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Sagedom

I promise this is as dark as itll ever get.

PART I

The Enemy.
To The Sage From The Cool
He looks for it sometimes
The Bear
He looks for the pain
The hurt
And I know he knows its bad
That itll hurt us
Its like hes addicted to it
Addicted to the hurt
Why
Why is he like this?
Why cant he see?
How can we know better and he still have such a hold over us
Misery is not ours
We must leave it.

.
Unreal.
To The Bear from The Sage
Will you worry about actions you havent seen?
Actions that havent happened?
How?
Why would you do that to us?
Why must we hurt over abstract things?
Things that dont exist.
I die from fantasizes
Nightmares
Unreal things.
Attacking myself from the inside
No...
This must stop.

.
Another Way.
To The Sage from The Cool
I thought
Maybe
I could fix everything he breaks
Every problem he brings up
Find a cure for it.
But they keep coming
Every time we win
Hell find something else
or bring something back
This is not how well beat him

.
Rebel.
To The Bear from The Sage
I will not let you destroy us
I will save us
I will save myself
Every time you complain
Or whine
Or try to lead us into the dark
I will break you
I will crush you
I will be happy
I will not live a miserable life
That is not my lot
And if thats what you want
Then I will lock you up
Somewhere deep in my mind.
With time, you will not affect
Me
Your childish chattering
Your provocations
Your hate
Your bullshit excuses
They will not rouse me
I will transcend this
I will evolve
You will not infect my life
Your blight ends here
And if you manifest yourself in
My childrens children

.
They will only destroy you
Faster than I did
And I will
I will destroy you.

.
Monster.
To The Sage from The Bear
Doesnt it feel like youre screaming
To a mountain,
Telling it to move.
Screaming.
Over and Over again..
Haha.
Your lies
The lies you tell yourself
That you can
Transcend this.

Please

.
Devil.
To The Sage from The Cool
He tells me the worst things
The Bear
Hes so eloquent
And smooth
I only ever catch myself listening to
Him
Never able
To recall when he began.
He tells only the darkest things
Unreal things
But he wants us to dwell in them.
I can fight it most times
But sometimes Im weak
And he wins
And when he wins
All I can do is die
Die
Until he stops.
How it feels when Im dying
I havent the words

.
Believe.
From The Sage
I will save us.

.
Breath.
To The Sage From The Cool
Where is
My
Oxygen
Why am I
Being
Denied
My Oxygen.
Let me breath
I want to breath
How do I
Breath

.
Hope.
To The Cool from The Sage
Stop fighting it
We should acknowledge
That
We are in a state
Of Disarray
We need each other
The 3 of us
But we lack harmony
The Bear is at fault
But so are you and I
This isnt a war.
Its an adjustment
Some sort of process
A re-alignment.
I remember a time before this
When things were..
Better.
Before introspection
Before opinions.
But I believe
This is necessary
We must be
Broken
Beaten
Torn
Crushed
To be rebuilt, Stronger;

.
Like a muscle.
This is not a wrong turn
We are going the right way.

At least, I hope so.

.
Falling.
To The Sage from The Cool
Im falling again
I can feel
A darkness
Enveloping a part of us
Im not sure I wanna fight it
Have you noticed?
Only when we
Fall
Out of sync
That is the only time the 3 of us
Exist.
In harmony, it is only CoolsBear
I think his existence is too good
Too peaceful
He cant sustain it.
But I can only talk through the pain
If I can call it that.
Is The Bear responsible for all this?
Is this a curse?
Is this crisis vain?

.
Anguish.
To The Sage From The Cool
I dont
Want to see
The dark
Anymore

.
Push.
From The Sage
I am weary
Oh
Or am I?
I am not sure
But I cannot give in
I cannot falter
I must push on
No matter the feeling
No matter the screams and shouts
From The Bear
No matter the victimhood that has
Found The Cool
Or my own, the pain of my own thoughts
No matter, I must push on
Or it will win
The dark side
Of all of us
This collective evil
Whose only goal is to destroy us.
I must push on
The two will follow eventually
I know it.
We must find our Self
We must find CoolsBear.

.
Bea..
From CoolsBear
The self is dying

PART II

.
Dismay.
From The Bear
I want to pull out my hair
I want to erase any trace of my
Weirdness
I want to disappear
I want out of my head
Out of myself
I am the only one inside
The only audience
Watching a show that has not the words
To describe it
Its an agony and despair that I want none of
But it takes me
Now and again
Consumes me
Cripples me
And I dont know how to escape it
I dont know what causes it
It eats me up when Im alone
But I despise the company of others,
I foster an environment ideal for my own destruction.
Am I crazy now? Can I stop this?
What caused it? Have I always been like this?
Will I spend every waking moment battling this madness?
Trying to keep my cool, trying to seem normal..
My existence is excruciating.

.
Breaking Point.
From The Bear
Why do I feel like this
Anguish
I dont know where it stems from
I dont know what to cut off
I dont know

Save me

.
Crisis.
To The Sage from The Cool
Whats this feeling?
Its uncomfortable
In my chest
And then all over..
When I try to find the cause
It gets worse.
I wanna scream
Maybe
If I had a place to just
Scream.
Why?
Why do I feel like this?
So awkward
So uncomfortable
Like I dont fit in
No matter how hard I try
Im not a natural at normal
Always out of the loop
Always out of sync with the rest of the world.
If I am aware of anything
At any moment
It is that I do not fully understand
What anyone is saying.
Are all these feelings made up?
Am I worse than The Bear?
Will I be what ultimately destroys us?
Am I killing us?

.
Dear God
How can I not be this
How can I not be me

What am I?

.
Crashing.
To The Sage From The Cool
I think
Im crashing.
Confused
So confused.
I dont know
What He wants
He leaves me
Lost.
How
How do I deal with Him
How do I even describe Him.
And why
Do I feel so much?
Do you feel this way?
Does everything hurt for you too?
No reason
For no reason.
Help.

.
Pain.
To The Sage From The Cool
Embrace it?
I cant embrace the pain
Its hot
So hot
It burns.
I can only
Acknowledge it
Be aware of it
And not fight it,
But I cant embrace it
I cant touch it
I hate it
I want it gone

.
The Darkest Place.
From The Bear
Hell,
Ive been there;
The feeling
I cant describe
But it envelopes you
Your entire existence
You cant escape
You cant breathe.
Like drowning
But everyone around you
Is breathing just fine
So youre not making any sense
No one gets it
No one sees it.
What do you do with that?
What?
Ugh
Why am I asking you
You wouldnt know, youve never been there
Have you?

.
Sensitive.
To The Sage From The Cool
Why do I
Feel.
Why do I
Feel so much.

.
iScream.
From The Bear
I want to scream
I want to scream
I want to scream
I want to scream

.
Real.
To The Bear From The Cool
But how must I manage
To deal
With You
And
All the intricacies of our real life.

.
Reason.
From The Sage
Its either
I let this pain
And madness
Eat my soul
Or I exploit it
Express it.
And maybe eventually itll stop.
Maybe

.
Monster II.
To The Cool From The Bear
No one is coming to save you
Youre all alone
This work you do
No one cares
Not really
No one thinks of it as much as you do
No one gets it.
All your efforts
Their pointless
Your madness
Its yours
Its yours and yours alone to deal with.
Now feel that, feel that despair
Itll consume you
You think itll kill you?
No
You will only suffer.

.
Weary.
To The Bear to The Sage
Weary
I am weary
Of running from you
Of fighting you
Of being you

.
Futile Resistance.
From The Sage
I
I find the answers
But once we interact with other
People
It all fails
It all fails..

.
Shine.
From The Bear to The Sage
Im sure youve realized it
By now
Im stronger than the both of you,
Bigger.
Im important!
How unlucky for you.
Ill always be the obstacle you have to work around.
But I will tell you Sage,
What is asked of me is like
Trying to hide the sun in my pocket,
It cant be done
I cant be contained..
I will shine
Ignore me all you want
I will shine.

.
Defeat.
From The Cool
Somebody
Somebody turn it off

Surrender.
To The Cool from The Sage
And so
There is no way
No way out of the mind
We Cannot
Escape
This suffering that we inflict
On ourselves.
Let us begin to accept it
Let our mind do what it wants to do
Let us not spend any bit of energy
Trying to fight The Bear
Let us instead use all our power to
Cultivate the best thoughts when we can
When WE think, let us be happy and grateful
When it is The Bears turn
Then let us be sad.
And if this sadness reflects on the surface
Well, that is natural, why should it be any other way?
Let us be sad when The Bear wills it.
Perhaps it is when we try to fight it,
That is when we become
Angry
Irrational
And make the worst decisions.
Does this sound like madness?
Haha, it must

.
But oh
How tired I am
Tired of fighting myself.

.
Beast.
To The Sage From The Bear
Tell me
Sage
Is this transcendence
Or
Have you simply failed to face our
Humanity

Resilient.
To The Bear From The Sage
You
Are crushing me
But I wont
I wont give in
Without a fight

.
Satori?
To The Sage from The Cool
But
Weve seen the light
Weve been to the surface
Weve breathed
As CoolsBear.
So why
Why
Now and then
Am I still here?
Why can I still hear the Bear?

Surrender II.
From The Sage to The Cool
This is where we are right Now
Confused
Imperfect
Indecisive
Insecure
Paranoid
Lazy
Detached
Depressed
Angry
Sad
Self-destructive
Blah
Blah
Blah
Not okay
This is not okay
But
This is where we are right Now.

Do you understand?

Beautiful..
From CoolsBear
The self is dying

PART III

.
Monster III.
To The Cool & The Sage From The Bear
Cant you see!
Weve been wronged!
We dont belong here
In this world
Were strange
Were odd.
I feel
So much
So sensitive
I feel!
Weve been screwed
We cant be like the others
Do what they do
Think how they think
Live how they live
But we want to
Dont we.
I wont ever let you forget
How strange we are.

.
Last ditch.
From The Bear
Thos two
They dont know
They dont Feel like I do.
You cant swallow all these emotions
You cant
They possess you
Leave you in a trance
And by the time you wake up
Its too late.
Youve broken things
Things you love
I dont want this!
But I cant help it..
So I will crash everything
The universe will pay
If I cant have happiness
No one will..

.
Faith.
To The Cool From The Sage
Come now
We will be fine
We will learn
To hear him
Less and less
Every day.
A tiny bit
Every day.
.

.
Ego Death.
To The Sage From The Cool
Maybe
It is you
That must unhear us
And then
Unhear yourself.

Surrender III.
From The Sage
Truly
This must be
The only way;
Acceptance.
We do not win this
By fighting it

.
Love.
To The Bear From The Cool
I
Used to hate
You
But I realize
This is your
Nature.

Beautiful Death.
From CoolsBear
The self is dying
The walls are cracking
An inner demolition
An inner shading
The death of some
Premature Phoenix.
Let it die
Let it die
Let the self die,
The false self
Let it die.

.
From Me to The Reader
So this is what I had to do to keep from killing myself.
Lol nah Im too squeamish for that.
I called it Sagedom because I think all the mental turmoil can force
someone to seek wisdom and find it (become a Sage), once they can
accept that drugs, alcohol, fake love, sex, compulsive internet use,
and whatever distraction wont help.
All that pressure, if you let it, can make a diamond. I think, or
maybe I really am just crazy.
Well in case you havent figured it out, the 3 are different versions
of the same mind and CoolsBear (Coolsagebear TheCoolTheSageTheBear)
is a state of harmony, when the 3 fall in sync, cause in a way I dont
think one can actually exist without any of them, even The Bear,
everything in moderation right?
So the three, on their own are a false self.
Now the 3 never exist at the same time, a mind is only ever the bear
or the sage or the cool. Thats why they write letters to each other,
cause they cant really come face to face. However, they still are
one, doesnt The Sage sometimes sound like The Bear? The Cool like The
Sage? The Bear like The Cool?
Youre in Bear mode when youre doing something self destructive even
though you know you shouldnt be doing it, or when youre possessed by
a feeling like lust or anger.
Sage mode is your voice of reason; ultimately theres always that
little voice in your head that knows what to do, even if you
procrastinate by trying to seek advice or something, ultimately when
it comes to your soul you always know what to do, well I think so
anyway.
So whats The Cool? Your purity, your sensitive side, that part of you
thats impacted the most by your actions.
Now CoolsBear. CoolsBear is a big deal, thats like Jesus level,
Buddha level, whatever you wanna call it. Mastery of the mind. I think
we all reach that level now and then, but its pretty hard sustain.
Anyway you take what you want form this. This is MY interpretation by
the way, maybe the 3 and CoolsBear mean something else for you.
Thank you for reading :)

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