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4/22/2015

7KeystoIncreasingYourSelfEsteemToday!|PsychologyToday

7 Keys to Increasing Your Self-Esteem Today!


7KeystoEnhancingSelfEsteem

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PostpublishedbyPrestonNiM.S.B.A.onJan01,2015inCommunicationSuccess

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Author'sNote:Thefollowingisanexcerptfromthebook(clickontitle):HowtoLetGoofNegative
Thoughts&EmotionsAPracticalGuide(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/)."

Whenouremotionalhealth(/basics/health)isinabadstate,soisourlevelofselfesteem(/basics/self
esteem).Wehavetoslowdownanddealwithwhatistroublingus,sothatwecanenjoythesimplejoyof
beinghappyandatpeacewithourselves.
JessScott
Selfesteemcanbedefinedashealthyrespectforyourself,aswellashealthyselfworth.Inourcompetitive,
materialdriven,imageconscious,andachievementorientedsociety,thepropensitytobeaffectedbylow
selfesteemischronicandpervasive.
Thegoodnewsisthathavinglowselfesteemislargelyalearnedphenomenon.Lowselfesteemissuesare
essentiallypoorhabitsinourattitudeandourintrapersonalcommunication(selftalk).Bylearning
empoweringperspectivesandeffectiveintrapersonalcommunicationskills,youcanprogressivelyreplace
poorselfesteemwithhealthyselfesteem.Herearesevenkeystochanginglowselfesteem:
1.AvoidGeneralization
Inprivatecoaching(/basics/coaching),Ioftenhearclientssay:Ihavelowselfesteem.Thereareseveral
problemswiththisstatement.First,itpresumesageneral,allornoneperspective,asifeitheronehashigh
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selfesteem,oronehaslowselfesteem.Ifyoutakeanhonestassessmentofyourself,chancesarethat
youcancomeupwithalistofqualitiesthatmakeyoufeelgood.Forinstance,ifyourereadingthisarticle,it
mostlikelymeansthatyoupossessselfawareness,thewillingnesstolearnandgrow,andadesireto
realizemoreofyourpotential,allofwhichbodewellforyourfuturesuccess.
Mostofusaresomewhereinthemiddleonthespectrumbetweenhighselfesteemandlowselfesteem.If
youeverfindyourselfsayingorthinking:Ihavelowselfesteem,pleasestop.Itisageneral,all
encompassing,personalizing,andselfdefeatingcommentthatsimplyisnttrue.Sayingyouhavelowself
esteemcanalsomaketheproblemseemsobiganddauntingthatyoumayfeelrelativelypowerlesstodo
anything.Instead
2.DivideandConquerYourLowSelfEsteem
Itsmoreaccurateandempoweringtobespecificaboutparticularaspectsofyourlifewhereyoulack
confidence,beityourweight,yourcompetencetospeakpublically,yourcapacitytoattracttheright
romanticpartner,oryourabilitytodealwithadifficultindividual.SayingIhavelowselfesteemisvery
differentthansayingIhaveselfesteemissuesaboutmyweight.Thefirstisgeneralandpersonalit
makeslowselfesteemintoanallencompassingcharacterflaw.Thesecondisaboutanissuethatyou
have.Itdoesnotinvalidateotheraspectsofwhoyouareasaperson.Asanissue,theproblemcanbe
diagnosedandsolved.
Softontheperson,firmontheissue.
Oneofthefourkeycharacteristicsofeffectivecommunication,fromtheauthorsbook(clickontitle):
HowtoCommunicateEffectivelyandHandleDifficultPeople(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/).

3.NoticeYourNegativeThoughtPatternsfromaDistance
Tochangelowselfesteem,itsimportanttoobservewhenwereengagedinthoughtpatternsthatsabotage
selfworth.Whenlowselfesteemissueshavebeenconditionedformanyyears,theresultingnegative
thoughtpatternsarelikelyautomaticandunconscious(/basics/unconscious),untilyoupausethemwithyour
ObserverSelf.
TheObserverSelfisausefulpsychologicalresourcethathelpsincreaseawarenessinmanysituations.Itis
thepartofyourconsciousnessthatexercisesmindfulness(/basics/mindfulness),andhelpsyoumake
intelligent,thoughtfulchoices.

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Forexample,ifyouhavethetendencytolookatyourselfinthemirrorinthemorningandthinkIm
unattractiveinstead,simplynoticeandmakeamentalnotetoyourselfthatIjusthadanegativethought.
ThisobjectiveobservationisyourObserverSelfinaction.Noticeyournegativethoughtswithoutjudgment.
Avoidbeatingyourselfupaboutthelowselfesteemissue(s).Simplynotice,withcuriosityasifyoure
watchingyourselfinanexperiment,andevenwithcompassionandhumor(/basics/humor).Say,for
example,fromyourObserverSelftoyourloweresteemself:Theregoesmylowerselfagain.Hello!Thats
alright.Youcanfeelthiswayifyoulike.Imhereforyou.Iknowwhattodototakegoodcareofyou.When
youutilizeyourObserverSelfinthiswayonaregularbasis,youprogressivelydistanceyourselffromthe
negativethoughts,psychologicallyandemotionally.Thisgivesyoutheopeningtointroduceheathyself
esteemhabitsoutlinedinpoints#47below.
4.TalkBacktoYourNegativeThoughtswithAssertiveResponses
Onceyoudistanceyourselffromyournegativethoughts,youcanmoreeasilytalkbacktothem,andreplace
thenegativethoughtswithpositive,empoweringthoughts.Thisactionispositivehabitformingwith
repetition,persistence,anddetermination.Herearejusttwoexamples:
A.Reducingnegativepersonalization.Whenyoufeeladverselyaboutsomeonesbehavior,avoid
jumpingtoanegativeconclusionrightaway.Instead,comeupwithmultiplewaysofviewingthesituation
beforereacting.Forexample,Imaybetemptedtothinkmyfrienddidntreturnmycallbecauseshes
ignoringme,orIcanconsiderthepossibilitythatshesbeenverybusy.Whenweavoidpersonalizingother
people'sbehaviors,wecanperceivetheirexpressionsmoreobjectively.Peopledowhattheydobecauseof
themmorethanbecauseofus.Wideningourperspectivecanreducethepossibilityofmisunderstanding.
B.Reducingthefear(/basics/fear)ofrejection.Oneeffectivewaytomanageyourfearofrejectionisto
provideyourselfwithmultipleoptionsinimportantsituations,sothatnomatterwhathappens,youhave
strongalternativesgoingforward.Avoidputtingallofyoureggsinonebasket(emotionally)byidentifyinga
viablePlanB,andalsoaPlanC,shouldPlanAnotworkout.Forexample:
Increasedfearofrejection:Imapplyingformydreamjob.Illbedevastatediftheydonthireme.
Decreasedfearofrejection:Imapplyingforthreeexcitingpositions.Ifonedoesntpanout,therearetwo
moreImwellqualifiedfor.
Formoreindepthinformationonreducingoreliminatingoverfifteentypesofnegativeattitudesand
feelings,seemybook(clickontitle):"HowtoLetGoofNegativeThoughtsandEmotions
(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/).
5.RecognizeWhereYouMayBeRunningYourOldTape
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Whenwecontemplatewherewemighthavepickedupcertainlowselfesteemissues,wemayrecallpast
experienceswhenweinternalizednegativeordoubleedgedinfluences.Forexample:
Watchingbeautiful,skinnymodelsinthemediaasachildmayhavecausedinsecurityaboutones
ownbody.
Beingteasedinfrontofclasswhilegivingareportmayhaveinducedafearofpublicspeaking
(/basics/stagefright).
Witnessingtheparents(/basics/parenting)divorce(/basics/divorce)asayoungpersonmayhave
affectedonesconfidenceinhavingasuccessfulcommittedrelationship.
Beingtaughtsociallyorculturallytorespectauthoritymayhaveinhibitedonesassertiveness
(/basics/assertiveness)indealingwithdifficultmanagers.
Beingawareofthepossibleoriginsofoneslowselfesteem,andrecognizingthatlowselfesteemislargely
learnedisaninherentlyempoweringexercise.Asalearnedanomaly,lowselfesteemcanalsobe
unlearned,justlikereplaceapoorhabitwithahealthyhabit.In"HowtoLetGoofNegativeThoughtsand
Emotions(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/),Ipresentastepbystepexerciseonhowtorecognize
anderadicateonesnegativelyconditionedoldtape.
6.ChangeNegativeSocialComparisonstoHumanization
Oneoftheeasiestandmostcommonwaystofeelbadaboutoneselfistocompareyourselfunfavorablyto
others.Wemaybetemptedtocompareourselveswiththosewhohavemoreaccomplishments,seemmore
attractive,makemoremoney,orboastmoreFacebook(/basics/socialnetworking)friends.
Whenyoufindyourselfwishingtohavewhatsomeoneelsehas,andfeeljealous(/basics/jealousy),inferior
orinadequateastheresult,yourehavinganegativesocialcomparisonmoment.
Habitualnegativesocialcomparisonscancauseapersontoexperiencegreaterstress(/basics/stress),
anxiety,depression(/basics/depression/depressionandsociety),andmakeselfdefeatingchoices.
Twointerestingnotesaboutnegativesocialcomparison:
A.Negativesocialcomparisonhaselementsofnarcissism.
Whenwewishtolook,be,orhavelikeothers,werenotreallywishingforeverythingaboutthatperson,but
onlytheidealizedaspectsoftheindividual.Thisidealizedandgrandioseperceptionofanotheris
narcissistic(/basics/narcissism)innature(/basics/environment).Chancesare,noteventhosewhomyour
compareyourselfwithcanliveuptoyouridealizedimagesofthem.Thisiswhysooftenwhenpeoplespend
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7KeystoIncreasingYourSelfEsteemToday!|PsychologyToday

somelengthoftimewiththeirheroes,heroines,rolemodels,oridols,theydiscoverthatthosewhom
theylookuptoalsohaveweaknesses,flaws,difficultiesandproblemsjustlikeeveryoneelse.
B.Itsrelativelyeasytochangefromidealizingtohumanizing.
Forexample,youmaywishthatyouhavetheperfectcareer(/basics/career)andalotofmoneylikeyour
managerJoe,orthegoodlooksofyourfriendKelly,orawonderfulromanticrelationship
(/basics/relationships)likeSamantha.Comparingyourselfwiththemmightcauseyoutofeelsomehow
lesser.Butwhenyoulookattheirlivesmoreobjectively,youknowthatJoehashealthproblemsand
familyissues,Kellyisactuallyinsecureaboutherlooks,andittookSamanthaapainfuldivorceandmany
hardlessonsbeforeshefoundacompatiblemate.Lookingatthemfromamorebalancedperspective,you
realizetheresmorethanmeetstheeye,andthattheyrehumanbeingswiththeirownshareofchallenges
likeyou.
7.CreatePositiveSanctuariesInYourLife
Thefinaltiptochangefromlowselfesteemtohealthyselfesteemistocreatepositivesanctuariesinyour
life,whereonaregularbasisyoucanreceivesupportive,realistic,andaffirmingmessages.Thiscanoccur
inthecompanyofpositivefamilymembers,friends,counselor,therapist,supportgroups,teachers,
colleagues,orcommunityorganizations.Identifyandembraceyourbasisofsupportbasedonacceptance
ofwhoyouareasaperson,empathy(/basics/empathy)foryourweaknessesandvulnerabilities,and
encouragementforyoutomoveforwardinyourlifeinahealthyandconstructiveway.
Youcantflylikeaneagleifyouhangoutwithturkeys!
Anonymous
AroundpeoplewhoarepositiveI'mhappierandabletobewhoIam.
fromtheInternet
Inaddition,createapositivesanctuaryinyourowninnerlife.Eachmorningorevening,takeafewminutes
toacknowledgingandaffirmyourself.Validatewhatsworkinginyourlife(nomatterhowlargeorsmall),
identifypurposefulgoals(/basics/motivation),andcountyourblessings.Expressgratitude
(/basics/gratitude)forwhatyoualreadyhave.Developadailyritualtoresourceandempoweryourself.
Formoreindepthinformationonenhancingyourselfesteem,aswellaswaystoreduceoreliminateover
fifteentypesofnegativeattitudesandfeelings,seemybook(clickontitle):"HowtoLetGoofNegative
ThoughtsandEmotions(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/).
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Formoreonpersonalandprofessionalsuccess,downloadfreeexcerptsofmypublications(clickon
titleorcover):HowtoCommunicateEffectivelyandHandleDifficultPeople
(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/),"CommunicationSuccesswithFourPersonalityTypes
(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/),""The7KeystoLifeSuccess
(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/),""SevenKeystoLongTermRelationshipSuccess
(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/),"and"ConfidentCommunicationforFemaleProfessionals
Home
FindaTherapist
Topics
GetHelp
Magazine
Tests
(http://www.nipreston.com/publications/)."

Experts

(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/)
(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/)
(http://nipreston.com/new/publications/)

GetaFreeissueofPsychologyToday

SUBSCRIBENOW

FollowmeonTwitter(https://twitter.com/commsuccess),Facebook(http://www.facebook.com/preston.ni),
andLinkedIn(http://www.linkedin.com/in/commsuccess)!
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PrestonNi,M.S.B.A.isavailableasapresenter,
workshopfacilitator,andprivatecoach.Formore
information,writetocommsuccess@nipreston.com
(mailto:commsuccess@nipreston.com),orvisit
www.nipreston.com
(http://www.nipreston.com/home/).
2015byPrestonC.Ni.Allrightsreserved
worldwide.Copyrightviolationmaysubjectthe
violatortolegalprosecution.

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