Assignment 2

Kristina Harding

Introduction
Relationships, they are unavoidable, we make them at work, school, or even while
walking on the street. But there is that one relationship everyone is looking for, their soulmate.
That is what the show How I Met Your Mother is all about, the characters living in New York City
trying to find that one person they are meant to spend the rest of their lives with. But what
relationships are more likely to last, and are some people more likely to find their happily ever

Mackenzie Goodwin 11/5/15 6:33

Comment [1]: I really like the topic you
chose to research on. It's not one of the
first things I would think about when I think
of the show "How I Met Your Mother", but I
love how the topic it relates so much with
the show.

after?
There are a number of things that have been observed to determine if they play a part in
someone finding their soulmate. Studies propose that certain personality types work better
together and that some personality types are more able to sustain a romantic relationship and
therefore more likely to find their perfect match. Some studies propose that parental
relationships from childhood also have an effect on ones search for love.
In this paper my goal is to examine a number of different studies that propose different
variables for finding a soulmate. I am then going to apply this different variables to the cast of
How I Met Your Mother and see how they apply to their relationships. I personally am not
exceptionally knowledgeable of personality types or relationships so my main source of
knowledge will come from these studies.

Literature Review
Both the article "Influence of Attachment Style on Romantic Relationships" by Jeffrey A.
Simpson and "Attachment Style as a Predictor of Adult Romantic Relationships" by Judith A
Feeney and Patricia Noller explore the different attachment styles one can have in a relationship
and what effects that can have on a relationship. Jeffrey A. Simpson wrote about his

Morgan Bittle 11/6/15 2:00

Comment [2]: I love your intro and your
topic! This is the perfect focus for the
show. I like that you are taking variables
you find in your research and applying that
to the characters!

observations of 144 different couples dividing each partner into one of three different behavioral
groups; secure, avoidant, or anxious. He wrote about how the partners who exhibit the secure
style tend to gravitate towards a relationship with more trust, support, and independence while
those partners who exhibit avoidant styles will gravitate towards distant and unstable
relationships, and the anxious styles will typically develop relationships that lack
interdependence though they wish to have a stable relationship. Simpson also determined that
those partners that show an avoidant style will typically experience the least amount of
emotional distress after the relationship whereas anxious styles will experience the most. Judith
A Feeney and Patricia Noller also presented their observations made on the attachment styles,
secure, avoidant, or ambivalent, but on their attachment history and their beliefs about
relationships and how that affects how they treat their partners in a romantic relationship.
Feeney and Noller observed the self esteem, limerence, loving, love addiction, and love styles
of 374 undergraduate students. They found that secure styles typically had positive family
relationships which correlated to better treatment of their partners whereas secure and avoidant
styles had mistrust and separation from one of their parental figures which negatively affects
their treatment of their patterns decades later. These correlations between early family
relationships and the different attachment styles are relevant to the romantic relationships for
each of the characters in How I Met Your Mother.
Articles "Development and Validation of the Conflict in Adolescent Dating Relationships
Inventory" and "Young and in Love? Thank Mom And Dad, At Least A Little" both pertain to
impressions left from adolescents and how that affects adults relationships now. In
"Development and Validation of the Conflict in Adolescent Dating Relationships Inventory"
Grasley and Straatman explain their observations made of 1,019 students of the age 14-16 from
10 different high schools about abusive behaviors in adolescent dating relationships. In their
study there were two different question sections asked to all students; the first being abusive
conflict resolution strategies, which asked about abusive actions they may have been apart of,

the second being positive conflict resolution strategies, which asked about non-abusive actions
they may have been a part of. In "Young and in Love? Thank Mom And Dad, At Least A Little."
Singh explores the topic of how one's relationship with their parents may have an impact on
weather or not they have a successful relationship. This article follows a study conducted by the
National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health on 3,000 americans from high school to their
early 30s, which resulted in the fact that those who had a strenuous relationship with their
parents during their adolescent years often experienced heartbreak later on, while those who
were close to their parents were more emotionally and physically satisfied in their adult
relationships. In the program How I Met Your Mother the stability or instability of the
relationships can be connected to their child relationships with their parents which ranged
dramatically between the actors. Though the actors in the program are not adolescent they do
occasionally have flashbacks to their youth relationships or romantic interactions with the
opposite sex and some do show some kinds of mental or emotional abuse.
You can find in "Soulmate Algorithms." and "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Science
Can Help" the process of finding a relationship and also leaving one, and the effects they can
have on partners. In "Soulmate Algorithms" Fabrizio Luccio and Linda Pagli believe they have
found the best soulmate algorithms which include approximation, random search, and
consulting online sites as some on the methods. The algorithms are the naive approach (which
is arranged relationships), undecidability (an equation referring to The matrix M of Martins
courting steps), complexity and approximation (equation incorporating characteristics and
interests), and randomized algorithms (relying on unpredictable events). "Breaking Up Is Hard
To Do, But Science Can Help." by Maanvi Singh observes the psychology behind breakups and
the best ways to cope with them. With reference to a study conducted by the Social
Psychological and Personality Science he discouses how the brain and nervous system can
react in the same way as it would during cocaine withdrawal and the digestive system is mostly
affected by heart break which means many need to focus specifically on keeping up their health

Mackenzie Goodwin 11/6/15 2:04

Comment [3]: Great summarization of
your sources' information! Very clear and
it's to the point. Also, your sources are
relatable with your topic. I really like how
you stated the article name of each of your
sources as well.
Morgan Bittle 11/6/15 2:13
Comment [4]: Love these sources!
These are so relevant to How I met your
mother! I like that although your topic is all
about soulmates you had another point of
view dealing with breakups.

after a breakup. The theme of the program How I Met Your Mother is finding your soulmate and
the randomized algorithm and naive approach are both used by the actors in multiple
situations.Also many of the characters experience dramatic changes in mood, appearance, or
desires after the enter into or leave a relationship.
The article "What We Learned From Our Month-Long Exploration Of #XCultureLove" by
Matt Thompson discusses relationships where the two partners are from different ethnicities or
cultural backgrounds and how that affects the relationship. There were four main topics that
were picked out as the most affectable topics in these relationships; food, background with other
races or cultures, family reactions, and different cultural experiences. In the program How I Met
Your Mother there are instances where relationships between different races or cultures do
happen and this does infact bring up some topics of discussion in the series.
Furman Wyndol and Duane Buhrmester bring up the inner workings of the Network of
Relationships Inventory in their article "Methods and Measures: The Network of Relationships
Inventory". They go on to discuss how different relationships are used to fulfill attachment,
caregiving, and affiliation. They explore relationships between same sex friends, different sex
friends, and romantic relationships and how they are used to satisfy things such as security,
support, criticism, companionship, safe heaven, etc. by 200 americans from a variety of
backgrounds. This article is relevant to the relationships in How I Met Your Mother because the
lines between friendship and romantic relationship is crossed multiple times and it's interesting
to see the satisfactions fulfilled by certain actors depending on their current relationship.

Entering the Conversation

Relationships are one of the most common things that we experience on a day to day
basis yet they are also one of the most confusing things to understand for many. The purpose
behind the whole program of How I Met Your Mother is showing the struggle of everyday adults
going through life trying to find that one person that is meant for them. All of the characters enter

Morgan Bittle 11/6/15 2:27

Comment [5]: You do a great job
entering the conversation with your topic.
But, try to incorporate more quotes and
ideas from your sources. It would be
effective to quote some things from your
sources and cite them to make your ideas
have some back up!

into a number of relationships where it is obvious that there are a number of variables that play
into whether or not each relationship will last. How is it that Marshall and Lily, though they are so
different, were able to last the test of time; whereas Ted and Tracy, the mother of his children,
have almost every aspect of their personalities in common yet Robin ended up being Teds true
soulmate.
Through my research I have found a number of studies on how certain people most
likely won't be able to enter into a successful, lasting romantic relationship with certain other
people. They try to point the reasoning behind this at a number of different variables, such as
impressions left from their adolescent and them having different attachment or personality
styles. But what all these studies have in common is that they explain these ideas in scientific
terminology that is not common when discussing soulmates.
My proposal is to conduct a study that takes all the proposed ideas of what could
potentially affect ones search for a soulmate and combines them to see if there are

Morgan Bittle 11/6/15 2:18

Comment [6]: This is an effective idea to
portray your topic of soulmates. However
maybe try breaking it in to two sentences
and going in more detail how Lily and
Marshall are so different and then how ted
and tracy are so similar. Love the idea but
its a pretty hefty sentence now and may
be easier to read if there's a couple
sentences instead of just one.
Mackenzie Goodwin 11/6/15 2:33
Comment [7]: Great start to your
"Entering in the Conversation" part! I was
thinking that maybe you should include an
example of one of these studies that you
talked about just so that it can give
validation to your points. It also helps
support your topic and your arguments if
you include an example of this.

correlations between all of the different variables. After doing so the other studies along with this
study should be published in a Ted Talks like video which puts these ideas and concepts into
latent terms. This will provide an in depth and understandable guide to all love seekers on what
can influence them finding a soulmate.
The studies I have used as in my research mostly take individuals and analyze their past
relationships and adolescent through a series of questions. This approach can have biased in
the instance that the interviewee does not answer truthfully due to a number of reasons such as
embarrassment or feeling uncomfortable with the interviewer due to sex or unfamiliarity. The
new study should be conducted on couples who are currently in a romantic relationship, that
way we can receive information from their perspectives on their past relationships and possible
adolescent influences and continue to follow their current relationship. This will give us more
information on how they see their relationships and their ideas on how and why they are
successful or unsuccessful which will initially provide more information on their personality and

Mackenzie Goodwin 11/6/15 2:34

Comment [8]: Like how you included
different sources! It adds variety to your
paper and information.

attachment types. The new observations should also be recorded on a computer from any given
private location which will allow the observed couples to feel more comfortable in divulging their
personal information to strangers. It would also be interesting conducting an individual report of
each person, then conducting a couple report having them report on their relationship together.
This could provide information on how open the individuals are with each other of how they feel
and how that affects the relationship.
The second part of my proposal consists of a Ted Talks like video. The idea of this
video would be to present all of the data gathered through the new study along with the other
studies but in latent terms. The video would describe different scenarios with different
personality types, attachment types, and backgrounds and show which ones are more likely to
be each others soulmate. I would also present the different characteristic of each of the
variables providing the reader with knowledge so they could decipher which type they are and
then see which type would most likely be their soulmate.
The goal of my proposal is to simply make the process for one to find their soulmate
more understandable and comprehensible for everyday adults like those in How I Met Your
Mother.

Conclusion
The topics highlighted is what makes people potential soulmates for others and what
different variables that can determine that. The purpose for writing this was to help further the
understanding of what makes some couples work better than others.
Others who have already looked into this topic has come up with a number of potential
variables that decide if two people could enter into a lasting relationship with one another.
These variables consist of attachment types, influences from adolescents, and personality
types. I suggested a furtherance of this information by combining all the variables in one study
and look for correlations between them all and the effects on a romantic relationship.

Morgan Bittle 11/6/15 2:24

Comment [9]: Very cool observations,
but maybe try to relate back to the show.
When I was reading I got confused on how
it related to the show. I love the idea of
observations and I understand it relates to
soulmates, but enter the conversation and
relate back to How I met Your mother!

With my new suggestion it will find more information on the topic which could make it
easier for understanding why some couples last and others don't. It will take the information that
others have already found from a number of studies and combine them into one which could
present certain correlations that couldnt be made just from the individual studies. Also the Ted
Talks in my suggestions will help put all the terminology from these study to be put into latent
vocabulary som everyday people, like the actors in How I Met Your Mother, understand.
Some people spend their entire life to find that one person who they are meant to spend
the rest of their lives with, some end up finding multiple people who they think is that person but
later finds they aren't. What if there was a method to know exactly how is your person and know
the reasons why. That is what this research is working towards, making it simply and easy the
know why the person you think may be your soulmate might not be; but not just that but also
know what kind of person you should be looking for, to know exactly what characteristics
compliment yours in that perfect way to create a relationship that will last the test of time. This is
exactly what these studies and my proposed study are working towards, working towards
finding a way to simplify this process that everyone goes through.
Though it would be nice to simplify the process of finding a soulmate, what if it's just a
fairytale? What if there is just too many variables and too many unknowns to truly find a simpler
method, and all these studies and statistics is really only making it more complicated by adding
more to take into consideration? Maybe the only way to truly find a soulmate is just to go
through the motions like the actors in How I Met Your Mother and risk all the heartbreak and
time though it may not be the most desirable way.

Feeney, Judith A., and Patricia Noller. "Attachment Style as a Predictor of Adult Romantic
Relationships." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 58.2 (1990): 281-91. Web.
<http://cmapspublic2.ihmc.us/rid=1LPSL5QBZ-2YSV703PQ0/Attachment%20style%20as%20a%20predictor%20of%20adult%20romantic%20relati
onships.pdf>.

Mackenzie Goodwin 11/8/15 9:19

Comment [10]: Good conclusion!
Overall this is a really nice paper! You had
a lot of evidence that supported your
overall topic and your argument in the
paper. Had a lot good comparisons that
went along with you information as well.

Furrman, Wyndoll, and Duane Buhrmester. "Methods and Measures: The Network of
Relationships Inventory." International Journal of Behavioral Development (2009): 470-78.
Web. <http://jbd.sagepub.com/content/33/5/470.full.pdf>.
Luccio, Fabrizio, and Linda Pagli. "Soulmate Algorithms." Programing Languages with
Aplications to Biology and Security (1973): 283-91. Web.
<http://download.springer.com/static/pdf/891/chp%253A10.1007%252F978-3-319-255279_18.pdf?originUrl=http%3A%2F%2Flink.springer.com%2Fchapter%2F10.1007%2F978-3319-255279_18&token2=exp=1445287867~acl=%2Fstatic%2Fpdf%2F891%2Fchp%25253A10.1007%
25252F978-3-319-255279_18.pdf%3ForiginUrl%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Flink.springer.com%252Fchapter%252F1
0.1007%252F978-3-319-255279_18*~hmac=58fa03d67ec0d96657b46fc9930da38c6dba5a68f20936205140ba123efe148d
>.
Simpson, Jeffery A. "Influence of Attachment Style on Romantic Relationships." Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology (1990): 1-11. Research Gate. Web.
<http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Jeffry_Simpson/publication/232513264_Influence_of_a
ttachment_styles_on_romantic_relationships/links/54dcbe130cf282895a3b1cc3.pdf>.

Singh, Mannvi. "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Science Can Help." NPR (2014): n. pag.
Web. <http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/01/13/376804930/breaking-up-is-hardto-do-but-science-can-help>.
Singh, Mannvi. "Young and in Love? Thank Mom And Dad, At Least A Little." NPR. Your
Health, 10 Feb. 2014. Web.
Thompson, Matt. "What We Learned From Our Month-Long Exploration Of #XCultureLove."
NPR (2014): n. pag. Web.
<http://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/02/13/276543080/what-we-learned-from-ourmonth-long-exploration-of-xculturelove>.
Wolfe, David A., Katreena Scott, Deborah Reitzel-Jaffe, Christine Wekerle, Carolyn Grasley,
and Anna-Lee Straatman. "Development and Validation of the Conflict in Adolescent Dating
Relationships Inventory." Psychological Assessment 13.2 (2001): 277-93. Web.
<http://www.researchgate.net/profile/Christine_Wekerle/publication/232428298_Developme
nt_and_validation_of_the_Conflict_in_Adolescent_Dating_Relationships_Inventory/links/0de
ec534f1eb3746de000000.pdf>.