This is the story of Azim Khamisa. His decision to forgive deeds many
would consider unforgiveable has inspired and transformed people all over
the world.
Azim, an international investment banker, lived in San Diego, with his two
children, a son, Tariq, and a daughter, Tasreen.
One night in 1995, Azim's world collided with that of a 14-year-old boy
named Tony. The impact changed their lives, and many other lives, forever.
Tony, too, lived in San Diego. He had lived with his grandfather, Ples Felix,
since 1990 when Tony's mother sent him from their home in Los Angeles.
She had come to this decision after Tony witnessed the murder of his
cousin and best friend. She wanted Tony to be away from the gangs and
violence that were rampant in their neighborhood. With her father, Ples,
she decided that Tony would be safer in San Diego. Through the years, Ples
tried to assure Tony's future by demanding that he study hard and stay
away from the much older boys to whom Tony was drawn. Tony became
more and more angry, resenting his strict grandfather and all the rules he
imposed.
Finally one evening after he and his grandfather argued, Tony ran away,
taking Ples' rifle. He went to find his older friends who belonged to a gang,
the Black Mob.
That was the night the lives of Tony and his grandfather tragically crashed
into the lives of Azim Khamisa and his son Tariq.
Tariq was a bright, popular student, 20 years old. He had a job delivering
pizzas to help pay for his education. That evening, Tariq was delivering
pizzas when he encountered the Black Mob. The gang demanded that he
give them pizza without paying for it, but he refused. So they told Tony to
"bust him." Tony pointed the rifle and pulled the trigger, instantly killing
Tariq.
When Azim learned of the death of his beloved son, he was overwhelmed
with grief.
As a devout Sufi Muslim, he turned to his faith for prayer, solace, and
inspiration. Day by day, he came to know he must walk the path of
forgiveness and compassion. He realized that Tonythe youngest person
to be tried as an adult in California, and now sentenced to 25 years in
prisonwas as much a victim of society's violence as Tariq. Azim began to
believe "You do forgiveness for yourself, because it moves you on; the fact
that it can also heal the perpetrator is icing on the cake."
Azim felt that in order for him to move on, he needed to take some kind of
action that would honor Tariq's spirit and give him a sense of purpose. He
started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation, engaging people of all ages in
Description of Activity
The group hears and discusses a true story about forgiveness.
Introduce the story by saying:
We can say important things about forgiveness by being clear what it is
not. Forgiving another person does not necessarily mean you will reconcile
a relationship, nor that a person has apologized or even asked to be
forgiven. Forgiving another certainly does not mean that what that person
did was okay, or that they are "getting away with it" (whatever "it" may
be). And for most of us, advice "to forgive and forget" is often unrealistic.
So what is "forgiveness" and how do we choose to embrace forgiveness as
part of our spiritual journey? Here is a story of how one man found a path
to forgiveness.
Tell or read the story.
Process with these questions:
What do you think of Azim's job offer to Tony? If Tony accepts while
Azim is still working with the Foundation, Azim might have to look
every day at the person who murdered his son. Where does Azim
say he receives the strength to face this kind of commitment?
What can you take from this story to apply to your own life?
HANDOUT 1 Maze
Description of Activity
Participants create mazes to illustrate paths to forgiveness.
Tell the group that you will guide them to reflect on a few questions about
forgiveness. Invite them to get comfortable and close their eyes if they
wish.
Say:
Think of forgiveness as a path. It starts when someone has been hurt or
wronged. Perhaps the hurt party is you. Or, perhaps you are the one who
has hurt another. How will you maneuver through the path to a place
where you can forgive, or can be forgiven?
Have you ever lost a friend because one of you could not forgive the
other? What blocked forgiveness?
Have you ever forgiven a friend a big hurt? What helped you forgive?
Has a friend ever forgiven you a big hurt? Do you think any actions on
your part helped your friend along the path to forgiveness?
If forgiveness is a path, can you identify doorways to forgiveness?
Sometimes an apology can be a doorway. Sometimes a doorway is
refusing to hang on to shame or hate.
Can you identify road blocks on the forgiveness path? If someone does not
admit to wrongdoing, is it harder for you to forgive? If you are afraid to
own up to a hurt you caused, afraid to face our own shame, is that a road
block?
Invite youth to take these thoughts and create a maze of forgiveness.
Distribute Handouts 1 and 2, Maze. Tell the youth they have 15 minutes to
follow all the steps to construct the maze. Give them five-minute and twominute warnings.
Call the larger group back together. Ask:
What road blocks on the path to forgiveness did you identify? What
door ways?
How could this maze help you in the future to practice forgiveness?
Are there action steps you can use in a real life situation?