Hair

Hair today gone tomorrow

Where does the hair go?
Nobody knows?
Once long
Now short
Now wrong
Soon bought
The dirt you get under your fingernails

Fish
I like fish in the sea
Then they are free
But on our plate
We control their fate

The nameless author

The nameless author wanders the earth without meaning or purpose. The
author spends its time rhyming and looking for synonyms. he is destined for
nothingness. He has reached pit bottom: he lives with his mum.
However he will not take this for much longer, he will rise up and
throw off the oppressive shackles of society and once more he will be whole,
this he promised himself and he set out to immediately claim his goal….

A half-baked tramp
Joel the tramp lived in half a cardboard box, by Queen Street. Next to his
home, for want of a better word, there was a giant puddle and all the
disrespectful drivers splashed him as they drove by. Every time this
happened he comforted himself with one of his many proverbs: “to be
happy, you must have first been sad”.
Joel, although he was a tramp he was very clever and if not for
misfortune he would be rich in happiness and money. “Every mind is a
universe and each idea is a star”. Joel consoled himself that his mind was a
multiverse.
Today, he did everything like he always did, He got up and went to
the corner where he tried to make money by selling proverbs.
‘Get your proverbs here!’ he bellowed ‘get them while they’re hot! Two for
one deal buy one get two free! Only 99 cents for a proverb! Amaze your
friends and family and foes with your deep, conceptual thinking!’
Someone in a tie and suit and puffing on a pipe walked up and said
‘Good evening my dear chap, I would like to purchase one of your rather
droll witticisms.’
‘Well, sir’ said Joel ‘money up front’
‘Indubitably, my fine fellow’ he replied, handing him a shiny one dollar
coin. ‘Keep the change’
‘Well, for such a generous sir I will find a proverb of the highest
quality’ said Joel ‘ah, here we are.’ Joel cleared his throat “Ahem, “Light is
the sanctuary of darkness’
‘What the…’ said the man, ‘I don’t get it, your proverbs are bloody awful,
jeez I’m never coming back again!’ said the tramp, throwing his glass of
finest Jungroy’s ale at the depressed tramp.
After the man had left in a huff the tramp tended to his wounds and
left back home to his half a cardboard box. ‘I guess there’s just no business
in proverbs so he went to get a real job and lived a fine life for the rest of his
life.

The pad
The pad is where we are free
We can write, we can draw
We can create awe
Or let people truly see

CaTs
yo, I like cats
yeah, cats are good in hats
cats are good with bats
Don’t eat them ‘cause you will get da fats
Hardcore bro
Grow a mo
YEAH!

DoGs
Undoubtedly, I quite like dogs
 They are rather spiffing
They are preferable over frogs
However they don’t stop sniffing
Some say they are mangy mongrel mutts
But they are not real gentlemen
They are covered in cuts

Ducks
Ducks are Über
They cause Über ponage
I’m sure others do concur
They can cast level 4 rage
That will pone gnomes
That will pone them even when they’re using level six shield dome
(sniff)

Crumblecake and Tumbletard

Once upon a time a merrily wed-ed couple named Mr. Tumbletard and Mrs.
Crumblecake lived in a gumble-drop cottage, by the whimsical lake of Tar-
manerithiak’tika’ika-mok. They had been happily wedified for one gagillion
years, and there favorite hobby is eating monocles.
One daythey were having a tifuricaion competition, so far Mr.
Tumbletard was up by seven droplets. But suddenly their worst enemy
Leafyrubbleson ran up the path to their cottatge packing two and a half
machetes and seven billion bionic bouncing bucks.
“you guys are faterer than normaler” he saided.
“Takes one to Know one” the repliedededed

The Endeded

Socks…
SOCKS!
Socks go well with anything
Socks are good for bling bling
 Socks are good to eat
Socks are not good on feet
SOCKS!
Socks rhyme with rocks
And docks
And flocks
And fox
And blocks
And clocks
And box
And jocks
And locks
And pox
And socks!
If you put rocks
In socks
It makes an effective bludgeoning intstrument for mugging elephants.

Rumble in the jungle

It’s a rumble in the jungle
All the plants are fungal
Monkeys on the drums
Dum dum dum
Birds on the flutes
Toot toot toot
It’s a rumble in the jungle
Nobody’s humble
Dance left and right
Dancing into the night

AN ODE TO DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

As I slay my way
through hordes of the fey
I think why, why do I slay my way?
Cant we just talk and play?
BUT!!!!
Then a goblin rises up from the fray
And I say
 Nay you may not stay!
In this fray!!!!
GRRRRRR
I slash left and right
No one can stand before my might
They may think I’m trite
BUT I SHOW THEM WITH MY SMITING POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
I win you lose

AN ODE TO THE SUMMER DAY!!!

(ahem)
(clears throat)

Once on a summers day

I would roll in piles of hay
On the lush green grass I lay
As I pondered who to slay!
Should it be the cow, duck or geese
Bleating goat or sheep with fleece
Oh the problem caused me so much strife!
So I said ‘why not the farmers wife?’
And so I slaughtered her without delay or mercy, ripping her spine out and
strangling her with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH WHAT FUN WE HAD

MORALE OF THE STORY: Spine strangling is efficient in speed and

enjoyment