Spare the rod and spoil the child its

an adage our community has lived by for

years. But could physically disciplining
our children be lessening their potential
for growth and success in adulthood?
Gloria Ogunbambo investigates.

We Need
To Talk
About

DISCIPLINE
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hink back to your

childhood. While those
happy-go-lucky, carefree
days bring back an abundance of
memories of trying to get above the
frame on the park swings or eagerly
awaiting the familiar chime of the
ice cream van, there are a great
many that involve being chased
around the house (if you were
brave enough to run) before your
parents inevitably caught you and
meted out some good old-fashioned
corporal punishment. It might not
be the most socially acceptable form
of parenting, but for many of us,
getting a slap whenever we acted
up was as much a part of growing
up as anything else. But in our
collective eagerness to raise well
mannered children often using
physical punishment as a means
to achieve that objective could
we be negatively influencing the
development and potential of our
children in other areas?
The acceptability politics
surrounding physically punishing
your child are by no means new, but
the issue returned to the spotlight
again this year when Minnesota
Vikings player Adrian Peterson beat
his four-year-old son for pushing
another one of his children off a

motorbike video game. The NFL

star repeatedly struck his son with
a leafless tree branch (known as
a switch) leaving him with open
cuts and bruises on his hands,
legs, bottom, and scrotum. Due to
Petersons celebrity, the incident
attracted huge attention and many
labelled the player a child abuser,
criticising the excessive force he
used to discipline the child. Rather
than submit himself to the dog and
pony show that most professional
athletes indulge in when their
unsavoury deeds come to light,
Peterson bullishly refused to express
remorse for his actions. Instead,
he proffered the response of choice
for most parents who choose to
physically discipline their children,
maintaining that while unfortunate,
the incident would not cause him
to eliminate whooping my kids
because I know how being spanked
has helped me in my life. At the
time of writing, Peterson is currently
serving a suspension pending trial
in December.
Petersons statement, especially
given the glare of the media
spotlight, might have shocked
some but Id bet good money
that very few of those people were
members of the black community.

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, left, arrives

for his first court appearance along with his wife Ashley Brown
Peterson Wednesday, Oct. 8, 2014, in Conroe, Texas. Judge
Kelly Case has tentatively set a Dec. 1 trial date for Peterson
on a charge of felony child abuse for using a wooden switch
to discipline his 4-year-old son. Peterson did not enter a plea,
though his attorney said he will eventually plead not guilty to
the charge that carries a penalty of up to two years in prison.
(AP Photo/David J. Phillip, Pool)

For the
majority of
us, smacking
is considered
a hallmark of
good parenting.
The politically incorrect truth is
this: the use of violent punitive
measures for children who step out
of line is entrenched in our culture.
For the majority of us, smacking
is considered a hallmark of good
parenting. I was physically punished
for being naughty as a child. So were
my siblings and cousins. So was
Adrian Peterson. In each instance,
the refrain is the same it never
did me any harm. Physically? No
lasting damage. Mentally? I turned
out ok, I think. But perhaps, just
maybe, we should consider that
bruises or emotional trauma arent
the only possible negative outcomes
stemming from our desire to keep
our children in line.
Theres a view among parents who
smack their children that so long
as they dont leave a mark its ok,
says Roberta Davies*, a UK based
social worker. Section 58 of the
Children Act 2004 which comes
into play when reviewing cases in
which a child has been physically
chastised or assaulted explicitly
states that any punishment resulting
in lasting physical injury cannot be
justified as reasonable. There is no
cultural consideration. However
what we often neglect to consider
is the emotional impact smacking
a child can have. Thats where
resilience [the ability to adapt well
to adversity, trauma, tragedy or
stress] comes into play. Parents
cant just say, I was smacked and
I turned out fine, so my children
will too. Even siblings raised
in the same family can respond
differently to physical chastisement.
This athlete who was beaten, and
in turn beat his child, might think
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think it has negatively impacted
my life. If anything, it served as
an occasional reminder to stay on
course especially in those critical
years where it would have been quite
easy to be derailed. I cant imagine
that anyone who knows me now
would describe me as shy, lacking
in opinions or reticent but at one
point I was. I distinctly remember
my first few weeks at my private
secondary school and the fact that
I had to fight very hard with myself
not to feel overwhelmed and to shake
off what I felt was an instinctual fear
of being too visible, of offending,
but mostly of seeming not as smart
as the other girls. I registered the
same feeling, albeit on a much lesser
scale, when I started university.
Could all of that stem from the fact
I was beaten as child when, the
majority of my white peers were not?
I really cant say. What I will say is
that perhaps there is something to
the notion of the lasting effects of
physical discipline even after the
momentary discomfort abates.

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson hands a football to

his son Adrian Jr. at the end of practice at NFL football training camp

Bruises or emotional trauma

arent the only negative outcomes
stemming from our desire to keep
our children in line.
he turned out fine, but perhaps his
sporting prowess allowed him to
circumnavigate the issues arising
from being beaten and get past them.
When we evaluate a child, we look
at the assessment framework a
triangle that includes the family
environmental factors, parenting
capacity and the childs development

needs. That helps us get a holistic

view of the likelihood of that child
being adversely affected in the long
run by physical punishment.
Any discussion on the subject of the
long-term effects of physical
discipline is an interesting one.
As Ive already mentioned, I dont

Of course I was beaten as a child.

Im Jamaican! says Shelly, 31. My
dad once bought me Clarks shoes to
wear to school, but I would switch
them for some far more stylish,
patent loafers when I got round
the corner from my house. One
day, my dad came home early from
work and caught me. Boy, did I get
a whooping that day and with
the extension cord too. I genuinely
questioned whether he loved me
after that. Thats why I dont think
I could smack my kids when I have
them. Id rather use other measures
like the naughty step or depriving
them of things they like. Tisha, 28,
was never smacked as a child, but
smacks her six-year-old to keep him
in check. I can count on one hand
the times my two brothers and I got
shouted at growing up. Im sure its
also no coincidence that the most
common complaint on my school
reports was that I was had difficulty
respecting authority and excluded
other children. I definitely had
cool parents but I was obviously a

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Isnt it time we
considered that
the rod might
actually be the
thing spoiling
the child?
nightmare! Even among my friends
Im affectionately known as Tisha
the Diva. Clearly I craved some
structure or boundaries because
the thought of raising my children
the same way terrifies me! Helena,
33, asserts that rather than curb
her bad behaviour, smacking only
hindered her development and
made her fearful. I was beaten a
lot by my dad. It wasnt beneficial.
It didnt stop me doing bad things;
it just made me terrified of him.
Id get beaten for spilling water,
singing or laughing too loudly,
answering the phone too loudly,
or watching Sex and The City even
though I was 18. I can personally
see how that has affected me. For
a long time I shied away from any
situation where Id have to state
my case, speak up, be loud, or
risk expressing an unpopular view
even if I was justified or in the
right. I definitely stand up for myself

056-060 DisciplineAA.indd 57

now, but even then, it takes a lot

of effort and confrontations make
me really uncomfortable. Having
gone through that I dont believe
in raising a hand to your child
willy-nilly. I dont want my child to
be so afraid of making mistakes or
testing boundaries that it stops her
learning.
I was once out for dinner with a friend
and despite being heavily engrossed
in our own conversation, neither of
us could help sneaking furtive glances
at the family on the next table. The
three children in the party were not
only engaged in the same discussion
as the adults but actively chipping in
with their own opinions. I instantly
thought about what would have
happened if I dared wade in while the
grown ups were talking. The scene
took me back to all the times I envied
my white friends growing up. I envied
their stories of full-blown arguments
with their parents that ended in them
storming upstairs and slamming the
door behind them, fully aware that no
door could provide me respite from
a disrespected African parent. I was
envious when they, peeved that their
parents had forgotten the most salient
detail of an anecdote, had the temerity
to interject mid-flow, and often in
the presence of other adults, to set
the facts straight. I wasnt so much

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In our haste to stamp out any

semblance of bad behaviour, let
us also be mindful we dont also
stamp out potential, conviction,
confidence and sense of identity.
envious of their bratty actions, but
more the fact that I knew somehow
that their desire to express themselves
in whichever way they so desired
would never be eroded by a fear of
being labelled bad, ill-mannered,
aloof, opinionated or stuck up.
The fear of a wayward child is perhaps
one of the most enduring in our
community. In a world where
our childrens raised voices are
considered aggressive; their
self-confidence threatening and
any display of instinctively human

behaviour deemed grounds to

reprimand, or even kill them, I would
be extremely hard pressed to tell any
black mother or father, that trying to
beat the odds of an already stacked
deck by beating bad behaviour out
of their child (within reason) is
expressly wrong. Spare the rod and
spoil the child is the proverbial
ruler rapped across the knuckles
of parents who wouldnt dream of
striking their offspring. However,
isnt it time we considered that
the rod might actually be the thing
spoiling the child?

Punishment is a necessary evil.

Knowing that there are negative
consequences for wrong actions plays
a vital role in providing children with
the proper framework to navigate life.
Yet, given the issues we already have
relating to success and achievement
in our community, are we unwittingly
hindering our children further by
physically implementing limitations
and boundaries that rob them of the
ability to rally against those same
things? In our haste to discipline our
children, to protect them from being
unfairly stereotyped, and to stamp
out any semblance of bad
, let us also be mindful we dont also
stamp out their potential, their
ability to grow and soar, their
creativity, intrepidness, conviction,
confidence and sense of identity.
In short, all the qualities the most
successful and well-adjusted adults
possess. P

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