Delta Queen Skit

Main character goes through a stereotypical idea of what initiation for a sorority is
and it goes
horribly awry
*Halle walks in and recites Pi Phi values in order to become an initiated member*
HALLE: Integrity Life-long commitment uhm
*glances at arm*
HALLE: Honor and honor and uhm re.. spect? Uhmm
PRESIDENT: Do you even have these memorized? You had your entire new member
period to
learn this! How do you expect to be a Pi Phi if you dont even know our values?!
PI PHI 1: UhmShe didnt even memorize them! She has them written on her arm!
Look!
*grabs Halle by the arm and shows that she has writing on it*
PRESIDENT: I knew something was fishy!
PI PHI 1: Yeah, she literally reeked of fish from the moment she came through the
door!
HALLE: Im sorry guys, I just really love sushi
PRESIDENT: Hey me too! We should go someti- *gets cut off*

PI PHI 1: Uhm hello? Are we forgetting that she doesnt know our values? How can
she be one of us if she doesnt know what we stand for?
PRESIDENT: You are completely right! I apologize Im just hungry! Halle Luna, please
return when you have an understanding of what it is that we represent. Only then
will you be an initiated member.
*President starts to talk about sushi with Pi Phi 1* (can we please go get sushi
now?)
*walks out sad and begins singing*
HALLE: Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect pi phi, or a perfect sister. Can it
be, I was not
meant to play this part? Now I see, if I do not learn their values, I will never win their
hearts
Who- *gets cut off*
RANDOM MALE PEDESTRIAN (not a Pi Phi): *walking by* Hey, doesnt Mulan sing
that song?!
HALLE: Yeah, she does! I love that so- *gets cut off*
RANDOM MALE PEDESTRIAN: Well no offense, but you should probably let her sing
it.
HALLE: Well.. thats not very nice! Good day to you, sir!
RANDOM MALE PEDESTRIAN: Hey, I said no offense!
HALLE: And I said good day!

*runs into old lady*

OLD LADY: Whats wrong my dear child?
HALLE: *sighs* A lot of things! I cant initiate into Pi Phi because I didnt learn their
values, and now that mean guy basically told me I couldnt sing! Which is
completely not true! I can sing! Just not well
OLD LADY: Im so sorry child. Maybe I can help! I was a Pi Phi myself! Back in the
day! *winks and nudges Halle with her arm when she says back in the day* Eh?
Eh?
HALLE: Really?! When? Id love to hear all about it!
OLD LADY: When is irrelevant my dear, you can presume Im catching dust! *coughs
and smoke comes out (baby powder as a prop)* However; the stories I have are
endless. I could go on and on, but Im assuming theres some place you have to be!
But I will tell you this: When I went through the new member process, I experienced
the same thing, and returned not only understanding our values, but having gained
the most wonderful sisters. And the only way to understand that is by recognizing
that being a part of this fraternity for women is a life long commitment. You display
our values everywhere we go.
HALLE: Wow, I never saw it that way. But that makes complete sense. What is your
name?
OLD LADY: Jennie. Jennie Nicol.
HALLE: Your name sounds very familiar.. It has been an absolute pleasure Miss Nicol.
My name is Halle. I hate to run, but I have an exam that I must get to!

OLD LADY: Of course, I hope I have been of help!

HALLE: You most definitely have! Thank you!
*Halle walks to her class*
*sits down for exam and someone tries to cheat off her*
HALLE: Oh heeeck no, I know you dont think youre going to cheat off me after I
studied all night!
STUDENT: Cmon girl! Dont be so uptight!
HALLE: Dont be like the Patriots! I refuse to risk my integrity!
STUDENT: Whatever.. lame-o.
*test is over and walks out of class together*
PRESIDENT: I saw what you did in there! That was very admirable!
HALLE: Thanks! I wish I could stay and chat, but I have to go read to children! See
you later!
PRESIDENT: Have fun!
*goes to read to child*
*sticks head in classroom*
HALLE: Knock Knock!
TEACHER: Who is it?
HALLE: Halle!

TEACHER: Halle who?

HALLE: HALLE BERRY, HALLE BERRY!
CHILD 1: Thats my favorite song! Oh please, please read to me first!
HALLE: Mine too! Youre in luck; Im here to read to all of you today!
CLASS: Yaaay!
HALLE: I brought you all my personal favorite! Harry Potter!
CHILD 2: Finally, a worthy book! Our teacher always tries to pick good ones, but
theyre never fun tp read!
CHILD 1: My love for Harry Potter is riddikulus!
HALLE: Well I am glad I can finally bring some magic to your day!
*begins to read*
*person comes in with one hour later sign*
SIGN PERSON: One hour later
HALLE: Well it was lovely, but I must go! Ill see you next time!
CLASS: Bye miss Halle!
*runs into president*
PRESIDENT: How was reading to the children!
HALLE: Wonderful! They were all so excited about the Harry Potter book I brought
them!

PRESIDENT: Im glad to hear that! Also, I can't wait to see how much you've grown
when you come to your next new member meeting! You will make a wonderful Pi
Beta Phi fraternity woman.
HALLE: *jumps on president* Oh my gosh! I cant wait!
PRESIDENT: Ugh, I cant breath! Youre too swoll!
HALLE: Im so sorry, it must be those gains!
PRESIDENT: You and your gains are forgiven. Just know that you will always have a
sincere friendship in us! We cant wait to have you join our sisterhood!