25

Issue 1

January, 2000

Editors Notes,
Its really exciting for all of us to be
involved in the production of the Midnight Star. Its
great to have a full staff of old hands with just
enough of an infusion of fresh blood to promise that
this is going to be a great team putting out an
absolutely awesome newsletter. We are lucky to
have several members of the production staff of Idle
Chatter, a newsletter some of you might have been
familiar with. Lubby McGrog is chomping at the
bit, gearing up for the chance to head up our office
supplies department and be in full charge of
clearing paper jams.
We are grateful to all of you. To the people
whove lent us their time, money, and support to
make sure this project got off the ground and to our
contributors and advertisers whove given us plenty
to bulk these pages out with. Most importantly, we
are grateful to you, the reader currently holding this
edition in your hands. Thank you.
Samuel Firskin
Chief Editor

Staff Notes
This issue were welcoming aboard the staff of
Idle Chatter. Its great to have them as part of the team!

had some real questions about what to do with my spare

time. Thats when I first got word from Samuel.
Needless to say, I was impressed. He had some ideas for
making a newsletter that was everything I had ever
hoped Idle Chatter could be. Problem was, he needed
help. When he said I was perfect for the job I jumped at
the chance. So now Im writing this, exactly one year
since I penned that first couple words for Idle Chatter,
and it feels great.

Humphrey Galowitz
Graphics & Layout Design

Yesterday, Samuel asked me to dig up some

pictures of all of us from the Idle Chatter crew. It took
some searching but I managed to unearth the pictures we
ran in our first issue, one year ago. Looking at them
now brings back all sorts of good memories. I think
thats what this whole experience is for all of us, like
reliving a good memory, total nostalgia. I never thought
Id be an old hand on the maiden voyage of a whole new
ship, but damn I love this crew. So lets reach for the
stars. This time were going to get there.

Lubby McGrog
Melvin Sputnik
Assistant Editor

Read on and we all hope you enjoy. It was only

one year ago that I wrote those words at the end of the
first editorial for Idle Chatter, thinking how far away
next year seemed. Now Im a part of something even
better! Three months ago Idle Chatter went under and I

Midnight Star

Office Supplies & Paper Jam Clearer

I get to clear the paper jams all by myself now,

and get all of the coffee for everybody! I walk to the
store and buy paperclips! I got real lonely when the old
paper got taken away, but now Ive got tons of friends
again. Im Superman!

25
Issue 1

XTREME!
Jayce Jackson
To Host First
Televised
Suicide
Story by Samuel Firskin
Im ready to die.
These words, the first spoken by Allen
Mitchell during a telephone call to media star Jayce
Jackson, the host of XTREME!, have sparked
perhaps the biggest Wabash Valley controversy in
decades. Mitchell, a Rose Hulman student with a
4.0 GPA, informed Jackson that he was ready to
commit suicide, but wanted to make sure that his
family was provided for by offering to televise his
death in exchange for over half a million dollars.
So far Mitchell has refused any form of counseling
or therapy.
Several groups, including the Christian
Coalition, have filed formal complaints against the
proposed show. Debate in Terre Haute has become
so intense that the shows producers may be forced
to move the upcoming special from the shows local
station to cable. Those involved with the show have
found themselves under a constant barrage or hate
mail and even death threats.
I receive maybe thirty or so e-mails and
letters a day from irate jackoffs. Its absolute
hypocrisy that a letter can begin by threatening my
life and then end by stating that this person is
praying for my soul. These people are making more
of a spectacle of their own immorality than anything

Midnight Star

January, 2000
we could ever air on television, says Jayce
Jackson.
I think its absolutely disgusting that these
individuals can debase themselves by promoting
suicide like they are. People like us have been
working for years to keep this kind of filth off of
television screens. This only brings us one step
further on the road to depravity. Children are
having a hard enough time dealing with the artificial
violence on television to handle depictions of actual
death. This goes far beyond Cops. They might as
well air a Faces of Death marathon, declares a
furious Vanessa Hawthorne, who heads the recently
formed Terre Haute Affiliation Against Televised
Violence.
Mitchell was recently expelled from Rose
Hulman, one semester short of receiving his
Electrical Engineering degree. Mitchell has decided
not to pursue the matter.
It isnt that important. I dont need to die
with a Bachelors degree in my hand, Mitchell
states, Besides, Im not willing to wait that long.
The President of Rose Hulman states, We
certainly dont feel that Allen Mitchells actions
reflect the values and ideals of this institution, its
faculty, or its students. Not only is Mitchell making
a poor choice, but his decision to profit in the most
tasteless manner possible from his own death is
appalling, and something that this institute does not
want any association with.
The show, tentatively scheduled for the end
of February, will focus primarily on death and
dying. The shows commercial space is expected to
be booked by advertisements for suicide hotlines
and counseling services that are expecting an
increase in suicide attempts following the show.
Again we are posed with the question of how far
television will go to keep us glued on the edge of
our seats. When does a show become too extreme?

25
Issue 1

Could Vampires
Be Real?

A Provocative Interview with

Local Author Brent
Kelsey
Story by Melvin Sputnik
Brent Kelsey has been studying vampires for
over 13 years. He first came into the public eye
with his publication of a picture of Bat Boy, a
longstanding character of local Terre Haute folklore,
and has now published his first book, The Crimson
Enigma.
Supernatural sightings have become more
and more common in Terre Haute this past year.
Wild tales abound, ranging from spontaneous
human combustion to paranormal shows of speed
and strength. Yet, how many of these stories of
monstrous beasts in the sewers or blood drinking
fiends are true? Are there real vampires among us?
We asked Kelsey in an exclusive interview:
So what is your take on some of the recent
stories weve all heard about vampire sightings?
What is your opinion on the infamous Burning Man
tale?
I really want to make clear that most of
these stories are hoaxes. Now Im not saying that

Midnight Star

January, 2000
there arent strange things around us, or that every
one of these stories is false, but the few truths are an
excellent basis for fantasy. Once one sighting
occurs, several more always follow from dubious
sources. These conditions make my research very
difficult.
The Burning Man tale however is one that I
am convinced is real. Vampires are nocturnal
creatures. It is my belief that their undead flesh has
a low tolerance for many of the different forms of
radiation emitted by the sun. Exposure to this
radiation excels the decomposition of their flesh.
During this process of rapid decomposition enough
heat is generated to cause combustion. What is
observable to us as being spontaneous combustion
is in fact the end result of an excelled degenerative
cycle. The Burning Man in reality would have then
been a very unfortunate vampire that was caught in
the sun for too long.

Continued on page 5.
Gordon! Perry Caldwell just died and left
his family with a huge funeral bill.

Too bad they didnt have

Adequate Life Insurance

Adequate Life Insurance

Just Enough, Just In Time.
Call (812) 222-2222
Grisly Death of Homeless Man
Leads Police to Speculation
3

25
Issue 1

January, 2000

Story by Samuel Firskin

It was a scene of horrible carnage. Local
biologist Bernard Huspit was working in Fairbanks
Park, busily collecting water samples from the
Wabash River when he noticed something strange.
At first I thought that it was maybe just a
dead cat or some kind of animal, says Huspit, It
was kind of wedged in with some sticks and
branches near the shore so I figured Id at least give
it a push to sink it or something.
Huspits curiosity quickly turned to terror
when the thick mass of hair shifted to reveal a
human face. Huspit called the police, who quickly
arrived to retrieve the remains.
It was grisly. The remains were a human
head and spinal cord that looked like they had been
in the river for several days. Id expect they had
been submerged but the onset of decomposition
may have given the remains some buoyancy. We
decided to dredge the river and found more
remains, states Sergeant Devin Sheldbera.
After a long investigation the remains were
positively identified as those of Timothy Krane, a
vagrant who had been in and out of Terre Haute for
the past three months. Forensics revealed that the
body had been butchered through use of a knife or
similar bladed instrument.
Whoever did this was sick. This is not the
sort of death that would occur from an accident or a
squabble. This was, without doubt, a very coldblooded murder. I expect that our culprit is
criminally insane, says Sheldbera.
Some members of the community question
how much effort the police will actually put into
investigating the death of a homeless man. Will
another person be butchered before this violent
criminal is apprehended?

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Increased Violence May Call for
Tougher Police Measures
Story by Hugo Lefante
Violent crime has been on the rise and the police
are implementing new non-lethal measures for stopping
criminals in their tracks.
A new pepper agent, supposedly capable of
debilitating even the most psychotic individuals, is now
being assigned to police throughout Terre Haute. The
chemical is loaded inside a marble-sized gelatin casing,
resembling a paintball, and then fired using an air gun.
Upon impact, the casing shatters, releasing a cloud of
chemical irritant intended to disable the target. The
chemical also reacts with the bodies natural oils and
sweat to stain the body with a dark crimson dye. This
dye is intended to both mark the target and cause
potential distress due to the dyes resemblance to blood.
This chemical is receiving high praise from
humanitarian groups for its role as a non-lethal
alternative to traditional side arms, and the Terre Haute
police are hoping to have every officer armed with this
equipment by the end of the year.

Could Vampires Be Real?

Story continued from page 3 . . .
4

25
Issue 1
How do your theories compare with those of
Casey Merit, another notable Wabash Valley
resident and supernaturalist?
Although his research on psychic
phenomena is exceptional, Mr. Merits observations
on vampires are far from accurate. His belief that
vampires are some form of human-bat crossbreed is
a gross misinterpretation of the information as of
yet garnered regarding the vampire known in
popular culture as Bat Boy.
And what more can you tell us about these
mysterious nocturnal creatures?
Vampires are a very complex and diverse
people. Although some, like Bat Boy, are
monstrous, there are many that are eerily human.
On a whole though there are several traits common
to all vampires. Their cadaverous flesh makes them
much less susceptible to injury and because of their
deadened nerve endings they are almost entirely
oblivious to pain. They employ the blood that they
gather from their mortal victims as both sustenance
and as a fuel for their supernatural powers.
I can only assume that some portion of the
vampiric body acts as a focus for converting bloods
latent psychic energy into a psychokinetic force.
They use this ability to supplement their strength
and speed, and most likely practice many of the
same blood magics common among primitive
cultures. From my observation I believe that there
is a distinct possibility that most vampires can
project a fraction of this energy to create an aura
capable of refracting light (making them invisible)
and presumably able to protect them from the
harmful effects of the sun.
I am certain that vampires have an
extraordinary lifespan, bordering on immortality.
Much like cancer cells, it is my belief that undead
flesh is capable of constant growth and
regeneration. It is a distinct possibility that the
more hideous vampires are merely older vampires
whose skin has through the process of rejuvenation
become increasingly malformed. Upon becoming
undead, these creatures enter a new growth stage.
Their canines gradually increase in size and their

Midnight Star

January, 2000
fingernails gradually evolve into claws. I strongly
suspect that this growth depends heavily on the iron
content of human blood.
So what tips can you give us if we run into a
vampire in a dark alley?
Only resort to violence if the vampire is
clearly hostile or clearly intends on feeding from
you. Your best bet is always to walk or run away
until you are in a crowded area. The only sure way
to kill a vampire is by exposure to sunlight. The
application of a stake to the heart will not kill a
vampire, however it is likely that doing so may
disrupt its psychokinetic focus. Crucifixes and
garlic have no effect on vampires, but they are
terrified of fire.

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