Retreat Manual

Presents:
The Art of
Mindful Coaching
Participant Manual
828-254-2021
ds@dougsilsbee.com
http://dougsilsbee.com
Copyright 2003, 2005, 2006, Doug Silsbee
Douglas K. Silsbee, PCC

Doug Silsbee has been a coach, consultant, and catalyst for
change for a quarter of a century. A master teacher, he has
worked with leaders in major corporations, non-profits,
small business and government in eleven countries on four
continents. He specializes in designing integrated
development programs for high-performing executives,
managers, and entrepreneurs. As a sole practitioner, he
focuses on flexible, responsive, and committed service to a
small number of clients.
Dougs wellreceived 2004 book, The Mindful Coach: Seven
Roles for Helping Others Grow, provides a practical
integration of mindfulness work with a robust coaching
model. Doug is certified as an Integral Coach by New
Ventures West, one of the most respected organizations in
the field, and as a Professional Certified Coach by the
International Coaching Federation.
Dougs professional experience has included:
Coaching people from all walks of life.
Facilitating countless workshops for national and international clients.
Offering three day public workshops on coaching skills.
Teaching coaching methodology to coaches at the Federal Executive Institute.
Presenting his Septet model at major conferences, including the International
Association of Facilitators and International Coach Federation.
Extensive consulting and training experience in major corporations, nonprofits, and government.
Dougs consulting work has included global training for product development teams at
United Technologies, mapping and facilitating a cultural change strategy with the
American Red Cross, process consultation for global virtual teams with Chase
Manhattan Bank, curriculum development for a community-based dialogue process on
racism, meeting facilitation and empowerment training for Save the Children
Federation in El Salvador, and organizational consultation with the President and
Cabinet of Nicaragua.
Dougs personal interests have included outdoor adventures such as geology research
in West Greenland, dogsledding, the second canoe descent of a river in Labrador, and a
solo ascent of an 18,000 foot peak in the Andes. With his wife Walker, Doug is the
owner of a mountain retreat center north of Asheville, North Carolina. They have three
teenage and grown children, and a Quechua Indian god-daughter in Peru.
Table of Contents
The Septet Model Worksheet ...................................................................................... 1
The Septet Model.......................................................................................................... 2
The Voices and Their Aspects ..................................................................................... 1
Coaching Microchip ..................................................................................................... 2
Distinctions: Coaching and Supervision .................................................................... 3
Principles: Coaching Is.. ........................................................................................... 4
Levels of Situation Questioning .................................................................................. 8
Question Generation: External Aspects...................................................................... 9
Question Generation: Client Actions and Contribution ......................................... 10
Question Generation: Structure of Interpretation, Assumptions ........................... 11
Practice Session One: Situation Assessment ............................................................ 12
Artful Questions ......................................................................................................... 13
Question Generation: Outcome Formulation .......................................................... 15
Perspective Shifting.................................................................................................... 16
Practice Session Two: Outcomes and Creative Tension.......................................... 17
The Sharpeners and the Contractor .......................................................................... 18
Worksheet: An On-line Self-Assessment.................................................................. 19
Self-Observation Template ........................................................................................ 21
Self Observation Development (Septet Aspects) ..................................................... 22
Sample Self-Observation: Increasing the Use of an Aspect .................................... 23
Sample Self-Observation: Using Stronger Voices Mindfully.................................. 23
Self Observation Development (Coaching Issue) .................................................... 24
Self-Observation Example: Modeling Accountability............................................. 25
Somatic Awareness and Coaching............................................................................ 26
Sample Body Practices ............................................................................................... 27
Possible Action Steps ................................................................................................. 28
Sample Action Steps................................................................................................... 29
Individual Development Plan ................................................................................... 30
Sample Individual Development Plan...................................................................... 32
Question Generation: Actions and Test for Fit/Commitment ............................... 33
Practice Session Three: Action Planning .................................................................. 34
Contracting Basics ...................................................................................................... 35
Integral Coaching Overview Letter .......................................................................... 36
South Wind, North Wind, East Wind, West ............................................................ 37
Wild Geese .................................................................................................................. 38
Easter Morning in Wales............................................................................................ 38
Orioling ....................................................................................................................... 39
Notes............................................................................................................................ 39
The Art of Mindful Coaching
All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.
Page 1
The Voices and Their Aspects

Master
M1
M2
M3
M4
M5
Maintains self-awareness
Listens with focus and presence
Models learning and growth
Embraces the client with compassion and respect
Chooses which of the operational Voices to use at a given time
Partner
P1
P2
Establishes and honors an explicit structure for the coaching relationship

Makes explicit, clear choices with the client about the coaching process
Investigator
I1 Asks questions that deepen a clients understanding of the situation
I2 Helps the client articulate desired outcomes
I3 Asks the client generate courses of action
Reflector
R1
R2
R3
Provides direct and honest feedback

Directs the client's attention toward his/her capabilities and potential
Encourages self-observation and reflection
Teacher
T1
T2
Provides "expert" information, tools, and language

Challenges and stimulates clients thinking process
Guide
G1
G2
Encourages the client to take action

Offers options and/or recommends courses of action
Contractor
C1 Establishes clear agreements about actions
C2 Explores and resolves client doubts and hesitations
C3 Follows up with client about agreed -upon actions
Page 2
Coaching Microchip
1. As you think about yourself in the role of coach, in what context do you work? What are
the strengths that you bring to coaching? What is it that you most need to learn?
2. What, specifically, are your desired outcomes for this retreat?
3. What can you do in order to achieve these outcomes?
Page 3
Distinctions: Coaching and Supervision

Each approach transcends and includes the lower ones, and is more employee centered. E.g.,
in a supervisory relationship that includes developmental coaching, rewards and sanctions
may still be incorporated in an overall approach. Using rewards and sanctions, however, is by
definition not coaching, and may make it more difficult to coach.
Developmental
Coaching
Performance
Coaching
RelationshipBased Supervision
Traditional
Supervision
Emphasis is on developing the whole person. Coaching generally

provided by outside resources.
Organizational goals and performance expectations are

considered, however the view is broader. If developmental
coaching leads to the coachee leaving the organization, thats
considered best for both the coachee and the company.
Often includes 360 and other feedback, but coaching is driven by

employee goals. The organization provides context, but doesnt
determine the coaching focus or outcomes.
Focus is on effectiveness and self-actualization. Retention and

contribution to the organization are desirable outcomes, but
secondary. This approach is truly employee-centered.
Emphasis is on retaining and developing employees to contribute

to organizational performance. Development priorities driven by
organizational goals and objectives.
Often part of an embedded performance management system.

Coaching provided by internal or outside resources. Coaching
includes 360 and other feedback and customized development
activities. Success measured by organizationally defined
performance metrics.
Development is often linked to promotions, compensation and

career tracks.
Blanchards Situational Leadership
MacGregors Theory Y: people want to contribute and have a lot

to offer. Theyre motivated by social, emotional, and selfactualization levels as well.
Supervision based on rewards, sanctions, and relationships. Trust

in supervisor is an important motivator.
Behavior modification: motivate through reward and sanction
MacGregors Theory X: people are lazy, and respond only to

stimuli such as punishment and rewards.
Supervision based on authority and control
Page 4
Principles: Coaching Is..

Freely chosen: Coaching depends on willingness and internal commitment. Coaching requires
an opening and a genuine desire to learn and develop. No one can be successfully coached if
he doesnt want to be coached.
A Partnership: Coach and client are committed partners. Both are responsible for the
establishment and maintenance of the coaching relationship. The more educated the client is
about how coaching works, the more robust a partner she can be.
Service: Coaching serves the long term development of effectiveness and self-generation in the
client. The coach is committed to this goal. This requires a service ethic, and a graceful
willingness to place the clients development needs consistently in the foreground.
Page 5
Learning and development focused: Coaching is focused on the development of

competencies and capacity, as distinct from reaching performance goals. The
establishment of competency-based, vs. goal-based, outcomes supports this thrust, and avoids
the trap of dependency.
Compassionate: Learning unfolds most readily when accompanied by compassion. This

includes both compassion from the coach, and self-acceptance by the client. Compassion
lessens the belief that were deficit somehow, and replaces it with acceptance and a sense of
perfection.
Curiosity-driven: Healthy curiosity drives exploration, and opens us to what we might not
have seen before. A beginners mind encourages a stance of openness to possibility.
Page 6
Evocative: Coaching opens new ways of seeing and experiencing. This creates
options that the client was previously unable to see, because those possibilities
were not within her field of view, or unavailable given her structure of interpretation.
Coaching evokes new possibilities, as distinct from steering the client toward predetermined
courses of action.
Integral: Coaching is most powerful and effective when all streams of the clients development
are addressed. Changing behavior is much more likely to be successful when the client also is
able to shift how those behaviors are wired into her body. Coaching looks at all aspects of the
clients life as an integrated whole.
Biological: Development is most rapid, sustainable, and integrated when the body is included
in the process. New behaviors and possibilities emerge from loosening the ways in which
habitual behaviors are wired into the body. Coaching supports the creation of a new body
that has the flexibility, strength, energy, and capacity to be the person described in the
coaching outcomes. Therefore, real change most often takes place in biological time.
Page 7
Iterative: Coaching is an evolving, iterative process that works as the client moves
back and forth between the coaching conversation and the rest of life. Insight and
commitment developed during the coaching conversation invites the client to respond
differently in life. And, the events and challenges that arise in life provide energy and the
need to know that animate the coaching conversation.
Sustainable: Coaching must fit into the clients life. An overwhelming set of coaching
activities sets the client up for stress and failure. Sustainable change requires that these
activities be designed to be realistically integrated into a busy life, and that the client develop
lifetime competencies that can be applied anywhere after coaching has ended.
Page 8
Levels of Situation Questioning

The Creation Process
Levels of Questioning
Results
(What you have)
The current situation
(Effectiveness, Competence)
Actions taken, behaviors
(What you did)
Client actions and contribution
(Willingness, Courage)
Ideas, goals, intentions

(What you want)
Structure of interpretation, assumptions
(Awareness, Imagination)
All possibilities
{Much of this territory is not accessed through

questioning. Teacher, Guide, Reflector, and time
for development are critical.}
Page 9
Question Generation: External Aspects
Page 10
Question Generation: Client Actions and Contribution
Page 11
Question Generation: Structure of Interpretation, Assumptions
Page 12
Practice Session One: Situation Assessment

Purpose
Evoke a shift in view, such that your client sees his/her situation in a new way.
Instructions
Coach your client, relying primarily on questions. Move generally down through the three
levels of questioning:
Aspects external to client.
Client behaviors and actions.
Clients assumptions and way of seeing.
Tips
Its premature to talk about outcomes or actions. If the conversation naturally goes
there, acknowledge the idea, encourage the client to remember it for later, and work
with the situation more.
Notice whos doing the work. (Are you asking questions to figure out a solution? Or,
asking questions to help the client see things differently?)
Observer yourself as you coach. At what level are you asking questions? Use the circles
and a small object to track where youre working.
Review/Feedback
What questions seemed to increase the clients energy, or open up something new?
When did the clients energy/engagement seem to increase? Decrease?
What else did you notice about the process of coaching?
Page 13
Artful Questions
Because questions are intrinsically related to action, they spark and direct attention,
perception, energy, and effort, and so are at the heart of the evolving forms that our lives
assume.
-
Goldberg, Marilee C., The Art of the Question (New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 1998).
Characteristics of Artful Questions

The client doesnt know the answer to the question before the coach asks.
The question fosters curiosity in the client.
The question invokes new perspectives or possibilities.
The purpose of artful questions is to lead the client to find her own answers. By probing, by
asking the right questions, the answers emerge from the client, and she will have more
ownership in what emerges from the conversation.
Situation Questions
Situation questions open up new ways of seeing the clients current situation, and result in a
new view and more freedom of possibility. Situation questions address three areas, listed here in
order of increasing depth, leverage, and learning for the client.
External Aspects (what is going on in the view of the client?)
What specific aspects of this situation differ from other similar situations youve
faced in the past?
What are the forces at play? Who has a stake in this?
What other relevant information is important to consider?
What resources do you have available in this situation?
Who else do you need to consider?
Client Contribution, Behaviors, and Actions (how does the client create the situation, thus
owning some responsibility for the situation described at the previous level?)
What might you be doing to contribute to the situation?
What are you committed to in this situation?
What are the ways in which you are limiting yourself?
What behaviors might you change that could change the situation?
What could you accept or let go of that might help?
Underlying Assumptions (how does the client see and interpret, thus giving rise to the
behaviors and actions identified in the previous level? What is the client not seeing?)
Perspective Shift: How might another person see this? How might the other key
individual in the situation see this? You, two years from now?
What aspects might you be missing? Not seeing? Not hearing? Not feeling?
What would you have to be aware of in order to shift this?
What are the risks in not addressing this?
What does it feel like in the current situation? Is this working?
Page 14
I hear this assumption (thinking, beliefs, values) is there another way to see it?
What limiting assumptions might you be making in this situation?
Working from your core values, how might you see this differently?
Outcome
Outcome questions establish a distinction, and creative tension for the client. The distinctions
between the situation and the potential, between current reality and desired future, between
several behaviors, or between qualities of experience, provide the basis for self-observation and
ultimately the energy for change.
What are your real interests in this situation?
What could be different?
Whats the best possible outcome?
Looking back on this from three years out, what will it be like?
What would it mean to you to be successful in this?
What does it feel like when its different?
How will you know when youve been successful?
What energizes you in this situation?
What are the implications of making this change?
What characteristics would a solution have?
Action
The insight and awareness from coaching ultimately expresses itself in new behaviors, actions,
and competencies in the world. Action questions help direct the energy of creative tension into
substantive learning or behavioral actions outside of coaching.
What is the best first step towards your outcome?
What would go on your list of action items?
When youve been successful in similar situations, what capabilities did you
draw from that helped you be successful?
What can you do to help you learn more about this?
What would help make this easier?
What will help you stay on track in following through?
Page 15
Question Generation: Outcome Formulation
Page 16
Perspective Shifting
Purpose
Shift the clients frame of reference to allow possibilities to be imagined that couldnt be
accessed from the usual frame of reference.
Instructions
Choose kind of shift. Here are some examples:

o Attitude shift: If this job were preparing you for whatever was next in your life,
what would be the most important things you could learn?
o Knowledge shift: If you had that knowledge/information, how would it change
things?
o Person shift If you were Donald Trump, how would you solve this problem?
o Future shift Imagine that its five years from now, and this was successful
beyond your wildest dreams. What would be happening?
o Function shift -If you worked in engineering, what would be your view of
this?
Establish shift explicitly, using a lead in phrase like those above.
Invite client exploration; bringing out detail. Use sensory language to make it feel as
realistic as possible.
Then, invite the client to return to the normal perspective. Ask how the perspective shift
informed what she wants. (e.g., so, having imagined that, tell me what youre clear
about in this situation?
Tips
Encourage the clients imagination and intuition; make it playful
Bring the new perspective to life through detail. Expand it so that they can
psychologically place themselves in the picture. (E.g., And then what would happen?
What would that be like? How would your family respond? Etc, etc.)
Page 17
Practice Session Two: Outcomes and Creative Tension

Purpose
Evoke clarity in your client about what he/she wants to be different, such that there is an
experience of creative tension.
Instructions
Coach your client, relying primarily on questions.
Ask for a succinct description of the situation, then focus on outcomes.
Seek a clear outcome, and a palpable distinction between what is, and what could be.
Tips
Watch out for lots of story. Some context (situation) is helpful, but the focus here is on
future possibility, not past.
Use perspective-shifting to help the client access possibilities that they might not have
been able to see.
Note tendencies to rush to action or resolution; this is natural. And, simply note these
possibilities for now and focus on outcome clarity.
Encourage your client to couch outcomes in terms that are not dependent on others
changing. (e.g., my wife now agrees with me is not a good outcome!)
Review/Feedback
What questions seemed to increase the clients energy, or open up something new?
What else did you notice about the process of coaching?
How could you recognize the experience of creative tension?
Page 18
The Sharpeners and the Contractor

For each of these coaching Voices, what distinctive behaviors can you identify that would
inform the coaching process?
Reflector
Teacher
Guide
Contractor
Page 19
Worksheet: An On-line Self-Assessment

What strengths does your self-assessment reaffirm about your coaching? What do you feel
good about here?
Identify 3-4 Aspects that have scores that trigger your curiosity. Perhaps they indicate an
Aspect that you may over-rely upon, or one that you suspect your clients need more of.
Aspects with
Interesting scores
Concrete examples of overuse

or underuse
What are you curious about in

relation to this Aspect?
Page 20
About Self-Observations
Traditional approaches to changing behavior often rely on good intentions. However, real
change requires first being able to observe ourselves doing what isnt working, and knowing
what an alternative might be. Then, we must interrupt our automatic tendencies and, in the
heat of the moment, remember to replace a habitual behavior with an unfamiliar one.
Self-observations are key to this intricate process. Self-observations help us:
Develop the capacity to observe our behavior more objectively, almost as an outsider
might see us,
Replace the inner critic that actually makes it more difficult to change with a neutral
acceptance, and
Eventually, to be able to stay present during an event, and to choose a behavior that will
be effective.
Self-observations are simply a structure designed to observe a specific behavior consistently. A

self-observation usually defines:
the behavior to be observed (e.g., interrupting others in meetings,)
the timing of the observation (e.g., at the end of the workday, or after a staff meeting,)
the length of time to do the self-observation (e.g., for the next two weeks,) and
specific questions to be considered about what happened, what your inner experience
was, and what the results were.
Using self-observations over time leads to change generally as follows:
We use 20/20 hindsight to reflect at the end of our day. We remember that we actually
did engage in some heinous behavior (for example interrupting others) earlier in the
day. We jot down notes about our experience, and become curious (Hey! perhaps I
really do interrupt people!)
After several days, we become increasingly attuned to the behavior. We begin to notice
it sooner. (Oops! I just interrupted Joe!) Still hindsight, but closer in time.
Soon, the internal observer, which weve been cultivating, begins to notice what were
doing as we do it. (Im interrupting Beth right now!) Because the bulk of our
awareness is wrapped up in the critically important thing were interrupting Beth to
say, we finish saying it anyway, but awareness is dawning.
We begin to notice our impulse before the behavior. (I feel my energy increasing and
my back straightening. Im about to interrupt Joe. This time, Im going to hear him out
instead. Slow down, relax, listen.) Now, we are changing our behavior. But it
happened simply, easily, almost by itself.
Self-observations are of tremendous value, and can be designed for nearly any behavior. You
can also design self-observations for yourself as a coach, observing yourself for specific
behaviors that you would like to use, or that you use excessively or inappropriately, as a
coach. Using self-observations for yourself will greatly increase your competence in designing
them for use with clients.
Page 21
Self-Observation Template
Behavior to be observed
Structure (event, frequency, tickler)
Questions
Page 22
Self Observation Development (Septet Aspects)

Purpose
Construct a self-observation exercise with your coaching client around his/her use of a Septet
Aspect that he/she overuses or underuses.
Instructions
Ask client to select a Septet Aspect of interest (based on the previous exercise.)
Together, describe the behavior to be observed, as it appears in the clients specific

context.
Define the events/circumstances in which the behavior is to be observed, and the

frequency and tickler for using the SOE.
Define questions, about which the client has genuine curiosity, that focus observation
on expanding details around the behavior (see previous example.)
Tips
Self-observations are driven by client curiosity. Let the clients curiosity lead the design.
The self-observation can address a behavior which the client seeks to use more, or a
behavior that the client tends to overuse.
Page 23
Sample Self-Observation: Increasing the Use of an Aspect

Behavior to be observed:
A Septet Aspect that you tend to underutilize.
After each coaching session, take five minutes to jot some notes.
Questions
If you used the behavior youre seeking to cultivte:
What cues told you that there was an opportunity?
What was the sense in your body at the time?
What was the effect in the conversation of using the behavior?
If there was an opportunity to use the behavior, but you didnt see or act upon it:
Were you aware of the opportunity at the time?
What was happening within you, that you didnt see/act upon the opportunity?
What was the sense in your body at the time?
How did you justify, in your mind, not using the behavior?
What might have been the benefit of using the behavior?
Sample Self-Observation: Using Stronger Voices Mindfully

A Septet Aspect that you believe you might overuse, out of habit or attachment.
After each coaching session, take five minutes to jot some notes.
Sample questions and observations:
What leads you to suspect that your use was habitual?
What was the sense in your body at the time you used the behavior?
How did you justify, in your mind, using the behavior?
What was the effect in the conversation of using the behavior?
How did using the behavior serve your sense of yourself as a coach?
What might have been the benefit of not using the behavior?
How could you have checked out whether the Voice/Aspect was serving your client?
What alternative approach might there have been that would have met the clients
needs better?
Page 24
Self Observation Development (Coaching Issue)

Purpose
Create a self-observation exercise relevant to your clients coaching issue.
Instructions
Using the IDP template, note your clients coaching issue and outcome. Be sure to use
words that capture it succinctly and powerfully for the client.
Together, define a behavioral distinction relevant to the clients outcome.
Together, design a self-observation around:

o The clients use of some element of a new, desired behavior
o Times when the client could, but doesnt, use the new, desired behavior
o The clients misuse/overuse of a related behavior that impedes the outcome
Be sure your self-observation design includes the behavior, structure, and questions.
Tips
Self-observations are driven by client curiosity. Let the curiosity lead the design.
Address self-judgment. Avoid the Im going to catch myself doing this so I can stop it
mentality!
If the coaching issue is a difficult one for the client, design an initial self-observation
that focuses on a positive aspect, and that will build energy.
Keep it small. Remember, this isnt about driving behavior change.
Page 25
Self-Observation Example:
Modeling Accountability
General Instructions
Create an observer self who is detached from your actions, and watches, without judgment, as
you move through your day. Using the questions below, scan your experience, observing the
nuances of what happened. Jot down a few notes. Think of it as an experiment; be relentlessly
curious to see what you can learn. And, be gentle with yourself as well. This is simply to
cultivate the stance of an observer, not a judge or evaluator. There is no scorecard!!!
Weve discussed several times, the importance of modeling, or embodying, the notion
of holding people accountable. Doing this serves our coaching outcomes of maintaining
consistent focus and follow-through on top priorities, shifting responsibility to others,
and engaging, involving, and mentoring others.
Note 2-3 times during the course of the day when you, in some way, made it clear that
you are serious about follow-through, and that you expect others to follow through.
At the end of each day; take five minutes at the end of each workday to review the
meetings and conversations youve held. Put template in organizer. Do for three weeks.
Questions
What happened? With whom? What did you say or do?
What ambivalence did you feel in your body before you spoke?
What feelings or thoughts might have stopped you from saying what you did?
How did the other person respond when you spoke? What impact did it have, negative
and/or positive?
What feelings did you have after speaking?
Page 26
Somatic Awareness and Coaching

Why is the body important in coaching?
In coaching, we engage the body as part and parcel of the whole that we are coaching. Somatic
(body-based) awareness in our own bodies is key to being available and resourceful for our
clients. Similarly, our clients awareness and presence is key to their being effective in
responding to what life throws at them. Almost certainly, engaging our clients bodies means
that the results of our coaching work will be deeper, more sustainable, and more whole.
Behavior change rarely results from a simple conscious decision to change. Our habits are
deeply embedded in our bodies, our emotional make-ups, and our personalities. As animals,
we learned to survive by making meaning of events, and generalizing those meanings. If
something scared us once, we interpreted it as dangerous; our nervous systems and muscles
learned to respond to it in a defensive way. And, our bodies store that memory in our nervous
systems, bones, and other tissues; anything that later triggers the same sensations will be
responded to in a similar way, even if the danger is long past. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
is an extreme example of this, and most of us know of veterans who, 20 years after combat,
still jump at loud sudden sounds. These patterns of behavior are learned and stored in our
bodies, and later called forth automatically. We all do this, if in more subtle ways.
The body is a much stronger driver of behavior than our brains and our conscious thoughts.
Patterns in our bodies automatically shape our responses to events before the processes of
thinking, perception, language, behavioral choice, or acting even begin. What we have
embodied over the decades of our existence drives what we will do, especially when stressful
or intense events trigger automatic responses.
In coaching, we can help our clients achieve deeper and more sustainable change by engaging
the reptilian and limbic portions of the brain, and the patterns in the nervous system that
respond automatically (and often unhelpfully) to stimuli. By observing these responses, and
practicing new patterns of response, we begin to change at the root of behavior, rather than
attempting to change long-standing habits through simple willpower.
Body awareness and presence
Awareness of our own bodies is a practical and reliable means to become more present.
Because our bodys sensations are immediate and always available, they provide a reference
point that is much more solid and stable than the fleeting thoughts that make up our mental
awareness most of the time. While our minds often dwell in the past or in the future, checking
in with the immediate sensations that exist right now in with our bodies references us to the
present moment.
Body observation and choice
Observing our inner selves, as revealed in our bodies, provides a window into our habits,
ways, of being, and automatic reactions to the world. Through increased awareness, we
become able to see how and when our situations trigger automatic and ineffectual responses.
Staying present and aware in the very moment of being triggered allows us to see our
Page 27
automatic response as it develops, and then to choose a more effective alternative.

It moves our behavior from the automatic realm and into the consciously chosen
realm.
Body practices
The best way to cultivate the somatic awareness and body engagement that is so central to
well-grounded, sustainable change is through practice. A practice that is well matched to your
clients coaching focus is ideal. Ballroom dancing, for example, leads to a somatic sensitivity to
a partner, and to leading (or following) gracefully. What a great practice for a leader who must
enroll others in a project! Yoga is perfect for someone who tends to be rigid and inflexible in
their views. Pilates for someone who lacks the core strength to set healthy boundaries in
relationships. You get the idea.
Its less important that the match between the body practice and the coaching focus be perfect
than that the client be engaged with his/her body in a meaningful and consistent way.
Sample Body Practices

Aikido
Pilates
Ballroom dancing
Pranayama
Belly-dancing
Resistance training (weights)
Body scan
Rock climbing
Canoeing
Rolfing
Chi gong
Self-healing
Dahn energy yoga
Showering with body awareness
Golf
Somatic experiencing
Martial arts
Swimming
Massage
Tai chi
Meditative walking
Walking in nature
Nia
Yoga
Page 28
Possible Action Steps
Page 29
Sample Action Steps

Here are a few examples of actions that a client can do between sessions that integrate learning
into the rest of the clients life. What is learned here can be brought back into the next coaching
conversation. Anything in life can be a coaching activity, but here are some starters:
Activator: a radical action step that puts something new in motion in a significant way
(e.g., proposing marriage)
Body practices: any of a wide range of regular practices that engage the body and develop
new capacities
Conversations: holding a specific conversation with a boss, spouse, co-worker, etc. can be
both a way to practice a competency, change an unsatisfactory dynamic, or bring a new
possibility into being
Experiment: This is wide-open try anything and see what happens! The experiment
frame encourages a curious, inquisitive attitude, and reduced performance pressure.
Feedback: 360 surveys, asking someone to observe and then provide feedback, eliciting
feedback from a person or team, limited anonymous feedback around a specific issue
Interviewing: talking to others with a specific line of questioning
Journaling: daily or frequent writing, sometimes with guiding questions
Meditation: mindfulness practices that increase self-awareness, inner calm, detachment,
and the ability to concentrate
Music and visual art: Expressing oneself, or experiencing, in the arts can provide important
distinctions, touch empty places in us, and renew the spirit.
Observe others: observing someone who is demonstrating a skill to be developed is a
powerful means to get a picture of the competency in action
Reading: a book or article or web reference that provides insight or perspective on the topic
of coaching; poems that offer a distinction or new way of seeing
Self-observations: structured focus on increasing self-awareness in relation to a particular
behavior or experience
Sitting with: holding a decision, insight, or possibility in consideration while deliberately
suspending any rush to action.
Skill development: learning and practicing specific skills as a means to develop
competencies. (e.g., giving difficult feedback, making requests, listening, etc.)
Tasks: Doing a particular task (e.g., creating a budget) provides a natural laboratory for
developing the requisite skills
Trainings: classroom, on-line, CD-based, or retreats that provide a particular experience or
foster a skill that supports the coaching outcomes
Writing: responding to specific questions, developing a mission statement/vision, morning
pages as a practice, creative writing to access deeper awareness
No action: sometimes doing nothing is the best thing, especially for those who are driven to
always do more!
Etc, etc..
Page 30
Individual Development Plan

Coaching Topic
Coaching Outcome
Behavioral Distinction
Follow-Through
Self-Observation
Body Practice
Other Action Step(s)
Page 31
Individual Development Plan

Coaching Topic
Coaching Outcome
Follow-Through
Self-Observation
Body Practice
Other Action Step(s)
Page 32
Sample Individual Development Plan

Coaching Topic
Learn to intervene more effectively when meetings are off track or unproductive.
Coaching Outcome
Increased ability to observe my own frustration or impatience in meetings, and to articulate
those feelings and suggest a course of action.
Observe the difference between being excited and energized about whats being discussed, and
being impatient and frustrated about the way the conversation is being handled.
Follow-Through
Action Steps
Read Roger Schwarz material about intervening in meeting dynamics.
Create a short list of interventions that seem appropriate for my staff meetings.
Self-Observation
At the end of each day, review my meetings and note situations in which I felt tense,
frustrated, or impatient. What was going on in the meeting? What emotions or
body sensations did I have? What did I do/not do in the situation? How did I
justify what I did/didnt do? What alternatives were there?
Body Practice
Do chi gong exercises for 20 minutes, four times a week. Pay attention to subtle
sensations in body, staying centered and deliberate and unhurried.
Page 33
Question Generation: Actions and Test for Fit/Commitment
Page 34
Practice Session Three: Action Planning

Purpose
Evoke commitment in your client to a development plan of next steps addressing his/her
coaching issue.
Instructions
Check in with client about his/her coaching issue and self-observation.
Complete the Individual Development Plan (IDP) template to concisely describe the
coaching issue, outcome, and behavioral distinction.
Ask about your clients self-observation exercise; refine/clarify if needed.
Elicit/suggest a relevant body practice and an additional action step of some kind that
further the clients competency.
Test for fit and commitment.
Tips
Who is this client now? What does he/she need to be ready to move out into the world
feeling energized and ready to try this?
Be aware of any attachment to solving all of this persons problems, forever, in this brief
conversation. This is practice. Its an exercise. All were after is three action steps!
Remember, in an actual coaching relationship, youd be seeing each other again in a
week or two!
Review/Feedback
What evidence tells you that the client was committed?
What did your coaching and your client show you about yourself?
Page 35
Contracting Basics
1. Ask questions and listen
2. Discuss mutual expectations about coaching
What is the client looking for?
What is the coach prepared to offer?
What is the coach not prepared to offer?
How does the coach approach the process?
Establish goals for coaching:
Client must own the goals
Clear, defined outcomes
Ensure that client goals are goals that coach can support
4. Establish social or formal agreements re:
Confidentiality
Assessment process and sources of input
Boss involvement (if any)
Accountability and responsibility
Pre-session preparation
Duration, format, frequency, scheduling
Cost and payments
5. Document agreements and areas of focus
Page 36
Integral Coaching Overview Letter

Dear prospective client;
It is an honor to be invited to coach someone. I appreciate your interest, and offer this brief description
of my approach to help you decide if its a fit.
I am certified in Integral Coaching methodology by New Ventures West, a leader in the coaching field.
Integral Coaching is different from coaching that focuses on goal achievement, often leaving a client
dependent on the coach for motivation and structure. Rather, Integral Coaching seeks to develop the
whole person in service to long term effectiveness, an increased capacity to self-correct, and a commitment
to on-going learning and self-generation.
First, Integral Coaching focuses on well defined and observable competencies: the skills and behaviors
which determine effectiveness in your area of attention. These are developed through observing
yourself and your environment with new eyes, and coming to see and act on new possibilities for
action. Your skills and effectiveness will increase through practices designed specifically for you.
Second, we will pay attention to your holistic development including cognitive, emotional, physical,
relational, creative and spiritual realms. In Integral Coaching, we view the development of a whole,
integrated person as central to professional effectiveness. Nothing is left out. The results of coaching
will include greater joy, fulfillment and freedom of choice, in addition to observable effectiveness.
We begin with an intake conversation in which I seek to understand as much as possible about you and
the areas in which you intend to increase your effectiveness. We work together to define outcomes: the
observable skills and competencies to be developed through coaching. These can include a wide range
of business and personal issues such as communicating and supervising, involving and empowering
others, balancing conflicting demands and priorities, and other specific leadership challenges. They
also may include life/work balance, career and life changes, relationship challenges, re-ordering life
priorities, or recovering meaning and fulfillment when it seems to have waned.
Based on the agreed-upon purpose and outcomes, I will develop a coaching program specifically for
you, to include self-observations, practices and readings that build specific competencies and develop
the whole person. Real issues and problems become practice opportunities for new competencies. We
meet weekly by phone or in person to review what youre learning and to refine the program.
Beyond the specific outcomes of your coaching program, you will also learn to observe and self-correct,
and to take charge of your on-going development. At the end of the program, well plan how you can
further your development on your own.
Our engagement, then, would likely include:
Initial meeting to get started and provide focus; additional assessment as needed.
Discussion/agreement on program purpose and outcomes.
Program of custom designed reading, self-observations, exercises, and practices that will
evolve during the program in response to your needs and emerging challenges.
Robust on-going support in the form of weekly conversations, alternating full hour and 1520 minute calls. Additional calls and email contact as needed and requested by you.
Mid- and end of program assessments against the outcomes we developed together.
A plan for your on-going development after the conclusion of coaching.
This should provide an overview of my approach to coaching;
please call or email with any questions, or visit my website. Thanks!
Page 37
South Wind, North Wind, East Wind, West

Roll down the windows. Let summer
buffet you with dust and rubber odor,
truck exhaust, the roar of heavy motors.
Breathe through all that, there's more to come:
the smell of honey locusts blowsy with bloom,
the whiff of salt air blowing over the marsh.
This is your life, this mix of speed and earth.
You could choose. You could roar onspeed limit sixty five and all the trucks at eightyget to the city at dusk, at rush hour
with its swirl of lights, its honks and sirens.
Park if you can. Call a friend you haven't seen
for years, go to a movie, take out Vietnamese.
Or you could stop, get out, take off your shoes
and walk the slower path down to the shore.
Let your toes feel the give of sand, and listen
to seagulls calling to their kin behind the dune,
just as they used to call when you were child.
Sniff the smell of seaweed drying in the sun.
This is your home, this bit of land's end.
From the beach you barely hear the highway.
The sea laps at your feet. How your mother
would have liked this place, wild roses, clover
sprawling in among the beach grass, the sprays
of sweet pea. Sniff the wind, lift your weather
finger as your father would have done.
- Ann Silsbee
Page 38
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles across the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and excitingover and over again announcing your place
in the family of things.
-
Mary Oliver
Easter Morning in Wales

A garden inside me, unknown, secret,
neglected for years,
the layers of its soil deep and thick
Trees in the corners with branching arms
and the tangled briars like broken nets
Sunrise through the misted orchard,
morning sun turns silver on the pointed twigs
I have woken from the sleep of ages and I am not sure
if I am really seeing, or dreaming,
or simply astonished
walking towards sunrise
to have stumbled into the garden
where the stone was rolled from the tomb of longing.
- David Whyte
Page 39
Orioling
You love their singingthe thrush, the orioles
though they dont perform for you. Theirs is a clan
song: My bugs, my bough, my mate, and:
See how bright the orange and black of my feathers.
Nor do they sing for blighted love the hard
blues of loss we would, or for joy,
but because they cant help it, because song
blossoms from the stem of their being bird.
Human, you cant help trying to understand
what stalk you flower from, what undertow
rises in the flutist to quicken with breath
the arcs and dips of prior minds, or mind
itself, playing with fugue, with E=MC2,
inventing wheel, organ, flute, B Minor Mass
Buddhathe bomb. The song you bear buds
under your minds tongue like a first word.
Ann Silsbee
Notes
Page 40
Notes
Page 41
Notes

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Douglas K. Silsbee, PCC

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

The Voices and Their Aspects

Establishes and honors an explicit structure for the coaching relationship

Provides direct and honest feedback

Provides "expert" information, tools, and language

Encourages the client to take action

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

2. What, specifically, are your desired outcomes for this retreat?

3. What can you do in order to achieve these outcomes?

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Distinctions: Coaching and Supervision

Emphasis is on developing the whole person. Coaching generally

Organizational goals and performance expectations are

Often includes 360 and other feedback, but coaching is driven by

Focus is on effectiveness and self-actualization. Retention and

Emphasis is on retaining and developing employees to contribute

Often part of an embedded performance management system.

Development is often linked to promotions, compensation and

Blanchards Situational Leadership

MacGregors Theory Y: people want to contribute and have a lot

Supervision based on rewards, sanctions, and relationships. Trust

Behavior modification: motivate through reward and sanction

MacGregors Theory X: people are lazy, and respond only to

Supervision based on authority and control

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Principles: Coaching Is..

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Learning and development focused: Coaching is focused on the development of

Compassionate: Learning unfolds most readily when accompanied by compassion. This

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Levels of Situation Questioning

The current situation

Client actions and contribution

Ideas, goals, intentions

Structure of interpretation, assumptions

The Art of Mindful Coaching

{Much of this territory is not accessed through

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Question Generation: External Aspects

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Question Generation: Client Actions and Contribution

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Question Generation: Structure of Interpretation, Assumptions

The Art of Mindful Coaching

All materials copyright 2002-06, Doug Silsbee. All rights reserved.

Practice Session One: Situation Assessment

Aspects external to client.

Client behaviors and actions.