Stop Bullying Girls Bullying Girls

Stop Bullying (Girls
Bullying Girls)
Compiled by:
Table of Contents
Help My Daughter Deal with a Bully
Stop My Daughter from Bullying
Help My Daughter Cope with Cyber Bullying
Get Help with Bullying from My Daughter's School
Girls Who Bully: What, When, Where, Why, and How
Bullying Information Resource List for Girls
What Is Cyber Bullying and How Can I Protect My Daughter?
Real Life Story: Mean Girls Rule
When Is Bullying Sexual Harassment?
Is She Teasing or Bullying?
Is My Daughter a Bully?
Stop Bullying (Girls Bullying Girls)
Do I need this EduGuide?
2 ONLINE EDUGUIDE www.EduGuide.org
Yes, if you are concerned about the effects of bullying on your daughter—whether she’s the victim or the bully. This EduGuide contains
information about why girls bully, how they bully, and what you can do to stop this serious problem as quickly as possible.
Stop Bullying (Girls Bullying Girls)
Do I need this EduGuide?
Yes, if you are concerned about the effects of bullying on your daughter—whether she’s the victim or the bully. This EduGuide contains
information about why girls bully, how they bully, and what you can do to stop this serious problem as quickly as possible.
How does it work?
l Quizzes help you know where you stand.
l Articles give you the background information you need to make a decision.
l Real Life Stories tell the experiences of real parents and real kids.
l ShortCuts help you take immediate action. Choose one or go through them all.
What will I learn?
l How to tell the difference between teasing and bullying
l How to help protect my daughter from bullying
l How to recognize bullying on the Internet
Quick Solutions
l What can I do in fifteen minutes? Take the quiz “Is She Teasing or Bullying?”
l What can I do in an hour? Go for a walk with your daughter and ask her if she’s seen other girls being bullied at school. Ask her
what she thinks about bullying. Then read and discuss “Girls Who Bully: What, Where, When, Why, and How” with your
daughter.
If your daughter says she is being bullied, take her seriously and listen carefully to what she says. The effects of bullying can be grave,
but bullying can be overcome. Here are some ideas to help you and your daughter deal with bullies.
When a bully confronts your daughter, suggest your child do the following:
l Act confident (even if she isn’t). If the bully sees that your daughter appears confident and the bullying is not having the
desired effect, the bully may give up.
l Ignore the bully and walk away. Walking away is difficult, but it can be very effective. Bullies rarely want to waste time
bothering someone who doesn’t react.
3 ONLINE EDUGUIDE
l Be assertive but not aggressive. Speak directly to the bully and tell her to stop bullying. Remind your daughter that www.EduGuide.org
assertiveness is different from aggression. Physical contact is never acceptable, so no hitting.

If your daughter says she is being bullied, take her seriously and listen carefully to what she says. The effects of bullying can be grave,
but bullying can be overcome. Here are some ideas to help you and your daughter deal with bullies.
When a bully confronts your daughter, suggest your child do the following:
l Act confident (even if she isn’t). If the bully sees that your daughter appears confident and the bullying is not having the
desired effect, the bully may give up.
l Ignore the bully and walk away. Walking away is difficult, but it can be very effective. Bullies rarely want to waste time
bothering someone who doesn’t react.
l Be assertive but not aggressive. Speak directly to the bully and tell her to stop bullying. Remind your daughter that
assertiveness is different from aggression. Physical contact is never acceptable, so no hitting.
l Find a friend. Always take a friend with her to classes, the bathroom, the lunchroom, and home (if she walks to school). Having
a companion along will make her feel safer and more confident if a problem arises.
l Find a safe person. Find a trusted adult (teacher, counselor, administrator) at school that she can go to if she feels threatened.
Also choose a backup person in case the goto person is absent.
Here are some other tactics to protect your daughter from bullying and help her deal with bullies:
l Be supportive. Make sure your daughter knows that you don't think she has brought the bullying on herself or that the bullying
is in any way her fault.
l Involve dad or another positive male role model. Bullying may make your daughter feel insecure, but having a man in her life
who is interested in her wellbeing can help build your daughter's selfesteem.
l Keep a log. When bullying occurs, have your daughter tell you what happened, who was involved, when it happened, and
where it happened. Be sure to write down every incident and keep a log of all the details.
l Make an appointment. Meet with the teachers, counselor, and principal (if necessary) to let them know about the bullying. Ask
them to inform the other teachers about the situation so they can try to notice any suspicious behavior from the girls involved.
Also find out what the school will do to help resolve the issue.
l Communicate openly and frequently. Ask your daughter about her day—every day. Who did she eat lunch with? Who did she
hang out with at recess? Play a game of HighLow at the dinner table. Ask each member of the family what his or her high point
and low point was for the day. If your daughter consistently responds with a low point that involves recess, friends, lunch, or
“everything,” be alert for possible bullying.
l Do your homework. Inform yourself about the laws in your state designed to protect children from harassment at school and in
the community. You can usually find information online or at your local library.
l Role play. Practice different types of bullying situations at home and ways to respond appropriately to each one. This will help
her be more confident when she encounters bullies.
l Arrange play dates. Whether your daughter is six or sixteen, suggest she invite a friend over. If she is a teenager, you can take
her and some friends to the movies or bowling, or have a movie night at your house.
l Suggest exercise. Sometimes getting out for a good run or brisk walk will improve your daughter's mood. Better yet, join her
and talk about something that makes her feel good about herself.
l Be proactive. If you are looking for a new school, ask questions about bullying such as What is the school's policy about
bullying? and What are the statistics about bullying at the school?
Sources:
kidshealth.org
education.com
menshealth.co.uk


education.com
menshealth.co.uk

Stop My Daughter from Bullying
Is a Bully Living in My House?
What should you do if you notice your daughter acting like a bully or if a teacher or another kid's parent calls you and says your
daughter is bullying someone? These suggestions can help.
l Listen with open ears. When a teacher or another parent describes your daughter's bullying behavior, it’s natural to react
defensively or deny that your child is capable of bullying, but it’s important to take a deep breath and really listen to what the
person has to say.
l Keep things in perspective. When talking to the parents of the victim, discuss the issue in a mature, respectful way. It is
appropriate to say, for example, “Please don’t label my child or call her names. Just explain what happened.” Remember that
this discussion is about the wellbeing of the victim. It's not an attack on your parenting skills.
l Try to be understanding. Your daughter’s adolescent behaviors may come from feeling vulnerable, as ironic as it seems. Try
to discover what might be going on in her life that is making her bully. Has there been a major change or death in your family?
Are there other family pressures she might be reacting to? Stress in children can change their behavior drastically.
l Teach control. When you discuss your daughter 's behavior with her, don’t blame her. Emphasize that she is responsible for
her own behavior and that anger in children is a normal feeling we have all experienced but one we must control. Teach your
daughter alternative ways to deal with aggression such as exercising to work off excess energy (this will be more effective if
you do it with her) or spending some time alone listening to music to relieve stress.
l Reinforce kindness. Encourage her (and help her) to do one nice thing for three different people every day, such as helping
tutor a younger student, doing some chores to help a neighbor, or spending time with an older relative. This activity helps shift
the mind from negative behavior to positive behavior, and it can be very effective. Be sure to model kindness yourself.
l Seek help. If you believe that your daughter is bullying other girls, get her some help as soon as possible. Meet with her
pediatrician or family doctor, teachers, counselor, and principal to create a plan to help your daughter work through her
problems and get to the root of the bullying. If the bullying persists and all parties agree she needs professional help, ask her
doctor to recommend a therapist in your area who specializes in adolescents, preferably one who has treated bullies.
If your child is being bullied over the Internet or through other kinds of information technology (that is, cyber bullied), take these steps.
l Contact the bully's parents. As calmly as possible, tell them about the cyber bullying and describe its effects on your daughter.
Explain that you will be contacting the school with the information. If the bully's parents don't seem to be taking the problem
seriously, add that you will notify the police authorities if necessary.
l Change your daughter’s email address, cell phone number, passwords, and so on. Make sure she understands that she is
never to give her passwords to any of her friends no matter what the circumstances are or how trustworthy she believes her
friends to be. Once she has a new cell phone number and email address, she should share them only with her close friends
and family.
l Contact the school. If both girls go to the same school and if the cyber bullying has already been going on for a while, contact
the school and let them know what is happening. They may have some suggestions for how to help. If they are aware of the
situation, they can also monitor the cyber bully's behavior when the girls are at school.
5 ONLINE EDUGUIDE
l Keep personal information private. Remind your daughter not to give out personal information over the Internet. www.EduGuide.org
l Don’t respond. If your teen receives a threatening message or some other type of bullying behavior online or on her cell phone,
doctor to recommend a therapist in your area who specializes in adolescents, preferably one who has treated bullies.
If your child is being bullied over the Internet or through other kinds of information technology (that is, cyber bullied), take these steps.
l Contact the bully's parents. As calmly as possible, tell them about the cyber bullying and describe its effects on your daughter.
Explain that you will be contacting the school with the information. If the bully's parents don't seem to be taking the problem
seriously, add that you will notify the police authorities if necessary.
l Change your daughter’s email address, cell phone number, passwords, and so on. Make sure she understands that she is
never to give her passwords to any of her friends no matter what the circumstances are or how trustworthy she believes her
friends to be. Once she has a new cell phone number and email address, she should share them only with her close friends
and family.
l Contact the school. If both girls go to the same school and if the cyber bullying has already been going on for a while, contact
the school and let them know what is happening. They may have some suggestions for how to help. If they are aware of the
situation, they can also monitor the cyber bully's behavior when the girls are at school.
l Keep personal information private. Remind your daughter not to give out personal information over the Internet.
l Don’t respond. If your teen receives a threatening message or some other type of bullying behavior online or on her cell phone,
tell her not to respond. The bully is trying to get a reaction from her and she takes away the bully’s power when she fails to
respond.
l Don’t forward. If your daughter receives an email or any other electronic communication about someone else that is hostile or
defamatory, make sure she knows not to forward it to anyone. Remind her that if she does, she could find herself in just as
much trouble as the person who sent it to her. Your daughter should contact a responsible adult and show that person any
communication she receives that she feels is inappropriate.
l Keep records. Be sure to keep every example of cyber bullying that your daughter receives. Make sure the date and source of
the communication are clear. Keep this information organized in a file to use as proof at a later date if you need it.
l Do your research. Search online or contact your local police department to find out what the cyber bullying laws are in your
state. Many states are creating tougher laws to help kids understand the seriousness of cyber bullying.
l Join with other parents. Join an existing group focused on cyber bullying or form one to research and discuss this form of
social violence and then take steps to address it.
Sources:
stopcyberbullying.org
girlshealth.gov

If your daughter is being bullied at school, there are plenty of steps you and the school can take to remedy the problem. Here’s what
you need to know about getting help for your child and about school policies for preventing bullying.
Stop Bullying Now
l Set up a meeting. First meet with the appropriate teachers and the principal as soon as you can and have your child explain
6 what is happening to her. If you don’t think your concerns are being taken seriously enough, contact the school counselor and
ONLINE EDUGUIDE www.EduGuide.org
superintendent and meet with them.
Take notes. At the meeting, record everything the school personnel promises to do. Before the meeting ends, repeat your list
stopcyberbullying.org
girlshealth.gov

If your daughter is being bullied at school, there are plenty of steps you and the school can take to remedy the problem. Here’s what
you need to know about getting help for your child and about school policies for preventing bullying.
Stop Bullying Now
l Set up a meeting. First meet with the appropriate teachers and the principal as soon as you can and have your child explain
what is happening to her. If you don’t think your concerns are being taken seriously enough, contact the school counselor and
superintendent and meet with them.
l Take notes. At the meeting, record everything the school personnel promises to do. Before the meeting ends, repeat your list
of expectations and make sure everyone agrees.
l What about the bully? Be sure the school is also meeting with the bully and her/his parents. Ask what type of punishment
she/he will receive and what the next step will be if the bullying happens again. Follow up to make sure the school is executing
its plan.
l Consider counseling. If the school has a counselor on staff, have your daughter meet with him or her. You may want to be
present for the first meeting and then let your daughter meet with the counselor independently. Also ask the school what type of
counseling is available for the bully and suggest that the bully’s parents be informed about counseling.
l Write a letter. If you’ve contacted the school and met with administrators and the bullying continues, write a letter to the
superintendent and copy the teacher, principal, and counselor. Include copies of any evidence (notes, emails, photos) of the
bullying.
l Be persistent. Be your daughter’s advocate and do your best to protect her from the effects of bullying. Contact the
administrators several times if your concerns are not being addressed and the problem continues.
l Be informed. Learn the antibullying laws in your state at stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.
l Contact the bully’s parents. Discussing the problem with the bully’s parents may be very helpful, but only if you are calm and
reasonable.
l Find a safe person. Identify at least one person at school (a teacher, principal, or staff assistant) that your child can go to at any
time if she needs to.
Prevent Bullying before It Starts
l Ask about bully prevention. Many schools have adopted bully prevention programs and have trained teachers to stop bullying
before it starts. Find out what type of training your school is providing.
l Training for parents. Are parents encouraged to be involved in bullying prevention? If not, suggest that the school bring in
guest speakers and conduct antibullying workshops for parents.
l Help for bystanders. Teaching kids to speak up and help when their classmates are being bullied is tough to do. Be sure your
school offers training for all students so they know what to do if they witness bullying.
l Security. Be sure your school has working security cameras throughout the school that are checked regularly. In addition,
teachers should routinely check hallways and bathrooms to make sure all areas of the school are safe.
l Shop around. If you’re researching new schools, do your homework before you meet with administrators. Look for schools and
teachers who reward children for being kind and have zero tolerance for bullying. Ask specific questions about bullying, such
as, What is your policy on bullying? and How are kids who bully punished?
as, What is your policy on bullying? and How are kids who bully punished?
Bullying s the most frequently occurring form of violence in American schools. Just about everyone has known girl bullies. The
scenario is pretty much the same: A new girl comes to school on the first day and desperately tries to fit in, but the “popular group”
immediately senses her insecurity and makes life miserable for her. They sit near her (but not with her) at lunch and talk just loudly
enough for her to hear the cruel remarks they are saying about her hair, clothes, and weight. The new girl doesn’t know what she did
to make them dislike her, but she already hates this new school—and it’s only the first day.
Many elementary through high school students experience many types of bullying and other social violence daily. Some bullying
statistics show that as many as half of all children are bullied at some point in their school years, and at least ten percent are bullied
regularly (see www.aacap.org). In addition, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, bullying is the biggest school problem for kids
ages eight to fifteen, surpassing even alcohol, drugs, racism, and premarital sex.
What Is Teasing?
Teasing includes occasional peer conflict and is often unintentional. Kids who tease are willing to work together to resolve the conflict.
Teasing is usually playful and friendly, and the kids involved are usually of the same social status, so there is no imbalance of power.
It is sometimes difficult to know if your child is exaggerating harmless teasing. To find out more about the differences between bullying
and teasing, take EduGuide’s quiz “Is this Teasing or Bullying?” .
What Is Bullying?
Most experts agree that bullying has the following characteristics:
l Bullying is repeated (frequent) intentional actions that bring harm to an individual.
l Bullying involves an imbalance of power between the bully and victim.
l Bullying is a relationship in which one individual seeks to gain power and control over the life of another.
l Types of bullying include verbal taunting, threats, stealing, and acts of physical aggression.
Look for the following evidence if you suspect your daughter might be a victim of bullying:
l Change in appetite or eating habits
l Loss of interest in school and schoolwork, possibly including worsening grades
l Difficulty going to sleep or staying asleep (insomnia)
l Frequent stomachaches, headaches, or other excuses to stay home from school
l Sudden withdrawal from family activities
l Change from happy and secure to moody and depressed
l Torn or bloodstained clothes
l Change in the group of girls she usually hangs out with, especially if her friends suddenly stop coming around
l Sudden need for extra money for school lunches
l Increased anxiety
l Spending more time on the computer and not wanting you to see what she’s doing online
Any one of these behaviors may not be cause for alarm, but several of them combined could signal that your daughter needs your
help, so start asking her some questions. Left unchecked, girls who are bullied for a long time can suffer serious problems
throughout their lives.
Why Do Girls Bully?
l They've learned the habit of bullying at home. Bullies often (but not always) come from homes where they are bullied or
abused by their parents or older siblings. Bullying is a way for them to regain some of the control they have lost at home.
l They're insecure. In many cases, bullying is a coverup for insecurity.A bully may be sensitive about her weight or the clothes
throughout their lives.
Why Do Girls Bully?
l They've learned the habit of bullying at home. Bullies often (but not always) come from homes where they are bullied or
abused by their parents or older siblings. Bullying is a way for them to regain some of the control they have lost at home.
l They're insecure. In many cases, bullying is a coverup for insecurity.A bully may be sensitive about her weight or the clothes
she wears, and bullying other girls allows her to attack them before they attack her.
l They need to feel powerful. Girls who bully need to control and exert power over others.To make themselves seem more
powerful, girl bullies often target girls who are passive, easily pushed around, or have very few friends. They often gang up on
another girl to demonstrate their control.
l They want to get attention and be popular. Many girls bully to gain attention from their peers. They think that by being mean to
others they will become more popular with the “cool” crowd. Unfortunately, this is often true, which makes bullying even more
tempting to many girls.
l They have personal issues. Quite often, a girl may bully because she is having troubles at home or at school, which cause her
to act out against other girls. Underneath her tough exterior, she is likely to be angry or depressed about other issues in her
life.
How Do Girls Bully?
Bullying by girls is usually sneakier and less physical than bullying by boys, although some girls do use physical violence to bully
other girls. Other types of bullying include the following:
l Verbal assaults. Girls typically use verbal attacks (namecalling, gossip, insults, etc.) to target their victims. Sometimes these
assaults take place in front of the victim. other times, they happen behind the victim's back.
l Exclusion. One of the most common ways that girls bully is by excluding the victim. Girls often form groups of similar social
status and shun other girls who try to join. They either tell the victim to leave them alone or simply walk (or run) away without
saying a word to the victim.
l Online attacks. Cyber bullying (online bullying) is becoming a common form of bullying, especially by girls. Cyber bullies use
computers to send mean emails to their victims and through instant messaging, blogs, and chat rooms. Again, exclusion is
used in cyber bullying by simply ignoring certain girls while carrying on conversations with others who are in the “group.” For
more on cyber bullying, see the Eduguide article “What is Cyber Bullying and How Can I Protect My Daughter?”
l Scare tactics. Actions like stealing lunch money (or lunches!) or threatening to take away friendships are ways bullies scare
victims into doing what the bullies want. Girl bullies may even use threats of physical punishment to scare victims.
l Phone calls. Anonymous phone calls to the victim’s house are common among girls who bully. The caller may call repeatedly
and hang up each time, or she may pretend to be someone else and confuse or scare the victim.
Who Are the Bullies? Who Are the Victims?
Parents often think they can spot the bullies easily, but that’s not always true—especially with girls. Bullies come from all types of
homes, ethnic and racial groups, and economic backgrounds. Even girls who are known as “good girls” can be part of a bullying pack.
Girls who stand by quietly and go along with a bully simply build up the bully’s power by making it seem that the bully has support all
around her. This makes the victim feel as though everyone is against her, including the bully and all her friends.
Like bullies, victims come from all kinds of backgrounds. Victims of bullies often suffer from low selfesteem and may be self
conscious about their appearance. Many lack social skills and the ability to communicate well with other children or adults. Many
victims are also sensitive and cry easily.
Outcomes of Bullying
Unfortunately, too many schools blame the victims and say victims bring it on themselves because they cry too easily or are too
sensitive. In addition, bullies often warn their victims not to tell anyone “or else,” which scares the victim into silence. Fear of the bullies
and embarrassment from being bullied may keep victims from telling parents or teachers about the situation.
Victims of bullying can suffer serious longterm effects if the bullying persists. Here are just some of the possible consequences of
bullying:
lDepression
l Suicide
l Physical ailments (headaches, stomachaches, ulcers)
l Sleep problems
l Academic problems
l Frequent switching of schools
l Low selfesteem
9 ONLINE EDUGUIDE
l Weight loss or gain www.EduGuide.org
l Longterm emotional scars
l Physical ailments (headaches, stomachaches, ulcers)
l Sleep problems
l Academic problems
l Frequent switching of schools
l Low selfesteem
l Weight loss or gain
l Longterm emotional scars
l Serious physical injury
l Property damage (possibly to your home)
l Problems with future relationships
l Violent revenge, aggression
Sources:
aacap.org
kidshealth.org
Irene Helen Zundel “Helping Your Child Cope with Teasing, Bullying, and Social Violence”

Web Sites, Books, and Seminars
EduGuide Staff
Many resources are available to help girls who are bullying or being bullied. Here are some of the best books, Web sites, and some
other resources for you and your daughter.
Bullying Web Sites
l bullying.org Founded by father and teacher Bill Belsey in response to school shootings in Littleton, Colorado, and Taber,
Alberta, this is the leading site on the internet for bullying information. It has three goals: to help people understand that they
are not alone, that being bullied is not the victim's fault, and that there are successful strategies for dealing with bullies.
l easingtheteasing.com The works of certified social worker and author Judy Freedman are featured on this site, which also
gives access to all of her programs, information, and workshops.
l education.com This Web site includes a special edition devoted to bullying and cyber bullying. It includes numerous articles on
bullying concerning both younger and older kids, the different types of bullying, and bullying in many different situations.
l stopbullyingnow.org This U.S. Department Health and Human Services site is designed to attract kids of all ages. Users can
download antibullying podcasts, cartoons about bullying, and a Stop Bullying Now mobile ring tone.
l stopcyberbullying.org New technologies create new ways to bully. Get strategies for prevention, tips, and information about
online bullying.
l nasponline.org Find information about “CyberSmart! Cyberbullying Awareness Curriculum,” a free program for educators. This
program facilitates the prevention of cyber bullying and helps provide outreach to families and communities.
Books on Bullying
l Schools Where Everyone Belongs by Stan Davis This book is designed for educators and parents to help create a safe and
inclusive environment at school.
l The Brand New Kid by Katie Couric This book for young kids was inspired by Couric’s childhood memories and by the
Columbine shootings. Through this story about tolerance, Couric challenges parents to stop excusing meanspirited behavior
and instead teach children to be kind and tolerant.
l Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence by
Rosalind Wiseman A mustread for every parent of a teenage daughter. It will help you understand girls and friendships,
popularity, cliques, selfesteem, and a variety of other topics.
l Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons Read this book to find out more about social
issues that girls deal with today such as exclusion, popularity, cliques, bullying, and jealousy.
Other Help with Bullying
kidshealth.org
Irene Helen Zundel “Helping Your Child Cope with Teasing, Bullying, and Social Violence”

Web Sites, Books, and Seminars
EduGuide Staff
Many resources are available to help girls who are bullying or being bullied. Here are some of the best books, Web sites, and some
other resources for you and your daughter.
Bullying Web Sites
l bullying.org Founded by father and teacher Bill Belsey in response to school shootings in Littleton, Colorado, and Taber,
Alberta, this is the leading site on the internet for bullying information. It has three goals: to help people understand that they
are not alone, that being bullied is not the victim's fault, and that there are successful strategies for dealing with bullies.
l easingtheteasing.com The works of certified social worker and author Judy Freedman are featured on this site, which also
gives access to all of her programs, information, and workshops.
l education.com This Web site includes a special edition devoted to bullying and cyber bullying. It includes numerous articles on
bullying concerning both younger and older kids, the different types of bullying, and bullying in many different situations.
l stopbullyingnow.org This U.S. Department Health and Human Services site is designed to attract kids of all ages. Users can
download antibullying podcasts, cartoons about bullying, and a Stop Bullying Now mobile ring tone.
l stopcyberbullying.org New technologies create new ways to bully. Get strategies for prevention, tips, and information about
online bullying.
l nasponline.org Find information about “CyberSmart! Cyberbullying Awareness Curriculum,” a free program for educators. This
program facilitates the prevention of cyber bullying and helps provide outreach to families and communities.
Books on Bullying
l Schools Where Everyone Belongs by Stan Davis This book is designed for educators and parents to help create a safe and
inclusive environment at school.
l The Brand New Kid by Katie Couric This book for young kids was inspired by Couric’s childhood memories and by the
Columbine shootings. Through this story about tolerance, Couric challenges parents to stop excusing meanspirited behavior
and instead teach children to be kind and tolerant.
l Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence by
Rosalind Wiseman A mustread for every parent of a teenage daughter. It will help you understand girls and friendships,
popularity, cliques, selfesteem, and a variety of other topics.
l Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachel Simmons Read this book to find out more about social
issues that girls deal with today such as exclusion, popularity, cliques, bullying, and jealousy.
Other Help with Bullying
l Friendship seminars These very effective seminars are becoming more popular in schools throughout the country. Check with
your child’s school to see if they have considered a friendship seminar, or look online to find out how to bring one to your
school.
l Friends Who Care This awardwinning, disabilityawareness curriculum is designed to help sensitize nondisabled students
to their peers with disabilities. The program includes a teacher guide, video, and several posters. You may be able to obtain a
copy from your local library, or contact The National Easter Seals Society, 70 East Lake Street, Chicago, IL 60601, (312) 726
6200.

6200.
EduGuide Staff
Cyber bullying, using the Internet, cell phones, or other forms of information technology to bully others, is a dangerous and easy way
for girls to bully other girls and put teens at risk. While most girls use the Internet for friendly communication, cyber bullying is on the
rise. Cyber bullies use the Internet to send intimidating and threatening emails to others, create hostile Web sites, post inaccurate
and embarrassing information in blogs, ignore kids who send them messages, and pose as people other than themselves in chat
room. They may also upload lessthanflattering photos of their victims online and through their cell phones.
Although cyber bullying is newer than traditional bullying such as name calling, exclusion, and prank phone calls, it is just as cruel,
and its consequences can be just as horrifying. Here's one sad example. In October 2006, a thirteenyearold Missouri girl committed
suicide after being bullied through the Internet by a friend’s mother. The mother posed as a boy who was interested in the teenager in
order to find out what the thirteenyearold was saying about her own daughter. Although the communication started out harmlessly
enough, the mother soon began sending nasty emails to the thirteenyearold, saying that the girl wasn’t nice to her friends and that
she was fat and a slut. The messages proved to be too much for the girl, and she ended her life.
Understanding why kids cyber bully is the first step in out how to prevent this form of bullying. Here are some reasons girls may be
drawn to cyber bullying:
l Like all bullies, teens who cyber bully feel a need to control others, and the Internet is an easy way to gain control. Girls also
take out their anger and revenge on other girls through the use of the Internet and cell phones.
l When teens have nothing constructive to do, the internet is an easy place to find trouble.
l Some girls think tormenting other girls online is funny, and they enjoy the reaction they get from their victims.
l Bullying online can sometimes be a means for girls to climb the social status ladder.
l Cyber bullies have the safety and anonymity of numbers—they can bully in groups at one kid’s home without ever confronting
their victim facetoface.
To avoid having your daughter become a cyber bully or the victim of one, keep the lines of communication open between you and your
daughter just as you should to avoid traditional bullying. In addition, as difficult as it may be, you must monitor what your daughter is
doing online and with her cell phone.

Sarah's Experience with Bullying and Teenage Peer Pressure
Barbara Rickard
This fall, Sarah started high school. But unlike most of the other freshmen in her large public school, she came from a small, allgirl
private school, which she had attended since preschool. Moving to a new school would make many teenagers miserable, but Sarah
was relieved. She was only too ready to begin a new life in a new school, away from her old friends.
12Sarah’s story begins in preschool where she made friends with nine little girls. The ten soon became a clique. By middle school, the
clique had become more like a pack. The ten girls all dressed in the finest namebrand clothing, wore their hair exactly the same way
6200.
EduGuide Staff
Cyber bullying, using the Internet, cell phones, or other forms of information technology to bully others, is a dangerous and easy way
for girls to bully other girls and put teens at risk. While most girls use the Internet for friendly communication, cyber bullying is on the
rise. Cyber bullies use the Internet to send intimidating and threatening emails to others, create hostile Web sites, post inaccurate
and embarrassing information in blogs, ignore kids who send them messages, and pose as people other than themselves in chat
room. They may also upload lessthanflattering photos of their victims online and through their cell phones.
Although cyber bullying is newer than traditional bullying such as name calling, exclusion, and prank phone calls, it is just as cruel,
and its consequences can be just as horrifying. Here's one sad example. In October 2006, a thirteenyearold Missouri girl committed
suicide after being bullied through the Internet by a friend’s mother. The mother posed as a boy who was interested in the teenager in
order to find out what the thirteenyearold was saying about her own daughter. Although the communication started out harmlessly
enough, the mother soon began sending nasty emails to the thirteenyearold, saying that the girl wasn’t nice to her friends and that
she was fat and a slut. The messages proved to be too much for the girl, and she ended her life.
Understanding why kids cyber bully is the first step in out how to prevent this form of bullying. Here are some reasons girls may be
drawn to cyber bullying:
l Like all bullies, teens who cyber bully feel a need to control others, and the Internet is an easy way to gain control. Girls also
take out their anger and revenge on other girls through the use of the Internet and cell phones.
l When teens have nothing constructive to do, the internet is an easy place to find trouble.
l Some girls think tormenting other girls online is funny, and they enjoy the reaction they get from their victims.
l Bullying online can sometimes be a means for girls to climb the social status ladder.
l Cyber bullies have the safety and anonymity of numbers—they can bully in groups at one kid’s home without ever confronting
their victim facetoface.
To avoid having your daughter become a cyber bully or the victim of one, keep the lines of communication open between you and your

Barbara Rickard
13Sarah’s story begins in preschool where she made friends with nine little girls. The ten soon became a clique. By middle school, the
(long and straight), and laughed at other girls who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) dress like them. The girls started calling themselves the Top

Barbara Rickard
Sarah’s story begins in preschool where she made friends with nine little girls. The ten soon became a clique. By middle school, the
(long and straight), and laughed at other girls who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) dress like them. The girls started calling themselves the Top
Ten.
Using a combination of exclusion and cruelty, the Top Ten intimidated both kids and adults. The group’s power was so overwhelming
that other students ate in their classrooms so they wouldn’t have to walk by the Top Ten in the lunchroom. The school’s teachers and
administrators were aware of the intimidation but seemed helpless to stop it.
The parents of the Top Ten girls were less than helpful. Most of them were thrilled that their daughters were so popular. One parent
even had Top Ten Tshirts printed for the girls to wear at their eighth grade graduation.
When the school invited parents and their daughters to participate in a “be kind to your classmates” workshop designed to prevent
bullying, the event was cancelled because only seven parents (out of the entire class) responded. And only one of those seven–
Sarah’s mom – was the parent of a girl in the Top Ten group. The other Top Ten parents saw no reason to attend an event on teenage
peer pressure because they denied that their girls were bullies.
Though Sarah was a member of the Top Ten, she felt trapped. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but she didn’t have the
courage to confront her friends about their bullying or to leave the relative safety of the group. She’d seen the damage the Top Ten
could do. Sarah begged her parents to let her switch schools, but getting their permission was tough. At first, her parents refused—the
family had a longstanding connection to the school; three of Sarah’s siblings were still enrolled there; and the grandparents pitched a
fit at the prospect of her attending a different school. But after months of watching Sarah struggle with guilt and fear, her parents finally
gave in.
It’s too soon to tell what life will be like for Sarah at her new school. But she’s already paid a price for leaving the old one: when she
told her Top Ten “friends” she would be switching schools, they spread rumors that she was doing drugs with the public school kids.
The Top Ten seem to have survived Sarah’s defection. They are now known as the Fine Nine.
Barbara Rickard holds a B.S. from Michigan Technological University and is the mother of three children in elementary, middle, and high school. She has
volunteered in the public schools for 10 years, including 4 as a PTA Board Member.

volunteered in the public schools for 10 years, including 4 as a PTA Board Member.
Crossgender Bullying Should Be Taken Seriously
Barb Rickard
Crossgender bullying—boys bullying girls and girls bullying boys—often includes sexual harassment. The incidence of this type of
bullying increases as children reach adolescence, in part because boygirl contact increases. But normal adolescent behaviors don’t
include sexual harassment, which can harm both the victim and the perpetrator.
Sexual Harassment
Sexual harassment, whether cross or samegender, includes any type of sexual behavior that is unwanted by the victim. Sexual
harassment can take many forms, including the following.
l Physical: touching any body part, caressing, kissing without consent, pinching, or excessive tickling
l Verbal: crude name calling, sexual references, sexual rumors
l Unwanted propositions: asking for sex (or insinuating sex) or continuing to ask for dates after being refused repeatedly
l Printed or cyber communication: unwelcome written notes or phone calls, “sexting” (sending inappropriate material via cell
phone), emailing sexually explicit pictures or content
Sexual harassment is a widespread problem. According to a study of more than 1,600 students in grades eight through eleven
conducted by the American Association of University Women, eightyfive percent of girls and seventysix percent of boys reported being
sexually harassed in school. The harassment was both physical and verbal, and it often occurred in front of teachers. Girls
experienced sexual harassment more often than boys, and girls also felt more embarrassed and less confident about themselves as
a result of this form of bullying.
Sexual Harassment or Flirting?
It’s not difficult to tell the difference between harmless flirting and sexual harassment. Flirting is welcome attention that makes people
feel good about themselves. Flirting is lighthearted, it is normal teenage behavior, and it is most often mutual. Sexual harassment, on
the other hand, comprises actions that are unwanted and make recipients feel bad about themselves or dirty.
What to Do
If your child is being sexually harassed at school, there are several actions you can take to solve the problem.
l Contact the school. Notify the principal and your child’s teacher immediately, and tell them who is sexually harassing your
child, what is happening (in detail), and where the incident or incidents are taking place.
l Call the harasser’s parents. Let them know what your child has told you about the sexual harassment and ask them to talk to
their child about the situation. Make sure they know that the school is aware of the bullying.
l Do your homework. Ask for a copy of your school’s sexual harassment policy. The policy should provide a definition of sexual
harassment, plus information about how to report an incident and what actions the school will take.
l Keep notes. Record every instance of sexual harassment, including who, what, when, where, and how. No detail is too
insignificant. You may need this information to follow up if the harassment continues.
l Don’t give up. If you and your child have followed the procedures outlined in your school’s sexual harassment policy and the
problem continues, be persistent. Talk to the superintendent of schools. If you are not satisfied with the results of the
conversation, contact your local police department and, if necessary, an attorney.

Barbara Rickard holds a B.S. from Michigan Technological University and is the mother of three children. She has volunteered in the public schools for
l Don’t give up. If you and your child have followed the procedures outlined in your school’s sexual harassment policy and the
problem continues, be persistent. Talk to the superintendent of schools. If you are not satisfied with the results of the
conversation, contact your local police department and, if necessary, an attorney.
Barbara Rickard holds a B.S. from Michigan Technological University and is the mother of three children. She has volunteered in the public schools for
more than ten years, including four as a PTA board member.
Sources:
www.cfchildren.org/issues/bully/bullyharass
www.nycagainstrape.org
www.esciencenews.com

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www.nycagainstrape.org
www.esciencenews.com

Due to the dynamic nature of our quizzes, they are only available on the web. Follow the addresses below to take a quiz on our
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