CODEPENDENCY
Rigid: The system does not allow for people to function outside of their
respective roles. Therefore individuals are reinforced for "acting out" their
unresolved conflict and unexpressed emotions.
LBI - Microsoft
Closed The unexpressed message is that no one enters or leaves from "Our
Inner Circle." Therefore, families are isolated from resources that may
intervene or provide support. family members choosing not to operate in the
mode of dependency are maligned with judgment, guilt, alienation and/or
rejection.
Respectful: Family rules are explicit, clear, well defined, reasonable and
consistently enforced. Boundaries support healthy respectful behavior.
The changes that adaptations that occur when addiction is present in a family
are normal but unhealthy. This unhealthy pattern that emerges is commonly
called codependency.
CAUSES
LBI - Microsoft
LBI - Microsoft
Low self-esteem
Social anxiety
LBI - Microsoft
person does everything in their power to pick up the pieces that the addict has left
undone. This can include ensuring all bills are paid, making excuses for the addict in
social and business situations, ensuring the kids are going to school, maintain
communication with family members and friends. The enabler is often in denial
about the severity of the addiction and continues to make excuses for the addict.
These behaviors are a defense mechanism in an effort to present a picture of ease
to those outside the nuclear family. These behaviors are a baseline for the fear,
anger, guilt, shame, concern, etc. that have been internalized.
The Hero is defined in the family as the person who appears confident,
overachieving and serious. This person also assumes a role of parentification as
evidenced by taking on responsibilities that far exceeded their developmental stage
as in comparison with their peers. These responsibilities can include making lunch
for their younger siblings and providing support to the non substance-abusing
parent. This person likely also strives for perfectionism by getting straight As and
being the star athlete. Given the nature of how alcohol and drug addiction
progresses, this role is often difficult to maintain as The Hero feels that he/she is
constantly needing to take on more and more responsibility. These outward
behaviors are a baseline for feelings and emotions, such as inadequacy and guilt,
stress and anxiety, which the individual has likely internalized.
The Mascot is the child in the family who uses comedy when facing uncomfortable
and difficult situations that stem from the insecure environment established as a
result of parental substance abuse and behaviors of The Scapegoat. The Mascot is
aware of the sense of relief he or she brings to the family and will continue to
sacrifice his/her own needs to maintain this balance.
The Lost Child is isolative, withdrawn and does not appear to connect with any
person within the family system or outside the home. This child has difficulty
engaging with others and developing social skills. As a result this child engages in
fantasy play as a way to disassociate and protective themselves (physically and
emotionally), from the negative and chaotic home environment.
What About The Addict? How does the substance abuser perceive how his or her
drug and/or alcohol use impacts the family system? There are many responses to
this question. Many addicts feel a strong sense of remorse, guilt and shame for the
pain and distress they have caused their spouses and children, in addition to their
extended families, friends and business endeavors. Many addicts dont want to stop
using, which creates anger and resentment from the family toward the addict, and
the addict toward the family for placing pressure on them to stop using.
LBI - Microsoft