PART II: CONFESSIONS

CHAPTER 1
THE EARLY STAGES OF MY LIFE
'Whatsoever road I took, it joined the street which leads to Thee.' - The
Dabistan.
I was born in Baroda, India, in the year 1882, when a great religious reform began,
not only in India itself, but the entire world over, and which was the first source of
our present-day awakening. I am sure it was the planetary influence which existed
at that time that has kept me busied all my life in seeking the divine truth, which is
as the garment of God's glory.
Music and mysticism were my heritage from both my paternal and maternal
ancestors, among whom were numbered Maulabakhsh, whom people called the
Beethoven of India and whose portrait is in the Victoria and Albert Museum as
South Kensington, and Jumma Shah, the great seer of Punjab. I have ever felt much
embarrassed when I was compared with these masters, and this humility brought
the old saying to my mind, 'Have pride in thine own merits rather than in those of
thy ancestors.'
'I also came out as a brook from a river; and as a conduit into a garden.' Ecclesiasticus.
My curiosity about the hidden secrets of nature was early aroused, and I made
frequent inquiries concerning the mysteries of religion, such as, Where does God
Live? How old is God? Why should we pray to Him? And why should we fear Him?
Why should people die? And where do they go after death? If God has created all,
who was the creator of God?
My parents, Rahemat Khan and Khadija Bibi, would patiently answer me in the
simplest and most plausible manner possible, but I would prolong the argument
until they were wearied. Then I would ponder upon the same questions.
'Mankind's great enemy is idleness. There is no friend like energy, and if you
cultivate that you will never fail.' - Bhartrihari.
I was sent to school when quite young, but I fear that I was more inclined to play
than to study. I preferred punishment to paying attention to those subjects in which
I had no interest. I enjoyed religion, poetry, morals, logic, and music more than all
other learning, and I took music as a special subject at the Academy of Baroda and
repeatedly won the first prize there.
I had so much curiosity about strangers, fortune-tellers, faqirs, dervishes,
spiritualists, and mystics, that I would very often absent myself from my meals to
seek them out. My taste for music, poetry, and philosophy increased daily, and I
loved my grandfather's company more than a game with boys of my own age. In
silent fascination I observed his every movement and listened to his musical
interpretations, his methods of study, his discussions and his conversations. My
attempts at writing poetry without any training in the art of meter and form
induced my parents to place me under the tutorship of Kavi Ratnakar, the great

Hindustani poet.
I also began to compose, and sang a song of prayer to Ganesh in Sanskrit before His
Highness Sayajirao Gaikwar, Maharaja of Baroda, who rewarded my song with a
valuable necklace and scholarship. This encouraged me to advance further in music
under the guidance of Maulabaksh, who inspired me with music from kindred soul
to soul.
'He was born the Lord of what is, who by His majesty is the one King of the
moving world that breathes and closes its eyes.'
My kinfolk were Muslim, and I grew up devoted to the Holy Prophet and loyal to
Islam, and never missed one prayer of the five which are the daily portion of the
faithful.
One evening in the summer time I was kneeling on the house-roof, offering my
Namaz (prayers) to Allah the Great, when the thought smote me that although I had
been praying so long with all trust, devotion, and humility, no revelation had been
vouchsafed to me, and that it was therefore not wise to worship Him, that One
whom I had neither seen nor fathomed. I went to my grandfather and told him I
would not offer any more prayers to Allah until I had both beheld and gauged Him.
'There is no sense in following a belief and doing as one's ancestors did before one,
without knowing the true reason,' I said.
Instead of being vexed Maulabakhsh was pleased with my inquisitiveness, and after
a little silence he answered me by quoting a sura of the Qur'an, 'We will show them
our signs in the world and in themselves, that the truth may be manifested to them.'
And then he soothed my impatience and explained, saying, 'The signs of God are
seen in the world, and the world is seen in thyself.'
These words entered so deeply into my spirit, that from this time every moment of
my life has been occupied with the thought of the divine immanence; and my eyes
were thus opened, as the eyes of the young man by Elijah, to see the symbols of God
in all aspects of nature, and also in that nature which is reflected within myself. This
sudden illumination made everything appear as clear to me as in a crystal bowl or a
translucent jewel. Thenceforth I devoted myself to the absorption and attainment of
truth, the immortal and perfected Grace.