Escapism: Leave Your Fantasy World And Live In Reality

Did you ever wish you were somebody else? This line from one of my all time favorite songs is one
that I think most people would have to answer with a yes.

Who hasnt, at one point or another, wished they had the badass martial arts skills of
Bruce Lee, or the incredible panty-dropping charm of Californications Hank Moody?
It is a wonderful thing to have role models, and to emulate others in order to achieve
similar results. Thats just smart.
But it is another thing entirely to want to be somebody else. There is a fundamental
distinction between wishing to have certain qualities of another person and wishing to
actually be that other person.
This desire to be another person is a form of escapism, which is a very unhealthy way of
coping with the challenges in your life. The caricature of an unpopular nerd, heavily
addicted to role-playing games, is a perfect example of this. Picture the character Augie
from David Wains brilliant and hilarious film Role Models.
But you need not be that far removed to experience the negative effects of shrinking
away from reality. Escapism, or withdrawing from the pressures of the real world into a
safer fantasy world, is pervasive in our culture. It comes in many forms, some rather
subtle, and prevents us from doing what we need to do to improve the circumstances of
our real lives

Why We Construct a Fantasy World

The ultimate goal of escapism is the destruction of self. If you have an aspect of
your life that you want to escape from, your fantasies act as a means of dissociating
your mind from the you that possesses these qualities. With enough repetition, you
come to view yourself as a totally separate entity from the one that has these negative
traits or circumstances. Only in rare instances does it get so extreme, but partial
destruction of the self and dissociation are quite common.
When we practice escapism, we are trying to avoid spending time with ourselves.
Rather than engage in healthy introspection or meaningful social interaction, we occupy
ourselves endlessly with Facebook, television, email, video games, gambling, drugs and
alcohol, and so on. In fact, individuals have been shown to watch TV when they have a

lower need for cognition, or, in other words, to prevent them from thinking1.
Escapism is the opposite of mindfulness.
Escapism allows us to numb ourselves to a reality that we do not want to accept. For
example, this actual-ideal self-discrepancy predicts pathological gaming, where the
gamer can pretend to be somebody else2. It allows us to avoid feelings of shame or
emotional pain. By imagining ourselves as someone who doesnt have the constraints
that we do, or who possesses something that we lack, we can experience that life
without having to do the work (and have the luck) necessary to achieve it.
For most people, these fantasies are localized to one or a few specific areas, as opposed
to fantasies of being an entirely different person. For men, a common fantasy realm is
that where their success with women is far greater than it is in real life. They imagine
themselves as being able to get any woman they want (excessive porn use likely
reinforces this fantasy), so the dearth of romance in their life doesnt hurt as much.
Escapism is a way of attempting to negate our personal responsibility and to avoid the
discomfort of existential angst that we all must deal with. We are ultimately responsible
for all the decisions that we make and the actions that we take, but living in a fantasy
world is a way of absolving ourselves of the consequences of our actions. To the escape
artist, real life is no longer their problem.

Why You Must Return To Reality

It should be obvious by now that a tendency to retreat into fantasy is going to have
negative effects on you. But what are these effects?
You are here: Home / Positive Psychology / Escapism: Leave Your Fantasy World And Live In Reality

Escapism: Leave Your Fantasy World And

Live In Reality
June 8, 2014 by Mikey D 71 Comments

The Difference Between Medicine and Poison is in the Dose by Circa Survive
Did you ever wish you were somebody else? This line from one of my all time
favorite songs is one that I think most people would have to answer with a yes.

Who hasnt, at one point or another, wished they had the badass martial arts skills of Bruce Lee,
or the incredible panty-dropping charm of Californications Hank Moody?

It is a wonderful thing to have role models, and to emulate others in order to achieve
similar results. Thats just smart.
But it is another thing entirely to want to be somebody else. There is a fundamental
distinction between wishing to have certain qualities of another person and wishing to
actually be that other person.
This desire to be another person is a form of escapism, which is a very unhealthy way of
coping with the challenges in your life. The caricature of an unpopular nerd, heavily
addicted to role-playing games, is a perfect example of this. Picture the character Augie
from David Wains brilliant and hilarious film Role Models.
But you need not be that far removed to experience the negative effects of shrinking
away from reality. Escapism, or withdrawing from the pressures of the real world into a
safer fantasy world, is pervasive in our culture. It comes in many forms, some rather
subtle, and prevents us from doing what we need to do to improve the circumstances of
our real lives.

Why We Construct a Fantasy World

The ultimate goal of escapism is the destruction of self. If you have an aspect of
your life that you want to escape from, your fantasies act as a means of dissociating
your mind from the you that possesses these qualities. With enough repetition, you
come to view yourself as a totally separate entity from the one that has these negative
traits or circumstances. Only in rare instances does it get so extreme, but partial
destruction of the self and dissociation are quite common.
When we practice escapism, we are trying to avoid spending time with ourselves.
Rather than engage in healthy introspection or meaningful social interaction, we occupy
ourselves endlessly with Facebook, television, email, video games, gambling, drugs and
alcohol, and so on. In fact, individuals have been shown to watch TV when they have a
lower need for cognition, or, in other words, to prevent them from thinking1.
Escapism is the opposite of mindfulness.

Escapism allows us to numb ourselves to a reality that we do not want to accept. For
example, this actual-ideal self-discrepancy predicts pathological gaming, where the
gamer can pretend to be somebody else2. It allows us to avoid feelings of shame or
emotional pain. By imagining ourselves as someone who doesnt have the constraints
that we do, or who possesses something that we lack, we can experience that life
without having to do the work (and have the luck) necessary to achieve it.

For most people, these fantasies are localized to one or a few specific areas, as opposed
to fantasies of being an entirely different person. For men, a common fantasy realm is
that where their success with women is far greater than it is in real life. They imagine
themselves as being able to get any woman they want (excessive porn use likely
reinforces this fantasy), so the dearth of romance in their life doesnt hurt as much.
Escapism is a way of attempting to negate our personal responsibility and to avoid the
discomfort of existential angst that we all must deal with. We are ultimately responsible
for all the decisions that we make and the actions that we take, but living in a fantasy
world is a way of absolving ourselves of the consequences of our actions. To the escape
artist, real life is no longer their problem.

Why You Must Return To Reality

It should be obvious by now that a tendency to retreat into fantasy is going to have
negative effects on you. But what are these effects?

Mood and Depression

First and foremost, people who use escapism as a coping strategy tend to be more
depressed. This is hardly surprising. There is plenty of evidence that avoidant (escapist)
coping methods are associated with depression, but which causes which?
In a ten year prospective study, researchers found that baseline avoidance coping was
prospectively associated with higher life stress (both acute and chronic) at year four,
and that these life stressors linked baseline avoidance coping with depressive
symptoms at year ten3. The way you deal with stress has an impact on how much stress
you have, and this higher stress can cause depression.
A study on adolescents found that those who employed avoidant coping strategies (as opposed
to approach oriented coping) reported the highest levels of depressive symptoms up to two
years later4. Avoidant coping is also a predictor of psychological distress in elderly individuals5.

Additionally, certain escapist behaviors have been linked to depression. In particular,

technology use. In a large survey of Korean internet users, overuse of the internet was
associated with depression, loneliness, and compulsiveness6. And considering how an
estimated 5-10% of Americans are internet addicts, this is a huge problem. Many of
these addicts, when surveyed, said that they use the internet to avoid reality, and were
significantly more likely to use the internet in response to feelings of sadness or
depression. Interestingly, internet addicts tend to engage in interactive services online
(gaming, participating in forums, etc.) in order to compensate for their lack of
interpersonal interaction in reality. Contrast this with non-addicts, who were far more
likely to meet up with real people in response to sadness.
But its not just the internet. Information and communication technology in general is
associated with higher levels of stress and depression in college students 7. Television
exposure and total media exposure in adolescence are associated with increased odds of
depressive symptoms in young adulthood, especially in young men8. And, for
adolescents, use of role-playing games is predictive of internalizing problem behaviors
such as anxiety or social withdrawal9.
It seems reasonable that there is some psychic cost to living outside of reality. The use of
escapist/avoidant coping, including the excessive withdrawal into technology, is a
recipe for negative feelings and disconnection from others.

Social Costs of Escapism

Habitual escapism will alienate you from your friends, family, and others in general.
And because having meaningful relationships is probably the most important factor in
your happiness and ability to handle lifes challenges, the findings from the previous
section make perfect sense.
It is beyond the scope of this post to delve into the details of how a rich social life is
beneficial, but surely you dont need me to tell you that it is important. And interacting
with people face-to-face is significantly better than having virtual relationships online.
In fact, having more internet relationships is associated with higher levels of emotional
loneliness than having face-to-face relationships10.
If you were to do your own research on this, you would find that, paradoxically, using
the internet to communicate with friends and family is also associated with lower levels
of depression11. I think this can be explained by how you feel the need to communicate.
If the internet is used as a supplement to face-to-face relationships, it is okay. But if you
are using the internet to further practice escapism and replace your in-person
relationships, then it is bad. In fact, there is some evidence that when extroverts use the
internet for communication, it is more beneficial than when introverts do12.

Escapism Makes You Stagnate

Quite simply, you cannot achieve your goals while living in a fantasy world. If you
want to improve in this life, you will need to experience discomfort. That is the only
way to expand your comfort zone. But the purpose of escapism, of the fantasy, is toavoid
even thinking about your comfort zone entirely.
A common theme you have heard me mention (and that any good personal
development website would mention) is that in order to progress in any area of your
life, you must take action. But the more time you spend inside of the fantasy world in
your mind, the less motivation you have to do anything about your real life.
Take the guy who fantasizes about being successful with women. He feels scarcity in
his romantic life, so he retreats into the far more comfortable world in his mind where
he is like a James Bond protg. Whenever he is in that world, he feels okay, and that
gnawing lack no longer has the power to motivate him. You can imagine how this
fantasy becomes addictive and highly self-reinforcing; spending time in la-la-land is
hardly attractive to the opposite sex. Individuals who have positive fantasies but
negative expectations of success tend to fail.

I would consider escapism a form of behavioral addiction. In fact, many of the escapist
methods are indeed addictions, including gambling and overuse of the internet.
Addictions can be tough to break, particularly when there is an emotional component
behind them. Its not merely being addicted to a fantasy, but the challenge of getting
over thereasons why youve constructed that fantasy in the first place. Breaking the
habit/addiction is only so effective when you still have something youre running from;
more likely than not, without dealing with the underlying issue, you will merely shift to
another escapist behavior or fantasy.
With that out of the way, how can you best return to reality after being stuck in a
fantasy world for so long?

Laying the Groundwork

First things first, youll need to do some self-analysis and figure out what it is you are
fleeing from. In some cases this will be far easier than others. For the man who
fantasizes about being a stud, the answer may be fairly obvious. But for the guy who is
a gambling addict, the form of escapism is likely less related to its function.
Most people will not need any major degree of psychoanalysis for this. But it can be
helpful to sit down with a pad and paper and answer a few questions. In what
situations do you typically engage in your escapist behavior? Is there a specific feeling
or mood that triggers it? What is it that you enjoy about your fantasy? What is it you
feel as you return from it?
Beyond this self-understanding, there are two other, more long-term strategies to help
break you out of your fantasy world. Readers of this blog will not be surprised to hear
me mentionself-acceptance and gratitude. But they really are that important that I need
to mention them over and over.
Most of the time, living in a fantasy world is a product of believing that you have some
sort of flaw. If this is the root cause, youll need to GET OVER IT. Thats the only longterm solution. Yes, its easier said than done. Yes, its a totally different topic, and one
that youll need to look into on your own (but this site has some resources that can help,
including the link above). But any way you spin it, youll need to accept yourself,
despite whatever perceived flaws you may have.
Practicing gratitude is one of the best ways you can get to that level of self-acceptance.
Keep a gratitude journal, or at least make a conscious effort to add some gratitude
practice to your daily life. It reminds you of the good in life and crowds out thoughts

about whatever may be lacking. You can even target your gratitude; the guy with the
stud fantasy can be grateful that he lives in a world with so many beautiful women.
When you cultivate an abundance mentality, the need for a fantasy world simply
dissolves.

Short-Term Strategies and Tactics

Thats all well and good in the long term, but you do need some tactics to help you
short-circuit you natural response to dive into your escapist fantasy world. The
techniques in this section will help you do this, but without the fundamentals above,
you will never fully recover.
I firmly believe that electronic media are one of the prime escapist outlets used by the
majority of people. If you cant seem to spend time away from your phone, the internet,
video games, tv, etc., it would be worth your while to try it. Even for just a day. Hell, I
lived phoneless in a foreign country for five months.
Its so easy to use electronics in order to stop yourself from thinking, or to numb
yourself from whatever is going on in your life. A media fast can be a shock to your
system, but, like a regular fast, has a cleansing effect. Afraid of missing out on whatever
your friends are doing? Chances are, youll get along fine.
Even if you dont go to the extreme of eliminating all electronic usage for a period of
time, you can certainly limit it, particularly problem areas. For many people, that would
be mindlessly surfing the web, playing video games, or binging on Netflix. Im a news
junkie, and taking a week off from reading the news every once in a while is incredibly
helpful for me. In fact, I ought to do that this week.
Since escapism is just a specific form of not living in the now, bringing yourself back
to the present as often as possible is an important tactic. Again, easier said than done.
But there are things you can do, like taking up meditation, even for only five or ten
minutes a day. Or set an alarm on your phone every hour as a reminder to take ten
deep breaths and focus on the present. These are rather easy things to doyou just
need to do them.
The final tactic for this section can seem useless or downright silly, but practicing it
consciously is surprisingly beneficial. You should regularly do something, even trivial,
to manipulate your environment. This functions as a reminder that you have control.
You are not, in fact, living in a dream, but rather reality. A reality that you have control

over, even if it is in some trivial way. A good example of this would be to move the salt
shaker just a little bit when sitting down at a table in a restaurant.

Conclusion
According to video game designer Jane McGonigal, there are500 million people alive
today whove logged at least 10,000 hours in game worlds, and that number is growing
rapidly [EDIT: Im not quite sure how she arrived at that number, and Greg pointed out
in the comments how ridiculous it sounds. Take this statistic with a grain of salt.].
Society is becoming increasingly escapist, and I believe this is leading to a surge in
psychological issues. Perhaps that could explain the recent incident where two 12-year
old girls from Wisconsin stabbed their classmate 19 times as a tribute to the fictional
horror meme Slender Man.
This isnt to say that fantasy will turn you into a homicidal maniac, or even that all
fantasy is bad. On the contrary, there is such a thing as a healthy fantasy world; its just
harder to come by.
For it to be healthy, you must be accessing these fantasy worlds with a positive
intention and from a place of emotional security, rather than as an attempt to escape
reality. The intention is key. If you are merely trying to make negative feelings go away,
and you do it reflexively, you are practicing escapism. If you use fantasy as an
occasional means of taking a mental break from the stressors of life, that is fine. And
even better, if you use it to explore your imagination, you can gain access to a wider
range of ideas and possible solutions to issues you may be having than you would by
strictly adhering to reality.
Ultimately, it comes down to your mindset. If you are running away from reality, you
will suffer the consequences. But if you are accessing another world in order to gain
some insights to bring back to reality, you will profit.

Footnotes:
1. http://www.berndhenning.de/joc-nfc.pdf
2. http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cyber.2010.0463

3. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3035563/
4. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1026440304695
5. http://journals.lww.com/jonmd/Abstract/1990/08000/Avoidant_Coping_Predicts_Psychological_Disturbance.10.aspx
6. http://69.164.208.4/files/Internet%20Over-Users%20Psychological%20Profiles
%20A%20Behavior%20Sampling%20Analysis%20on%20Internet%20Addiction.pdf
7. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563204002250
8. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004674/?iframe=true&width=100%25&height=100%25
9. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197110000370
10. http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/109493101300210303
11. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3234167/
12. http://repository.cmu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1100&context=hcii&seiredir=1&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fscholar.google.com%2Fscholar%3Fstart%3D30%26q%3Dinternet%2Buse%2C%2Btv%2C%
2Band%2Bdepression%26hl%3Den%26as_sdt%3D0%2C50#search=%22internet%20use%2C%20tv%2C%20depression%22