The point is
the waiter with terrible skin and greasy hair asks if I'm alone. I want to pick up my butter
knife and stab it in his sunken caved in chest! But I simply respond "No, I'm married,
thank you."
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