Transactional

Analysis Journal
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A Marital Therapy Game Identification, ''You Hold Her I'm Off'' (Y H H I O)

Robert A. Mitchell
Transactional Analysis Journal 1972 2: 11
DOI: 10.1177/036215377200200405
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161

SEel10Nil: CLiN ICAl APPLICATION

A MARITAL THERAPY GAME IDENTIFICATION,
"You Hold Her I'm Off"
(Y H H I 0)
Robert A. Mitchell, M.D.

This is a three handed game

commonly observed in marital
therapy, and is played by a
husband, wife and marital therapist.
Both
spouses enter therapy
together, referred usually by a
lawyer or family physician because
of the threatened breaku p of the
marriage. The stated contract of
both spouses at the first interview is
"We want help in keeping the
marriage together." A -----) A.
It becomes clear, however,
usually in the first interview, that
one of the spouses, more usually
the husband, has a not-so secret
agenda, namely "You help me
straighten my wife out, she's sick:"
P ---.,) P. As treatment proceeds, it
becomes apparent that the husband
has a second secret agenda, which
appears earlier if the therapist does
not buy into his first ulterior
contract. The second one is that he
is playing "See how hard I tried."
C-----) P. He wants to get out of the
marriage, but has doubts and
qualms about her making it on her
own. He therefore, attempts to bow
out of joint treatment, leaving the
therapist to support the wife
emotionally and prevent such
embarrassments as depression and
suicidal behavior.
The wife, meanwhile, often plays
a version of "Gee, you're
wonderful, Mr. Murgatroyd" with
the
therapist,
the ulterior

transaction being "Y ou 're better

than him" C ~ P. She is aware that
her spouse is threatening to leave
the marriage, but copes with her
anxieties about this by becoming
increasingly dependent on the
"understanding" therapist. The
wife may
also prolong her
treatment with her husband paying
the bills, if the husband drops out,
as a financially punitive measure
against him. (NIGYSOB)
The therapist's vulnerability to
this game varies depending on his
sophistication and "0 .Kness." He
may become hooked by either
spouse's ulterior messages into a
P~P or C~C transaction with
the husband, or into a nurturing
P ~ C or C ~C transaction with
the wife.
A harder version of the game
may ensue if the absent husband
then refuses to accept financial
responsibility for
his wife's
treatment, claiming now that it is
an unnecessary luxury (P ----7 C to
therapist.) This may hook the
therapist into NIGYSOB with the
husband in his attempt to collect
payment for his services.
The
antithesis
to
this
three-handed game which is so rich
in multi-level transactions is the
establishment of a clear and
unequ ivoeal contract bet ween the
therapist and both spouses at the
first interview. The l lu-rupist mukcs

Tronsactional Allal. ./. //:4. October /972

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II

16:l

ROBERT A. MITCHELL, M.D.

it plain at the outset that he will

work with both spouses or with
neither. If for any reason one
spouse is seen individually, it is
with the understanding that any
material discussed may be brought
up at the next joint session by the
therapist. In this way he avoids the
pitfalls of "You and me against
Him (Her)." Another option,
perhaps a better one, is for the
therapist to establish a separate
contract with each spouse at the
outset, that each is coming to
treatment to work on something

12

for him or herself, regardless of the

outcome of the marriage.
It will be noted that the various
phases of this game can be
diagrammed in terms of Karpman's
Triangle, with all three positions of
Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer
being freely interchangeable.

REFERENCES
Berne, E. - Games People Play - Grove Press,
New York - 1964
Karpman, S.B. - Fairy Tales 4 Script Drama
Analysis - T.A. Bulletin - 7 - April 1968.

Transactional Anal. J.II:4, October 1972

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