SEX-POSITIVE FEMINIST ETHICS COLLIDE WITH PERSONAL FANDOM, PART THE FIRST.

July 8, 2015 by Rowan in Culture, Geek, Personal

This is an entry about an experience I had this weekend. Its a personal entry, it
doesnt have much feminist meta-critique in it, but it is something Im thinking ab
out. Im not calling anyone out, I am not saying that anything shouldnt have happen
ed, Im just wrestling with some thoughts in public.
At Dexcon there was a D20 Burlesque performance. I am generally pro-burlesque, i
n that I am pro-women having agency over their sexuality, and I am pro-women exp
ressing that agency in the way they wish. And yet
Every woman I saw was dressed as either a sex symbol from the media she was in (
an Inara from Firefly, for example) or someone thats clearly not a sex symbol (R2
-D2 on roller skates, which was cute, butno one objectifies R2-D2).
And then there was Chandra. Now, Chandra is often a role-model for Magic playing
women and girls. Shes a character we get twisted in knots about because the meta
-fiction of the game presents her as a strong woman, a survivor of abuse, a powe
rful Mage, a force to be reckoned with. Even when shes drawn like an Eschergirl (
link is not work safe!), shes fully covered. She wears armor. And she throws fuck
ing fireballs.
But then, as Im in the process of taping down wires for the sound system, I see a
woman who is definitely supposed to be Chandra, and she is not in armor, and sh
e is in a bikini essentially, and it strikes me that this woman is about to stri
p. For a bunch of nerds. And while Double Exposure is pretty good about doing th
eir best to prevent objectification and other artifacts of the kyriarchy in thei
r space, this is burlesque and its whole point is, at some level, objectificatio
n.
A lot of nerds still have problems around objectification.
And I still have to keep my shit together like a professional. So I stuff it the
fuck down and I finish my job and I go downstairs.
And thats when I realize Im angry.
So now, here I am standing outside the hotel having a little meltdown on my own
(because these feelings are my feelings and theyre not for anyone else to deal wi
th) about the fact that I character I love who is already frequently ill treated
at the hands of dudes (a very quick sketch of some of the ways shes mistreated h
ere and here) and turns her into a sexualized object. A woman is literally about
to strip out of a Chandra costume. And the costume doesnt even feature the armor
that Chandra always wears, because that would be hard to strip off.
I said some unkind things while I was in the middle of my meltdown, and Im glad n
o one was around to hear them.
But here I am, still struggling with a question I dont really have an answer to.
As a Magic playing woman, I should be happy to meet another woman thats into MtG.
Thats into it enough to create a performance number around it. And yet I cant hel
p but wonder I wonder if this woman has any idea the cycle shes feeding into. I wo
nder if this woman has any idea how hard those of us who use Chandra as a pick m
e up on game days have to fight not to have her seen as just another feisty redh
ead whos great in the sack. I wonder if this woman went for it because it was a m
uch easier, low-hanging sexy fruit than trying to come up with an awesome crosstumed burlesque number like Jace Beleren or Gideon Jura.
And on the other side, I wonder how long its going to be before Im so tired of the

tropes this reinforces that I walk away from Chandra, because I dont have the en
ergy to fight the bullshit kyriarchal narratives that have been reinforced by so
meone dressing as her to strip.
I have a lot of feelings, and not a lot of answers right now. And it sucks, beca
use I wanted this to be something I could be joyful about, oh yay nerd burlesque
, but instead I wonder how much of the appreciation of these women isnt about the
ir talent or agency, but is instead about the permission theyre giving to see cha
racters who are written as strong women as, instead, nothing more than cardboard
porn cutouts.
[Edited to Add, 7/8/15 15:17: I spoke about this with the Double Exposure crew b
efore posting, and they are aware of my feedback. I was satisfied with the respo
nse I got from them, and chose to write about this because I think its a bigger i
ssue than a single performance at a single convention.]