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WELOVEOURSPOUCESPowerfulIntentions:LawofAttractionCommunity

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WELOVEOURSPOUCES
PostedbytimlarleeonAugust28,2015at3:30pminYourSuccessStories!
SendMessageViewDiscussions
WELOVEOURSPOUCES.
*neitherofuswanttohurtinarelationship
*argumentsareaninevitabelpartoflifeiamaspritualbeignthoughisitllfightwithherfromtimetotime
*theytesttherelationshipstrenghtotrulyseetherelationshipismadeof!
*soifwelovethemyetfightingisinevitablethenletsjustfightfairlyitiwllshowuswhatileanredwheniwasdoing
theinnerchildworkwithJohnBradshawinmyealrierdays.
....iwillgiveusafewwaystogetbackintoourheartswhenourolddramas,innerconflicts,hostilties,hurts,fears,
painbodyandsillylittleegotyriestosabatageagoodthign(AGODTHING)
***ITSALWYSAGOODTHIGNWENEEDONLYLOOKATWHATWEDOLOVEINTHEMANDDOING
THISISALLYOU
WILLEVERNEED****Howeveriwillstillgiveuswaystorecontextualizepainintolove.
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WEMUSTTHERFOREBREAKOLDPATTERNS.WEMUSTTAKEOURFOCUSOFFTHEFIGHTINGAND
NOTTHINKOFITORTALKABOUTITWITHOURFRIENDSANDFAMILIES.
CANWEBEINLOVEWOTHTHEMOVERANDOVEREACHDAY?
YESIHAVEBEENTHEREANDYESITCANHAPPEN
FROMPIVOTINGAWAYFORMWHATWEDONTWANTINTHERELATIONSHIPORINTHEM
FOCUSSESBACKONTHELOVEWITHINTHEMANDUS...ITPLACESUSINLOVINGCAREWHERE
OUROWNWOUNDEDINNERCHILDISPLACEDFIRMLYINOUROWNHEARTSTOLOVETHEM
SEXUALTRANSMUTATION
SEXISAPOWERFULEMOTIONALENERGYSOIWILLSPEAKOFSEXUALTRANSMUTATIONN.NOW.
WHENWEAREFIGHTINGWEUSUALLYHAVEAMIXTUREOFOLDHURTS,GUILTSFEARSAND
DISSAPPOINTMENTSANDINSECURITY..ALLOFTHISISONLYTHEPAST...
Sowhatwelldoisthefollowing
wetakeallthehurtsandpainandoldconflictsandplacetheminforntofusinaballofenergy.Whenwefeelits
entirelyoutsideofusinthisballinforntofusthenweimagingthatpowefullighteningfromAbovestrikingitthree
times...weseethenthattheballofenergyhasexpandedandtheenegyisnowwhitelight.Wethentakethatenegy
andplaceitinourerrogenouszoneswhereitstimulates,excitesusandbringsuspassionandorgamsmicenergy.I
usethisthiswaybecauseofthepowerinsexualenergy.Nowrememberoneofyoutopsexualfantasiesandplayit
oyuinyourheadvisualizingitindetail.
Ifdonerighttyouhavenowtakenwhatwasoncehurtandchangeditintolove,sex,sensality.Andifmoreoldhurts
comeitonlychangesitmoreintomoresexualeneegy.
WhatwehavedoeniscalledthePattreninterruptioninNLP.Whatthisdoesisitrecontextualizedeventstomake
themappearinadifferentcontextandframe(somecallitreframing)
Dowehavetochangeitintosexuaenergy?
No,ijustusedthisasanexamplebecausemypartenrlovessexandshewillrespindveryfavourabelwiththis.You
maychangeittolove,unconditional,divinelove,pureloveortopeacejoyect.Whateverworksforyouisexactly
rightforyou.
Soherearesomefightingfairrules.theywillworkifusedconsitently.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#1:NODEGRADINGLANGUAGE
Avoidnamecalling,insults,putdownsorswearing.Puttingyourpartnerdownorcriticizingyourpartnerscharacter
showsdisrespectforhisorherdignity.Insportstherearemanyrulesthatpreventoneplayerfromintentionally
injuringanother.Inmarriageandrelationships,similarrulesmustapply.Whenyouintentionallyinjureyourpartner,
itslikesaying,Youarenotsafewithme.Iwilldowhateverittakestoprotectmyselfortowin.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#2:NOBLAMING
Itspointlesstoblameeachother.Blamingyourspousedistractsyoufromsolvingtheproblemathand.Itinvitesyour
spousetobedefensiveanditescalatestheargument.
Forexample,ifyouleaveavisabilllyingonthetable,andthebilllatergoesmissing,youmightbetemptedtoblame
yourspouse.Youmightinsistthatyourspouseisdisorganized,musthavepickeditupandputitsomewhereelse.
Yourspouse,inturn,mightaccuseyouofbeingabsentmindedandinsistthatyoujustdon'trememberwhereyouput
it.Butblamingeachotherwillnotaccomplishanything.Itwon'thelpeitherofyoufeelanybetter.Itwon'tstrengthen
yourrelationshipatall.Anditwon'thelpyoufindthebill.Insituationslikethis,makeaconsciousdecisionthatyour
relationshipistooimportanttoundermineitwithblameandjudgment.Focusonkeepingyourgoodwillforeachother
intactandfindingsolutionstotheprobleminsteadofblaming.
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FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#3:NOYELLING
Yellingonlyescalatesthings.Chancesarenothingwillgetresolvedwhenyouremotionsarerunningsohigh.If
youremadandfeellikeyelling,thenitstimetostepawayandcooldown(seerule#9).
Keepinmindthatyellingcanbesubjective.Whatisyellingtoyourspousemaynotbeyellingtoyou.Perhapsyou
arenottunedintohowyousound.Oryoumayhavegrownupinahomewherefamilymemberswereloudand
passionate,andtalkingloudwhenyouareupsetseemsnormal.
Yourspouse'sexperienceistheonethatcountshere,however.Ifitfeelslikeyellingtoyourspouse,thenyouareat
leastraisingyourvoice,ifnotyelling.Makeaconsciousefforttoloweryourvoice.Themeaningofyour
communicationliesinhowyourmessageisactuallylandingwithothers.Ifyoucanttoneitdownbecauseyouare
tooupset,thenitisprobablybesttotakeatimeout.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#4:NOUSEOFFORCE
Usingphysicalforceorthreateningtouseforce(i.e.araisedfistoraverbalthreat)inanywayisunacceptable.
Developtheselfdisciplinetosetlimitsonyourangerandyourbehaviorbeforeyoureachthislevel.Ifeitherofyou
resorttophysicalforceandviolenceinyourrelationship,seekprofessionalhelp.
Useofforceincludespushing,shoving,grabbing,hitting,punching,slappingorrestraining.Itincludespunchinga
holeinawall,throwingthingsorbreakingsomethinginanger.Actingoutyourangerinthesewaysviolatestheother
personsboundariesandsenseofsafety.Eachofushasarighttobesafeandfreeofabuseorphysicaldangerinour
relationships.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#5:NOTALKOFDIVORCE
Intheheatofanargument,threateningtoleavetherelationshipismanipulativeandhurtful.Itcreatesanxietyabout
beingabandonedandunderminesyourabilitytoresolveyourissues.Itquicklyerodesyourpartnersconfidencein
yourcommitmenttotherelationship.Trustisnoteasilyrestoredonceitisbrokeninthisway.Itmakestheproblems
inyourrelationshipseemmuchbiggerthantheyneedtobe.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#6:DEFINEYOURSELF,NOTYOURSPOUSE
Thisruleisaboutbeingtheexpertofyourownworld,notyourspousesworld.Usewordsthatdescribehowyoufeel,
andwhatyouwantandneed,notwhatyourpartnerfeels,wants,orbelieves.
Itmayseemeasiertoanalyzeyourpartnerthantoanalyzeyourself,butinterpretingyourpartnersthoughts,feelings
andmotiveswilldistractyoufromidentifyingyourownunderlyingissues,andwilllikelyinvitedefensivenessfrom
yourspouse.
Moreimportantly,tellingyourspousewhatheorshethinks,believesorwantsiscontrollingandpresumptuous.Itis
sayingthatyouknowyourspousesinnerworldbetterthanyourspousedoes.
Instead,workonidentifyingyourownunmetneeds,feelings,andwaysofthinkinganddescribetheseneedsand
feelingstoyourspouse.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#7:STAYINTHEPRESENT
Stayinthepresentandresistthetemptationtousethesituationasanoccasiontobringupotherissuesfromthepast.
Itsdiscouragingtokeepbringingupthepast.Youcantchangethepast.Youcanonlychangetoday.Youcanlook
forwardtoabetterfuture.Trytokeepyourfocusonwhatcanbedonetodaytoresolvetheissueathandandgo
forwardfromthere.Ifyougetofftopic,ontootherissues,stopyourselvesandagreetogetbackontrack.Youcan
alwayscomebacktootherissueslater.
Ifyoudofindyourselfbringingupissuesfromthepastitislikelybecausethoseissueswereneverresolvedinthe
firstplace.Thingsmayhavehappenedthatyouandyourspouseneverreallytalkedabout.Oryoumayhavetriedto
talkaboutitinthepastbutwithoutfightingfair.Thisrulewillbeeasiertofollow,goingforward,ifyoubothmakea
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commitmenttodiscussissuesastheyhappenratherthanlettingthemfester.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#8:TAKETURNSSPEAKING
Letonepersonspeakatatime.Whenonespeaks,theothershouldbelisteningreallylistening,notjustplanning
theirrebuttal.Taketurnsspeakingandlisteningsothatyoubothhaveachancetosaywhatyouneed.
Haveyouevertriedtoworkthroughadifficultissuewhenyourspousewastalkingovertopofyouandinterrupting
you?Howdidyoufeel?Consciouslyremindyourselfaboutthiswhenyoufeelanoverwhelmingurgetointerruptor
speakyourmind.
FAIRFIGHTINGRULE#9:WHENNECESSARY,USETIMEOUTS
Violatingthesefairfightingrulesistypicallyasignthatyouhavealreadycrossedathresholdphysiologically,in
whichsignalsfromthemoreprimitive,emotionalcentersofyourbrainhavebeguntodrownoutthesignalsfromthe
morerationalpartsofyourbrain.Stresshormonesfloodyourbodyatthisstage.Selfpreservationbecomesthefocus.
Inthisfightorflightstate,creativeproblemsolvingandmutualcooperationareunlikely.Youendupinanescalating
argumentthatbecomesmoreandmorehostileanddefensive.Infact,itisimpossibletohavearationaldiscussionina
climateofhostilityanddisrespect.Thisiswhenitstimeforrule#9:callatimeout.
Atimeoutisashortbreaktocooloff,calmdownandgetperspective.Thinkofitlikepushingthepausebuttonona
video.Itsanopportunitytorestorecalmandbemorereflectiveinsteadofreactive.Usethetimeouttoreflectonwhy
youfeelthewayyoudo.Thinkabouthowtoexpressyourselfinapositiveway.Trytothinkabouttheotherpersons
feelingsandpointofview.Thinkthingsthroughbeforeyouspeak.Thenpushplayagainandreturntoeachotherto
resolvetheissuescalmly.
Atimeoutshouldbeatleastahalfhourlong(butnolongerthantwentyfourhours).Ittakesatleastahalfhourfor
yourbodysphysiologytoreturntoanormalrestingstateandforyourthoughtstobecomelesshostileordefensive.
Itssurprisinghowdifferentapersonsoutlookcanbeaftertheyvehadachancetocalmdown.
CONCLUSION
Forsomepeople,rulessuchastheserepresentacompletelydifferentwayoffightingthanwhattheywereexposedto
intheirfamiliesoforigin.Manyspousesgrewupinhomeswhereyelling,blaming,namecallingandfingerpointing
wereconsiderednormalmethodsforhandlingdisagreements.Suchmethodsseemnormalwhentheyhappensooften
andwearenotexposedtoanyothermodelsforhandlingdisagreements.
Howwelldoyoufollowtheruleswhenyoufight?Asyoureadthroughthislist,evaluateyourownfightingstyle.
Doyoufightfairorareyouabelowthebeltfighter?Whichoftheserulesdoyoustrugglewith?Arethere
changesyouneedtomake?Writedownanyrulesthatyoufindyourselfbreakinginanargument.Writedownany
stepsyoucouldtaketohelpyoukeepthatrule.
Finally"BREAKIGNTHETRANCESTATE"
THISCOULDBEUSEDINLIGHTOFMILTONERICKSONSWORK,NLP,ORTHEWORKOFSTENPHEN
WOLINSKYSWORKENTITLE"TRANCESTHATWELIVE"
WHENWEAREFIGHTINGWIHTOURSPOUCESWEAREALWAYSINTHEPAST.Thecourseinmiracels
saysthat"weareneverupsetfortheresonwethink"
SOHOWTOGETpresent
.OKoneofyoumustbethestongeronethatknowsandgetintoyouradultegostate.Thenasyougetpresntanyway
youcanthen1/.holdtheirhandsinfrontofthem.2.groundyouselfthengourndthembyplacingonefootnextto
theirstouchingtheirfeet.(verygetly)ontheirfeet.doitgently!...3.lookingintotheireyes4.whentheymakeeye
contactaskthemwhattimeitiswhatdayitishowoldtheyareandwhatthetemperitureisoutsidethiswillgetthe
intothepresnetandinterruptthelimitingpatternandbreakthetrace.whichtheyhaveageregressed,involving
negativeandpostivehalluciaiton(theyseewhatsnotthere.andinventthignsinthepresntthatarenotthere)theyare
intheastonlyandthisiswhyweareneverupsetforthereasonwethink.Iftheytrytobreakeyecontactgetitback!
andsaythereisonyllovethersisonyllovetherisonylloverepaetthisuntilyouseetheeyeschagetheyarepreseent
thetranceisborken.Theyarebackintotheiradultstate.
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Celebratewithkindwordsonetoanother.Holdthemfirmlyhearttoheart.say"wecantkeepdoginthiswhenallwa
wnatistoloveeachother"
Nowthetranceinducingwords."haveyouever..."
thesewordsaretranceinducingbecausetheyforceustogotoatimewhenweexperincedthestatewenowwishto
leadtheminto.
youcanusethisanytometouwnattobrignabotuaposivestaetoyourselfandhtemortoumayuseitasapattern
interuption.
Haveyouever...feltreallyreallyclosetome...canyouarecenttimewemadeloveandyoufeltyouwnatedtomelt
rightintomeforevr!!!!!!\'
|canyoufeelthepowerofthesewords????
itwillwork
WEHAVETOHAVEAGAMEPLAN!!!!!!!
WEHAVETOSTUDYTHISMATERAILWITHEACHOTHERWHENWEREBOTHINTHEPRESNET.
MOMENTTHENHAVEAGAMEPLANOFA'SAFEWORD"THATISUSEDWHENWEBEGINTOFIGHT
ANDGOINTOTRANCE
THEWORDCANBEANYTHIGNTHATBREAKSTHEPATTERN
ITCOUDLBEDOYOUKNOWHOWMUCHILOVE
OREVENSOMETHGNFUNNYISUSEFUL
OREVENSAYING"CLEARCANCELDELETE..OKAYLETSBEGINAGAIN"
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PermalinkReplyby51LOVEonAugust28,2015at11:30pm
ThankyouTimlarlee...helpfularticle...Ifeelurspouseislucky.IdonohowIwillexplainthistomyguy.
Reply
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