When I was a child, I wanted to be an airforce pilot.

If you ask me why flying i

n the sky was my dream, I will have no clue. I remember the annual contest we us
ed to have in our school and I was asked to give an introduction about myself. I
told the gathered audience about my dream, about my wish to fly over the mounta
in ranges, but when I think of that particular incident, it does not feel very g
enuine. It is as if things, life conspired to put into my head that I wanted to
be an airforce pilot when I had never even experience the feeling of being in ai
r. That is strange.
Now, ambition advocates will say that people are desirous of what they think of
as their ambitions because that is what excites them and that is what they want
to live for; but living for the sake of flying in the sky all day long? how bori
ng is that.
But yes, I am being harsh on myself. I was a young boy then and did not know bet
ter.
The question that charms me is whether I, or anyone else knows what their ambiti
on actually means.
How do people decide what their ambition is: is it so easy? did people always ha
ve ambitions? or is it a new construct of the modern society which wants to make
each person feel special and make them work towards their dream? but even if it
is, does it matter anyway till what it is doing is making the people more produ
ctive?
I frankly don't know. But as I write this, and think of my childhood dreams, the
only thing what I can do is let out a deep sigh. Childhood was good, you were a
dreamer and wanted to live for your dreams.
As I live my life now, dreams and horror, everything become so enmeshed within e
ach other that nothing actually seems real.
You want to become a doctor, an artist, a scuba diver, a software developer; you
believe that becoming what you dream about, you will be very happy. But aren't
you deluding yourself. I mean, you are only thinking of yourself. Look at histor
y, the whole damned bloody history of humans and it all seems a waste to have an
y ambition. We are all going to die, we are all going to rot away and the minute
we die, all our hopes and dreams will cease to matter. Nothing will matter then
. We will be gone. We still dream.
What is more important? Our ambitions or the good of the world we live in? Shall
we forget the horrors happening in the world, pretend that everything is honky
dory and go about trying to fulfill our dreams? isn't it selfish, a brain poundi
ng selfishness which screams of horror? I don't know if I am being too melodrama
tic but what does life mean, what the hell does our ambition have any significan
ce in the larger scheme of things?
You might say that whoa, I am thinking in terms of world problems and comparing
it with the dreams and hopes of a single individual? yes of course I am doing th
at. Is it good that I am sitting in this office and thinking of my next big prom
otion, an elephant is being killed every 15 minutes in Africa? How should you li
ve your life? A man is being beheaded somewhere simply for professing a differen
t belief. Isn't ambition a lie, a way of thinking that all will be well and good
if only some future event gave us what we most desire? How are we to reconcile
life with its brutality and hope. I don't know and don't know anyone will ever k
now.
The truth of the matter is the world is pretty stupid, everyone going about tryi
ng to live a better life, giving a damn about the people at the bottom of the la

dder; everyone thinks that they are insulated from the world problems and go abo
ut feeling good giving a small donation to some charity feeling that they are go
od human beings. But everyone has got to live a life, everyone has to be able to
live a comfortable life, have the right to pursue happiness, but shall we forge
t the other side of the world?