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POTLUCK VENGEANCE

Written by
Joseph Frost
Draft
8/14/15
written for the 2015 31 Plays in 31 Days project

Joseph Frost, 2015


4550 Normandy Dr.
Jackson, MS 39206
atticscripts@gmail.com
* member, Dramatist's Guild

A small country church. Piano and organ. The plaque


with Todays Hymns on it, with last weeks attendance
numbers. A pulpit at the front.
People are gathered for a meeting.
A woman in her 30s, CHERYL BILLINGS, comes to the
front. She is dressed in what would be comfortable
clothing, but it is ironed and perfect.
Cheryl picks up a corded microphone.
CHERYL
Good evening everyone. Thanks for coming out on a Thursday night, not a usual night for
us at this church, but I dare say it is under some unusual circumstances. I know that the
past few days have been a struggle for almost all of us. Lots of trials and tribulations. Me
included. But I know that as a church this is important to all of us to be here on this
occasion. Pastor Tom does wish he could be here tonight, and we all know why he isnt
here, but I did talk with him for just a few minutes on the phone from the parsonage earlier
when I was telling him that we were doing this tonight, and I wouldnt say he gave us his
blessing so much as he told me where the hide-a-key rock was so I could unlock the
building for us tonight. Ordinarily, wed sing a hymn to start off, but Betty Wiley is still at
the hospital, shes getting better they told me, so hopefully shell be back on the organ by
next Sunday, if not, our interim youth intern Josh will lead from... his guitar, like he does at
the youth meeting, which we will not have on Saturday night this week for obvious
reasons.
(she checks some notes)
I know that there probably isnt any other announcements that are out there, and almost all
the prayer requests are about basically the same thing, so lets just get right to prayer so we
can get started with the main event here. Mr. Ed? Mr. Ed, I asked him to open us in prayer
tonight. Is Mr. Ed here?
(beat)
Oh, hes not coming. Obvious reasons. OK. Well, how about we just take a moment and
pray to ourselves just a moment and prepare our hearts for whats gonna happen here
tonight.
Cheryl bows her head.
Tip-toeing up to the stage comes BETH HORON, a
woman in her late 20s. She is not at all as put-together as
Cheryl.

2.
BETH
(whispering)
Cheryl. Cheryl.
Cheryl looks.
CHERYL
(whispering)
Beth, what are you doing? Sit back down.
BETH
(whispering)
I thought Id just come on up and...
CHERYL
(whispering)
I will call you up when were done praying. Just sit back down. Sit back down. Sit. Back.
(Beth sits)
(to everyone)
Amen. Well, many of you know what has been happening in the life of our little church.
Saturdays potluck is a... a day that will live in infamy around here, I guess we could say.
So many of us have faced trials and tribulations since then, and I for one hope that as
weve faced these struggles, that weve been able to turn our minds towards God, and to
take comfort in the name of Jesus, and make it through with the power of the Holy Spirit.
Amen? Amen. All right, well... um... I guess the thing is that when a time like this comes
on a community like ours, sometimes what you have to do is find the root cause of the
trials. And in this case, when weve looked back at that potluck, and what would have
brought about trials like this, you all, most of you know by now, that the root cause has
been... rooted out. And it has become clear that the root cause was the potato salad. That
potato salad in the green bowl down at the end of the table. The one that was not in the
place where the potato salad would usually go, because it was brought after the table had
already been set up at four oclock like was posted in the Wednesday night bulletin, so
when you show up at five fifteen for the five thirty potluck it has to go at the end of the
table even though its not in the right place for when you put things on your plate in the
right order. Anyway. I didnt need to get into all... Anyway. I dont know. The point is,
we have gathered at the request of... well, all of us, I guess, to discuss what happened, and
to bring it to conclusion, so we can move forward as a congregation and move forward in
the work of the lord. Amen? Amen. So, Beth? Beth Horon, come on up here. We all
know Beth, shes been with us for a few months now...
Beth comes up on the stage.
BETH
Three years.

3.
CHERYL
Two years. That long? My goodness. The time flies in the house of the lord, does it not?
Amen. Now Beth, you wanted to come and talk to us, so...
BETH
You asked me to come tonight.
CHERYL
I did, that I did. I knew that youd appreciate a chance to have an opportunity to speak to
everyone as a congregation, and to... well, to... Ill just give you the... I dont know...
Here...
Cheryl hands the microphone to Beth. Cheryl does not
leave the stage, but takes a step back.
BETH
Oh. OK. Thank you? I guess.
(beat)
Well, its been quite a... quite a week here. And I know, I guess, what part I played in this
whole situation. The potato salad was... I mean... Ive not ever been a... a cook, I guess
youd say... theres usually a lot left over of whatever I made at every potluck here. I
mean, I eat just fine at home. And my boyfriend likes my cooking, he tells me all the time.
But, I dont know what happened. But this time, I guess something... went wrong... or
whatever. I just...
She looks tentatively back at Cheryl, who gives her a go
ahead gesture.
BETH (CONTD)
Right, anyway. Ive already talked to... well... just about everyone here in this room about
whats happened. And just about everyone who isnt. Everyone who got... you know. I
know its been a trying week. For all of us. I mean, I know Ive been fine, you know, I
havent... but Ive definitely been carrying... I mean...
(beat)
I know Ive talked to most everyone but... um... some people...
(a side-eye back toward Cheryl)
Thought that maybe I should get up in front of a meeting, like this to... well... I mean...
(she lets out a breath to ready herself)
I am sorry. I want to apologize from the bottom of my... I dont want... to think that it was
something I brought to the table that caused all of this... my heart... I... Im just so sorry,
everyone...

4.
Beth starts to break down. Cheryl immediate comes to her
side to comfort her. Cheryl takes the microphone.
CHERYL
There there, Beth. We know. We know.
BETH
I dont know what happened. I made it exactly to the recipe.
CHERYL
Well... well, I guess we wont put that recipe in next years church cookbook, will we.
Amen? Amen.
BETH
I just want to ask yalls forgiveness. Really. Truly. Ive asked it of everybody all week,
every one of you. And youve all been so kind and sweet. After all youve been through.
CHERYL
Oh, I know. All the trials and tribulations. But you know, Beth, we are a kind people. We
are a forgiving people, Gods people. Salt of the earth kind of people. We absolutely
forgive you. Dont we? Amen? Amen.
BETH
Thank you. Thank you. I do appreciate it. Im so sorry-CHERYL
I know I for one forgave you almost instantly. Even as your potato salad churned my
insides, I was just thinking over and over, I cant even imagine what Beth, poor sweet
Beth, must be going through. Kneeling in my bathroom, I would just sometimes pray out
loud to the Lord Jesus that his grace and mercy should just rain down on you and bless
you and... well, we get the idea.
BETH
Thank you.
CHERYL
And even as my daughter held back my hair, I would just cling... cling to the idea that the
Holy Spirit would cleanse you of all sin and unrighteousness...
BETH
Right. Well, I...

5.
CHERYL
(puts her hands on Beths head)
And Beth, I know that everyone in the congregation here with us tonight and those at home
who were just incapable of fighting through this oppression, this demon raging inside
them, pressing its way out of their body by the power of the holiest name, that we pray for
you. That we wash you of this sin, that darkens the pureness of your spirit.
BETH
(reluctantly)
OK. Thats just... Im not...
Beth tries to back away. Cheryl grabs her and pushes
Beth down to her knees.
CHERYL
And now that weve scrubbed clean this evil that from your hands has sullied our bless-ed,
bless-ed sweet church, lets have everyone, each and every one, come up and lay hands on
Beth that this curse-ed fiend from the mouth of hellfire and brimstone would never again
enter her potato salad, and that it would not then enter our mouths and ravage us inside and
out again...
Beth rises.
BETH
Cheryl...
CHERYL
No, kneel back down, Beth, you must be cleansed.
BETH
Stop it, Cheryl.
CHERYL
There is a savage incubus in your potato salad, woman! It must be cast out!
BETH
Dont touch me!
CHERYL
You know not what you do! What youve done to our intestines!
BETH
I do, Cheryl! I know what Ive done.

6.
CHERYL
What?
Beth grabs the microphone from Cheryl.
BETH
Its you who dont know what Ive done!
(beat)
All of you! This whole congregation! This church! These people! Ill tell you what Ive
done!
CHERYL
Oh my lanta! Shes a devil-demon! Shes poisoned us on purpose! Shes trying to kill
the church!
BETH
You wish it were that simple, Cheryl. If only it were.
(beat)
Im no demon. Im a woman. A person. Like any of you. Im a part of this church,
though none of you ever act like I am. But I know who I am. I am that least among you. I
am the overlooked in this church. Im the forgotten. The extra. And I... I make a mistake.
At least I thought I did. And I came here tonight to beg your forgiveness, your mercy.
(looks to Cheryl)
But now I know, I dont need it.
(back to everyone)
Because I know what I really am. I am that scourge, sent by God to wreak havoc upon
you, to destroy all you thought was your birthright - a casual, innocuous potluck supper.
A time of gluttony and of gourmandism. You know-CHERYL
Gourmandism?
BETH
Its like gluttony. Overeating. Like gourmet, but, you know, too much.
CHERYL
OK.
BETH
And as you... as you gorged your bloated appetites, you overlooked those in your
community, those forgottens, the extras, the neglected, those who truly need.
(beat)
But I. I have become that retribution, the hand of God himself sent to lay waste to this
place, these people. And now you know the desolation that plagues the guts of the
ignored. For I am wrath! I am VENGEANCE!

7.
Beth drops the mic.
She exits, with divine confidence.
A moment.
A sound of a text message. Cheryl checks her phone.
Cheryl tentatively picks up the mic.
CHERYL
OK. Well, thank you, Beth. I know well all be thinking about that in the weeks to come.
(indicates phone)
Pastor Tom just let me know that hes headed to the hospital right now, and that hes going
to go ahead and cancel services this Sunday... um... which I think at this point might be an
OK idea... um...
(puts hand on stomach)
Well... I guess everybody stay in touch and well let everyone know if we... when we
will... have a service again... um...
(lets out a breath, holding stomach)
And before you go, Leadbellys drug store has donated to our church some bottles of
Bismuth, you know, the pink stuff, for any one who still needs it, so grab you a bottle on
your way out to the parking lot.
(grabs stomach)
I know Im gonna grab one... oh god...
(starts to run)
Good night, yall...
Cheryl exits, quickly.
End.

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