Copyright 2016.

Content written by Patrick & Antonette

Tan, oringally appeared at www.melancholeric.blogspot.
com. If you have any feedback contact us at patricktan.xa@
gmail.com.

The Go-To Verse

One day, a student asked me this: What are your
thoughts about a born-again Christian having a relationship
with someone from a different faith?
Before I got serious about my relationship with my
to-be wife, I went through the awesome season of crushes
and courtship like every young person. Growing up in
church, I was taught about one of the most popular verses
about romantic relationships: Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). I even dare to say
that every person who grew up in a church youth group
would know this verse. Its a verse thats so over-used and
sometimes abused that young people would often equate it
with the word killjoy.
As a young person, I used to admire girls for their
personality and looks but didnt care much whether they
have a personal relationship with Jesus or not. After all, it
seems discriminating for me not to love someone just
because their faith is different from mine. The younger me

Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

would think how overly strict the command was. I would

even play scenarios in my mind that would justify breaking
this command. But looking in hindsight, I am thankful
that by Gods grace He led me to know and marry someone
who also loves God. And so, I stand by the counsel of Gods
Word in 2 Corinthians 6:14.
So whats the deal about 2 Corinthians 6:14 anyway?
As young people, we often gloss through instructions
that begin with do not because we think it automatically
takes the fun out of life. Its
like were already
programmed to skip
sentences that begin with
do not.

But looking in hindsight,

I am thankful that by
Gods grace He led me to
know and marry someone
who also loves God.

Moreover, our leaders

are sometimes guilty of just
laying out the do nots without giving our young people
the whys. Todays generation wouldnt just take your
instructions at face value, they need to understand why that
instruction is relevant to their lives.
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So this is 2 Corinthians 6:14 in context:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what
do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or
what fellowship can light have with darkness? What
harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what
does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
What agreement is there between the temple of God
and idols? For we are the temple of the living God ... (2
Corinthians 6:14-16)
When you read this, you will discover that the apostle
Paul is not exclusively writing about romantic relationships
but about a Christ-followers relationship to others. And
interestingly, Paul compared human relationships with that
of farm animals.
A yoke is a farming tool that is a long bar made of wood.
It is fastened over two beasts of burden (horses or bulls)
that pulls the plow together. So if two animals are fastened
together by a yoke, they dont have a choice but to go on a
same direction. If one decides to take one direction while
the other takes the opposite, it will hurt both animals and

Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

ruin the field. They would accomplish nothing. Ultimately,

one will succumb the other to go to their direction.
Similarly, a boy and a girl going on different directions
when yoked together (i.e, pursuing a romantic relationship)
would be a tensioned, destructive and unproductive
relationship. Am I exaggerating? No, because its all about
values.

Its all about values

What are values? Google defines it as a persons
principles or standards of behavior; ones judgment of what
is important in life. It can be synonymous with ethics,
moral code, standards, and code of behavior. Organizations
and companies use it and they call it their core values.
Values are a set of principles a person or an organization
lives their life by. Every person lives by a set of values,
regardless whether they are aware of it, or not. But most of
the time, most of us are not aware of it. We are molded to it
growing up as we see it in our family and the environment

around us. For example, if you value time, you strive to be

punctual all the time. If you value family, you consider your
family in every decision you make. If you value integrity,
you strive to do everything without deceit.
As you can see a persons values are quite powerful.
Values determine your
priorities. Priorities
determines your habits.
Habits determine your
lifestyle. Lifestyle
determines your future.
Values are like seeds living
inside of you. You may not
see it immediately, but for
sure it will grow out of your life.

Values determine your

priorities. Priorities
determines your habits.
Habits determine your
lifestyle. Lifestyle
determines your future.

So what are your values? And what do you value as

a follower of Christ? A follower of Christ would value
faithfulness to His Master. Christ-centeredness is a value.
If we would predict how that value affect a persons future,
we would be able to determine what kind of life they would
have. For example, a Christ-followers relationship with God

Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

will be committed and faithful. A Christ-followers career

would be excellent and honest.
How would a Christ-followers future look like in the
realm of courtship and
marriage? A Christ-follower
will not just live his life for
the now. He lives knowing
that everything he does has
future implications. A
Christ-follower has a
purpose and a calling from
God. You have a purpose
and calling from God. And if I have to choose between
certain relationships and the fulfillment of my purpose for
God, Id readily choose the latter. A persons direction
determines his destiny.

If I have to choose
between certain
relationships and the
fulfillment of my purpose
for God, Id readily
choose the latter.

So going back to Paul, he throws in a rhetorical question

after his command,
...what do righteousness and wickedness have
in common? Or what fellowship can light have with
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darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and

Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an
unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple
of God and idols?
Imagine yoking yourself with a person who doesnt
have faithfulness to Christ as a major life value. It doesnt
matter how religiously good and pious one may seem to be.
Without Christ in that persons life (without acknowledging
their need for Christ as Savior), you and that persons lives
are going on two opposite directions, here and beyond.
How do I know this? Because values turn into priorities,
priorities into habits, habits into lifestyle. Again, its all
about values.
Think about it, if Christ is everything to you, then you
wouldnt have anything in common with a person of
interest who has not made a decision to follow Christ. I
have seen many hearts swayed away from the faith trying
to win them to Christ while at the same time trying to win
their hearts. In other words, doing evange-ligaw is not
really wise. I didnt say do not win them to Christ, all people
need Jesus, but do it with the right and godly motives.

Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

Paul goes on to say that we are the temple of the living

God. Gods temple is sacred, and it must be honored and
kept clean. You are Gods temple, dont do anything that will
compromise your relationship with God.
So with that, let me conclude:
If you are a student, your task in this season is to honor
God and your parents by studying hard. If you are old
enough, then go to the next one.
Make friends. Friendships are the best platform to
find the one. They are the best launching pad for godly
relationships. By first making friends you are able to
know what a person is like, and they are able to know
you as you, no-filter. In dealing with other people, as
followers of Christ we relate with compassion, love, and the
transforming power of the gospel.
Its a values issue. Know what values you hold dear in
your life, not just a human being, but as a follower of Christ.
Set them as a standard for making decisions about romantic
pursuits (at the right time).
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My prayer is that you will have a clarity of purpose and

values so that you will be able to make wise life decisions
and honor God with them.

Reflection Questions
1. Have you thought about the things that are
important in your life? If you are to list down your
top 5 what would they be?
2. If you are to order them from highest to lowest
priority, what comes out on top? Does your answer
reflect the amount of time and effort you invest
on it?
3. If habits determine your destiny, what are the
negative habits that I should let go?
4. What non-negotiable traits are you looking for in a
godly partner? Are you going to commit to wait for
the right time when God makes both of you ready?

Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

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Im In-Love with An Unbeliever!

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About the Author

Patrick & Antonette Tan are
a husband and wife team from
Makati City, Philippines.
Patrick graduated B.S.
Architecture at University of
Santo Tomas in 2004. After that
he went to Asian Seminary of
Christian Ministries where he
finished Master of Divinity in
2011. He served as a youth pastor
for six years. Today he leads Chi Alpha Philppines, the nationa campus
ministry of the Philippines General Council of the Assemblies of God.
Antonette graduated B.S. Dentistry at the Centro Escolar University
in 2004 and is a licensed dentist. She runs her dental clinic in
Makati City.
Both passionate to seek Gods will in their lives, Patrick and
Antonette met each other at a young adult conference in 2006. And
the rest, they say, is history. They got married in 2010 and today they
continue to serve God through youth and campus ministry where they
speak to young people about their finding their true purpose in Christ.

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