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How to Make your Husband Happy

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in
building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta
prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are
Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who
graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi
Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the
'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported
by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but
evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of
the SECOND book.
This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost
it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes,
additions, or omissions without permission.
1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or
whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting
o
o

Meet him with a cheerful face.


Beautify and perfume yourself

Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested

Receive him with loving and yearning sentences

Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice


o

For your husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men


(men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification


o
o

Taking good care of your body and fitness


Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes

Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or
bad smells

Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape

Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo

Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes

Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time

However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse
o
o

Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
yourself of released fluids during intercourse.

Exchange loving phrases with your husband.

Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.

Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband, and
encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel,
weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted


o
o

You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a


simple job.
You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah
(SWT) for all that was given to you
You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things


o
o

You should not consider this world as your hope and interest
You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things

Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible
(Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).

Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in


order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation
o
o

By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women
because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and
will do his best to please you in more ways

The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed


and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never
appreciates?

8. Devotion and Loyalty


o
o

In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,


e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him
o
o

In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).


In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his
support and consultant

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry


o
o

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.


But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
1- If you mistaken, then apologize
2- If he mistaken then:
# Keep still instead of arguing or
# Yield you were right or
# Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter
peacefully with him.
3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
# Keeping silent untill his anger goes
# Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some
one insulted him
# Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what
happened, e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened?
2) I must know what made you so angry.
3) You are hidding something, and I have the right to
know

11. Guardianship While He is Absent


o
o

Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations


Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the
husbands don't like other people to know

Take care of the house and children

Take care of his money and properties

Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab

Refuse people whom he does not like to come over

Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place

Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends


o
o

You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his
parents
You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives

You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose


between his mother and his wife

Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to
sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.

Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.

Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them,
support them in calamities, etc.

13. Admirable Jealousy


o

Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept
within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others,
disrespecting them, etc.
You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support


o
o

Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.


When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your
husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents,
death, etc.

When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested,


etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and
remind him of paradise.

When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad


o
o

Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and
voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night.
Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.

Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.

Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.

Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.

Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.

Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise


opinions, soothing his pains, etc.

Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for
Da'wah.

Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and
children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.

15. Good Housekeeping


o
o

Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.


Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.

Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.

Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.

Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family


o
o
o

Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission
unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their
nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them
the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi.
Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our
errors.
[Domestic Violence] [Mainpage] [What's New?]

How to Make your Wife Happy


To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in
building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of Alberta
prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books. The books are
Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed. An Egyptian scholar, who

graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi


Arabia. The two books are:
1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy
These books exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the
'Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what
could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported
by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but
evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of
the FIRST book.
This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free to repost
it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any changes,
additions, or omissions without permission.
1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or
whatever has separated you:

o
o

begin with a good greeting


start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du'aa for her as well

Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations


o
o

Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones


Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks

Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands

Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha,
etc

3. Friendliness and Recreation

o
o

Spend time talking together


Spread to her good news

Remember your good memories together

4. Games and Distractions


o
o

Joking around & having a sense of humor


Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever

Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment

Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment

5. Assistance in the Household

o
o

Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if


she is sick or tired
The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
hard work

6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters

o
o

Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you


Studying her opinion carefully

Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better

Thanking her for helping you with her opinions

7. Visiting Others

Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward
in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits

Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with

8. Conduct During Travel


o
o

Offer a warm farewell and good advice


Ask her to pray for him

Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence

Give her enough money for what she might need

Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.

Return as soon as possible

Bring her a gift!

Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night

Take her with you if possible

9. Financial Support
o
o

The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He


should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small
piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification


o Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
o Always being clean and neat
o

Put on perfume for her

11. Intercourse
o
o

It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)


Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus)

Begin with foreplay including words of love

Continue until you have satisfied her desire

Relax and joke around afterwards

Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram

Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and
modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do
it first while you are looking on

Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy

Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes


she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy


o

Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal


problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

o
o

Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra
prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua)
Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer

Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the


prophet) in the morning and evening

Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity
sale

Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends


o Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents
o Invite them to visit her and welcome them
o

Give them presents on special occasions

Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.

Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in
this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving
what she used to give in her life to her friends and

family.
15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition. This includes:
o
o

The basics of Islam


Her duties and rights

Reading and writing

Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs

Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women

Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy


o
o

Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house


Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men

Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her
speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness


o

Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong


is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.

Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18)

How can you best correct her mistakes?


1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note
that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving
the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the
hsuband should consider the following:

He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the


Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.

He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.


refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had
been, etc.

It should not be done except after having turned from her


bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in
Qur'an

He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her
face or on sensitive parts of her body

He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a


shoe, etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure


o Accounting her only for larger mistakes
o Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's
rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.
o

Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake

Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment
to Islam is growing

Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH
never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if
he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment

Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are
more subtle than direct accusations

Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings

When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have


privacy from others

Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on
your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi.
Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our
errors.
[Domestic Violence] [Mainpage] [What's New?]