100 Ways To Keep Your Lover

An Erotic Adult Activity Picture eBook
By Al Link and Pala Copeland

Photographs by Al Link, unless otherwise
noted
Cover photo by Bernard McCaffrey
Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra eBooks 2003
All rights reserved
ISBN 0-9732873-0-6
Revised and expanded Internet interactive

edition with:
111 erotic photos and illustrations,
and 169 hot links.
100 Ways To Keep Your Lover
Al Link & Pala Copeland
Table of Contents
Introduction
100 Ways to Keep Your Lover
Additional Exercises
58
Creating a Temple for Love
58
Psychic Protection
61
Loving Body Discovery
64
PC Pumping
67
G-spot Stimulation
72
Tantra Sacred Loving Step by Step: How to Make Love
For Hours
73
Heart Talk
82
Creating a Relationship Vision
89
Previously Published Articles
93
Last Longer Than She Can Handle:
Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
93
Freeing The Female Orgasm
111
Sexual Magnetism: Pheromones The Scent of Sex 119
The Health Benefits Of Sex
126
About Authors Al Link and Pala Copeland
134
eBooks Available From 4 Freedoms Relationship

Tantra
eBooks by Al Link & Pala Copeland
eBooks by other Authors
136
136
137
Ordering a CD Copy of this eBook
141
Give Us Your Comments
142
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Introduction
We make everything you need to live the good lifea
sensual sexy romantic lifeonly a simple click away
with this proactive and interactive ebook.
It is proactive in that we encourage you to take positive
action to put love, passion and romance at the center of
your life together. We have distilled the essence of
nurturing relationship, keeping monogamy hot, and
sustaining passionate romance into 100 sexy activities
you can implement immediately. We tell you exactly
what to do. All of these ideas and activities are quite
simple, but some of them may challenge you to push
your envelope, to go beyond your current comfort zone.
All that we recommend here are things we actually do
in our own relationship to keep it fun, hot and steamy.
As you continue your journey together, let your love
shine, let your greatness out, dare to be outrageously
creative in your sacred loving.
Pick and choose from the ideas and activities presented
here as they appeal to you. Over time, you will
probably become comfortable enough and confident
enough to play with all of them. Youll notice as you
read that we use he and she, him and her
interchangeably throughout. Unless we specifically
indicate male or female all activities are designed for
both partners.
Take your time. There is nowhere to get to. Open your
heart and allow yourself to be right here, right now
together. One plus one makes two. These two are
one. The experience of sexual/spiritual ecstasy is your
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birthright as a human being. In lovemaking it is

possible for the lovers to merge together as one.
Whose orgasm is it anyway? For this to happen you
must completely surrender to each other and dare to
become emotionally transparent. Control is the enemy
of ecstasy. Surrender, let go, open yourself wide and let
love in.
This document is also interactive. A wonderful
advantage of the eBook format is that it is easy to add
hot links that put you only one click away from more
information about any item mentioned in the text. You
dont have to go looking for something we mention,
just click on the link and you will be instantly taken to a
web page featuring that item or giving you more
information about that idea.
Some of the links go to web pages on the Internet, but
other links make it easy for you to navigate through this
document. You can instantly move forward to some
other place in the document by clicking on a link. You
can also return to your previous spot by simply hitting
the back button, the same way you navigate through a
web page on the Internet.
We have intentionally kept the main body of text short
and precisely to the point. We dont want you to have to
think a lot about what we describe, rather we want you
to dive in and do the things we suggest. We encourage
you to go out of your mind and get into your body and
your heart.
We have also included sections with additional
exercises (many of them drawn from our book Soul
Sex: Tantra for Two) and previously published
articles containing detailed instructions on key topics,
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for example: ejaculation mastery for men, freeing the

female orgasm, the health benefits of sex, and Tantra
step by step.
We have illustrated the text lavishly with color and
black and white photographs and a few illustrations.
Many of these are beautifully erotic and tastefully
explicit. It is our desire that these images will also act to
powerfully motivate you to undertake the actions
described in the text. In this case a picture is definitely
worth a thousand words.
You cannot improve your lovemaking by thinking
about it. You must take action. Start your playful
experimentation today or tonight. Pick out at least one
thing to try and take the next step on your sacred loving
journey together.
This eBook is revised and updated continuously with
new contents and refreshed links. If you need an
updated eBook send an email alerting us to a link that
is not working and we will send you a FREE
replacement version electronically by email as soon as
it is ready. This offer is valid for one year from the date
of your purchase and you can ask for any number of
updates during that time.
This document is also available on a CD.
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4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra
100 Ways to Keep

Your Lover
I used to pray, "Lord, give me chastity, but not
yet."
St. Augustine, Confessions
Here are 100 sexy ways you can take

action to help you keep your lover
happy and satisfiedat home! Doing
these things will keep monogamy
hot! And they are all such fun.
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1.
Find out what music your lover likes, and play

those CDs.
2.
Sing to each other,

especially if you can't sing.
Listen to a song that turns you
on and write the words out so
you will remember them. Then
without any music sing that song
as a surprise gift to your lover.
Watch the tears come to her
eyes. Here are some links where
you can find the words to
popular love songs: The
Romantic Juke Box, and
Romantic Love Lyrics.
3.
Find out what scents your lover likes, e.g.,
perfumes and essential oils. Try an essential oil

diffuser. Select a custom perfume especially for her.
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4.
Pheromones can drive you crazy wild with sexual

desire. Pheromones are chemicals produced in your body
that act as powerful attractants to the opposite sex for
mating. The pheromone sexual scent is sensed with a
special organ (the vasometer) located in the nose, but you
cant really smell them like ordinary scents. Try some
sexy products with pheromones such as bath gels and
massage lotions. Use a perfume with pheromones added
for him or her, or get pheromone concentrate and add it
to your favorite perfume.
5.
Wear the sexy clothes your
lover likes, for example sexy

lingerie, leather, PVC/Vinyl,
rubber and latex. Dont forget
lingerie for men! Consider
luxurious Turkish cotton
bathrobes.
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Experiment with: Classic Lingerie
Contemporary Playful ~ for Her and Him
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Love That Latex
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6.
Ladies, wear a garter belt and stockings instead of

pantyhose. Very sexy!
7.
Serve the food and wine your lover likes. Prepare
sensual meals together. Fondle and tease each other as you

work/play. Prepare your food together in various stages of
undress or completely nude, except for your apronsand
oh yes, you can leave your hat on. Here are some sexy
cookbooks.
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8.
Feed each other food and drink. Eat an entire meal

by feeding each other with your fingers. Make a mess.
9.
Dress up for a romantic dinner. Why save your

tuxedo just for strangers?
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10. Eat dinner and make love by candlelightuse lots

of candles.
11. Select interesting and unusual locations for

lovemaking. Be bold and daring in your experiments. For
example, slip into the small public washroom at the art
gallery, lock the door and have a hot quickie. Become a
member of the mile high club and use the washroom on an
airplane. Stop along the road and use a farmers field
carry a couple of blankets for just such an occasion.
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12. Try different lovemaking positions. Boldly

experiment! There are many books, electronic books and
videos featuring Tantric and Kama Sutra sex positions.
Playful Positions for Pleasure
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13. Try The Luv Seat or one of many love swings or

Liberator Shapes. These devices make interesting sexual
positions easy and fun. Liberator shapes in particular are
excellent regardless of your age, state of health or physical
fitness. Swings are more physically challenging.
14. Create a temple-of-love space in anticipation of

your sacred lovemaking. Make your space beautiful. Keep
it simple. Tidy the room. Light lots of candles.
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Bring in fresh flowers or green plants. Place objects of

beauty or objects with special emotional or spiritual
significance around the room, including erotic sensual art.
Cover hard edges, televisions, etc. with elegant cloth
obtained inexpensively at the remnant shop. Try silk sheets
if you can afford them, or 300-600 count Egyptian cotton
or linen sheets for your lovers bed.
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15. Create your own lovemaking rituals & ceremonies.

Keep it simple. Here are examples of rituals we use for
psychic protection during lovemaking so that we feel safe
to completely let go.
16. Prepare yourself for stimulating conversation. Do

some homework if necessary to have something interesting
to talk about. For example, do a search on Google for any
topic you believe might engage your lover, and astonish
him with your worldly knowledge.
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17. Put the phone on the answering machine, turn off

the cell phone, lock the door and in all ways shut out the
world during your lovemaking. Immerse yourself
completely in your lovers time moment by moment. The
fewer distractions the better.
18. During your time together as lovers, talk only about

things that are fun, romantic, sexy or intellectually
stimulating. It is ok to talk about ideas and disagree, but
only if you can avoid taking the disagreement personally,
and only if you find such conversation builds your passion
and desire for lovemaking. Absolutely avoid talking about
problems, issues, work, or other responsibilities that will
take you out of the lovemaking and back into the world.
19. Notice all the little things you do for each other that
you regularly take for granted, and let each other know how
important they are to you. Give lots of compliments on a
daily basis. Show your appreciation and gratitude. When
you get a coffee for yourself, offer one to your lover, etc.
Compliment you lover in front of others, but avoid
criticism.
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20. Dress and undress each other. Take your clothes off
while your lover watches. Show your body to your lover.
Let him look as long as he likes. If you dont know how,
try watching dirty dancing and striptease videos to
inspire you. Male and female exotic dance instructional
videos are available.
Dress and Undress
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Pose your Beautiful Body for Your Lover
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21. Hold a mirror so that your partner can look at her

own genitals. Take turns posing nude while your lover
draws or photographs your genitals. Digital cameras are
excellent for creating your own erotic photo collection.
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22. Tell each other what turns you on. If your lover
doesn't know he can't give it to you. Spend time showing
each other what you like in lovemaking. Take one hour
each in sexual touching to discover each others favorite
turn-ons. Use the A or B Technique. One lover touches
the other saying; I am going to touch you in two different
ways, A and B. Let me know which you prefer. In this
way you can learn what you both like with little risk of
giving or taking offense.
23. Utilizing all of your senses spend time discovering

your lovers body. Look at him, smell him, taste him, put
your ear close and listen to his body, touch him all over.
Dont go on to intercourse. Just explore, and go very, very
slowly. There is nowhere to get to. There is no goal of
orgasm, simply revel in the pleasure of sensory awakening.
Spend about an hour for each of you to explore the other
completely.
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24. Tease your partner with partial nudity at unexpected

times, like when your mother or children are in the other
room. Be artful and naughty about it so only your lover
sees you. The next time you eat out at a restaurant, dont
wear any underwear. Touch each others genitals under the
table at times throughout the evening, so you both get
wildly turned on, but no one else knows what is happening.
25. Women, touch your lover's genitals with sighs of

desire from time to time, even when out in public
(discretely). Most men enjoy having their genitals touched
at any time and usually find it a major turn-on. Men, nibble
on your partner's neck with sighs of desire from time to
time, even when out in public, but avoid quick grabs for her
breasts and genitals because most women find this a turnoff unless they are already excited and aroused.
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26. Give each other a sensual massage. Try short 7minute full body massages on a daily basis, as well as
longer versions (one hour or longer) when time permits Use
an exotic massage oil or body butter. If you dont know
how to give a massage, read a book or watch a video to
learn.
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27. Mix your own massage oil. Use high quality

essential oils in a base of first cold press grape seed
(canola) oil. This is Als refreshing, and lightly spicy
recipe, for the massage oil we supply in our lovers kits at
our Tantra weekends:
4 oz. canola oil (or substitute another

light vegetable/nut oil)
4 drops YlangYlang essential oil
1-2 drops Black Pepper essential oil (1
in summer, 2 in winter)
1-2 drops Clary Sage essential oil (1 in
winter, 2 in summer)
28. Incorporate acupressure points into your erotic

lovers massage. Learn the sensual erotic points with
Michael Reed Gachs excellent book: Acupressure for
Lovers : Secrets of Touch for Increasing Intimacy.
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29. Read and/or write erotic poetry and stories. Here

are lots of links to erotic stories and poems Here are some
erotic writing samples that have been submitted and
posted on our web site.
30. Watch erotic, romantic and sex instruction movies

and videos. You can buy or rent them.
31. If your libido is low, spice it up with aphrodisiacs

for him and her.
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32. Take care of yourself. Watch

your weight, pay attention to what
you eat and get enough sleep.
Exercise regularly for physical and
sexual fitness. Consider nutritional
supplements for optimal wellness
and sexual vigor. Come to your
lovemaking rested, not exhausted
and frazzled. Do you know how
good sex is for your health?
33. The single most important sexual fitness exercise is

PC squeezing for both men and women. Squeeze your
genital muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine
mid-stream. Continue to breath normally and hold the
squeeze for thirty seconds to one minute. Then relax your
genital muscles. Work up to 100-200 PC squeezes per day.
You dont need to find any new time to do this exercise. Do
it while you are driving, standing in line, or watching TV.
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34. Use meditation or some other method to learn how

to quiet your thinking. Great lovemaking requires that you
be able to shut out mental distractions. Go out of your mind
and get into your body! Thinking is one of the surest blocks
to sexual ecstasy. When you find yourself in your head
thinking during lovemaking, switch to paying attention to
sensory information. Notice what you see, hear, smell, taste
and feel, but without naming anythingnaming will get
you thinking again. Simply experience the direct sensory
information.
35. Take a bath or shower together. Even small tubs are

great fun. Make a mess. Use some sexy water toys, body
paints, and scented bath products.
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36.
Wash each other's bodies. Be kind and

gentle and provocative, or raucous and wild, whatever
mood you're both into. Wash each other's feet. Use a small
dishpan and an erotic soap in the shape of male and female
genitals. Rub on an aromatic tantric foot lotion and using
the included foot reflexology chart, find all the wonderful
points to apply pressure for pleasure and stress relief.
37. Suck on your partner's squeaky-clean toes.
38. Give each other manicures or pedicures, then polish

each others nails.
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39. Have your lover shave your legs or your face.

Shave your pubic hair if that turns your lover on.
40. Wash each other's hair. Try these links if you want
to grow more hair or get rid of unwanted hair.
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41. Catch a rainbow. Watch the sun come up or go

down, or the moon go across the water. Lie out under the
stars. Sleep out under the stars.
42. Send each other erotic and spiritual post cards or

electronic cards without any special occasion. Send one of
Als photos electronically to your lover. Alternately, just
hand your lover the card or hide one where they will surely
find it, for example in a pocket or drawer. Short hand
written notes work just as well. We especially like post
cards with black and white erotic photography.
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43. Write love letters to each other. Save them to reread over the years. Keep them in a beautifully decorated
box tied with a lovely colored ribbon.
44. Say the words "I love you. I need you. I want you."
Mean it! Whisper words of adoration in your lover's ears
before, during and after lovemaking.
45. Talk "dirty" in your lover's ears in the heat of

passion during your lovemaking. Be sure the mood is
intense and passionate enough so this kind of talk is
welcome and really is a turn on. At the wrong time, in the
wrong mood, this could be a turn off.
46. Hold hands in public. Show affection (kissing,

touching and hugging) in front of your children. It always
amazes us that people seem to have no trouble arguing in
front of children, friends and family, but God-forbid
anyone should see them showing signs of affection in
public or be overheard making sounds of love. Very
strange!
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47. Go on picnics. Make love outside.
48. Make foreplay go on and on and on and on and....

Men, be sure she is wet, before you put your golden rod
into her fig pocket! Check out Nina Hartleys Guide to
Foreplay video.
49. Find your lovers G-spot! The G-spot is on the

inside upper vaginal wall about one inch or so inside the
yoni. If you were looking at the yoni and could visualize
the numbers of a clock, the clitoris would be at 12:00 and
the G-spot would be between 11:00 and 1:00. The G-spot
does not usually respond with pleasure until the woman has
already had a clitoral orgasm, or has at least become fully
aroused and is well lubricated. Many men fail to find the Gspot not because they are looking in the wrong place, but
because they are looking at the wrong time. Here are some
instructional videos on stimulating the G-spot.
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50. As a general principle, try to assist your lady to

have a clitoral orgasm before there is any vaginal
penetration, in other words, help your woman come to
orgasm before intercourseat least some times. Read
Freeing The Female Orgasm!
51. When pleasing her sexually, use multiple points of

contact. For example your mouth on her clitoris, one hand
on a breast and one finger tantalizing her anus.
52. When you find a touch that turns her on, keep doing
the same touch, at the same speed, with the same
pressureexactly the same with no variation at all, until
she gives you a sign that she is ready for a change. Many
women at the edge of a wonderful orgasm lose it because
the man decides to change his stroke just at the wrong time!
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53. Become Tantric lovers. Romance each other for

hours, with periods of intercourse interspersed on and off
over that time. Men, learn to delay ejaculation! Read these
articles: Voluntary Ejaculation and Simple
Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation. Try sometimes
to go to several peaks of excitement without ejaculation,
during the same session of lovemaking.
Many women believe that men are

happier the more frequently they
can have intercourse. This is not
entirely accurate. What men truly
enjoy is being aroused by their
partner and remaining in an
aroused state for a long period of
time, while delaying orgasm as
long as possible. This is continuing
a them of most of the best erotic
literature, which in the story line,
the woman is able to arouse a man,
and keep him ata level just below
that needed to achieve an orgasm.
Women who have learned how to
achieve this for their husbands
generally have very happy
husbands and solid long-term
relationships. David Sebringsil
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54. Try sometimes to end lovemaking while you still

have desire. For men this would mean not ejaculating at all!
55. Ladies, when manually or orally stimulating the

lingam (a loving Tantric term for his penismeaning
wand of light), vary the touch and stroke frequently.
Using the same touch over and over for too long can lead to
rapid ejaculation. Here are some instructional videos on
oral sex.
56. Cuddle after intercourse. Look into each other's

eyes. Say words of love and adoration. Thank the God and
Goddess for their favors.
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57. Let go of control. Control is the enemy of ecstasy.

Cry in front of each other. Share what you are feeling. Risk
being emotionally transparent and vulnerable. Surrender
completely to your lover, letting go of any need to perform
sexually or trying to make orgasm happen. Lovemaking is
best when there is no goal, but rather a spontaneous
sensual, emotional, energetic, and spiritual awakening.
58. Lighten up! Laugh during intercourse. Laugh before

intercourse. Laugh after intercourse.
59. Shop for sex toys and lingerie together.
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60. Download our FREE illustrated Guide to Sex Toys

PDF file. This Guide explains how to select and use a wide
range of sex toys. It requires the FREE Adobe Acrobat
Reader if you dont already have it.
61. Ladies, try using a yoni egg (yoni is the tantric term
for vagina and means sacred temple) or other vaginal
exerciser to develop your yoni power, awaken to your full
sexual potential, heighten vaginal sensitivity and increase
the intensity of your orgasms.
62. Offer unexpected gifts for him and her. Keep it

simple, but thoughtful. Pick the right thing, not the biggest
or most expensive thing.
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63. Remember special occasions. They should be

specialbut make some special occasions when there is no
special occasion!
64. Say please and thank you for sexual favors and for
many small things each day.
"Whether the pretty woman grants or

withholds her favors, she always
likes to be asked for them." Ovid
65. Surprise your lover with the unexpected. Be foolish

and playful. Try something new. Experiment.
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66. Wear costumes and masks as part of your love

play. Oooh, mystery! Make your own masks.
67. Try something kinky. Experiment..

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68. Tie each other up. Men especially love to be tied
up. Wear blindfolds. Or play with some of the many exotic

BDSM (bondage) toys. Black Label Liberator Shapes
including cuffs, tethers and blindfold, are excellent
bedroom buddies for light BDSM play. If you are more
serious about your BDSM play, visit this German website.
Experimental, Kinky, Playful, Bondage,

and more.
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69. Paint each other's bodies. Use washable/edible

body paint or chocolate sauce that you buy or make
yourself. Eat each other like a sundae.
70. Try something dangerous, outrageous, something

you are afraid of, or something forbidden. Use your
imagination, experiment.
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71. Share your fantasies and play sexy games together.

Situational fantasies, in which you play a role
innocent/seducer, student/teacher, doctor/nurse,
stripper/voyeur, master/slave, bad boy or girl, etc.are
generally less threatening to your lover than fantasies about
other specific peoplefor example the neighbor or a
celebrity.
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72. Get captured by aliens and go for a ride in a flying

saucer.
73. Put on little skits (acts) for each other, or with each
other, in your private romantic sexual theatre. Experiment.
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74. Consciousness is sharpened and made more intense

when you are doing something for the first or last times.
Play a game in which you imagine that you are making
love for the first time or the last time.
75. Men, cut off the handle of an old shovel. Sand,

smooth and polish it, then decorate it lavishly and present it
as an erotic symbol of your commitment of fidelity to your
lover. In your presentation of your sacred lingam, make a
vow that you will ask for the icon to be returned if you are
ever unfaithful.
76. Masturbate for each other. Masturbating while

your lover watches can be a big turn-on for both of you.
Videos.
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77. Drop something that is really important for you to

do, and make love instead. Come home from work in the
middle of the day just to surprise your partner with some
lusty lovemaking.
78. Call when you are away and say, "I miss you
terribly. I can't wait to get home to hold you. I really want
you right now."
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79. Talk "sexy-dirty" over the phone to each other.

Tell your lover what you will do with him when you can
touch him again.
80. Look into each other's eyes, if possible until tears

follow the opening of your heart in love. Send looks of love
with your eyes to each other for one minute each day. Use
your eyes only; do not speak.
Looks of Love
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81. Take long, deep, slow breaths and match the rhythm
of your breathing during lovemaking while also looking
into each others eyes. Do this at a peak of sexual arousal to
maintain that peak without going over into climax.
Prolonging the orgasmic energy over successive peaks of
sexual arousal leads to ecstasy and other delightful altered
states of consciousness. Such experiences are quite beyond
simple physical pleasure; they are more spiritual.
82. Take rapid breaths to heat up your excitement

whenever there is a drop in libido.
83. Sometimes, just hold each other without speaking.

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84. Take turns cuddling, rocking and cooing to each

other as if you were babies.
85. Talk where one only listens. The one who listens
does not try to take any responsibility, does not try to
intervene or "fix" anything. Just listen. Dont respond for
24 hours! This is harder to do than it sounds, but well worth
the effort. Here are instructions for our Heart Talk
exercise.
86. Give each other a 10-second kiss when coming and

going.
87. Make out like high school kids, without going on to

intercourse. Pay attention to how this makes you feel later
in the day. Pay attention to how this affects your libido.
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88. Practice Tantric Sacred Sex muscle mastery,

breathing and visualization together. If you don't know
how, take a workshop together, read a book or watch a
video. Our book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two is an excellent
book to start with. You can download a FREE illustrated
PDF file with excerpts from all chapters to see if it is a
book you would like to use for your Tantric practice. Pala
also has a CD available. Apertio: Tantra Energy
Meditations contains five meditations for learning to work
with your sexual energy. Pala talks you through the
exercises accompanied by the sensual music of Jeff Davies.
One of the meditations is the sexual fire breath illustrated
here.
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89. Give each other flowers regularly, not just

on special occasions. Men love to receive flowers
too! Have fresh flowers around as often as
possible. Make flower arrangements together,
fresh or dried. Have lots of green healthy plants in the
house. Grow a garden together.
Give FlowersGrow a Garden
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90. Make wine together.
91. Spend time remembering wondrous past

experiences together when you were happy and joyous.
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92. Make plans for the future. Talk about spending the
rest of your life together.
93. Find a photograph that symbolizes what it will be

like when you grow old together. Frame it and display it on
a wall in your home, preferably in your bedroom.
94. Write out your vision for the kind of relationship

you want to create together.
95. Display your relationship vision/dream where you

will see it often, and possibly where others may see it.
96. Take turns leading during slow dancing.
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97. Call each other by endearing mushy pet names. In

conversation always use loving poetic names when
referring to your genitals, e.g., jade stalk, lingam, wand of
light, mystery cave, yoni, succulent flower, etc.
98. Take turns serving each other breakfast in bed on

different mornings.
99. Sleep together NAKED! Curl around each other

like spoons. Roll over together to change positions in the
night. If you dont already sleep this way it only takes a
few nights to get to really prefer it to sleeping without
touching. So many of us are touch deprived. Our skin needs
the sensual nutrition of human touch.
100. In the morning when you wake up lying naked

together, the woman welcomes the man between her legs.
If he is not aroused, he will use the soft entry by wetting his
lingam with saliva (or any suitable water or silicone based
lubricant) and gently inserting it into her yoni. Lie still,
gazing into each others eyes and match your breathing for
2-5 minutes (or longer if you have the time). This is more
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an energetic connection rather than a sexual one, and would

not usually lead on to active intercourse or climax. It is a
splendid way to start each day, marvelously balancing your
masculine and feminine energies.
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Additional Exercises
C r e a ti n g a T e m pl e fo r L o ve
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Twoi, pp.201-203
When celebrating sacred sex it helps if you create
the proper atmosphere. Set up part of your home,
bedroom, living room, or den, as a Temple for Love.
Begin by giving each other a warm embrace then
proceed in silence to arrange the space you have
chosen.
Make sure it is tidyvacuumed, dusted and general
clutter removed. Do not spend more than five minutes
cleaning up. If it is messy, straighten up beforehand.
This is your time for loving not housework.
Soften hard surfaces with beautiful fabric. If there is
a TV in the room, hide it under sensual cloth. Better
yet, if the TV is in your bedroom take it out,
permanently. TV is one of the biggest distractions from
each other.
Bring in plants or flowers and other beautiful
objects that have special meaning for you: pictures,
sculptures, and craft pieces. Arrange them artfully
around your space.
Include plenty of pillows for supporting your bodies
in delightful sexual positions.
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Ensure that the room is warm enough for

comfortable nakedness.
Pay special attention to the lighting. Drape colored
cloth over lamps or use candles, red light bulbs, dimmer
switches and if you have it, firelight. Watching flames
of a fire can bring on alpha and theta brain states. Alpha
brain waves are associated with relaxation,
visualization and creativity. Theta brain waves evoke
deep trance states, sexual ecstasy, shamanic visions, out
of body experiences and other profoundly altered states
of consciousness.
Aromatize your temple with incense, essential oils,
scented candles or fresh flowers. Use scents that you
both like.
Set out an assortment of music to accompany your
moods of love.
Arrange close to hand any oils, lubricants and sex
toys you may want to use.
Bring in drinks and light snacks.
When you have finished, take a few moments to

admire the transformation you have wrought.
Arranging your temple should take twenty minutes or
lessyou have thought about and gathered most items
earlier. Move deliberately, and gracefully, with your
intention always in mindto create a beautiful space
for sacred loving. Each time you set up a loving temple,
make it somewhat different. You want it to be freshly
appealing, not a familiar habitat that you no longer
really see.
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Each time we create a sacred space Al revels in a

sensual experience of pleasure through sight, smell,
touch and sound. As the room is beautifully
transformed, it is as if he were in a completely different
place. He senses a newness that is erotic, arousing and
mysterious.
For Pala creating a temple of love helps her move out
of any habitual lovemaking mode. She becomes
consciously aware of acting differently. It stimulates
and humbles her to set up a temple for honoring her
higher self, her beloved and the Creator.
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P sy c hi c P r o te c ti o n
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, pp.203-205
When you have finished arranging your temple to your
satisfaction you can further sanctify it through an
assortment of rituals. In Tantric lovemaking, you desire
to go beyond your limits, to break down any walls that
may separate you emotionally or energetically from
your lover and from the divine. Trust and vulnerability
are essential. Psychic protection rituals reach past your
rational mind to your inner core evoking safety so that
you can truly let go into love.
Pala finds that purifying rituals instill a deep sense of
relaxation and security throughout her entire being.
Because she feels confident and protected, she is able to
unreservedly open to Al in all ways.
Als use of psychic protection rituals is based on the
premise that negative energies or entities cannot come
into you or your space without your permission and that
they have to leave when you tell them to if they are
already there. Positive energies and beings will respond
to your invitation to enter.
You may burn sweet grass, cedar or incense,
passing it over and around the space and saying words
like I purify and sanctify this space. I make it holy and
safe through my love and my intention.
You may walk three times counter-clockwise round
the perimeter of your temple, saying as you walk slowly
and reverently I send out from this space all negative
energiesfear, doubt, anger, complacency Include
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anything you do not want in your space or yourself.

Then reverse your path and walk three times clockwise
around the perimeter, saying as you walk I welcome
into our special place all positive energiesjoy,
wisdom, passion, love, wonder Include everything
you want to be present. Counter-clockwise direction
disperses energy and clockwise builds it. Speaking
aloudnaminggives more weight to your words than
shyly, silently thinking them.
You may ring a bell, bang a drum, or strike a gong
as you walk. One of our favorite instruments is an
exquisite Tibetan singing bowl of hammered brass.
You may envision a golden ball of light surrounding
your space, a permeable force field that allows in all
that is good and repels any evil.
You may put on a special robe or other costume for
your ritual. Let your imagination guide you.
You may light candles in each of the four corners of
the room, calling upon the power of the four directions:
East, South, West and North. Different sources equate
different qualities to the four directions, these are the
meanings we useii:
o
East is Airthe majesty of mind, the purity of
thought. As I light this candle in the East I unlock my
mind to conscious knowing.
o
South is Firethe power of spirit and energy.
As I light this candle in the South I open myself to
creative energy flow.
o
West is Waterthe power of emotion and
feeling. As I light this candle in the West I allow myself
to feel all, to reveal all.
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o
North is Earththe wonder of the body. As I
light this candle in the North I invite the mystery of the
world.
Endeavor to relax and enjoy yourself. These are joyous,
celebratory and holy rites. A magical transformation
will take place, brought about by your intention, your
sacred focus on creating a space of beauty, safety and
honor in which to celebrate your love of yourself, each
other and God.
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L o vi n g B o dy D i sc o ve r y
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, pp.114-117
Take a loving visual, tactile tour of your mates body.
Create a sensual ambience for your body discovery.
Make sure the room is warm. Lighting should be bright
enough to see clearly but soft and caressing to your
skin, for example candles or a red light bulb. Play
music that relaxes you and makes you feel sensual.
Begin by asking your lovers permission: My beloved
(or your name for your lover), I come to you with love,
desire and the utmost respect. May I please explore
your wonderful body? Your lover responds: Yes, I
welcome you with love and trust. You can make up
your own words to show respect, love, trust and care.
Sometimes, the receiving partner may be shy or
uncomfortable having a particular body segment
thoroughly explored. If this is the case, it is important to
be open and honest. Tell each other how you feel, and
respect your limitations.
Begin from a distance with a slow, soft caressing look
from head to toe and back again. As you are looking,
tell your lover what pleases you about her. Remember
most of us are not accustomed to being gazed at all
over, especially with love and adoration and desire.
Your partner may be feeling uncomfortable ask her to
breathe deeply, to relax any tension in her body and to
try to feel the vital energy coming from your eyes into
her body.
Move closer and mix your looking with touches. Go
slowly. Begin with her hands, lifting them, caressing
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her palm, stroking it lightly then gently sucking each

finger. Work your way up her arms, feathering lightly
with your fingers, repeating the path with a sniffing,
tickling nose, repeat again with pouty nibbling lips and
darting, slippery tongue. As you explore keep letting
your lover know how much you are enjoying your
tourtell her with words, sounds, facial gestures. Look
into each others eyes frequently and feel the
connection between the two of you deepening.
From arms move up to her head, neck, ears, then eyes,
face, mouth, chin, and back down to her neck. Take
your time. Feel her skin beneath your hands, smell the
unique scent of each part of her, listen to her breath and
to any sounds she may make in response to your touch.
Switch from her head to her feet. Play with them as you
did with her hands. Then proceed up her legs. Take
your time. Be playful. Focus all your attention on your
lover and allow your heart to open.
When you reach the tops of her legs, roll her on to her
stomach and explore her back with your hands, then
your nose, then your mouth, and combinations of all
three, from the base of her neck all the way down to her
feet.
Once again, roll her on to her back and starting at the
hollow of her neck work your way down her torso in
waves using your hands, nose and mouth. Pause at
breasts and belly or other spots on her torso that give
both of you pleasure. Finally, turn your attention to
her love grotto. This is the seat of creation, the
wellspring of life. Explore her gently with nose,
mouth and fingers. Your purpose is to heighten
awareness for both of you, not to turn her on
(although this may happen). Do not use habitual
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touches that you know will bring her to orgasm. If

either, or both, of you become sexually excited, relax
and be with the excitement. This is an opportunity to
feel the body electricto raise and keep the energy
high without going over the edge to release. You may
be surprised to find that the loving body discovery
can also be more relaxing and affectionate than
sexually stimulating. Whatever happens is right.
Finish with a complete hughead to toe for two
minutes. Feel your hearts beating. Match your breathing
rhythm. In love and respect, thank each other, and then
switch partners.
Remember, the Loving Body Discovery is not a
massage, nor is it done with the intention of arousing
your lover sexually, nor is it leading up to intercourse
or an orgasmic climax. Separate the Loving Body
Discovery from these other ways of being intimate so
you can experience being in the moment without trying
to get somewhere in your lovemaking. You can
discover the joy of touching each and every part of your
lovers body, and learn that every touch is potentially as
satisfying and wonderful as any other. This is also an
excellent exercise in which to move beyond the anxiety
of responsibility to perform sexually, to make it
happen for your partner.
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P C P u m pi n g
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, 147-149
Without a doubt, the most important sexual energy
exercise you can do is the PC Pump. It is standard in
both the ancient Tantric and Taoist teachings of sacred
sex. PC stands for pubococcygeous and refers to a
group of muscles surrounding your genitals and anus.
You may already know these exercises as Kegels,
named for the American doctor who, during the 1950s,
began prescribing PC squeezing to help prevent surgery
in women with Urinary Stress Incontinence.
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PC Pumping, or tightening and relaxing the muscles of

your pelvic floor, does the following wonderful things.
It:
1. Acts as a lock to keep your sexual energy in and a
pump to push it up through your body.
2. Strengthens and tones the muscles in your urogenital area.
3. Prevents prolapsed uterus and incontinence in
women.
4. Increases erection capacity for men.
5. Sensitizes and focuses women genitally, so their
orgasms become stronger and more frequent.
6. Massages a mans prostate gland, helping it to stay
healthy.
7. Adds extraordinary sensation when performed
while making love.
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PC Pumps are very easy to do, simply pretend you have

to urinate, but you are somewhere you cannot. You
tighten up and hold it. You can actually begin your
practice of PC Pumps by interrupting the flow while
you are urinating. In addition to pulling your pelvic
floor muscles up, PC Pumping includes lightly pushing
them out. When you first start these exercises, you may
find that your shoulders, your stomach, your buttocks,
even your jaw, clench as well. However, within a short
while you will be able to isolate and contract the many
different muscles in your genitals while keeping the rest
of your body relaxed. Try these variations:
Squeeze and Hold:
As you slowly inhale, contract your PC muscles.
Keep the rest of your body relaxed, especially your
shoulders.
Hold your contraction as you hold your breath for a
count of ten.
Slowly exhale and relax your muscles.
Repeat ten times.
Squeeze and Push:
shoulders.
Hold your contraction as you hold your breath for a
count of five.
As you exhale for a count of five gently push out
with your muscles.
Repeat ten times.
Fluttering:
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shoulders.
Hold your breath - quickly relax and contract your
PC muscles five times.
Slowly exhale and relax.
Repeat ten times.
Back to Front:
This version helps you gain more control over
individual muscles.
Womens Version
As you slowly inhale:

o Tighten your anus.
o Pull up on your perineum.
o Tighten the muscles inside your vaginal canal,
one by one from the opening. all the way back
to your cervix.
As you slowly exhale:
o Release your vaginal muscles, one by one, from
your cervix to your opening.
o Relax your perineum.
o Relax your anus.
Repeat ten times.
Mens Version
As you slowly inhale:

o Tighten your anus.
o Pull up on your perineum.
o Pull your scrotum up close to your body.
o Elevate your penis.
As you slowly exhale:
o Let your penis go.
o Release your scrotum.
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o Relax your perineum.

o Relax your anus.
Repeat ten times.
Remember to PC pump everyday! You do not have to

make extra time. PC squeezes can be done anywhere, as
you are: showering, driving, walking, waiting in line,
working on your computer, and watching TV. The
possibilities are endless, and no one can tell what you
are doing, unless you have a smile on your face because
it feels so good. Begin with ten sets of the five exercises
listed above, then over a few weeks work up to several
hundred repetitions per day. You will soon notice a
difference in sensitivity, capacity and energy
movement.
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G - spo t S ti m u l a ti o n
Stimulate your lovers G-Spot with gentle come hither

motions of your fingers.
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T a n tr a S a c r e d L o vi n g S te p b y
S te p: H o w to M a ke L o ve F o r
H our s
Tantra is a spiritual tradition that originated in India
some 4,000 years ago. It is a way of life that celebrates
and strives for the union of body, mind and spirit.
Tantra is a form of yoga. Yoga means union. The
ultimate purpose of Tantra is a union of lovers, and
union with the divine, with God. In the Tantric
tradition, sexuality and spirituality are joined. Lovers
actually invite God right into their bed!
Many cultures have a variation of this challenging and
delightful practice, for example, the Taoists in China
and the Cheyenne in North America. There are
differences in these practices, but all forms of sacred
sexuality have in common the intentional cultivation
and use of sexual energy for spiritual growth, healing,
creativity and enhanced pleasure.
The concepts of Tantra were first introduced to the west
in the 1800s by British scholars and travelers to India.
A Tantric revival by gurus and teachers in the ashrams
of India during the late 1960s has led to a gradual
popularization of these practices in Europe and North
America. Recent testimonials by celebrity musicians
and movie stars like Sting, Woody Harrelson and Tom
Hanks, and mentions in movies such as "Go" and
"Bliss" have promoted it almost to fad level.
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Now Tantra is becoming the sexual learning of choice

for North Americans who want to have it all: a
passionate sex life, a healthy body, and spiritual
growth.
Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises,
muscle contraction exercises, sound, visualization,
affirmations, creating a sacred loving space and other
rituals, meditation, sensual massage, and sexual play. In
order to create enough sexual energy to move into
ecstatic states of divine connection Tantrikas make love
for long periods of time, experiencing extraordinary
levels of pleasure along the way. Part of the delight of
Tantric loving is that you can continue to learn and
advance throughout years of practice; it is never-ending
in its potential for growth. At the same time, it is a
practice that yields immediate results. You can see and
feel a difference in your lovemaking experience right
away if you follow these steps.
Tantric Lovemaking Step by Step:
Intention
Regular lovemaking has a goal - orgasm. If you both
come at the same time you've done it really, really well.
If neither of you come at all you may as well have spent
your time elsewhere. With Tantric loving, there is no
goal. There is a purpose however, and that purpose is
union. Every aspect of your Tantric loving serves that
purpose. Your intention is to merge with your lover in
all aspects - body, mind, heart and soul - not just body.
You can help this along by looking at your lover
differently, by seeing your partner as a god or goddess,
as a living expression of the divine. Look for the glory,
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the beauty and the wonder in your playmate and in

yourself and let that shine.
Creating a Sacred Space
Take time to set the mood. You can transform an
ordinary space - a bedroom or living room - into a
sacred space. To do this, takes only a few minutes and
costs little or nothing. The important thing is your
intention, not the specific items you use. First, clean the
room. Vacuum, dust, and put away the clutter and junk
that might be lying about. If it is evening, dim the lights
and use candles. Position candles all around the room.
Bring in some plants or fresh cut flowers. A bowl of
fruit is very sensual. You may wish to have a bottle of
wine to share. Bring special objects into the room. Any
objects that have emotional importance for you will
work very well. Create your lover's bed. Make up the
bed with clean linens and have lots of pillows handy.
When you have finished creating the space, take a few
moments to purify it energetically. That means
consciously sending away negative or fearful thoughts
and feelings, and inviting in those that are joyous,
passionate and safe. Create your own rituals with sweet
grass, incense, and musical instruments.
The Lover's Purifying Bath
Cleanse each other in preparation for your joyous
union. Wash away the dirt and cares of the world. A hot
bath with essential oils and bath salts is perfect,
especially if you can both fit into the tub at the same
time. A shower is the next best thing, but perfectly
acceptable. The essential thing is to be squeaky clean.
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After all you will be eating off that skin! Make the bath
a slow, luxurious affair with each of you giving
complete attention to your lover. Wash and dry each
other with playful abandon. Men shave or trim facial
hair and apply scent. Women apply their best perfumes
and lotions. Sensually prepare your bodies for the
delights ahead.
Honor, Respect and Permission
Trust, surrender and opening your heart are essential if
you want to reach the heights of bliss. It is not just
technique that will get you there. You must join
together as loving equals on the sexual journey.
Men, think of the vagina as a potential opening rather
than as always being open. Do not ever take your lady
for granted! Tell her how much you care for her and
respect her. Tell her how much you love her. Speak
words of adoration into her ears as you gently blow on
them and nibble on her ear lobes. Let her know that you
think of her constantly and how strong your desire is to
make love with (not to) her. Also, let her know that you
invite her to awaken sexually and to express her
sexuality fully. Let her know that you are NOT caught
in that tired old cultural conditioning that still insists
"good girls" do not enjoy sex - the Madonna/Whore
split.
Make her believe you when you tell her that you know
she can be all she wants to be: a successful career
woman, a respectful daughter, a faithful wife, a caring
mother, a passionate lover and a sincere spiritual seeker
all at the same time. Tell her how beautiful she is, how
wonderful she smells, and all the things you appreciate
most about her. Finally, ask her permission to
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passionately love her in your practice of Tantra sacred

sex.
Ladies, let your man know that he is safe! He may act
all macho and tough, showing little emotion, but you
know that inside most men are afraid of emotional
intimacy. The tougher a man acts the greater this fear of
letting go, surrender and trust will likely be. Let him
know that you recognize his strength, but also invite
him to show his feelings. Let him know how much it
turns you on when he shows some vulnerability mixed
with his many strengths. Tell him how handsome he is
and how talented. Mention all the things you like most
about him. Tell him why you love him so strongly. Tell
him how much you think about him when he is away,
and how you have fantasies about making love to him
and touching him when he returns. Make him believe
that you really want him sexually. Finally, ask his
permission to passionately love him in your practice of
Tantra sacred sex.
Foreplay
After you have asked and received permission to love
each other up, tune into each other. Two simple ways to
do this are through harmonizing your breathing and by
looking deep into each other's eyes. By matching your
breathing rhythms and making soulful eye contact you
connect energetically as well as physically. Begin to
explore each other's bodies with wonder, lust and
playfulness.
Remember, in Tantra sacred loving there is no goal.
You are not trying to get somewhere. Each act of loving
is complete in and of itself. Once you master how to
work with your sexual energy both men and women
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will discover that they can have orgasms just by

touching fingers together. Indeed, you can have
orgasms just by looking into each other's eyes! So men
are not in a hurry to get at the woman's breasts or into
her vagina. When touching her body, start at the
extremities and work in toward the breasts and genitals.
Start with the fingers and toes and work in. Go slowly!
Generally men enjoy having their genitals touched at
any time, but women usually only enjoy having their
breasts and genitals touched after they are already
sexually excited from other touching, stimulating
conversation, or emotional connection. Make sure the
woman is well lubricated before any attempt at
intercourse. If possible, help her to have a clitoral
orgasm before moving on to intercourse.
Intercourse
The usual 5 to 15 minutes of lovemaking is typically
not satisfying for most women. Men need to learn to
delay ejaculation so that active lovemaking can be
extended for hours. Men can learn to delay ejaculation
not just during one lovemaking session, but for weeks
or months at a time. Any man who masters this will
eventually have the happy experience of orgasm
without ejaculation. Orgasm without ejaculation will
not deplete the man's energy the same way that a
regular ejaculatory orgasm does. This means that a man
can have more than one orgasm; indeed, he can become
a multi-orgasmic-man. When the man is able to last
longer, it is much more likely that his female partner
will also have multiple orgasms.
Although Tantric loving lasts several hours, this does
not mean you are having active intercourse during that
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entire time. Intercourse is interspersed with touching,

oral play, quietly holding each other. It is a good idea
for a man to allow his erection to subside every 30
minutes to exchange the blood supply and recharge his
hormone levels.
Moving Your Energy: The Passion Pump
Riding the wave of bliss happens when the lovers
become totally aroused sexually, and maintain that
arousal for a period of time. They build up enormous
sexual/spiritual energy. For the man, if this energy has
nowhere else to go, there will be such a buildup of
pressure in the prostate, that it will go into involuntary
spasm and ejaculation will end the lovemaking.
However, with a combination of breathing, relaxation,
and muscle contraction exercises both men and women
can learn to circulate sexual energy through their own
and their lover's body. Ultimately the ego boundaries
disappear and the lovers become one in ecstatic union.
The muscle contraction exercise is very simple. If you
were urinating and stopped the flow of urine in midstream you would be contracting exactly the right
muscles in exactly the right way. So imagine that you
wanted to alternately start and stop the flow of urine.
This squeezing and relaxing of muscles around your
genitals is called the PC Pump. It's the first and most
important exercise in learning to circulate your sexual
energy.
At the peak of sexual arousal, either during intercourse
or manual/oral stimulation stop your normal
lovemaking movements and focus on moving the
sexual energy that's pulsing in your genitals. Move it up
and through your body. Use slow, deep abdominal
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breathing to keep your body relaxed. Add the PC

pumping action and visualize moving energy up your
body in a ball of fire or a wave of light or a current of
electricity. Through your eyes, your hands, your
genitals pass this powerful force on to your lover. At
first, this may seem difficult because we are not
accustomed to paying attention to our internal energy.
With practice, you will be able to recognize and direct
it.
Afterplay
Regular lovemaking usually ends when the man
ejaculates, but when men have learned to postpone
ejaculation stopping lovemaking then becomes a matter
of choice. With Tantric loving you wind down your
loving time with slow caresses, words of endearment
and honoring each other with food and drink.
Sharing Wine, Food and Other Sensual Pleasures
The sharing of good food, wine and other intoxicants,
sensual massage, dressing up in costumes and playing
sexual games are part of the ancient Tantric tradition.
While Tantra is serious, it need not be heavy. Lighten
up; be playful, lusty and daring!
Tantra lovers know that they are personally responsible
for their own sexual fulfillment and their own spiritual
progress. This may be especially important for men.
Many men experience a great deal of performance
anxiety. But even the greatest, most sensitive, highly
skilled Tantric lover cannot make a woman have
orgasms. She must be able to go to that place in herself
that is orgasmic. Sexual/spiritual ecstasy has little to do
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with control. It requires trust, surrender and letting go.

Both lovers must learn to do this. If there is some
psychological work to do before you will allow yourself
to open in this way, then get on with it! In the
meantime, please each other with the preparation,
serving and consumption of fine food and drink. Lavish
each other with touching in sensual massage. Dress up
(and down!) for each other. Take on different
personalities with different costumes. Wear masks!
Play and laugh together often. Celebrate your spirit
through your sexuality. Open your heart. Let your lover
in and your love out!
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H ea r t T a l k
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, 97-100
We believe that ecstasy in lovemaking is your birthright
and that it should be a common experience for lovers,
but it is rare. One of the reasons it is rare is that
relationship stuff gets in the way. People have so
much stuff accumulated that they do not allow
themselves to become vulnerable to their lover. You
become angry, upset and frustrated with each other and
withdraw, barricading your hearts inside your
emotional armor for protection and security, blocking
your energetic flow and the spontaneous experience of
ecstasy. The Heart Talk is a way to dismantle the
barricades that keep your hearts closed, a way to take
off your emotional armor. That is why we call it a Heart
Talkit helps you open your heart. It is superb for any
issue with a heavy emotional load attached to itone
that brings up strong feelings you may have difficulty
coping with.
The Heart Talk is remarkably effective and incredibly
powerful, but only if you honor the process. This is one
place where you must follow the instructions exactly if
you want it to work. Do not vary the process at all. If
your lover asks for a Heart Talk do not agree unless you
commit to honoring its structure.
A Heart Talk is not a two-way conversation. One
person talks. The other listens. You listen with patience
and respect. You listen without judgment. You listen
without taking responsibility for what or how the
speaker is feeling. You listen without giving advice.
You listen without showing approval, anger or any
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other reaction. You just listen. The only time the

listener can say anything is if you have not heard what
the speaker is saying or if you do not understand what
the speaker has said. The listener does not respond
until 24 hours later.
Listening is harder than you might think. As listener,
you will feel an overwhelming urge to do one of three
things:
1. You will want to make the talker feel better by
offering condolences, comforting hugs, or verbal
reassurances that it really isnt so bad and that
everything will be alright.
2. You will want to defend yourself if you feel
misunderstood or unfairly judged.
3. You will want to offer a quick solutionto jump in
and fix the problem.
But, as listener you can do none of these things. The
listener can only listen.
The difference that effective listening can make is
remarkable. We have heard people comment after a
Heart Talk, I cant believe you did not tell me this
before. The talker has replied, Ive told you dozens of
times! When you really listen, you will understand,
perhaps for the very first time what is really going on.
Deep listening such as you will do in a Heart Talk,
coupled with the twenty-four hour waiting period, can
lead to the solving of problems and the healing of
wounds that have existed for many years. We have seen
couples clear up issues in a five minute Heart Talk that
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they had been struggling with for ten, twenty or thirty

years!
In almost every relationship one person or the other is
verbally dominantquicker with words, more
articulate, more aggressive, and able to steer the
conversation in a particular direction. This can be
intimidating and confusing for someone who is not so
quick with words. You can become easily side tracked
and may never really get a chance to express clearly
what you want to say. Furthermore, what you are
feeling inside is not always obvious. You may not
always know what you are feeling or what it means.
The Heart Talk creates a level playing field. Since the
listener can only listen, the person talking will not be
interrupted, will not have to worry about the reaction of
the listener, and will not have to contend with the
response, defense or counter attacks from the listener,
because there will not be any. You will eventually find
the right words to explain what is going on inside as
you talk about your emotions honestly and openly. You
make yourself vulnerable to your partner by stating how
you really feel. You take responsibility for your
feelings and actions, even if the feelings may be
precipitated by something your partner has said or
done. You use I statements to explain what is
happening with you. This helps to clarify feelings and
ideas for you as well as your partner, and may be all
that is required for healing to take place.
Sometimes the talker will want an immediate response.
If so, do not ask for a Heart Talk. If you undertake a
Heart Talk and do not honor the process, this invaluable
tool will be forever lost to you and that would be most
unfortunate.
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When you have an issue for a Heart Talk, do not

assume that your lover will respond and react in a
certain way. You will likely be wrong. Your
assumptions about your partner often have more to do
with your own fears and suppositions than they do with
your partners reality.
Usually you would not follow one Heart Talk with
another Heart Talk twenty-four hours later. That is
possible but is not common. More likely there will be a
normal talking dialog to work on the issue if that seems
appropriate. Alternatively, as listener you may have
understood the message so clearly, and realized your
part in it, that you markedly change your behavior.
Whatever your method, a response of some type is
necessary.
Pala absolutely loves the Heart Talk even though she
finds it one of the most difficult things to do. She loves
it because with it she can reveal her vulnerabilities
that is also why its so difficult. She hates to show her
self-perceived weaknesses and fears, wants to be strong
and perfect. Through the Heart Talk process, she has
come to understand that revealing her vulnerabilities
actually makes her stronger. This understanding has not
made the actual asking for and doing a Heart Talk any
easier, but she acts on it anyway, despite her anxiety.
Heart Talks help her surrender.
Heart Talk Steps
1. Ask specifically for a Heart Talk Your partner
knows what the rules are, and by consenting to a
Heart Talk agrees to follow the rules.
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2. Begin by sitting with each other for a moment or

two, just connecting. Take a deep breath. Relax
your body. You can hold hands, look in each others
eyes or match your breathing.
3. The person who has requested the Heart Talk then
speaks without interruption for as long as they need.
Usually Heart Talks do not last a long time because
there are no interruptions! A long Heart Talk would
be 15 minutes.
4. This is not a license to dump on the listener. This
is about identifying and taking responsibility for
how you feel. So use I sentences like I become
very sad and frightened when I think you are
ignoring me. Do not use you sentences like
You make me sad by ignoring me all the time. If
all the talker reveals is anger, not much will happen,
but if the talker can reveal the deeper emotions of
fear and insecurity, the results of a Heart Talk can
be astonishing. If the talker is only dumping on,
blaming or haranguing the listener, it is not a Heart
Talk and the listener can end it.
5. No response is allowed for 24 hours. This is
essential for the process to work. Tremendous
healing can take place during that time.
6. After the Heart Talk, it is a good idea to do some
emotional release to change the energy, which may
be supercharged with emotion (see exercise 2
Emotional Release).
7. After the 24 hour period the listener gives a
responseit may be a discussion, a change in
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behavior, an acknowledgement that he has heard

what has been said but cannot quite respond yet as
he needs a little more time. The response will differ
from situation to situation.
Heart Talk Example
Pala is feeling that Al has been ignoring her for a few
weeks, so she asks Al for a Heart Talk. Al agrees.
This is what she DOES NOT say:
I feel like youve been ignoring me. You havent been
affectionate; youve been preoccupied with writing and
business. You get surly when I approach you. You
havent bought me flowers or told me Im wonderful.
You havent taken me out to dinner. Youre being a
selfish, boorish jerk and Im sick and tired of it. You
better get your act together buster or you dont even
want to think about whats going to happen, you twit!
This is what she DOES say:
I feel like youve been ignoring me. When that
happens, when you are preoccupied with other things
and are not affectionate with me I become insecure. I
start to worry that you have found something or
someone else more interesting. It brings up my fears of
desirability because Im aging. I dont want to make
you feel guilty telling you this, I know you care, but
Im feeling sad and lonely.
In a Heart Talk you describe your feelings, and many
more of them may come up as you are talking or as you
are listening. What do you do with them? After your
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Heart Talk you let those feelings out with conscious

emotional release.
Moving your body and making lots of sound are the
simple keys to emotional release. Some of our favorite
techniques include yelling, screaming, crying, beating
the floor with whackers, laughing, and wild dancing.
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C r e a ti n g a R e l a ti o n shi p V i si o n
Excerpted from Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, pp. 44-47
In this exercise, together you develop a vision of what
you want your relationship to be.
Step One: Individual Desires
Working individually, think about and then list what
you would like in your relationship. Use clear, simple,
specific statements. Be sure to identify qualities of
relationship rather than characteristics of partners, as
explained above. Describe what you would truly like.
Know you are worthy to have it and dare to believe. Do
not allow yourself to be limited by assumptions like
Oh that is not possible or She would never agree to
that or I should want this. Also, do not list what you
think your lover wantshes making his own list.
As a starting point for your list, consider what you
would like in the following:
Sexuality
Commitment, fidelity, relationships with other
people of the opposite sex
Communication: sharing, talking, revealing feelings
Time allocations with: each other, children, family
& friends, career, community
Finances
Home life: practicalitieslocation, ownership; and
ambience: tidy/messy, orderly/casual, quiet/busy
Decision making, authority, power
Children
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Fun, play, leisure activities, vacation

Personal and spiritual growth
Health: diet, exercise, smoking, alcohol
Other topics that are of importance to you
Here is a range of sample statements to assist you in

developing your own ideas.
Sexuality
For me, sex must be more than a physical release; I
want to explore its spiritual aspects.
I would like our sex life to be wildly adventurous
with new techniques and fantasies and I want lots of
it.
I want our sex life to be a free and equal
partnership, with both partners deciding jointly to
make love, no pressures from either one to perform.
Intercourse and explicit sex is secondary to me,
affectionate touching is more important.
Personal and Spiritual Growth
I want the freedom to continually explore avenues
for awakening whether it is on my own or with my
partner.
My faith, my religious practice, is essential to my
way of life and I want my family to be part of it.
I want spiritual growth to be something we pursue
as a couple.
Spiritual growth simply develops from our
experiences in life I do not want to make it a focal
point.
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Home Life
I want our home to be a quiet, tidy oasis where I can
recuperate from the world.
I want our home to be a lively center, where friends
and family are frequent guests.
Home for me is wherever I hang my hat, I do not
want to be tied down to one place very long, I need
the freedom to get up and go if we want to.
I want to set down roots in a stable, secure
environmentI need a house that belongs to us.
When you have made your list, prioritize it. Elements
that are most important to you go at the top.
Step Two: Your Shared Picture
In this step you work together to align your individual
desires into a shared vision for your relationship.
After you have completed your individual lists,

share what each of you has written and discuss what
you discover.
Look for items that matchqualities that are
similar on both lists. If necessary, refine them a
little more before you add them to a third list, the
one that will become your shared vision.
Notice the qualities that only appear on one list. Can
you or your lover agree to add that quality to your
common list so that it becomes part of your joint
vision?
Where there are very obvious differences in
approach (e.g., one wants lots of sex and the other
only a little; one wants to spend all your free time
together and the other wants more time for separate
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social activities; one ranks your relationship as the

top priority and the other ranks it as number five)
have a frank discussion, including reasons
underlying your choices, and see how you can reach
a common ground. Techniques such as the Heart
Talk (chapter 5) will help.
This is a place for complete honesty. You must
know where you are as a couple on these important
matters. Pretending will only result in difficulties
down the line.
Work together on your shared list until you are both
comfortable with the qualities you have chosen.
The more precise you can be, the better, but remember,
there is room for flexibilitylike your relationship
itself, this vision of it will evolve over time. It is not
cast in stone for ever and a day.
Step Three: A Symbolic Rendering
When you have finished your joint list, together
create a visual image that represents the kind of
relationship you both want. You can draw a picture
with pen, pencil, crayons, paints, or you can make a
collage out of magazine clippings and photographs. The
image can be realistic or symboliclike a mandala.
Keep this image where you can both see it every day
and consciously look at it, even if for only thirty
seconds. Its powerful message will be working within
you.
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Previously Published Articles
L a st L o n g e r T ha n S he C a n
H a n dl e :
S i m pl e T e c hn i q u e s fo r
M a ste r i n g E j a c u l a ti o n
by Pala Copeland & Al Link
Published in Urban Male Magazine, Winter98/99
Is this an all too familiar scenario? Hot and heavy
loving with hungry kisses and tender caresses that
promise orgasmic bliss for both you and your eager
partner when all of a sudden youre one thrust past
the edge, the dam bursts and its over. Youre
finished, spent and ready for sleep. Shes still
waiting for more, perhaps wistfully contemplating a
purchase of that acrylic vibrating dildo her friend has
been raving about.
Well, youre not alone in this too-quick-for-her-climax
intercourse. The average man makes about 50 thrusts
before he ejaculates. For most women it takes
approximately 10 minutes of active intercourse to reach
orgasm. Even the most optimistic lover can see these
numbers just dont add up! But dont roll over and nod
off yet, there are some simple things you can do to
bring your partner and you much closer together.
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These male/female discrepancies in timing are part

physiological and part habit. Physically mens and
womens arousal rates vary widely, but for the most
part women become fully turned on much more slowly
than men. So a great way to make sure youre both
happy with your love life is to include lots of foreplay.
Help her reach orgasm with your fingers, tongue, lips
before you even start to have intercourse.
Secondly, most mens experience with sex starts out as
rather furtive masturbation, a quick release in the
bathroom or under the bedcovers before someone can
see whats going on. Then onto early sexual
experiences with a girlfriend in back seats of cars or in
a basement rec room, again in a hurry, before she
changes her mind or her parents come along to change
it for her.
Now when you have the time and space for long
lovemaking good old John Thomas is still back in the
Ive gotta come now days, and hes not going to slow
down just because you tell him to. Thats like asking a
guy whos trained as a sprint champ to bring home a
gold in the 5000 meter instead. He may well be able to
make the shift but hes going to need coaching. You
can train him with your mind, your muscles and your
breath or a combination of all three. Its not entirely up
to you either, your loving partner can assist, after all its
for her benefit as well!
The first step is to become aware of your own levels
of arousal. Experiment, take your time and give
yourself a very real self-loving exploration, not just a
quick masturbatory release. Notice how your penis
moves through distinct changes before orgasm and
ejaculation, hes not just soft and then hard and
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spewing. There are four defined stages of erection:

lengthening and filling; swelling; full erection; rigid
erection. The fourth stage, rigid erection,
characterized by a penis thats very stiff (a boner) and
very hot, signifies ejaculation is close at hand.
Through attentive self-arousal and the playful hands
of your sweetheart you can learn how to stay for
longer periods of time in the exciting, but less
explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel
yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop
stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing.
Breathe slowly and deeply.
The Power of Breath

Conscious breathing is a key for extended lovemaking.
Rapid breathing excites and arouses you. Slow,
controlled breathing, way down into your belly, calms
you and helps delay ejaculation. Focusing on your
breath takes your attention away from your genitals.
Synchronizing your breathing rhythm with your
partners strengthens your connection with each other.
Adding sound to your breathing can also help you ride
the edge of pleasure. As you exhale send out a deep lion
roar. Feel the sound come from your scrotum, up
through your belly and lungs and out your mouth as a
powerful release of the orgasmic tension building inside
you.
You can use some of the following muscle techniques
to postpone ejaculation as well.
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PC (pubococcygeous) Muscle Contraction

This is simply squeezing your pelvic floor muscles,
around the scrotum, penis and anus as you feel
ejaculation approaching. An easy way to practice this is
to interrupt your urine stream when you are going to the
bathroom.
Perineum Pressure
Pressing on the perineum, a spot midway between your
scrotum and your anus, will help to stop ejaculation
because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland.
It is the prostate that contracts and expands during
orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid. Ask your
partner to apply this loving pressure for you.
Testes Tug
When a man nears orgasm his scrotum rises up closer to
his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling
your testes down and away from your body. Your
partner can also do this for you.
Penis Tip Squeeze

Squeezing your penis just below the head or glans can
help to stop oncoming ejaculation. It necessitates
withdrawing completely from your partner during
intercourse, but is an excellent way to begin practice on
your own with masturbation.
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Passion Pump
This technique, which combines squeezing the PC
muscles, rolling your eyes upward, touching your
tongue to the roof of your mouth, and visualizing your
sexual energy flowing up through your body while you
practice controlled deep breathing is one of the most
effective ways of delaying ejaculation. Its a Taoist
sexual kung fu technique that has the added benefit of
helping you circulate your sexual energy through your
body rather than having it remain hot and heavy in your
genital region.
Special Tip
It is easier to delay ejaculation by focusing on moving
your sex energy through your body rather than focusing
on not ejaculating. Stopping movement, relaxing a little
and breathing deeply and slowly will all aid with this
practice.
The Importance of the Prostate Gland

When you practice delaying ejaculation it is very
important to massage the prostate gland, so that it
doesnt become sore. You can do this by pressing on
the perineum. The prostate can be felt as a bumpy
walnut shape beneath your fingers. Especially
delightful is massaging in circular motions, first
clockwise and then counterclockwise, with a piece of
folded silk on the perineum spot.
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Thrusting Technique
A superb thrusting technique that brings great pleasure
to a woman and helps a man to last is a combination of
deep and shallow thrusts. By shallow thrusts we mean
your penis only enters 1 to 2 inches inside your
partner. These first couple of inches are the most
sensitive part of a womans vagina. Deep thrusts mean
your penis enters as fully as you can.
In this technique you combine a series of nine fairly
quick shallow thrusts with one slow deep one. The
shallow thrusts stimulate your partners most sensitive
vaginal tissues and at the same time create a vacuum
effect that makes her ache for the deep thrust to come.
And because most of your thrusts are shallow ones,
exciting only the first few inches of your penis, youre
able to rock on for much longer!
Mind over Muscle
Practicing squeezing your PC muscles will enable you
to gradually become so familiar with your genitals, that
you will be able to discern each separate muscle group
and contract/relax them at will. At first you will tighten
your genitals and everything will contract at once. Later
you will be able to contract your anal muscles without
moving your penis or scrotum, or pull up your scrotum
while your anus and penis remain relaxed, or bob your
penis up and down while nothing else moves.
Eventually just a thought will relax everything,
especially your smooth genital muscles, sending your
hot sexual energy shooting through your body, not out
the end of your penis, but instead into your partner
through eye contact, intercourse, or touching.
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Smooth muscles are internal muscles over which you

normally have no conscious control. You may not have
been aware that you have smooth muscles. Theyre
muscles like your heart muscle, the muscles that push
your food through your digestive tract and the muscles
that push the sperm and semen out the end of your
penis. Becoming aware of your smooth muscles and
eventually gaining enough mastery to be able to
consciously keep them relaxed will enable blood to
flow into the penis, maintaining an erection almost
indefinitely certainly long enough to satisfy the most
demanding partner, through and through.
Gaining control over the smooth muscles in your
genitals is the key to maintaining your peak sexual
arousal for long periods of time -- even long enough to
experience whole body orgasms, rather than simply
genital orgasms. In a whole body orgasm your entire
body becomes an exquisite erogenous zone, much like
your genitals always are. You can actually reach
orgasm when your lover is rubbing your chest, or
sucking on your toes and fingers, or nibbling your ears
and throat.
The magical key to opening the doorway into multiple
whole body orgasms is relaxation of your smooth
muscles, no matter how aroused, excited, or turned on
you are.
Train your mind to think of something other than
ejaculation. Thinking I dont want to ejaculate is still
thinking about ejaculation. You must have something
else to focus your attention. We dont recommend
reciting sports stats or in any way diverting your
attention from lovemaking. It is essential that you be
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fully present from moment to moment. But instead of

thinking about ejaculation, or worrying about
ejaculating too quickly, we suggest you think about
pleasing your partner. Learn to take pleasure for
yourself in the pleasing of your partner. Notice how she
reacts when your tongue is exploring around her
clitoris, but also notice how her clitoris feels on your
tongue. Notice how she enjoys when you suck on her
nipples, but also notice how her breasts feel pressed
against your face. Notice how she moans when you
gently run your fingers up the inside of her thighs, but
also notice how her skin feels so soft and warm against
your fingers.
With your attention fully engaged in this way on your
partner, your breath, your genital muscles -- you are
going to last a long time. As your lovemaking goes on,
and on, and on perhaps for hours, the energy within
you and between you and your lover will accumulate to
such an intense level that you may spontaneously
experience the opening of your higher spiritual
centres. With this opening comes an experience of
ecstasy, bliss, joy, and wonder. This is where mastery
of ejaculation can lead you and your satisfied partner.
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V o l u n ta r y E j a c u l a ti o n
Published in Urban Male Magazine, Spring 2001
A few fortunate, and likely quite popular, men have

learned to make ejaculation voluntary, meaning they
can last a long time and come when they want to. Most
however, ejaculate involuntarily and prematurely, that
is before they or their partner are ready for it.
Coming too soon may be due to a physical medical
condition but this is rare. Most men who ejaculate
prematurely do so because of learned behavior and
sexual beliefs, or because they havent discovered the
simple techniques that can help them last.
In order to make ejaculation completely voluntary, a
man must learn to do two things. First he must learn to
keep his entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually
aroused he becomes. Second he must learn to move the
sexual charge that builds up during lovemaking away
from his genitals and circulate that energy throughout
his entire body.
Relaxation
Men usually tense their bodies as ejaculation
approaches. This is a natural involuntary reflex, but by
deliberately applying some of the following relaxation
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techniques you can become skilled at letting go and

staying loose even at intense levels of sexual arousal.
Massage
Few things enable a man to be as profoundly relaxed as
a loving erotic full-body massage. Women can help
men get out of their heads and into their bodies by
giving them a massage as a prelude to intercourse. Most
men will notice a significant improvement in their
ability to delay ejaculation after receiving a massage.
Not only does massage help relax your body, it also
opens up your flow of energy so that the sexual charge
does not get stuck in your genitals.
Stop And Become Still Or Slow Down

Before you get to the point of no return, try slowing or
stopping all movement. This usually works every time.
Wait for the energy and excitement to subside and then
you can resume active lovemaking.
Breathe Slowly And Deeply
As you come close to climax, switch your attention
away from your genitals onto your breath. Take slow
deep breaths that fill your entire lungs. Make your
exhalation last about as long as your inhalation. Let
your body go loose. Open your eyes and make eye
contact with your partner. Try to breathe in rhythm
together. Continue breathing in this deliberate way until
your sexual energy has calmed down.
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Avoid Stimulating The Frenulum

The frenulum is the bulge of loose skin just below the
glans head on the underside of your penis. This spot is
very easily excitable and can build the man too quickly
to climax. Stay away from this spot to avoid
involuntary ejaculation.
Squeezing The Glans
The glans of the penis is the big smooth head at the top
of the penis shaft. When ejaculation is imminent you or
your partner can squeeze the glans firmly and hold on
tight. With the other hand use your thumb and index
finger to press firmly on both sides of your penis at the
base where the penis rises from the pubic bone. This
effectively cuts off the neurological ejaculatory
response from your brain to your prostate and will stop
the ejaculation. This technique is easiest to use when
your are being stimulated orally or manually. It also
requires split second timing. Do not do it if ejaculation
has already begun, it can be quite painful!
Three Finger Perineum Press

When you reach a point of high arousal and you know
ejaculation is close, you or your partner can press on
the perineum, the stretch of skin between your anus and
scrotum. In preparation for using the technique during
active intercourse, try touching this spot when an
ejaculation starts and you will feel the vibrations of
climax in your prostate gland. This is how you will
know where to press. Notice where the vibrations are
strongest - usually at about the midpoint on the
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perineum. To delay ejaculation, when you are at the

point of no return but before the ejaculation has started,
press firmly on this area of the perineum with the first
three fingers of either hand. You can do this yourself or
your partner can do it for you. Hold until the urge to
ejaculate subsides.
Moving Your Sexual Energy
Learning to circulate hot sexual energy is not really
difficult, but it takes discipline and practice. Within a
few days of trying some of the techniques mentioned
below youll likely notice an improvement in your
ability to delay ejaculation. Real sexual energy
mastery, however, may take several months or even
years. But unlike childhood piano lessons this is
practice youll look forward to!
The PC Pump
PC stands for pubococcygeus muscle. Actually the PC
muscle is a group of muscles that together make up the
pelvic diaphragm which stretches from your pubic bone
around to your tailbone. It includes muscles used in
urination and bowel movements, muscles around your
anus, testicles, penis, and perineum. Pumping the PC
muscle is one of the easiest, simplest and fastest ways
to learn to move energy and delay ejaculation. Pumping
the PC muscle means squeezing or contracting the
muscle and then allowing it to relax repeatedly.
Alternately you can squeeze and then push out. You can
do rapid pumps or long slow ones.
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When you squeeze the PC muscle you pump the hot

sexual energy up from your genitals and into the upper
part of your body. This prevents the sexual energy from
building up to involuntary ejaculation. If you can stay
relaxed and move energy away from your prostate as
fast as it builds up, you can delay ejaculation as long as
you want. This is how Tantric lovers are able to extend
active lovemaking for 6 or 8 hours or more. By the
way, strengthening your PC muscle usually results in
longer and stronger ejaculations when you do have
them.
Add PC pumping to your fitness routine. Build up to
several hundred squeezes per day over a two week
period and eventually increase to 1000 or more per day.
This might sound like a lot but you can do 100 PC
squeezes in a few minutes. You dont even need to find
new time to do PC pumps try them when you are
standing in line, driving your car, hoisting a few at the
bar.
Make Sound
As you get more and more excited make lots of sounds.
You can moan, groan, yell, scream, chant, sing, growl
and make animal noises. The louder and stronger the
sounds you make the more that sound will carry your
sexual energy with it, up and away from your genitals.
A wonderful technique is to harmonize your chanting
sounds with your lover. When you do this at the peak of
sexual arousal the sounds you make together can be
exquisitely beautiful.
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Hand Movements
Moving your hands up your body, or having your
partner move her hands up your body from your
genitals to the top of your head, either on the front or
back of your body, is an amazingly simple but effective
way to move energy. You and your partner can do this
repeatedly throughout the length of your lovemaking.
The Big Draw

You can alternate relaxing your body with a conscious
full-body contraction the Big Draw. Breathe very
deeply and rapidly for about a minute when you are
almost ready to come. Then hold your breath and
clench every muscle in your body. Tighten you fists.
Curl your toes. Grit your teeth. Tighten your buttocks,
abdomen, arms, legs, chest, etc. If you are lying on your
back (recommended for doing the Big Draw), push off
from the surface with your buttocks and neck, while
arching your back. This forces the hot sexual energy up
and often leads to an explosive orgasm without any
ejaculation. You may also experience altered states of
consciousness with this very powerful technique.
Learning Through Masturbation
Masturbation is an excellent way to become skilled at
lasting a long time. Select a private, comfortable, safe
place for your practice where you will not be
interrupted. A wonderful variation is to have your
partner watch you masturbate. In this way you can
teach her exactly how you like to be touched and
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stimulated. But try it a few times alone before you put

on a show for your lover.
Build your arousal to approximately 75% of the way to
the point of no return. As you get better at it, you can
go closer to 90% or more. The point of no return is that
point at which ejaculation will become involuntary,
when youre likely to ejaculate within seconds, most
certainly within minutes. Stop what you are doing. Use
some of the techniques above for relaxation and energy
movement and allow your excitement to subside. Your
erection should also subside before you start again. This
allows the old blood to move out of the penis taking
with it waste products. When you start to re-build your
arousal, fresh blood will engorge the penis giving you a
new erection. This new blood carries with it a fresh
supply of oxygen and hormones bringing strength,
vitality and virility. Many men ejaculate simply because
they do not allow their erection to diminish every 30-45
minutes - the penis becomes exhausted and involuntary
ejaculation follows quickly.
Repeat this masturbation process of building to
approximately 75% of your point of no return, then
stop, rest, and build again, for any number of times. As
you do this pay very careful attention to what is
happening in your body. Notice how your body feels as
you get closer and closer to orgasm. Notice that your
body gives you signals about how close to ejaculation
you are: heat and hardness of your erection, rapid
breathing, muscular tension, and so on. In particular
look for sensations in your genital area at the prostate
gland. As your sexual energy builds in the prostate it is
like a pressure cooker. When the pressure gets too high,
smooth muscles go into involuntary spasm, forcing the
ejaculation. If you pay attention you will certainly feel
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something in the prostate as you approach this point of

involuntary ejaculation. As soon as you feel this
sensation, instead of going on to complete the
ejaculation, you are going to stop stimulating yourself
and rest. Notice how your body feels as you relax and
let the energy (and erection) subside. Once you become
adept at recognizing this feeling in your prostate during
self-pleasuring, you can also be alert to this feeling
during lovemaking, including active intercourse with a
partner.
Other Techniques For Mastering
Ejaculation
Positions
Change intercourse positions frequently. Experiment
with various positions to find out if you can more easily
delay ejaculation in some of them. There are an infinite
variety of positions in the following categories: face to
face, front to back, lying down, standing up, sitting, rear
entry, and sideways. Some men report that it is easier
for them to last longer during intercourse if the woman
is on top. Also, face to face positions tend to be calmer,
making it easier for the man to delay ejaculation, while
rear entry positions tend to increase arousal very
rapidly.
Communicate With Your Lover

You must communicate your state of arousal to your
lover. If your arousal is cresting too rapidly ask her to
change what she is doing, to stop what she is doing or
to slow down. Give her very specific feedback on what
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you want and what you can stand. Be sure to do this in

a loving, respectful and playful way! Some women
believe that men arent happy with the lovemaking until
they come. Let her know that youre having a great
time and want to keep on sharing your pleasure
together.
Examine Your Beliefs And Assumptions About Sex And
Women
Generally the more you like, respect and admire women
the easier it will be to learn voluntary ejaculation. On
the other hand, the more you dislike women the more
difficult it will be. The simple reason for this is that you
will be in a hurry when you have sex if you dislike
women. Sex will tend to be a maintenance chore
necessary for tension release.
With a subtle shift in the way you think, perhaps you
can begin to make love instead of just having sex. Open
yourself to giving and receiving pleasure rather than
trying to perform. Open your heart. Allow yourself to
love your partner and be loved by her. Allow yourself
to feel emotions as well as physical pleasure. Quick
ejaculation is one of the ways men use to deny
themselves pleasure and to avoid intimacy. Extended,
ecstatic lovemaking requires surrendering and being
vulnerable to your partner. Many men find that when
they can let go of the need to keep everything under
control, including lovemaking, their ejaculation
response becomes much more manageable. It is ironic
that less repressive control of feelings means more
control or mastery of ejaculation response.
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Sore Prostate
If after practicing techniques for delaying ejaculation
you experience a sore prostate or blue balls, this only
means that the sexual energy is building up in your
genitals faster than you can move it out. This is not
dangerous, simply uncomfortable. You can relieve this
discomfort immediately by ejaculating, which releases
all the pressure. If the discomfort does not go away, this
may mean you have a medical disorder, such as a
urinary tract infection, and you should see your doctor.
Book And Video References
There are many excellent videos and books from which you
can learn the art of massage, the skill of voluntary
ejaculation, and the art of extended lovemaking.
Example books:Sensual Massage, The MultiOrgasmic Man, How to Make Love all Night,
Overcoming Premature Ejaculation. Find these and
more at the 4 Freedoms Tantra website
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F r e e i n g T he F e m a l e O r g a sm
Published in Urban Male Magazine, Spring 2001
Womens capacity for orgasm is awesome. They can
come over and over again, and still be ready for more!
This capacity seems almost limitless. They can
experience clitoral orgasms, g-spot orgasms, vaginal
orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, blended orgasms, and
not only one but multiples of any of these! Theyve
even been blessed with a body part, the clitoris, whose
only purpose is sexual pleasure. This may all seem a bit
unfair to men who typically reach a precipice, fall over
the edge, roll over and go to sleep!
Why is it then that so many women are frustrated
rather than satisfied? Why is it that for so many loving
couples, the female orgasm remains an elusive dream;
one in which shes perhaps become resigned to sex
thats pleasurable but not truly satisfying, or even
worse, faking it to salvage her partners ego. If it is
really bad perhaps she fakes orgasm just to get the
sexual ordeal over with! Or he sadly wonders: Whats
wrong with me? Why cant I make her come despite
stiff fingers and aching tongue? His sexual self-esteem
is wounded, and he secretly feels less of a man
believing he has failed her.
The first step on the path to freeing a womans
orgasm is for both men and women to understand that
men do not give women orgasms. Women allow
themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no
matter how good a lover you may be, unless your
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partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body,

she wont have orgasms. This realization alone can
open the door to women becoming orgasmic. It takes
the pressure to perform off of men, and it frees
women to take responsibility for their own sexual
fulfillment.
This is very important. If your woman is blaming you,
and you may also be blaming yourself for her not
having orgasms, it is quite possible, even likely, that
you are both looking in the wrong place to solve the
problem. Mind you, an unskilled, selfish, or insensitive
male lover can be a real problem, and at the very least
is certainly a dull bore. And to say that a woman is
responsible for her own sexual fulfillment does not
mean you revert to a slam-bam-thank-you-maam
approach to sex and let her fend for herself. After all,
the more skilled and attentive a lover is the more
pleasure he himself receives, and although you cant
give her an orgasm you certainly can help her to have
one, or even lots of them. So even though its not
entirely up to you, there is something you can do to
help.
The biggest barrier to orgasm for women is mental
distraction thoughts that float into her mind, catching
her in her head, and taking her away from whats going
on in her body. As soon as she starts thinking, she is out
of the moment and will lose touch with her senses and
her pleasure. Some of these thoughts may trigger
feelings of shame or guilt about experiencing sexual
pleasure, for no matter how liberated our attitudes
toward sex seem to have become, there yet exists the
perception that good girls dont! Even today women
are divided into categories of virgin or whore.
Those who engage lustily in the delights of the body are
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somehow morally questionable. You can help your

delectable partner move beyond these pleasure stifling
attitudes by letting her know how much you respect,
admire and cherish her fully female sensual self. Tell
her often, especially when youre making love, that it
thoroughly turns you on to see her let loose the
passionate side of her nature.
This is not always easy for men to do. They may have
internalized an unconscious conditioning that leads
them to accept the rather misogynist belief that women
cant be good and pure, and also be fantastic lovers. If
they believe this, they are placing themselves in a very
unfortunate situation. This belief system inevitably
leads to the man selecting one woman for a partner,
spouse and mother, and a different partner for an affair
or mistress. Adultery is about the only option left to a
man who holds such a belief system. The resulting
deceit and lying force a separation between the couple
and the relationship ends soon enough, for example in
breaking up or divorce. In this scenario, the man is at
fault and the solution does lie with him. Only a change
in his beliefs will solve this problem.
Sexual abuse is a horror and curse that is unbelievably
common in our society. Women that have been sexually
abused often have great difficulty in allowing
themselves to trust their lover, let go into the sensual
moment, and surrender to sexual ecstasy. If your lady is
having difficulty experiencing orgasm; if you are a
reasonably skilled lover; and if you have communicated
to her that you honestly wish her to fully awaken as a
sexual partner, then the problem could be some
psychological damage from sexual abuse. Ask her
about this with the greatest tenderness and caring that
you are capable of. Be aware that many women actually
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blame themselves for their own sexual abuse, so this

can be the touchiest of all possible subjects for
discussion. If sexual abuse is an issue, it is advisable to
encourage her to seek professional counseling or some
other form of help.
Besides worrying about whether they are bad if they
really enjoy and want sex a lot, many women worry
about enjoying sex the right way. They worry about
how they look, smell and taste. They worry that the
cellulite in their upper thighs or the slight bulge of
tummy fat may quiver unattractively. They worry about
being clean down there. They worry about how long
it takes to reach climax, how much time their man has
to spend stroking, licking, and caressing to help them
fly over the mountain. All of these thoughts take them
out of lovemaking. To help her stay in the pleasures of
her body tell her with words and sounds and looks that
you adore her, you love to devour her with your tongue,
you could keep on touching her forever, its a delight to
you to give her pleasure. And mean it, because if you
havent learned how to enjoy pleasuring your partner,
pretty soon you wont have one!
Once shes able to relax into the joys of lovemaking
and focus on the exquisite sensations her body can feel
rather than listening to the demon distractors her mind
can conjure up, a womans path to orgasm is much
clearer. With particular loving skills of your own you
can assist her to break that path wide open.
Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any
time, whether theyre sexually aroused or not. This isnt
usually the case with women. Think of the vagina as a
potential opening, a magical door that will happily
open wide to receive you, but only after youve called
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ahead to ensure your welcome. Be certain shes eager

for your genital explorations by focusing loving
attention on other parts of her body first lots of
kissing, neck nuzzling, tender strokes on back,
shoulders and arms, then adoring caresses of her
breasts. Only after you sense shes ready, through signs
like rapid breathing, flushed skin, hardened nipples or
enticing moans should you move to her vagina. Once
your hand or mouth is at her sweet honey pot begin to
explore it from the outside inward outer lips, clitoris,
inner lips, vaginal canal.
Generally women reach orgasm most easily through
clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive
to touch of all kinds. Often the head of the clitoris, the
pointed tip, is too sensitive for much direct pressure, so
focus your attention on the sides. Touch around the
clitoris instead of right on it, at least until her level of
excitement increases. The skin tissue of your fingers is
not nearly as sensitive as the tissue around her clitoris.
But the tissue of your mouth and tongue is an almost
perfect match in sensitivity. Unless you are more highly
skilled in using your fingers, it is a much safer way to
start by using your mouth for oral stimulation of the
clitoris. Experiment with different pressures, strokes
and speeds. Ask her which ones she likes best. A good
way to do this is to try two different touches, then ask
her if she likes a or b better.
If shes willing, invite her to masturbate for you so you
can learn exactly how she likes to be touched. Many
women are shy to do this at first but with some gentle
encouragement she may really show her wanton self. It
can be a great turn-on for both of you. Many men are
actually quite frightened by a woman who is fully
sexually awakened. They may doubt their own ability
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as a man to keep up, or to be able to perform

adequately. They may fear that if she is too much
woman sexually for him, that she may go elsewhere and
find what she wants. It may help you to overcome this
fear if you remember that you are not responsible for
giving your lady sexual satisfaction. She must do that
for herself. But if this fear is very strong, you may seek
counseling help to deal with it.
When you do find a particular stroke or caress that is
really driving her wild, keep doing it and keep doing it
and keep doing it. Dont change anything about it.
Dont go faster, slower, softer, harder, or switch
direction. Keep doing exactly the same thing until she
lets you know she wants a change either through words
or body movement. This holds true whether youre
pleasuring her clitorally or vaginally with your fingers
or your mouth. Keep going even if your hands or mouth
get really tired!
Its a good idea to wait until she is very aroused before
entering her vagina either with your fingers or your
penis. Generally if shes not wet, shes not ready. Its as
simple as that. If your lover doesnt have a lot of natural
vaginal juices even when she is fully aroused be sure to
use a good silicone or water-based lubricant. Nothing
can be a quicker turn-off than rough, dry skin rubbing
on soft vaginal tissues. Water-based or silicone
lubricant is better because oil can clog the sensitive
vaginal tissue.
The most sensitive part of a womans vaginal canal is
the first inch to two inches. Its here that most of the
nerve endings are located, so when you first enter her
concentrate most of your attention there. The elusive gspot can usually be found in this general area, on the
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top of the vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Imagine a

glass lying on the floor. If you reach your first two
fingers into the glass at the top, i.e., toward the ceiling
rather than the bottom towards the floor, you should
find it. It is difficult to reach the g-spot through
intercourse, so you will find it much easier with you
fingers than with your penis. There are also some
interesting dildos and vibrators with just the right shape
to reach the G-spot.
Move your index finger or your first two fingers in a
come hither motion (as if you were asking someone
from across the room to come over to where you are)
and gently stroke her. When you touch her g-spot you
may notice a more bumpy or raised area of skin, but
you may not. The best way to know youve found this
highly intense love spot is by her reaction. Where you
look is not quite as important as when you look. Unless
she is excited through and through, perhaps from a
clitoral orgasm beforehand, it can be difficult to find the
g-spot.
Stimulation of the g-spot can produce extraordinarily
intense orgasms. As a woman is approaching a g-spot
orgasm she may feel she has to urinate. This may
immediately cause her to tighten up, stop, and pull back
from the edge of bliss. If she can stay relaxed and keep
going through that have-to-pee sensation it will pass
and move on into deep waves of sexual delight. The
woman should urinate before intercourse begins, so she
can be more confident that the feeling that she has to
urinate is a misleading feeling and can be safely
ignored.
For most women it is difficult to reach a climax through
intercourse alone. This is because the sensitive clitoris
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isnt easily stimulated just by thrusting motions; the gspot is difficult to reach with even a fully erect penis;
and because often the male partner goes over the edge
into ejaculatory orgasm before the woman has had
enough action to bring her to the heights. If you touch
her clitoris before and during intercourse, and if youve
pleasured her vaginally by touching the g-spot with
your fingers, the chances are much better that she will
have a deep vaginal orgasm while your penis is inside
her.
Learn the strokes that turn her on. Tell her how
fabulous it is that shes sensual and sexual. Let her
know you adore her body and love to touch and kiss it
for hours. Help her forget about trying to make orgasm
happen and focus instead on thoroughly enjoying every
moment of lovemaking. If you awaken your multiorgasmic woman you are going to like it!
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S e x u a l M a g n e ti sm :
P he r o m o n e s T he S c e n t o f S e x
Published in Urban Male Magazine, Winter2001
All this time you thought it was sculpted muscles,
dazzling smiles and fast cars that were surefire babe
magnets. Well have we got news for you. What really
drives women wild are naturally occurring body
chemicals called pheromones.
The name pheromone comes from two Greek words
pheran (to transfer) and horman (to excite). According
to Dr. Winnifred Cutler, pheromones are substances
excreted by an animal that affect the reproductive
behavior of another same-species animal acting at a
distance. Since 1870 when the French naturalist JeanHenri Fabre discovered male moths flying from miles
away to visit a female moth caged in his lab, scientists
have known about and documented the effects of
pheromones on mating in insect and animal species. For
example male cockroaches go wild when exposed to a
glass rod covered with female cockroach pheromones,
and attempt to mate with it! A randy boar opens his
mouth and puffs out a breath laden with pheromones
that freeze a sow in heat, ready for mounting. It wasnt
until 1986, however that Dr. Cutler, director of
Pennsylvanias Athena Intstitute, proved the existence
of human pheromones and began to document their
effects.
In humans, pheromones are activated at puberty. Both
men and women produce varying amounts of male
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pheromones: androstenone and androstenol, only

women secrete the female pheromone copulins.
Produced by the apocrine glands in the armpit and
around the genitals pheromones send signals that are
picked up by the vemeronasal organ (VNO), just inside
the nose. The VNO passes these messages on to the
limbic part of the brain which governs the most basic
human sensations, like joy, anger, love, hate and sexual
arousal.
While we arent consciously aware of another persons
pheromones, we cant smell them in the traditional
sense, they do have a major impact on us. They ignite
the sex drive, increase fertility and help regulate
womens menstrual cycles.
For her early studies Dr. Cutler gathered sweat from the
armpits of healthy women and men in their 20s,
removed the bacteria and odour and used the extract.
Because its much too costly to collect and process
human pheromones for sale, she and her team have
produced laboratory equivalents. Since then controlled
studies by Dr. Cutler and other organizations around the
world have shown some amazing results.
In a double blind experiment with young women 36
percent of those exposed to pheromones had sex weekly
during the first three weeks of the study. Of those
receiving a placebo only 11 percent had weekly sex. By
the end of the study, 14 weeks, 73 percent of the
pheromone users were having sex every week, while
those on the placebo stayed at 11 percent.
In another of Dr. Cutlers control groups 38 men were
given either a pheromone-alcohol solution to add to
their regular cologne or a straight alcohol solution.
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None knew which they had been given. After 8 weeks

of wearing the cologne 47% of the pheromone users
reported that they had more sexual intercourse,
compared with only 9.5% of those with the placebo.
There have been a few unusual tests illustrating the
effects of the male pheromone androstenone on women.
For one study, a single chair in a dentist's reception area
was sprayed with androstenone, all the others were left
untouched. It was observed that women most often sat
in the chair treated with the pheromone. Another test
involved three attached pay telephone booths. Again
one of the three phones was sprayed with androstenone
and more women used the treated phone than the other
two.
The Australian organization, Bennett Research,
conducted a survey of 306 men using pheromones.
Ninety percent of them claimed that the product had
increased their attractiveness to women. Increased
response from women was measured by:
Making conversation 61%
Starting up a conversation 52%
Expressing an interest in the man 43%
Being responsive to him 40%
Paying unsolicited compliments 36%
Overt flirting 34%
A significant measure was a big increase in physical
response by women brushing against the pheromone
wearers (31%), touching them (30%), becoming
sexually excited (18%), expressing a desire for sex
(17%), and actually having sex with them (16%).
One survey participant described his experience: One
night in a bar a woman walked past me and looked at
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me. The second time she walked past she came straight
to me, said hello, started talking to me and I was very
surprised when she grabbed hold of my hands and gave
me a kiss on the lips
Its not just sexual attraction that appears to be boosted
by wearing pheromones. Users of pheromone products
report that people generally pay more attention to them,
listen more when they speak, and are friendlier in social
situations. Pheromones seem to affect peoples general
impressions and assessments. In one clinical study
participants wearing surgical masks were shown
photographs of buildings, trees, animals, women and
men. Their task was to assess each according to
impressions of friendly/unfriendly, aggressive/passive,
attractive/unattractive and so on.
The purpose of the test, they were told, was to examine
how stress related to wearing a surgical mask affected
decision-making. Participants were tested twice, with a
two week interval between sessions. For one of the tests
small quantities of pheromones were sprayed on the
mask, without the participants knowledge. With the
added pheromone there was no noticeable difference in
the study groups impressions of trees and buildings.
Animals were considered slightly more aggressive.
Most stunning however was the difference in
assessments of people, both women and men were
considered to be more friendly, sensitive, intelligent,
attractive, confident and good.
Its no wonder then that people are trying pheromone
products not simply for sexual attraction, but to give
themselves a competitive edge. Salespersons are
wearing them to boost their sales, job applicants are
using them to create a favourable impression and social
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butterflies are spraying them on to increase their party

invites.
By now you may be wondering how you can get your
hands on some of this liquid sexual magnet. As you can
well imagine a whole crop of pheromone products has
hit the market with differing formulas for both men and
women. Most are made of laboratory synthesized
versions of male and female hormones, and as is the
case with most anything you get what you pay for. It
appears that the more pheromones contained in the
product the more money youll pay. Some of the top
selling brands are more than $100 for a sixth of an
ounce, but the concentration of pheromones is such that
that sixth of an ounce will last you a long time.
There are scented and unscented versions. Unscented
can be added to your regular cologne or aftershave. You
may want to experiment with applying pheromones to
your clothes as well as to your skin. Both methods have
different effects. Due to body heat pheromones sprayed
on skin evaporate quickly putting them into action right
away, the instant attractor. The downside is that the
active ingredients are used up just as fast. Sweat and
surface bacteria also tend to break down and wash away
pheromones on the skin. Spraying unscented products
on clothing gives a slower acting but much longer
lasting effect. It may in fact last longer than you want,
requiring dry cleaning or several launderings to remove,
and some delicate fabrics may not take kindly to a
spray-on product at all. Some folks go for the double
whammy with a combo of scented pheromone on the
skin and unscented on the clothes.
Heres a look at a few of the pheromone products
available:
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Androstenone Pheromone Concentrate, for men

an androstenone only oil-based formula. Scented.
Athena 10X for men and Athena 10:13 for women
by none other than Dr. Cutler herself. The formula is
a closely guarded secret
DateMate 2000 for men with androstenone and
androstenol. DateMate FM for women with
androstenone, androstenol and copulins. Unscented 15
ml. spray.
Primal Instinct for men only, contains 5 mg of
androstenone per 10 ml bottle. This baby will last you a
long time! Scented.
Realm, mens and womens formulas. Scented.
Contains .05% androstenone by volume.
Xcite wipes, foil wrapped moist towlettes
impregnanted with pheromones, easy to carry and quick
to spread on the body. Scented.
Everyday new pheromone products are being touted
on the market. How do you know youre going to get
the real thing and not just an ineffective cologne with a
lot of hype and no results ? Well, when buying a
pheromone product you should ask yourself these
questions:
Is there a money back guarantee? Most of the reputable
brands offer this.
Does the product information clearly indicate that
pheromones are present, what type they are and in what
quantity? There are different mixtures, but generally
look for androstenone, androstenol, and for women copulins
Do the results promised sound absolutely too good to
be true? They probably are.
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There is one similarity with regular perfume, it seems

that various pheromone formulas can react differently
with each individual. So you may want to experiment
with a few types. You can find out more about
pheromone products - brands, what they do and how to
get them - at our website.
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T he H e a l th B e n e fi ts O f S e x
By Pala Copeland and Al Link, Urban Male Magazine,
Summer 2000
Lose weight. Reduce stress. Lower your cholesterol
level. Improve your circulation. Live longer. Stay
younger. Sounds like an ad for a new wonder drug
right? In fact its a partial list of the benefits of
humanitys oldest and most pleasurable pastime sex.
Most of us are aware of the feel-good benefits of sex
while were engaged in it, but do you also know that
there are benefits which carry on after the sweaty
bodies have dried and the sweet talk has reverted to
sports? For instance:
Maintaining Ideal Body Weight
There are 3500 calories in a pound of fat. For every
3500 calories you burn (that you do not replace with
food!) you will lose one pound of fat. Sexual
intercourse burns approximately 150 calories per half
hour. Heres how that stacks up against some other
activities that may be part of your fitness regime: yoga
114 calories per half hour, dancing rock 129, walking
3mph 153, weight training 153, canoeing - 2mph 153,
volleyball 174.
According to one survey reported by the Ottawa
Citizen, Canadians on average have sex 7.33 times per
month, lasting approximately 24.4 minutes. That means
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that Joe Canada is burning off more than 10 thousand

calories a year, or about 3 pounds, in a not particularly
active sex life. Those who are more sexually active,
into Tantra for instance where lovemaking lasts 4
hours, would burn up 600 calories a session. At once a
week thats 31,200 calories or 9 pounds per year.
Considering that people put weight on gradually, slowly
gaining 5-10 pounds per year until they are overweight,
its not unrealistic to assume that regular sexual activity
is one way to help maintain a healthy body weight.
Increased Blood Flow

Sex helps increase the blood flow to your brain and to
all other organs of your body. Increased heart rate and
deep breathing accounts for the improvement in
circulation. As fresh blood supply arrives, your cells,
organs and muscles are saturated with fresh oxygen and
hormones, and as the used blood is removed, you also
remove waste products that cause fatigue and even
illness.
Lower Cholesterol.
Lowering your cholesterol is another of the sex as
exercise benefits. Sex helps lower the overall
cholesterol level. Perhaps more importantly it tips the
HDL/LDL (good/bad) cholesterol balance towards the
healthier HDL side.
Stress Reduction, Relaxation and Improved Sleep
People having frequent sex often report that they handle
stress better, so the normal stresses of living do not
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become distress. The profound relaxation that typically

follows lovemaking, with orgasm for women and
ejaculation and/or orgasm for men, may be one of the
few times people actually allow themselves to
completely let go, surrender and relax. Many indicate
that they sleep more deeply and restfully after satisfying
lovemaking. In the relaxing afterglow you may be able
to let go of distracting thoughts. Being able to stop
thinking has helped many to overcome insomnia.
Sex as Pain Reliever
Through the touch magic of sex the hormone oxytocin
is secreted in your body which in turn causes the release
of endorphins. Because of these natural opiates sex acts
as a powerful analgesic, elevating the pain threshold
and helping to relieve the aches of conditions like
arthritis, whiplash and headaches. Now theres a novel
approach, sex as a remedy for headache rather than an
excuse for abstaining!
With arousal and orgasm oxytocin levels rise. They
spike 3 to 5 times higher than usual just before orgasm.
In fact it is oxytocin that triggers the orgasm.
Measurements performed at the Masters and Johnson
laboratories have shown that the uterine contractions
brought about by orgasm (triggered by oxytocin) are
just as powerful as those of child labor. Women can use
this extraordinary orgasmic contraction and relaxation
of the uterine muscle to relieve cramps during PMS and
menstruation.
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Live Longer, Stay Younger

A British study of 1,000 men found those who had at
least two orgasms a week had half the death rate of
their countrymen who indulge less than once a month.
The hormone DHEA promotes sexual excitement and
increases in response to it. Dr Theresa Crenshaw
author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust says DHEA
may be the most powerful chemical in our personal
world. It helps balance the immune system, improves
cognition, promotes bone growth, and maintains and
repairs tissues, keeping your skin healthy and supple. It
may also contribute to cardiovascular health and even
function as antidepressant.
Prostate and Genital Health

Some doctors believe that more than 75% of men over
50 have a somewhat enlarged prostate, and that
virtually all men will suffer from prostate enlargement
if they live long enough. This condition, called benign
prostate hypertrophy (BPH), is normal and usually not
dangerous. Unfortunately, some of these men develop
prostate cancer, one of the leading causes of death in
older men. Regular sexual intercourse with frequent
ejaculations will help to keep the prostate healthy.
For those men who practice delaying ejaculation, for
example in the practice of Tantra Sacred Sex,
performing Kegel exercises (in which you contract the
muscles around your genitals), will tone these muscles,
just as exercising other muscles tones other areas of
your body. More importantly, these exercises will help
keep the prostate healthy, by moving the sexual energy
up out of the prostate and circulating it throughout your
4 Freedoms 2003
129
body. The technique is very simple and you can

perform hundreds of contractions per day for top
sexual/physical fitness for both men and women.
Imagine you are urinating, but want to stop the flow of
urine, thats all there is to it.
Contracting your muscles in this way is one of the
healthiest exercises you could add to your exercise
regime. When 178 Belgian men with minor erection
problems participated in a 4-month daily rehabilitation
program which primarily focused on Kegel exercises,
74 percent showed improvement and 43 percent were
cured. For women, Kegels strengthen the entire
urogenital tract, aiding greatly in childbirth and
preventing the onset of incontinence in later life. They
also sensitize the genital tissues, helping women to
become orgasmic and/or increase the intensity of their
orgasms
Boost Testosterone and Estrogen

Regular sexual activity boosts testosterone and estrogen
levels in both men and women. Besides boosting your
libido testosterone fortifies bones and muscles. Some
physicians suggest that testosterone keeps hearts
healthy and good cholesterol high. Testosterone is what
makes the sex drive in men and women more
aggressive. It makes you want to have sex, pursue sex,
initiate sex and perhaps dominate the lovemaking.
Testosterone seems to motivate both men and women to
strongly desire specific genital sex and release by
orgasm. Because men have so much testosterone, they
seem obsessed with genitals, intercourse and
ejaculation, but appear to care less for romance and
foreplaytouching, hugging, cuddling, eye gazing, etc.
4 Freedoms 2003
130
Sex increases womens estrogen levels keeping vaginal

tissues more supple and also protecting against heart
disease. It is estrogen that makes a woman sexually
receptive and responsive to a mans approach. It is
estrogen that makes her want to be touched and feel
romantic, it is testosterone that makes her want to be
penetrated. Estrogen makes a woman softbreasts
develop in response to estrogen. Estrogen is a powerful
influence on how a woman smells. It influences the
degree to which she projects softness, openness, and
interest in sexual touching.
Mens bodies also produce estrogen. In fact testosterone
can be converted into estrogen in the mans body. Some
estrogen helps a man to develop the softer, more
nurturing feminine sides of their personalities. As men
age, the testosterone/estrogen balance begins to shift,
with testosterone decreasing and estrogen increasing,
and this is one reason why so many men seem to
mellow out as they get older.
The Healing Power of Intimacy

Sex is good for you, but sex with love is even better.
According to Dr. Dean Ornish author of Love and
Survival: the Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of
Intimacy, an open heart can lead to the most joyful
and ecstatic sex. His researches into intimacy and its
effects on health have shown that anything that
promotes feelings of love and intimacy is healing. If
you have someone who really cares for you and for
whom you care in return, someone you are intimately
connected with in all ways emotional, physical and
4 Freedoms 2003
131
more -- then you may be three to five times less likely

at risk of premature death and disease from all causes.
Part of this has to do with the positive effects of touch,
what Dr. Crenshaw refers to as Vitamin T. The
chemical composition of your body is changed by
touch. Caressing, hugging, stroking, cuddling send a
chain reaction of chemicals to signal your brain that this
is pleasurable, nurturing, good.
There is strong scientific evidence demonstrating the
importance of touch to good health. In the 1930s, Dr.
Rene Spitz, attending physician at a number of
nurseries, noticed that the illness and mortality rates
were quite a bit higher in some of the nurseries. His
observations and experiments led to the finding that the
children who were becoming ill and dying had nothing
to do with hygiene or nutrition, but rather had to do
with the amount of touching the infants received from
the attending staff. He confirmed his findings by hiring
grandmothers to come into the nurseries to hold,
fondle, and cuddle the children. The illness and
mortality rates declined rapidly.
Researchers at Miami's Touch Research Institute (TRI)
found that premature infants who received three
massages a day over 10 days gained 47 percent more
weight than preemies who weren't massaged. David
Sebringsil, who writes regularly for The Society For
Human Sexuality (one of the best online sources of
excellent, sex-positive information), recommends
Erotic Massage become a part of or alternative to
regular lovemaking. It is one of the best ways to help
someone achieve extended, multiple, or "whole body"
orgasmic states. Through erotic massage partners learn
4 Freedoms 2003
132
to give and receive loving touch and extraordinary

pleasure. It makes you healthier and happier.
Healthy blood, healthy bones, healthy heart, healthy
body and a peaceful mind all thanks to the healing
powers of sex. Next time youre in the mood let her
know youve got the doctor on your side!
4 Freedoms 2003
133
About Authors Al Link and Pala

Copeland
Al Link and Pala
Copeland own and
operate 4 Freedoms
Relationship
Tantra. Since 1987
they have been
Tantric lovers and
have been teaching
others since 1997.
They regularly host
Tantra Sacred Sex
workshops in
Ontario and
Quebec, and
weeklong retreats in
exotic locations
around the planet. For
more information call
toll free from Canada
or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1819-689-5308. Visit their website or send email. Look for
their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, from New Page
Books, March 2003, or visit their web site for a FREE
illustrated PDF file with chapter excerpts.
Besides being a Tantric lover, teacher and author Al is also

a talented photographer. All the photographs in this 100
4 Freedoms 2003
134
Ways To Keep Your Lover eBook are his work, with the
following exceptions:
the 100 Ways cover photo is by Bernard McCaffrey
the first photo, top-left of Classic Lingerie is from
the sextoysex.com site
the Intercourses book cover is by Ben Fink
the Love Swings photo is from the sextoysex.com
site
the Vanilla Body Butter is from the manufacturers
information
the Love Warriors photo (Lovers Ways #73) is by
Bernard McCaffrey
the Apertio CD cover photo is by Jo-Anne Gauci
the Soul Sex book cover photo is by Bernard
McCaffrey
4 Freedoms 2003
135
eBooks Available From 4 Freedoms

Relationship Tantra
e B o o ks b y A l L i n k & P a l a
C o pe l a n d
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex
Positions, by Al Link and Pala
Copeland, First interactive
edition December 2003,
Revised May 2004
available in Adobe (PDF) and

MS Reader (lit) formats: as
downloadable files and on CDROM
Voluntary Ejaculation and

Male Multiple Orgasms, by
Al Link and Pala Copeland,
First interactive edition May
2003, Revised May 2004
available in Adobe (PDF) and
MS Reader (lit) formats: as
downloadable files and on CDROM
4 Freedoms 2003
136
Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, by

Pala Copeland and Al Link, New
Page Books, 2003
a free PDF file of EXCERPTS
from the book, includes illustrations.
Download it now
4 Freedoms Relationship
Tantra Guide to Sex Toys
a free PDF file with

illustrations and hot links
Download it now
e B o o ks b y o the r A u tho r s
Abundance
Money for Life
Dating and Seduction
Hypnotic-Seduction
Seduction Program
How to Drive Your Man Wild
New Guy Gets Girl
4 Freedoms 2003
137
300 Creative Dates

Romantics Guide to Popping the Question
Kissing Secrets
Goddess
Female Ejaculation Movie & Book

Awakening the Sacred Gate
Get Goddess Attitude
Amys Tutorial: Reshape Your
Womanhood!
4 Women Orgasms
The Makeup Course
The Five-Minute Facelift
Action for Female Hair Loss
Health and Healing Food, Exercise,

Nutrition, Mind/Body
Your Complete Guide to Food Intolerance

and Food Allergy
How to Relieve Pain Naturally with the
Gentle Touch
Dr. Sylvia Hartmanns Adventures in
Emotional Freedom Technique
The Choices Energy Psychology Manual
(EFT)
How to Attune Yourself and Others Into
Any Healing System
Hypnosis & NLP Audio Products and
eBooks
Psychological Self Help
Qi Gong
4 Freedoms 2003
138
Natural Hair Re-Growth and Your Diet

Boost Your Anti-Aging Enzymes
Honey Magic
Rapid Stress Relief
Garlic Magic
Vinegar Magic
Home Made Medicine
Hair Loss No More!
Five Tibetan Secrets of Rejuvenation
2003 Astrology & Feng Shui Guide
Intimate Relationships
100 Ways to Keep Your Lover

Intimacy: A Green Light for Red Hot Sex
Couples Guide: The Art of Lovemaking
Real Foreplay
50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
1000 Questions For Couples
Instant Love Letters
Relationship Breakups
Save Your Marriage
Masculine Sexual Mastery
Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple

Orgasms
Sexual Mastery
Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery
Orgasm Mastery: Premature Ejaculation
Control
How to Get a Male Multiple Orgasm
Erectile Dysfunction & Impotence
Curvature Treatment Method
4 Freedoms 2003
139
Moms
Mid-Life Moms
The Single Moms Survival Guide
Sexual Techniques
A-Z Guide to Perfect Fellatio
4 Freedoms 2003
140
Ordering a CD Copy of this eBook

You can order a copy of this eBook in CD
format. Cost is $15.00 US, which includes
taxes, handling and shipping to anywhere in
the world.
Order 100 Ways eBook CD

HERE
4 Freedoms 2003
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Give Us Your Comments

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Ways To Keep Your Lover. To send us your
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Copyright 2003. All rights reserved. No part of this publication

may be copied, redistributed or otherwise used without express
written permission from the authors.
Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, Pala Copeland and Al Link, New Page
Books, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey, 2003
ii
The Spiral Dance: A Rebirth of the Ancient Religion of the Great
Goddess, Starhawk, HarperCollins, New York, 1999.
4 Freedoms 2003
143

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