The Book of Wisdom: 50 Ideas For The All-Around Balanced Life

The Book of Wisdom: 50 Ideas for the All-Around Balanced Life
Contents
Introduction ............................................................................................................................................................ 5
How to Use This EBook ............................................................................................................................................. 6
Thanks ................................................................................................................................................................... 7
Balanced Nutrition.................................................................................................................................................... 8
1. 7 Secrets to a Healthy Breakfast ........................................................................................................................ 9
2. A Simple Guide to Frugal Organic Eating ........................................................................................................... 12
3. 8 Great Foods You Are Probably Missing ............................................................................................................ 16
4. Cheap and healthy grocery list for a bad economy .............................................................................................. 18
Balanced Body ....................................................................................................................................................... 23
5. How to Make Going to the Gym Interesting ....................................................................................................... 24
6. 9 Secrets of Choosing the Best Workout ............................................................................................................ 27
7. The Minimalists Workout ................................................................................................................................. 31
8. Essentials for Minimal Home Workouts .............................................................................................................. 33
9. 5 Golden Rules that Have Helped Me to Lose Weight for Good .............................................................................. 35
10. Your Most Frequently Asked Running Questions – Answered .............................................................................. 39
Balanced Mind and Soul (Personal Growth, Self Improvement) ..................................................................................... 47
11. Balance Your Life in Two Days....................................................................................................................... 48
12. How to Know What Your Life Is Missing .......................................................................................................... 51
13. How to Spend Time with Yourself and Why ..................................................................................................... 54
14. 10 Simple Ways to Live a Less Stressful Life ................................................................................................... 58
Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 2

15. 5 Simple Steps to Enhance Your Happiness ..................................................................................................... 61

16. 6 Key Lessons in Life from a 140 year Old Man ................................................................................................ 63
17. The One Ingredient Necessary for Accepting Yourself ....................................................................................... 67
18. How to Give Your Dark Side Permission to Live ................................................................................................ 70
19. The Minimalist’s Mind: Decluttering Your Brain Waves ...................................................................................... 73
20. How to Clear Your Limiting Beliefs ................................................................................................................. 80
21. 10 Killer Strategies to Kill Negative Thinking (and Regain Life Balance) ............................................................... 84
22. 10 Ways to Practice Mindfulness and Reach Life Balance ................................................................................... 87
23. How to Find Happiness and Serenity with the Help of Seashells (and without them) .............................................. 91
24. Stop Being Your Best and Enjoy Life .............................................................................................................. 94
25. 10 Ways to Feel Better in 60 Seconds Or Less ................................................................................................. 96
Spirituality ............................................................................................................................................................ 98
26. What is Natural Spirituality? ......................................................................................................................... 99
27. How to Meditate: 10 Important Tips.............................................................................................................. 103
28. Regain Inner Peace When You’re Busy: Walking Gratitude Meditation ................................................................ 106
29. Knowing ................................................................................................................................................... 110
30. How to Begin Your Prayer ............................................................................................................................ 112
Balanced Lifestyle ................................................................................................................................................. 114
31. Start Your Day in 33 Different Ways ............................................................................................................. 115
32. 7 Great Ways to End the Day ....................................................................................................................... 122
33. How to Develop Healthy Habits That Stick ..................................................................................................... 124
34. 101 Healthy Habits that Anyone Can Follow ................................................................................................... 127
35. A Simple Way to Nourish Your Body and Soul without Spending a Dime ............................................................. 132

36. 7 Irrational thoughts that disrupt your life ..................................................................................................... 135

Balanced Relationships (Marriage and Love).............................................................................................................. 138
37. The Happy Couple Cheat Sheet: 15 Steps to a Balanced and Happy Marriage (Relationship) ................................. 139
38. How to Prepare Yourself for a Marriage That Lasts .......................................................................................... 143
39. 7 Keys to Strengthen Relationships and Create Lasting Memories ..................................................................... 146
Social Life (Friendship, Communication, Social Skills) ................................................................................................. 149
40. How to Make a True Friend (Worth More Than 14.6 Cents) ............................................................................... 150
41. Step out of Your Shell: Practical Tips to Become a Better Conversationalist ........................................................ 155
42. How to be Annoyingly Positive and Still Keep your Boring Friends ..................................................................... 158
43. 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People ................................................................................................... 161
Balanced Parenting/Family ..................................................................................................................................... 167
44. Top 10 Essential Family Values .................................................................................................................... 168
45. 10 Practical Productivity Tips for Parents ....................................................................................................... 171
46. 4 Parents Share Their Top 3 Pieces of Parenting Advice ................................................................................... 175
Financial Balance and Career .................................................................................................................................. 179
47. Should Your Work Be Your Obsession? .......................................................................................................... 180
48. Wealth vs. Income: What Does it Mean to Be Rich? ......................................................................................... 183
49. My Ten Commandments of Personal Finance .................................................................................................. 186
50. The 12-Step Get-Out-of-Debt Program .......................................................................................................... 189
What’s Next? ........................................................................................................................................................ 193
Photo credits ........................................................................................................................................................ 194

Introduction
Hi, my name is Anastasiya Goers and I am the author of the Balance In Me Blog. I
want to thank you for downloading this eBook and taking time to think about
balance in your life.
Some of you might think that balanced living means dividing your life into 6 areas
(family, finances, career, friends and social life, health, spirituality) and then giving
equal amounts of attention to each of those areas. This is not what this book is
about.
Life balance that I am talking about is:
• inner peace and happiness,

• understanding that your life is full and yet you have plenty of room to bring
something new into it,
• a happy family and smiles on the faces of your children,
• taking care of your body without forgetting your soul,
• walking outside and seeing the beauty around you that gives inspiration for
everyday life,
• faith,
• true friends,
• being in harmony with the world around you.
If you are ready to accept this type of balance in your life then I am happy that you have downloaded this eBook.

How to Use This EBook

Each of us has different lives, different goals and different joys. I can’t promise that I will answer each of your questions but I
want to give you guidelines that will help you find peace and happiness in your life. This ebook is divided into 9 chapters:
1. Balanced nutrition
2. Balanced body
3. Balanced mind and soul (personal growth, self improvement)
4. Spirituality
5. Balanced lifestyle
6. Balanced relationships (marriage, love)
7. Social life (friendship, communication, social skills)
8. Balanced parenting/family
9. Financial balance and career
If you know that you do not feel harmony in any of these areas then I suggest that you jump right into the chapter that
interests you and try to find great tips for you.
You can get back to this eBook whenever you need inspiration in life or you are feeling down.
You can read this book from cover to cover and make sure that your life is in balance.
If you have not found the answers that you’ve been looking for then I will be enormously happy to get an email from you and
help you bring harmony into your life. You can contact me (Anastasiya) at anastasiya [at] balanceinme [dot] com or
balanceinme [at] yahoo [dot] com
If you have any feedback about this eBook please do not hesitate to send me a few lines in the email too. I am always willing
to get to know you, my reader!

Thanks
This eBook consists of various posts written by very talented bloggers. I want to thank every one of them for providing their
wonderful articles for this eBook.
Bloggers mentioned in this eBook:
Ali Hale, Aliventures Mark Brown, The Naked Soul
Anastasiya Goers, Balance In Me (that’s me) Mary Jaksch, Good Life Zen
Arvind Devalia, Make it Happen Miche, Serenity Hacker
Celestine Chua, the Personal Excellence Blog Sherri Kruger, Serene Journey and Zen Family Habits
Chris, Zen to Fitness Steven Aitchinson, Change Your Thoughts – Change Your
Life
David Cain, Raptitude
Zeenat, Positive Provocations
David Turnbull, Adventures of a Barefoot Geek
Dragos Roua, Brilliantly Better
Fr. Michael, Live Holiness
Jeffrey Tang, The Art of Great Things
Jules Clancy, The Stone Soup
Justin, A Little Better
Lana Kravtsova, Daring Clarity
Len Penzo, Len Penzo dot Com
Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

Balanced Nutrition

1. 7 Secrets to a Healthy Breakfast

This is an article by Jules Clancy of The Stone Soup. Read more tasty posts on her blog or follow her
@jules_stonesoup
Breakfast – the most important meal of the day?
To be honest I think it’s a little unfair to show favouritism

between my meals. But as someone who worked in product
development for a multi-national cereal giant I’ve spent a
serious amount of time thinking about breakfast.
This week I thought I’d share with you my 7 secrets to a

healthy breakfast.
Make it yourself.
The benefit of making your own breakfast is that you can
tweak things so they’re exactly how you’d like them to be.
It also means you know what’s in it so there are no hidden
nasties. It always surprises me the amount of extra fat
added to commercial granola – I much prefer to keep it lean
like my recipe below.
The other benefit is that it keeps costs down. This way you
only pay for the ingredients and not for the profit margins
that big companies command.
ii. Prepare in advance.

I make my muesli every few months. This means that as
long as I remember to buy yoghurt I always have a healthy
breakfast standing by.

If I’m going to be particularly short on time in the morning, yoghurt – my Dad has even recently discovered a lactose
I pop my muesli and yoghurt in a container the night free version which works with his allergies.
before. Then it only takes a second in the morning for a
healthy breakfast on the go. I like to go with a full fat natural yoghurt because it tastes
better and keeps me feeling fuller for longer. Whatever you
iii. Choose whole grains. choose, yoghurt is a great way to get beneficial bacteria
Whole grains have received a lot attention in recent years. into your gut.
If you’re new to the concept you can learn more
home made granola
iv. Add extra fiber.
I’m a firm believer that fiber should be your friend. I like to I like to be generous with the amount of nuts in my granola
spike my muesli with oat bran which is high in insoluble since I usually just use it as a sprinkle for the top of my
fiber which is important for digestive health. It is also one yoghurt. Feel free to dial down the nuts.
of the best sources of soluble fiber which has been linked to Make sure you use real whole oats (not quick) so you get
heart health by reducing cholesterol. lovely whole grains of toasted oats. Double this recipe if you
v. Have an avo’. have an extra oven tray handy.
For those of you not familiar with Australian slang, I’m The trick to making granola is knowing when it’s done. Use
talking about avocado. One of my all time favorite the color as a guide but be sure and taste some when it has
breakfasts is sourdough toast spread thickly with avocado cooled down to make sure it’s crunchy. Warm oats won’t be
and sprinkled with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper. crunchy even if they’re completely cooked.
vi. Use fruit for natural sweetness. 1C honey or golden syrup
Jam is one of my favorite things. Rather than have it with 7C (750g or 1 1/2lb) traditional or steel cut rolled oats.
toast I’ve found it makes a lovely addition to my muesli and 2C (300g or 2oz) whole almonds
yoghurt. But if all that sugar is too much for you, play
around with fresh fruit. Banana and blueberries are some of Preheat oven to 150C. Place honey or golden syrup in an
my breakfast favorites. oven tray and heat for about 5 minutes, or until it is nice
and runny.
vii. Yoghurt.
These days we are spoiled for choice when it comes to Stir through oats and almonds until everything is evenly
coated in the honey. Bake for approximately 1 hour, stirring

ever 15 minutes or so until the oats and almonds are rolled oats (steel cut or traditional)
golden brown. oat bran
nuts (choose from macadamias, pistachios, hazelnuts,
Allow to cool and taste to ensure it is nice and crunchy – if walnuts or almonds)
not return to the oven for a while longer. dried fruit (choose from cranberries, raisins, apricot, dates,
Will keep for a few months in an air tight container. paw paw)
linseeds*
home made natural muesli sunflower seeds
pepitas
This is more of a list of ingredient than an actual recipe.
Feel free to add in or subtract depending on personal Combine your chosen ingredients adding a little bit more of
preferences and availability. this and a little bit more of that until your mixture looks
good.
There are two things that make the biggest impact on
muesli shelf life. First are nuts – their high fat level means Store in an airtight container for 3-6 months.
they are prone to rancidity.
*Note. My Dad was telling me he was talking to a linseed
The second watch out is moisture transfer from dried fruit farmer. Apparently they are very difficult to grow and
to the oats. This means your fruit goes hard. Things with a require a whole swag of chemicals. Make sure you choose
skin like dried cranberries, sultanas or raisins tend to keep organic if you do decide to go down the linseed path.
soft. As much as I love juicy prunes, they dry out in muesli.

2. A Simple Guide to Frugal Organic Eating

This is a post by Anastasiya Goers of Balance In Me. Please follow me @balanceinme and keep your life balanced.
About a year ago I decided to go organic. For a while I tried

to buy almost everything organic; everything that had an
organic label on it was a must-have for me. After a few trips
to the grocery store I realized that 100% organic eating
was draining my budget like crazy. If it had continued that
way then I wouldn’t have had any money to spend on
anything else! That was not a fair choice to make so that is
why I decided to conduct my own research and find out
really how important organic eating really is.
First of all it’s important to understand why you want to eat

organic food. I have heard a lot of different opinions and
here are some of them:
• It’s fashionable, everybody is doing it

• It’s environmentally-friendly
• Organic food is diet-friendly
• If it’s organic then I can eat it as much as I want
• Organic food is healthier for me
• Organic food is natural, no additives, no chemicals,
no artificial ingredients
• Name your reason here
I have picked organic eating for my family because it is

healthier and organic food does not contain chemicals,
pesticides and other artificial ingredients that might be
dangerous for our health in the long run. I believe in
balanced eating, not necessarily in organic eating. In fact
organic is often just a label that manufacturers put on their
products to lure customers into spending more money nutritional value than simply buying something
(Have you ever seen organic onions? The truth is that there organic. Look for low sodium, low saturated fat, low
is absolutely no difference between organic and non-organic sugars, and high fiber (if possible of course). For my
onions, they are grown absolutely the same and have the babies I prefer juices that are enriched with vitamins
same nutritional value. Its’ the same as paying for air. and calcium and unfortunately I haven’t seen any
Ridiculous, right?) organic juices that meet these criteria.
3. The 5 line rule. I usually do not buy groceries that
When it comes to healthy eating it is important to look at a have more than 5 lines of ingredients. There are
number of different facts: nutritional value, fat, especially exceptions of course but most of the time these
saturated fat and trans fats, fiber, sugar (organic foods are products are loaded with preservatives, artificial
sometimes loaded with sugar too and it is not good for your flavors and ingredients. I buy only the types of
health), sodium, vitamins and minerals etc. I want to get groceries where I can read and understand every
the best for my family but I do not want to be fooled into word on the ingredients list. A lot of organic foods fall
paying for a fad. This is the reason why my half-organic or in this category and not many non-organic do.
frugal organic approach to eating was born. I have been 4. Farmer’s market. The quality of food at a farmer’s
using this approach ever since and it saves me money market is great and of course everything is organic.
without compromising my family’s health and well-being. Most farmers do not label their food as organic
Here are my 15 tips that will help you control your budget because it is too expensive for them to get certified
and still be organic: by the USDA but of course it does not affect the
1. The golden 12 organic rule. These 12 fruits and quality of food. This is the reason why it’s much
vegetables are highly contaminated with pesticides so cheaper to buy fresh groceries there than it is at a
that is why I always go organic with them: peaches, grocery store. The only drawback of a farmer’s
apples, sweet bell peppers, celery, nectarines, market is that it is open only a few months a year (at
strawberries, cherries, kale, lettuce, grapes least in my area it is).
(imported), carrots, pears. You can find the full list of 5. Locally grown produce. If there is no farmer’s
fruits and vegetables and their pesticide score at market around then I go for the locally grown fruits
Shopper’s Guide to Pesticides and veggies at my grocery store.
2. Read labels. When you buy processed goods 6. Buy seasonal produce. It might sound tempting to
(cookies, bread, lunch meats, cereal etc.) read the indulge into some fresh strawberries in the middle of
label. It’s much more important to know the winter but I prefer not to do it. First of all produce

that is not in season is extremely expensive and 10.Go with store brands. A lot of people are afraid of
secondly its quality is really bad (strawberries taste store brands and they are willing to pay extra to get
like grass and peaches are nothing but cotton). You the brand name on their can. I think that a lot of
do not get any benefits from these foods; you might times store brands are even better than popular
be even harming yourself. You can still eat apples, brands and at the same time they are cheaper. Some
bananas, oranges, potatoes and other produce that grocery stores have organic store brands that are
grows year round in some parts of the world or that quite affordable in my opinion. Do not be afraid to try
can be stored for a long time. Check out the Seasonal something new.
Ingredient Map to find out more. 11.Do not buy organic foods from the third world
7. Go organic with meat. I believe that grass-fed beef countries. I do not have anything against third
and free range chickens are the way to go. They world countries (I grew up in one of them after all)
taste better, they are leaner, various studies have but I do not completely trust their farming practices.
proved that this meat has higher nutritional value Non-organic groceries have higher concentration of
and overall is better for you. I also want animals to pesticides if they come from the third world countries
be treated humanely even if they are going to end up than if they come from the US. It makes me wonder
on my table. how organic their organic food is. Another issue is
8. Go half-vegetarian. Organic meat is sometimes two that a lot of times foods from other countries (and
times more expensive than non-organic and I know this is especially true about produce) have to spend
that it keeps some people from buying it. My days just to get to your grocery store. Can you call
approach is to eat less meat. I do not want to be a this produce “fresh”?
vegetarian (I do not believe that it is part of a 12.Use coupons. Most companies that produce organic
balanced diet) but I usually eat meat only 2 times a food offer coupons on their websites. Here are just a
week or less. This is all the animal protein we need few of my favorites and you can google the rest:
after all. Organic Valley, Stonyfield Farm, Nature’s path, many
9. Do not go organic with the basics. Bread, canned more.
beans, canned tomatoes, pasta, and rice – all of 13.Become a member of the CSA (Community
these groceries do not have to be organic to be good Supported Agriculture). For a very reasonable
for you. (Milk is probably the only exception in my price (in my area it is about $20 a week) local
opinion.) farmers will deliver fresh produce and in some cases
dairy and meet to you weekly. I haven’t joined this

program yet just because my husband and I are need to (obesity rates have gone out the roof). It is
planning to move to another state in the next couple expensive to buy organic groceries but if you try to
of months. Find your local farmers at Local Harvest. eat less, then your organic bill won’t be that scary
14.Grow your own produce. I know that it’s not easy any more.
but it’s totally worth it. This year my in-laws grew
some tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, pumpkins and a Organic eating can be frugal and sustainable. You do not
few other things in their yard. They also have a big have to make a choice between value for your health and
apple tree near the house. These fruits and veggies value for your wallet. I hope that these 15 tips of frugal
taste so delicious! Even if you do not have a big yard organic eating will help you eat healthy without going
you can still grow at least a few herbs or onions on overboard.
your porch.
15.Eat less. This might not be true for everybody but a
lot of people nowadays eat much more than they

3. 8 Great Foods You Are Probably Missing

This is an article by Chris of Zen to Fitness. Follow his exciting journey to health and fitness on his blog.
Sometimes we just turn a blind eye to some great produce.

Not because we don’t like them, but just because we are in
the habit of buying the same groceries week after week. It
becomes routine. Time for that to change, and for you to
start trying out some of these healthy often overlooked
products….
1- Beets I love these for their versatility. Superb in salad

or with some goats cheese, or nice to snack on. They pack
a real anti-oxidant boost and are rich in Folate. Try to eat
them raw or cook lightly to keep the nutrients in-tacked.
2- Canned Pumpkin While anything canned should not be

a staple, these are great to keep around the house. Add
some butter and cinnamon plus a scoop of whey protein
and you have a tasty high fiber snack. The stuff is low in
calories and full of Vitamin A in the form of Beta-Carotene
which is very healing for the spleen and helps with
circulation. Pumpkin and other root vegetables are known
as a “Chi” restoring food,
3- Sardines Both tinned and fresh. These are great,

packed with protein, calcium and Omega 3’s plus cheap and
easy to prepare. I always keep a batch of tinned ones in my
pantry and try to eat them fresh when they are in season.
4- Frozen Berries Recently I have been keeping a pack of

frozen blueberries around. They are cheap and pack a high

ORAC score (total anti-oxidant count) plus they are packed 7- Coconut Flakes Most health food stores carry these and
with fiber and phytonutrients. Great to throw over some hot they are a real gem. Packed with good fats and anti-
porridge or in some good organic yoghurt or cottage bacterial properties, coconut is truly a superfood. Make
cheese. sure you find a variety which has no added sugar and feel
free to throw them over pretty much anything from
5- Fresh Mint We often overlook fresh herbs and Mint is a breakfast to curries. Or just grab a handful as a hunger
favorite. Great to brew a herbal tea after dinner to aid killing snack.
digestion. Simply hand-wash a bunch and pour boiling
water over, leave to steep for 5+ minutes. I also like 8- Tomato Passata A good organic Tomato passata is
chopping up a big bunch and throwing it in a salad, Makes something we should all keep in the pantry. It can make
for a refreshing twist. home cooking so simple and pack loads of flavor plus
lycopene, which is one of the most potent anti-oxidants
6- Salsa People normally go for Ketchup (which is packed about. This great post at Everyday Paleo shows exactly
with sugar) when trying to add a zing to their food. Salsa is what I am talking about…
the ultimate healthy alternative. It is normally packed with
vegetables, spices and lemon which makes for a much more Hope you got some ideas for your next shop, plus don’t
beneficial side to your chicken or burger. Try and find a forget #9 in the picture Carrots always keep them handy….
brand that is low in sugar and uses natural salt. These will
normally cost a bit more but it’s worth it….

4. Cheap and healthy grocery list for a bad economy

The other day I was talking to one of my friends in Ukraine

and she was telling me about the difficult economic
situation there. Ukraine is suffering tremendously from the
economic crisis especially if you compare it to the United
States. If you think of this economic crisis as an iceberg
then the top of it is the United States and the underwater
part is Ukraine (usually about 7/8 of an iceberg is hidden
below the waterline). She was telling me that it became
almost impossible for her to fix healthy foods at home
because all the ingredients are so expensive. I was
surprised to hear that so I decided to make a healthy-
choice CHEAP grocery list for her and give her a few healthy
and easy supper ideas.
The healthy and CHEAP grocery list is international from my

point of view and that is why I decided to write this post. I
use these ingredients regularly and my family loves
everything I cook so hopefully you or your family will enjoy
them as well. Saying that you can’t eat healthy because you
do not have enough money is nonsense from my point of
view. I agree that sometimes fixing a healthy meal can take
a little bit more time then sticking Roman Noodles into the
microwave but your body and stomach will greatly
appreciate your efforts.
1. Beans are very tasty and filling at the same time.

They are the kings and queens of vegetable protein.

Rich in fiber, vitamins (vitamin C and folate) and shelves as we are more used to regular white rice.
minerals (calcium and potassium) they have an When we choose white rice over his brown brother
outstanding nutritional value combined with a we lose a ton of healthy nutrients like vitamins B1,
delicious taste. Canned beans are super cheap and B3 and B6, iron, manganese, phosphorus and we
extremely easy to use but they might be a little too completely deprive ourselves of dietary fiber that is
high in sodium so that is why I usually drain and responsible for our good health and the feeling of
rinse them before using them in any recipe. Some being satisfied. When I use brown rice in a recipe
food companies now offer no salt added beans and that calls for white rice I usually add an extra ½ cup
this is the best healthy choice you can make. A lot of of water and extra 10-15 minutes of cook time
grocery stores have sales on them so it’s a good idea
to buy 5-10 cans at once and save some money. I 4. Whole-wheat pasta (spaghetti, shells, rotini,
often use beans in different recipes but they can also macaroni, and noodles – anything you like) as well
be a great side-dish if you simply heat them and add as the brown rice described above is not often a
a little bit of hot sauce. guest in many households around the United States
just because most people are not used to it. Whole-
2. Tomatoes whether they are fresh or canned can wheat products are excellent sources of fiber that
save any meal. Tomatoes are low in calories but rich protect against cancer, heart disease and type II
in dietary fiber, Vitamin A and vitamin C and diabetes. They also help with weight management
lycopene. A few years ago lycopene became very and are essential for proper bowel function. Being
popular as it is considered to possess outstanding rich in manganese and selenium whole-wheat pasta
cancer-fighting properties. Lycopene can be better helps to boost the immune system and provides
absorbed into the body from cooked tomatoes like essential nutrients for bone building. Whole-grain
tomato juice, ketchup, diced tomatoes and tomato products are a little bit more expensive than regular
paste. Fresh tomatoes are good in salads and ones but they are also more filling so you will end up
canned tomatoes add a wonderful flavor to soups, eating less than if you were eating regular white
spaghetti, pizzas and a dozen other dishes. When I flour pasta. Different pastas can be used as a side or
buy canned tomatoes I go for the no salt added ones as a main dish, they make a perfect comfort food
whenever possible. and can energize you even after the most exhausting
day.
3. Brown rice is often overlooked on the supermarket

5. Potatoes are one of my favorite foods. My husband substitute it with regular chicken breasts (only don’t
once said that it’s one of those foods that you can forget to cut off all the fat and skin if there is any
hardly mess up because no matter what you do to before you cook it). Chicken is my best friend in the
them they are always good. I think that many people kitchen because it’s easy to fix and it’s a great
“abuse” potatoes by deep-frying them, smothering source of animal protein.
them in fat and cream and turning them into say-
hello-to-heart-disease chips. Potatoes are a 7. Carrots as any other vegetable are natural sources
wonderful comfort food that despite common opinion of vitamins and minerals. Carrots are the richest
are not bad for your diet and weight management. source of vitamin A that help us maintain good vision
You just need to cook them right. These vegetables and also protects us against free radicals. Carrots
are high in vitamin C (I personally never thought of are good for almost anything that I fix in the
mashed potatoes as an alternative to an orange), kitchen, I add them to stir-fries and casseroles, use
potassium (responsible for water balance in the body them in soups and stews, add them to salads and
and healthy blood pressure), vitamin B6 and fiber. munch on them whenever I am hungry.
Most of the nutrients are stored in the skin that we
recklessly throw into the trash can. In order to get 8. Lean ground turkey is a good healthy alternative
the best out of a potato I prefer to cook them with for red meat as limiting red meat consumption is
the skin without adding extra fats. Mashed potatoes very important for heart-healthy diet. I personally
can be healthy if you cook them with the skin and prefer the taste of turkey over the taste of beef but I
use skim milk or water instead of cream and butter. guess most people won’t agree with me. I think that
When you bake or roast potatoes you need to watch the best thing about turkey is that you can find 99%
the amount of fats that you add to them. That fat-free ground turkey that is very low in saturated
includes olive oil, butter, cream, mayo, cheese and fat and cholesterol – this is always my choice. One
bacon. more good thing about turkey is that it’s cheaper
than red meat, so my wallet wins together with my
6. Chicken breast is a great source of protein that is heart.
low in both cholesterol and saturated fat (if cooked 9. Fish. I can’t imagine my life without fish now.
properly of course). I personally prefer organic Actually I use chicken breast and turkey only a
chicken breast because it tastes better and usually couple of times a month but fish is a must-have on
has less fat, but if it is too pricy then you can my table most of the time. Fish is not always the

cheapest food you can get but it is definitely one of as aiding in weight control, garlic is a whole
the healthiest. If you choose fatty fish like salmon, pharmacy on its own. But even if I didn’t know about
herring or mackerel then you will get all the omega- all these positive effects of garlic I would still value it
3s you can possibly need. for its taste. Garlic goes well with almost every meal
Fresh fish is always better but you can sometimes starting with spaghetti and finishing with a steak. I
get killer deals on frozen fish (buy 1 pouch, get the always use fresh garlic just because it has a richer
second one free) or canned fish (canned salmon or taste and it possesses all of the listed above health
tuna are great for fancy burgers or regular benefits.
sandwiches.) Make sure that you choose only wild
caught fish because only these types have the most 12. Frozen vegetables like broccoli, corn, bell
nutrients that you need and the best taste. peppers, and sweet peas. Vegetables are necessary
for a healthy diet and each vegetable has its own
10. Onions are used in so many recipes that I benefits and its own unique taste. Using fresh
can’t even imagine my life without them. I would call veggies is always better but you can’t store them for
onions the ultimate taste-booster because it can a long time that is why frozen vegetables are always
enhance the taste of almost any meal. Onions are good to have.
rich in sulfur-containing compounds that are
responsible for many health-promoting effects like 13. 2% cheese bars like Cheddar, Colby,
lowering blood sugar, cholesterol and fighting Monterey Jack or any other. I prefer 2% milk cheese
cancer. One of the most famous effects of onions is because I watch my calories and cholesterol but you
their anti-inflammatory and anti-bacterial activity. can use regular types too if they taste better to you.
The recent study published in the Journal of Buying cheese bars is cheaper than buying sliced or
Agricultural and Food Chemistry suggests that shredded cheese and you can use this cheese for
onions also boost bone health and prevent anything: slice it for sandwiches, shred it for
osteoporosis. Onions are a must in my kitchen. spaghetti or salad or cut it in cubes for quick snacks.
A little bit of cheese can enhance the taste of
11. Garlic is a close relative to onions but it offers practically any meal and give your dish a hearty
many more health benefits. Promoting flavor. Even though cheese is high in saturated fat it
cardiovascular health, protecting against cancer and is still a very good source of calcium and protein.
viruses, fighting free radicals and carcinogens as well

14. Lettuce is one of the evening traditions in my make it a heart-healthy food.

house. Crispy green leaves with carrots and
tomatoes are the best beginning of any meal. When The thirteen products that I mentioned above are my best
it comes to choosing the best lettuce it’s always friends in the kitchen. No matter if I have 10 minutes or a
better to opt for dark green leaves like Romaine few hours to fix a meal I can always create something
lettuce or spinach. These greens are high in folic interesting and healthy for my family using these
acid, vitamin A, K and C but are extremely low in ingredients. If you are wondering what you can do with
calories. The combination of nutrients in lettuce is these foods then you are welcome to check out Healthy
responsible for its cholesterol lowering activities that Meals on a Budget – Week 1 to pick up a few healthy
supper ideas.

Balanced Body

5. How to Make Going to the Gym Interesting

This is an article by Steven Aitchinson of Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life. Follow his blog to find life
changing lessons.
I regularly work out at the gym. My two sons have just

joined me and we have been going now for about 6 weeks,
3 times per week. After a session at the gym whilst walking
down to the car one of my sons advised me he got a little
bored when going round the gym. I advised him:
“That’s because when you go to the gym, you stay in the

gym”
“Eh?” He gave one of those strange looks with a little twist

in his mouth.
“Well, I’ve noticed that you’re looking at everybody in the

gym whilst you’re working out.”
“Yeah, what else is there to do? You just close your eyes
and don’t open them until you finish your set.”
So I told him where I went when I closed my eyes.
Not being in the gym at the gym
1. The rowing machine
I am in Australia, China, or Greece and sometimes I am

even in Glasgow on the Clyde River competing in the
Olympics. I am an unknown and nobody has given me a
chance and I only got through to the final on a technicality.
However the commentators are astounded when I am in the

bronze medal position and catching up on the Australians doesn’t solve anything, but it’s my wife and kids we’re
and the great British rowing team. I can see my wife, talking about here.)
Sharon and my two sons jumping up and down and hear
them calling for me all along the river banks. 3. Cycling
With 200 meters to go I am level with the British team and I go for the fat burn here with a target heart rate of 165
the commentators are calling this “one of the best races and the mountain view (you get a nice little picture of you
I’ve have ever seen, and Steven Aitchison is about to go in climbing a mountain as you’re cycling).
front.” I win the race by about 2 metres and the crowd I am in the Tour de France. I am an unknown and I hear
surround me. I see my wife’s face and my two sons behind the commentators talking as I am cycling. I start off at the
her, smiles as wide as the Clyde. back of the pack of 100 or so cyclists but slowly make my
2. The Weights way through the pack to reach a breaking pack of about 30
or so cyclists. The commentators have now picked up on
I find this the most tedious and most strenuous. With the the fact that I am in 30th position and I am an unknown so
weights I want to push myself harder and harder. The only they start to find some facts about me.
motivation I can think of when I close my eyes is:
I see my wife and two sons at the side of one of the roads
My wife and two sons have been held captive by two and cheering me on. My wife places her hand over her
murderers after being caught up in a foiled bank robbery. heart, to tell me she loves me, and this spurs me on even
They are in a storage container and they are going to be though my legs are burning up.
killed if I don’t pass a series of challenges they have set
me. They make me lift weights and use all the different I am on the last 2 miles of a 7 mile stage (hey, it’s my
muscle groups on the various machines except I have to do thoughts ) and I am in 9th place. My son’s voices are
reps of 12 each time and instead of the weights being taken ringing in my ears pushing me a little harder. I climb to 4th
off they go up by 2.5 kilos after each rep. place, the commentators are almost screaming, there’s one
from Scotland there and he’s nearly wet himself with
My face is nearly purple by the end of the 20 minute excitement. Third place, 1 mile to go. The camera’s are on
session but my wife and kids are safely in my arms and the me, I can hear everyone screaming. I am just behind the
two bank robbers have been safely put in jail with a few second place rider and can see Lance Armstrong in front of
mysterious bruises and a broken jaw and nose (violence him. The crowd are going wild; the Scottish commentator
has passed out. I am right beside Lance Armstrong as we

come to the last 200 metres, he glances to the side and You don’t have to be in the gym
smiles and edges 1/2 meter in front of me, I respond and
kick my last kick and we finish the race neck and neck. All of the above is honestly what I do when I go to the gym
Lance shakes my hand and hands me the yellow jersey. and the time flies by and I really enjoy it. Of course I use
other machines but I didn’t want to bore you too much.

6. 9 Secrets of Choosing the Best Workout

exercise is a lot like being tortured than something that we

can do enjoyably. I remember when I was a teenager my
mom always tried to push me into some type of sports. I
always preferred sitting at home and studying or working
on my art projects instead of working out. However because
of my mom I tried tennis, track and field, folk dancing (I
hated that the most), swimming, exercise therapy (I
developed scoliosis as a child), badminton and finally
aerobics (I hated it too for the first year and used every
excuse I could to skip it). Today when I look back at my
childhood I am very grateful to my mom that she tried so
hard to make me a fit person. I also realize that all her
attempts were in vain because she missed the most
important principle of exercise: she didn’t let me do what I
wanted to do. My dream as a child was to be a ballroom
dancer or a gymnast.
As adults we treat exercise as something that we MUST do

and not something that we enjoy. When we choose a
workout we base our opinion on what everybody else is
doing or what is considered healthy, good for you and
popular. We do not give much thought as to what exercise
will actually make us happy, make us look forward to every
workout and become an essential part of our life. Some
people give up on exercise before even trying it because
they think that they are not made for sports or because
We all know that exercise is an essential part of a healthy
they do not have time for it.
and balanced lifestyle, however sometimes we feel that

I think that exercise can be an enjoyable part of your will be better to start with low impact activities
lifestyle if you can find your “miracle” workout, something (walking, swimming, cycling, strength training) and
that will work for you. You might have to try a few different later progress to higher intensities.
things and feel disappointed once or twice before you finally - Intermediate (you exercise occasionally or it has
find what you like. There is no one-fit-all workout that been a few months since you have last exercised).
anybody can stick to but there are hundreds of workouts to You can try anything you want but keep it within
choose from that you can fall in love with. reason.
- Recovering after an injury or you have serious
So what are the secrets of choosing the best workout? The health considerations – you need to talk to your
secrets are these 9 questions that will help you realize what doctor and ask what type of activity can suit you
workouts can work for you. best.
1. Why do you want to exercise? - Advanced (you are probably not reading this article)
- To lose weight – you need to concentrate on cardio – choose any activity that appeals to you.
workouts 3. How old are you?
- To get stronger and shape up – you need mostly Our bodies need different types of workouts at
resistance training different ages. When we are young we mostly
- For health purposes – you need a combination of exercise because we want to have great looking
cardio, strength and flexibility training bodies. When we get older we exercise to stay
Keep in mind that no matter what your goal is you younger and to protect our health in the future. In
will still have to incorporate all three types of general the intensity of our workouts decreases every
exercise into your routine on some scale: cardio, decade after we turn forty, so be wise when you
strength and flexibility training. It is essential if you choose a proper workout. I would also recommend
want to develop a balanced body and if you want to talking to your doctor first if you are 50 and older.
see constant improvement in the way you look and 4. How much time can you devote to exercise
feel. every week?
2. What is your level of fitness? - I am too busy, I do not have any time at all – it is
- Beginner (you’ve never exercised before or it has time for you to rethink your schedule and find some
been too long since you last exercised) – do not try time for exercise. Do you socialize with your friends
advanced workouts from the very beginning because or colleagues every week? Do you watch a TV show
you will face nothing but disappointment and pain. It every night? Do you spend hours surfing the web and

keeping track of all your friends on Facebook and football, soccer, basketball, racquet sports), martial
Twitter? You can sacrifice a few of these activities for arts to the most popular classes at your gym.
the sake of exercise and better health. You can also 6. How emotional are you?
squeeze in a short workout before work or during - Emotional people will enjoy fun and spontaneous
your lunchtime (30-minute circuit training at a activities like dancing, team sports, mountain biking,
nearby gym or a fast walk around the block). Be and group fitness programs.
creative and honest with yourself: you lack desire not - At the same time reserved and unemotional people
time. will appreciate Mind & Body programs like Pilates,
- I can exercise only on the weekend – plan 60- or Yoga and Tai Chi, running, weight training, working
90-minute workouts on Saturday and Sunday and out on cardio machines, swimming, and walking.
add 10-15 minute workouts during your weekdays 7. How aggressive are you?
(morning exercises, a brisk walk, going up and down - I can’t see a pacifist working out on a punching bag
the stairs) at the gym or sweating during a kick boxing class.
- I can exercise at any time – choose time when you This person will most likely prefer a relaxed Yoga
have the most energy and get moving! class or some folk dancing.
5. Are you a social person? - If you are an ambitious person with a forceful
- No, I am not – If you are tired of working with character then choose aggressive sports like racquet
people all day long then you will probably enjoy some sports, kick boxing, body pump, and weight training.
silence while working out. You might also enjoy these It will help you let off some steam.
workouts if you are very shy or embarrassed about 8. How competitive are you?
your fitness level. The best options for you will be - For some people competition is the main and only
running, walking, cycling, exercising at home motivation to exercise. These are the people who
(exercise DVDs, home exercise equipment), working choose exercise to compete in different sporting
one-on-one with a personal trainer in a small studio events (5Ks, marathons, triathlons, weight lifting
or swimming. contests), who like martial arts and team sports.
- Yes, I am – People around you might be a good - Others prefer to work out on their own pace without
motivation if you are a social person or if you like trying to keep up with anybody else. If you are a
competition. Your options are really endless. You can loner then choose sports that give you opportunities
choose anything from team sports (volleyball, for reflection (Yoga, Pilates, Tai Chi, swimming,
walking, and long distance running).

9. How much support do you need? I hope that once you have answered all these questions you
- Some people need lots of support and will be able to find an exercise routine that you can stick to
encouragement to stick with an exercise routine. If and that you will enjoy. The best part about exercise is that
you are one of these people then choose group once you get used to it and once you see some results you
fitness classes at your gym, join a running or cycling can try any other fitness program. The stronger you
club in your community, hire a personal trainer to become the easier it will be for you to enjoy different types
work out at the gym and never try to exercise at of exercise. You can even use exercise to reinforce traits of
home or alone. You need examples to follow in order character that you want to develop or maintain but that’s a
to stay on track. topic for another article. Have a good workout and
- Other types of people have high levels of self
discipline and they are self sufficient in exercise. Feel Keep it balanced!
free to exercise at home (DVDs, YouTube, and home
exercise equipment) or choose any other program
that appeals to you.

7. The Minimalists Workout

Some people manage to stay naturally fit and healthy. They

look radiant. They have no problem maintaining a stable
and desirable body weight, yet they seem to do little in
terms of working out or paying attention to their health and
fitness.
Or so it seems…
How Do They Do It?
These people don’t need to train in a gym every day or stay

dialed in to a perfect diet. Why? Because they naturally
follow these rules:
• Eat a REAL FOOD diet and don’t pig out on junk

• Walk lots daily or Commute to work by bike
• Have time for Relaxation
• Enjoys Social sports or stay active on weekends/free-
time (tennis, hiking, skiing etc)
• Do something they enjoy
• Know how to deal with tough situations or people
• Fit in 7-9 hours of good sleep every night
If you’re doing all of this daily or can make at least 80% of

it part of your life, then how often do you really need to go
to the gym or work out? Not much. If you want to stay in
optimal shape and gain muscle, 2 times per week is plenty.
If you want to maintain shape or achieve a lean and athletic
body composition, once per week will be just fine.

2 Day Muscle Building 1 Day Athletic Training
This a simple split of pushing and pulling. It works well to A simple full body split, for those of you who simply want a
build volume without requiring too much time in the gym. bit of extra muscle, improved performance in sports, and a
better body composition. It’s made up of compound
Day 1 Push – This day will be 3 sets of 8-12 reps of exercises, which will work your entire body without the
compound pushing exercises. need for isolation movements.
• Squat 3 x 8-12 • Overhead Squat (Dumbbell or Barbell) 2 x 8-12
• Shoulder Press 3 x 8-12 • Pull-ups 2 x Max Reps plus some Negatives
• Dips 2 x 8-12 • Dips 2 x 10-15 (Add weight if necessary)
• Pushups 2 x 10-15 • Stiff Leg Deadlifts 2 x 10-12
Day 2 Pull – This day will be 3 sets of 8-12 reps of • Shoulder Press 2 x 10-12
compound pulling exercises. • Plank 2 x 1 minute
• 5 Minute Row
• Deadlift 3 x 6-10
• Pullups 2 x Maximum Reps (Without straining) With all of these exercises, keep the momentum up, but
• Bent Over Row 2 x 10-15 take a short rest (45-90 seconds) between sets, then move
• Upright Row 2 x 8-12 onto the next exercise.
That’s It! Keep healthy with fundamentals outside of the

gym, and use workouts as a tool for increased performance,
body composition and athleticism!

8. Essentials for Minimal Home Workouts

Sure we can do workouts at home with absolutely no

equipment using purely our bodies to provide resistance. To
excel though having a few simple pieces of kit around the
house can help you add variety to your workout whilst
making it far more effective. What better time to ditch that
gym membership?
1- Kettlebell - A kettlebell at home is a great investment,

they are so flexible and can be used for pretty much
anything. One Kettlebell can leave the need for a set
of dumbbells at the door. Basically they are cheap effective
and offer a total solution for the weight based part of your
home training kit.
I myself have a 16 Pood kettlebell at home and have used

it for:
Swings
Presses
Cleans
Floor Presses
Squats
As well as a variety of other more basic exercises. To me its

an invaluable piece of kit. For more info and the full low

down on how to use and get started with a KB then to stop crunches which will do more damage than good, get
checkout my post over here……. some real core work in with rollouts and static stability
exercises like the plank…..
2- Resistance Bands - Ever seen those rubbery bands
that are used for stretching and light resistance, they are a 4- Chinup Bar - So many possibilities with a Chinup Bar,
surprisingly handy piece of kit. You can perform pretty they will allow you to build your upper body with simple
much anything you would with free weights the trick lies in compound exercises which is key. While chinups are what
using the positioning of the bands to manipulate resistance. you would normally expect to be done you can also use the
I like to use them to burn out muscles especially the chinup bar for:
shoulders and arms. The other benefit of having a set of
these at home is that they travel well and can be stored Negative Chins (Great Ab Builder)
away easily. Hanging Leg Raises
Plus they are great for stretching out and relieving tightness Stretching out your Back and Chest
in the muscles. While these are not great as a single way to
train a muscle they compliment a circuit of BodyWeight and So its really worth having one chin-up bar stationed
Kettlebell exercises. I sometimes take mine to the park to somewhere in your home gym. Don’t forget a simple circuit
use between sets of sprints too. of Bodyweight Squats, Chinups and Pushups is a workout in
itself and can build an impressive physique.
3- Ab Wheel - Forget doing endless crunches for abs when
you can train your entire core including your lower back and One last thing I would also throw in is a good pair of
supporting muscles with one simple exercise. I sued to minimal running shoes think Nike Free’s or Vibram 5
think ab wheels were a gym fad but after using them a few Fingers plus some good basic kit for working out (shorts, t-
times they blew me away and I now love using them, shirt and socks) and you are good to go. While none of the
nothing gets my whole core quite as well worked. above are essential for home workouts as you could use
purely body-weight and running, the kit does serves as
You can also use a stability ball to do the ab rollouts using motivation and will get you better results. If I had to choose
similar technique shown in the video above. Its really time one? I’d go for a Kettlebell…….

9. 5 Golden Rules that Have Helped Me to Lose Weight for Good

OK, so the holidays are officially over with and it is time to

start a new year. Whether one of your New Year resolutions
was losing weight or you just ate too much turkey and
brownies then you are probably considering ways in which
to get back in shape and lose those unwanted pounds for
good.
I must confess that I had a lot of delicious treats during the

holidays and I was not even thinking about dieting (come
on, that’s really boring to diet when everybody else is
having fun.) Now is the time to get rid of a few extra
pounds, a few inches in the wrong places and get back in
shape.
I was thinking for a while about writing a post about weight

loss. After all, weight loss was actually a trigger that made
me think about a balanced body at first and a balanced life
in general afterwards. I think it is time for me to open a few
of my personal secrets of getting into the best shape of my
life without diets and without long and exhausting hours at
the gym. Let’s get on to it!
#1. Be Happy
It is not a secret that most pounds are packed on due to

emotional eating. Sweet, fatty, creamy, smothered in fat
and high in carbohydrates foods are drugs for most people
because they make us feel good (for a while at least.) This
is an addiction that does not cost much, that is easily

accessible by anyone and that is not reproached by our keep your metabolism high and to not be super hungry
society. during your big meals. I have found that I managed to lose
my weight when I eliminated all snacks during the day. I
The only problem is that the pounds that come together didn’t do it on purpose; I just didn’t have time to eat
with that delicious taste in your mouth bring you the most between meals after my girls were born.
depressing thoughts and lower your self-esteem to the
ground. Even though eating makes you happy for a few My schedule allows me to have a late breakfast, a regular
minutes, you feel like a complete loser afterwards. lunch and an early supper. This way I do not have more
than 4 hours between meals and I do not get too hungry. If
Do not try to fix your problems in life with food and do not I want to eat something small then I always choose apples
expect that losing weight will make everything in your life or berries, green tea without sugar with a square of dark
go smoothly and joyfully. Concentrate on being happy right chocolate or 2 cookies (about 75 calories.)
now and you will notice that your pounds will start melting
on their own. #3. Stay Busy
I have been fighting my weight for many years (well, I was A lot of times we eat because we are bored and we do not
not fat; I just could not lose the last couple of pounds that know what else to do. We eat while watching TV, we munch
would have made me completely happy with my body.) The on something at our desk at work, we crunch on something
moment I stopped concentrating on weight loss and started while driving and drink something (sugary of course) while
living a happy life (fell in love with my husband, found my reading or waiting. Keep yourself busy at work, find some
passion in life, started spending more time with my true exciting tasks at home, try new hobbies, be outside as
friends) I found myself feeling lighter (in a physical and much as possible, play with your kids, go out with your
emotional sense.) friends, learn something new, try something extraordinary
and stop watching TV. Keep your life full, not your mouth.
Go to The Happiness Project to find the best advice on how
to be happy and do not forget to buy Gretchen Rubin’s book Sometimes you can get distracted from hunger by reading a
The Happiness Project. fascinating book or following an incredibly funny blog. I
have a great suggestion for you, check out the Dietgirl Blog
#2. Stop snacking and read her hilarious book The Amazing Adventures of
No matter what weight loss advice you read you are most Dietgirl. It can get you in the perfect mood to tackle your
likely to hear that you need to eat frequently in order to pounds.

#4. Concentrate on being healthy instead of being make sure that you use only healthy cooking methods like
slim boiling, steaming, broiling, grilling, sautéing and baking
(you should forget about two words: frying and deep-
In order to be healthy you need to eat a healthy diet and to frying)
be physically active. Being slim is a goal that is too narrow
and too shallow; it does not provide any benefits other than remember to drink plenty of liquids (water is your best and
enjoying your reflection in the mirror. only friend) and to cut back on sweets and sugary drinks.
That’s it.
When you are young and do not have a family yet you often
want to lose weight in order to find your Perfect Match (and If you are not sure about how to fix healthy meals that will
this motivation is usually strong enough to get you through actually taste delicious rather than … well… healthy then
diets, exhausting hours at the gym and constant feeling of you can check out my cheap and healthy grocery list and
hunger.) However, when you already have a loving partner, recipes that follow.
kids, and friends who accept you the way you are, your I am also a big fan of the World’s Healthiest Foods Website
motivation to lose weight starts to crack. You keep on and George Mateljan’s book The World’s Healthiest Foods,
eating and become more sedentary with each passing year. Essential Guide for the Healthiest Way of Eating that is like
The right motivation is to be healthy at any age. the bible of healthy cooking.
#4a. Healthy nutrition and no dieting #4b. Be active throughout the day and not only at the
gym
Healthy eating is the best diet strategy that you can
maintain your entire life. It is really simple: In order to be healthy you need to exercise because our
bodies were meant to move instead of sitting in one
you need a lot of vegetables, legumes and whole grains to position for hours. You need at least 30 minutes of
fill your stomach without consuming too many calories, moderate intensity exercise every day (you will need more
you need healthy fats like olive oil, nuts (especially walnuts) than that if you want to lose weight though.) You don’t
and fatty fish (salmon and herring) as well as have to become a gym rat though. You can walk or jog, you
can play sports with your kids or friends, you can exercise
lean proteins (fish, beans, moderate amounts of lean beef at home and of course you can go to the gym if you want
or chicken) to keep you full to. And even better, gardening, vacuuming and shopping
are also types of exercise. You just have to do them
and some fruits to satisfy your sweet tooth
frequently and long enough. I am sure that there is a

perfect workout for each and every person on this planet, Do not try everything at once when you make a resolution
sometimes it just takes a while to find it (check out these 9 to get in shape. Start by making your diet healthier (get rid
Secrets of Choosing the Best Workout.) of fast food and junk food, incorporate more veggies and
whole grains), then cut your portions slowly (not more than
#5. Take it easy 20% at a time) and add as much exercise as you feel
Slow as a turtle is the best speed rate for losing weight and comfortable doing (do not try to run a marathon the first
getting the best body of your life. I know that all of us want time you put on your sneakers.) Losing weight is all about
to look gorgeous instantly and this is the exact reason why developing new habits that you can stick to your entire life.
so many people fail at maintaining healthy weight. Changes I think this is it. I really could not come up with any other
do not happen overnight and you must be prepared for a strategies that have helped me to lose and maintain my
long journey if you want to see results that will last. weight. I hope that these tips will help you to reach your
It took me one year to lose the 20 pounds that I gained dream weight and to be healthy and happy for the rest of
during pregnancy but I am absolutely happy with the result. your life!
I was not crash-dieting, I was not exhausting myself at the
gym, I was not skipping my deserts and I was living a full
life while losing this weight.

10. Your Most Frequently Asked Running Questions – Answered

This is a post by Leo Babauta of Zen Habits. Follow him @zen_habits and keep your life simple and productive.
I frequently tweet about my runs – including a gorgeous

8.5-mile run I did along the ocean this morning that just
blew me away – and every time I do, I get asked running
questions.
Today I thought I’d answer those questions, for a few

reasons:
1. I love talking about running – and it’s your fault you got
me started.
2. The more I can encourage others to enjoy this glorious
pastime, the better.
3. I’d love it if my passion for running could inspire others
in some small way.
I should note that I am not an expert. I’m not even an

advanced runner — aside from running track and cross
country in high school, I’ve only been running steadily for
the last 4 years. In that time I’ve done three marathons, a
few half marathons, a couple of 20K races, a bunch of 10Ks
and 5Ks and other road races, and have rarely missed a
week.
Recently, even though I haven’t been training for races,

I’ve run my best-ever 10K (44:30) and 5K (19:55), blowing
away previous PRs done more than a year earlier. I’ve
decided to run my first half-marathon in a year and a half –
take a look at my training plan.

So take any advice I give with that in mind. And let’s dive The key principle is this: your body will adapt if you give it
into the questions! time. Start slowly, let your body adapt to that, then
gradually add time. Later, when you’re used to running
Q: How do I get started running? (after a couple of months), you can add intensity.
A: Slowly. Most beginner’s make the mistake of trying to go You’ll be tempted to ignore this advice and be more
too long or too hard — being too ambitious. I did that, so I ambitious. But listen to me, and you’ll have a much better
know. You think you can do more, so you do. experience with running.
However, this is a mistake. You end up getting too sore Q: What’s the best way to motivate myself to run
(some soreness is normal at the beginning of any new regularly?
activity) or worse, injured. Please, take it easy at first, I
beg you. A: Three things that work brilliantly for me:
If you’re out of shape, and especially if you’re pretty 1. Get a running partner. I can’t tell you how great this is.
overweight (20-plus pounds or more), start by walking 20- My partner is my sister Kat, who is a wonderful person to
30 minutes, a few times a week. After a few weeks of this, have a conversation with – I really look forward to our runs
start doing some faster walking intervals — quick walking together. She’s pretty reliable too, and I make sure to wake
for a minute or two, alternated with slower walking. myself up and head out the door on time to meet her so
that I don’t stand her up in the dark. Find someone to meet
If you feel you’re ready for running now, or if you’ve done up with, and you will rarely miss a run.
the above walking routine for at least a month and are
ready to incorporate running, I suggest run-walking. That’s 2. Make a rule: just lace up your shoes and get out the
warming up with walking for 5-10 minutes, then jogging for door. That’s all you have to do. The secret is – and don’t tell
a minute or so, alternating with walking rest periods. anyone I told you this – you’ll run once you get out the
door. You don’t have to run long, but as long as you run a
If you think you can run without the walking, do it for short little, you’ll continue to build up the habit.
periods at first — 10 minutes, then 12, then 15, and so on.
Add some time every 2-3 runs, but don’t be too quick to 3. Focus on the enjoyment of it. Don’t focus on how hard it
add the distance. And don’t add faster paced running in yet. is, or you’ll never keep doing it. Think about the beauty in
the surroundings as you run. Enjoy the quiet and solitude,

or the conversation if you have a running partner. Use it for your long run progresses each week like so: 3.5 miles, 4
contemplation, for stress relief, for release. miles, then 4.5 miles, take a cut-back week where you just
do 3.5 miles on the fourth week. Then go back to 4.5 miles,
Q: But I hate running! Why should I run? then 5 miles, and so on. Cut back on every 4th week or so,
A: If you really hate it, don’t do it. I’m not saying running is or you will risk injury.
the best thing in the world, and that everyone should do it. Another thing to note is if you’re increasing the duration of
No – instead, find an activity you really enjoy, like cycling a run, cut back on the intensity. So do your long runs a
or swimming or yoga or hiking or tennis or whatever. little slower at first — later, when long runs aren’t a
Or, if you like, try starting out slowly, as I described above, problem for you, you can do faster-paced ones, but that’s
and get a partner who you enjoy spending some time with. more of an intermediate/advanced tactic.
Running is very enjoyable if you don’t overdo it at first, and Q: I did a long run of 10-plus miles and chafed badly.
if you can have a great conversation while doing it. Tips?
Q: I’ve been running regularly, but how do I build up A: Yeah, that’s something every runner has to experience
my long runs? I can’t run for more than a few miles once. As you go past the 10-mile (or so) mark, you’ll feel
(or maybe 5 miles). things you’ve never felt on shorter runs: you’ll chafe in the
A: If you’ve been running regularly, you might set your crotch and nipples, which are not places most people like to
sights on a longer race, like a 10K or a half marathon or have pain (with some possible exceptions among you).
something like that. If so, the best way to do that is one It’s best to avoid this pain by using some kind of lubricant –
long run a week. Vaseline works well, or BodyGlide if you can find it, or in a
Take note of that – don’t make all of your runs longer. If pinch, if you’re a parent of a baby like I was when I was
you’ve been running 3 miles a day (for example) 3-4 times training for a marathon, diaper rash cream.
a week, don’t suddenly make all your runs 4 miles. Just pick Apply the lubricant to the areas in your crotch that your
one day a week to go longer. running shorts touch. I use Band-Aids for my nipples. Or if
Gradually increase that long run by half a mile to a mile you’re a male, run without a shirt for those longer runs.
each week. But it’s not good to keep increasing without rest Females will want to also put lubricant around the edges of
— so if you increase for 2-3 weeks straight, cut back on their sports bra.
your long run one week before progressing the next. So, if

Q: Any advice on running clothes and shoes? I usually don’t eat anything before I run, even on runs of 8-
10 miles. Even when I do sprints or hills. Sometimes I’ll
A: Runners don’t have to buy a lot of equipment, but have a banana or a handful of raisins.
investing in good clothes and shoes is important.
For a run of 15-plus miles, you’ll want to get some carbs
Actual running clothes really help. If you’ve tried running in before and during and after the run, either in the form of a
cotton, it’s uncomfortable – it can chafe, it’s heavy once sports drink or gels, or some kind of easily-digested food
you start sweating, and just doesn’t feel great after rubbing like bananas or gummy bears.
against your skin over and over. Running fabric is light,
doesn’t chafe until you go over 10 miles, and magically After a run, I don’t worry about getting anything. It’s not
wicks sweat away from your skin. This includes real running that important unless, again, you did a really long run. After
socks. a half marathon race (or longer), it’s good to get some
carbs and protein. Chocolate milk is perfect for this.
I’m not qualified to give advice on running shoes – go to an
actual running shoe store if you can and get the advice of If I’m really hungry after a run, I’ll eat. My favorite
professionals, who can watch you run and tell you if you’re breakfast is oatmeal with nuts and berries and flaxseed.
an over-pronator or a supinator or neutral or whatever.
Failing that, do some reading online to figure out what kind As for hydration, it’s important, especially for longer runs. I
of shoe you need. It’s important – wear the wrong kind of always, always have a glass of water when I wake up,
shoe for too long (months) and you can get an injury. before I run. I usually don’t need to hydrate during a run
unless it’s 10 miles or longer. Hydrate immediately after a
After that, it’s trial an error to find the brand that works run. You normally only need water.
best for you. I personally love Asics.
Q: I heard steady-state cardio isn’t that healthy for
Q: What about pre- and post-run nutrition? What you. Does it erode your muscles or something?
should I be eating and drinking before and after a
run? A: It’s healthy. Most people into fitness who bag on “cardio”
or endurance running just had bad experiences with it. They
A: This is something runners worry too much about. would rather do weight training or shorter, intense
Honestly, unless you’re doing a marathon, pre- and post- workouts, and that’s fine.
run nutrition isn’t that important.
But they usually say running is not that healthy because
they see fat people on treadmills who never get any fitter.

That might or might not be true — are they sure it’s the Strength training helps running, in my experience. Since
same fat people, month after month? – but even if it is, it’s getting stronger, I’ve been running better than ever,
probably because of diet. Those people are on the treadmill despite minimal running training.
but are eating junk food.
Q: How can I stop from getting shin splints? Or other
Studies have shown that running improves health, time and injuries?
time again. Sure, evidence shows that while you’re running
a marathon, you’re at higher risk of things like heart A: I’ve been lucky to have been running injury-free for
attacks, but … duh. You’re putting yourself under a lot of most of the last four years, with a couple of exceptions (a
stress, and you should be sure you’re pretty healthy before twisted ankle once, pain in my heel during my first
attempting a marathon. Also, after a marathon, you’re at marathon training, back injuries a couple times from weight
higher risk of a cold, because of a weakened immune training).
system. But regular running actually improves your Shin splints usually happen to beginners, and it’s usually
immunity, as long as you’re not taxing your system as just your body not adjusting quickly enough to the demands
much as a marathon. you’re placing on it by running so much. The answer is
Some people worry about losing muscle because of running almost always rest. Rest a few days, or a week, and start
– mostly because they look at marathon runners like the again slowly. If you still have pain, rest a little longer. Don’t
Kenyans and think that means running will make you overdo it when you return.
skinny. This isn’t something to worry about unless you run Most other running injuries are a result of overuse, in my
as much as the Kenyans do – 100-plus miles a week. For experience. Meaning, you’re running too much, or you’ve
the casual runner, your body won’t make adaptations this added too much running too quickly. Our bodies need time
extreme. to adapt, and even if we give it adequate time, every
To save muscle, be sure to do resistance training with person’s body has its limits.
weights. I do weights three times a week, but I think twice The answer for most injuries is just rest, and when you
a week would be sufficient. I recommend basic compound return, to cut back on volume of training.
lifts, going heavy once you’ve gotten used to them: squats,
deadlifts, bench press, overhead press, lunges, pull-ups, Some injuries are the result of using the wrong kind of
dips. shoes, in which case it’s probably smart to get a
professional to look at you – either to get the injury treated

or to get the right kind of shoe. I’m no doctor, though, so Q: Any recommendations for reading about running?
don’t take my word on injuries.
A: There’s so many good ones out there that I can’t be
Q: Should I only do steady-state runs? Or should I comprehensive. But I’ll name a few to get you started.
mix it up somehow?
Any books by Hal Higdon or Jeff Galloway are good for
A: If you’re just starting out, just start with regular running beginners. Once you’re into the intermediate phase, I
– don’t add intervals or other challenges in yet. Your goal is recommend The Competitive Runner’s Handbook by Bob
to let your body adapt to the basic activity of running, and Glover and Shelly-lynn Florence Glover. For intermediate to
you should do that gradually. advanced marathoners, you can’t do better than Advanced
Marathoning by Pfitzinger/Douglas, though be warned this
But after you’re past that stage, you’ll definitely want to is not an easy plan.
mix it up. There are too many ways to mix things up than I
can mention, but to name a few: long runs, sprint intervals, My favorite running philosopher is George Sheehan, and
longer intervals, hill runs, hill repeats, tempo runs, tempo you must read Running To Win, no matter what your level.
intervals, faster-paced long runs, fartleks, and more. I’ve
done all of these and love them all. Runner’s World magazine, website and forums are great,
though the tips can get repetitive once you’ve read them for
I recommend you add these different types of runs into awhile. I also like coolrunning, completerunning and a
your training one at a time, and that you go easy at first. bunch of other blogs (like Mark’s).
Adding intensity needs to be done with caution – if you do
intervals, for example, don’t do them all out at first. Just do Q: What about a good diet for runners?
them at a lower intensity, and after a few weeks, increase A: I don’t buy that runners need a special diet or need to
intensity a bit, until your body is used to them. eat anything other than what’s healthy for most people:
What kinds of runs you add into your training depends on real, whole foods. Some people think runners need a huge
your goals. Longer runs build endurance for longer races. amount of refined carbs, like pasta, but this is a myth based
Hills help you build strength. The other runs add intensity on the idea of carbo-loading for marathons or other longer
for various goals – increased VO2 max, the ability to run endurance events. If you’re not doing a marathon, you
faster for longer, and so on. I’m not going to outline a pace don’t need to carbo load, and you don’t need sports drinks
or plan – that’s what online running sites are for. :) either.

If you’re running, you can eat a little more calories than deficit, especially as you increase your endurance and can
most people, but it’s not an excuse to pig out. And if you’re run for a longer time.
trying to lose weight by running, you might actually eat
more if you get really hungry from your runs. I would resist There’s a school of thought, especially in weightlifting
the urge to eat more if you’re trying to lose weight. Eat circles, that sprinting intervals is better for burning fat. And
moderately, and don’t think you can pound down those if your workout time is very limited, this is true — if you can
donuts just because you did a 3-mile run. You’ll gain weight only work out for 20 minutes, you’ll burn more calories
this way. sprinting or doing some other intense exercise rather than
just steady-state running (or jogging). There are a couple
A better plan is to eat a nutritious diet of real foods: whole of problems with that thinking, though:
grains if you’re going to eat grains (whole oats, sprouted
grains are my favs), lots of fruits and veggies, nuts and 1) sprinting is very intense, so if you’re not in good shape
seeds, beans, and if you’re not vegetarian or vegan, lean it’s not smart to just start sprinting;
meats and dairy. My diet has limited grains (basically just 2) the intensity of sprinting means you need more time to
oats), seeds like quinoa, beans and nuts, lots of fruits and recover — so you shouldn’t do it too often, and if you try to
veggies, and some soy (tofu, soymilk) but not too much. do it every day (or even every other day) you’re risking
burnout or injury;
On a diet like this, you’ll be healthy, and adding in an 3) sprinting can’t be done for very long — it’s usually
activity like running will only make you healthier. Like I limited to about 20 minutes or so (otherwise you’re
said, I’ve been running better than ever on this diet, losing probably not really sprinting), so the amount of calories you
weight, and feeling great. burn are limited — while you can run at medium intensity
for much longer, meaning you can burn many, many more
Q: Does continuous jogging help in reducing weight? calories running instead of sprinting, and thus burn more
A: Yes, it can help. It’s not a silver bullet, though — jogging fat.
won’t cause you to lose your gut overnight. That said, I think sprint intervals are a great compliment to
Losing weight is simply burning more calories than you eat, any running or fitness program, as long as you don’t overdo
over a good period of time. Not a week or two, but more it.
likely a few months or a year or more. As running burns a Back to the original question about weight loss: the biggest
good amount of calories, it’ll help you get into a caloric component of weight loss is really diet. You can burn 600
calories in an hour of running, but you can easily eat 2-3

times that much (or more) at a restaurant in one sitting. So

if you don’t control your diet, almost no amount of running
will help you lose weight.

Balanced Mind and Soul (Personal Growth, Self Improvement)

11. Balance Your Life in Two Days

Life balance always seemed to me like one of these broad

terms that cannot be explained in two words and that
definitely cannot be reached in two days. Even though I am
practicing life balance every day I still cannot say that I
have mastered it completely and still have a long way to go
before I do. However, this weekend I discovered a
wonderful way to bring my emotions under control, to find
peace in my inner world, to straighten out my thoughts and
clear my mind, to enjoy a wonderful quality time with my
family and even to fight a few of my fears. My life balance
doesn’t seem so complicated anymore and it took only two
days for me to discover why.
This weekend my in-laws rented a log cabin in the

mountains and invited us (my husband, me and our twins)
to stay with them for a weekend. I must admit that I was
very skeptical about this trip and I was not sure that it was
a good idea (you see, my babies hate their car seats and a
trip that is longer than 30 minutes usually turns into a
disaster. It takes 3 hours to get to the mountains so you
can understand my “enthusiasm”). I must confess that this
trip was one the best ones I’ve had in a long time. This trip
taught me a few lessons and opened my eyes to a few
simple secrets of balanced living.
Enjoy Nature
The balance inside of you is closely connected with the

balance around you. There is nothing more balanced than
nature and no matter how hard humans try to create your neighbor’s dog is barking, cars are constantly going
something terrific and magnificent they can never beat past your windows, the garbage truck is beeping … All these
nature’s creations. Being surrounded by nature, admiring it noises are registered by your mind and they make it
and absorbing its beauty works wonders for everybody. The impossible for you to enjoy silence, to experience a
nature in the mountains was so magnificent that I could not complete vacuum of noises. It’s important to give your
stop marveling at it every second that I’ve spent there. All mind a break, to let it be still for a while. You can
the problems that were troubling my mind seemed so silly experience this silence and solitude on a lonely mountain
and unimportant; all my concerns were so superficial and trail, in a big field, on a deserted ocean beach.
shallow. Nature is the biggest source of creativity and
inspiration and spending at least a few hours admiring it New Adventure
every week is an essential part of life balance.
Try something that you’ve always wanted to try or that
Country Charm you’ve always been afraid to try. When we are kids
everything that we try is new and exciting. The older we get
Country living is not for me and I do not think that I can the less excitement we have in our lives, the fewer
live without a grocery store within a 10 minute drive, a big adventures we dare to try, the more boring we are. It’s
shopping mall around and a few dozens of restaurants that important to try new things constantly, to experience new
are at least a little bit higher class than McDonald’s and emotions and to enjoy life.
Wendy’s. However country living has its unique charm that
helps you slow down and relax. To me this country charm This weekend I tried horse-back riding for the first time.
consists of simple things like a small bluegrass festival, local The minute I mounted that pretty horse (her name was
barbecue parties, Dukes of Hazzard style driving (well we Lucy) I felt something special inside of me. I was scared
didn’t jump over anything) on country roads, and absolutely and excited at the same time and I could not stop smiling (I
no hustle and bustle of the big city. Country living makes think I looked pretty silly though ) There was something
you more grounded, it helps you enjoy simple things that very relaxing and real about horse-back riding through the
do not have high price tags on them. woods, going through the creeks, enjoying the silence and
the calmness of the world around me.
Quietude and Solitude
Experience media-free life
How many noises do you usually hear in your house? The
refrigerator is buzzing, the air conditioning unit is droning, I was shocked to realize that I didn’t have any cell phone
signal in the mountains (I can’t believe that there are still

places where you cannot be reached). We didn’t have unfortunately but we had so much fun. When we are kids
Internet in our log cabin and of course as usual we didn’t competitions like this come to us naturally and we enjoy
watch TV. I could do whatever I wanted to do without being running, jumping, falling, and climbing without any
interrupted by the outside world. particular reason. You do not have to exercise because you
need to lose weight or because your doctor says that it will
Play Games lower your risks of heart disease, diabetes or any other
medical condition. You can be active just because it is fun
How long has it been since you last played cards or any
and because you enjoy doing it. Learn from your kids or
other family game? I remember when I was little I loved
from the kids around you to be active without any particular
puzzles, monopoly, card games, crossword puzzles and
reason. Have fun!
many other games. It has been years since I last played
any of them and this weekend my husband and I decided to If you want to balance your life then you must learn to have
play Rummy. We had so much fun and I felt like I was a fun in your life no matter what. We all need to earn our
child again. No concerns, no problems, just having fun. living, to be serious at one point or another, to solve
difficult life questions and to be … adults. However, if we
Go Hiking
forget about having fun then our life gets completely out of
Hiking up a mountain is not just an exercise that is good for balance.
your body. It gives you the feeling of accomplishment once
It’s important to have short vacations from your daily
you’ve reached the pick of the mountain. It gives you the
routines, to change your lifestyle completely, to learn
feeling of unity with the nature around you. It teaches you
something new and to remember something that you’ve
to feel your body and to be grateful for being healthy and
forgotten long ago. It’s important to keep a childlike nature
being able to climb that mountain.
inside of you and to let this child play and have fun every
once in a while (the more often, the better). It’s important
Run up a steep hill
to be closer to the nature and to draw inspiration out of it.
My husband and I were walking around the area in the It’s important to live a balanced life and I am sure that
morning and we saw a very steep hill. We decided to have a anybody can get closer to being balanced just by slowing
small race just to see how far we could go. Not far, down a little and getting back to nature.

12. How to Know What Your Life Is Missing

the right thing but you can’t find it. You then get frustrated
about your life and nothing brings pleasure any more.
In Russian folklore there is a fairy tale that describes this

situation. The main character, in order to get his princess,
has to perform a very difficult task that the princess’s father
gives him. “Go There, I don’t know where. Find That, I do
not know what.” Do you feel that you have the same task in
your life sometimes? Of course the guy in the fairy tale gets
his princess in the end and they live happily ever after but
his methods probably won’t work for you.
How do you know what you are missing in your life? There
are two strategies that you can use in order to answer this
question.
Do you sometimes get that feeling when you are leaving Strategy #1
your house that you forgot something? You look around; Let me get back to the analogy about leaving the house.
check your pockets or your pocket book but you still can’t You know a lot of times when I leave with that funny feeling
remember what you are missing. The thought that you that I forgot something I realize that I actually didn’t forget
forgot something important is driving you crazy but still you anything. I had everything I needed and my trip (to
leave the house and go on with your life. whatever place I was going) was very successful. It was
Sometimes you feel the same way about your life (I know I just an illusion that bothered me.
do). You feel that you have everything and yet something is Look around your life. Are you really missing something or
missing. This missing part keeps you from being happy and is it just an illusion? Do you set unrealistic goals for
completely satisfied with your life. You keep searching for yourself?

If you think that you are not as happy as you want to be, 1. Clear your mind. Let’s start by organizing your
please remember that even the happiest people in the thoughts and giving you some clarity.
world have bad spells in their lives (they just know how to • Set aside some time to meditate.
deal with them.) If you think that you are not rich enough • Go to a peaceful place without your cell phone or
then remember that you cannot be rich if money is the only any other distractions (park, beach, art gallery or
thing you are chasing after (even if you have millions it any other place that inspires you).
won’t be enough). • Allow yourself not to worry about anything (leave
all your stress behind and grasp the moment).
You already have everything you need and everything you • Do not think about what your life is missing and
need is within you. Stop saying “I will be happy only just be grateful for what you have.
when/if …” Be happy and live your life right now. Be the • Walk, run, write, swim or do any other activity
person you are and stop chasing the phantoms of your past that you enjoy and that lets your mind relax.
or your future. • Breathe.
Strategy #2 • Look around.
• Breathe.
A few times when I walked out of the door I realized that I • Listen.
forgot my cell phone or a letter that I had to drop off at the • Breathe.
post office. A few times when I was still in college I forgot • Be present.
papers with my homework (and I got into trouble because • Relax.
of that.) Somewhere deep down I knew that I was missing Breathe.
something but my mind was so cluttered with millions of 2. Look at your life through the eyes of a stranger.
other thoughts that I could not dig it out at the right Did you notice how fast we can usually see what is
moment. missing in the lives of people around us? What would
you say about yourself if you didn’t know yourself?
Your life might be really missing something and your
Would you see a workaholic who spends every free
subconscious is trying to tell you about it. It is great that
minute working on a new project but forgets about
you are paying attention to these thoughts and now is the
his wife and children? Would you see a housewife
best time to find out what you can do to make your life
whose life is limited to the house and taking care of
better.
her family? Would you see a person who desperately

needs to take care of his/her health? question that we are afraid to answer sometimes.
Do not be partial to yourself, be honest. You already know what you are missing but you do
3. Ask yourself “Is my life in balance?” Break your not want to admit it because you are scared of
life down into these 7 areas: changing your life. You do not have enough courage
- Career/ business/ accomplishments or will power to take steps that will make your life
- Money full.
- Family/ romance Break down your goal into smaller steps and start
- Social life growing. Mary has just written a wonderful article
- Spirituality about the concept of growth vs change Follow her
- Self growth advice and start growing slowly into a better you
- Health rather than changing the way you are.
Are these areas equal or do you see gaps in some 5. You still didn’t find what your life is missing? Go
of them? You can write down your back to the strategy #1 and start living your life
accomplishments in each of the areas and this will with the awareness and acceptance of who you are.
help you figure out what you are missing in life.
4. Ask yourself “What can you do to fill in the Have a full and balanced life everyday and every moment of
missing part of your life?” This is the biggest your life!

13. How to Spend Time with Yourself and Why

This is a post by Lana Kravtsova of Daring Clarity. Follow her @LanaKravtsova to find clarity in life.
Today I wanted to talk about one special gift that you could
give to yourself.
The gift of time.
The gift of spending time with yourself.
This post is actually inspired by a great blog I recently

discovered called The Naked Soul. The owner of the blog,
Mark, wrote a post No room at the Inn about a Christmas
story a lot of us know - when Mary and Joseph came to the
town of Bethlehem and were looking for a place to stay as it
was time for Mary to give birth.
They came to one Inn but the Inn was full, there was no
room for them.
Mark says: “ For me this is a story that illustrates “God”,

“Love” “Source” , “The Universe” (call it what you may)
knocking on our door and us saying “No, we are too full,
there is no room here for you, please move along as
we are too busy, too important, too arrogant to make
room for you in our life at this time”.”
I am going to make a connection here between the

Universe or Source that Mark is talking about and our soul
or our Highest Self.
How often do you make time to spend with your soul?

How often do you make time to spend with yourself? I truly believe if we spent time every day communicating
with our soul we would be happier and more successful in
It’s been proven time and time again that answers to any life and amke this world a much better place to live in.
questions we have are within us already. Everything we
ever needed to be happy and to reach all of our goals is What does it mean to spend time with your soul?
within us already.
Spend time with yourself. Get quiet, ask questions and
But how often do we reach within? How often do we listen. You can do it by journaling, or meditating, or
actually stop and listen to our soul? visualizing or just sit quietly and listen.
Is it something on our priority list? Is it something we make Or better yet, spend some time telling yourself how much
a point to do every day? Do we put it on the same line of you love yourself. Most of our problems come from us not
importance as we do our jobs, our goals, and everything loving and accepting ourselves enough. Spend some time
else we are spending time on? every day filling yourself with love and accepting yourself.
I am sure for many of us the answer is NO. Even though it Let go of fears, worries, deadlines or any other clutter in
doesn’t make any sense. your head. Let go of everything at least for a few minutes a
day and actually be there for yourself, your True Self and
Why in the world would we run around trying to solve a listen to what it has to tell you. You’ll be amazed at some
problem when we could stop, look inside and find the miraculous changes that will start happening in your life if
solution much quicker and with less effort? you do that consistently.
Only when I truly realized that and started spending time I know that a lot of my readers do that already, the
with myself, did I notice a shift in everything I was doing. message in this post is to those who still don’t, but know
I got much more clarity, I became much more effective they should.
without striving for it, lots of creative ideas started popping How do you make it happen? How do you find time to be
up in my head, I started living more consciously without with yourself every day? Here are some things that helped
much effort, I naturally let go of negative thoughts that me:
were not serving me and overall became much happier and
more at peace. 1. Understand your “whys”. Why do you want to do it?
Most likely your “why” is to live a more conscious and
authentic life. It might also be to find answers and let your

intuition guide you in reaching your goals. Connect to your Visualization. Spend some time daydreaming with a
Higher Self. Become more creative and get more ideas. purpose. Get comfortable and think of your ideal day.
What are your “whys”? Forget about everything, forget about how you are ever
going to get to that day and just allow yourself to dream
2. Schedule. Actually schedule time to be with yourself. and feel your dream as if it came true already.
Just like you schedule any other appointments and activities
of yours. The more routine and predictable you make it, the Fill yourself with love. Say – “I love and accept you
more likely you are to actually do it. deeply and unconditionally” to yourself over and over again.
3. Unclutter. Unclutter the space you are going to spend Talk to your Inner Child. Find that little girl or boy inside
time with yourself. Just like you want your mind to be of you and talk to him. Tell her how much your love her.
uncluttered from all the mind chatter in order for you to be Tell him how much you are proud of him. Tell her that you’ll
able to focus on your soul and your Highest Self, the space be there for her no matter what. Give him the love and
around you has to be uncluttered too. Physical clutter is acceptance that he didn’t get when you were growing up.
very disturbing to our mind and soul, get rid of it. That child is still inside of you and he needs you to nurture
him.
4. Choose what you are going to do. Actually decide
how you are going to spend your time with yourself. Some Draw. Our soul often communicates with us using pictures.
of the ideas for you: Visual journaling or using pictures to communicate your
feelings is actually a very effective tool to understand
Journaling. Journaling is a great self discovery tool. By yourself better and find the answers to questions you might
writing we connect directly to our subconscious and our have. I learned about Visual Journaling from my friend
soul. It helps us to get out the messages they were trying Marina and it is amazing what it can do for you and how
to communicate to us. You can ask specific questions and you can express lots things you were not able to express
write whatever answers come to mind or just write with words using Visual Journaling. I’ll probably have my
whatever you feel like writing about at the moment. friend write a post about Visual Journaling here soon.
Meditation. This is a primary tool for connecting with the 5. Make it a habit. Consistency is a key. How do you get
Universal Mind and your Highest Self. Don’t know how to consistent at something? By making it your habit. There are
meditate? Just sit for 10 minutes and focus on your lots of ways to make something a habit. You probably know
breathing. No need in learning any special techniques. what works for you.

What works for me is to start small. Set a goal to do I hope those points will help you. Give yourself a gift this
something for 3 or 7 days. Then for another 3 or 7 days. holiday season to find a place for your soul in your
Then another. Small intervals don’t overwhelm your mind everyday life. Commit to spending time with yourself
and ensure you actually start doing it. every day.
Once you build a momentum, it’s going to be easier to You’ll see miracles, I promise.
continue going.

14. 10 Simple Ways to Live a Less Stressful Life

“If you ask what is the single most important key to

longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress
and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say
it.” - George F. Burns
Stress is a major problem for many people — a hectic,

stressful job, a chaotic home life, bills to worry about, and
bad habits such as unhealthy eating, drinking and smoking
can lead to a mountain of stress.
If your life is full of stress, like mine once was, there are
some simle things you can do to get your life to a more
manageable level.
Now, your life will probably never be stress-free — I don’t

think that’s even desirable, even if it is possible, because
stress is something that challenges us and helps us grow.
At a reasonable level. But when stress gets too high, it
causes us to be unhappy and unhealthy.
It wasn’t that long ago when I was working long hours in a

very stressful job, with little time for my family, smoking
and eating fatty foods and not exercising. I had a lot of debt
and too many bills. I was unhappy and stressed out all the
time. I was losing hair … OK, actually that was because of
genetics, but still. I was pretty stressed.
So I made some drastic changes. I quit my job. I simplified

my life. I quit smoking and started exercising and eating

healthier. I began to eliminate my debt. And I learned some 3. Get moving. Do something each day to be active —
habits that, when applied on a daily basis, can really walk, hike, play a sport, go for a run, do yoga. It doesn’t
transform the way you live, in a positive way. have to be grueling to reduce stress. Just move. Have fun
doing it.
How did I do all of this? One thing at a time. I didn’t do a
major rehaul of my life. I changed one habit a month, and 4. Develop one healthy habit this month. Other than
gradually over the course of a year or two changed a lot of getting active, improving your health overall will help with
things in my life. the stress. But do it one habit at a time. Eat fruits and
veggies for snacks. Floss every day. Quit smoking. Cook
I won’t guarantee that all of these will work for you. They something healthy for dinner. Drink water instead of soda.
worked for me, but each person is different. Pick and One habit at a time.
choose the ones that will work best for you, and give them
a try. One at a time. 5. Do something calming. What do you enjoy that calms
you down? For many people, it can be the “get moving”
1. One thing at a time. This is the simplest and best way activity discussed above. But it could also be taking a nap,
to start reducing your stress, and you can start today. Right or a bath, or reading, or having sex (which can also be
now. Focus as much as possible on doing one thing at a considered a “get moving” activity if you do it for longer
time. Clear your desk of distractions. Pick something to than 5 minutes). Other people are calmed by housework or
work on. Need to write a report? Do only that. Remove yardwork. Some people like to meditate, or take a nature
distractions such as phones and email notifications while walk. Find your calming activity and try to do it each day.
you’re working on that report. If you’re going to do email,
do only that. This takes practice, and you’ll get urges to do 6. Simplify your finances. Finances can be a drain on
other things. Just keep practicing and you’ll get better at it. your energy and a major stressor. If that’s true with you,
figure out ways to simplify things. Automate savings and
2. Simplify your schedule. A hectic schedule is a major bill payments and debt payments. Spend less by going
cause of high stress. Simplify by reducing the number of shopping (at malls or online) much less. Find ways to have
commitments in your life to just the essential ones. Learn to fun that don’t involve spending money.
say no to the rest — and slowly get out of commitments
that aren’t beneficial to you. Schedule only a few important 7. Have a blast! Have fun each day, even if it’s just for a
things each day, and put space between them. Get out of few minutes. I like to play with my kids — they take my
meetings when they aren’t absolutely essential. Leave room mind off everything and are really hilarious. I also like to
for down time and fun. play sports (again, often with my kids). Board games are

fun. Sex, again, can be a fun activity. Whatever you 10. Be early. I will admit that it’s hard to be early when
choose, be sure to laugh. you have to get 6 kids ready (seriously — try it!). But being
late can be very stressful. Try to leave earlier by getting
8. Get creative. Throwing yourself into a creative activity ready earlier, or by scheduling more space between events.
is another great way to de-stress and to prevent stress. I Things always take longer than normal, so schedule some
like writing, but others like to paint or play music or sketch buffer time: extra time to get ready, to commute, to do
or make pottery or do interior design or build things. errands before you need to be somewhere, to attend a
9. Declutter. This is a favorite of mine. I like to take 20-30 meeting before another scheduled appointment. If you get
minutes and just go through a room, getting rid of stuff we somewhere early, it’s good to have some reading material.
don’t use or need anymore. I look around at anything that’s How do you keep the stress in your life to a
cluttering up a room, and get rid of it or find a better place manageable level? Share in the comments.
for it. When I’m done, I have a nice, peaceful environment
for work, play, and living. Do this a little at a time — it can “Loafing needs no explanation and is its own excuse.” -
be one of your “fun activities”. Christopher Morley

15. 5 Simple Steps to Enhance Your Happiness

This is a post by Zeenat of Positive Provocations. Follow her @zeenatsyal or on Facebook to stay more positive
every day.
If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy
We have all been hearing and reading so much about

Happiness.
How to find happiness? How to be Happy?
This is not going to be one of those articles where I tell you
how to find happiness…
Why? Simply because I believe happiness is within

each and every one of us. We need not look for it
elsewhere. We don’t need to search for happiness, because
it can never be found!
How do you really find something that isn’t lost in the first
place??
Happiness can be self controlled and enhanced through

certain practices. A large portion of being happy comes
from our own power to change. Change is usually a good
thing, especially, if you’re in a dormant not-going-anywhere
kind of situation.
So today I will give you 5 simple steps/practices that will

enhance and improve your happiness quotient:
1. Be Grateful:
Write letters of gratitude to people who have helped
you in your life. Maybe it was something small or
something big…but write that letter. Email or Text

the gratitude note or letter. It’s my guarantee, you 4. You have strengths, Use them:
will experience a lasting and increased sense of Take time to think about your strengths. You might
happiness. But you won’t know till you try it! be loving, giving, nurturing, helping, a good friend, a
2. Be Optimistic: good person, a good host/hostess, great at your job,
Everyday before you go to bed or while you meditate, great with kids…the list is endless. Identify your
visualize an ideal future for yourself. For example- strengths and then make use of these in your daily
living with a loving and supportive partner or finding life. Everyday will become a blessing you will want to
a job that is fulfilling. You can visualize whatever you write about in your gratitude journal.
want and describe that vivid image in a journal entry. 5. Commit acts of kindness:
After doing this for a few days: one- the universe will Helping others also helps ourselves. Donate some
start positively aligning things for you, two- you will time or money to charity. Better still be kind, help
have an increased feeling of well being. and assist people in need. Watching another person
3. Count Your Blessings: smile because of something you did, is the best
Practice writing down three great things that have feeling in the world! You will miraculously feel your
happened to you over the week. You might have met worries vanishing, only to be replaced by a
someone nice or might have bought something new. heightened soulful sense of happiness.
You being alive and breathing is a blessing too. You
living and experiencing this wonderful life is a Simple, isn’t it?
blessing too. Write it down and see the heightened Now go ahead and gently introduce these practices in your
state of euphoria you feel after you do. You will start life. You deserve every ounce of happiness you can garner
noticing blessings you didn’t even know you already from this wonderful life.
had!

16. 6 Key Lessons in Life from a 140 year Old Man

This is a post by Arvind Devalia of Make it Happen. Follow him @arvinddevalia and make it happen for a better
you and a better world.
We had made a special trip to London and watched the film

in Leicester Square just a few days after its release –
watching it was a defining moment in my life.
I have watched this remarkable movie about a remarkable

man many times since then.
“Generations to come will scarcely believe that such a one

as this walked the earth in flesh and blood.” – Einstein
I have read a lot about Gandhi since then and also been
influenced by my late father who collected a huge library of
Gandhi’s teachings.
It is now up to all of us to apply Gandhi’s teachings in our

daily life – after all his message about peace and non-
violence is more pertinent than ever before today.
Today is the 140th anniversary of the birth of Mahatma
Gandhi. So he would have been 140 today had he not been On this 140th anniversary of his birth, here are 6 keys
assassinated in 1948. lessons for all of us to apply in our life from today.
Gandhi may not be around anymore but his legacy and his 1. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
message of non-violence lives on and he is indeed the light
the world needs today. This is possibly Gandhi’s most famous phrase and tells us
that before we can go and change the world, we have to
He has always been one of my heroes from a young age change ourselves.
and I remember crying after watching Richard
Attenborough’s famous film Gandhi. From the being, comes the doing and ultimately the having.

So we now have the message – “Do the change you wish to excessive demands of the West whilst most people in the
see in the world”. rest of the world were barely surviving.
Focus on changing yourself and being the change you wish Today I would argue that the way we are all living in the
– and soon we can begin to look at the bigger picture and West and elsewhere, there is not even enough for
solve the world’s challenges. everyone’s needs. We must revisit how we live our lives and
truly learn to reduce, reuse and recycle – the 3Rs.
There is this anecdotal story about how a mother came with
her son to see Gandhi. She wanted Gandhi to tell her son to The time has come when we cannot just rely on others –
stop eating too much sugar as it was harmful for his health. each one of us has to do our bit. Increasingly, more and
He asked her to come back a month later by which time he more people and also businesses are waking up to their
himself had cut down on his own sugar intake. responsibilities to the environment, the larger community
and the global implications of their activities.
The point is that before you can get anyone to take on your
own teachings, you have to apply them to your own life. Start today and apply the 3Rs in your life.
There are various phrases to reflect this message such as
“practise what you preach” and “walk the talk”. 3. Live a simple, minimalist life.
“Let your life be your message” – Gandhi Gandhi lived a very simple, frugal life. He died with very
few possessions and he preached simplicity and minimalism
Is your life the message you want to give the world? in all areas of life.
When will you be the change you want the world to be? He also dressed simply and even persisted with his simple
Indian loin cloth when he visited England and met the King.
2. Reduce, reuse and recycle When asked if he was under dressed for a meeting with the
“There is enough in the world for everyone’s need, but not King, Gandhi replied that the King had enough clothes on
for everyone’s greed” – Gandhi for both of them!
Even in Gandhi’s time there was vast disparity in the world Minimalism is something I am beginning to apply in my life
between the rich and the poor. He could see how the too. To get you started, please check out this excellent
world’s resources were being pilloried to satisfy the “Minimalist Guide” from my blogging mentor and friend Leo
Babauta of Zen Habits.

Leo is a man Gandhi would have approved off for his So anything and everything you do counts and will make a
humility, sharing, compassion and also his hairstyle:-) difference.
Start living a simpler minimalistic life from today – and you 5. Get your power through humility
will release a lot of time and energy to bring more of Gandhi was a very humble, down to earth, ordinary human-
Gandhi’s teachings into the world. being but therein lay his power and authority. His power
4. If no one walks with you, walk alone came from being very clear about who he was, his values
and his mission.
Believe in your cause, follow your truth and stick to your
journey even if you have to walk the path on your own. So the clearer you are about who you are and what you
stand for,the more power you will exert in the world, whilst
Gandhi at the end of his life was said to be heartbroken remaining humble and as down to earth as you wish.
with the partition of India as millions were killed and
displaced. Even then, he still had a message for the world – Of course, by power what I mean here is not the power that
it takes just one man to make a difference. corrupts but one that changes the world and makes a
positive contribution.
If no one responds to your call, go forward alone.
If no one talks to you, oh luckless one, 6. Start today
If everyone turns away from you in fear, “The difference between what we do, and what we are
Reveal your thoughts and express your ideas to yourself. capable of doing, would solve most of the world’s problems”
If everyone leaves you while you are travelling a dangerous – Gandhi
road,
If no one wants to look after you, Believe that what you do matters, and that it will make a
Walk on alone, on the road strewn with thorns, trampling difference.
on them with bleeding feet.
You can’t save the whole world single-handedly, and we
If no one shows a light, if in the dark stormy night everyone
can’t all be a Gandhi or a Mandela, but you can certainly
shuts their doors,
make a difference to one person at a time. So look for ways
to contribute.
Use your rib as a torch, lit from the fire of thunder. –
Rabindranath Tagore

Ask yourself what special skill or knowledge you have that As for me, I too shall continue to work on letting my own
can solve a problem or make the best of a situation and Gandhi emerge, but perhaps not his dress sense!
that will help or support others.
The way forward – become crazy to change the
And actually, maybe we can all be a Gandhi or a Mandela world!
Start small – and get started no matter what. They too What makes one person a Gandhi or a Dr Martin Luther
started small one day at the beginning of their own life King? Is it pure coincidence or do such inspirational historic
journeys. figures have some special powers?
So fear not – you already have and know enough – new “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The
skills will come for sure as you progress on your journey. troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The
And whatever you choose to do, it will make a difference. ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules,
and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote
The point is that everything we do matters and makes them, disagree with them, glorify and vilify them. About the
either a positive or a negative impact on everything around only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change
us. things. They push the human race forward. And while some
You can start today to apply Gandhi’s message in your life, may see them as crazy, we see genius. Because the people
simply by focussing on this one question:- who are crazy enough to think they can change the world,
are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs, Apple
How can I bring more love and peace into my life today?
So just how crazy are you?
Just know that every little bit helps and by you being more
loving and peaceful, the rest of the world becomes more And how will YOU change the world?
loving and peaceful too.
After all, we all have a “Gandhi” inside of us, just waiting to

emerge.

17. The One Ingredient Necessary for Accepting Yourself

This is a post by David Cain of Raptitude. Follow him @daviddcain or on facebook to get better at being human.
Recently I was surfing an online forum, and I came across

something that almost made me cry. Somebody had dug up
an old, old post of mine and replied to it. Sometimes new
users on a forum don’t look at the date on a old post, and
they respond to it as if it were still relevant, so the post
goes to the top of the first page in the list, even if it’s years
old.
Those of you who read online forums have seen this happen
many times, I’m sure, and so had I. But this one gave me
an instant lump in the throat.
The post was called, “My Struggle.”
The desperate tone of the post stunned me. I couldn’t

believe it was me.
In it, I had spilled my guts to everyone who would listen,

over my dissatisfaction with myself and my life. I hated how
I never finished anything, never got on a roll, never got
good at what I wanted to be good at. I was not able to
accept myself, because to accept myself meant that what I
was doing (and failing to do) was fine.
Of course I wasn’t fine with it. I knew I was squandering my

time and my talents, and it was killing me. I didn’t feel like
I could get anywhere until I loved myself, and I didn’t feel
like I could love myself until I got somewhere.

People advised me to decide to accept who I was, right body will undermine any attempt to love yourself. Love it
now, and then I’d be free to live the life I want. I tried to do with your actions, or it won’t love you back. If you are rude
that. In fact, I did it a lot. I would get so worked up with to it, it will hinder you, embarrass you, and even kill you.
enthusiasm about myself that I felt unstoppable. But
enthusiasm fades. After a few days, the same patterns Learn. Endow yourself with skills, languages, abilities and
emerged again, and I was back to square one. This went arts. Developing skills is the most immediate and liberating
on for years. way to shoot your self-esteem through the roof. What
qualities would make you love or admire someone else?
I’ve seen countless others describe the same problem. You Kindness, humor, thoughtfulness, ability? Cultivate and
can’t just decide to suddenly feel good about improve those qualities.
yourself. It won’t work.
A lot of people seem to think indulging or gratifying yourself
I can see now the mistake people make in trying to love is the same as loving yourself. Magazines and commercials
themselves, it’s exactly what I did. They confuse self-love say “Love yourself,” or “You’re worth it,” and then tell you
with how they feel about themselves. They want the warm, to buy something or eat chocolate cake. Finding some
comfortable feeling of being loved. They are focused on reward and indulging in it is not love. Often it’s just abuse.
receiving love from themselves, rather than giving it. Comforting yourself is not loving yourself. Beware the draw
of comfort; seeking comfort is often a response to fear, not
If You Have Trouble Loving Yourself love. Don’t appease yourself, revere yourself.
Know this: Do work you love. Even if you make less money. Even if
Love is action. you disappoint others. Working a job for which you have no
passion is betraying yourself, for eight hours a day. Nobody
Self-love is not how you feel about yourself. It’s what you can love themselves while they subject themselves to forty
do for yourself. You can only love yourself by doing, not hours of uninspiring work every week. If it isn’t practical to
thinking. Execute feats of love, feats of respect, for your leave your current line of work just yet, start planning your
own benefit. escape now. That’s love. Do not resign a third of your life to
someone else’s purpose. Dignity is worth any pay cut. If
First of all, worship your body. There is nothing on this
you don’t like your job, you are only getting better at being
earth you will ever do that does not require its cooperation.
resentful.
Be nice to it. Get it into great shape. Don’t poison it, don’t
abuse it, don’t neglect it. An unwillingness to worship your The Respect Habit

The quality of your actions matters. Do everything with Respect the trees. Respect the tiny, yellow-flowered weed
care. Pick up and put down objects as if you respect them. that vehemently persists in thrusting itself up through the
Don’t just drop yourself into a seat, sit down with purpose. cracks in the sidewalk. It invests all its energy in growing,
Respect everything you buy, borrow, give away or dispose and it absolutely insists on being itself.
of.
Love is picking up the dumbbells the moment you start
Respect your time. Spend your time on things that put making excuses. Love is doing your scariest task first thing
you into a better situation in life, on things that make in the morning.
you more capable, rather than on things that make you feel
good for the moment. You will love yourself for doing this. It’s not quitting early and treating yourself to a beer. It’s
not telling yourself it’s okay for your apartment to be a
Respect other people. pigsty.
Respect their skills and their virtues. Their flaws too. There is a choice in every moment, between acting out of
Respect their thoughts. Let them finish what they are love, or out of fear. At any instant, you can stop at look at
saying, don’t interrupt, don’t be dismissive. Try to the moment, and it is clear which action is which. You will
understand what they’re getting at. Let them be who make a habit out of choosing one or the other.
they are. I am convinced that people are exactly as
judgmental about themselves as they are about others. You won’t be able to have respect if you do not make a
Find the value in others, or you will never see it in yourself. habit of recognizing value. There is value in every person,
Forget the ways in which you would like other people to be object, place and moment, but you may miss it if you hold
different. Forgive them, and forgive yourself. Forgive faults to be more important.
yourself every time you wake up, and every time you go to Find the endless value in the world around you, and it will
bed. Forgive yourself every time you screw up. be easy to find the endless value in yourself. Eventually you
Respect the world around you. The spectacles, the scenes, will no longer see a difference between the two.
the details. Respect buildings and the people who built
them. Respect businesses and the people who run them.

18. How to Give Your Dark Side Permission to Live

Do you like Star Wars? I do, and I know a few people who
are plain crazy about it.
Have you ever wanted to have that Force that Luke

Skywalker and his family had in their blood? You know,
fight with a light saber or influence thoughts of intellectually
lower individuals. Luke and Anakin had the gift of the Force
but they used it differently. Of course you know that Luke
was all good and followed in the steps of Jedi masters while
his father turned to the Dark Side of the Force (Boooo!)
They were both powerful but what if they could use bits of
both sides of the Force? I believe they could have been
finally happy and more … human.
Anyway, enough with the Star Wars. Each of us has two

sides: the Good Side and the Dark Side and our life is spent
as a rollercoaster from one side to the other. If you are
looking for ways to improve your life, to live a better life
and become a better person then you are probably trying to
fight some of your Dark Side nature.
You wake up in the morning and you know that it is time to

get up because you want to go running before work, you
need to get a few things done and you want to be
productive today. On the other hand when you look at the
clock you feel the warmth and comfort of your blanket, and
suddenly you feel so secure and peaceful that you just do
not want to leave this bed. You want to give in to your Dark

Side Laziness and enjoy a few more minutes in the comfort When you agree to let a few bits of the Dark Side live inside
of your bed. Of course you still get up and go on with your of you, you must be very careful because you do not want
regular routines and you push aside those pleasant to go overboard. It is like eating a delicious cake. A small
thoughts of laziness. piece will make you feel good and happy, but a big piece
(and especially the whole cake) will make you regret every
The Dark Side is the part of us that we do not want to bite. Your Dark Side is your temptation that you can give in
accept and that we want to fight as much as possible. We to only when you really need it but you should never
might be fighting laziness, aggression, inconsideration, indulge in it.
ungratefulness, rudeness, stubbornness, arrogance … you
know better what qualities you are fighting. Sometimes this How can you let the Dark Side live inside of you without any
battle can be very exhausting and while you are trying to be regrets? I do not know all the answers, but I think that
all good and perfect you lose the present moment. You lose these tips can bring some balance into your life:
yourself and lose simple life happiness.
Have your own “dirty little secret.” Have you heard the
An interesting thing is that a drawback for one person can song by The All-American Rejects “Dirty Little Secret”?
be the most treasured quality for another and everything While trying to improve yourself allow yourself a few
depends on how we use these qualities. For example one “secrets” that will let you feel in balance. You can listen to
person can be suffering from stubbornness and try his/her the songs with bad language while running, you can eat ice-
best to get rid of it while another person will use cream in the middle of the night when nobody can see you
stubbornness to reach their goals and to stay on track no or you can wear one pair of socks for a few days (if it
matter what (this is how I personally deal with being mule- makes you happy, why not?) Little things like that do not
headed ) hurt anybody but they let you be “bad” every once in a
while.
I think that each of us should let a small piece of the Dark
Side live and flourish inside of us. We should have one Choose what bad qualities you can keep in your life. It
“dirty little secret” that will bring balance into our life. I is very important to choose exactly how much of the Dark
believe that happiness and fulfillment in life come not from Side you can keep in your life. Keep only those qualities
being perfect but from being balanced. This balance can be that do not hurt you or people around you physically,
reached only if you let both sides of your nature co-exist emotionally or financially. I would not recommend to you to
inside of you, let the Ying and Yang inside of you go hand in hold on to smoking or gluttony because these habits will
hand together.

only drain you in all senses. Choose your bad qualities Try to be the opposite. Sometimes we experience the
wisely because you are a smart person after all. biggest revelations when we step outside of our comfort
zone. It can be a good idea to try to be a totally different
Find innocent ways to satisfy your Dark Side. If you person every once in a while. If you are calm and passive
are trying to get rid of some bad qualities the worst thing by nature then try to be emotional and aggressive
that you can do is to eliminate them completely. Do not sometimes (express your thoughts loudly or try aggressive
step over yourself but rather try to find a place for your sports). If you are a leader in life then just relax and go
Dark Side in your life. If you are trying to fight aggression with the flow for a while. If you are independent then try to
or a bad temper then try martial arts, video games or rely on somebody and put your entire trust in that person
occasional fast driving and smoking the tires on the car (it can be good proof of your true feelings and a strong
(that is exactly what my husband does to let off some relationship).
steam ) If you are fighting procrastination then just allow
yourself to have one slow day when you can procrastinate Do you have your own “dirty little secrets” or bad qualities
as much as you want (the best thing is to choose a day that you are not ready to part with? If you put a lot of work
when you have the least amount of tasks.) into becoming a better person and improving both
spiritually and physically then you can still keep a few bits
Have one “bad” day a week or a month. Allow yourself of your Dark Side without any regrets. Eventually you might
to be lazy, inconsiderate, stubborn etc. every once in a get rid of that Dark Side completely and without any effort
while and do not feel bad about it. My husband and I have just because you gave yourself some time to adjust to a
Sunday as our lazy day. We do not have any tasks, we can new YOU and to develop slowly. Keep your personal life
sleep as long as we want (as long as our babies allow us to) balance between good and bad and enjoy a happy and
and we can have dirty dishes lying in the sink all day long. fulfilling life.

19. The Minimalist’s Mind: Decluttering Your Brain Waves

This is a post by David Turnbull of Adventures of a Barefoot Geek. Follow him @dturnbull and enjoy his laid back
life hacking.
too focused on the “stuff” aspect of simplicity. Yes, getting

junk out of the house and acquiring less is important, but
really, as most articles centered on this topic will tell you:
“Stuff is just stuff.” That idea goes both ways.
Your thoughts are more important than what

surrounds you and even a lone ascetic in a cave can live a
cluttered life if they’re not mindful of their consciousness
and how it behaves on the spectrum of emotion and logic. I
feel it’s the mental capacity in which you can simplify that
will provide long-term clarity and peace of mind.
This is not about “turning your brain off” (not even the
Dalai Lama can do that), but being aware of what’s
pervading the flow of your thinking and carefully working
towards a life that isn’t inundated with shallow fuzz and
mindless fluff.
Cut compulsions. For those that follow me on Twitter you

may have noticed my announcement that I’ve decided to
stop following anyone. I still use the service as a
broadcasting and communication tool, but my compulsive
nature compelled me to read every tweet that came my
way and, while I didn’t have too many incoming tweets, it
was the constant checking that interrupted my work and
cluttered my thoughts.
Things. Things. Things. Just as people are too concerned
with “stuff” so is the recent upswing of minimalism advice

Be honest with yourself and think about your compulsions; All of these things I should be doing prevent me, at times,
your reactionary choices that constantly interfere with your from having a relaxed mind; constantly tugging at my guilt
life. And it doesn’t have to be internet-based compulsions for not acting on them straight away, creating this
either. I used to be obsessive about finishing every book I antagonizingly long stretch of ambiguous anxiety.
started, at times slogging through chapter after chapter of
mindless drivel. Non-completion was a difficult belief to Now, overcoming this background resistance is obviously
instill, but like all compulsions, releasing them is a huge something I struggle with myself, but I do have a plan of
weight off your shoulders. action (and would love to hear your opinions in the
comments):
Identify background resistance and systematically
work towards overcoming it. Everyone has background Make yourself accountable. Write a list of all your
resistance; small things like unfinished tasks preventing background resistance and, if possible, share it in a public
them from moving forward or causing them distress at place (such as a blog) or with friends and family.
seemingly random times. They’re the things you “should” Take the path of least resistance. Start with the
do, yet aren’t exactly a requirement to continue your life, simplest item on your list and commit to doing it on a
but you know they will bring you happiness or the specific day.
possibility of happiness.
Get out the door. Once that day arrives tell someone that
Here are a few examples of things I should do, but have you’re going to do X and then get out the door. That’s the
been procrastinating about, creating this background most important part. Get moving and resolve that “I’m
resistance: going to do this thing I’ve been procrastinating about
Depositing an international cheque at the bank. TODAY.”
Have new passport photos taken (my passport expired a When writing your list be careful not to filter out items that
few months ago). Turns out ePassportPhoto can do all the you feel are silly. My entire list is silly – nothing I need to
“hard work” for me on this one. do is particularly difficult, or even that time-consuming,
they’re just not that interesting to me so I’ve pushed them
Learning to drive (…this has been background resistance for away to focus more on what I care about at this particular
a long time). point in time. And while that sounds very Zen of me, it’s
seriously impending my ability to go beyond my current

situation (which isn’t too bad, but I still have a few goals to Nothing will stand in your way. You will find a solution to
achieve over my lifetime). any problem and you will get to where you want to be. This
could take weeks, months, or even years, but when it
Consider what your wishes are. What do you want to do matters to you that much, the time is inconsequential.
with your life? What do you want to wake up to every
morning? How do you want to spend every day until the In all of this however, remember that no decision is
day you die? These are fairly massive questions, and the permanent. Deciding that you want to be an artist, doesn’t
uncertainty they conjure is a major reason so many people stop you from becoming a web developer; it just gives you
fail to answer them, but if you don’t answer them there’ll be a stepping stone for today.
that nagging feeling at the back of your mind that
something’s not “right,” that there has to be more to life Let technology and circumstances pull the cart. Will
but you just can’t tell what. power, being busy, and working till you drop is overrated.
Writing, developing software, and endlessly learning is what
“…abandon any concern for reputation and be satisfied if I love, but that doesn’t constitute giving into the potential
you can just live the rest of your life, whatever remains, in for ineffective, time-wasting fluff. Get up in the morning, sit
the way your nature wishes. You must consider, then, what at your computer at 9 and then leave at 5 and your mind
those wishes are, and then let nothing else distract you.” – will be as jumbled as, uh, something that’s very jumbled?
Marcus Aurelius (Simile fail.)
When you stand up and say “this is what is important to me Technology and the wide network of intertubes was
and I’m going to freakin’ get it,” a few super-fantastic designed to make our lives easier, not suck our souls down
things happen: their fiber optic lines . It’s time to make our digital allies
pick up the slack and for our environments to lift their
All the clutter (both physical and mental) that is not game, providing us with the power to do what needs to be
conducive to the life you want to lead becomes overtly done without frazzling our noggins.
irrelevant, making it easier to let go of.
Ask yourself this simple question:
Your future choices and decisions become less turbulent.
You can frame any idea in the context of the life you wish to How can I craft my circumstances and use technology to
have, and see what fits. streamline my life?

Okay, the question isn’t too simple, so here’s a couple of connected” view of tech – all this more, more, more just
examples from my world: obfuscates the core problem you face and the core desires
you have. And while the iPhone still sits patiently in my
As I wrote about in Working on the Web and Having a Life I room, I feel off-loading it on eBay is a perfect example of
found I was spending way too much time on the computer these key ideas:
and felt like it was dominating my life, making it difficult to
disconnect from the digital world. Instead of relying on will Never rely on will power.
power or trying desperately to cut this chain, I changed my
circumstances, choosing to set up a permanent office Regularly re-examine your usage of technology and other
downstairs, away from the part of the house I mostly live potential sources of distraction.
in. Plus, I used software like LeechBlock (although now I Lo-tech works.
use SiteBlock since switching to Chrome) to stop my
obsessive checking of email, and other minutia. Solve problems; don’t solve potential, yet unlikely
eventualities.
Mobile phones have never been a big part of my life. With
the ability to work at home I rarely feel a need to urgently Cutting out something you like in your life isn’t always a
get in contact with friends and family; and if I do, for sacrifice in the scheme of things.
whatever reason, there’s of course our home phone that
Being inundated with noise, notifications, and waves of fuzz
works fine. Even so, last year I picked up an iPhone 3GS.
will clutter your mind, eliminating the focus you wish to
It’s an amazing phone, made even better since I jailbroke
achieve and the clarity that is unfortunately difficult to
it, but a feeling has risen a few times over the past couple
maintain. Externalize yourself from your world and treat
of weeks: do I really need it?
your circumstances like a game of The Sims – you can craft
After examining my use, in reality it was pushing me away them from ground up, create the situations you wish to live
from my goals, sucking me into mindless Twittering and through and form the frame of mind you wish to attain.
compulsive Facebook-checking. Setting up self-moderated
Isolate judgment. Our judgment of situations is what
rules or just “dealing with it” could perhaps put a dent in
causes unhappiness, not the situation itself. This is perhaps
the issue, but there’s the simpler alternative: sell the
the most prominent belief of Stoicism, and there’s a perfect
phone.
example in my recent history.
Downgrading, or “lo-teching” is a viable alternative to the
much pushed “adding more features” and “getting more

My mum, sister and I decided to head down to a beach The act of isolating judgment, I feel, is an ongoing process
about 20 minutes away. After learning how to not suck at and I doubt there’ll be one point that stands out where I’ve
swimming I’d been eager to get back in the water, made the transition (if I ever manage too). Letters from a
preferably at an open water pool to do a few laps. When we Stoic and Meditations are both filled with fantastic pieces of
arrived however the area was crowded, the water was advice and are definitely worth reading, but here are a few
murky (it’d been raining for 3-4 days prior), and while I was quick points to get you started:
expecting a pool to do laps in, the closest part of the beach
that resembled a pool was simply a netted off area in the Avoid expectations in the first place. Tell yourself “this
water. could turn out like X or it could turn out like Y” – run all the
possibilities through your mind and don’t attach yourself to
I wish I could say I jovially went on my merry way and a specific outcome. Welcome unpredictability.
made the best of the situation, but alas, I’m not infallible
and for a good 20-30 minutes I couldn’t shake the feeling of Understand the nature of self-interest. Everything
being let down because my overly specific pre-conceived anyone does is done because they perceive it as a benefit
notion of what the day “should have” been like wasn’t a to themselves – that’s including yourself, the Dalai Lama,
reality. But what’s really unfortunate is that: the Pope – everyone. If someone does you wrong,
remember that, if you were in their situation, with the sum
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, clear skies, and of their life experiences, you would have acted in the same
warm temperature. way.
The beach we were at is a very nice beach. Seek the positive. Yin and Yang; there’s good in the bad
and bad in the good. No matter how dire a situation or
I had the freedom to be able to be in this amazing place in circumstance may seem there’s always at least a morsel of
the middle of the day. positivity, and an advantage from your stand point.
…and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing Living a life clouded by pre-conceived notions and harmful
out. People come from all over the world to visit places like beliefs is not how I envision my future, and I imagine it’s
this and the fact that I couldn’t knock off a few laps ruined not your dream either. Be aware of how you see situations
the entire experience. I’m trying not to be too hard on and how they affect you. Cultivate the habit of appreciating
myself, but you have to agree, my reaction was silly. At the events and environments for what they are, not for what
same time though, the vast majority of people let their you’ve determined they should be.
judgment get the better of them.

Release obligations with the survival mindset. I believe; choosing at any stage in your life that “X is true, Y
believe the purpose of the human race is to perpetuate the is false and these are never-changing constants.”
existence of the human race. That may not tie in with any
theology, but from my interest in Stoicism and Buddhism it The moment you’re in this frame of mind where you can
makes sense that survival would be our most important never be wrong and your beliefs are 110% foolproof, you’re
goal in life as it’d be consistent with the rest of nature. practically inviting disorder into your brain. What if your
thoughts are preventing you from getting to a place where
But let’s not make this a religious debate. To some the idea you want to be? What if a belief has been founded on an
of this “survival mindset” would seem pessimistic, as it obscured view, and is thereby invalid at its core? How will
proclaims that there’s no higher purpose for mankind. I you react to varied opinions that could prove beneficial to
take the other route however. I see it as a form of you?
liberation; a liberation from unnecessary obligations that
we’re often forced (or at least coerced) into adopting. Being without belief is being without breath; it’s unlikely
you’re going to survive too long if you avoid all instances of
Our only obligation is to survive, and to not interfere with having an opinion or thinking beyond a specific fragment of
the survival of others (what hurts the hive, hurts the bee the truth that you’ve been fed. Have a belief, but don’t
after all). Anything beyond those two conditions is our own stick to it so tightly that it pervades you ability to live
playground of opportunity. the life you wish to live, and do the things you wish
to do.
“…we are on earth to fart around and don’t let anybody tell
you different.” – Kurt Vonnegut “If someone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake
in any thought or action, I shall gladly change. I seek the
Perhaps, if I’ve explained this idea clearly enough now, truth, which never harmed anyone: the harm is to persist in
you’ve started to realize: you don’t need a Ferrari, spending one’s own self-deception and ignorance.” – Marcus Aurelius
40 years in a job you hate to further your “career” will all
be for nothing once you’re dead, and doing anything that Decide to do a little here and a little there. Big thinking
doesn’t tie in with your obligation to nature (survival) is – and ambition in general – has its benefits. Thinking too
fairly trivial in the scope of the universe – at the least small will destroy motivation and hinder your own growth.
though it can be a form of triviality that you find fun. But while I believe you should think big I try to regularly
“act small” – as in, everything I do to attain my big goals is
Never commit to a specific set of beliefs. One way to not some boisterous, over-the-top attention grab, but a
cause friction in your thinking is to be too rigid in what you

simple, modest, and mindful decision that inches me closer laurels, but still not taking myself to the point where I feel
to where I want to be. like I’m standing atop a house of cards waiting to crumble
at my next breath.
If you’re the type of personality that wants to do big things
then I’m not going to say, “don’t do that, it’s wrong” – This may be a slower way to get from A to B, but the
everyone’s different after all. In my experience though, process – the stuff you’re doing now – is elevated to the
when I let my actions transcend my thoughts I’m overcome most important aspect of your day and with that,
with doubt, negative stress, and a cluttered mind. everything you do, from the most mundane to the most
thrilling brings a sense of clarity to the table, allowing you
The approach I’ve been taking with this blog demonstrates to not over think (to the point of self-destruction) what
this quite well. Instead of committing to 2-3 high quality you’re doing and, instead, just doing it with all the focus
posts per week and really pushing myself to take my work you can muster.
to the next level on an endless basis, I act in a sustainable
way; regularly rising my standards and not resting on my

20. How to Clear Your Limiting Beliefs

This is a post by Lana Kravtsova of Daring Clarity. Follow her @LanaKravtsova to find clarity in life.
I used to have a belief for a long period of my life that

people didn’t like me.
This is by the way one of the top ten limiting beliefs people
have.
I used to have that belief in a slightly exaggerated form

though.
It was coming from childhood and from my mom’s desire to

have an easy going and communicative child which I never
was.
She used to always directly or indirectly try to change me. I

have a great mom by the way, she did what she thought
would be the best for me. But as a result of that I formed a
belief that people didn’t like me the way I was.
Anyway, I realized that I had that belief a long time ago.
I also realized that it was just a belief and that it limited me

a lot in life since it didn’t allow me to fully express who I
was and made me very insecure.
The nature of our beliefs is very tricky. When we have a

belief about something we’ll always find proof of that belief
in the external world.
When I had this belief that people didn’t like me, that’s
what I was noticing everywhere I went.

Of course, there were (and still are) plenty of people who The thought was very quick and then I immediately
love me. But I simply ignored them and focused on those realigned myself realizing how stupid it was to think that
who didn’t. That in turn reinforced my belief and made it (state of awareness again).
even stronger.
I had a couple of other occasions like that one and those
Quit a vicious cycle. brief thoughts or reactions that I became aware of showed
me that the belief is still there.
When I started living more consciously, I started
reevaluating my beliefs. I let it go quickly and don’t allow it to make my life
miserable anymore because I am aware of it. But it would
One thing I learned was that often just becoming aware of be so nice to not have it at all, to let it go out of my life
the limiting belief was enough to let it go. completely.
Ahh Awareness… It can truly create miracles. And I think I finally did.
Well, unfortunately, with some deeply rooted beliefs not How did I do that?
everything is that easy.
Instead of trying to fight my limiting belief that people don’t
I let go of the belief partially but not all of it. How did I like me, I decided to consciously let go of my need for
know? approval by others.
Awareness helped again. I told you it’s a powerful tool. I consciously decided that from now on I will allow people to
I started noticing (became aware of) occasions when the not like me (as if they ever cared about my permissionJ). I
belief reappeared again. allowed myself to be okay with people not liking me.
I think one of them was when I sent a friend request to a I made a decision and I also wrote it down – “I am
person on FB who I was really interested to become friends completely fine when someone doesn’t like me and I allow
with and the person didn’t respond to the request for them to feel towards me the way they please”.
several days. The first thought I had was that the person So I attacked the belief from a different angle. It is still
didn’t like what I had written in the message I sent, which there but I don’t care about it anymore since I don’t care
was pretty silly to think, but I did. about people liking me or not anymore. Well, I probably still
do but I am not attached to it.

What are the beliefs you have that bother you? Are you Watch your thoughts. What are the thoughts that run
even aware of your limiting beliefs? Becoming aware is the through your mind? Are there lots of those that make you a
first and most important step of stopping those beliefs from victim, criticize you, complain etc? Notice the patterns, find
ruling your life and dictating you how you are going to limiting beliefs. Become aware. Only after that can you let
think, feel and act. them go.
Become aware first and then see how you can completely Start noticing your second reaction to something.
get rid of them. Your first reaction usually comes from your soul and is true.
You second reaction might be different and it is when your
Find a different angle to your belief just like I did and let it limiting beliefs kick in.
go.
When I wanted to send a friend request to a person I talked
But before you do that you have to learn how to become about earlier, I was excited. Then the second reaction came
aware, right? Without awareness you’ll continue living on and my limiting belief kicked in – she might not have liked
autopilot at the mercy of your limiting beliefs. what I had written (people don’t like you, don’t you
How to become aware: remember?)
Stop and ask why. Ask why you are thinking, feeling and Write it down. When you become aware of your limiting
acting the way you do. Why are you afraid to do thoughts, words, reactions– write them down. Otherwise
something? Does it really make sense? Or is it some you’ll forget.
limiting belief of yours stopping you from taking action? Meditate. Meditation is the number one tool that helps with
Stop and ask, often just that is enough to uncover limiting the state of awareness. It helps us to become an observer.
beliefs.
Without becoming more aware you won’t be able to stop
Watch your language. Notice how you speak. Do you and ask why. You’ll continue on autopilot doing what you
have lots of negative phrases in your vocabulary? Do you were doing. You won’t be able to notice your limiting
have lots of – “It won’t work”, “I don’t think I can do it”, language patterns or your second reactions. All of that is
“this is unrealistic”, “they won’t approve” etc? Do you have possible only when you are aware, when you are observing.
any “Would be nice but…”, “I’d love to but I should..”, “I
don’t want to but I have to…” Watch how you speak and
you’ll become aware of your limiting beliefs.

After you became aware of some of the limiting beliefs that Let go.
hold you back in life, see how you can let them go
completely. Free yourself up.
Find the angle that will help you get rid of any need to have You’ll love it, I promise.
that negative belief. Live Consciously, Be Yourself, Follow Your Dreams!
Release your attachment to the thing you are so afraid of.

21. 10 Killer Strategies to Kill Negative Thinking (and Regain Life Balance)
I am sure that each of us has those days when we feel that

the whole world is against us. It starts with gloomy rainy
weather that does not let even a tiny ray of sunshine touch
your skin. The next thing you know is that you have gotten
into a mess that you were not even expecting. You got laid
off (pretty common in this modern economy), you had a
bad argument with someone close to you, or you feel that
you are not appreciated and that everything you do is not
good enough. You can think of your own scenarios of how
you could develop a negative attitude to life, I don’t think
you need my help for this
It’s difficult to be balanced and happy in these situations

(yep, even “balance experts” like me have times like this).
Instead of focusing on balanced thinking you start over-
analyzing the situation. Thoughts of self-pity or criticism fill
your entire mind killing any sprouts of creativity or
inspiration. You get stuck in a circle of insecurity, fear,
frustration and a general feeling of failure.
Each of us knows the best advice that we hear in these

types of situations “Stop thinking negatively. Concentrate
on positive thoughts.” Yeah, right … If it really were that
easy then people would not be popping anti-depressant pills
like crazy now.
However I do believe that there is a way to change this

negative attitude and to regain life balance in the shortest

time (without any medical assistance). After going through negatively. I like organizing photos, creating photo
a situation that required all my knowledge of life balance I collages and looking through photo albums. It brings
can give you a few tips on how to eradicate negative happy memories and helps me to be more grateful
thoughts. for what I have.
4. Be engrossed in your work. When you are a writer
1. Talk to someone with a positive attitude. The or any other creative person then being engrossed in
most important thing in situations like this is not to work is a problem (negative thoughts kill inspiration).
stay alone. Find somebody that you can talk to and However, I find it helpful to do some routine projects
discuss whatever troubles you (do not forget to be that do not require creativity. In the terms of a blog
emotional in the conversation). Do not get stuck on it can be looking for new plugins, looking for people
the subject of your negative attitude though. Once to follow on Twitter or Stumbleupon, going through
you feel that your burden is lighter move on and talk old posts and organizing them etc. No matter what
about something pleasant. Remember funny you do for a living I am sure that you have some
situations that happened to both of you in the past, routine tasks that you do not like doing on most
talk about nice people you met; discuss funny movies other days but that you can benefit from when you
or people you saw lately. Have fun. are low on inspiration.
2. Write down your thoughts. If there is nobody you 5. Go to an inspiring place. The worst thing to do
can talk to then just write down all your thoughts. when you are attacked by negative thinking is to hide
Again do not forget to put your emotions into this in your house and to complain about the whole world.
writing. You can pretend that it’s a letter to yourself Get out and go to a place that inspires you. Nature is
or to an imaginary friend. It also can be the plot of a the biggest source of inspiration for me that is why I
novel (do not forget to write a happy ending then). It enjoy going to the park, hiking nature trails or just
can even be a mind map that will help you realize going for a walk around the neighborhood (you still
what led you to this negative attitude and how you
see trees, grass and flowers ). (You can find a few
can break through. Once you are done you will feel
ideas about nature and life balance in Balance Your
relieved and your balance will be at least partially
Life in Two Days) Some people might get inspired in
restored. Depending on the situation you might want
a museum or art gallery while others might be fans
to burn whatever you have written or tear it to pieces
of hot rods and muscle cars. You know what inspires
and imagine how your negative thoughts disappear.
you so just go there!
3. Immerse yourself into a hobby. When you are
doing something you love you stop thinking

6. Stop your negative thoughts for a while. If you inner balance in just a couple of weeks. What do you
are a disciplined person then you can tell yourself “I want to try?
cannot think about it now. I will think about this 9. Learn from the situation. Whether you have given
whole situation between 8 p.m. and 8.20 p.m.” You in to emotional eating and gained 10 pounds that
do not stop your thoughts you just postpone them. you’ve been trying to lose for the last year or
The idea is that when the allocated time arrives, you whether you have been hurt by stinging comments
won’t feel the same anxiety. and thoughts of people around you, just use this
7. Practice gratitude. It is very important to learn the situation as a life lesson. Imagine that you have
art of gratitude before negative thoughts start to gotten a bad grade in school. It’s unpleasant, you
bombard you (in this case negative attitude does not feel bad but it is not the end of the world. You just
even have a chance to creep into your life). However, have to learn your homework again and next time
it’s never too late to start. Be genuinely grateful for you will be prepared.
what you have in life and never stop thinking about 10.Find happiness boosters. Sometimes a bowl of ice-
it. Meditation is a powerful tool to control your cream can be a better cure than any emotional
thoughts and to learn gratitude (I am almost counseling (do not practice emotional eating too
ashamed to admit that I still have not tried often though). Watch a comedy or any movie with a
meditation. Well, it is nice to know that I still have happy ending. Focus on good things in your life (my
long ways to go to discover everything about life babies are the biggest happiness boosters for me.
balance ) Being spiritual in general will help you to Just one smile on their faces makes me the happiest
become more aware and grateful for your life. person on the face of the earth. )
8. Try something new and get extremely excited
I firmly believe that any smart person can withstand any
about it. One of my close friends recently broke up
attack of negativity. It is our choice how to fight this battle
with her boyfriend and the world looked pretty dark
and to be winners no matter what. Negative situations or
to her. She has decided to try something she’s been
failures are unavoidable but we can avoid their destructive
thinking about for a long time – Kundalini Yoga. She
power by holding on to positive thinking, a desire to
says that the whole world seems a hundred times
understand the world around us and a constant movement
brighter now and she has completely regained her
towards life balance.

22. 10 Ways to Practice Mindfulness and Reach Life Balance

Being a mindful person is probably the best way to find life

balance. When you are mindful you live in the present
moment and you can enjoy your life right now, not some
time in the future and not some time in the past.
Right now I am sitting in front of a glass door that opens to

a terrific view of the ocean, waves breaking on the beach,
blue sky and white fluffy clouds that form the most amazing
shapes in the sky. My girls are playing with my husband on
the balcony and I can see their little faces with huge smiles
and sparkling eyes. I am mindful and I feel completely in
balance at this moment. There is nothing else that I could
wish for in life.
Mindfulness is the first step to finding balance and

happiness in life. I know that a lot of times we are too busy
to stop and think, to be mindful of the present moment and
what it means to us. From our earliest years we hear that
we need to think about the future all the time. We need to
plan for the future every minute of our life. We are not
taught to live in the present and to enjoy the very moment
that we are in right now (actually living in the present and
not thinking about the future is reproached in any possible
way.)
When we are not thinking about the future we are usually

thinking about the past. It would have been nice if we were
thinking only about pleasant moments of the past, our
emotions and memories of the happiest days of our life.
However, most of the time we think about something that their time enjoying their little treasure. You can do
we should have done but we forgot to. We think about the same every once in a while. It will be easier to
some situation when we didn’t feel at our best and how we start this practice somewhere in nature where you
could have changed it if we had said or done something can observe the magnificence of the world and be
differently. We think about people and opportunities we’ve grateful for living in this world.
lost. We remember stressful situations that bring only 2. Spend a lot of time in nature. Nature has different
negative emotions and thoughts. And again the present faces and I have already written about the
moment is lost in the stream of our past. importance of nature for life balance. Nature can
calm your thoughts down and let you experience
You can’t be in balance when you miss so many moments of mindful awareness.
your life. Life balance is about being in peace and harmony 3. Mindful eating. Food is a source of energy for our
with your inner world and with the world around you. You body and spirit and if we want to learn mindfulness
need time to be able to enjoy this peace of mind and to be then we must start with mindful eating. Shoveling
present in the present. down tons of food without even thinking about what
I believe that it is great time to start your search for life we are eating and how much we are eating is very
balance through becoming a mindful person right now. common in our present society. The next time that
Mindfulness is associated mostly with meditation but there you eat think about every bite and enjoy it. Taste the
are other ways how you can embrace mindfulness while flavor of your food, smell it, feel it and be aware of
performing your every day tasks. I started trying how your body reacts to this food. How much does
meditation only a couple of weeks ago and I must confess your body really need? Mindful eating will help you
that I do not spend more than 10 minutes a couple of times take care not only of your spirit but also of your
a week doing it. However, I improve my mindfulness day body.
after day without any effort. Here is how I do it (and you 4. Breathe. You do not have to meditate in order to
can too): learn mindful breathing. Stop for a second and just
pay attention to your breathing. Feel your lungs
1. Just stop. The best thing that you can do to learn filling with air as you inhale and then feel how they
mindfulness is to stop and enjoy the moment. Look contact as you exhale. Try breathing through your
at children and how they view the world. When they mouth and through your nose, try chest and
play or walk they just stop when they see something abdominal breathing, make a few deep breaths and a
exciting (like a caterpillar or a simple rock) and take few shallow breaths. There are so many ways how

you can breathe and there are so many reasons why 7. Try walking gratitude medication. Just the other
you should be thankful for this simple ability to day I read a wonderful post by Miche from Serenity
breathe. A lot of times we forget how much we Hacker Regaining Inner Peace when You Are Busy:
already have just by having this ability to breathe. Walking Gratitude Medication. She explains in detail
5. Pay attention to the most boring and ordinary how you can practice mindfulness and gratitude while
tasks. We get caught up in our routines so much doing such easy tasks like walking, cycling or even
that we use autopilot when performing most scrubbing the floor (any monotonous activity that
everyday tasks like brushing teeth, taking vitamins or does not require mental exertion). While walking put
other pills in the morning, standing in line or taking a your focus on your body’s movements and motion.
shower. I do not know about you but I had quite a Do not think about anything else but your breathing
few times in my life when I forgot whether I brushed and your muscles. Every time that you notice your
my teeth in the morning or not, I forgot whether I mind drifting away stop these wanderings and think
took my pills or not and sometimes I even forget about something you are thankful for. After you get
when I ask my husband a question (he laughs at me into the mindful state take a few deep breaths and
when I ask him the same question every 30 minutes continue concentrating only on your body again. You
). The consequences of these mindless actions can can practice this meditation anytime and anywhere.
be anything from bad breath to a serious car accident 8. Try Mindful Meditation. Here is a good video of
that is why mindfulness is an essential quality that breath meditation to start with – Breath Meditation
we must develop in us. Learn to pay attention to and Yoga (this is the meditation that I am working on
each of the tasks that you are performing throughout right now.) Meditation is a great way to clear your
the day. Register your feelings, your emotions and mind and if you can find 10-15 minutes every day for
your experience. it then your practice of mindfulness will enhance
6. Break your routines. It is difficult to be mindful greatly.
when day after day you do the same thing. Break 9. Exercise mindfully. Before I have even tried
your everyday routines and you will notice that meditation I have been doing Pilates and Yoga for a
mindfulness will come effortless. Take a different few years. Just a couple of years ago I’ve added
route to work, exercise at a different time or change running to my workouts. All of these types of
your morning routines (skip your everyday email exercise are a great way to practice mindfulness. You
check or newspaper, switch coffee for green tea). need to concentrate on your breath and on your
body. You also need to be present in the moment if

you want to perform all movements correctly. You expression of your thoughts and your inner world
can use other types of exercise to practice that is why make sure that they are as clean, precise
mindfulness just make sure that you are aware of and balanced as your inner world is. Think before you
your body when you are working out. say anything because nothing can hurt more than
10.Be mindful of what you say. Sometimes we lose mindless words.
the ability to be mindful when speaking and our
words lose their real meaning. Your words are an It is easy to learn to be mindful. All it takes is just a little bit
of effort and desire but the benefits are tremendous.

23. How to Find Happiness and Serenity with the Help of Seashells (and without them)
If you sometimes have those days when everything seems

to go from bad to worse, then this article is for you.
The other day I had that type of day. I could not get any
work done, the babies were misbehaving, my husband had
a headache and was in a bad mood and on top of all that I
had an argument with my mom and grandmother who live
in Ukraine. If you do not see people you love for more than
a year then you definitely do not want to argue with them.
When it was time for the babies to go take their afternoon

nap they went into hysterics and screamed and cried for
about an hour, making sure that I had a steady and
irritating headache. If you do not have little children then
you probably do not realize how important these naps are.
These are the 2 hours that let me and my husband recharge
and feel that we have at least some control over our lives
and we are not being completely manipulated by our little
munchkins (whom we love to death of course )
Anyway, that was the type of day I was having and I was
not happy (in spite of the constant practice of gratitude,
mindfulness and other happiness-boosting techniques.) My
husband got a phone call from our real estate agent and
told me some of the best news I could hope for – we were
closing on a house we’d been waiting for 6 months in a day.
“WOW”, you would say, but my happy-o-meter was not
registering any emotions. Mu hubby suggested that I go for

a walk on the beach and he would take care of the babies I was completely mesmerized with this picture and I started
while I got a little bit of ME time. He also gave me an noticing the most amazing seashells. I found a few sea
important task to collect as many beautiful seashells as urchins and a star fish, Lettered Olives (my favorite
possible (this is sort of our hobby right now while we are seashells), Florida Augers, Van Hyning’s Cockle and even
renting a condo on the beach.) two perfect sand dollar skeletons.
It was really cold on the beach and there were no people at An hour passed like 5 minutes and I felt completely revived.
all. My only companions were seagulls who were wondering It was some sort of a walking meditation for me. When you
if I was crazy to go out on the beach in such nasty cold try to meditate you are often advised to concentrate on
weather. I started walking without any particular purpose. your breath and to clear your head. Instead of doing that I
Most of the time I go running on the beach when I have concentrated on finding the most amazing seashells and my
some free time from the babies because I try to maximize mind became absolutely quiet without any effort on my
my productivity (get exercise, breathe fresh air, enjoy part.
beautiful nature and at the same time come up with new
ideas for posts.) This time it was just a walk without any This is how I found happiness and serenity with seashells.
time or distance limits. The most amazing part is that when I was coming back
At first I could not see any beautiful seashells. They all home I was passing the same part of the beach that looked
seemed broken and completely unexciting. As I was walking barren when I started out. I found the most beautiful
I noticed that I have never seen a beach so beautiful. Try to seashells there in such abundance that I must have been
picture it in your mind. blind to not have noticed them before. Life revealed a
secret to me that day:
The setting sun colored the entire beach in a million of
shades of yellow, orange and red. The ocean was so calm “The world around you is full only when you are full.”
that you could probably see your reflection in the water. Life can give you all kinds of possibilities and miracles that
The low tide revealed the most amazing ocean landscapes: you will not be able to notice because your eyes and your
puddles looked like lakes, sand dunes looked like mountains heart are closed. If you are not happy and the world around
and flat and smooth sand spread out in all directions like an you seems grey and boring then most likely you are the one
enormous desert. The beach was absolutely empty and who is grey and boring (I definitely was that person that
there were no sounds other than the soft murmur of the day). In order to find happiness and something amazing in
waves rolling on the beach. this world you must prepare yourself first.

My example with the seashells is just one of the ways how 2. Concentrate on small things and start noticing the
you can learn to see more in this world. If you have a bad tiniest details around you.
day or you want to make the world around you fuller (by 3. Let your mind go absolutely blank and concentrate on
making yourself full first) then you can try this simple your task (whether you are just observing something
exercise: or looking for small treasures.)
4. Repeat this exercise as often as possible.
1. Devote some time to yourself. Allow yourself to do
something without any purpose or reason and I know that it sounds too simple but this is exactly what we
preferably do it outside (I think that any of our need because we make our lives too complicated all the
problems can be cured with a sufficient dose of time. I wish you a happy and full life rich in amazing
nature.) Some of these examples might be going for discoveries and revelations and as usual …
a walk without a destination, sitting under a tree in
the park, bird watching, watching a fire, collecting Keep it balanced!
seashells or anything else that you enjoy doing.

24. Stop Being Your Best and Enjoy Life

A lot of times, I hear the phrases “Be your best,” “Live your
best life,” “Be the best in everything.” You can buy books
and read tons of articles that will “teach” you to be your
best (you can check out Optimal Thinking: How to be Your
Best Self if you want to employ “the best” attitude).
I think that these mottos create a generation of

perfectionists who are highly unsatisfied with everything
they have in life because they do not believe that they have
reached “the best” status.
What is the problem with being the best?
Well, I can’t say that I am the best I can be. Sometimes I

do not look the best, sometimes I do not feel the best,
sometimes I do not make the best decisions, sometimes I
am not the best mother or wife and sometimes I am not the
best friend. Striving to be the best will make me a failure in
my own eyes because I cannot live up to the expectations
of the “best world.”
Being the best means that you constantly have to climb to

the top of a ladder that you have created for yourself. You
cannot stop and appreciate the moment as well as you
cannot let yourself go down a few steps.
Every day you are hungry for new achievements and new
proofs of your “bestness” (being the best in your
professional field, earning more money, being the best

parent, being the best student, being the best in a • Set your own standards in life. Do not follow
competition, having the best house etc.). somebody’s else example or vision of life
• Do not compete with everybody around you
After you have achieved all of this you start pushing your • Be in touch with yourself
own desire for being the best onto people around you (you • Be grateful for what you have (appreciate even the
want the best partner, the best kids, the best parents and smallest things like a sunny day or a smile on your
the best friends). partner’s face)
When they do not fulfill your expectations you feel like • Look at the big picture. Do not fret about little things
they’ve failed you and that they are not good enough to be like dishes that have not been washed or grass that
around you. This leads to a deep feeling of depression, hasn’t been mowed in a while. What is more
dissatisfaction with your life, permanent loss of happiness important: these details or your general well-being?
and a 100% imbalance. • Do not expect much from others, just be grateful for
who they are and for the fact that they are in your
For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of life
the universe - Larry Eisenberg, actor • Write a list of expectations of the best you. Analyze
this list and decide which of these expectations are
Instead of being the best, I choose to be good in everything
really important and will make you happy
I do and this makes my life much more balanced and
• Do not try to be the best self for somebody else (for
fulfilling. The motto that I try to follow is “Good is good
your partner, your kids, your friends or colleagues)
enough.” I think that this motto can help anybody to live a
• When the thoughts of “bestness” start chasing you,
good life where they can comfortably find their own ZEN.
fight them with loving-kindness meditation
How do you incorporate the “Good Is Good Enough”
What are your ideas about being the best?
principle?
Do you think it is important to be the best, or would you
Here are just a few ideas that can get you started and I am
rather be happy and balanced by using the “Good Is
sure that you can transform them to fit your life and
Good Enough” principle?
desires:

25. 10 Ways to Feel Better in 60 Seconds Or Less

This is a post by Sherri of Serene Journey. Follow her @serenejourney to learn more simple tips how to enjoy life.
2. Do something you love. Reduce stress by doing

something you love. Read an article, flip through a
magazine, call a friend, book a massage. It doesn’t matter
what it is just make sure it’s something you enjoy and not
something you feel you have to do.
3. Eat a piece of fruit. There’s something about biting into

an apple, peeling a banana or the scent of an orange that
just makes you feel good. Fruit is refreshing, good for you
and something we typically don’t get enough of. Next time
you go shopping load up on “grab and go” fruits. Fruits like
apples, bananas and grapes, that don’t require any prep
work. Although fresh is better dried can be a great
alternative when you’re looking for something a bit
different. Dried apricots are one of my favorites.
4. Laugh. Find a video of your favorite comedian or sitcom

1. Sit up straight. Many people who spend a lot of time at or maybe it’s a picture of a friend or your kids that always
the computer likely don’t sit properly. There’s a tendency to makes you laugh. Laughing feels good, it gets you smiling
slouch, stoop and sit cross-legged. Is there a correct way to and it allows you to not take things so seriously, if only for
sit? You bet. Choose a comfy chair, preferably one with arm that moment.
rests. Sit with your butt to the back of the seat, shoulders
5. Drink. Water that is. Water is vital to our well-being and
back and feet flat on the floor about hip distance apart.
is another thing we typically don’t get enough of. Drinking a
Maintaining good posture can help you avoid injury and
tall glass of water helps you feel fuller longer, curbs your
promote proper bone alignment. When walking tall with
desire to eat when you’re not particularly hungry just bored
good posture you both look and feel more confident, fit and
and it’s great for your skin. Add a twist of lemon or lime to
pulled together.
add a bit of natural flavor.

6. Get outside. There is something about nature and the in the car behind you, hold the door for someone, give a
expanse of space that can rejuvenate the mind and body. hug, smile.
Look around you and take it all in. The birds, the people,
the blueness of the sky, the clouds floating along, the smell 9. Beautify your surroundings. While you’re walking
of the fresh air, the warmth of the sun on your cheeks. your dog, walking to your car, waiting for the bus or riding
Take a minute to just stand outside where ever you are and your bike take a moment and beautify where you are. Pick
just soak it all in. up a piece of garbage or 10 or 20, pull a weed or hammer
in a nail. Every little bit helps but having the “I didn’t do it
7. Breathe. Deeply. Breathing can help you relax, focus so I’m not picking it up” mind set doesn’t. Do your part and
and slow down. Breathing can help you put things in take pride in your neighborhood or work area.
perspective release tension that builds up throughout the
day. Take a minute and breathe deeply. Clear your mind 10. Stretch. Sitting for too long can cause joint and muscle
and just breathe. pain, headaches and other aches and pains. A few times
throughout the day stand up stretch out your arms, your
8. Give. It may seem counter intuitive but to feel better back, your legs, and your neck. Be gentle and don’t overdo
yourself, do something for someone else. It doesn’t have to it. Stretching should feel great and renew your energy. If
be anything big, elaborate or a year in the planning it just you’d love to but can never remember set up a reminder in
has to be sincere. Ask your co-worker in the next cubical your calendar or set a timer for an hour. You’ll be glad you
over if they would like a coffee, pay the toll for the person did.

Spirituality

26. What is Natural Spirituality?

This is a post by Mary Jaksch of Good Life Zen. Follow her @Mary_Jaksch to get your daily dose of practical
inspirations for a happier life.
Let me ask you, are you a spiritual person? Or not?
I think that everyone is a spiritual person. Because

spirituality is a natural human attribute. It’s a gift that
comes with being human.
Spiritual traditions fail to acknowledge that we all have

natural spirituality.
As most of you know, I’m a Zen Master. Most spiritual

traditions – Zen included – work from the premise that their
way is the ‘right’ way. So when people join a particular
tradition they are promised: “Do exactly what tradition
says, and you will experience something special.” In other
words, if you don’t follow the rules, you will never have that
special experience!
This attitude loses sight of something very important:
Every human being has natural spirituality
In fact, nobody can give you spirituality. No teacher and no

tradition can do that. Why? Because we already have it! If
we honor this human capacity, we can learn to live in a way
that supports and strengthens our natural spirituality. The
richness of spiritual traditions is then in service of the
natural spirituality of human beings, and not the other way
around!

that our natural spirituality regards the present

What is natural spirituality? moment as a doorway to wisdom.
There are three core experiences of natural spirituality.
Here is the first one: Some of us stumble upon the miracle of ‘now’ as children:
#1 The present moment is a mysterious doorway. When I was ten years old, my father took us on a trip to the
Swiss Alps. On our way up my first major mountain, we
When we are completely present, without the mind dwelling stopped for a rest. It was a sweltering day and I sank down
in the past or the future, our experience changes in a into the dappled shade of a stunted conifer. Beside me a
significant way. You’re skeptical? Too much spiritual little brook flowed through the meadow. I was mesmerized
mumbo-jumbo? by the gurgles and splashes, and by the way leaves would
come proudly riding down. Suddenly I felt peaceful and
Ok, then let’s look outside the sphere of spirituality to somehow large. I couldn’t feel where I stopped, and where
discover how people experience this mysterious change. the brook began. I had discovered the miracle of ‘now’.
The Hungarian psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
discovered that athletes who are absorbed in present Learning to be present is the basis of all spirituality
moment experience being ‘in the flow’. This is a state in and personal growth.
which you feel relaxed, confident, ecstatic, focused, and
have no sense of time passing. All actions seem effortless, For example, you can’t learn to be kind without learning to
with mind and body working in perfect unison. You can read be present. Why? Because when you’re distracted or
more about this in my article Turbo Charge Your preoccupied, you miss opportunities for helping others in
Performance: 7 Steps to Being in the Flow need.
In martial arts being in the moment is sometimes described Here is a simple way to find the present moment right now:
as having a ‘don’t know’ mind. ‘Don’t know’ means keeping take one slow breath and notice how the soles of your feet
an open mind and responding according to circumstances, are in contact with the ground. Stay with the experience for
not according to how we assume things will be. A ‘don’t a few more breaths and notice what happens.
know’ mind sets us free from the constraints of When you open your awareness to the present moment,
expectations. your preoccupation with plans, dreams, and memories dies
The experience of being ‘in the flow’, as well as the away – and spaciousness arises.
‘don’t know’ mind, are both expressions of the fact

The second core experience of natural spirituality flows from In these moments we suddenly become present to what is
being in the moment. It’s an experience of being without happening right now. Instead of sleepwalking through life,
limits. we suddenly wake up. Then we can get a glimpse of the
vastness that we are.
#2 The self is vast
Rummage in your store of memories, and you may find
You may want to say, “What do you mean by ‘the self is moments that offered spaciousness and ease. Maybe they
vast’ Isn’t that just spiritual claptrap?” You’re right in a were moments in nature, or moments of intense focused
way, because our ordinary life doesn’t support this activity, or moments of stillness. Whatever the moments
experience. A ‘vast self’ means that it is without were, you may have noticed that the struggle of life
boundaries; without inside or outside. But in our everyday suddenly ceased for a while.
life, the boundary between ‘self’ and ‘other’ seems quite
distinct. And in many instances, that’s important for When we become present, there is spaciousness and ease
survival. After all, when you cross the road, you want to instead of suffering. Not only is there ease and
know exactly where you are located in space, and where spaciousness, but there is also a sense of mystery. We
the car is that’s speeding towards you! become unknowing and unknowable.
We experience ourselves as individual, separate beings: When we get a deeper recognition of who we are, we
“I’m in here; and you are out there”. We struggle and strive find a new sense of capacity, a lasting sense of ease,
to make a better life. And we suffer: loved ones leave us; and an awakening of love and kindness.
we have health problems; we struggle to find meaningful
work; we strive to fulfill our dreams; we age; we worry Just imagine how your life would be, if you could let go of
about family and friends; we feel incomplete and unworthy. the struggle, and embraced ease and kindness instead!
That’s suffering. Each of us has the capacity to transform our life in that
Natural spirituality shows a different way of living life. We way. All we need to do is to nourish our natural spirituality.
can relax into a larger realization of who we are. That’s The nourishment can come from simple changes to our
when we are not limited and inhibited by our ordinary everyday life, as well as from traditional practices, such as
notions of self. Actually, all of us have glimpses of this way. meditation.
But we may not always recognize them. Beside the experience that the self is vast, there is a second
core experience of natural spirituality:

#3 We are interconnected became the valleys and mountains, or the raindrops on a

rosebud, or a blade of grass.
All of us experience moments when we feel deeply
connected. It’s as if the barrier between self and other When I was a child I used to sneak into the farmer’s wheat
suddenly melts away. field when the crop was ripening. I would lie down on the
ground, spread-eagled on my back. The wheat ears nodded
I’m thinking of simple moments. For example, today I was in the wind and the clouds scudded across the sky.
driving along a congested road, bumper to bumper. I could Sometimes I would lose myself and know that I was part of
see cars banked up in a side road, waiting to join the flow. a larger, mysterious reality. It didn’t last long, though.
Suddenly I caught sight of a woman peering out anxiously Suddenly I would hear the farmer bellow, “Get out of my
over her steering wheel. I waved her into the queue. Her field, you little monkey!” and I would scamper away to
face lit up and we smiled at each other. It was a fleeting escape his threatening stick.
moment, but I could feel the warmth of kinship throughout
the day. We can enhance our natural capacity for connection through
learning to be present, through learning to listen deeply,
Can you remember moments when you experienced a through having a conscious relationship with ourselves and
sense of kinship? Maybe kinship with other human others, and through practicing love and kindness.
beings, or kinship with other beings, or with the
whole wide world? Our sense of interconnection is part of natural
spirituality.
Maybe there were moments when you embrace your loved
one and the idea being separate melted away. Maybe there In the meantime, let me ask you a question:
were moments of kindness when you felt an intense What is your experience of natural spirituality?
connection to another being, even though you might not
have known them well. Maybe there were moments in
nature when you forgot to observe, and instead you

27. How to Meditate: 10 Important Tips

Why meditate? On one level, meditation is a tool. It can

help combat stress, fosters physical health, helps with
chronic pain, can make you sleep better, feel happier, be
more peaceful, as well as be present. But on a deeper level,
meditation is a doorway into the unknown. It can help
us get a sense of the mystery of who we are.
When you start meditating, you will notice how unruly the
mind is. I remember being quite shocked by this! I noticed
that my mind was all over the place. Profound thoughts
about my past or future jostled with mundane thought clips
about what groceries I needed to buy. Some time
afterwards I would come too and notice that I had spend 15
minutes running a painful memory over and over. It was
like sitting in a crazy cinema!
So, if you’re starting out with meditation, please don’t beat

yourself up about your wild mind. It is a natural condition.
In time you will learn to work kindly with the barrage of
thoughts and you will some clarity and peacefulness.
Here are some simple tips on how to start meditating.

Maybe those of you who already practice meditation could
please add your comments of what has worked for you.

helpful. It’s too sharp and edgy. To focus in meditation

1. Posture means to pay soft attention to whatever you place in the
Whether you sit on a chair or cross-legged on the floor, centre of awareness. I suggest using the breath as a focus.
make sure that your spine is upright with head up. If you It’s like a natural door that connects ‘inside’ and ‘outside’.
are slumped your mind will drift. Mind and body are Zen Master Toni Packer says:.
intertwined. If your body is well-balanced, your mind will
also be in balance. To straighten up, imagine that your head Attention comes from nowhere. It has no cause. It belongs
is touching the sky. to no one
2. Eyes 3. The breath
Try and keep your eyes open. Open eyes allow you to be Paying attention to the breath is a great way to anchor
more present. Just lower your eyes and let your gaze be yourself in the present moment.
sort. If you close your eyes you will be more likely to drift Notice your breath streaming in and out. There’s no need to
away on thoughts and stories. However, it’s important to do regulate the breath – just let it be natural..
what is comfortable for you. Some people find closing their 4. Counting you breath.
eyes much more effective. It’s good to experiment and see
what feels best for you. If you are having difficulties settling, you can try counting
the breath – which is an ancient meditation practice. On
2. Focus your outbreath, silently count “one”, then “two”, and up to
In ordinary consciousness we are hardly ever present. For “four”. Then return to “one”. Whenever you notice your
example, sometimes we drive the car on autopilot while thoughts have strayed far away or you find yourself
being preoccupied with thoughts. Suddenly we arrive at our counting “thirtythree”, simply return to “one”. In this way,
destination and don’t remember anything about the drive! “one” is like coming home to the present moment. It’s good
to return without a backward glance.
So, meditation is a wonderful way of waking up to our life.
Otherwise we miss most of our experiences because we are 5. Thoughts.
somewhere else in our mind! Let’s take a look at what focus When you notice thoughts, gently let them go by returning
is. In ordinary life, we tend to equate focus with your focus to the breath. Don’t try and stop thoughts; this
concentration. That’s like using the mind like a concentrated will just make you feel agitated. Imagine that they are
beam of light. But in meditation, that kind of mind isn’t unwelcome visitors at your door: Acknowledge their

presence and politely ask them to leave. Then shine the soft In time outer and inner silence meet and you come to rest
light of your attention on your breath. in the moment.
6. Emotions 8. Length
It’s difficult to settle into meditation if you are struggling Start with 10 minutes and only sit longer if you feel that
with strong emotions. This is because some emotions tend that is too short. Don’t force yourself to meditate longer if
to breed stories in the mind. Especially anger, shame and you are not ready to do that. In time you might like to
fear create stories that repeat over and over in the mind. extend your meditation to 25 minutes. That’s a length that
Anger and shame make us keep looking at past events of allows you to settle your mind without causing too much
the past. Fear looks at the future with stories that start stress on your body. Most importantly, shrug off any
with, “What if…” ‘shoulds’. Some people enjoy sitting for an hour at a time.
Others find that they can’t sit longer than 10 minutes. Do
The way to deal with strong emotions in meditation is to what feels right for you!
focus on the body feelings that accompany the emotion. For
example, this could be the tight band of fear around the 9. Place
chest or the hot roiling of anger in the belly. Let go of the
stories and refocus on your body. In this way you are It’s lovely to create a special place to sit. You can even
honoring your emotions but not becoming entangled in make a shrine or an altar that you can face when you sit in
stories. meditation. You might like to place a candle on your altar
and objects that have meaning to you. It’s lovely to find
7. Silence objects for your altar as you walk. Maybe you find stones,
or seashells, or flowers that speak to you.
Silence is healing. I know that there are is a lot of
‘meditation music’ around, but nothing beats simple silence. 10. Enjoyment
Otherwise the music or sounds on the tape just drown out
the chatter in your mind. When we sit in silence we actually Most of all it’s important to enjoy meditation. You might like
get to experience what our mind is doing. There is to try sitting with a hint of a smile. Be kind to yourself.
steadiness and calmness that comes from sitting in silence. Start sitting just a little each day. It’s helpful to establish a
daily habit.

28. Regain Inner Peace When You’re Busy: Walking Gratitude Meditation
This is a post by Miche of Serenity Hacker. Follow her @SerenityHacker to get her tips about serene and peaceful
living.
How good are you at keeping your focus and sense of inner
peace when you’re busy?
Do you stay clear; maintain your center and ability to

concentrate, even when there’s a lot you need to get done?
What about when time or a lack of it adds to the pressure?
During busy times many of us adopt a frenzied, scattered

pace. But a scattered mind cannot be present, and does
not lend itself to peace, efficiency, or focus.
Wouldn’t it be better to deal with busy-ness from a place of

inner calm? When you’re calm and centered you don’t feel
so busy, even if you are.
• Being present increases inner peace.

• Inner peace keeps us calm and clear.
• With clarity, focus becomes more effortless.
That may sound simple but it’s true. The problem is we’ve
been encultured to believe that we need to get everything
done and finished first in order to experience inner peace
and renew our sense clarity. But this is really not the case.
From that mindset, everything takes more effort.

Remembering becomes a chore. Focus takes enormous
mental exertion. Peace and calm are put off as luxuries
while we battle on relying solely on will to get things done.
We’re less effective and efficient at our tasks, we have too

many thoughts competing for attention and our minds get same moment. Your body is always in the present
ahead of our bodies. Because of this, we are disconnected, moment, even if your mind and awareness are not.
off-center, and scattered. Our minds and bodies are not
in sync. The good news is that there are simple techniques that
don’t take much time or skill which will help you regain
Here are two short examples most of us can relate to: your center and inner calm, even in the midst of a
busy day. When you take a few minutes to practice these
You wake up in the morning on a work day, still in bed, and throughout your day, you can then operate from a much
start thinking about taking a shower. While your body is in calmer, clearer place. You check in with the present
the shower your mind is thinking about your work day and moment, empty your runaway thoughts, and are able to
all the other things you need to remember. While your body focus and remember more easily. Getting things done takes
is getting ready after the shower your mind is thinking less mental exertion, and not only do you become more
about your commute to work… When your body is on the peaceful, but more efficient as well. Plus, you’re a whole lot
way home your mind is rehashing your day at work but also more relaxed, and that just plain feels good!
is imagining doing the things you need to do once your
body gets home. One way I like to regain my center when the hustle and
bustle has me running is by practicing what I call Walking
You decide to get up from your bed upstairs and go Gratitude Meditation. Much like any other walking
downstairs and get a drink of water. As soon as your body meditation, it can be practiced for any length of time,
gets up until the time it pours the drink your mind is including short times throughout the day. No real
thinking about getting, pouring, and drinking the water, meditation “skill” is required to start doing this, and, it
even though your body is putting on slippers, walking down doesn’t take much work or “extra time”, something that
the stairs and through various rooms toward the kitchen. often keeps many people from beginning a mindfulness
In both scenarios you are not present. In each case, there practice.
was an opportunity to connect to the present moment and The 4 Steps to Practicing Walking Gratitude Meditation
inner peace rather than letting your mind get ahead of your
body, or stay behind your body. It is in simple instances like Ideally, this practice is best done while in motion doing
these that you can begin to cultivate a mindfulness practice, things that don’t take a lot of mental exertion. You don’t
even if you’ve never done it before. It just requires need to be walking per se, (you could be scrubbing the
keeping your mind and your body together, in the floor, carrying laundry down the stairs, or in the shower).

You just need to be doing something that requires motion. nature and some may just feel plain lousy. Many may
For the sake of this example, I’ll use walking: be useless and of no value. Just notice that your
mind and your awareness has wandered outside of
1. Put your focus on your body’s movements and your body, outside of the walking meditation.
motion. 3. Interrupt the wanderings by cultivating
The point of this type of focus is to bring your gratitude.
awareness inside your body in order to become This step first serves to interrupt the wanderings of
centered. Put your awareness on every step, every the mind. We need to interrupt the mind’s
time each foot moves forward and then touches the wanderings and give it something else to focus on
ground. Feel your leg muscles, joints, and all the because its wanderings have become habitual. This
parts of your body required to walk. Experience every step then serves to cultivate thoughts that will bring
sensation your body feels. If you have trouble with you more contentment, joy, and peace. This will
this, breathe deeply first and focus on deep breaths, allow you to more easily regain your center and come
long breaths in and long breaths out, to bring your back to the present moment. See if you can mentally
awareness into your body (try putting your attention express gratitude about something relevant to the
on the movement and sensation of the air moving as physical moment you’re in. This can be done no
you breath it). This is simple enough to do even in a matter what you are doing. You can be thankful
parking lot, as you’re walking from your car to a about your ability to walk, to breathe, to be alive.
store. Don’t let your mind get to the store before you The blue of the sky, the sun on your face, the eyes
do. Be in your body while you walk. (Also, this is very with which you see. Or, if you’re walking to your job,
easy to also do in the shower, though you’d be there’s probably something to be grateful about in
focusing on other movements and sensations.) that. Even if you’re walking down the stairs to do
2. Notice the mind’s wanderings. your laundry, there are many things you can come
The point here isn’t to beat yourself up about the fact up that are worth cultivating gratitude for. While in
that your mind wanders, it’s rather just to notice the shower, why not be grateful for the running
when it does. The mind will wander to things outside water? After practicing this, you will more easily
of yourself, judgements and ideas about what your notice when your mind wanders and it will be easier
eyes are taking in. Or, it may wander down to bring your awareness back.
imaginary paths of possible futures, or conversely 4. Take a few deep breaths, inhale long, exhale
travel back and rehash events that have passed. long, and then repeat Step 1.
Some of the mind’s wanderings may be distractive in

After the expression of gratitude, take a few long, time, or special situations. Like I mentioned, you can do
deep, conscious breaths in and out. Put your focus on this anywhere, during any part of your day.
the breath, on breathing in air long and slowly and
breathing out air long and slowly. Then come back to You’ll probably be quite surprised by what you discover.
your body awareness (see Step 1). When you stop going in too many directions and just be
where you are, when you are… things really become a
Try to do this as many times a day as possible, and see whole lot simpler.
what happens. Are you more clear throughout your day?
Calm, and at peace? Are focus and concentration coming The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this
easier to you? Are you less forgetful and frenzied? I can tell beautiful path, I walk in peace.
you this works amazingly well for me. The more you can do With each step, the wind blows. With each step, a flower
it the better, and longer periods or walks outside work well, blooms.
too. But don’t be intimidated by feeling you need lots of ~Thich Nhat Hanh

29. Knowing
This is a post by Mark Brown of The Naked Soul.
part of my journey as I am sure they are part of the

journey for many people.
We are very intelligent beings and it is no surprise that we

ask questions about beliefs which we have no empirical
data to support. It is of no surprise that in today’s world
that we ask for proof, hard facts that would remove all
doubt about the extent of our journey and our purpose. In
fact it is good that we are mindful and that we ask these
types of questions. Asking questions about this part of our
journey is an essential element of our human experience.
For many years I believed that we feared what we do not

know and we feared the fragility of who we are. Along my
journey I have learned that this was not correct, we don’t
fear what we don’t know and we don’t fear how fragile we
are. NO, we fear what we really know deep inside, we fear
how powerful and magnificent we truly are and we fear that
I have recently been asked by a few people “How can you
acknowledging who we really are will be too much for us to
be so certain that when we die that this is not the end of
handle. We fear what we view as the challenge of our own
our journey?” Let me first say that along my journey I have
truth!
been at points where I believed this was “it” and that there
was nothing after we died. At one time I believed dead was The irony of our fear is that when we push through our
dead and that the idea of life after this life or of God or fears, when we step outside our fear and truly come home
higher source was a human belief concocted to placate the to know who we are we find that we are eternal energy and
weak minded, to help to alleviate the fear of the finality of that we are eternal Love and that this human experience is
death for some and for others to create fear of how one part of an eternal journey that we are a part of.
should live their life in order to apply control and to prevent
total anarchy. Yes, these thoughts and beliefs have been

When someone asks me how do you know what you believe line because this is true, something’s are true regardless of
is true, I simply have to say “I know”, I also have say that what we choose to believe.
my truths shift as I grow, therefore what I know today may
change in the future, for my knowing will change as I grow For those who question why I believe what I believe in
and as I remember. I cannot offer any real proof of what I regards to this journey all I can say it that I believe what I
know. Sure, I could point to many sources that would tell have remembered which is found within me. I don’t claim to
one about personal experiences of other people, near death have the answers for anyone besides myself. What you
experiences, encounters with those who have passed on, choose to believe will be based on where you are in your
people who have traveled the astral plane, people who have journey and how deep you are willing to dive within yourself
meditated and reached a knowing, however none of these to remember who you truly are. It is important to note that
sources will provide the proof that many seek. “Knowing” is most people barely scratch the surface of their authentic
a very personal experience. Each of us will have our self and these people tend to live an ego driven life fueled
“knowings” at different points along our journey. by the egos of others and supported by fear rather than
love.
I am reminded of a line from the movie “City of Angels”
where the angel tells the doctor that the patient that died in It is upon each of us to dive deep and to remember the love
her hands that day lives on, the doctor responds “I don’t that we are and to have a knowing of our purpose and that
believe in that” and the angel says “Some things are true knowing that this is but one leg, one experience of an
weather you believe in them or not”. For me this is a great eternal journey, an indescribable adventure that each of us
our on!

30. How to Begin Your Prayer

This is a post by Fr. Michael of Live Holiness. Follow him @frmichaelnajim It is a Christian post, so you can choose
for yourself whether you will benefit from it or not.
families with a large school to boot. It was a wonderful

place for a new priest.
One of the great blessings was ministering to the many

youth in the parish. I remember one email exchange I had
with a high school student who was very involved in our
youth group. She took her faith seriously and she wanted to
grow in her relationship with the Lord. Her email to me was
simple: I want to spend more time in prayer and deepen
my relationship with God, but I’m not quite sure how to
pray. Can you give me advice?
Maybe you find yourself in the same position as that girl—

now a wonderful young woman whose wedding I’ll be doing
in May. You want to grow in your relationship with the
Lord, but you’re not sure how to enter into deeper prayer.
When you go to pray your mind is filled with distractions.
So you sit there and fidget.
Your questions may be similar to hers: How can I have an

intimate relationship with God? How should I pray? What
should I say?
“For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look
towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, I’d like to suggest how you should begin your prayer, for
embracing both trial and joy” – St. Therese of Lisieux the way you begin your prayer sets the tone for how the
rest of your prayer will unfold. The one mistake that many
My first assignment was at St. Philip’s parish in Greenville, of us make when we pray is that we begin by focusing on
RI. St. Philip’s is a vibrant parish comprised of about 3000 ourselves: my intentions, my needs, my feelings. If we

really want to enter into a deeper friendship with the Lord As I begin this time of prayer, help me to know how much
then we must begin by focusing on Him. The starting point You love me. I know that Your heart and Your arms are
of prayer is becoming deeply aware of God’s personal love, open, ready to embrace me. You don’t look at my sins and
plain and simple. failings. You don’t look upon me in judgment. You look
upon me with love: infinite, unconditional love. You want
So here’s a good way to begin your prayer: me to be very close to You.
• Find a quiet place where you won’t be distracted Lord, sometimes it’s hard for me to admit, but You really do
• Sit in a relaxed posture (although not so relaxed that love me. In fact, the more deeply I become aware of Your
you’ll fall asleep) and close your eyes love for me, the more I see that I am truly lovable. You
• Take a few deep breaths and then breath normally desire to be in an intimate friendship with me. How
• Let these first moments be focused on becoming amazing!
aware of God’s loving presence, nothing else: picture
the loving eyes of Jesus gazing upon you. Take as Please let this time of prayer simply be a time of letting
long as you need to become of aware of His loving myself be loved by You. That’s the deepest desire of my
presence. heart, Lord, just to know Your personal love for me.
• Once you are aware of God’s loving presence, speak Nothing else matters at this moment. Clear my mind and
to Him about His love. Here’s what I was moved to heart of all distractions and fill my heart with Your love.
write. Feel free to use it for your own prayer, but
eventually you should speak to the Lord in your own Thank you so much for loving me Lord. My past is gone;
words: my future is not here. We simply have this moment
together, and so I give myself entirely to You in this
Lord, I know that You are here with me. I know that You moment. I sit in silence Lord. Now I will just let myself be
have called me here. I wouldn’t even have the desire to loved by You, and I will listen to You speak to my heart.
pray if You didn’t put it on my heart. You have drawn me
to this sacred moment because you desire that I be close to Once you have begun your prayer in this way, it’s a matter
You. You have spoken to my heart, and now I come to of sitting with the Lord and letting Him love you. So now go
listen. do it. He’s waiting for you!

Balanced Lifestyle

31. Start Your Day in 33 Different Ways

This is a post by Dragos Roua of Brilliantly Better. Follow him @dragosroua or on Facebook to make your life
brilliantly better.
Consciously inserting your intentions in these very first

moments will have a huge effect. Taking charge of those
moments it’s like activating some subtle, unconscious
triggers which will ultimately determine your whole daily
experience, exactly the way you want. Mornings are
fundamental. This is why I experimented a lot with my very
first moments of the day.
Here are at least 33 ways in which you can transform your

days by only spending 5 minutes every morning.
1. Write in Your Journal
I love the morning stillness and the unspoken promise of

something ready to start. Mornings are fantastic for
journaling. Whenever I do it, I feel like I already consumed
several hours from that day and yet I’m only at the very
beginning of it. Journaling acts like a mind emptier and out
of nowhere I feel energized and ready to go. Not to mention
Mornings are underrated. I consider them fundamental for that in the morning I have less inhibitors and my journaling
the whole diurnal experience. What you do in the very first is far more authentic.
moments of your morning will fundamentally and inexorably
shape your entire day. Most of the time you spend your 2. Enjoy the Morning Silence
mornings by routinely performing some habits, on auto
pilot. Hence, your days will routinely unfold towards you, And do nothing. Just feel the silence and let it spread over
the same way day after day, on auto pilot. your mind and body. I’m fascinated by all the little noises
that are born from that morning silence: from my familiar
house noises (wife and daughter waking up, steps,

windows, doors) up to the neighborhood noises (car You’re going to spot it pretty easily if you put your mind to
engines, low voices, small buzz). Everything starts in that it. It often happens to me to stumble upon unneeded stuff
silence and sometimes I think that if I focus enough on it I in my house during the early morning. If it’s a chair staying
could actually predict, or even create all those little noises. in my way, maybe its place is not in my house. Maybe it’s a
piece of paper or a wrecked device. I find joy and a subtle
3. Be Grateful for Something 5 Minutes enthusiasm in throwing away things that are only cluttering
Point your mind to something you’re really grateful for and my space, and doing it first thing in the morning makes it
stay there. Might be your family, your wealth, your health even more powerful.
or just your present moment. Feel grateful for it. There’s 6. Help Somebody
nobody between you and that thing, there’s nobody
watching or listening. You’re free to feel grateful and happy. Write an answer to an old question, do part of a small
And then start your day as usual. It’s only 5 minutes, yet chore, move an object out of somebody’s way. No need to
the impact of such a day starter is overwhelming: whenever be huge or visible. Just keep in mind the intention of being
I’m doing it I feel like walking 2 centimeters above the road helpful immediately to somebody else. During the morning
for the entire day. your mind is far more clear and you have access to more
energy than usual. Hence, your helping activities will be
4. Open Windows much more effective if you decide to do them as the first
Regardless of the current season. If it’s cold outside, even thing after you wake up.
better. Open your bedroom windows, your living room 7. Meditate For 5 Minutes
windows, your kitchen windows. Let the fresh air inside,
welcome the small buzz of the city waking up, silently Empty your mind and isolate from your environment. Focus
watch the last forces of the night walking away. Let yourself on your breathe. If there are thoughts coming in your way,
be refreshed. The yesterday you is no longer there and the acknowledge their presence and then kindly ask them to go
today you is slowly getting in shape. Those open windows away. Meditating in the morning is easier, there are fewer
will unconsciously allow you to receive change and novelty perturbing factors. Even after a good sleep, your mind is
with much more ease during the day. still trying to find answers, to solve problems, to fight or
resist. Do yourself a simple, yet solid service and pack your
5. Throw Away a Useless Object morning time with an extra meditation on top.
8. Think How To Help Somebody During The Day

This is different from number 6 in terms of the actual time 11. Forgive Somebody
of the helping act. Now you’re planing how to help
somebody during the day, you’re visualizing the context Let go. Forgive and forget. Morning are very good for that
and try to find a specific time in your schedule for this because you have so little inference from the outside world,
helping act. Again, doesn’t have to be huge, a piece of only your own mind and personal history. Does it really
advice, facilitating something or a small gift. The mere act matter that much? Feeling that grudge and anger towards
of planning how to help somebody will change the course of somebody who hurt you? Yes, he hurt you, but it really
your entire day. matter that much? Forgiving somebody as the first thing in
the morning makes me want to conquer the world the very
9. Exercise next minutes. And it works really well with forgiving
yourself too.
Like in getting physical. I’m not doing this every single day,
but I’m doing it often enough. A part from your brain 12. Think for 5 Minutes at Someone You Love
there’s a body, too. A collection of joints, muscles and
bones. And in order to be balanced you have to take care of Again, that person may be your family, someone you loved
those too. The good news is that your body has a feedback at some point in your life or someone who just appeared.
mechanism for the good things you do to it: it’s called Keep that person in mind, imagine having a conversation or
“endorphins”. Every time you start your day with a decent doing something together. Create an internal representation
workout, you’ll be blessed with a decent rush of endorphins. of a desired bond. Not only it will actually attract that
Usually, it lasts until evening. person towards you (somehow) during the day, but what
you think in those moments will add up to the relationship
10. Spend 5 Minutes in The Garden in a very mysterious way. It’s like what you think it’s
already happening.
Alternatively, spend some times near your flowers. Or your
terrace. Just be outside in the first minutes of the day, 13. Read a Poem
trying to breathe the fresh air and feel the vibe of the green
life. Clear you mind and open your senses. Let your awaken Poetry, or any form of art, talks to your irrational mind.
body to synchronize with this frequency and don’t start the Usually, your morning is cluttered with rational thoughts
day until you completely immersed in this flow for at least 5 and activities: get up and ready for the job, prepare the
minutes. I seldom run into a fight or even got closer to kids, get the morning tasks solved. Talking to your
some aggressive scene when I start my day like this. irrational mind will break this circuit, but it will do it
creatively. For instance, my favorite morning poem is “If”,

by Rudyard Kipling. Every time I read it, even if the day is days are somehow bigger when I decide to have them
packed with difficult tasks, somehow, I find the energy and unexpectedly. If I start my morning with the clear decision
right attitude to get over them. Totally irrational. to take the day off, something very strange will happen: my
businesses will run smoother without me. My blog traffic
14. Make Coffee or Tea for Your Partner will spike. It’s like too much work means getting in the way
I like this whole beverage ritual in the morning, I think it of your own success.
has something to do with deeply buried recollections of 17. Do Some Crafting For 5 Minutes
religious rituals we humans, as a species, performed during
the history. There’s something sacramental about preparing If you’re a man, fix something, replace a light bulb or use
the water, making fire, putting the right amount of tea or your screwdriver to harden some piece of furniture. If
coffee. It’s like asking gods for benevolence. Only this time you’re a woman, modify some clothes. (Later update: You
is not about gods, it’s about your partner. Paving your road can do it the other way around, if you really think this is a
through today with your partner blessing. sexist approach – read the related comments below. And
please, get over it it’s just a simple example, I never
15. Write a Thank You Letter
thought, nor do I will, that because you’re a woman or a
You don’t have to send it, just write it. When I first man you should do ONLY a certain type of things. Are we
experienced this I had a little bit of a shock. I realized I cool now?) Just do something with your hands, without any
don’t know how to do it. And for whom. That was a sad preparation, in the morning silence. In a very surprising
shock. Not having somebody to say “thank you” in your life way, this morning crafting will unfold some new
can bring in quite a sorrow. So, be sure to start at least one opportunities. You can find a solution to an old problem or
of your mornings with a “thank you” letter. Bring to the you will solve something for somebody else. It’s like this
light people or events you are thankful for. If you say morning crafting will actually make you craft the rest of
“thank you” to something first thing in the morning, you’re your entire day.
inviting those specific type of events into your life.
18. Learn a New Word in a Foreign Language
16. Take a Day Off From Your Job
Just one word. Every morning, for several weeks. I used to
And use the rest of the day for yourself. Even if you’re self learn some hiragana and katakana only in the morning (and
employed, or especially if you’re self employed, take a day that proved really interesting during my first trip to Japan).
off. And start it clean, from the early morning. Those free It forces your brain to find parallel ways to solve problems
and your body to stay focused on a small problem from the

very beginning of the day. Again, in a very strange way, much more authentic. I value more the goals written in the
learning a new foreign word each morning makes me dream morning because I am less influenced. I know for sure that
about foreign lands. Which is quite a way to start your day. during the morning I don’t have to prove anything to
anyone, I’m just me and what I want. Some of my best
19. Imagine Your Morning in a New Country health decisions are picked up during the morning.
How your morning will be in New Zealand? Or in Thailand? 22. Clean Your Desk
Or in Austria? If you’ve ever been there, try to remember
the smells, the air, the noises. Waking up in a different Again, this must be done before having breakfast, or before
country every morning might be a fantastic experience (I any other domestic task (and this also assumes you work
might do this one day, by the way). If you’ve never been from home, at some point). Put things in order, wipe the
there, just try to imagine your morning there. After dust, prepare your working setup. And then start the day as
spending 5 minutes in a distant country, getting back to usual. After having breakfast, interacting with your family
your actual day will feel like coming home from a long trip. or just finishing your morning routine, come back to your
Which is, partially, true. office. A shiny, fresh and neat vibration will welcome you. A
short sign of appreciation from yourself.
20. Go for A Short Walk
23. Sing a Song
Like the first thing in the morning, before even having
breakfast. Breathe the air, look at the neighborhood. Watch I do this all the time in the shower. And I highly
the morning light and hear the noises. Move around. When recommend it. Despite what your neighbors may say (or
you got home, your day will be different. This short walk even some of your early riser family members). Singing a
often acts like setting up the scene for something I want to song goes hand in hand with reading a poem. Doesn’t
happen. Walking around alone, before igniting the day, matter if you know how to sing. just go ahead and knock
makes me feel like a director inspecting the stage. some “Let It Be” as loud as you can (“Let It Be” is my
Everything looks cool, let’s make a great film today. favorite shower song, by the way). If you hear me
humming some tunes in my beard that’s a good sign I
21. Write a Powerful Goal started with a loud song in the shower.
Mornings are very good for writing goals. I especially like 24. Read and Evaluate your Morning Phrase
that time of the day for writing goals because I have very
few interference from the outside world. Which makes me

Do you have a morning phrase? Craft one, it’s easy. 27. Read Your Yesterday Journal
Starting a day with a morning phrase it’s like a mental
programming exercise for maximizing your potential. It may If you keep a journal, of course. Look at yesterday from the
take even less than 5 minutes and it’s a powerful tool for very first moment of your new day. What do you love about
energy channeling. The trick is to keep it for at least several yesterday? What do you don’t like about it? Now you have
weeks. But the advantage is that this exercise is very the chance to change those things. Reading your journal
powerful. Wanna setup a millionaire mindset? Or just first thing in the morning is a surprising experience. Seeing
planning or quitting smoking? Put it in a morning phrase what you wrote without any noise and with a clear mind will
and use it. reveal things that you didn’t noticed. Maybe because you
didn’t like them?
25. Delete Some Email
28. Do a Short Yoga Session
Or some old, unneeded files. That’s the mirror in the virtual
world of number 5. Remove the clutter. Get rid of old You don’t have to be an expert yogi to start your day with a
messages, logs or files. Be in the flow. They say you have mild yoga session. I often find myself lighter and more
to let go the current you in order to become who you really flexible when starting the day with a short suite of Surya
want. I used to be a packer. Making folders and packing Namaskara, or Sun Salutation. It stretches your body and
and storing everything in my computer. Now I start my calm your mind. I once did this for more than 6 months,
mornings every now and then with a refreshing session of every single morning. It was perhaps the most calm and
file deletion. Making room for what the day may bring in. balanced period of my life. And besides calm and balance,
what else do you need when you start your day?
26. Watch the Sunrise
29. Visualize 3 Moments from Yesterday
Easiest of all and yet so underrated. There’s so much power
and simplicity in watching the sunrise, connecting to the Keep your eyes closed and try to remember 3 moments
light and actually feeling how the Sun will start another day. from yesterday. It’s not reading about them in your journal,
And you’re there witnessing this cosmic process. Every time it’s trying to visualize them in your mind. First of all, the
I watch the sunrise, being it at my home or in a foreign very selection of those 3 moments will tell you something
country, I have a subtle feeling of responsibility. This huge about your current state. Are those moments embarrassing
cosmic mechanism is turning around me as my playground: or happy? Second, keeping them live in your head will help
what am I going to do in it today? you find a solution or a sequel to them. It will help you keep
yesterday linked to today. Some people call this flow.

30. Visualize 3 Moments from Today 32. Identify One Task to Be Canceled
Can be practiced in tandem with the one above, or It must be one. Out of your entire to do list for today there
separately. Visualizing 3 moments from today means must be one task which can be canceled. Sometimes I wake
actually create those 3 moments. See yourself performing up with the only thought of identifying my canceled task for
those actions, attending those meetings, saying those the day. I usually chose this approach after a very intense
words or writing those sentences. It’s early in the morning and tiring yesterday. It give me a sense of freedom and
and nobody is pressuring. You have the freedom to see flexibility. And most of the time the freed time will make
yourself exactly as you want to be. In my experience, room for something interesting, or at least surprising. It’s
almost any of these “predicted” moments are actually like opening your door to the unexpected.
happening during the day.
33. Chose a Theme Of The Day
31. Take a Picture Of Yourself
This works in tandem with your personal mission (if you
I started this as a technical challenge a few years ago don’t have a personal mission maybe it’s time to find one).
(trying to automate my Mac PhotoBooth) and proved to be Find one red stripe which will go through your entire day.
enlightening. Not the actual process of taking a photo of Like making this day “the productivity day”. Or “the
myself each morning, but seeing those photos in a fast observation day”. Or “the money day”. This will be the
moving sequence months after. You can’t fool the camera in dominant vibe of your entire day. By setting course in the
the morning. All your problems, joys, frustrations or thrills very first moments of the morning you will maximize your
are so transparent in a photo taken in the first moment of chances to actually create your day on that exact theme.
the day. It’s like a message you send to your future self
without even knowing the message.

32. 7 Great Ways to End the Day

All too often we hear about ways to start the day, with
habits and routines we should implement in order to have a
good day. What is often missed out on is finishing the day
which is a hugely important time to wind down and set
yourself up for a good night’s sleep and the day that will
carry along from that.
1. Have a hot bath or shower
The best thing about a hot bath or shower is that it will

relax your tensed muscles. No matter what kind of day I
have had I will always try to have a hot shower about 30
minutes before sleeping. It helps calm my mind, plus
soothe my head and shoulder muscles. You will also find it
easier to nod off if you are warm.
2. Make a warm glass of milk
Sometimes before bed we can get a slight hunger pang, not

enough to warrant a meal or snack even but rather to nod
us off to sleep. Try lightly heating a small cup of milk, stir in
some cinnamon and raw honey and sip on it before going to
bed. The milk will help calm the stomach and give a
sedative effect, so don’t be surprised if you start yawning
soon after.
3. Read something relaxing and inspiring
Firstly and most importantly make sure it is something that

interests you. This normally comes hand in hand with

relaxing and inspiring. A good book before bed will calm the The order in which you will try to do the tasks
mind and fill your mind with positive ideas and hope for the
next days. Here are a few of my favorites at the moment; What’s on your mind
The Miracle of Mindfullness: An Introduction to the Practice You can clear a load of clutter in your mind that might
of Meditation normally keep you up at night ruminating and worrying.
Saltwater Buddha: A Surfer’s Quest to Find Zen on the Sea 6. Make a gratitude list
Force of Nature: Mind, Body, Soul (And, of Course, Surfing) This goes back to habits, by simply noting down at the end
of each day a handful of things you are thankful for you will
The 4-Hour Workweek. feel much better.
Those are some of the best easy reads I have had in the Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot
last month or two. So take a look and see if you enjoy any. today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a
little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least
4. Visualize the next day we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. -- Buddha
This takes just 10 minutes and can set things up for your You don’t need to spend much time on this just note down
next day. Try just laying down closing your eyes and four or five things that went well today and store them in a
focusing on your breath. Then move into visualizing key journal on your bedside.
points and things you want to achieve the following day or
even that week, make sure your visualizations are positive 7. Do some basic stretches
and make them play out to be ideal. Of course this
guarantees nothing but it certainly helps. This is a tip from Stretching before bed is very relaxing. Nothing too
one of my favorite books PshycoCybernetics. stimulating should be done just a few simple yoga poses
and stretches will do fine. This is especially useful if you
5. Write down what needs to be done tomorrow have a desk job or something that has you sitting around all
day. It can make your hip flexors and abductors very sore
Clear your mind, get things off your chest. By simply as well as crushing your lower back. So lengthening
grabbing a pen and paper and listing out the following: stretches along with something for the legs are great.
What needs to be done

33. How to Develop Healthy Habits That Stick

One of the reasons it is so difficult to cultivate healthy

habits is because it requires changing your tastes, your
routines and your life in general. Most people are not ready
for this and each of their attempts is a complete failure. I
had the same problem for many years until I finally learned
to develop habits that stick.
I am sure that any person can live a healthy life if they

really want to. Some changes might be easy (drinking more
water, adding a few servings of fruits and veggies every
day) and some might be really challenging (giving up
smoking, committing to exercise) but all of these changes
are definitely doable. I have tried a lot of different
approaches to cultivate healthy habits that stick and here
are the ones that finally worked for me.
1. Start with easy habits. If you are just starting out

on your way to healthy living then you must see
some results right away. Choose something small
and easy like drinking 8 glasses of water every day.
You will feel successful and it will be easier for you to
try something more difficult the next time.
2. Give each habit 30 days. 30 Days to Success was
the first article that I read on this issue and it was
the most helpful advice I have ever gotten. Anybody
can stick to doing something for one month. Tell
Cultivating healthy habits is something most of us put on yourself that if you still do not like it after 30 days
their New Year resolution lists and never actually get to. then you can give up on this habit and try something

new. In 30 days you will start feeling better as well not every day must-haves. When you work hard to
as see the first benefits of your habit and it will achieve something you learn to appreciate what you
become a part of your lifestyle. are doing.
3. Realize that some healthy habits are not for 5. Do 1 healthy habit at a time. You do not need to
you. No matter how healthy celery is I cannot eat it. rush and develop a ton of healthy habits all at once.
I remember one time I was on some body-cleansing Choose 1 habit every month and commit to trying it.
diet and one day I had to eat as much celery as Take one step at a time and you will feel how easy it
possible. I was committed to learning to like celery. I is to live a healthy life. Healthy living should not be
was able to get through breakfast with my celery but stressful; it must be balanced and relaxed.
when lunch time came around I just couldn’t stomach 6. Study your healthy habit and realize why you
it (literally). I don’t need to go into details about need it. Understanding why you have to develop a
what happened next but needless to say I didn’t fill healthy habit is one of the most important factors
well the rest of the day. Eating celery is one of the that will help you stick with this habit. A lot of my
healthy habits that do not work for me. young slender friends ask me “Why should I
Listen to your body and do not force yourself to do exercise? I am not overweight then why should I
something that your body does not want to be doing. waste my time on exercise?” If they do not
If you cannot eat fish, then go with walnuts and olive understand the importance of exercise then they
oil for your daily supply of omega-3s. If you do not won’t be able to stick with it. It won’t be a priority in
like high impact activities like running or kick-boxing their life. Before you commit to your 30 day trial
then go with Yoga, Pilates and walking. You do not make a list of benefits that this healthy habit will
have to do it all in order to be healthy. bring you and review this list every time you think
4. Go for it 100%. Some people think that it is better about ditching it. In the case of exercise, some of the
to gradually ease into your healthy habit. I found out benefits will be: strong heart and bones, sexier body,
that it is much easier to go the whole 9 yards from no pains associated with a sedentary lifestyle, and an
the very beginning and see if you can keep up or not. investment in good health for the future.
When I was trying to lose weight I knew that I had to 7. Learn the consequences of not developing
give up sweets. I committed myself to not eat healthy habits. This fear might become your
anything with sugar for one month. I lost weight and biggest motivation to develop a healthy habit. If you
I learned to appreciate non-sweet things. I still like are a smoker then learn everything you can about
sweets but now they are just occasional treats and lung cancer and the danger of smoking for people

around you. If you are trying to lose weight then to start running then ask your friend to start running
learn about all health problems associated with being with you. If you are trying to cut down on sweets
overweight. then ask your colleague at work to not offer you
8. Allow yourself to fail. Some of your attempts won’t cookies and chocolate bars during lunch.
be successful from the beginning but this is not a 10.Write it down. Create a diary where you will write
reason to give up on this habit. If you are trying to down every healthy habit that you are trying and
lose weight and you go out and have a huge track your progress. If you are trying to exercise then
hamburger and a gigantic size chocolate sundae for write down every workout that you had, how it made
dessert then do not be hard on yourself. Accept it as you feel, what was easy, what was difficult and so
a bump in the road and continue with your healthy on. This diary will help you stay focused on your goal.
eating plan the next day.
9. Recruit support. Tell your friends and relatives your The first healthy habit that you will try to cultivate will be
big plans and ask them to monitor you. If you are the most difficult one, but every one after that will get only
trying to go vegetarian then ask your significant easier and easier. In no time you will find yourself living a
other to do the same thing with you. If you are trying healthy and balanced life without even thinking about it.

34. 101 Healthy Habits that Anyone Can Follow

Developing healthy habits can be overwhelming if you do

not know where to start. A lot of people fail at healthy living
simply because they try too many things at the same time
and they end up not sticking to anything. They get back to
their double cheeseburgers and “exciting” evenings in front
of the TV and keep getting bigger as their health problems
increase.
Developing healthy habits that stick is not that complicated

if you choose the simple ones and progress slowly. Here are
101 healthy habits that you can choose from. Just pick one
habit at a time, conquer it and then try the next one. It is
that simple!
Healthy Eating
1. Always eat a big breakfast

2. Add 1/2 cup of fruits to your breakfast
3. Drink 8 glasses of water and carry a bottle of water
with you all the time
4. Start a food diary and track how much you are
actually eating (with 2/3 of the Americans being
overweight or obese overeating is a real problem
today). The general guidelines are 1600 calories for
women and 2200 for men (active people would
obviously need more)
5. Substitute fresh and dried fruits and berries for
candies and granola bars

6. Eat fish on most days of the week. Choose fatty fish 22.Have small treats every week. Choose a treat that
like salmon, herring and trout as often as possible you like the most and have it every week to keep
7. Eat only whole grain cereal. Look for at least 3 g of your healthy eating enjoyable (eating a pizza or a
fiber and not more than 10g of sugar in one serving chocolate Sundae is not a treat, it is pigging out)
8. Add walnuts to your breakfast or salad to increase 23.Do not eat heavy meals before you go to bed. If you
your omega-3 consumption are hungry go for some fruit, a small bowl of whole
9. Add sunflower seeds, almonds and hazelnuts to your grain cereal or yogurt
meals to increase your vitamin E consumption 24.Exclude foods made with high fructose corn syrup
10.Eat red meat once a week or less 25.Eat lots of brightly colored vegetables (spinach,
11.Choose only lean meat and poultry tomatoes, carrots, beets etc.) because they are rich
12.Do not fry shrimp or any other shellfish. Grill, boil or in anti-oxidants, flavonoids and vitamins
bake it to reduce cholesterol 26.If you are trying to lose weight, decrease each of
13.Eat fresh fruits as snacks between meals your meals by 25%
14.Eat at least one apple daily 27.Use coconut oil for cooking. Most liquid oils (like olive
15.Choose fat free or low fat dairy products oil, canola oil etc.) become toxic and turn into trans
16.Eliminate foods made with trans fats (partially fats once they are heated to 200 degrees whereas
hydrogenated oils) coconut oil stays stable up to 360 degrees
17.Make every meal balanced: 40-50% carbs, 25-35% 28.Use olive oil and balsamic vinegar as dressing for
protein, 20-30% fat your salads. Forget about Ranch and Thousand Island
18.Include at least 1/2 a cup of beans and other for the sake of your heart and arteries
legumes in your meals daily (legumes are high in 29.Drink dry red wine with fatty meals (limit it to 2
protein and fiber, but very low in fat and carbs. They glasses for men and 1 glass for women)
will keep you full longer, lower your cholesterol levels 30.Drink coffee (you can enjoy up to 3 cups of coffee
and nourish your body with important nutrients) daily and reduce your risks of developing type 2
19.Consider going semi-vegetarian completely or at diabetes, Parkinson disease and colon cancer)
least for a week every month 31.Soak meat for 6 hours in a wine or beer based
20.Ditch soft drinks marinade before grilling. It will reduce the amount of
21.Limit your consumption of juices. Opt for freshly carcinogens (chemicals linked to cancer) and other
squeezed juices to get the most nutrients and dilute harmful substances for up to 88%
them with water to reduce calories 32.Eat hot and spicy stuff

33.Eat oatmeal in the morning 48.Stack your fridge with healthy products weekly to
34.Choose cottage cheese and yogurt instead of regular avoid last-minute carry outs, unhealthy frozen
cheese and sour cream when cooking dinners and eating out
35.Eat dark chocolate to cope with cravings and to
protect blood vessels as well as to prevent Exercise
cardiovascular disease (do not go overboard though, 49.Walk for at least 30 minutes every day
one or two squares daily is all you need) 50.Start your day with morning exercises
36.Eat whole wheat bread with at least 3 g of fiber in 51.Buy a pedometer and make at least 10,000 steps
each serving every day
37.Use mustard instead of mayo on sandwiches 52.Schedule your workouts beforehand
38.Follow a Mediterranean diet to decrease risks of 53.Have 10-15 min workouts several times throughout a
cancer and heart disease (Mediterranean diet is rich day (you can do push-ups and sit-ups, go up and
in lean proteins, fish, fruits, vegetables, legumes, down the stairs, walk around the block, have a mini
olive oil and red wine) Yoga workout)
39.Eat only wild caught fish, grass-fed beef and free 54.Get yourself a dog and go for a walk with it every day
range chicken to ensure that you get the best 55.Walk with a weighted west to burn more calories and
nutrients without chemicals or contaminants to prevent bone loss
40.Go half-organic 56.Add weekly Yoga sessions to relieve stress and
41.Follow “The Less – The Better” rule when eating improve you mind and body connection
42.Do not eat in front of the TV, a computer or while 57.Buy a jumping rope and jump as often as you can
reading a newspaper 58.Exercise with your kids and your partner
43.Drink loose green and black tea without sugar 59.Add muscle strengthening workouts at least once a
44.Decrease your daily sodium intake week
45.Make snacks not more than 100 calories. A 500- 60.Start a physical activity log
calorie piece of cake is not a snack, it’s a meal 61.Get at least 2 hours 30 minutes of moderate activity
46.Add at least one serving of fruits or vegetables at weekly (brisk walking, dancing, gardening,
every meal (one serving is about 1/2 of a cup of swimming) or at least 1 hour and 15 minutes of
sliced produce and 1 cup of leafy greens). Aim at vigorous activity weekly (jogging, cardio aerobics)
getting 5-9 serving of fruits and vegetables daily 62.Follow “The more – The better” rule with your
47.Drink vegetable or tomato juice instead of fruit juices physical activity

63.Sign up for a community event like a walk for a multiple parts of your brain as well as multiple
cause, 5K, triathlon etc. muscles (try dancing, Pilates, Yoga)
64.Increase your physical activity by 10% weekly 76.Join an online community where you can track your
65.Make your own motivational collage and keep it in progress and talk to people who have similar
front of you all the time interests or goals as you do. Most popular fitness
66.Stretch out every 1-2 hours at work magazines have free (or almost free) personal trainer
67.Invest in a mini home gym – buy a few dumbbells, tools and online communities on their websites
resistance bands,a jumping rope, a medicine ball or a (menshealth.com, shape.com, runnersworld.com).
stability ball. This way you can squeeze in a short Other great websites are sparkpeople.com and
workout at any time bodybuilding.com
68.Buy exercise DVDs, find workouts on YouTube or sign 77.Get inspired. Read blogs, websites or magazines that
up for a workout podcast and work out at home share exercise success stories and find your
69.Employ an “I think I can do” attitude to stay on track inspiration every day
with your workouts 78.Walk a few laps around the mall before you start
70.Create back-up plans for your workouts in case of shopping
obstacles, e.g. “If there weather is bad I’ll …”, “When
I have to work late I’ll …”, “When I am tired I’ll …” General health
71.If you are a runner or a walker then buy new shoes 79.Use sunscreen all the time
every 300-400 miles 80.Spend 15 min in the sun daily to boost the production
72.Find your best workout and start it today of Vitamin D in your body
73.Try new activities monthly to keep you enthusiastic 81.Take Vitamin D supplements in winter or if you do
about working out not spend enough time outside
74.Use your imagination when working out (imagine that 82.Take multivitamins and mineral supplements
you are climbing a mountain when you are working 83.Go to sleep earlier and sleep longer (get your 8 hours
out on an elliptical machine or that you are of zzz-s daily)
competing in a marathon while running on a 84.Do not forget about your regular medical checkups
treadmill) 85.Keep your vaccinations up-to-date
75.Add balance exercises to your workouts – complex 86.Keep track of your health. Control your cholesterol
movements force your mind to work harder engaging levels, your body measurements, your food intake,
exercise and just the way you feel to avoid serious

problems in the future and to realize when something 95.Feel younger no matter what your age is – do things
goes wrong. A great website to track everything is that are not “appropriate” for your age, hang out with
thecarrot.com younger people, be optimistic and less serious about
life
Mental and Emotional Health 96.Learn a new skill every week
97.Spend money on memorable vacations and trips
87.Laugh every day, several times a day rather than shopping
88.Make a list of up to 100 personal pleasures and 98.Try balance exercises with your eyes closed – this will
pursue one every week improve your brain’s plasticity. Stand on one leg with
89.In order to gain balance in life make a list of things your eyes closed or try Yoga poses with closed eyes
“My life would be complete if …” and see what areas 99.Ditch TV
of your life you need to focus on 100. Practice media detox days weekly (no TV, no
90.Make a list of the happiest moments of your life and cell phone, no Internet)
think about one of these moments every day. This 101. Become spiritual (consider prayer, religion,
will be decrease your stress levels and make you a meditation, positive beliefs). Spirituality is linked to
happier person longevity, better health and lower stress levels as
91.Keep an uncluttered to-do list. Avoid to-do lists that well as a general sense of well-being.
are longer than 9-10 tasks and update them as you
go I hope that you will pick healthy habits that have appealed
92.Add mini relaxation sessions (1.5 – 2 minutes) to you from the list above. Do you have any other healthy
throughout the day: close your eyes, relax, breathe habits that you would like to share with me? What is your
slowly and deeply, imagine a peaceful and serene experience of developing healthy habits? I am looking
place forward to your feedback in the comments below. Stay
93.Read books every day healthy and
94.Play brain games as often as possible (Games for Keep it balanced!
Brain, Brain Games)

35. A Simple Way to Nourish Your Body and Soul without Spending a Dime
Yesterday was the first sunny day after a week of rain and
clouds. I do not want to sound too trite but I felt like life
returned to our house. I had this burning desire to go
running however there was nobody to stay with the babies
while they were sleeping.
After sitting at the computer half of the day and trying to

figure out what to write about I decided to do something
new. Every other day I do my Pilates and Yoga workout in
the living room but yesterday I decided to take this workout
outside. Having the baby monitor right by my side I headed
out to the porch. It was almost like a summer day (actually
better, because I didn’t have a flock of bugs chasing after
me ) and I was totally inspired for my workout. I had the
best hour devoted completely to myself that I’ve had in the
last couple of months.
Yesterday was a total revelation for me. There is nothing

ground-breaking in the fact that being outside is inspiring
and totally healthy. I just thought that we spend so much
time inside that we forget how important it is to be outside.
Our lives revolve around computers, offices and desks. We
are proud to be intellectual workers and we bury ourselves
in the prison of modern-day comforts. After work a lot of us
go home and watch TV or drive to the gym to lift weights
and run a few miles on a boring treadmill. Even Mind &
Body practices like Yoga, Tai Chi and Pilates take you inside

and force you to look at boring walls decorated with a few • 88% of PIOA say that it helps them escape the
artificial plants or new age pictures. pressures of everyday life
• 79% believe that it keeps them young
We weren’t born with this great desire to be stuck inside. I • 79% of PIOA say that being outdoors strengthens
agree that being inside is comfortable a lot of times (I their families, helps them to understand each other
would rather clean toilets than go outside in a blizzard or better and avoid conflicts
that rainy foggy weather when you feel your bones • 76% believe that being outdoors allows them to
shivering under your skin) but we should not forget our connect with themselves
natural environment – NATURE. • Being outside makes you healthier because sunshine
I have the worst days with my babies when we cannot go boosts your body’s vitamin D production
outside. Nobody told them that they need to be outdoors in • Outdoor activities are more satisfying and less boring
order to be happy or healthy. They just want to go there than the ones at your local gym
and play in the sun, play with mud, sticks and rocks and • Being outdoors makes you more aware of the
enjoy being a part of a big and bright world. At 19 months environment and your own responsibility to conserve
they know what they need better than a lot of us – adults. it.
I’ve come across some interesting statistics lately about As you have probably already understood a simple way to
participation in outdoor activities. For the most part people nourish your body and soul without spending a dime is
have less than 24 outdoor outings every year (that include being outside. There are hundreds of things you can do
jogging, hiking, bicycling, spending time in parks and outside on most days of the week and it could be a great
nature resorts – see the full report here). Isn’t that idea to spend some special occasions outside too.
horrible? Do you really want to spend all your time inside My husband gave me a wonderful surprise on our two year
like a plant in a greenhouse? Everybody knows that wedding anniversary. He took me hiking on a beautiful
greenhouse vegetables and fruits are far less tasty than the mountain located 45 minutes away from where we live. I
ones grown in natural conditions. Do you think there is an could not get a better present than that. Restaurants,
analogy with people? Actually there is, here are just a few movies and adventure parks simply do not compare in my
facts: opinion. After we got to the top of the mountain we found a
• 90% of people involved in outdoor activities (PIOA) quiet spot overlooking the entire city of Charlotte and had a
say that getting outdoors reduces stress levels and glass of wine to celebrate our special day. It was so
leaves them with a sense of accomplishment amazing!

There is something about being outside that brings balance you just feel what your soul and body need and you just
into your life. Maybe there is not enough research or have to follow that desire. I believe that being outside is an
studies done to prove it but not everything in our world can essential part of bringing balance into life.
be measured by dull numbers and raw logic. Sometimes

36. 7 Irrational thoughts that disrupt your life

This is an article by Steven Aitchinson of Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life. Follow his blog to find life
changing lessons.
A lot of us suffer from irrational thinking which can affect

our lives in a dramatic way. It can separate the successful
people in life from the unsuccessful ones, it can mean the
difference between loving someone and hating someone, it
can be the difference between peace and war. All wars, Yes
I mean ALL, are caused by irrational thinking.
In this post I will look at seven common irrational thoughts

and hopefully if you suffer from irrational thinking it will
help you to change.
1. If someone criticizes me there must be something

wrong with me
There are many reasons why people criticize each other but
it does not mean there is something wrong with you if they
do criticize you. It means they have a differing opinion to
you which is fantastic as without differing opinions in the
world it would be a terrible place to live.
2. I must always seek approval in order to feel good

about myself
Many people have thought this at one time or another in

their lives, however it becomes damaging when it is an
entrenched belief. There is no way you can please
everybody all the time so there is no point in even trying.
Seek approval from yourself and if you’re happy and feel

good that’s all that matters. Yes it’s nice to have other yourself down when recognizing that somebody else is
people’s opinions but don’t go out of the way to please better than you at something.
other people.
6. I was rejected which means there is something
3. I won’t try anything new unless I know I will be wrong with me
good at it
This is over generalizing like the person who was rejected in
Many people suffer from these types of thoughts. Trying a relationship, they think it always happens to them and
new things in your life is a way for you to grow and learn they must somehow be unworthy of love. People reject
more about yourself. You don’t have to be good at others due to differing ideals, just like you do, but it doesn’t
everything in your life but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy mean you are in any way unworthy it just means your
new experiences even if you are not good at them. ideals don’t match someone else’s ideals.
4. It’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted 7. If I feel happy about life something will go wrong
I have news for you; it is your fault. This doesn’t make you Another common irrational thought. You deserve all the
bad and it doesn’t mean you are a failure. You have control happiness you make for yourself; your past is your past, if
over your thoughts and therefore your actions. You there are still issues lurking from your past that is blocking
thoughts and actions will determine your life. If you you to feel happy about today speak to someone about it.
constantly blame others for the way your life has turned out Do not tinge your present and future thoughts with bad
you have given all your power away to other people. Take memories or else your present and future thoughts will get
the control back and take responsibility for your thoughts infected and your life will always stay the same.
and actions.
How to stop your irrational thoughts
5. I am inferior to everyone else
Simple! Just catch yourself every time you have an
That’s just the way you feel, which doesn’t make it true. irrational thought or self defeating thought and replace the
You have qualities that nobody else can touch and other wording of your internal thought. For example:
people have qualities that you can’t touch. Recognizing
your strengths will build your self confidence recognizing You are driving on a beautiful day and a bird decides to shit
others strengths will build their self confidence but don’t put on your car. You might think:

“that always happens to me, why do they always shit on my “I couldn’t……” e.g. “I couldn’t walk a mile” (have you
car” tried?).
To “I’m hopeless at……………”e.g. “Oh, I am hopeless at talking

in a group.” (usually said whilst talking to a group of
“It’s about time I got the car washed”. friends).
Look for the keywords in there “always”, this is an untruth. “It’s terrible……” e,g. “Isn’t it terrible that it’s raining?” (Eh!
If birds always shit on his car his car would be floating in No, it’s not terrible).
the stuff. So catch yourself with untrue statements such
as: There are a lot more irrational thoughts out there and you
have to be conscious to catch yourself thinking them. I
“always” e.g. I always get caught in the rain (If that were hope this article helps you to catch your irrational thoughts
true you’d be a fish) and brings your life into perspective.
“I never……………………” e.g. “I can never get a parking
space.” (If that were true you wouldn’t be able to go
anywhere in your car without stopping).

Balanced Relationships (Marriage and Love)

37. The Happy Couple Cheat Sheet: 15 Steps to a Balanced and Happy Marriage
(Relationship)
The other day my husband and I were talking about our

marriage and how happy we are together. Then we
somehow started talking about our friends and how some of
their marriages and relationships didn’t work out. It was
sad to see some of them go through painful divorces or
experience great disappointments in people who were
considered their second halves just a while back.
It’s not a secret that rates of divorces are rising like crazy
all over the world now (in the United States 50% of all
marriages end in divorce and in Ukraine the rates are just a
little bit lower). I am not going to go into the details of why
it is happening but I would like to share my experience of a
happy and balanced marriage. I hope that maybe these tips
will help some couples to live happily ever after.
1. Be honest with each other. I think marriage and

any serious relationship starts with honesty.
My husband is a scuba diver and he has a few scuba
buddies. If you do not know much about diving then I
want to share one secret: it is EXTREMELY expensive
(you need at least $3000 on average to get your own
gear and as you become better at it you will want
more expensive and more professional equipment).
For the reason that I cannot figure out scuba diving is
a real addiction for men and they cannot stop buying
new equipment no matter how much they have

already (my husband is past that point thankfully ) A person who does not know the rules will look at the
Back to the scuba buddies, these guys are married field and see a bunch of big guys running around,
and they hide their new equipment from their wives. jumping on each other and acting completely
Every time they buy something new they try to sneak irrational. A person who knows the rules will see a
around and get it delivered when their wives are not strategy behind every move. Each player has his own
home, then they hide it real good to make sure that role on the field and each of the players is
their wives do not know how much they’ve just spent responsible for the final score. In a marriage it is
(my husband has never done anything like this, important to have your own life and your own
phew!). One of these guys has just divorced and now interests, however happy couples know that all these
they are fighting over the custody of the children. I interests are worthless if they do not benefit their
can’t imagine living with a person who is not honest team. There is a great movie called Facing the Giants
with me, neither does my husband and I do not have that continues this analogy (this is a Christian
much hope in marriages that are based on lies and movie). Another one of my favorites is Fireproof and
sneaking around. I think that all couples need to watch it because it is
2. Do not only say “I love you,” show it. a wonderful and inspiring movie.
My parents divorced when I was about 10 years old. I 4. Keep romance burning in your relationship.
remember my dad always talking a lot about how There is nothing worse than a boring and unromantic
much he loved my mom and me but he never relationship. When women start wearing hair rollers
showed it. He never helped my mom around the and shower caps around the house and when men
house, he never helped her financially to raise me spend all their time on the coach with a bottle of beer
after the divorce, and he never tried hard enough to in their hands you can say that this relationship is
be a good husband and a good dad. doomed. Here are 10 ways to turn a boring
It is important to show your partner your love. It can relationship into a party of love and I am sure that
be support in a difficult situation, help around the you can think of at least 100 more.
house or with the kids, a romantic night out or a 5. Be best friends. A marriage based only on
timely hug when you are feeling blue. friendship is hardly possible, but a marriage without
3. In a relationship you are a team and not two friendship is doomed. What do friends do? They talk,
solo players. When you are married you lose some they share their most intimate thoughts, they share
of your “I” and turn it into “We.” Marriage is like a their joys and sorrows, they have fun together, and
football game (without getting slammed though ).

they help and support each other. Can you imagine a (the worst thing is to keep a grudge inside and let it
marriage without all this? I can’t. destroy your marriage).
6. Let little things slide. This tip is mostly meant for 8. Be silent. Sounds contradictory to what I’ve just
women because a lot of us (women) go crazy about said, right? If you and your partner argue (it happens
little things like dirty socks around the house, a glass to the best of us) then you are likely to say
that was left in the wrong place or the wrong type of something that you do not really mean. When we are
produce that he picked up at the grocery store. Men upset we tend to pick the most stinging words that
can think only about one thing at a time (these are can hurt your partner’s trust and faith in you
words of my husband, no offense guys). When they permanently. I find that it is much better to be silent
think about a nice bottle of wine that they want to in these situations and to let both of us cool down a
bring home for supper they forget whether you little bit. After the smoke has cleared and you can
wanted Romaine lettuce or spinach. When they think think rationally again you can talk the whole situation
about a football game they forget where they leave over and most likely you will find an easy solution or
their glass and when they are ready to cuddle up explanation that will satisfy both of you.
with you under a blanket they forget where they 9. Be equally responsible for the family and
threw their socks. Look at the big picture and enjoy a household. This is a tip for men. A lot of men
deep relationship and bond with your partner, after mention that marriage kills romance and that their
all nobody is perfect. wives become less interested in sex and fun activities
7. Talk. When I say “talk” I do not mean just talking that they used to enjoy before. This is really true
about what refrigerator you have to buy or what because a lot of women get so tied up in household
happened at work during the day. I mean talking problems and bringing up children (not mentioning
about everything: about friends, about news, about the fact that a lot of women are also working at the
your interests, about your concerns and about 100 same time) that they do not have any energy left for
more subjects. My husband and I lose track of time anything else.
when we start talking to each other and I love this Most men still think that a woman is a 100%
time more than anything else in the world (well, responsible for bringing up children and taking care
almost anything ). Talking will help you understand of the household. How many men change about half
what is going on in the head of your spouse, what the amount of diapers that women do? How much
bothers him/her, it will help you to resolve and time do men spend with the children when the kids
prevent conflicts and misunderstandings if they arise are in a bad mood? How often do men think about

what to fix for supper or when to vacuum the house? having great time together and laughing a lot will
If you are one of the men who does it all or is willing help you become more positive about your
to do it all then your wife is (will be) a very happy relationship and life in general.
woman (my husband is all I’ve just mentioned and
Here are 5 more rules that do not need any explanation in
even more ). How would you expect a woman to
my opinion.
think about a romantic night when she has been
changing dirty diapers all day long and her personal 11.Love each other
time was limited to 5 minutes in the shower? A 12.Respect each other
marriage puts a lot of responsibilities on both a man 13.Support each other
and a woman and if you want a happy and sexy wife 14.Understand each other
then you need to give her some help and some free 15.Give to each other
time.
10.Smile and laugh together. According to a recent A balanced and happy marriage is not a dream, it is a
study people who smile a lot have lower rates of reality for me. I wish that more people could enjoy
divorce. Researchers are not quite sure about the relationships that were satisfying and long-lasting at the
connection between smiling and happy marriages but same time.

38. How to Prepare Yourself for a Marriage That Lasts

This is a post by Justin of A Little Better. Follow him @alittlebetter to learn his personal development tips and
tricks.
We frequently hear about the rising divorce rate, and

unhappy marriages, but people still want familes. There is
nothing wrong with this, but these stories can be quite
discouraging. The hope of marriage lasting seems all but
gone. Does this mean that there is nothing we could do to
make a marriage more likely to last? Not at all.
In my story, I make it clear that it was the idea of kids like

me that really motivated me to delve into self
improvement. One of the factors that I really wanted to
take care of was a happy marriage. Its not fun or
wholesome to grow up in a family where the mother and
father do not get along, and if there is no example of what
proper love is for a child growing up what standard will they
have to measure love by when they are adults? So I started
asking anyone who I saw that appeared to have a happy
marriage, and I still read everything I can find on
relationships and marriage. This is what I’ve found so far.
Learn to Manage Your Finances
The most frequent cause of divorce is finance. Both you and

your partner must make it a priority to at least have a
general understanding of finances. You should have a
shared philosophy on how money should be handled.
Examples to work on together for this area are as follows.
How much money should be set aside for entertainment?
How much should be put in an emergency fund? What
things can be sacrificed in a financial emergency? How not going to address those things for you. If you want to
much time is too much time at work? How should living change your habits then start now because marriage won’t
expenses be divided fairly? change them. The nice thing though, is that the moment
you commit to live better you are already moving in the
One major point here is to address any debts before right direction.
marriage. If either you or your partner has debt you must
be up front about it. If you cannot get rid of said debt Don’t Rush Marriage
before marriage than at least put together a strategy to pay
it off. If you are really in this relationship for the long haul than
you are already going to spend the rest of your life
Know Your Marriage Beliefs together. When you hold the ceremony from that point isn’t
as important, so don’t rush it. Instead make sure that you
What does marriage mean to you? What is the role of the are ready. This does not mean never get married. Just be
husband? What is the role of the wife? Is there any time ready first. One good rule to follow whenever possible is do
that divorce is acceptable? When? I couldn’t tell you if there not get married before at least 25 years old. Before this
is a right or wrong answer to these questions, but I can tell point the brain is still developing wait until that is settled in.
you this. If you and your partner do not have a similar view Do things that you need to do on your own before you are
on these things it will cause trouble later on. married. It’s not that you can’t do them with your partner,
Marriage Will Not Fix You it’s that you want to have a good idea of who you are and
how you want to live life first.
There are many people that get married because they feel it
will somehow make them magically better. They want Always Improve Communication
marriage to make them a more complete person. This There is not an area in your life that cannot be improved
creates unrealistic expectations and ultimately with better communication skills. This includes reading what
disappointment. First off you are complete as you are. others mean, effectively sending the message you intend
Nothing is going to make you more complete. The thing you to, actively listening, learning what times are and are not
should be looking for is: “Are you living to the potential you appropriate for opening up, when it’s time to be quiet, and
already have? Are you happy with yourself? Why not?” how to stand up for yourself appropriately. You and your
These are things you need to address. Your partner can still partner should both make a life habit of working on
help and offer not only loving support but an occasional communication skills. One trick that has helped my
swift kick to the caboose when it’s needed, but marriage is relationship is realizing that most arguments boil down to

definitions. Dictionaries can end arguments, and a In the end, it’s not up to me when you are ready to be
thesaurus can help you find the right word to make your married. I would ask that you at least consider these
point. things, and I wish you all the best in love and life.

39. 7 Keys to Strengthen Relationships and Create Lasting Memories

This is a post by Miche of Serenity Hacker. Follow her @SerenityHacker to get her tips about serene and peaceful
living.
times. We really don’t “plan” on creating happy memories,

they just seem to happen, yet we’d all like it if we knew we
could have more of them. But how do we go about
intentionally making them happen? What are the things that
we remember most?
Sure, a vacation might do the trick, or another big life

event, but these don’t always occur very often. And even
though we really can’t guarantee that we’ll be able to create
more joyful memories, there are manageable things we can
do in the present that deepen bonds, increase mutual
joy and aliveness, and raise the odds that we’ll have
more memorable times to look back on in the future.
Most of these involve, at least in some way, breaking from
our routines.
Even good relationships tend to stagnate when routine

sets in … time slips by, without any real memories being
made. This is when we look back and wonder where the
time went… there are no real markers to set things apart.
There’s almost nothing more rewarding in life than close
relationships, be it with a spouse or loved one, friends, Stressed or difficult relationships are also undermined by
children, or our families. One of the things that all of the routine: things have become so uncomfortable or tough
most cherished and satisfying relationships have in common that any routine that keeps the status quo, or the stress at
is lasting memories. bay, is often adopted. No good memories are created in this
place, and with time, this increases the chasms that
Memories, especially joyful ones, fortify relationships and
separate us from those we care about.
increase their endurance, especially through difficult

Breaking out of the routines that keep us from deepening everyone contributed a part. When you create
our connections and experiencing the stuff we’ll enjoy together, do it in a spirit of fun, and of play… let go
looking back on doesn’t have to be complicated, expensive, of the results. Better yet, let someone else take the
or extravagant. Instead, try incorporating some of the lead… help someone you care about create
following simple elements into any of your something that’s meaningful to them.
relationships, and make them, in some way, part of your 3. Be Active Together
routines together: Much of what we do for pleasure with those we love
is rather passive. We may watch television, go to the
1. Experience New Things Together movies, or out to eat. Though these sorts of pursuits
This is ultimate “break up your routine” idea, but it might be relaxing and pleasurable, it’s because
goes quite far in creating the kinds memories that they’re passive that they don’t really strengthen our
stay with us. When we experience something new, connections or create occasions that are memorable.
our senses are heightened, our adrenaline is active Make it a point to experience things that require
and our awareness is keen. Scientifically, all those active involvement, even if just occasionally. Games,
biological factors actually work to sear memories hikes, outdoor activities, or sports are all easy
deep into our subconscious, and make them easier to enough to do on a budget. You don’t have to do them
recall. Go places you’ve never been before, try things all the time if they’re not your thing, but choosing
you’ve never done. You don’t have to love them all, active entertainment expands our experience of one
the point is to get out of your relationship’s comfort another in a way that passive entertainment just
zone and activate everyone’s spirit (and biology) of can’t.
adventure. 4. Include Others When You Spend Time Together
2. Create Together This doesn’t have to be all the time, but including
This one often goes neglected, but really, how often others not only brings a freshness to regular
do we create together with the people we love? We activities but also widens our perceptions of each
don’t have to get all fancy about it, creating can be other. Plus, the more personalities in a place, the
as simple as creating a space in your home, making a more unexpected results, which often become the
snowman, building a tent with your kids, or even stuff of some our funniest memories. If you’re a
concocting a new recipe together. The bonds that are family, do things that include other families, even if
built around creative activities are special because that just means things you normally do at home. If
creating involves being open, imaginative, and you’re a couple, try to connect with other couples,
cooperative, and in the end, there is a result in which

and for friends, go places where you’ll encounter new and can be found in your city and town. Universities,
people together. Even making it a point to do museums, libraries, even weather conservatories and
something of this sort once a month, or every other, parks often host or organize such events around
can enliven any relationship and solidify the ties that anniversaries or other historical markers.
bind us. 7. Make Room for Spontaneity
5. Learn Together Next time you’re inclined to pass on an invitation to
This is another category that gets neglected, because do something because it’s not your thing, it’s too
often we think learning is a solitary activity, or different, or because you feel too busy, just say “yes”
something we do formally, as in class, often with when you feel the urge to say “no” or “maybe later”.
people we don’t know. But learning together with Perhaps your sweetie suggested something new, your
people we like or love is actually quite fun, broadens friend something strange, or your child something
our horizons, and serves to enrich our relationships. imaginative… these are the very things we shouldn’t
The point here is to learn things that are new to pass up (besides, what are you passing them up to
everyone, so no one is really “the teacher”. Pick do instead?) The most wonderful, unexpected
something that interests everyone involved. You can surprises often take place when we let go and let
go about it formally or informally, but commit to it spontaneity reign supreme for awhile. When we allow
together. spontaneity in our lives, we’re embracing living,
6. Share in Joy and Celebratory Events we’re fully present, and we learn more about each
Make time to acknowledge joyful moments and other, and quite often about ourselves, in the
celebrate successes and triumphs, no matter how process.
small, be it your own or someone else’s. Joy can be
contagious, and though it might take a little effort, True love is unconditional and everlasting,
taking part in celebratory occasions together often it is established over time and validated by memories
adds more meaning to relationships. And you don’t ~Anonymous
have to wait for holidays, family events, or friends’ What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel
special occasions. Though such occasions are often that they are joined for life,
fun, not everything needs to be a party, or even to be with each other in silent and unspeakable memory.
personal for that matter. Attending celebrations ~George Eliot
around your interests is often a good time, cheap,

Social Life (Friendship, Communication, Social Skills)

40. How to Make a True Friend (Worth More Than 14.6 Cents)
Making new friends seems easy these days: you can buy
them, or ‘friend’ people at the click of a button.
But is that really making friends – in the true sense of the

word?
What is a true friend?
True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo

and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to
the appellation.
~ George Washington
I once heard Zen Master John Tarrant say something

unforgettable about friendship. He said, “If you have a true
friend, one of you will sit at the other’s deathbed.” That
puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? I can’t quite see my
A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents 2000 Twitter followers crowding around my bed in the
of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the Intensive Care Unit during my final days!
gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth
keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. What John Tarrant reminds us of, is that true friendships
~ Arabian Proverb are long-term connections that flow through our life like
rivers.
Maybe you thought that friendship can’t be bought. Wrong. I remember some beautiful moments of friendship when my
You can buy 3000 Facebook friends for only 14.6 cents mother, Joan Jaksch, died. I was with her as she passed
apiece from Usocial.com. Twitter friends are even cheaper. away and immediately rang up my son Sebastian and three
You can acquire them in bulk: 25,000 Twitter friends only of my friends. They came at once and we all sat around my
cost 3,4 cents each! mother’s bed, holding hands and shedding tears.

Ten Ways to Create Lasting Friendships

A few days later, Sebastian and I celebrated my mother’s
1. Be caring
life with a funeral service held in our lounge (which doubles
as a meditation room). My mother’s cat, Sweetie, lay curled Ask not what a friend can do for you. Ask what you can do
up on her legs in the open coffin. Friends gathered, and we for a friend.
sat on the floor around the coffin, telling hilarious stories ~ Anonymous
about my mother’s eccentric ways, until we could no longer
tell the tears of laughter from the tears of grief. Then one of The two cornerstones of friendship are kindness – and care.
my best friends – my ex-husband Uwe Grodd – played a
haunting solo on his flute.
Here’s a lovely story by Father Theophane about the
That’s true friendship.
spiritual value of kindness and caring:
Friends are the family of the soul
There’s a monk there who will never give you advice, but
Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends. only a question. I was told his questions could be very
~ Jacques Delille (1738 – 1813) helpful. I sought him out.
We are born into particular families. Some of us are lucky “I am a parish priest,” I said. “I’m here on retreat. Could
because we were raised in happy, loving families. Others you give me a question?
grow up in abusive families and carry the scars all their
“Ah, yes,” he answered. “My question is: ‘What do they
lives. However, whatever family we were raised in, we are
need?”
free to create our own family. These family ties can be by
blood or by affection. Or by both. I came away disappointed. I spent a few hours with the
question, writing down answers, but finally I went back to
If you have children you will know that blood relation
him.
doesn’t guarantee close emotional ties. It’s a sad fact that
many adult children leave home and then sever all ties to “Excuse me. Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. Your
their family. That’s because they lack the bond of love and question has been helpful, but I wasn’t so much interested
affection that is strong enough to last throughout life. I’m in thinking about my parish during this retreat. Rather I
fortunate because my son Sebastian is one of my cherished wanted to think seriously about my own spiritual life. Could
friends. you give a question for my own spiritual life?”

“Ah, I see, the monk said. ” The question is, ‘What do they 3. Delight at success and share joy
really need?’”
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
In order to care for another person, we need to walk in but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a
their shoes, and consider what we could do to make life friend’s success.”
easier for them. Then do it. - Oscar Wilde
2. Be there in misfortune One of the greatest compliments I’ve received was when a
friend told me, “You’re the only person with whom I can
“Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.” share my success without reservation. I can tell you all
- Aristotle about how well I did – and know that you’ll celebrate with
I once went through a dismal patch in my life when I was me!”
forced to leave a high-profile job as a Director of a school of
music – just as my husband Uwe and I were going through 4. Always Encourage
a divorce. The day after I left my job, I lost 80% of all the
people whom I regarded as friends. That was a shock, as When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow
you can imagine. It turned out they were only hanging out bring out the best in ourselves.
with me because I was well-known. ~ William Arthur Ward
Strangely enough though, I then discovered that there was

a small group of people lurking in the background of my life We can often spot a friend’s potential better than they can.
who were waiting to become friends with me. One of them Our task as a friend is to encourage, encourage, encourage.
was Birgit (who is like a sister to me now). I asked her: (Yes, I know I wrote that three times…) So often talent
withers because there is nobody to encourage it. Let your
“Why did you guys wait all this time before letting me know friends know how wonderful they are – again and again.
that you wanted to be friends?
5. Be Respectful
“Oh,” she said, “we were waiting for you to come down to
earth and stop being up yourself!” In our society respect is linked to hierarchy. You are
(In New Zealand, ‘up yourself’ means to be arrogant…) expected to be respectful to those ‘above’ you, but nobody
cares if you treat those you consider ‘below’ you with
familiarity or even distain. Well, that doesn’t work for
making friends! How about treating everyone with respect?

I’m always saddened when children and young adults are 8. Repair rifts
treated disrespectfully – even though being young is a
passing human condition, and children can grow into life- It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
long friends. If you want to be friends with a child or an ~William Blake
adolescent, listen to what they have to say. Be interested in Do you sometimes mourn a good friend whom you’ve lost
what they do. Treat them like the interesting human beings through a quarrel? That’s what the quote by Blake is about.
they are. When we love – and friendship is a form of love – we open
6. Be honest our heart to sorrow, as well as to joy. Make sure you reach
out and let the other person know that you still want to be
A true friend stabs you in the front. friends. Do it sooner than later.
~ Oscar Wilde
Sometimes we feel betrayed or ill-used by a friend. That’s
I love this saying by Oscar Wilde! As a good friend it’s our a difficult situation. What I try to do in those moments is to
duty to lovingly and patiently tell the other if we think he or remind myself about all of the good aspects of that
she is going wrong. If a friend does that to you and you feel friendship, so that I can move towards forgiveness.
defensive, ask yourself, “What is the grain of truth in what
they’ve said?” 9. Be trustworthy
7. Listen If you want to create lasting friendships, you need to be

trustworthy. Really, that goes without saying. But it’s good
Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what to remind ourselves of this over and over. To be
you don’t say. trustworthy means to keep confidences, not to denigrate a
~ Anonymous friend behind his or her back, to keep promises, to protect
our friends, instead of taking advantage of them.
Listening to a friend is what deepens friendship. I know it’s
difficult at times because you may be preoccupied at the 10. Accept despair
time, or feel the pressure of concerns you want to get off
our chest. Here’s a remedy: as well as listening to your The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair
friend, open to other sounds around you – the roar of or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and
traffic, the twitter of birds, or the splash of raindrops falling bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not
against the window. This keeps you in the present moment. healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,

that is a friend who cares. hand, listen to their despair. Or, if you are a distance, hold
~ Henri Nouwen them in your heart with loving thoughts.
Conclusion
At times there is absolutely nothing we can do to help a
friend and we feel helpless. We can’t see a way forward and To be a good friend is a skill that grows with practice. I
despair because there seems nothing we can do to help. hope the ten rules above help you to become a good friend,
But actually there is. We can give our friends the most or remind you of some important aspects of friendship.
precious gift of all: our full presence. Hold your friend’s Most of all – let each friendship light up your life in a unique
way.

41. Step out of Your Shell: Practical Tips to Become a Better Conversationalist
Some people are born with a thick shell around them. This
shell protects them from the outside world, from bitter
remarks of other people and from disappointment and
failure. These people are shy by nature and going out in the
public is a really difficult for them. A lot of these shy people
are also introverts (not all introverts are shy though, just a
remark) and connecting with the outside world is not easy
for them. I am definitely an introvert and I am a bit shy
too. This is the exact reason why I always had trouble
communicating with strangers. Unless those strangers were
interested in me I could not find common topics to talk
about or common interests. You know those awkward
moments when you come to a party and the host
introduces you to one of their friends and then leaves. You
and your new “acquaintance” try not to look in each other’s
eyes because you do not know what to say. Both of you are
just waiting for the right moment to run away. I’ve had
hundreds of such moments in my life and I have finally
decided to fight them and to step out of my shell.
When I was a teenager and wanted to become a better

conversationalist I read a book by Dale Carnegie “How to
win Friends and Influence People.” I believe that this is the
best book on this subject and everybody who has trouble
communicating with new people must read it. However, this
book was written about a century ago (I really can’t believe
it. It sounds so weird and so old. Brrrrrr!) and today our
world offers much more to people who are stuck inside their

shell. I am talking about the Internet. I think the Internet is comment (time is something we do not have in real
the best thing to help make you a better conversationalist conversation). Over time you will become faster and
and make you a braver and bolder person in general. more confident in posting comments. This is when
you will become better in real conversation too.
About two years ago I got hooked on blogs and the whole 3. Use email instead of a regular phone. People who
online community and that is when I finally found a way to are scared of talking to strangers are often terrified
get out of my shell and to become a better of the phone. I must confess, I still have a phone-
conversationalist. I believe that anybody who has the same phobia and I would rather clean a toilet than make a
fears as I had (you do not know what to say and when to phone call to a person I do not know. Using email is
say, you are not sure if you are right or not, you are afraid so much easier in my opinion and it saves me so
of being laughed at, you are not sure if your opinion much trouble and time!
actually matters to other people or not) can finally break 4. Join a forum. It’s close to commenting on blogs but
free and feel at ease in any situation with strangers. on a forum you can actually start a discussion that
1. Start following blogs. If you are not sure what to you are interested in and try to keep it flowing. You
talk about you can “borrow” other people’s opinions can start something controversial and that way learn
and use them in your real conversations. Blogs can to deal with criticism and negative opinions. You can
give you insight and deliberate opinions on any try to engage people in an interesting conversation.
subject that you might find interesting. You can learn You can also reply to other people’s threads and
things that you’ve never known about, you can hear become an active member of the forum community.
news that nobody else is talking about and you can You can take as much time as you want to come up
read opinions that have never been written about. with a topic or with a response. It has helped me to
2. Comment on blogs. I think this is one of the most become more open and more socially active.
useful exercises for anybody who wants to be a 5. Use Twitter wisely. Twitter is probably the best
better conversationalist. Choose a topic that you social media site for people who want to get out of
know nothing about, read a post and try to write an their shell. Nobody can see whether you are online or
interesting and smart comment (things like “Great not that is why you do not have the pressure to post
article, Keep it up!” do not count). You might have to something every time you log into your account. You
find a few other resources along the way to make will learn to find something interesting in what you
you a little bit knowledgeable on the topic. You can are doing or what you are reading. You will learn to
take as much time as you want to chisel your use your knowledge to the benefit of other people,

your followers. You can have hundreds and 7. Discover social media. You can stay up-to-date on
thousands of friends without feeling too exposed. You everything you are interested in by joining social
will also improve your speaking skills by being brief media sites like StumbleUpon, Digg, Delicious and
and concise. Facebook of course. Establish your online presence
The fact that I am an introvert helps me not to be and learn to communicate with people online, share
obsessed with Twitter. Some people just want to be your thoughts and your opinion. The worst thing that
exposed to the entire world that is why they are on can happen to you is that people won’t pay any
Twitter 24/7 (I am not even sure whether they sleep attention to you which is not a big deal in my
or not). They tweet about their breakfasts, lunches opinion.
and dinners, about every grocery trip and every cup 8. Start your own blog. Once you are comfortable
of tea or coffee that they drink, some of them even with the first 7 steps and you want to try something
say when they go to the bathroom. If you are like me else you can create your own blog. I know that
then you are lucky because you can only benefit from blogging is not for everyone but it’s a great tool of
twitter without getting addicted to it. self-improvement. You will learn to find topics that
6. Join online training programs, webinars, people are interested in and you will feel the
conferences, online parties. You can do almost excitement of sharing your knowledge with the rest
anything online today. No matter what you are of the world (even if at first the rest of the world is
interested in you can find a community of same- only your cat). Blogging is a daring adventure for
minded people online who would be happy to talk to everyone who is afraid of talking to people. Blogging
you. A lot of times these communities have their own is the ultimate tool to break that shell that hides you
online parties, webinars or they join some training from the outside world.
program. As a mom of twins I am a part of
TwitterMoms and TwinHappy and these are fun I know that my online life has helped me to become a
communities for moms and even dads. You can find a better person. The online community has taught me a lot, it
lot of social networks and even create your own at helped me to be more confident and more open with other
Ning.com. Follow your interests and expand them people. I am not afraid of talking to strangers anymore and
online! I am even doing better with phone calls Do you think you
can benefit from it too?

42. How to be Annoyingly Positive and Still Keep your Boring Friends
This is a post by Arvind Devalia of Make it Happen. Follow him @arvinddevalia and make it happen for a better
you and a better world.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a positive

and effervescent outlook on life.
(by the way, I really like the words “effervescent” and

“effervescence” – they evoke colourful images of energy
and gas bubbling out of a huge bowl – and honest, I am not
on any drugs, just high on life).
If you are such a positive bubbly person, have you noticed

how it is the norm for people around you to be “realistic”
and always look on the downside of everything?
You tell them it is nice and sunny and they say, yes but it
will probably rain later.
You tell them it was a great meal and they complain about
the dessert.
Have you ever been around someone who is maddeningly You get my point.
positive and full of life and zest?
At the same time, being so positive, are you in danger of
Did they annoy you so much you wanted to just stamp on losing all your “boring” friends?!
them?
I have gradually come to the conclusion that sometimes
Or maybe YOU are one of these highly positive people with you simply have to let negative people be. I used to try so
boundless energy and zest for life?! much to get them to see things differently, but now learnt
that it’s a waste of time and energy to try and make others
Well, if you are, then many congratulations!
around you see a more positive outlook.

The worst thing you can do is to let your positivity and Your life may not be going great right now, but by adopting
optimism be dashed by negative, draining people. a positive approach and working on your life, things will
improve.
I would say that the challenge for positive people is
twofold:- As for people who are already relatively positive and have a
zest for life, how do you continue to do so without annoying
1. How to maintain that positive outlook on life. your “boring” friends?
2. How to spread their positivity and effervescence – and
keep their friends. Here are some ideas for maintaining your positivity and still
hanging on to some of your not so positive friends at the
(I told you I liked that word effervescence) same time:-
Though it is key to remain upbeat and positive, you have to 1. Accept your positivity
be realistic about what is and what’s not possible for your
friends and their outlook. As I said, there is nothing wrong with being positive and
happy. Just keep it up and enjoy it.
Expect the best from life and you will invariably get it.
At the same time, appreciate that everyone is in a different
Expect the worst and you will not be disappointed! space, so if you are around someone very negative, curb
The last statement above is actually what some people live your enthusiasm a little bit, without losing your grounding.
their lives by – they have low expectations so as not to be Learn to gauge where the people around you are at and
disappointed – meaning that they never even get around to tone down a little if necessary.
raising their expectations.
2. Empathize with your friends
To me that seems like a rather sad way of approaching life.
At the same time, everyone has a different life journey - I When you are with your not so positive friends, understand
accept they have to go through and I do not wish to take and accept where they are coming from and what’s behind
away anyone from their desired learnings and chosen life. their outlook. You don’t have to agree with what they say –
just try and relate to them.
However there is so much one can do, so as to escape from
this dark pool of negativity, if they wish to do so. Hear what they have to say and humor them if necessary.
3. Reframe their arguments if necessary

Some people do change their outlook quickly and you can Do keep your boundaries and do not become a door mat for
help them by reframing their arguments about how things others to dump on.
are the way they are.
7. Disassociate and let go
Get them to see an alternate viewpoint and you may just
life their spirits. Ultimately, if you find that a person is simply too draining
on your energy, then you have to be kind to yourself and
4. Let others be as they wish let that friendship go. It may sound cruel but at the end of
the day, you have to think about your own well-being.
At the same time, some people are just not ready to change
and adopt a new outlook – and nor is it your responsibility Just because you are a compassionate and loving being
to do so. doesn’t mean that you have to be a friend for the whole
world.
Instead focus on yourself and let them be.
Spread your optimism & zest for life and infect the
5. Do not buy into their story whole world
Most negative people have a story about why life is treating In summary, it is good to be positive, high-spirited and with
them so badly and how things will never get better. a zest for living life to the full.
Do not buy into their story. You stick to your own story – At the same time, remain grounded and base your
and also look for some key learnings from what they say – optimism with an underlying reality check – and most
you can learn a lot by reflecting on how people are the way importantly continue to be effervescent:-)
they are.
Remember – your positivity and bubbly nature should not
6. Share your resources. be annoying but rather it should always be endearingly
For some people, their negativity is a call for help and if so, infectious. That way at least you will still have some friends
you can offer to help them by sharing your expertise, – and they too will eventually be just as positive and full of
resources and contacts, but do not make them dependent life as you.
on you.

43. 8 Helpful Ways To Deal With Critical People

This is a post by Celestine Chua of the Personal Excellence Blog. Follow her @celestinechua or on Facebook and
learn how to be your best and live your best life.
ability to scrutinize and zoom into every little problem there

is. Following which, they fixate on these issues and offer
unwanted opinions on them. If that’s not enough, they top
it off with their projection of all the possible bad things that
can happen.
In my article on Are You Emotionally Generous?, I shared

why we should be cut out the emotional stinginess and why
emotional generosity is the way to go. Critical people are
emotionally stingy, because they are so bent on harping
on ”flaws” and what’s not there. They seem to have an
Imagine this. You are in a good mood today. There’s automatic filter which mentally blocks out whatever
something you are really happy about and you decide to tell goodness before them. Rather than give praise, they can
your friend to share the excitement. However, your friend only criticize.
listens mainly in nonchalance while you are gushing away.
Worse still, he/she starts giving his/her 2 cents about how 8 Helpful Ways to Deal With Critical People
it’s not really not that great. Talk about a wet
Naturally, critical people aren’t the first people you’d think
blanket! Before you know it, your mood has done a 180
of hanging out with. While you can try to get out of their
degree switch from happy to one of annoyance and
way, you are bound to run into one or two of them in school
irritation.
or at work. Here are my 8 handy ways to handle them:
Does this sound familiar? This is a typical behavior of critical
1. Don’t Take It Personally
people. Critical people can be real downers, just like
energy vampires. No matter what you say, they always find Most of the times, their criticisms reflect more about
some way to derail the mood of the conversation. You can’t themselves than about you. They react in this manner
even remember when was the last time they ever gave a because of certain beliefs and frameworks they have about
compliment or encouragement. They have an uncanny life. You may think the critical person is all out to get you,

but it’s more likely he/she reacts in this same manner misinterpreted due to their lack of tact. At times this swirls
toward everyone else too. into a big misunderstanding. They become labeled as
*ssholes even though they really aren’t trying to be.
Here’s one simple way to check – Think about the common
friends you have with the critical person. If possible, Unfortunately, people become hung up over “how”
identify people of the same standing as you, so it’s communication is done (the words used, the tone of
comparable. After this, try to be present the next time they communication), rather than “what” is being
are with each other and observe how the critical person communicated (the message). The former ensures the
interacts with him/her. How does the critical person message is conveyed correctly, but ultimately it is the
behave? Does he/she give the same pattern of comments? message that matters. Critical people may be curt, but we
Does he/she focus on the negative things? Does he/she are the ones who choose to attach the negativity to their
come across as critical? Chances are high that it’s going to words. Critical people may lack tact, but that’s because they
be a yes. lack awareness of how their behavior implicate others. You
may be surprised, but sometimes they are really just
Last time, I used to take a critical friend’s comments to clueless on how they are coming across until they see
heart. I’d wonder why she was always so discouraging, and themselves in action. If you are taking their comments
would feel defensive when she voiced out with her negatively when they don’t intend to be negative at all,
unwelcomed criticism. However, when I observed her that’s probably the worst way to expend your energy.
treatment of our common friends, I realized she did this
with the others too. Same comments, same criticisms, Filter through their words (more importantly, your
same hang-ups with them, even though I never saw interpretations of their words) and get down to the
anything wrong with our common friends. Not only that, real message. What are they trying to communicate? Why
there was a trend in what she said and harped on. It was are they saying these? What are their intentions? Are they
then I realized it wasn’t about me; it was her inner really trying to be *ssholes or is it a different intention?
frameworks. It was a liberating realization. From there on, I Behind their words may lie great insights. If you can get
no longer took anything she said personally and was able to past the “how” and get down to the “what“, you gain
objectify the situation. access to valuable feedback for improvement. Two power
things occur here – Firstly, you are a step ahead in your
2. Understand Their Real Intentions journey of conscious living because you are no longer
Sometimes, I feel critical people are just misunderstood. behaving in a reactive manner. Secondly, you are literally
They may just trying to offer an opinion but it becomes more knowledgeable now you know the real intent of their

feedback. This can be constructively used in your journey of 3. Take It as a Source of Honest Feedback
self-improvement. Neither of these can happen if you are
hung up over the criticism. Honesty can never be underrated. Take their criticisms as a
source of reliable, honest feedback, rather than seeing
The previous company I worked at is an American MNC, them as uninvited criticisms. At least with them, you know
so the communication was often direct and to the point. what you see is what you get. I would much rather be
There were times when people would be overly curt and out with a directly blunt person than with someone is
blunt, especially when caught in pressing situations and seemingly nice but is fake. Some people pretend to be nice
tight timelines. One of the general managers was well and supportive in front of you, when in actuality they are
known for his fiery temper, lashing out with verbal attacks not in agreement and they are just concealing their
and swearing at people when things were not going well. misgivings. I’ve come across a couple of such people, and
While some might gasp at this behavior, there is really while the friendship initially starts off on a high note, the
no reason to take offense, because that’s just how he revelation of their dishonesty later on disgusts me to no end
chooses to communicate. Of course it’d be ideal if everyone and puts an abrupt end to the friendship. On the other
communicates in a sociably tactful manner, but ultimately hand, I have friends who may be uncomfortably blunt when
you can’t change how others act. You can however, change I first know them, but later reveal themselves to be true
how you perceive something. What really matters is the gems because they are reliable and true to their words.
message the person is trying to convey, more than what
exactly is being said. 4. Address Your Discomfort Within
Needless to say, the ones who chose to take comments in Just as their criticisms reflect something about their inner
negative light put themselves through unnecessary frameworks, our discomfort with their criticisms reflect
unhappiness; The ones who sieved through the words and something about our inner frameworks too, especially
got to the essence of the message were able to improve if we are bothered about it. If I ever feel uncomfortable
based on the feedback. My past experience has made me a about others’ comments, I’ll look within to understand why
more perceptive person because rather than focus on exact I’m feeling that way. Chances are, it made me
words being said, I listen to what the person is uncomfortable because it has struck a chord with an inner
communicating. The ability to actively “listen” beyond words belief. The next step is then on me to discover what it is.
is a critical skill (no pun intended) for all of us in connecting This is consistent with everything we face in life too.
and building strong relationships. Sources of discomfort should be seen as a compass for
growth. As I shared in one of my quotes in 101 Inspiring

Quotes, “Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your because it’s so hard to get encouragement from critical
compasses toward growth”. people.
Ask yourself – Why am I feeling uncomfortable with his/her However, the natural reaction of critical people is to
comment? Why am I unhappy about what he/she just said? criticize, not praise. So if you talk to them about something
What is it about it that is bothering me? Keep asking and in hopes they will respond in enthusiasm and
drilling down to the root cause. The first set of answers will encouragement, stop doing it. You have seen their critical
be directed towards the external world, such as issues with behavior in action before, so it shouldn’t surprise you if they
the other person. However, as you keep drilling down, the continue to dish out criticisms at what you say. Albert
answers change from outward-directed to inward-directed. Einstein would tell you that doing the same thing over and
This means the discomfort is not because of the person; it’s over again and expecting different results is the definition of
really because of something in you. It could be a certain insanity, and he’s right. If you still insist on putting yourself
belief or a certain similar situation from the past. The final in the same situation, then you really have no one else to
answer should be one which helps you gain closure on your blame but yourself!
discomfort and helps you to directly act on the situation by
your own actions, without expecting anyone else to change. 6. Ignore Their Comments
5. Don’t “Ask” For Their Opinions If You Can’t Take It Below is an insightful story I’ve heard several times before,
but never grow tire of:
If you can’t take what the person has to say, then don’t
ask for his/her opinion. This includes invitations for Buddha was well known for his ability to respond to evil
opinions, by virtue of just talking on the topic. Critical with good. There was a man who knew about his
people like to dispense their opinions even where they are reputation and he traveled miles and miles and miles to test
not asked, so just make sure you don’t mention it in front Buddha. When he arrived and stood before Buddha, he
of them. verbally abused him constantly, he insulted him, he
challenged him, he did everything he could to offend
Some of my friends would complain about how their critical Buddha.
friends put them down all the time. Yet for some reason,
they keep putting themselves in the receiving end of Buddha was unmoved, he simply turned to the man and
criticisms after that. In a way it’s probably done said, “May I ask you a question?”
subconsciously for validation and acceptance, simply The man responded with “Well, what?”

Buddha said, “If someone offers you a gift and you decline it, why are the critical people so critical? Why is it so hard
to accept it to whom then does it belong?” for them to be positive? Why are they so scarce with their
emotions? It’s because they lack it themselves. This is why
The man said, “Then it belongs to the person who offered they are not able to offer it to others. And if they are so
it” critical to others, chances are they treat themselves with
Buddha smiled, “That is correct. So if I decline to accept the same, if not higher, level of criticalness. They aren’t
your abuse does it not then still belong to you?” even giving themselves the love they desire.
The man was speechless and walked away. Treat them with kindness. Drop them a compliment.
Give them a smile. Say hi. Ask them out for a meal. Help
If you can’t stop them from voicing their opinions, then them out in areas you know they can benefit from your
you have an option of ignoring him. Just as the critical help. Get to know them personally. Don’t judge the
people need to take responsibility for their comments, we effectiveness of your actions by their initial reactions. They
have to take responsibility for receiving the may react adversely at first, but that’s because they are
negativity too. With every occurrence, there is always the caught off guard by your behavior. Likelihood is, they are
event itself, and our perception of the event. We can’t wary because they have rarely been treated in this manner.
change how people want to act or say around us, but we Just continue on with your kindness, and soon enough they
can change how we act around them. You always have a will react with positivity too. While the effects may not be
choice in how you want to react. If you don’t want to accept immediate and it may just be a small improvement in your
the negativity, then just don’t accept it. eyes, in their universe it’s a huge shift. And through time,
your relationship with the person will evolve into a different
7. Show Them Kindness
one altogether.
This may be a huge leap forward for some. You are
I wouldn’t recommend responding to critical people
probably wondering: “Why should I be kind to them? They
with criticism because it’s just going to drain both of you.
are causing me so much anguish as it is. They most
Imagine going into a 1-1 fist fight with someone who is
certainly don’t deserve me my kindness!”
heavily decked with ammunition and armor. A critical
I watched Peaceful Warrior about half a year ago, and there person will naturally have a barrier erected and all ready to
was a quote I really liked. “The people who are the hardest lash out verbal attacks where needed. Trying to initiate an
to love are the ones who need it the most.” I thought this is attack will just leave both of you heavily wounded at the
a very powerful quote. It’s true, isn’t it? If you think about

end. Not to mention, create a big dent in the relationship about something I’m excited over, she’d reply with some
too. lackluster comment, about how it’s not such a big deal or
it’s just normal. In our day-to-day conversations, she barely
8. Avoid Them has anything encouraging or positive to say, choosing to
Where all else fails, simply avoid them altogether. focus on the “bad” things. Even when it comes to seeking
Reduce contact, limit conversations with him/her, hang out solace, it’s hard to get an empathetic response. Half the
with others if it’s a group outing, or as a last resort - cut time, I feel like I need to ready myself for a negative
him/her out of your life. Even if both of you are from the comment. Because of this, she has been repelling her
same team and in the same workplace, you can’t be friends, including me, over the years. Sometimes it may
working with each other 24/7. Use a combination of all 7 just be that both of you are not compatible as friends at
approaches above in the times you absolutely have to this phase of your lives, and that both of you are better off
interact, then just steer clear of him/her during the other apart from each other. If the relationship is causing you
times. anguish, then do yourself and the person a favor by
breaking it off.
I have a friend who is particularly critical. Being around her
feels suffocating. No matter what I talk about, she’d have a
way to add a negative slant. For example, if I’m sharing

Balanced Parenting/Family

44. Top 10 Essential Family Values

This is a post by Sherri Kruger of Zen Family Habits. Follow her @ZenFamilyHabits to get all the important advice
about parenting and happy family life.
Here are my top 10 essential family values.
1. Belonging. It is important that each member of my

family feel that they are loved, that they belong and that
they matter. Being a cohesive family could mean that you
spend every spare minute together doing family activities
but keep in mind that everyone is different. Creating a
strong family unit is great but each person should be
allowed the space and freedom to explore the activities they
think they may enjoy. People are more courageous and
more willing to take chances if they know they have a safe
place to come back to when things don’t quite work out.
Coming together for special occasions and holidays and just
spending time together as a family is what helps build that
sense of belonging.
How do you define family values? In our home family values 2. Flexibility. I’m all for order, schedules and structure in
are rules or ideals that, as a family, we agree to live by and my family to help maintain some level of sanity. But too
stay true to. The list of essential family values would be a much structure and the unwillingness to give a little can
mile long no doubt and the top 10 lists for each family result in a lot of unhappiness and resentment. The more
would be as unique as the one that came up with it. flexibility you have in decision making, for example, the
happier your family will be for it. Imagine one member of
Having strong well defined family values helps solidify the
foundation for a strong, tight knit family. When cultivated the family always thinking they are right and enforcing their
long enough this closeness provides a soft place to fall way of doing things. This certainly wouldn’t lead to much
happiness within the family unit.
when life doesn’t go according to plan. Strong and
consistent family values are important in building trust and 3. Respect. This is a bit more difficult to define. For my
confidence in each family member. family, to respect each other is to take feelings, thoughts,
needs, and preferences in to account when making in the open, gain some understanding and move on. Life is
decisions. It also means acknowledging and valuing too short.
everyone’s thoughts, feelings and contributions to the
family as a whole. 6. Generosity. Giving without thinking “what’s in it for me”
is an important value for anyone wanting to be a
Respect is indeed earned and there is a very fine line responsible, contributing member to society. Through
between it and fear. The only way to earn and keep generosity we build empathy since we tend to think more
someone’s respect is to first show them respect yourself. about what people want or need. Being generous doesn’t
Respect as an important family value will extend out of the mean simply handing over money to someone in need. It
home and into school, work or other social settings. can also include giving your time, love, attention or even
some of your possessions.
4. Honesty. This is the foundation of any relationships that
are meant to last. Mother-daughter, husband-wife, sister- 7. Curiosity. Children have a natural curiosity. If you’ve
brother. Without honesty a deeper connection will not form ever watched a toddler even for a couple of minutes you’d
and certainly won’t last. Encourage honesty by practicing see that quality shine through. For some that curiosity
understanding and respect when someone tells you of their wanes. I think it’s important to encourage and push our
wrong doings. If we lose it and get angry when we’re told kids and even ourselves to be curious about things. Rarely
what has happened the other person will be more likely to should we ever just take someone’s word for it. How do we
hide it from you next time simply to avoid the disrespect. spark our curiosity? Ask questions. Lots of them. Read
about a topic you know very little about and don’t be afraid
5. Forgiveness. Forgiving people who have wronged you is to say you don’t know. Critical thinking is an important skill
an important choice to make. Yes, forgiveness is a choice. that can be learned and developed through exploring your
It is not some feeling that randomly washes over you when own curiosity.
you feel the other person has “suffered” enough. This can
be tough since a lot of us tend to equate forgiveness with 8. Communication. Communication is as much an art as it
saying what you did was okay. They are not the same is a science. A failure to communicate will likely lead to
thing. Holding a grudge, is not conducive to a close family unhappiness and misunderstandings. Small issues grow into
with mutual respect. larger ones and when they eventually boil to the surface it’s
unlikely they will be resolved calmly. Communication is a lot
Keep in mind that everyone makes mistakes, we all more than simply speaking your mind. In addition to
occasionally say things we wish we hadn’t and none of us spoken words, communication also extends to tone,
are perfect. Refer to value 3 communication. Get issues out

volume, expression, eye contact, body language and deadlines. Setting out individual responsibilities for family
effective listening. members works to instill this quality in everyone.
I would argue that this is the most important value for 10. Traditions. This is by far the most fun for me. I think
families to have. When people feel they can talk openly traditions are what make a family unique, they draw people
about anything – hopes, dreams, fears, successes or together and create a sense of belonging for everyone.
failures – all without judgment, it’s encouraging and Traditions don’t need to be expensive, elaborate or a lot of
strengthens the bond. work. It can be something as simple as a lazy Saturday
morning sipping coffee and chatting or an annual fondue
9. Responsibility. We’d all like to be considered dinner to ring in the new year. If you don’t currently have
responsible people. Some of us are and some of us are traditions in your family, create them! All traditions started
decidedly less so. Responsibility is something that is with one person why not let your family traditions start with
learned. As a child you may have been shown how to put you? Get creative and have fun.
your toys away after playing, how to tidy your room or how
and when to feed the dog. This sense of responsibility So those are my top 10 family values. Of course there are
extends well into adulthood. An adult who has an intrinsic others I’ll be incorporating but these are the most important
sense of responsibility doesn’t require a lot of prodding to to me.
show up to work on time, return phone calls or meet

45. 10 Practical Productivity Tips for Parents

done. it’s definitely a difficult choice to make. It gets

especially frustrating when you work from home or if you
are a stay-at-home mom. I know what I am talking about
because I am a mom of 18-months old twins and I’ve been
working from home for over two years now.
It seems that being productive and being a parent are two

things that do not go together well. Kids need our attention
at all times (especially babies and toddlers) and they do not
understand the statement “Mommy/Daddy needs to work
now to pay for our life” or “Mommy/Daddy has to do some
work around the house. I cannot play with you right now.”
The best case scenario is your child will get fussy and
cranky then won’t let you do anything. The worst case
scenario is they will get into trouble and get hurt right at
the moment when I take 2 minutes to put some clothes in
the washer (this is the worst thing that has happened to me
so far). It feels that being productive is just not worth all
the trouble.
This experience has allowed me to discover a few practical

tips that work for my family and that let me and my
husband (he works from home too) be productive and get
things done without going crazy. Here they are, 10 tips that
literally save my life and I hope that they can be helpful to
you too:
If you are a parent, then you probably face a dilemma
1. Stop multi-tasking. It might sound tempting to
between spending time with your kids or getting things
work while you are watching over the kids but this is
not a good idea. Children know when you are faking always go to bed at the same time at night, they
and when you are not genuine in your desire to play wake up at the same time in the morning, they have
with them. I don’t know why but all children (at least their nap at the same time every day and they eat at
the ones that I know of) get extremely fussy and the same time as well. Parents are no different, they
cranky when you are trying to do something need to have schedule too. Plan what to do and when
important and pretend that you are playing with you need to do it and follow your plan. For example,
them. If you have to play with your children then do my morning hours are devoted to exercise, I start
it genuinely and enjoy every moment that you spend fixing supper at the same time every day and I have
with them. When they are playing on their own or a few hours set aside for productive work.
sleeping then you can use all your mental power to 4. Define your goal for the day. It’s crucially
get things done. important to know what you need to do. You can’t be
2. Have fun breaks. Usually kids can play on their own productive if you cannot concentrate on one single
for at least 20 minutes and after that they get bored. most important thing that needs to be done during
Schedule fun activities with your children at least the day. In the morning define your goal for the day
every 20 minutes and do something exciting. Go out and use every opportunity to reach this goal by the
and play in the yard, have a tea break with your evening.
daughter’s favorite doll or teddy-bear, dance, or do 5. Do things with your kids. Even though I do not
any other activities that your children like to do. Your recommend multi-tasking there are still some things
mind will have a break and your child will have that you can do while you are watching over your
something to look forward to. kids. The key is to do only fun things with your kids. I
3. Have a schedule. This is especially true for little usually do 5-10 minute workouts when I play with
babies. It’s important to establish a regiment that will my babies. They think that sit-ups and push-ups are
be comfortable for your kids and that will help you funny and yoga poses are just hilarious for them.
plan your day accordingly. A lot of parents do not One day I let one of my girls pull the clothes out of
have this regiment and their kids go to bed only the dryer while I was folding them and it was the
when the parents think that they are tired, they wake best thing ever. Be creative, do not be afraid to
up at different times every morning and they are fed improvise and let your children help you and have
when they seem like they are hungry. Not only does fun.
it makes your life more complicated, it also makes 6. Devote certain hours to your kids only. Your
your child unorganized and undisciplined. My girls children must feel that they are loved and that you

are willing to spend time with them. Give your productive for us. Basically we divide our work week
undivided time and attention to your kids and make it into daddy’s and mommy’s baby-duty days.
a rule in your house. For example, every evening you Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are my husband’s
do things only with your kids (no work, no chores) or work days, and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays
every Sunday is a family fun day. Your kids will be are my work days. Even if you do not work from
looking forward to this moment and they will let you home you can still split responsibilities. When daddy
get more things done at other times. goes to the gym he takes the kids to the gym
7. Hire some help. It’s a wide-spread misconception daycare with him and when mommy goes out for a
that if you work from home then you do not need to cup of tea with her friend she takes the children with
send your kids to daycare and do not need to hire a her.
baby-sitter. If you are serious about what you are 9. Use every minute of time wisely when your kids
doing then you should definitely consider some help. sleep. If your children are still taking their afternoon
I personally do not want to send my babies to naps then this is a golden opportunity for you to get
daycare because they would pick up all kinds of things done. My children take 1 two-hour nap every
viruses from other children and I am not even going day and that’s the time when I can do things.
to touch on the subject of how extremely expensive it Depending on your children’s schedule you can work
is. Our neighbor’s daughter comes to babysit once or at night after they are already in bed or early in the
twice a week and she plays with our girls while my morning while they are still asleep. This is the reason
husband and I work. Some churches also offer why it’s so important to have your kids on schedule.
Mother’s Mornings Out – it’s like a daycare but only 10.Be smart with your time. You need to use every
for 2 or 3 hours a few times a week. Usually it’s minute of your free time effectively that is why you
pretty reasonable too. Even if you do not have the need to cut down on “cluttering” activities. Do not
money you can team up with other mommies or watch TV, limit web surfing, Twitter, Facebook and
some Mr. moms in your area and have an at-home- other social media, talk on the phone or send an
daycare once or twice a week. emails, basically do only important things when you
8. Split responsibilities with your spouse. As I have have free time. Even when you are playing with your
already mentioned my husband and I work from children you can listen to a podcast or audio book
home and that is why both of us need some free time and sometimes even read a book or a magazine. It’s
to get things done. A few months ago we adopted a not multi-tasking in my opinion. You are teaching
new strategy that has proven to be the most your kids the importance of reading and listening.

I love being a parent and I love spending time with my kids. by maximizing your productivity with simple changes in
I am sure that you love being with your kids too and you do your life that I’ve described above. Let me know if these
not have to make the choice of whether to get things done tips worked for you and I am more than ready to hear
or be a good parent. You can have the best of both worlds about how you stay a productive parent.

46. 4 Parents Share Their Top 3 Pieces of Parenting Advice

This is a post by Sherri Kruger of Zen Family Habits. Follow her @ZenFamilyHabits to get all the important advice
about parenting and happy family life.
Nobody said parenting was easy.
When you first find out you’re going to be a parent you’re

thrilled, excited, and perhaps a wee bit nervous.
There is a lot of pressure on parents today to be perfect, to

be everything to everybody and to keep it all together all
the time. Honestly, I think this is an impossible standard to
live up to.
Becoming a parent for the first time can be intimidating.

Even now with two young kids I find myself constantly
second guessing much of what I do as they each move
through the various stages of growing up.
I figure I’m not alone.
To get other perspectives and different takes on parenting I

asked 4 parents to share their top three pieces of parenting
advice. I feel each of these parents get it that every child
and situation is different. With that in mind, you should do
what works for you.
Whether your parental status is newbie, to-be or veteran

I’m certain a lot of the statements to follow will resonate
with you.
Here is the best parenting advice from 4 parenting experts

themselves.

Vered – Is a professional blogger and a mom of two. do something by herself, even if she won’t do it as good or
as fast as you, let her do it.
1. Do not be a perfectionist. A strange piece of advice
from someone like me who obviously strives for perfection, 3. Be present. This is the one I struggle with myself. I am
BUT believe it or not, since my first child was born ten years very busy building my freelance blogging business, and
ago I have learned to relax my standards A LOT, especially although my kids are older now (8 and 10) and don’t need
when they were little. me to play with them the way I did just a couple of years
ago, they still need – and deserve – my undivided attention
Kids bring so much joy into your life, but also a lot of mess. when they come to me for help with homework or to tell me
Whatever you do with kids, if you strive for perfection, you about their day. But when I’m writing, it’s very hard for me
will fail, and make you and the child miserable. For to drop everything and listen – really listen – to my kids.
example, when baking with my kids, I have learned to I’m making a conscious effort to do it anyway – to fully
really lower my expectations about the final product. I devote the morning hours to work, and then to accept that
don’t care anymore if it turns out great or not and instead I the afternoon is when my kids are my first priority and
focus on the time spent with my kids. so less work will get done.
2. Allow them as much independence as you possibly Tsh – Writes at Simple Mom and is a mom of two.
can. This isn’t easy, because we live in a society that really
limits what kids are allowed to do compared to our own 1. Enjoy your children in each stage. Don’t waste time
childhoods. My childhood was in the seventies and I was wishing they were older or older. They grow up so fast; it’s
free to roam the streets and play with my friends every day a shame to waste time wishing they were potty trained
after school, as long as I was back home in time for dinner. when they’re six months old, able to make their own
I don’t give my kids the same amount of freedom, and lunches at three, or wishing they were already in
although some say that parents today are overprotective kindergarten at four. Savor the stages.
and that the media is causing unjustified hysteria, I just
can’t take the risk, however small, of abduction. But that’s 2. Follow the theory of Occam’s Razor, which states,
for a different post. “When you have two competing theories that make exactly
the same predictions, the simpler one is the better.” In
There are however other ways you can encourage parenting, I apply this to mean keep it simple. Don’t buy a
independence, from letting children choose their own wipes warmer — hold the wipe in your hand for a few
clothes to encouraging them to place their own order at a seconds to warm it up. Don’t create some complicated
restaurant, and more. The basic rule: if a child can chore system that neither you or your child can understand

— simply give them assignments and privileges for Samantha – Writes at Mama Notes and is a mom of one.
accomplishing them. You don’t need an expensive system
that helps you teach your children to read — read to them 1. Don’t waste your money on a lot of toys. My son –
all the time, and teach them phonics. All things being 11 months old- very rarely plays with “toys.” He much
equal, always choose the simpler option. It’ll save your prefers tupperware, kitchen utensils, shoes, boxes and
sanity. anything he’s not suppose to get into. Even as kids get
older, kids don’t need as many toys as society tells us they
3. You are the best expert on your child. Read those do. Keep your life simple and encourage creativity in your
wiser than you, and glean advice from parents you admire, children with basic classic toys that will last forever.
but at the end of the day, do what feels best in your gut.
When you truly have your child’s best interest in mind, 2. Do your research and educate yourself. I believe it’s
you’ll know what to do. Don’t expend energy on needless our job as parents to educate ourselves on important
guilt or theories that just don’t make sense for you or your parenting issues. We can ask our doctors what they think
family’s value system. There’s no better expert on your and get expert advice, but ultimately we’re the parent and
specific children than you, their parent. we’re the one making the best decision for our child. Don’t
rely on outside sources to make important decisions for
Dustin – Writes at Engaged Marriage and is dad of two (and you.
one on the way).
3. Trust your mommy (or daddy) gut. I really believe
1. Your kids don’t come first. Your faith and your that we all have a “gut” and we need to listen to it. If you
marriage must come first. A healthy marriage feeds a walk into a day care and something tells you it’s just not
healthy home life. right, then listen to that something. If your child is acting
weird or you feel like he could be sick, then trust that
2. Be consistent. Children learn primarily through your feeling even if your doctor says he’s fine. Trust your gut.
example. You need to send a consistent message of order Trust yourself. Trust your heart.
and discipline for them to learn from.
My thoughts
3. Have fun. Don’t forget that they are kids. Tickle them,
play catch, lay on the floor with them and watch cartoons. I would echo the advice given from every parent here. My
Don’t take life too seriously and miss out on the joys of own three pieces of advice would be:
childhood.

1. Don’t live through a view finder. It’s tempting to capture random activities or funny things that happened
want to capture every moment on pictures or video but you throughout the day. Your kids will enjoy reading about the
can get so wrapped up in trying to get the “perfect shot” cute and funny things they did as kids.
that you miss the moment. Take pictures to capture
memories but lower the camera to really see the look on 3. Just be. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. I
your child’s face, to get on the swings with them, or run think a very large majority of parents do the best with what
and splash in the water. they know at the time. No parent has it together 100% of
the time. When you’re feeling frazzled, like you’re failing
2. Write things down because you will forget them. I horribly remember you’re not alone. Take a deep breath,
know I’ve said it a few times already myself “oh I’ll get on the floor with your little ones and just be.
remember when that happened” only to have the date
quickly escape me. On the back of art work write the date it I want to sincerely thank Vered, Tsh, Dustin and Samantha
was done, the age of your child and other details to help for sharing their best pieces of parenting advice. Thank you
you remember what was going on. Keep a journal and all!

Financial Balance and Career

47. Should Your Work Be Your Obsession?

This is a post by Ali Hale of Aliventures. Follow her @alihale or on facebook to get all her tips n how to get more
from life.
If you’re following me on Twitter, you’ll know I’m doing a

lot of creative work at the moment. The next few months
are a good time for me to focus hard on my novel, and I
probably sound quite obsessed at the moment – with word
counts, hours spent, plot problems resolved…
So I’ve been thinking about (mainly creative creative) work

and obsession. I wrote about this last week, in Loving Your
Work: Don’t Be Obsessive, Be Tough. Several people
chimed in with comments, particularly about this
paragraph:
Although we have terms like workaholic to describe people

who fall into this trap with career-related work, I’m not sure
that we have a corresponding way to talk about artists and
creative types who succumb to obsession. We might feel
that musicians, painters and writers should approach their
craft in an obsessive way: we think this is good for them
and for the work.
And then, basking in the glow of everyone agreeing with me

(ah, if only this would always happen in real life…), I read
Jonathan Mead’s post How to Make a Living Out Of Your
Obsession (over on Productive Flourishing), where he
wrote:

Each day now, I actually wake up excited to start work. No, you’re obsessed, maybe you don’t need to worry about
I’m not kidding. I eat and breathe what I do. For me, there trying to do your good creative work at your best times of
are no boundaries. And the only way I’ve done that is by day – you’ll just carry on going.
being obsessed with what I do.
Getting Into “Flow”
And this is supposed to be a good thing? There were plenty
of comments over on Jonathan’s post in favour. But I’m still I don’t manage this all that often with fiction writing, but
very unconvinced. Yep, I can see why Jonathan’s touting it’s great when I do: I lose track of time, I’m very much
obsession (aside: is this the new “passion” in the personal in the moment, and I forget about all those nagging little
development blogosphere?) but I’m not with him on it. questions like “what’s for dinner?” and “what’s happening
on Twitter?” I tune out conversations, music, traffic noise. I
Obsession Can Be Good (in the Short Term) can do something similar with a book I’m really into, or
(less laudably) with computer games.
Now, I can see why “being obsessed with what [you] do”
could be helpful. You might get some useful benefits like: However … these benefits are short term. Sure, when
I’m really into my novel, I’m keen to get up and get on with
Concrete Focus work; I find myself focusing more easily and achieving flow
If you’re obsessed, it’s pretty darn easy to focus. You’re more often. But I don’t spend an entire week, or even an
not going to be fighting constant impulses to stop entire day, writing fiction. If I did, I’d quickly get
what you’re doing. You won’t be easily distracted. You’ll exhausted. I’d run out of energy and ideas, and the writing
wake up focused on doing your work, and other would begin to feel much more like a chore than a treat.
considerations – like the laundry or the housework or that Obsession Won’t Work Long Term
cute guy/girl at the gym – aren’t going to be any
distraction. Maybe it’s fun to be obsessed. Maybe it makes your work
feel terribly important, giving you a nice masochistic blend
Easy Energy of stress and self-righteousness. Over the long term,
Jonathan says he wakes up excited about work, and I though, being obsessed isn’t good for you, it isn’t good for
believe him: I get a real sense of his energy and your work, and it isn’t good for the people around you.
enthusiasm in his writing. An obsession can give you the Unbalanced Life
energy to jump out of bed, to power through the day,
to carry on even when you’d normally be flagging. If

Being obsessed with something means, by definition, that critical perspective on what I’m writing. If I was
you’re focusing on it to the exclusion of pretty much properly obsessed with my work, I wouldn’t be able to leave
everything but the bare essentials in the rest of your it alone.
life. When you’re obsessed with your work, you might not
sleep enough, eat healthily, or take enough exercise (I Burn Out
know my exercise levels drop off dramatically when I’m Ultimately, obsession leads to burn out. Working too hard
“too busy” with my terribly important and engaging work…) for too long isn’t good for you – even if you love your work.
Selfishness If you’re going to have innovative ideas in your
business, if you’re going to have that spark of
Closely related to this lack of balance is selfishness. Putting creative energy for your art, then you simple cannot
your work on a pedestal because it’s your obsession might be obsessive about your work. Sure, you can have
feel noble, but it’s not. Obsession is a convenient whole mornings or afternoons or days or weekends when
excuse to make your work the focus of your life and you throw yourself into a project – but then take it easy.
the lives of everyone around you. (And yeah, I’m guilty Let it go. Reconnect with the rest of your life.
of this; when I’m busy with work, Paul ends up doing more
of the housework to support me. I’d rather write than clean, Of course your work matters. But so does your health, your
and it’s very tempting to take advantage.) relationships, your happiness.
No Distance from Work In the end, you are in charge. If it feels like your life is
being dictated by your work, or that your work has become
If you can’t ever get any distance from your work, then your entire life, you need to pull back. Take a whole
both you and the work will suffer. I take holidays from weekend off. Do some deep, quiet thinking – going beyond
writing: we’re planning a walking break over Easter when I those rushing, circling thoughts which come with obsession.
won’t touch a computer for a few days. I’ll have whole days
when I write very little. I need this time and space to I don’t want to make a living out of my obsession. I want to
recharge my batteries. I also need it to get some have my life, and have it fully: I want to love my work, but
not to be defined by it.

48. Wealth vs. Income: What Does it Mean to Be Rich?

This is a post by Jeffrey Tang of The Art of Great Things. Follow him @jeffreytang to learn his tips and habits for
effective living.
A few years ago, a financial advisor treated my co-workers

and me to lunch – one of those deals where you get a free
meal in exchange for listening to a sales pitch for financial
planning services.
The central theme of the advisor’s pitch was: “Start

planning and saving for retirement now! The sooner you get
started, the more secure you’ll be in the future.”
Good advice, to be sure. But none of us left that day feeling

particularly motivated to consider the prospect of
retirement. And I suspect we aren’t the only ones to feel
less-than-anxious about the far-off land of retirement.
Why?
Most people aren’t concerned about what money

means in the far, far future – they’re concerned about
how money affects their lifestyle right now.
Bottom line: we don’t want to be rich; we want to be rich

now.
But “rich” means different things to different people. One

person might be driven to create a fortune, while another
would rather live freely on a tight budget. Each one
considers him/herself to be rich, and they’re both right.

Force these two people to switch places, however, and Often you create success, reap the benefits, and move on
they’ll both be miserable. to the next project.
To be “rich,” you not only need to have money – you also As you walk the path of wealth, you come to understand
need to follow a financial path that makes you happy. That that wealth encompasses more than cash. You’re also
requires a decision now, rather than later. It is absolutely compelled to create products, businesses, and innovations
something that affects your lifestyle today. that make an impact on the world, that create an enormous
amount of value – which, of course, usually has the side
This is, in my opinion, the first question you must ask effect of making you (deservedly) rich.
yourself before making any sort of financial plan:
Your legacy is one of size, breadth, and reach.
Is accumulating a lot of wealth one of my goals, or
am I happy with securing a steady income? Sadly, your brand of life isn’t as socially acceptable today as
it once was. People may be suspicious of you simply
There’s nothing wrong with either option, but they will lead because you have so much money, and many will presume
you down radically different paths. to tell you what you ought to do with the wealth you’ve
The Path of Wealth accumulated. Your task, then, is not only learning how best
to make money, but also how best to spend it.
Your heroes are people like Warren Buffet and Bill Gates.
You not only want to have money – you want to have more The Path of Income
than you could possibly spend in a lifetime. Some people I personally walk the path of income. Although I wouldn’t
may think your goals are shallow, but you understand that mind being wealthy, I’m not nearly as excited by the idea of
wealth is a tool, and it’s how you use it that counts. being (financially) rich as I am by the idea of being
On the path of wealth, generating money is of your primary financially free. I am content to make an “average” income
goals. You choose jobs based on how they’ll help you for the rest of my life, so long as I can live my life in
develop the skills and resources needed to make money, whatever way I choose.
even if you’re not particularly interested in the job itself. I’m more likely to start small, personal, but generally less-
You’re willing to spend a lot of time on making money now scalable businesses that offer a modest income and a lot of
(and possibly for years to come), in the hopes of creating flexibility in time and place.
(or investing in) an immensely profitable and scalable
business.

My financial focus is on reaching a “critical mass” of some wealth-seekers, creating a $100 million fortune is
steady income that allows me to live comfortably and good enough; others seek to break records.
that, preferably, can be nurtured from anywhere in
the world. Once I reach this critical level of income, I’m And there are places where the path of wealth and the path
happy to leave financial growth alone and turn my time and of income intersect. No matter which path we choose, we
attention onto things I find enjoyable, interesting, or must eventually learn that money is a means to an end,
compelling. I enjoy the idea of reaching my financial and our choice is whether to leave a legacy by using money
“endgame” quickly, even if that endgame doesn’t involve a directly (funding cancer research) or indirectly (volunteering
large bank account. for disaster relief).
Like those who walk the path of wealth, I recognize the In that sense, yes, there is a happy medium.
importance of making an impact and leaving a legacy. But the crucial difference is in the focus of each path. On
Unlike them, however, I’m likely to make my impact in a the path of wealth, making money is a primary focus. You
smaller, more personal, more focused manner. I’m more want your efforts to translate into dollars, and the careful
likely to be a thought leader than a market leader. I create growth of your finances is something you truly care about.
change by finding ways around the money barrier, and You are to be commended.
because of this, I am often more agile.
On the path of income, however, you care about money
Even though the path of income is popular nowadays, few only as a platform from which to launch the rest of your life.
people are willing to fully embrace it, because they’re Your emphasis is on creating this platform quickly, then
unable to let go of their fleeting desires for the path of moving on with your life. If your efforts make you wealthy,
wealth. The challenge for many of us is to weigh our values, great – if not, you’re still happy. You are also to be
make a decision, and never look back. commended.
Isn’t there a happy medium? Here’s what’s important: both paths are honorable,
Yes and no. There are degrees of financial need; for though they are not equally popular. We must decide
example, someone walking the path of income with a family whether having more wealth gives us pride or weighs us
to support would need to focus on money for a lot longer down – and the answer will be different for each of us.
than someone who’s content to walk the road alone. For

49. My Ten Commandments of Personal Finance

This is a post by Len Penzo of Len Penzo dot Com. Follow him @LenPenzo to keep your finances under control.
Maybe you heard about that infamous Kelton study done a

couple years ago that found that Americans could identify
more ingredients in a Big Mac than the individual Ten
Commandments. To wit: eighty percent of Americans knew
there were two all-beef patties in a Big Mac, but only 6 in
10 could identify “Thou shalt not kill” as one of the Ten
Commandments.
My anecdotal research verifies the Kelton study.
I know a Big Mac has two all-beef patties, special sauce,

lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions — all on a sesame seed
bun, no less. But I can only name eight of the Ten
Commandments. (Don’t tell my third grade catechism
teacher, Sister Nora.)
I wonder if Sister Nora would feel better if I told her I can

name all ten of my Personal Finance Ten Commandments? I
faithfully try to follow these little nuggets of wisdom every
day in order to make my personal financial life run as
smoothly as possible:
1. Spend less than you earn.
This commandment is number one for a reason: Those that

follow it are destined for financial freedom. Be a disciple of
frugality. Remember, the word disciple is derived from its
root word “discipline.” There is a lesson there for those who
are willing to take it.

2. Thou shalt remember to always pay thine self first. their car off the highway. Take the blindfold off. If your
destination is good financial discipline, you’ll need to see
Before you pay for anything, be it the utility bills, mortgage, where you are going so you can get back on track.
groceries, etc., you need to save a portion of your income.
Start by taking advantage of your employer’s matching 5. Thou shalt understand the difference between a
contribution to your retirement savings plan, and also want and a need.
building an emergency fund amounting to at least three
months of expenses. Use automatic deductions and start Being able to distinguish between wants and needs is
slowly, then gradually increase your savings rate and watch directly tied to your ability to accept personal responsibility.
your savings grow. When taken down to the most basic level, I will argue that
all of us have only four or five primary needs. Those needs
3. Behold the power of compound interest, the most are food/water, clothing, shelter, transportation (for most of
powerful force in the universe. us), and health care. Everything else is a want.
The greatest lesson you can ever bestow upon your children 6. Don’t be a financial jellyfish; Remember the Budget
is the power of compound interest. Working teenagers, and keep it holy.
especially, have the opportunity to set themselves up for
life with relatively little income, assuming they have the Before anyone can expect to successfully manage their
financial discipline to let their accrued savings grow over household finances, they have to commit to following the
time. That being said, the benefits of compound interest household budget. Following the household budget requires
aren’t limited to kids and teenagers, but they do have the the ability to exercise self-control. Unfortunately for many
most to gain as the longer the time horizon, the greater the people, asking them to exercise self-control can be akin to
power. I wish I had taken this more seriously when I was a waiting for a jellyfish to spontaneously generate a spine.
teenager making pretty good coin at the grocery store. It’s easy sticking to the household budget — as long as you
refuse to be a financial jellyfish.
4. Thou shalt always track thine household income
and expenses. 7. Thou shalt avoid paying interest.
Trying to get a handle on your personal finances without This is my philosophy: When it comes to personal finance,
knowing how much money you are earning and where it is unless it is the family home, if you can’t afford to buy
all going is tantamount to trying to drive with a blindfold something you want, then you must save for it — that
around your eyes. Those who are deep in debt have run includes a car. You can’t afford to buy a new car, you say?

Save up for a nice used one. Cars lose roughly half their household income happens to be. It is a state of mind, as
value soon after they are driven off the lot. The only much as it is a state of being. Those that understand this
exceptions to this rule that I would consider are starting up have a much easier time keeping their personal finances
a business and/or paying for higher education. under control than those who don’t.
8. Ensure thine spouse is involved in the financial 10. Thou shalt undertake your chosen vocation for
decision process. love, not money.
It is absolutely critical that households with married couples Most successful people are successful because they love
communicate. Keep your lines of communication open, what they do for a living. Life is too short to be doing
regularly assess and update your goals and progress, and something solely because it pays a good wage. We achieve
be willing to compromise. Better yet, split up the financial satisfaction at our vocation, whatever it may be, through a
duties. In our house the Honeybee and I work as a team; I job well done. For most people to be able to do this on a
perform the duties of the Household CEO while she handles consistent basis, they have to love what they do. For
the Household CFO tasks. example, if you study to be an engineer solely because
engineers make good money, I guarantee you that in the
9. Blessed are those who understand that high wages long run you would have been better off doing something
do not beget financial freedom. you truly loved. So do what you love to do and the money
A high household income can never be assumed to be a will follow. I promise.
guarantor of financial freedom. The good news is that
financial freedom can be achieved no matter what your

50. The 12-Step Get-Out-of-Debt Program

It’s aimed not at people who have their finances together

and are just trying to pay off a credit card or two. It’s
aimed at those who have trouble finding any extra money
to pay off debts, who seem to find themselves getting
deeper and deeper into debt, and don’t know how to stop it.
In other words, it’s a bit of an emergency program.
Disclaimer: I’m not a financial advisor, and if you are in

need of one, I suggest you find a qualified advisor. My only
qualification is that I’ve made great strides in getting my
finances under control, in starting an emergency fund, in
paying all my bills on time, in not getting further into debt,
and in eliminating my debt (I should be done by the end of
this year). This program is based on my experiences, and
on the large number of books and websites I’ve read.
Debt is a major problem for a lot of people these days. The
The Zen Habits 12-Step Get-Out-of-Debt Program
problem is, even if they know they want to get out of it,
they have a hard time figuring out how to start. 1. Acknowledge the problem. The first step is
admitting you have a problem. The first week, all you
If you fit this description, this 12-Step program spells
have to do is say to yourself, “I have a problem with
it out for you.
debt. I got into this because I spend money I don’t
Now, there isn’t one way to get out of debt, and the best have. But I believe that there’s a way out, and I can
program should be tailored to each person’s individual do this. I can control my spending, make a plan, and
situation. But if you feel like you just don’t know how to slowly get out of debt.” That’s a major step. Now set
begin, this program is designed to give you a sort of guide aside just 30-60 minutes a week to deal with your
— one that should be adjusted to fit your financial situation. finances — make it a set day and time, and don’t let
yourself miss this appointment.

2. Stop digging. If you’re in a hole, the first step is to unexpected expenses come up, and you don’t have
stop digging, and that’s what you’re going to do this an emergency fund, you will skip your debt payments
second week. For 30 days, see if you can stop any to pay for the unexpected expenses. The emergency
non-essential spending. If you have a major problem fund protects your debt payments.
with credit cards, cut them up. If you’re not so bad 5. Take inventory. OK, this is a step that we don’t like
with credit cards, at least put them away and don’t to take. But take a deep breath. You need to do this.
buy stuff online for one month. What’s essential? Remember what you said in Step 1? You can do this.
Obviously your bills, housing, auto, gas, groceries … This fifth week, set up a simple spreadsheet. In one
that kind of stuff. Non-essential? Clothing, CDs, column, list all of your debts — credit cards, medical
DVDs, books, magazines, gadgets … you know what I bills, auto loan, etc. You can leave out your
mean. Just 30 days. After that, you can decide how mortgage, but put everything else. In the second
much to spend on these things. column, put the amounts you owe for each debt. In
3. Make small cutbacks. This third week, take a look the third, put the minimum monthly payment, and
at things you normally buy and see if you can cut out put the percentage interest in the fourth column.
a few of them, or spend less on them. Groceries? See Total up the second and third columns to see your
if you can buy house brands instead of name brands. total debt owed and how much you have to pay, at a
Coffee? Make it yourself at home instead of buying minimum, towards debt each month.
out. Lunch? Try packing it to work instead of eating 6. Make a spending plan. We don’t like to do this step
out. Add up what your cutbacks will save you this either. But it’s not going to be as painful as we think.
month. This sixth week, set up another simple spreadsheet.
4. Start an emergency fund. This fourth week, set up In one column, list your monthly bills (rent or
a savings account, if you don’t have one already, for mortgage, auto payment, utilities, cable, etc.) —
an emergency fund. Now take the amount you saved everything that is a regular monthly expense. Then
in Step 3 (and even in Step 2 if you think you can list variable expenses (things that change every
make them last for awhile) and set up a regular month) like groceries, gas, eating out, etc. Later you
automatic deposit from your checking to this should add irregular expenses (stuff that comes up
emergency fund savings account for this amount. It’s once in awhile — less than once a month) such as
important that before you start paying off debt, you auto and house maintenance, clothing, insurance,
have at least a small emergency fund. Aim for $1,000 etc. But we won’t get into that now, as we want to
at first, and you can grow that later. The reason: if keep it simple. In the second column, put down the

amounts for each. Be sure to put enough for things have trouble remembering, try one of these
like gas and groceries, as you don’t want to be short. methods: 1) pay bills as soon as they come in — take
Be sure to also include your minimum debt payments them to the computer and pay them online, or write
and your emergency fund deposit. Now, list your out a check and prepare the envelope to be mailed
income sources and monthly amounts. There. You’ve the next day; or 2) set up a reminder in your
got a temporary spending plan (you’ll want to add calendar program to tell you when bills are due.
the irregular expenses later). Now, if the expenses 9. Start a snowball. Now that your finances are
are greater than the income, you’ll need to make relatively under control, you can start a debt
adjustments until the expenses are equal to or less snowball. At this point, you should have the
than the income. beginnings of an emergency fund, you should know
7. Control spending. If you’re into your seventh week how much you owe, you should have a temporary
of this debt plan, you may find it hard to keep track spending plan, you should be paying bills on time and
of your spending and ensure that you’re sticking to controlling your spending. Now you can focus on
your spending plan. Here’s the key: first do the paying your debt. Here’s what to do: If you can find
emergency fund deposit. Then do the debt payments. at least $100 from your spending plan, use that to
Then do your monthly bills. Then withdraw the start your debt snowball. You may need to cut back
variable amounts in cash, and put them into separate on discretionary spending (as you did in Steps 2 and
envelopes. It’s old-fashioned, but it works, as you 3). Or, once your emergency fund is at $1,000, you
don’t have to worry about overspending. When your can use the amount you were putting into that
envelope is empty, you can’t spend anymore. account for your debt snowball. If you have trouble
Continue to cut back on non-essential spending as finding $100 for a debt snowball, you need to look at
much as you can at this point, so you’re able to stick what other expenses you can cut back on. OK, once
within your spending plan. you’ve found at least $100 for your debt snowball
8. Pay bills on time. This may be a problem for a lot of (and more would be better), take a look at your debt
people. It’s important, if you want to get out of debt, spreadsheet. First, order the debts from the smallest
to start paying all your bills on time. If you follow the amount owed to the largest. Now, look at your
payment plan outlined in Step 7, your bills should be smallest debt owed — you will start by paying $100
paid before you get to any discretionary spending (your debt snowball) plus the minimum monthly
categories. At this point, you want to focus on getting payment on that debt each month, until the debt is
those bills paid on time, and making it a habit. If you paid off. When the debt is paid off, you will take the

amount you were paying on it (let’s say $50 monthly you can make money on the side — or ask for a raise
payment plus the $100 debt snowball for a total of or get a better job. Take 30 minutes to brainstorm.
$150) and pay it to your next smallest debt, until it is Are there ways you can start a small business online?
paid off. Continue to pay off your debts, one at a Sell your valuables on eBay? Start freelancing on the
time, until they are all paid off. Now you have a large side? Get a part-time job? This only has to be
sum you can put into growing your emergency fund, temporary, but the more money you make, the faster
and funding your irregular expenses, and finally start you’ll get out of debt. Be sure to apply your new
investing. income to your debt snowball.
10.Find larger cuts. Once you’ve controlled your 12.Track your progress. On your debt spreadsheet, be
finances and started your debt snowball, there are sure to update it every payday (or however often you
ways to increase the snowball — and hence the pay debt) so that you can see your shrinking debt
speed with which you get out of debt. Look at your amount. You should be able to calculate how many
larger expenses — are there ways you can eliminate months you have left before you’re completely out of
or cut back on them? Can you sell your car for a debt. It may be a long ways off, but it’s within sight!
smaller, used model? Can you find a smaller house or 13.Bonus step: Celebrate! It’s important to celebrate,
apartment to rent? Can you sell your house and rent not only when you’re out of debt, but along the way
a cheaper one? Can you get by with one car? Can as you eliminate each debt. Have fun! Make this an
you eliminate some services you’ve been using? adventure. It can be amazingly satisfying to stop
Whatever cuts you make, apply that amount to your spending and gain control of your finances instead.
debt snowball — don’t spend it. Find free entertainment, make it a challenge to be
11.Grow your income. Another great way to get out of frugal and save money and find cheap used stuff. Pat
debt faster is to make more money. Look at ways yourself on the back along the way.

What’s Next?
If you have found this eBook helpful then I suggest that you keep reading the Balance In Me Blog. You can also contact me
via email if you have any questions, suggestions or want me to help you find your inner balance and happiness.
You can contact me (Anastasiya) at anastasiya [at] balanceinme [dot] com or balanceinme [at] yahoo [dot] com
Here are a few books for you that I have found helpful in my journey towards life balance. Some of these links are affiliate
links, so I’ll get a small commission if you buy these books.
1. The Zen Habits Handbook for Life by Leo Babauta

2. The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life by Leo Babauta
3. Zen to Done by Leo Babauta
4. The Power of Less by Leo Babauta
5. Get the Life You Love by Arvind Devalia
6. Your Life. Live It. Love It by Sherri Kruger
7. The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life by Renee Trudeau
8. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
9. Veronika Decides to Die: A Novel of Redemption (P.S.) by Paulo Coelho
10.The Balanced Mom: Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Self by Bria Simpson

Photo credits
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/wwworks/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/eneas/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/minor9th/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/amanky/
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/soldiersmediacenter/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/practicalowl/
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/hckyso/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosh/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30055326@N05/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/biggolf/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/katiew/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/face_it/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/jasmincormier/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tambako/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/alancleaver/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tempest/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/smanography/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nitsrejk/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/toniblay/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosh/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/deanaia/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fchouse/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/moriza/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/eyermonkey/
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/milivoj/
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http://www.christameolapictures.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/brittanyculver/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8011986@N02/

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The Book of Wisdom: 50 Ideas for the All-Around Balanced Life

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 2

15. 5 Simple Steps to Enhance Your Happiness ..................................................................................................... 61

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 3

36. 7 Irrational thoughts that disrupt your life ..................................................................................................... 135

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 4

Life balance that I am talking about is:

• inner peace and happiness,

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 5

How to Use This EBook

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 6

Bloggers mentioned in this eBook:

Ali Hale, Aliventures Mark Brown, The Naked Soul

Arvind Devalia, Make it Happen Miche, Serenity Hacker

Dragos Roua, Brilliantly Better

Fr. Michael, Live Holiness

Jeffrey Tang, The Art of Great Things

Jules Clancy, The Stone Soup

Justin, A Little Better

Lana Kravtsova, Daring Clarity

Len Penzo, Len Penzo dot Com

Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 7

Keep your life balanced! www.balanceinme.com Page 8

1. 7 Secrets to a Healthy Breakfast

Breakfast – the most important meal of the day?

To be honest I think it’s a little unfair to show favouritism

This week I thought I’d share with you my 7 secrets to a

ii. Prepare in advance.

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2. A Simple Guide to Frugal Organic Eating

About a year ago I decided to go organic. For a while I tried

First of all it’s important to understand why you want to eat

• It’s fashionable, everybody is doing it

I have picked organic eating for my family because it is

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3. 8 Great Foods You Are Probably Missing

Sometimes we just turn a blind eye to some great produce.

1- Beets I love these for their versatility. Superb in salad

2- Canned Pumpkin While anything canned should not be

3- Sardines Both tinned and fresh. These are great,

4- Frozen Berries Recently I have been keeping a pack of

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4. Cheap and healthy grocery list for a bad economy

The other day I was talking to one of my friends in Ukraine

The healthy and CHEAP grocery list is international from my

1. Beans are very tasty and filling at the same time.

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14. Lettuce is one of the evening traditions in my make it a heart-healthy food.

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5. How to Make Going to the Gym Interesting

I regularly work out at the gym. My two sons have just

“That’s because when you go to the gym, you stay in the

“Eh?” He gave one of those strange looks with a little twist